Why People Follow You: The 3 Identity Standards That Create Real Influence

What's up, you guys? Welcome back to the podcast. In this episode, we're gonna be talking about why people follow you and the 3 identity standards that create real influence. So I think that most people think that followers come from the algorithms on social media, or that being influential comes from the titles that you hold or the authority that you have. But people don't actually end up following the smartest person in the room. They follow the person that has the most conviction. They follow the person whose energy feels really grounded and secure. They follow the person who knows who they are and isn't wobbling or wavering constantly. They follow the person who moves with certainty and self-trust. So today I want to share the 3 things that actually make people want to follow you, to pay attention, to buy from you, to trust you, and not just online, but in real life too. So these are going to be my top identity standards for high-level leaders. Let's dive into it. Welcome to the Makeshift Happen podcast. I'm your host, Samantha Daly, entrepreneur, life coach, and your no BS bestie, here to bring you all things mindset, manifestation, and personal development. This podcast is designed to help you expand your mind and uplevel your life. So turn the volume up and roll the windows down if you're coming along for the ride. Let's go make shit happen. The first thing that makes people really want to follow you is conviction. It's standing in the truth of who you are, knowing what you want, what you value, and what you stand for, and really owning those things proudly without trying to soften it for the approval of others or being really palatable. Conviction is an energy. It's really like a frequency. And I talk about this a lot when I teach my clients about Million Dollar Messaging, because there are always two sides to any messaging or sales copy or anything that we're using to market ourselves, our business, our brand, any of that. There's the first side, which is what you're actually saying. And there's the second side, which is the energy or the current that's running underneath that. And it's something that is not visible to the naked eye, but it is felt.. And we all know what it feels like when you're listening to someone speak who's truly convicted in what they believe, who they are, where they're going, versus someone who you can tell is saying one thing, but maybe they're going through something else internally, or they're not totally aligned with this version of who they're presenting anymore. You can feel it. We've all felt that watching people online, influencers, celebrities, speakers, whatever it is, right? So people who exude confidence, they end up making really natural leaders because of the fact that people are not going to just follow the person who has the most credentials or the smartest person or the most skilled person. They really wanna follow the person that leads and commands a room. It's like that classic example of like, if you were trapped inside of a building and a fire was going off and you needed to pick one person in your life or one person that you were in the room with to lead you to safety, who are you going to pick? You're gonna look around and you're gonna think about the person in your life or the person that you know that has the most confidence and conviction. It's not that they're the smartest or they have the most studies or they have the most credentials or they have the most on their resume. The person that you are going to trust to lead you to safety from a point of chaos or disaster or danger is the person who's like, I've got a plan. It's the person who steps up and is like, all right, we got this. I know exactly what we need to do. You're on this, you're on that. I'm gonna do this. Here's where we're going. This is what we're doing. They lay out the plan. They have confidence in the fact that you're going to make it to safety. And so you don't give a fuck about their skills, their titles, their authority. You're like, that is the person I am going to follow. And so that's kind of the energy that we're talking about here when we talk about the fact that conviction really makes people wanna follow along, whether that's in the most like lighthearted way in terms of social media followers, or if you're building a brand or whatever. Whatever, or it's in like a really deep way in terms of who's going to be a really good leader as your life partner that you're choosing, or someone who you want to be your husband or the father of your children. You can kind of look for this energy in people, and you realize that there's the people in your life that have this energy, you probably respect them a lot. Like when I think about the fire example, I'm like, okay, if our house started on fire, immediately I'm looking to my dad because my dad is the person who naturally has this confidence, conviction, leadership, energy. It doesn't matter about his skills or level of intelligence. Like, he's the guy where you're like, whatever you say that we're doing. If I had to go to war, if there was a fucking invasion, whether it was military invasion from another country or it was aliens coming to Earth or whatever it was, I'm calling up Pops. I'm on my dad's team. I'm like, whatever you say we're doing, whatever you say is a strategy. That's