Relationships Q&A and How I Met My Boyfriend

What's up, you guys?

Welcome back to the podcast.

We are going to try this episode for a round 2 because I recorded this entire episode and then it completely just— I don't know what happened. Mercury retrograde got me and my voice turned into a robot and the whole thing I just had to throw it in the trash. So we're doing this round 2. But before we dive in, I do wanna remind you guys that if you're listening to this in real time and it is Wednesday, May 26th, today is the very last day to get inside from Burnt Out to Badass. And join me for my 3-month coaching program. I am so freaking excited for this round because we've just up-leveled it and expanded it so much. We're gonna have group coaching calls every second week, and then there's also going to be guest speakers thrown in there. So I have some epic people coming in to teach you and just like give you all of their knowledge and juicy nuggets and help you totally transform your life and relationships and career. So if you've been thinking about working with me, if you'd love to have me as a coach, if you want to get inside my energy inside this space, connect with like-minded women, and really start to do the work that it takes in order for you to be able to wake up every day and get out of bed excited for your life, love your job, or whatever it is that you have to look forward to that day. If you're desiring that, like, now is the chance to make a change. And I think, you know, we forget that it does require support in order to make those big changes. We need that guidance or those people or that person to lean on in order to make those big risky decisions like making a shift in your career or quitting your job or starting a business or leaving a relationship or learning how to attract a partner now that you feel like you're finally ready, or you're sick of the bullshit and you just want to have that person that's your person. You know, wherever you're at in life, if you're wanting to make big changes, don't underestimate the power of support and mentorship. Seriously, it's been the thing that has guided me to the biggest, riskiest decisions of my life, but that have ultimately allowed me to grow and to get where I am. So anyway, today is the last day. The doors are closing. If you are unsure if there's still a spot left, you're listening to this and it's a little bit after midnight on Wednesday and you're wondering, shoot, have I missed it? Just send me a DM. There's a small chance that there may be a spot open. So if you're wondering, if you feel like you're ready to take this leap, always just reach out, send me a message, the worst that could happen is I could be like, nope, everything filled up, I'm so sorry, whatever, right? Give it a shot. So anyway, if you're feeling like you're being called to do more, create more, really step into your next level and start living your dream life and creating that as part of your reality, then I just wouldn't want you to miss this opportunity. So doors are closing soon. Um, you can click the link. I will leave the links in the show notes to this episode. Or the link is always in my bio on Instagram. So you can click the link and head to my website and sign up and get yourself enrolled. So today's episode is going to be all about relationships, mainly about my relationships or my experience in relationship and how I met my current partner. And I'm going to go through it. I'm going to tell the whole story all over again, even though I, for 40 minutes, I sat here blabbing on about the whole thing and then it all just like had to go in the bin, which was sad.

So I'm gonna try and tell it again with an equal amount of enthusiasm and excitement, which might be tough.

But we're going to talk about relationships, and then you guys sent me some questions on Instagram about my relationship, but also about relationships in general and attracting your partner and all that kind of stuff. So I will go through and answer your questions as well. So if you're ready, if you want to dive in for this little storytime episode. Go ahead and stay tuned, grab a cup of coffee, or yeah, you definitely won't need to take notes in this episode. It's more of just like a fun little chat, but I hope you like it. So let's dive in. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shift happen. Okay, so I'm gonna begin like all the way at the very beginning in the relationship prior to this one. So before I was with my current partner, who you guys like probably know and you see him—

well, I mean, you don't see him that much because he's very sneaky and private. I've been trying to get him to be on the podcast for the longest time.

And he will not do it, but maybe someday. But anyway, so before this relationship, I was in another kind of like long-term serious relationship that started when I was in high school. So I met my previous boyfriend when I was 17. We went to the same high school. We dated for the last like year and a half of high school, and then I think through the first 2 years that I was in college. So Yeah, that relationship was really great and like I definitely like loved him, but there were things that now looking back I'm able to recognize were sort of like red flags and that I shouldn't have really let it go on for as long as it did. But there's no use, you know, I always say this, like time is never wasted. There's no use in looking back at any of your experiences and thinking that you should have, would have, could have done anything differently because We are always on our one individual path that is divinely guided for us, and we're meant to sit in things for as long as we have because that's how we learn, right? So I was able to learn these lessons and grow in the ways that I needed to grow because I was in that relationship for 3 years. So yeah, there were just like some things, you know, this person had gone through a lot of really traumatic things in his lifetime, especially as a child. So, you know, he'd seen like a lot of death and divorce and cheating and drugs and just like a lot of things that are obviously very, very impactful to someone's life and their programming and their belief systems and their view of the world and everything. So that kind of like showed up and came through in our relationship in certain ways, especially when I went away to school. So I was a year older than him. So when I graduated from high school and I went— I moved away to go to college, I chose to go to a school that was out of state. So I left New York State and I moved to Ohio because I was going to The Ohio State University. And yeah, so when I moved away, we were long distance, uh, that year. And then when he went to college, he went to a school that was in New York, so we were still long distance for that second year that we were both in school. So once things kind of transitioned to us being long distance, I would say that's when things started to kind of come up that I hadn't seen before. Like, he was just very mistrusting of me, always really thinking that I was gonna cheat on him, or that, you know, I don't know, like, I think he just had so much mistrust in his life from the relationships that he saw, like, in his family and everything. And yeah, it just, like, were things that I would never tolerate now, you know, looking back. Like, he had an issue with me, like, wearing a crop top out to a party, and, you know, would send me crazy messages being like, why would you wear that to that party? You're trying to get guys' attention. Like, you like somebody else, or you want to cheat on me, or like all these crazy things.

