LEAKED Coaching Session: Fear, Surrender, Future Self

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Oh wow, what a whirlwind of a couple of weeks it has been. By the time you're listening to this episode, it'll be mid-October. We've just closed the doors officially to Aligned and Ambitious, my brand new 4-month business coaching program. Launching that was so much fun and so crazy and so beautiful, and there's so many incredible ambitious women inside that I cannot wait to serve. Like I'm dying to just sink my teeth into that program next week and get started with all those women. So super excited for that. And I will also, by the time you're listening to this, be with my bum in the Caribbean sand with a drink in my hand, just celebrating and enjoying and sitting in gratitude. So cannot wait. For that. Just like the sun and the crystal blue water and the white sand. Like, I'm just ready for that. I'm ready for that. As we record this, obviously I'm not there yet. I'm in my bedroom in Madrid where I always am when I talk to you guys. Um, but that is where I will be when this episode comes out, and I am so ready for it. But I'm really excited for this week's episode because we're bringing to you a leaked coaching session from inside my signature coaching program, From Burnt Out to Badass, from one of the guest expert sessions we had in a previous round of the program. My friend Sam Altieri came into the program to coach the women through some things around fear and uncertainty and, you know, career path and surrender and connecting with their future self and all that kind of good stuff that I know if you listen to this podcast you will resonate with and relate to deeply. So I'm really excited bring you this session. And also, it's just cool to give you a kind of like behind-the-scenes little snapshot preview of what goes on behind the closed doors of a coaching program. If you've never had a coach or you've never been in a container of any kind with, um, yeah, with like a coach, whether it's one-on-one or group, I think it's going to be really interesting just to kind of see what happens in those spaces and what kind of questions come up and how we work through things. And Sam is obviously a close friend of mine that I met— we met through the online space, and then we met this year when we went to Miami to have a VIP event with our coach. And yeah, I obviously love her and love the work that she's doing in the world. She's an empowerment coach. She helps her clients through all kinds of things around food and body struggles, self-confidence, owning their authenticity, building businesses. She also does business coaching, uh, pursuing your passion, and so much more. So her and I are really connected on a very similar level, and whenever we work together, it just is so much fun and doesn't feel like work. So I loved having her inside of From Burnt Out to Badass, and the women absolutely loved this session. So I'm really excited to share it with you and give you an inside sneak peek. So because this is a little bit longer of an episode because it's a full coaching session, I'm gonna shut up now and I'm just gonna let you guys dive in, sit back, and enjoy. The last thing that I will say is definitely stick around for the guided visualization that Sam leads us through at the end of the session. It's really potent and powerful. If you can't practice it wherever you're listening to the episode right now, just know that you can come back to it, uh, at any moment when you're in a more— in a position at home or wherever you can actually sit and close your eyes and, and do the visualization. But it's a really, really good one, so I think you're gonna love it. All right, let's go. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit Happen. I'm excited for Sam to dive in with us today.

She's going to talk to you guys about fear and self-sabotage, the ways that fear shows up for us and how, like she said, you can kind of make friends with your fear. So I'm going to let you take the mic, Sam.

