SELF LOVE: Can you love yourself & want to change at the same time?

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited about today's episode and I feel like they— like I say that every single week, but it's because it's true. Like, I only talk about things that I feel really passionate about and that I can't wait to put in your ears and share with you and see what you think and feel and how you resonate. So, um, I love when you guys leave reviews on the podcast to let me know how you are resonating with the content, or you send me DMs or sharing your stories, and I can kind of see what your takeaways are and what you're gaining from the the podcast. So I really love that, and it does inspire me to keep going and, and keep sharing more. But I am really, really excited about today's episode just because of the topic that we're going to talk about is something that has come up, I think, for a lot of women at some point or another in their life or along their journey. And it has come up for several of my clients as well recently. So I've had this on my agenda for a while now to do a podcast on this and I just haven't had the space to really gather my thoughts and figure out like how I want to communicate this. But here we are, I'm ready to go. We're going to talk about this idea of, you know, wondering if we can really love ourselves and also want to change something about ourselves at the same time, and if those two things can coexist, or if one cancels out the other. I think that's the debate that a lot of us go back and forth with in our minds when it comes to self-love and, you know, maybe things like weight loss or wanting to change something about your image. So I'm going to share my perspective on that and we're going to dive into it. But before we do, I wanted to share some life updates with you guys. So I had mentioned on Instagram that last week I was feeling really just like not like myself, and it was it was actually a really intense experience for me because I am so used to waking up every day in a really good mood and loving my life and enjoying my work and, you know, just being excited about all the things that I have to do and everything that's coming down the track for me. So obviously that's like a blessing that that's my normal now, but so it was, it was very jarring to kind of like be in this energy for a few days where like I really felt just like everything was unappetizing to me. Like, I just, I didn't want to work. Like, I didn't want to sit at my desk. I didn't want to do all the things that I kind of have to do. Like, like, I guess my work started to feel like an obligation, which I know is a normal sensation for a lot of people. And it also was in my life previous to doing what I do now, but it's not normal for me anymore. So it was, it was very it was kind of like alarming to me. I was like, wait, what is going on? Why do I— why am I not enjoying this? Why am I waking up and, and not feeling excited? And why do I just want to like lay in bed and watch Netflix even though I didn't allow myself to do that? And not that it would matter if I did, but I— there was like, I was still showing up and I was still doing things to some extent, but there was a lot of resistance there. So I definitely was less productive, I guess you could say, which is ironic based on last week's episode. If you, if you listened, you know. So yeah, I was just in this like weird space of feeling like unmotivated, uninspired, just like flat and bleh and kind of sad for no real reason. And it was just very weird. And so I talked to a lot of people, and well, first I had a meeting with, um, all the women that are in this mastermind, this coaching mastermind that I'm in for all of 2021. And it was kind of like this resounding theme for all of us that we had been feeling this sort of like weird off energy. And then, you know, my coach had mentioned something about an astrological shift of sort that was like really affecting us and draining us. And then somebody sent me a DM about the same thing. And then, you know, I talked to a couple other people that said they felt the exact same way., and for like 3 or 4 days during the week they were just totally feeling like this weird energy. And so they had to take a full-on break on the weekend, and I was like, me too. So, you know, I think it's a— it was a factor, or there was multiple factors in why I felt that way. And maybe you can relate and you had a, a similar experience, because I think there definitely was something going on in the collective energy, which does make me feel better. But the reason why I bring this up is because it really— whenever I face like a discomfort or a challenge or a trigger of some sort now in my life, I'm at the place where I don't just accept it as like, oh, I feel sad today, or oh, I'm in a negative mood, or oh, this is just how life is, or oh, work sucks today, or whatever. Like, I, I am really in the habit of going inward and being like, inquisitive with it. Like, why do I feel this way? What's going on? What has changed? What is new? Like, what does this mean? Like, I, I start asking all these questions, and to some extent this is good because it helps me pull lessons and learnings out of these quote-unquote like negative experiences. But at the same time, it's also just kind of fucking annoying when you're like trying to be in a mood and your higher self is like Well, what's the trigger there? Why do you feel that way? So, but I had that experience and it made me obviously question and become, become inquisitive and do that kind of self-inquiry as, as