I was like, what are you talking about? You know, like, I'm the most loyal person.

So it was strange to like be in that position. And now if it were the version of me that I am today, I would have responded to that probably a lot more swiftly. So I mean, I'm glad that I never changed my ways or changed what I was doing based on his behavior. Like even joining a sorority at school, he— we had this huge blow-up fight where we were like screaming to each other on the phone because he was like, if you join you join a sorority, like, we can't be together, and all this crazy stuff. Because he just was like, if you join a sorority, then you're going to be going to all these parties, and there's going to be frat guys, and they're going to want to hook up with you, and you're going to cheat on me, and all this stuff. And I always stood my ground in terms of like, I'm not going to change my choices or my life or what I want to do because of your insecurities. So I went forward with all those things. I still wore whatever I wanted to wear. I still joined the sorority. And then And funnily enough, when he went to school, he joined a fraternity.

So it was just like the most hypocritical thing ever. But anyway, that is neither here nor there.

Um, I never like gave in to his insecurities or changed what I was doing, but I, yeah, I like put up with it for too long. You know, nowadays I would never allow someone to speak to, speak to me that way or treat me that way, or, you know, have that much mistrust in a relationship. Like, I just— I wouldn't— I wouldn't sit around for it. So, but yeah, you live and you learn. So that relationship ended, and it wasn't even because of those things that it ended. Or maybe it was, you know, maybe that was like a subconscious accumulation of those things that also led to the demise of the relationship. But really, the relationship ended because I caught the ick. So if you guys have never heard of the ick, although I'm sure a lot of you have, the ick is like when you're— when you fall out of love with someone and suddenly it's just like everything that they do and say in all of their movements and mannerisms and just like everything about them, like, like makes your skin crawl. You just like— I don't know, it's the weirdest feeling. It's so like, it's so crazy to, to be in that experience, especially if you've been with someone for a long time. Like, we were together, together for 3 years. Like, I really, really, really saw a future with this person, and then suddenly it was just like a flips— a switch flipped, and I was like, oh my God, don't touch me, don't kiss me, get away from me.

Like, everything just made me feel so like inside. And so I caught the ick.

And so yeah, we had to end it. Um, so that's like how that relationship ended. And there was this whole dramatic ending, and you know, him being like, I'm gonna kill myself the next time you're with someone, and just like a lot of, a lot of stuff that was hard to sort of move through. Um, yeah, being like early 20s, I think I was, I was 20 years old when, when we broke up. So we got together when I was 17 and then we broke up when I was 20. So yeah, it was like, so that's just like some insight, I guess, into what my life looked like before this relationship, because I do get a lot of messages from people being like, you know, have you ever had like struggles in your relationship, or has everything always been perfect? And I think I, I just want to disrupt that narrative, you know. I'm not telling this story to rag on this person or tell on this person at all. Like, I consider him a friend and I care about him and like his well-being and everything, and I wish the best for him. And like, there's nothing, there's nothing bad there, but I tell the story just to help people like break through that sort of like highlight reel view that they may have of people's lives that they see online, of thinking that every relationship that they see is perfect and that, you know, everyone's happy together. And, you know, my relationship is messed up because we fight sometimes or we argue or this, that, or the other thing, right? So like, I've definitely been in places where my relationships have not been perfect. And even the relationship that I'm in now, like, I will openly talk about how there's times where we have like questioned if we are right for each other and we have gone through struggles. And I have called my mom crying and been like, should I just come home?

Like, I'm done with this. Like, yeah, like of course there's been shit, you know?

So that's why I preface with like the previous relationship thing. So anyway, we broke up when I was 20. And then it was, it was over a summer break from school. And then in the fall I went back, um, I went back to Ohio State for the next school year and it was like so much fun. Like at, like my energy was just like so much different and I was having so much more fun and I was so much more open to new experiences and conversations and meeting more people and, you know, just having so much more fun and like, you know, whatever you want to put in the category of fun, it was probably there. But we're gonna keep it PG, so you get the vibes though. But it was like the best semester ever. It was so much fun. It was my 21st birthday. Like, all these fun things were happening. Like, I just felt like I was on top of the world. And so then I actually was like sad at the end of that semester around Christmas time because the following semester I was meant to come and study abroad in Madrid, and I like didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave school. I didn't want to leave my friends. Like, I finally like thriving and being like, this is the best thing ever. And I didn't want to leave, but obviously I did. So I— that was, you know, the, the spring semester of my third year of university is when I came to Madrid to study abroad. And that's when I met my partner who I'm with now. So the story— let's get into the story of like how we met. So you know the context now of like, I was super single, having fun, loving life, in my vibe, like like totally, probably one of the highest vibrational states I was in in my lifetime was this moment of my life of like coming to study abroad. Like, I was coming off of a high of like just being single at school, having so much fun, loving my friends, loving my life, having no worries. And then, oh my gosh, okay, let's go to Europe and like explore the world, travel, drink, eat, do all the things, right? My vibes were really, really high, which I'm convinced is part of the reason why I attracted this person and why we're together now, even though at the time I wasn't consciously like looking for a relationship or trying to manifest a partner. But I really believe that worked in my favor because when you're not feeling like you're in lack, you're actually more magnetic. So I didn't feel like I needed anything else. I didn't need a boyfriend. I didn't need a relationship. I didn't need anything. I just wanted to have fun, and that's why things kind of clicked into place. So I get to Madrid, right? I'm 21 years old. I'm ready to have this amazing experience. I came all by myself, so I didn't come with any friends or even anyone from my university. I came completely by myself through like a third-party program. So there was a bunch of other kids from all around the country, like from America, that were coming to study abroad here, and we were in a group together, but I didn't know any of them beforehand. So we're thrown into this group, like I'm forced so far out of my comfort zone, which again, like I always say this, experiences that push you outside of your comfort zone, like they end up being the best thing ever because that's where magic happens. So anyway, there was, um, a group of us girls in our study abroad group and everybody was single. So we had heard that like Tinder was like different in Europe and people really use it to like meet people and like go on dates and meet like foreigners and things like that. And we were like, should we all just get it? Like, should we just try it? Should we just have fun with it? So we, all of us girls, we download the app and we're just like sitting in class, you know, like swiping and having fun and like laughing and just, you know, being like 20-year-old girls. So yeah, like It was— it started as like a fun little like game, you know? And I'm the only one out of all of us that really kind of like took the game and changed the whole trajectory of my life with it.

