The TOO MUCH Wound: If I'm a lot, then go find less

This one is for all the girls who have ever been told they're too much. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen Podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. Happen. What's up guys, welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited to dive into today's episode because I posted a reel recently on my Instagram with an audio that was like 'If I'm a lot, then go find less.' And that's a fucking vibe forever. And so many of you commenting that you feel this, you needed this, like you needed permission to be a lot, to have the big personality that you have. And then I asked on my stories, you know, 'Have you ever been told that you're too much in any way? And what was— what were you told specifically?' And a lot of The people that responded, the women that responded, what they said was, you know, things like too dramatic, too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too prude, too easy, too ambitious, too independent, too successful, too opinionated. And I think as women, you know, it's interesting because a lot of us carry this wound of I'm not enough. But at the same time, or, you know, maybe for other women, there's this other wound of I'm too much. Like, I'm too much to handle. I'm too big. My personality is too loud. It's too emotional. It's, you know, other people can't hold the amount of energy that I exude, and I'm, I'm too much. And so other words that come to mind when I think about the too much wound is over the top, obnoxious, embarrassing. Intimidating was a big one that you guys sent in. Different and a lot to handle. And I think what's interesting about all of these things is that they really point to someone with a strong personality, right? If you are being called too dramatic, too emotional, too loud, too ambitious, too opinionated, over the top, obnoxious, you're embarrassing, sit down, be quiet, that's too much. You're a lot. All of that points to having a strong personality. And so when you are an individual— and I resonate with this so deeply, and I feel like I've struggled with both of these, both of these wounds of I'm not enough and also I'm too much— but when you're a person that has a really strong personality, it can present challenges for you in your life at work and in dating and relationships and at family dinners and in the comments section on social media. Like, having a strong personality, um, I think it should be hard to hide because it's not something that we are designed to hide. It's not something that we're supposed to hide, even though the world will try to make us think that we should, right? We have opinions, we have a voice, we're expressive, we're outgoing, we're driven. We might be sarcastic or enjoy a good debate, you know. And I think if you're a person that has some of these traits, you probably also have really good comebacks. That was always a claim to fame of mine in high school. Like, my friends would be like, you always have the best comeback, Sam, what should I say? You know, it's just It's having a strong personality sometimes is, is being a person that knows what they want and not being afraid to go and get it, and knowing who you are and not being afraid to let others see that. I think there's so many people walking around in the world that are just terrified of people seeing them for who they actually are. And I think when you're one of these people that does have a big personality or a strong personality or whatever you want to call it, it's like, you know who you are and you're not actually afraid of having other people see it, at least in the beginning. You may along the way have been programmed or conditioned or convinced to shy away from those parts of yourselves, to take those pieces of your personality, to take your ability to share your voice or to cry or to express or to be loud or to be demanding or to be whatever, and you put it in a box because this is, this is, you know, this is the shadow, right? This is— we all create shadows in our life when we witness a part of ourselves being unlovable, or what we perceive to be unlovable. And so we take that piece of ourselves and we put it in a box and we shove it under the bed, and we unconsciously sign a contract that says, I will never be that way again. Because I need to be loved. And if that part of me is not lovable, then okay, fine, I can do that. I just won't be that way anymore. And this, this is the problem, right? So if you are someone that has a strong personality, you resonate with the too much wound, which I think, you know, it's, it's, it's valid also to recognize that this of course comes with its with its own responsibility, its own self-responsibility of us becoming aware of how our strong personality or opinions or emotions or whatever can also lead us to overstepping a boundary or oversharing or unintentionally hurting someone's feelings. Or, you know, like It's not like, oh, we're perfect because we have a big personality and you're the problem, so fuck you. You know, there is also a piece of self-responsibility of, okay, hang on, am I managing this strong personality in an effective way? You know, am I allowing myself to be who I genuinely am