Stop Focusing on Dumb Shit

What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. Before we dive into today's episode, I have to update you on something because there is something really exciting that's happening very, very soon, if not right now. If you have been dreaming of a version of more for your life, more self-love, more abundance, more healing, more passion, more freedom, and you're ready to speed up that process, then this could be exactly the thing that you are looking for. One of my signature offers, in fact, the very first thing that I ever created, which is the entire roadmap to how I built a life of abundance, freedom, fun, flow, and all of the things. From Burnt Out to Badass is here. It's back, and the doors are open. This is the life transformation course to reconnect you to your soul, tap into your purpose and potential, learn to meditate, unblock the subconscious mind, and master the art of manifestation. Now, it's called the life transformation course for a reason, because it's a collection of the content that fully changed my life and the lives of hundreds of other women at this point. It is what allowed me to step into my healthiest, most radiant self and what gave me the courage to start my own business. It equipped me with the mindsets that helped me continuously, even now today in my life, attract more love, joy, and money into my life. So if you are ready to change your patterns so that you can uplevel, quit your job, start a business, commit to your health, travel more, attract abundance, be happier, less anxious, more high vibe, then From Burnt Out to Badass is the place for you. This is a 12-week online course with over 30 video trainings from me, weekly action steps and prompts to help you apply everything that we're learning to you and your life. We're also going to have a few interactive group coaching calls with me live on Zoom so that we can go deeper and you can ask me some of your personal questions about the things that you're moving through. And you're also going to get the Mindset Mastery Guide and Workbook, a complete library of downloadable guided meditations, from me, a money masterclass, an advanced manifestation masterclass, the Self-Love Experience, which is a live embodiment workshop. You're going to get a free copy of my ebook, New Year, New Magic. Also my journaling guide, my must-read self-development book recommendations, a community group and support from like-minded women, and lifetime access to all of this incredible content inside. If you're on this personal development path and you're finally ready to invest in yourself in a way that is bigger than reading a book or listening to a podcast or watching a YouTube video, and ready to go from being inspired to actually implementing these things and cementing them into your life and your habits and your routine so that you can become the version of yourself who has everything that she wants, deserves, and desires, then I invite you to join us. The doors are open. We only open this program twice a year and it always sells out. So if you are interested, click the link in the show notes below or head to my Instagram profile at _samanthadaily, and you can click the link in my bio there. There will also be a saved highlight on my Instagram profile where you can see all kinds of testimonials, results, the women who have taken this program, the things that we do, the topics we cover, and so much more. If this feels like an aligned next step for you, I really hope to see you inside. Enrollment officially closes on Tuesday, January 31st. All right, let's get into this week's episode. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly. Entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shift happen.

Before we jump into this episode, I just want to preface by saying I've noticed that I'm really in my tough love era, and I feel like recent episodes of the podcast and some of the things I've been sharing on Instagram, I'm just noticing like, wow, I'm a hard-ass bitch lately. And then this episode comes out and it's literally called Stop Focusing on Dumb Shit. And so I thought I'd just preface this episode of— I don't know if it's Capricorn season or what's happening, but I'm definitely in a tough love era. If that is not helpful to you right now, if that's not what you need, want, or desire right now, then maybe this episode isn't for you. But also, like, I'm not going to be shitting on you the whole time. We're going to be talking about like legitimately 5 reasons or 5 things that are relatively unhelpful for us to continue focusing on. And I'm going to share my experience and opinions about them. So it's going to be helpful. But I'm just noticing my own— I don't know, I was watching one of the reels recently that was a clip from the podcast. And I was like, wow, I really went in, I really went In. So I'm in my tough love era. It is what it is, whatever. To go along with that, the title of this episode is literally from a Gary Vee quote. So if you follow Gary Vee, Gary Vaynerchuk, you'll know that his style of like speaking and motivation is very much like kind of that like hardcore, like tough love. It is what it is. Like his main advice to so many people when they're like, how do I stop caring about what people think or stop doing this or go after my dreams? He's like, you're going to die. That's literally one of his number one pieces of advice is just reminding people of their mortality and like, you are literally going to die. So whatever you think is so important and so big and so hard and so scary that you can't get over in order for you to pursue the things that you really desire, want, and deserve, it's not that big of a deal because you're going to die. And at the end of