How to Navigate Feeling Stuck in Your Life w/ Sam Altieri

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I've also been loving the Matcha Collagen Keto Latte. I make it iced and just add a little vanilla creamer and oat milk to it. So good. And it has the collagen already in it for hair, skin, and nail support. And it's dairy-free and sugar-free, which is my vibe lately. I can't say enough good things about Primal Kitchen. So if you're like me and you don't want to compromise ingredient quality but you still want your meals to taste amazing, you can find Primal Kitchen products in your local grocery store or visit primalkitchen.com and save 10% with the code SAMDALEY10. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daley. Entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life.

So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride.

Let's go make shift happen. What's up, guys?

Welcome back to the podcast.

We have another Sam and Sam chat for you today. We know that you guys love these and we love them too. They're like, we use them as our catch-ups. And we actually had something totally different planned for today's episode, but when we jumped on Zoom, we were just talking about where we're at in life right now and things that are present for us, and we realized that this episode just needs to go in a totally different direction because it's going to be way more authentic, it's going to be way more valuable, and it feels like it's something that's present for people in our communities at this time as well. So Sam and I are going to jam on the topic of kind of feeling stuck and being in a place in your life that feels sort of stagnant and maybe like you're feeling really ready to move past it, move beyond it. But there could be external circumstances that are keeping you in place and how to navigate that and how that's been showing up for both of us in our worlds. Just this feeling of like stuckness or stagnancy or boredom kind of with where you're at and really, really wanting to break through it, but having to move through that stickiness of the stuckness. So that's the topic for today.

Yeah, it's like those, you know, the, you know, the hands that you used to get as a kid. It was like a hand with like a string and then like a little loop at the bottom and it was like a jelly-like gooey thing and you'd like slap it like that.

Whack it on the window.

Yes. I feel like that's what the universe has done. Like, I'm like, I'm just like, like a dead bug on the window. Like, I can't move. Oh, it's just, it's totally, it's so real for, for me right now. I know for you right now and a bunch of my clients, so many women in my community, like they're just like in places that they don't want to be, you know, like they're just like ready for the next thing. You know, they're like, okay, like I'm good here. I've learned that, you know, like I'm ready. I'm ready. Like your body is like in motion trying to get to the next thing. The, the plan is different than, you know, what we want. And I think that, yeah, that can be so hard for, for us when we are so like driven and like we have this energy of like, all right, come on, like, let's move, like, let's get a move on. Like, I don't like sitting around, you know? And I know for me it's taught me a lot of valuable lessons and I'm still like learning and integrating them. But yeah. It is really challenging to be in this and like in a relationship and running a business and taking care of your body and health and all the other things, you know. And I think that that can— it can just be really challenging trying to do it all.

Yeah, totally. It always is. But I also think like there's something to be said too for being a person who's done a lot of inner work already and that is really like deeply involved in their own personal growth and is kind of used to getting what they want, for lack of a better word. It's kind of like, I'm used to manifesting with ease. I'm used to getting what I want. And that's something that we affirm over and over again to ourselves, into the universe of like, I get everything that I want and more. And it's a belief that we hold and believe to be true. And it still is true, but it's like it, it always without fail, any time that, you know, you're faced with a situation where your expectation or your plan is not lining up with what the universe has in store for you, it's always challenging no matter where you are at on your journey to navigate that and to accept that and to continue to like lean into the trust and surrender. I don't think that that— I mean, I think that we get better at it But I don't think that it's ever like this fun thing where it's like, oh, I wanted things to go this way and suddenly they're not. And, ooh, that's fine. It always kind of sucks, you know? But it almost like sucks more when you're used to getting what you want and having it come through with ease.

Dude, that's like exactly how I feel. I think that's what I said to Kurt last night. I'm just like, oh my gosh. Like, and I think the feeling that's coming up is frustration. Of like, oh, like, yeah, yeah. You know, like, you just like, you're just like, what is this? And I think in those moments, like the, the version of me that like wants to come through, but I'm like learning to be like, no, it's okay. Like, you're good. Is the one that wants to fix the problem, fix the problem, fix the problem, like make it go away, make it stop. This is stupid. I hate, you know, all those narratives. And I've recently really, like, I've been practicing deeply surrendering and being like, there's obviously a reason why I'm here. Like, there's obviously a lot of lessons for me to learn. And I've been thinking about it because, like, it's June right now, mid-June that we're recording this. And this kind of has been going on for both Kurt and I since last July, because we were in Colorado waiting for our van to be done, and then our van was done, and then we moved into the van in January, and then for one month we traveled to the day, and then we got the phone call that Kurt's mom was in the hospital, and then drove up to Rhode Island and have been here since. And so it's kind of been this perpetual, like, almost like waiting of this, like phase of like, oh my goodness, like, what is happening? You know? And I think that it's so easy. I've caught myself in this, this thinking, and I'm like, that's not the truth. Um, but if you guys are in this position where you're like, the universe forgot about me, you know, it can feel like, what, what's going on? Like, what, what, why not me? You know, like, why is this happening, right? And you can start to play into that victim. And, um, I've totally noticed that coming up way more than I ever have recently. Just observing it, you know, and shifting back into, well, okay, there's obviously a reason why I'm here. I got some stuff to learn. And also there's so much to be grateful for in this moment. And in the times when it's really fucking hard, like, just cry, like, just feel your feelings, you know? And I just, I've been just honoring that and doing that. And it's meant a lot. It's meant that I've had to slow down in so many parts of my life because I just don't have the energy, you know? So yeah, I don't, I don't know if that, if that resonates for you too, but I know for me it's really been kind of humbling to just— it's forced me to slow down because it's like I have to, you know, the environment is—

Yeah, yeah. I think that's the biggest piece for you and I right now. What's actually going on is that, you know, things are fine. Like, I know your relationship is good. I know your business is good. Same with me. But like, our environment is something that, you know, we, we just are desiring more. We're desiring something different. We're desiring something better. So to bring context to the situation for everybody listening, because some of our listeners—

I forgot we didn't tell them. Yeah, I assumed you guys knew.