I was saying. And I really came to the conclusion that, you know, I'm, I talk about this all the time, so you guys are probably so sick of me, but like, I'm very much in this journey of learning to lean into my feminine energy and allow flow and allow space and allow creativity and allow relaxation. And I think it was just another push for me to really like embody that on a new level, cuz like to some extent I have been getting better with it. I have, I definitely have. I have to recognize my own progress, but I'm not fully there yet. And I think I was all in this phase of like, you know, if I didn't make any changes, I would probably go into burnout. And so I think that was— that those couple days where I like felt really down and off and flat were like a blessing in disguise because they were really showing me where I might be headed if I don't make some changes and set some boundaries and guard my energy a little bit more and allow for more living inside of my life rather than just doing and producing and sharing and you know, giving all of my energy to everybody else and leaving, you know, the last little shitty scraps for myself, in a sense. Um, because that's really— realistically, that was the place that I was in. And so to give you guys a picture of what that looks like in, in specifics is like, I wasn't really moving my body for weeks, probably months, honestly. Like, I've done a couple workouts here and there and a couple yoga flows here and there. But like, I haven't really been in my, um, in my— I don't want to say grind because I don't like that word because it's the masculine, but you know what I mean. Like, I haven't really been in my routine of like consistent movement. So I wasn't really making time or space to move my body. I wasn't really eating very well. Like, I was very much in a space of being so busy and overwhelmed in my business and working all the time and, you know, tending to clients clients and people and sales calls and building all of my courses and systems and everything. And then being like, oh my gosh, it's 4 PM and I haven't had lunch yet. What am I gonna eat? You know, bread and butter, like a quesadilla, or like just something super easy, something like pre-made that like, you know. And I, I really used to love cooking and like making healthy recipes. Like that was something that I used to post on my blog all the time, was like healthy recipes and smoothies and salads. And like, I just haven't given myself space to feel creative in that way with food. And I can feel it, like it feels stagnant in my body. So that was something. Um, and there's like, obviously the working all the time was a thing, which is, yeah, I mean, it's tough when you work for yourself. Like nobody else is gonna do it. So like, you kind of have to do it, you know? So that's where I was when I say, you know, I would think I was kind of like headed for a burnout. Um, and so having that space, having those couple of days where I was like, wow, I feel like garbage, what is going on? Allowed me to do that self-inquiry and pull those lessons out of like, hey Sam, you need to like really, A, get serious about getting help in your business and, and hiring out some of these tasks. And B, start to create boundaries with clients and your schedule and when you take breaks and feeding yourself appropriate meals and making time for movement. So I think it was really, like I said, a blessing in disguise, and I'm so grateful for it because it has already helped me. And just this week alone, like what, today's Tuesday. So you guys will be hearing this on Wednesday, but today's Tuesday, so it's been 2 days. But I actually started this like last week, so, um, it's been, it's been a couple of, yeah, it's been a week and a half, okay, of me doing this kind of new routine. So I set up my new morning routine where I wake up and I do my skincare and I have my coffee and then I do a little meditation. And then I either take the dog for a walk, or on the days that Jaime wakes up and takes the dog for a walk in the morning, I will use that time to like read a fiction book or journal if I feel inspired to do so. And then I will do a yoga flow, like 35, 40 minutes maximum, like nothing too crazy, sometimes even shorter than that. And then I'll get ready for the day. And I've been doing that and that feels really good to me, and that gives myself a solid 2 hours in the morning to like just do stuff that's for me. And I feel like I really need that in my day so that I wake up and I'm not immediately just like tending to other people and answering questions and serving people and giving advice and, you know, having all of that outward energy expenditure. So I have some time to like do the inner cultivation of my own energy. So I have been loving that, and that's really helped me a lot. And so I just want to encourage you guys too, if you were feeling that way last week with the kind of like collective energy that was really heavy, like, allow that to be a blessing for you. Allow that to teach you something. Allow that to prompt you to ask yourself some of those questions of like, why do I feel like this? And you know, where is this coming from? And what in my life feels overwhelming or like an obligation right now? What What is weighing heavy on me and how maybe have I not been showing up for myself enough? And what would it look like for me to do that more and allow myself to live in my life more rather than just, you know, operating on autopilot or serving others or working or generating or creating or sharing in some way? Like, how can you really