your life, you're not going to be happy that you listened to all of the naysayers or the fears and the doubts and didn't do the things. You're going to wish that you could have just like steamrolled all of that and gone for it anyway. So anyway, if you're familiar with Gary Vee, you will appreciate that this title comes from one of his quotes. He literally just says like, stop focusing on dumb shit. I think I saw a video of him one time when a girl was like asking for legitimate advice about something. Like she was like, I don't know, my mom this and my sister that. And this is my situation and I don't know, I just feel so hopeless and how do I blah blah blah. And he's like, stop focusing on dumb shit. That's it. Like, that was his main advice. So that's what we're talking about today. Okay, stop focusing on dumb shit. We're going to cover 5 things that I think are generally really unhelpful and can be classified as this, like, quote unquote, dumb shit that we really allow to hold us back sometimes. So the first one is very obvious. It's the opinions of other people. It's something that plagues so many of us. And the main thing that I will share about this, which I've shared before on Instagram and in different ways, but it's the sentiment that if the opinions of other people are stopping you from living your dreams or living your truest life or being happy or doing the things that you want to do, that's on you, not them. It's not, oh my gosh, I wish that they didn't have these opinions. I wish that they supported me more. They're bad. They're wrong. Why are they doing this to me? They're stifling me. They're stopping me from being able to do what I want to do. No, it's owning the responsibility of you're stopping you from doing what you want to do. You think that it's because of them, but you can't allow those things to dictate and control the decisions that you make and the next, next steps that you do or do not take, right? And so if, if the opinions of other people are stopping you from living the kind of life that you want to live, then that's on you. It's not on them. It's not their responsibility to change their fears or their opinions or other things that they're projecting onto you so that you can live an amazing life. It's your responsibility to be able to say, to look at those things and say, okay, are these people that I want in my life? Or B, are there boundaries that need to be set? Or C, can I love them from afar? Can I appreciate that they probably love me back and that's why they're projecting fear onto me and move forward anyway with the things that I want to do and the things that are important to me and my vision of how I want to live my life. Right. And so this is like, I feel like we're kind of beating a dead horse in terms of the opinions of other people, but I know that it's so relevant to so many of us because we really live in a world nowadays where it's virtually impossible to not care what others think of us. And I think that's a really important piece of this puzzle, is remembering that not letting the opinions of other people affect you doesn't mean that you don't care about what other people think. It doesn't mean that the opinions of other people never hurt you, right? In my own experience, like, I still definitely care a lot about how I'm perceived, or if people Okay, so I have something I think you're really going to love and your business is going to love it even more.

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Like me or whatever, like, I think it's normal and natural. Well, it is normal and natural. It's part of our like evolutionary design to care about what people think, because if we didn't care about what people thought of us, then we wouldn't have been able to maintain our membership in tribes and maintain safety and evolve to this point of our humanity. So it's a mechanism that we have for a reason. And my main point in bringing that up is reminding you that if you care what other people think, then congratulations, you're human, you're normal, welcome to the club. So does everybody else. And I think when people say, I don't care what other people think of me, It depends really on who those people are, right? Because if they're complete strangers or trolls on the internet, then perhaps that is really, truly how they feel, right? Of like, I don't care what they think of me. I really could not give an F. Yes, maybe that's true. But I think everybody has somebody in their life whose opinion they care about, right? The people closest to them, their partner, maybe their family, maybe their close friends. I think it's normal for everybody to have somebody in their life whose opinion does hold some weight for them and is important to them. And they do want to be the best version of themselves for those people. Right. So most of the time when people are saying like, I don't care what other people think of me, sometimes it could be true in the context of who exactly they're talking about, right? If it's strangers or just randos. But most of the time, I think what they actually mean by that is that even if someone says something hurtful to me or about me, it's not going to change how I feel about myself. It's not going to change what I do next. It's not going to stop me from moving forward in my mission or in my authenticity. Right. And so I think a lot of times we do confuse this idea of not caring what other people think with not having feelings or not being able to be hurt by other people's words. And I don't think that's the case. I think that you can be hurt by what someone has chosen to say about you, especially if it's untrue. And even more so if it is true in some way. And that's like an illuminating moment for you of like, shit, I