Thanks. Yeah. So I want this to be as interactive as you guys want it to be. I figured I would share a little bit about my story just to give you context because I love hearing people's stories and I think it grounds the work that we do as coaches, as entrepreneurs. So I'll just give you a little sneak peek and then we can dive in and we can have a conversation. But back in— so I went to undergrad and grad school for architecture. I graduated with my master's, and as soon as I graduated, I was offered a job from one of my grad school professors, and I took it because I was like, why would I not take this job? I don't have to apply or anything. So I started, I worked there for about 3 years, but after like year 1 and a half, I knew that there was something more for me. I knew that I was not supposed to be in this job. And I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, but I just knew that I was not— I didn't want to be where my boss was, which was checking email till 8:00 PM on a Saturday. And I was working between 60 to 80-hour weeks because I had no boundaries and I had no work-life balance. And I had no— I didn't love myself. I didn't have any— I had no self-worth. But I didn't know this at the time. And after another year and a half of that, I was like, I can't stay here anymore. This place is toxic. And throughout the years of me being at the firm, I embarked on like a weight loss journey. I lost like 30 pounds. And when I did that, I got so many compliments. Like everyone was like, you look amazing, Sam, blah, blah, blah. Like it got my ego all up. But the backside of that was like, I was like, wait a second, did I not look good before? I knew that deep down, but I didn't want to admit that. So that was a whole mindfuck. But what ended up happening was people started coming to me for help with their nutrition, with workouts. And I didn't have a business. I was like, oh, okay, sure, $100 a month. And Actually, what ended up happening was people came to me and created my business for me. I had no plans. I didn't even know that I would ever be an entrepreneur, but now I realize I could literally never be anything but an entrepreneur because of my squirrel brain. But then in the moment, it was everyone around me was kind of helping me see the thing that I could teach. So I ended up taking on some clients,. And I was like, fuck it, I'm quitting my job. I left my job and I started just doing freelance design work and I got a job as a personal trainer at my gym and I worked the front desk of the gym for $11 an hour. And I did that until I had enough clients in person. I basically built up a full client roster. Then I started with the online thing. This was back in like 2017, 2018 before like online coaching was cool. Like I was just like, y'all, I just want to make money and I want to travel the world. And I don't want to work at this gym forever, but I need the experience. So I was just like doing that, making some money. And then I went on a trip to Costa Rica with my family at the very beginning of 2019, like New Year's time. And when I got back, I was like, fuck it, I'm putting in my 2 weeks and I'm quitting the gym and I'm going full-time online. And I was like, "I'll figure it out. I don't know how, but I will figure it out," because I wanted it so badly. So I quit. And I was really sad to go because I really did love the in-person thing. And I'm actually thinking about starting to do some sort of in-person things now. But I ended up trusting that. I left. I went all in on my business. And then in the first 8 months of business, I hit 6 figures, which was crazy. But I was also working 16 to 18-hour days. It was fucking crazy. It was awesome because I was like, "I don't have to work at a 9 to 5," but I basically created a 9 to 9 or a 9 to 12 for myself. It was not good. So basically fast forward through the past 2 years, I've worked with a lot of mentors to help me get out of that toxic hustling and masculine push, push, push, go, go, go energy. And now I'm in a place where I am enjoying my life and building my business. And it's like my business is not all-consuming and it is way easier. And I never thought that this was possible. Like I always thought it had to be hard. I thought I had to struggle. I thought I had to work a billion hours. I didn't know any different. That's all I saw that my parents were doing. My parents are both entrepreneurs. And all I saw them doing was like working hard for money. And now I'm like, That is not my ethos ever. I'm like, no, money comes to me easy. That shit happens quick. I'm a magnet. Let's go. I just got to be myself and money comes. And it's true. It's fucking true. So whether you guys are entrepreneurs or not, I want to hear in the chat, but whether you're a business owner or you're aspiring a business owner or whatever it is, wherever you are, just know that I'm sure Sam has already I shared this with you, but it's like your beliefs truly do dictate what's happening in your life. And my belief before I changed it was I had to work hard for money and I had to struggle and, uh, I didn't know enough. So I was always trying to like get more info. And I'm, I'm now really learning the power of owning where I'm at, um, and being— and that being enough. And I think that is why That is why confidence and overcoming the fear of not being enough or overcoming the fear of not being worthy enough or overcoming the fear of not fitting in, that's a huge one that I'm working on, that I've worked on, is the other side of that is so much expanse and power and freedom and the things that you want. I'll share a few moments that come to mind where I overcame fear. So like I said, van life is happening. We are driving this van out to Colorado next week to get it all built out and designed. This is a huge— this is the scariest thing I have ever done. Um, even scarier than asking out my now fiancée. That's another thing. But I am shitting my pants because like, you should see what I'm sitting on right now. It's— I'm literally sitting on a pile of blankets. Like, that's where— that's the level of like We're basically— our house is empty, um, so like making do with what we have. But getting rid of everything that you own is holy shit scary. Like, I didn't realize how ungrounding it is, but you just— you're like, I love this table, I love this thing, and you're like, you can't bring this with you, right? And so it's really the— for me, it's this art of like letting go and releasing attachment, and that's been a really scary but good thing for me. Another thing that comes to mind is asking out Kurt. I started back in 2019, right after I left my job. I felt like I didn't have a life other than work. Like, I didn't really have the hob— like, I didn't have hobbies after college. I was like, what do I actually like doing? Like, who am I? And I joined an axe throwing league. I don't know if they have them where you guys are, but we— there was like an 8-week axe throwing league and I played softball in college and all throughout, you know, being a kid and I was like, I could potentially be good at this. So I signed up on my own, went and ended up meeting Kurt and I asked him out like week 5 out of 8 and he said yes. And I was on a binge of asking dudes out because I was so sick of waiting around for like my guy to come. Um, So that was an example of like, it was scary, but I knew I should do it. And I think like, if you guys are not in a relationship or want to be in one, that is like a really amazing way to boost your confidence is like, I don't fucking care, asking them out because the worst thing that can happen. And I had this happen. I asked out 3 guys prior. 2 of them said no. One of them said yes. And the one that said yes was like such a like, bah. And then when I asked out Kurt, The look he gave me, I was like, you just looked into my soul. Like, and it's like, that's possible, you know? And I think that there's this expectation that like the guy needs to initiate, or I don't know, I haven't dated in a hot minute, but all I'm saying is like, whatever you gotta do to hype yourself up, hype yourself up, use music, use dancing, which is two of the tools that I use. And I just fucking did it. I don't think about it. And I think that's where fear can hold us back is like we just overthink everything. We're like, oh my God, this whole thing is gonna happen. And then we catastrophize everything because the ego loves to make everything a big deal and overthink and brainstorm every possible way that we can fail. Those are two like big examples that I can think of, but I think even just from daily stuff on social media Even asking a question, even creating a product. Like, I don't know, right? Like, I don't know if it's going to work. It's the same with this, with this, right? Like, I didn't know how it was going to go. I show up and it happens. Like, don't overthink it. So Clarice, I'm going to read your thing. Just finished your teacher training. Uh, don't want to do it. Like, you feel like you can go bigger. We have sold your home, selling everything. Oh my gosh. So you're in a very similar place. You've been axe throwing. Okay, so are we the same person? Um, that's so funny. So, so cool. Okay, so Clarice, let's start with you because you just dropped all that in. Can you unmute yourself and just share a little bit about where you're at and like where fear shows up for you in, in the day-to-day or like in big stuff too?

Yeah, let's go.

Hi.