live for yourself and show up for yourself? So, you know, my morning routine is just one example of that. And obviously I know a lot of people, probably most people in the world, don't have the luxury to give themselves 2 hours every morning. Like, I know that I'm so privileged to be able to do that, whether that's because of, you know, the job that you have or the schedule, or you do shift work or you have kids. Like, you know, I know that's not accessible for everybody. So I'm not saying that that's the answer, but I think allowing yourself to ask yourself those questions and explore that and really think about what is the answer for you. What could be a small way, uh, for you to shift and start to show up for yourself more? Just wanna encourage everybody else to do that as well, cuz it's been monumental for, for my energy. And I really do, I'm loving it and I'm feeling much better even though it still is a struggle for me to like wake up. Like that's always been the biggest thing for me is like once I'm up, I'm up and I'm fine and I'm in a good mood, like I am I'm, I think I'm a morning person in terms of like my energy in the morning, but the, the initial, like getting out of the bed when the alarm goes off is like, I like, I could not be slower. Like it is, it's a struggle. So not that that's not still a struggle, but I've been really intentional now about like, no, you need to do this for yourself. Because your body and your mind is begging for it, and you can see how it was affecting you and how detrimental it could be if you don't start showing up for yourself and creating space to do the things that you know revitalize and rejuvenate you. So that's been kind of getting me to get my butt out of bed and wake up and get to my morning routine. So just wanted to share that with you guys. Um, another thing, another life update, is that I have a brand new website. Coming very soon. I am so freaking excited about this, you guys. I have waited the longest time to have a website like this. Like, I can't even explain to you how excited I am to like show it to you. And I hope that when it's ready, you will go and just look at it, just to, just to look at it and appreciate the beauty of it. Because I had my, my graphic designer who did the the art for the podcast, like the podcast cover art. She did that for me and the podcast logos, and she has done my new Samantha Daly logos and colors and fonts. And now she's doing my whole website. And gosh, it's just like a really trippy experience because I remember, like, it wasn't that long ago that I was like fumbling around WordPress on my own trying to figure out how to set up a blog, because that's originally where I started. And then after a little while on WordPress, I was like, all these plugins are so confusing. I don't know what the heck is going on. I don't know how to personalize this. This is so complicated. Fuck it. I'm out. And I switched everything to Squarespace, which was a whole nother— it was a learning experience, obviously, right? You have to make mistakes in order to make improvements. So I had to manually move all of my posts over from one to the other and Um, unfortunately that is a task that is laying ahead of me as we speak because I need to do that yet again. But anyway, my point being was it wasn't that long ago that I was like literally spending hours watching YouTube videos and trying to figure things out on my own. And I like dreamed of having the resources and the necessity in my business, I guess, like the clientele to be able to support the decision of like, I'm going to have somebody else do this for me. I'm going to have somebody else build this website and make it so beyond, you know, what I could ever create on my own as a person who is not a graphic designer and doesn't know how to code and hates technology. So yeah, it just feels like such a blessing that that has come true for me and that I'm able to do that. And it feels so exciting and expansive to be able to pay someone to do that. And I think that's a lesson too that I've learned in terms of like money mindset and stuff. You know, I, I told myself when I start to pay people to support me in my business, whether it's, you know, it's random, like freelance things that I outsource, or it's an employee or a virtual assistant. Or, you know, an OBM or whatever it is, like, I am going to pay them in the way that I want to be paid. And I think this is a really important lesson whether you are a business owner or not, just in terms of money mindset, is like, if I want people to pay me with enthusiasm and excitement and pay on time and pay in full, then I'm going to do that for other people that I choose to pay. So, you know, an example of this is obviously the graphic designer. Like, when she gave me the quote, I was like, amazing, I can't wait, I know you're gonna do an amazing job, send me the invoice, tell me how I can pay you, like, I wanna send you money right now. Because that is the kind of energy exchange that I want to create in my life, so I'm gonna start to pay people in that way. And another example for my mastermind that I'm in this year, was like I told you guys, this was such a big investment and it was, it was a huge number that I was terrified by. But I had the intuitive feeling of like, this is going to be good for you, this is going to help you uplevel, this is going to be right for you, you, you should do this. