Manifesting Love & Relationships

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Victoria Ward.

Today we are going to be talking about how to attract love. So if you're interested in learning how to manifest your ideal partnership relationship, then stick around or hit that save button so you can come back and watch this later. So we're just going to dive right in. I just wanted to pop on really quick and give you guys— I hate when I say that, pop on. Okay, I just wanted to give you guys some tips about manifesting relationships and love because this is a topic that I've been super intrigued by lately. I've been reading all the books, doing all the research, and it's something that I've been helping a lot of my clients with. And so I'm loving this work, and I just want to share with you some of the basics behind what really goes into attracting your ideal relationship. So when we think about attracting anything into our lives, attracting um, and manifesting whatever it is, any type of goal, anything, it's all about vibrational alignment, right? So it's the same when it comes to relationships. You have to get into vibrational alignment with what it is you're trying to attract. So if you want a committed, loving relationship, then how can we tune ourselves to that frequency? And Aaron Dowdy talks about this in a really cool way. It's kind of like a visual way to imagine it. So I want to share that with you guys. When we think about getting into vibrational alignment, you know that we talk about matching your vibration to the same frequency of the goals and desires and things that you want. And what he talks about is imagining it as like a radio station, right? If you want to listen to— if you want the signal to come through and you want to listen to 97.5, for for example, you need to turn, turn the dial and tune to the right frequency so that that radio station will come through and you'll download that information. So the same is true for your vibration. You need to tune to the frequency of the things that you're trying to attract. So how can we tune in to the vibration of love? Well, that's gonna start with us getting into the feeling of love ourselves already with where we are and what we have. So a lot of this will come back to your relationship to self and the other relationships that you already have going on in your life, whether it's with family members or friends or whatever, and starting to think about like, am I really plugged in, tuned in to that frequency of love? And so asking yourself you know, in a lot of different situations in your life, moments throughout your day, all you have to do is ask yourself, what would the most loving version of myself do? How would I react to this situation? How would I respond to this email? How would I answer my partner even though they're irritating me? Or, you know, how would I speak to my parents even though we have a strained relationship or things are frustrated? Like, what would the most loving version of myself do and acting throughout your day and your life as that most loving version of yourself, because that's gonna help you tune in to that frequency of love. Now, that being said, there's probably a lot of work that has to be done with your relationship to self, more so than just, you know, trying to react in the best way possible from the standpoint of your most loving version of yourself. So there's gonna be a lot of self-work for most of us that has to be done. Yeah, so we're gonna have to work on repairing and strengthening our relationship to self. And so for a lot of people, this might look like going to therapy or hiring a coach or getting some guidance through astrology, tarot, Human Design, anything that can help you know more about yourself and learn more about who you are and the way that you operate and what your patterns are, right? Setting boundaries to help protect your energy, that's going to be a huge one when we're working on repairing our relationship to self. So many of us put ourselves low on the totem pole of our to-dos and what needs to get done, and everybody else needs to get taken care of before myself, right? That's a lie. So where do we need to set boundaries in order to start choosing ourselves? Yeah, because in order to choose somebody else, in order to choose the most loving and aligned relationship, you need to know how to choose yourself. And you also need to be able to go into that relationship as a whole and complete version of yourself, already happy with who you are before you enter the relationship. Because a lot of times we meet someone and we get really excited, and they make us feel alive, and they make us feel happy, and they kind of fill a certain hole that we might have. And then if that relationship doesn't work out, and that goes away, or they hurt us, that hole is now even bigger, and it's open and gaping, and it's harder and harder to fill. And so we look to other things to fill it, right? We look to— we look to food, we look to alcohol, we look to meaningless sex, we look to whatever it is to fill that hole. So you want to work on the— it's so cheesy, right? Everybody always says you have to love yourself before anybody else can love you. But what that really means is you need to work on your relationship with yourself before you choose to get into a relationship, so that you will be okay whether the relationship works long-term or not, right? So that person is not meant to just fill up a part of you that you've been missing or that you're craving, but you actually learn the tools of how to fill yourself up. And so that's what we do when we do this type of work, of working on ourselves and repairing and restoring our relationship to self. Setting boundaries is gonna be huge for that. Like I said, saying no when you don't actually want to do something, like, that is an act of self-love. If