Um, yeah, literally I was sat here listening to you like, oh my God, she is literally living the life that I'm living right now. This is so crazy. Um, yeah, so the fear I think at the minute is um, kind of the unknown. The amount of stuff we've sold this week is actually crazy. Like, I literally sat on the floor to eat my dinner tonight. Like, we've sold everything and we've got no— there's like no plan. So like, the idea is that we want to go to Australia. It's been a long time coming, and that's just like, ah, the fear of— I mean, I'm from the UK, so like, the fear of one, is it going to be okay for my dog to go so far? You know, 2, it's such a big commitment and I leave everyone behind, like my family, my friends. And then also I'm like stepping into something at the moment where I'm trying to live in my true, like, authenticity, my fun, bubbly side where, like, opinions of others don't have such an impact on me and that I want to start attracting more like-minded people like myself. And that's what I kind of want at the moment because what I've been attracting is a lot of judgment from others. So if I like, I wear something, they're like, oh, it's 'Oh God, that's so weird, that's so you.' And I'm like, yeah, no, this isn't the vibe that I want. Like, I want to show it with people who are like, 'I love your outfit, that's sick,' you know, 'I love your vibe.' I want to like integrate that into it. And I feel like, I don't know, maybe it's a UK thing, but I feel like if I were to reach out and just go for it— yeah, it's like trusting the process, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel like this is a theme that is coming up for like all of my clients too, which is letting go and like not needing to know, which is like the fucking hardest thing for the, for the mind, right? Like the mind wants to know, the mind wants to know it's safe. The mind wants to know it's not getting attacked by a bear in 2 minutes. And it doesn't know the difference between that and like somebody making a comment about her outfit. It's just like, I'm going to die. Everything's bad. Right. And it's like, I think that something that you can use, a tool that you can use is like The way I need to think about it, like, okay, great, I can let go and I can surrender and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but I need to know what's in it for me. I will do that, universe, okay, but you got to give me something. And I think for me, the thing that I have been anchoring to is that there's so much magic in not knowing. How fucking boring would life be if you knew what was going to happen when you moved? You would literally know. It's like if you started watching a movie and the subtitles were the next scene. You'd be like, "Can you stop? I don't wanna know. I wanna be surprised." And it's like remembering that the most fucking magical, mystical stuff happens when we just let go and surrender and trust. And so you can start by doing that in your body. Which we'll do. We'll do a— I'll guide you guys through something at the end. But it's like, it starts with the body. It starts with letting go. It starts with releasing. So even right now, notice, is your jaw clenched? Can you release your jaw?

I was gonna say, yeah, it's like this whole conversation, I'm like—

you're like, oh, down. And fun fact, your jaw and your pelvic floor are connected. And when your jaw is really tight, so is your pelvic floor, which means because our, like, our solar plexus and our sacral is responsible for— or our sacral is responsible for safety. And if our jaw's tight, then that means that we've got some stuff going on there too. So with the sacral— Jess is like having an existential moment. The way that you can tap into this safety is really getting grounded, getting into nature, putting your feet in the earth, breathwork, meditation. If you use plant medicine, use that. Grounding foods, red and orange foods. Use the things that you have around you to come back to, it's okay, I'm safe, I'm safe, I'm okay, it's all working out, it's always worked out, I've always been okay. And like, just using the mantras, like using the mantras and pairing those with practices, I could see for you being a really, uh, good set of tools to get you to the other side. And then you'll look back and be like So easy. I did it. Is that helpful? Do you have any other questions or anything else that comes up for you?

No, that's everything. I'm just— I just literally have been writing down and I've written jaw and pelvic floor are connected and I'm like, very interesting.

Like, wow, who would have known? Yeah, it's great. It's actually crazy. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome.

Natalie, you want to—

funny, Sam, really quickly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So just like this past week, you kind of know this, I'm like moving through some shifts in my business and I was like having this whole thing where I was like, oh my God, everything is bad, like I'm irrelevant, like I'm going to crash and burn, like everything is breaking. And yeah, so we're okay now, but when that was happening and I was like feeling really nervous and anxious and unsafe, I was like intuitively just like always like holding my stomach, like my lower stomach, like holding like my womb area. Also because I notice anxiety a lot shows up in my stomach in terms of like knots in my stomach or like digestive issues, but also because like that is where the sacral chakra is, right? That is like I'm feeling unsafe, I'm feeling unsafe. So I would literally just like rub myself here and be like, we're safe, we're okay. Everything's working out. It always is. It always has been. And I was just doing that. So I thought that just went along so perfectly with what you're talking about.

Yeah. Yeah. And like even getting into the fetal position and getting like really cozy and warm, like do whatever you got to do to like nest up and like create the safety within your just physical body because that translates. I'm glad you moved through that, Sam, and I'm glad that things are not falling apart. Um, okay, Natalie, you're from Sydney. So cool. I've never been to Australia, but I would love to go there. You are currently in a place where you hate your job and actively applying for a new career, and you've been studying for the last year but facing rejection after rejection. Oh, what a good teacher. You're married to an amazing man with two dogs, working through a couple different careers. Okay, so share with me about this rejection and about the fear.

