Dating & Sexual Intimacy w/ Jasmine Lipska

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast and happy Wednesday! If you haven't had a chance to listen to our bonus episode that just dropped on Monday, I want to encourage you to go back and give it a listen. It's a new segment that we're trying out on the podcast. At the end of every month, I'm gonna deliver you guys a bonus episode where I do sort of a deep dive into my life, what's going on with me, what I've been doing that month, what I'm interested in, what I'm learning, what I'm moving through, kind of a lifestyle sort of casual chat. And the reason I decided to do that was because I'm really loving that type of content where, you know, it's not too deep, it's not too heavy, it's not too information heavy. It's just, it's light. You can listen to it while you're doing literally anything. You don't have to pay super close attention or even take notes. It just feels like you're a fly on the wall listening to someone share their honest experience of what's going on for them in life, how they're feeling, what they're loving, all the things. So I wanted to bring a little bit of that casual, more lifestyle element to the podcast with a bonus episode at the end of every single month. So if you haven't listened to our first iteration of that new segment, it just dropped on Monday. You can go back to the episode right before this one and check it out. And please let me know if you like those types of episodes so that I know to create more of them for you. Speaking of our need for lightness, I just want to share a little bit of how I'm feeling as we move through the current state of the world, um, with Russia invading Ukraine and sort of this imminent threat of what feels like could be a potential world war. And just so much unnecessary violence. And yeah, it's, it's a lot, you know. I think we've moved through a really heavy 2 years, and this just feels like the straw that broke the camel's back, you know. I don't think a lot of us have the emotional stamina to withstand more anymore. You know, we've, we've moved through so much in the past 2 years, and then now there's this, which is undoubtedly very unsettling and anxiety-inducing. And, you know, I just— I'm not going to speak about it too much, but I did just want to share that I'm feeling the heaviness of what's happening. I'm feeling the fear that is definitely present for me. And if it's present for you too, then maybe this just makes you feel a little bit less alone, you know. Sometimes we can live in a world where it feels like this is the only thing that's happening and it's the only thing that matters, and oh my gosh, it's so heavy, and how am I ever going to move forward, and I can't even do my daily life because this is so traumatic and big and scary, and, and we feel that. And then there's another version of reality that we can live in where it's like nobody is talking about it, nobody cares, nobody's addressing it, everybody's just moving on as if life is normal. And, you know, I think it's, it's really up to us to find that middle ground in our own lives and, and not get sucked into one of the— one or the other, and not go fully into only focusing on the negative and the news and what's happening and the violence and the tragedy and the sadness and the loss and the grief, but also not completely putting our blinders on and acting like nothing's happening and, you know, just talking about anything else to not talk about that. I think it's up to us to curate a life where we walk that we walk that fine line where we find that middle ground of being informed but also taking care of ourselves. And that's really, really important. I read a quote the other day that I shared to social media by Thích Nhất Hạnh, who is a monk. He's written a lot of books. He's a really profound thinker and thought leader. And so I saw this on social media and I felt compelled to reshare, and it just said, Someone asked me, "Aren't you worried about the state of the world?" I allowed myself to breathe, and then I said, "What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is filled with anxiety, you will get sick, and you will not be able to help." So I just wanted to take a moment before we jump into today's episode, to invite you to take a deep breath and set the intention to not allow the fear or the anxiety about what's happening in the world to fill your heart. Right, we can stay informed, we can know what's happening, we can feel our feelings about that, but we can also set the intention to not allow that to occupy our heart space or infect our minds or prevent us from being able to move forward and continue to do our work and show up in the world and, and powerful ways. Because despite everything that's happening, it's still important, and we must continue to do good. We must continue to share our light. We must continue to take care of our own hearts and to always, always, always be kind. Be kind to yourself with whatever emotions are arising for you, and also please be kind to others. We don't need to police anybody else on the internet about how they're processing this, about how much they're posting about it, about how much or how little they're sharing or addressing it. Let's just be kind because we're all moving through a really challenging and difficult moment in history. And the past 2 years have not been easy, right? The past 2 years have already been really hard. So just wanted to give a little reminder for all of us to Take a few deep breaths. Remember to take care of your heart and be kind to everyone that you come in contact with. So for today's episode, I'm excited to introduce you guys to Jasmine. She's an intimacy and relationship coach, and she helps guide women to heal their shame, to be fully expressed, and create conscious, secure, and healthy relationships.. So in this episode, we're going to be talking all about dating, relationships, calling in your dream partner. So Jasmine and I, in this conversation, we dive into her history about, you know, how she's been single for most of her life until recently, and how she was consistently attracting emotionally unavailable men for most of her adult life, her experience of having an anxious attachment style, how her upbringing influenced her relationship to sex, sensuality and her body, how she went from being single to being married in one year's time, some of the false narratives around dating apps, relationship communication tips, and what it really takes to call in your dream partner. So if you're someone who loves love and relationship advice, or maybe you're looking for your dream partner and doing that work to call them in, this episode is going to be amazing for you. I really hope you enjoy this conversation. Without Without further ado, let's dive into this week's episode. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Happen. Okay, so I'm so excited to chat to you, Jasmine, about all things relationships. I know there's so many women in my community who are in a place in their life where they really feel like they're ready to attract their ideal partner. They want to call in a conscious man. They want a healthy relationship. They want a secure relationship. They want to do the inner work on themselves, but also figure out kind of what needs to happen in order for the relationship to be two conscious partners coming together as completely whole individuals to make this beautiful pair, this beautiful team. And so I'm excited to get your insight because I know this is so much of what you do as an intimate intimacy and relationship knows listening are going to just like sink their teeth into this episode and try and get everything out of it. So for all the women out there who in 2022, they're like, this is my year. I'm ready to like date and call in my partner and do my inner work. This episode is going to be incredible for you. So welcome to the show, Jasmine. We're so excited to have you.

Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor. I'm excited.

Yeah, yeah, I'm so excited. I love relationships. Is, is one thing that I love talking about. It's so— I mean, like, my own journey in relationships has played a huge role in my personal development journey. And I think you would agree, like, relationships are such mirrors for us. And it's kind of like you think you've done the work and then you get into a relationship and you're quickly mirrored back, like all the places where you can still grow. So it's— they're so helpful on this journey. Like, I think maybe some women believe that you have to be healed, or you have to do that inner work and heal yourself before you can get into a relationship. But I actually think relationships are such a tool to really facilitate a deeper sense of healing or self-awareness.

Yeah, absolutely. I love everything you just said. And yeah, it's definitely a myth that you have to be fully healed before you call in a relationship. That's just like quote-unquote unrealistic expectations, because the healing journey, it's not a destination, it is a journey. And definitely when you call in the right person, they can 100% facilitate your healing, just like since my husband came into my life, he supported me so much with my healing. Because like you said, relationships are our greatest mirrors, mirroring back to us, oh, everything. And especially our wounding within, all of that stuff. So yeah, you're so right.

Yeah. Okay, so I wanna, I wanna understand a little bit of your history, your background with love and relationships. Like, what were the patterns in your life, or what was your experience in or out of relationships that led you to doing this work? Like, what is your personal kind of story around love and relationship?

