People Pleasing & Self Abandonment: How to Get What You ACTUALLY Want

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I have some exciting news. So the podcast, we have a few months left until the podcast officially turns 1. So in July it'll be a year since the podcast began, and I have this goal of hitting 100,000 downloads by the time we turn 1, and we've just passed 60,000, which is Freaking amazing. And I'm so, so, so thankful to everybody who tunes in every week and continues to share the podcast to their stories and send it to their friends and their family members. So I appreciate you guys so, so much. And I'm giving us together as a podcast family, a challenge to hit the 100,000 download mark by the time we turn 1 in July. So if you are a fan of this podcast, if you listen regularly, or even if you're new around here and you've just tuned in to a few episodes, but you really like what you've heard, I encourage you to please, please, please share it with somebody. Take a screenshot, share it to your stories, send it to your mom, your sister, your friends, your group chat, wherever, and help us hit that goal. So we'll see how we go. I will keep you guys updated, but I'm very excited about that. And I did just receive some new fresh reviews over on Apple. So thank you to everybody that's been reviewing the podcast as well. That helps so so much when someone lands on the podcast and you can see that there's 5-star reviews and lots of positive feedback. That obviously makes people want to click play. So if you want to support the show, uh, that is always an amazing way to do so as well. But yeah, thank you guys so much for being here. I'm like, I just— this is one of my favorite things that I get to do as part of my job. So I'm so grateful that you feel like it's worth your time to sit and hang out with me for 30, 40, 60 minutes, as part of your week. So thank you so much for listening. I love you and I appreciate you, and I'm sending you all the good vibes that I can muster. And I hope that you have an amazing week. Um, and I'm excited to get in today's episode— into today's episode, because this is a topic that comes up a lot, and I feel like I've spoken about it a lot, but we don't really have a dedicated episode to it on the show. So I'm excited to kind of dive into it. And there's been a lot of things coming up recently in my world and with my clients, and, um, that have just been kind of pushing me to week about this topic, which is people-pleasing and self-abandonment. So we're going to get into that. I don't know, I don't know really that there's any woman that I've ever known that hasn't in some way, at some time, somehow identified with people-pleasing or had that experience of, you know, saying yes when you mean no and doing things that you don't want to do because you just want to keep the peace and make other people happy and kind of not rock the boat or step on toes. So I feel like this is such a common thread throughout society, not only for women but especially for women, I feel. And obviously the people that I work with are people who identify as women, so that has been— and I'm a woman myself, so that has been my experience. So I'm gonna speak to that. But, you know, people-pleasing is of course experienced by men and people of all genders as well. But I think it's really relevant for us, and it's something that you probably likely can relate to. So So I'm excited to dive a little bit deeper. So let's just go ahead and get right into it. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen Podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride.

Let's go make shit happen.

So what originally sparked this idea to do an episode about this was a conversation that I had in my DMs with one of my clients. She messaged me saying that, uh, off the back of doing some journaling prompts that I sent her she came to this massive realization of a pattern that she has of just sort of staying quiet when she disagrees with someone or something or a word or a phrase that's been chosen, or she feels uncomfortable, but she doesn't really say like, "Mm, I don't totally agree with that," or "That's not really it, that's not how I feel," or, you know, "I actually don't think that's cool," or, you know, she just kind of like stays silent, shuts it down, moves on, right? In these moments of uncomfortability, whether it's with friends or family or whoever. So she had this realization that this was a pattern for her. And what she said to me, she sent me a voice note and she said, I realized that the message that I'm sending to the universe by doing this is that I prefer other people's comfort over my own. And that is really, really, really profound. And it was for her too. She even said at the end of everything, she was like, And once I realized this, nothing is the same anymore. So I hope that this is— that you're, that you're really listening to this and tuning into this and understanding the, the, the profoundness of this theme because it exists for so many of us of preferring other people's comfort over our own. So, you know, she said, this is the message that I'm sending to the universe by consistently not standing up for myself or how I feel or speaking my truth or saying what I wanna say, or, you know, countering