Episode 11: The Truth about Tantra with Aaron Kleinerman

Ha. Nice to have you here in Toronto for your very first time.

Yeah, nice to be here, man. Yeah.

I'm happy we were able to do this. You know, I. I had the idea that we would shoot this while we.

Were on the yacht together, but, yeah, other things happened. Yeah.

And we will get into that a little bit later on, but, you know, I just want to start this off by sharing. First off, I'm super excited to have Mr. Aaron Kleiderman here joining me for this conversation. As many of you know who followed me or have been following me on this journey, you know, I've attended many retreats, worked with lots of coaches and many courses. And the retreat I did with Aaron, I guess, two months ago, was one of the most powerful, profound, transformational experiences I have ever been through. And I don't think words, I don't think I could ever convey what really, nor would I want to ever convey what happened on that retreat. However, it provided a lot of healing, a lot of letting go, a lot of forgiveness for myself. And I can honestly say I've learned the meaning of self love in many ways. And, you know, one day I'll be able to disclose everything that the last six months has brought to my life. However, I can say that there was a shift, a big shift. And. And your retreat and your coaching and your friendship has been a big part of that. So I thank you for that. And I really am honored to have this conversation with you because not only do I believe what you do is obviously incredibly important, I believe it's also very misunderstood. So in this episode, in this conversation, Aaron and I, first off, you know, you have such a fascinating background. And your background and who you are and what you've been through is really what has drawn me to you. And in past, I don't know that I would have resonated with you because I've had this competition of men, this fear of men, this needing to prove myself, to show how cool, how strong, how great I am. And being with you and the other men on your retreat was a big breakthrough for me in that and being able to be with men and feel safe and be able to trust, surrender, cry, be held and hold space for other men. So I could feel a lot. Even just coming up as I talk about it. I'm not gonna cry. I'm not gonna cry. You know, even just the ability to feel into these emotions is new for me. And it's. It's nice and it's scary because I've been so fucking numb for most of my life, you know, and to now be able to actually connect with these emotions and allow these emotions to come up is like it's been needed, you know, it's been needed. And I say your work is so important because many men feel actually don't feel what I'm feeling, you know, because as men we push our down, we don't want to allow ourselves to feel, you know, because we're told don't be a, don't cry, nobody wants to hear your. And, and that's how most of us men grow up. And I know you know this and you know, and this is why I want you to share how you got on the path you are. So there's obviously your, your really fascinating background story that Aaron's going to share with all of you. And what drew me to Aaron as well is I attended a Tantra retreat last year with my ex girlfriend and it was one of the most beautiful, intimate experiences I had ever had with a woman. And when I learned about tantra, like, you know, people think tantra, oh, it's like wild sex storage. You learn how to make a woman come 38 different ways. And you know, it's actually 48 ways, not 38. But you know, you, you know, so everybody thinks it's all about sex and about your ability to like have a 10 hour boner and stuff like that. While all of that is a possibility, Tantra is really about being truly intimate with yourself because we can only be, we can only go as deep with a partner as we can that within ourself. And I was never able to go deep within myself. So when I've discovered Tantra and what you do and being with you in your retreat and, and on the yacht and these other and your book the Embodied Man, I was like, wow, I need to learn more about this. Like I need to learn how to go deeper within myself. So you know, I'm just excited to have you here with me. I'm excited to have you share because I know there's many other men and women who don't know what Tantra is or have this idea of what it is. And I invite you to demystify and destigmatize what people think Tantra is because it is such a beautiful world of intimacy, of awareness, of self exploration that I am so stoked to learn more about Ista. I'm coming for you because again, now that I'm learning to love myself, I now want to learn how to share that love in the most authentic, powerful, juicy, yummy way. And I believe Tantra is that, is that path for me to do so. So without further ado, Mr. Eric Kleinerman is going to share, you know, how he got on his path to purpose and the work that he's doing and what this crazy, misunderstood thing, Tantra is really about. So take it away. Mr. Kleinerman.

