The Felony She Didn't Commit: Spiritual Awakening, Inner Child Healing & Finding Purpose w/ Melissa Monte

You've probably heard people say that your past shapes you, but no one talks about what happens when your past is something you never asked for, never deserved, and definitely never planned to carry. What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. Today's conversation is with someone whose story will stop you in your tracks. Melissa Monte, host of the global top-ranked podcast Mind Love. She's an award-winning storyteller and messaging expert, and she has one of the wildest, most transformative origin stories I've ever heard. And what makes it powerful isn't the chaos that she lived through. It's who she became because of it. Melissa went from eating disorder spirals, sexual assault, disconnecting from her body, and performing strength just to survive, to getting arrested for a felony that she didn't commit, rebuilding her life from scratch, and ultimately creating a world-class brand that now reaches millions. But this episode isn't just about her plot twist. It's about the identity shift that had to happen after the rug was pulled out from under her, the spiritual awakening, the self-inquiry, the inner child work, and the radical response Responsibility That Turned Rock Bottom into Life Purpose. In this conversation, we talk about the moment that she realized she'd been disappearing from her own life and how that led her into a relationship that really derailed everything. We talk about the shocking arrest that forced her to confront who she'd become and why she took a felony charge at 22 instead of asking for help. How shame, survival strategies, and disconnection from her body shaped her early adulthood. The spiritual unraveling that made her question everything she had been taught about God God, faith, and truth. The breathwork moment that cracked her open and completely rewired her identity. The exact self-inquiry questions that helped her uncover her purpose and birth her business. We also talk about the number one missing piece from your messaging and storytelling, along with her 7-part story structure that helps your audience feel something. Plus, advice for anyone building a purposeful brand who feels like no one is listening. If you've ever wondered how to build a purposeful life with a past that feels messy, complicated, or too much, this conversation will give you permission, perspective, and a whole new way to understand and present your story. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen Podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shift happen. Welcome to the show, Melissa. I'm so excited that you're here. This conversation I know is going to be so So, so interesting. You are the founder of Mind Love. You've built an incredible podcast, Top 0.5%, also a global podcast with over 5 million downloads. You've been featured in Forbes, Harper's Bazaar. You've studied neuroscience, psychology, and ancient wisdom to kind of bridge science with that deeper sort of soul work, which I really, really love. And you are an award-winning storyteller, and you are trained in this kind of like high-impact influence. And you've spent 20 years in brand messaging, copywriting, helping businesses craft stories that convert. So essentially, you really know how to make people feel, listen, pay attention, and take action, which is so cool. And I know so many of our, our listeners are gonna wanna pick your brain, as do I. So I'm excited to have you on. Welcome to Makeshift Happen.

Thank you for having me. I'm so honored.

I'm so excited to dig into your story because obviously a lot of what you share comes from this very kind of interesting origin story that you have, and it's, it's not your typical entrepreneur origin story, right? So I know that there's this, this huge side of, of what you teach and the reasoning behind that, the why behind it. That coming from this like deep understanding that you have of what it's like to really be trapped in a story that isn't yours, including a felony charge for a crime that you didn't commit. I mean, sounds like a nightmare to most of us. And like I said, certainly isn't your typical origin story. So can we start by just kind of like taking us back to that like jail cell moment and share with us like what was going through your head? And then we can kind of talk about, you know, the, the overcoming of the story, the reframes, the mindset stuff that, that goes into building a purposeful life out of something like like that?

Yeah, well, looking back, I could see that I was a child who had everything going for me. I was always on the Dean's List, straight A's, advanced classes. And then from basically mid-teenage years to through my early 20s, I was just disappearing in pieces. It was like little by little I was vanishing from my own life until I found myself sitting in a jail cell wearing torn scrubs and pre-worn panties and obsessing how to purge my prison food. And so I remember that was the moment. It was not necessarily the arrest or the jail time. It was realizing that all I could think about was my eating disorder and how I was going to find enough privacy to throw up the canned dinner they just gave me. And I think that's what happens when you spend years systematically disconnecting from your body. And now looking back, it's really clear that it started when I was 15. I was assaulted after blacking out at a party. There was a crowd of people cheering on my abuser while I was completely unconscious. And this spread around school, and I, I told myself I was fine, and I even laughed it off. I became a high achiever, someone everyone liked, and I think I just got really good at performing strength. But it was the moment that I stopped trusting my body. And when you disconnect from yourself that early, you start collecting survival strategies. So alcohol, pills, bulimia, party drugs— just training myself not to feel. And that's what bulimia really is. It's numbing the hunger, numbing the ache. And I just tried to keep going and stay likable, which also meant staying small. But years later, I met a guy named Matt, and he was charming and generous, and he said all the right things. And at the time, it really just felt like someone came to sweep me into their life and out of mine, and I was all for this. But his stories didn't really add up, and I was swallowing the warnings. And I think it was because even though part of me knew something was off, naming the truth meant admitting that the dream was dead, that this life that he was selling me wasn't real. And if the dream died, I think so did the version of me that felt safe. Then one day we were pulled over on the way to lunch, and I thought it was a busted taillight or rolling a stop sign, but then the officer kind of aggressively made us get out of the car and began to search it. And I'll just never forget the look on his face when he opened the trunk, and it was just shock. And he looked at me like he was trying to figure out how someone like me ended up in a moment like this, but he pulled out 50 lockboxes, a pair of bolt cutters, and cases of stolen jewelry. Turns out Matt's jewelry business was robbing houses and selling what he stole on eBay. I knew the eBay part, I knew the massive amounts of jewelry, but I had no reason to think it was all stolen, especially because— I mean, it's a long story, but it was all gaudy jewelry, like it all looked the same. Like, how is this all stolen? And who's selling stolen jewelry on eBay? So, but the necklace that he gave me on our first date that I wore every day, that ironically made me feel valuable, was also stolen, and it implicated me. And so we were both arrested, and at the time our cases were combined. And so if I decided to take it to trial, he had to go to trial as well, and it would have guaranteed he got 10 years in jail. And right before that arrest, I actually went to Hawaii for 6 weeks to get away from him and rebuild my life because I had a friend living there. And it was just about a week when I came back that we were arrested, and he went on a whole spree during that time. And so these eyewitness reports of him with this blonde girl, which was a sex worker that he was cheating on me with, but he was also babysitting my dog. So again, very messy. Yeah, it was, it was just, it put me in a place where I wasn't willing to bring in my parents to ask for help. My stepdad was a retired police officer. My mom worked at a church. I was ashamed. And so I was really being coached by his very expensive attorney versus my out-of-pocket cheap attorney and his mom. And so they were framing things in a way where it was in my best interest, but really it was in his. And I took a felony at age 22, and thankfully I didn't get a ton of jail time. I did have that arrest, and I didn't ask for bail from my parents. And so I got out on my own recognizance, which was just a little less than a week in there. But yeah, that was a very big turning point in my life, and I ended up moving to LA to try to rebuild. He actually only got time served because of the deal that we took, and he ended up following me and kind of tormenting me, breaking into my house, throwing a brick through my windshield. I had to move again, but then he was eventually arrested for another string of robberies, and I was finally free.

