“I Spent 3 Months in Isolation”: How to Break Self Sabotage, Regulate Your Nervous System & Love Your Life w/ Rachel Gibler

It's the most wonderful time of the year. The biggest sale of the entire year is right around the corner. Black Friday is upon us, you guys. Will 2025 be the year that we get to work together transforming your life and business from the inside out with my whole human mentorship approach where strategy meets spirituality? If your vibe for 2025 is living bigger, getting richer, and becoming a woman of influence, then you are in the right place. You're going to want to click the link in the show notes below this episode to get your hands on all of the coveted Black Friday discount codes. There's going to be thousands in savings, deals up to 60% off, and lower prices than when I started my business. Am I okay? I'm not sure, but that is what keeps things spicy around here. So it's really important to note that access to Shop the Sale will open early on November 24th exclusively for waitlist members only. So be sure to add your name to that list, especially if you are eyeing either of my most popular business masterminds, Abundant and Ambitious or Top Tier, as spaces are limited for those masterminds. This is super exciting because Top Tier has never been part of Black Friday before, and so many fun upgrades are coming to Top Tier in 2025 as well. I can't wait to announce these to you guys. When I tell you these deals are going to be fucking insane, don't take it lightly. It is taking everything in me not to spill all of the tea right here and now, but we're saving the Juicy Deeds for our waitlist queens first. In case you're wondering what else is going to be included in the sale, literally everything from Burnt Out to Badass will be available for under $400. What? And all of my best-selling money and wealth courses will also be on sale for the lowest prices literally ever. It's the most wonderful time of the year. And don't forget that all the investments that we make in ourselves before the end of the year get to count as tax deductions, which is a major slay. Love that for us. So if you've been wanting to join my world and work with me in closer proximity, this is going to be the absolute best, most affordable time to do so. Be sure to add your name to the Black Friday waitlist by clicking the link below in the episode description. I can't wait to get hotter, richer, healthier, and happier with you in the new year. Let's fucking go. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today I am joined by Rachel Gibler for an incredibly real and honest conversation. Rachel is a transformational coach, spiritual teacher, breathwork facilitator, and and the host of the top 12 globally ranked podcast, It's Fucking Spiritual. Unfiltered and uncensored, she takes a real, raw, and relatable approach on how to transform your life. Her teachings blend somatic work, subconscious reprogramming, nervous system regulation, parts work, and inner child healing to help her clients rapidly release what's no longer serving them. Rachel is a certified NLP practitioner, breathwork facilitator, integrative somatic trauma healing practitioner, and a life coach with a mission to help people rewrite their past, reclaim their power and manifest a life that feels just as good as it looks. In this episode, we go all over the place, but I think you're really going to enjoy this conversation. We talk about how Rachel's freak accident led to a spiritual awakening and all of the life-changing lessons that she learned after that. We talk about practical ways to fall more in love with your life right now the way that it is, how to actually feel your feelings. And I go really deep with Rachel on like, what does this practically look like?

Like, what are you doing?

Tell us how to actually do this. And a spoiler alert, it doesn't mean to just cry a lot. Crying a lot is not actually feeling your feelings. We talk about nervous system regulation hacks to help you stop self-sabotaging, and we answer the question of if slowing down is really required to have a regulated nervous system. We also get a peek into Rachel's 3 months of isolation where she did dopamine reset, somatic practices, and all of these soul-deep lessons that she learned from that experience, why creating spaciousness in your life isn't a luxury but it's a necessity, and how to make it happen without turning your life completely upside down. And then we also get an inside look into both of our morning routines and some things that might be surprising. So I think you guys are really going to enjoy this conversation. This is definitely one for the spiritual girlies, so go ahead and stick around with us. I hope you enjoy. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Welcome to Makeshift Happen, Rachel. I'm so excited to have you on. I can't wait to connect and dive into more of your story, but welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me, Sam. I'm excited to be here.