Thank you. The introduction, thank you for being here. I really, yeah. I honor and appreciate your journey that's led you to our conversation and led you to the retreat where we met. And, you know, for me, there's so much I can share. And, you know, I come from a world of being a merchant mariner. I come from a world of operating big ships and oil tankers and cruise ships and coming from a maritime military world. So if someone were to talk to the self from 20 years ago, it'd be like, what, you're teaching Tantra, what's going on? You know, and yet inside there was always this deeper desire to know more. And even, you know, I was just sharing, actually coming back from the Toronto Tantra Festival yesterday and sharing with a few of the people I was riding with. When I made that decision to go to a military school, there was a part of me knowing I was going there, but knowing it wasn't for a lifetime. It was for the space to be able to find out more. And, you know, in my early 20s, I was working for half the year on ships and half the year taking time to explore and travel and take workshops and study. And I always had a love for human behavior. One of the stories I share in my book is at 18, I found my soul for the first time on a military pre positioning ship heading to the Iraqi war. It was 2002, and just felt this part of me that wanted to jump overboard and kind of end life because I had so much chaos and confusion and turmoil from my childhood and just a lot of the things I went through. And of course, I didn't jump overboard, but it tapped into something inside of me that connected me to a higher self, a more authentic knowing, a deeper, intuitive aspect within that has kind of guided me on this journey since. And so, yeah, this has really led me into a journey of spiritual psychology in my early 20s, diving into how to be with somebody, how to support someone through counseling and coaching and listening deeply and really meeting somebody at the heart. And I learned a lot of great skills and practices that helped me in my coaching world, which I've been doing for over 15 years. And what I found in that world was I'd often see people Teaching and speaking from stage, but then noticing their lives were dictating something else. And it was like our mind was understanding concepts, but then the cells in the body were still dictating choices that were different. And so what I felt as I dove into this field more and more and studying with great mentors and teachers and philosophers and you know, esoteric geniuses, that there was a lot my academic mind loved to take in. And I grew up in an academic family. My brother's a professor, my sister works for, for a massive financial management company. Like academics, knowledge intelligence was highest on my parents values. Unfortunately finance and not going bankrupt multiple times wasn't. So I learned how to study and I learned how to absorb books. And so when I met this world of coaching and transformation, it was like all a lot of mindfulness, which was great. But then I noticed that decisions were still often the same. I was still kind of running myself into similar blocks over and over again. It was as though my mind understood concepts, but my body was still dictating something differently. And you know, I left the field for a while. I went back out to operating a cruise ship in Hawaii. I was like kind of disillusioned by this whole world, just seeing so many teachers that I couldn't really feel them. I could understand them, I could understand the things that were there. And I grew up in that world of understanding, but I couldn't feel them. And I'm like, this doesn't feel right. Something isn't right. And so years later I ended up meeting this field of tantra, meeting this field of where it felt there was a deeper level of embodiment. There was something that not only intellectually I could understand, but then I was coming across teachers and mentors and my first beloved who really initiated me very much on this path was like there was a different resonance inside the body. And I denied trying to go into the field of tantra much because it's so misunderstood, you know. And the definition that's always really spoke to me most deeply to tantra is to weave. It's this weaving of traditions, it's this weaving of paths, it's this weaving of study, it's this weaving of all of these different philosophies and ideologies and ways of being into the present moment of being with another, being, with ourselves. And this concept of to weave really is a way in which life exists. And one of the things that tantra deals a lot with is polarity. So we're in male bodies, but there's also a feminine essence. Inside of me. And again, if I were to talk to that military self, if someone told him that there was a feminine essence inside, inside, I'd be like, fuck off. What are you talking about, man? I'm a man. Let's drink beers, let's get you done, you know. And so I felt as I leaned into this world of tantra more, it was inviting me to meet some really uncomfortable edges inside of me. But I always felt this deep willingness. And I started to feel that the concepts I understood were now starting to be a deeper embodiment of how I was showing up. There was more integration. And so a big part of this journey is taking all of this knowledge here and diving it into the body. It's like going into the muck, it's going into the uncomfortability, it's going into the shadows, the darkness, and bringing that and actually meeting from the esoteric knowledge of our mind, of our crown, of our awareness, dropping that down into the heart and then also taking this energy of the base of our sexuality, of our, you know, some of the traumas that we've been through, starting to clear through that and then rising that energy up into the heart. And I say the heart because I feel in this journey, the organ, the place that's most directly connected to our soul, happens here at our heart. And also science has showed this that when our mind is more equanimous in nature, meaning that we see balance in both sides, it actually opens up new neural pathways into the heart for us to make decisions that are more heart centered. So I noticed that as I was diving into this field of tantra, which really is a lineage that encapsulates the entirety of the human experience and supports people to master the human experience. The mind, the heart, the emotion, sexuality. It's not all about sex, but because it includes sex, most people think it's all about sex. So it's just like sexuality is the same as emotionality, it's the same as the heart, the same as consciousness. It's like these are all part of our decision