without hurting other people in the process? Am I being the fullest expression of myself while also taking complete responsibility for my words and my actions and my behaviors and my triggers and, you know, my responses to things. But I want to talk about like, why, why is this a bad thing? You know, like, why, why have we been taught or convinced that being called too much or being perceived as too much is a bad thing, right? Like, where did we get the negative connotation from? Because honestly, like, what is so wrong about having a strong personality, about being who you really are instead of just another sheep in the herd? Like, what is so wrong about standing out, about being loud, about having an opinion, about sharing your emotions? Honestly, like, what is so wrong about that? That's something that we first have to question because I think it's so easy. This is how limiting beliefs are formed. You know, we see something or we experience something or we interpret or inference something and we just accept it as truth. We're like, okay, that's bad, so I won't do that anymore. I won't be that way anymore. I'll change that. But true self-awareness and self-discovery And self-inquiry is going, hang on, is that actually true? Do I actually feel that way? Do I actually believe that? Or is that just what other people are saying? Is that just what other people are doing, right? What is the truth that lives deep within my soul, within my knowing? Is that really true? That is such a valuable question, so important to ask ourselves this. All the fucking time about literally everything. Like, question everything. You've probably seen that quote before. Question everything. Question everything. Question everything. And I think this is just such a theme of our time right now as we move into the Age of Aquarius and we step out of the Age of Pisces, which is, you know, kind of signified by lies and deception. And this time is considered a great awakening of humanity, and we're actually opening ourselves up to— it's the age of information. And so we are peeling back the layers, we're lifting the veil to the programming, to the lies, to the conditioning. And we're saying, you know what, I don't know about that. I don't know if I actually buy into that. I don't know if I actually believe that. I don't know if that sits right with me. I don't know if that's actually true. And so questioning— this is an important practice, like, for everything in life— is to just, you know, feel into it and really ask that question of, is that actually true? Is that 100% true? And if we can't guarantee that it's 100% true, let's lean in to that piece of doubt and let's expand on it, right? Do this with your own thoughts, with your own limiting beliefs, whether it's a 'I'm too much' or 'I'm not enough' or 'I'll never make that amount of money' or 'this works for everybody else but it doesn't work for me' or 'I'll never feel that way' or 'I don't— I, I don't know if I'll get the relationship or the job or the thing that I want, like when is it gonna happen? It never happens for me. I'm unlucky.' All these things, like these limiting beliefs and thoughts that come into our head Let's pause and question, is that actually true? And there's always room for a small shred of doubt. There's always room for a small shred of doubt. So lean into that instead of just accepting everything that we see and experience and hear as truth, and taking all of your thoughts that like come and visit you and pass through your mind and being like, yep, I thought it, so it must be true. It must be who I am. That's how I am now. Really pausing to be like, wait a minute, do I want to believe that? Is that something I want to entertain? Is that actually true? And if there's any piece of doubt, lean into that and go, okay, how could it not be true? What are the reasons or arguments for why this potentially is not a 100% true fact? And how can I expand on that and create a belief out of that, right? Of, it is possible for me to be successful. It is possible for me to be loved. It is possible for me to find the relationship that I desire. It is possible because I've seen it happen to other people. I know that it exists in the world. Like, I'm not just inventing something crazy from my mind. No, I actually know that that's a possibility. I know that that's real. I know that there's people that can see me for who I am and love me anyway. I know that there's people that would love my drive and my ability to take control or initiative, or my sarcastic humor, or my banter, or whatever it is that has been the reason for you thinking that you're too much. Understanding that there's people that love that shit. They love that. And leaning into that instead, right? So why, why have we been taught that it's bad? Why have we been taught that it's bad, that it's, you know, that to be too much? If we look at, you know, mindset always comes back to like evolution and the history of humankind and all that kind of stuff. So if we, if we dig into like why this might be the case from an evolutionary standpoint, historically, obviously we needed to fit in to survive. And this comes back to the reptilian brain and, you know, the most basic functionings and