Tough Love Chat: Taking Risks to Change Your Life

Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen.

I'm coming back for another tough love chat. This conversation is going to be all about really looking at your life situation, analyzing where you're at, figuring out what the worst case scenario is, and prompting you to take more risk. So risk is something that a lot of us are not typically willing to take in life. We're scared of risk. Obviously, there's a reason why it's called a risk, because there's something that you could gain and there's also something that you could lose, right? So when we're talking about taking risks in life, a lot of times this means like doing those free falls where you take a leap and you don't necessarily know what the outcome is gonna be. You have to have this element of trust in order to take a healthy level of risk in your life, and you need a healthy level of risk in your life in order to get your desired outcomes and get where you're trying to go, right? So I would not be where I am today if I hadn't taken certain risks like turning down my corporate job offer to move to Spain, like banking on this relationship, this guy that I had been dating for a couple of months and being like, yeah, I'm just gonna turn down these job offers and move to Europe. Like that was a huge risk obviously, right? Turning down my job offer and coming here to teach English, which was not smart on paper. It was not lucrative. There was not money in it. There was not anything in it for my resume per se. I guess I could have like, you know, made it be about travel and experience, but like, okay, really? I was trying to go into marketing and public relations and I was teaching ABCs in an elementary school in a foreign country because I wanted to date my boyfriend. That's just the reality of what it was, right? So it was a risk. There was a risk. Yeah, and then there was the risk that I took when I quit one of my teaching jobs here with no backup plan. I didn't know what I was gonna do yet, but I knew that that job was really, really affecting my mental health. I hated waking up every day. If you've ever worked in a job that you don't like, you know this feeling. It's like, oh my gosh, you savor the weekends so much and you dread the feeling of Monday. The alarm goes off on Monday and you're like, no, like your whole soul just like crunches into a ball. And you just don't want to go, and like you're trying to keep yourself positive and you're like, okay, we can do this, like just think positive, it's not that bad. Like you try to convince yourself that it's not that bad, but it is that bad because you fucking hate your life, waking up, going to that job. So if you've been there, hi, hello, been there. We need to do something about that for you because that is not a way to live. And we think that we should be able to push through, we think that we should just be able to get over it, we think that we should just be grateful for the job that we have, but Taking risk and doing something that's good for you and your mental health is not being ungrateful, right? Recognizing that where you are is not where you want to stay is not being ungrateful. You're allowed to shift and change and move and expand and do different things without being ungrateful. So that's the thing that I see a lot when it comes to taking risks, is like, oh, but I should just be grateful, I should just be happy for what I have. Like, some people don't have a job and Amazing. True. Yes, some people don't have a job, but guess what? There's always gonna be people in the world that don't have a job. There's always gonna be people in the world that have less privilege than you. There's always gonna be people in the world that have less money than you, less access than you, less food than you, less water than you, less safety than you. There's always gonna be someone that has less than you. And if you allow gratitude to be a punishment that you place on top of yourself, you will never get to a place where you get to help those kinds of people. That is just the fucking truth, right? So if you keep living in this story of, I just be grateful, I should just be happy, I should just take what I can get— no, it's actually your responsibility as a person of privilege and opportunity to create more for yourself so that you can live in a place of abundance and joy and love and happiness and overflow of money and resources or whatever it is so that you can spread that to others. Whether that's through money or it's through giving or it's through the way that you show up in the world and the way that you present yourself. Because guess what? You're happy. And when you're happy, when you're truly, truly happy from within, you give more of yourself to others. You show up better. You ripple out to the rest of the world in such a better energy than when you hate your life or you hate your job or you're frustrated by your circumstances or whatever it is, right? So I kind of talked about this on the live that I did this week with my friend Lori. And it's just like this tough love of like, if you have something in your life right now that you actively dislike, it's a situation that's recurring for you, it's regular, whether it's a job or some sort of drama in your life or a situation with a family member or a friend or something that is just like nagging, it's this thing that's there and it's hanging over you. If you have something like that, you need to fix it. You need to do something about it. And in order to do something about it, you need to do something different.