kind of do act like that sometimes. But it doesn't have to change how we feel about ourselves on the inside. It doesn't have to change that we love ourselves and that we accept ourselves and that we're going to continue living our own authentic truth and move through the world in the way that we've chosen. Just because someone said like, oh, you shouldn't do that, or it's bad that you parent like that, or why would you wear that, or whatever else, right? So all of these, like, the, the reason why this is so complex nowadays is because there are so many people that are, because of, you know, social media and the online world and technology, that are constantly able to really watch and bear witness to who we are, what we're doing, how we're living, right? Where you live, what your house looks like, what kind of car you drive, what job you have, how much money you earn, if you're single or in a relationship, if you got divorced? If you work out, what your body looks like? If you're happy, do you look happy? How much fun are you having? Do you travel? Like, does your family take nice vacations? Do you have a lot of friends? Like, all of these things are optics that are visible now through social media. And when we think about it, there's a ridiculous amount of people in the world that know the answers to those questions, especially if you're someone who's like a content creator or an influencer or a coach or is using the online space to build a personal brand of some kind. Well, now there's even just more of a crazy amount of people that are going to know the answers to those questions, right? Like, you guys probably know all those things about me, and I don't even know who a lot of you are, right? And it's crazy. It's so crazy. And because we have this obsession with trying to please others— our parents, our friends, our coworkers, even strangers, people on the internet especially— and, you know, make sure that people like us, or at the very least they don't think that we're that what we're doing is weird or that we're offensive or that what we're doing is offensive, right? Because we have that obsession, we end up giving ourselves lots of made-up restrictions about what we can or cannot do or how we can or cannot show up in the world or what we can or cannot wear or what we can or cannot post online for this fear of being judged. Or feeling uncomfortable, right? And so we carry this weight around constantly wondering what are others going to think of us? And it really, for so many women especially that I know, it really hinders their ability to become the person that they were meant to be. And so I think ultimately it's recognizing that even a lot of the ways that we allow the opinions of other people to hold us back are completely fabricated in our own minds. Right. In a lot of these instances, we don't even know that people have opinions of us. We're just assuming that they do. Right. So it's like this idea of like not letting the possibility of someone having something negative to say about whatever you're doing or saying or how you're being stop you from listening to your gut or being your truest version of yourself? Because half the time, we are letting imaginary opinions hold us back. We— it's not even like someone's actually said something to us. We're just anticipating that they might. And so that's a, that's a fabrication of our own mind that then we're allowing to dictate who we become or how we show up in the world or what we want to do for work or how we want to parent our children or what kind of decisions we want make, right? And so remembering that, and of course, there are cases where people have experiences where there are people in their lives that actually are talking about them, or they do have a negative opinion about their decisions or their life path or whatever it is. And in that case, it's really about remembering that those negative opinions are simply a reflection of that individual's own fears and insecurities or missed opportunities, and they're actually not about you at all, right? And so a lot of times when people insert their opinions into our lives, it's simply a reflection of their own fears. It's a reflection of where they are at internally. It's a reflection of experiences that they've had that have built up that sort of belief system for themselves, and they're trying to take their belief system, their fears, their doubts, their limitations, and apply them to you and say, no, no, no, don't do that. You can't do that. It's dangerous to do that. It's dumb to do that. It's offensive to do that. And they just apply it to you. They try to put it on top of you like a sticker, and you're your own person. And so remembering that when people actually do have something negative to say, more often than not, it is really about them and where they're at in their journey, in their own consciousness and their level of fear. And less about you and what you're trying to do or create. And at the end of the day, like trying to be liked by everyone is exhausting anyway, right? And it doesn't really get us very far. In fact, I think trying to be liked by everyone is a really easy way to have very like bland, vanilla, super average connections. It's like exactly what I teach in business, this idea of like polarize magnetize, if you are not being polar, meaning standing in the truth of who you are and what you want and what you believe in, right, having like a polar opinion of something, or you live in a way that's very true to who you are. If you're not being polar, then you are not being magnetic. Because in order for a magnet to be magnetic, it needs to have those polar opposite ends, right? And so by being polar, by being willing to be firm in who you are, what you