Soft Girl vs. Girlboss: The High Performer's Identity Crisis - Are You Hustling or Healing?

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I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development.

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What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're going to be talking about something that I have been thinking about a lot lately and talking to the women in my Top Tier Mastermind about, and that is the paradox between the soft girl versus the girl boss and this kind of high performer identity crisis that a lot of us find ourselves in. How do we know if we are in our hustling era or in our healing era? What is the balance of those things? Does balance even exist? So that's kind of what we're gonna be diving into today. And the first part of this is really where we can kind of discuss the paradox of the feminine high performer, because I do think that we experience success and pressure differently than men do, obviously, because we just have traditionally played different roles in society. And so I do think for someone who's not not only a female or a woman, but who is also very tapped into their natural feminine essence or their feminine nature. The duality of, you know, being pulled towards that side of yourself and also being this like very ambitious high performer is a sort of newer kind of unique thing that we've been experiencing in society. But maybe you can relate to this. I definitely feel like there can be this constant tension between wanting to push harder and achieve more and reach your full potential, and then the other side of you that kind of wants to like maybe pull back or be more of a soft girl or be more in your feminine energy. And it is sort of this like constant like mental battle and dilemma, and it depends on what season of life you're in and what part of your cycle you're in, probably, of like which of those energies you're leaning into more. But I do feel like there's a paradox of a lot of us feminine high performers feeling like we could probably be working harder while also simultaneously kind of craving more spaciousness and ease. And that is quite the conundrum. And I think it's a really common thing, especially for Type A personalities, entrepreneurs, women who are just generally really ambitious and, and see these big visions and futures for themselves. And it's kind of this feeling of like never allowing ourselves to be done. It never feels like things are complete. There's always more projects in the pipeline. And when we do get more free space, we kind of just find a way to fill it, right? At least that's how I am when there's more spaciousness. Like, suddenly I'm creating new programs, or I'm launching more things, or I'm, you know, like, going on trips or hosting retreats. Or like, we just find a way to fill that space. And I think there's some people that would say that that's a bad thing and that you really have to, like, learn how to rest and do nothing and learn that rest is a version of productivity. And to a certain extent, I agree with those sentiments, but it's also like, is ambition truly a dirty word? Like we've been told, like, is that a bad thing that we have such a hunger and a fire that we want to fill the empty space, that we want to push ourselves more, that we want to go to our edges and we feel this desire to like create more and do more and live an even bigger life and, and build more success for ourselves. I don't really know. Um, I have realized that, you know, I actually personally, I think I do better with a full calendar, meaning I'm less distracted and more productive when I have more on my plate. If you give me a wide open calendar, I will show you the laziest, most distracted version of me that you've ever fucking seen. And that's been a hard lesson for me to really have to learn, is that I actually do perform better when I have more on my rather than when I have tons of spaciousness. I've tried it. It doesn't work that well for me. And I already know that the nervous system regulation girlies are coming for me. You guys wanna enlighten me that I'm addicted to being in fight or flight. Maybe I am, Karen. Maybe I fucking am. Or maybe I just don't like sitting on my ass all day. I don't know. It's like, right? Does it have to be bad? So there's a lot of— this episode is really just me kind of giving you an insight into some of the self-inquiry and questions that I've been asking myself, things that I've been pondering. There's not really, I think, like a right or wrong or a definitive conclusion that we're going to come to because I think it's so subjective and personal. But I do think this is probably— if you're not having this conversation with yourself, you at least have been probably feeling it in your body of like this want to push harder but then this desire to pull back and like, you know, fighting between those two sides of yourself, of like wanting to have the soft girl aesthetic but also kind of wanting to be the girl boss that's like, look at me, like I just built an 8-figure business, right? Like, I don't know, I think it's something that we probably are all going through to some extent, of feeling like we should or could be doing more or want to be doing more, but then we feel guilty when we're so busy because we feel like that's wrong, and we feel like we should be doing less, and we should be soft, and we should be relaxing, and we should, you know, have so many systems in our life so that we're never overwhelmed, that we don't have too much on our plate, and we're constantly making ourselves wrong on both sides of that coin, which is not a good place to be. So if anything, I think I want to bring this conversation forward so that we can just kind of like illuminate both sides of that and really question, like, is it actually bad, right? Is soft girl lazy? I don't know. Is being super ambitious, or, or hustling for lack of a better word, is that nervous system dysregulation? Or is ambition a dirty word? Like, I don't know. But I do think that we spent enough time in the world as women making ourselves wrong for absolutely fucking everything. I don't think that this needs to be added to that list. So maybe even if we can just like talk about it and hear different perspectives on it, that it might help someone out there feel a little bit less guilty or wrong for whatever energy they naturally are feeling drawn to or that they're in in this season of life. So you might be thinking like, well, how do you know that if you gave yourself more space you know, you would just become more distracted or more lazy, as I said before. And I know this because I did it. I tried it. I, I lived it. I saw it in real time. And I know so many women go through this when we're in our kind of like pendulum swing of like going from the extreme masculine over into the extreme feminine. If you've ever gone through burnout in your life, you've probably swung hard from the extreme masculine, which is what led you to your burnout, over into the extreme feminine, which leads you to chaos and feeling like nothing is working, you're not making money, you don't have a purpose, like everything's all over the place, like what is happening in my life? I don't have direction, I don't have structure, like I feel kind of lost, or I'm depressed, or I feel directionless. Like that's what happens when you do the hard swing over into the kind of like unhealthy extreme of the feminine energy. And I didn't experience that like to that extent in my soft CEO era that I kind of created and coined for myself in 2024 because I definitely needed to create more spaciousness for myself at the time. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you would have heard the episodes about what happened at the end of 2023 and all the personal stuff that I was going through and why I kind of ultimately decided to make that decision to move into my soft CEO era. There's a couple episodes about it at the very start of 2024. If you haven't listened to those and you want to scroll back for the deeper context, So I, I knew that I really needed like the extra spaciousness at that time, and it was so beneficial. Like, I wouldn't say that it was, it was bad for me to have spent that year really embodying and embracing the kind of like soft CEO energy. Also because I still worked really fucking hard that year. Like, I know it's called the soft CEO era, but like, I created new offers, like I did all of my launches, like I, I still really was like, sure, I still was on the podcast every single week, like I was posting on social media, like I was still doing all of buy things, but there were certain things that I did to create some more spaciousness. We like, you know, created some new ways to launch that were less energy intensive. I hired a new team member so that I could delegate some more. I decided to take Fridays off of work, so that was what I was trying to get used to all year in 2024, was like not working on Fridays and just dropping down to a 4-day work week. So there was a lot of things that I did that built more white space into my calendar in that time, and it was needed. Um, and there's elements of it still that like I think were so valuable, and I'm still kind of like weaving those in and pulling those into my life and my work-life kind of balance now. But what I will say is that it did— that season, that year, like the soft CEO era— really did make me realize that the more open space I have in my calendar, the less productive I am. Because even though I got all of my things done that needed to be done, I was probably more distracted than ever before. Like, I would find myself in hour-long scroll holes and just like wasting fucking time doing stupid stuff because was. I knew that I had more time, I had more spaciousness. And again, it's like there's that feeling of you just subconsciously like fill it with something. And so it wasn't like I was filling it with like these amazing things. I was filling it with like stupid stuff. I was filling it with like distractions and procrastination and wasting time. Um, when I have less of a strict schedule and less structure, I am more likely to snooze for longer and sleep in, start my day a little bit later. And by later, I mean like 8:30 AM. Like, it's not that late, but honestly, like, your morning gets off to such a different start when you've already, like, gone for a walk or gone to the gym. You've done your makeup, you've made yourself a great breakfast, and you've done all of that by, like, 9 or 10 AM. If I, like, snooze and I don't get out of my bed until 8:30, like, I very well could be not starting my day properly, like, actually sitting down to get tasks done until, like, 11, 12. And that's, like, Oh my God, I feel like I missed half of the day already, right? So it does have this kind of like ripple-on effect. And so I would be more likely to snooze and sleep in. Um, I was less likely to work out when I said that I was going to because I had other times like, well, I could go this afternoon, right? But then we all know that story. It's like you don't go at 8 AM because you can go at 4 PM, but then you get sucked into something and then you're like, oh, it's kind of late, it's getting dark, I don't feel like it, I'll go tomorrow. And then it just doesn't happen as often or as frequently, um, I guess consistently as you would like when you start giving yourself that out, when you start giving yourself that open doorway to like move it to another time or move it to another day. And that's what happens for me when I have more space, is I start— like, the flexibility just does not work for me. The flexibility makes me do things like that where I'm like, oh, I'll do this, I'll get that done tomorrow, I'll do that. And then I'm like, oh my God, it's all piling up now. Like, it's not, it's not helpful. Also, when I would be able to have these more like spacious mornings where I didn't have, you know, a workout booked in with my trainer early in the morning, or I didn't have a call set up on the calendar with a client that I knew I had to be like ready for the day for and online for, I would be much more likely to stay in like my comfy clothes all day and not get ready and my partner has even pointed this out to me. Like, if I don't get ready for the day, what I— the tasks that I end up doing in that day and how productive I am is drastically different. Like, when Jaime sees me sitting at the kitchen counter in a robe and no makeup and a messy bun, he's like, it's one of those days, isn't it? Because it's just such a different fucking day. I'll probably be like online shopping or like getting into like wedding planning stuff when I'm supposed to be like like building out a program or like doing something else. It's like the productivity really for me goes out the window also if I don't get ready for the day. And that's like makeup, hair, some sort of like outfit on. It doesn't have to be like a nice outfit, but it's just like even something like athleisure or something that you just— you're like a little bit put together. And when I have more spaciousness, I am like, oh, I can just relax, I can just be in my cozies all day. And it's not good for my productivity. I'm less likely to do what I said that I was gonna do that day, like I said before, because I'm just thinking like, oh, I have time, like I'll just do it later. I'm more likely to find myself in a scroll hole or like getting distracted on social media, consuming content, just wasting time and brain cells watching other people's lives instead of building, you know, a bigger and better version of my own life. And that shit pisses me off. That shit pisses me the fuck off. Like, there's something about me where I am really obsessed with this idea of like reaching my fullest potential, helping you guys reach your fullest potential. So when I witness myself in those moments where I'm distracted, I'm less productive, I feel lazy, like things aren't getting done, I'm pushing things, I'm not showing up to the things I said I was going to do, I'm snoozing the alarm, I'm like, ew, literally ew. Like, this This is so not who I want to be. This is not my message. This is not my brand. Like, fuck this. This is so bad. This is so bad. And that is who I become when I am in my, like, soft girl, or attempting to be, like, my soft girl vibe. It's just, it's, it's not me. So even when I was in my soft CEO era, it was called soft CEO because it was like I knew that it was gonna have to be this combination of, yes, softening in some areas, creating more spaciousness, spaciousness, but still holding that kind of like secure CEO energy of like, here's what I'm here to do, and like, this is who I want to be. Um, because going full soft girl for me, just at this stage of my life, in this season— I'm not saying that that might never be like a thing for me or where I want to be, but at least right now, it just, it makes— it