SEX LIFE: Toxic Relationships, Sexual Shame & Desire

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. I am coming to you from the beach. I have been on the most glorious little getaway, but it has been a little bit difficult trying to balance like working and also being on vacation, you know, when everybody else is on vacation like fully because they either don't work or they have a job where they can like just when they're on vacation, they're on vacation, you know, when you work for yourself, you're kind of like sort of on vacation, but like you also sort of have to like do stuff, you know? So, um, I think I'll talk about that in another episode because some things and some learnings, uh, came up for me during this time. We've been here for about 16 days now, which is crazy. And yeah, I don't know, it doesn't feel like we're leaving anytime soon. I don't know how long we're gonna be here, but I'm loving waking up early in the morning and Well, I don't love waking up early in the morning, but taking the dog to the beach in the early hours of the morning before anybody gets there. We just did that this morning, and I just love like being on the beach at that time when there's almost nobody around and the sand is like untouched and just so smooth, and the sun is rising and the colors over the ocean are just so gorgeous. So yeah, there's been lots of like really beautiful moments in the past 2 weeks, just reminding me of how great grateful I am for the life that I've created and everything that I get to do and these experiences. And even just like being here in Spain, um, it's all like such a blessing that sometimes I forget how amazing it is because I get used to it. And I think that goes for everybody in their lives, you know. There's lots of things going on in your life right now that you're probably just used to because it's been there you've had it, it's not new anymore, so you forget what a miracle it is or how beautiful it is. So yeah, if you can find any of those things in your life, I think that's always a beautiful realization to look around and be like, wow, this is actually really, really nice. I just kind of forgot how nice it was because I got used to it and it became sort of part of my autopilot setting, if you will. So before we dive into this week's juicy, juicy episode, I want to let you guys know, if you missed the Abundance Activation Workshop from the Lion's Gate on August 8th, you can still access the replay recording. It's only going to be available until Monday the 16th, and then I'm going to be taking it down off the internet. And I just do this to help encourage people that have signed up for something to actually commit to the thing that they committed to, in a sense, and provide a little extra push of accountability to get you to do the things that you say that you want to do. So whether you signed up and you just missed the live, the replay would have been emailed out to you. Or if you totally missed the boat on it and you didn't sign up, you can also still sign up and access the replay. So I'll leave the link for that in the show notes. And also the link is in my bio on Instagram. So you'll definitely want to tune in to that abundance activation workshop that we did. It was so incredible. I got so many amazing messages after as well, being like, holy shit, I was crying, I was shaking, I felt my face vibrating, so many shifts, like I've let go of so many things. Like, I felt so incredible. So yeah, it was definitely a very, very cool experience. The energy was potent. There was over 130 people that showed up live to the call. And so when we all did the activation together, there was so much energy because we all sort of connected to each other's auras. And then we sat in the visualization together and we crossed over into the portal as one. And yeah, it was just very cool. So if you want to experience it, uh, click the link in the show notes or in my bio to sign up and access the replay. Again, it will be gone by Monday the 16th. The next very, very exciting announcement is that the doors to From Burnt Out to Badass for the very last round of 2021 are now open. So if you have been thinking about working with me, if you want to get inside my signature program, the life transformation program that has proven to change the lives of hundreds of women at this point. This is your opportunity. This is your call. If you feel aligned with me or the program, the way that I teach, if you loving the podcast and you want to do this work on an even deeper level, this is an amazing program for you to look into and potentially join. We are already about a third of the way full, which is absolutely crazy because a lot of the people on the workshop decided to jump in and sign up. So if you are interested, if you do want to get into this last round, I would just say don't wait because it seems like the spots are filling up pretty quick this time. So this is going to be the last round of the year as well. The next one probably won't come around for another 6 or 7 months. Um, those dates aren't set in stone yet, but they will definitely be in 2022. So I'm not going to go on too much about the program. I'm sure you guys have heard all about it. And if you have not, you can go to my website, samanthadaily.com, and just click on the course. There's a whole page that will teach you all about what we cover, the topics that are included, the pricing. It is on early bird right now, so that means that you're going to get a significantly discounted price while it's on early bird. And that early bird price is