ADVICE COLUMN! How to know if it's toxic, Breakups, Manifestation Misconceptions, & Moving Abroad

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Makeshift Happen. This week we have another installment of the advice column series. So this is where I take your questions from people just like you from the audience who write in and they give me their scenarios or what's going on for them, and I give you advice and we kind of talk about it. So we're going to get into topics like toxic relationships, friendship drama, uh, travel, dream jobs, all the things. So tune in because even though it might not be your question, although it might be if you wrote in, so you'll want to listen, even though it might not be your specific question, we're going to go over a lot of things that people can relate to and might be going on in their life in some capacity as well. So I find these episodes to be super valuable and you guys usually love them. So let's go ahead and dive right into the juicy advice. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Okay, let's get started and dive right in with this first question. It says, hey lovely, love your podcast. I would love some advice on how to know if a relationship is toxic. How do you know when to walk away? I've been in an on-and-off relationship for 3 years and there's something inside me that just can't let it go. I guess growing up I never saw what real love is and my perception is— view— my perception is off maybe. And she'd like some advice on trauma bonding. So how to know if a relationship is toxic? I can tell you right now that the relationship that you're in is probably toxic if you are writing to strangers on the internet to know whether or not your relationship is toxic and you've been questioning that for yourself and also you've been on and off for 3 years, you can pretty much guarantee there's toxicity there. So this doesn't mean that the person that you're with is a toxic person. It just means that you two together are not working, and there's something there within each of you that is making you keep crawling back to each other or keep leaving each other. And a lot of times that ha— this has to do with attachment styles. It has to do with past traumas, like you mentioned here, not having a good example of what healthy relationship looks like. That can also come into play. But if you want to know if your relationship is toxic, based on what you've told me, like, sorry sis, I, I think that it is. So it's probably time to figure out a way to be able to let that go, whether that's you beginning to work with a therapist or a coach, or dive into understanding your attachment styles or your past traumas. You know, what you're getting from that relationship, what What is that fulfilling for you? Because there's always something— there's always a reason why we continue to say yes to something that isn't fully what we deserve, right? A lot of times it's much less than what we deserve. It's even sometimes much less than what we desire. We know that there's something better out there, or we hope at least that there's something better out there, but we keep saying yes. We keep going back. We keep agreeing to, okay, let's just try it again. But what's the definition of insanity, right? The definition of insanity is like doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So this is what I— this is, again, my advice are based on my opinions, but also on what I know to be true about love and relationships and attachments and all the things that I've studied so that I can work with my clients around these themes. So I think it's time for you to start doing some inner work and maybe even getting assisted in that journey so that you have the confidence and the, and the knowledge and the trust in yourself in order to be able to finally move forward and move on and know what needs to happen in order for you to get into an actually healthy relationship, right? Because we can't just bounce from one to the next and expect it to be different. There's work that has to be, that has to be done. There's lessons that need to be learned, right? What is this unhealthy relationship dynamic teaching you? What are you getting from this person? What are they, what are they fulfilling for for you? Are they making you feel loved? Are they making you feel worthy? Are they making you feel desirable when you need that and you feel like you can't get that from yourself or from any other source? So there's lots of important questions to ask here, but is the relationship toxic? Hate to say it, but yes. Protecting Peace question: my boyfriend's last girl he hooked up with threatened me when we first started dating, calling me the C-word, obsessively called him. And so for months we worked through boundaries and got better. The hard part is she is part of his friend group. For me, it's easy. I don't want to spend time or be in a group environment with her, but whenever she shows up, I stay for a bit until she makes a scene, and then I want to leave. Everyone, even my boyfriend, is always begging me to quote unquote stand up for myself, tell her off, don't let her win. But to me, it's not even a game I want to play, so I always just leave. But then it creates comments from everyone about how I always run away and end up really just emotionally exhausted. I feel like I'm doing the right thing and protecting my energy and my core. I know it's best to just stay away, but it's so difficult to navigate with friends and a relationship mixed in. Wow. Okay, this is— she called you the C-word, obsessively called him, and for months you worked through boundaries, but it doesn't seem like there are any boundaries. Because you're all still hanging out in the same space and she's still making a scene and getting upset with you and forcing you to leave. And then everyone in the group is saying that it's your responsibility to not let her win. Like, it, it doesn't sound like there's any boundaries in this group. So I'm confused a little bit at what the boundaries were that you worked through. Um, yeah, we need to get away from her. And I find it a little bit problematic that your boyfriend still wants to be in the same space as her and that he thinks that it's your issue to stand up for yourself and tell her off. And it's— no, it doesn't fall on him at all to set a boundary or stand up for you. At the, like, minimum, minimum, bare minimum is for him to stand up for you too, right? Like, you're his partner and he's the one that was with this girl. I don't know how long they were together. It says the last girl he hooked up with. I don't know if that was like a prolonged time that they were hooking up or if it was a one-time thing, but it doesn't really matter, right? He is the common denominator between you and her. So where the— where the fuck is he? What is he doing to help, right? So yeah, this is interesting. And like, are your— like, your friends are friends with her, but she doesn't seem like that nice of a person. I guess I would need more context to know exactly why everybody is still hanging out with her even though she makes a scene and kind of like bullies you in a sense. And then makes it so that you have to leave. I think what needs to happen here is there needs to be an open and honest conversation between you and your, and your boyfriend about the dynamic and about the lack of his support in these scenarios. And then you need to decide for yourself if you are going to be showing up places where you know that she's going to be.