turns me into a version of myself that I don't actually like and I'm not proud of. And that's the cold, hard, honest truth, is soft girl aesthetic turns me into a version of myself that I do not like and I am not proud of. And I feel like a lot of people's counter to this is like, well, you know, you're supposed to kind of fill the spaciousness that you give yourself with things that are good for you or that are healing. Like, why don't you use that time to get out of the house or like go do something for yourself or self-care or like read a book or do something leisurely? But that's not like a distraction, or not doing stuff that you're ultimately not proud of. I totally hear you, and that, that is a great idea. It's a great concept. I, I don't do it. I can't do it. Like, it's— I don't know what it is, like, but it ain't me. That's what I know. So I just can't be a soft girl because apparently I'm bad at it and it makes me feel like shit. So I don't know, like, I I don't fit the soft girl archetype, at least in this season of life, but I also don't feel like I fully fit this kind of like workaholic hustle archetype either. Because like, listen, I do value my downtime in the sense that like I pretty much always take weekends off. Um, vacations for me are for vacationing. Like, I am not the person that's like, oh, I'm on a trip to Italy and I'm like filming a masterclass. Like like, no, what? I don't want to be doing that when I'm going off and I'm going on trips and I'm vacationing. Like, I'm there— vacations are for vacationing, they're not for working. So I don't— I've built my business so that I can vacation and not have to work on the fucking vacation. I don't want to be like a starving, like, a digital nomad, like, having to pull out my laptop, like, while I'm supposed to be enjoying the beach. Like, no, it's not for me. So I would rather, like, work hard and then like go on vacation and actually be on vacation. And I do do that quite often. Like, I'll take weeks off from work at a time where I have like no calls. I'm like not with clients. I'm like barely creating content. Like, I do do that several times, usually every single year, which is amazing and such a privilege. And like, I also love getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night. You are never gonna find me waking up at 5 AM. So I do really value having intentional rest and downtime. I think it just looks different for me, whereas like, it— like weekends and vacations and sleeping well and all of that is like, yes, I'm good at that, I do that. But just being a soft girl like Monday to Thursday, like, I apparently— I fail. Like, I'm— I fall short. I can't do it. I can't like do work for an hour or two and then close my laptop and go out and like gallivant and like do random shit unless I'm like off for the rest of the day. I think it might be like the task switching thing where like it's very hard for me to like go in and out of like deep thought or deep work, creativity, writing copy, working with clients, to then just like, you know, being in my own world and going out and just laying on the beach or lounging or doing— I don't know, like, and then to like have to jump back into like work later that day. I'm not very good at like the task task switching sort of thing, which is also why I like to theme my days and try to keep my calendar kind of organized in that sense of like I have certain days that I know are client-focused because I meet with my masterminds and I'm in Telegram with them and I'm doing these more kind of client-focused tasks. And then I have other days that are more like CEO days for me to do a lot of like creative work or content and things like that. But the constant switching between things, I just know doesn't work. And I think that's what I I feel about— some people are able to live that lifestyle where they work for 2 hours and then they pop out and they do whatever and they're having a great time. They take themselves to the store. Like, it stresses me out, like, going shopping in the middle of the day and then knowing that I have to be back home at a certain time for a call that I have. And like, if I'm late, whatever. Or like, if I'm at the store and I'm like, shoot, like, I'm having such a great time shopping now, but I have to— like, I haven't gotten everything that I wanted, but I have to drop it now because I have to go back because I have to get on this call. I don't know, to me, I'd rather like categorize things, and I would rather fully off or like fully on. And maybe that's because I'm like an all-or-nothing type bitch. But, and again, it's like, is that bad? Like, people will make you think that that's bad. But I also, like, if I know myself and I know that that, like, you know, constant, like, task-switching type of, like, balance that is balanced for other people doesn't actually feel like balance to me, it feels like stressful, kind of chaotic, like I'm never actually feeling good in what I'm doing because I can't like fully sink my teeth into it because then I have to switch and go do something else. Then why does it have to be bad that, that I'm kind of like all or nothing? I'm either fully on or fully off. I just think that's what I've learned about myself over the years is my energy works more in that way. And you may be totally opposite and that's totally fine. All I'm saying is, is like, I think it's a very common feeling for a lot of us feminine high performers of thinking that we should be doing things in a different way, or that we should be moving at a different pace, whether that's faster or slower, it doesn't matter. And it's— the problem is not finding the right answer. The problem is that we are making ourselves wrong for whatever, like, our pace actually is in this season. If this is a slow season for you, and that's like what your pace is because that's what you need it to be, then you should feel good about that. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. And if this is like a go fucking hard season, like I'm all in, blinders on, let's fucking do this, like I'm working long hours every day, like I don't care, and you're really hungry and you have these big goals, and like this is a season where you can permit yourself to do that and you want to do that, then I also don't think that you should feel bad about that. And that, you know, you should fall into the, you know, tropes of like the marketing where it's like like, that's hustle culture and you are gonna burn out and you don't know what you're doing and you need to learn to rest and you are dysregulated and you are in fight or flight or whatever. It's like, I don't know, does that always have to be true? Is that always the case for everyone all the time? I don't think so. So if I'm being really honest, I feel like half the time I want— I feel like I should be like going harder. That's like where my energy is half the time. I'm like, bitch, you could be going so much fucking harder right now. You could be hungrier, you could be working longer hours, you could be like pumping shit out, like you could be like really going full throttle, even more committed, even more disciplined. Um, and I'm laughing because I think like normal people in my life would be like scared if they heard me saying that. They'd be like, what are you even talking about? Like, you 'You are insane. Like, you already do so much and hold so much and work so much and like are just doing a lot.' Um, but I also think that other insane entrepreneurs who've achieved like way more than I have would probably be like— they'd look at my schedule or my life or what I'm doing and they'd be like, 'Yeah, bitch, you are fucking soft. Like, this is half of your capacity. Like, get to fucking work.' And so it's that like duality of like, of course the people in your life who maybe like love you the most but don't do what you do or don't have the same like fire and passion. Of course those people are going to be like, you know, just rest. Like, just, just take some time. Like, you deserve it. You earned it. And while that's lovely, it's also, I think, sometimes allows us to become—