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna pay this in full. I'm gonna pay the entire amount right now and just rip the Band-Aid off because I love when clients pay me in full. Like, who doesn't love to be paid in full, right? So if I want more of that in my life, then I'm going to start to show up in that way. And you know what's crazy is that when I, when I paid for that mastermind back in December, I was like, oh my gosh, holy shit, I'm paying this giant amount of money, like all in full, like fuck. And then I did it and I just ripped the bandaid off and I was like, okay, it's gonna be okay. And you know, I had to work through some fears there and all that kind of stuff. But then when I launched this recent round of From Burnt Out to Badass, you know, I think there was at the end of everything, there was 27 women that, that joined this round of the program. And I think it was like 24 or 25 of them paid me in full out of the 27, which is absolutely insane. Like most people don't pay for coaching programs in full, like they they pay monthly. Like we all, we do monthly payment plans for everything, for our houses, for our cars, for, you know, it's very normal and it's very comfortable because we, it, it just makes more sense a lot of the time. And there's nothing wrong with paying monthly, but I just was astounded by how much I really felt like me adopting that energy in the way that I interact with payments and paying people and spending money was really coming back to me like tenfold and, and showing up. So yeah, I wasn't expecting to go into that money mindset thing, just telling you guys about the website, but I feel like it's a valuable lesson. So, you know, take this into your life in wherever you feel like it could be applicable, but however you spend money and you pay people, like make it the type of experience that you would want to receive, right? When people are paying you, you know, so whether this is when you're buying something at the store or when you have a bill to pay, Like when you get the bill, pay the bill, right? If you want people to pay you immediately and with enthusiasm, like start paying your shit immediately with enthusiasm, you know, like get in a good mindset and be like, I, every dollar I spend comes back to me multiplied and start to see how things might energetically shift for you and how you might actually see that come true for you. So wow, this was a really long intro, but I feel like there was some value in here, so hopefully that was worth it for you guys. But without further adieu, let's get into the self-love convo. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the wind those down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shift happen. The question is, can you love yourself and want to change at the same time? And I think where this really comes from, or why we wonder if these two things can coexist to begin with, is really because of things like body positivity. You know, I think in a different time, people probably would have never considered this as a question, or they wouldn't have even thought about it. And maybe they would have even felt like unhealthier practices like over-exercising or restricting calories or things like that were considered ways to help them love themselves more. So I think this is very unique to our time and the world we live in today and our efforts to be more accepting of ourselves and to really lean into self-love more. So I think it comes from a positive place, sort of, but there's some issues with it. And I think, you know, this, this comes a lot from, from like body positivity, because the body positivity movement is really all about about like learning to love yourself as you are and basically saying that you don't need to change anything about yourself in order to be loved by yourself and by others. And, you know, it's this, this messaging of like embrace your flaws and don't give in to societal beauty standards and all that kind of stuff, right? And I think there is like— this is so great, like I, I love that, and I think there's such a place for that, and we really do need that. But where I sort of stand on body positivity is like, yes and no. And I know there's a lot of people that have different opinions about this, and you know, there's even like the body neutrality movement that's like, your body shouldn't be the main focus. Like, why is it so— why do we have to like accept it, and why do we have to hate it, and why is it— why is it so emotionally charged to begin with? Like, why can't we just live in a body and have that be it. Um, but so my idea about the whole like body positivity thing of like just love yourself exactly the way that you are, embrace all of your flaws, like you don't need to change anything, is kind of like yes and no, or yes and also, right? So you don't need to change in order to love yourself and be loved by others. In fact, if you're hoping that a change will be the thing that makes you love yourself more or that makes other people love you more, it's probably not going to give you that result, right? So definitely, for sure, I believe that. Like, you don't need to change in order to love yourself or be loved by others. But if you love yourself and you desire growth and change for yourself or your body or your appearance or whatever it is, that's totally cool too. And I don't think people should have to feel like if they want to change something, that means that they they don't fully accept themselves or they don't fully love themselves. Does that make sense? So, you know, many women ask like, can I love myself and still want to lose weight? And I think the answer to this is a little bit more in the gray area than we would like. Like, we love yes and no answers, we love black