someone's belief or opinion and just kind of staying quiet, the message that I'm sending is that, oh, like it's fine for me to be uncomfortable. It's fine for other people to say things that make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but how dare I stand up and say something that might, you know, counter somebody else or make them potentially feel some sort of discomfort. And what that was leading to for her was experiencing more and more of those situations because she said, you know, I'm operating out of this frequency in which my comfort and my truth are not a priority. That is, you know, the energetic that I'm carrying throughout my life is, oh, it's fine. You know, my, my, my, my comfort and my opinions and my experience and my truth and my authenticity, it's not really a priority. Let's just make sure that everybody else feels comfortable and safe and not bothered and we don't rock the boat at all, right? And so this was a big, a big breakthrough for her. And what I said to her was, you know, we have to realize that A lot of this comes from the need to be liked, which we all have in some capacity, right? Because as humans, we are built on the foundation of needing each other in order to survive, right? That's like how we got to this place in evolution that we are now, is because we got together in groups and in tribes, and we hunted together, and we gathered together, and we took care of the children together, and we, we served with each other, and we all used and pulled from everybody's skill sets in order to, in order to survive. And so we have that in our psyche, that is, people need to like us in order for us to be able to survive, right? We need to be useful and we need to be well-liked. And I'm sure that you can, can deduce some ways in which this shows up for you in your life of needing to feel useful This is what we talked about in the episode about productivity addiction, for sure. Needing to feel useful, right? What do I contribute? And needing to feel liked, right? Because my tribe members need to need me and want me around, because without them, if I'm thrown to the wolves, I will quite literally die. Yeah. So we all have this innate sort of need to be liked. But what I was saying to my client was You know, this, this, this idea, this revelation that she's had really comes from a deeper understanding of her own need to be liked and wanting to be validated by others, which is particularly, particularly a theme for her as an individual, as it is for many of us. And probably a lot of you listening can relate. And the idea of people pleasing. And so I told her, I want you to ask yourself, so I, I want you to take this realization that you've had and I want you to take it one step further and go a little bit deeper. So I want you to ask yourself, You know, why have I prioritized other people's comfort over my own? Right? We, we've recognized that that's a theme, that's a pattern. It's a thing that's going on. It's a dynamic. It's an energy that I carry into the spaces that I, that I move into of, you know, other people's comfort is more important than my own. But now let's go a, a layer deeper and question why, right? Why, why would I be doing this? Right? Why would I be prioritizing other people's comfort over my own? And the question that I, that I asked her as well, that I think really gets to the point of this is, what would I have been risking had I stood in my truth and said how I really felt? Because that will really indicate to you the deeper why. Yeah, because we're always trying to keep ourselves safe. We're always trying to get closer to pleasure and further from pain. That is our— it's ingrained in us. It's part of our humanity. We want to get closer to pleasure and further away from pain, which is why We cope in all sorts of, of troublesome ways by shutting down or pushing down our emotions, choosing not to feel, numbing out with things like social media or alcohol or drugs or sex or partying. You know, we close ourselves off because we don't want to go into pain. We just want to go straight for pleasure. So we pick these, you know, quick hits of joy and pleasure. In order to skip over the pain process. But as you probably know, when you skip the pain process, you don't actually skip it, you just delay it and you strengthen it, which means that you're going to feel it later and you're going to feel it worse, which is not— it's not a fun idea to think about if you are the type of person that tends to push things down, push things down, or sweep them under the rug or ignore them or just try to, you know, leave it what— leave it as what it is and move on and not really fully address it. Yeah, we know that that doesn't work. And maybe you as an individual haven't fully figured out the magnitude of that not working, but you will in your own divine timing. You will figure out that it will come crashing ashore full force at some point. And you will be forced to feel. You will be forced into the pain if you haven't gone there and sat with it and dealt with it yet. So, right, we're always trying to get closer to pleasure and further away from pain, which is why we will do things like ignore our feelings, ignore our truth, ignore what we want to say, ignore our opinions, ignore our own comfortability