going to be available until Monday the 16th, and then the price will be going up. So again, if you feel called, if this feels aligned for you, if you're excited to work with me, if you want to get inside my container and become one of the women who I work with more intimately, then Go quick. That's all I can say. Um, so today on the podcast, we are going to be talking about Sex/Life, the Netflix series. So I let you guys know on Instagram, like, hey, I'm doing this episode. If you haven't watched it, like, go binge it, all the things. So hopefully a lot of you have watched the series and you know what it's about so that all of this makes sense to you. But either way, um, we're going to be unpacking some of the relationship themes and things that are going on inside of this series. So even if you haven't seen it, um, I think you'll be able to get something out of it. But yeah, I just decided to watch it because it was number one, like, trending on Netflix a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it still is, I don't know. And I was like— and I saw a lot of people watching it, and I was like, this is going to be the type of show that people talk about. So I wanted to get on the bandwagon in a sense and watch it and just see what it was all about. So I watched the whole thing, and I did enjoy it. Like, I found it quite entertaining. But there were a lot of things that I was like, ooh, this would be so good to unpack and talk about. Like, there's so much toxicity and just like crazy stuff that goes on in the series. So I knew that I was going to want to do a podcast about it. So let's go ahead without further ado and let's dive into all these topics from the show and let's get started. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen Podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly. Entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shift happen. Okay, so I thought I would start with just some general like pros and cons of the series. I mean, the, the pros are— the cons list is a lot longer than the pros, but like the general pros of the series are like, okay, yeah, it could be relatable to a lot of women And it's entertaining, right? Like, people love sex in general and drama, and this series has a lot of both of those things. And we love just feeling like we get this inside look into the deep, dark secrets of somebody's life, you know? So I think that's what this series really provides. So the premise of the series, for anybody that hasn't watched it, is This woman, her name is Billie. She used to, like, when she was younger in her 20s, she lived in New York and she lived this like really like wild party, uh, promiscuous sort of lifestyle.

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So we get flashbacks when she goes back in time and is remembering all these, these moments with, um, her ex from that time in her life who was this big like music producer. And he was— he's this like— the guy that plays him is this Australian actor. And so of course he has this really nice accent and he's obviously hot. So yeah, that's like a lot of what the series is, is these flashbacks of this time with her ex whose name is Brad. Okay, we're going to introduce names so that we don't get confused. So we have Billie, which is the, the main character, the woman whose story we're following. And then she has these flashbacks with her ex, Brad. She's married now at this, at the present stage of the series to this guy named Cooper, who's also really hot and really fit, but he's a little bit more like a boring— like he's the classic, like, good guy, you know, he has a really great job. Where he like makes a ton of money but also really cares about people and impact and making change. And they have two kids together who are, you know, like obviously she loves her children and they live in this big, beautiful like mansion outside of the city. I think they live in Connecticut or New Jersey or something like close to New York City, but like in the suburbs, you know. So she has this kind of like classic, like white picket fence, like big house, two kids. Sexy husband, sort of picture-perfect life. But what's going on for her is in this like postpartum stage of just having had her second baby, um, not too long ago, the, the sex with her and her husband is just like nonexistent or just not good, really boring. And so that's what kind of starts her having these memories or flashbacks to that time in her life when she was younger and when she felt free and, you know, all the amazing, hot, crazy, risky sex that she used to have with her, with her ex-boyfriend. And so she starts, she begins writing in her journal, which is on her laptop, and she's writing in graphic detail about all the scenes. And so when you're watching the series, you see the scenes like fully played out as she's writing them in her journal. Long story short, her husband finds the journal, and that's kind of where everything kicks off because he realizes, oh my gosh, she wants all these things that I I had no idea that she was even interested in. And what the heck? And who is this Brad guy? And then she sees Brad, they start to like find— like, they don't— she doesn't ever cheat with Brad again, but they come very close and they cross a lot of lines. And she goes to see him and he comes to see her and he calls her, and there's just a lot. So anyway, that's the premise for, for people who haven't like seen the series. So yeah, okay, it's relatable, this idea of maybe you're in a relationship with someone that's like a really good person. They