Chasing Millions Won't Make You Happy: How to Succeed Online without Losing Yourself

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride.

Let's go make shit happen. Welcome to the show, Mila. I'm so excited you're here on Makeshift Happen. This is a very exciting day. Um, one thing that I notice a lot about you and consuming your content is your authenticity, and I think it comes across in a really unique way because you have such like a grounded calming energy. Like, your natural personality really just shines through in the content that you share online, and you can just tell, like, how genuine of a person you are. Even when you're talking about, you know, how much money you're making, or projects and brand deals and these types of things, it never feels gimmicky or like you're doing it for any other reason than to really help and inspire other people. So for me, I think it's just been a good reminder of the fact that authenticity doesn't necessarily have to mean being like the loudest, funniest, or like wildest person in the room. It's just like an energy of genuineness that people can feel when you're really being yourself. So that's something that I've noticed through consuming your content and just wanted to like applaud you for. And yeah, I'm excited to share that with everyone and I think the listeners will be able to feel that too.

What a good place to start. That's so nice to hear. Um, yeah, and that's, that's something I've heard a lot more recently too. So it's like a good pat on the back that I'm on the right track. But yeah, I agree with you that authenticity is like overused as a word in social strategy. And I think doing it right is surprisingly not difficult, but it takes getting used to just being yourself on the camera because you kind of like feel like you have to put on a persona the second it's recording. I think everyone does. And I think it's the same thing that happens like when you're with a new group of friends, you feel like maybe you have to be a little bit different or whatever. So I just think it takes practice to be yourself, but that is what I aim for. So I'm glad that it's coming across that way.

Yeah. And I think we've maybe constructed an idea of what authenticity is of like, you know, the people that are very like out there, wacky, wild, funny, loud. Like that's kind of this, at least in the social media landscape, what people think of when they say, oh, that person's being really authentic online. But I love that like your version of authenticity just proves that wrong of like you don't have to be, cuz again, In that case, it's not even authenticity. If you're, like you said, trying to put on the presenter hat or trying to fit yourself into the box, like, okay, no, I need to be funny, I need to be silly, I need to dance, I need to do something. If that's not natural to you, if that's not who you actually are, then it's not authentic in the first place. And authenticity is felt. It's not a specific set of traits that you need to be exemplifying.

Yeah, I agree. And I think it's also just not sustainable. Like if you're putting on any type of persona that's not yourself, I think at least for the way it feels for me, I think that would be very hard to keep up and uphold. I, I think I get what you're saying now of like authenticity being like someone is unleashing themselves and it's like very extreme rather than just being their— themselves. Like it's been misconstrued as a word. So yeah, but I feel like I'm seeing that happen more and more with creators I admire and it's really cool to see. And it's also interesting to see how much of a shift it takes in people. Like you can tell when people are like uncomfortable with the suddenly becoming themselves, especially when you watch a creator for a long time who's like put on a persona. It's— I really find that enjoyable to see. To see that, that, uh, shift in them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you obviously have done social media management for a long time. Um, I'm curious how that and like becoming an online creator in general changed your life. Like, can you give us a quick insight to like the before and after, the kind of then and now, like what you were doing to then when you discovered and kind of struck gold with this career path, I guess we could say, of what that did for you in your life?

Yeah, I mean, I started this when I was 17, about to turn 18, so I didn't really have any other point of comparison as far as like a career goes. The— I'd say the way it changed my life was— I mean, it changed my life more throughout the years of doing it rather than from the beginning to the very end. So like, I started when I was 17, about to turn 18. I was about to go traveling and I needed to make money while I was traveling, so I just started doing some like little side gigs with people on Instagram, and it, you know, snowballed into this thing it is now. So at the time, it was just like a little job, something to make money, and it slowly became this, I guess, this like vehicle for self-development for me, which was just like learning how to be, um, like a functional adult. Like, I feel like I learned that through business, if that makes sense. So it changed my life in that sense of learning how to have accountability and how to be professional and how to lead projects and how to take responsibility over my finances. Like, it taught me a lot of those skills that I think maybe would have taken me longer to learn without self-employment or social media management. I think any form of self-employment would have worked. Um, I think when I really started to take it seriously, which I'd say was around like 2020, late 2020, it was a time where I was living in my car. I didn't really have much going for me. I had gone through— I was raised very religious and I was excommunicated from that religion when I turned 18. So it was like 2 years of me being very alone and lonely. And when I finally decided to take social media management specifically seriously and content creation seriously, it exposed me to money that I hadn't had before, that allowed me to have somewhere to live, that allowed me to have like consistent income for things as simple as just like food and fitness and the things that I needed to survive. So in that way, it was extremely transformational having that available to me and something I was able to develop to give me those options. So I'm like eternally grateful for this and I, I always, I think about it so frequently how I wish I could go back to that first client and just be like, thank you so much. Because like it would not be possible without that first project. It just, in my mind it doesn't work. So yeah, succinctly it's changed my life a lot and it continues to, I mean, year over year. It's incredible.

I love it. Yeah. What is, what is something like when you look at your life now and how much it's changed over, I mean, how long have you been doing this? Like 6, 7 years?

6 years.

Yeah. 6 years. Um, what is— when you look back, what is something that's like so different about your life now, even if it's just like the way that you spend your days or the things that you have access to?