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Some of them might be in like a similar place. Like, we're both right now— Sam and I are both not living in our own homes. So Sam is staying at her in-law's house because they went up there to help Kurt's mom while she's sick and moving through some serious things. And I'm staying with my parents in their house because when we moved back from Madrid we kind of like had nowhere to go. So we came here and we've been house hunting for 6 months now and we still don't have a house. And so it's just been like a lot longer of a process than, than what I ever imagined, as it is, has been for you on your end, you know, thinking like, oh, you know, we're going to go there and we'll be there for a couple of weeks or maybe maximum a couple of months. But now it's like turning into this long, drawn-out thing. So the environment piece is so relevant for you and I and likely for a lot of people listening, because environment affects your energy, your vibration, it— your mindset, it affects your mental health, it affects literally everything. And that's why it's so important to, as much as you can, curate environments that really make you feel uplifted and light and bright and inspired. But as we all know, sometimes those things just aren't as easy as snapping your fingers and making your environment the most, like, bougie, fun, exciting, cool place ever. You know, maybe you live with roommates that aren't the most respectful, or they're not the most tidy, or you're living in a small apartment right now that's not the best vibe for you, or you're also living with your family, which is challenging because you have a lot of other people's energies around you and their mindsets and their projections and their emotions. And, you know, I think a lot of people, regardless of the situation, listening to this can think about how their environment impacts them in their life. So I think that's just like a huge piece that's going on for you and I right now.

The environment. Yeah. Yeah. And as somebody who is such a highly sensitive and like empath, like I've recently discovered this about myself, like I always knew I was like pretty empathetic, but I've started to realize, and this is kind of like, this is totally an edge for me to share this on the podcast, but I'm going to do it anyways. Like, I've started to realize that I— yes, I'm an emotional empath. I can feel other people's energy, but I also can take on the physical symptoms of other people. And this has happened to me like 2 times, once with my mom and once with my dad in the past few months where my dad was having this like insane ear pain, and it was showing up for me, and I had no idea. And I was like, why are my ears so itchy? Like, what is going on? And then literally within like 30 minutes to an hour, my mom calls me to tell, tell me that she's taking my dad to the hospital for earache. And I'm like, what the hell? Like, and then the earache stopped after he was released from the hospital. And same with my mom. My mom's been going through some like upper back and neck stuff What am I doing right now? I'm going to the chiropractor because I have this severe pain in my neck and upper back. And I'm like, holy shit. And so like, if you guys are highly sensitive or if you're empaths, like I know a lot of people in my world are, and I'm sure for you too, like you're just sensitive to energy generally. You're sensitive to other people's like feelings and mental states. And it's, I mean, it's no surprise, like no, I'm sure that if you're in an environment that's not like the most optimal, let's just say, which technically, like technically the most optimal environment for me is like being alone, like so that nobody's energy is affecting me, right? Like I'm just in my bubble, right? But that's not real life, obviously. But like when there's other people that have had, that have stuff going on, especially heavy stuff, you know, and I'm in a situation like that right now. I can literally feel it. I can feel it in my body. And it's, it's, it's so crazy, like, how this can happen. But I think the thing to remember is, like, you have to separate yourself from the environment as much as you can. Like, get outside. Like, go out, do things. Like, you know, like, get into nature for sure. Like, make sure you're getting grounded. And, like, get into the bath. Like, you know, use your sage— like, sage the place. Like, do whatever you gotta do, um, to clear out any negative energy, but also it might mean that you have to set boundaries too. And that's been something I've been doing, which, dude, setting boundaries with your, like, in-laws is—

it's like, it's probably like the most challenging boundary to set. Like, in-laws is such a, such a weird space. It's such a fine line. It's so, it's so bizarre.

Yeah, it is. And I was telling Sam before we hit record, like, I had to have a really challenging conversation this morning. And I think I'm just at this point where I have to like— and you, you do, I do, like all of us do have to protect our energy. And I think it can be really easy when we do have such big hearts that we're like, oh, it's okay. Like, you know, like I'm going to be like this nurturing, whatever. But then at a certain point, you hit, you hit this like breaking point where you're like, Fuck this. Like, enough is enough. I need to say something because this is no longer okay. And I think that is the point that's really hard for a lot of women, especially to like speak up and use their voice and like set the boundary, whether it's your environment with your family or in-laws or with a roommate or whatever. But it's like, your home is your home. Like, that really does impact you so much. And if you feel like you can't relax in your own home, Like, that sucks. That's not a good feeling. And so it's like, you've got to do whatever you can to, to make that happen, whether it's like, you know, taking some CBD, whether it's like literally getting into the bath every day to relax yourself, like doing like self-massage. Like, I've just upped my self-care practices so hard since being here because like I need to, or else I would be just like disintegrating into oblivion.