where I'm going. You lead, I'mma follow. And that's an energy that people have. And I think that For some people it's natural, and in other people it has to be trained. But true influence is being able to persuade other people to take action. And you're not going to be able to do that if you have timid, half-baked opinions or this kind of lukewarm energy with the way you approach your content or what you teach or what you talk about online or even in your real life. You have to be willing to say it with your chest and like just fucking stand on business, 10 toes down, right? You've got to be Justin Bieber on the sidewalk. Like, I'm standing on business. I'm not the one. I don't know who's paying you to provoke me, but I'm not the fucking one. Okay? That's like the energy of conviction. Say it with your chest. Believe what you are speaking about genuinely. If you don't fully believe what you're teaching or what you're saying, or you're just saying it because everyone else is saying it, or you're parroting, someone else who's more popular in your sphere, in your niche online, or you're saying something because you think it seems like the most palatable stance to take, or that's generally what is accepted by the public, then you're a sellout. No, I'm just kidding. But like, people can feel when your full heart isn't behind what you're teaching or saying or doing, and that creates the tiniest fracture in the like, know, and trust factor that we are all working so hard to build so that we can build influence, make sales, create real impact in the world, right? Because influence is being able to persuade other people to take action. And sometimes the action that you want them to take is for them to wake up, for them to improve their routines, get healthier, regulate their emotions, heal their trauma, be a better parent. Like, there's a lot of people out here, especially the women that I work with, that are doing really, really important work that has an insane ripple effect in the world if we could actually persuade more people to take these actions. But in order to do that, you need to be a woman of influence. And if you want to be a woman of influence, then you need to have conviction, which means you need to stand on business, 10 toes down, say it with your chest. Like, you can't be creating these tiny fractures in the like, know, and trust factor because it's severing all those opportunities for you to make even more impact in the world. And this is where I see this come up a lot, specifically like in the digital education space, in the coaching space. And let me know if you guys resonate with this and if you felt this before, but have you ever seen someone online start to kind of talk and express and use the same vocabulary as someone that you know that they're working with as their coach or their mentor to the point where it's like almost creepy, where they're like developing the exact same cadence and like it's almost like they have the same kind of accent or it's like they're using the same speaking tone. Like for me, when I see this happening, it's the biggest turnoff. Immediately I'm like, for me, you're no longer a leader, you're a copycat. And so conviction to me is not just like owning who you are and what you believe in, what you teach, but it's also being someone who has the courage to think for themselves. That I respect so much. And that is embedded in this like energy and frequency of conviction of like, this is a person who has proprietary thoughts and perspectives. They have unique takes on things. They have thoughtful reflections. It's not just a regurgitation of what everyone else is saying or what their mentor said or what someone else said. Like, no, they actually have the courage to think for themselves and say what they mean and fucking mean it. That is conviction to me. I think this is a really underrated factor in what ends up making people want to follow you, not just click a follow button on social media. But when I say follow, I mean like be led by you, to be inspired by you, to take actions based off of your teachings and the advice that you give. If you actually want to be a leader, you have to carry this energy of deep conviction. So a little question that you can ask yourself, and this is always good, I'm asking myself this constantly because I'm always wanting to challenge challenge how I'm expressing myself, not just in my real life but also online. So it's like, where are you diluting your truth to stay likable? Or where are you diluting your beliefs, your opinions, in order to stay likable? We live in an age of cancel culture, which we've talked about many times on the show. And so I think that makes this more challenging. And also, there's always a new layer to this, right? So when I was at the beginning of my journey, first starting out online, what I would be thinking about, or the way that I would answer this question, would look totally different than what it looks like now. So I think it's just a really good question to continuously reflect as you grow in your journey and as you become more comfortable within your sphere of influence, whether that's in person, in your real life, online, or both. But really just asking yourself today in 2026, where am I still diluting parts of my truth, my beliefs, my opinions, or my personality in order to stay likable, in order to stay safe? That's a spicy one. Now, this