But we'll get into that in a second.

So yeah, we're just like swiping. And this one day, like, I come across my partner Jaime, and I see his picture, and I think he's like so freaking cute. I'm like dying inside. I screenshot his photo, I send it to all of my friends. I'm like, oh my God, holy shit, holy shit, like he's so hot, what the heck, like I need to go on a date with him, like I need to hook up with him, like this is the mission for the rest of the trip, like my whole time in Europe is failed, like if I don't do this. So yeah, we chatted back and forth for a while and then our first date he came and he picked me up at my host family's house because I was living with a Spanish family, I was living with a host family just as a way to like really immerse myself into the culture and the experience and learn the language. So he picks me up at my host family's house in his car. I get in his car. Again, don't really like recommend this, people getting in strangers' cars in a foreign country. Mom, if you're listening, I'm so sorry, but like it all worked out, so it's fine. But people knew what I was doing. Like I told my friends at home and I told my friends who were here with me, and I even think I told my mom that I was going on this date. So people knew where I was. Like it wasn't like I was doing this in secret and that I could have been killed. So anyway, I get in his car and he takes me to this like monument that's here in Madrid. It's like these temples that were gifted to Spain from Egypt. And it's like a place where people go when they like watch the sunset and it's just really pretty to walk around. It's like a little park area. So we go there and he's just kind of like, shh. I had never been there yet. Um, so we were walking around, he's like showing me around and then we go to a bar and we grabbed a beer and And it's funny now that we both got beers because we individually don't really like beer that much. Like, if him and I were to go out now, like, we would never, like, order beers. But it's that typical situation where you're, like, nervous.

You don't want to, like, order something, like, that the other person thinks is weird or whatever.

So, like, he ordered a beer, so I was like, fuck it, I'll order a beer. So we both had beers. And now, like, if we were to actually order what we wanted, him and I would probably literally get sparkling water because that's how lame we are, or like a glass of wine, but we would never order a beer. So that's funny looking back on that. But yeah, we're just kind of like trying to talk to each other, and it was so tough because my level of English— er, my level of Spanish was not anywhere like what it is now, and his level of English was not anywhere like what it is now. So we were just kind of like fumbling over our words, like trying to come up with things to say, using the vocabulary that we could. Like, it was really awkward and just really tough to communicate. And like, you can imagine if you've dated, like, it's kind of like nerve-wracking going on a first date with someone. Obviously you want to make a good first impression, and you like, you're attracted to the person, which is why you're on a date with them. So you're like trying, you know. But then imagine having it be in your second language that you are totally 100% not at all fluent in.

Like, wow, talk about getting outside of your comfort zone.

That was really, really hard. So the date was like not good, you know. Like, both of us joke now that it was the worst date of our lives, like hands down, just because it was so hard to communicate. And I said things wrong, he said things wrong, his accent was was so thick. I was like, what are you saying?

Like, I can't understand you.

Like, I was using the wrong verbs. And also, like, before going on this date, like, just to describe to you guys how nervous I was, I was sitting in my bedroom of my host family's house like—

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Texting all of my friends, obviously being like, oh my God, like, I'm going on this date, what the fuck, what do I do? And I considered like taking shots of vodka before I left because I was so nervous. And I was sitting there on my laptop—

this is so embarrassing— I was sitting there on my laptop like reviewing verb tables of like conjugations, like past tense and like subjunctive. I was like, I'm gonna forget how to say everything, like, I'm terrified. I so nervous.

And I had this, this bottle of like Absolut vodka in my room, and I was like, should I just take some shots? But I had no chaser, and I'm not going to take straight vodka shots by myself. Like, that feels really depressing. So I didn't end up taking them. But another random fact about this time while I was abroad: my host family never had anything in the house that could have been like a chaser. Like, they never had any juice or um, Coca-Cola or like anything like that. It was literally just water and milk. And so I had this jar of peanut butter in my room because peanut butter's not really popular in Spain. It's really hard to find. So us Americans would go out and like buy these $8 jars of peanut butter and just like keep them in our room for whenever we like needed it. And so I had this jar of peanut butter and there were times where I had to like pregame a little bit by myself before like meeting up with people. To go places, cuz again, all of us lived with host families or in apartments in other parts of the city. So I would like take these vodka shots and then put a spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth and like try and like mush it around as fast as possible to like get the flavor and mask the flavor of the alcohol, which is like, if that isn't college for you, I don't know what is, you know? So that was the level of desperation that I was contemplating before this first date. I was like, should I do this right now? Should I take these shots and chase with peanut butter? Ultimately, I decided not to. But anyway, so yeah, I was like nervous on the date, obviously, and the communication was not going well. So we— there were some fun— there were some cute, like, fun moments where— because he's just like, he, he's so sarcastic and he's really funny and he jokes a lot. So there were moments— there was like this one moment where he like picked me up and like threw me over his shoulder as we were like walking through the city. And he like pretended to like almost like throw me in one of the big like trash bins. So I could tell like from our interactions and our like body language and us like joking around with each other that we wanted there to be a connection, but it was so hard to make that connection through words. So we get to the end of the date and he goes to drop me off at my host family's house and he stops the car and then he just like looks over at me and he's like, Ciao, which is like bye. And so I was like, bye, and I just get out of the car.