Yeah. Yeah, seriously. I mean, I've lived with my in-laws before a couple of times in Spain when I first moved there before I ever had an apartment. Like when I originally got to Spain, I moved in with them because I was still looking for an apartment. And so I lived with them for like about a month, probably. Yeah. And then, you know, we usually live with them for about a month every summer when we go to the beach house and we all stay together in the same place. That's fun. And not like— not that it's a— it's totally like not a toxic environment at all and they're great people, but it's still— it doesn't matter. I think it's still something about being in someone else's space. And for me, I think it's a lot of when you're in somebody else's home or in a home that doesn't feel like it's truly yours or that you like run the household or you have like ownership of it. I feel like there's this energy of not necessarily like tiptoeing around, but like you want to be a respectful guest. And so you kind of feel like you have to cater to how they do things or how they like things or their schedule of doing things. Like when we go to Jaime's parents' beach house in the summer, it's like we eat lunch at this time, we eat dinner at this time. Like we have to come back from the beach and be there because they prepared lunch for us. So it'd be rude to be like, oh, we're not coming. Like things like that. And even just like, you know, how they like things kept or how they like things cleaned, or it's just like this whole other energy of feeling like you almost like can't be fully yourself because it's not your space.

Yes, yes, yes. That's literally it.

And there's nothing more exhausting than being inauthentic.

Yes. And I think that's like, that's it. Like, that's the core of it is you can't be your full, truest self. And I think as somebody who's just relentlessly myself, and I know you are too, it's like, this has been so challenging to just like bite my tongue or to just be like, okay, I'm gonna go outside for a walk, you know? Or like, like even me like dancing every day, like I have to just— I can't even dance in my room with music on because it's like too much. And so I need to like put it in headphones and like make sure I don't like step on the cracks where it like could creak a little, you know? It's like It's just like I'm tiptoeing around my wife and it— and I know that that, that can feel so, um, like, uh, like just like cringe, so cringe. And, and, and the other crazy part about this too is I do think that the person on the other side or the people on the other side also feel this. Like, it's not just you're in the situation, right, and the other person's all fine and doesn't feel it at all. It's like No, they're also feeling stuff too. And whether they're hosting you or whatever, or they're your roommates, like, we're pretty good at picking up on energy. Like, energy doesn't lie, you know? And, and I think that it— like, trying to bring together energies that didn't voluntarily choose to be together, right? Or there's some sort of dynamic where it doesn't feel like flow, it feels a little bit like some friction, or it feels like, ooh, this isn't it, you know, like, hmm, like there's just like a little bit of like, yeah, like, and your body just kind of knows that on both ends. And you kind of can't ignore that. And that's it, you know, like it is that, and I think until you leave, it's like, how do you how do you manage that? You know, how do you keep the peace but also protecting your energy and also, you know, being respectful? Like, it's such a fine line to, to find that balance between both for sure.

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Yeah, yeah, I've, you know, felt that a lot, like being home. It's always like this weird— like, I know, like, my parents and I have a great relationship and they're like two of my best friends, so we truly do like love being here and it's been so good for me actually to spend time with them after literally living so far away from them for over 10 years. So it's like, you know, I'm trying to like lean into the blessing that it is to get to have dinner with my family every night. Like, I dreamed about moments like that when I was so far away from home for so long. Like, we would always do Sunday lunch with Jaime's family when we were living in Spain, and I was— I would just like dream about like how nice it would be to just be able to go over to my parents' house on a Sunday and like have lunch with them and sit with them and have a conversation with them. And for me, it's interesting to notice how sometimes even the things that we like prayed for or that we like really wanted, as soon as we get them and we have enough time with them, we can just be like so eager and ready to move on from them. And I think that's been like one of my biggest lessons in my particular situation is how do I hold on to the gratitude for the gift that I'm being given instead of just hastily wanting to like get the fuck out? Because I don't need to escape this place, right? Like, I know your situation is much different than mine, but like, for me, I don't, I don't technically need to escape this place. However, I do want— and I know you feel this too— I do want to feel like I'm starting this new chapter of my life with my partner, which I know is something that you're really desiring with Kurt too. You know, you guys got the van and it was supposed to be this new chapter of your, of your lives, like you and your dog. And right, it's me and Jaime and our dog. Like, we want to just like have our little family and like go on our adventure and begin this new chapter of our life and So I know you feel that too. And it's like that desire is becoming so strong in the waiting that it makes the patience and gratitude so much more challenging to access. Like, you just have to become so much more intentional about the patience and the gratitude because the desire is growing and growing and growing and getting so big.