next identity standard that I think is required to really have massive influence and to make people want to follow you. And again, follow doesn't mean just follow you online on social media. It means actually be led by you to do what you are saying and what you are doing. If you want to be a leader, your job as a leader is to stay grounded when everyone else is spiraling. So this identity standard is emotional stability. And I think so many people do not have this., and that is why they can be popular, but they are not as wildly influential or they're not as big of a leader or as effective as a leader as they could be because they're lacking emotional stability. So being a leader, being influential doesn't mean being the most popular. A lot of times those things are correlated and they can go hand in hand. But I think if you're seeking popularity, you're gonna look at some different factors than if you're seeking true leadership and influence. So that's kind of like what we're talking about here, which is why I think it's important to make that distinction. You can look at really, really popular people and be like, they have no emotional stability. And it's like, fair enough, cuz that's a different skillset, right? So we're talking about true leadership, being a person of influence, being someone where people respect you. They want to be led by you. They wanna listen to what you say. They wanna take your advice. They wanna follow in your footsteps. If they're on your team, they want to work for you. They believe in the mission and the vision, and they want to follow along in your footsteps of what you're saying. This is where we're going. This is where we're taking in the company. This is, you know, what I believe is possible. So your job as leader is to stay grounded when everyone else is spiraling. The best examples that I can think of for this is like, first, you know, there was a trend on social media where parents would be holding their baby or toddler and they would walk through a doorframe and they would pretend they would hit the doorframe with their shoe or something, and they would make the motion of pretending that they bonked the baby's head on the wall. They didn't actually hit the baby's head at all, but they made the sound and the motion of it. And then they reacted, the parent's face gets filled with like panic and fear and they look at the baby like, oh no, are you okay? And then of course, what is the baby going to start to do? They're going to start to cry. They're not injured. They're not hurt. They didn't hit their head at all, but they're mirroring the emotions of the leader. So as the parent in that moment, you are the emotional guide. You are the emotional leader for your children. And so when you go, oh my God, are you okay? They're like, holy shit, something bad just happened to me. Fuck, I don't know if I'm I'm okay. And they start crying, right? And that's also the case for like the way that we lead our families, our communities, our audiences, our clients. You are the one that they are looking to for how we're supposed to be feeling about a lot of things that are happening in life and in business. Another example of this is like a flight attendant. If you're on a plane and there's a bunch of turbulence or there's something happens, they put the seatbelt sign on, there's some dinging, there's whatever you're like, okay, is this just regular turbulence or is like something bad actually happening? You're looking around, who are you gonna look to? You're gonna look to the people of authority in your vicinity, which at that point is going to be flight attendants. You can't see the pilot. If you could, you'd obviously look to his face because you think that he's more of an authority than the flight attendant. But you only have access to flight attendants. You're kind of looking around, you're sussing, like, are they panicking? Do they look normal? Are they calm? If the flight attendant starts freaking out or you can tell that they are moving quickly, they're rushing to their seat, or they look panicked within themselves, then it's pretty likely that a lot of other people on the plane are going to start to panic. Because again, we look to leaders or authority figures to see how we should be feeling and reacting to the things that are taking place in our life and in our business. So if you are a leader of a company, of a team, of an audience, of anything, of a family, right? It's really important that you recognize people are going to end up mirroring your internal emotional state. And so this is why, especially if you're an entrepreneur, a boss, a founder, CEO, influencer, public persona of any kind, whatever you are, whatever role you're playing in your life at this moment, it's so important that you develop the scale of emotional stability, of regulating your emotions, of being solid. And so I think about this in terms of like what I do and my role that I'm playing in my life and my business at this point and how I can be a constant in people's lives. How can I be really a steady source for people when the tides are changing and water is getting rough and there's a lot happening and, and the emotions are thrashing for people and the world is crazy and all this stuff is happening? How can I How can I be emotionally stable and consistent for my people? And when you're able to do this as a leader, this makes