Yeah, I'm excited to chat about all the things. I was thinking about, you know, where, just based on what I know about you from, you know, social media and your content and everything, where I wanted to go with this conversation. And I was like, man, We could go so many places, you know, there's so many different directions that we could take this. So I think we're just gonna let it flow and, and we'll see what we get up to. I have some, I have some ideas, but I really wanted to start because I think something that you really empower people around is this idea that like where you are now or where you've been in the past doesn't have to define where you're headed or where you're gonna end up in the future. And just that change is possible. A more beautiful version of your life is available. And so I'd love for us to kind of. Go back a little bit in time to where a big piece of your transformation took place. I know you've shared that you nearly overdosed on drugs and alcohol, you were in a serious accident, you had a spiritual awakening. Like, can you just take us through what that time in your life was kind of like and share more of that story?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's so interesting. I, I always say to tell this story, I have to kind of go all the way back to kind of how I was raised and was brought up, because it really informed my spiritual awakening and who I eventually became. But I was born an only child to incredible parents, but they were very standard, you know, white picket fence parents that were like, you climb the ladder, you do the things, you go to college, you work really hard, you get a good job, and you know, that's the thing that's going to make you happy. And I was always born this like free spirit and this artist, and this— I wanted like the depth of life, and I was a deep feeler. And being someone who was kind of a little bit of a black sheep, and also at the same time having parents that really expected me to be a certain way, was really challenging for me once I got into my teenage years. And I had really no belief outside of myself. I wasn't spiritual, I wasn't raised religious or anything like that, so I had no belief in a higher power at all. So I would have considered myself probably pretty atheist as a, uh, growing up and as a child. And my whole world came crashing down when I was 16 years old because my dad died in a freak accident. And that was the beginning of my journey that led me on like an 8-year downward spiral, essentially, of drugs and alcohol abuse and numbing my emotions and being abusive relationships and really feeling to my core— the moment my father died, I felt to my core, one day I'm gonna tell the story. One day this won't be all for nothing. Like, I'm gonna make— there's gonna be a reason why this happened to me and to him and to our family. And yet I couldn't handle the grief and the trauma and the challenge of that. And so I really numbed myself with every single thing outside of myself that I could. And in— there was these little fleeting moments over those 8 years when I would take the drugs I knew I shouldn't take, or when I was, you know, in a situation that I knew was really bad for me, and I would have that inner knowing like, one day you'll tell the story, one day this won't be all for nothing. And I think a lot of people can relate to that, whether that is, you know, deep trauma like what I went through, or it's just like realizing there's no way this is my life. Like, I am made for more, there's supposed to be something else out there for me. Maybe I don't know what that is, but you can feel that like deep drive and that deep like sense of there's got to be more to life, and there's more that my soul is meant to do in this lifetime than where I'm currently at moment. And I felt that for many, many, many years. And it wasn't until I was, I was 23 years old that I myself was in a freak accident and I shattered my knee. And at the time I'm like working a corporate job. I did all the things that they told me to do, you know, which was go to college, get good grades, get a good sales job or get a good job. And so I ended up in sales. I'm working 80 hours a week for somebody else. I'm under fluorescent lights all day long. I'm partying on the weekends and I just have this little nagging well, it's starting to get bigger— nagging voice that's like, there is something else out there for you. And it was one day on my lunch break, and I'm like crying in my car, and I'm like screaming out. I'm like, if there's a God, like, please listen to me. Like, I need time to stop so I can just think for a second. Like, I know I'm supposed to be doing more with my life. I want everything that's happened to, to go to a good reason. I want to impact people. And 2 weeks later, your wish is my command, I get in a freak accident myself, and I'm forced 3 months medical leave. And that was really where my story shifted, because it was about 2 weeks into my recovery. I'm laying in bed. I had to move back in with my mom and got surgery on my leg, and I have a cast from my hip to my ankle, and I'm pissed. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. There's no way that my world is getting any worse than it is right now. And then I had this epiphany, and I realized if I use this time wisely, then this won't have been all for nothing. Nothing. So it was that little voice that I constantly heard, like, this won't be all for nothing. One day, one day. And then the day arrived, and it was like this fleeting moment. And I grabbed my computer and I Googled how to be happy. I didn't know self-development. I wasn't spiritual. I wasn't anything. Like, I started— that's where I started. So like, anybody listening to this, it's like I started from like the most simple place you could ever possibly start. That's how I found self-development and mindset tools. And I always say I kind of went through the front door of self-development, which is like goal setting, affirmations, Like manifest the thing, write out what you want, future script, right? And I got really into that and I eventually, I went back and I quit my job and broke up with the guy I was dating and kind of ripped the bandaid. I'm a very like extremist, so I just went all in and that was the beginning of the journey. And that was almost 7 years ago now. And it's been, yeah, quite the journey since. And there's so many things that I could go into, but eventually, you know, that led to getting myself in all the different rooms and saying yes to the different things and, and yes to the opportunities that really scared me and eventually putting myself out there on social media, starting my own podcast, having that blow up, starting my own business, and then also realizing that I got everything I wanted on my vision board and none of it was the ticket to, to how I actually wanted to feel inside. And that's— the last 2 years have been my journey with nervous system and somatics, and that's what I teach now.

Oh, we'll have to dig into that. It's so funny, like when you said I Googled how to be happy, this is— I— it makes me think about how when I didn't know what I was going to study in university because I had no idea like what I wanted to be, I was like, what is a good job? Good jobs for people who like people. Yeah. And it was like PR, so I was like, cool. I'm like, okay, so I'm studying marketing, PR. Awesome. Yeah, so funny. But like, there's so many people out there that maybe they still feel— it's not like that's even an elementary thing, no matter— because you just talked about at one point you got all the things on your vision board and still were kind of like, and like, wow, I thought this would feel better. Like, is this actually all that it is? So I think no matter where you are at, there's this element of— I think it's just part of us as humans who are always seeking growth, there's a part of us that always wants to figure out, like, could I be happier? Could these circumstances be better? Is there something more? I think that's just innate inside of us, of being curious and wondering and wanting to push towards that growth and looking for something more. So this idea of falling in love with your life, because that was kind of the journey that you were on, was how can I take all of this shit that has been handed to me and alchemize it and turn it into something worthwhile? And then you figured out how to do that, and then you got everything that you wanted, and still you were like, 'Could this be better? Could I be happier? Is this actually all that there is?' And I've of course been on that journey in my life as well, of like, 'Can I fall more in love with my life and my business and my relationships and everything more and more?' If someone listening wants to fall more in love with their life regardless of where they're at, what are some of the things that come to mind for you in terms of what you might advise them to do or where they should seek? Okay, so I have something I think you're really gonna love, and your business is gonna love it even more. Do you want to steal the strategy I've been using to seduce premium premium buyers and sell out my offers on Instagram Stories. Chances are you're already posting, you're already making sales, but if your Instagram Stories aren't working as hard as you are, you're leaving money on the table. Sold Out Stories is going to teach you exactly how to change that so that you can sell out any offer at any price point. And even high-caliber coaches miss this because selling on stories isn't about how much you post or how frequently you show up face to camera. It's about psychological sequencing. And the way you're posting right now might be giving the premium buyers in your audience the ick. Documenting your day and hoping it builds trust, posting look-at-me content and calling it authority, sharing client wins as soon as they drop in instead of strategically weaving them into a story selling sequence designed to drive demand and convert sales. We both know that you're not here to learn how to show up more. You're here because you know your content could be converting faster and more effectively. Sold Out Stories is going to give you 5 high-converting story selling frameworks built specifically for premium buyer psychology. Inside, you'll get over 6 hours of deep dive video trainings, real IG story breakdowns, and live walkthroughs that show you exactly how to elevate your slides from authority building all the way to offer flow in less than 10 slides. My clients have already been using these frameworks to pull 5-figure sales days while posting less. One client generated 14 premium leads from a single story sequence. Another sold out her event in under 6 hours with just 8 strategic story slides. No sales calls, no paid ads, just the right frameworks. You'll walk away knowing how to sequence for desire, transition into your offer seamlessly and sell daily without ever feeling salesy. You already know your offer is incredible, so now it's just time for your stories to sell it like it is. Grab Sold Out Stories today and turn 10 slides or less into your highest converting content. Let's make your next story your most profitable one yet. Click the link in the show notes below and I'll see you inside.