believe, where you stand, and and have that offend some people or have people disagree with that, by choosing to do that, you then become super magnetic to anybody that actually stands in the same truth as you, that really resonates with where you're at or how you lead your life or the things that you believe in. And so your connections, your relationships, your brand, if you're someone that works online, all of that becomes amplified and it gets stronger by you actually being polar in who you are and how you choose to share. Okay. The second dumb thing that a lot of us tend to focus on is what we could have or should have done differently. And this is, this is true in so many areas. This can be true in relationships, like what would have happened if we stayed together or if we broke up sooner, or even with career stuff, like what would have happened? What if I didn't spend those or waste, quote quote, waste those 4 years or 6 years or however long studying this degree or all those years in corporate America before I really found my passion. And so dwelling on the things that could have been or what we think we should have done now that we know better or now that we know more is the actual waste of time, right? It's the things that you did in the past were not a waste of time then because it was what you needed at that time. For where you were at. And it was part of the lessons that you needed to learn in order to get you to the place of consciousness which you've arrived, which is what allows you to have that like retrospective view of like, oh my God, I could— that would have been so much faster or easier or less painful if I would have just done it this way. But you wouldn't have developed that level of consciousness if you hadn't gone through those challenges or been on that kind of windy path or like deviated away from yourself for a little bit and then found your way back. And so I think it's, it's just, it's so unhelpful to think that we can change something that happened in the past or to dwell on that in some way. My belief that I choose for myself is that there's no time wasted and there's no wrong decisions. And we can, we can have, we can have like constructive retrospective thoughts in terms of like if we've said hurtful things and being able to recognize, wow, like this is how I was feeling in that moment and it really triggered this for me and I lashed out because of X, Y, or Z reason and be able to now in the present correct those things in our mind of like it would have been better for me if I had done blank or if I had said blank. Absolutely. Like taking responsibility for things that we've done or said in the past that were hurtful or unhelpful or, you know, may have affected somebody else 100%. But what I mean by no time wasted and no wrong decisions is that it's more beneficial for me to believe that even the things that I've done in my past that were not the best version of me or that I ended up not using or not needing in some way, if it's like education or a degree of some kind, by believing that that was all still on purpose somehow, it helps me sit in a better energy about my present life and about my future. It brings me more peace to believe that there's no time wasted and no wrong decisions. And like we always say, anything we believe is made up anyway. So if we're making up the beliefs, we might as well make up the ones that are going to be help— most helpful to us. And I really find that to be a helpful belief that there's no time wasted and no wrong decisions, because if you are going to learn from the quote unquote time that you thought was wasted or the decision that you felt was incorrect in the past, as long as you're willing to learn from that and have that like constructive retrospective viewpoint of like, okay, I see that now. Yes, this is where I was. That's how I was feeling. That's why that happened. I wish that I had done that differently, but I didn't know better then. So it is what it is. But now moving forward, here's the lesson that I've learned that's really powerful. And if something something like that ever happens to me again, now I'll know these are the tools that I want to lean on, or this is how I want to approach it, or this is how I want to react, or whatever, right? As long as we're able to take that learning from it, then how could it be time wasted or a wrong decision? Because it helped grow you. It contributed to you becoming a more evolved version of yourself. If we never went through challenges, if we never made mistakes, if we never said shitty things to people, if we never hurt people's feelings, if we never stayed in relationships for too long, if we never ran away from people because we were scared of getting hurt, or if we never, like, failed to stand up for ourselves in a, in a work situation, then we wouldn't learn the importance of those things. We wouldn't learn how vital it is to actually stand in the truth of who we are and to take a moment of pause or give yourself time before you respond to an email that really pissed you off. Like, we just, as humans, we learn through experience, and that's how we are designed. And so trusting that your experience is exactly as it has— exactly as it's supposed to be for you. If you are not taking the lessons from the hard things, then you're probably going to continue to experience some more hard things until you learn the lesson, right? But as long as we're looking back on those experiences and going, okay, that wasn't ideal, but what have I learned? Then the time was not wasted because it's helped us become a more evolved version of ourselves. And we approach everything from that point forward on in life with that memory in that context of, I remember who I was back then. I