the people around you feel safe. They feel calm, they feel secure. They're able to take more risks, to try new things, to get shit done, to mess up, to pivot, to figure it out. Like, they're— they have the capacity to actually do what they need to do because they are contained within the safety of knowing this is a steady presence in my life. Person's got me. So whether that's you as a mentor or a parent or an influencer that people look to for that like level of support, when your moods are like up and down all over the place, roller coaster, your energy is kind of predictable. Some days you're fully on it and you're ready to go, and other days you're like frantic or totally distracted or just letting emotions rule your life. You're stressed, you're overwhelmed, you're chaotic. Maybe people don't really know what side of you they're going to get. Sometimes you're like really friendly and on top of it and, and ready to go. And other times your responses are suddenly short because you've had a hard day. All of this creates unpredictability, which feels inherently chaotic and unsafe for anyone that you are trying to lead— your clients, your audience, your family, whoever. So you really have to practice the skill of regulating before reacting. Now, being emotionally stable doesn't mean being emotionless. It doesn't mean not feeling your feelings. It doesn't mean that you don't get to feel overwhelmed, stressed, chaotic, sad, depressed, whatever. You can have all of those feelings. What it means is you're really just putting space between the trigger and how you're choosing to respond, right? So you're going to acknowledge how you're feeling, address the emotion that's present for you, feel it, breathe a little bit, collect your thoughts, and then respond. You're not going to be this highly reactive person who lets their emotions or their circumstances or the email that you just read or the team member that just fucked up on something— you're not going to let that stuff overflow into other situations or conversations or make you go and suddenly have a reaction that's based in the trigger and not in the collected kind of response that you consciously have decided that you want to have in that situation. And really great example of this came up for me recently because I received a super reactive email the other week from someone who was clearly triggered. And I was reading it and I was like, I actually cannot believe that this is someone's like genuine quote unquote professional response and that this is how they act and how often people, even highly successful people, fail to regulate their emotions before just having Okay, so I have something I think you're really gonna love, and your business is gonna love it even more. Do you want to steal the strategy I've been using to seduce premium buyers and sell out my offers on Instagram Stories? Chances are you're already posting, you're already making sales, but if your Instagram Stories aren't working as hard as you are, you're leaving money on the table. Sold Out Stories is going to teach you exactly how to change that so that you can sell out any offer at any price point. 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Knee-jerk reactions and sending off like crazy fucking emails. And I think it's so important to talk about this because a lot of people will talk about nervous system regulation, emotional regulation, all these things. But you don't realize how much if you're trying to be a leader that that is perceived, even if you think you're keeping it all together, even if you think like, oh, I'm, I'm not super reactive. I'm not saying anything. This can be read on an energetic scale. So sometimes it's not even, you know, a crazy email or you get pissed in the Slack channel because someone did something, whatever, whatever, with your team. Like sometimes it doesn't— it's not even that extreme. It's like you can feel when someone's energy is really dysregulated or defensive or I'm sure you've all experienced this. Like we sit with our phones all friggin day watching other people's lives It makes you really study human behavior, watching so many people. And I'm sure you can feel when someone is off and they're like trying to not be off, but you know that they're off, or they're saying something because they feel like they have to, not because they genuinely want to. And it's all because they're not— they haven't actually created the space between whatever the trigger was and now what their response is. So they're not actually responding, they're just knee-jerk reacting. And I think the reason that this is important is because if you are someone who is reacting and allowing their emotions to rule their life or their moods and you're kind of up and down and it's unpredictable how you're going to show up to work that day or how you're going to show up to your content or whatever for your audience, it again can create fractures in the trust that you've been building with those people. It can make people lose respect for you because even if they can't name what's happening and they're not thinking, oh, you know, she's not emotionally regulated enough to be a leader that I want to follow and respect, they might not be consciously thinking that, but again, we energetically feel these things and it can be read on an energetic level to where you just kind of feel like you're not inspired to hire