because it doesn't feel good to be in conflict. It doesn't feel good to be disliked. It doesn't feel good to have hard conversations. That is part of the pain equation, and we want to get farther away from that. So we push it down, we ignore ourselves, we ignore our needs, and we just let everybody else do what they want and what they need and say what they want and say what they need. And we just say, you know, I'm just going to try to ignore it. I'm just going to— I'm going to leave it, not going to address it. I'm just going to move on. And, you know, for certain things that might be okay. For certain really, really small anecdotal surface-level things, that may be okay. But we do this with things that actually need our attention, that are actually calling us to go deeper and to stand in our truth and authenticity and say how we feel and do what we want and live the kind of life that we desire, right? This will hold people back in so many areas of life. Especially with career and jobs. They are so afraid. We— because I've experienced this myself— we are so afraid of, again, those basic fears that I talked about before of needing to be useful and needing to be liked. We're so afraid of being unuseful or feeling unuseful and feeling disliked. That will keep you in a job that you hate for a fuckload of time. Like, that'll keep you stuck for years. Let me tell you, right? There's so many people that have lived that experience. It was easier for them. It was easier for them to prioritize other people liking them than for them to like themselves or to like their own life or to like what they do every day, you know, which is crazy when you think about it. When you really, really think about it, you're kind of like, oh, like, that's fucked. You know, that we care more about what somebody else thinks about us or what somebody else supposedly says about us. Because again, a lot of times we're just imagining what they may say. We don't actually know that they're saying it. Then, then how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about our life and what we do every day, you know, and the truth that we stand in and the job that we go to and the relationships that we have. It's crazy. It's so, so crazy. And so this inspired me to write the Monday email of this week on, you know, a little bit of this topic about people pleasing. And something I said was, you know, a lot of us will tell ourselves that, that we're people pleasers because we care so much about what others— we care so much about others in general. You know, we're empathetic people. Oh, you know, I, I just— they're family or I love them or they're a friend or, you know, we care so much about others. And we don't want to let anybody down, so we step into people pleasing. And, you know, I think that's— of course we probably do care about others and we don't want to let them down, but that's a very, um, that's a very sort of fairy tale way of looking at why we're actually people pleasing. Yeah, that's— it's really surface level. And what's more likely is that we're actually people pleasers because we don't care enough about ourselves. It's not that you care so much about other people. No, it's more so that you don't actually care enough about yourself.

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And so you would rather let other people down than be potentially disliked or to have to face an uncomfortable or hard conversation. Yeah, because people pleasing is truly born from you forgetting about your inherent worth. And when you forget that you are inherently worthy as you are simply for existing, you will then need the approval of others in order to feel like you're a good person and to feel like you're doing good things in life and that you're being helpful and that you're supportive and that you're reliable. Because just being who you are and doing what you want and saying how you feel is no longer enough for you to feel your sense of worthiness. Because you've forgotten about that. You've forgotten that it's inherent. Yeah. So you start to source your sense of worthiness from how other people perceive you and how they praise you. Right. And if you need other people to be perceiving of you in a positive light and to be praising you and to love everything that you say and everything that you do and to always agree with you, if you need that, in order to feel worthy, then that will be what you choose. Because we crave that sense of worthiness. We deeply crave that even from childhood, right? Which, yeah, I'm not going to get into all of that, but it creates a lot of family dynamics, you know, craving that sense of love and worthiness. And what do I need to do in order to get it? Right? The way that it shows up for me as a 3 on the Enneagram, which is the Achiever, is like, oh, if I can do really amazing things and I can achieve and succeed and perform, right, then people will give me attention and recognize me, and that will feed my sense of worthiness. Yeah, so, you know, it's created— the, the fact that we crave worthiness is simply just how you can sort of— everyone will, everyone will take their craving for worthiness and try to fulfill it in their own way. But understanding that we have that innately, we have that need to feel loved and to feel worthy