I think it's mostly mindset. So I— for— I have ADHD and it was, um, unmedicated for most of my life and I was homeschooled, so I just felt very dumb, for the lack of a better word, all the time. Like I didn't feel like I could do much. I didn't feel like I had much of a like future in front of me for a very long time. And And I think the difference between then and now is now I feel so confident in my ability to do what I set out to do, to whether that be learning, to build something. Like it's just, um, the mindset is just so different, um, from then to now. And it's the same circumstances of unmedicated ADHD, having trouble with focus, having trouble with, you know, impulsivity and stuff. But it's like the, yeah, the mindset just makes all the difference. So I think that and, and the self-confidence that self-employment has given me. And it's like also a deeper sense of security. I don't— there's like no doubt in my mind that I would ever be without what I need. So I— whether that be work or money or network or, you know, just being resourceful to, to have a good life, I feel very confident that I can make that happen for myself. And like, I, I've always kind of had that sense from a young age, but now I have like the evidence to back that up as well as like the deep-seated feeling. So I think it's mostly mindset. And of course there's the things that, you know, money buys and travel and all those cool things. But I think the most rewarding is the mindset 'cause I deal with it every day.

Yeah. I often say that like the frequency of conviction is the undercurrent of all success. And that kind of plays off of what you just mentioned there about having this, the power of self-confidence and how much that influences your ability to succeed in life and in business. I'm curious, you know, how developing the sense of confidence and, and self-trust has really served you. How do you think you've always had that, or was it something that you developed along the way?

I think I've always had it, but like with anything, the more reps, the stronger it gets. So like, it's, it's always been there, but just not as reliable as it is now. Like, I can rely on it on a daily basis, which I think is nice. And as, as far as like how that affects my life, I just, I mean, like, Less stress, less worry about the future. I just, yeah, I just feel comfortable. Like I feel self-assured. And when something does go wrong, I don't, you know, make it into a mountain. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill because whatever happens, it'll work out. So I think it's just less stress and feeling secure, which I think is really nice.

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Yeah, the repetitions is really important, and I think that is something that undoubtedly contributes to creating more confidence. And kind of in this idea of repetitions, and also something that you alluded to earlier in terms of being excommunicated from a pretty strict religion that you're a part of, you know, I know a little bit of, of your story and background of being a Jehovah's Witness. It makes me kind of wonder and be curious about how essentially, you know, growing up going door-to-door selling something, you're selling a belief system, right? Doing all those repetitions, how has that in some ways prepared you to be a more successful saleswoman, businesswoman as an adult?

I think it's just the ability to connect with people, you know. So like when I think back to being a Jehovah's Witness, it was, you know, preaching 4 to 5 times a week where you wake up at 9:00 AM and you go out and you knock on people's doors and you ask them questions about things that you don't even really bring up in conversation with close friends very often, which is like 'What do you think is going to happen when you die?' And, 'What do you think about sin?' And like all these, these things that are so, um, intense, for the lack of a better word. Um, and that was so normal to me. So it wasn't like I was aware at the time of these are strange questions and conversations to be having with strangers. So I think it helped me be comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations. And like, it also made me aware that I can just like turn off the fact that it's uncomfortable. Like I can just convince myself that this isn't an uncomfortable thing. It's fine. It's just the norm and go through with it, if that makes sense. I think that applies to any situation. So, um, I think it prepared me for speaking with people. I think it prepared me for having courage. And yeah, I think those are probably the top two.

Maybe not caring, not caring what people thought of you, like kind of like you said, turning off the feeling of like I'm being judged and just like moving forward anyways.

Probably. Yeah. I've had that feeling since I was very young and I, and I actually haven't thought about that as being connected, but. Probably. So yeah, it's a good thing too.

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, it's so interesting how like our backstories and our experiences in life ultimately shape and allow us to become who we're meant to be, even, even if it feels like those things, you know, weren't the best experiences, the most enjoyable times. But yeah, I think that's a really interesting connection of like, you know, the door-to-door and like selling something and the repetitions and having the hard conversations and how that molded you to be able to be successful in business.

I think too, if I can interrupt you, cuz I just realized when you said selling something is that it, it also changed the way I view like selling because it is, it was technically like I was selling people this lifestyle, this belief system, but in my mind it was just giving people a solution. And that's how I view business now is like, I don't view marketing as like, let me sell you something. It's, do you have a problem? Let me help you work through that problem. That's, that's why I love my work. So I think that similarity has been, yeah, is pretty big. In my mind.

Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like how people say selling is sharing or selling is serving. Like, if you really believe in the results or the outcome and the solution that you can provide through the, the thing that you're selling, then you're doing a service by putting in front of people, by marketing it, by letting people know that it exists, that you have a solution that's available. And I think that so beautifully connects to, you know, your experience being a Jehovah's Witness of like of course, when you're indoctrinated in any sort of, you know, religion like that, you genuinely believe that like what you're doing is being of service. So it kind of creates that connection, that neural wiring in your brain of like selling is serving, which is so beneficial to then naturally just carry with you in life.

Yeah, agreed.