So first off, good morning. And I'd like to apologize for how all over the shop that was because I was just listening to everything you were saying and I was like, crap, none of this makes sense and they're just random sentences. I guess so the rejection bit. So I, and I've actually chatted about this in our previous calls, but I've been actively applying for a new job because my current workplace is beyond toxic and it's a career that I I started straight out of uni and I have worked out that that's actually not what I want to do. Um, but, um, yeah, I've been applying and applying and nothing's coming and I'm really trying to sit less in my masculine energy and it's just calm down. Um, but then I get really in the world of, well, nothing's going to happen if you just sit, you actually have to do something. So I, I really struggle. To balance that a lot because I'm like, on one hand you do need to, you know, apply and get yourself out there, but on the other hand, pushing in that act of desperation isn't also going to get you anywhere. So that is one huge thing. And then, um, I don't want to overdo it, but like, I've just got a few things that I'm working through, I guess. And like, so I'm a— it was funny, in, um, Sam's questions that she gave us, it was, um, based on your personality type, what's your biggest fear recently? And I'm an Enneagram 3, and it was like worthless and I'm like, that is the nail on the head. Like, I have this deep fear that my, my life needs to amount to something. And like, the job I'm doing now isn't where I want to be, and I'm wasting time, and, um, it's just, it's putting me one step behind, and other people are getting in. Like, what I get into that, and then there's a whole bunch of other things, but like, I guess that's the main thing that I'm trying to work through. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a thing about time. Yeah. And like the speed at which things are happening.

Yeah. And I, and I'm really trying to get out of the, it's my timeline, not anyone else's. And it's okay if I don't, you know, achieve X by age 24 and Y by age 28. And I guess I did everything along the timeline to begin with though. So I, I came out of high school, I went to university, I met a boyfriend, I got married.

I—

and so I kind of have done everything on the timeline, but now it's like, well, I want to change careers. And in my head I'm like, well, you've wasted 4 years now. You like all this time in this other job, you've wasted all that time now.

Um, whose story is that?

Oh, probably my dad's. And my mom's.

Yeah, yeah, it's like as soon as you stop trying to make them happy and you just don't have to prove yourself anymore, you don't have to push. True. Even on a subconscious level, even if it's, you know, you're not consciously like, I gotta make mom and dad proud.

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I, I've become, and especially doing this work, I've become more aware of how much I want to make my, my mum. I don't know what my dad definitely like. I, because it's always, um, the apple didn't fall far from the tree when it comes to my dad. I unintentionally did the exact same degree at the exact same uni And we're like in the same like sphere of work as well. And so I definitely think that that has a big part of it. Yeah, that's true. But I didn't realize how big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, give yourself permission to be a different person like every day. I just had this moment in my own life of like, I actually don't want to work with anyone that's not an aspiring business or business owner.. And like, I've, it has been so hard for me to just own that. Cause I'm like, but what about all the other people that I used to help? And it's like, no, you can literally change what you're doing any fucking day. Like it's just that it's harder because your environment is still the same. So like it wants to pull you back. So yeah. Who actually, this is, this is probably the question that you'll want to journal on. You might know it right now too, but it's like, what belief do you need to have in order to be someone who's okay in her present moment, like where she is?

Yeah, that's a good question. 'Cause I don't, I'll have to think about it. I don't know it off the top of my head actually. No, that's great.

Thank you. You're welcome. But I'm excited for you and all this rejection is good for your, for your—

Aha, if you say so. No, thank you. I'm trying to keep with the projection is just redirection.

Yeah. And I would encourage you, you've said the word trying a lot in your, in this conversation, which means that it's not working, which means that it may be an invitation for you to, instead of reaching out or like extending, it's almost like sit back and observe. Like what? Like for example, So something that happened in my life is I've been observing a pattern of the same type of person dropping into my DMs asking the same question, but I had to slow down and be in the observer state in order to notice it, or else I would have blown right by it and like been doing the other thing I was thinking I should do.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No, that's really good. I really appreciate your time.

Thank you. That's great.

Of course.

Thank you. Last thing I would say, and this goes for all of you guys, is like, follow the path of least resistance. Like, what is easy for you? What is fun for you? Because joy is always the guide. Like, it always is. It shouldn't— it shouldn't be anything but that, because or else you're going to resent it. You're going to get it— like, it's the reason why you don't like your dog. Like, of course you want to believe. So figure out even right now what does light you up, what does excite you. Like, and it should— you should actually feel it in your physical body. Like, for me, it comes like, um, tingling or like goosebumps. And it's like, yes! Like I said, when I say yes, it actually happens. I'm like, yeah, it's a soul body yes. So just start paying attention to the stuff in your day-to-day life, or to the jobs that you're looking for, or It's about having a conversation with somebody, like, and nurturing that.

Awesome, thank you.

