How to Get Out of Your Head & Stop Giving a F*%k w/ Sam Altieri

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Let's go make shit happen. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today we've got an exciting episode with you. I'm joined by one of my friends who I all know you're already familiar with. She's been on the podcast a million times. I'm here with Sam Altieri. We're going to chat all about embodiment, living from your heart and your gut, getting out of your mind, showing up as your fullest expression. Living authentically and truly being unapologetically you. So I think this is going to be a juicy conversation. Who knows? Whenever we do these, we don't really know where they're going to go, but that's the general direction. So we'll see where it takes us. Hi. Welcome, Sam. Hi.

I'm really excited. I feel like this topic obviously is something that lights me up so much from just the always evolving, like what happens on social media, what happens in your own life. And I'm just ready to fucking let loose and dive in and share all the codes of how to be your truest, most authentic, unapologetic self, whether it's online, on social, or in your real life, in relationships, all that. There's nothing more freeing than just being your goddamn self.

Well, I feel like a lot of people that follow you probably— I mean, you've been talking about like showing up authentically and unapologetically for like a really long time. And I feel like that's a big cornerstone of your brand is like being your true self, being your fullest self. But maybe like what people don't see or might not realize is that through your journey of like helping other people step into their power and their authenticity, you have also uncovered new layers of your own, like power and authenticity. And I think people probably wouldn't imagine that you are someone who does kind of go back and forth in their mind a lot of like, is this too bold? Is this too much? Can I actually show up like this? Like, I really think from an outsider's perspective, people who follow you and know you would think like, oh, Sam truly is just like her authentic self all the time. But because I know you on like a friend level, I know that you've gone on like internal journeys of just even going deeper with it and realizing there's still been ways that you've been caging yourself, even though it might seem from the outside like you've been, you know, completely yourself through and through. So tell us more about like that process of like going deeper into the layers of uncovering where you were still judging yourself or how you were still limiting your expression.

Yeah, for sure. I think it is so cool to, to like have you as a friend And obviously as a friend and as a colleague, right? Because you know me in two aspects. You see the front-facing social media and the stories and all of that shit. But then you also— we spilled the tea on the back end of what's actually going the fuck on if it's deeper than whatever's going on social. Because I mean, it's like, okay, I could release a podcast episode every day of all of the things behind every single story I post, but like nobody's gonna listen to that and I don't wanna do that. So it's like you're only getting 1 to 2% of a snapshot of what's happening on social. But I think truly what, um, the journey like has really started, I've shared a little bit about this to you and probably even on when we've done episodes before, but I don't think I realized how, um, how much of a people pleaser, like, I really was. And this is like a huge sneaky fucking pattern that shows up in little micro ways. It obviously shows up in big ways, but once you kind of clear the bigger ways, like, you're like, okay, like, I'm setting the boundaries, like, I'm saying no to things that no longer serve me, you know, like the basics of like not being a fucking people pleaser, you're gonna see see, like, what I found is like, oh my God, but I'm being a people pleaser in really, really micro ways. Like, for example, like sharing my content in a way that would, let's say, appeal to the masses rather than say exactly what the fuck I wanted to say. Right. Like, I would be thinking about how do I say this so that and then fill in the blank. Like, it was almost like manipulation. Like, how can I manipulate or how can I control how people perceive me or think of me instead of just what do I fucking want to say? What is mine to create? Right? So for example, even sharing like anything to do with money, right, or sex or any taboo topic, there is so much judgment that can come up of like, yeah, but like, what if people think I'm X, Y, and Z? It's not even happening. It wasn't even happening for me in a conscious level. It was truly like, if I share my own success, my financial wins, the results I get my clients, people are going to think I'm blank. Like, that's how it would show up. And I realized that I was feeling this really deep sense of frustration. And I'm not sure about you, but I know for me in Human Design, my not-self theme is frustration. Like when you're not on this, we have the same one.

So.

Right, right, right, right. Okay. We're like the exact same fucking profile, which is so cool. I'm like, literally one of my best friends, the exact same. And we're both a Sag. Like, come on.

Just like the backstory. Just for a backstory for you guys on that. When Sam and I went to Tony Robbins last year, we— it was probably like fucking like 1 in the morning or something one night. And we were dicking around after a really long day of like intense, like you know, all the things that happen at Tony Robbins. And we just discovered— you discovered somehow that not— we knew that we were both manifesting generators, but you discovered somehow that we were both a 5/1.