and whites, we love yes to this and no to that because it gives us a clear direction and we love certainty. But unfortunately, I feel like this is one of those things that is in a gray area. So, you know, the question, can I love myself and still want to lose weight? My thought is like, absolutely, but da da da, there's some things, important things to kind of mention and talk about that come after that. So, you know, women ask this question and then they get caught in the trap of feeling like by trying to eat healthier or exercise more, they are somehow now not loving themselves enough because they're seeking to change some part of themselves. And I guess the counter to that, or what has gone through my head, is kind of like, okay, I get that, but what about other things that we do to alter our appearance, right? Because like weight loss and body image, those aren't the only things that we utilize to alter our appearance. Like we also have things like acrylic nails and hair extensions and fake eyelashes and microblading of our eyebrows and makeup and Botox and veneers and plastic surgery. And like, the list is so long of the things that, you know, we utilize, especially as women or people who identify as women, to sort of quote unquote change some aspect of our appearance. Now, where I'm going with this is if we're under the impression that wanting to change something about your body or your health means that you don't fully love yourself or fully accept yourself, then do these things like nails and hair extensions and eyelashes and Botox and all of that. Does that mean that we don't love ourself if we choose to utilize those things or change our appearance in that way? Okay.

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And again, like, this is such a gray area because the answer is not yes or no. The answer is it depends, right? So I think for me it's like, what is the intent behind it, behind any of those things? What is the intention? Does some part of you feel unlovable or unworthy at your core? And so you want to utilize those things to fill that gap or that hole within yourself. Like, by becoming more quote-unquote beautiful according to bullshit mainstream beauty standards, you know, you consciously or subconsciously are expecting to be able to accept yourself more and also get others to love you more, accept you more, approve of you more. Be more attracted to you, whatever. If that's the case, right, if we feel some sort of unworthiness or not enoughness and we're approaching these things from the attitude of like, if I lose weight or if I get Botox or if I do my nails and have eyelash extensions and hair extensions and all these things that will make me more beautiful, then I will finally be able feel like I love myself. Then I will finally be able to feel confident. Then people will finally be attracted to me. Then people will think I'm conventionally beautiful, and that will validate me, and that will make me feel good. If that is the approach to these things, then yes, I think that that could be problematic and not necessarily an act of self-love, because it's kind of going to send you into this cycle where you're always trying to do more and become more beautiful in order to feel the sense of love and worthiness that you're lacking within yourself. But as we know, nothing will ever really be enough to fill that gap because material things ultimately can't heal emotional wounds. So I hope you guys are staying with me on this, but I do want to do the flip side of the coin, right? Which is like, Okay. But on the other hand, what if the intent of doing these things, of making these changes to our body or our appearance or whatever, is simply to have fun and change up your look and catch a vibe of some sort? And if you really love yourself and you still want to change things about your body or your appearance, then we don't have to make it mean anything that it doesn't, right? So I think a, like, a random example of this for me that, that comes through is the idea of like the eyelash extensions, right? So like, I remember really wanting to try eyelash extensions because I thought that they just looked so beautiful and so cool on other people, and I was like, wow, I really want to see what that would look like on me. Not that I had any issues with my face or my eyes or the— or my eyelashes. Like, I, I actually— I don't even have an issue with the length of my eyelashes or the color or anything. Like, I think I have fine eyelashes. Like, when I put mascara on them, like, they, they look really nice. Like, to me, I really like them. And but I still got the extensions because it felt fun to me and it felt different and it felt expansive and I wanted to try it. And I really like having them in the summertime when I'm, you know, swimming in the ocean more or going to the beach more, in the pool and stuff like that. And I don't want to really be wearing that much makeup, but I can still kind of look alive, you know, and have my eyes look nice and open or whatever, right? So So that for me is like a really clear example of a place where I've wanted to change my appearance in some way, but I didn't feel like it was interfering with my self-love, right? Because I wasn't doing it to be like, oh my God, everybody else has eyelash extensions, like now nobody's gonna like me, or boys aren't gonna think I'm hot, and so I need to get them too. Like, that wasn't the energy at all. The energy was like, oh my God, that sounds cool and fun, I want to try it. So do you get what I'm saying? Like, I think there, there's a gray area