You can't just keep doing what you've always been doing.

You can't just keep waking up every day and living on autopilot and thinking that your problems are gonna solve themselves. They're not. They're not. You cannot move in the same way and get a different result. That is the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting that things are gonna change. You're gonna get a different result. You have to get out of your comfort zone. You have to do something new. You have to take a risk. You have to jump outside of bounds of what you've always known and what you've always done. If you want to create a life that you haven't experienced yet, or a relationship, or a career, or a level of abundance or fulfillment that you haven't experienced yet— if you want that, you need to start doing things differently. That is just like the cold hard truth. And I think people hear that and like, okay, I'm gonna do things differently. But how many times have we said, oh, I'm gonna wake up earlier, or I'm just gonna like set boundaries, or I'm gonna tell them that You know, I'm finally gonna stand up for myself, or I'm gonna say no, or whatever. And then you get into the situation and you, mm, you just do the same thing that you've always done because it's so much deeper than just making a choice of, oh, I like— I'm gonna do it differently now. I'm gonna change now. I'm really gonna commit to these habits now, or I'm gonna change my pattern now, or I'm gonna stand up for myself now, or You know, I'm gonna have more boundaries now, or I'm gonna quit my job, nor I'm really gonna start this business now. It's so much more than having a conscious knowing. It's really, really understanding the subconscious thoughts, beliefs, patterns, habits, behaviors that are stopping you, which is why it's so hard for us to create change. It's so hard for us to implement a new habit or do something differently or respond in a new way in an argument, or when we're triggered, or when we're offended. Like, why do we always go back to our cornerstone behaviors when we feel triggered or upset, it's because that's an ingrained piece of our programming, right? And so the next time you're in an uncomfortable situation or conversation and where you have the opportunity to stand in your worth, whether it's at work or in your relationship, if you have the opportunity to, you know, stand up and speak and say something in the office or demonstrate your worth or ask for a raise or show your numbers and, you know, demonstrate your worth in some way so that you can move up or get whatever result you you probably aren't gonna do that if you haven't already done the inner work to condition yourself to be able to have that conversation. Because you're gonna get into this situation of uncomfortability and you're gonna snap back into your old patterns of what happens when you feel uncomfortable, when you feel out of place, when you feel called out, when you feel nervous, when you feel worried about the opinions of others. So this is why, in order to take that healthy level of risk in your life to start making changes, you have to do the inner work, which is why obviously, like, I teach this stuff because you can tell I'm so passionate about it and so obsessed with it because I know how much it works and how much it matters, right? You can have strategy all day long. You can have the best resume on the fucking planet. If your energy is not right, if your headspace is not right, if you don't know how to handle those conversations and sit in uncomfortability and stand in your worth, it doesn't matter. It does not matter. It doesn't matter. You could be literally the most beautiful person on the planet, and if you don't know how to ask for what you want and stand in your worth and communicate effectively and respond well to triggers and not self-abandon when you realize that someone that you're dating wants something different than you, then you won't, you won't be in that long-term happy relationship that you're desiring. You could be the most drop-dead beautiful gorgeous person on the planet Right, you could be all the things that you think that you need to be in order to be in that relationship and still not be in that relationship because it's not actually about that stuff, right? It's about the fact that you go on the date and the whole time you're just thinking, I hope he likes you, I hope he likes me, I hope he likes me, and you're not actually thinking about what do I want, right? My worth is high, so what does this person have to offer me? Do I like them, right? Do I want to give them a second date? Right, what is this conversation like for me? What are their values? What do they want out of life? Does that match with me? They seem like they're pretty casual. They're not looking for something serious. That doesn't match with me. So I'm gonna filter them out, right? I'm gonna say, you know, it was really great meeting you. You're super good-looking, but it's not a fit for me because I'm really looking for something serious, and I can feel that you're looking for something casual. Like, how