remember how I used to react. I remember how I used to do things. I remember how I didn't stand up for myself. I remember how I cared too much what people thought, whatever the case was. And I don't do that anymore because I've learned the importance of it through the hard experience. So long story short, right? No time, no time is wasted unless you are spending lots of time thinking about what you could have or should have done. That's the true waste of time. Okay. The third dumb thing that we tend to focus on as humans is is all of the ways that it might not work. And this again is valuable. There is value in being able to project forward into the future and think about challenges that might arise or how things might fall apart or what could go wrong with certain situations. But it's a defense mechanism, right? It's trying to protect us from getting ourselves into situations that we feel there's no way out of or that are detrimental to our mental, physical, spiritual well-being in some way. And so it's normal to think about like, oh my God, what are all the ways that this wouldn't work? But the reason I think this is a dumb thing that we focus on is because once you've recognized the ways that it won't work, it's not serving you to say— to stay stuck in that one narrative, which is often what happens. Once we realize that there's a lot of possibilities of how things could go wrong, we can't seem to get ourselves back over to the other side, which is, and what are all the ways that it might work out? And what are all ways that it could be amazing for me? And what are all the ways that it could serve me and help me and grow me and expand me? Right? And so I think it's a, it's a useless thing to focus on if that's the only thing that we're looking at. I'm not saying never consider the drawbacks or the risks or the negatives of a certain decision that you're about to make. Of course, we wanna be aware of those things, but noticing when you're getting stuck in that that, right? And this is like the what-ifs, right? We always play this game of what-if with ourselves. Like, well, if I quit this job, what if I can't find another one? What if I can't make as much money? What if my next job is even worse than this job, or it's exactly the same but I'm not making as much money, so it's technically worse? Or what if I hate my coworkers at a new job? Or what if my boss is even worse than the current one at a different job? Or what if I'm unemployed for a really long time and I can't make enough money, and then I have to like I move in with someone and sleep on their couch and, and it's a horrible situation and then I really regret it and what if, what if, what if, what if, right? The spiral that we go through. And what if I die? Basically, that's what your body is telling you when you're going into that fight or flight response of what if, what if. It's like, okay, this feels like it's unsafe, unknown, and it could potentially kill us, so let's just stay where we are even though it sucks. But the what-if game is a trap because we get stuck in the negative what-ifs. And very few people really ever stop to go, okay, and what if I quit this job and I really feel so much peace? What if I quit this job and I heal my burnout? What if I quit this job and I find another one one that is so much more aligned for me? And what if I quit this job and my new boss is like the most amazing person I've ever met and is so understanding and so such a good leader and helps me grow and gives me new responsibilities and takes care of me and looks out for me? And what if I quit this job and the next place I go is in an amazing location and my commute is even better? And what if I quit this job and my coworkers at my next job are like, they become my best friends and we hang out all the time and we have Christmas parties and we do all these fun things together? And I can't imagine my life without them. And what if I quit this job and I go into this new position that I wasn't even expecting and it's way better than I thought it was going to be and it leads me down this path of like so much purpose and I advance my career and I make so much more money and I'm so much more on fire and all these things. We don't let ourselves spiral into the positive what-ifs, but we let ourselves spiral completely into a black hole of the negatives. And so So focusing on all the ways that something will not work is just going to convince you that it's not going to work. And so if you are going to give some merit to the potential negatives or risks or consequences, which I think is valuable, I think that's good, you should also give equal, if not greater, merit to all the ways that it could be really great for you and all of the positives and the potential goodness that could come out of it. Okay, number 4, dumb things to focus on: who or what hurt you? And again, this is like staying stuck in the past is not going to help you create a different, better, bigger, more beautiful future. And I think there's, um, 100% there's a time and a place to address who and what things have hurt you. And it's important for us to feel our feelings and process things in the moment and get help when we need it and speak to a therapist or a coach or a practitioner of some kind and honor the experiences that we've had. I want to be clear that this concept I'm speaking on right now is not about bypassing how you feel or ignoring how you feel or downplaying how you feel or pretending that you don't feel anything at all and just moving the fuck on, because that's not what I'm saying. So So there's a point where we go from honoring our feelings and actually processing something that's happened to us in our lives. And we cross into just sitting in victimhood.

