Soft CEO Era & Breaking the Addiction for MORE

Um, have you heard the news yet? We are now on YouTube with full video episodes. I am so freaking excited about this. If you guys love the podcast, please, please, please go over to YouTube, open up the app on your phone right now, type into the search bar @samanthadaily. You will see the account pop up. You'll see Makeshift Happen Podcast. Go give us a subscribe, watch some of our video episodes. There is so much more video content to come. We've got like hundreds of shorts already posted on YouTube, and now we are doing full video episodes. So if you love to consume your podcast in a video format, this is going to be for you. We have a crazy goal of making this podcast even bigger and even better this year with more production quality, incredible guests, and all the things. So your support is what is going to help us get there. If you love the show, I would so appreciate if you go and give us a subscribe on YouTube. All right, I love you guys so much. Let's dig into this episode. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Happen. What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. Today's topic is something that I am becoming increasingly fascinated by, but it is also something that we've weirdly, I feel, always sort of known to be true. Yet somehow we cannot seem to wrap our human brains around it. So today I want to share with you some of my recent thoughts and ideas around success and money and why many of us are faced with this constant compulsion for more, more, more, more, more, more. When will we ever stop moving the goalpost? Why is enough never enough. We're gonna unpack some of the positive psychology research around this, and I'm just gonna share with you my own candid thoughts and feelings. So this year for me is really about working less, prioritizing my health, enjoying where I'm at, and not needing more. And so that's where the inspiration for this episode comes from. It's just because this is really the place where I am at personally. It's a journey that I'm currently walking through. I don't have all of the answers. I don't know everything about this. I'm just— yeah, this is like the experience that I'm living in real time. And so it's something that's interesting to me. I'm listening to more podcasts and trying to find more books about these concepts. And I want to share with you the behind the scenes of how I'm thinking and feeling and, you know, what I've been yeah, contemplating as it, as it relates to work and success and money and the pace that I want to be moving at for 2024. And so my idea for the year ahead is, is to really make a conscious choice to kind of step off of this hamster wheel of bigger, better, faster, now, and instead to really pour my time and attention into the only two things that we truly know contribute to human happiness, and that is your health and meaningful relationships in your life. And so that's what I want to prioritize, that's what I want to set at the top of my goals list. You know, inner peace and really loving my life, I think, are the— are my personal priorities for 2024, coming far above, you know, money or status or recognition or anything really related to business, which is totally new for me. I'm not going to lie. I am a very ambitious individual. You guys know I'm super driven when it comes to business. I'm very good at, you know, walking that tightrope line between masculine and feminine energy. But I, I love the masculine energetics behind strategy and, you know, putting plans in motion and organization and all of that stuff. So this is new territory for me to be like, Yeah, my goals and my priorities for 2024 are having inner peace and enjoying my life. This is, you know, the first year where when I sat down to write my intentions, my business actually did not come to mind first. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the business, but like, I need to look at the other stuff. This is the first year where I'm truly not chasing after my highest cash months. Or striving for a big annual revenue goal of, you know, I've got to get to X number for the year. I'm not in that place, which is so interesting because, yeah, historically, like, things like that, you know, business goals and money goals and things like that have always been really, really exciting to me. And I think in a lot of ways they still are, but I'm just realizing that there's seasons for everything and nothing is right or wrong. Are 100% true or false all the time when it comes to this sort of stuff. But it's really just about finding where you are at, what season of life you are in, and what's true for you right now, or what needs to be true for you right now so that you can best take care of yourself and, and nurture the areas of your life that most need nurturing, you know. So the top areas of my life that I want to focus on for this year are health, relationships, fun, and spirituality. And when I sat down to do this exercise, I did this exercise called Core 4, which is something that my business mentor gave me. And I'm going to walk you guys through how to do this in this episode. But when I sat down to do this exercise, career and business just like didn't really even make the cut for me for the Core 4. And I think that's mostly because if we're being totally transparent and honest, like those areas are already thriving. That is already working. And so it's not something that I feel really, you know, needs the most of my time and attention. And it's not to say that like I don't care about my