Hustle Culture & Healing the Wounded Masculine w/ Monica Yates

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life.

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Let's go make shit happen. Welcome back to the podcast, you guys. Today I have a super special guest. I am joined by the one and only Monica Yates. She is a very requested guest on the podcast, so I'm excited to have her here. If you guys aren't familiar with Monica's work, she is a trauma healer, period whisperer, and an embodiment coach. She's a double Sagittarius, so lots of Sag energy in the room right now. She's a Gemini rising, which we love. It gives her a little bit of flair and controversy. She's an Enneagram 8 and a generator in human design. Monica helps women get into their magnetic as fuck feminine energy, and she helps men feel ecstasy and intimacy. I'm excited to chat to you. About your work with men and women, because it's something that not a lot of people in the space are doing. But anyway, her work is commonly described as unlike anything else and indescribable. Over the years, Monica has become an expert in helping women step out of their masculine armor, tap into their core feminine desires, and live a life in alignment, which is something that we all want to do. Through the use of trauma healing, inner child work, womb clearing, subconscious reprogramming, embodiment, somatic work, and a shit ton of other modalities. She's helped thousands of women heal their cycle, reconnect to their period, break through trauma, and no longer be triggered by their past. Monica is a unicorn in the coaching space, and we're so excited to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much, Sam, for having me.

I'm so excited to have this conversation. I guess we'll just kind of— I'd love to get a little bit of, of background on who is Monica, kind of behind the Instagram. So I know you have a lot of Sagittarius energy.

Shen, oh my God, that is such a good question. I feel like people start podcasts with like, tell me about how you got here. And I mean, that is such a boring question to me because I'm like, if someone wants to know that, they can go to my podcast or my website. I— sorry, keep going. I just love that question. What a great question.

Yeah. Okay. Because I was thinking, you know, like, I've followed you online for a little while and I've listened to the podcast and we get a lot from you on Instagram. But I feel like there is so much to you as a person, as there is to all of us behind the Instagram. And that's kind of the stuff that in my research for this interview that I wasn't able to source. And sometimes that's the most interesting and the most exciting. And that's like what you end up learning from people when you connect with them in person, which I felt a lot in this past week when I was in Tulum and meeting lots of other coaches. And that piece of the puzzle is so important. And it is so interesting. And I know, so you, you know, you have this like, interesting map of your life of all the places that you lived and have been and are from and I'm kind of the same in that way where it's really hard for me to describe like where home is because home is everywhere and it's nowhere at the same time. So yeah, I just want to like hear from you, like what, who are you behind the Instagram? What is your story? Like where are you from? All the things.

I love this. And I will say, I feel like when I started, I would say maybe like 2 years, uh, you know, I would even say last, not last year, the year before, like 2020, 2019. And before that I was a lot better at just posting like more random shit on my stories. But as I've gotten busier, I've just been posting less on my Instagram stories. And it's not that my Instagram stories are ever actually curated because they're not. They're like, like people always say, like, how you shop on your Instagram is you talk the same or whatever in real life. And I would be like, I would expect that. I hope that people aren't two different people when you meet them. But I would definitely say that as I have grown in my business and I just get busier in my days and everything with clients and whatnot, I don't have time to just be posting random shit on my Instagram stories. Like, it's not a priority for me. So in the last couple of years, people don't see as much of that. Whereas when I was living in Australia, they would definitely see more of it, but I had so much more time. I didn't have like a million clients and I wasn't doing a million things. And so it's not that I am, it's not that I feel like for a lot of people, not everybody obviously, but I feel like for a lot of people, it's not that they don't want to show their really like un-Instagrammable side. It's that they either keep that for themselves or like those, like those are the moments to me now where I do not pull out my phone. I've become so good at not pulling out my phone and people always compliment me on that of they think because I'm on Instagram all the time or on social media, I'm always like Instagramming everything. And when I'm out with people, like I'd be on my phone and I'm like, no, I have the opposite problem where I don't take enough pictures of my personal time because I don't pull out my phone. So for me, it's kind of like the reason why I'm these days don't post as much silly stuff. It's not because I'm not silly behind the scenes. I'm like quite weird. It's not because of that. It's actually just because in those moments when I'm being goofy or when I'm doing something random or I've done something stupid and silly, sometimes I'll put it on Instagram like afterwards or I'll share it as like a story. But often, I'm not on my phone or like it's a moment where I don't want my phone to come into it or I don't want to put it on Instagram. And then, the last couple of years, I've also— not, maybe like in the last year and a half, 2 years, Like, people are nosy. I'm like, that's fine. We're humans. We're fucking curious human beings. But there are just some things where I'm like, it's my personal life and I do not want to show it. And a lot of people feel like there's almost like an expectation of like, because you're online, you have to show me your whole life. And it's just like a reminder to everybody that, you know, if you feel like, for like in the coaching space, if you feel a pull towards someone, I was actually talking about this with Who was I talking about it with? I can't remember. One of my clients, it's like, don't hire a coach based on just what you see on like Instagram or like, you know, the vibe they're living in or like the house they have. Don't hire someone based on that. Like I hope people, I hope that you hire a coach based on can they do their job? Like does their podcast or does their Instagram prove they're an expert in their field? What do their testimonials say? Like do they show up professionally online? Because I feel like a lot of the coaching space, this is just like my personal opinion, opinion. It's not professional. And I guess in my area, I'm very like, I keep myself very professional. And so I don't want to show my, like all of my personal life online. And it doesn't mean that, um, that I'm any less real or authentic or that I don't have a personal life. It's just that I've decided for myself that I, what allowed me to separate my business and my personal life. So I wasn't just like drowning in business stuff all the time, and that I felt like I was me separate to my business, was actually being more professional and creating more separation. So I also need to do that online because if I put everything online, it's like, it feels like I don't have anything to myself. And I actually love having things that are like just for me and nobody else needs to know that. And my clients know a lot more. And people will often say, once they're like in Queen Alchemy or they come to one of my events or whatever, they'll be like, you are like so much more nurturing and warm and slower than I thought. Um, and I'm like, yeah, like, like to that, some people would be like, oh, I need to like show more of that online. But then at the same time, I'm like, these people trusted that they, that, that like based on, um, my area of expertise and how much proof I give people that I'm really good at my job, they chose to hire me based on that, not based on like my personality, if that makes makes sense. Like, they know that I'm there to fulfill a job for them, and I'm going to fulfill that job. Like, I'm going to give them the results. And the beautiful thing is they get to know me better. So for them, it's like a gift of like, oh wow, like, she's better than I thought, if that makes sense. I don't know where I was going with that, but it's like permission for everyone to like also have a personal life. It's not on social media.

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Yeah, I mean, I think it's a hard line to draw between like coach or, you know, professional of some sort and influencer because we, we use social media as the main form of like marketing and attraction for our businesses. Then sometimes we get caught between those two worlds and they are two very different things, but we're in this space where it's almost like a hybrid of like an influencer coach or like an influencer healer or whatever you want to call yourself. And I've found that for myself, like, I'm actually really glad that we like randomly got on this topic because it's been coming up for me. And this, you know, it always happens like this. It's been coming up in conversation a lot recently about what we share in stories and how much of our lives are online. And I think I'm finally in that phase where I'm really like being called to maybe share less of the random moments.