basic needs of our, of our human brain and how we all on some level perceive otherness as a threat to our own survival, right? Sameness equals safety, otherness equals danger. And so, you know, from that place, historically, humans had to understand that like, if we're not loved, if we're not accepted, and we're not needed by our tribe, We will get left behind and we will die. And so being a lovable and valuable part of the tribe was a way to survive, and we still have that survival mechanism within us, which is why it's so easy for us when we're labeled with some form of otherness, of too muchness, to just immediately retract and go, okay, shoot. Shoot, okay, I won't be— I won't do that anymore. I know that's embarrassing. You're right, I'm sorry. Why did I do that? We just retract, we retreat, and we, and we conform because conformity is safety, right? It always has been. I don't want to say that it always will be, but I don't know. I don't think I'll live long enough to see a world where Conformity doesn't equal safety. But here's, here's the thing that I want to point out. It's not that everybody else is more normal and we're weird for having more emotions or more opinions or more ambition or more expressiveness. It's that everyone else has taken the bait. They've looked around at one point or another in their life and decided that their otherness did not belong. So they swallowed it. They stopped being loud. They stopped raising their hand in class. They stopped getting excited about their achievements and their passions and sharing them with anyone who would listen. They stopped being creative. They stopped dancing in the middle of the sidewalk. They stopped singing off-key to their favorite song. They stopped sharing their opinion for fear of judgment. They took the bait, and instead of trusting who they are, they became like everyone else. And this is honestly how I see a lot of the world today. Like, This army of robots, of people just walking through life on autopilot, doing the same things, reaching the same milestones at the same time period of their life, pursuing the same goals, wearing the same things, buying the same houses, saying the same sayings, having the same mainstream opinions, and convincing themselves that they're happy. And that you are the weird one, that you and your loud mouth and your big emotions and your ambition and your enthusiasm and your out-of-the-box opinions and your sassy humor and your audacity to show up on Instagram or whatever it is is over the top and it's annoying and it's disrupting the mundaneness of their vanilla-ass life and ugh. How embarrassing that must be for you. That's what's actually going on. It's not that you're too much. It's not that you're different. It's not that you're weird. It's that everybody else took the bait. Everybody else got conditioned and convinced away from their authentic self. And you are now an outlier because you're still showing up like the person you were born to be. So I want you to remember that you're only ever going to be too much for the wrong people, because there are a lot of us out here thriving, to be honest, in our too muchness. And we want to be your friend, and we think that you're the shit, and we would be really sad if you ever decided to dim your light because some other person who themselves had forgotten who they were before the world convinced them to be plain told you that you should tone it down.

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Like, that would be really sad because we— there's a, there's a lot of us out here living in our too muchness, being too loud, being too opinionated, being too dramatic, being too emotional, being our fucking selves. And it would be really sad if we, if we lost another one of us. To the societal programming and conditioning that tells us that it's not safe to be who we were designed to be, to be our true authentic selves, you know. And in terms of like, you're only ever too much for the wrong person, I think understanding that this is such a beautiful filtration system Right? This is what I always talk about when I talk about authenticity, is like, being your authentic self is the greatest filtration system on the planet. It's like you are going to be drinking the best, clearest, crispest, cleanest, most beautiful crystalline water in your life, right? These are the people that are going to be in your life because you've filtered them through your Britta, which is your authenticity. Because when you show up as who you fucking are and there's people that are like, oh, that's too much for me. I don't know. What are you doing with your life? How are you ever going to be successful with that? Your life is confusing. You're too loud. Can you stop being so whatever? You automatically know, not my person, not my person. And that's fine. They're just not a fit. They're just not the types of people that you want to entertain in your life. You don't need them and they don't need you. You're not a fit. You're not a match. You're not going to complement each other. You're not going to encourage each other. You're not going to raise each other up and watch each other get better from being in a relationship or having some sort of connection