Yeah. Yeah. And For me, that's been the biggest lesson for sure has been— well, I think it's, it's been like, so how do I, how do I want to like frame this? Kurt is the most patient person I've ever met. And he would have to be being with me, let's be real. But he really is like, he's, he's so patient. And I witness him being so patient in these situations. And I'm like, like, I'm like, I just look at him and I'm like, wow, how do you do it? Like, I'm not, I'm, and I'm working on it, but I also know, like, I'm like, I am impatient. Like, it's just like, I'm like, all right, let's fucking go. And like, yes, I can work on that, but my natural, like, just vibe is like, if I don't want to be here, I'm going to leave. Like, that's always been it. Like, I've always just left situations I don't want to be in. Like, because why would I stay in something that I don't like? Like, I just— I don't know. I've just always done that. Or if like a situation hasn't been a fuck yes, I'm like, get me on a plane and get me out of here. Or like, I'm going to go somewhere else. And I said to Kurt this morning, it was funny. I was like, you know what is so interesting is this is the first time I've had to just sit with the discomfort of the environment. I can't run anywhere. I can't go anywhere. Because I mean, technically I could, right? Like I could rent an Airbnb, like I could go to my parents' house, like I could do all these things. But the desire to be with Kurt is stronger than the desire to leave. And so it's like, it's first of all, it's crazy what love can do. But it, it's this really interesting, like, place of observing myself, you know, and I'm sure for you it's like observing yourself in the, in the both, in the, all right, I'm ready for the next thing. And also I am really grateful to be here, even as this has literally been the hardest thing I've ever gone through, seriously. And I'm, I'm not even like, I don't know, it sounds crazy to say that, but it has been for me personally, the most challenging obstacle to navigate because so little is in my control. Like nothing. It's not my family. It's not my house. It's not my environment. It's not the— like, I'm just kind of here. And I think like making the most of it, right? Like, I— we're in Rhode Island and Rhode Island's like a great surfing state. So I got a surfboard. I was like, bye, I'm gonna learn how to surf. Like, let's find how I can make this experience memorable and like really enjoy it. And That's been wonderful. And Kurt and I have been really focusing on like doing our daily gratitude and like having meals together where we do reflect on like what was great in the day. But it is like such a conscious practice because it's so easy to get swept up in the complaining or the all the things that you don't want. And I know personally, like without sharing too much because it's like I would share with you guys what's actually going on, but it's just it's not my information to share. And so I'm just going to share as much as I can. But basically I feel like the biggest mirror that I've been shown is where I play victim and where I complain or blame. And I think that's why it's— this environment has been so challenging for me because I've been seeing all the ways in which I play victim in my life. And there's— it's these really small, sneaky ways where I'm like, oh my goodness, look at this little victim consciousness piece over here. Like, oh, look at this. Look at where I do some little blaming over here. And that's uncomfortable to face. Like, that's— I mean, yeah. And so it's been like, whoa, it's a lot. It's totally a lot. But I know that on the other side of it, it's like, this is the most intense shadow work ever. And I guess I needed it, you know, to evolve into the next version of me who's on the road and then down the road buying a house and stepping into more CEO role, like growing in that way. Like, I think I needed this as shitty as it's been, you know?

Yeah, yeah. The victimhood is so real. I even find myself, you know, obviously we're in the process of like manifesting a house and I really have my heart set on buying a place in Florida. Like, if we wanted to rent a place, we would have had a place 6 months ago. Like, it's not— there's so many places to rent. And, you know, it's not even like the, the rent is, is fine in terms of like price and stuff. Even like, we could do it. It's not a big deal. And it's actually even so much easier to rent like with a dog. There's lots of places to rent that have like cute little dog parks. Like, and I'm just— I'm, I'm being met with like The interesting challenge of sticking with my true desire instead of finding a way to escape and pick the easy option just so that I can worm my way out or feel like, oh, I did it in some way. But I know this is like the same thing that happened to me. This is the same fucking feeling that happened to me when I was trying to decide between taking the job offer that I got in Chicago, like after graduation and moving to Spain. And it was like, I actually, I always talk about that story of like a gut feeling. I knew I wanted to go to Spain, which I did. But also there was such a moment of contemplation because I was really tempted by the success and the achievement of, you know, I got offered this job like they offered it to me, like right then and there, like over the table, like at my interview, like, yeah, they were like, we really want you. And it was like this this moment of like, oh my gosh, I feel seen. I feel like, yeah, you know, ooh, like, should I do this? And then I started visualizing myself like moving to Chicago and getting a cute apartment and like making all kinds of friends and then wondering, you know, will I even care about this relationship that I just started with this foreign man? Like, maybe I should just like follow my— yeah, you know, follow the path and go down this road and like, that could be really dope. Like, who knows? But it's the same. I recognize this feeling so clearly because it was like I could distinguish ever so slightly between the temptation and the true desire. They both— they both felt like they would bring pleasure in some way, but one of them was short-lived. Yeah, it was like I would feel pleasure accepting the job and being like all excited about, I'm going to be like a yo pro, like boss babe, moving to Chicago, like do my thing, whatever, getting my apartment.. But I knew after a couple of months I wouldn't like my job. I would be— and then I would be like, fuck, like, why did I do all of this? Now I have rent, I have a lease I can't get out of. I probably, you know, have a— I have a car, I have friends, I have all these ties. So I ended up, of course, you know, going with the true desire, which was less safe. But it was like I knew that that's what I really, really wanted. And so in this house manifestation journey, it's been frustrating because I'm used to, like we talked about, getting things that I want and being able to manifest with ease. So it's been a challenge and an opportunity to like refine my process of manifestation and also to stop leaning into the— like leaning into the complacency of like, I've already done the work, or I already know how this works, or I've done enough, I don't have to try as hard. Like, I've really had to, like, pull myself out of that and be like, no, bitch, like, you're not special. Like, you have to manifest and do— like, you have to do the work if you want to manifest this thing. Like, you have to be in co-creation with the universe to make this happen. But what I know for sure is that, you know, going to rent a place or whatever would be the easy way out. And then I would be like, fuck, I really wish we like bought our dream condo, like right on the beach.