Yes.

And it was like a Freaky Friday moment where we just looked at each other and we were like, we're the same person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, we also have the same name. I mean, that's, that's also crazy. I forget about that. We have the same name. We're the same sign. We obviously have the same type. Like, there's just so many things.

Oh yeah, that's right. We're also— we also have the same sun sign in astrology. I know, it's just wild. Anyway, no one gives a shit about this, but it was—

but I bet they do. But I bet they do.

But they kind of do. Anyway, it was a funny moment. We were like, oh my God, we are like literally shockingly similar. But anyway, so yes, my, my not-self theme in Human Design is also frustration. Continue. You were feeling really frustrated.

Yeah. And so like, this has been a theme, I think, all of last year. You know, if you guys listen to past episodes that Sam and I did, last year was a really challenging year for me in every single way. I like don't want to change it, but it was really hard and there was a lot of things outside of my control. And I just, yeah, I just like let myself feel all the things. So my business took a complete back burner. I just couldn't focus. But this year I told myself that I'm going big. Like, this is my fucking year, you know? Like, and I really deeply felt that and knew that. I didn't know how, but I just trusted, like, no, I am doing it. Like, who do I have to be, right? Like, not how do I get there? It's who do I have to be? This is like, you know, a huge principle that I've lived by is like, you don't have to know the exact steps. It's like, who are you being in those moments? And so You know, I, over the past 4 months of 2023, I was telling Sam right before we hit record, like if we look at my business and we look at the actions I'm taking and we look at me generally, it looks like an exponential curve going up. Like I've never had this in business where every single month is going up and up and up and up. And what I've known to be true is I'm, not necessarily doing anything different other than like leaning in so hard to being unapologetically my fucking self. And how that feels is very vulnerable. It feels, it feels like I'm naked on the internet and not literally at all. It's just, I feel like I'm really letting people see who I truly am. And what that actually means is like, I, I am actually fucking tapped, like in the best way, like crazy, illogical. And I've always been that way. And I think I lost a little bit of my crazy, like last year of like kind of just making logical decisions in my business. And what that led me to is very safe, logical outcomes. And I just have so much trust in myself and God, universe, whatever you believe in, um, that I'm like, no, like, I fully have this really big fucking fire in my heart. When we went to Tony Robbins, I was like, do I want to be on stage doing jumping jacks or whatever the fuck he does for 8 hours a day? No, but I respect the hell out of his intensity and his passion and his like He's kind of a psycho in like a really good way. Like, he's so obsessed, right?

Definitely a psycho. I mean, to do what he does for this amount of time and years when it literally doesn't even make financial sense for him, like, he does not need to be doing it at all. Like, he's definitely a little crazy, right?

But that's like— I am that same way. Like, when he was sharing about like him like not having fucking vocal cords or like barely having a vocal cord, I'm like, that would be me, that would be me.

I would have like fucking a broken whatever.

And I'd be like, I'm gonna fucking persevere, you know, because like, I didn't choose this. Like, I all— that's how— that's like how it feels is like the mission inside of me is so big. And I'm like, dude, like, you guys, like, people may think I'm fucking crazy for investing all this money that I don't yet have, but I have so much belief and trust in the vision that I have for myself that like I have to do these fucking crazy and wild things. And the people that are in my spaces are also doing these fucking crazy and wild things, like, they're going to be famous, you know, at some point in some way they are going to do big things. And so, like, but I didn't have the example of that being okay. Like, if that makes sense, like, I didn't have an expander that was not Tony Robbins, you know, Tony Robbins is way too far ahead. And like Mel Robbins, like Brené Brown, like these are people who I really have always admired and seen the like bigness of impact. But on like the coach level, that's where we are right now. It's like I haven't met anyone that could expand me to just whatever that next level is as a woman and a mentor and a coach and a speaker and a movement maker and whatever. Until I met a friend of mine in Denver and she honestly changed me. And like, by when I say that, I don't mean like she literally changed me. I just mean like I was like, I just refound who I am. Like, it activated a fire inside of me. And ever since, I have had this, like, dude, I don't fucking care what people think. Like, I have a message, a message. I have impact to make. I like, oh my God, I can't waste a goddamn moment. And so it's just taken this whole— like, I haven't even had time to think about how I'm showing up because I'm just showing up. You know, so it's like I've completely removed the— what am I—

what are people thinking?