there of like, what is the intent behind the, the action? And, you know, I think another example that I can give that kind of shows you more of the other side of the coin of like where you're doing something that is out of lack right, when self-love is lacking and you feel like it's, you know, you're, you're changing your appearance in a way to try and cover that up is my kind of story with like body image and my relationship with food and exercise after I got home from my study abroad experience. So when I got home from study abroad and I realized that I had gained like 15 pounds or something like that, and I just didn't feel good in my body and I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn't feel like it was me. Like, it just— look, I just— I was really, really, really like not happy at all with what was going on. And so I started to restrict carbs, restrict sugar, work out extra, go to the gym for 90 minutes instead of 45, which is what I was more used to. Um, you know, force myself to really work out on the weekends even when I didn't want to. I ate oatmeal for like this, like healthy oatmeal every day for 3 months. No joke. And I had a salad every day for lunch for 3 months. Like how gross and boring does that sound? Blech. So me doing those things was definitely not an example of loving yourself and wanting to change your appearance at the same time and having those things coexist happily together. No, that was definitely an experience of I hate the way that I look, I'm not good enough, no one's gonna like me, I need to lose weight, so I'm going to punish myself. Essentially, like, it was very much a punishing energy of like, you overindulged, you overenjoyed your time in Europe, you gained weight, so now you need to suck it up and do all the things that you need to do in order to get this back on track. Like, grind it out, like you deserve to have to work hard for this, etc. Like really gross energy, right? Really not self-love vibes at all. So there's two examples, right? Which is why— just that I can think of right now for me of how this has showed up, which is why I think that there is such a gray area, right? It's not— yes, Yes, you can love yourself and want to change your appearance, or no, you can't fully love yourself and want to change your appearance. It's— the answer is somewhere in the middle. It's like, it depends really. Like, what is the energy behind it? What is the intention behind it? And I think that's something that requires a lot of self-awareness in order for people to evaluate for themselves, is are you willing to be really honest with yourselves and, and ask like, why do I want to change this thing about myself? Really though, like really though, why, right? Why do I feel like I want to change this? Where does that come from? Because I think that is a better indicator as to is it self-love or is it not, right? But the thing that I, that I really want to touch on, and, and maybe this is a new concept for people. I don't know, but this just— it feels so natural to me and it feels so obvious, but I don't feel like this is the general messaging. You know, I was talking about earlier body positivity, and I think the general messaging for that movement is don't change because you don't need to. Work on loving yourself the way that you are. Stay exactly the same because you're good enough as you are. And that is a beautiful message. I'm not discounting that message at all. But what I do want to point out for the women who want to love themselves but also want to change, and they're kind of stuck and they're like, well, what is right? Like, can I— should I just like stay the way that I am and try to accept that? Because I really do want to love myself, and if that's the way that I'm gonna learn to love myself, then I— then maybe that's a journey that I should go on. Or, you know, do I want to make this change and you know, move forward with that and hope that I can also love myself in the process. So for those women that might be in a spot like that, this is what I want to share with you. This feels so natural and so obvious to me, but I shared this with a client and she was like, wow, that makes so much sense, I never thought of it that way. So I thought I would share it with you guys too. And the idea is this, it's that love and growth or change are not mutually exclusive. So I want you to imagine for a second that you could only truly love someone— we're gonna, we're gonna turn this on somebody else rather than ourselves because it's so much easier to understand it when we reflect it outwards for some reason than when we look at it for ourselves— but imagine that you could only truly love someone if you never wanted them to change any part of themselves, even if it was for the better.