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All I knew was that I needed to find myself again, and so I started trying to do more positive habits. I was— I started going to yoga, mixed in with a ton of bad habits. It was like a yoga and meditation, and then at night copious amounts of MDMA with the party crowd in LA for years and years. But eventually some of the bad habits wouldn't feel quite as aligned. And I did end up rebuilding my life. But ironically too, that felony was my slingshot to entrepreneurship because a lot of people spend a lot of time with one foot in and one foot out. Like, I don't know if I'm gonna leave my job, but entrepreneurship's really hard. And I was like, there's no way I can explain all that on two lines of a job application. So this is my only option for the kind of success I feel I deserve. And thankfully I still had something inside of me because of my upbringing, because of what I had hoped for myself as a child, that I, I knew I was meant for something more. I was— I knew I was a smart person. And so I went all in, and it took a long time to figure out what was right for me, what was sustainable for me. And that was a whole like 8-year process also, but it ultimately led me to my purpose. And so I can see how all of that, whereas at the time it felt like my life was ruined and all I wanted to do was press the reset button and just like go back to infancy and just try again, it really put me on my path, I see now. And so I'm grateful for it because it's given me empathy and experience and a story to tell, which has helped me connect to people all over the world.

Such a crazy, crazy story, and there's so many parts of it that like raise so many questions in my mind. So I'm excited to kind of unpack some of it. But the first thing that I'm thinking is there's such a change in your identity and your character that has to happen to go from being the type of person that that doesn't want to put their, you know, felony boyfriend in jail because they're being convinced by his mother and whatever to like take one for the team and just go along with stuff to be the person that goes out and builds their own business and destiny and creates a life of purpose. Like there's something inside of you that really has to switch. And so I'm interested to hear your perspective on the change that happened for you internally, because being the type of person that allows yourself to get kind of walked on in a in that, in that way to then being the type of person who takes radical responsibility for all the cards that they've been dealt in their life. And also the parts that they played in those scenarios and then turns it into something incredible, like a massively successful business. Like those are two different people. Those are two different identities. So obviously it's a long process. You mentioned like 8 years to build the entrepreneur thing, but if you could kind of boil it down, what were some of the things that helped you actually shift internally who you saw yourself to be? Identity, because when you went to jail, you have an eating disorder, disconnected from your body, don't know who you are, and obviously don't have a ton of, you know, self-esteem or self-worth because you're willing to let these people walk all over you. What started to chip that away and reveal a stronger sense of identity inside of you?