Like, I don't even have time to think about that anymore because I'm in the action of doing the thing and I'm being reflected back to with my own mentors. And you and I have had conversations of like, well, actually you do swear a lot. Actually you have really big energy. Like, stop, like trying to make yourself into this little box, you know, like, fuck the box.

Well, we kind of had like a private conversation, which I think is interesting because I'm wondering if you think this is like influenced at all about how we kind of went on this journey of like mentorship and being surrounded by, with other coaches in the space who are like really all about like the feminine. Yeah. And it was like great for what it was great for. But I'm just wondering if because it was almost like this experience of like, like always prioritizing like safety and softness and what feels good and like then kind of just like unconsciously adopting this like image of oneself, which is like, I'm meant to be this like soft flowing feminine being that's supposed to be my natural essence that we like unconsciously tried to like operate in business or in life in that way. Yeah, like, like mirroring that sort of like that one version of femininity. Because I think this is the probably the problem with that is not like, oh, it's feminine versus masculine. It's really like this is one, one version of what femininity can look like or what feminine energy can feel like.

Yeah.

And we sort of just like took that on as like, oh, okay, so this is how I integrate feminine energy because we were both people who really needed some more feminine energy because we can default really easily to the masculine of like, go, go, go, like hustle, run, like do all the things. Like you're always moving and going and, you know, ideas are flying and it's like I was very addicted to work and all the things. So we were both in places in our life where we recognized that we needed some more of the feminine energy, but we only saw it in one way, which was this really pretty picture of like white flowing dresses and softness and ease and flow. And so that's like what maybe we thought that we needed to become in order to be super feminine. But perhaps there's like other— I mean, of course there is. There's other versions of feminine energy that were just kind of like untapped. And so it's almost like because what I was saying to you is I feel like that era is kind of like what pulled you away in a sense from your like natural, like spark and like loudness and bigness and like crazy, like energy and just like twerking everywhere and doing whatever you want. Like, it's almost like that didn't fit in the box of like feminine energy and softness and safety and ease and flow. So it kind of like got isolated or like discarded a little bit. I don't know. Do you, do you get what I'm saying?

Does that make sense? I do.

I do.

Of course I do. Yes. Because I think like I mean, you nailed it spot on. It was like my first journey of like uncovering like what is feminine energy, right? And I think I really did need to go through that. But I think like everyone goes through this, right? Most people are operating way too much in their masculine and then they go so hard to the feminine and then they're like a fucking blubbering mess of emotion with no action, which is what was happening because like, for some reason, that's like what was kind of like, you know, unspoken. And then I'm like, I feel like trash. I literally don't feel good in my body. I don't feel good in my business. I don't feel good generally. And I'm like, what is happening? Like, and then finding this middle ground where I actually am so deeply connected to my feminine energy more now than ever, but it's empowered And like, I do feel like it's this dance, right? Of like, I get the idea, the intuition, like I'm connected to that. And then my masculine can go take action and it's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, back and forth, back and forth. But my operating system is so fast. And I think I was being told like, well, slow down. Like, and I'm like, no, that is literally not what I need personally. Also, I'm ADHD and my brain is very different than a non-ADHD person, it is going fast and that is why it works. And when I try to force myself to sit down like and meditate, it's like, no, that's not my meditation. My meditation is like going for a walk or watching something like— and I have to be okay with that and know that, you know, people like Tony Robbins or even Mel Robbins, both of them Robbins, they're just two big expanders. They also are very fast, and that's okay. And there's this bigness and this, like, that energy, and it is a different archetype of feminine energy, right? And so I think it's bringing in— for me, it's been bringing in the wild woman. That's a huge, huge, huge part of my brand and me is the wild woman. It's like, there's no rules, there's no limits, like, go create the, the rule, build the playground, build the rocket ship. Like, there— whatever you're doing hasn't been done yet. There's no formula to follow. Go trust it and go do the thing. Um, so really leaning into the wild woman, but then also integrating other archetypes and having a healthy relationship to my masculine energy, not making it wrong or bad. Like when right now I like— am I— I'm working like, I don't know, 10 to 15 hours, but those hours are like intentional, focused, revenue-creating things. My team is doing the other things. And even for those of you guys that don't have a team yet, like, focusing on what matters, you know, and like then giving myself the space to relax and to create and to have fun and to work out and to play and get inspired, have combos like this, you know, it's like, it's like truly having the empowered masculine action and the empowered feminine of like the feminine has no limits, like she has no bounds. It's like harnessing that and then, you know, the masculine structure. So to your point, yes, 100%. I think my whole expression and embodiment journey has been like going super hard in the masculine or unhealthy masculine and unhealthy feminine, then both the other pendulum of unhealthy feminine and unhealthy masculine, but the feminine leading. And now it's like there's not one that's leading. They're both happening like yin and yang, but they're empowered. You know, they're not victim, they're not complaining, and they're not overdoing it. You know, I sleep 8 hours a night, I nourish my body, I hang out with my friends, but like, I'm living my business and life big.