career anymore and I don't care about business. Absolutely not. It's just that every year is a new opportunity to really define who do I wanna be this year and what do I wanna focus on and what are the areas of my life that need the most nurturing? And so that's kind of where I've landed because the truth is that I've really been moving at like lightning speed for the past 3 years, if not more, you know, when it comes to building my business and the podcast and, and all of these things. Just in 2023, we crossed a million downloads on the podcast and a million dollars in revenue for the business, and I couldn't be more proud of those things. Like last year was such an incredible year and I am so deeply proud of myself and all the hard work that I put in. But right now in this season of my life, I think my version or my idea of what more is or what better is, is really just kind of starting to shift. And I think this will always ebb and flow and there will always be different seasons, right? So again, it's not like this is forever or this is, you know, what I'm saying, what I'm preaching is gospel. And you know, if you're still chasing after those money goals, like that's wrong. Not at all what I'm saying. This is just the personal season that I'm in and where, you know, my energy is being drawn to. Uh, when I think about how I wanna live my life this year, like something one of my coaches said to me that really stood out to me, she was like, you wanna learn from happy mentors rather than rich ones. And I was like, facts. That is so true, especially in the coaching space. You know, there's so many of us that are driven by these big sexy numbers and it's becoming more and more crazy and unrealistic and million dollar months and $2 million months. And you know, it's like when, when is enough going to be enough? And as we'll talk about in this episode, the answer is never. And so it's a, it's a conscious decision to have to unsubscribe. So I want to learn from happy mentors rather than rich ones. I really have been loving going to bed at like 9:30, 10 p.m. It's such a vibe. I want to read more books in the middle of the fucking day, you know, not just like 10 minutes before I read 2 lines and then fall asleep. Like, I really want to read and enjoy that process. And that feels like such a luxury, you know? And in fact, it totally is. And I'm so aware of that, but I wanna do things like that. And, and the beauty of life is that if you have the ability to make those decisions, why not do that? You know? And I think something for me about being an entrepreneur is like a lot of times what I, what I notice, especially with a lot of my clients and peers, and I have so many conversations with people that are in an entrepreneurial role of some kind, and there's that classic joke. Joke of like, you know, as an entrepreneur, you quit your 9 to 5 so that you can escape working 40 hours a week, and then you end up working 140 hours a week. Because when you work for yourself, a lot of times you end up working a lot more, but it's something that you love and that you care about and that is, you know, driven by passion and you feel purposeful. And so a lot of times it's worth it. But it's funny how as entrepreneurs, a lot of times we, we build our own cages. Like, we think that by us breaking out of the 9 to 5 or the rat race or whatever is like we're breaking free of those cages, and, and We can just do whatever we want, but then we, we rebuild that cage for ourselves by chaining ourselves to our desk or having really strict schedules or putting, booking tons of calls on the calendar. And it's like all of the freedom that made you want to become an entrepreneur is a lot of times what we end up missing out on if we don't actually intentionally choose to prioritize those things and build that into our business model and our life. I've made this choice to work for myself for a reason, and I want to just to take advantage of that more and capitalize on it more, you know. So I want to read books in the middle of the fucking day. I want to go on walks every day and hear my own thoughts and not be distracted by, you know, constantly trying to learn more information or absorb all kinds of stuff so that I can integrate it and then regurgitate it and then teach it. And it's just like, no, I want to go on silent fucking walks and hear my own thoughts. I want to go to church on Sundays and I want to feel God's presence. I want to cook more meals and make time for that. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I would skip lunch or have the weirdest like hodgepodge of random things thrown together for dinner because I'm just working. And, and I don't, I, I don't want to do that anymore. And so I want to cook more meals. And one thing that I'm really excited about this year is that I want to hire a personal trainer and I want to feel strong. And I've already done that and I've started a few sessions so far, so I'll keep you guys updated on, on how that goes. But yeah, I want to put my health first, and I really want to go deeper in my work rather than wider. I want to have a, a deeper, more intimate, more meaningful experience with my clients rather than trying to go viral or reach all kinds of people all the time. I'm not for everybody, and that's okay. And I think I actually like it better that way, you know. I really want to call forward women who are available for those real connections, like raw sharing, openness, intimate mentorship, rather than these surface-level conversations of like, oh my God, my Instagram engagement