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Because maybe that is the only way for you to create distance, is to just not be in places where she is. But you know, when you set a boundary like that, that might create some friction between your friends and your boyfriend if they still want to hang out with her. Um, and it's not a test of like who they like more, But, you know, when somebody shows you their character, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them, right? Believe them. The way that somebody acts, it says way more than what they could ever, you know, backtrack and cover it up with pretty nice words. So that is my advice there. I think there's an open and honest conversation that needs to be had, and there's more support that needs to be asked for and given to you in this scenario, because it's not fair for all of this to just be your responsibility to quote unquote tell her off and don't let her win, right? This seems childish. Okay, quick trigger warning before we dive into this next question. We are going to talk about miscarriage, so if this is a sensitive topic for you or if you'd rather not listen to it, just go ahead and hit that fast forward button until we get through this next segment. So here's the question. At the end of last year, I felt as though I was in a really high vibe place. I was really focused and loving everything, was all set to take next steps in my small business slash side gig. Then early December last year, I found out I was pregnant. Yay! My fiancé and I were both super excited. All my plans and everything changed. I had always wanted a baby and now it was happening. Only thing I cared about was having this happy, healthy baby and anything I could do to help that. Fast forward to early January and I had a miscarriage right when I had enrolled in the Reset Challenge. I couldn't bring myself to complete it. I was shattered and now just feel lost and broken. My world has fallen apart and I'm finding it super hard to get back to being positive and focusing on anything other than having a baby. Anything I had thought about when I was pregnant, I just don't care about anymore, as I had hoped to have a baby to care about, so nothing feels as important. How do I get into a greater mindset again and focus on the good? I have an amazing life, I just can't help feeling a bit bitter bitter every time another person announces they are expecting, or something else triggers me. I want to be happy for them, but I can't help but part of me feeling broken when I hear their good news and think of how far along I should be now. So first of all, I just want to say that I'm so very sorry for your loss, and I can't even imagine the pain of losing a baby. But I know that this is a conversation that a lot of people are trying to normalize and have more often because it— like, 1 in 4 women go through a miscarriage. And I think there's a lot of people in our lives that have probably gone through this that we just don't know about because people don't share it or talk about it. So I think the biggest thing here is for you to validate your experience and the pain and the grief that is involved when you do lose a pregnancy. So it's okay for you to be sad. It's okay for you to be grieving, right? It is the loss of a life. And no matter how short or long the pregnancy lasted, when you become pregnant, I really believe that you can feel the energy of the soul that is growing and becoming inside of you. And so it is the loss of life, and it is the loss of something, someone that you loved, and you created all these plans around, and you start to reorganize your life and envision and this new way of being and doing things and showing up in the world and this amazing new responsibility. And so when that all comes crumbling down, it's going to be hard. It's going to be sad. So I think rather than trying to push yourself to just like move on and get over it and feel better, there's probably part of the experience that still needs to be felt and that still needs to be fully honored. And so really asking yourself, like, have I fully processed my grief around this miscarriage? Have I really sat in stillness with myself and have I cried? Have I held my womb and, you know, connected to the lost soul? Have I said prayers? You know, have I done any rituals or practices that are allowing me to let go of that energy and that phase in, in my life? So, and asking for help. Too, you know. Like, maybe this is the, the thing that sends you into some personal work with a therapist or a coach or somebody like that to help you better process your emotions and move through things and, and talk about it. But also leaning on the people in your life, you know, uh, your partner or your family, talking to some of the women in your circle and your family and your friends about what you went through and sharing experiences. I really believe that we all probably know someone who's had a miscarriage. We just might not know that that happened to them because, again, we don't talk about it. So leaning on the people around you for support, fully processing your experience, your grief, your emotions, um, asking for help and, and letting it be what it is instead of trying to force yourself to feel better right away. It's going to take time. I think the more that you can just be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself and, you know, try to do some things that spark joy for you or make you feel excited and inject some of those things into your life and into your day. But other than that, you know, what needs to be felt just needs to be felt and processed. So feel your feelings, take care of yourself, reach out for help, process it, and allow— like, you don't have to be happy for people who are announcing their pregnancies. It doesn't make you a bad person if you do, if you do feel triggered by that. And if you don't, if you can't muster, you know, the smile or the, the true genuine happiness for those people, you're allowed to sit in your grief and feel that. And you don't need to keep layering guilt on top of that by telling yourself that you should be feeling something different. So I hope that helps. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 6 months now. I'm currently in my second year studying abroad in a foreign country. Next semester I have the choice of going back to my home country or staying abroad. Before meeting him, I had planned to finish out my year here and then move back to my home country. A really good friend and I had planned on getting an apartment together. I had no intention of falling in love during my time abroad. I can relate. But I did. I now feel the desire to stay here another year and take a chance to see where this goes with him, but I'm worried about letting my friend down by deciding to stay here, and I'm worried about throwing away a good thing with my boyfriend by going back home. There's pros and cons to staying here or going back home in terms of career and academic life. Both options work just fine when it comes to supporting my future career goals. If I decide to go home, I know he will want to break up as the distance is too much. I know that I can't get on the plane by the end of this semester and leave him behind because I will constantly be wondering what if and feeling regret, as I really do love him, but I can't stop myself from thinking what if it doesn't work out between the two of us if I decide to stay. I also am struggling as a new set of peers will come along next year and I will be forced to adapt and make new friends all over again. That can be difficult for me as not everyone is on my vibe of leveling up and working to becoming their best self. I prefer to keep people in my corner who are supportive and understanding of that quality, but not everyone understands it. This makes me anxious as I don't want to risk feeling lonely next semester without a good friend support group. I know I have my boyfriend, but I also feel being independent and spending time with my friends on my own is important for maintaining a healthy relationship. I guess I just want advice on how I should come to my decision because everyone close to me is biased about what I should or shouldn't do. Okay, I can so relate to this idea of going abroad, accidentally falling in love, and then being like, oh fuck, what do I do with my life now? So been there, done that. I feel you for sure. But I will say it sounds like you've already decided, right? In here, like, the only real reason that you give for not going back home is that you will feel bad letting your friend down on the hypothetical potential apartment that you're going to get together, and that it might be difficult for you to make friends when you stay abroad for the next semester. So both of these things for me aren't really strong reasons, right? They're just manifestations of your fear of making the wrong choice. So because everything else indicates, like you said, I literally can't get on the plane at the end of this semester and leave him behind because I know I will constantly be wondering what if feeling regret, as I really do love him. Like, that is such a definitive statement in all of this, and I feel like you already know what you want to do, but choosing what you want to do is scary, as it, as it is, as it usually is, right? So the rest of this really just sounds like fear and uncertainty and not wanting to make the wrong choice, right? But you're not going to base your life decisions and your future on letting your friend down over an apartment that you haven't even— like, you haven't even signed a lease on it yet. Like, you're not even— you're not even fully committed to it, right? Is that really what's going to decide your future? I hope not. And then the thing about, you know, worrying about making new friends next semester when, you know, a whole new group of people comes in, it's like, are you going to base your future off of that? You're gonna base your future off of wondering if you'll be able to make really good friends again? You know, like, when we really start to examine our thoughts, we realize how silly they are, because this is what happens. Our ego is just reaching for reasons to keep us in our comfort zone and to keep us safe. And sometimes those reasons are— feel really, really compelling and legitimate, And other times, you know, like this, we can look at them and kind of be like, well, I mean, is that really a reason, right? Like, is that really a reason not to explore this relationship and stay in this amazing place wherever you are where there's, you know, advantages for my career and academic life and all that kind of stuff? So I would say avoid the lifelong regret of wondering what if, and break it to your friend that you're not going to be moving into the apartment, and trust yourself that you're going to be able to make friends and that you're going to be able to figure it out. And if it doesn't work out with this guy, that you're also going to be fine and that it's also going to be exactly what you needed, right? We have to follow our gut because no matter what the outcome is, our gut doesn't say this the right