Yeah, yeah. So I went to an all-girls high school in Australia. So after high school, I didn't really know how to deal with men. I didn't know anything about men much. I just I had my dad and my family. That was about it. No brothers or anything. So I decided to try dating, see how that goes. And then I realized it was just dates. There was never any boyfriends or anything, but I realized I had some patterns come up, such as chasing emotionally unavailable men. They always seem to be just emotionally unavailable. And I found myself placing a lot of worth in men, such as if they would choose me and just kind of getting validation from men. I found myself being anxiously attached. That was the pattern I noticed in my relationships. I experienced, you know, fear of abandonment as well, which manifested as chasing men because I so much needed and wanted that validation in my subconscious mind. And so when I noticed these patterns, I then became aware of inner child healing. You know, in about 2018, I had what I experienced, um, spiritual awakening. That's when I started getting into self-growth, manifestation, healing, all these things. Discovered inner child healing in 2019, and that was really a game changer. I looked into attachment styles, just started learning all about it. And then at the end of 2019, um, I like to say that the universe likes to bring you tests, as in when you're super close to a desire, the universe will test you one more time if you pass it, or a few more times if you don't learn from that first time. And you know, there's a guy who came into my life and he was emotionally unavailable again. This time I'd learned all about inner child healing, or I was at least starting to get into it, aware of my attachment styles. And I was like, you know, I'm not repeating this pattern. I'm not going to chase him. He's clearly not choosing me and I'm gonna leave it. You know, I'm worth so much more. I deserve so much better. So this was really me starting to reclaim my worth. Um, and then so quote unquote passed the test and then my now husband came into my life. We met via Bumble in Bali and through all the things I'd learned about inner child attachment styles, um, what it— I mean, things just flowed from there because we obviously, there was that attraction as well. And I like to say we're soulmates, so that all worked out. That, you know, even in our relationship now, I still had to work through things such as fear of abandonment. It still came up. It's not like it all disappeared when we got into a relationship. Um, and I think that's something That is important to realize that sometimes we as women, we can tend to attach, you know, an engagement or marriage to finally feeling secure in a relationship, but it's not going to solve all your problems. And if anything, it could bring them out even more. So don't rely on an engagement or marriage to feel secure, feel like you'll never fear being left again or anything like that. Do the inner work now. Right now. And that's what I did. I just always focused on, um, if I was triggered in that relationship, doing the inner work, learning as I go. And I'm in a place now where, yeah, I feel it's great. It's the full transformation. So that's a bit of my story.

So much to unpack there. I have so many questions. First, I want to talk about the anxious attachment because I think there's We hear these terms anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and maybe some of the listeners are aware of their style, they know what that means. But I'd love to get you to describe your experience of what an anxious attachment felt like, because I think there's a lot of women that could really relate to that. And maybe it could, you know, even reveal to them what they've been feeling or experienced for so, for so long that they haven't been able to like put words to or really understand in a deeper way. So what is the, what is the anxious attachment and what did it feel or look like for you?

Yeah, yeah, great question. So I like to define anxious attachment as your sense of existence is being validated by someone else choosing you. And so if you feel like someone else isn't choosing you or loving you, you feel like you don't matter, like you're not accepted, you're not loved. And so the anxiousness comes up when you feel like, oh my God, are they gonna leave me? What if they leave me? Like, what if they leave me? I'll be nothing. I'm worthless. That's kind of how anxious attachment manifests, um, and that's what I experienced through it. And so in terms of behaviors, it can manifest as chasing emotionally unavailable people, or if you're in a relationship, lots of self-doubt. You could self-sabotage. Even giving the silent treatment, that can be part of anxious attachment as well because it's like you want that other person's attention by not talking to them.

Yeah, you're like waiting for them to choose you. You're like testing to be like, are you gonna choose me?

Yeah, exactly.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so then on the flip side of that coin, let's talk a little bit about avoidant and what that looks like. I don't know. I mean, it sounds like you didn't necessarily have partners, but you dated a lot of guys that may or may not— we don't necessarily know, but it sounds like they may have had avoidant attachment styles. And we know that to be quite common because the anxious and the avoidant, they attract each other.

Yeah. Yeah. So the avoidant is, yeah, kind of the opposite. They're So it's still got to do with validation, but they're— so they do— we all desire validation, to be loved and accepted. Their experience with love is that if they get so close to someone, they really fear being abandoned, rejected. It's for them— so for anxious attachment, their experience with closeness is, I will be loved, I'll be chosen. For avoidant attachment, it's, if I get close to someone, I'll be abandoned, rejected, hurt, I'll be in pain. So then they would rather avoid love, then confront the fears around it. Yeah.

Mm, yeah, so good, so good. It's so interesting too, like, for someone who leans one way or the other, it can open your eyes a lot and allow you to have a little bit more of compassion for where the other person is coming from. Because if you are a person who's had anxious tendencies your whole life, you really might be super judgmental or ridiculing of these men that are emotionally unavailable available. And, you know, we like talk about it as if in a really demeaning way, I guess, which is another thing that I don't know how you personally feel about this, but I know there's a big conversation in the relationship space around like, we can't be talking badly about men while so desperately desiring a partnership with a man, right? We're speaking from the perspective of a heterosexual heteronormative relationship right now for the sake of these examples, but there are a lot of women who are desiring a relationship with a man, but then they're walking around talking or thinking and saying, you know, oh, men are— all men are assholes, or men are so emotionally unavailable, or they don't know how to do this, that, or the other thing, or they're not good for X, Y, and Z. And that doesn't work when you're, you know, shit-talking the exact thing that you are so desiring.