When I track everything back, which I've spent a lot of time figuring out, like, what was the thing? Because again, it was a slow burn. It wasn't like this one, there it was, that moment. I had a few of those along the way where there was a big shift, but again, it wasn't the full 180. It was like, okay, a little pivot and a little bit more of a pivot. But a few of the things that I, I can trace back to is when I was young, my dad used to actually pay me to read self-development books and write little reports on them. I'd get $50 each one. And so I had this very surface-level self-development knowledge, and I'm grateful for those because they were seeds, even though ironically some of them were a little detrimental because I didn't have the full understanding. For example, mind over matter was something that I Billie took with me in middle school. And I to this day swear I mind overmattered my asthma. I like decided I wasn't gonna have asthma anymore, and it was gone within 6 months. I have no other explanation for it other than what I was currently working on in my mindset. But I use mind over matter after my sexual assault. And what I didn't understand was that mind over matter isn't just pretending like something didn't happen, because that trauma was stored in my body and it was left unchecked. And I can see how that was almost like the poison that was slowly spreading through my psyche over the next few years, just chipping away at my worth, chipping away at how I valued myself and my body. And I was also— a lot of other things happened in about a 2-year time frame. I lost one of my best friends to suicide, and then I lost my dad to cancer. So by the time I went to college, I was a hollow human, and I didn't know. I was still happy on the outside, party girl. And so I really attached to this identity of being the fun one. I eventually saw, when I looked back, how many of my identities were an armor rather than actual resonance with who I was at the time. Even after the felony, I wasn't super secretive about it. Like, I would, I would share the story almost as a shock factor at a party. Like, I got a felony for somebody else's crime. Like, and I would just— that kind of storytelling doesn't bring people in. It actually keeps them at arm's length. It might make you the entertainment, doesn't— but it doesn't really make you feel like somebody that people can be close to. And so I didn't see this as it was happening. It was just sort of how I was moving through the world and I was still reaching outside of myself trying to find who I was. I ended up being deep in internet marketing forums, won a contest for Traffic and Conversion Summit free tickets, ended up going to that, which is still one of the biggest conferences in internet marketing today. Won a contest at the end called the Wicked Smart Competition that set up my freelance career for a couple of years. Ended up getting poached to some jobs because of that. So I still ended up finding success Yes, but it was always, what are people willing to give me? What— where can I put myself to where I'm grabbing the right thing? Not who am I inside and what am I here to create. And so I did that for years and years, listening to Smart Passive Income and all these other internet marketing podcasts, and like, oh, maybe I could do an e-commerce store, maybe I could do a travel blog. And I did all these things and it would get a little traction, and then I would pull back because it, it wasn't fun. Like, and I eventually started to develop a self-belief that I wasn't the type of person that could follow through with something. And so it took me a while to see that it wasn't necessarily that I couldn't follow through with something, it's that it's really hard to be sustainable following a path that isn't yours. It was one of those moments where the pain of staying where I was was harder than the pain of change. And I remember just having this sort of aha moment, like, what if I go back to the beginning and figure out what my story is leading me toward? What do all my successes have in common? What did I love about all my past jobs? What did I dislike about them? What compliments have I received? And I started getting really specific with self-inquiry, asking myself questions that might unravel a little bit more of, well, what is my unique edge? How am I here to serve? And when I finally did that, that's when I had the idea for Mind Love. And so that was the biggest shift because I think for a long time I trying to find myself. And I think even just that word, it's like I was reaching from the outside. But when I started to turn inward, and I also had this sort of aha moment of like, what if it's not about finding myself? What if it's about choosing and creating myself, creating who I want to be based on what I know about the things that light me up, about my desires, about my skills and my talents, and, and where all of that intersects. And from that Finding Mind Love, it was like, this is my thing. This is what my Audible library says about me. This is who I want to talk to. If I can have to talk to somebody every single week and actually keep this going, this is what I want to continuously learn. This is what I would do for free. And so when I found that, I just went really hard and I didn't get that burnout feeling that I had felt in the past with the other random paths that I thought might be successful because I found the exact domain that had buyer's intent and all of these other sort of strategic external things. And then within 6 months of launching, I was already getting sponsors for my podcast. I was speaking on stages on how to grow a podcast. And so the universe was meeting me with, okay, yeah, you finally did the work. You did your work, not everyone else's, and you're in flow now. And so you're not swimming against the stream, you're flowing with it.

This is interesting because I, I know so many people want to find their purpose, reveal their purpose, uncover their purpose, whatever. Whatever. But do you think in your own journey that that like trial and error of doing a lot of things and trying a lot of things was part of the formula? Or do you think that that was all like misguided and there could have been a more direct path? Because I think there's a lot of people that want to stumble across their purpose, but they're also not really willing to like change a lot of what they're doing or who they're being in their day-to-day. And so it makes it really hard to come across a new potential reality when you're just waking up every day, going to the job that you hate, doing the same things. I think that's really challenging, but at the same time, you felt like all the other things were other people's path and not your own. Was it still helpful to have that trial and error? Was that part of the catalyst to give you enough experience to go, okay, none of these things are right for me, so it must be something else?

I'm not one who believes there's ever a mistake or a misstep. I had to learn the way I learned, and even now there are things— something just recently happened to me this year even where I was like, This is something that I already knew, but I had to learn it experientially. And it was just about kind of overcommitting, where I'm like always telling other people, focus on one thing. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't know anybody like me. I'm gonna also write a book and also do be speaking and also launch this program. And then I got to this, and then I found out I was pregnant, and I was like, oh my God, I am so overcommitted. This is what burnt out on your true path feels like. Okay, this can happen too. And I, and I remember saying to my husband, you know, I'm glad I experienced it though, because I've always had it in the back of my mind that I think I can I do a little bit more than the average person, and now I will never do this again. And so in the same way, for me, I don't know how much guidance I had with somebody. Like, if I had a coach or somebody saying like, no, here, get specific, follow this outline, yeah, I think I could have gotten seeds a lot faster. But I think there's also a reason that I took this long and windy route. And also, I could only do what I knew at the time. And what I know now as well is I never have the full plan. Ever. All I ever really know is like maybe a destination point, an idea, but then the next step. And sometimes when I take that step, it reveals the next sequential step. But sometimes it's like, oh, I had to learn this so I could pivot completely over here. But would I have believed it if I didn't actually feel it? If I wasn't in it, would I have been willing to take that pivot or would I have kind of stuck with it until I felt the pain? And so we're expecting to have this roadmap and to not make any mistakes. And so let me have all 27 steps of the year planned out, but you can't know that. And sometimes you can only know by actually just taking that step. And so that, yes, when I work with people, I have a path that helps people to figure out some truths of who they are quicker. I can never guarantee that by taking whatever they find out isn't going to pivot them in another direction. Like, it is what it is. But for me, that was the only path that I knew. And I, and like I said, I took the steps and I learned through every single one of them. I ended up getting poached to an app company and I moved from social media girl to vice president in a year and a half. And I learned an immense amount of strategy in marketing and growing a company and processes. And I also learned how I refused to be treated in a company, how I refused to be berated by a boss. And so everything there was something in it for me. So to answer your question, yes, there are faster ways than the route that I took. I seek guidance usually when I'm going through into a new realm that I haven't been in before. I almost always have some sort of program, a book, a coach, uh, my husband to bounce things off of. And that saves me a lot of time now, but at the time I couldn't afford any of that. And so I had to just do the damn thing. And I did. And like I said, action, action will always reveal more than overthinking. So if you're sitting there just going to your same job and overthinking what your purpose is, you're probably not going to get very far. But if you're staying with that job and coming home and carving out an hour each day to do some research, to sign up for your domain, to try to put up a website, to ask one of your friends if they— you can coach them for free to get some experience. Like, yes, you will learn and you will find out what you are meant for with that intention and, and real life action.