Like, no hug, no kiss, no, like, no nothing.

So I'm like, yeah, like, I'm never seeing him again.

Like, fuck, like, that was so bad.

So I'm like walking back into my host family's house, like, already texting my friends and my mom being like, yeah, like, I'm glad I did it, it was a good experience, but he probably thinks I'm an idiot and we couldn't communicate, and I'm definitely never seeing him again. Like, there's no chance we're seeing each other. LOL, here we are 6 years later. So obviously we know that that is not the case. So after that date, I actually— it was like around spring break time, so I was meeting up with some of my friends in London. So I had a couple of other friends that were studying in Europe at the same time. They were in other cities or countries doing different programs. But so we all met up in London for like some of the days of our spring break vacation. So I was with my friends, like my best, best friends from college in London, telling them the whole story and everything. And then on that trip, he texted me and I was like, oh my God, you guys, like, he texted me. Like, what the heck? Like, why would he message me? Like, what could he possibly be wanting or seeing in me? Like, the date was awful. Like, I'm telling you. Bible.

The date was bad.

But anyway, he was texting me, we kept messaging back and forth, and he was like, I really want to see you again, like, when you're back in Madrid, like, letting me know we should hang out. So yeah, we went on a second date when I got back, and I think that was the date where we had our first kiss, which I shared on Instagram a couple of days ago because we were back at the exact spot. It's this, um, it's kind of like, it's this long, like promenade almost. It's like this park that's in the middle of these two really big streets, like where the main art museums are in Madrid. And we were walking down that street, and I was like walking a little bit in front of him, and he like reached forward and like grabbed my hand and like pulled me back and kissed me. And it was just like, it felt so magical. It gave me like Lizzie McGuire vibes, you know, the Lizzie McGuire movie when she comes to Rome. It was just like, yeah, that like classic, like, or Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants where the girl goes to Greece and like falls in love with the Greek guy. Like, it just felt like you were living in like this, like, you know, movie story. So that was cute. We obviously, like, our communication improved, like we were connecting more. And then on our third date, we had so much fun together. And I think that was the date where like I really knew, like, okay, like I feel like we can, We can work with this. We can experiment with this. Like, this is getting fun. Because on our third date, there's a neighborhood in Madrid that's called La Latina, and it's on Sundays. They have this thing where it's like all the bars and restaurants have their outdoor terraces, like, just filled with people, like, drinking and, like, playing music. And it's just like this whole, like, outdoor, like, party vibes, like daytime drinking kind of vibes. So it's really, really fun. And so we went to that on a Sunday and it's like probably like 1, 2 PM-ish when we started. So the sun is out, we're like having fun. We like, oh, we get a glass of wine, like super casual. But then you just like keep going for like the whole like afternoon into the evening. And so we ended up like going from like bar to bar to bar. We started with wine and then after it was like dark outside and it was basically nighttime, we ended up in this other bar and we were like drinking gin tonics. Panics with these like gay guys from Russia.

And we were just like meeting all these people and like having so much fun.

We're like wasted at this point. Like everything was funny, everything was fun. We were running around the city. He like took me to go see the cathedral and the Royal Palace. Like we didn't go inside of these places, obviously. We're just like running around outside being drunk and just like having fun. Like it— like I said, it just gave me Lizzie McGuire vibes. So yeah, we just had so much fun on that date. We stayed out the entire night and then I got a taxi home the next morning. And yeah, it was just like the best, the best ever. So that's probably the moment where I realized like, okay, I really like this guy. Like this is getting fun. We're getting able to like know each other more. We're talking more, like we're figuring out the communication thing and the rest is sort of like history. But I mean, after that. We saw each other like pretty consistently for the rest of my trip here. So I was here for like 3 more months after that, and we probably saw each other like at least once, if not twice a week. We went on some sort of like date or hung out or did something. So yeah, we were definitely like, I guess, dating during that time. But never once did it cross my mind like that this was a relationship or that this had a future to it at all. Like, it was always just this is fun, I'm in the moment, I'm living in the now. I never once thought like, yeah, I'm gonna maintain this relationship with this person that lives across the entire ocean once I go home. Like, it wasn't like that. I wasn't hoping for that. Like, I wasn't expecting that. It was not that at all. So we got to the end of my trip here, and he gives me this book, and it was like 100 Things to Do and See in Madrid, something like that was the title. And then on the inside of the COVID he like wrote me this like handwritten note and it was like, it would be the only thing that would make me happy if you came back and we completed the list together or something like that. I still have the book, it's at my parents' house. Maybe I'll take a picture of it when I go home for my brother's wedding and share with you guys. But it was like really, really sweet. And that was like, it kind of took me, it like took me by surprise because in my head I was like, don't catch feelings. Don't get too serious, just focus on having fun, because I knew there was no future to it. And I kind of assumed like he was in the same space mentally as well. And then I was like, wait. And like the whole time I was also like, he could very well be doing this with other girls, or with, you know, girls that he knows, or other foreign girls. Like, I don't really know, you know. But I wasn't like asking those questions necessarily. We were just having fun. So that was a moment where I was like, whoa, like he actually like has feelings for me more than like what I thought, and he actually like really likes me. So that was like a turning point where I started to kind of change my perspective around what the relationship meant to both of us. And I still never really thought that it would go anywhere outside of what it was here, or that we would continue to talk after I left. But that was like a really sweet moment. So, and then actually on my last day, he took me to a bullfight and I met his cousin. So it was the first time I met anyone of his friends or family members. So I met his cousin, we went to a bullfight, it was crazy. And then the next day I had to leave. And I remember sitting in his car outside of my host family's house. He came to say goodbye to me. And the very next day was his graduation. So he was graduating from university the very next day. So we— that day we had kind of gone around and like bought some things that he needed for his suit and we sort of like spent a little bit of time together and then he was dropping me off at my host family's house and I had my flight out the next morning.