is fundamental because then you realize, oh, if I get my sense of worthiness from others approving of me and others agreeing with me and others liking me, then I'm always going to choose that option. When the option is choose myself and my truth and my authenticity and what I want to do and what I want to say, or choose being liked by others and agreeing with everyone and having positive praise and feedback. You know, between that option A and B, you're always going to choose B because you have that natural craving for, for feeling loved and feeling worthy. So if you feel called out and seen by this, I want you to just, yeah, be, be open to this episode and allow it to be something that you actually take into consideration in order to facilitate change for you in the way that you move throughout the world and the way that you honor your needs and your wants and your desires and your truth. Because we can all hear about it and be like, oh my God, that's so true. People's opinions don't matter. And then next minute you're fucking conforming to other people again, right? Because you have that innate craving for the sweet, juicy goodness of feeling worthy. So if this is you, if you're connecting with this, if you, if you feel this, like, be here with me now, pay attention, take notes, and consider how you can actually use this conversation to fuel some sort of change. It doesn't mean that tomorrow you're suddenly going to stop people-pleasing, or, you know, stop conforming to what people want you to do or want you to say or how they want you to be. But you can start to take small little steps, right? Small tiny rebellions where you take back your power and you do say what you want to say, and you do share your opinion unapologetically, and you do stand up for yourself, and you do say, hey, that actually makes me uncomfortable, like I'm curious to know, why do you think that way? Right? There's a lot of stuff going on in the world, in the political climate. We all know that is very, um, it's creating a lot of opposition between people. And I think we can be really scared to say how we truly feel or to let other people know when they've offended us potentially. And so there's an opportunity to just, you know, have one tiny moment where you lovingly and compassionately share your truth and your opinion. Again, like, sharing how you feel can always be done with love and compassion. It doesn't have to be mean, right? I think sometimes we get— we sort of try to— we sort of try to, um, defend our people-pleasing tendencies by like making it mean that we're a nice person, which insinuates that if you aren't people-pleasing and doing what other people want you to do and saying what other people want you to say, then you're somehow not a nice person or you're like a bitch or, you know, you're mean or bad in some way. Like, none of it has to make you a bad person. So if that's something that you've kind of taught yourself or been taught or observed, and now it's part of your belief system that, you know, if I speak up, and if I do what I want, and if I make my own choices regardless of what others think, then I'm going to be an outcast, or I'm going to be a bad person, or I'm going to be seen as stupid or not sensible or ungrounded or a rebel or, you know, whatever. I almost said something political, but I'm not. I'm not going to. I will resist. Just for, yeah, the sake of not getting banned by Spotify. You know, there's the, the, um, the censorship is so crazy and so scary. Like, there's certain words you can't even write the word— I'm pretty sure you can't even write the word sex or sexual on Instagram anymore. Like, I follow a lot of coaches that teach female empowerment and sexuality and things like that, and in all of their, in all of their content, they have to like spell sex with like the number 3 as like the E, or with periods in between it, or spaces. So crazy. And you never know. So I'm just like, fuck, I can't say anything that's gonna— even though I just said fuck, but surely they won't censor that. Anyway, back to this topic of, of people pleasing. So I think, you know, this shows up for us in so many different ways, and I want to touch on, on a few of those. So that you can kind of figure out, you know, where this might be relevant for you. I kind of touched on already the idea of, of career and jobs and things like that, and, and feeling stuck in a place that you don't want to be because you are trapped by that need to feel useful and to feel worthy, and you're totally scared of, you know, jumping outside of your comfort zone and doing what you actually want to do. Uh, for many reasons, obviously, of course, safety and security and money are all a part of that. Um, but also for, you know, that, that validation piece that what are people gonna think of me and, uh, who am I to start that side hustle or to try and sell products or to do social selling, uh, or be in network marketing or to have an Etsy shop or to become a coach or be an influencer. Like, who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Right? We need that. That we're always looking for that sense of validation, and that can be a big part of what holds us back. So maybe you relate to this in the career sense, but I want to share this quote with you that I've