Exactly. Yes, I love that so much. It just— it energetically to the universe, it doesn't make sense. The universe is like, what, what do you want? What do you want? You say you want it, but then you don't like men. It's like the universe gets confused. And yeah, especially with that point of kind of demonizing emotionally unavailable men. Well, when we're creating healthy relationships, look at yourself as well. It's so important to take personal responsibility if you have been attracting emotionally unavailable men, well, how are you emotionally unavailable? I had to swallow my ego and look at that as well. I was in some ways being emotionally unavailable too. So, and going back to what you said earlier, relationships are our greatest mirrors. So, you know, looking at your patterns and who you're attracting, it's mirroring something about yourself too. So It's important to take personal responsibility.

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Yeah.

Okay. So I wanted to, I wanted to ask you how this kind of upbringing in the Catholic school system or in an all-girls school I don't know, you know, what your family life was like in terms of religion and those types of things, but how that influenced your sexuality as a woman when you became an adult and you moved on from that world or that schooling, like, did that stay with you? What, what did it prevent you from accessing? How did that influence your sensuality, sexuality, your womanhood?

Yeah, so because— and not demonizing Catholicism here at all, I mean, I grew up as it, but I, I don't identify as it anymore— but, you know, we'd never had sex education, so I didn't know how that worked until I was about 20. And, um, we weren't really educated much on just embracing our feminine sensuality, you know, things like self-pleasure, how orgasms work, um, even like a womb, all things related to your womb. Didn't really learn anything about that. But yeah, that all kind of— I started learning about that after my spiritual awakening. So I mean, I'm glad— I'm grateful for my story and how I was brought up because I wouldn't be so passionate about talking about feminine sensuality if I didn't experience what I did, which was not knowing anything about it until I was about 20. So, yeah.

Yeah. It's so interesting. And I also just want to say, like, I went to a public school and we didn't learn that shit either. So it's not anything. It's not like hating on Catholic religion or anything at all. I think there's such a lack of education in general around those parts of intimacy that are so important, you know. Like you learn the basics of the anatomy, but you don't learn anything deeper than that. You, you don't learn how orgasm, you don't learn about the female orgasm or the clitoris, or you don't learn anything about like the womb or, you know, the energetic exchange that happens in a sexual encounter with someone. Like, of course, none of that is taught in public schools either, at least where I grew up. So we need, we need voices like yours from people who are doing this work and sharing this message because it really has the power to shift and transform so much of our lives. And I think that's something that people underestimate. So I'd love to get your perspective on how, like, why is this so important? Do you think for you and the shifts that you've seen in your clients, like how does accessing our relationship to ourself and getting into that divine feminine energy, how does that— what else does that change other than, okay, yeah, maybe you can attract a partner or have a better orgasm? But like beyond that, what shifts and changes in your life when you do that work?

Yeah, I would say the main thing is your self-worth. You're really reclaiming your worth and it's igniting your confidence as a woman, really. When, especially when you know your body, um, your— how, for example, how you like to self-pleasure, receive pleasure. When you know these things in the bedroom, then you ignite this confidence and that is attractive. It— we're again talking about heterosexual relationships here, but that is attractive. And it also creates sexual charge in your relationship too, which is important, especially long-term. You need to keep that sexual charge there. So I would say mainly it's self-worth, it's confidence, it's being your most empowered self. Yeah, which means you are in the driver's seat of your life.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Let's talk about the, the sexual charge, right? The polarity. I think that's what you're referencing, right? The polarity.

Yeah.

Which is really important to have in a relationship in order to have that chemistry and, and a sustained sexual attraction. So yeah, tell us about like polarity, what it means, how it works in relationship, how it affects intimacy.