that person or work with that person or work for that person anymore. And you're like, I don't know, I just— it's not where I want to be. It's not the person I want to be following. When you are emotionally regulated, your clients, your team, your friends, they will know that they can come to you with hard shit. And when stuff is falling apart or things are happening because you are steady, you are stable, you are secure. And that is really helpful as a leader because you need to know what's going on for people, what's coming up for people. If someone made a mistake, made a mistake, they need to be able to tell you about it. Like, all of that gets solved when you're the steady source that people know that they can trust and they can come to. And it's not this unpredictable wave of where is she going to be at? They're not walking on eggshells or afraid of what kind of mood you might be in that So you get told the truth about things faster, which leads to quicker resolutions and less like long-term festering of problems underneath the surface. Another place that I've noticed this is for myself, just as a, as a consumer, right? Is when I see people online who have a really kind of flaky presence, and I'm not necessarily talking about their consistency with like how often they post or whatever, but that also can be a version of this. This, right? Because consistency does build trust. So if you want to build like a cult-like following around your audience or your podcast or anything, you do have to be really consistent with it. And I think, to be fair, being consistent with this show and having a weekly episode every single week for over 5 years and never taking a break, although it was a lot of hard work, I think it did the job of building a significant level of like, know, and trust with my audience so that people want to continue listening. They want to follow along on my journey or listen to the advice that I have or hear my insights or potentially even hire me. Like, I do think that that is relevant, but when I'm talking about noticing people who have a flaky presence online, it's not just about the consistency of their posting or their actual like presence in that manner. What I'm trying to describe is when you see someone who's constantly pivoting or they're always like having new epiphanies about the direction of their brand, or, and then I realize that that this is where I'm meant to go. You know, they're like in and out of alignment, quote unquote, with things so quickly. They're starting and stopping things abruptly, or they're saying that they're doing something but then they don't actually do it, or something changed, or there's always like an excuse, or life got really hard, or they went through something. And I just naturally kind of find myself losing respect for those types of people, and I'm not interested in following them very like intently or seriously because it feels like they're not taking themselves seriously. So how can I take them seriously? Maybe there's not this relationship in your brain right away to like consistency with your presence online and emotional regulation. But the two are really connected because if you are regulating yourself and regulating your internal world, you're going to be less likely to be so start and stop. I'm here and I'm there, or this is in alignment. No, this is my purpose. This is what I'm doing. And it's no shade to people like changing their mind on stuff. Like we all naturally evolve and change our minds. And we close down certain projects and we start new ones. And that's a natural process of life and especially of business. But you can feel there's a difference to where it is grounded and it's natural and it's the raw organic evolution of that person's journey versus when it feels kind of like forced and chaotic and like that person isn't knowing where they're meant to be and isn't taking themselves seriously. Is saying that they're gonna do this thing or start this channel or whatever, and then they don't. There's a, there's a very big difference between natural evolution and this kind of like chaotic, flaky, like online presence that I'm speaking to. Now, the third identity standard that I think is imperative if you want to be a woman of influence, if you want to be a true leader, is what I call secure CEO energy. And I've been talking about this for years at this point, but it means That means being secure in who you are and where you are going. You know that I always say self-trust is my main business strategy. I've believed that from the start, and I still believe it now. If you want to be a really effective leader and a truly influential person, you cannot be basing all of your decisions off of what's gonna get you external validation or what everyone else is doing or following the crowd in that way. You really have to be willing to carve your own path to be your own person, to trust yourself, to trust your journey, to trust your evolution, and be willing to take the risks that feel right for you regardless of the people in your life or in your sphere that might be telling you otherwise. This is especially important when you are first starting out in entrepreneurship because you're gonna be thrashed in a million different directions. The only people that you usually have around you at the start of your journey are the people that love you, and they're not necessarily always