Yeah. Oh, that's such a good question. Before I answer that, I think I, I want to go into a little bit of like like kind of what I discovered for myself. Yeah. And for me, and this is my journey, and I think this parallels probably a lot of the people listening, and, and maybe this, you know, Sam, is also something that you've gone through, but for me, I think I subconsciously and unknowingly believed that the answer was something that was outside of myself. So the happiness was going to be like, I'll be happy when— like, how often do we outsource our happiness to the— to some future circumstance that we think that I'll be happy when I finally meet my husband, I'll be happy when I finally hit 10 K months or 100K months. I'll be happy when I finally have live in my dream city with my, you know, dream house that I want, or whatever it is that you desire, right? And I think there was a lot of the manifestation world that I got into that really glorified like having the things, like decide what you want and why you want it, and, you know, put it on the vision board and visualize yourself in those circumstances. And that's beautiful and that's great. And I think for me also, what I realized is that I would hit the 10K month, or I would get the thing, or I'd have the guest that was dream, or whatever it was that, that the— I would hit the milestone and I'd be excited for like, you know, 24 to 48 hours, and then I'd just go back to my baseline, and then the bar would just move. So the happiness was always some type of future thing outside of myself, and it never actually felt how I thought it would feel. And it was a couple of years ago, I had the biggest launch of my business at the time, and I was in the middle of my beautiful big white brand new townhome and all the things that I thought that I wanted, and I checked off all boxes, and I'm crying myself to sleep in the vision board room that I dreamed of. And for me, I realized it was because I was constantly outsourcing my happiness, my fulfillment, my joy to some future arbitrary time that I thought I would feel better then. And it was because my nervous system was so dysregulated, honestly, to constantly be seeking and constantly be in fight or flight and also constantly be beating myself up that I wasn't doing it perfect or it should have been better. And that was something internally within me that had absolutely nothing nothing to do with getting the goals that I thought that I wanted. And how often do we do that in society? Like, we— like, we're taught in our culture, like, right? We're this age of social media, like, everybody is comparing themselves and everybody is like— can you have access to like everyone's life and you can see, well, this person over here is getting engaged in, you know, Positano, and this person over here is like doing this, and then there's this insatiable like need to suddenly fill people like, well, this person's doing this, or, you know, okay, yeah, I hit a $50K month, but they're doing $150K. Like, you know, all of those like comparison pieces. And so for me, what I actually really started to do was feel all of the feelings that I hadn't felt that were underneath the surface that were driving me to the success that I thought that I wanted. Because as someone who numbed out on drugs and alcohol, right, that's just a way to dissociate from feeling. And someone who constantly over over— I used to really, really overthink. I still do sometimes, right? Like, overthink what I would be underfeeling, my feelings. So I'd be constantly like ruminating, like, what's the next thing? And when I replaced the drugs and alcohol and abusive relationships for healthier habits, then it just suddenly became replaced into work. And then all of a sudden it was like, now I, I'm wanting to work, and then goals.

And like, it was this insatiable need to like feel goals, and the, and the achievements and the milestones kind of become the new drug. They become the new distraction from how you're actually feeling underneath. I love that saying of overthinking is underfeeling, and that's one of the things I also kind of wanted to talk to you about. So let's, let's dig into that a little bit, because I think a lot of people will be able to relate absolutely with this idea of being an overthinker. But one thing that I think I'd like to get your perspective on is from a practical standpoint, right? Let's say I'm listening to this podcast and I'm like, yep, I'm an overthinker. So you're like, okay, well, fear your feelings.

And I'm like, what does that mean?

Like, what are you actually doing? Like, are you Are you making yourself cry on purpose? Like, what does it mean? What can we actually do? What specifically changed? What did you do differently that allowed you to move from overriding your feelings to actually feeling them?

Yeah, that's such a good question, cuz that was a question that I had. Everybody's like, oh, you need to feel your feelings. It's like, yeah, I thought I felt my feelings because I had big emotions. And this is a distinction. So, you know, I'm someone that's, I'm a highly sensitive person. Probably a lot of people listening to this consider themselves empathic, highly attuned, highly maybe emotional. A big crier. I was like, you know, I, I'm like, I feel my feelings all the time, right? But that actually wasn't the case. I wasn't feeling my feelings at all. They were just spewing out sideways, and I would get overwhelmed, and then that would spill over into life, and then I'd beat myself up, and it would be the cycle. And so I thought I was feeling my feelings, but in reality, what it means to really feel your feelings is to get connected into the sensations that you feel in your body in the present moment. And for me, what that looked like was like really slowing down, because when we're constantly— I was go, go, go all the time, like constantly having to get to the next goal, get to the next thing. And I was, yeah, completely overriding all of the sensations in my body. And what you'll find is that like when you start to get connected into your breath, slow down, and start to name the sensations that you feel, it can be very very uncomfortable, and it's very new, and it can be really hard to do because people aren't used to doing that. And so it's actually like slowing down, taking a deep breath. Ah, everyone listening to this can do that with us and start to notice what are the sensations that I'm feeling. Is there a tightness in my chest? Is there a heat in my belly? Is there tightness in my shoulders? And can I relax that just a bit? Yeah. Is there tension in my jaw. Noticing what it is that you feel, the sensations that you feel, and then see if those sensations have anything to tell you. And so that's one way. Another way is when you have an emotion, we often go straight to like— there's a habitual pattern, right? So when your nervous system gets activated, there's typically a habitual pattern that you'll fall into. So maybe you are somebody that you get activated, you get really tight when your partner triggers you, and you go directly into fight, right? And you go directly into like the anger. Or maybe Maybe somebody gets mad at you and it activates you and you go directly into people pleasing and fawning, right? So there's different habitual patterns that we will have in our life. And so for me, I really started to look at my nervous system, like in my, my patterning and my habitual patterns and like what would happen when I would get overwhelmed in my business? What happens when I get activated by a partner? What happens when some— I feel like someone's mad at me? Like what are the different— I started to look at patterns in my life. Life and start to create spaciousness between the activation and the response. And the way you create spaciousness is to get connected into your breath, into the sensation like we just did, and then feel the fear and the feelings that are underneath. So when you habitually want to go into control, or you habitually want to go into fawn, like, Cree, can you create spaciousness and then actually open to the fear, open to the grief that's there, and feel it inside of your body through feeling the sensation? So that's what I mean when I say feel the fear.