You're welcome. Claire. Oh, you're in Rhode Island, so cool. Your boyfriend and you— what? 98% finished with your van build. So much fear on quitting your job and struggle with overthinking and trying to make it work. Would love to learn about how you were able to break through fears and be seen online and how you show up authentically. Yeah, that is actually like the thing I teach my business coaching clients. Like specifically because it's such a problem. Like, it's so hard. It's, it's so hard to show up as your authentic self when you don't know who you are. You're like, I'm still learning who I am. How can I just be myself when I don't know who she is, right? So I think, Claire, first of all, you're in the right place because Sam's gonna help you see that and really discover who you are. Um, secondly is just don't think about it. Like, don't think about it. But that's great advice, but like, you gotta just— you have to just do it. Like, there's no easy way. When I first started going on stories, dude, oh my God, I was like, oh my God, I have a zit, ah, you know, put concealer on. Now, now I've gone fully the opposite spectrum, which is I don't use filters. And that's a new thing because I'm just like so fucking sick of the false perception of perfection. And I got caught in the dieting industry. I had an eating disorder. I had a fucked up relationship with my body. I had such low self-esteem. So now I'm like, I don't want to go down that road. I really want to stay true to myself. And myself is the raw, messy this. So I would ask yourself, Claire, like, what do people always give me compliments on? Like, what do people come to me for advice on? Like, what do people— what do people— what do I think people say behind my back? Like, that's a great— those are just some great, like, starters for you to start thinking about. Yo, like, it's not about what you look like. Let's just blast that off. Like, it's not. It's how you show up. It's your energy. And I think for me, I started personal development work because I didn't feel beautiful. I didn't think I was pretty enough, so I was like, well, fine, if I'm not going to be pretty enough, I guess I'll work on the insides. I guess I'll work on my mindset. I guess I'll just be the fucking dopest human I know, even if I don't look like that model. And that's what I've done, like, and that is literally how you will build an empire. It doesn't need to be this crazy big thing, but like, your energy is— everything is energy, right? So if your energy is on point, it is inevitable that you will be a multi-millionaire at some point. It's literally fucking impossible for that to not happen because like attracts like, right? You attract who you are. So like, it's just— it happens. Like, there's— you don't have to explain it. It's fucking quantum physics, which I'm not going to try to explain, but you do have control of that. And when I look into my phone and I'm on stories, I don't even look at myself. Like I'm like talking to this phone, but I don't look at myself. I talk and I think about the woman that is listening on the other side. Like I don't even look at my face. If I looked at my face, I would be like, I should redo this. But I don't, I don't have time for that. Like, and I think that's the thing that has propelled me, and maybe you can take this as a tool, is like, nobody has fucking time to care. Nobody cares. They just want to be inspired by you. They want your energy. They want the things that you know. Like, nobody fucking cares. They're, they're looking at your story, seeing their own reflection in the one part, black part of the camera, being like, oh shit, I have a nose hair. Like, And if anyone is judging your appearance, they're just judging themselves. So who the fuck cares, right? It's like, let that shit go, right? It's small shit. It's these little ways that sabotage can come. But the way that you overcome it is by doing the action that is exactly contrary to the thing you are scared to do. And that's how you get confident. You just continually show up and you're like, fuck you, I'm doing it anyways. Don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. I love that. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Also, I'm going to talk to you in a week. We all have to hold each other accountable here.

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I would say too, Claire, and for anybody else that's like, you know, wanting to show up online in some way, like, think about the people that you love to follow and how they show up online and why you like to follow them, right? Because I think there's like an old generation of influencers that were very like, hey guys, so today I'm just going to do a little makeup routine. And like, that was like, that was like 2016, but like we're not in 2016 anymore. So you probably don't love following those types of people or even follow those types of people. You probably follow people that literally like story themselves with zit cream on their face in bed or doing weird shit with their boyfriend or like all the random stuff and parts of their day that are just like so raw and real and you get to like peek inside of their life. So think about the things that you like to you like to see, because if you like to see it, other people like to see it too. And that's what you should show. Like, we, we get very caught up in the beginning of being like, this is how you present online. Yes. Hey guys. But like, that's not what you like to see. So it's not what other people like to see.

Yeah.

Think about that.

Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing that I started doing too is I, thought deeply about it, and I was like, I'm very goal-oriented, so I set a goal to like story something or post something every day, and I found that to actually work. Even when I didn't want to do it, um, I felt like obligated to do it. So I think that can help in the beginning too. It's only been a week, but it's been helping. Yeah, then it will just be a habit. Yeah, that's what I did in 2019. I think it was 2019. I said I was gonna post every day on social. That was like psycho of me, but I did it. And it very quickly helped me get over the fear. I was like, okay. So it's just like, it's just doing it and knowing that you can do it. You've done other harder things. You've done so many hard things. And it's just the beginning. And the fear is always the next thing. The resistance is always the next step. I'm scared shitless to start a YouTube channel. I'm starting a YouTube channel. I'm like, Oh my gosh. And I'm like, why am I so nervous? And I'm like, because it's the thing I know I need to do. Like, it's totally the thing. And it's like, that's always the case. So be friends with your fear because it's always gonna give you the shortcut answer, actually, in a way. I love that. Uh, Bree, 23, Australia. You just finished your degree, haven't been able to secure a job yet. Okay, so Bree, Something that we haven't touched upon is the frequency of fear. The frequency of fear is very low, like it's very dense, it's very heavy. The frequency of trust is very like light and airy. And right now, if there's this fear of not getting a job or not being where you want to be, you're literally giving off that vibe. Right. So even if you're not consciously doing the things, it's like the thing that you can do is focus on the feeling of having the job already and practicing that every day, 90 seconds, at least like in the morning when you wake up, let it like set a timer on your phone, set a reminder on your phone. Let it be the first thing that you're like, 'Oh my God, I feel so good. I'm so grateful.' Just literally imagine what it's going to feel like. Holding those feelings for at least 90 seconds literally will change your life because you will literally change your vibration, which will mean that you will attract the stuff. And it's just a matter of time before it shows up in physical space. For your last thing about the negative people thing, can you share a little bit more about that? Like you're working on stepping away and getting out of that waiting mindset.

It's just in terms of like the people around me who sort of like, just like kind of like maybe in the same mindset that I have been in previously about, oh, well, you'll never get the job because there's so many other people that want the job as well, blah, blah, blah, and stuff like that. And people that you know, like the types of people that you just like when you see them pop up on your phone and you're like, oh, here we go again, they're just going to start complaining. And then you, and then you're obviously complaining about them complaining. So then like in my head I'm like, okay, this is annoying because I want to be happy and in a good mindset. But so like trying to get rid of those people. And then the waiting mindset, um, I've touched on a fair bit with Sam and stuff. It's just like because I feel like I've been waiting and having my life on hold for the last 18 months So trying to get away from being like, I'm not waiting for a job, I'm going to— I'm living in the now and the job's going to come to me.