Yeah. Okay, so your content really kind of took off on TikTok. Can you share your thought process around knowing what to post, because I think this is something that trips a lot of people up and it's like the basic, like simplest question that sometimes it's almost kind of frustrating to answer, but I want us to unpack it a little bit and maybe look at it through the lens of like, are you studying analytics? Are you just flowing with whatever you feel like posting? You know, like what's a creative workflow for you? Are you scripting videos? Are you filming them directly in TikTok? So. How to know what to post and what does that look like?

I, if there is a, a barrier to entry, a high barrier to entry in creating content, I just won't make it. So what I have found works best for me and has worked consistently over the years, even though I'd like wish I could come up with some creative new way to do it, is as soon as I'm excited about something, as soon as I learn about something, as soon as I learn a lesson or I read something in a book or I listen to something in a podcast and I feel the urge to talk about it, I just set up my phone and I start talking. Um, there's no scripting, there's no planning, there's no content calendar, there's no like big bank of content ideas. While I've tried that in the past, to me it's just, um, a barrier to actually creating the content. Um, and for me, I've always wanted to develop the ability to speak publicly. Like I, I get really nervous. Like yesterday I did a webinar and for like the first 5 minutes I thought I was gonna have a panic attack. And like, I know that it takes reps. And through doing that kind of content, not only will I retain the information that I've learned better because I've taught it, but I'm also training myself to be articulate and be able to put, um, words together. And also, being someone who Spanish is my first language, I feel like sometimes I struggle with like English structure. So it's just been like a tool for me that also is an easy way for me to create content. Um, so yeah, there was no formula I followed. It's just when I'm excited, I talk. And the difference in performance is usually based off of my excitement levels. If I'm making something because I feel like I have to post or I feel like I need to talk about something, it tanks. It does not perform well. But if I'm excited about it, it performs well. So I'll go through my analytics every few months just to get like a bird's eye view, but I really don't look at the like week-to-week, month-to-month numbers just because I think it's, yeah, I just don't need to be that granular with it. That doesn't apply to everyone and doesn't apply to my clients, but it does for me. So I, yeah, that's the process I've used that works. And like, I love the idea of having like a whole content plan and like more creative content and more shots and everything, but that's definitely something I have to build up to. That's just not what has worked so far. Mm.

So do you create content every day or do you do it kind of, is it just like whenever it comes through and then when you record it? Cuz obviously you said you, you let the inspiration hit and you just kind of Go with the flow, you record it as you're feeling it. Do you post it right then? Do you save it for later?

No, I post it right away. I try to just get it out there. Um, if I save it in my drafts or I like try to schedule it out, I'll like overthink everything and I'm like, oh, maybe I should try again to film it to say this better or whatever. So I just try to get it out there. Um, it, I'd say like the only form of prep that ever happens is like recently I did a, I did like a 4-minute video on YouTube monetization and it was because I spent like 5 hours researching it and I was super pumped up about it, but I needed to structure the video in a way that was engaging because to keep people's attention for 4 minutes is gonna take a long time. So instead of having like scripting on one day, planning on another day, filming on one day, and then publishing on another day, it was like I just gave myself a 6-hour window to, okay, I have all my notes. I'm gonna figure out how I'm gonna put this together in a video and structure it, write out little notes, record, edit, publish all within that 6-hour window. So I try to get it done in sprints rather than little bits and then publish later.

Okay, so you really go with your creative flow and you just like let it run and then you post in the moment. I, I find that like, at least this is something that I've talked about with a lot of my clients before, is like the idea that— I don't know if you've ever read the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, but there's like a concept that ideas are almost like spiritual sort of like entities and that they come to people in an attempt to be born or birthed into the world. And so if you sit with an idea for too long, it might like float away and like go to someone else. And there's this whole like cool side of the book where it shows people from different sides of the world that had the exact same idea with the exact same characters for the exact same book. And someone, you know, wrote the manuscript but never published it. And then it went to someone else and they like created that book. And it's like, how did these two people have the exact same, you know, mythical kind of like fictional story come to them? So it's a really interesting concept, but I think that ideas definitely have some sort of energy, and I do think that they have a shelf life of sorts because I've found as well, if I'm really like, my energy behind the, the content creation process is almost like translated to what people feel in the audience when they watch it. If I can post it while it's alive, if I save it in drafts for a long, long time, and that like creative energy kind of like dies, and then I'm like, oh, I'll just post it now. It always flops. Like, it's not— it's like not well received at all by the audience. So that's kind of more of like a weird, like, spiritual, energetic kind of side to that. But it's the same thing that you're saying, is like sometimes if you let it sit for too long, you overthink it, you want to perfect it, uh, the energy is not there anymore, you're not as excited, it's not as fresh. Like, oh, I just wrote this thing and like I really want people to read it.. And I think that's received from the audience's end as well. So just kind of a little more woo-woo approach.

I think I heard of that. I think I heard of that very recently. I think it was in a reel where someone was like, you know, how is it? I don't, I don't know what the reel was about, but someone said, you know, if an idea comes to you and you don't act on it, it's gonna pass on. And that's why you see your ideas executed elsewhere, because when an idea arises, it's just because it's time for that idea to come into the world. And I think it's also talked about in The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. I'm almost positive. Which I like concepts like that, even if I don't like innately believe in the like woo side of it. I do like thinking about it in that way. Like it's helpful to visualize that, like, okay, an idea has come to me, it's here now. Like, how am I going to make good use of it? So like the visuals are very, very helpful for me.