Like, why?

Yeah, why did I do that?

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like settling for less than your true desire, you know? And yeah, I think—

and not settling is uncomfortable. Settling is uncomfortable, but moving through the process of not settling and waiting for the right thing to happen is also fucking uncomfortable, right?

Because the biggest thing is patience. And it's like for big manifestations like a house, for example, like, you know, I mean, yeah, sure, it could have happened in like a week, you know, but that wasn't your timeline. And, and whatever, that's what it is. But I think it can be so easy to get distracted by the shiny objects of, oh, I'll just take this thing. It's here, it's in front of me. Let's just do it, you know? But then in the back of your head, you're like, oh, like, why did I do that? Damn it, you know? And I think this kind of goes back to— this has been my journey, at least, of like being so disconnected from myself and disconnected from my body that like not trusting my gut, or like hearing my intuition, but not listening, and like listening to my mind, you know. And I think a lot of women struggle with this, of not even being able to hear their intuition, you know, being so disconnected from their body. They're like, what is my intuition even saying, right? And like getting mixed messages. And I'm in this place too, interestingly enough, where I feel like as it relates to this, like, you know, instant gratification versus like long-term reward, I'm in this place in kind of all parts of my life. It feels like where I'm, I'm in this like relearning or even deeper learning of trust, like a trust of the universe, trust in myself, trust in my gut, like, and That's been really like, it's been really interesting to witness, you know, just like how much trust can you have, you know, like it's like, ooh, like leaning into this edge of, all right, we're just doing it, you know, we're just, we're just going, or like even trusting on behalf of others, like they're fine, like they're going to be fine. They're going to be fine without us. Like we can go. And letting go of control. And I know that that can be super challenging for like the high achievers that are listening who are so Type A and control freaks. Like, this was me so hard and I'm still learning a lot, you know, like because I'm like, controlling is exhausting and you can't even do it anyways. Like, it's an illusion. So it's like you might as well just trust and it's like how to trust, like, is practice, you know, you have first you got to start with yourself, then you could start, then you can, you know, move to the universe and all the other things. But I think at the core of even everything we've talked about today, it's like trust that you are in the right place at the right time. Trust that you are getting everything that you need. Trust that you wouldn't be here if you didn't need to be here. And I'm still in this, like, I think because we're in it right now too. I'm still like, what are all the lessons? You know, like, ooh, there's so much juiciness here. And I think when you're in it, it can sometimes be hard to see what's actually happening, you know, like what was actually unfolding. What are the real lessons? Because I am somebody who needs a little bit of perspective to zoom out, to be like, wow, Wow, can we just like talk about what happened? You know, but when you're in it, you're just in it and you're feeling all the things. And so I do think it's like it's pretty beautiful if you can zoom out on both manifesting whatever you want, right? Or your environment. Like, what's the lesson here for me? And that can be really challenging when you're in the midst of hardship.

Yeah, because it's like, it's like, you know, you can only connect the dots looking backwards, not going forwards. But because you are a person that has become so self-aware and so involved in their own growth journey, you already know that the dots are going to connect, right? We've already established that belief of whatever is happening is happening for me, not to me, right? I know that this situation, however painful, stressful, frustrating, not ideal, I know that it's serving me in some way. So we know that there's going to be lessons that to be pulled out of it. So we're trying to like get ahead to that place where we can look back and be like, where are the fucking dots connecting? Like, we know they're going to connect. So we're like already trying to find them so that we can feel better about being in the shit. Yeah. But unfortunately, the saying stands a lot of the time, which is you can only connect the dots looking back. And so you just have to, like you said, lean into the trust that it will make sense. It doesn't have to make sense right now, but it will. And I think that's the most frustrating thing if you're someone who enjoys control is you're like, okay, I guess I could get on board with believing that this is serving me and that there's lessons here. Let me find the lessons. Why?

What is—

what is the reason? It's like that, that reel that's like, what is the reason? Like, desperately, just like, tell me the reason so that I can, you know, relax, relax and like allow myself to, like, deal with this and, like, move through the shit. But, you know, there's this— there's like this interesting phenomenon with trust and surrender that I've noticed within myself as well, which is like, you know, it's like when you need nothing, you attract everything.

Mm-hmm.

And so you're like, okay, I don't need anything. Everything is fine. It's almost like this it's like fake. It's like false surrender where you're like, it's totally fine. You're like trying to make it fine because you know that by not needing anything to be different and by making it quote unquote fine, you might actually finally get what you want. So it's almost like trying to manipulate the laws of the universe to be like, I'm ready now because you're like, I'm surrendering.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you see me surrendering? Not caring. Like, here I am. But you're like, not actually surrendered. You know, this totally happened to me when I was wanting to leave Spain and move to the US and like, everything was impossible. There was all these COVID restrictions, like vaccines, pandemic travel stuff, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Being an immigrant, not being able to get into the country. Like, there was all these hurdles and things was not working out and it felt so impossible. And there was a real— that's where I actually experienced the real moment of surrender, which is where I truly, like, truly just gave the fuck up. Yeah, literally was like, hands off of the wheel. Like, I know that this is not happening right now. And I like— there's this episode on the podcast called Crazy Faith and I talk about this and I cried on this episode because it was like the moment where I was on a walk that morning and I just realized like, this isn't happening for you, Sam. Like, you can't go home. And it was like this really just sad, sinking realization of like, you have to find a way to be happy here because you're not going anywhere and you need to like, let that go. And so I came home and I grabbed my mic and I just like cried into the mic and I was like, you know, this will probably all make sense someday. And I hope that I get to tell the story someday where I'm in the US and I'm looking back and being like, it makes sense. And it's so crazy how quickly everything happened after that moment. I think I recorded that like in November.