thing for you forever, but it says this is the right thing for you right now. And even if it's just a right now, it's important that you follow it because there's something in that experience waiting for you that is part of your destiny. It's part of the lessons that you're meant to learn, right? It's part of the exploration that you're meant to have. So listen to your intuition. You already know what you want. You've already decided. Just stop being scared and choose it. I'm really trying to follow the 5 steps to manifest things, and I truly try to keep a high vibe during the day and know that manifestation is not only a 5-minute task. Right now I'm struggling with really bad anxiety and feel like all the work that I've been doing is going to waste because these days my thoughts aren't always positive and on the track of what I'm trying to manifest. We all know how shitty anxiety is. The worst part is that thinking that I'm ruining my own manifestations gives me more anxiety. I still do all the tasks that elevate my vibration even though my thoughts get in the way. In the morning, I meditate and journal, also go on a walk with my dog. And during the day, I go to the gym, stretch, meditate a bit, read a book, journal, whatever I feel like. I go out with my friends and have a good time, laugh. I'm also talking with a therapist, but Will the negativity of some of my thoughts affect my manifestation even though I'm trying really hard? Okay, so this is a question that I, that I really wanted to address because I think a lot of people face this in one way or another. We're afraid of having negative thoughts because we think that, that those thoughts are going to mess up our manifestations, right? They're going to infect our manifestation process and they're going to attract negative things towards us. So the reality of the situation is, is that 85% of our thoughts are negative, and that is a fact about humans. So if you are judging yourself based off the fact that you are still having negative thoughts, stop that. Basically just stop that, because having negative thoughts is part of your humanity, right? I have negative thoughts. I have fears. I think about scary things or undesirable things happening. You know, I have worries, all that kind of stuff. So the goal is not to like never have another negative thought. That wouldn't even be helpful because sometimes we need to have negative thoughts in order to recognize our shadow or, you know, be aware of our traumas or things that are going on for us or address our fears or clear the blocks. Like, we need that to be part of the process. So, you know, having anxiety is a really common theme. And I think a lot of people can relate to having anxious thoughts or feel for fearful thoughts. And no, it doesn't mean that you're not going to be able to manifest the things that you desire, right? We have to build the trust in ourselves and also in the universe, whatever you believe in, whatever the source is that is greater than you, that you believe that you are co-creating your reality with. We have to believe that that is stronger than us having a bad day or having negative thoughts or even doing things like shadow work. Like a lot of people ask me, You know, but if I write down all the bad things that I think about myself or all the fears and all the worries that I have, like, won't I just create that and attract that? No. Like, like, the complexity of the world around us is so crazy, enormous, huge, grandiose that we can't boil it down to as simple as if I write down a negative thought, it's immediately going to happen. If, if that were the case, I would just write down every single day, I'm a millionaire, and then apparently that would be coming true, right? It's like manifestation requires so much more than just a thought. So you're not going to be manifesting these negative things because you're having negative thoughts or because you're doing shadow work, right? It's actually really important for us to address the negative thoughts in our headspace in order to learn from them and begin to clear them. So I would say pay attention to the things that are bringing you anxiety and making you fearful, or the negativity that's coming through for you, and do some shadow work around that. Journal on that, explore it, dive deeper into it. Don't be afraid of it. Go into it, right? We have to— we have to do the shadow work in order for the light work to be as powerful as we want it to be. Light work meaning progress, evolution, manifestation, all of these positive, fun sort of parts of the personal growth process. But dealing with our shadow is also an important part of this process. So to answer your question really simply, no, the negativity in some of your thoughts is not going to mess up your manifestations. But if you're being hard on yourself all the time and you're like, ah, I can't stop thinking these bad thoughts, and you're allowing the negativity to bring more anxiety and more negativity, that's a place for you to like start to check yourself. Right? So every time a negative thought comes through that you normally would feel guilty or worried about, just simply take a deep breath and say, you know what, I forgive myself for thinking this thought. I choose again. I choose to believe that whatever, or I choose to think that whatever. And, and just be calm about it. Just be chill about it. It doesn't have to mean anything more than, oh, a negative thought came to visit me. Interesting. I'm not going to accept it and absorb it into my energetic field. I'm just going to say thank you for