Hey, don't forget that every month we are picking a listener of the month to win $50 in cash just for showing love to the show. All you have to do is leave an epic review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, screenshot the review before you hit submit, and DM that screenshot to us on Instagram @makeshifthappenpodcast. And that's it. I want to thank you for being such a loyal listener and show my appreciation by putting a little extra cash in your pocket. Pocket. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review seriously helps the show rank higher and reach new people, so we appreciate them more than you know. We'll announce the next winner at the end of the month and slide into your DMs if it's you, so keep an eye out and good luck. Love you guys, and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen. Love that. Such a beautiful practice. Feel the fear, and then— what did you say? It was so good. Feel the fear and then get curious about what's underneath it. Yeah, like, and feel the feel feelings, right?

So like typically, I mean, if we really distill it down, there's really only two emotions, which are love and fear. And they can come out— fear can come out in many different ways, right? That can come out in your need to control, that can come out in grief and, and fear of loss. It can come out in so many different ways. But can you open to the sensation that is there? So an example would be, there's something that I do in my program— I have a somatic embodiment program called Expand for Women— and something that we do is when you feel grief and you feel sad, what happens? Like, your shoulders slump, you close your chest, you get small in a ball, right? Like, you feel tiny. So the practice is, can you do the thing that's the contrary action? So when you feel grief, for example, can you open your chest and open your neck and open your body to let the fear and let the grief move through you? Because emotions— everybody says emotions are meant to be held, right? Like, can I hold more? You want to hold more. Like, that's the thing that people say in our industry, right? Emotions aren't meant to be held. They're meant to be run. So how can you actually run the emotion through your body and let it move through you and dissipate? And that's actually what feeling the, the feeling is, cuz people are really scared. Like, well, if I start feeling my feelings, then I'm always going to be sad or depressed, or, you know, there's so much there. But that's actually not the case. Once you actually let them move through and run through your system, which I think they last about 90 seconds, that you actually allow them to dissipate. And so going back to your original question, Sam, which is like, how do we allow ourselves to like even be happier. Like, where do we start? You have to start feeling the feelings that are underneath all of that, that are getting in the way of you feeling your joy, your abundance, your aliveness, because it's all a spectrum. And you can only feel that level of joy to the level that you felt the depth of your pain. And so for me, it was going into letting myself feel that, and then all of a sudden I had access to so much more on the spectrum in the present moment right now.

Yeah, so true. Is the thing that leads to the rainbow. But if you're like always shielding yourself from it and not wanting to experience any of it, then you're going to be pretty numb to the good stuff too, and you're not going to feel that intense gratitude or joy for the small things. I think that's something so beautiful that I think women have this— generally speaking, obviously this is a sweeping judgment, but I think generally more than men, women have this like capacity for feeling the whole spectrum, which is why we can go so deep and also— we can be like, oh my gosh, look at the moon! Every month, every single time, every time it's out, it's like, ah, you know, it's the best thing ever. Like, wow, look at that! And it's like pure, like, awe and gratitude and joy for, like, the simplest of things, the smallest things. But I think you only feel that when you are a connected person and when you're someone who does go deep on the other side of the spectrum of emotions. And it's just been interesting for me to notice that in my life, like, which of my friends or or even with my partner, like someone who's like, it's the fucking moon, like it's there all the time. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because it's the moon.

Yeah, it's the magic. Yeah, exactly.

It's a ball. It's just suspended there. There's nothing holding it up. Like, look at this. Oh my God.

Yeah. And isn't that such a fun place to be in a way, to live? It's like the awe and the wonder of a child and like the magic of— because sometimes I think about that and I'm like, what are we doing here? Like the fact that we're not all walking around all the time just like looking up around being like, where Where are we? This is wild. You know, I think about that all the time.

But I have a lot of those like weird moments where you almost like you get like removed from the Matrix and you're suddenly like becoming like a third-party witness to like everything that's happening. And you're like, this is so fucking weird. Like, what are we all doing? This is so bizarre. Or sometimes for me it happens with like work. Like sometimes I'll just be like, I literally haven't had a job in like 5 years. I just wake up every day and like come into like this room and like go like this on like my computer and like I'd make things up and I like talk to my phone and like It is so weird.

I know, I'm, I'm the same. I, I haven't had a job since, oh my gosh, it's been almost 7 years now. And I'm like, that is so weird. Yeah, we wake up, we do the things. I'm like, I get paid to talk. Like, that's my 5, 5-year-old me's dream, which is just the wildest thing in the world. But it's also such a testament to like what we can create in our reality and the fact that like all of this is so malleable.

Yeah, I know, it's wild. It's so crazy to think like sometimes I look back at my life 5 years ago. I've recently, I've been writing this series for my email list called Dear Diary, and I decided to go back to like my camera roll because I have so— it's horrible. I'm sure you have the same, how many photos you have in your camera roll. But I'm like, I have all these photos. So I've been scrolling back like years and years and years and years and years back and just like looking at the photos and remembering like that time of like what I was doing, how I was feeling, like what I was creating in the world, like what I was doing for work, or I was unemployed, or— and just like writing the stories of like those past versions. Because then you think like, wow, I like— you know, when you're with yourself all the time, you don't always see the growth. But then you can reflect back even just 2 2 years, 3 years, and you're like, everything is different, everything has changed. I think that's one of the craziest things that I experience regularly, is like, if I do look back and reflect, I'm like, I am not the same person, quite literally. That's wild.

Same. And it is so crazy. I think it's so potent and important for people to listen to this too, because it can be so easy to, like, even what I mentioned at the beginning, right, is like get caught up on the bar constantly moving, or get caught up on like, you're with yourself every single day. So it can be really easy to like see your shortcomings or see the things, right? Our brain is wired to look at the negative. And it's a practice that I do all the time and that I tell people to do is like literally go back and look at all of the accomplishments and all the things that you changed. So I love that you're doing that because it's so important that we remember just how far we've come. And I think that really builds like a, a self-belief and an excitement of like, well, what can happen next? And what can I create now? And where am I even going? And I think of myself 3 years ago, I mean, I was just launching the podcast 3 years ago and I'm like, wow, my life is has completely changed from saying yes to that, you know. And, and it's just exciting to see, like, well, where will I be in 3 more years, you know. I love that.