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So we were like sitting in the car for a while just like talking, and it was like the weirdest feeling cuz I knew in my gut, I was like, you're never going to see him again. Like, this is the goodbye. And that was like where it started to get kind of sad and get kind of real, like how much I actually cared about him. So yeah, we like sat there for the longest time, like resisting saying goodbye, but I had so much packing to do and my flight was early the next day. So we finally had to like say goodbye for the last time. And I remember like getting out of the car and crossing the street, cause he had parked across the street and crossing this, like, I can picture this like so vividly. I'm crossing the street to the building where my host family lives, like thinking in my house, like, look back one more time. Cause like, you'll never see him again. And so I like looked back one more time and tried to like take in the scenery. And then I was just like, okay, like don't cry. Like just move on.

Like you knew this going in, like you're the idiot that decided to like play around on Tinder. Like don't get feelings now.

Like just move on.

Like you can do this.

And so yeah, like that was kind of like where we thought it was gonna end. And the next day on the plane, I like, that's when I finally cried. Like when I could see Madrid like disappearing behind me, like through the airplane window, that's when like it all like really hit me and like the emotions came rushing in and I like cried and cried and cried for a couple of hours on the plane.

The person next to me probably thought I was insane.

Um, and then yeah, we like didn't talk. I, I made, uh, I made a choice to not send him messages or reach out because I wanted to just like have a clear break. So that I didn't get caught in the idea that it could be something that it wasn't. And so we didn't talk, and this was like the end, or towards the end of May. But then his birthday is the first week of June, and so I remember being like, I'm just gonna send him a message to at least like wish him a happy birthday. But he actually messaged me before I could message him because of the time difference. His birthday was basically already over in Spain before I had I had messaged him, and so he like texted me something like, you'd like, you didn't even wish me a happy birthday, or no happy birthday, or something like that. And I was like, wait, I swear. And I really was, I was preparing a long birthday message and I was double-checking everything in Google Translator.

Like, it was a process. And so I was like, I swear, I was like, I was gonna send you a message. Like, it's not even midnight here.

And that's kind of like how we reignited our conversation, and we were talking back and forth for the next couple of weeks. And that's when I was in Chicago working my internship, and I was just all alone in this like town outside of the city of Chicago, like working this job, like, and heat, like just coming off of like a whole semester of like living my best life. And then that's when I really started to struggle with body image because I had gained so much weight while I was abroad and I didn't even realize it. So I was there in Chicago like just yeah, in a really bad place, like punishing myself so much with food and exercise and feeling really lonely and like missing him and my friends from school because I hadn't seen my friends from university in so long because we had just all kind of studied abroad. And then, you know, now it's summertime, I'm spending the whole summer working this internship. And at the same time, he was working for a law firm in Rome, so he was kind of separate from his family and his friends and his normal routine. And so we just like spent that whole summer, like, really, really connected to each other, like, talking all the time, being on Skype. And that's when we really, I think, like, realized that we had fallen for each other, like, a lot more than we thought that we had. So that was the summer where he told me, like, I know for sure that, like, I love you, and I don't want to know, like, what life will be like if I don't try to see you again or, like, make this work. Work. And so that's when we started planning a trip for him to come visit me at school. And so he came to Ohio, to the middle— I mean, objectively, the middle of nowhere. When you're European, you're like, what the fuck is Ohio?

So he came to visit me in Ohio, and I took him to a big college football game, and I took him to parties and fraternity parties, which for him was like so crazy because that obviously doesn't exist in Europe.

And he was like, What the fuck? There's free alcohol everywhere. This is like American Pie.

Like everybody is just like throwing beers and jumping around and dancing and there's a DJ.

