How to Live in Alignment w/ Leta Stevens

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast.

I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride.

Let's go make shit happen. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today I've got a special guest with me. I'm joined by Lita Stevens. She is a certified life and success coach. She practices NLP, EFT, and she's a Time Techniques practitioner and a clinical hypnotherapist. As if that wasn't enough, she's also a yoga instructor and a certified personal trainer. Like, wow. And she fuses movement, mindset, and breath all together to help her clients elevate and align every area of their life. So she's got a lot of experience and training under her belt. So I'm excited to bring her on the show and just let the conversation flow and see what juicy topics we can dig into together. So I'm so excited to have you here. Welcome to the show, Lita.

Sam, goodness, thank you. That— I had to laugh at the certification thing because I do have so many, and all of my close friends kind of like joke about it. They're like, how many do you have, 27? Like, right, like it's an absurd number of certifications. So that made me giggle. Thank you so much for the introduction. Thank you so much for having me. It is an honor and a privilege to be here on the podcast with you today.

Yeah, I'm so excited to have you. The last time when we did your show Our conversation was so good, it was so juicy. We, we covered a lot of ground and we went in a lot of different directions. So I know we're gonna have kind of like the same energy because last time we chat— we chatted together, we just, we, we flowed together. Our energies like worked off of each other really well. So, um, we have good chemistry.

I feel we do. Yeah, when we recorded for my podcast it was just so natural, right? Like, the conversation flowed and it was easy and it was organic. There wasn't a force to it. Um, I love that you said fluidity because I definitely feel like it was just this really nice, like, ebb and flow to the conversation. And when we would pivot directions, it didn't feel like a forceful turn or like a yank or a pull in any sort of direction. It was just kind of like Oh, we're going here, let's go there, let's see what— let's see what's under this rock, or let's see what's in this topic, what, what can we uncover here together. And that was really nice.

Yeah, I loved our last conversation as well. So you— speaking of your podcast, right, you've got a podcast that's called Life in Alignment, and I know alignment is like a huge theme for you, it's a huge word for you in terms of your work and your brand, and what you do in the world. So I'd love to get your perspective on what it means to you. Like, what does it mean to be in alignment? Gosh, that's a big question. We can unpack it together.

But yeah, what does it mean for you to be in alignment?

You're starting off with the heavy-hitting questions, and I'm here for it. It's so funny that Life in Alignment is still my brand, kind of like in my, like, my life mantra. It originated in 2016 when I was going through my yoga teacher training, and at the time I was deep in my spiritual awakening. And because I was going through my certification period, I was doing a lot of yoga classes, right? There's mandatory hours you have to take of certain classes. There's, you know, mandatory hours that you have to practice teach. And so, you know, as a beginning teacher, right, I'm doing a lot of yoga myself at home, you know, putting together sequences and flows. And, you know, does this pose to this pose feel right in my body? Right. I'm asking those questions. And because this is happening, you know, in congruence with my spiritual awakening, a lot of these realizations, a lot of these like knowings that were dropping into my body on the mat were so easily translated to things happening in my life off of the mat. And I was thinking about how, like, it's not just enough to be in alignment in a pose or in class, but you have to be in alignment in your life. And just to, like, give it even more depth, like, alignment for a yoga instructor is A, to ensure that the student taking the class or in the pose is getting the full benefit of the pose, right? Like, if your arms or your legs or your hips, your knees, um, even your feet, like, you know, that base foundation of your pose isn't in the correct position, you could potentially not be getting the full benefit. Like, certain poses are meant to strengthen your quadriceps or your hamstrings or, you know, your triceps, and if you aren't in alignment or you aren't in proper form, you won't get the full benefit of the pose. So then it's like, what's the point of being there for 10 to 15 seconds if you're not getting all of the juice, right? Like, let's make it worth the squeeze. Um, but like on top of that, alignment was, well, let's also make sure that you're ready for the next place, the next pose, because teachers spend a lot of time making sure that one pose goes into the next. But as I was saying, like, if your feet are pointing in a completely different direction and then the next pose your feet are supposed to be pointing the opposite way, how do you get there? There's so many more steps where if you were in alignment in the first place, you could have just gone there so much easier, right? The flow.

Um, I hope you guys are getting the metaphor.

I hope you guys are getting the metaphor because if you're getting the fucking metaphor, like, it's lit.

But then the last piece of the alignment for an instructor and a student and in that relationship is that alignment will ensure that you're not injuring yourself, right? It's to avoid and prevent injury. So you're not hurting yourself, you're not bringing harm to your physical body. And so again, I could take a step back off the mat and I'd be like, holy shit, like when I'm not living in alignment with my soul's purpose or my mission, like, I do feel like I'm harming my soul. I do feel like I'm hurting myself. Like, I feel that pain. And I do notice that, like, okay, um, you know, some of my backstory is that I spent 6 and a half years in a corporate job that I hated, that I knew 11 months into this career path I didn't want to be in anymore. So I spent an additional 5 and a half years, right? So there were a lot of extra steps I had to take to end up leaving that career to find my soul's purpose. And I didn't get the full benefit of being in that corporate career because I wasn't necessarily in alignment with it. So there were so many things that I was just like, shit, it doesn't— like, it's not enough for me to teach what's happening on the mat as an instructor. Like, I need to show any human that walks into my class that steps onto a mat that trust me with their time, their space, their energy, and their body. How yoga, which, you know, isn't just a physical practice— the physical practice is one of 8 limbs of yoga, right? You know this as a yoga instructor too. But if I'm like, you're giving me this 1/8, you're giving me this physical asana, you're giving me this time to take you through your body, how much more of these other 7 limbs Can I extend to you? Can I invite you to explore? How much can I show you that alignment also impacts your life the second you leave this studio? And I had no idea that I was going to be a life coach when I started yoga teacher training, but then when I did jump into it, it was just so seamless. And I was like, of course, because I did— I took it off the mat, didn't I? And now life in alignment for me is protecting my body, being in alignment with my soul's purpose, with my intuition, with my heart, and trusting myself, and not making it more complicated or harder to get where I'm trying to be because I am staying places I'm not meant to be or that are misaligned for me. And then that's giving me all of the juice out of life, right? Like, I get to be fulfilled. I get to wake up with energy and vitality and joy and gratitude and Sometimes I look back and I'm like, I can't believe I deprived myself of that for so long. But looking back, the dots connect, and that was a part of my journey that was so needed. And now my mission is to extend life in alignment to everyone that I got in contact with, and to hopefully at least lead by example if, you know, they are in my world in a different capacity to try it out for themselves.