I had that. I would say like, so sometime last year, and I like, it was like a moment where I actually was like, when was it? And I really stopped sharing a lot of things online. I like went kind of quieter. I think it was like actually towards the like end of last year, beginning of this year, I really started sharing less. And I actually realized that it felt better. And I, it felt like things were more intentional that I posted. And I actually got to I don't know, it just felt better. And it felt better having more of a personal life to begin. There is no one size fits all with this. And you know, there's seasons, so there's some seasons where you'll post more and other seasons where you post less depending what's happening in your life. And there's no right or wrong, but it's just, I think what's really important is that a lot of people, they don't give themselves permission to do what feels good, especially women. They do what other women are doing. And that's not gonna work for you. Like if it doesn't feel good, it's just not gonna work. Like please just do what feels good. And, And yeah, I was like writing a whole post on actually this morning to schedule of just like, please don't hire someone based on, you know, just where they live or like the clothes they wear. Please hire someone based on like the results that you know that you're gonna get from them because they've proven that to you. I feel like a lot of people can get very sucked into the whole vibe thing. And obviously I'm all about the vibe, but then I'm sure you've seen it too, Sam, of like so many women, like I've seen it I put myself in so much debt hiring all these people and I haven't gotten the results. And it actually hurts me because I'm like, why? Like, what's the disconnect where like you're not getting results but you're hiring all these people anyway? So that's a whole other topic of conversation.

Yeah, no, but you touched on something that is really present for me and that I was writing a post about the other day as well, which is, you know, being careful to just have discernment between what somebody else is doing online and what you can do online or what works for them working for you. Because right now we're having this conversation, but if someone is just starting their business and they decide, I'm not going to share any of my life online, that's silly, right?

It's a lie.

So everything is like nuanced and everything, everything has its own phase and stage and time where it's appropriate. But I think this, this leads us really nicely into masculine and feminine energy because first I just want to give you a compliment because I really do feel like, especially in recent years, that you are a really beautiful embodiment of this, like, harmony and balance of the masculine and feminine. You know, just at least watching you online and the way that you run your business, and even the things that we've just been talking about now, I think when we first start out, there is a lot more masculine energy. But I don't know your story with it, so we're gonna get into that in a second. But at least for me, you know, first starting my business, there was a lot of masculine energy there because I was so motivated Yeah, I was so excited. I was so passionate. I really wanted it to work. I decided that it was going to work and I was willing to put in the work. But then there comes a moment where that is in overdrive or it becomes detrimental to you and there is no line, there's no boundaries. And it's kind of like the same thing we were saying, cleaning up your energy with what you share online and how much of yourself you give and how much you actually— how much time you spend in receiving and in living and enjoy and in pleasure and kind of leaning into that feminine energy.

So I would just love to hear from you.

You, like what your story is with this, whether it's just in life or in business. And have you ever swung really hard one way or the other?

So when I started my business, I was like very over masculine and just like, and what's important is that what you said before is like the crux of whether your business is going to work or not, of like you have to decide that it's going to work. If you're like, oh, I hope it works, like good luck, it's not going to work. You have to decide that I am willing to literally do fucking anything to make this work. Those are the people that have a successful business. That's really important. For me, What was happening though, was that I wasn't being smart with my time in the beginning. I was just, just, I literally would work like 16-hour days. It was in my head. The more I worked and the more burnt, my story was like, the more that I burnt myself out, the more successful I was. Like if I had a social life, I was like not killing it. It was very like, it was just very, what's that dude's name? Long last name. And he is just all about—

Gary Vaynerchuk.

Thank you. That's what people say. It's very like that kind of mindset of like, like, fuck your social life, like you don't need friends, just like work, work, work, work, work. So I did that, um, and it didn't actually work. And then, uh, so what actually basically happened, I remember the moment quite clearly, is I had a really bad ski accident and I was going, I developed phantom pain, um, which is, if anyone doesn't know what that is, basically it's like a made-up pain. Your brain is telling you there's pain when, like, we're telling you there's like, you know, someone's hit my leg when no one's hit my leg. Um, so I went to go to a brain doctor and he told me to meditate. And I paid, I, well, I was not, I didn't have money at the time. So it was $600, which is a lot for me at the time. And my credit card wasn't— my debit card wasn't going through. So I had to like pull money from another account to pay it. And I remember the office, I was like, I told him the situation, I told him what was happening. And he was like, you need to meditate. And I was like, okay, well, I already meditate. And he was like, okay, meditate longer. And I was like, the meditation isn't working. There is something that's happening where like, and I've tried everything. I'm super into this work. Like there's something else that I need to do. And then I remember him testing out my core strength and being like, we have a really strong core, so like, not sure why this is happening. And that's like all I remember from the situation. He like tapped my knee or whatever and then was like, yeah, just meditate. Like, that's all you can do. And I just remember being so disheartened. And I was in the taxi or the Uber, whatever, back to my apartment. And I just, I got home, I sat on my balcony. I do have a very nice view of the harbor in Sydney. I sat on my balcony, I looked at the view, and I was just like, fuck this. I'm going to stop trying because like this isn't working. Like what? Like what? I was hustling and grinding and like I wasn't getting any sales. I wasn't getting any clients. It was like I'd get like a few here or there, but it was like, you know, $100 for the hour. So it was just nothing. And I stopped. And I remember from that moment on, like just in flux. And then like 6 months later, I then actually it might have been less than 6 months later, I then made my first group program and like the first year of my business I can never remember whether I made $20K or $40K that year, Aussie dollars, one of the two, still like not very much. And then the second year I made $600,000. Like I quantum leap and it literally was because I stopped like over-pushing. And it wasn't that I then just gave up and was like, oh, whatever, people are just going to like slide into my DMs. I'm not going to have to do anything. No, I was still very much showing up, but I was showing up in a way that felt good and in flow. So I was still like, working a lot and putting the effort in, but it was all aligned. It wasn't like what I used to do where it was like unaligned action, wasting my fucking time, not doing things that had like a high ROI, but instead doing things that like I thought would work that weren't actually working. So even like from now on, like there are seasons we all go through and like currently I'm in a season where there is a lot fucking going on in my personal life, like all great things, but there's a lot going on. And so as a result of that, I've actually had to implement more masculine structure to allow me to not be so stressed. Like, you know, you know, putting in my editorial calendar and I don't do it all, all the time. Like I'll move things around if I forget to do it, it's not a big deal, but I have the intention and I put ideas in of like what to talk about on my Instagram story or what to post. And it allows me to kind of sit down for an hour, work out the flow of like the launch of something for that week or the marketing or whatever. So it actually works and it kind of makes sense and has a story. And then if I don't execute one day, like not a big deal, drag it to another day of the week or to next week. No one's going to fucking die. But what it means is that I'm not then sitting here frantically being like, what the fuck am I going to post on my Instagram story today? Or what am I going to post on my Instagram? Having no ideas, being scattered, and that then causes more stress. So then you're more out of your feminine. Like, you need that masculine structure to be in your feminine. And sometimes you need more of it when there's a lot going on in your life. You need more masculine in order to be in your feminine. Whereas, like, you know, when I'm in Tulum, for example, I think I checked my asana of what to post, but it was very much in flow. Like I didn't, like I was there last weekend when you were there, Sam. And like, I didn't, I don't really think I checked my asana of what I was going to post because there's a lot more feminine energy there. I was a lot more relaxed. So I could really like just be more in flow and I wasn't stressed, but because I have all these moving pieces at the moment, when I came back to reality, that is, so like out of the toy bubble, I then need that masculine structure to be in my feminine. So I'm very— since 2018, when I had that fucking meltdown about my knee, I haven't like burnt myself out again. I've gone through moments where I've gotten a little bit too far and I'm like, whoa, we need to pull it back. But I've learned from— I know my signs and signals. So when I start to get a sore throat, that's my body's way of being like, stop fucking talking and take a chill pill. So I'll pull it back for a second. So I've learned my body's way of telling me like, you're a little bit tired, like, can we rein it back in? And I trust that. Cause I know that if I don't trust it, I'm going to be out for 2 weeks. So I trust that, I rein it back for a day or for 2 days, just pull it back a little bit and then I'm fine again. So I can keep going. But the underlying thing is that, you know, 90% of the things that I do in my business, they feel good. They feel exciting. Yes. I'm always executing a lot and I create a lot and people are always like, how the fuck do you create? I mean, I'm a generator. I don't stop., but it's all in alignment and it feels good. It's like not stressful. And I, I even like fired both my assistants because, um, like recently, because I mean, I needed the help and like I still do, but the reason why I let them go was because one of them was doing a bad job. Then the other one, it was like, I was actually getting stress from needing to constantly communicate with someone from mistakes happening, from me, from me finding things that like what I wanted them done. And like, I realized that my lack of control was actually causing me more stress and therefore I was actually getting myself out of alignment. So now I do everything myself again, which is kind of weird being this far in my business, but I'm really enjoying it because doing everything again has actually made me feel less stressed because I know everything that's going on. So even though I'm putting in more hours a day, you know, I've got the systems and everything. So everything's kind of streamlined by now, but even though I'm doing the emails and I'm doing the onboarding I actually feel more connected to everything and I know what's happening. So it's actually reduced my stress and therefore allowed me to be more in flow. So there really is no right or wrong or like no textbook, 'cause we're all different. But the most important thing is like, does this feel good? Do things feel in flow and easy and whatnot? It doesn't mean, do you not get stressed? I was overwhelmed this morning. That's not what it means. It means like, do things feel like, in alignment? And you can have a bit of overwhelm and alignment at the same time, to be honest, versus like, do I feel frazzled, stressed, and like resentful of my business? Because that's where the problem lies, when you start to feel resentful and like you don't want to work. Whereas I've got the opposite again, which is really nice. Like, I want to work, I want to sit down. Like, doing work reduces my stress versus like work increases my stress. So like, just knowing those little things is really good.