And it was, it was just so much fun to like give him that sort of like American college experience. And then we spent a couple of days, I took him to Chicago so that he could see a big city and that he wasn't just like in Ohio, in the Midwest. So we went to Chicago and that was really fun. And then that year after Christmas, I went and I came back to Madrid, and that's when I met his whole family. And like, we had Christmas dinners with them, which was crazy. Like, it was so nerve-wracking meeting his whole family, like his parents, his aunts, uncle, cousins, grandparents, like the whole thing. And then we took a trip to Sevilla and we spent a couple days just visiting a new city and spending time together. And then he came back to visit me in the US when I when I graduated in May. And so he came to my college graduation and he like sat with my parents through the whole ceremony. And we had a huge graduation party at like my college house that I was living in with my 7 friends and all of our families and things like that. And so that was fun. And then that's when I made the decision, right? When I graduated, was like, I'm not going to take this job offer in Chicago. I'm actually I'm actually going to move back to Spain because it just— I couldn't, I couldn't let myself not figure out what that would look like. And during that summer when I was working the internship in Chicago, I— that's when I really realized, like, I'm, I'm not going to like this long term. Like, I'm going to wake up in 6 months or a year and really, really hate my day-to-day life. And I don't want that to happen. I'm not ready to give up on this dream of traveling more, becoming fluent in Spanish, dating this person that I really love and just seeing where things go. I'm not willing to give that up to sit in a cubicle. And so that's kind of where we decided that that was the only way for us to really experiment what it would be like to live in the same city and date each other like normal, was for me to move to Spain because they have these English teaching programs and you can get a visa in order to teach English there. So that's what I decided to do. I moved here and I moved into an apartment with 9 other people, which was such a crazy and fun experience. We lived right, like, 10 steps away from the biggest nightclub in Madrid that is like 7 stories tall. And so yeah, it was just like, it was a really fun experience my first year here. I met so many cool people from so many different parts of the world, and some of my best friends to this day are the girls that I met inside of that flat. And fun fact, I convinced both of them to get Tinder because of my story, and they both met their boyfriends that way, and they are both still together. One of them is married.

So you guys, like, come at me with like your dating app horror stories.

I don't care.

I'm like, it's a thing, it's a thing.

So everybody that I tell to get on the dating apps, like, somehow finds their person and it works out. So that's my little claim to fame. Um, I am the Tinder matchmaking fairy. But anyway, I moved into that apartment with like 9 other people. We had no dishwasher. Like, it was absolutely insane. And then at that point, after that year, I was like— I, I knew that I wanted to stay because we just dated each other like normal. We didn't live together. We saw each other probably once, maybe twice a week because he was working, I was working, we had our own schedules, and we just dated like normal. And that's how we knew that it was going to be more of a long-term thing and that we were really, really in it for all the right reasons. And so after that year of living with so many people— because I had lived in college with 35 girls in a sorority house for 2 years, and then I had lived in a house with my best friends, but there was 7 of us— so I had lived with a lot of people. And then I spent that year living with 10 people in our flat in Madrid. And at that point, I was just like, I need space, you know. I need cleanliness, I need order, I need space. So I was either gonna look for a studio by myself or we were gonna move in together. And that's when we ultimately decided to move in together. And yeah, we moved in together and we lived here for a year. We both kind of like changed jobs a bunch of times. Like, I got fired— I was gonna say several times, that's not true. I got fired once, but I was unemployed several times because of of just moving between different teaching jobs. And we like kept each other afloat the whole time. And there was lots of ups and downs and struggles. And so to answer that question that some people have asked before, and someone asked this time on Instagram, like, have you ever had like hard parts of your relationship? Like, yeah, we definitely have. You know, there's been moments where I didn't know if it was gonna work out. Like, I didn't know if he was the right person. We have a lot of differences. Like, we very much are the sort of representation of like opposites attract. Um, like politically we are so polar. Um, yeah, there's just like a lot of things that are very different between us. We've obviously grown up in such different environments, such different countries, such different perspectives, such different education systems. Like, there's a lot of differences to kind of move through. Um, and yeah, but ultimately, like, he's a person— I guess in contrast to my relationship prior to this— like, he's a person that is so self-confident and self-assured that he never has once ever questioned anything that I want to do. And he always just wants me to be happy and me to do the things that I want to do. And he's like my biggest, biggest cheerleader. Like, he loves that I have my own business. Like, we get so excited with each other about me setting goals and crushing them and, you know, breaking into new territory. And he's always supporting me with my crazy fucking investments that I'm making in coaches and mentors and programs. He's like, I think you should do it. Like, if you feel good about it, you should do it, you know? Like, and he's like, let me help you. Like, I'll send out these emails, I'll do this. Like, I'm going to find podcasts for you to be on and like like he's very much involved in my world and wanting to create or co-create together a reality that we, that we both really love. So that's like a reason why we're so good together. And the other thing that I was going to say about us being polar opposites is that I'm a Sagittarius and he's a Gemini, which are literally in contrast to each other in astrology. Not in a bad way, but they're just like, they are the opposite of one another. And when I had my natal chart reading with Jazz— you guys know Jazz— we were talking about that. And yeah, it's just, it has worked for us. There's definitely been challenges, but it's worked for us. And I know that he's the right person for me because of the values that we share and the support that I get from him and just the unconditional love and the trust and the security. Like, I've never once ever had to think like, is he doing something shady, or is he not happy, or is he looking at someone else? And like, he's never felt that way about me either. Like, he'll like take pictures of me in my bikini of my butt so that I can post them on Instagram. Like, there is— and that's just like an extreme example just to like share that like there's just so much trust there. There's no level of jealousy, and that is so, so, so healthy. And it's such a contrast from what I experienced in my previous relationship. So yeah, I don't know if there's much else to tell about like the whole story, but this is the second time that I've told it, so I'm like, I hope I didn't miss anything. But I'm gonna go through and I'm gonna answer some of your questions that you guys sent me on Instagram. Okay, so language— are you fluent in Spanish? Meeting his family, speaking strictly, or them speaking strictly Spanish? Yeah, so these were like a question box on Instagram, so I know you guys had to like limit your characters. So yes, I am now fluent in Spanish. I wasn't always, but I've lived here for 5 years now, so I am fluent now. And his family does not speak English. His family only speaks Spanish. Um, maybe some of his like cousins, they, they know some English, but they don't speak to me in English. We always speak in Spanish. So the first time that I met all of them was when I came here that year, like around Christmas time, and I wasn't really fluent yet. And so that was like really scary and I was so nervous. Um, but yeah, we, we speak in Spanish with his family, but him and I inside of our house together, we mostly speak English, which is interesting. Is he spiritual as well? What do you do if your boyfriend is not into self-development or spirituality? So spiritual is like a broad term. He grew up Catholic. He definitely believes in God and like believes in something bigger than himself, but spiritual in the sense of like being super into astrology or tarot or the moon cycles or manifestation or all these other kinds of things? Not really. But it's been interesting, and I think I, I talked about this, um, I definitely shared this on Instagram. Like, I've never tried to really like convince him or sway him or push him into self-development because like we just know that that doesn't work, right? People aren't— people aren't swayed by you like making them feel bad about something that they're doing wrong, or being like, you should really read this, or you should really listen to this, or whatever it is, right? People aren't really swayed by that. They are more influenced by just seeing you showing up and being the example and having them witness what's possible when you do this work. So through him seeing me like go from earning such little money teaching English, like around €1,000 a month is what I was earning, to starting this business and building it up and creating, you know, all the abundance and success that I have for myself and that is, is yet to come. I really feel like I'm just getting started, but having him see that, and also what it's just done for me, like personally, you know, like I'm a much better person and I'm always evolving and growing. There's so much more growth to be done, but like when we would get in fights before, like, I definitely am really fiery and I would like yell or I would like slam the door. And he— that is not his conflict style. He does not fight like that at all. He just shuts down when that happens. And I don't really do that anymore. I can't say that I'll never do that because I don't want to—