Yeah, so your listeners may know there's a— this what we call feminine energies and masculine energies. And regardless of your gender, how you identify yourself, we all have both energies within us. You may have one that's more dominant, such as me. I am more feminine in nature, but I still have masculine energy within me. And so in general, feminine energy is seen as that part of you that is the receiver, that, um, is the nurturer. You can— when you're resting, relaxing, that's you being in your feminine. Um, when you're feeling— when you're feeling good about yourself, like you know, into beauty or anything like that, that's you and your feminine. And then the masculine is that doing part of you. So I like to say feminine is more the being, the masculine is more the doing. So masculine energy can manifest as, um, well, confidence, courage, taking action, you know, getting things done. So you need both. And so in heterosexual relationships, let's say we have a woman who identifies more as feminine and the man who identifies more as masculine, then to keep that sexual charge, you know, like the feminine can, you know, allow herself to receive more, you know, such as receive compliments from her man or ask for things because the man likes to provide. That's the masculine energy. So maybe you need something, ask him, and then he'll maybe be— well, he would like to, depending on the situation, situation, if he's not busy, depends on when you ask, but he would love to provide. And then that, that's an example of how you can create that sexual charge in the relationship. So just one example.

Yeah. And I think it's interesting because sometimes, you know, we'll hear stories from women who, they want a masculine man, they want that masculine energy, that provider energy, but they are very much in their masculine. And they're like Miss Independent, don't need no man, I have to do everything, it's all up to me, like I'm the breadwinner, all that kind of stuff. And sometimes that damages or upsets their— I guess it kind of like muddies the waters in their ability to really attract the masculine man, because then there's not that polarity, right? It's like you have hypermasculine, a a woman who's in hyper-masculine energy and she wants to attract a masculine man, but there's no polarity there. And so what would you say to a woman that maybe is very much in her masculine energy but wants to attract a masculine man? How— like, where to, where to start to like get more, become more balanced within herself so that she can be in that feminine energy and receiver mode so the partners that she starts attracting are those masculine men rather than more feminine energy men?

Yeah, great question too. And yes, so if you do deeply desire a masculine man and then you find yourself more in masculine energy, then yeah, this is part of your responsibility to practice surrendering into your feminine every day. So this isn't about being someone you're not, It's about, well, if you desire masculine men and if you maybe in nature you're more feminine, but because of, you know, maybe societal cultures like work hard, hustle, Miss Independent, like you've become more masculine, then how you can create more balance is every day find some time for yourself to slow down and relax and nurture yourself and care for yourself. You know, be that mother to yourself in a way. So it could look like, I mean, for me, for example, running a business such as you as well, Samantha, that is more masculine sometimes. And how I come back to my feminine after work is I'll take a nice hot shower or a bath, like face masks, things like that. Just, just really pampering my body, that can get me into my feminine energy. Wearing some nice lingerie to feel sexy in, you know, that that can really help. Or just throughout the day, taking time to pause and deep breathe. You know, you can do some gratitude, just receive in this present moment. Um, you know, things like that. Really practice taking care of yourself, slowing down, asking for help, asking for support. You know, if you're running a business, sometimes you may resist asking for help, but when you ask for help and you receive it, that's you being in your feminine as well. So yeah, those are some ways.

Yes, I love that. Sometimes they give homework to some of my clients to delegate some of the things to their partner if they're already in relationship and they're wanting to kind of reestablish that energy balance or that polarity or lean into their feminine more. I give them little homework to like delegate some of the tasks to like and ask for help and see if, you know, your man can take over some of those things and just like let let it be good enough, let it be okay. Like, try to release the control of having to do it yourself or doing it in a certain way because you think that the way that you do it is best, which is challenging when you're in that masculine energy to really like let go and be like, if someone else is taking care of it, I'm going to trust how they're taking care of it and let it, let it be okay. That's something that I like had to do for sure, especially when I became a business owner. My energy was— I spent a lot of the day in that masculine energy because I had to, because I was the boss, because I was, you know, doing and working and creating things and building this business. So it's been a journey for me as well to kind of unravel that and get back into a place of feminine energy, which I love that you said can be your nature, but it might not just be where you're at presently. Because I feel that so much for myself, that my nature innately is feminine. Um, like, I'm such a creative person. I was a dancer my whole life growing up, like, really expressive, flowy, always in my emotion. I have a lot of water in my chart. I have that mother energy. I have a Cancer moon. So there is a lot of feminine energy present, but because of my circumstances, there was a time where I was like really in my masculine and I totally noticed how it affected the sexual polarity in my relationship. Like it was, there was a time where it was like, we, you could tell we, we, we didn't have that magnetism. We weren't like magnets to each other anymore because we were both operating from the same, same energy. So it really can impact your intimacy and your relationship a lot. So I want you to tell us the story about how you went from being single to being married to the man of your dreams in one year, right?