Yes. Yes. It's like not waiting but creating. Right. It's like moving from that scarcity of like, even if your friends are like, you're not going to get it. And then you're like, wait, but I am. But then maybe I'm not. Oh, no, no, I'm not. It's like, okay. Don't even think about them. Don't even focus on— don't focus on letting them go because you're actually making the problem bigger. Focus on what do you need to be happy? Like, what are you currently doing to raise your vibe every day? Like, where can you find people that are like— I mean, all everyone in here, you know, are lifting you up. Like, don't talk about your job with anyone but people that are fucking high vibing because you've already lost the battle. So just like know where to put that energy, and if it comes up, set the boundary. Thank you so much for your blah blah blah blah blah, but I don't want to talk about this with you, right? Like, just no. Just chop it. Chop that shit off. That's the old— this is an old Bri. She has moved on. Her growth makes other people uncomfortable. Bye, Felicia. We don't have time for that. You don't have to love that. I love that. Thank you. You're welcome. Bailey, 22, Canada. I'm currently trying to become the best version of yourself. You already are the best version of yourself. During this process, I feel like I'm taking steps back from everyone in my life. I'm realizing all the negative energy around me. The fear of leaving so many people in my past scares me, but I keep telling myself it's for the best. I'm also the biggest people pleaser. Oh my gosh, wait, where's Bailey? Okay, um, are you also an empath? Okay, great, me too. Like hardcore empath. And being an empath and setting boundaries is like, it's against our nature. It's like, no, but we have so many feels, I can't hurt you. Uh, so you set a loving boundary. That's what I do. Like I'm not the person that's gonna be like, fuck off. Like I, I do in my mind, but in real life I'm like, Um, uh, so set the loving boundary. Set the loving boundary because you're fucking worth it, Bailey. That's it. That's it. You're worth setting boundaries for. And leaving the people. I know this. I basically just had to like accept that all of my friends from college are not my people anymore, which is like sad, but it's it's just what it is. And finding people that are my people, like Sam, you know, like other people that I've met, like other friends that I've created. Um, because I don't want to feel like shit, or I don't want to feel like I don't fit in, or I don't want to feel blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to feel loved. That's what we all want. So I don't want to be with peeps who don't think I'm amazing. That's it. Don't settle for anything less than that because you deserve it. Yeah, I think that it's like the fear of letting go, like you've mentioned several times with everybody. What are you— what are you really scared of? What's under that fear? I think it's just like I have such a connection with people that, you know, if you've known them for so long, it's like hard to walk away from them even though they bring negative energy. I don't know what it is. For me, it's just like hard to walk away from them. Yeah. I would say instead of like, I know some people say like cut toxic people out or like blah, blah, blah. I would do the casual Irish goodbye approach, which is what I've done, which is like, you don't need to make this big dramatic thing. Just don't initiate text messages, you know, like just don't make plans. And this is what I've been doing with my friend, with my, um, some of my friends and You know, it's like there's a purpose, there's a season for people, and it doesn't mean that they're a bad person. You know, like all my friends from college, I love them all. It's just that we don't have any similar interests anymore. So it kind of feels like, I don't know, I don't even have anything to say, you know, it's weird. So I'm just like, okay, like I'm just gonna accept that this is starting to be over and know that I gotta let go and release. To make space for. I think like humans can only be in close contact with, or like maintain really close relationships with, 5 people at once. And when I heard that, I was like, whoa, I've tried to totally like maintain friendships with like 50 people probably. Like actually, I was such a floater in high school. I was like friends with everyone, uh, but not really friends with anyone, if you know what I mean. And I just had to just accept that, you know what, it's okay. Like, I have all that I need, and there's so many people on this planet. And it's a way that you get to practice abundance is just like shifting. Thank you for that. I can't relate more than, yeah, the floater with everybody, but I have too many people in my life now, so I'm like, oh yeah, just be yourself and like talk to who you want to talk to and like be around who you want to be around, and people will be like, oh fuck, look at her, you know. Thank you.

You're welcome. So what you said, Sam, about creating space, I think is really important because you forget that those relationships are taking up a slot in your life, and that slot could go to something way more expansive, fun, beautiful, deep, connected, aligned, but you're not letting it slip into place because all your slots are full. Your slots are full. And the universe will give you what you deserve and what you desire when you create space for it. But if there's no space, you will not receive.

Yes, very, very powerful lesson. And it's like, think about all that mental energy too that you get back, you know. It's, it's very real from not overthinking or, oh, what if that— Natalie asked a question, overcoming a fear. Can you ever really be over a fear, or is it about managing it? That's a great question. In my perspective, like, it's not an or. I think it's a both and. I think both can happen. Um, I no longer have certain fears because I've just repeatedly taken action against it. So I'm like, I'm not even worried about it, right? But I think newer fears or things that you haven't experienced, it is about managing it until it becomes a no-brainer, until it becomes just a way of being. But for me, for any fear, I always ask myself, like with the van, I ask myself, what's the worst that could happen? That's always the root question because the worst thing that can happen is we sell the van and we probably make money because of the extreme demand for van life right now. Like the worst case scenario is a good thing. And it was the same when I left my job. The worst case scenario is I get another job. Worst case scenario is I work at Starbucks. Like worst case scenario is fill in the blanks. Like, it's not that bad, but our brain tells us that we're gonna end up dead under a bridge starving. Somehow dead but also starving. Yeah, pseudo-dead. Uh, all right, Alexandra. I am Alex— oh, I'm Alex from Paris. Got a new job since March, um, 1.5 years unemployed. Great job on paper, the most money, but you're feeling exhausted and lost lost on what you should do, lack of energy. At the same time, where you want to be financially speaking, and I don't want to be not grateful. Yes, totally. For you, Alex, what do you think is the real challenge for you here?