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Hmm.

So I heard something recently that was like kind of talking about this idea of embodiment and what it means. And, and they said embodiment is reclaiming the body as the central place where we experience life. Because if you think about like the central place where most of us experience life at the moment is probably our minds. It's probably like our heads, right? So embodiment is then reclaiming the body as the central place where we experience life. And I love— I loved that definition. I was like, ooh, okay, that really resonates. Yeah. So let's talk about kind of that, that sort of journey of going from in the head to in the body. And if you were to think about this specific example, this journey that you've been on just recently of like feeling kind of disempowered in your business, maybe just like always, I feel like you were like for the past year, like you were doing things, but you would— you were always kind of like feeling like it wasn't quite right or it wasn't what you were supposed to be focusing on. You were unclear about where the priorities should be. And then you would like have these like lightbulb moments of like, oh my God, this is what I'm meant to be doing or talking about. And you would tell me, and then like a week or two later you'd be like, oh my God, this is what I— and I, and I told you that. I'm like, Sam, I feel like you do this a lot. Like, you kind of tell me that you have these like new epiphanies all the time. But so I feel like it was this like clouded judgment almost. So for you, what has changed from the not knowing or the like constantly like thinking that you found out and then changing your mind again? And that sort of version of you to what you've been experiencing in the past, like, 2 months and a half?

Yeah, for sure. So I think it's a combination of things. One, I don't think I realized how dissociated I was, like, for a long time. Like anyone that's gone through any amount of trauma or a good amount of trauma, It's like, it's so easy to live in your head. And I don't think I realized that when I don't live in my body, which basically means like, work out, breathe, move, you know, like, when I'm not doing those basic things, I immediately— like, dissociation is my coping mechanism of choice. Like, that is what happens for me. And I don't think I realized that I didn't have like the words to describe what was happening. And so I would just be living, living, living in my head, in my head, in my head, in my head, overthinking, not taking action or taking action, but, you know, second-guessing it, judging it, wondering, is this working? And the past 2 months I've been very consistent with like movement and exercise and therefore I'm in my body way more like I'm actually breathing. I'm moving my body. And like, that's what helped me create my first 6 figures in 8 months in my business, was that I was teaching fitness. I was in my body every day because I was working out 6 to 7 times a week. And I have so much energy that if I do not work out like at least 4 times a week, I just self-combust. It's so bad. I completely go to my brain or my mind and I learned this about myself many times, but holy shit, like last year really taught me that without movement as a serious mental health practice, it's like, oof, not good. I am overthinking and second-guessing everything and I just need to go take the action. And it's like, so movement, that's a huge piece, literally moving my body. Even when I don't feel like it, whether I need to, you know, whether you guys need to like sign up for classes or get a personal trainer or whatever you need to do, go do it. Because all my clients are like, oh my God, I did not realize how shitty I was feeling until I worked out. And I have so much clarity and I just channeled a whole program and holy shit, I just made $10K. Holy shit. Like, it's like, oh yeah, it works. Like, it's so simple, but it fucking works for a reason, you know?

So like, I always get— I always get my best, like, ideas. I always, like, channel or download something. When I'm working out or walking on the treadmill or moving or something like that's where like full programs have dropped in for me. So this is also like a reminder for me because I was telling you like, I don't really feel like I have a consequence to not moving. Like, now you're— your consequence kind of like really shows up for you of like, oh my God, I'm so in my head, I'm going to self-combust. Like, and you always tell me that you're like, I need to go on a run or like, I'm going to blow up. And I'm like, I don't— I can't.

Like, I'm good, I'm good.

Like, I could literally not work out for like months at a time and I would feel like what for me feels like normal. But I'm realizing my consequence takes longer to kick in. But I feel like my consequence of not moving my body or spending more time like living in my body or experiencing my body is my creativity completely shuts off.