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Yeah, I love that so much.

I—

and It's interesting that you mentioned, I know you have a lot like happening in your personal life and that has, you know, caused you to need to lean into the masculine more. And I'm like in such a similar place. So I met my partner when I was living in Spain. I was there for like 6 years and we just finally moved back to the States in January. So we moved countries, we're shopping for a home, we're trying to buy a house, all the, and like, I know there's so many, like weird synchronicities and similarities that are, that are happening here. But I felt, I really felt like over the last year, like in 2021, my focus was really like integrating that healthy feminine into my business and not, not moving towards burnout. And I did feel like I was, you know, made a lot of progress in that and that I had cultivated this beautiful balance of the two. And then now that we're here, you know, my partner's in like an immigration process, so he can't work, he's not getting paid. So it's this whole other element of like, oh, actually do have to step back into the masculine a little bit more to like take care of us and get these things sorted. And I felt that fear creeping in of like, oh my gosh, am I going to go back to the way that I was before when I was kind of heading towards burnout? But this past week in Tulum was like really needed. And it just helped remind me of how much work that I've done and that there are times where you have to step into the masculine more or step into the feminine more. And once you found a way to create that balance or harmony, like you can ebb and flow and you don't always have to be right on the center line, but it doesn't mean that you're out of alignment or that you're out of balance. And I think that was like huge for me.

And also what I always like to tell myself and what's really helpful for a lot of people that are like starting this is that you can technically speaking be in your masculine, but the intention is feminine. So then it's like, it's actually feeding your feminine, just like core desire, if that makes sense. So like sometimes you doing something masculine actually feeds your feminine. So for example, like me planning, you know, loosely planning my content for the week. Yes, that's a masculine task. And some might say you stepped into your masculine, but I'm like, actually, to me, what I've done is that I've helped my feminine feel fucking relaxed so I can be in my feminine. And then even with like the partner thing and like you have seen, like you being the breadwinner right now because he can't work because of immigration. It's like that. I mean, I always get that question of like, what do you do when you're making more money than your partner and you want a man to provide? And X, Y, and Z. And every partnership is different, but remember, it's easier said than done. Like, let's be honest, money is like a big source of the providing piece, but there are, you have to figure it out for yourself, but there are so many ways in which if he did certain things, your stress would hugely decrease and allow you to be in full creative flow. So you'd make money really fucking easily and you would feel really, really excited by that and you wouldn't care about sharing. The problem that happens to women is when they feel like it's— they have to put a lot of effort in to make money and they have to do all the other things in the relationship. That's where all the stress comes in and the resentment, resentment of like, I'm making all the fucking money, what are you doing? That's where it creeps in. But like sometimes my boyfriend, even this morning, he said it, he's like, okay, what can I do and take off your list so that you can just go into creation mode today? Because he knows that like, if I don't feel like things are easy in my business, I'll get really fucking stressed out, right? If there's like a million things for us to be doing and I need to do half of them, I'm like, I get frantic, not because I don't want to do half of them. I get frantic because I'm like, I just need things to be easy in my business because that's how I operate best. So for him, he, we've talked about this a lot. And I came to that conclusion and I realized like, actually all I need to not feel stressed out my business is to like be able to be in creation mode easily. As soon as I'm wiped of my creativity, that's when I get really stressed because my creativity is my source of money and my source of, it's where my business flows from. It's like that creative energy. So, okay, what zaps me of my creative energy and like X, Y, and Z things. Like even like had to return some fucking UPS boxes today or had to return some shit to UPS. And so he's like, cool, I'll do that for you so that you can then stay in your creative flow and like not have to go and do that. And so just for anybody else kind of in that similar situation where they're in a season of life and remember that it is probably temporary, like for you, you, Sam, it's temporary. One, remind yourself that it's temporary. And then also two, um, like figure out what he can do that's gonna like massively reduce your stress so that you get excited to do what you love to do that makes you money.

Yeah. So the system that we have set up that's been working for us for like over a year now is he— once I started really kind of like being the breadwinner in our relationship and my business was really taking off and being successful, and he realized how time and energy and dedication and creativity had to kind of go into it. He immediately wanted to step in and help, and he was like, what can I do? And so the system that we have set up is that he takes care of all the laundry. Like, I haven't done laundry in like a year. He takes care of all the laundry, takes care of all the house stuff. Like, I have a dog, I know you have dogs, but so he is mainly kind of taking care of the dog throughout the day, going on the midday walks with him, doing all that kind of stuff. And that has really, really worked. Like, it really does work what you're you're saying. So it's so true because I can be in the masculine in the sense that I'm making the money for us or the majority of the money for us. But I'm also in my feminine that I'm receiving help. Correct. He's stepping up into his masculine being like, what can I do to take care of us and to take care of our household and our responsibilities and our child, which is our dog?