many people do you know that would be able to do that? Most people would just like go into their corner and be like, okay, but he kind of likes me. Like, I'll just roll with it until, you know, he's the one to like throw me out, throw me out of the deck, like throw my card out of the deck, right? I'll just wait until the other person stands in their worth and the other person stands in their wants, needs, and desires. And I'll just wait until that doesn't match up anymore, even though I already know that it's not a match already. But I'm so obsessed with receiving the validation that I'm just gonna stay here and hope Let's just hope that it'll turn into something that I want. Let's just hope that this job will like change and it'll just turn into something that I want. Let's just hope that this date or this person will change a little bit and it will just, it'll just, you know, it'll work itself out and it'll just become something that I want, you know? No. Stop. This is self-abandonment and we are rampant. With self-abandoners. We're all guilty of this. Like, I've done this. Everybody listening to this has done this at some point, right? Where someone has said something, you felt your instinctual response, you don't agree, or it's not in alignment, and then you just fit in the box. You're like, nope, don't want conflict, don't want to rock the boat, don't want to say what I actually want to say. I'm just gonna pop myself in this little box, sit in the cookie cutter mold, and chill. In the comfort of not having anyone have an opinion about me or not having to like stand up for myself.

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That's not how we get what we want out of life, because when you don't stand in the truth of what you want, you always inevitably get what you don't want, right? So by not standing in your worth on the date, and saying like, ooh, it feels like you want something casual. I'm not sure that we're a match because I don't really want that right now. You continue down that path with that person of like, we're just having fun, we're going on dates, like, I think he likes me. And then some— for some reason it unravels, it doesn't work out, you get really jealous, or, you know, it's, it's not working. Because why? Because you didn't stand in the truth of what you wanted to begin with, right? You knew, hey, this doesn't feel like this person wants the same things as me. I feel like I'm really ready to find my person. I'm really ready to be in this like committed relationship, and I can tell that they're kind of a fuckboy, but I'm gonna entertain it because they're cute or because it's fun or because I get validation or because whatever. So you abandon yourself in order to receive that fleeting connection, and then you inevitably get what you don't want, which is wasted time and not the type of relationship that you were looking for. This happens with jobs all the time too. Like, let's just hope, right, that this changes and that it fixes itself and that, you know, it'll get better. Like, if you're unhappy with something, if you don't like it, then change it. But in order to change it, there's a level of risk, right? Which is where everybody falls short. They stop there. They don't move forward. They're like, mm, but what if I never find another job? What if it looks bad on my resume? Mm, what if I— what if I can't pay my rent? What if I have to move in with my parents? What are my friends gonna say? That looks dumb. This is a perfectly good job. Why would I just quit? Like, you know, all the— all the mental chatter comes through, which is what stops us from taking the action and doing the things that would actually create the life that we want. Which is why, you guys, we need support. We need support in our journey of creating our dream life because it's really, really hard. I know how hard it is. It's really hard to make new decisions and jump and take that free fall and take that risk, right? It's really, really tough. But here's something I want you to think about. I was listening to Angie Lee today, and she inspired me to kind of talk about this because she said, what if you're already in your worst-case scenario? And I want you to really think about this, because if you're, if you're sitting in a situation in your life where you're like, mm, I don't really like this, not fully fulfilling. I'm not making the money that I want, or I'm not having the impact that I want, or I'm not feeling lit up or fulfilled by my role as much as I would like to, or I'm not in a loving relationship that, like, I would like to be in, or I'm not living in the city or the part of the world that I would like to be in. Whatever it is, you're sitting in some version of your life that's not fully what you want it to be, right? Isn't that sort of already the worst-case scenario? 