Um, yeah, well, I— he was my first relationship ever, and I'd say it's because I was always selective, even though I was you know, chasing emotionally unavailable men. It's not like I entered into a relationship because, I mean, they were unavailable and I was— I just, I had standards. So have some standards, ladies. Have some there. Don't expect perfection, but don't, you know, it's not like you have to settle for anyone or anything, right? So, um, well, so in 2019, I started, you know, writing out in detail because I'm a specific manifestor in Human Design. So Um, and you can find that on your— in Human Design, if you find your chart, um, there's 4 arrows at the top usually, and the arrow on the bottom right, if it points leftwards, you're a specific manifestor. If it points outwards, you're a non-specific manifestor. So you don't have— you're not like into lists or anything, but I'm super into writing down lists, journaling, getting clear, all that. So yeah, I wrote down about my soulmate, who I wanted to call in, you know, his— I, I even did physical characteristics like blue eyes, brown hair. That's optional, but I just did it for fun, like muscular body. Then I wrote down more, you know, his values. What does he value? What, what's his personality like? You know, kind, compassionate, all that stuff I desired. And I even drew a rough picture, an outline of him. And then Fast forward to the end of 2019, so roughly November, I was sitting at a cafe once in Bali, Ubud. I had just gotten a tattoo on my arm that says "worthy," and I'm sitting at the cafe, and then this older man comes up to me and he sits, just kind of sits down. We start a conversation. He says that he's a healer, and when he talks to people, magical things happen to them. And then he asked me this question, like, 'Are you living your dream day right now? Are you living your dream day truly?' And I answered logically to him, 'Yeah, I am.' But then deep in my mind, I had this, you know, 'It'd be nice if I could share this with a partner.' You know, that's something I've always desired. But I just said to him, 'Yeah, yeah, I am.' Then he said to me, 'Well, don't you wish you could share this with someone?' As if he read my mind. And I'm like, sort of hesitated because I didn't really know him too much, but I'm like, yeah, yeah, but I'm still happy. And then he says, well, why don't you declare it? Why don't you declare that you want a partner? Because at that moment and all before then, I was always— I felt a bit ashamed of saying like, I desire a partner. I didn't want to look quote unquote desperate or anything, right? I cared a lot about what people thought. And so when he said that to me that day, And, and that was all that happened. I kind of finished eating, left the cafe, and then I declared that night, I desire a partner, I am available to welcoming him in. Like, I really declared it to myself, the universe. And then exactly to the date, one month later, I meet my current husband at a cafe via Bumble on a date. So that was exactly one month later. Um, and then Yeah, so we started dating and then we became official because I also asked as well. Then I really valued commitment, and so, um, he committed to me, and then we committed to each other. 10 months later, we got engaged. 2 months after that, we got married, and it's just been a beautiful journey. But that's a bit of the story.

Yeah. Oh my God, well, I wanted to hear you tell that story because I think There's a lot of women, and I'm sure you experience this in your work, who are really like hung up on the concept of time or, you know, things having to take a really long time. And as a woman, you know, maybe if you want to have a family, there may be that kind of pressure and you thinking, you know, is this really going to happen for me? Or, you know, is it going to happen in the time that I want it to? And you had a beautiful quote on your Instagram that said, don't let the concept of time limit you from what you can have. Anything becomes possible when you hold the faith, hold the energy, and trust in yourself. It's about accessing the frequency of it's already done. And I think that's so reflective of exactly what you did, right? You declared it, which is what I call— I call it placing your order with the universe, where you place your order and then it's like Okay, the order is going to be delivered. You know, you place your like Amazon order, might take a little while for it to show up in the mail, but like it's coming, it's on the way, it's already done. And I think your story is like, you can be an expander for so many women who are on this journey of healing themselves so that they can call in their perfect partner and hoping and praying that maybe it doesn't have to take as long as the world has made them think that it must take. Hey, don't forget that every month we are picking a Listener of the Month to win $50 in cash just for showing love to the show. All you have to do is leave an epic review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, screenshot the review before you hit submit, and DM that screenshot to us on Instagram @makeshifthappenpodcast. And that's it. I want to thank you for being such a loyal listener and show my appreciation by putting a little extra cash in your pocket. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review seriously helps the show rank higher and reach new people, so we appreciate them more than you know. We'll announce the next winner at the end of the month and slide into your DMs if it's you, so keep an eye out and good luck. Love you guys, and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen.