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Complacent in a version of ourselves that has so much untapped potential. And that's kind of part of what I feel so often is like the potential that is inside of me is so big and it's like bursting and like wants to come out, but I'm trying to live such a balanced life that I do feel like sometimes I'm stifling a bit of that potential and what I actually could be doing and creating and accomplishing and building, especially in this precious season, which is very, you know, limited time of I'm still young and really healthy and don't have any children that depend on me, like I'm not splitting my time between raising a family and making meals and packing lunches, like the clock is ticking on that. Like, that is— that's not going to be here forever. And so it does kind of feel like this season of life is a precious resource that if I'm not squeezing all the juice, if I'm not using my fullest potential, if I'm not going as hard as possible and like you know, expressing that like hunger and like channeling it into things, then like, what the fuck am I doing? Because this is not going to last forever. But then the other half of the time I'm like, ah, wouldn't it be nice to be like a little bit softer? Just like, just doing enough just to like, you know, make decent money and spending the majority of my time like out in the world just like living and relaxing and having several days of the week where I don't work at all and I just lay on the beach and read romance novels and yeah, test out new recipes to make dinner for my fiancé, like a cute little housewife, like shopping for flowers on a random Tuesday, bringing organic groceries home. Like sometimes I really do feel like I could live that life. Um, maybe if I had like a super rich husband or something, that might, that might be more of a, of a possibility. But I think the larger question is like, how much of both sides of that aisle is propaganda and marketing, and how much of it is actually my truest desire? So this is kind of the next part that I want to talk about is you know, this distinguishing between what's propaganda and what is your true desire. You know, like, we already know that social media culture is pushing these extreme archetypes of women. Either you're the hustle-obsessed CEO or you're the flowy, romanticized soft girl, which are two polar opposites, by the way. So it feels impossible to, like, achieve anything because we're constantly being pushed in these two directions that not merging and are not the same at fucking all. Yet both of them separately are kind of claiming to be, you know, the representation of what it means to be successful, happy, fulfilled, and free as a woman in the world today. A lot of people would argue that kind of like that soft girl life is like the, the pinnacle kind of example of femininity in the world. And, and there's a big movement to like reclaim that. And you've probably seen a ton of content about people really— women really owning their desire to be protected and provided before and wanting to attract men that have purpose and that have good jobs or that can provide financially, and they don't want to ever pay for anything. And like, that's a much bigger conversation in like the social media zeitgeist now than I think it ever has been in the last decade and kind of beyond, where we've been more in like the girl boss kind of era. But I also think like it's, it's, is continuing to rise in popularity, the sort of like energy of women hustling and building freedom for themselves in the sense of like making their own money and not needing a man and being really independent and building brands for themselves. And universities are now majority like women over men. And so that's a whole other side of like what's happening in the social landscape is this, you know, other side of the coin, which is like women rising to the top of, you know, companies, businesses, building brands, like influencer deals, like all these things. Like women are really taking over. And so you, if you want to, if you're in that kind of if you're on that side of TikTok, you'll probably see a lot of that and be inspired by that. But at the same time, there's a whole other side of social media. There's a whole other side of TikTok where you'll probably see a lot of the soft girl aesthetic or a lot of the tradwife stuff, where it's like wanting to just be a housewife or to homestead or to, you know, grow your own food or have chickens or, you know, raise babies. Or like, there's just these two polar opposites, and they're being really heavily pushed right now in the kind of social landscape. So I wanted to kind of take a look at this societal propaganda around the soft girl versus the girl boss and how they really conflict with each other. So I pulled some excerpts from different articles that kind of explain these two archetypes as they exist in today's world. So let's read what they say. The soft girl aesthetic: embracing hyper-femininity. The soft girl aesthetic emerged around mid to late 2019, gaining popularity on platforms like TikTok, characterized characterized by pastel colors, Y2K-inspired clothing, and a deliberately cutesy feminine look. It celebrates traditional girly elements such as pinks, glitter, and general coziness. This aesthetic allows young women to reclaim and embrace aspects of femininity that were previously trivialized or undermined. The soft girl movement can be seen as a form of empowerment where the overt and extreme vulnerability of being soft and openly loving traditionally girly things serves as a retaliation against societal forces that make women feel ashamed. So like, you'll see a lot of people talking about how, um, like, they're finally in a healthy relationship and it's like, he loved me so well that I'm like wearing pink again. That's like a common experience, I think, when women are in their like shadow of their feminine energies. They kind of like reject some of those traditionally like feminine girly things that are just like cutesy. You'll see like a lot more um, like bows are like a very big thing right now in terms of like fashion and culture. You'll see like a lot of little bows on like the tops of tank tops, or even like lots of different like hair bows have been coming back. Like it's reclaiming a lot of that, um, traditionally kind of feminine, like girly side of things. So hang on, where did I leave off? Last sentence of this description says, by crafting different personas and performing various modes of womanhood It mocks and challenges the norms that have historically belittled feminine expressions. Exactly. So it's sort of like this way to frame feminine empowerment is like we're reclaiming that like kind of girlhood inside of us and like reclaiming those things like bows and pinks and, and