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Mm.

I love that you mentioned how you knew at a certain point that the corporate job wasn't for you, but you stayed anyway. You stayed for a long time past the point in which you knew that it, it wasn't actually in alignment, that it wasn't actually right. So I want to touch on that because I think so many people can relate to that. Why do we do this? Why do we stay stuck in situations that we know are not fully serving us? Like, where does that come from? What was it like for you? Why, why the heck do we do that?

For me specifically, and like, I think for of course, not trying to speak for everyone, but I think the root cause is fear. The fear may be of different things for some people, whether it's abandonment or rejection, no longer being relevant to their current circle. A lot of people, I think especially as adults, like a lot of our friends at work become friends that are just friends, right? They're who you spend 40 hours a week with if you're working a corporate job. So those people are your circle for a really long time and it's like, do you want to let them down? For me specifically, you know, I had people in my ear that were, you know, parents that were like, oh, but like, are you sure you want to leave? Do you just want to stick it out? Maybe it's just not this company. Um, you know, maybe it's just a different company or, you know, maybe you're just homesick. Cause like I knew right out of college, I started my first job in January of 2013. And by Christmas of 2013, I was like crying on my parents' couch on Christmas vacation. Saying I was miserable in my job, I wanted to quit, and could I move home with them? And they were like, absolutely not. So I— for me, it was this fear that a proverbial they— and I always say it's a proverbial they because we're always saying like, oh well, what will they say? What will they think? Who is they? Like, do you really truly believe that your closest friends and family will be talking shit about you behind your back if you make a choice to like follow your heart, follow your dreams, do the thing that you know you're called to do? That might be a fear, but like, will that, right? Like, I think we imagine worst-case scenarios, and if we can't really like nail down a they, to me it makes it so much more obvious how illogical my fear is, right? Because I can't name them. I'm just saying it's they. What will they say? What will they think? And there was a lot of pressure. I mean, I started college in 2008, which was when, you know, that first recession, you know, the housing market crashing. And I graduated 4 years later. And so financial security was still really, really big on a lot of people's minds. And for me, I was like, I went into student loan debt for this and I'm gonna spend less than a year doing this job and then quit. So I had a lot of different thoughts of like, 'Is this the right thing to do?' Or like, 'Am I being selfish? Am I being childish? Am I being immature not wanting to do this?' You know, 'Am I just being like a spoiled, entitled little brat? Like, I don't like this anymore. I tried it for a year,' you know? And there was this—

but what's, what's so interesting about that is like, that's not actually your voice, right?

At all. None of them— none of it was my voice. My voice said quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My voice was like, I don't like this. Yeah.

So yeah, I think that's a good point for anybody that is in a situation like that, because I think a lot of people are now, especially after the pandemic. The pandemic has been a catalyst for a lot of people's spiritual awakenings where they're waking up to their life being like, what the fuck? Like, how did I get here? Why am I still here? What is happening like this? There must be something bigger, better. More than this, whether it's the relationship or the job or the place that they live or whatever, their friend groups or whatever they're doing with their life. A lot of people are opening their eyes or being forced to open their eyes in this time. So yeah, I think that's a good point for anybody that finds himself in that space, is like, you gotta remember and be able to separate what's your voice versus what is somebody else's voice that has infected your mind and gotten into your head? And now you're telling yourself that story, right? Because it's not you that we're saying like, oh, you're just a spoiled little brat, like you should stick it out and figure it out and whatever. Like, that's a fear of somebody else's. That's an ideal of somebody else's that was projected onto you because that's what people do, right?

We project our inner world outward.

And of the people around us in our lives, they absorb some of that naturally, especially, you know, from our parents and society and our teachers and all of that. So given the, the time frame, especially that you, like you mentioned, were going into school right at the crash of the market, I'm sure a lot of your college experience was based around like, hopefully, like the goal is to graduate and get a job, right? That is the mission, like one-track mind, graduate, get a job. Like, please let me get a job, right? So it's, yeah, it's so interesting to notice how a lot of people don't have someone in their life that is unbiased in that way, that's not going to project onto them their beliefs or fears or whatever, which is why coaching is so cool and it's so valuable because it's very rare that people have someone in their life that is not going to say, oh, here's what I would do. Well, shouldn't you think about this? Or, and, and all of that is filled with their own internal world that they're projecting onto you. Whereas the job of, of a coach, as you know, is to really ask great questions and help the other individual understand and get reconnected to what is my voice? What is my inner knowing? What am I feeling the call to do? Not what everybody else is telling me to do or what they would do, but reconnecting them to themselves and their own intuition. So I love that you, that you shared that piece.

And I want to even like go a step further and say that like right now we're going through what a lot of, you know, business um, I guess analysts or whatever they are calling the Great Resignation, right?