treat you really well, they take care of you, they're a good guy, but it doesn't feel like spicy or fun or exciting. And so you're craving that feeling of adventure and maybe starting to question the relationship or look outside of the relationship in order to, to get that other, that other missing piece, essentially. The general cons of the series, I would say, is that You know, I think it can normalize women thinking that they can only have one or the other, right? That they can only have a good, safe relationship or a like crazy, fun, adventurous relationship that will inevitably come with some toxicity or instability or whatever else, right? It creates this idea that there really is only these two camps. These, these two versions of men that you get to choose from. Um, you know, Billie says at the end of the, at the end of the series, in the last episode, she says, it turns out having it all is a myth. And so she essentially says that she's going to try to sustain both of these relationships. She's not going to leave her husband. But she is going to have sex with Brad. And yeah, like, I just— fuck that. Like, I just, I just think that that's so unfair to, to make women believe that they really do just have that choice to make, that it has to be one or the other and that you can't have both. Because I know there are so many women who feel this way. I was just having a conversation the other day about someone that we know, and they're talking to this, this girl, and she is in a relationship, and she says, you know, oh, he's such a great guy, like, he's so good for me, he's so good to me. Good for me. Oh, like, if you're— if that's what you're saying about your partner, like, he's so good for me, like, as if you need to be tamed or calmed down, or you need to be shown that people can be loyal, or that people can be good, because you've experienced so much of the opposite. Like, for me, right away that's a red flag that like something is, something is up if you're saying he's good for me. Um, so anyway, she's like, yeah, he's so good for me, he's good to me, such a good person, but I'm bored, I'm not fully happy, but I can't leave because like, you know, this is, this is as good as it's probably gonna get, you know, like this is the option that I have. So I know that there's a lot of women that actually do feel that way, and I think that that is sad and it sucks because I believe, and I know to be true at least for myself, that it totally is possible to have both. You know, you get to have everything that you want as long as you believe that you deserve it, which is the key. So a lot of these women and this character Billie will have had experiences in her life that make her feel as though she doesn't doesn't deserve to have both, or that it's not possible or available to her to have both in one person, right? So she's like, oh, I have to get both from two different people because it's not possible to find someone that has both of these qualities or can give me both of these versions of, of my life or things that I want. So you, you get to have everything that you want in life as long as you believe that you deserve it, and as long as you trust yourself enough to stand in the truth of that and know that for yourself and choose accordingly. I think that's the biggest thing, is standing in the truth of what you want means not accepting things that are not that. So it means not marrying Cooper because— just because he fits the mold of being a good person and a good guy and good-looking, but but isn't actually exciting or fun or giving you those other things that you want, you know? And that's just like an example. And maybe it wasn't that. Well, we don't know how their relationship, uh, like fully— we don't know the whole story of how their relationship started and how their sex life was before this moment. So that may be a different theme for them. But I think for people listening, it's like standing in the truth of what you want means also rejecting the things that are not fully that. So So if you have the opportunity to get in a relationship with someone that gives you 50% of the things that you're looking for but lacks the other 50%, you get to say no thanks because I trust that the full 100% person is out there for me and is available to me. And I believe that I deserve that. So that's a big, a big thing that like probably the biggest takeaway that I had. I did a post on Instagram about this as well because I just feel so strongly about this. This, you know, the, the problem with believing that dissatisfaction is just part of life and you should just be grateful for what you have and suck it up and keep going is that our beliefs create our reality. So if you're believing those things, you will continue to see them to be true, you know. If you, if you believe that you have to choose between safety and pleasure, and that it's not possible to have a healthy relationship that's also filled with adventure, then you will probably find yourself trapped in some version of that reality that is one or the other, and then convincing yourself that, oh, this is just how it is, this is what's available, right? And so in, in the Instagram post that I did, I offered some affirmations just to like help cancel this narrative and choose instead to believe that you can in fact have it all. So I'll share those with you now in case you want to take some of them down or use them in your own life. And they are: I get to have it all because I choose to. What I desire is also desiring me. What is for me will not miss me. I love