I love that you mentioned like the, you take the one step and the next step reveals itself. Because I've always, I've always talked about this and I felt it so much in my own life. And I almost like envision it as like, I mean, I think life in general is kind of this video game that we're playing, but I like actually can see in my mind, like the step appears and it's almost like once you take it, the universe rewards you with like, okay. And then there's the next step.

And you're like, oh, okay.

What you're talking about is the idea of faith, right? Which is like trusting and moving before you can see the final destination, before you have the proof, before the entire blueprint is available. And I know you mentioned like going to yoga classes and, and that whole kind of journey taking a while for you to get there, but I'm curious about your like spiritual awakening, if you would call it that, of how you developed this consciousness of trusting in a power greater than you, of believing in something bigger, of, you know, having whatever your version of faith looks like. And I'm sure that's evolved and changed so much in your life, but yeah, how did that play a role in your evolution as well?

I was raised really religious, like 4 days a week at the church, all day Sunday from 9 AM till 5 PM, leadership choir, traveling the West Coast singing at churches and homeless shelters, like very immersed in the church. And when I was a teenager— well, I think the whole time I had a lot of questions that weren't always welcome. And when I was a teenager, after that sexual assault felt oddly. I, I had mentioned it spread around school. People that went to my church had heard about it, but nobody really knew the whole story. I wasn't in charge of my own reputation in that moment. And so all they heard was I was sexually active. And at the time, I was in choir. I loved having solos and parts, and those were taken away from me because I wasn't walking with the Lord. And I just remember feeling so betrayed. But also there was something inside of me where I was like, you know, like, this has felt out of alignment for a long time. Like, this is just guiding you without really the words to hear that. But I started to have a really big aversion to church. It didn't feel like something I was trying for anymore. And I think— and what I mean by that, there was a long time where I was like, maybe if I just try harder, I'll feel what they're talking about. Like, maybe this will make sense if I just like silence my critical thoughts. And so I fell away from the church pretty big then. And then by the time my dad died, I, I just thought there was no God, and I really attached to this idea of no God. But that didn't really feel right either. Something was always pushing me toward that. And so I started to kind of explore other paths. I remember reading Don Miguel Ruiz at a pretty young age also, and just liking this, these more transformative paths, which I don't think a lot of Western religions are. It's more obedience religions rather than transformational religions. Or spiritual paths. And so for years, I remember I would look into like Eastern schools of thought, and it would feel so good. But then I would also like have to say a little prayer to Jesus just in case, like, I'm not trying to go to hell, like, I'm actually just trying to find the right thing. Like, if I'm off, you have to guide me back because I'm just following what feels good. And, uh, and I eventually— it became really important to me, I'm not the kind of person that can have a hole in a story. Like, you could tell me some random story about your friend and be like, but I don't really know this part, and my like ADD hyper-focused brain will be like, well, let me find her on Facebook and look through her last 11 years of posts and see if I can kind of fill in this one. I was a nightmare for ex-boyfriends who were cheating, but it's been really great for my research side. And so I ended up going back and reading a ton of books on theology and going back and reading the Bible with a fine-tooth comb multiple times, and I ended up really understanding how the Bible had been created and, and manipulated specifically by the Roman Empire, which I could go very deep into, but I'll spare you. But yeah, the difference between what Jesus was actually teaching, which is very aligned with Hindu religions— and I have an aversion to the word New Age spirituality because almost all of it is actually just ancient wisdom that's been there since before the Bible even existed— that was when I could finally like breathe, and I was like, okay, Hey, hell doesn't exist. Hell was specifically created 300 years after Jesus died when the Roman Empire took over and needed to legitimize their reign with a unifying religion. So they changed these words that were Gehenna and Sheol and translated them into hell to create fear so that people obeyed in this lifetime. Because if they knew they had another lifetime to relearn all of these things, then there wasn't a reason to obey right now. So I went really deep in that, read probably 40 different books on theology from Bart Ehrman, Sophia The Lost Goddess. And so, yeah, my spiritual path was very deliberate in a way. And again, gratitude for my upbringing, because I needed to feel the disconnect in order to know what actual connection feels like. That awakening happened slowly over time, but I was, I was diving into that in my early 20s. And the yoga was more of the connection to my body. And people who thought in a new way as well. And so it was just finding all of the areas of my life that could back up my new way of being and made it easier to fully align mind, body, and soul.