showing yourself. I recognize you. I recognize that I have chosen fear, doubt, worry, stress, anxiety, whatever. And now I'm going to choose again. Okay? I'm going to choose to believe that everything is working out. I'm going to choose to believe that my life is unfolding exactly as it should be. Whatever you want to fill in the blank there. So this is really useful for anybody that's having negative thoughts of any kind about yourself, about your body, about your career, about your success, about your ability to, I don't know, be a parent or whatever it is. Yeah, this is the reframing process. And we just have to remove this added layer of guilt that we place on top of ourselves. That is, it's so unnecessary, right? We suffer twice because we suffer from the negativity, the anxiety, or the fear that's coming through in our lives, which is very real. But then we suffer again self-inflicted because we choose to make ourselves feel bad and guilty and even more stressed and overwhelmed by it, right? So we need to take away that second layer because we are responsible for that. That's the one that we can control, right? We can't control what's going to happen in the world around us. We can't control the thoughts that are going to come through and visit us, but we can control our response. And so we get to say, ooh, interesting thought. Okay, I don't really like that. I don't want to entertain that. I don't want that to be part of my life or my reality. So I recognize that, and I'm just gonna choose again. Yeah, I forgive myself for thinking this thought. I choose to believe that blank. Dear Sam, I'm facing a big decision in my life. I'm 28 years old and stuck in a full-time 9-to-5 job that just drags me down and doesn't fulfill me. I have Greek roots and feel very connected to Greece, and secretly I have always dreamed of moving there and living. I'm just at a point in my life where I could drop everything, pack up my car, and just go there. However, I have no plan there. I have no plan where I can work. The economic situation is very bad compared to the country where I live right now, Germany. I have some ideas what I could build up there independently, start my own business. However, I am afraid to fail. Am I too old to dare something like this? I have saved money and I could live in Greece for a few months without any income. My decision is also complicated by the fact that I'm currently in a relationship It is actually going well, and I can imagine a future with him. However, this thought of living in Greece, or at least having tried it once in my life, has always been there. Unfortunately, he can't emigrate because of his job. I don't want to think back in a few years and regret never daring or trying something like this. I just feel lost right now, and I'm hoping for some advice from you on how to figure out what would be the right decision for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this opportunity and for your daily inspiration. Much love. Okay, so I love this question because it is one of those things that's not totally black and white. It's definitely a hard, a hard call to make, but it sounds like you really, really have your heart set on this idea of trying to live in Greece and having that experience in your life. To me, it sounds like the idea of that is more concrete for you than the idea of the future with this man, but that's just what I'm getting, the energy that I'm receiving from what you've written in. So I don't know if that feels true to you or not, but that's the energy that I'm kind of receiving. Your certainty lies more in Greece than it does with this guy, but maybe that's not true for you, so take that with a grain of salt. That's just what I'm receiving from, from what you've written. But I think Are you too old? No, I don't think anybody is too old to accept their universal assignments and follow their heart's desires, right? Like, I'm such a proponent of this because I truly believe that there is divinity in your desires. If you've had this dream, if you've had this idea, this goal, this thing that you wanted to do, something that feels really exciting and expansive and also a little bit scary for you, like, like that is a desire that wants to be followed. And I really, really, really believe that when we choose to set fear down, and even though we may feel scared, we follow those desires anyway, that is where magic happens. So my— me personally, if I'm giving you advice, I believe that there's probably something that you're meant to have experience, do see something in Greece. There's, there's something that's meant for you there. Like, why is the calling on your heart, right? I really believe that these things that we feel so strongly about, these desires, these callings, these things that— these ideas that pull on our heartstrings, like, those aren't accidents, right? Those— that is the divinity kind of like pulling on your heartstrings and trying to guide you in the right direction. So if I were you, I would explore more deeply what it would look like to move to Greece and, you know, feel your fear but do it anyway. And have the conversation with the guy about this, if, if you're serious about it and you've decided that it's something that you're going to do, about, I really need to do this. And if he doesn't want to stay together while you're gone, then that's something that you can work through. If he does want to stay together, you can also try and navigate that. I have done international long distance of a distance much further than Greece and Germany for over a year, so I know