making centers in our body. And so as I was moving into this more, I was uncovering some of these like taboos and these uncomfortabilities around my sexuality that then started to clear. And I noticed it was like I became a little bit more lighter, I became a little bit more free in my body and there was more liberation in terms of how I was meeting the world. And you know, again, I tried not to teach in this field for a while because it's Very misunderstood. But I realized that there's a beauty and a gift to bringing these kind of more ancient tantric traditions and rituals and practices into day to day life. And, you know, one of the schools I teach with called Embodied Awakening Academy, you know, our kind of signature starting retreat is a retreat called Living Tantra, where every day is one chakra. We start at the base. So it's really like a clearing out of our entire system so that we can live and breathe tantric practices in day to day life. And it's not just something that we need to go, you know, climb the Himalayas to get or go to a workshop and receive. It's like, how can I show up this way with my heart open, connected to source, connected to my purpose, and just be in this world more deeply and completely? And that also includes sexuality and, you know, to speak into sexuality more. It's like a lot of our deepest traumas and fears and conditionings around life and the places that we hold ourselves back is often from our sexual truth conditioning. Because we're having this conversation because your mom and dad essentially met at some point. Sperm and egg met to create life. You know, same with, same with me. So that sexual energy is a powerful, potent force. And so to have a healthier relationship with sexual energy only means that business is going to be better. It means that life is going to be more easeful when we can clear out some of the stuff that we're not willing to talk about. You know, it really surprises me in life that, you know, it's okay for parents to, you know, have an angry discussion in front of each other, in front of their children, which really isn't very good in the first place. But if their children were to hear them making love, oh my God, what an atrocity. You know, it's like sexuality is this thing. It's just this massive taboo around it and there's so much shame in it. And we get, you know, it gets taken in day after day, year after year. And so people are afraid of being sexually free. And sexually free doesn't mean I'm walking down the street, masturbating naked. It just means that I'm alive, awakened being, that I can interact with others, knowing my life force inside. And I still have attunement to how I interact. I still can, you know, choose to be monogamous, choose to be, be polyamorous, whatever it is. But there's a freedom from inside. So I think more than anything. And what I've also experienced just in the time getting to know you is that first man I met. There's a tremendous. More freedom in how you're showing up and how you're just interacting with the world. And, you know, and that, to me, really inspires me. It's like, ah, there's some shit that's gone away now. There's more capacity to do what I know you're here to do and to inspire the people that you do in this world and not just turns my heart on more. More and more.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you for the acknowledgment. I appreciate that. And, you know, I would say the shift that's happened is I've allowed the feminine within me to be more alive because me being, you know, a guy who needed to prove himself in the world, needed to get shit done, needed to make things happen. I had to be very structured, very organized, task oriented, you know, very in my masculine energy. You know, dealing with getting bullied and picked on, it's like, fuck you, I'm gonna hit the door, gym. Look how buff I am. I'm going to be the boss. You got to listen to me. Operating from that place of fear and scarcity, being very in my masculine, even though I love to dance, even though I love to sing, even though I love to photograph, you know, I lost touch with some of those things because I'm so in my masculine. And what I've been learning and cultivating and nourishing over the last few months is taking singing lessons, dancing every morning. You know, getting back into photography, creating content. It's like that's what allows the. The inner feminine in me to flow. And this has been a little challenging, but being less structured, being more in flow, being like, okay, yeah, you know what, the podcast arm is damaged. We'll move it back half an hour. It's all good. Or, you know, like. Like having an intention for the day, but knowing at any point in time can go sideways. And if it does, it's okay, you'll work through it. And plan B is often better than plan A. And you can't plan that. It just happens. So just trust, trust that everything is happening in divine timing and try to let go of the steering wheel, you know, rather than white knuckling. So in understanding, first off, there's this masculine side, there's this feminine side and duality, yin and yang, the polarity, it's essential. That's why our souls chose to be alive in this human form, is to experience the duality. As you said before, Tantra is experiencing the full range of emotions in life. And often I say, you know, when people ask, why did I call my company? The alive experience is because to be alive means to experience everything from blissful ecstasy, joy, adventure, to heart wrenching pain and suffering. And to experience all of that is to be alive. Tantra allows you to do that. It encourages you to go to those deep dark wounds that are painful and be with that. Because if you can't feel deep pain, you can't feel the ecstasies of absolute bliss. You know, it works that way, you know, and an ex girlfriend of mine shared this with me. We only feel for emotions, sexuality, anger, sadness and joy. And if we suppress our anger and our joy, or our anger and sadness, which is what I have done for many years, if we. If you suppress your anger and sadness, you suppress your joy and your sexuality. It's just the way it is. You can't pick and choose. So in doing this deep work, yeah, your shadow, your what, like your retreat was so confronting for me. Every limiting belief, every story, the programming, the conditioning is like, here it is here. You can't even look away because it's still there. It's right in front of you. It's like, whoa, okay, now's my time. I'm here. It's time to step into this. And, you know, there are many times I had breakdowns. I said to Aaron, I don't know if I can do this, man. This shit's getting a little weird.