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And so it's about looking at the places where we might be dwelling too long on who or what has hurt us in the past and where we might be making those past experiences start to become our identity. In some way. Or we might be making those past experiences become the, the excuses or the crutches that we lean on for why we can't do certain things or why we are scared or why we can't have the life that we want. And being able to recognize this takes a lot of self-awareness. But thinking about, you know, if this person or this thing or this situation or whatever happened, really hurt you, that's valid. Okay. Did I take time to actually process that? If not, that's probably the next step of what needs to happen. How can I process this in a healthy way, even if this happened years ago? But maybe I actually, like, finally want to go to therapy about this or speak to a professional about this to actually honor what happened, right? Maybe that's the step that needs to happen before for just pulling yourself out of victimhood. However, some of us have done the work of actually processing what happened. We've done the work of forgiving or healing or moving on, but yet we keep this story running in the background of, oh, I can't be this type of person online because this is how I was as a child, or I can't have a certain type of relationship because this is what I witnessed growing up, or I had poor examples, or I I can't create safety with men because I witnessed X, Y, or Z happen all the time, over and over again. Or I can't trust people. Everybody, everyone is a cheater because that was my experience and I've been cheated on all the time. Like when we start to create identities and like solid narratives for life from those experiences that hurt us, that's where we really hold ourselves back. And so being able to move out of the victimhood and stop making our past become our entire identity for how we move into the future is required in order for us to create something that is different. If you want different results, if you want a different experience, then you have to create a different belief system, right? And so if we're still running that old story, that old belief of like, oh, this person hurt me, or they did this, or they cheated, or this didn't work out, or I tried that business and it didn't work, or, you know, I did X, Y, or Z and I failed, so it won't work if I do it again. Like, those stories, we have to really start to question them and think to ourselves, am I getting stuck in victimhood with that? And is that becoming a story that is then influencing, whether it's consciously or unconsciously, how I approach my future relationships or career endeavors or whatever it is, my dreams and goals, and what can I do to get myself out of that place of victimhood, right? Of, oh, this is just who I am because of these things that happened to me, or this is how I am because my parents were this way, or because my childhood was this way, or because I didn't receive love in this way. So now this is who I am, or these are my challenges in dating and they'll just always be like that. Really being open to the idea of adopting a new belief system and changing the narrative. Okay, the fifth item, the fifth dumb thing that we tend to focus on is all of the things and the people that we can't change. We put way too much energy into the things that we can't change because a lot of us want to fix resolve, whatever we want to. We want to be that person that's like, okay, I can handle this, I can fix it, I can make it right. But by focusing on all of the things or the people in your life that you can't change, you're just drawing your focus so often to what's not working or what you think is not right or what needs a solution. So we're just always looking at problems. Problems, right? That's the main point, is like, if we're constantly thinking about all the things that are bad about the world, or that are negative about life, or the people in our lives that, you know, I wish they were— I wish they could just do this for me, or I wish they could be different, or I wish we could be less reactive together, or I wish that they weren't triggered, or I wish that they were more respectful, or I wish that they were more responsive— if we're just focusing on all the things and the people that we can't change, we are drawing most of our attention consistently over time to problems. And when you focus on problems, you will experience more problems, right? It's like where attention goes, energy flows. And so if we put a lot of attention on what's not working, the things and the people that are, you know, bad or scary or awful about the world, or I wish that they were a different way, then the energy flows into those places and it makes that fear or that sadness or that disappointment or that frustration grow and grow and grow. And it just brings more negative energy into our lives, right? And so we could look out at the world today and of course there's so many things that we wish were different. There's so many things in terms of like social justice and violence and human rights and, you know, like climate change and just so many major, major issues that we could feel completely helpless and bogged down if all we did was look at those things. Right. And I'm not saying ignore them and never look at them. Obviously, we want to be aware and do our part. But sometimes we also need to recognize when we're going down the rabbit hole of not only am I aware of this issue and trying to do my best to be someone who improves the situation, or at least doesn't make it worse. But now I'm spending a lot of time ruminating on it and thinking about it and being sad about it and watching all kinds of news about it and more horrifying videos about it. And when we're going way deeper than what is actually of service to us or even to the world, right? Because when you are in