Yeah.

And I had this experience where I was like, I literally have no ideas. Like, I couldn't think of a single fucking idea. If you put a gun to my head right now, you said— if you literally put a gun to my head and you said, what is your next podcast episode? Like, I was in a full-on crisis. I wrote in my journal, I was like, I'm having a creative crisis. There is nothing coming through. I was also PMSing and it was eclipse, Mercury retrograde, Pluto retrograde. There was a lot of shit happening and I was just like, oh my God, what the fuck is happening right now? Like, I—

and I—

and I fully, like, started to spiral. And after, like, 2 days of, like, no ideas and trying to kind of, like, push and force the ideas and being like, this isn't working, I don't know what to do. Like, then the getting into the mind thing started to happen where I literally said to Jaime at one point, I was like, what if I never have a single good idea ever again and we can't afford our mortgage and we become homeless?

Dude, our fucking minds are so fucking reckless. They are just— that's hilarious, but so relatable. So relatable. Like, I bet everyone listening is like, yep, me, because I'm the same way. Like, I— oh yes, just movement. Like, move your body.

So, so to your point, like this podcast that I think it was, what's called We Can Do Hard Things, they were talking about— there's a whole episode about embodiment and they were talking about how like, like positive embodiment isn't always like feeling good because when you're embodied, you feel all of the bad feelings and the negative stuff too. But She, she described it as like accurate attunement. So yeah, when I'm hungry, I feed myself. When I'm tired, I rest. When I need energy, I get up and like do a dance party or whatever, like accurately attuning to the needs and the information that your body is giving you. So I'm getting a signal which is saying Creativity is low. It's almost like battery low, right? Yeah. Like, hey, battery low, red, urgent. And then it's all the way to the, the, the device actually just shuts the fuck off and I have no ideas and I'm like, what is happening? Then I'm like, oh, I should listen to the signal that the body is giving, which is creativity is low. We need an input of energy to like start us back up or like surge something. Yeah, I liked that description of like accurate attunement. And to your point about dissociating, I think a lot of people think of like dissociating as like this, this big sort of like scary, which I think it can be in certain like extreme cases, like as a trauma response, like completely dissociating where you like are out of your body or you're having like an out-of-body experience or you like completely like black out and like don't remember things. But I think also like dissociating can also just be like disembodiment, like totally getting out of the body and just literally living the experience from the mind. So instead of actually feeling the fear or the doubt or the uncertainty or the sadness or the grief or whatever the negative feeling is that wants to be felt, instead of having to actually sit in it and feel it, we just go into the mind and we're like, if I can just analyze this, okay, I'm feeling this way. So I'm gonna watch a show or listen to a podcast or do something so that I can take my mind off it, distract myself, basically get away from the feeling instead of going into the feeling. But when you practice disembodying in that way, what you're doing is you're training your body to like you're training your body for disembodiment, essentially. So if you do it for the negative stuff, you also are going to end up doing it for the good experiences. So by limiting how much of the negativity you feel, you're also going to limit how much of the joy or the pleasure or the, you know, explosiveness or the fun that you feel. And I feel like you probably have seen that a lot in as it relates to your business of like you didn't like stop making money or getting clients or having wins, but all of the wins now that you're more in your body, they feel so much bigger and so much more delightful. Does that feel true for you?