People are leaving—

wow— companies and jobs to pursue something that's more fulfilling. And I think it's even more important to identify what is your voice versus what is not, because I have seen personally— like, I come from a very small town in Indiana, and I can tell you right now that like my career path that I had out of college, there were no opportunities in that space, in that state even, for me to live there or stay there. But what I have seen is from people that are still there, I was just like, well, if you were unemployed through the pandemic or like you quit your job and then you didn't find a new one, like you're just lazy and you're just like trying to milk things off of the government, you just want to get an unemployment check, like all of these things. And that story could be projected onto you where like, oh, you're just lazy. Like, if you're quitting, well, what if you're quitting because it's a toxic culture and you spend an entire pandemic working from home for a company that now, you know, wants you to go back full-time and, you know, wants you to change your entire lifestyle after a year and a half of working from home. And, you know, they're— they aren't giving you raises, they aren't you know, showing you growth opportunities. Maybe, you know, there's a toxic boss involved or just a toxic environment in general, and people are saying like, I am worthy and deserving enough to not have to put up with that. I will leave now, and then I'll spend the next few months finding something different. And I want people to know that like, you have full permission to do that. Like, that is more than okay. You don't have to stay someplace and suffer if you are suffering. If there is an opportunity out there, you know, to go job hunt or to go do something different. Whether, you know, that doesn't have to be entrepreneurship or starting your own business, right? They're saying there's so many jobs and there's a labor shortage, and I don't think it's that it's a labor shortage. It's that people are aware of what they want from a job, and they want flexibility. They want their mental health and well-being to be taken accounted for, right? And for that to be a priority to their employer. And people are realizing like, I am so replaceable to this company, I'll leave and I'll find someplace that I love to work, something that will light me up, someplace I will feel appreciated. And so again, like, I think it's really more important now to have that distinction between your voice and someone else's so that you can make the right decision from you, right? Because you're allowed to leave if you're unhappy. And if you leave and you quit and you have to take unemployment for a few months to, you know, support yourself until you find that job that does light you up, that doesn't make you lazy, it doesn't make you worthless, it doesn't make you like a leech on the government, right? Like, there's all of these stories being perpetuated around it, and it's like, no, you're protecting your mental health and well-being. And if there's one thing that I think society as a total has learned since the beginning of the pandemic is that like, if our mental health is not there first, the rest of our life will crumble. It will fall apart.

Yeah, 100%. And I think the way that I see it now is that like, I think people, people look at— okay, so first of all, I love the Great Resignation thing because I hadn't heard that yet. I love that.

It's like first we had the Great Recession and now we have like the Great Resignation. So epic.

I think, yeah, I'm— it's cool to live in a time where when you quit your job, actually there are a lot of like your friends and people around you that are like, yes, let's celebrate! Like, it's actually like a good thing to be standing up for yourself and doing what's right for you. Um, but that— this piece that, that you mentioned in there about being able to, to leave or to choose yourself before you know the, the next step, right? I think that's where people get stuck because Again, everybody else's fears— our teachers and our parents and the world taught us never quit a job unless you have another one lined up. Like, I don't know where we learned that. I don't think it was in a textbook, but for some reason we all know that.

Like, we just— we all inherently know that that's what you're supposed to do.

You're supposed to look for another job, secretly do the interviews. Yeah, secretly do the interviews while you're still at your current job and then accept the job, sign the contract, make sure it's all concrete, wrapped up, ready to roll. Then you go quit the job and you drop the bomb of like, you know, I'm leaving. It's just like the thing that we've been taught and the formula that we're expected to follow. So when you don't follow that formula, it feels like you're doing something wrong. Right? Or you're doing something that's more risky than what everybody else is doing. But the way that I actually see it now is that everybody else is actually doing it wrong. Not saying that you have to quit your job before you have a plan, right? Of course that's not the case for everybody. But just in terms of like going away from the common narrative that we've accept it as like, this is how it has to be, or this is just the way that it is, or this is how we should do things in life as a whole, whatever that is. By not doing what everybody else is saying, this is what you should do. I don't feel like that's the wrong thing or that's like the deviated path. I actually feel like everybody else is on the deviated path. Everybody else is moving in the wrong direction because they've been sold a story that's convinced them that it's in fact the right path. But what if, what if it was the minority that was actually on the right path and the majority that was still living in a conditioned, programmed state that was convincing them that they have to do things in a certain way that was actually the wrong way?

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I, I completely— I absolutely see where you're going with this, and If there is one thing that I have realized, I think again, coming from the Midwest, which is very traditional in the, you know, most of my high school, like didn't even like move away from home kind of thing. Right. Like that's how small Midwest town I come from. So it's like, they don't even feel like they have to, I feel like they just are comfortable there so that they don't even, they don't even think about it. As being right or wrong, or like, I have to do this, or this was my only choice. I don't even think that that thought process even gone through their head. I think that they were like, oh, this was the path that was shown to me. I'm comfortable with it. Like, things are good enough. So like, I'm okay. And I think for anyone who's probably listening to the Makeshift Happen podcast, we aren't those people. We are the people that recognize clearly we're the minority, right? Exactly. And that's, that's what's really beautiful is like, we are the people that do question the things. And I love how you said that, like, is it risky? And I think the story that a lot of us will try to tell ourselves if we are considering the deviated path is that risky equals irresponsible, right? We're being irresponsible. And like, in adulthood, like, adults are supposed to be responsible, right? And so then it's asking yourself, like, is that my truth? Like, capital T truth? Like, do I really fully believe that? Or like, for me, as I'm even speaking about this, my thought process is, is it irresponsible? Or like, does that make me irresponsible? Or does taking this deviated path that my soul feels called to make me self-aware and intuitive, or highly intuitive and self-aware? And if that is the case, if I am following my intuition, it is not irresponsible. Because my story is not listening to my intuition is irresponsible. That is the thing that will put me in misalignment, right? And I know that that is the risky, irresponsible thing to do because that can hurt me, that can, you know, set me 10 steps off path, or it can make sure that like I'm not fully enjoying my fucking life because in the back of my head I'm going to be like, should you have done that thing? Should you have taken that job? Should you have moved to that city? Should you you know, broken up with that person? Should I listen to my intuition? So it's like, can we start to question? And we don't even have to even label things as right or wrong, but like, do I believe that as my truth, that that's risky? Or does that just seem like the logical fucking thing to do for me because my intuition says let's do it? The deviated path is my path. And when I know that I'm on the more crowded majority path then I know I'm probably not on my path anymore and I should check back in.