I want to touch a little bit more on nervous system stuff because I know this is something that you teach on a lot, and we kind of like talked about it a little bit, but I'd love to dig in a little bit more about regulating the nervous system. Because to your point that you were making, you know, a lot of people feel like, I'm so self-aware, I know all these problems that I have, I know all these triggers, I know my patterns, you know. You're talking about like, okay, notice the patterns, I know my patterns, but like Why am I still stuck? Why is there this dissonance between knowing the unhelpful or self-sabotaging patterns that I engage in, but then continuing to engage in them even in the moment of going, this is where I'm going to self-sabotage again? Sometimes it's that, like, trippy where you're like, am I really going to do this again? I told myself I wasn't. And then, whoop, and then you just, you go and do the thing again. Let's talk about that and how that relates to nervous system regulation and how we can maybe fix that and stop the self-sabotage.

Yeah, totally. Oh my gosh, I love this topic so much because I, as I mentioned when I was telling my story at the beginning, I entered through what I call the front door of self-development, which is a very hyper-masculine approach to self-development as well, right? It's very like goal setting, affirmations, change your thoughts, mindset. And that's great, and it's only 50% of the puzzle. So that is what I consider a top-down approach, right? So it starts in the mind and it's meant to be embodied. So people will say something like, well, you just need to act as if, or you need to like look at all of your limiting beliefs and go in and, you know, shift them and then affirm to yourself in the mirror that like you're gonna be different. It's like, okay, well that's great, but what I see end up— what happens to people and what also has happened to me is, well, that's just created a massive level of self-awareness, which is amazing, but yet I'm still doing the same habitual patterns. And maybe sometimes I can change them if the trigger's not that strong, but the second that I get really triggered, I'm going directly back to that baseline and the habitual pattern that I've had. And that's because we're trying to change it from the level of the mind when it's actually— we need to change it from the level of the body. And so what I shifted into is now something called what I call a bottom-up approach. So starting in the body and understanding that the mind doesn't just inform the body, but the body also informs the mind. So when we have specific nervous system patterning— so you think of what, what people always talk about, which is the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn— your habitual pattern in different scenarios. So as I mentioned before, like, you might always go into fight with a partner, but— or you might go into people pleasing, which would be like the freeze and the fawn response, right? Or you might go into flight in your business because you go into overwhelm, and then you just like drop it all and run away, or maybe you freeze, right? So there's different circumstances bring up different patterns. And those were— our nervous system is being formed since we are in the womb. So, you know, you talk about getting programmed from a really, really early age. Our nervous system, when we were activated, it learns it's not safe to feel, or it's not safe to be a certain way. And so then you end up getting activated, and then there's habitual patterns that end up coming out and play out in your life. And so until we change on a nervous system level, the moment that we are triggered, we will go back to the baseline pattern every single time. Because when you're triggered, you're not going to go into like changing your mindset. You might try, but the thing is, like, your body is now activated. You are in a state of survival. And so you need to keep yourself safe. And so the body is going to go directly into the thing that knows that it keeps itself safe, but it might be something that you cognitively are aware self-sabotages you, but the body thinks that this is the best route to keep you safe and alive right now in this moment. So for me, what I started to realize is like, oh, I need to start to re-pattern my nervous system. And in order to do that, I have a 6-part process that I take people through in order to start to re-pattern the nervous system and recreate a baseline. And so it's kind of like peeling back layers of the onion. Like, you start to feel the emotions you haven't felt. You allow like a little bit more of you come back to come back into wholeness. And it's this like kind of pattern of starting to have an awareness, feel what you haven't felt, come into safety in your body, work with the different parts of yourself. And as you do, you start to integrate a new way of being. This is what I've been working on for the past like 2 and a half years. This is all I've done. I did 3 months in full isolation to work on this, and it's completely changed my body, my being, my nervous system, my voice. Like, everything changed as a result of, like, changing my nervous system patterning.

One thing when it comes to adjusting or repatterning the nervous system, I think something that I hear a lot from people is feeling like it's going to require them to slow down generally. And if they are not willing to slow down, or they don't want to slow down, they don't have an interest in slowing down, they're like, yeah, I mean, that would be nice, but like, I don't want to have to have a slower morning or I don't want to have to, when I feel an emotion coming up, pause what I'm doing to take a deep breath. Like, they don't want to do the part of it that requires them to slow down. So question for you, do you think that it's true that in order to regulate or re-pattern your nervous system, there is an element of slowing down that's necessary? And if someone is like resistant to that, what is that telling them?

I love this question. The nervous system does heal in slow slowness. That doesn't mean you have to do what I did and do 3 months of isolation. That's something that I chose to do for me because this is what I go into and what I eventually knew I would teach. The slowness is a way of being, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to slow down in your life. And so to your point, Sam, like, that could be, okay, I take a few moments to get connected to my breath. Doesn't mean that you're not still moving and doing the things that you're meant to do, right? Because people will be like, well, I have responsibilities, I can't just like throw everything out the window. It's like, well, yes, and this is a way of being with being present in the body in this moment, which you can do at any point. Now, to answer your second question of if people are having resistance to that, what I would share with them is I would get curious on what that resistance is. What is the fear underneath the resistance? What are you afraid would happen if you slowed down? What is the story that you have about slowing down? And understanding that oftentimes our nervous system is just patterned to go, go, go, right? And to be in a flight response because that is the thing that has kept us safe. And so understanding that a lot of times, if somebody's listening to this podcast, they're probably somebody that wants to— they're on the journey, right? They're on a healing journey. They're on a journey of creating the, the life that they desire and they dream. And, and so there's a reason that you're driven to listen to this kind of content. There's a reason that you, uh, you know, have curiosity around this. And so what do you believe that it's gonna give you by going into this? And what is the resistance that you have to doing the very thing that you say that you want.