that it is possible if both parties really want to make it work. But again, if that's not in the cards, then maybe it's not in the cards. But if this is a person that is meant for you, they will not miss you. And so maybe just right now is not the right timing. Or maybe there's a soulmate out there for you in Greece that's, you know, waiting for you to act on this desire and get out there to finally find that, that person. So I think just, just tuning in and trusting yourself, and also knowing that whatever decision that you make will be the right decision because there's going to be a lesson in it for you that you're meant to discover. If I were you personally in this situation, I would ask for a sign. So if you haven't listened to a really, really— I think it was one of the original episodes that I posted on this podcast, uh, in the title it's called How to Ask for a Sign, and I go through a very specific exercise to help you ask for a sign from the universe. And this is a great way to receive some guidance that feels divine, and it feels a little bit more concrete than just from someone like me who is ultimately a stranger on the internet. So So that's what I would do. I would ask for a sign, I would lean into trust, and I would explore that desire on your heart and see what it feels like to, to jump and to go for it. In March of 2020, I was in a serious relationship and broken up with. I was crushed, devastated, and left feeling lost. Fast forward to 2021, and I was yet again broken up with in March. With someone I thought would be a serious relationship. What is the universe trying to tell me? I feel so lost and upset that I'm in the same situation again. I feel stuck and I'm not sure how to manifest a better life. Is the universe trying to teach me something that I didn't learn before? Am I manifesting the wrong men? Could this mean I need more inner work and self-improvement? Okay, so lots of questions here and a lot to dive into. So this is, this is a hard question for me to answer with the minimal context that I have. All I know is that you were broken up in March of 2020 and March of 2021. I know nothing about the dynamics of those relationships or what led to the breakups or the type of person that you were with in those relationships. So in order for me to give you really good advice, like, I would have so many follow-up questions. Like, if you were a client of mine and we were on a call trying to unpack this, we would go a lot deeper into exactly what happened and who those people were and who you were in the relationship and all of that. Um, two really great questions that anybody can ask themselves to build more awareness around their patterns and relationships. And these are questions from Mark Groves. I absolutely love him. So the two questions that he always has people ask is, when I let people love me, they blank. When I let people love me, they whatever. They take advantage, they manipulate me, they ghost me, they— right, you fill in the blank. When I let people love me, they blank. And then the second question is, when I love someone, I blank, right? How do you show up when you really feel like you love someone?

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Love you guys and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen. So these are two questions to just help you start to build some awareness around maybe what is the dynamic that's going on in these relationships. And you know, the question about am I manifesting the wrong men— I don't think that we're ever manifesting the wrong people. I think that we're manifesting the people that have the lessons within them that we are meant to learn in order to put us on the right path towards really embodying our highest self. So I don't think any time is ever wasted, and this is a huge theme that I talk about with my clients in so many different areas, especially with career, but also with relationships. Like, we really have to release the idea that we're wasting time by being with certain people, because you're only getting what you need in order to catapult you further and higher and beyond and into your next level. Right. So if you haven't done some serious reflections on these two relationships, I would start to do that and, you know, question, okay, why was I attracted to this person? What was the dynamic of the relationship? What did they give me? Right. What did I like about them? What made me feel safe, accepted, adored about this relationship? What made me feel uncertain or fearful in the relationship? What about the endings of those relationships, right? What, what was that born from? What was the lead-up to that? Was it totally sudden? Was it out of the blue? Were there things maybe that happened that built up and led to that? And, and looking at, you know, what are the tendencies of your partners that you've been with in terms of attachment styles? So if you guys don't know your attachment styles, I encourage you to download the audiobook or buy the physical book Attached. It's an excellent book all about exactly that, attachment styles. So if you don't know, we all create attachment styles based on the relationship that we have with our caregivers from the time that we're born until, you know, through that period of, of the young years of us being really impressionable and developing our subconscious stories and all of that. So You know, you can be avoidant, you can be anxious, or you can be secure. And there are other tests that will give you, you know, different variants of anxious and avoidant. But ultimately, it's beneficial for