Yes. And he's like, the bottom line is he's taking things off your plate so that you can be in your feminine flow of your business. And the funny thing is that, like there are a lot of women that are like in this space now. Like, cause women are such natural healers, a lot of us, that we can make money very easily when we're in flow, right? Whereas like men, because they're logical, like we're so different. The way they make money is completely differently. They're not like, oh, I'm in flow and then I make money. Like that to them is like, how the fuck does that work? That makes no effing sense. They're like, no, I have to like sign deals, close things, like put in heat, like do the fucking spreadsheets. And I'm like, what's like, what is like, you should see my fucking spreadsheets. They are not spreadsheets. They are tragic. Right. But like, whatever. Whatever. It's like, you know, it works for me. And so, if you can also like lean into that as a couple, there is a lot that can come out of that, of like the ease of the money coming in, you feeling like it's easy to make money, the support of your partner doing a lot of things. There's a million things that he can be doing that are like masculine things, whether it's like looking after finances of the business, doing budget stuff, whether it's like doing like organizing like housey shit, like fixing light bulbs. Like, I don't know, like all that kind of stuff is actually like, I don't want to fucking do that. I don't want to do the grocery shopping all the time. I don't want to fucking, I don't know, like fix the light bulbs. Like, that's not my job. And so he actually can be doing a lot to take stress off your plate so that you can be more in that creative flow and whatnot.

Yeah. Okay. So for all of the women listening that are single and maybe they're dating, how does this show up in like the dating environment, this like masculine and feminine energy? What— because I know this is something that you really talk about and And so, yeah, like, what is the— what are the things that maybe women need to be aware of or conscious of when they're dating in terms of masculine and feminine energy? And maybe even we can get into the topic of emasculation of men, because I know that's huge. And you, like, blew my mind on that a while ago, like, I think a year or two ago on a podcast that I listened to, and I was like, whoa. So we'll definitely touch on that. But let's talk about the balance of these energies in dating, how it shows up, what the imbalances look like, what to be aware are of?

So, I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I, I mean, right now I'm talking a lot about dating because of the masterclass that I'm doing, and one of the questions that I like always get is like, where are the, like, where are the men that lead? Like, I feel like I have to do everything, I have to be the one to reach out, I have to plan the day. And thing is, people say this to me once they're in a relationship. The women are like the ones planning the dates, the one booking the holidays. Or I see on Instagram and I'm like, why the fuck has she booked a holiday? Like, I would never book a fucking holiday even if I'm— even if I paid for the hotel. Like, I don't even put my— I don't put my fucking credit card details in. He does it. Like, I'm not doing that. And it's like, women are— women aren't aware of it, but I mean, there's a whole thing going on behind the scenes. But essentially, society is basically making it that it's really unsafe to be a masculine man. I did a whole episode on this of how masculine men don't cause society— sorry, feminine men are what causes society to be unsafe, not masculine men. Because truly masculine men are the ones that then see a problem on the street, run over and solve the issue. The problem is that men these days see an issue on the street and they're like, wait, this is literally— I've done so many surveys on this, I'm not joking, the amount of men that their brain will now go, I want to go and help, but I don't know whether she's gonna then chop my balls off because I've told her that she can't handle the situation. So what's happening is there is this issue where women are complaining about there's no good men, and at the exact same time emasculating all the men. So of course there's no men stepping up and leading and being because all men worry about these days with women is, what if I make one wrong move and then my whole career goes down the drain? She ruins my life because of something that she's interpreted. So, it's our responsibility as women to really heal our relationships with men so that we stop projecting this story of like, all men are dangerous, or like men just want one thing, or X, Y, and Z, because it is not fucking true. The media portrays that. And this is not to say that there aren't violent men or there aren't abusive men. Like, that's not what this is saying. What this is saying is, is for you to group all of that in one go or for you to let yourself get so brainwashed by that's all men. That's where the issue is. And you know, there's really bad women too. Like there's women that fuck men over. I've had plenty of, I know plenty of situations where men have been abused or men have been sexually abused or men have been like lured into sexual situations and they feel like they can't say no because of how the women will then respond. And so it's really, It is detrimental in a sense to single women and the dating, and dating. And I understood it. I saw it firsthand. For me, I felt like it was a little bit easier because from the get-go with my job, men knew straight away full permission to lead. I mean, you take one look at my Instagram and they're like, oh, okay, I can do everything. And like, in fact, she'd be insulted if I didn't. And I would say that to men on like a first date or like before they even took me out and make it very clear of like, just an FYI so that you know No, you're fully allowed to lead and do everything. Um, like, I'm not the kind of woman that's like, don't hold open my door. I want all of that. And I've never had a man be like, what the fuck, or like, that's weird. Every man that I've said that to, every— I'm not joking, every single one, even guy friends, it is a sigh of relief. Or when I open up the space for them to tell me about stories and situations, because I've done a lot of research for my book, to them it's just like, oh my God, like, thank you for listening. Like, thank you for doing this because I feel like I can't talk about it. And like when I tell men about my book or what I do, it's just always like, thank fucking God. Like, thank you for doing this because I wish that I could talk about this, but I feel like if I was to talk about it, I would just get my balls chopped off. But me and all of my friends are on the exact same topic, like on the exact same wavelength where we just feel like we can't be men. There's no place for us anymore. And the problem that this is causing is then if there's no place for men, if they don't feel like they can be men or they don't feel like they have a purpose in the world because women can do everything themselves, then they don't put the effort in because why do they need to? So when you as a woman are not letting him need, not letting him pay for dates, not letting it like, and not encouraging that, men feel like they don't have a purpose and they need to feel like they have a purpose and they need to feel like they have a purpose in the relationship. They also need to feel wanted. Wanted in the relationship. Like a man, like we, we all say in personal development, you don't need him, you want him. And like, okay, between you and I, like, yes, right? Like that's a good, healthy mindset to have. And at the same time, men want to feel like we need them because they want to feel like we need them because if we don't have them, we would not have anyone to provide for us and to protect us. So, you know, like when it comes to dating, and the whole feminine and masculine thing. If you as a woman walk in there with this whole, I'm an independent woman, I don't fucking need no man, you know, like, I can hold open my own door, masculine them, I can pay for my own dinner, this is where I want to go. If you walk in there with just guns blazing like that, you are not going to find a man that leads, because that the man that wants to lead is going to take one look and be like, absolutely fucking not. The more masculine a man is, the more feminine he he wants a woman to be. And don't think that's airy fairy feminine because like I'm fucking sassy and spicy as hell. What that means is that they want a man, they want a woman that's like, I'm, yeah, I don't pay for dinner. Like I don't need to do that. Like that's what they want. They want a woman that walks in and it's like they do everything. Like I don't order my own dinner. Like I'll say to my boyfriend, this is what I want, right? And then he'll order it. And it's not because I can't order my fucking food. I'm fully capable of doing that. It's because I don't want to. It's because I want to be led by a man. I would do this even when I was single on dating. The exact same thing applies. It's not because I can't hold open my own door. I mean, you're the same, Sam. Like, we run a fucking business. Like, we're fine. And men don't hold open the door because they think that we can't. There's this great quote, and it's like a woman and a man goes into— walks into a bar, and the man holds open the door, and the woman says, I don't need you to hold open the door, I'm strong enough myself. And the man says, I don't hold open the door because you're a woman, I hold open the door because I'm a man. And it just fully encompasses everything of like the problem right now where women make this shit about them. If you're saying I'm weak, you're saying this, and it's like the re— like you saying that to yourself and to men, do you know what that's actually saying? You believe you're weak. You believe that you're not strong. You believe that you can't pay for the bill. And it's this proving energy. And if you feel like you need to prove yourself to him, it's actually because you need to prove yourself to yourself. Like, you're trying to prove that you're capable, you're strong, you're worthy. So when you let him do it, that is like true, true, true self-confidence. Like, I always say now with the word like submissive— submissive's got like a really bad rap. And I was saying this actually to my, um, girls at my immersion, and they were like mind-blown by this. Initially they were like, wait, what? And then the more they heard, they were like, well, this is so true. Of— in order for you to be actually submissive to a man and actually let a man lead, it requires so much confidence because to fully give yourself to a man and let him do things for you and let him lead and let him dominate in X, Y, and Z, that requires you to be able to fully embody your boundaries and for you to be able to say no. And majority of women can't say no. Like, majority of women are so insecure that they can't let a man lead because they are in this, like, constant state of, I need to protect myself, versus when you actually know that you are strong and capable and confident you want a man to lead because you also know at the same time I can just say no. Does that make sense? So it's like all like that dynamic walking in with like, like just if you are trying to prove your worth to other people and you're trying to prove your worth to a man, you are not going to get a masculine man because it comes across insecure and you're going to emasculate him because you're trying to prove your worth. Like, it's just like, it's so important. And you know, if you want a masculine man and then you're with a man that is like Like, for example, if you want a really masculine man and you want a man that wants to split the bill, two things. One, he might not have been able to gauge the situation of can I pay for the bill, right? So he thinks he has to say split because, you know, what if he doesn't say split and then you fuck each other's balls off? And then the second thing is actually, I would say to people, like, if people ask me, like, he actually wanted to split the bill, like, dead serious, I would— and I'm like, do you want a masculine man? They're like, yeah. I'm like, then don't see him again. Right? Because you want it. It's not about the money. Like, I can fully pay for my own dinner. I can pay for everyone's dinner. It's not about that. It is about I want a man that wants to provide for me and wants to look after me. It's not about the money. But in the beginning of dating someone, the money is like the way to show that I want to look after you because if you're not living together and everything, like, there's not really that many other ways. So the money is the medium to be like, I want to look after you and I want to protect you and I want to give my resources to you. That's what it's saying when you pay for a bill. So when you don't let a man do that, you're not letting him provide for you and protect you. And then you're also not letting yourself, like, receive from him. And if a man doesn't want to do that for you, then great. Don't see him again if you want a man that leads you. Yeah.