Something that I think is so beautiful is how when you go on a path like that, you can have all these different twists and turns where you are, you know, indoctrinated to be a hardcore believer of one way or a set of rules or whatever. And then you can swing completely away and say, I don't believe any of it, I'm atheist, or God isn't real or whatever. But then it's like the creator, whoever you believe the creator to be, is like with you and on your side the entire time, helping you pick up the pieces and fit them together for the God of your own understanding, which brings you ultimately back to exactly what you need in your own spiritual journey to like have have this feeling of faith. And I think believing in something is really important. And I always say, like, I really don't care what other people believe, I— but I do think that's important that you believe in something. And so I love that your journey has allowed you to quench that thirst that you had for, like, knowing all the gaps and, like, the, the facts. Because so many people feel that way. They're like, I want to believe in God, but, like, why does the Bible say this, and this doesn't make sense, and this blah blah blah blah blah. But, like, I love that you're an example of someone who has actually gone gone out, done the research, and still ended up at a place where you have faith and you do believe in something greater. I think that's really inspiring for a lot of people who have that inner controversy where they feel like things don't totally add up, and sometimes that makes them lean away from a spiritual path of any kind. But in your story, it helped you actually lean in and just sort of put the pieces together to, to create this version of something that you could to actually trust and believe in, which ultimately is the thing that helps us, you know, take greater action in our life. It helps us be more bold. It helps us, you know, feel more at ease. It helps reduce anxiety. I mean, there's so many beautiful benefits to believing in something. And so I love that your story is, is an example of that.

I have to credit the self-inquiry because at that time I was going inward for the first time in my whole life. No one had ever taught me what it means to go inward, what it means to listen to my voice. And I think so often we assume, what do you mean? I'm with myself all the time. Of course I I know myself better than anyone else, even though how many people say, oh, my partner knows me better than I know myself. That's a bad sign. That is not like a flex in your relationship. That's, that's a bad sign. You should know yourself better, and if you don't, you need to spend that intentional time. Ask yourself questions, allow wisdom to come up. So often you'll realize you know more than you give yourself credit for, but the most important part is, is you start to feel your own alignment system. What feels wrong? What feels good? When are you ignoring red flags? When are you following guidance? When do you not know, and how do you discern that area of like, okay, I don't know what I'm feeling? Like, what do you do then? If you know how to follow your own guidance, you can't really be steered wrong, because again, there are no missteps. Even if you take a step and you have to pivot, that was meant for you because you're listening to yourself and not the rest of world.

So good. Hey, don't forget that every month we are picking a Listener of the Month to win $50 in cash just for showing love to the show. All you have to do is leave an epic review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, screenshot the review before you hit submit, and DM that screenshot to us on Instagram @makeshifthappenpodcast. And that's it. I want to thank you for being such a loyal listener and show my appreciation by putting a little extra cash in your pocket. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review seriously helps the show rank higher and reach new people, so we appreciate them more than you know. We'll announce the next winner at the end of the month and slide into your DMs if it's you, so keep an eye out and good luck. Love you guys, and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen. I want to talk about this idea of like the connection between our personal story and our beliefs beliefs and our manifestation abilities. So like, how does, in your experience and what you help a lot of your clients with, how does like owning the full truth of who we are, what we've been through, what we believe, actually accelerate what we can manifest and kind of create in our lives?

Well, first I want to make it clear for those out there saying like, wait, I don't want to air out all my dirty laundry. I'm a unique person. I tend to put it out there. I like to, I like to go hard with who I am in the beginning so we can figure out for a good fit. I am not a slow burn. I come in pretty hot. That's my personality, and I was like that before there was any intention behind it. You don't have to change who you are and suddenly start laying out everything you've ever done wrong on the table in order to build a life, but it's important that you don't have shame around those things. And so that's the difference. You don't need to be vocal about it, but are you carrying shame? Because I'll tell you what, you cannot build a future from wholeness if you are rejecting parts of yourself that make you whole. And so there was even a period of time where I was on a better path and there were a lot of blocks with what I was doing while a lot of things were still working out really well. So I couldn't necessarily see that I was stuck, but I started to realize when I talk about that version of myself in my 20s, I'd be like, yeah, she was a shit show, like total mess. And I would say it with a little more humor, but I wasn't proud of her. And I remember there was a specific breathwork meditation— this is one of those turning points that was a moment for me. It was one of those heart-opening breathwork moon ceremonies in LA, all the fun stuff. But it was breathe into your belly, then your chest, then exhale. Belly, chest, exhale. And it, it was really awkward at first, and it just felt like I was trying to keep this rhythm that my body wasn't good at. But about 15 minutes in, after I got past my mind of like, why did I sign up for this? This is boring, I don't even like this, it was like something cracked open, right? And, and I, I picture it being a heart opening like that. Something about the belly to the chest, it just opened up. And I remember having all of these tingling sensations, and then suddenly it was like I wasn't in the room anymore, and I could see myself as a child crumpled down, just sort of covering her face. And I was walking closer, and I could hear all of these voices, almost like a loudspeaker, saying things like, you're too loud, nobody wanted you anyways, you're always fucking up just like you always have. 'Nobody even really likes you,' and 'You're too fat, you've gained weight again.' And at first I was like, what is even happening? I was just so immersed in this vision. And then I realized it wasn't some random act of cruelty, it was my own thoughts just berating this child version of me. And she looked up and we locked eyes, and it was like this moment, like I could feel something shift in my body, and I just had this thought that I was the only person that protect— could protect her. I was the adult that she needed. And I think inner child work has been some of the most profound work I've ever done. That kind of opened the door to really being curious about inner child work. And since then, I've done a lot of different meditations of meeting that child and being the adult that she needed and telling her the things that I needed to know. And what I've learned is that so often that inner child, especially if there's trauma, it's locked in that emotional state and it's living inside of you. And so every now and then when you get ultra triggered or you act in a way that you don't really want to, or these, these unconscious ways of being, it's because all of a sudden you tap back into that child and you're just on autopilot. And so a lot of times that version of you doesn't know all that you have accomplished, doesn't know that her worries aren't coming to fruition because a whole different life has played out. And so there's been something really powerful for me about meeting who I am now and, and talking through it, like having her voice her fears and just kind of going back and forth. And it's been really, really healing doing that work. Sometimes even after just one session— and most of these were just on my own, I wasn't paying somebody to guide me through this, I was just reading about it and then doing it by myself— and it's like suddenly I wouldn't get in my way, my way, in the same ways that I had before. And So yeah, there was a lot of, again, the self-inquiry would reveal what was happening. So nobody told me about the, the inner child. It's like, okay, now I'm guided to this and now I'm in this. What's in this for me? How can I learn more? And so I've just continuously done that until the next step sort of revealed itself.