'Cause like you might be thinking, I might never find my person. What if, what if I hate my job forever? What if, what if this company doesn't hire me or they never promote me, you know, and I don't move up? Or what if this guy doesn't want to date me? Or what if no one buys my product or service? I really want to start a business, but like what if, what if it flops and no one buys for me? It's like, that's your reality already. Sitting where you are, you're already living that reality. People aren't buying your product or service. You're not getting promoted. You're not enjoying your day-to-day life at work. You are hating your job. You're not with your person that you're trying to find or in the relationship that you want to be in. Like, you're, you're already there. You're already in the worst-case scenario. So what do you have to lose, right? What is the harm in trying something new, in making a new move, in taking that risk, right? And how can you start to get more comfortable with risk in your life? The only way is through practice, right? We only— the only way we get better at anything is practice. Like, literally every single thing in life is hard until you practice it. Like, walking is fucking hard when you're a baby. Like, you fall down a lot. It's the most challenging thing ever. It's hard sitting up, even holding your head on top of your neck. Like, Everything in life is hard until you practice it. So the only way that you're gonna get better at taking risks and betting on yourself and trusting yourself and honoring what you want out of life and saying no to the things that are not that— the only way that you're gonna get better at doing that is if you start, is if you rip the Band-Aid off and you use some moment, some opportunity in your life to like seize it and and jump really far out of your comfort zone and be like, fuck it, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. Like, I just, I have to start somewhere, right? You have to take some risk. You have to be willing to lose something in order to gain, right? It's like investing. It's like the stock market. It's like anything. It's like, yeah, you could make a lot of money, but also you could lose a lot of money. But there's a fuckload of people investing in the stock market. Why? Because the opportunity for growth outweighs the opportunity of loss. And we need to start looking at our lives through that lens a lot more, of being willing to take those risks, right? And you probably are already, in some cases, in the worst-case scenario of what you're afraid of. You know, you're already living it, you're already there, you're already feeling stuck, you're already feeling unfulfilled, you're already feeling lost, you're already feeling lonely, you're already feeling not abundant. Like, you're already in the worst-case scenario, you know, so let's do something else. Let's try something different. Let's, let's do something new. Let's shake it up. Let's radically jump out of your comfort zone and like change that and start to practice that feeling of free-falling, of like, you know what, Jesus take the wheel, right? I'm quitting my job, or I'm starting that business, or I'm going on that date after I've been avoiding dating for so long, or I'm telling this guy finally that this isn't what I want, so it's not gonna work for me anymore. Like, you have to stand up for yourself, and you have to take these risks if you want to live a life that you wake up every day and the feeling of your alarm going off is like, ah, I'm excited for today, right? Like, this is the feeling that I want to give to all of my clients, is waking up and being excited just about the day, just about your life, about what you get to do. Looking at your to-do list for the day and being like, I can't believe this is my to-do list. I can't believe these are the things that I get to do, right? You can have that. You can have that. And if you believe for some reason that you can't because of who you are or where you live or what you've studied or the years that you've put into X, Y, or Z and it's too far gone, or whatever crazy stories, right? You have to understand that that's simply a story. It's a story that you've told yourself. It's a belief about your identity, about who you are, about what you're capable of. And we can change that too, because if you change the way that you identify and what you believe to be true about yourself, you will change the way that you show up. You actually will take risks because you believe that you'll be capable of receiving the reward. But if you believe all that wouldn't happen for me, or I can't have that, or that's not gonna work because I studied this, or I've been this many years in this, or I have this type of family, or, you know, whatever— if you believe that, then of course you're not gonna take the aligned action towards it. Of course you're not gonna take the amount of risk required towards it because you feel like it's not worth it. So that's why we, we have to start with the belief systems. That's what's gonna allow you to radically shift and start to show up in the world and in your life in new ways and have that ultimate outcome of waking up and just loving your life and your day and what you get to do. I was just talking about this the other day. I woke up on Monday this week and I thought it was Sunday. My alarm went off and I was