Oh, it's like being, being able to receive. I think we've, as women and as our culture has like progressed and evolved, we've created this story of, you know, we— because for so long we, we did have to try a lot harder to be seen as equal to men. Like, we can honor that in history. Like, there's a reason for feminism. Feminism is still important. We're not discounting the work of feminism by having this conversation at all. And there was a real need for that extra push of like, we are equal as men, we want to be seen as equal to men. But after so long of doing that, we've kind of like created created this story that we still need to push and prove, we're equal to you, we're equal to you. And of course, like, the gender wage gap is still a thing. Like, there's still ways in which men and women are not seen as equal in realms where they absolutely should be. But it's interesting to look at how us pushing sometimes so hard to have the control or the power or be the provider or be the equal is actually repelling the exact thing that we're desiring. And I think that's the key here is it depends on what you are desiring. There's no one way or one right or wrong. But there are like, I get this a lot too. There's a lot of women that come into my world and they're like, I'm ready to find my person. I want to manifest like the man of my dreams. And they're very much in their masculine energy. They don't know how to receive. They, someone can't even do the simplest of things for them. It's like, oh no, I've got it. Like, I'll carry that. I'll open the door.

I'll buy that. I'll do this.

And that's the conversation, right?

And the sad thing also, and I say this because this used to be me, is that a lot of women that are really in their masculine, they will lie to themselves and say that like, I don't need no— I don't need a man. Like, I'm independent. Like, no, like, it's fine. I don't need a man to do things for me. And that is just that like masculine facade. And it can feel so true. Like one of my exes, I always— I mentioned him a lot in my podcast because we got into a fight one day and he said to me, you're such a cold bitch. And at that moment I remember it so fucking clearly. And it did change me because I thought up to that fucking moment, I thought that it was cool to be cold and emotionless and not care and be this independent woman. I thought that being feminine, being soft, receiving, wanting a man was a sign of weakness. The thing was, deep down, I've always wanted to just be cherished, loved, ravished, devoured, by a man, protected. Like that's been the deep, deep, deep down desire. But I never let myself admit that because I thought that was weak. And you know, you grow up in an environment where you're being bombarded by, you don't need a man, you can do everything yourself. Like emotions are fucking weak. Like, you know, I really grew up in the environment where being a feminine woman and letting a man do things for you or wanting a man to take care of you was weakness. Weakness. So, it took me a lot of work to heal that relationship with the feminine and to heal all my trauma to be like, oh, I'm actually, I can be like a successful strong woman and also receive from a man. And what's really funny is the whole like women are weak thing, men didn't put that on us, because I was actually doing research the other day about chivalry for one of my podcast episodes that just released, maybe some of your listeners should listen to to it. But what's so funny with feminism is that the feminists that created feminism, like the fucking first wave, they've now written books about how it's gone too far. Because the real intention of feminism was for there to be equal pay, voting rights, X, Y, and Z. It was never that men needed to be more like women and that women needed to be more like men. It was never that chivalry should go away. It was never that men were dangerous. It was never that men thought women were weak. That was actually never proper feminism, but it's turned into that. And like, men don't think women are weak. Like, when I look at these survey results, it honestly, it brings me to tears. I've read some of them out in my programs and just, it makes women cry because the things that men say are just like, we like, just the most goosebumps, the most beautiful things. And they just want to look after us. Like every woman, they just want to look after every woman, protect every woman, provide for us. They think that we are God's greatest gift, that we are the most magical beings on the planet. I mean, they get fully sucked into our worlds. Like we are just this magical being on the planet. And we are the ones as women that have created the story of like women are weak. Men think we're the fucking strongest things ever. Like we can push a baby out of our vagina. Like we have the strength thing down pat. They don't think we're weak. It's we do it to ourselves. And so, I know I was going with that, but I don't know where I was going with that. Anyway, men aren't the ones that think that we are like weak. Like we do it to ourselves. So we're like constantly constantly in this proving mentality. And so healing your relationship with men and healing your relationship with your feminine energy is just the best thing ever. Because for you to give yourself permission and actually to come back to your feminine desires, it feels like coming home. It's like, oh my God, this is what relaxation feels like. This is what home feels like. And to be able to just honor your desires It's just like the best thing ever.

Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful. I would love to read those. I think that's incredible when we can hear actually from men the way that they really—

it's really sad. Like there's, there's like there's stories in there of like wrongful accusations and, and things where like HR admitted to the guy, we know you didn't do anything, but like it's just with everything happening at these dates, like with everything happening right now in this day and age, we just don't want the risk of you being around. 'in case people believe otherwise. So like, you have to leave the company.' And it's like, so you've admitted— like, they've admitted to these men, 'We know you didn't do anything, but like, it's like just the fact that there's a question, we don't want that in our company. Like, we don't want that, so you have to leave.' And it's like, so a man, just his whole career has ended because a woman doesn't like him in the office. And it's just— it is kind of horrible, you know, the whole situation.

Well, and I think it's, it's a really important reminder for any woman who's listening to this and is feeling like she's been moving through life or through dating with that sense of like, there's no good men out there, or that, you know, men are sleazeballs, or they just want one thing, or they're dangerous, or, you know, they're going to hurt me or take advantage of me, to really come back to the knowing that there are good men out there, because there are. And if we are, if we are walking through the experience of trying to find our person and we're looking and scanning all the time for like danger and red flags and bad men and all these things, then that is what we are going to experience. And so like, if you are a woman who's listening to this and you're dating and you really want to call in your person, because I know there's a lot of them here that listen to this show, like maybe it's an invitation for you to heal your relationship with men and the way that you view men.