And would you say that the inner child healing and, you know, all the different modalities that you end up kind of being guided towards through the journey of self-inquiry, Victoria Ward, the things that were kind of stepping stones to helping you manifest, you know, greater things in your life, attract different types of people, opportunities, uh, to see clear what your path and your purpose were.

Yeah. And so in those moments, there's been these shifts where suddenly I'm like, wow, why do I feel more free? And it's after that that I start to see how I was getting in my own way versus not. And so for example, a big one that came up was tied to that teenage— the traumatized teenager who had her reputation sort of stolen from her. And when I was trying to grow a life where suddenly I was becoming more visible to people who didn't know me, I realized that I was getting in my own way from having more success for a while because I was afraid of what would happen. I was afraid that I couldn't control my image, and it would bring me back to like my early 20s trying to get my mugshot scrubbed from the internet, which That was my intro to reputation management. Now I kind of wish I hadn't because that would make a hell of a TED Talk slide. But, uh, I cannot find that for the life of me.

Wow. I guess you succeeded.

It's a combination of two things. It's having enough self-awareness to realize where you're getting in your own way, which can be very subtle. And like I said, sometimes for me I didn't see it until I healed it, and then I was like, oh, that was connected this. I didn't even know to look for this. Sometimes it was more obvious, but then other times it was just like, like after that, suddenly I'm like, oh, I feel like I can do this next step. Like suddenly I'm not procrastinating on this next step anymore. But it all came from the self-inquiry. Some of the seeds were all the questions I said that I asked myself. What am I good at? What do I love? What if I could zoom into my funeral and people were talking about my legacy, what would I want them to be saying about me? If I leave something to my children, who do I want them to see their mom as? Like all of these different questions that just arose during different meditative states or like, what else? What next? You know, I didn't just have a list of questions to ask myself. So it's a combination of that, like clarity on what my story's already leading me toward, clarity on what I wanna create from here, how I wanna be spending my time, but then also the clarity of like, okay, what's the next barrier to break? How am I getting in my own way and how can I clear that? And now what am I willing to do? And even now, I don't know what my ultimate legacy is gonna be. I have pivoted a ton of times, but it's all within this one path. And thankfully, when you grow an audience, you can. I've done a membership community, I've done coaching. I decided I liked group programs. I did a group program last year and then realized it's missing my entrepreneurial edge. I know too much strategy to just keep this here. So then I built that in. And then the moment that I got clear on that and the idea of story, it pulled in the thread of also understanding well, I had been working with nonprofits and startups from my early 20s, helping them figure out their story. I realized that the story thread was very connected to my ancient wisdom exploration, even understanding the true consciousness technology in myths and what the Bible was actually trying to teach us before they made it literal. So really, all of my interests converged into one. The moment that that clicked, I wrote a speech, ended up giving a keynote, got amazing feedback. Suddenly something clicked there. I wrote a book in about 2.5 months. And so it's like when I find the thing, all of a sudden I get this surge of energy and I can't stop. And I don't, I just will ride that wave. And that's when I know usually I'm like, okay, it feels like I'm being pushed. It feels like this isn't hard, even though it should be hard. I must be on the right track. And I do that until I feel some sort of friction. And then I get curious again. I'm like, okay, well, why is this here? Am I on the wrong path or? Do I just need a break? Like, what is this telling me? And so it's just constantly looking inside of myself for that guidance.