Yeah, exactly. And I mean, it's important to surrender. Yeah, surrender to the process. As long as you've placed your order, like you said, trust. Have deep trust in yourself. And part of this journey to calling that person is, is taking inspired action, right? We can't just sit there on the bed and hope he'll magically appear in front of us. It's like, take that action. So for me, it was one day I was in Bali, and I just, I just felt this intuition my intuition tell me, go on Bumble, just give it a try, give it a try, you know, who knows. So I did, and then that night I found my husband's profile, swiped, we matched. Then I— of course on Bumble the woman has to initiate, so I said, hey, do you want to meet up tomorrow at a cafe? Because I'm otherwise leaving Canggu tomorrow. And he replied, and then we organized the date. So it is gonna take action. And sometimes it may be a bit uncomfortable. Like, I think there is maybe a bit of a notion in society like, "Oh, wait for the man to initiate." Well, there's nothing wrong with you initiating either. And sometimes, that's just how it is and that's totally fine. I think it's courageous to ask a man out on a date. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as throughout the relationship, it's, you know, it's 50/50 overall and he also asks you out at times, but it's nothing wrong with you initiating the first one.

Yeah, yeah. So interesting. Like, I also met my partner on a dating app, so in a foreign country. So I'm a big fan. I wasn't doing it from the same space of like being really intentional about it, but I definitely was in a place in my life where I was in my best personal energy. And although I wasn't looking for a partner per se, I was really just kind of like looking for fun, I was in my best energy to be able to attract that partner, which is interesting. But I wanted, I wanted to talk about, since you and I have that in common, I wanted to quickly chat about the conversation around dating apps because I know there's so many women who are resistant to using the apps. And I get this question a lot of, you know, how do I attract my ideal partner without using the apps? Or, you know, I don't want to be on a dating app, or I want to meet someone the quote unquote natural way. And ooh, like, I think there's so much to unpack there, but you're the relationship expert. So I want to hear you dig into like, what is the, what is your perspective on everybody's beef with dating apps?

Yeah. I mean, I totally get it. And I'm not sure if you've heard or watched the Netflix film, The Tinder Swindler, but I feel like that can, that might have put so many women off dating apps now. And You know, I think it's about your stories, the stories you create around dating apps. And if, if you really don't want to use it, well, you don't have to. No one says you have to, but ask yourself why and get clear about the stories you're telling yourself around it. And, you know, if there is a part of you that does kind of want it to work out, look for expanders, people who have made it work. And, you know, on dating apps The main thing is being cautious, of course, like checking for a legit person, but also your dating profile, you know, just make it you, as you as possible. Because if you want to call in someone who accepts all of you for who you authentically are, then if you're starting out being someone who you're not, then I mean, that doesn't make too much sense. Like, you're just going to attract people who like you for your performance, your role, rather than your authenticity. And something I also like to tell my clients is when you're— if you do meet someone via dating, or just in general when you're dating, is you— so if you want to find someone who truly accepts all of you, then the sooner you start shedding all the filters and the parts that aren't you, when you allow yourself to be seen, even the parts of you that you might feel ashamed of, so those shadows, when you allow them to be seen, the sooner you realize if they're the right person for you or not, right? So for example, if you feel insecure about something, let's say, let's just say the general one is the way your body looks, right? The sooner you, you, you show that, maybe like, you know, not as in deliberately, but kind of just wear clothes you would wear anyways. And if that person doesn't like you or your body in that outfit, clearly not the right person for you, right? So the sooner you own your shadows and you allow them to be seen, the sooner you realize, is that person right or not?