knowing that I can have everything I want. I am a vibrational match for pure bliss and fulfillment. If I can imagine it, I can create it. And I choose to believe that what I want is available to me. So just for anybody that resonates with that and wants to start shifting those beliefs of, you know, thinking it has to be one or the other, there's some affirmations for you. Okay, let's get into sort of unpacking some of these themes a little bit deeper. So one of the things that I wanted to talk about was this loss of identity that Billie experiences after so many years of marriage or having her kids, and she feels like she's not herself anymore. You know, she, she feels like she's lost a piece of who she was. And I think this can happen to all of us at different stages of life. I can't relate personally to the idea of motherhood just yet, but I know this is a really common theme for moms, is that they get detached from who they, who they are at their core, or who they were before they became a mom and just started serving their, their children at all hours of the day, all the time. Like, being a mom, I think, is the most difficult job in the world. So there's lots of women that end up up feeling this sort of like loss of identity. And I think that's kind of the crisis that Billie is facing in this moment of her life, which is why she keeps like going back to these flashbacks and going back to Brad, trying to, trying to dig up these old pieces of herself, these old pieces of her spirit, this old like spark that she used to have in her soul that made her feel alive. And that's really, really what she's looking for deep down, you know. And she may be able to find that that without Brad, right, without her ex. But unfortunately, that's like the route that she goes in order to look for that.

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Then let's talk about this, like, fear of asking for what you want that we see show up with Billie. So Billie is used to being sexually pursued or just sort of like given what she wants without having to like ask for it. And so now that she's in this different relationship with her husband and she has to voice it and ask for it from her husband, she finds herself like getting stuck and she can't really— she can't really ask for what she wants, so she doesn't get what she wants, right? So if you watch the series, like the shower scene, she kind of like gets in the shower with her husband and tries to do these like sort of subtle cues that she wants something from him, and he's just kind of like like says something about how the car needs to get fixed, and then he hops out of the shower, and she's like all defeated, like, oh, how did he not get it? And I think, again, it's just something that a lot of people can relate to, especially women. It's like there's this, um, this fear of initiating or asking for what we want, and so we just hope that like we can do these really subtle things so that people will or the people that we're in a romantic relationship with will be able to read our mind and know what we want. And it's actually so much more powerful and also so much more of a turn-on to your partner if you just say what it is that you want. But it can be really hard to use your voice, right? So another scene that kind of represents this in the show is the scene where she's picking him up after work. She decides, okay, I'm I'm gonna try to, you know, get this Brad guy out of my head, like make things work again with my husband. Like, I love him, like I need to show him. So she goes, she gets the car fixed like he asked her to, and then she goes and she meets him at the train station to pick him up after work. And she's like in this red dress and she looks really sexy and she's trying to signal like, I want something, right? But like in this example, like men are just so basic, you know, like they they, they, they need like instructions. And so sometimes our subtlety that we, that we try to use due to our conditioning is not enough for us to actually get what we want, right? We've been conditioned to just like stand there and look pretty, and, and that should be enough, right? That should be a sign. Yeah. And it's sort of this like Madonna-whore dichotomy where it's like, don't— you shouldn't want too much sex because then you're a whore, but you also shouldn't want too little because then you're not a good wife or you're not a good woman or you're not attractive or you're not sexy or whatever, right? It's like, don't be too much but also don't be too little. And it's very confusing as a woman to try and find that balance and not be too much and not be too little in so many ways, especially when it comes to our sexuality. So I think a lot of women can relate to this theme of just like not fully using their voice in sharing what they want or when they want things or how they want things. Like, you know, and that makes it harder for you and your partner to have really great sex or have a good sexual relationship because you're just hoping that they will like get the clues. And at least, you know, if you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a woman and your partner is a man, unfortunately, like, just from history and experiences of hundreds of women, like, men sort of need to be shown more clearly. They need direction, right? They need you to say, I want this, do you want this, like, let's do this, rather than just like standing there and hoping that they notice that you like did your hair a little bit better or put some makeup on or whatever, you know. So anyway, I