Yeah. Yeah, I do. I love that book too by Rick Rubin, The Creative Act. If anyone hasn't read that, that's a good read if you're wanting to get like back into your kind of like creative juices and creative flow. So speaking of that, Where do you find creative inspiration without being chronically online? Because I know you've talked about this, you're not a person that like really, um, wants to be sitting on their phone or being online or consuming all the time. I think you've said that you like to thrift like old design books and find other ways to kind of get creative. So I'd love to just hear any other kind of like tips or unique approaches that you have to getting inspired.

I love this question. This is a, like a conversation I've been having so much lately. I, for such a long time, I feel like I was stuck in that content creator, um, and I struggled to find the word for this in the last few conversations I've had, of like the ongoing conversation on social media where everyone is getting the same advice basically on how to be creative or what to make or how to script stuff or whatever. And I feel like I was stuck in that little world for so long that now I don't consult it at all. I go to primarily books, um, books that aren't too on the nose. So books that are about design, business, communication, friendship, community, art, history, like any book that's going to give me some sense into how people operate, how people think, what people find engaging and interesting, what people appreciate, like just to give me more, I guess, insight into the human condition and into aesthetics but in a more traditional sense. So books are like my favorite. I mean, I have two full bookcases that I reference very, very regularly. So Books are a big one. Nature is also a really big one. I think something I'm now just learning to do, and I feel like I need to practice a lot more this year, is being able to go out like on a walk and let ideas come to me and let myself like think through the ideas without shooting anything down. So like without criticizing any part of the ideation process and just see where it takes me without having any attachment to whether or not I like the final idea. So I think that practice paired with not consuming the same advice everyone else is getting is very helpful. And I think it also makes me feel good to be like, well, I have my own little technique, my own little special books, and maybe no one else has on their shelf, or maybe no one else has this exact combination of books and are getting the same exact message I'm getting. So it feels like a little secret too, which just makes me excited, which makes me want to learn more, and it just keeps going.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that. I do these things called non-stimulation walks, and I have my clients do them as well. Basically, it's like what you said, walking outside and just being in your ideation process, just opening that channel to receive ideas and almost like being in a conversation with yourself. I think, you know, so often we are plugging our ears quite literally with headphones. We're consuming so much of everyone else's ideas, everyone else's concepts, everyone else's thoughts, everyone else's creativity, whether it's through podcasts, audiobooks, um, like music, anything, uh, the e-learning that we're all doing, courses, you know, all that sort of stuff. And there's rarely time in our day-to-day lives now where we're really just being in silence with ourselves. It's almost like we plug up all of those moments now with being stimulated in some way and kind of like listening or learning or being entertained by someone else, even, you know, People listen to music now in the shower. People are listening to podcasts when they're cooking, when they're cleaning, when they're walking, when they're driving, like all the time. So I think it's a valuable point that you bring up of like allowing yourself to go on a walk and really just be with your ideas.

Mm-hmm. And I think too, a good practice in that is, and maybe this is just my experience cuz I haven't talked about it with other people, but for a long time when I would consume other people's content, I would like criticize it. I'd look at it and I'd be like, oh, I would've done this differently. Or, oh, this could've performed so much better if they would've changed this, or they should've done that, blah, blah, blah. So I'd go through, I would be consuming, but at the same time I'd be like acting like a judge towards the stuff I was seeing. And the thing with that is, sure, maybe it improved my performance as like a social media manager a little bit, but then I would do the same thing with my ideas where anything that came up, I would instantly criticize it. So I found that as soon as I, one, limited the amount of time on social media, but then two, stopped criticizing anything I saw, but just took it at face value and was like, this person thought it was the best way to put it together. And I love the little story they've made. I've been more accepting of my own ideas and more willing to like see them through, like. Okay, this doesn't have to be criticized. This can be optimized later. Like I can look at this in hindsight and then tweak then, but for now, let me just let this idea come to main completion and let me, you know, act on it. So I think, you know, getting rid of that like judgy lens that is, I think inherent in like anyone that's in marketing, I think is also very valuable.

Yeah. Yeah. Releasing that side of ourselves that always wants to like critique or be the judger for sure. When we're doing that outwardly, it's mostly because we're doing it to ourselves as well. And so if you can stop doing it to yourself, then you'll stop doing it, uh, to others as well. I love that. I, I wanna talk to you about work-life balance because you obviously are self-employed. Um, you love your work, uh, but I know that you have created a life that is more designed around your experience of being able to have freedom and spaciousness. And I think that's something that a lot of people desire. And I think that your takes on this are really interesting and refreshing. So, I know you've shared things like raising your prices so that you can just take one project at a time. Um, you know, and like tracking how you spend your time so that you can really evaluate, am I living in my life enough? But yeah, I'd love to hear you just kind of talk about your experience in building a life that you love, um, without overworking.