you don't want to go somewhere, if you don't want to be at a certain party, if you don't want to help somebody out because you're totally drained and you don't have the bandwidth for your own mental health to be able to lend a hand or to listen to somebody else or to do whatever, you need to say no because that's an act of self-love. You have to start choosing yourself and putting yourself first. Learning about your subconscious patterning, figuring out, okay, where are the ways in which I'm acting from an unconscious place? And where does that come from? Where did— where was that programming built? How was it built from childhood or past relationships or other experiences where I didn't feel worthy, where I didn't feel like my voice mattered, where I didn't feel like I could trust, right? Really understanding how you are living on autopilot, as we all are in so many ways, from from your subconscious mind. That's gonna be huge to helping you repair your relationship to self, because so many times we're really hard on ourselves and we think that everything is our fault, or why am I like this? I'm just like this, and I'm really jealous, or I'm not trusting, or I'm too clingy, or I need space, and you know, getting too close, or fear of commitment freaks me out, like We tell these stories about who we are and how that's part of— we build it into being part of our identity when it's not actually part of your identity. It's just part of your subconscious programming, which you can change according to science and psychology. Like, your brain is malleable. You can literally change what's happening in your mind at any and all times, but you have to be willing to do the work and invest the time and even potentially money in Figuring out what those things are and starting to do that work to actually create change in your life. So, you know, another big theme for people is healing their inner child. And if you've never heard of the inner child, it's exactly what it sounds like. All of us humans, all of us adults, we're all really just, you know, the same person that we were when we were kids, but with more responsibilities and lots of subconscious programming and patterns laid on top of it. So, you know, a lot of times when we react or we have an emotional response to something, it's, it's not always from the place of our, like, evolved adult self, but it's actually coming from the place of who you were as a child because you stored that programming into your subconscious. It's a way that you learned to react or respond, and you may have learned this from parents, you may have learned this just from how you coped with a certain difficult situation. As a kid, but your inner child is going to come up and she's going to react in the way that she may have reacted as a kid. And those are the moments where you maybe say stuff that you wish that you didn't, you act in certain ways that you wish that you could take back, or you look back on and you're like, ooh, like, I— why did I do that? That was childish of me. Or why did I say that? Or why did I react that way? Or why did I get so jealous when it was really nothing, right? Because that impulse comes from your instinctual reaction from your inner child. So recognizing the tendencies and reactions that come from your inner child's wounds is a huge part of the healing process so that you can become a more conscious and self-aware adult when you start moving through relationships. And this is going to help a ton with, you know, not pulling things from other relationships into new ones. Um, and that's kind of a whole other theme in and of itself. But, you know, really closing the circle, closing the loop on your past relationships before you move into any new ones. So if you haven't gone and looked back at any previous relationships that you've had and really sat down and like reflected on them and thought about them, and how did I show up in that relationship, and how did my partner show up, and what went wrong, and what went right, and what did I like, and what did I dislike, and, you know, how could things have maybe been different, or what is my responsibility responsibility in that relationship? What was my responsibility that maybe I still haven't really taken responsibility for? Because it's easier to be annoyed or be pissed off or be the victim or just hold a grudge, right? Really doing a solid reflection on all of your past relationships, every single one of them, and looking at what happened and how it made you feel and what the reactions were so that you can leave that stuff there and and not bring it forward into a new relationship. Because so many times we see that people bring past hurt and trust issues and all that type of stuff from past relationships into a new relationship, and they lay it on top of this new person that doesn't really deserve, you know, to be doubted or mistrusted or whatever it may be, right? But they're receiving that from you because you haven't closed the loop. You haven't really processed and healed from what happened in those other relationships. So now you're just acting out of fear that it's going to happen to you again. So that's a huge, huge, huge thing as well, is kind of closing the loop on your past relationships. Then when we talk about like attracting the right relationship, right, you want to ask yourself, what are you looking for? Because a lot of times people just float through the dating world like on apps and wherever, like thinking, you know, I hope— gosh, I hope I find my person, but they don't actually know what it is that they're looking for, right? So if I am looking for a job and I'm just going on job sites and I have literally no criteria of what I'm looking for, like, how likely is it that I'm going to like find my dream job? Or how long do you think it's going to take me to find my dream job if I have no