is going down. Like, what should I do? Like, I'm just fucking bored, you know? I'm bored of that. I'm done with that. That's not— that's not where I thrive. That's not where my expertise thrives. And so I think Every so often as a woman, you get the feminine urge to just like turn the page and completely reinvent yourself. And that is kind of how I'm feeling for 2024. And I'm calling this my soft CEO era. This is going to be the era where what I do and the results that I can produce for my clients is no longer the most interesting thing about me. And this is the era where my business is going to fit into my life rather than the other way around. And so if you are on the same wavelength, if any of this is resonating with you so far, I hope you stick around for this episode. I think you're gonna enjoy this conversation. I'm gonna start with a quote that I heard the other day that I absolutely loved so much. I had to whip up my notes app and write it down. It says, pride is always trying to achieve. Humility loves to receive. And this is a quote from Pastor Rich Wilkerson. I was watching Voo Church on YouTube last Sunday, and this is something that he said in his sermon, and I was like, damn, that is so good. I'm gonna read it for you guys one more time. Pride is always trying to achieve. Humility loves to receive. 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It's so funny how like as soon as you start to move into a new season of your life, or you, you get interested by a certain way of living or a kind of topic, like all these little things start popping up and cropping up around you, giving you inspiration, reaffirming the way that you've been thinking and And it just provides even more confirmations, like these synchronicities all around where you're like, oh my God, like it's everywhere now. This idea of like living a softer life and leaning into the life of life rather than just the productivity of life. It's, it's been happening all around me and I've been seeing signs and messages and quotes and podcasts. And it's like as soon as I opened myself up to the universe to be like, this is the direction I want to go in. I want to explore this way of thinking and living. It was like, okay, well, here you go and here you go and here you go and here you go. And so it's been really beautiful, actually. And yeah, I really enjoyed this, this sermon from Vu Church. They were kind of talking about when you're in seasons of momentum in your life. And it's funny because 2023, if you guys remember, I set my word of the year in 2023 and the word of the year was momentum. And man, was it a year of momentum and more. It kind of felt like— I've, I've said this on the podcast before, but it felt like the kind of momentum where you are riding a bike and you're, you know, you're pedaling and pedaling and pedaling, and then suddenly you hit a downhill spot and it's like you're going so fast now to the point where you don't even have to pedal and you're kind of scared that you're gonna fly off because you're moving so fast. And that is, I think, what 2023 really was. Like for me. And so anyway, they're talking about, you know, when you're in seasons of momentum, it is those seasons where you are still being propelled forward even though you've stopped pedaling. And what's important in these seasons of momentum is to not forget to keep praising God or thanking the universe or expressing gratitude and just remembering like the trust and the faithfulness and everything that got you to where you are right now. It's so easy for people as they achieve more wealth, more success, more recognition to kind of get lost in that space of, of ego. And so it's really important in those seasons of momentum where you feel like, yeah, things are working, they're going well. Like, I don't even have to pedal that hard anymore. Oh my gosh, this is, you know, just who I am now. That we don't forget to always return to the gratitude, to the thankfulness, to the faithfulness that brought us to being able to live the experience that we are currently living. And so there was another quote that I love that said, whatever we don't turn into praise inevitably turns to pride. And by pride, you know, he was kind of referring to this idea of ego, right? So whatever we don't turn into praise inevitably turns to pride or ego. And I think this is really similar to the concept of like the more grateful that you are for what you have, the more you will inevitably receive, right? We've all heard that in some way, shape, or form before, like gratitude is the gateway to receiving more or attracting the life that you desire. And again, pride and ego is that part of us that is always trying to push, that's always trying to achieve. And so this is what creates this phenomenon that is known as the hedonic treadmill, right? Whatever we don't turn into praise inevitably turns to pride or ego. When we get stuck in that ego trap, we are jumping on the hedonic treadmill. And so this hedonic treadmill is a concept that I heard about in a recent podcast episode with a Harvard professor and an expert in happiness. His name is Arthur C. Brooks, and he talks about how this is really the lie that our biology makes us believe. The lie is that, you know, if I get it, I'm gonna love it forever. Once I get that thing, I'm gonna love it forever. And we've all felt this to be true or experienced this in some way before. And we know, we know, we're proven over and over again in life that this is not true. We've all experienced how quickly the novelty and the excitement