glitter and like loving girly things. And I feel like the Eras Tour, uh, you know, like Taylor Swift's Eras Tour was like a big big sort of contributing cultural moment in, in that way as well, because it allowed a lot of women to open their eyes to the reason why they had shut themselves off from Taylor's music or had not liked her was because they were shutting off that side of themselves that felt really naturally kind of like girly and silly and cringy but like cute and like wasn't afraid to be super girly. And then they kind of like reclaimed that side of themselves through finding their way back into Taylor's world and listening to her music and realizing how amazing it was. And then going to the Eras Tour and not being afraid to like dress up— like everyone wore crazy costumes to the Eras Tour and it was so painfully girly. And then all the content that came out of the Eras Tour was so much about like, this is girlhood, like this space was so safe and it was full of women and girls who just complimenting each other and loving on each other and taking photos of each other and being like, you look so cute, I love your outfit, and, you know, making the friendship bracelets and all the bright colors and exchanging the friendship. I mean, like, that to me is sort of like a, um, a very like physical representation of this soft girl aesthetic that we've seen in the cultural zeitgeist being like fully expressed. So there's that, we have the soft girl aesthetic, and then we have The Girl Boss Archetype: Hustle Culture and Its Evolution. The Girl Boss archetype, popularized in the mid-2010s, epitomized the hustle culture, encouraging women to pursue relentless ambition and career success. However, this movement has faced criticism for promoting a narrow definition of success and for potentially reinforcing capitalist and patriarchal structures under the guise of empowerment. As a response, many young women, particularly from Gen Z, are rejecting the girl boss mentality in favor of lifestyles focused on slow living, self-care, and personal fulfillment over career achievements. This shift highlights a critical view of the current economic system and late-stage capitalism, promoting a radical departure from the previously celebrated hustle culture. So that kind of gives an insight to how obviously the girl boss archetype and hustle culture came first. That was kind of in the mid-2010s, and it's been exploding ever since. But now we have this introduction of like people really rejecting that idea and wanting to reclaim again those kind of historically, um, belittled forms of feminine expression, or even the traditional roles of women in the world. We see that with like the tradwife movement. Like it's all kind of part of this same thing. It's like the rise of the girl boss archetype and then the fall of that because people are like, wait, we don't wanna do this anymore. Or we thought that this was empowerment, but now it feels like a trap. Like, this is— what the fuck? Like, I'm stuck in a job all day long, I'm stuck at a desk. Like, I thought I wanted to, like, be a woman who, like, makes her own money and is so independent, and, like, actually I want a man to take care of me. I want him to pay the bills. Like, I don't want to do this. I want to stay home. And so it's really just interesting to, like, observe how this has been taking place in culture because I think it's a, a cultural example of exactly what we talked about before, which is the pendulum swing. You go so far over into the kind of like hyper-masculine, which leads you to burnout, which opens your eyes and makes you go, fuck this, I don't want to do this anymore, this was a lie, this was a scam. So then you swing all the way over to like the hyper-feminine side where you, you reject reject all of the, like, ambition and the working and the providing and, you know, the traditional kind of like make your own money, build success, whatever. And you're like, actually, I just want to be a stay-at-home mom, or I want to be a tradwife, or I want to be in my soft girl era. And so it's just kind of— it's just kind of cool to see how a lot of us have probably lived that pendulum swing in some way, shape, or form in our own lives lives personally, but then to actually see it playing out on like the main stage of the world and culture through TikTok and social media and all these things. But ultimately, this conversation is so nuanced because what I'm saying here is, does it— does either side have to be wrong, or is it more just about like what season you're in and what's right for you? Or maybe one of those archetypes actually does feel wrong for you, like, maybe you're like me right now, at least in this season of your life, and you're like, I'm bad at being a soft girl, can't do it, couldn't be me. Or maybe you're the opposite, you're like, I'm really bad at being a girl boss, like, can't do it, couldn't be me. So this last part from these articles is about navigating, you know, the between of these archetypes and, and the both/and kind of identity. And so it says, the tension between the soft girl and girl boss archetypes reflects a broader struggle among high-performing individuals individuals who don't fully identify with either extreme. This duality underscores the desire for a more nuanced identity that embraces both ambition and ease, structure and spontaneity. By acknowledging and exploring this gray area, individuals can craft a personal narrative that honors their multifaceted nature, allowing for a more authentic and fulfilling expression of self. So obviously that's what we're trying to get to is like, what, what is, where do we stand in this? This. Like, what's the middle ground for us? Or maybe you're not in the middle, you're somewhere on one of the ends, and you're like, I love this end, and this is the end that I— this is the extreme end that I want to live in because it feels fucking great here for me. But I think generally a lot of us will be able to relate to the sentiment that, like, it feels like you're either healing and slowing down, living your days in flow, doing what feels good and finding joy in the simple things in life and not needing more, or you're hustling hard, grinding in absolute, you know, every area of your life, holding yourself to the highest standard, living your days in structure and discipline, and doing whatever it takes to kind of build that wealthy future. It feels like that's the either-or that we're faced with and that we're constantly playing the tug of war between within ourselves. So the first question is, how do we know which side is true for us. Or better yet, what happens when you don't feel like you fit in either box because you're a little bit of both, but you're constantly feeling whiplashed by, you know, the content that you're exposed to, the social media, like everything and everyone kind of glorifying either side. But like, you're, you're like weirdly equally convinced by both, and you're like, I don't know, I could go either way. What the fuck? What am I supposed to be like? What's true for me? So I get that because I've been in that dilemma myself of like, what is true for me? And I think that's why I wanted to do this episode, to bring the conversation forward, because you may have been feeling these things and not really like seen the full picture or known how to articulate it. And I think we can open up like a really valuable conversation of just putting it all out there and for each