keywords and no criteria to enter for what I'm looking for, the industry, the type of position, the pay, right? Like, It doesn't make sense. So why do we do this with dating? We shouldn't. So you need to ask yourself, what am I looking for in a partner? And like, be serious about it. And it doesn't have to be one of those cheesy lists that's like, he needs to be tall and handsome and built and fit and like whatever else, you know. But actually like thinking about how you want to feel in the relationship. What is the feeling that you're desiring to receive from being in this future partnership? Do you want to feel loved? Do you want to feel adored? Do you want to feel respected? Do you want to feel seen? Do you want to feel listened to? Do you want to feel sexy? Do you want to feel fun? Do you want to feel adventurous? Do you want to feel spontaneous? Like, how do you want to feel in the relationship? And get really, really clear on those things because that's your— those are your keywords, right? That's your criteria that you're putting into the job search. And so if you are on dating apps, which if you're trying to date nowadays in the world, you should be 100%. Like, and if you have resistance to dating apps, that's another good question to ask yourself. Why do I feel like it's not an appropriate way to date? And what are my resistances to it? And why do I think that people don't want to be serious on dating apps? And why do I think that all the guys on dating apps are sleazy or bad or whatever, right? Like, Get your stories straight about the lies that you're telling yourself that are only fueling you to have a bad experience. Let's get clear on that. Then you need to get on the dating apps. And as we were talking about your criteria, that criteria needs to be part of your— needs to be evoked in your bio. So if you're looking for something casual, then you should say so. If you're looking for something serious, then you should say so, right? Like, be honest and authentic and yourself in your profile and when you talk to people. So rather than going into conversations being like, oh, like, he likes these things, so I'll try and seem like I'm that kind of girl, or how can I like shapeshift myself to be someone that he would like, and oh, I like, I hope he likes me, like, I'm gonna try and like be cool and be chill so that he likes me, like No, be yourself, be how you actually are, because later when the first phase of dating is over and you actually start to let go and become your true self, then you will realize that you don't actually like each other for who each other is, because now you're your real version rather than you're like nice and, you know, tidy and proper and, you know, trying to fit into a mold version. So you have to be yourself from the beginning, and I think people fear that by being themselves from the beginning, they will lessen their options and they won't have as many matches, or they won't meet with enough people. But what you're actually doing is you're saving yourself a lot of time. You're creating a filtration system. You're creating a filter so that the people that don't fit in with who you actually are get filtered out a lot earlier. Faster because you start to realize, oh, we're not looking for the same thing here, right? Like, he doesn't want the same thing that I want, and he's not the type of guy that I'm interested in or looking for. So I'm not gonna waste my time trying to like fit myself into his idea of like what he's looking for because that's not what I'm looking for. So why would we waste our time with that, right? So that's another thing, is to show up as your real true self from the beginning. And like, as I was talking about, you should be on the dating apps, right? This is a form of taking action. When we're talking about manifesting, the law of attraction, we know that you must take action. Like, the old, the old beliefs about manifestation is like, just think it to be true and it will come to me. But that's not how it works, right? You actually have to like do stuff. You have, you have to participate in the process. So you have to take action. So maybe you're sitting there and being like, I haven't really been putting in that much effort, honestly. Like, I complain about being single. I don't want to be single anymore. I really would like to be in a relationship. But, you know, what am I actually doing about it? Am I doing anything about it? Am I taking the aligned action? Am I doing this inner work? Am I repairing my relationship to myself? Am I aware of my subconscious patterning? Am I taking that aligned, inspired action? Right, and if not, then— right, then you know what you need to do. So I hope this was helpful for you guys. I think I covered everything that I really wanted to. I just wanted to give you guys a quick little hit. This has been a topic that we've been talking about a lot kind of around here, relationships and love and attracting all these things. So if you liked this video, please, please, please share it to your stories or send it to someone who you think might need it or benefit from it. And if you want to work with me in 2021, the waitlist to my program has just opened. So my signature offer, From Burnt Out to Badass, which is a 3-month coaching program with me where we will do a lot of this work on your subconscious programming and repairing your relationship to self and manifesting your desires, the waitlist is now open. So there's limited spots available. You can click the link in my bio to put your name on that list. It doesn't mean anything, you're not committed to it, but you will be the first to know when it opens up. So I can't wait to see you guys inside there, and if you have any questions, feel free to DM me. I would love to try and help you in the best way that I can. Thank you guys so much, and I'll see you soon. Bye!