been harping on so hard with my clients lately. I have it written on my whiteboard in my room. I just love it. Um, and the quote is by Mark Groves, and it says, when you don't stand in the truth of what you want you inevitably get what you don't want. And I want you to just like let that sink in for a second. When you don't stand in the truth of what you want, you inevitably get what you don't want. Which is why I'm so passionate about this topic of, you know, people pleasing is because the people pleasing teaches us to consistently put other people's needs, wants, and desires ahead of our own. And what that is is self-abandonment. Self-abandonment is when you feel yourself, you can feel your body contracting or saying no or saying, oh, I don't— that feels wrong, or I don't like that, or I don't want to do that, or I don't agree with that. And then you quickly blurt out, sure, no problem, right? You abandon yourself. You don't trust yourself. You don't stand up for yourself. You just leave yourself on the sidewalk. Bye. Bye, true self. Fuck you. It's too hard to be you. It's too hard to embody you. So, you know, I'm going to be my old self that just needs validation from others. And the problem with that, which is why I love this quote so much, is that you inevitably get what you don't want. You think this is the problem. You think that being agreeable and doing what other people say is good and doing what other people think is right is going to help you get to a better place. And it's not. It's so the opposite. You are getting farther and farther and farther away from the life that you want to live. You are so far into the woods of who knows the fuck where, but it's not where you're trying to go. Every time you self-abandon, you get farther away from the life and the relationships and love and the worthiness and all the things that you want to feel and have and do and be. Which is why it's so freaking important to start to actually make change and stop abandoning yourself. It is one of the worst habits that we can fall into because not only is it emotionally exhausting, it is so tiring abandoning your truth, that true self and your authenticity over and over again. It's like swimming upstream your whole life, just trying to be the perfect version for everybody else, trying to be what everybody else likes, what everybody else wants, what's good, what fits in. What's normal. Yeah, it's not authentic, and that's why it's hard. So not only is it emotionally exhausting, but like I said, it also takes you further away from the things that you're truly desiring, because every time you do it, you inevitably get what you don't want, right? If you are craving connection. Yeah, here's a really good example. If you're craving connection, you want a relationship, yeah, you want to— you're seeking partnership. Maybe you're in the dating space and you really feel like you're being called to be in a relationship, and you feel like you're ready and you're excited to meet this person that you're going to have a deep connection with, and you're going to be committed to each other, and it's going to be this beautiful loving relationship. Yeah, that's like what you're, you're vibing right now. You're attracting this in, you're calling this in. Then you go on a date with someone who gives you some sort of signals, or maybe even specifically says, I don't really know what I'm looking for, you know, I kind of just want to get out there and date and see what happens. Like very non-committal stuff that's kind of saying like they're not in the same space as you. They're not feeling like, I really want my person, I want my long-term, deeply connected relationship. Yeah, they're giving you signals, signs, or even words right out of their mouth that are telling you they're not in the same space as you. So there's you craving connection, and you think, okay, well, if I give this person a chance and I just kind of see where it goes, and I, you know, I kind of like conform to the vibe that they're giving me, which means, you know, I'll just play along, that, oh yeah, I'm fine with like casual stuff, but then, you know, we'll we'll connect more and it'll go past casual and then we'll get serious and I'll have that relationship that I'm desiring. So you think that by ignoring the signs and signals that says this isn't what you want and conforming to what the other person wants, which is chill vibes, casual, not serious, not committed, you think you're going to get more connection. You're like, oh, if I, if I pretend that what they want is what I want, then we will get closer to each other and that will create a bond, and then maybe that will develop into a deeper relationship or a deeper connection. You think that by abandoning yourself and your needs and your truth of what you actually want in a relationship is going to bring you closer to connection. But the trick is, right, when you don't stand in the truth of what you want, You inevitably get what you don't want, which means you waste your time. You realize you're with a fuckboy. He's not serious. He's not what you need. You're heartbroken or disappointed or more bitter at the end of the whole thing, and you're further disconnected not only from the relationship, from the other person, but also from yourself.