Um, I've always been one to learn from experience and I think I worked so many years overworking myself. That I'm like so turned off to the idea altogether. So like there isn't any solution in my mind, or there isn't any option in my mind other than having a small amount of projects that are paying me what I want to be paid and then having the time I want throughout the day to do things I want to do. Like that is the only option I see now. Um, and the way I approach that, like how I've made that a reality, I guess, is just being more confident advocating for myself. And when I feel like I can't charge more because I'm missing something, like seeking out that skill and developing that as quickly as possible so that I can raise my prices. I, you know, I've gone through like a pretty massive jump over the last year in prices and I feel so confident with where I am now that it's not even like a question of whether or not I deserve that. It's absolutely, I only want to work on one project. This is what my work is worth. And now I have hours in the day to do whatever I want to do, which makes me happier, which makes me better at my work and a better team member. So like it's just all around more fulfilling and makes everything better. So like right now, my usual structure is waking up at like 7:00 AM. I have 2 to 3 hours in the morning with my boyfriend. We take it easy, slow. I work for like 2 hours and then I spend like 3 to 4 hours outside doing chores, whatever is— it will let me take advantage of the daylight basically now that it's no longer super cold and wintry. And then I'll work in the evenings with friends and I'll, you know, put in like 4 to 5 hours. But because I don't have tons of projects on my plate, I don't have to be spread so thin. I can get away with like 4 to 5 hours a day and be fine. So I think this, it's taken me a while to get here and I don't think I would've gotten here, wanted it so much or appreciated it so much if I hadn't gone through those years of working with like 8 clients a month and being super, you know, not paid enough and being stretched super thin. So yeah, I do hope people can just jump to the end conclusion and not go through that, but that's not how it works for me.

So how do you avoid the temptation that we're constantly faced with, especially in the online space? Of, you know, there's so much like inspiring content out there, right? Of people that are making insane amounts of money and they're continuing to grow, expand, build their agencies or their, like, whatever their businesses are. And it's like you're seeing all this like huge success, the flashy things, the first class travel. I know that's a big thing that people are afflicted by because they might feel the same as you in the sense that, okay, the reason that I started a business is so that I could enjoy my life more. Right? Like, I actually want spaciousness in my day to be able to do stuff. But then also there's this side where it's like, but I kind of want to like make millions of dollars and like do all these— how do you manage and navigate those conflicting things? Is it a matter of keeping your blinders on and not consuming content like that? Is it a matter of like returning to your values and understanding that that's not actually something that you want, but maybe it's something that the world is trying to make you want? How do you approach that?

I think it's a mixture of things. So one, I have seen the outcome of just chasing money, which in my mind, someone who grew up very religious, the first thought is greed. If you're only, only chasing money and that is the only objective, where is that going to get you? And chances are it's going to be very unhappy at some point. So do I want to chase just money? No. Do I think I deserve money and the things that money brings? Yes. Okay, so what's the middle ground? And I think the way I have figured that out is What do I want my life to look like when I'm 40, 50, 60? What do I want my life to look like when I have kids? How do I want work to take up my time now? And then when I look back on these years, will I be happy with how I spent them? So I think about that a lot, and I think if I, if I was 40, 50 years old and I look back on my 20s and I spent all that time just chasing money when I had joints that worked so well and I lived in these beautiful places with woods to explore and I had all this excitement to do things that maybe I won't be excited about, then I'll feel like I wasted it. I was just chasing money and what the money, the things money can bring, which, you know, what is that worth really? So I think that I have that conversation in my head a lot and I, I luckily am not like tempted by those things anymore, but there was a time when I was, and when that did happen, I would just think about that of what do I want? Is that really what I want? Or is that just what the screen is telling me I should want? And if I were to get it, so I trust that I can get the things I want, what would that look like for me? And would I be happy? Would I be any happier than I am now? And if yes, why? Or like, what would change? So just like kind of talking myself through the process and asking myself questions is helpful. But I think getting— I feel like it's a kind of media literacy type skill to know when you're looking at something and you think you want it because you're seeing it so often versus actually wanting something because it's deeply rooted in you. So I think learning to differentiate that is very important as anyone spending time on social media, period.

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Yeah, yeah, kind of understanding, like, is it the marketing? Is it the marketing that's getting to me? It's just so good. Or is this actually a deep inherent kind of desire? I felt like that when I was growing up. Like, I always had this vision of me being a really successful kind of like businesswoman. Like, I pictured myself living in a big city and like wearing like a designer suit and like having like a really cool like like briefcase kind of bag, like just being this like the boss girl businesswoman, which I'm just giggling because, um, I literally did one corporate internship and I was like, I hate it here.

I was like, I could not, I could not.

Is this like, this is what I dreamed of my whole life? And it's like the, the waking up moment when you're like, I think I was just sold this dream. I don't think this was ever actually like the dream in my heart, you know, like the world and, um, the marketing of like being an independent woman who makes her own money and is like important and gets recognition and is like a boss and like, you know, is at the top of like the corporate ladder. That the dream— that dream was just sold to me. And then there was an awakening moment of like, I don't think that that was actually ever mine, you know. Um, and I think that is sort of what you're talking about there with like the, you know, all the flashy things or you know, the intense levels of wealth of it. And some people do naturally genuinely desire that, um, but there's a lot of us that, you know, maybe we don't want a 7 or 8-figure business. Maybe we really just want like, um, a, you know, of course, like to make really great money and to feel comfortable and free and safe and to be able to do all the things that we want, but to also have the spaciousness to actually create a lifestyle that we're in love with and to not be chasing all the time.