100%. Because just like we want to feel safe in our relationship, like it's just so funny how there's so much stuff about like women in relationships and women empowerment and women this. And it's like majority of those things men want too. Like men want— a majority of men want a relationship. And really any person that doesn't want a relationship right now, it's just because they're in a season where they just don't want a relationship. Relationship. But at the end of the day, most humans, 99% of humans, men and women, we're made for partnership. So men also want a relationship. They also want to feel safe in their relationship. They also want to feel loved and taken care of. They, like, they also want to be respected. They also want to be trusted. And we make it all about us. And what's really funny is that there actually can be, like, quite a lot of victim in that, of, like, we have to make it all about us because, like, what, you're a victim? And it's really interesting it's— you can't get into this fully in a podcast, but I've— my book's like, there's a lot of that, a lot about this in my book that will come out soon. And, um, so many women are in this like victim of like, I'm a victim for being a woman, and they don't realize they're doing it. Like, I used to do it, that we don't realize that we're doing it because it comes across in a different way. Like, for example, it comes across in the way of like, I need to feel safe in the relationship, I need to be looked after. And like, it's like, not— he doesn't matter, but at the same time, you also want a man that It's like this conflicting thing so many women have of the catch-22 of, I want a really good man, and then they're bitching about men with their girlfriends, for example. Or they say that this guy's a sleazeball, but it's like, well, maybe you were an asshole to him too. You know, like there's a lot of bad women out there too. There's a lot of bitches out there as well. And we just like ignore that. We make it like, it's really funny when you actually watch your behavior as a woman sometimes. There can be a lot of victim, and it's like kind of inbred into you, right? Where if you grow up in an environment where it was like, you know, I grew up in an environment, for example, of like men just want one thing. Like, you know, I grew up with a lot of, not shame around my period, but like having a period was just like the worst thing ever. Like it's so hard being a woman. I grew up with a lot of it's so hard being a woman. So that victimhood can come through in these ways that you aren't aware of. There's a lot of victimhood behind this like women's empowerment all the time. And whilst there's a place for women's empowerment, there's also a place like men's empowerment and women's empowerment should not be at the detriment of men. Like men don't matter. And a lot of, a lot, a lot of the subliminal messaging behind women's empowerment is like emasculating men. Um, and yeah, it's just like, it's, it's such a big conversation, but, um, when you get into it and when you understand it, it really does help change your behavior and it does help you to have a lot more love towards men, and it will change your dating experience. And I also want to say with dating as well, like, it's super easy for women to just like slap a label on guys they've seen. Like, he was a dick. It's like, well, maybe he just didn't like you. And like, that doesn't make him a dick. That makes him not like you.

The same way that we would be like, oh, he thinks I'm a bitch, but I just didn't like him.

Correct. But it's— we're so quick to be like, he's a fucking dickhead. I'm like, maybe he doesn't like you. Or like, all men are emotionally unavailable. Available. It's like, or you're not listening to the signs that you aren't a priority enough for him. That doesn't mean that you aren't worthy of an amazing man. That means he doesn't like you enough. Um, and we just—

yeah, also I think there's something to be said for, you know, having to stand in the truth of what you want when you're dating. And when you don't do that, you ultimately are going to end up with someone who's not giving you what you wanted or what you needed. And there is a partial responsibility on yourself of that experience because you saw this is a guy that has either said or showed me in some way that he doesn't want a committed relationship, but I'm going to try and wrangle him and tame him and make, make him, you know, I'm going to be the woman that makes him want a relationship. And then when that doesn't happen, it's like, oh, fuck you, you're a dick. But also, where's the self-responsibility of I saw the signs, I, you know, communicated or didn't communicate what I wanted or what I desired. And so therefore I ended up in a misaligned relationship. I think this is just a larger conversation about radical responsibility and really owning the part that we play in every experience in our life, which is hard work. And it's something that a lot of us don't want to do, but like, it's so important. What is the part that I'm playing? Playing in this victimhood or in this role or in this pattern that's happening in my life? You know, if you have people that are walking all over you all the time, it doesn't mean that, you know, it's totally your fault that they're doing that. Maybe there are real people that are taking advantage of you or crossing a line, but it's like, where are your boundaries? Right? Getting your needs? Are you setting a boundary? Are you holding the boundary? Or are you just floundering?

Right, exactly. And I mean, I would say the last piece about the dating thing is So like, if you're dating men, then you're not dating women. So you need to learn how men are because they are so fucking different to us. Like, if you don't understand the biological differences of men, like, doing that will change your fucking life and it will, it will really, really help you with like safety in your relationship with men because they are just so fucking different to us and we are so different to them. And we will never understand. We will never have the same experience or same feeling as Amanda. Us, and they will never understand us, and they will never have the same experience that we do because our chemistry, our hormonal makeup, the way that our brain is, the way that our brain is in terms of white and gray matter is just so different. And, um, when you can like learn to understand men, when you understand the biology of men and how that influences dating especially, it gives you a lot of freedom in dating because the way that men date and the way that women date are very fucking different. Um, especially if you are like dating more so than if you like found your person, that's it, you're done forever. Like, that can be a different experience than when you're actually like dating and just dating around, having fun, whatever the situation is. If you can understand the way that men date versus the way that women date, it will really, really help your experience and make you not feel so anxious and stressed about it all the time.

The, the last thing that I'll add to this is just the polarity piece, especially when it to sex and intimacy, which is huge in masculine and feminine energy. But like in terms of what I had to take responsibility for in my relationship was when I was very much in my masculine, like wanting control. I'm kind of more of an anxious person. I like to— I like things a certain way. Like I like everything to be done nicely in my way. I had to really like fucking heal that because that was literally fucking up my sex life. Let's just say that it It was totally messing with the polarity with my partner and I, because it was like, yeah, I want a man who like leads and takes control and does these things, but I don't let him do anything because I'm like, you did it wrong. And then if he does do it, I fix it and I, and I make him feel bad because I'm like, you need to learn how to do this better. You did, you don't know how to do this.

Constant emasculation. And then he's not going to be as masculine. That's the one with Victoria Ward.

Yeah.

You know, 10 years of your life emasculating your husband, for example, your boyfriend or whatever, or 5 years or a year, why are you expecting him to be in his masculine? Like, you fucking— you have squeezed him dry of his masculinity. And to him, in his brain, he's like, what's the point anymore? Like, I'm not getting anywhere with her. Like, she doesn't want me to do things, so like, I'm just gonna stop trying, you know? Like, what's that ways that men say, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. If a man fucking says that, it's just like, oh, it is a stab to the fucking heart. Because I'm like, oh my God, I don't want that. Like, I don't want— like, what's happening? Like, I don't want you to feel like no matter what you do, it's not winning. And often if there is that, it's like there's some form of like emasculation, or he doesn't feel like he's enough. And that's never a good thing, because a man needs to feel like he's enough for you to then provide and step up and be confident, to be like the leader in the relationship. Relationship.

So yeah, I just got this memory of when I was in the Cancún airport and I was waiting for my bags at the belt. And there's this, this woman that she was obviously having a bad day. But she was like, why don't you get the bags, you idiot? And she was saying that to her husband. And he comes over and just like his energy was so like, sheepish and like, oh my, like, and I could just tell in that moment, like she's spent a lot of time wanting him to be a masculine man. But the way that she's been going about it has been through emasculation. Like, it was just one sentence, one moment I saw, and I was like, I know the picture of what's happening in this relationship and it's fucked.