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Oh, totally, totally. I mean, I think that even just like as somebody who had really, really extreme body dysmorphia and an eating disorder, right? Like, I was so used to leaving my body. Like, I would just be binge eating thousands of calories and that was a normal experience, right? Once that stopped and I didn't have that, like, it, it shows up in different ways. And I think to your point about dissociating, disembodiment, yeah, it doesn't have to be this like big-ass scary thing. But I think so many people can relate to feeling self-doubt, second-guessing themselves, overthinking everything, just living in their head, right? And all that means is that your attention's either in your head or it's in your body. And in order for you to operate at your highest ability and capacity, it's getting out of your head and into your body, like truly, because your body, to your point, is going to be the thing that sets the pace, right? I can only go as fast as— and you can only go as fast as your body will allow, which means the real work this is what I've really been working on over the past few months, is like expanding my nervous system capacity, my capacity to experience joy, pleasure, ecstasy, bliss, ease. How easy can it be? How fun can it be? How playful can it be to make how much money, right? Or like, how, how present can I be while I am in an experience with my partner. Like, holy shit, right? Like, oh my God, can I just like be in this so hard right now and literally not thinking a single minute about anything else other than the person right in front of me? Right? And that is like, holy shit. Like, often even with my clients, like, you can tell how embodied someone is based on how present they are during sex. It's just like, obviously it's where you experience the biggest amount of sensation and emotion and all of that. And it's like, if you wanna really be embodied, and this is something I literally practice in my own relationship is like, how present can I be during this practice? Because that is gonna train your body to feel like more money is more safe. More ease is more safe. More pleasure is more safe because your body's used to feeling this. And for me, coming from a lot of trauma, abuse, and all that shit, I was used to feeling like shit. I was used to feeling struggle. I was used to feeling hard. I was used to judgment. Like, and it's like, wait, I can feel like pleasure and ease and fun and play, and I can be myself and have somebody love me and have friends and not be disowned? Like, I was so— I was also in— I was always anticipating that before I would even post anything or create anything. I was anticipating the rejection or I was anticipating the pain or the whatever, so I wouldn't do it. And I've—

so how do, how do people not do that? Because I feel like that's going to be the biggest question for people that are listening to this is like they're probably nodding along going, yes, yes, yes, I anticipate the negative. I anticipate what people are going to say. I anticipate the judgment. I anticipate being rejected. I anticipate no one signing up, no one buying. How, how do I shift that? How do I change that?

Yeah. Okay. So how I've done it, because I've seen, I have seen dramatic, like dramatic effects in my life and business by doing this, which is, it's so simple, but it's this. I am a huge fan of mirror work, looking at myself in the mirror and like affirming myself, right? It's so annoying how simple this is, but like really listen, when you realize that if you— only you cannot reject you, okay? Like, as long as you don't reject you and abandon yourself and hate yourself and whatever, it doesn't matter, okay? Because I want you to like close your eyes right now and literally imagine like if everyone had all the money in the world, had all the love in the world, had all the compliments in the world for you, had unconditional love for you. If you had all the compliments and all the unconditional love in the world, who would you be? Like, really, who would you be? Right? This is like what I've been asking myself of, like, but who actually am I? Like, who am I not? Right? I've started to try on, like, the— I lean more into the discomfort. It's so uncomfortable. For me to share on social my unapologetic, give— gives no fucks, no makeup on, whatever self. And I'm in this season of how little can I try? Like, if you didn't try, if you weren't performing, if you had nobody to prove yourself to, nobody to impress,, and you knew that everyone on the other side of that stories or your posts were true fans of yours, how would you show up? And guess what? People are true fans of yours. Like actually I've seen this time and time again, and I think the evidence gets stacked up more and more. When you find people like Sam, you're, you're this for me, you accept me and love me. Right. And like, I accept and love you. And as there are things about you that I'm like, huh, of course. And is there things about me that you're like, huh, but I know you love me. Right. And like, I love you. And there's this like mutual, like there's this mutual understanding that like, yo, you're my ride or die, you know, like I support you. I love you. And it's like, all I need to know is that I have a few of those people. Like, I don't need to be the most popular person. I need to be myself and be loved for that. And never again will I play small or dilute myself or pretend not to be this— like, I don't even know how to describe it, but this energy, whatever this is. So that more people like me, right? So that more people don't project their own stuff onto me. And when you really do the shadow work to be like, oh my God, I've been disowning these parts, let's just fucking go for it, right? Be in your body, go like, go work out. This is like an actual strategy, right? Go work out, go move your body, and then get on your stories and see what happens. Right? Go live your life and then create content. This is what I've been doing. I have not been trying to be on my stories and I have not been trying to make content or build programs. I'm just being in my life. I'm going to my yoga class, I'm coming back, I'm eating, I'm messaging with my clients. I get an inspo, I do it, I move on. I don't even think I'm just in this flow. When you're in this flow and you're not thinking, that is where the momentum builds. So it's like, can you see yourself as the fucking coolest person ever? Or just the coolest person to yourself? Like, I just genuinely think I'm the coolest person, like, and not in a conceited way, in like a— I have worked so fucking goddamn hard to love myself for who I am. That is the most magnetic thing. And I know for you, Sam, just knowing you as a friend and as like a coworker, colleague, whatever, Like, I know you love yourself, and that's been like a consistent theme of like, you haven't really had to talk about it because it's just you. That's just kind of what has been your reality for the whole time I've known you. That hasn't been the reality the whole time I've known myself, or you've known me. It's like, no, actually, I had so much self-hate, self-sabotage, self-destruction, self-judgment. And then it started to slowly move to acceptance and love. And the thing that helped me feel safe and give me permission to be all of myself is having other people who were that permission slip, who were as crazy, who were loud, who were wild, who had these big-ass fucking aspirations, who told me that they were gonna make $10 million this year. And right now they had only made a few, like they had these crazy ideas. I'm like, Wait, I can dream that big, right? Or I can do that crazy thing. Or even the way that they did business. I'm like, holy shit, I've always judged myself for being this way, but you're being this way, so I can be this way. Or like, giving me permission to not be organized at all, but still somehow be making multiple 5 figures in my business every month and let it be okay. Like, it was this permission slip after permission slip to be like, look, everyone is so different. Find people that allow you to be more of yourself. Like, oh, that's what we need.