gonna be entrepreneurs or have any experience with what you're doing. And so the advice that they're gonna give you is gonna be way different than the advice that you might get from your inner circle 5 or 10 years down the line when you've curated a friend group and a life that is full of people that are like-minded, have similar values, are highly ambitious, are also building something. So I think it's really, really important at the start to have this energy of security. And the idea of secure CEO comes from this idea of not like when you think about attachment styles in relationships, we learn about being anxiously attached or being avoidantly attached or being securely attached. So it's like the same type of energy of being secure within yourself to where you don't feel like you have to bend or contort or pander or run away and be totally, uh, different. And like you're not doing anything that is super anxious or avoidant in relationship to your business. You are secure. So what does this actually look like in practice? When I think about being a secure CEO, it makes me think about being someone who's really in their own lane, who has their blinders on, who knows who they are, who is fully tapped in to their highest purpose, their sense of alignment. And it doesn't really matter what the popular thing is or what everyone else is doing. They're gonna continue to pave their own path and do what they feel is best, what they know is right for them, for their clients, for their audience, for what they are trying to build. And too often people are looking left and right in the race and going, oh, this shiny thing over here, or everyone's doing this, or it's this type of thing, or I should be doing this type of content or this type of post or this type of event or this type of, oh, that's the popular thing. That's what, that's what's working. And you think that you should be over here and over there and everywhere. And so you end up really ping-ponging Hey, don't forget that every month we are picking a listener of the month to win $50 in cash just for showing love to the show. All you have to do is leave an epic review of the podcast on Apple Podcasts, screenshot the review before you hit submit, and DM that screenshot to us on Instagram @makeshifthappenpodcast. And that's it. I want to thank you for being such a loyal listener and show my appreciation by putting a little extra cash cash in your pocket. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review seriously helps the show rank higher and reach new people, so we appreciate them more than you know. We'll announce the next winner at the end of the month and slide into your DMs if it's you, so keep an eye out and good luck. Love you guys, and thanks for supporting Makeshift Happen. Your sense of direction and what you're trying to accomplish which ultimately slows you down. And in some cases you might have really big growth spurts or moments of like heightened speed or visibility or what feels like success. But usually if it's coming from that energy of looking to the left and the right and trying to do the quote unquote right thing or the thing that's working or what everyone else is doing, if you do have one of those growth spurts from having done something like that, it's probably going to be short-lived. Because it's created from a space that's not actually grounded authenticity. It's just frantic copycat, gotta jump on the trend type energy. So some examples of this from my own life, I think about when everyone in the business coaching space specifically was starting to host these really major events and conferences to sell their business coaching spaces, you know, putting on these really big, like extravagant style events where the idea is is you're going to dump a ton of money into it. And the way that you're going to make profit is you're going to sell a bunch of stuff from the stage. I remember seeing that and noticing, okay, that's a trend. That's what people are doing now. It's something that's working and just deciding not to jump on it myself because even though I love in-person stuff and maybe I would love to host an event of my own someday. I also love retreats. I was just like, for whatever reason, this doesn't actually feel aligned right now with the experience that I'm trying to have in my own life and in my, like, calendar and like my time and, and all of that. But also it's not really necessarily the experience that I'm trying to facilitate or create for others. So there's nothing wrong with those things, but it's just an example of like you can see a strategy that is actively working for a lot of people that, you know, you could do. You have the capacity to do, you have the financial ability to do, you have the influence to do, but you just decide it's not for me. I don't want to do it, at least for now. And I think that that's something that a lot of times I see people in the space lacking. They just feel like they have to keep up with the Joneses in terms of jumping on everything that everyone else is doing because they're afraid of becoming irrelevant if they're not part of the conversation or doing what everyone else is doing. And I just fucking hate that type of vibe. Like, it's just not— it's not me. Another example, when everyone is just— it feels like they're just dying to like hire these top-of-the-food-chain business coaches, and they're almost like