Mm-hmm.

We went to the Queendom retreat in December and I was really focused on reigniting the, the hope and the, the manifestation of moving to the US someday in some way, shape, or form. And I received so many signs on that retreat, so many things lined up. And then within like a week from getting home, we had a moving date and we booked flights and we were planned to leave Europe forever and move to the US. It was crazy. So it was like the first big, like, memorable experience in my adult life of like actually surrendering, of being like really letting go. And I think that's, you know, I'm noticing in this process I'm trying to access that surrender of like returning to gratitude and being like, everything is totally fine here and I love my family and this is such a blessing. And I literally could live here for another year or more and it would be fine. Like it would really be fine. But it's, it's interesting because it's not the same feeling, you know? And so I think for people noticing within themselves where the surrender is manufactured and where it's actually real and true and raw, Yeah, yeah.

Well, thank you for sharing that. I feel like— I think this has been the most challenging part of my spiritual journey for sure, has been the surrender piece. Um, yeah, like even being here, when we got here in— what was it, February? Yeah. Um, after like a few weeks, I was like, all right, like Let's go, you know? Yeah. And I remember Kurt didn't know what was going on. Like, he didn't know the plan and, and I didn't know the plan, obviously. And so I kept asking him like, so what's the plan? Like, I probably asked him that like every other day thinking that like somehow he would know. And I remember like after a week of that, he like sat me down. He's like, Sam, I don't know the plan. There is no plan. And I just like, I just realized like what was about to happen, you know, like I'm going to cry, but I was just like, oh my God, really?

Like we're going to—

okay, okay, okay. And then I like remember having that moment and just being like, I just, I, I just want the thing that I wanted. Like, what the hell? You know? And he was like, he's like, believe me, same. And then I think at a certain point, I just, I was like, you know what? This house is beautiful. Like Rhode Island's a great state. It's gonna be summer. And I'm only an hour and a half away from my family. And this may very be the last time that we live on the East Coast. And like, I've never seen my family more than I have since being here, like post-college, you know, cuz like I've seen them not every weekend, but like definitely a few weekends every month. And I think even just like buying a surfboard was just like surrender of like, all right, I'm gonna be here, you know? And it's funny because I I bought it like literally a week and a half ago, and I'm pretty sure that we're going to be leaving in like a few weeks. And it was almost like I had to just say like, all right, fuck it, I guess we're going to be here, you know, and just like let go of wanting to leave for it to come. And I think that it's like, it's like if we can do this in all parts of our life, how much, how much more flow and ease we can have. Whether it's with our relationships, whether it's with money, whether it's with— if you're building a business, with your business, like with your work, with your job, like it's like sometimes we just have to throw our hands in the air and be like, all right, this is what it is. Like, let me make the most of it. What can I do? You know, what can I— like, what can I control? What can I focus on that it's actually in my control? And that has been like such a journey of like, wow, I can't put— I can't give my power away to this environment. I gotta make the most of it or else I'm gonna be miserable, you know? And it's like that quote— I— this is one of my favorite quotes. I never understood it for the longest time, but it always stuck with me. And it's like, wherever you go, there you are. And it's the idea that like you can't escape yourself, you can't escape yourself. And so I think for me, the feeling of like being trapped in this feeling of stuck in this feeling of like, oh, was actually just me waiting. It was me waiting until the environment changed in order to do something about it. You know, it was waiting for us to leave in order to X, Y, and Z. And this version of me, which I'm very grateful that I'm at this place in the, in my spiritual journey, is like, okay, we're gonna be here. Like, it's not the worst case scenario. Yeah, it's really fucking challenging and hard, but like, it could be way worse. It could be way worse. And so I really do believe it all comes back to gratitude. You know, and like what's in your control and focusing on that. And that just takes a level of diligence that can be just really time-consuming too, to always be like, yeah, brain in the other direction to be like, no, no brain, don't focus on those things. Like focus on what is good. No, no brain. Come on. Come on.