I don't want to make predictions.

But like, I— we haven't had a fight like that in forever. Like, I don't really do that anymore. And I think that's from me understanding my own triggers more, of understanding what he has said or done and how that is, you know, pushed a button in me somewhere and why I'm actually upset. And being able to like think about that and process that before I just like take it out on him. And even if sometimes we have arguments or something and I say— or I'm just like in a bad mood and I say something with an attitude or something like that, I will then and like be like, hmm, that wasn't really like something my highest self would have said. Like, that's interesting. I wonder why I said that. I'll reflect on it for myself and then I'll go back to him and I'll say, you know, I'm sorry I said that with such an attitude. Like, that wasn't very nice. And then we'll just like, it'll be over. And like, that's the thing. So having just being the example for your partner is the most powerful way for them to start to get interested in this kind of work. Because now he does really believe in my practices and in manifestation, and he's started to do little like rituals with me. Like we've done a bath ritual and a full moon ritual, and like he'll get in on stuff because he wants to create abundance and success and new things in his life. So he's utilizing it more so now because he's seen me do it, but not because I forced him to. Um, okay, someone says, any tips on how to manifest improvements in the relationship that you're currently in? So this kind of goes along with what I just said, but like doing the inner work on yourself first, like you can never force someone to change or grow if they don't want to do it on their own. So you can make the relationship better by making yourself better, by understanding your own triggers, by understanding your own patterns, by becoming a better partner yourself. Even if you think that your partner is the problem, like there's always something that we can do. It's a two-way street. And so by working on yourself, you are working on the relationship. But also, I would say evaluating, is it a relationship that you want to work on yourself for, or is it a relationship that you're just settling in that, you know, really isn't serving you or it's not the best for you? And then maybe that's your next step is, is getting out of the relationship. It all depends. How do you overcome being jealous and scared in a relationship. So I work a lot with my clients on attachment styles and understanding if you are anxious avoidant or secure, because if you are really jealous or you're scared that they're gonna cheat on you, or you have this tendency to just like be on edge, worried, suspicious, that really aligns with an anxious attachment style. And our attachment styles are created primarily from our caregivers when we're really, really young, but then they manifest in our romantic relationships, and it— they, they create this sense of, of unsafety in relationships. So the best way to overcome jealousy, or, you know, being scared that someone's going to leave you or cheat on you, is to work on yourself. Actually, it's usually not the other person, although, you know, everything is situational, so So take that with a grain of salt. But a lot of times it's doing the inner work. And I think the best way to do that is to either study, take some sort of course, or work with someone that can help you uncover those blocks and really learn your patterns and help you break through them. Um, okay, someone said, not a question, but I need to tell you that we're relationship twins. I met my boyfriend during my semester abroad in Copenhagen 4 years ago, and I'm moving there this summer. I love that for you. There's actually— this was so crazy to me. There's been a lot of people that have reached out and said that they have similar stories, which is insane because I feel like it's very random, like what I did, but I guess it's not. Um, someone said, have you guys ever felt yourself getting to a toxic place? And if so, how do you stop it? I feel like I kind of already covered this. Like, there were certain aspects of of when we would fight. I mean, I don't want to say fight, like when we would argue or how we would argue and how I would get very, very worked up and like shout or slam a door or something. Like, for me, that's not really like my best behavior, but I worked through that on my own by understanding my triggers and being able to have open conversations. So our, our conflict resolution styles are so different. Like, I really want to lean in and talk about it and resolve it in the moment, whereas he's like, it's fine, just leave me alone. And he'll spend 30 minutes to an hour alone and he'll be completely over it, like not holding a grudge at all, like literally not even thinking about it. He's like, it's fine. And I like cannot— like the feeling of like an argument like sits inside of my soul until we resolve it by talking about it. So we've had to like work through that, and I understand that he needs space. So we might like take a little bit of space, but then I will come back in and be like, okay, can we talk about it now? And then I'll share like how I felt. And when you said this, I felt this way. Or when this happens, it makes me feel like this. And kind of use that more structured language to resolve conflicts. But no, I've never felt like our relationship has been like toxic in any way. Can you still have hope when you are single at 33? Absolutely, absolutely. I have clients that I'm working with right now who are in their 30s and are working on attracting a partner, and we've been able to break through some serious barriers and limiting beliefs around what's possible for them, what's available for them, if it will happen, when it will happen, you know, letting go of that, that, that timeline or that fear of time running out. Like, I know that's huge for women, rightfully so. But yeah, I work with a lot of my clients on this, and it is so totally possible. Don't give up hope, girl. Someone said, is he someone from your past? Um, I feel like the story kind of lets you know where and how I found him, so I would say no, he's not someone from my past, meaning that I didn't know him before we dated. How do you know that you found the one? Yeah, this is a really good question because there's definitely been moments, like I said, in this relationship where I've been like like, is it the one? Is, is it? I don't know. Like, I feel— gah, I don't know, you know? And I've talked about this on Instagram before, like, having doubts. I think having doubts in relationship is normal because we always want what is best for us. We always— we have FOMO. Like, we naturally have FOMO of like, am I sure that I'm getting the best of the best? So if you have doubts, I think that's normal. But I ultimately, I think that we create the one. I don't think that there's one person walking around the planet and you're just like meant to stumble across them or find them, and it's only that one person. I think there's multiple people that could be your person, but you choose who you're going to make as the one for you. Because if you're both really committed to making the relationship work and you both really love each other and you're willing to put in the work to grow individually so that the relationship can grow, then you get to decide that this person is the one for you and you get to make that work. So I don't really think that it's about finding the one, but it's more about creating the one. And then this one is, how did you know he was the one and take that risk to move to Spain? That was really like a— that was like a gut instinct thing. That was like an intuition. That was such an intuitive knowing that I had even before I had the language or the study or the knowledge that I do now to understand what was going on fully. I, in Human Design, I have sacral authority, which means my gut makes my decisions for me. And so I've always been the person when I feel like something is right, I just know that it is and I just do it. Like, I don't really question as much as a lot of other people that maybe they have, you know, open identity centers or an open sacral center or something like that. That. Like, I just— I knew it. Like, I just knew it. I can't describe it in any other way. I was like, I knew that I'm gonna hate this job. Like, I knew that I was gonna wake up and be like, I don't want to go to work today on Monday within 6 months of taking that corporate job. I just— I knew that in my bones. And I just knew that even if him and I didn't work out, I would never regret moving to Europe and trying and having fun and making it an experience because For me, life is all about experiences and making the most of it. Like, I don't want to sit in fear and then end up at the end of my life and be like, oh, you know, I probably could have taken more risks. I probably could have tried more things. I could have done more stuff, but I didn't because I was scared. Like, how lame.