of something really wears off, whether it's a new outfit or or a new car or a new job. It's like, oh, once I get that thing, everything will be fine and I'm going to feel so great and it'll just be amazing and I'm going to love it forever. But you don't, right? And so apparently, apparently I am not a scientist, but I think I heard this in Atomic Habits, which is an incredible book. I feel like everyone's read it at this point, but I decided to relisten to it at the start of this year. Because Capricorn season, January, I don't know, it's just like the right energy to get back in a place of being motivated and inspired by getting rid of bad habits and developing excellent new ones. And so that, that book always brings me like motivation. So anyway, I was re-listening to that book and, and they were talking about how there's like more areas of the brain that are responsible for desire than there are areas of the brain that are responsible for pleasure. So this is really interesting if you think about it. Like we, we are wired more to desire things than to actually experience the pleasure of them once we receive them. We have a heightened ability to actually want for things more so than we have to actually enjoy them or savor them. So the dopamine that we get from the anticipation of something is often stronger than that of actually experiencing the thing. And you can think about this like there's so many examples in real life where we know this to be true. I think about like a wedding, you're planning your wedding and it's like the anticipation of the day and there's so many exciting things to organize and plan and it feels like this elaborate long process. And then the actual day itself is so fucking fast and then you're like, oh, it's over. That was it. The same thing with like looking forward to a vacation. A lot of times we get so much excitement and joy out of the anticipation. Anticipation of knowing that we're going somewhere, planning the trip, taking the days off of work, like finding outfits if you're a girl. Like, oh my God, I'm going on this trip, I'm going on this trip. And then the trip happens and it's so short and it's like a blip. And so this is what puts us on the hedonic treadmill, because the brain operates emotionally and physically from an environment of homeostasis. This is what this professor Arthur C. Brooks was describing in this podcast episode. He was like, look, your brain operates in an environment of homeostasis, which means that you're always essentially going to be returning back to your baseline. And it makes a lot of sense, right? Like, you can't stay for extended periods of time in, quote unquote, unusual states, as he called them. And unusual states just mean like a state of reaction. So the brain has to return to baseline so that it can be ready to react. You can't just live forevermore in the feeling of said reaction. So this is really great news if something negative or scary or traumatic happens. It's not going to last forever. We're going to return to baseline. But it's not so great news when we're trying to ride that high of something epic happening that you never want the feeling to end. And so he explains it like this. He's like, you jump off of the treadmill and your heart rate is obviously elevated from walking or running, but it naturally comes down back to a baseline so that you're not dead in a week. And that's kind of an example of our body operating in homeostasis. But the same thing happens emotionally in the brain. When something good or bad happens to you, you think that that feeling is going to last forever, which is actually an intelligent design so that we have enough incentive to either move towards it or find a way to escape it if it's something negative. But it never actually lasts forever, right? We just think that the feeling is going to persist and last forever, but it always, of course, returns to a baseline. And that is the problem, because it makes us think that once we earn $1 million or become a billionaire or whatever it is, that everything is going to be really great. But the first thing that most people feel once they settle into their first million dollars is, well, I guess I'm going to need $2 million. And it just keeps going because of the homeostasis. We get used to things and we adapt to the new normal. We always return to baseline. And so begins that constant moving of the goalpost and the never-ending chase for dopamine from, you know, hits of power and money and status and influence and fame, etc. All of that is the hedonic treadmill, and it is that energy of like more, more, more, more, more, more, more. So according to Dr. Brooks, satisfaction— because he's, you know, he studies positive psychology and he's an expert in happiness. And so the question is always like, what actually makes us happy, right? What is true satisfaction? How do we find it? How do we cultivate it? How do we keep it? And so he said satisfaction doesn't come from all of the things that you have. So if you're like, all right, I'm just going to have more things, it's not the right strategy. Satisfaction actually comes from the things that you have divided by the things that you want. So I'm sat there thinking this, and I'm not that great at math. I was like, all right, What would that actually look like? So I had to put it into numbers to make it make sense for me. So hopefully this helps you. He's like, satisfaction is all the things that you have divided by the things that you want, right? So if we just use easy numbers and we're like, all right, let's say I have 100 things in my life that I love and that I'm grateful for. And I have 50 other things that I'm desiring and chasing after and wanting. So you have 100 haves divided by 50 wants. That means your satisfaction score would be a 2. Let's say you have 100 haves, 100 things that you're obsessed with, you love, you're grateful for in your life, and you have 1,000 things that you're chasing after that you want, that you desire. 