Is—

hello, hi everybody. So I don't know, it's like really feeling in lack of energy and I've never been like this before, and I like my job, but it's okay, it's not my dream job. But financially, it's like really cool for me, a new life after one year. So I don't know, I don't want to not be grateful, but I feel really exhausted, not in good vibes. I'm a little lost.

Yeah, yeah. What is your like sleep, self-care, nutrition like?

It's not okay. I, I want to sleep all the time on the weekend. I can't do anything because I'm too tired. And I am— my eating is okay, but yeah, uh, I have headaches. I feel my body, that is not okay in my body.

Yeah. Have you asked your body what it needs? Sleep.

Hmm.

Are you a high achiever? Like, are you, are you someone that like is very goal-oriented and like works a lot?

Not really, but in this work is like a lot, a lot of work and It's a big brand and everybody works a lot, so I am in the mood of the team, but it's not my mood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it sounds like your body is like maybe adjusting or like just needs a lot more rest from something like this. And maybe even just thinking about ways that you do get energy, like how do you get energy and like, is it sunshine? Is it nature? Is it yoga? Is it whatever it is? And just starting there, like starting with what you can control, because it might not be the job. It might be, but at least start with the basics. Like, because nutrition is like, nutrition's going to make you feel like shit or not. Like that's the number one thing. So I would be really mindful of your water intake, your veggies. Uh, getting enough protein, like even just those bare basics, and then keeping a schedule, giving yourself as much structure to the day because that's just going to help your body feel safe. Thank you. Of course. Chess, 32, struggling with body image issues and femininity, um, but in a much better place than I used to be. On the, on the days I feel good. One fear that rarely rears its ugly head is around other women's nudity in front of my partner, like on TV and movies. It happens so rarely, get upset in the moment, push it down. A bunch of bachelor parties are coming up and I'm afraid of strippers and how I will feel, but unfairly I wouldn't care if bachelorettes hired strippers. That is such a vulnerable share. Thank you for sharing. Um, so powerful. And I'm actually working through so much of this stuff with my clients right now, femininity and like really stepping into this like, like embracing and reclaiming your sexuality, um, even with food too, just like reclaiming pleasure. Where does this fear come from, do you think?

I'm not really sure where the fear comes from. It's something that I've tried to dive into a lot over the years, and it's like I said, it's kind of like a wave, and it'll come up and I'll feel like I deal with it and then it goes away and then it just comes back up again. It kind of surprises me every time. I don't know, like one of my earliest memories is when I was in like second grade and this really like my friend, but also I thought he was really cute, called me a babe and I was like, "Oh, I'm not a babe, I don't have boobs." And I'm 32 and I have I still don't have boobs, so I feel like—

Oh!

My mom, I guess like watching her as a single parent most of my life and like how she got ready and how she thought of herself and yeah, perhaps that, I don't know.

Well, my body is literally tingling right now, so I'm gonna say it is maybe part of that, but there's definitely something there if you just recall that memory.

Yeah.

Yeah. Right.

So my earliest memories.

Yeah. And like, it's like, there can be so many ways that the brain and body don't feel safe, but I could see that you pushing that away or you creating an identity for yourself of like, but I don't have boobs. I'm not a feminine person. Um, and then pushing that babe away and then not wanting any attention, right? And like being like, no, I don't want to be that, or I can't be that, or like I can't be sexual, or I can't be feminine. So I think for you, this is actually probably deeper work, um, in finding the root, which is— this might be one of them— and really starting to um, find other women who look like you and normalize your own body. Secondly is actually getting comfortable, like, touching yourself, like, touching your skin, just like being comfortable in your body. Um, a book that I would recommend for you is this book. This is a book I use with my clients a lot, Mirror Work. Um, this is great for anyone that has body image or anything with their body, struggling to really just like come to fully love and accept your body. Because I was— I can relate so hard. I had so much sexual little t trauma that did not make me feel safe in my body or safe to even like— like I have boobs and I never wanted to show them. I didn't lose my virginity until I was like 25. Before. Like, I didn't want to ever be— I didn't want to be touched. I was scared. So I can totally relate. But what I would do is I would start with the easiest thing, which is like maybe just your own, like, self-massage. Um, Mirror Work by Louise Hay is a great book. And, um, noticing the trigger and just writing down the feelings, like keeping a journal And just starting to notice the pattern. Notice when it shows up for you. Okay. Yeah, that's where I would start.

Okay, that's a lot.

Thank you.

Yeah, of course.

I would also just add to Jess, you know, like there's a lot of things that we can do for ourselves. Like obviously there's a lot of work that we have to do on our own when we uncover these sort of like little t traumas. But there also may be some things that like your partner can do to support you in feeling sexy and feminine in your body, and maybe exploring and thinking about what that would be like. What do you need from him? How can you ask for what you need, right? What is the support that you would like to receive? What are, what are the comments that maybe it would mean a lot to you if he gave you, right? What, like, how do you need him to touch you or look at you to make you start to like really feel like I am sexy in my body the way that it is. So that's just, you know, another layer on top of obviously doing your own work, right? Cause it's not our partner's responsibility to make us feel beautiful and make us feel sexy. But when you love someone and when they love you back, they naturally should want to, you know, try and assist you in those little ways. Also, if you guys haven't watched Too Hot to Handle on Netflix, like the cheesiest frickin trash show ever. But I will say, as a person who's part of the itty bitty titty committee, the hottest girl on season 2 has absolutely no tits. So if you need someone to look at to be like, wow, she's fucking hot and has no boobs, it's Emily, season 2, Too Hot to Handle.