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Like, you— it's only true love if you never want them to change anything. Like, what? That is just not real, you know? Like, I think you can probably think of a lot of people in your lives that you love so much, so deeply, so unconditionally. You love them as they are with all of their baggage or flaws or challenges or whatever it is that they bring to the table. You love them like crazy, but of course you hope for growth and change for them. Of course, if they did something that, you know, allowed them to transform their appearance or their mindset or their life, you would be like, oh my God, yes! If you're happy, I'm happy for you. Like, I love that you're growing, evolving, and changing, right? Like, growth is our natural, um, it's our natural tendency. It's what we're designed to do. Like, there's that quote that's like, if you're not growing, you're dying. And I actually, like, I, I always used to hate that quote because I was like, that's— I don't know, I just don't like it. Like, it didn't resonate for me, I guess. I was like, okay. But, you know, the other day I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about it in terms of like plants and nature, and it was like if you, if you plant something and you see that it's like stagnating and it's literally like not growing, you know that it's in the process of dying. Like, you're like, oh my God, okay, maybe it needs more sunlight, maybe it needs no more water. Like, I don't know what's happening to it. The leaves are turning kind of brown. Like, fuck, it's dying, right? And it— and, and that allowed that quote to really click for me. That was like, oh, okay, yeah, when we stop growing that is the beginning of the process of our demise or our destruction or our death, I guess you could say. So of course we ourselves are going to grow and evolve and change, whatever that looks like. And of course we would desire that for other people in our lives that we love, right? So love and growth are not mutually exclusive. And I think that's really, really important for people to remember. And so what I told this client was, think about this, think about it like this: we have the capacity as humans to hold love in our hearts alongside the desire for more at the same time. We have the capacity for that. We can hold both of those things at the exact same time. We can hold love for what is and hope and excitement for what is to come next, right? We can hold love and growth at the same exact time. So if you think about this in terms of children, for example, like if you have a child— I don't have a child myself, but we'll just imagine, right? And if you do, you could— this will be more vivid for you. But with children, like, of course you love your child. I hope, like, of course you— like, I think there's few things that you are capable of loving more than you love your own child in the world. So of course you love your child dearly, how they are, as they are, all things considered and included, right? But you also want them to change and evolve. You also want them to experience growth. You also want them to, you know, look at themselves and learn about their shadow or their darker parts and adjust those habits, patterns, and behaviors and become a better version of themselves. Like Of course you desire change and evolution for your child, even though you're not saying, I don't love you fully yet because you're not your best version. No, you love them unconditionally, of course, as they are. But you're also like, that would be amazing to watch you grow and expand and change, right? And step more fully into your authenticity and enjoy your, your life and your unique experience here. Right? So why can we not— why are we struggling with the idea of doing that for ourselves? We can think about this with so many other things, not just children, right? So if that example doesn't resonate for you, it's like, think about your, your job or your career. Like, if you're a person that really loves your job, which, yes, hello, there are people that love their jobs, um, so, you know, if you're a person that really loves your job, you can love your job and appreciate your career and like be happy and enjoy your co-workers and all that stuff, and also be like, I would love to see this change. I would love to see this evolve. I would love to see what's next. How can I make this even better? Right? We are able to hold love and growth at the same time. Think about this with relationships. You can love the person that you're in a relationship with and love the dynamic of the relationship and be really genuinely happy and also be like, I would love to see how this changes. I would love to see this grow. I would love to see this evolve. What can we do that's new and different and exciting? And how can we expand this? And how can we make this even better, right? What about with like your home? You can love where you live. You can love your city. You can love your house. You can love your furniture. You can, you can love everything about your space, and still have capacity to dream about one day when you get to change it or alter it or upgrade it in some way, right? So this is what I mean when I say we as humans innately have the capacity to hold love and growth at the same time, and we do it for everything in our lives, for all the people and things around us. So why are we questioning our ability to do it for ourselves? Can you hold love and growth in your heart for yourself at the same time? And, and my answer is, is yes, but we just have to be mindful of that intention, right? And be really radically honest with ourselves about what is the intention of wanting to create change, or wanting to alter my appearance, or wanting to grow and evolve and whatever. Like, what however that looks for you in physical, like tangible examples, just start to question that and really get in tune with what's the intention behind it. And does it feel like it's from an excited, expansive place, or does it feel like it's from a darker, more unworthiness place? Yeah. And you know, another common question I think that would kind of tag along to this whole concept is like, okay, so if I'm really honest with myself, I feel like I, I'm not fully there with self-love. I don't, I don't fully accept myself. Like, I definitely have some of those patterns and thoughts and things that are, you