like, that's weird, I forgot to turn my alarm off, it's Sunday. And then I turned my alarm off and I realized, oh my god, it's Monday. And I, I just so vividly had this memory of if that would have happened to me a few years ago, I I would have like— it would have started my day off so on the wrong foot. It would have started my day off so badly. I would have been like, no, are you kidding me? Like, I thought it was Sunday and I was gonna wake up and have coffee and have a slow day and like chill, and now I have to like go to this job that I hate, right? It would have been devastating. But actually, when I realized it was Monday, I was excited because I was like, oh my god, I have my live video scheduled today with Lori, and then I get to do a podcast, and I get to talk to my client Jen. And I was excited, like, because my to-do list is fun. It's inspiring. I love it. Like, and I want you to have that. I want all of my clients to have that. Like, that is the life that we all deserve. And if I can help you in some way start to shift your belief system so that you do believe that you deserve it, and then also start to take those actions and risks towards being able to receive it, then like, my job is done, you know? And I've helped almost 100 women transform their lives, relationships, and careers by doing this type of work. So if you're sitting here, if you're watching this, if you're identifying with any of these things that I'm saying, if you're like, oh my gosh, okay, I need to stand in my power, I need to I need to do something different. I'm already in my worst-case scenario. Like, I want things to be different. I want to love my life. I want to love waking up on Monday. Like, then this is for you. This is for you because it is so, so real, the amount of change that you can make and the beauty and joy and abundance and fulfillment that you can create in your life by simply choosing to start, by taking that first big risk and doing something different, putting your money on the line. Like, that is a huge—

I'm not gonna lie, that is a huge part of it.

Like, you have to put your money on the line in order for your ass to be on fire. That's what makes people move, right? That's what makes people be like, oh fuck, like, I, you know, like, I have to get something out of this experience. So I'm gonna pay attention. I'm gonna ask questions. I'm gonna learn from Sam. I'm gonna watch the videos. I'm gonna go to the coaching calls. Like, I'm gonna make something out of this. Like, don't get it twisted, investments are really, really powerful at influencing us. Us. Like, just this year alone, I've spent over $35,000 on my own coaches and mentors and investing just in myself. Intangible goods, like nothing that I've received in physical. It's just conversation, calls, information, right? That's a lot of money, but it's a lot of growth that I've had. A lot of growth. I built a 6-figure business in 1 year. And I did that by initially borrowing $5,000 so that I could invest in my first coach, right? And then by the next time I wanted to invest in a coach, I had all the money that I needed to make the 5-figure investment by myself because it's a snowball effect. When you start to do this work, your life rapidly changes and evolves and grows. So it's really, really hard to wrap your head around it when you're not in it yet. And then you probably see all these people in personal development blabbing on about it and talking about it and writing books about it and podcasting all about it. And you're like, I wish they would just like shut up already. Or like, I get it, like it's probably amazing, but like it's one of those things where when you experience it for yourself, when you completely shift your identity and your life and your day-to-day and your happiness and your joy and your abundance, you're like, oh my god, you guys, this is the best thing ever. And then you want to share it with everybody too, right? You catch the bug. It's like traveling. If you've ever like taken a big trip, traveled abroad somewhere, you're just like, holy shit, you guys, like the world is so fucking cool. Like you got to see it. Like we got to go places. When's the next trip? Buy me a flight. Like I don't even care. I'll throw hundreds, thousands on it. Like let's go. It's the same thing. It's like you get infected with the, the high of the results of being able to change your life and create an experience here on earth that is just so juicy and fulfilled and decadent. And like, that's just my passion. That's what I want everybody to have. I want all of us to get to the end of our lives and be like, that was fucking awesome. Like, that was sick. Like, I loved every minute of that, you know? Like, that is what I want every single person to feel. So that's my mission as a coach, is touch as many lives as possible, help as many people radically shift and change their experiences so that they have that feeling of like, I love my life. Like, this is like the juiciest, funnest, like most exciting wild ride ever, and I'm so happy to be on it. All right, you guys, this is it. Love you. Bye.