woman individually to really see both sides and see how it's playing out on the world stage, but also personally in your own life, and really do some introspection of considering, yeah, like, where do I stand? What feels like truth to me? What— how much of this is propaganda and marketing from social media and me being convinced by what the dream vision of these two, you know, versions of myself could look like, where maybe it's not actually either of them for me? I don't really know. So I think it's important that we have like an opinion and we're willing to own it. I'm always a fan of having a fucking opinion. Um, I'm not a fan of the kind wishy-washy, like always super politically correct, like I can see both sides, kind of like vanilla-ass stances that people have taken online as mainly a way to like avoid getting canceled, right? I think if you believe something, you should say it with your chest. And so it's important to have an actual opinion, and yet sometimes that opinion might just be that there's room for two truths to exist at once. Like, soft girls pop off, love that for you. Hard girls, go get that bag, I'm inspired for you. Like, can these two things exist at once? But this cultural paradox makes us feel like we have to choose between either side. We have to choose to either be in our healing era or in our hustling era, but that it can't be both. We have to choose between our optimal health health or our optimal wealth, and that we don't get to do those two things at the same time. But I really don't think it's as simple as just picking like this or that. I think at some stage of your journey it's going to be a lot more hustle, and in others it'll probably be a lot more healing and softness. And I also think that it's possible to integrate the two and have sort of a both-and situation going in some capacity, right? So I think if you've already built the business, let's say, or climbed the mountain or climbed the corporate ladder and you've created the revenue streams. And then I think at that point you probably can afford to be more in your soft girl or soft CEO era, if you will, where you're still showing up and doing the things, but you're also— you also have the ability and the resources to find more spaciousness, to find more ease and delegation and optimization along the way. But if you're down at base camp and you've barely even gotten started on your trek up the mountain, whatever that looks like for you, whether it's like corporate or building a business, building a brand, then, you know, if you're kind of in that season where you're like, I haven't really fully nailed my offers, like I haven't made the sales, I don't feel like my personal brand is strong enough, I haven't cultivated the level of trust and credibility yet with my audience that I'd like, I don't feel like I have these systems in place, then Hey, don't forget that every month we are picking a Listener of the Month to win $50 in cash just for showing love to the show.

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This season of your CEOhood is probably not going to be looking too soft, and if it is, you're probably off somewhere like crying about the algorithm and thinking that your reach on social media is the reason that you haven't made enough sales. Like, that's really what I see is like people that have not— they haven't put in the work, they haven't earned the soft girl era. And I hate the way that sounds, because it's like, do we have to earn having like ease and being in our femininity? No, but you know what I fucking mean. It's like, if you— it's only— I'm only saying this to someone who like wants to build a brand, who wants to have a successful business, who has it on their vision board to be making 7 figures, 8 figures. Where if you want those things, then you probably don't get to be in your soft girl energy or era until you've put in the fucking work. That's just like the truth of the situation, right? And it doesn't mean that you are going to be stuck in this kind of like hustle version of yourself forever. It means that you're gonna get to a place where you can afford to delegate more, to build a team, to lean back, to have automated systems, to have things that run in the background for you, to have a really optimized funnel, to have passive income. But like, you don't build that stuff from the jump. There's so many people that are literally just starting their businesses and they're already like, how do I make passive income? Like, you don't. You fucking don't. You Passive income isn't even on the near fucking horizon for you. I'm so sorry to tell you, anyone who's selling you that is selling you a goddamn lie. Lies. So many lies. Like, the women that are promoting this more like soft version of business and allowing and ease and whatever, it's because they put in the fucking work. They already went through their hustle season. They already did all of it. They already climbed the fucking mountain 5 times over. And now they have the people and the resources and the time to actually be able to enter into that stage of softness. So I think there's a misconception too of like, I should just be able to skip right to having the passive income and having everything working in the background and not having to work a lot. And I, I think that's a lie. And I think it's a— I think we do a disservice to women by painting this picture of feminine entrepreneurship, which is like We don't have to work, like, we just, you know, with our energy and it's just magnetism. And I just like post and then everything. Anyone who's ever built literally fucking anything worthwhile, like, not even the coaches that you like follow on, like, fuck the Instagram coaches. Like, look at like real entrepreneurs. And I hate to say that because I do think that we also are real entrepreneurs. Like, I'd like to consider myself a real entrepreneur, but like, I find it so inspiring and humbling to look at real fucking entrepreneurs who have put like blood, sweat, and tears in building something so much harder than a digital education business. And this is the beauty of the coaching space, is like digital education is probably the easiest, easiest fucking version of entrepreneurship. If you want entrepreneurship on easy mode, become a coach straight up. And if you are like crying and complaining because you think that this is hard, then like, I don't even know. I don't even know what to tell you because I literally think this is like the most easy mode version of entrepreneurship you could, you could ever fucking do, which is crazy because it also probably has one of the highest profit margins and highest income potential. Like, that's why this industry is exploding and blowing up. And like, because if you're actually good at what you do and you actually care about your clients and providing a real solid service, like, man, the sky is the fucking limit. It's entrepreneurship on easy mode and you have infinite revenue potential. What? This, this is a gift from God himself. But you'll hear people complaining about it and saying, oh, it's so hard to show up, it's so hard to post. Like Please go look at any real fucking entrepreneur that's built like an 8, 9-figure business that's like product-based, or they're selling something that's like $15, $50, and they've like built to that level with, you know, or someone that's done like a, like a food-based brand where you have to go through like all the approvals and legal and FDA and And I