Expanders are really so important for so many facets of life. And I think like if you really were to summarize the biggest shift that like allowed you to change so much in your business, like make the most sales that you have in a really long time, like have this like steady uptick, like all of it really started with that expander.

Yes.

With that. Like, so if we were to really like try and give it tangible to people, it was you got in the room with someone who was like, I want to be that, do that, work like that, live like that. Yeah. And it was just having like a truly like accurate expander of like how you want to live and be and do business and getting close to that person. That's like really what it was.

Totally, totally. I've never had that in business. I've worked with amazing mentors, but I never— they never showed me like they never activated me. Let's just say I follow people online that have activated me, but I've never like been invested with somebody and I'm like, holy shit. And I'm like, this is what my clients experience. They always are like, this space is so activating. I literally am so fired up. And I'm like, wait, I've never had that, because I'm usually the one that's firing up. I've never been fired up, and I needed the firing up because that's what is going to make the curve go up, right? I've never had that. It was always kind of like, but if my mentors are going, I'm like, I'm going with you, bitch, let's go, right? And I never had that. And so having it, I'm like, oh my God, like, I feel like a little kid, like Ah, yes! Like, this is so possible. Not only is it possible, but it's happening. It's happening because I decided it, because I see somebody else deciding it too. And I'm now telling my clients, like, bitches, you're all hitting your first six-figure year. I don't care how much money you're making right now, you're— we're going. I am— we're going together. Because if we're hitting a million, you're hitting six figures. Like, it's just happening. Like, period.

There's something in that energy. I think that's like a huge takeaway for people, is like finding someone who gives you that energy of like, oh my God, so much is possible. Like, I want that for me. Like, fuck yes. Like just watching someone witnessing how they're showing up, their up levels, their expansion, like whatever it is that they're doing, the way that they pour into their clients, how much they care, all of that stuff. If you're like, I want— you feel like the goosebumps on your body, like I want to be that, like in my bones, I want to feel the experience that I think this person is having because of how they show up and kind of the energy that they're transmitting. You have to find that person, and that's the person who should be your mentor. That's the person that you need to get closest to. Yes, as close as possible. Okay. So I want to circle back really quickly because I know we're trying to keep a nice and short episode for you guys. I just want to go quickly for a second back to the mirror work thing because you were talking about tangible tips and you mentioned mirror work and imagining that everybody loves you and has all the compliments for you and you love yourself and have all the compliments for yourself. Can you just describe like a little bit more tangibly for people? Like, what can they do? Like, what's a mirror work practice that they can start today?

Yes. Well, first of all, I'll give your listeners— I have a freebie that they can download. It literally is the video process of me doing mirror work. So it's like an example with a step-by-step process. So I'll give that to you. But like, literally what I will do is I will look in the mirror and I will imagine on the other side of the mirror is like 1,000 of my true fans. Like, they are just so fucking obsessed with me. They're like, oh my God, like, I love paying you.

Like, what? Basically, basically, they're us at Tony Robbins.