thought that was an important theme to bring up. Um, okay, also this idea of like being multifaceted, right, and being okay with that. So we see this because Billie is now a wife and a mom, and she loves those roles, and she loves her husband, but she's also a really highly sexual person. And I think in the series we see that she struggles to, to maintain or balance like both of these parts of her personality or parts of her spirit, parts of her life. And, you know, she puts this wild, sexy side that she has in a box because she— it's probably like a shadow side for her. She puts it in a box when she gets married and she sort of turns off that part of her in order to fit the mold for the guy that she wants to marry, right? Because Cooper is a really great guy. He's a stand-up guy. He's really professional. He's really nice. He has no bad relationships with any of his exes. Like, we see that in the series, uh, he runs into one of his exes and they're like so kind to each other. He's like, no hard feelings, you know, just like a really great person and really like what Billy would probably call like marriage material. And so she sees this wild, sexy part of herself as not marriage material. And so that becomes a shadow side for her, and she puts it into a box, and she goes, I'm just gonna turn that off now, you know. Now that I'm gonna be a wife, now that I'm gonna get married, I'm going to contort myself and just be in this other facet of my personality and turn off these other parts of myself so that she can show up up how maybe she believes that she quote-unquote should as a wife or a mother. And the reason why she does this, and a lot of us do this in a lot of different ways, is because of shame, especially for being outwardly sexual as a woman. There's a lot of shame around this, like I just talked about with the Madonna-whore dichotomy. It's always like, oh, you're, you're too much, you know, don't be too sexual, and that's weird, you know, then you're a slut. Yeah, so there's shame around that. And so then the problem that she runs into is that her husband has no idea how to react to what he at one point sort of calls her sexual insatiability. I think he says this to his coworker who's like his friend. He's like, she's insatiable. He doesn't know how to like react to this side of her because he's never seen it before. So he's like, what the heck? Like, what is this version of you? Like, I don't know this part of you. Like, what are you doing? And it's very confusing to him. And this is why authenticity is so freaking important in relationships from the get. We have to be who we are and own what we want from the beginning so that it's very clear to our partner. Who we are and all the parts of ourselves and everything that we desire and like and enjoy and want, and even our shadow sides and, you know, the maybe more difficult sides of our personalities and the things that we're working through. If we show up with authenticity from the beginning, then our partners won't be surprised later on when we sort of let slip these other parts of our personality that we had put in a box because of the shame, right? It, it becomes a lot harder to reveal these hidden parts of yourself later down the line, because then it looks inauthentic, then it looks fake or forced to the other person because they haven't known that you've been putting it in a box for 2, 3, 5, 10 years, right? And so then it's like we're afraid of the judgment and rejection that we may experience if we do reveal these other hidden parts of ourselves. And so maybe we don't ever do it. Maybe we just keep it in a box until the day that we die. And how freaking awful would that be to just box off a whole part of your personality or your desires or your pleasure and never reveal that to the person that you love and care for? Or even just, you know, in other examples of life, I think there's parts of our personality that we don't show to our friends or to our family members or or because we're afraid that it's not good enough or that it will be judged or that it's weird or that it's quirky or whatever. And it's like, how sad is that? That we, based on our conditioning, we're taking pieces of ourself and we're shoving them under the bed, like never to be revealed into the light again. You know, I think that's one of the, the like saddest parts, unfortunately, of the series and of a lot of our real life experiences is that we close off these pieces of our identity because we're afraid of being judged or afraid of being rejected. When in reality, the truth is that if you were just authentic from the beginning, people would love you for who you truly are instead of loving you for a version that you've molded yourself into. And that is so important. It's like if you just own your authenticity, if you just own your, like, all the facets of who you are and you own being multifaceted and having different parts of you from the beginning, then you will attract people that honor that and accept that and love that about you. And they love you in all of your versions. You know, they love you in the professional version. They love you in the mom version. They love you in the cute, sweet, caring version. They love you in the wild, sexy, adventurous version, right? They love all the parts of you because it's an enjoyable thing to get to know the different parts of someone that you care about. I'm sure that everyone listening can relate to that and experiencing that if you've ever dated at all. It's like one of the most fun parts of dating is discovering new parts of the person