Yeah, it is that, that journey. Like, it's never going to be linear. Even when you find the thing where you're like, I know I'm meant to be doing this, you do it for a couple of years or in a certain way, and then there's a friction point like you said. And, and things have to evolve, they have to adapt, they have to change. You have to scale, you have to reprioritize. Maybe you have kids. Like, I don't know, I, I think that's something that entrepreneurs in general don't enjoy, obviously. Because it's like we spend so much time trying to crack the code to begin with of like, who am I? What am I meant to do? Like, why am I here? What's my purpose? And then you find the thing and you're like, how do I make money from it? And then you crack that code and you're like, this is working. And then you do it for a while and then you're like, okay, and now I don't like it as much anymore, but like, do I just need to push through and, or, or is there something else? And, and so it's just this like constant, you know, evolution, which is somewhat exhausting, but once you find it, find, like you're saying, that, you know, formula in a sense of knowing when the friction comes, it's really just to help guide you towards the self-inquiry again so that you can find that next turn, that next pivot that's then going to put you on another, you know, rise. And it's just ebbs and flows, right, of life and, and riding that wave. In your experience, like, what do you think when it comes to the convergence of, you know, sharing your story, building something, turning it into a brand, a product, a program, coaching, whatever it is with the people that you've helped, what are some of the, the biggest things that you think holds them back or makes those things fall flat? Because I think there's a lot of people that want to share, but you know, when it comes to messaging, copywriting, the way that they're sharing their story, whether that's through content or written, it can come across very generic and bland. So I'd love to get your perspective on what's the difference maker there.

Resonance. Resonance in, in all of the ways. Like, if you're not resonating with your own story, if you're not feeling your own story, it's really difficult for other people to feel it. I did a public speaking grad program. I was a journalist in college. Like, I have the idea of story from a lot of different angles, including marketing. That was one of the big pieces for me, was realizing in marketing, facts and features don't sell. It's why Apple was so successful. They didn't sell a 512 gigs of RAM. It was the identity of this is what it looks like to be cool with your Apple computer or your phone. And so that's storytelling. And they didn't have to display everything that it had. You can go to the website for that, but people wanted it. And a good marketer knows that, that it's the story that sells people. Even Russell Brunson, one of the most favorite marketers of our time, he calls it the epiphany bridge. What is it that you're trying to bring your audience through? Where was your epiphany? How can you make them feel that same epiphany with you? And in the coaching world, the people, those of us with a big story, quite often the biggest mistake people make is they either skip through it so much that you don't, like, they're not having any connection points, or they're trauma dumping. And it's really hard for the audience to recover if you just lay out your worst moment and then all of a sudden you're trying to, now work with me. It's like, wait, but are you okay? Like, you don't feel healed even just in the way that you told me Don't tell me that. Like, I, I don't wanna go down with you. And so there's a lot of different ways to outline your story. Like I have a 7-part structure that helps people really get to the heart of their story, what their golden thread is. And it starts with that algorithm. Like what's the story running your life without you knowing it? What were you taught about success or love or worth or identity growing up? If you already have your business, it's what were you taught about that? Maybe you're trying to sell AI. It's like, what were you taught about hard work and what cheating is? You know, what was that algorithm? Where were you before you were sold on AI? But if you're really trying to figure out what your story is leading you toward, go broad. Like, what were you taught about everything? Really dump it all out there. Then it's the disruption, the shock that breaks the loop. Like, what was the moment where you're like, wait, hold on, things aren't as they seem, I can't— and then the awakening. When you look back, what did that disruption actually teach you? Then there's the resistance, that battle between old and new. Most of us know what we need to do fix our lives, but we have a hard time actually doing the thing. People live in this space the longest. But this is also a really big area of resonance for people because if I had told someone, yeah, no, I, I realized I didn't like my weight and so I just decided to eat clean and exercise every day. That's not relatable for people because they're sitting there like, okay, I've known this for 19 years and I will go to the gym twice and then I'll give up. And so what's that resistance part where Are you resisting your own change? And then it's the choice when you're like, okay, I'm fed up. I'm actually gonna do something different. Then the embodiment. It's where change meets action. So what were that actions and the habits, the choices that really solidified the transformation? And then the part that I think most people skip over, because this is really very just similar to the hero's journey, what every story structure follows, but where a lot of people miss out is the last step, which I think is really important if you're gonna be teaching somebody something. It's the gold. It's the deeper meaning and patterns that you've extracted when you look back on all of it. If you follow that, you will find a story. But the other tips are around like, okay, don't spend too long. Like, don't— I don't go into that many details about my sexual assault. I don't want people to see it, you know, like feel my pain, to where then they're like still focused on that when I'm trying to show them the light at the end of the The parts that I get really deep on are the realization parts, like the moment in the breathwork, or when I was sitting in that jail cell realizing that things needed to change. Get visceral about that moment that you make the choice. I worked with somebody who was a real estate agent that found all the success that she wanted, and her big turning point moment was when her husband said, "You're never gonna leave real estate though," even though she had this dream of doing something different on the side for years. And she's like, "Ah, that's it." 'That's how he sees me.' And he— she started to realize, wait, we've paid off the house, we did all the goals, like, what am I still chasing? And this is the moment that she goes deep in about her hands gripping the steering wheel, her not being able to go into her office because she is feeling so out of alignment. Those are the moments that you make people feel, because it gives them hope. It kickstarts the transformation of their own pivot, and then they want more. And so there's a lot of other tips to kind of people like find the right points in your story to create that resonance. But you want people to feel the right things, the, the turning point moments, so that they feel hope, not the trauma bond moments to where they then they feel stuck in your pain with you. So that's one of the big differences.