So yeah, that's, I've, I've been doing a lot of mentorship calls lately and the thing that has been consistent across all of them is people don't know what they want. Like they don't know what the end goal is. And I think people just assume that big amounts of money are gonna make them feel better or they're gonna, it's gonna make them get something they're happy with. And I think just taking a second to like think, what is the lifestyle I want? Like how do I want to feel during the day? What are the things I wanna do with my time? And then what's the money needed to support that rather than starting at the money and then the lifestyle it'll bring? Like for me, it's, I wanna spend time reading and, you know, play, playing with my plants and my dogs and gardening. And I don't need to make $20,000, $30,000, $50,000 a month to do that. I just need enough. And I think that, yeah, it feels much better than being in like constant chase mode. And I feel like hustle culture is starting to like die down just a little bit, at least on social media, which I'm very happy to see. And I, I just want more people talking about, um, whatever you choose to do. If that is to chase a lot of money, that's fine. As long as the end objective is based off of what you actually want and you know what it is and you're not just like shooting for money only.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, kind of going off of that, cuz it, it might be in sort of like a similar line. I'm curious why you decided to put a pause on creating your social media management agency. Was that, um, something that you started to realize was like not in alignment with what you're talking about here of like having enough spaciousness and like time and actually being able to live the lifestyle that you want?

Yeah, it was a, a mixture of things. So one, I underestimated the amount of work it takes to be a leader. I mean, when you're, when you're running a team, you have to train people, you have to be good at training, you have to, uh, make sure they're always supported. You have to be a manager. And that is just something I knew would be required of me, but I don't think I, thought through what that would look like on a day-to-day and how much it would take me out of the work I enjoy doing, which is talking with my clients, working on strategy, doing research. So I just saw, like, I was, I was kind of going in all in for like 2 to 3 months on it, and I just realized, like, I'm not happy. Like, I'm chasing this thing that I think will eventually make me happy because it would be so cool to be an agency owner. Like, the thought of that status would be so cool. And like, I also love the idea of someday having like an in-person office and like knowing I'm giving work to all these people and we're all working together and getting to come up with creative ideas. Like, I love that end goal, But the road to get there and the amount of sacrifice it would take and the amount of time it would take away from the things I love now just isn't worth it in my opinion. And I cut back and like I instantly felt better when I made that decision. And then I convinced myself that, or I told myself that I could find that community, which was the end goal I had in mind elsewhere. Like I can get all that like creative energy now. I don't have to wait for that. And I've made effort to do that. And it's true. And it's like, it's great to see that because I knew what my end goal was, I could make that happen in a different way rather than the way I thought I had to. And like, I'm, I'm so excited here. And like, I think literally a week or less than a week, I'm going to Asheville with like 16 other entrepreneurs, girls that I've met on the internet that I'm so excited to be with. And we're all gonna like share our ideas together and like, that's what I wanted. And I didn't have to wait years to get it through an agency. I just had to plan a retreat. So yeah.

Aw. Yeah. I love that. My parents live right outside of Asheville, so it's a beautiful area. You'll love— if you're a Fear of Mountains girl, you'll definitely love that.

I'm so excited.

I want to talk about, because this is something that you obviously— I think, like, you know, when I look at your TikTok and I see the videos of yours that have really done the best and kind of gone viral, a lot of it has to do with you being super transparent and open about what's worked in order to make you money online, you know, landing brand deals. Or you'll even share, like, behind the scenes, obviously without sharing brand names, of, you know, how you've negotiated things or what, what things are costing you, what you're earning and stuff like that. So that's something that I think people really love and appreciate from you and the way that you show up with that transparency. But you had this, this post about some things that have helped you over the years make you more money. And I kind of wanna go through them and just like hear a deeper perspective from you on it. So the first thing that you said was that you stopped trying to be good at sales. And that you leaned into your people skills instead. Can you talk about why you feel like that helped you make more money?

I think I realized people don't wanna be sold to, like, people don't want you to come up, come into a, like a sales call acting like a salesman. They want you to come into a call listening to them, maybe like a doctor would at a, at a good doctor's appointment, you know, like what are the problems? What is it you need? And then I guide you through how to get that, whether that's through me or someone else. So I think it showed a level, level of integrity that I thought I had to like, hide because it wasn't professional, you know, like I thought I had to be like this professional salesman to make sales. And I just realized I just have to talk with people and listen to them and hear what their problems are and offer a solution. So, um, I think it just helped because people feel more comfortable and it's contrast between other conversations they have with people who are trying to act like salesmen.

I think sales environments naturally put people on edge and they feel like a sense of, I should not trust this person totally because I know they're trying to sell to me. So when you can really disarm them by showing your humanness and just coming with a casual approach and feeling like they don't need to be scared or they're not gonna be pressured, I think that that really, really helps people actually relax and be honest with you and actually just share what they're wanting outta the project or what their goals are, what their budget is. Like you can actually get more real information from people when they're disarmed and when they're feeling comfortable around you. So yeah, I totally agree on, on that front. I've never been like the, kind of like hard sales tactics type person when it comes to sales. Like, I just like kind of talking to people and being normal. And I think the energy of, of detachment too, of like the non-neediness of like, I'm not trying to like get you to do something here, um, is more magnetic as well. And it makes people want to lean in rather than lean out. So absolutely. Okay, the second thing that you said was that you started spending more time around other entrepreneurs. And self-starters.