So good. I think something for me at the start of this year, I've shared with my community a lot, I was calling it like my soft CEO era this whole year. And for me it was like, because of course like I didn't want to slow down or like take a step back in my business, but I also knew that I needed— I required more spaciousness in my life just to kind of like feel better and feel more regulated. And for me, I really had to basically come to terms with the fact there may be consequences to that, that was the only thing that was really gonna allow me to actually relax into it was being okay with whatever was gonna happen on the other side. So for me, it had to be like, I want this enough that I don't care if I make less money. I want this enough that I don't care if I'm creating less content or I'm less relevant online or whatever. Like I had to actually be like, it was helpful for me to not take on the narrative of like, well, you get to have it all and you can be as consistent and as present and as rich and as whatever, and also, you know, have more space and more regulation and more softness. Like, that for me was not going to be helpful because it was just going to keep me in the pattern of trying to have it all, trying to do all the things at once. So I actually had to be like, no, actually there might be some consequences to this. Like, there might be some— okay, consequences sounds serious, but it's like there's, there's some sacrifices. Like, what are we, what are we choosing to prioritize, and what does that mean that we might have to let go of or put on the back burner or do less of or have less of. And that just— I just had to weigh that for myself and be like, yep, and that's worth it to me. And it's not to say that, you know, I feel like there were the consequences— oh my gosh— of me slowing down were so bad. I actually had an amazing year and made more money. But again, I don't want to perpetuate the idea because that wasn't helpful for me to get started in slowing down. It wasn't helpful for me to hear someone say you can slow down and make more money because that in the mind makes you think, okay, just keep doing what I'm doing. Like, I first had to actually accept, no, the outcomes will probably be different.

Yeah. And, and what's the cost if you don't? That's such a good point, right? Is like, I— people always say like, oh, you can be in flow and make more money. And that's actually true, but people don't know what that really means, right? And so we think, okay, great, but then I'm not in flow. And what's that like?

There's this like clunkiness to it, and it doesn't allow you to actually make a change in your patterning or your behavior because you think, oh, well, I can have exactly what I'm doing now and something else. So you don't change exactly what you're doing now. That's what kind of like what I was referring to as well, of like it wasn't helpful for me to think like, oh, have it all. I had to actually be like, no, there might be some downsides, but I'm willing to accept them. And then I ultimately discovered, okay, it's kind of best of both worlds situations, because when you work on yourself and you feel better within yourself, of course you're going to have better outcomes in the other areas of your life as well.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think this work is so— I, I think it's the foundation to every single thing that we want in our life, because when we learn how get into our body, when we learn how to regulate our nervous system, when we learn how to feel our emotions and feel what's present, there's absolutely nothing that you can't— no path that you can't say yes to. Because we're, we're so often like, oh my gosh, I'm so afraid to feel this. Like that the whole thing that we— why we self-sabotage is 'cause we're avoiding feeling every single time. If you are empowered to actually be able to slow down and feel your feelings and feel what's alive, then you become so unstoppable. Because you trust yourself to actually hold yourself in anything that comes up, and then you actually expand your capacity to operate at the space that you want to. And so for me, I found the same thing. It's like after I got out of isolation and I re— I paused my show and everything, and then once I, I relaunched it, I mean, everything's taken off for me in a huge way this year, in a way that I never anticipated when it came to financially and connections and my students and just all of the that were born out of my time slowing down. And it really is that idea of like we have to slow down to speed up sometimes and allow ourselves to be in that. But don't just do it for the goal of so that I can speed up, right? But that does end up being a byproduct and it really has been more easeful and things have been happening at a rate that are just like so beautiful in my life now. And I know it was a result of me actually taking the time to do this for myself and allowing myself to be in the void which is a scary place to be when you're in it. So it requires so much surrender.

Yeah, it's like with the arrow pulling back before it shoots forward. But again, it's that weird catch-22 of like, you know how people always talk about like, don't start your business because you want to make money, but then it's like you're inadvertently like always kind of thinking about like, well, obviously I want to make money. But it's exactly what we're saying here of like, you know, don't slow down because you think it's going to help you speed up more effectively. Like, you can't go into to, you know, the journey of slowing down hoping that it's going to help you speed up, even though that might be the byproduct. But yeah, it's a weird— it's, it's a mindfuck for sure, which I think it's— you have to accept, like I said, accept the downsides, accept that things might be different or things might have to change, or there's going to be some things that, yeah, don't look the same. And if you do it through that lens, then you probably will get that kind of, you know, bonus byproduct experience. When you say that you're in isolation for 3 months. What is— what does that mean? I'm just so curious. What were you doing?

Yeah, so I had a somatic therapist that I worked with, and I had reached this point in my life where I was just really, really ready to go super deep. So he came into my life. He's 85 years old. He's amazing. He's like one of the grandfathers of somatic therapy, and he's a somatic psychotherapist, and he worked deeply with Peter Levine, like developing this about 40 years ago. And he happened to come into my life. He was like, if you really want to consolidate this time for your healing. He's like, we could do this once a week and then you could do your life. But if you want to go all in, which I am— I tend to do that, that's, that tends to be my, my M.O.— you want no input of any kind. Because what happens is we dissociate throughout our day all the time, or we're taken out constantly, right? Like, you're on the phone, you're on social media, you're getting emails, somebody calls you, right? So you're not actually in the process of what is present and true and alive for you right now. So you're not actually in the emotion or in touch with what is happening inside of your body, which is fine, right? We couldn't operate like that all the time. But I knew that if I wanted to go into my deep healing and uncover all of the layers and, and the patternings and the things that were happening in my life and had been running my life for many, many, many years, I knew that I had to like go all into it. And so he suggested working together and having literally no, no input. So basically what it looked like is I, I stayed home. I started in California and we did a full week of like somatic work together. And then I went home and then it ended up being all on Zoom, but I had no input. So I paused my business, I deleted my social media. My team still posted for me. So that was also like kind of a wild thing because they were growing my account while I was completely off. So I had to really let go of control there, but off of social media completely, no social gatherings or events, no, um, Netflix shows, no reading, no podcast, like no input into my brain. So basically all I did was do somatic psychotherapy for 3 to 6 hours a day, and then outside of that I painted, drawed, played my guitar and sang, laid on the grass, or like cried in my bed and journaled.

Did you go to the store? Like, how did you get groceries? Could you be in the world?

I could be in the world a little bit, but it was just don't do anything that's going to take you out of the feeling or out of the process. And it was the most profound thing I've ever done because we never have no input.

When they talk about like a— what is it called— like a dopamine like reset, because like all the things that you eliminated are all the things that kind of give you that like fake fast dopamine, and then you have none of it and you're like, what the fuck?