you to know what your attachment style is and to start to question and think about what the attachment styles are of the people that you are getting into relationships with. Because the interesting thing here is anxious and avoidant tend to magnetize each other even though they are quite opposites, right? Anxious attachment wants to lean in when things feel like they're breaking down or going wrong, or even when things are going really well and the intimacy is increasing and things feel good. An anxious attachment wants to lean in. They want to give more. They want to spend more time together. They want to continue to build. They want to be— they want to cultivate that closeness. And the avoidant attachment wants to do the opposite. They want to pull away when they feel that the intimacy is increasing, or maybe that they're going to have serious feelings for this person enough to the point that they could potentially get hurt. They want to step back, pull away, stop answering text messages as quickly. They need space. They want to take a break, whatever it is, right? So this is how these two different attachment kind of function in a very, very, very brief explanation. There is so much more to it than that, but it's beneficial for people to know, like, how they operate and also what it feels like their partners are operating as and how you might be able to work through that. So I'm, I'm sending you lots of love in this journey of feeling lost. But I think one of the biggest questions that we can ask ourselves when we find ourselves in a place of, you know, being single or not feeling like we're in the right relationships or able to attract the right relationships is to, you know, ask ourselves like, what is missing that I'm trying to receive from a relationship, right? Why, why do you need that other person or that companionship in order to fill some sort of part of you? And how could you start to fill that part of you on your own, right? I mean, I think we we can be fully and completely whole by ourselves, but we can also totally desire to share that wholeness with somebody else and to want that companionship and that closeness. Like, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't want somebody, but sometimes we use people, we use relationships in order to mask our sadness or our trauma, or our own feelings of unworthiness or not enoughness. And so that's a really, really important place to go and start to question for yourself is, what am I expecting these men or these relationships to give me? And is that something that I should really be focusing on learning how to give myself? So, you know, you asked, is this, you know, could this be a sign that there's more inner work to do or self-improvement? And I guess my answer would be, yeah, yeah, why not, right? I don't think inner work and self-improvement is ever done. I don't think it's ever finished, ever. So if there's an experience that you're having, and especially if it's showing up in a way that feels like it's a pattern, then yeah, that's a great thing to, you know, catch your attention and be like, oh hey, okay, I feel like this is becoming a pattern. I don't want to perpetuate this anymore. How can I begin to understand this better and solve this and go deeper and work on myself and, you know, create something different and step outside of this pattern? So yeah, I think it could be a beautiful, a beautiful excuse, we'll say in air quotes, to continue on this path of inner work and self-improvement for sure. All right, that's gonna be it for advice today, you guys. Thank you so much to everybody who's written in. I have so many beautiful questions. Unfortunately, I couldn't get to all of them, but I do cycle back whenever I run out, so I may still answer your question at some point. But if you want to ask something to this advice column portion of the podcast, know that it is totally 100% anonymous. I can't see your name or your email or anything about you. The form is 100% anonymous. And it's always linked in my bio on Instagram at _samanthadaily. So you can go and click and just submit your question. It literally takes like a minute, and it's really awesome. And I think it's a cool way for us to do kind of these mini sessions where I get to dive a little bit deeper on your questions than I would maybe in the DMs or things like that. And we kind of do a tiny bit of like 5 minutes of coaching, I guess, you could call it. That's what it feels similar to. So thank you guys so much for writing in, and if you'd like to submit a question, just click the link in my bio on Instagram and go ahead and do so. If you enjoyed this episode and you feel like there were nuggets of wisdom in here that you enjoyed hearing about or listening to, go ahead and send this message to— or send this episode in a message to a friend, or take a screenshot and share it to your stories on Instagram. Tag me, Samantha Daily, and the podcast account, which is @makeshifthappenpodcast.. And if you feel compelled, you can head over to Apple and leave a review for the podcast. Those are super, super helpful and I appreciate them all and read through them all. Thank you guys so much for supporting the show as always. If you haven't checked out my new website, I will invite you to do so again. So you can just go to www.samanthadaily.com. I'll leave the link in the show notes as well, and you can snag free meditations, a free journaling guide, and just explore the beauty that is the new site. So thank you guys so much for being here. I'm sending you lots of love, and I will see you next week. Bye!