with this person. So why would they be there? Why would we— why would we keep them around? Why would we need them, right? It's going to serve both of us individually to just go our separate ways, right? So the more that you hide your authentic self and you try to not be too loud or not be too ambitious or not be too much or not be too forward or not be too confident. The more that you hide all of that, the more likely you are to just attract people into your life that aren't actually a true fit, because they, they haven't signed the contract and agreed to the you, you, to the true you, to the authentic you. And those are the type of people that you want in your life, are the people that see you in all of your glory and all of your imperfection, and they go I want to be your fucking friend. I love you. You're so much fun. I love your energy. Your ambition inspires me. I love how confident you are. You make me want to be more confident. You make me want to share my opinions more. You make me want to stand in my knowingness of who I am. Those are the people that we want in our lives, and we don't attract them by hiding who we are. We can only ever attract them by being exactly who we were designed to be. And I want to share something with you that kind of inspired this whole episode. I was on the phone with a client the other day, and And, you know, she was telling me how she bought some clothes recently that she wouldn't normally buy that are a little out of her comfort zone. And when they came, she got this like pantsuit and this like corset top, and she put it on and she was like, oh my gosh, like, I feel so powerful. Look at her. Yes, work! And she felt so good. And then the thought popped up of, is this too much? Is this, is this embarrassing? Is this a bit dramatic to be wearing? And I paused her in that moment and I said, okay, but wait, whose voice is that? Because we're not born thinking that we're too dramatic or we're too weird or too loud or we're too anything. Someone else teaches us to believe that about ourselves. So I asked her, you know, 'But whose voice is that? Whose voice was that coming through?' And she, she had to think about it for a minute, but she knew that it wasn't hers. And so I had her ask herself, 'When did you start to feel like you were too dramatic?' Because that was the theme for her specifically. Those were the words that were ingrained in her mind: too dramatic, too dramatic. So I go, ask yourself, when did I start to feel like I was too dramatic? Where did this story begin? And I love when this happens in a client session because it's so cool. You know when you have like an old dusty-ass memory from the depths of your mind that you didn't even know was a memory, and it like, it gets pulled out of a filing cabinet from miles back in your memory, and it just shoots forward to the front and it presents you with the file, and it's like, here I am, this random-ass memory from when you were 8 years old. And this is what happened in this conversation. So this memory came forth from her childhood when she was in about second grade, so she was like 7 or 8 years old, and she was homesick one day from school. And while she was homesick, she was feeling really creative and she decided to write some short stories or poems or something like that. And when, you know, her mom saw them, she was like, "These are great!" And she was super excited about them and she was super proud of them. So her mom helped her print them off on colored paper and she like decorated them and she put all these cute little fairy things all over them and she brought them to school the next day to show her teacher. Which is so beautiful and so innocent. Like, I'm creative and this came out of my soul and I love it. Here, look at it. Please admire it with me. Enjoy it with me. And this, when you're an adult, this is your ambition, this is your passion. But we, we We learn to stifle that, and it's so sad when you can really reflect back and think about your inner child that used to be so excited about the things that she created. You know, I remember, I remember always like making up dance routines and performing plays with my friends. Like, we would spend hours in the basement planning. We would make acting roles and scenes, and we would do like a whole freaking performance. I used to do this with my cousins too, and we would build props and like we'd make this whole thing, and we'd be so excited to run upstairs at the end of the night and get all the parents and be like, come watch, come watch, come watch. I even did this when I was, when I was probably like in my early teens. Like I was a dancer for most of my life. And so my friends and I, even when we were like in our early teens, when we would have sleepovers, we would go outside in the rain and create choreography and just make an emotional ass dance routine that was like sad and moving. And we would film it. We would record. I remember my friend Sam and I, if Sam is listening to this, she'll know, we would record ourselves We'd get our camera out. We would literally record ourselves performing this deep, emotional, lyrical dance in the fucking rain. Like, the level of drama that that is. And that was us just being us.