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We'll announce the next winner at the end of the month and slide into your DMs if it's you, So keep an eye out and good luck. Love you guys, and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen. Right? Like, it's fucked up. When you don't stand in the truth of what you want, you inevitably get what you don't want. This is why it's so important that we stop self-abandoning. We stop feeling our needs and desires and pretending like they're not real or they're not valid enough or that they're not worth us standing up for. Because, oh, maybe, you know, if I just do what they say or what they want or I act how they're acting or I reciprocate, you know, what they want or how they're feeling, then it'll get— it'll get better, right? No, no, sis. No, no. Honor what you want and what you need, and that will bring you closer to that thing, right? So go back to this dating situation. Imagine you're on the date, he's giving you signs, signals, clues that like he's not in the same place as you, he doesn't want the same things as you, he's not ready to settle down and find a, a committed partner, and he is just wanting to date and be casual and, you know, figure things out, which is totally fine. There's nothing wrong with that. We don't have to demonize that. That's his want and his desire, right? Everybody is entitled to be in their own space. So, but what we do have to do is to recognize, oh, that's not a match for what I'm looking for, right? My, my desire and my truth isn't aligning with yours. So thank you so much for a lovely date. It was so nice to get to know you, but I feel like we want different things and I don't want to waste your time or mine. So best of luck. You know, I hope you find what you're looking for. That's what should happen there. Because when you do that, you start showing up in a way that says, I'm only available for the shit that I actually want. I'm only available for commitment. I'm only available for deeply connected relationships. Just in this example, right? Not saying that you have to want this. If you're in the place of wanting to play and explore and be casual and have fun and do whatever, like, you get to own that space. And you also have to stand in the truth of that, you know, being on the other side of the table, right? I'm just using this as an example. You, you have to you have to honor that. You have to speak up for that. You have to share that and say that, because that is what's going to bring you closer to finding the person. That is what's going to magnetize you to the person you actually want to be with, right? When you start operating out of that frequency of like, this is what I'm available, this is what I'm not available for. I stand in my truth. This is my authentic self. These are the things that I like. These are my values. These are how I feel on these topics. When you're open about that, when you're transparent about that, when you stand in your truth about that, you magnetize the people that feel the same. You magnetize your community that they get you, they feel you, they understand you, they vibe with you, which is ultimately what we want, right? But instead, even with like friend groups and stuff growing up, we'd be like, oh, I'll just pretend I like this kind of music, or I'll just pretend I like to dress a certain way, I'll just pretend I like to do these certain things or hobbies, or I'll just pretend that I like to be this certain way with guys because that's what all my friends are doing. We do that because we think it's bringing us closer to that tight-knit friend group that we're wanting. But in actuality, what would get you that tight-knit friend group that you're actually wanting is by being your true damn self. Because then the people that actually like you for who you truly are will be magnetized to you, and you will feel that sense of deep connection because you— it won't be fake. None of it will be forced. None of it will be, you know, putting on a happy face when you don't feel happy, you know. So if you have struggled with this, especially with this idea of, you know, not wanting to say anything that might make the other person upset or uncomfortable. So instead you just push it down, swallow it, you say nothing, you ignore it. What you're doing is you're holding all of that negative energy, which then usually turns into resentment of some sort. You're holding all of that in your own field, in your own aura. And how are you going to manifest anything positive or attract your true desires if you are not protecting your energy and actually operating out of the frequency of your highest self, of your truth?

Yeah.

So people pleasing and conforming to what everybody else wants or expects of you is actually blocking your manifestations.

Yikes.