I love this.

And her It's an expander for you.

Yep. Totally.

Yeah.

And Jess too, like, it's so funny. Like my belief around boobs is like, they just get in the way when I want to work out. Like it, you know, and that's my belief. So like, there's a belief for you that you can change, like having a small chest, why it's, why it's great actually. Right. Like how it is beautiful, how you can accentuate, like buying lingerie for yourself. Like, letting yourself be sexy in your current body. And I think like what Sam said is almost borrowing your partner's belief in that before you have enough of your own. I did that with Kurt too. Like, he was like, oh, you're beautiful. And I was like, what? And then I'm like, oh, that's really sweet. And then eventually I was like, no, I do believe that. But it took me a long time to really feel that as truth.

Um, can I— it's not necessarily my chest that bothers me anymore. It's more that when my gut is bloated, I feel like I look like a triangle. And if I had a flat stomach, then the flat chest wouldn't bother me as much. But majority of the time, I feel like I look like a potato with good hair some days.

Totally. I actually— I'm glad you just brought that this up. I want to talk about this more in my own feed because that is probably the most normal thing for a woman to feel. Like, having some sort of lower stomach bloat pooch thing, whatever you want to call it, is so normal, but it is not normalized. Like, it's not shown. People wear high-waisted things, they twist and turn and angle, and just like, remember that like normal bodies are normal bodies and you have a normal body, like truly. And I have the same thing, I have the same exact experience of like, why is this here? And it's like, oh, you know what it's here for? It's here for me to love and accept all of the parts of me. And that my stomach was the last piece. It's still something I'm working on. I think it's something that I get to probably work on for a while, but, um, It's like, it's just another level of self-love. Cool. Do you guys want to go through a little visualization together? All right, beautiful. Let me put on some music. Yeah, so I want you to just get as comfortable as you can. Um, if you can lay down, that would be bonus. If not, just get super comfy in your chair, but you just want to be as relaxed as possible. Can you hear the music?

Yeah. Okay.

All right. So when you're ready, I want you to just close your eyes and just start tuning into the body, into the breath. You know, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Just breathe at the normal pace that you're breathing. Just focusing on the breath like a circle, in and out. I want you to find a little bit more depth with your breath, breathing in a little bit more, filling up your belly and diaphragm, filling up your chest. And breathing out, maybe sighing, give a nice exhale. Breathing in, filling up the belly, diaphragm, the chest. And breathing out. Let's do one more together. Breathing in, last breath, big inhale.

Exhale.

And I want you to think about your favorite place, the place where you feel most alive, or maybe the place where you want to go, where you think you'll feel the most alive, where things are brighter, you feel at peace.

And you're just content.

And I want you to look around and see what you notice. What is around you? What's the environment like?

The temperature.

Maybe do a little spin in whatever you're wearing and just notice how good it feels, because in this moment You are your future self.

It's you from the future.

It's July 9th, 2022. And I just want you to notice what you're thinking, what you've accomplished, what fear that you're proud of yourself for overcoming. And I want you to speak out loud and tell your current self what she needs to hear right now in order to become more free, more fearless, more unstoppable, more confident? What message do you have for the current you? If there's anything else she needs to know, share it with her. And I want you to invite your current self to come to the place where you are. So you're standing next to her. When she arrives, I want you to give her a big, big hug. I want you to give her a hug, tell her how much you love her, and anything else that you want to tell her. And if there's anything anything else that your current self needs to hear, let it be said. Take your current self by the hand. And give her one last hug. And as you hug her, she becomes you. And I want you to just do a little spin. And call upon your magic carpet. Whenever you're ready, I want you to hop upon your magic carpet and come back into the room where you are, where you're seated. You're lying down. Just come back to the breath. You can wiggle your toes, maybe wiggle your fingers, and notice how it feels to be your future self right now.

What's different?

Just sit with that feeling. Give yourself a big hug. Put your arms around your body, give yourself an embrace, and when you're ready, you can let go and open your eyes. Welcome back. How was that for you all?

Emotional as fuck. Oh my God.

So good. You can be her right now. Visualization for me is the most powerful way to get to my future self. Like, I don't even have to do anything. I just take that, take that, whatever that mantra was, whatever the words that you needed to share with your current self Write it down. Write it down in a journal. Do that right now before you forget. Like, grab your journals, because there's nothing like advice from your future self, because she knows. She already knows you're, you're the best, and she's just like, yo, can you just remember it too? And know that you can come back to this at any time. I'm sure you can listen to the recording. I also have, um, visualizations on my YouTube channel because I love them and I do them a lot, and they're really good for people that are visual learners like myself. Um, Bailey said that because you feel like these are things you should have been saying to yourself for years, and it's heartbreaking that you haven't. Yeah, and that is the power of compassion. And having so much love for yourself and your inner child. This is like, this is the deep work I do with my clients that gets very messy. And I'm like, you guys, you gotta buckle up, you gotta bring the tissues, but it's fucking worth it. It's messy at the beginning, it looks like not so good, and you're like, what did I just get myself into? But on the other side is that really deep internal knowing Like, you are enough, you are worthy, you are deserving, you can do this, you are beautiful. All the things. That's the truth.