Yes, yes, yes, yes! Oh my gosh, I have like full body goosebumps of like, the deviated path is my path.

Like, I love, I love that because I feel so aligned with that. And I think there's a part of me too that's always like been a little bit of a rebel. Like, I kind of like to rock the boat a little bit. I kind of like to do things differently, not like in a big way, but when I feel that it's right for me, I actually just like don't give a fuck if like other people don't get it or they, or they're, they're not on the same page, which, you know, has like taken time to, to get, to get to that place. Um, but I think it's a place that like I would, I hope that more women especially can step into cuz it's a really empowering space to be like, Mm, I know what's best for me actually. And just feel confident about the decisions that you make for your life. Like self-trust is one of the biggest gifts. Like I think if I could give women anything, I would give them self-trust because with self-trust everything gets easier. Like everything in your whole life becomes easier. Because you just know I got my back. I know what's best for me. I trust myself to make good decisions. I know what's next. I know what to do. I can figure this out. Like, you just know that you're going to be okay. And if you know that you're going to be okay, you stop getting paralyzed by the fear or the doubt or the opinions of other people because you're like, no, I got this. I got me. Self-trust. Like, It's fucking everything.

Self-trust is what leads to self-discipline, and the, you know, the self-discipline is what leads to the self-love, and the self-love is what leads to the self-actualization, right? And so you all—

it has to build.

But I love that you said that you're kind of like the rebellious, the like, I'm gonna do it anyway kind of person. I am really big on like visual metaphors, and I love giving visual metaphors to clients because I really, I really think it feels like when they can detach it from their personal story, they can see the importance of it and they can see how it really works, so that when they integrate it back in to themselves and their life and, you know, their circumstance, they can see it. But like, I liked, for example, the situation specifically is like shaking a snow globe. Like when you're, okay, I'm quitting this job, you're shaking a snow globe. The snow's gonna come up, right? It's gonna fucking be chaos inside of that globe. But what happens after a few minutes? All of the snow settles and it's back to being a normal-ass snow globe. So like, yeah, you're gonna shake shit up and it's gonna feel a little chaotic and you're gonna be slightly uncomfortable. But I always just remember that like when you shake a snow globe, the snow eventually like all falls to the bottom again. The right— it all goes back to being calm. It's not like that snow swirls in chaos forever, right? It is a temporary, temporary circumstance. And it's like, I would much rather go through temporary chaos than like prolonged suffering, right? Like I said, I spent 5 and a half additional years in that corporate career before quitting. And it's like, what if I would have just shaken the fucking snow globe and spent maybe a month or two being scrappy, you know, like working at a bar or something while I found another, you know, career path or job or opportunity that did feel more aligned for me. And then when that thing happened, okay, well then I'm back to the snow's fallen, it's calm in the snow globe, and everything fell back into place. So it's just like, what's your choice? And so like, to be the rebellious one, to choose you, to have the self-trust to do the thing even if it's going to cause a little chaos, just remember it's just like shaking a snow globe. The chaos will not be forever. It will not be permanent and is a temporary piece. And you can kind of like weigh the pros and cons for yourself. Like, would I rather have this temporary chaos and uncertainty and be really uncomfortable in the unknown, or does it feel better and safer for me to be in prolonged suffering and not liking where I'm at and knowing what I really want to be doing and just not doing the thing.

I have hives thinking about the 5 and a half years. Like, I cannot get past that.

I'm thinking— yeah, I'm thinking about that and I'm like, I want to die.

Like, how shitty does it feel to like be doing something that you hate or that you just know is like not the thing for you?

Like, oh my God.

Like, I, I did a, I did a corporate internship my last summer of college before I graduated. And in that internship, in those 3 months, I was like, yeah, dude, I'm out.

I was like, I just feel I'm going to move to Europe. I think, I think, I think no, I'm going to go with no.

But yeah, like, of course there's been times in my life where I've also experienced that prolonged suffering. And I love that contrast that you brought to it. It's like, would you rather have temporary discomfort or permanent dissatisfaction, permanent suffering in, in your life? You know, the, the job or the relationship or the city or the friend group isn't going to change on its own. I think we tell ourselves that story too. We keep lying to ourselves of like, maybe it'll get better, it'll just, you know It'll, it, it, maybe it's just me, or like it'll change, or it's just a phase or whatever. Like when I was teaching here in Madrid, I knew that I wanted to quit my, my job and I kind of stuck it out for 6 months after I really felt like I knew, cuz that I had that fear of like, well, nothing else is lined up. I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna do. I live in a foreign country. Like I can't just get any old job here. Like I literally don't have a work permit. Like I was like, what, what do I do? So that one took me a little bit longer to actually like saddle up and be like, okay, we, we have to step away from this. Um, but yeah, like, uh, sometimes the fear is, is paralyzing and it keeps you in something so much longer than you know that you should be there. What do you think is the shift or the new way that you see things now that allows you to kind of like move through this quicker? Because you're probably more like me now, where you're like, you do something for like a little bit, and then if you know that it's not right, you're like, fuck this, I'm out. This isn't— we're changing this. Cancel. Burn it down. It's done.