So, so good. I teach something called anecdotal specificity, and so I love you mentioned like the hands on the gripping the steering wheel moment. It's like when you can really— on the select selected moments, like you said, that you really want people to feel the resonance, you go so into the specifics of what that moment was like. Like, what were you doing, thinking, feeling? Like, making it visceral for the person on the other end reading or listening to the story. So, so good. Oh my gosh. Okay, what would you tell someone who's on a journey right now to building something, a purposeful life, something they're passionate about, you know, they're trying to create their own version of success in a way that feels in alignment with their soul's path. And in order to do that, they are building a personal brand of some kind, which means that they have to share their story. They have to put themselves out there in some way, shape, or form, whether it's through video content or blogging or whatever it is. What's one piece of advice that you would give to someone who's like, I've been at this for a while, I'm trying to share my story, my passion, my light, but it doesn't feel like enough people are paying attention.

Focus on the right metrics, because if you're focused on how many people are paying attention, especially in the beginning, that is very discouraging. What I focused on that helps it become more visceral for myself is who am I becoming through this, and then trusting that as you become, the life around you sort of just follows. I focused a lot in that, in those early stages, like a lot of the way that I laid out my path was making sure it was beneficial in a lot of different areas so that I wasn't just pushing this one thing and it's like, but I got 2 followers today, it's not enough. Like, if that's the only thing, that's going to be really hard to just stay consistent with. So for example, when I launched my podcast, and there's actually a universal law that really ties in with this, I'm all about the universal laws, this is actually my view of God, it's not some man in sky. It's the divine matrix that runs through everything, and it is set in motion by these universal laws. And the more you understand them, the more you can kind of play into them. That's what all the secret societies did, the Aleutian Mystery Schools and all of that. But one of them is the Law of Preparedness. And for example, if you're preparing for the apocalypse and you're just like, okay, let me get all the generators, let me get all this, like, and then Y2K doesn't turn out the way you thought it was going to be, you're gonna be like, oh my God, never doing that again. But But if you're like, well, I already live in the mountains, it's nice to have a generator, it's nice to have these battery packs, like, you know, I've been wanting to learn to can, then it just becomes a lifestyle. And then you're always prepared and you're not disappointed if something doesn't happen in the way that you think it's going to. And so for the example of my podcast, the only real destination point that I could see when I was deep in meditation was I could see myself on a stage. That's all I really knew. And when I was backtracking to see, okay, how do I get to that stage with no one else's permission and no money to pay for coaches and all of this at this given moment. And so I thought, well, how can I practice that speaking in a way that's motivating? And so I set up my podcast in a way. I was like, well, a podcast would be a perfect medium for this. Plenty of opportunity to practice impromptu interviewing. But I was like, well, what about my intros? I'll do scripted so that I can get really good at reading a script more naturally. And my outros, I'll do impromptu so that I get good at speaking off the cuff. And so then all of a sudden, every podcast episode was also my deliberate practice for a bigger dream. And I think this has a sort of magic to it. Not only is it easier to show up, and I wasn't— didn't care quite as much about how many listeners were coming in, but I think there's also an energy when you're in that kind of alignment. And all of a sudden my podcast was growing much quicker than everybody else that was in the one podcast program that I took. And so I always try to pack things into that, like, what else is in this for me? And what— how is this tied to my deeper goals? I also thought like, okay, even if nobody listens, How amazing will it be to pass down 500 hours of audio for my children, for them to figure out who I am? Can I also take the transcripts of this and put it to the side and, and be able to reuse this stuff? And so how can this be for more than just one metric for you? Because when it is, it's motivating and it's almost addicting in a way, but I also think that you're rewarded for it.

I love that so much. It's so good. It's like we hear this all the time, especially with manifestation, but like when you when you need nothing, you attract everything. And it's like, you, you're not needing to see the number of listeners go up every single week. You're not needing to see the followers grow. You're not obsessively checking it. You're not in that forceful, you know, desperate kind of energy because you see all these other purposes for it. You see all these other benefits to doing the things that you're doing and realizing that you would be doing them anyway, whether, you know, the listenership grows a ton or, you know, the followers grow or whatever. It's like, well, And now I have all this content and it's helping me storytell better. I'm getting practice and I have these ideas and I can repurpose. And so you have all these other, you know, reasons for why you're doing it helps you take away and kind of depedestalize the one metric that maybe, you know, the brain naturally wants to focus on, which is like, is this making me money or are more people seeing it? And in that, when you have less desperation and attachment to the need for that specific one specific outcome to come true, ironically is usually when it Actually does come true in some way, shape, or form. So I love that so much. This has been so good. Thank you so much for coming on, Melissa. Can you share with people like where they can find you and how they can work with you?

Yeah. My podcast is on any of your favorite platforms, Mind Love, two words. And I also have, for those that want to kind of dive into this storytelling structure, you can go to mindlove.com/magic and I have a whole guide that will recap some of the things that we talked about to just start playing with your own story. Story as well.

So good. All right, we'll link everything in the show notes for you guys. Make sure that you go follow Melissa. If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram stories, tag us both. If you know someone who would love this conversation, copy the link, send it to a message, let them know you were thinking of them. And we will talk to you guys next week. Bye! If you loved this episode, make sure to check out the show notes where I've linked a few similar episodes I know you're also going to love. You'll find them under the similar episodes section in the description down below with direct links so you can dive in and start listening right away, or add them to your cue for later. Binge away for even more growth, expansion, abundance, and fire motivation.