that you're getting to know. New facets of their personality, new elements of their life and who they are. Like, that's the fun part. So I think a major lesson for us to take away from this is that, that lesson around authenticity and just owning who you are and showing up as that, because that's the only way that you're really going to find yourself in spaces and relationships where people love love all of you, not just the one version of you that you've, that you've allowed them to see. Okay, so then we have some toxicity with Brad, obviously. So Brad is clearly avoidant, if you're familiar with the attachment styles. Brad is clearly— he clearly has an avoidant attachment style because, as we learned in the series, his father left when he was quite young. And he could never really get into too much contact with him. He never came to his birthdays or really like made him feel loved at all. And so he has this abandonment wound. And, you know, so when he was young, he was kind of learning to interpret the distance or absence of his father as this weird sort of version of like love or connection or desire, And this is really common for avoidant attachment styles, right? They, they are the ones that when things start to get really close or intimate or serious, where they start to feel like the relationship is going to require a lot from them, they back up and they push away because they're not certain that they can give the other person everything that they want from them. They're like, ooh, I need space. This is, this is starting to feel like love. This is starting to feel like connection. Let me just back up a little. A little bit. Let me, let me get some space, right? And so then what the anxious attachment does, which is the opposite to the avoidant, is obviously when the avoidant person pushes back and needs space or tries to create space in the relationship, most likely in a damaging way by what we see an example in the series, then the anxious attachment person is going to lean in closer and be like, wait, wait, wait, where are you going? Let's fix this. Come back. Back, you know, and then the anxious person might get a little bit, um, anxious, I guess is the best word. I was gonna say crazy, but I don't want to say crazy because that's not fair. Um, so they'll get anxious and be like, who are you texting? Where are you going? Why are you leaving? What are you doing? And they're suspecting that the other person is doing something that they shouldn't be doing. And so that's like this, this, the toxicity that happens a lot with an avoidant person and an anxious person, person when they get into a relationship. So Brad is clearly avoidant. So there's one. Then we also have like this love bombing thing that happens in the very beginning of their relationship. Um, you know, they come on really, really strong. It's like the first night that they meet, they don't even know each other. He drives her, her home and then he's like, oh, let's go to my place. And then they go to his place and he has this big beautiful penthouse in New York because he's super wealthy. And you know, he has this rooftop pool and they just basically start having sex in the pool. And then there's like all this connection, and he, in the car on the way there, he tells her about his father. It's like so many things happen so fast, like at a speed that is just like not realistic for most relationships. And so I see this as this sort of like love bombing. Um, and Bobby even says in the series, she says after they first meet, you know, he comes to find her, I think the next day at her work. Work, um, where she's— I believe she's teaching, she's like a professor, or she's studying to become a psychologist and part of her studies is to teach classes, whatever. Anywho, he comes to visit her at work and, um, he like wants to take her out again and he like wants to be with her already. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, like, that wasn't— no, no. And she says anything that starts that hot burns out real quick. And I pulled out that quote because I was like, yes, exactly, like, this is the love bombing. Anything that starts out that hot burns out real quick or is gonna have loads of toxicity in it because it's just unrealistic for a relationship to begin in such a manner. And then we see Brad, you know, kind of making her feel really special by saying, no one's ever seen that side of me before, like, you know more about me than anybody else, like, you're special, Bobby, all these things. That make her start to get that— get infected with that sort of like sickness that happens when someone is love bombing us of like, oh my gosh, like, is this love at first sight? Like, what is going on? This is crazy. They love me so much already. This must be— this must be what love is, you know? This must be what it feels like. And of course, you know, things just like blow up and explode after that. So So there is another toxic theme is of the love, is the love bombing. Then we have the dramatic breakups. So they obviously, like any toxic relationship, they break up multiple times and then get back together. So we have the dramatic breakup followed by the extravagant apologies and the super hot, sexy makeups. Like, this is classic, right? Classic toxicity here. So here's an example from the series. They have this dramatic breakup after he takes her to visit his mom and his stepdad. So he has a horrible relationship with his stepdad, and he asks his mom for his stepdad to not be there. But then when they show up, he— the stepdad is there, and Brad