You know, it's actually— it's actually pushing you further away. So every time that you say yes when you want to say no, we're getting farther away. Every time that you go to an event or spend time with people that you truly don't want to be with, you go to a coffee date that you're like, oh my God, no, I don't want to go. You're getting farther away every time that you accept someone's request. For help and you're like, I really cannot help anyone right now, I am so exhausted, I cannot be of service— you're getting further away. Every time that someone reaches out and asks you for emotional support when you don't have the capacity because you're so spread thin, you just don't have the bandwidth to provide actual emotional support for someone, but you don't stand up for yourself and you try to do it anyway— you guessed it, you're getting further away, right? You've got energy leaks all over the place. Your boundaries are flimsy or nonexistent, and now you have a bunch of like pent-up frustration and annoyance from doing everything for everybody else and worrying about how everyone thinks of you and what should I say and what should I do. You have all of that that you're carrying. So like, how is your energy? How is it looking? You know, it's not looking so good. It's not looking so good. And when we, we know this to be true about manifestation is that your personal energy is the number one determiner of your level of magnetism, right? I say this all the time. You can do all the things and do all the steps and do the meditation and do the visualization, yada yada yada yada yada. If your energy sucks, you're not magnetizing shit. Right? Your energy is the number one thing that you should be concerned with in terms of, am I going to be able to attract the things that I want into my life? So if you have these energy leaks going on from people pleasing and self-abandonment, then you've got some energy work to do on yourself because it's not, it's not in the right place to attract what you truly want, need, and desire. Yeah. And so this, the hardest truth I think about people pleasing is that it only makes you more likable, right? We think that people pleasing is going to make us more likable, which is why we do it, right? We just want people to like us. We want everything to be okay. We want to keep the peace. The hard truth is that people pleasing only makes you more likable to people who don't truly respect your time and your worth to begin with, right? You're pleasing people. If, if a person is going to be upset by you setting a boundary, right, it's only because they don't actually respect your time or your worth. Yeah, there's this amazing quote that's like, setting boundaries will only upset the people who benefited from you having none. And it's like, oh yeah, so often we're afraid to set a boundary because we're like, oh, it's going to make them mad or it's going to make them uncomfortable or— and then again, the question is like, okay, well, why is their comfort more important than yours? Right? Why are we preferring other people's comfort over our own? When will you stop being the last priority? You know, when, when do you get to be first? And can you do that? And how can you do that? Can you show up for yourself in small ways? I challenge you after this episode to start to figure out some really small ways that you can start to choose you. And choose your needs and your desires and your truth in small ways. Baby steps. Doesn't have to be anything huge, but just start somewhere and count those little wins, you know? I want to share this quote by Glennon Doyle from Untamed. If you still haven't read Untamed by Glennon Doyle, homework assignment: go get it and read it. It's amazing. You'll be able to read it in a few days. You'll fly through it, but this quote from, from Glennon Doyle in the book Untamed is, every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself. Which I think is just a beautiful representation again of this idea of self-abandonment, right? If you have to choose between abandoning yourself or, you know, being liked or being approved of by somebody else, you need to stand in your truth and choose not to self-abandon. Yeah. So the idea of all of this is that when you start to make these little changes, not only, not only are you being more authentic, but you're also getting closer to the life and the relationships and the type of connection that you're actually truly craving, right? So setting and maintaining boundaries and saying no and listening to your intuition and choosing you are all really great ways to start living more in alignment. And when you are aligned, you are magnetic. And when you are magnetic, you attract your desires ease. So I want this episode to be the reminder for you to stop abandoning yourself. It's not really preserving your relationships or keeping the peace as much as you think it is. What it's actually doing is it's starting a war within yourself, and that shit is toxic. So we need to cut that energy out. Stand in our truth, say how we feel, speak our minds, right? Choose the relationships that we want based on what truly aligns with us and our needs and our desires, not what the other person wants. Yeah, stop conforming to what everybody else wants for themselves or what they want for you and try to really align with like What do I want and what do I need and what, what feels true to me and what feels good for me regardless of the outside noise? And get aligned with that and see how many ways you can stand in that. And you can do that through taking small actions and speaking up and making choices and setting boundaries. So I hope this episode was helpful for you guys. If you loved this, if you resonated with it deeply, which I have a feeling that many of you will, Please take a screenshot, share it to your stories, send it to a friend, all the things. I'm sending you so, so, so much love. I'll catch you next week. Bye!