mean, come on, like, if we really think about what we're doing here, it's like, it's so easy. And I think that's also having that perspective and having been able to get in rooms, like, virtually and also physically, like when I went to acquisition.com with the Hormosis, like, just being in spaces like that, having that, um, perspective is what makes me look at myself and go, I could do so much more. I think having the perspective of what a lot of entrepreneurs have actually endured and created and built and gone through, you know, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, bitch, this is like half of your capacity. Like, let's fucking go. And yeah, it's like those two— there's always two sides and there's validity in both? Like, because I do work a lot and maybe I could work less, and I do make really great money, so like, I— maybe I could afford to pull back and I don't need to do as much. And like, how much of it is ego? Is it ego? I don't know. Is it passion? Is it purpose? Like, I think we— a lot of us, if you are like a very conscious individual or someone who does a lot of like self-reflection, you'll have a lot of those thoughts of like, why do I want this thing? And what makes me want to push so hard? And so these are just things that, like, I've had to think about for myself. And I really, I really think, you know, the more that I've, like, leaned into it, the more that I've realized that the reason I want to push so hard and the reason that I want to continue working so much is because I know that I have so much more in me. I know I have so much more to give. And it's not even from like the place of like, oh, like let's make more money. It's like, no, like I have more to give the world. I have more that I could become. I have more that I could do. Like, and that physically fucking hurts me to feel like I'm not exercising my fullest potential. Like, it's, it's, oh, it's like gross, like icky energy to be like, yeah, I'm just coasting. I'm just like cruising. Like, what? No. And of course it's true that we can't treat our whole lives with this same energy. Like, we cannot be treating our entire life as a sprint, as like, you know, being in hustle season from now until forever, because you would literally die before the finish line if you treated your whole life as a sprint. You wouldn't even make it to the end, right? But we also can't treat our entire life like a leisurely Sunday stroll, or you'll miss out on realizing your fullest potential. And I think there's a lot of value in being the type of person who's motivated enough, hungry enough, convicted enough, devoted enough to fucking hustle for it. Hustle, I don't think, has to be a dirty word. And I know with the, you know, rise and fall of the girl boss era and this kind of like resurrection of, of traditional femininity and like the soft girl aesthetic and all of that it— hustle has become a dirty word, but I don't think inherently that it is. I also think that desiring softness doesn't make you weak, it doesn't make you lazy. Like, there's value in both, and there's a time for both. So the bigger question is really, again, like, how do we differentiate between what we really want, like our soul's true desire, and what we've just been conditioned to want? You know, for the longest time, I thought that I really wanted to be a corporate girly, like climbing the ladder, being this independent woman, like, making my own money, like, in the, you know, in the, in the suit, like, stomping through the streets of Chicago. Like, that's really the vision that I saw for my future until I actually got into a corporate cubicle and I was like, yeah, fuck this. Um, my life took a different path and I moved to Spain and, and whatever. Um, but that didn't mean that, like, I wasn't ambitious or I didn't have the drive to be successful. It just meant that I didn't want to achieve it in that way. Right? But then I also think about, like, when I was a kid, I wanted to be an author and a teacher. Like, if you would have asked me when I was a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up, like, those were the two most common answers that I would give, was like I wanted to be an author. I think I would— I think I said author when I was like pretty young, and then it kind of like morphed into like being a teacher. But I was always writing books and short stories and creating plays and acting out characters and voices and impersonations, and I was choreographing dances with all my friends and even by myself, and writing poems and songs. And, and then later, like in high school, I loved my classes on like philosophy and just writing essays on philosophical topics, or like world religion, and like those kind of deeper thought things, like just enthralled me. So I think my soul's true desire was is to be an educator of some sort, to be a creative, a deep thinker, an emotion weaver, and kind of like someone who distills these complex ideas down to something bite-sized that has really potent applicability. I, I think that's a lot of times what we end up doing on the podcast, um, and also with content and, you know, my trainings that I teach inside of my masterminds and my programs, but that my version of creating, inspiring, and educating might not necessarily be homeschooling or writing novels from my cabin in the woods where I cook and bake and lay by the fireplace waiting for ideas. Like, I think a lot of times we think of the woman who is deeply in her creative energy— that's where, like, that's our feminine essence, is that energy of creativity. And so we kind of think of the creative or the writer as the person who is more in that deep feminine archetype of writing her books from a cabin in the woods, or, you know, baking and cooking. And, or like, if you think of like a feminine educator, you might think of like the traditional kind of like, you know, really warm, like schoolteacher type of energy. Maybe she like homeschools her kids and she's a mom and she's really loving and caring And I think that's kind of where our mind goes when we think of that side of what it means to be like an inspiration or someone who's putting ideas into the collective consciousness as like a feminine creative. But it definitely looks different for me personally because although my soul's true desire is to be an educator, a creative, like a deep thinker, or all of that. I naturally have so much like spice and ambition, and I am this kind of like no BS kind of girl. So the way that I express that version of my soul's true desire just looks different than how people might traditionally think of it in the world, right? I have that kind of like, I don't know, fiery, like spicy energy. Like, I think if you don't like what's happening in your life, change it. If you hate your job, fucking quit. Like, if you've always wanted to do XYZ, whatever it is, stop fucking talking about it and go do it already before you piss me off. So you guys probably have gathered this, you already know this about me, I've said it before, I'll say it again, like, I just love living in the gray. I think being on the extreme end of anything is probably closer to whatever is like unhealthiest rather than being somewhere in the middle, whether it's like health, fitness, work, literally anything, like, like religion, politics. And you look at like the extreme ends of anything, they're usually like more unhealthy than being somewhere in the middle. So I do love kind of living in the gray. And