Yeah, exactly. And so like internally you like freak out. And then we're also— I'm in therapy, so we're uncovering so much stuff and we're going back to my childhood. And so I would basically go on this cyclical journey of we would be talking, we would be like going into the body, we'd be seeing what was present. And typically on around day 4 of this cycle, I would hit on a wound and you'd know, I'd know it because it would activate me. So I'd hit on a certain feeling and it would activate a feeling that I hadn't felt, right? Because so much of like what, what comes out now, like what they, they say this quote, like if it's hysterical, it's historical, right? So like say you, you freak out on your partner, but really it's because when you were 5 years old, like your parent did the same thing to you and like made you feel small or whatever, right? Whatever the thing was. And so if we don't go back and feel it as that version of ourselves, it ends up coming out sideways in our life and now in this present moment. So I would hit on a wound and I would feel it and it would activate me and it would like— I would suddenly feel it as the 5-year-old, or I'd feel it as a 10-year-old, or I'd feel it as a 16-year-old. And I was fully present and aware that I'm in my body I'm now in this current moment and I'm the age that I'm at now, but I felt it as if it was that inner child version of me. And that could last a day or 2 days, and then it would eventually dissipate. And it was almost like I had more space in my body and being, and I'd be like, oh, like I actually literally have the embodied experience of feeling myself come back into wholeness. And then the cycle would continue, and I had no idea how long I was going to be in it, so I just had to fully surrender. And it ended up about 3 months.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it was so intense.

People are listening to this being like, that sounds like absolute fucking torture.

Yeah, it was. It actually was. It was crazy. And it was the best thing I ever did in my entire life. It, it, it completely set me on a full, fully new timeline and trajectory.

Did you feel weird, like, coming back to— like, how did you come back to, like, media and, like, the— and society in the world after that?

It was really hard, I would say. So I came out of isolation about a year a year ago right now. And I would say it's taken me about a year. I'm finally feeling my radiance and my life force and like all of that coming back. It took me until about May to be— so that'd be what, about 6 months to even feel somewhat normal in the world again. Yeah, it took me quite a while, but coming back online was really weird cuz I was like, how do I even tell this story of where I've been? And I definitely put pressure on myself. I relaunched the show at the beginning of January cuz I was like, okay, well how long am I gonna pause? You know? And so I just kind of had to let myself surrender to it. I noticed that I got really serious, like after doing this work for someone, I was like, did I lose my sense of humor? Like what have, like my personality really changed? And I found, you know how we, whenever we go through some type of transformation, we often swing the pendulum in the opposite direction. So people listening to this probably can see this in their own life. It's like, how often do you overcorrect? So you used to be like this and then you completely swing the pendulum the other way and then you eventually come into balance and find equilibrium. And I think this whole year has been about me finding that equilibrium again and coming back into like just integrating all parts of me. But it's taken quite a while. Like, this has been a, a full— I've been in the journey for about a year and a half now.

So fascinating.

I love that.

Well, I think people can do that on a small scale for themselves, you know. Like, I tell my clients all the time, like, something that's really helpful is what I call like non-stimulation walks. And just, you know, I think whenever we go for a walk, we're so used to listening to music, a podcast, calling a friend, like watching a YouTube video. Like we always have some input, as you say. And so kind of like removing the level of input that we have, because a lot of us are, you know, there's not even a single moment in our day anymore where we're not being stimulated or there's not some sort of input. Any moment of downtime, and I, I'm even guilty of this sometimes, I'm like, oh, I gotta do the dishes, need something to keep me company, you know, like I need to play like a video or listen, be listening to something because it will help, you know, pass the time and make this more enjoyable. So yeah, it's, it's interesting for even just in those smaller ways of how can we take some of that input down and just reduce it a little bit.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's like, I'm, I'm always hesitant when I talk about the isolation period because I know that's something that not many people would desire to do, have the accessibility to do. I'm really hesitant to share it because I don't want people to think, well, then I'm not going to be able to heal, or I can't do this work if I don't go into, you know, 3 months of isolation too. And how am I— I could— I can't do that in my life, right? That's not something that's a viable option for me. That's something that I always say is like, you do not have to do the extreme in the way that I did it. To your point, Sam, it's like, it's literally about creating spaciousness in small moments for you to connect in with you. And so it's like what we talked about of connecting to your breath, and get into your body and feel the sensations, even if it's 30 seconds. And you put a timer on your phone 3 times a day where you breathe for 1 minute, or it's creating stops. I call them like childproofing myself. So like for social media, I don't follow anyone on social media now, but when I did, I had this like stop where you can set a trigger where every time I open the app it makes me take a breath. It's an app called One Sec. So I would set up my life that would make me create spaciousness before I did the thing that was just the habitual pattern that would take me out of the present moment, which, you know, we're constantly— even me today, like, I'm constantly out of the present moment all the time, right? But it's like the reminder of like, come back to your sensation, come back to your body, go on a walk without input, do the dishes without input, and you will be shocked at the level of connection that you begin to have with yourself and the level of creativity that comes through you as a result of you being able to actually listen to to the truth of your soul.

So beautiful. I love that. I want to ask you, I'm so curious, in terms of like your day-to-day life now that, you know, you're integrated from that big experience and coming back to yourself, are you like a morning routine person? Like, do you have— are you like a person that like is like, oh, I need to do these things because that's what's going to help me connect with myself? Are you a go-with-the-flow person? Like, how has that shaped your outlook on some of the like wellness things and like routine-wise?

Oh, I love that. It depends on the day for me. I am someone that used to be really rigid about a lot of stuff because I would check all of the boxes. And I'm not a box checker person anymore because it's like, why are we doing this and for what point, right? So like, why are we having a 3-hour routine? Is that something that actually serves me, or is that because someone told me that I need to do red light therapy and then a cold plunge and then I need to meditate and then I need to journal? And then it feels like daunting in my body because there's like all this shit that I need to do, right? And so I don't do that anymore. I really listen to the attunement of what I need in the moment. And it's become less of just a morning routine that sets me up for the day and more of a way of being throughout my day when I catch myself in moments of needing more connection to self. So yes, I do do morning routines. I always wake up and do hot lemon water and a green juice. Like there's certain anchor points that like my body just likes and I love. And I, and I do go on a walk typically if I, if I can. I don't take meetings before 10 usually. This one this morning we did a 9:30 interview, which I never do, but I was like, I'm I'm gonna do it this morning. That sounds good.