100 haves divided by 1,000 wants equals a satisfaction score of 0.1. One last example. You've got 100 haves, 100 things that you love, that you're grateful for, that you're obsessed with in your life, and you've got 2 big goals or things that you're chasing after that you really want. 100 haves divided by 2 wants is a satisfaction score of 50. And so what we learned from this, what he was basically deducing, is that successful people really need to manage their wants a lot more than they need to manage their haves. It's not about getting the next level, getting the next paycheck, getting the next car, getting the next designer bag, getting the next trip, getting the next— it's not about having all of the things. What we actually have to work on. And you, of course, you can pursue those things. But what he's saying is if you're trying to work on your level of happiness and true satisfaction, what we most likely need to pour our time and attention into assessing is managing the amount of things that we are wanting and desiring and pushing for. And he was just like, yeah, successful people need to want less. That is the game that they have to play if they're searching for that true satisfaction. That's the thing that will actually help you cultivate an enduring sense of, of happiness is managing your wants and figuring out how to want less. Now let's be practical about this, right? Because I think, of course, we are always gonna have wants and desires. And I think personally, it's a good thing to have your sights set on something, to have goals, to want for things. I'm not gonna be the person that like, you know, ditches capitalism and is like, see you later, I'm going to go live in a yurt and be barefoot and try to not want for anything and just meditate for 9 hours a day. And you are probably not going to be that person either. So what I really take this to mean for me is not like want nothing and that's the goal. I love having goals and something to strive for. And the research actually shows that there is satisfaction in the striving. Like, we actually need struggle in order for us to be truly satisfied. Without the struggle, we don't have the right balance or contrast to be able to actually achieve those states of satisfaction. So there is some satisfaction in the striving. So it's not totally bad to want and desire for things. But what it also shows is that it wasn't actually the arrival that we most wanted, it was the progress. So this is all according to research, right, from people who are actually in this field that study positive psychology, that know what the fuck they're talking about. And I am just relaying this to you because I'm inspired by it, because it's a journey that I'm on, because I'm learning about it right now alongside you. It's not actually the arrival that we want, but it's the progress. It's that sense of progressing, of growth. And so unfortunately, This is another reminder that the classic cliché of it's not the destination, it's the journey is actually scientifically accurate. So if you hate the journey, it won't matter how great of an outcome it delivers you to, be it $1 million, $1 billion, fame, whatever, because the arrival will be extremely underwhelming. So there's also this thing in positive psychology. It's a well-known, studied, identifiable phenomenon that's called the arrival fallacy. And this is where people assume everything's going to be so great when I get to my goal. And again, it's not. What you actually end up having once you've reached the goal is that sense of homeostasis, feeling normal at best, but oftentimes like frustrated or disappointed because you thought that that goal or that big thing or that success was going to make you feel happier than you actually ended up feeling. So looking at my life and, you know, I'm kind of deeply considering which areas I'm desiring progress in. If we know, like, having more is not the answer and successful people need to manage how much they want and try to want less, but that there's also some sort of weird satisfaction in the striving for things. And so where there needs to be struggle, there needs to be a goal of some kind. What I'm taking from this is that I just want to deeply consider where in my life I'm desiring the progress and how can I be more selective with how and where I choose to strive rather than just trying to have it all, all at once, if that makes sense. So if progress— if we know that progress is what we really want, it's not the arrival, it's the progress. If we know that, then it wouldn't really be smart for us to try to be pursuing 10 different areas of our life at once because we're not— I mean, at least it's not going to be as effective, right? And so this is kind of where the Core 4 comes in, which I mentioned at the beginning. And it's an exercise that my business mentor gave to me at the start of the year because I was like, hey Morgan, look, I really want to like set some different goals for myself this year. I'm so good at setting revenue goals and business goals and all of that, but I want something different. Can you help me do this? What have you