Yeah, yeah, correct. It's like, yeah, if you want a masculine man but you're emasculating men all the time, which majority of women do and they have no idea they're doing it. Like, that's the thing. It can be so subtle that you don't know you're doing it. And like, or it can be like little, little bit of shaming or guilt tripping. And it's just these very, very subtle ways that will have the biggest impact. And the sad thing is that for women, it then causes so much resentment that then it comes out like in these bursts of like, why don't you get the fucking bags, you idiot? And it's like you're half resenting yourself and then you're resenting him. But the reality is that it's actually your fault. Like, it is your fault for him not being in his masculine. It's not his fault. It's your fault. Fault. Um, so yeah, it's interesting.

Anyway, I, I think this conversation is going to be really illuminating for a lot of people. It's probably also going to be slightly triggering.

I still remember with me, it's triggering me. I said that to my podcast manager yesterday. She's like, should we put like a trigger warning at the beginning of this one? I'm like, I think every podcast episode is a trigger warning. It's like, you're listening to—

you're like, actually, let's just update the podcast art so it says fucking trigger trigger warning. Don't listen if you don't understand nuance and you don't want to take responsibility.

Literally though, like, it's every episode of mine needs a trigger warning.

Yeah. So I mean, for everybody listening, I just hope that it's— that you take this as an invitation to chew on these concepts a little bit and think about them before you make a snap judgment or you say, oh, that's so not true. Or, you know, you jump to conclusions of what about this, that, and the other thing. Like, understand the nuance here. Understand that it's not every situation in every relationship. And just think about these things, because I remember the first time that I heard Monica talk about this, and, you know, the relationship between feminism and then the emasculation of men. And all I had heard up until that point was feminism, feminism, feminism. And feminism is important. But I remember feeling triggered by that, of like, oh my gosh, is she Is she like saying that like, it's our fucking fault? And like, yes, kind of, but also there's other things. There's other parts of the story. So just take it with a grain of salt. Think about it, let it simmer, let it marinate. And you might start to notice how understanding this can really shift some things in your relationship. If you are in like a heterosexual relationship, if you're a woman, if you're with a man, yeah, it can start to shift your polarity. Maybe it will change your sex life. Maybe it will just fucking change everything.

Yeah, no, it definitely will. And also gonna say, I will say also, like, with the trigger warning thing, um, that I've had a lot of people— maybe this should be at the beginning of the episode— I've had a lot of people that when they first listen to me, they're like, what the fuck is this bitch on? And then they're also like, at the same time, their brain's like, but wait, like, it kind of makes sense. And I've had people that like won't listen to the episode, and then like they have a fight with their boyfriend, then they'll listen to the episode, and then I'll start implementing things, and then like everything I can't even count how many times that's happened. Like, if you listen to this and you're like, fuck this bitch, she's actually on drugs, like, that's fine. I do not care. Like, that is totally cool. Just pin it and come back to another time if you need to, or just know that, like, maybe you're not ready to listen to this, or that if you're being triggered, you're probably needing to listen to it. And that it's okay if you at the moment don't agree, because I can't count how many people have gotten so triggered, like unfollowed me on Instagram, whatever, then followed me back and then hired me, and then everything changes. Like, I'm so used to it, and I think it's actually a beautiful thing because I only want you to do this work when it feels like a fuck yes, not when you— like, there's no pressure to listen to like any of my stuff or any of that kind of stuff, because if it's not going to land, then it's not worth your time.

So tell us a little bit about the book. Like, is this all going to be— what can we expect from—

I mean, I now I'm thinking of self-publishing. I was going to go through an agency, but I'm just so impatient that I'm like, I don't want to wait 2 years. And I also don't want them to want to change a million things. But I'm not going to give the title away because I don't want someone to take it. But the title is— the title is enough to literally have a lot of hate thrown my way too. And I know it's going to be a very, very polarizing book. But basically the whole book is about, um, like the chap— like a majority of the chapter names are like things that we've been told but in opposite. Um, so like for example, Yes, Men Are Stronger Than Women is one of the book titles. And then it goes through like all the reasons why and how it's not a bad thing and how it's, you know, like that's how biology is. And for women to try and constantly prove that we're stronger, like physically, it's like we literally don't have the fucking hormonal makeup to be as strong as what— as strong as men or to be stronger than men. But we are stronger in these ways. And like, this is why we work well together because we both have different strengths. So it's that yin and yang. When you come together, it's a full circle. Like, we are one when we are together, but when we're separate, we're missing pieces. Like, there's always going to be like some emptiness in our life or some missing piece. Or like, you know, if you're only with women all the time, like, and you need a really heavy box lifted, for example, it's like, well, who's gonna fucking lift it? Like, there are some things that we can't do. Like, that's a really bad example because you can still lift it with multiple women, but whatever. Um, so that basically Basically the whole book is just breaking down like all these things that we've been told about men and about women. And it's, it's the permission slip for us to listen to our biology. And it's a just, it basically just goes through like all the science behind this. It goes through my survey. It's a lot about emasculation, a lot about how like, um, women are miserable and we do it to ourselves and like how we do it, why we do it, where it came from. So it's gonna, it's quite Quite a heavy book. It's taken me like years to write. I've written 70,000 words so far. So we're at the point where I could publish it, but there's more. It doesn't feel finished. I'm still going, but I've been, I started writing it in, I started the research for it in 2019 with the survey. So it's been a long process, but I'm so passionate about it. And like, I stand by everything that I say. And I'm kind of at a point now where I, I have so many client testimonials of how this stuff has changed women's lives and men's lives and people's relationships and marriages and saved marriages and X, Y, and Z that, like, I'm gonna get like a bunch of testimonials to kind of go through the book to essentially help the readers be like, I know this is really triggering, but like, keep reading because it is true. So we're gonna have that kind of implemented and whatnot. I am like, I'm so excited about it. Like, I, and whenever I show it to guys, they are just like, they are excited about it because they just feel like finally someone is listening and I don't need to be silenced all the time. So it's gonna be an amazing book for everybody, for men and women. And it's just, it's gonna be a permission piece for us to just like come back to harmony of like, women are allowed to be feminine. We're allowed to want our truest desires, which is like to be led, to be loved, to be supported, to have a family. Like, those things do not make us a weak woman. And men are allowed to, like, have a purpose. They're allowed to want to lead. There are, like, all those kind of things. And it breaks down, like, a lot of the societal conditioning, like, very intensely. Like, like the whole thing about, you know, oh, men make society weaker. It's like, actually, when you really, really, really break it down, it's not true. Like, when men are emasculated, it makes society less safe. Because like I was saying with the example on the street, they don't go and then fix a problem, or they don't go and protect people because they're constantly— they've basically been emasculated so much that they aren't seeing it, and they are scared to go and do that because they're scared of the repercussions. Um, so it's like masculine men would actually make society safer because true criminals and truly dangerous people, men and women, Um, those— that is separate to gender. Like, dangerous people and criminals are completely separate to gender. And if there was something dangerous happening on the street or X, Y, and Z, men would then go and protect the situation no matter who the person was. They would go and intervene because that's what men do. That's what they are driven to do. It's how they are wired. So when we are like trying to change that, it's actually making women feel less safe because we don't feel like men are protecting us. Like, when I walk down the street, I don't feel like a man would just come up and protect me I needed it because I know that men are being told otherwise versus if I was walking down the street by myself, like, like actually this happened to me. I think I put it in my book. I was walking and it was like, I think it started raining and I was wearing a white dress and I was walking in the city and I was meeting a guy friend and this dress started to go see-through, I think was the situation anyway. And I had these guys catcalling me and I just kept walking and ignoring it, like whatever, kept catcalling me. And no, and they kept going and they were really starting to like, I was starting to be like, get the fuck away. Like you are too close for comfort and like get a fucking hint. And it was like business, like it was still like peak hour time. Nobody came up to me. All these men were walking past, nobody intervened. And it was kind of obvious what was happening. And it wasn't until my guy friend that knew he could intervene got to me because we were meeting in in the middle and could then intervene in the situation because he knew that that was like a safe thing to do. And like even little examples like that, it's like women then say that they don't feel safe. And it's like, I walked past so many men that could have been like, what's happening here, guys? Let's leave this lady alone. But none of them did. And another friend, I did write about this one in the book. She was out for breakfast with another one of my friends. Anyway, this homeless woman, so not a man, woman came up and stole her wallet off, stole her credit card off table. the And my friend gets up to be like, give me my credit card back. And this woman punches my friend in the face. And I was, I said to her, when she was texting me, I was like, did anybody help you? I was like, she was like, no. I was like, were there a bunch of men outside as well? She was like, so many tables were filled and everyone was just watching. Not one man got up and fixed the situation. And I was just like, these are like little prime examples where where wouldn't we feel safer as women if we knew that it didn't matter if the guy was in a relationship with us or knew us or not, any man would intervene and would protect us on the street. Because the bottom line is that we are weaker than men, that we aren't as safe, like forever. Like the whole thing about like, we wanna always, like, we wanna feel as safe as men. It's like, that will never happen because our biology is different. We know that we would be overpowered by a strong man on the street or like by, we'd be overpowered if a dog came and attacked us. Like we wouldn't be able to protect ourselves as well as men could, right? And that's just part of being a woman. And so us denying that is just like fighting an uphill battle because that's never gonna go away. Like that is just our biology. We know that we are like, men are the protectors, we are the gatherers, like the end. We need them to protect us. So when we are going around not feeling feeling like we have that protection, like, day to day, it does cause us to constantly feel like we are unsafe as women. Whereas if you were walking around knowing that a man would intervene if there was a dangerous situation, whether it was with another human or whether it was with a fucking violent dog, we would feel safer as women. So when you kind of like dig into it like that, it's like, oh yeah, like, what we're trying to do in society is not actually achieving the goal that we're trying to achieve. Like, what we're trying to achieve, we're going about literally in the opposite way.