Yeah. And I, I think you actually like alluded to my answer as you set up the question. Um, you said that like sometimes we can think that like things will just change on their own and like we don't have to do anything. And the shift for me was putting myself in a position to take full 100% responsibility for every fucking thing in my life, even if something wasn't my fault. You know, something someone said to me, some— the way someone treated me, um, car accidents, right? Things that like literally like I was not at fault for, right? Still taking 100% responsibility of saying like, how will I respond to this? What will I choose? What will I go— how will I go from here? And I just had a— I just had this the other day actually, where I was like, I'm going to launch this thing in my business. And I was feeling really excited about it for a little bit. And I just kind of, kind of got like, I don't really care. And then I was like, well, you already told people you're launching it, like, so you have to launch it. And I was like, no, I fucking don't. But like the voice was like, but you told people. I was like, I can guarantee you they'll forget about it. And if someone does happen to reach out about saying like, hey, like, are you still doing this? I can gladly, easily, happily, joyfully tell them I decided not to because it didn't feel aligned anymore, right? It didn't. It was no longer in alignment. My intuition said no, because doing that, A, shows people that I'm fucking human too. And that I can change my mind. And if I can change my mind, that is giving permission to other people. You can also change your mind. You also don't have to follow through on something if you hate it. If you changed your mind, if you're like, this isn't the right time, change your mind. Change your mind. And I want to just like expand a little bit on like the, the thought of like just hoping things will change, right? I had a I had a coaching call with a client last weekend and she was telling me, she was like, I had just like this experience that I've literally never had in my entire life the night before our call. And I just looked at her, I was like, of course you have. Of course you did. Like, that doesn't surprise me at all. And she was like, hmm, kind of thing. And I was like, our external realities are a reflection, are a mirror of our internal reality. So when you start to anchor into your self-trust, you know, something you said that like is the game changer for you, when you start to really anchor into your self-awareness and listening to your intuition and trusting yourself and following through on the intuition, your external reality has to shift. So again, it comes back to the personal responsibility of I have to change what's happening inside of me. I have to change my thoughts. And it's not even I have to, it's I get to, right? Language is so important. I get to change my thought patterns. I get to change my language patterns. I get to change my behavior patterns. And those shifts will change my external reality. Because if my external reality is a mirror, it absolutely cannot stay the same. Friendships will change, jobs will change, clients I attract will change. My relationships will change because my internal reality, my relationship with myself, my relationship with my intuition, my relationship with my purpose— all of those things have shifted because I chose, because I took responsibility. So my biggest shift in knowing, like, if something isn't for me, it's saying, okay, I have full sovereignty over my life. I am a 100% autonomous being, which means I have responsibility. I dictate where I go, what I say, what I think, and who I do it with. So if I don't like any of those pieces anymore, the responsibility is on me to choose differently. And that's a lot of responsibility, but isn't that also so beautiful that like we are able to step back into our power and say like, I get to choose? And if I don't like what I'm seeing anymore, I get to choose differently. And how exciting, because that's gonna mean something new is coming in my reality that I haven't ever had before. And to me, that's really exciting. So I love being in full responsibility.

I call this radical responsibility because it's like, even in the moments where it's like kind of shitty to have to be responsible, you do it anyway. That's the radical responsibility is like, You know, you said take 100% responsibility. I think when other people are involved, you mentioned situations and things that are not your fault, but it's like, I'm taking— I'm not taking 100% responsibility for everything. I'm taking 100% responsibility for my 50%, right? So like, my role that I play, I take 100% responsibility for that. Of course, other people have their roles to play, and a lot of people in the world are not taking any percentage of their responsibility. But like, I'm gonna be in integrity and take mine because it helps you, it helps you form a life that is integrous, that you actually do love, right? Taking that radical responsibility and being able to look at your life and the things that aren't working and be like, what's the role that I play? That's a really good question for people to start to ask themselves. If something's not working, if your friend is not really being there for you or they're not being supportive, or your partner and you keep having the same argument all the time, or something is triggering you at work, like the natural reaction I think of most people is to be like, she keeps doing this. He keeps saying this. This is the issue that keeps happening at work. This is the problem that I have. Out, out, out. You, you, you. They, they, they. Radical responsibility is being like, what's the role that I play? Okay, they're saying things, they're doing things, they have their behaviors and the role that they're playing. And of course, that's part of it. But what is the part that I'm playing? What is my role in this situation? Right? That's such a good question. If you're listening to this right now and there's anything in your life that you're like, this is so annoying, this is bothering me, this is triggering me, this is a challenge for me. Like that's an invitation for you to go into the discomfort and be like, and how do I contribute? How am I allowing this to happen? How am I perpetuating this? What part of me is creating this situation to continually be reflected back to me? And that's the hard work that, like, a lot of people don't really want to do. Because that's when we have to look at our own shit.