Like over here. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was saying before, I think it just like the, the intentionality has to be so heightened because of the challenging aspect of the environment. When your environment is exactly how you want it to be and it's great and it's smooth sailing and the energy is right, you don't have to try as hard to focus on gratitude. You just are, right? It's like you just are in gratitude. You wake up and you're like, I love this place. I love my room. I love the light. I love the people that I live with or the person that I live with. I love the man in my bed. Right. It's just like, woo! It's easy because it's all there. But I think that's what we're being reminded of in these scenarios. And for anybody listening that is in a scenario that's less than ideal or less than optimal, it's like the intentionality just has to be 10x what it normally would be and pulling yourself back and doing what you can with what you have and where you are. I think that's always, you know, so powerful to remind yourself that even when you are not in control, there are things that you can do, you know? And I think that's like, like you said, getting out of the victim mindset of like, well, this is so out of my control and, you know, I can't do anything about it because I live with my parents or because I have these roommates and I hate them, or the house is this, that way or whatever, or I don't have enough money to do this, that or the other thing. So easy to just be like stuck in the feeling of like, well, it's not up to me. Like, I can't do anything about it. And sometimes there are elements of that which are true. But what is also always simultaneously true is that there are things that you can do. Yeah. And I wouldn't be surprised if you guys did leave in a couple of weeks because like I said, you know, when I had my like real moment of surrender where I just almost like laid down and was like, okay, I guess it's not happening. You know, I guess we're not going, at least not now. You know, I didn't give up on the vision of like it happening at some point, but I stopped pushing and waking up every day with that energy of like, I need to figure it out. Yeah. And I need to like figure out how to make it go faster. Like, I just really was like, okay, universe, I guess I'm going to be here. For like maybe a year, maybe 2 years, maybe 5 years. I really don't know. But like, I guess here I am. So what am I going to do to love it where I am? And you really have like kind of had that moment, like physical representation of like bought a surfboard, going to the beach, taking lessons. You're like, I live in Rhode Island. This is where I live now, you know? And so maybe, maybe it will. Click in and happen in a few weeks.

Yeah. And, and if it doesn't, like, so be it. I think at this point I, I kind of just like am accepting of it, you know? And when you were talking about that, I, I don't like what just came up was, yes, this point of my, like, this area of my life, let's just say, is what it is. But And for everyone, like, I think it's almost like not every part of your life is always going to be simultaneously upleveling. And I think it can— it like is a reminder of like, okay, well, what other parts of your life are going well? Because I think that's what— that's really what we have to focus on. Like, yes, you can focus on the things that are going well in the scenario that you're not loving, But also think about all the other parts of your life. Like, I know something right now for me, like, Curt and I's relationship has never been better. Like, it has been just— I literally, I just, I don't know, I, I wake up and I'm like, is this real life? Like, I'm like, yo, this is the best feeling ever, having somebody that just loves and accepts you for who you are, like, period. And I know you feel that way with Jaime, like, It's just there is no better feeling in the world.

And I think when you— I think when you actually are a team, the mutual challenge does bring you together more. If you're not truly a team, I think experiences like these that are really challenging and kind of, you know, uprooting to our sense of direction or self or what's going on in life can split people apart. But I think it's such a good sign when you're with someone and you're going through something that's hard for both of you and it's kind of like a situation that neither of you really want to be stuck in, but you're kind of like moving through it together and it makes that— it kind of strengthens that bond. I think that's a really good sign.

Totally. Yeah. And I'm like, like, wow. Like, we have gone through so much as a couple and we've been together for 3 and a half years. And I know you and Jaime have been together for like What, 7? Yeah, 7. Yeah. And it's like, that's a long time for you guys to be together. And for me, like, it's still not my longest relationship, but it's getting close. And I think I wake up every day and just thank God, like, oh, I am so grateful that this is the man that was given to me. I don't even like, yes, I picked him. Yes, I chose him. Like, yes, I literally did ask him out, but like, I'm like, no, the fucking universe chose this. I would like— it's so funny how I would have never like thought that this is how it went. And I'm like, I couldn't— I couldn't be happier with my person. And it's the craziest part.

Same. I met someone in a foreign country. You think I fucking planned that?

It's— and I think that's That is what we always have to come back to is like, dude, the most magical things happen when you least expect it, you know? Like, it's like when we go back to— and this is what I've been doing because like, even like in my business, like I've, I've— and we don't have to like dive into this topic too much, but I've kind of been taking a step back to be like, okay, like, what's the legacy I want to create? Like, what's the like future of my business? Like, what does it look like? Like, what needs to go and stuff like that? And In that process, I've realized, like, which I haven't, I haven't shared this on the internet yet, so I'm sharing this with you. I am hiring Kurt as my COO and he is, he literally just gave me his W-9 and I'm going to put him on my fucking payroll because I, I'm like, you are literally the person I've been looking to hire, but you're right in front of me. Holy shit. Like, we just had a meeting. We had a team meeting and it was in the van and it was the two of us. It was fucking hilarious. And I'm like, I'm gonna cry. I'm like, this has been my dream forever. Like, I've literally just wanted my partner to be so like, you know, whatever this like, like when you put your hand— I'm trying to do this motion for you guys. When you put your hands together, like, you know, with all just like, like this, like I just want to do life with my person and I want them to be like sidekick in my business. I've always wanted that. I've always visualized that, like, you know, speaking on stage and like he's in the back with like the mic set up and like coordinating people or something. I don't know. I've always had that vision. And at a certain point I was like, fuck, maybe it's not going to happen. Maybe this isn't meant for me. Like, maybe I'm just not going to get that, you know? And I was like, I don't know. And I, again, surrender piece. And then Kurt quit his job and he had this like gap space and I pitched the idea to him and he said yes. And I was like, are you serious? And he's like, oh yeah, baby bird, we are gonna fuck shit up.

Did he call you that?