Yeah, I think just being in a silo isn't good for anyone. And I, um, I found it very helpful specifically to be around people and hear— or other entrepreneurs— and hear the struggles they were going through and how they would think through them. And also just to like know that we're all human, um, in entrepreneurship anyway. And like, people are, um, not everyone knows what they want. Not everyone knows that what they're doing is the right thing. Not every— like, it's just there's so much doubt that I have always faced with myself and faced with myself, and I saw it in everyone else as well. And I was like, wow, this is great. It's great to see that in, um, in other people. So I think that was a huge lesson. And then also seeing, like, I can think of a few people who were so confident in their skills and what they charge and why they charge it and like seeing how they got to that point and getting to see them have client conversations was just like copy paste kind of thing. Like I want to be exactly like them. Um, so yeah, I think it was just helpful to have examples.

Mentors.

Yeah.

And people to expand you. Like you said, you see someone like really killing it and like owning their genius and charging what they're worth and not batting an eye, and you're like, damn, okay, shit. Like, maybe I really— I think I really can do that. Okay, okay, okay. So it kind of forces you when you surround yourself with people that are doing incredible things, it forces you to uplevel as well and kind of expand your concept of what's available to you and how you want to see yourself and how you want to approach things. For sure. The third thing that you said was that you, um, stopped being stubborn in your refusal to delegate. And I know this is something that, um, a lot of us control freaks struggle with because we hold the belief of like, it's not going to take me that long, I just do it better, so I'll just do it. How did you loosen the grip and let go and let people help you?

I forced myself. Like, it wasn't— it took me like months to get comfortable with it, but I just knew I had to do it. And I knew that the old way of trying to do everything myself wasn't working anymore. So I knew even though it was uncomfortable and I actually hated it, like truly hated it, I had to do it. And now I'm so glad I did that. Like the biggest thing I could think of is hiring a graphic designer. So I don't know anything about graphic design. I don't know how to do it, but I've tried for years. But it's something that's essential for projects. So I found myself either not including that in projects that needed it because I didn't want to delegate or I couldn't do it myself or taking it on anyway and then it taking hours and hours. That I could have been spending on other things, whether that be work or something else. So I, you know, found someone and just told myself I was going to stick it through no matter what. This person, like, I trusted their professionalism, I trusted their skills, we were going to make this work. And after a few months, I mean, it's like the biggest, like, sigh of relief. And it also makes me better at my job. So like, now when I'm ideating, I know we have strong graphic, we have strong designs behind us, and it's possible for us to execute anything with we come up with. And I think that's incredible and that would not be possible without delegation. And I think it's also just taught me the skill of you sometimes have to force yourself to do something even if you don't want to, knowing that it's going to be better in a few months or a few years or whatever.

So yeah, you can do hard things, which leads into the next thing that you said, which was, quote, I grew a pair and started asking for more money even when it made me uncomfortable. Can you talk about that, like, threshold of uncomfortability when you are getting ready to raise your prices. I know this is something that so many business owners like cringe at, like, oh my God, okay, here I go. Ah, they get so nervous. Talk to us about how to break through that uncomfortability around raising your prices.

What's helpful for me, that's definitely industry specific, is there are no industry standards. There is no set price, um, for marketing or creativity. So there's nothing that people are measuring me up against. Except maybe the last social media manager they talked to. And I have no interest being compared in that way. So if they'd like to make that comparison and make the decision that way, that's up to them. And I, I think the other mindset that helps is if people say no, that's gonna be totally fine. I will find someone who says yes. So there's obviously the fear of if I raise my prices on my current clients, am I gonna lose them? And whenever I had that thought, I always just thought, that's fine. I should probably lose them anyway and get someone who's gonna pay me more. It was always, it always worked out that way and I was always happy I ended up doing it. And it was just, you know, obviously a scary thing, but you just have to do it. So I think it's again, one of those things you have to do. And I think if you're in an industry that's maybe a little more rigid where there are standards and you have to like price yourself based off of your market, I think just find differentiators, find something that makes you confident in saying, I'm different. I deserve more because XYZ. So I think there's always a solution. You just have to have something to back it up. Even if it's not something you say out loud and it's just internal, just something to give you the confidence to say that number. And then also knowing you're probably always gonna feel nervous when you say the new number. Like this most recent project I pitched, I remember when I was telling them the monthly rate, I'm like, this is like, there's, there's no way they're gonna say yes to this. And to them it was like a no-brainer. And then like in hindsight I'm like, of course it was a no-brainer cuz let's look at how much money they're paying me versus how much money it's bringing in. And like, obviously, so like I think just forcing yourself to do uncomfortable things is helpful.

Absolutely. And then the more that you do it, obviously like we talked about before with repetitions, like the more that you do it, the more that you realize you're not gonna die., and then your nervous system kind of calibrates to like being able to do that thing, and you're like, okay, I got this, I can do this. Um, you also mentioned like deciding on a North Star instead of figuring it out as you go. What do you, what do you mean by that?

When I think of a North Star, I think of like a main objective. Like if you're heading towards the North Star, you know you're going north. So I think knowing exactly what you're aiming for rather than, okay, I'm just doing stuff because I think it's the right decision right now, and then, oh, it opened up this opportunity, let me chase that a little bit, and oh, let me chase that one a little bit. But like having like final destination in your mind. And to me, that final destination is like old age. Like, how do— where do I want to be when I'm old? And how do I want my life to look when I'm old? And how are the decisions I'm making now building up to that? So I think just having an end goal in mind is— yeah, what I should have said. And then a lot of people are confused by that, which I wasn't aware that wasn't a phrase. Oh really?