Yeah, and I think that's also an invitation for not only radical responsibility but radical honesty with yourself. Oftentimes the first people we lie to aren't the people closest to us or the people in our lives, but it's to ourselves, right? So when you're asking yourself, what role am I playing, can you be really fucking honest? You know, can you put pride aside Can you put ego aside and say like, okay, well, like, my fear of abandonment came up and I absolutely projected that fear and I snapped at you. And, you know, I didn't snap because you said this thing. You said this thing and it triggered a wound within me. And I know that if I start to look at this wound, I can restructure how I respond. And, you know, so it's getting to a point where you have the self-awareness to stop lying to yourself or to stop hiding the answers. Because sometimes we'll say like, ah, I don't know. And I'm always kind of like, you do. You just maybe don't want to say it because you're afraid of, you know, what it might make others think about you, or you're afraid about, um, what will mean about me if this is my answer? Will this make me a bad person? Let's make me a shitty person. Will this, you know, make me the villain? Well, this may make me prideful, lustful, any of those things. Am I greedy if I say this or do this or want this? And it's like, put that all aside. Welcome your shadow with open arms, right? Integrate it, understand. Because what's that Carl Jung quote? That like, the things that stay unconscious will control our fate, or will control our lives, and we'll call it fate until we can bring the unconscious conscious. So it's like, unless you can really find that radical honesty as you're trying to accept your radical responsibility, you need to know what's driving you. What are those underlying fears and root causes and wounds that are perpetuating your thought patterns, your speech patterns, your behavior patterns. Because once you know them, that's when you can start to shift them. But if you aren't even aware that they're there, how are you ever expecting to change that or to take responsibility and choose something differently? You can't if you're, you know, quote unquote blissfully unaware that that's affecting you or driving how you're showing up in your life.

This reminds me of the TikTok trend, or the sound, that's like, 'Am I the villain?

I don't think I'm the villain,' right?

So you're like, 'Oh, am I the problem? I am.' But like, for most of us, like, let's be real, main character energy is that like we are the main character in our own lives. And like, by default, as above so below, that means we also have to be the villain in our own stories. So it's like, oh, hi, right? Like, it's all, it's all the same. So realistically, like, you have to own the part of you that is the villain and say like, okay, the hero and the villain, right? You are the problem and the solution. And that's not to say that your problem needs fixing, but a lot of us have shit to heal, and that's okay. You know, we're fucking human. It's part of the human experience to have things to heal from. Um, but it's like if you ignore the fact that there is anything that needs to be healed, you'll never be able to heal it. And in that case, it's just gonna have more and more control over you, which is just allowing yourself to be the victim, which is not main character energy, right? You're taking yourself out of the main character energy if you're allowing yourself to be a victim instead of the victor in your own story. Mm-hmm.

That's so good. I love that. Yeah, because main characters are heroes and they're also the villains, right? The villain of the story is also a main character, but the victim never is. So you're, you're taking yourself out of the main character role as soon as you're like, oh, poor me, they keep doing this to me, why, right? Woody, I'm curious to know what you think about— this reminds me of the idea of like spiritual superiority, because sometimes we move away from the radical responsibility and the ability to be honest with ourselves about our radical responsibility as we progress in our spiritual journey. So when people get like a guru complex or they think that they have done the work and they know the solutions, then they can revert back almost to the—

those old patterns of being like, it's not me, it's them, clearly, because I'm doing the work and I know about my triggers and I know about my traumas and you're just projecting onto me I, I love this question, and it's, oh, it's funny to me because it's like, to have spiritual superiority is perpetuating a story of duality where a lot of people in places of spiritual superiority, right, if they do feel that they are a guru or a master teacher or master coach, etc., they do identify with those titles then those are typically the people perpetuating, um, the prophecies and stories of oneness more than anyone else. So to then anchor into their reality, the story of duality, of like, I am higher, they are lower, it is a sense of, um, it's still a sense of victimhood, and it's still a sense of entitlement and making them special. And I always come back to this, like, as above, so below, as within, so without. Like, if I am, you are too. If I am superior, you are too. We have to be on the same wavelength. We can't be like mirrors for each other, but yet you're bad, I'm good, I'm high, you're low, I'm right, you're wrong, right? It's all subjective. And the thing is, in each individual reality, in each individual consciousness, they all have their own subjective truth. Their own subjective reality. So for me, it's never even about— I don't even want to say never because totalities are blah to me, but it's to me in this moment, in this state right here in my body, it is not about being superior or entitled or whatever. It's what story am I perpetuating with my views and with my assessment of the situation? So if I was the person in spiritual superiority and I'm like, oh, it's you, you're just not taking responsibility, you know, it's not me, I'm explaining this perfectly, like you just don't understand because, you know, you're not enlightened or you're not awake, you're not aware, right? Then I have to stop and I have to look and say like, people are mirrors for me. If as above, so below, as within, so without— if the people that I am having such guttural, visceral reactions to are making me feel or think that they are not aware, what am I shielding myself from? What thing am I not allowing to be aware in my own reality, in my own truth, in my own spiritual journey? What shadow am I refusing to shine a light on? If I believe, and I do, this I am you, you are me, God is me, I am God, you are God, right? If we are all this consciousness just in human bodies, we can't start to elevate. We can't start to like dictate hierarchies— good, bad, better, worse— because if we do Essentially what we're saying is the reason I'm putting this person here that triggers something in me that I'm, that I'm unwilling to look at or heal or understand, find compassion for this person, right? It's like I said earlier, you know, I made a comment about there were people that I grew up with who, you know, didn't look at the majority path of like go to college, buy a house at 22, get married at 23, have 5 kids by 28. As, you know, this forced path or a path that they had to be on. They were just like, that feels good, that feels comfortable. I'm not even going to think of it as a path that was forced upon me, right? Even though I did. That doesn't make me better than them and doesn't make them better than me. To me, I'm like, that means we each followed our paths. I followed mine, but my path wasn't your path. Your path was your path, you know, until it's not anymore. We always have in every moment to choose differently. So refusing to rank things or have that inferiority— like, we can't even put coaches on pedestals. Even the coaches that I work with, I'm so like, you're still a human, you're still, still doing the best that you can with the information you have and with what I'm willing to give you. So if I don't feel like I'm getting enough from a coach, is it that I'm not getting enough from them, or I am feeling shame or guilt around, you know, my current circumstance and where I'm at, so I'm not being radically vulnerable and radically honest and radically responsible and showing up to the full amount that I want to show up. And maybe I need to give more to get more, right? It's all an invitation to look at ourselves. It's all an invitation to come back and say, what role am I playing in this?