Yeah. I always say authenticity is the greatest filtration system on the planet. Like, as soon as you are just exactly who you are, it filters in the people that are going to vibe with that and that are going to be cool with that and they're going to love you for that. And it filters out all the people that aren't actually into you for who you truly are. And that's what we want. So that speeds up the process. You know, I think a lot of people have in their heads of, I have to be this certain way, or I have to, you know, put on a show, or, you know, have this performance of being really perfect so that I can get the guy or get the girl. And then once we're together, I can kind of like unravel and shed the layers and become my true self. And I think that's the total, like, wrong way to go about it because it's— that's what ends up wasting your time, is because if you weren't honest about not only who you are but also your desires, that's super important. If you're not being honest about what you want out of a relationship, the level of commitment you desire, the future that you're trying to create, then you're gonna waste a lot of time waiting to get to the moment where that inevitably pops up and, oh, now we realize that we're not a match. I think that's how we— a lot of us waste time in relationship. And since we're all so concerned about the timelines, like, if you're really concerned about time, like, be yourself and be honest about your desires from the beginning, and you'll save yourself so much time and heartache.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so last thing, I wanted to see if you have any tips in from your work or from your own relationship, maybe just around like communication between partners? So for women that are in relationship, I know communication is one of the biggest things that we tend to struggle with or that may create friction in a relationship. So is there anything that you do in your relationship or that you help your clients do to really improve improve communication with a partner.

Yeah, and definitely key to a healthy relationship. So the first one is, you know, when we're triggered, especially in a relationship, then rather than reacting, take yourself away and deep breathe and reflect on what's just happened. Why are you triggered right now? What are you feeling? Feel into it, of course. Feel, release those emotions. And once you're in a calmer state and you've done some reflection, then come back and communicate to your partner about your trigger, and not from a blaming place. So this is an example. So a healthy way to communicate is, so earlier I felt sad when you said this, right? If you were to say in a blaming way, it would sound like, you said this before and it made me so angry. Like, you're kind of— is you're starting with you, you, you, you, you, but Healthy communication is more focusing on yourself, how you felt, and you're not blaming the partner, but you're simply expressing how you felt. Because if you don't express it, you're just going to create resentment. So definitely focusing on yourself if you're triggered, communicating vulnerably and openly as well, and responding, not reacting. Yeah, these are some things.

Mm-hmm. So what does responding versus reacting look like? Is that where you kind of take the time to take a breath and integrate what just happened and reflect on what your feelings are about it and why it maybe was so triggering to you, and then you come up with a response rather than just reacting in the moment? Would you say that's kind of the difference, just for someone that's maybe like, okay, respond versus react, what the heck does that mean?

Yeah, absolutely. So reacting is more like when you're triggered in the moment, you might feel angry or frustrated, and then you say something that might end up hurting both of you even more. Like, you might slam the door or just, um, word vomit all over your partner, whatever it may be. And so yes, responding is after taking some time for yourself, reflecting on what just happened, getting yourself into a calmer place and speaking from your heart space. So when you're reacting, you're speaking from your head. When you're responding, you're speaking from your heart.

Yeah, I love that distinction— head versus heart. So, so good. Oh my God, thank you for all of this. I have so many other questions that we didn't get to, but I want to honor your time. And thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing all of your knowledge and your beautiful story of how you met your husband. I'm so excited for everybody to listen to this episode, but please let everyone know where they can find you online and how they can connect with you. And if they are a woman who's looking for support with intimacy and relationships, like how they can get in touch with you.

Yeah, well, thank you again for having me on your podcast. And if you'd like to connect, you can simply find me at jasmine lipska.com, which is my website, or my Instagram is just Jasmine Lipska, and you can connect there. Yeah, and I would love to connect with you. And yeah, it's been great talking all about this. I feel like these are conversations we need more of today. And yeah, it's been super fun.

Yeah. Okay, you guys, everything will be linked in the show notes as always. So go over to Instagram and give Jasmine a follow. Her content is super helpful and also just really beautiful. So you can go Creep on her and her gorgeous relationship and all of her amazing tips. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Jasmine. It was such a pleasure.

Thank you.