a space of being so like it— what's the word I'm looking for? Like incapacitated. Is that a word? You're like, you can't even— you can't even do anything to help the cause because you're so frozen in the overwhelm of like how bad it is or how wrong it is or how much you hate it. Then we're not actually helping in any way either. We're not helping ourselves, first of all, because we've just put ourselves— we've dysregulated our entire nervous system. We've put ourselves in a horrible state of stress, fear, anxiety, fight or flight. Flight, whatever the case may be. And then we're also not helping the world because we can't be of service to anybody from that space. Because now the only thing that we could do is go curl in a ball on our bed and put some Netflix on and try to think about something else because we need to soothe ourselves, right? So by focusing on all the things or the people that you can't change, we're bringing more energy than is necessary to those exact things. And so instead of looking at all these things that can't be changed, or that can't changed today, let's say, or in the next week or month or 6 months, focusing on the things that you can do, right? What can you do if you have a challenging relationship in your life with a family member or someone that is not someone that you can just so easily, like, cut off? It's not a friendship that you can just end. It's a consistent presence with someone in your life, but it's a challenging relationship. Instead of focusing so much on on how you wish that they were, or if they were different, our relationship might be like this, or why did they say that or do that, or I tried to talk to them or go see them and they just the same old thing again, and why this, why that, why can't they change. Instead of that, maybe the focus gets to become, where do I actually have autonomy in this situation? What do I actually have agency or control over? What can I to help myself or to help them in some capacity? Is there a boundary that needs to be set? Do we need to spend less time together? Are there boundaries around what kind of conversations I'm willing to have with this person? Are there certain topics that I just don't bring up anymore? Right? But like, what can you do instead of just being in the focus of how bad or wrong or scary or frustrating or annoying the situation is? And in order for you to get the most out of everything that we've talked about today in terms of these 5 things that are kind of silly or unhelpful to be focusing on, it's going to require a level of radical responsibility, honesty, and self-awareness. Because these are things where sometimes we're like, oh yep, I'm, I've done that, I've passed that, that's not me. But really being able to sit down and look at yourself and question like, are there ways in which the opinions of other people are still affecting me? Are there ways in which I'm ruminating on something that I could have or should have done differently? Do I feel like I wasted time in my life in some situation? And how can I choose to reframe that or heal that? Am I wanting to make a big leap or start a business or do something outside of my comfort zone, but I can't stop thinking about all the ways that it might not work? And how is that actually maybe become debilitating to me, or it's holding me back, right? Are there situations in my past from people or experiences or things that have hurt me that I've allowed to create? I've allowed myself to create a story around, and now it's kind of like this unconscious identity I walk around with, like, because this happened to me, this is the way that I am, or because I had this experience, I'm not the type of person that could X, Y, or Z. Am I Am I thinking about things in the world or people in my life that I can't change but that I wish were different? And how does that show up for me? And what might I be able to focus on instead? Where are the cans instead of the camps when it comes to what I can actually control? So I invite you to use your sense of self-awareness and radical responsibility to really listen to this episode and inquire for yourself like, what are the things in my life where I can see one of these or several of these, like, 5 things being at play? And how could I stop focusing on these things? Or how could I redirect that attention somewhere else? What is— what is the work that I need to do? What is the reframe that needs to happen? What is the healing that needs to take place in order for me to stop focusing on this dumb shit? Because I recognize that it is not serving me. It's not helping me become a different version of myself. It's not helping me evolve. It's not helping me step out of my comfort zone. It's not helping me do new things. It's not helping me create beautiful experiences. It's not helping me expand my mind or my life in any way. So how could I— what needs to happen in order for me to let these things go and to actually move past them? All right, you guys, I hope this episode was helpful. If you enjoyed it, please take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram stories, tag me @_samanthadaily and @makeshifthappenpodcast. If you know someone that you think would enjoy this episode or maybe needs this episode, you can copy the link on Apple or Spotify and just send it to them directly via a text. I really appreciate you guys continuing to share the show. It's what helps us grow and evolve. And thank you so much for being here every single week. I appreciate you so much. Just a quick reminder before we wrap up that From Burnt Out to Badass is now open for enrollment. Don't forget, that we are on early bird until Monday, January 23rd. So if you know that this is an experience you've been desiring, if you've watched this program evolve over the years and you finally want to be a part of it, now's the time. Doors are open. I can't wait to serve you and see you inside, and I will see you guys next week. Bye.