selling their firstborn son to do it because the prices are so expensive. Again, it was just a thing where I decided that's not the move for me. I'm sure these women bring a lot of value. I'm sure there's a reason why people are throwing themselves at these people to hire them. But it's not for me. The energy's not for me. I don't get good vibes from a lot of these people. I really value intimacy and integrity and being deeply known by my mentors. So instead of doing that, I just kept hiring my coaches that I've been working with for over 5 years because that's the experience that I wanted to have. And it's not about what's right or wrong in either of these situations. I'm using it as an example to show you that, like, even when everyone else is doing something, and you're like, oh, that's the strategy, that's what's working, that's how to do it. When you're a secure CEO, you can feel it in your gut, feel it in your inner knowing of like, that's working for them and it's not the path for me and it's not for me right now. Like, that's what this is all about, is being able to actually make your own decisions instead of just fucking trying to do what everyone else is doing. Essentially, an example from the early, early days of my business was when I decided to invest $20,000 into a mastermind. It was the most expensive thing I had ever purchased in my entire life. At that point, I was just barely one year into my business and I was just starting to make any kind of like quote unquote real money. I was probably making around $5,000 a month at that time, aside from, you know, launch pushes where I would have a bigger cash injection, but I was 24 or 25 at the time, something like that. And I was deciding to make this $20,000 investment and pay in full. I didn't ask my parents about it. I actually didn't ask anyone about it. I just went full send. And the reason is because I had this secure CEO energy. It's because anyone that I could have asked at the time wasn't even going to have the answer. Who am I supposed to call? Am I supposed to call up my, my high school bestie or my college friends? Or ask my partner who's a European man who didn't— never had a job until after he graduated college and is an only child. And like, no shade to him, but it's like, am I supposed to ask my parents who like are not entrepreneurs? Like, how would any of these people know what to tell me to do? They've never done this before. They're not building this type of business. They don't know what this particular thing takes. It's not that they're not smart. It's not that they're not capable. It's not that they're not good people. It's not that they're not people that give incredible advice in other areas. It's just they're not doing what I'm doing and they are not me. They can't actually feel what I feel on the inside. They don't know that I trust this mentor deeply. They can't feel the excitement, the expansion, the conviction that's in my body when I think about investing this money. Money and taking my brand to the next level. So why the fuck would I be outsourcing that decision to anyone who was like in my sphere at the time? It makes no sense. And this is a really big mistake that I see a lot of women making when they're getting into business is they're asking people for advice who do not have the life that they want to live. They're asking people about where to put their money or how to invest their money to people that they would not trade bank accounts They're asking for business advice or strategy guidance, or should I do this thing, or should I take this course, or should I whatever, from their literal romantic partner who has no experience in any of this stuff. If you want to be a really effective leader, not just for leading other people but for leading yourself, you have to be secure enough to be decisive and make your own choices. A much more recent example of this in terms of of, you know, being a secure CEO and being willing to take the risks that feel right for you, even if it's not what everyone else is doing or the most popular thing or the thing that's going to get you the most validation or the most popularity, was last year I decided to cut a 6-figure revenue stream from my business while I was simultaneously buying a 6-figure vehicle and planning a 6-figure wedding. That sounds kind of like a dumb idea. If I were to ask anyone in my general vicinity, like, hey, do you think I should do this? They'd be like, you should probably just hang onto that revenue. Like, how much is it really costing you? It's so worth it. You're so lucky. You should be so grateful. You have these clients that are willing to, you know, spend this amount of money for your mentorship. Like, you've got all these expenses coming up. You should just, just hold on to it for now, and then you can make a decision later once you're through, you know, all the stuff that you have coming up in terms of the car and the wedding and everything else. But I made that decision for myself without consulting absolutely anybody, not even my mentors, because because I knew deep in my bones if I wanted to have the type of business that I was dreaming about, not the one that I currently had, I was going to have to start moving from the future version of myself who actually had that business. I was going to have to ruthlessly prioritize everything that could scale and eliminate everything