Yeah, that's so good. It's, it's so true. Like that saying that we all learned of, like, you're only going to get out as much as you put in. When you're thinking that someone else is the reason for why you're not getting enough, you have to think about, well, what am I putting into this, and what's my role to play here? One of my mentors actually, you know, I was just on a retreat in Costa Rica, we were talking about that, and she told, um, an interesting story about someone that she knew in, in the past, a friend of hers that was also in in this, in the coaching space. And she came to her and was like, oh, so annoying, like so many people are copying my stuff, like people are always just copying my work and like stealing my content and everything. And the kind of lesson or realization that she had from that was like, but you're kind of, that's kind of like what you're doing in a way. If you look at what you're, how you're showing up and what you're sharing, it's really just a regurgitation of everybody else's stuff. Like, where's the originality in what you're sharing? And so then of course that's being mirrored back to her, that, that energy of like copying. And so not saying that that's always the case, but it's just a good example for us to, to conceptualize how this shows up and, and what it actually can look like of like, well, what's my role to play in this, you know? And that can be painful and hard to be like, am I doing this in some way as well? Or am I allowing this in some way? Is there more boundaries that need to be set? Do I need to stand up for myself more? Am I out of alignment or out of integrity a little bit in some of the things that I'm doing? And I— what I wanted to say on this whole, like, spiritual superiority thing also is just for anybody listening to remember that, like, this isn't a thing that is just for who you may interpret as being the type of person that may experience spiritual superiority, right? Like, you may think, oh, it's, you know, coaches, leaders, teachers, whoever. But it's actually all of us. It's all of us. Like, if you're listening to the podcast, you're obviously someone who cares about personal development. You're doing the work, you're trying to learn and better yourself. And you also are susceptible to spiritual superiority because you can go into your relationships with people in the world and think, oh, they don't know, they're this, that, or the other thing, or they need to get more self-awareness, or they need to do like all— like, it shows up for all of us. I think that's just an important thing to remind people of.

Can I touch on briefly on like the regurgitation and the copying of the content piece? Because I think that's huge, especially as like not just in the coaching industry, but even think about like influencer marketing. And like, I've seen people be like, oh, well, you know, they took my outfit and my like Instagram spot and like my poses and, you know, their, their page looks just like mine. And like coaches, obviously, yes, there is this thing that is, it's letting the unconscious lead. It's like, I just want to like enlighten anyone who's listening to like That is what the story is saying, is like, some of us are followers, not all of us are leaders, and that's okay. Some of us would prefer to be in the follower spot. And with that, those followers will see what the leaders, what the innovators, what the game changers are doing, and they'll be like, oh, that's what we're doing, we're doing that. And they will copy. The issue here is that like if you then realize, oh, I have been copying, I would invite you to look at where you're not embodying your work. So like, as a coach, I'm like, if you're regurgitating someone else's content, copy someone else's, you know, structure, someone else's method or approach, like, are you actually living it? Are you actually embodied in the work that you do? Do you actually do your practices, or do you just say that you're a medit— you just say you meditate 7 days a week? Oh, you just say that like, oh, this is an invitation, this is something I have my clients do, even though you've never had them do it before, right? And like, when you start to live it, that's where you get your own sauce. Like, oh, I tried this on, but I like it better a little bit this way, right? You can buy the same outfit as somebody else and it not be copying 'Cause I can guarantee the way that you dress it up, right? The shoes you wear, the accessories, maybe you belt it a little differently, maybe you do something a little more fun and funky with your hair and your makeup, right? That's what makes it different because you're putting your spin on things, but you can only ever put your spin on things if you've been in it, if you've embodied what you're trying to bring to the table. So if you are one of those people who thinks like, oh, Oh, maybe I'm regurgitating. Okay, well, instead of trying to create from a place of consumption, can you disconnect from consumption and you— can you like live it? Can you embody it and then create from that self-sourced place? It's okay to see a coach's method and be like, let me try that on for size. Because the way that I do things, I see a lot of things that people do mindset-wise. Because I have this background, right, in the physical, the personal training, I do a lot of breathwork, I take cold showers, there's a lot of nervous system regulation. I'll say yes and put my spin on it. Not only will we do that, but here's the why, and we're going to add this, this, this. When I have clients meditate on hard emotions, I have them in a reclined bound angle pose. So for those of you that don't do yoga, it's kind of like butterfly, putting your legs in little diamonds, laying fully reclined on your back. It opens your heart space and it opens your hips, which is where we store difficult emotions. So that way, when my clients are breathing, I'm asking them to breathe into their hips. Let's process those emotions. Let's let them go. And they have felt things shift release, move from their body. I'm not just having clients meditate or do, you know, this one breathwork that I heard from this one coach. I might still have them do that breathwork, but it's in my pose because I've been in that pose and I have felt the shift personally of what it offers. And it's like, it's not just about coaching or, you know, what you're wearing, but it's like, it's your whole life. Like, are you embodying your your highest self? Are you being it? Or, you know, it's that quote, like, are you walking the walk? Are you just talking the talk? Because there is a difference.