Yeah, it's so interesting when you really, really sit to examine it. And I think this conversation is so important because so many people have not opened the page to this book. They've not looked at it from this perspective, which is why it's polarizing, which is why it's controversial, which is why there's going to be people that listen to this episode or listen to your podcast or read your book that are like, what the fuck, Monica? But then later it kind of all comes together. So I'm so grateful that we got to share this on the show because I know how important it is. I know how elements and pieces of this have really changed my life and my relationship and the way that I view men and their need for purpose and their desire to protect and provide. And it's just created a whole different different way of looking at the world and interacting with men and women and allowing them to stand in their power, which then allows me to stand in my power.

And that's the key thing, right? Letting men be the man and letting women be women. We're all happier. Like, they're happier, we're happier, our relationship is better, and the sex is way fucking hotter. So like, we all need that, basically.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's so good. Well, I just want to congratulate you because I know you announced that you're moving to Atlanta and you're making a huge shift in your life and you're moving in with your man, which I know is probably a huge fucking manifestation. So I'm really excited for you.

Thank you. I know it's a big change. It's like it took a while for me to, like, wrap my head around it. I'm like, oh my God, I'm leaving New York. But that's That's like the true feminine embodiment, right? Of like, he got a job promotion and we can't be apart because we're so in love and I love him.

So therefore— And you want him to be in his purpose.

Purpose. That's the key thing of like, I want him to have this job and be in his purpose and be fulfilled at work. So therefore, like, I am going to move because my new line is, I love New York, but I love him more. And I'm like, that just like encompasses it, right? So it's like, wow, like, she must really fucking love him if she's leaving New York. Um, but it's true. And it's just what I was saying at the beginning of like, there's a different season of life. Um, and back to like the Instagram thing, like full circle, we go through different seasons, things are going to change. No season is right or wrong. They're all important and they all serve like a purpose for that end result.

Yeah. Well, you said something— I was watching your live the other day and you said something that I loved so much because I actually did this exercise that's called the vision beyond the vision with— I don't know if you know Regan Hillier, but she was a guest on a retreat that I was on back at the end of the year in 2021 in Costa Rica. And I heard you say on your live, like, the dream beyond the dream. And I was like, oh my gosh, it totally is. And so maybe we can just leave everyone with this idea of, you You know, sometimes you have such a big dream, you have such a big goal, and it comes to life and you manifest something and you're so excited about it. But to remember that there's always a dream beyond the dream. There's something bigger. There's a vision beyond the vision. And so when you get there, it's okay if things shift and change and start to look different.

Exactly. And isn't that amazing to think like, wow, like I always thought like New York was like, New York's been my goal for like ever. Like I grew up here. I wanted to come back here. It was the only place I've felt like home. And so what was really difficult for me to get my head around at the beginning, before I, before I, before that nugget dropped in, basically was like, I felt like I was giving up on my dream, but it was like, actually, this is what was beyond the dream. And I'd never seen it before. But isn't that so beautiful that like, okay, this is my next dream. I actually can't see beyond this dream. And it's just like, holy shit. Like, things are just going to keep getting better. Even if you can't see them, they're going to keep getting better. Even if you don't know what it's going to be, what that next thing is going to be, as as long as you continue to stay in alignment and X, Y, and Z, it's just gonna keep getting better and better. I think that's just the most amazing thing to like feel into and to think about.

Yeah, oh my God, it's so amazing. And I'm so excited for you and this new chapter and the dream beyond the dream and for us to kind of go on the journey with you and see how it all unfolds. And I'm just like so happy for you with everything that is going on in your life and in your business. And I'm excited to continue to follow it all. If you guys don't already follow Monica, you definitely want to go check her out Instagram, and we're all going to get your book when it comes out. I'm actually so excited to read it.

Like, fuck.

So excited.

I'm actually now like more pumped to finish it because I'm like, I think I'm going to do the self-publishing and just like make a killer PR plan. Like, I scheduled a post actually today of like, I want to get my followers involved. Like, right, who's got contacts, who's got connections, like to help with the whole thing. Like, let's make this like a communal thing because this book is not about money. It's about like, I need to get this fucking understanding and messaging out. So I'm really, really excited about it. Because it will just help so many men and so many women. And I just want everyone to be happier in their relationships and just to be able to have permission to follow their true desires as a woman, as a man. So like, I am pumped. I'm like, I cannot wait for it to come out.

I know. I'm so excited. You have the community to do it. You have the power and the momentum behind you to get it out there. So I think you can totally self-publish and it'll still be so epic. We're gonna link everything in the show notes that you guys can go over and follow Monica on Instagram and also listen to her podcast Feminine AF. And thank you so much for being here, Monica. It was such a freaking pleasure, this episode. I hope it triggers and expands so many people. I'm excited for everyone to listen.

Thank you, Sam.