What is baby bird? No, it's just like a saying that he has, but Oh my God. So anyways, going back to the original point, it's like I'm focusing on that right now because that's bringing me so much joy. I am like beyond the moon ecstatic to like have somebody who is so organized and like entrepreneurial and like systems and like all the things I'm not good at, like basically everything business related, like It's just not my, like, like, expertise. Like, it's just not. And I'm like, I really needed a fucking break, you know? Like, I needed this so badly. And so I think that's also brought us together too, because I'm like, you know what? Like, you're my ride or die bitch. Like, let's do this thing together. Like, let's navigate this challenging time being here in Rhode Island together. And also let's like pour energy into something that's going to be amazing. It's going to give us both so much more freedom. It's going to give us so much more impact and fulfillment in all the things. And like, you're going to be able to be in your zone of genius. And same with me. And, and that's what I've been focusing on because that's what's going well. And I feel like when we, when we give our attention to what is going well, that can just completely obliterate the feelings of helplessness or stuckness in the other parts of life because you're like, Whatever, who cares? Like, don't even fucking care because I'm happy over here. And that's really like what I've been practicing focusing on. But then there's some times where I'm just in the depths of the miserable situation. I'm like, God, fuck. But still, like, I do my best to focus on the good.

Yeah, it's a roller coaster. It's like, as we were talking about before we recorded, it's like some days you're like, this is totally fine. Like, I got this, I can do this. It's all good. It's all good. No worries. And then other days you're like, what the fuck? It really is. It's— but I think that's like life encapsulated too. But I love that for you guys. I'm so excited. Jaime and I have had so many conversations about him working for me someday.

I can so see that for you guys.

Yeah. And he's like, because he's always so excited about all the things that I'm doing, like he knows all my clients' names, like he helps me make like client gifts when I send them out. Like he's super, super excited about the retreat and like helping me plan that. And he's like so into that. He like wants to be like the retreat manager. He's like, I want to come on the retreat and like, you know, set, set everything up and like organize the spaces and like do all of the like background stuff. And I'm like, okay, I mean, yeah, I guess, you know, we could make that work. Like, yeah. So I think working together in some capacity will probably be part of our future as well. And I think it just makes sense when you are such a good team and when each person brings something unique to the table that the other person doesn't have, you know, like opposites attract kind of thing. Like, I know you and Kurt are like really opposites and Jaime and I are like really opposites. We've had this conversation in private about like how I'm, I'm Kurt, and that's also why our friendship works. Oh, yes. Because, yeah, like opposites attract. It's just a real thing. So I love that. I love that. And I feel that way too about, you know, the things that are working, focusing on them and just really pouring into them and letting that be the thing that drives you. Like, as soon as I booked the villa for this retreat, I was like, I don't need a house. Like, literally, I was like, I don't even care if we get a house. Like, I have a new project that I'm excited about. I have a new fucking thing that I'm on. So like, whatever, fuck the house, you know? Yes, yes, yes.

I felt the same when I booked the house for my retreat too. I was like, whatever, it's going to mean that we're going to be in Utah in September. So whatever.

Yeah, so whatever. Like, I guess I don't care about anything else. And like, maybe that's a little bit of escapism, but I also think it's, it's healthy channeling your energy into the things that are working, right? It's just like, you know, where, where your energy flows or where your attention goes, energy flows and just like magnifying the things that are working and that are going well and that are beautiful in your life instead of dwelling in the victimhood of, you know, the one situation or circumstance that you really want to get out of or that you feel stuck in. But yeah, I've loved this conversation. I feel like there were so many, so many beautiful, like, realizations and lessons and nuggets for everybody listening that were just like cosmic and unexpected. Like we said, we did not plan to talk about this at all, but We just kind of like let it flow. So I hope this episode was enjoyable for you guys to listen to and that you have something to take away if you're feeling any of these feelings in your life right now, feeling stuck, wanting something to change, working on manifesting something, getting out of an environment that's maybe not the most optimal for you, that you feel less alone and a little more supported in the journey.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think like just remembering that, like, like what you just said, you're not alone, truly. Like, I feel like what is personal is cosmic, you know, like collective. Yeah. Like that's what I meant. Not cosmic. Thank you. But it's really true. Like when you actually just start to have conversations with, with people and share what's going on in your life and kind of open up, which I know can be scary. You realize like you're literally not the only one. And I think there's a lot of, um, just like respite in that of knowing like, okay, like at least I'm not the only one. Like it just takes some of the pressure off of you and it lets you know like, okay, you're not gonna be perpetually in this forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and just continue to have the faith knowing that you're exactly where you need to be.

Truly. Yeah, that's the, that's the truth. That's the message that you and I are both returning to every day. I'm exactly where I need to be. And that I hope is serving someone who's listening to this right now. Just remembering, keeping both feet on the ground, one foot in front of the other, bringing gratitude back into your heart, focusing on the things that are working, making the small changes that you can to the environment or the situation that's not working, and remembering that you are always exactly exactly where you need to be and that it's all going to work out and make sense very, very soon. So thank you guys for tuning in and listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, don't forget to take a screenshot and share it to your stories and tag both Sam and I so we can see you and say hey and send you a little message. Um, and also please go over to Spotify or Apple, wherever you're listening to this podcast, and leave a rating and review. It's just a very kind thing to do and it helps support both of us as entrepreneurs and our podcast. So we love you guys so much and we will talk to you soon.

Bye.

Love you. Bye.