Even just like, yeah, even just like having an opinion, you know. I think there's a lot of people that struggle to feel like they have opinions on topics, especially like whatever, where we are in the world right now. Everything is a controversy. Everything is a fucking huge thing that which—

that— do they not have an opinion? Are they just afraid to voice the fact that they have one because they're afraid that people will disagree and it will start controversy and they could potentially be rejected or abandoned in result of said opinion?

Yeah, also that, that could be, that could be the case.

And also I think there are people that have blocked themselves from actually even formulating an opinion because they're not, like you said, walking the walk. They're not in it. They're not an embodiment of the thing, so therefore they don't know how to have an opinion about it. And so they're just regurgitating the opinion of Sally over here, who says, this is really important, and this is what we're seeing, and this is how we should feel about it. And so then, you know, Polly is like, this is what we're seeing, and this is really important, and this is how we should feel about it. And so we're just like, okay, we heard someone else said it, so now I'm going to say it. And they feel this way, so now I feel this way. And just to like bring this down to a place where maybe someone who's not in the coaching space can understand how it might show up for them in their life is like, yeah, like what, what are you regurgitating? What are you quote unquote like copying from other people? Simply because it's easier to witness them do it and then take it on for yourself instead of actually integrating it and being like, and what do I think about this? And what's my conclusion from this? And how do I feel about this? Right? Because that's the embodiment piece. Like you said, that's the same thing that we do with breathwork and meditation and all the tools and techniques that we learn. It's not— they're not unique.

Right?

Like it, there's a lot of coaches teaching a lot of the same tools, but the thing that makes it unique is that individual person having used it, integrated it, practiced it, and been like, oh, and here's how I feel about it. And this is my spin on it. And this is how I like to do it. And I actually feel that this does work and this doesn't work. And I would rather do it this way. Exactly like you were talking about. With you integrating these physical elements into the mindset work that you do. So yeah, I love, I love, love, love that you said if you feel like you're copying or regurgitating, it's an invitation to look at where you may not be an actual embodiment of the work. Because the truth is, when you're living in it, like when you're living your message, you will never lack. Lack content. You will never lack things to say because you will have daily thoughts and realizations and perceptions and opinions about these things because you're in it. If you're not in it, you'll be scrounging and looking outside of yourself for the opinions or ideas of what to share and what to do and how to be.

And, you know, if it feels feels slightly more inviting. You know, look at what you're adopting from other people. Oftentimes in our lives, we can see people that we really, really respect and we really trust and we really love, whether that's, you know, our favorite influencer, our favorite coach, our favorite instructor, right? Like, we can see things and say like, okay, like, oh, they said that, and like, now that's like my quote, that's my thing now, right? That's an adoption. Like, oh yeah, I got this from this person. And it's again like, it's a— where are you adopting it from? If, you know, copying or regurgitating maybe brings up, you know, that pride and that ego block, right? And triggering. Yeah. But like, if, if it's even more like digestible, I think about like, how many times have you gone to like a SoulCycle class or a yoga class, like a Barry's class, right? And like every instructor teaches it differently. They're all teaching the same fucking classes. Yoga instructors are all teaching yoga. Various instructors are all— and then somehow we all find our own favorite instructors. We find one person who's quote unquote sauce— what Kim K just had this like viral like caption on Instagram that was like, they may copy my— yes, they may, you know what, like copy my recipe, but you can give them—

you can give them the recipe, but the sauce will never taste the same.

Yeah, so like it's that, right? It's like like, you'll know whose sauce you just like love and like. And like, Sam and I are both instructors. You might like Sam's class, or you might like mine. You might like a combination of both, right? But like, you'll know. And Sam and I will never teach the same class. We'll probably have different cues, we'll probably see different things, we'll probably invite you into different places of your body, different places of your soul. And you'll like that about us us individually. And that's what's important to know, that like you have a sauce in anything you do. You don't have to be an instructor, you don't have to be a coach, you don't have to be a, you know, a small business entrepreneur. You as an individual, your sense of humor, your joy, your gratitude, your heart, your soul, your kindness, all of those things interwoven that's your fucking sauce. And so like when you're dimming your magic, when you're copying, regurgitating, adopting from other people, you aren't letting people taste your sauce or see your sauce. And you never know who you could attract if you were fully in your own sauce and owning who you are, right? So like you have a sauce just like being a human. Just because you exist, you have your own sauce. Sauce, right? It does not require, like, being an entrepreneur, being a coach, being a podcast host, right? Like, you have a sauce, and I hope that you embrace it, and I hope you let people have a taste so that they keep coming back for more.

Mm, so good, so good. I think the secret for anybody who's like, oh, I really want to find my sauce and connect with it I mean, the secret is just being your fucking self, right? It's just being authentic. It's just saying what you wanna say, doing what you wanna do, being your full weird, beautiful self. Like, that's it. That's the sauce. Like, do you, be you, stop trying to morph and fit into a million boxes and do what you think that you should do or what other people are doing or what is correct. Or we're kind of bringing the conversation full circle in terms of, you know, following this path or going down the deviated path or honoring my truth and what do I want to do. Like, that's the secret to the sauce, is be your fucking self. Like, amen. I love that so much. Thank you, Leda, so much for sharing your magic with us.

Thank you for having me.

Where can everybody find you and connect with you? Because I know after this episode they're already thinking like need to follow this girl, like, fuck yeah.

Um, so you can follow me on Instagram at Lita Alexandra, and I am on TikTok at Life in Alignment. And then you can find the Life in Alignment podcast on Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, anywhere that, you know, you stream your podcasts. You can find the podcast there.

Yay! Thank you so much. This has been an awesome conversation. I've loved it. So much. All right, fam, go give Lita a follow, and we will talk to you next week. Bye!