know, not fully loving and not accepting of, of who I am and how I'm showing up right now. So being in that place of feeling like you're not fully there with self-love, can you still desire to change things about yourself? Or do you need to feel like, I fully love myself, so now I'm allowed to, you know, move forward and create change? And my answer— again, my answer to this is it all comes back to the intention. Like, what is your intention behind wanting to lose weight? What is your intention behind wanting to get Botox or change your appearance or change your diet or work out more or start practicing yoga or learn how to run or do a marathon or, you know, whatever? I'm trying to think of a variety of examples, but you get the point. Like, are you expecting that to fill an emotional gap? Or heal some wounds in your relationship to self. And, you know, you've got to practice self-awareness in discerning where those desires for change are truly coming from. And this is, this is a, this is, I think, will help you kind of do that, hopefully. But I think It's pretty easy to spot when they're coming from an unhealthy place because you'll be able to feel, you'll be able to feel it. Like if you do this practice of like asking yourself, okay, why do I want this thing? Why do I want to make this change? You will feel an energy come over your body. Like you'll feel it on an energetic level. But to kind of describe it a little bit more and give you a little bit more detail might help you. So This is the last thing I want to leave you guys with. So if you're asking yourself these questions and trying to discern, you know, whether making change for you is coming from a healthy place or an unhealthy place, when it's coming from an unhealthy place, when you think about the weight loss or the Botox or the lip filler or whatever else it is that you're desiring, it will feel like the answer to all of your problems. Like it will feel like, if I could just get blank, if I could just lose 10 pounds, if I could just get bigger lips, if I could just get bigger boobs, if I could just whatever, I'd be so much happier. Like, that's the energy that it will carry. It will feel like it's gonna answer a lot of your problems because it feels like the resounding answer there is like the resounding answer is going to have this sense of pressure around it, if that makes sense. Like, if you feel like this thing is going to answer a lot of your problems, then there's obviously going to be this energy of pressure, and the idea of making this change is going to feel really important, and it's going to feel kind of urgent, but it's also going to feel really hard. So that's the best way that I can kind of describe what the unhealthy approach energy might feel like. Now, on the other side, on the other hand, the healthy approach, like if you're asking yourself these questions, when you think about the change that you're desiring to make, it's going to feel like I said before, it's going to feel expansive and exciting.. And it's gonna feel like a fun option that is just one of many that you now have available to you to choose from, right? It's not gonna feel like the end-all be-all. This is gonna make me feel better. This is gonna make me more confident. This is gonna solve my problems. This is gonna make me be more desirable. This is gonna help me feel sexier in relationships. Like, it's just gonna feel like a fun option that's like, oh, maybe I wanna do that. It's one of many things I can— I'm considering for myself. But there's no— there's not the same, like, heaviness or pressure or neediness that there was in the unhealthy example, right? It's gonna feel like, I think that this could be really good for me, and I might try it. That's the energy behind the healthy change. The idea of making this change is feels inconsequential. Like, I don't wanna say unimportant, but it's like inconsequential, right? Like if you make the change or not, it's not gonna like revolutionize your life, right? It's kind of like inconsequential and like you could decide to go for it at any time without this timeline pressure or restrictions of like, I have to do it now and within 3 months I wanna be like this. Like it's just, it's there, right? It's an option. It's expansive. It's exciting. It's enticing. But it's not needy. And it's not the solution to all of your problems. So I hope that was helpful for you guys. That's how I can best describe for me what the difference feels like between choosing change for myself and especially my appearance from a healthy place and versus, you know, choosing change for myself or my appearance or my body from an unhealthy or wounded place. So I don't really know if this, if this podcast answered the question that we started with, which was, can you love yourself and want to change at the same time? But I feel like we covered a lot of ground, and hopefully something in here resonated with you and allowed you to build some clarity around where you're at and really consider the changes that you want to make to your life or your appearance or your body and begin that process of self-inquiry and radical honesty and questioning and tapping into the feeling or the intention behind it so that you can make your choice from that place of clarity and understanding. So thank you guys so much for tuning in to this week's episode. If you enjoyed this episode, please go ahead, take a screenshot, share it to your stories. I love seeing when you guys are listening, and be sure to tag @samanthadaily and @makeshifthappenpodcast. And I will see you guys next week. Bye!