I don't want that, you know?

I want to get to the end of my life and be like, wow, that was really fucking incredible. And I am so grateful for all the times that I chose to bet on myself. And, you know, put things on the line and throw money at experiences or mentors or trips or whatever it is, because all that stuff is impermanent. But what I'm taking away from it is what really matters, you know, the growth, the experiences, the knowledge, the love, the joy, the abundance, like all of the stuff that I get to create from being bold and taking risks and trusting my intuition. Is what's going to matter to me at the end of my life. So that's, that's how I knew that it was worth it to take the risk. Yeah. And then, were there any moments that you doubted your relationship and thought it wasn't right for you? I already talked about that. Of course there was. I think that's really normal. How to get over a broken heart caused by the man you wanted to marry? I think there's a lot of healing that has to take place when you move through the grief of losing someone, whether you lose them completely through death or whether you lose them through the death of a relationship or the death of a friendship, like there's a grieving process that has to take place. But you can't be afraid to go into the pain and to go into the hurt and to start to unravel what is really coming up for you. You know, why does it feel like it's so hard to let go of? Why does it feel like there's no hope? Why does it feel like you can't move on? Whatever is coming up for you, like, you really have to go into that without the fear, because if you're not willing to sit in the grief and process and really unpack every single part of, of that relationship and the death of that relationship, it's going to be really, really hard for you to move on. And it's just going to prolong the process for you until you feel whole again, until you feel like you're in love with yourself again and that you're ready to put yourself out there and experience something new. So like, I would say get support in your healing journey, like 100%. If I went through a breakup right now, like an unexpected breakup, and I was like moving through such heartbreak, like the first thing that I would do probably besides like calling my mom or like, you know, moving back home with my family or my friends or someone that can provide comfort for me the first thing that I would do is I would hire a coach or a mentor that would be able to like guide me and support me in my healing journey. So that's what I would say. Um, I think that's all for the questions. I tried to get through as many as possible, but thank you guys for writing in. I hope you enjoyed this episode. It was more of just like a little story time, but if you did like it, let me know. Send me a DM on Instagram or take a screenshot of this episode and share it to your stories. And last and final reminder, as you guys know, From Burnt Out to Badass is closing. This is your last chance to come and work with me. I would be so, so, so excited to have you and to coach you through whatever transformation you're trying to create in your life right now. So if you're interested, please, please, please send me a DM or click the link in the show notes or the link in my Instagram bio. Sign up and I will see you on the inside, and we get to hang out. All the way from June 1st through the end of August. So it's gonna be a hot girl summer with all the ladies that are inside from Burnt Out to Badass. I am so, so, so excited, and I will see you guys on the podcast next week.

Bye!