gets super pissed. The stepdad starts kind of like egging him on and telling him like, why are you bringing this girl here? You're never going to be serious with her. You always do the same thing. You're just going to break her heart, yada yada yada. And Brad gets super upset, throws a glass at the wall, hits the wall right behind his stepdad's head, blow up. They leave the apartment and then they get into a fight. And he says like to Bobby, like, you're not my fucking girlfriend, blah blah blah blah blah. Explosion, right? This is the avoidant attachment really coming into play where he's like, oh my gosh, I've just taken her to visit my family. And then he gets all fired up his stepdad, and he's like, fuck this, I gotta get out, I gotta create space, like, I can't do this. And so he pushes her away, dramatic breakup, sends her— or he gets in a cab and he drives off and he leaves her there. And then comes the extravagant apologies, always, right? Coming back and saying, oh, I'm so sorry, I was wrong, I love you, let's do this. Another example of a very extravagant apology that he does in the series is A different sort of fight that they have is when she finds out that she's pregnant and he has a really negative and sour reaction to the pregnancy, saying, "I don't want it. We're not keeping it." He doesn't really support her or consult her or console her at all. He's just very cold and is like, "Well, obviously we're not keeping it." And, you know, then they get in this big fight and the whole story over again. And then he has this beautiful extravagant apology where he sends this gift to her work with baby clothes in it and an index card that has a bunch of lists— it has a list of a bunch of baby names that he likes, boy names and girl names, and basically saying like, I'm in, let's do it, let's have the baby. And then they get back together and live happily ever after. Hahaha, no, obviously not. We know they're gonna break up again. So if any of you guys can relate to this, if you've had relationships like this, I hope that you can look back and pull the lessons from it and not repeat those patterns. If you're in one of those patterns right now, I hope this conversation sparks something in you and maybe helps you start to question What am I actually doing here, right? What is, what is this? What is the future of this relationship? What is the sustainability of this relationship? Am I getting all the things that I want out of this relationship? And if not, why do I continue to stay, right? And the reasons why we continue to stay are a lot of times out of fear or uncertainty or low self-worth or not being able to believe that something better actually is available to us, that something else exists, that what we're dreaming of as a full, complete, whole, juicy, decadent, beautiful, adventurous, fun, loving, romantic, caring relationship we don't believe that that will happen for us or that it will exist for us or that it, that, that, that, that there's a person that can give us all of those things. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and had some fun just unpacking some of the craziness of this series. And I hope some of these themes were relatable to you. And if they were, I'd love for you to send me a DM on Instagram because I think it's just fun to like have these conversations and understand what other people are moving through or what they've moved through in the past and how they relate and all those kinds of things. Especially because these types of conversations specifically around sex or asking for what you want, or, you know, believing that what you want in relationships, um, exists, is something that not everybody is talking about. It's something that we a lot of times just keep in our own head and we ponder and we overthink and we go in circles in our minds. And that's why I think, like, you know, things like therapy and counseling and coaching and all of that is so, so powerful, because a lot of the things that you may feel like, oh, I can't ask my mom about this, or I can't talk to my friends about this because they'll, they'll just tell me to break up with my boyfriend, like they don't fully understand— those things need to be talked about, they need to be worked through. And so you, you really do want to find a safe space where you can talk about these themes and you move through them, because speaking about it and doing the work around it is the only way that we get to transmute our own belief systems and actually start to step into our worth and the confidence to be fully our authentic selves so that we can get what we want, right? That's what we're all trying to do here, is be happy and get the things that we're desiring out of life, out of career, out of relationships, all of it. But if we're not willing to do the work, then the inner work, right, then we're not going to see that reflected in our outer reality. So anyway, thank you guys so much for hanging out with me and for listening to this week's episode. If you loved it, please take a screenshot, share it to your stories, and don't forget the doors to From Burnt Out to Badass 7.0, last round of 2021, are now open. You can find the link in the show notes below or click the link in my bio on Instagram to sign up. Get yourself a spot and get ready for 3 months of beautiful coaching inside of my signature program with me. I can't wait to meet you and work with you more intimately. I am so excited to welcome all the women into this last round of the year. I'm sending you guys so much love, and I'll talk to you next week. Bye!