that could not. There was not going to be enough space and time to build everything that I knew that I needed to build, to create the spacious, scalable business that I wanted to have for the season of my life that I was moving into, of getting married, of wanting to start a family. That was not going to be possible if I was going to be gripping on to an old version, an old strategy, an old way. I had to be willing to let go of money, of quote unquote success, of higher annual revenue, of just being able to get to the end of the year and be like, oh my God, I made so much money this year. Of course I would have made more money if I kept kept that more than 6-figure revenue stream in my business instead of cutting it. But as a secure CEO, you have to be able to make the hard choices that you know are in alignment for yourself without thinking about what's going to get me the most external validation. What are other people doing? What would other people say? What would be right? What would be wrong? It's like, what is right for me is the only thing that I care about as a secure CEO. What is right for me and my clients and my people and the service that I provide. I don't give a shit what these other people are doing. I don't care I don't care what kind of content they're posting. I don't care what kind of events they're hosting. I don't care what kind of podcast they're going on. I don't, I don't care. I don't care. I'm so happy for everybody else to be in their own lane, popping their shit, doing their thing, whatever that looks like for them. I can love that for them and also just be so anchored in what season of life I'm in and what I'm trying to do and build and create right now. And where people get tripped up is they want to have and do it all, all at the same time. They want to be that girl over there that is like hustling her face off and is at the top of the charts and is doing all these things. And they also want to be the other girl over there that is totally spacious in her life and only works 4 hours a week and has all these kids. And you've gotta be— you've gotta be able to lead yourself, to direct yourself in your life and know what season you're in, what you're prioritizing. Okay, ruthlessly put that at the top, be realistic and cut out the things that don't match. And life moves in seasons and then you can shift and you can change. But trying to like be and do everything all at once because everyone's doing it and I want this and I want that and I'm If you wanna be every single version of every single person that you're inspired by at one time, you are not going to be a leader. You are not going to be influential. You're not actually gonna create the results that you think that you're trying to get. So moral of the story here is that secure leaders don't need to know what the general consensus is from the population, from the audience. They move from an inner sense of alignment. Being a confident leader doesn't mean that you are the loudest or the flashiest. It means that you are extremely dial in and you are decisive. People will follow you religiously when you can stand in conviction, be emotionally stable, and trust yourself enough to lead your own life and carve your own path. Not because of your content or your qualifications or your branding. I mean, these things help, right? But they're all like auxiliary. They're, they come secondary to who you are being. These identity standards that we've talked about in this episode in terms of conviction, emotional stability, and being a secure CEO, that's about who you're being, and that comes first. Identity comes first, and the influence that you build comes second. Your content, your qualifications, your branding, all of that gets layered on top of that. Those are cherries on top. They're not actually the meat of what makes you a powerful leader and a woman of influence. So to wrap this up, I would just say, if you want people to follow you, stop trying to be impressive or do what everyone else is doing or say the right thing or get into the cool crowd or the right circle or whatever, and really just start being yourself, anchored, embodied, sturdy, and on your own path. For me, that is the true flex. Those are the people that I admire and respect the most. Those are the people that I want to be surrounded by, that I wanna be led by, that I wanna hang out with, that I wanna have interesting conversations with. I hope you guys found this episode insightful. If you enjoyed it and you know someone else in your life, in your circle, another entrepreneur girly who would love this conversation, please copy the link and send it to her in a text. Let her know you were thinking of her. Kill two birds with one stone, support the show and send your friend an awesome podcast episode that you loved. If you're not already following or subscribed to the show, please click follow or subscribe on whatever platform you are listening to. I love you guys so, so much, and we will talk to you next week. Bye! If you loved this episode, make sure to check out the show notes where I've linked a few similar episodes I know you're also going to love. You'll find them under the similar episodes section in the description down below with direct links so you can dive in and start listening away or add them to your queue for later. Binge away for even more growth, expansion, abundance, and fire motivation.