Yeah, literally, right? Like, we're just like, Tony Daddy, you know, like, like, and that's what I think of. Like, I see myself because ultimately my ultimate big goal is like, I'm an author, a speaker, I'm traveling, like I'm mentoring, like that's the vision. So I see myself in that vision, in that version of me, right? So you can take this vision and adopt it to your own circumstances and your own vision, right? But for me and lots of my clients, they do see themselves doing big work in like a global way. So I'm like, okay, I'm on stage,, and everyone's like, yes, you know, everyone's dancing in the crowd. I'm there and they're just like, woo, they got their credit card, they have their fucking, you know, like air horn. Like we're just having a fucking good time. So when I get on my stories, I just imagine that everyone wants to buy what I'm selling. And I know how activating the spaces are when people come in. Like I am so confident in my ability to one, get my clients' results, but to like create an energy and an environment that is like this all of the time, Monday through Friday, you can pop into this energy at any time, which is what most people need. It's not the fucking strategy. It's that they feel like shit and their emotions spiral them and they don't know how to get out. And I am really fucking good at that now. So I'm like, oh no, I'm like the energy source that you can feed off of like a leech, you know? So I'm like, come into my world, you will not fail. There is no possible way you can fail unless you hide, right? And you can't— I can't contact you via DM or chat or whatever. And you literally block me from all channels. Like, you can't hide because I've got you. So it's like having so much confidence in myself and being like, I want to create the space that I want to be in. Like, I want to be the most generous mentor ever. I want to be the most empowering. I want to believe in my clients more than they believe in themselves. I want to see the vision for them. I want to help them form the vision. Um, and then looking at myself in the mirror and be like, damn girl, you look good. And even if I don't 100% think that, I go work out so I feel good. Right? Like it's not about looking. It's not about the perfection of your image. It's about how you feel. It's about that expression. If it feels really fucking good to do, do it. Don't think about the aesthetics as much. Don't think about it as much. Feel it. That's why I'm so obsessed with dance, dancing in the mirror. Holy shit. That's like next level. Dance in the mirror, say affirmations to yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but like, don't knock it till you try it.

Well, and also I think a lot of people— not that it sounds crazy, maybe to some people, but I think for other people who have been in the personal development space or in the game for a while, like, it just feels basic.

And I think, like, won't work. I'm like—

and I think, or I've already done that, or I've already tried that. And I think that's one of the biggest things that like holds us back from our next level of growth is thinking that because we've done something once or 5 times or 10 times that we're done with it and we don't need to continue to do it at a new level or at a new depth and experience really what it has to offer, right? That's like saying, oh, I tried working out for a year and now I don't need to do it anymore. It's like, well, you could experience a whole other level of like fitness and energy and sleep quality and whatever, if you would keep doing the working out or do it in a new way or shift up, you know, the, the way that you're doing it. So yeah, I need that reminder sometimes of like the basics. Truly, they're the basics for a reason because they're the foundation and it fucking works. Like, that's it.

Yeah. And I think having the mindset of forever being a student, like People that say, oh, I've already done that. You have a big ego. Love you, but you have a big ego because you're, you're thinking that you're so self-righteous and you're so self-important that a fundamental practice that works for the populations does not work for you. No, you gotta get real with yourself and be the forever student. If you wanna really make the impact and have the, have the things and do whatever, then you always have to be learning, like humble yourself to all of the people. Everyone has something to teach. And I think that's the mindset you have to go into expansion and growth with, is even your best friends— Sam, you're a great example. You have things I want to learn from you about. I don't think I know it all. Like, don't have that mindset. It's a really closed mindset. Really humble yourself to see if there is any judgment or like, eh, that's a place to you for you to lean into. Like, literally that like, that's exactly what you need. It's always the thing. It's like the resistance is the path.

Yeah. I mean, the judgment is the— what we're judging others for is what is usually a reflection of what we're judging ourselves for. So that's a part of ourselves that we've disowned. It's a part of our shadow. We've put it away. So it is a good indicator if you're watching someone do something online or show up in a certain way where you're like, oh my God, you know, I could never do that, or why is she doing that? The question is then, why am I not allowing myself to do that? Yes, exactly. Why are you not? Right, exactly. Okay. Well, I hope you guys found this conversation inspiring. I hope you feel like so ready to just like be your fucking selves online, in the real world, say what you want to say, be who you want to be, like get to that next level of authenticity and just owning who you are in an unapologetic way. Thank you, Sam, so much for an incredible conversation. As always, we could talk for for 2 more hours, but we're both busy gals and we have businesses to run. So we gotta, we gotta jet off, you guys. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram stories and tag both me and Sam. Let us know what you loved about this episode. Or if you are feeling really super generous, go ahead and leave the podcast a 5-star rating or review. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. We love you. And I'll talk to you next week.

Bye guys!