So because we're on different times, we're on different time zones, same. I don't take meetings before 10.

I know, exactly. So I set up my calendar to have spaciousness in that way, but it's not like this is the regimented thing that I do. Sometimes if I wake up like more anxious and have more feelings, I go— I have a practice room in my home and I go and I will do some type of somatic practice. That could look like shaking, that could look like sensual and body and movement, that could look like screaming and punching a pillow if I'm feeling a lot of things in the morning. That could look like a little bit of breathwork and connection with myself. So basically I have a lot of tools now in my tool belt, and it depends on the amount of time that I have, it depends on the state in which I wake up, and it's tools that I can reach for throughout my day no matter where I'm at. And it can be 2 minutes, it can be an hour, but there's not one regimented thing now because it's like a flowing— more so like a way of being.

Yeah, it feels like a very feminine way to guide yourself through life, not just like your morning routine, but, but through life. I've shared before, I don't like have a set morning routine. I don't like wake up and do the same 3 things every day. It also really depends on, yeah, like how am I feeling that day, how much time do I have, like, and I want to put things in that are good for myself. So whether I take the dog for a walk or I go to the gym and get, get a workout in, or sometimes I want to wake up early and I just want to write, and I'm like really excited about this idea of like, you know, waking up before everyone else and being able to write, even if it is going to be an email or it's something for my business, it doesn't feel like work because it just feels like expression. So yeah, it just really, really depends on how I'm feeling. And I think that's important to share too because I think everyone's like feels this pressure of like to be a really successful person that you have to be the person that wakes up at 5 AM and does, you know, the 2-hour morning routine or is perfect every single day. And like most days I'm not doing that much. We're not doing that much over here.

Same, honestly same. I was just talking to my friend Angie about this and I was like, we were laughing because her and I are getting like a podcasting course together at this moment.

I was wondering if you guys were, because I saw the episode where you're like, oh, we're gonna have a podcast. I didn't know if you guys were serious about like collaborating on something, but I, I love Angie.

Yeah, she's the best. And we're, uh, we're hosting a free webinar on Sunday and we're starting it in the new year. Um, it's going to be like a 6-week podcast boot camp to help women launch, launch and grow and monetize their podcast. And her and I were laughing so hard because she came over to my house all day like 2 days ago and You know, she's a super successful entrepreneur. I'm successful as well. And we're like sitting there and we were shooting the shit for like 3 hours, taking my dog on a walk, like talking about relationships and men and da da da. And then we looked at each other and we were like, we should probably like plan something, right? And then, you know, okay, let's, I guess like sit down and record a podcast. So we were filming a podcast at like 6:00 PM. We're both exhausted. It's like the most unhinged show ever. And we're just laughing and we were like, God, people think that you have to be this like really regimented, like wake up at 5:00 AM and do the, all these things. And like, is there some merit to that? To that. Sure, if somebody operates like that. I don't, she doesn't. And we're just laughing because we're like, it's just so much of what you're sold, like, isn't true. And if people only knew, like, the way we were just like messing around, like, the whole afternoon. And yet we're still gonna get it done and we'll do a great job and it'll be amazing. But like, you know, it's just funny because I think that people have this idea that you have to like do all these things to be successful and then think you arrive at a certain point where you just kind of realize like, oh, I'm still just me and I take myself me. And, you know, here we are. And I still have all the things that I thought I had to let go of to make myself successful. And so much of it isn't true.

Yeah, it's so funny. Like, I mean, obviously it's the highlight reel and it's the effect of seeing everything be like perfectly curated and the clean girl aesthetic and like the beautiful apartment that's always clean and like, you know, the lemon water every morning. And like, and then you create this like idea in your mind that these people are like always doing that and that it's always looking the way that the reel is like making you feel. With like the perfect, you know, athleisure outfit, the bed is perfectly made, and it's like, sure, like we can all do that sometimes and it feels amazing, but that's not what everyone's life looks like 24/7 behind the scenes. Like sometimes it's just fucking chaos, sometimes it's just, you know, it's, it's not that serious.

Yeah, it's so not that serious. And I, I love that you're talking about this because this is one of my favorite things to talk about because I'm like, listen guys, like it's the same thing of like we have this whole idea that there's just all this comparison and like, like people on the internet are like doing something that we're not or have something that we're not in some way. And then we think that we fall short when we're comparing ourselves to some type of highlight reel. And it was the thing that I went through for years, which is like, oh, when I get there, then I'm going to feel better than I'm going to, you know, once I'm in the vision board house or once I have hit this number month in my business. And it's like then I would get so depressed because I'm like, wait, I still am myself and I still have challenges and I still have things that are great. And like, like I was so confused for so long, like thinking that I was going to be different when I arrived and just realized like, oh, that's actually not the case. And we can just like enjoy now in the present moment. And all of life is always going to be 50/50. Like there's going to be amazing emotions and there's going to be challenging emotions all the way up until the day we die because we're human. And like, stop trying to escape that reality, right? And like, we can just be with what is right now and enjoy it. Yeah.

Wherever you go, there you are. That's the saying, right? It's like you're always going to— no matter what mountaintop you get to, you're always going to be you and you're going to have have all the things inside of you. So gotta make peace with that and find a way to love who you are and where you are with what you have now, which kind of is exactly full circle of our conversation of what we talked about. So such an amazing conversation. Thank you for coming on, Rachel. It's been so amazing. I can't wait to come out to Austin and see you and see your beautiful studio in your home and all the things. It's been so much fun. Let everyone know where they can find you and connect with you.

Yeah, thank you so much for having me on, Sam. This was such a fun conversation. And yeah, if anybody listened to this and resonated, I would love to hear from you. I am Rachel Gibler on all platforms. It's Fucking Spiritual is the name of my podcast. You can find that on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, all the things. And I mainly hang out on Instagram, so just @RachelGibler. I'm sure it'll be in the show notes. And definitely send me a message, and I would love to connect with you.

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