I've— you have to know this about me, you probably already do, but like I fuck with masculine energy. Like, we're— I'm not here to like demonize our natural masculine energy. I think there's too many women that are afraid of their masculine energy, that have been burned by their masculine energy, so they are way over in feminine chaos and they like haven't found a way to reintegrate that yet because they haven't forgiven their masculine energy. They haven't like healed it and actually reintegrated it into their life, and they probably really need to so that they have more structure, more discipline, and they're actually getting more done and feeling fulfilled and purposeful. Because at the end of the day, like a lot of our happiness comes from feeling like we're making progress, and there is nothing worse than feeling like you're not making fucking progress. And that happens when you don't have that masculine energy integrated, when you don't have the structure, when you don't have the discipline when you don't have the action plan, when you're not showing up and actually doing the work, you don't feel like you're making progress. And we as humans need to feel like we're growing. So I fuck with masculine energy. I love it. I know what it actually takes to build a multi-seven-figure brand, and I'm not going to pretend that it's just magnetism and mindset. Like, it's hard fucking work, right? But I also love embracing the feminine energy of allowing and receiving and slow creation processes is and not forcing things. And I'm not willing to sacrifice my entire existence to the gods of like billion-dollar brands. That's also not who I am. I'm not willing to burn myself to the ground or run on 4 hours of sleep or drink 5 coffees a day and get smashed on caffeine in order to like, you know, have some crazy level of productivity. Like, I would be a fucking zombie and I'd be shitting my pants because I can't drink coffee without having diarrhea. Like, that would be a disaster. That would just so bad. So like, not that either. So I don't know if you resonate and you are feeling the same. What I'm really wanting to explore here with you guys in this episode is if we're constantly being conditioned to want both, what does that even look like for us as individuals? Can we find a way to combine the soft girl and the girl boss archetypes and forge kind of like a new third archetype that is somewhere in the middle? Is this even possible? Do you see women who are a living example of this? I mean, I hope that I can be one, but I would love to know from you guys if you are seeing other examples and if that, you know, kind of like middle ground energy inspires you. But I also, when I was planning for this episode, I was like, what would we even call that? Like, what is the, the middle between like soft girl and girl boss? Like, what's, what's between soft and hard? And then I was like, is it firm? Firm girl? That is literally so gross. So anyway, we need, we need to coin it. We need a fucking name for it because that's so bad. So I hope you resonated with this conversation. I know that living in the middle of these two spaces can feel so ambiguous because I think as humans, like, we really crave certainty, which is what labels really do for us. And when we can label ourselves as something concretely, we can more effectively enforce it as part of our identity, which then really helps us embody those values more deeply and kind of train our subconscious mind that like, this is who I am, right? So when people get sober, they often like take on that identity of like, I am a sober person, I am sober. And when they, when they can label themselves that way, they actually start to integrate that as a piece of their identity, which makes them naturally show up that way more, which makes it easier for them to continue to embody being a sober person and take the correct action steps that help them stay sober. So like, there's so much value in that in some ways. So I think that's why it's so hard for us to not be like, oh, I'm the soft girl, or I'm the girl boss. Boss. Because if you don't do that, if you don't label yourself, if you don't put yourself in the box, if you feel very ambiguous, like you're in the middle, like you're in the gray, there's no categorization, there's no certainty, there's no identity that gets built along with it that naturally has this like predetermined steps or actions that you need to take in order to deepen in that path or in that archetype. If you decided today like, I'm going to be a soft girl, you would have so much content and so much available to you, so much inspiration, so expanders online to be like, this is how you do that, and these are the actions that you take, and this is how you live, and this is what you value. And so when you choose a path that's not already created by society for you, it's much harder to adopt a, a strong identity around it because you don't have that path laid out for you. You don't have the exact action steps laid out for you. You can't continue to enforce that identity for yourself when you feel it deep in your bones to be true that like this this is who I am, showing up and taking the actions that that kind of person would take becomes easier. And that's something that, like, labels and, and certainty and identity really provide for us. So if you can label yourself as a soft girl and you feel a resonance and truth in that, you'll be much more likely to create a soft life for yourself. And vice versa, like, if you can label yourself as a girl boss or as being in your hustle era and you feel the resonance and the truth in you'll be much more likely to take those steps and create that kind of like life for yourself. So the challenge of this really comes when none of the labels feel accurate to you, which is where I find myself. I'm willing to— I'm willing to guess that a lot of you guys feel the same way. Somewhere in the middle, just straddling these two sides of myself, feeling the truth of both, but not the conviction of really being able to claim just one as my identity. So let me know if you guys feel the same. Drop it in the comments below this episode, or leave a review if you loved this episode. We're doing our monthly reviews, uh, giveaways as always. So if you leave a review for the podcast, don't forget, we are gonna send you $50. You pick a winner every single month. So yeah, I'd love to open up the conversation and hear what you guys think about this. So whether you want to drop it in your review for the podcast or in a comment underneath Spotify or YouTube, wherever you're watching this. I would be so curious to hear your perspectives and if you have felt the same. All right, thank you guys so much for tuning in. We will talk to you next week. If you love this episode and you know another woman in your life who you think would love to hear this conversation and would totally get it, copy the link, send her this message, let her know that you were thinking of her, and kill two birds with one stone. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Bye!

If you loved this episode, make sure to check out the show notes where I've linked a few similar episodes I know you're also going to love. You'll find them under the similar episodes section in the description down below with direct links so you can dive in and start listening right away or add them to your queue for later. Binge away for even more growth, expansion, abundance, and fire motivation.