Yeah. No, I think, I think I know what like deciding on a North Star means, but I think that's something different for everybody. Is it like Is it, is it narrow in terms of right now? Like, okay, in this year of my business, my main objective is to make X amount of money or to get X amount of clients or to improve, you know, this skillset or whatever. Or is it more like you said, a little bit more zoomed out, more meta, like, okay, the North Star is like where I'm going at the end of my life and wanting to make everything that I'm doing now make sense for that. So.

I guess that's a good point. Yeah. You could probably have multiple north stars, I imagine, throughout your life.

So, yeah, for sure. For sure. Depending on the season that you're in. And, you know, I think priorities typically shift, um, for a lot of female business owners. You know, they start their businesses and then they realize at some point they wanna become moms. And I think motherhood really changes your identity and, um, what's important to you and time allocation and resource allocation and all of that. So I think for sure, um, people's north stars are probably gonna shift depending on the season that they're in and, and the priorities that they have and things like that as well. So the last piece of this puzzle of things that helped you make more money was that you invested time and money in marketing and business education. Can you share a little bit of your experience of why you felt like that was such a pillar in terms of helping you make more money?

Uh, learning from people who have done it. So I think, yeah, just finding someone who I have seen the trajectory of their career and I think I like the decisions they've made. I like how they've made 'em. I like their offer suite. I like whatever. And then choosing to learn from them. One of those people that I, um, I view as like a kind of North Star is Shannon. I'm not sure what her last name is. I can't think, but she's the Social Bungalow. I'm sure you've seen her on social media, at least heard of her. Um, and her courses are just so, I find them so intuitive and I just like understand what she's saying and I, I knew so clearly like, of course this would work. And it's just, it's like kind of like that aha moment that I need for business. And I find that in her stuff. Pretty much exclusively. I haven't really found that anywhere else. So yeah, investing in her stuff has been great for me and, and I, I love it a lot. Yeah.

Well, I think like, you know, mentors and people that you look up to or people who have done something that you wanna do or that, you know, are living a version of your life or have the kind of business that you aspire to have, like it's invaluable to be able to get into those rooms and to soak up that wisdom and also see the behind the scenes of how they're doing things and their journey and be able to ask questions, like pull up a chair and really like get close to someone who's created something that you admire. Like, there's nothing more valuable than that, and we have so much access to that nowadays with things like coaching and mentorship and courses and all these things. So obviously that's a huge part of, you know, my work being a mentor and selling digital products and courses and programs, and a lot of the people that listen to this podcast. So I think they're all probably nodding their heads agreeing that, yeah, investing in, in that Further education is something that has really changed all of our lives.

I think it's also a form of accountability. So when you put, you know, a couple grand or more than that down on something, it's like, oh, I better act on this because it kind of hurt a little bit. So I think it's a good way to motivate yourself to take action if you're kind of stagnant. It's definitely worked for me several times.

Yeah, it's like the kind of, uh, transformation is in the transaction, as some people say. Like when you spend that money, you're like, okay, I guess this is who I am now. This is what I'm doing now. These are the kind of investments that I make now, so I better get in gear and figure this out. And it does— it kind of creates like an energetic shift, an identity shift of like, okay, I'm going to the next level. This is like who I have to be now, so I'm gonna put in the work and I'm gonna learn and I'm gonna up-level my skills. And that's just what it is now. So I think there's a lot of power in that, like you said, of the accountability, not just of the container but of the investment itself, of like, okay, now's the time to really like do it.

Yeah, I've never heard of that phrase before, but I like that a lot.

Yeah, yeah, it's a good one. It's a good one. Thank you so much for coming on, Mila, and sharing your insights into content creation, creativity, like building more confidence in yourself. This is such a really, um, valuable conversation, even just for me to like spitball back and forth on a lot of these things, especially, you know, the, the end-of-life vision that you shared and you being someone that is so, um, ruthless in your pursuit of what actually matters to you, regardless of like the outside noise and what the world will try to make you want to deviate to or to chase. Um, so I really, really admire your perspective, and I think this is going to be a really refreshing conversation for a lot of people that tune in. So thank you for coming on. I'd love to share your socials with everything— everyone, if you'd love to shout out where they can find you, or work with you if they're potentially looking for a social media manager?

Of course. Well, like we talked about, I'm only taking one client at a time and I'm booked, so no more of those. But, um, I am on social media, TikTok and Instagram, @bymilahomes, and it's B-Y, not B-U-Y. So, @bymilahomes. And yeah, I mean, I'm working on like launching a community online for social media managers. I want to give them like life and work resources somewhere. So I think if there's any way to work with me, it'll be through that to have like one-on-one conversation and actually You know, workshop things together. So I'm excited to have that available soon.

Mm. So beautiful. We'll link everything for you guys in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, let us know. Take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram stories, tag Mila and I. If you have someone in your life that's a business owner, someone who's trying to grow on social, or anyone you think would just enjoy the groundedness of this conversation, copy the link, send it to them in a message, and let them know that you were thinking of them. We love you guys, and we'll talk to you. Next week. Bye!