done? What's worked? And so she sent me this exercise called the Core 4. And essentially what you're going to do is you are going to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following categories: health, finances, relationship, career or business, family, fun, friends, and spirituality. You're going to rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in all of those categories, and then you are going to choose your core 4 that you want to work on this year or in this season of your life. It doesn't really matter when you start this. It doesn't have to be at the start of a new year, but you're going to choose your core 4. What are the 4 of those categories that most stand out to you that you would like to work on this year or in this season of your life? And it doesn't necessarily have to be like the 4 that you scored the lowest in, although that would make a lot of sense. But I think use your intuition here, feel into it. Where do you really want put your time, attention, energy, focus, resources this year and pick your core 4. And then for each of the core 4, you're gonna set one measurable, actionable goal. Just one. You're gonna set one measurable or actionable, actionable goal that you can achieve within this year or this season of your life to help you amplify that category and really work on it. So an example for me, health was one of my core 4s, and what I decided to do for my measurable actionable goal was I'm gonna hire a personal trainer and I'm going to train with him or her 2 times a week. And I actually have held true on that promise, and I have hired a personal trainer and I have started training. So I'm very, very excited about that. So you want to come up with something that you can really, um, action and that you can measure. So it's not like read more, drink more water. Like, how are you going to know 3 months from now if you've been drinking more water, right? You want to set something that can actually be measurable so that you can reflect and look back and actually quantify. Like, did I do that? Did I actually improve in this area? Some other questions that I've been asking myself and sharing with my clients that might be helpful for you if you are also on this journey is, where can I unsubscribe from ego-driven striving. Another great question to ask yourself is, how can I make the journey to my goals feel like the entire win in and of itself? Making the journey the new destination, like the thing that you were wanting all along. Instead of trying to sacrifice and suffer your way to that beautiful outcome, why don't you live a beautiful path and let the outcome be whatever it is, right? So how can I make the journey to my goals feel like the entire win or the entire experience of my dream life in and of itself? And lastly, so important, how can I reduce the amount of opportunities that I have to compare my life or my business to someone else's and get unconsciously thrown back onto the hedonic treadmill? So we want to reduce the amount of opportunities that there are in our day-to-day life to get thrown back onto that hedonic treadmill. And caught into that comparison trap. So how can we start to reduce that? How can we reduce the amount of opportunities that there are available to us on a day-to-day basis to get stuck in comparison and get back on that treadmill of more, more, more, more, more, more? I got to be bigger. I got to be better. I got to be wealthier. I got to be more successful. I got to be more popular. I got to be bigger on social media. I got to be more, more, more, more, more, more, more. What is actually happening in and around you that is triggering that sensation that's sending you back onto the treadmill? And how can we remove those things from your life so that you're not getting pulled in that direction as often. You know, we do something called the Creative Vortex Challenge inside of my HighLevel Business Mastermind top tier, and we start this mastermind with this challenge and there's 4 different elements to it. But one big piece of it is unfollowing and muting a lot of people on social media. And so maybe this is a great place for you to start because I know for me, That is definitely one place where I can get thrown back onto that hedonic treadmill is by constantly seeing other people that are in the more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more energy. And then it's like contagious and it infects me. And then I question myself and I'm like, maybe it's not enough. Maybe I should work harder. Maybe I really want to be in my hustle era. I don't know. And I get confused. So get rid of the things that throw you off the path from knowing what you know and honoring your pace and honoring this season of life, whatever that looks like for you. I hope this episode was helpful for you guys. If you enjoyed it, please copy the link, share it with a friend, send it to them in a text. Let them know you are thinking of them. If you have a business or entrepreneur friend who you know is on this same vibe, let's bring them into our crew and start enjoying our soft CEO era together. I love you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure that you hit the subscribe button wherever you listen to your podcast. And don't forget that we are now on YouTube so you can watch these full episodes in video. Check me out in my little home office/spare bedroom if you're into that sort of thing. Check us out. We're on YouTube. We will leave all the links in the show notes below. I love you guys. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.