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Being creative, being expressive, being a human. And so my client, when she took these stories to class to show her teacher that she was so proud of and so excited about The next day at school, some of the boys in her class started to tease her about, you know, whatever it was— being over the top, being a teacher's pet, being a show-off, trying too hard, doing school things while you're home from school. How embarrassing, right? And you know, the interesting thing about trauma is that trauma is not really what happens to you. When we're speaking of little t traumas that we all have, it's like these random memories that come forth from the depths of your mind out of nowhere. If you can pull a memory forth that you have not thought about or even known existed in your head for some reason while you're having a conversation and it comes through for you, that may be a source of trauma. Because trauma isn't necessarily what happens to you. It's the story that you create and the meaning that you integrate into your being from that exchange, from that conversation, from that comment, right? So it's what you carry with you after the experience, not the experience in and of itself. And so a lot of people would think, you know, oh 'Oh, that's just a comment, that's just a kid, that's just whatever, that's not trauma.' But when we can recover these random, dusty, old memories that have no other significance, like it's not an important moment in your life, when we can recover those, there's a reason. There's a reason why. Maybe that's the only moment from second grade that she remembers. I don't know. But, you know, most of us don't have crystal clear memories of every day in class as a second grader, but for some reason there's that one. And so it's important, it's valuable for us to look at that one and be like, what happened here? What did I take from this? What did I make this mean about me? And how did that slowly, unknowingly, over time, change the way that I would show up and how I would behave and how I would express myself. Because that's what happens when we take that piece of ourselves, that piece of our personality, and we put it in a box and we shove it under the bed and we create that shadow. We start to become different in some way. And so a question that I had her ask herself that I think is valuable if you're resonating with this wound of you're too much or you're a lot is, when did my enthusiasm become embarrassing? Because I think that's really what it is. It's like we have this enthusiasm for life or whatever, for just existing. And then suddenly it's embarrassing for some, for whatever reason. So when did that happen, right? When did your enthusiasm become embarrassing? When did it become shameful to be loud or to be silly or to dance or to sing or to share your opinion? When did it become scary or risky? Because that's the moment where you'll know, that's where I created the shadow. This is the story that I've been telling myself, and now I get to rewrite it. And so some, some shadow work here is understanding and questioning for yourself What do I get from remaining unseen, from being quiet, from being quote-unquote normal and not too much? What's the benefit of not being loud, of not being big, of not being opinionated, of not being over the top? How does this protect me? That's a really important piece of the puzzle to understand. So I want you to ask yourself that question and journal on it if you're resonating with this episode. And then maybe asking yourself, how can I practice being seen moving forward? Really unpacking the ways in which you hide yourself. How do you hide yourself? How do you dilute yourself? How do you limit yourself? Where are you putting borders on your personality? And how could you start to break down those walls and become unbridled and unbordered in who you are? How can I practice being seen moving forward? And the most, the most important lesson that I'm taking away from this, because every time I get inspired to record an episode because of a conversation that I have with a client or messages that you guys are sending me on Instagram I always have to sit down first and think, how do I feel about this? What is, what is the message that I want to share about this? And so the most important lesson that came through for me as I was kind of unpacking this theme of the too much wound is that just because other people have lost their connection to self and they've been programmed into believing that being watered down is safer and less embarrassing, doesn't mean that you too should put out your spark, right? Because we're the ones that get to remind everyone else of their truth and their power. We're the ones that get to be the one match that lights a thousand candles. Because when you light a candle with your match, that candle is going to go off and light another candle and light another candle, and that candle will light another candle, and the other candle off to the right will light another candle. And before you know it, it's a sea of light. It is in fact your job to stay lit, to take up space, to allow yourself to be seen, to be loud, to be emotional, to be passionate, to be powerful, to opinionated, to be as authentically you as you can be, because when you do that, you give other women permission to do the same. And instead of us all becoming diluted, watered-down versions of ourselves because that's the only example we can see around us, instead we all become firecrackers. One match at a time. And so that's your job. I want to remind you, I want to reinspire you, that it is your job to be you. It's your job to break down those walls that you've put on yourself, on your personality, and to show up as your most authentic, fully expressed self. Because we actually need you. We don't need more vanilla. We don't need more plain. We don't need no boring. We don't need more unopinionated. We need more authenticity. We need more revival. We need more rebellion. We need more independent thinkers. We need more loud voices. We need more fists in the air. And if you're feeling this, which I hope that you are, I just want you to know that like, I see you, and I really, really hope that you are never convinced or conditioned away from your true self. So I want to end this episode with a quote that I love that is so bold and so sassy and fits so much for all the women who are listening that have ever been told that they're too much, which is, I will not water myself down to make me more digestible for you. You can choke. And we're just gonna end it there. I hope this episode inspired you. I hope it uplifted you. I hope it lit a fire under your bum, in your soul. Like, mm, I just want you to go out there and be you. Be loud, be beautiful, take up space, share your opinion. Share your emotions, go after your goals, create the life you want to live. You deserve it. I'm so proud of you. I honor you. I see you. I love you. If this episode landed for you, I would love for you to take a screenshot and share it to your stories on Instagram or send it to another woman who you think you have some little inkling that she might resonate to. Thank you guys so much. I will see you next week. Bye.