I don't know if I can do it.

But then I'm like, no, you know what I said? I'm giving 110% it. Let's go. And every time I stepped in at the end, the other side, and I was like, yes, I did it. Like that last sweat lodge we did, I was freaking the fuck out in that temascal, I'm like, oh my God, the roof's gonna cave in. The door is closed, it's hot. Oh my God, I'm gonna suffocate. My lungs are gonna explode. Like every story is going on in my head in there. And I was like, okay, you know, I could do this. I'm with brothers, I'm supported. That door is right there. Everything's gonna be okay. But man, that, that was one of those moments where it's like, okay, I gotta choose right now. Am I willing to breathe and push through this and just be safe and trust and surrender, or am I going to let this get the better of me? And each and every time one of those challenging moments came up, I just chose to trust, surrender, and Believe that I'm here for. This is supposed to be happening. This is perfect timing, and everything's going to be okay. You know, one of the other big takeaways I've gotten since learning more about Tantra is in my mind, if I'm going on a date or I'm with a woman and I'm cuddling and kissing, that we're like, that's. This is. That's where this has to go. Like, like one on one is one. Cuddling, kissing, you know, that's the way it's gonna go. But. But intimacy, sexuality can have nothing. Like, doesn't even have to involve sex. Doesn't even have to. All penetration or ejaculation or anything like that. You can cuddle and kiss and just hold hands and just be with one another, and it doesn't have to be sexual. Now, for some people watching, it might be like, duh. But I think a lot of men and women, intimacy is something they're not even familiar with because it's like, okay, if I. If I'm attracted to someone, I'm going to go out with them, it's because we're going to have sex. That's the expectation. And something I did before, which really shifted my perspective was after a series of relationships that were not producing the end result I want, I said, you know what? I'm gonna take a break. No sex for a year.

Yeah.

And I'm not gonna have sex with anyone until I feel like I can really be with this person. Now, that confused the. Out of a few of the girls I was dating, they're like, hold on, like, you like me and you're hot, I'm hot.

And you. But.

But you don't want to have sex with me? I'm like, no, I'm not having sex for a while until I know, like, this is a person I want to be with. I was interesting is I was going on dates with the intention of actually just getting to know the person. Like, just being with them and not thinking, okay, so how many drinks is this gonna take? Or can we go back to my apartment?

Like, it's a calculated thing I need to do. So we sleep together.

That's it. Like, okay. And like, how many days it's gonna take to get there, you know? And when you remove all that, it's like, okay, so like, here we are just like connecting with one another and just getting to know each other. And you said it before, like, sexual energy is life force energy. It is the most powerful creative force that we have. It's so powerful, it produces another human. And when we preserve our sexual energy, when we, especially men, choose not to ejaculate, choose not to release that life force energy, we're keeping that creative energy, that powerful force, within us. And through Tantra as well. Learning more about Kundalini, you know, Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about this cerebral spinal fluid bringing that up the spine, tapping on that pineal gland, getting the brain activated to those higher levels of consciousness. Our life force, sexual energy is such a powerful tool that most people do not know first. They have no awareness of it. And if they do, they don't know how to cultivate it, preserve it, amplify it. You know, that's why even now, I'm going through another. I've decided, you know, two months, no ejaculation, I'm in a very creative place here in Toronto to make some big things happen with all the stuff that I'm working on. And I'm choosing to preserve my life force energy and be in the zone because I know that that sexual energy can support me in creating anything I want, for sure. And I will still go on dates, I will still meet women, I will still cultivate an intimate relationship, and I don't have to have sex with them. Like that Zark guy 10 years ago had been like, bro, what's wrong? What's up? And I have friends who have said to me before, so hold on, you're dating this, this woman at the time, this super hot, beautiful woman named Stephanie. Sorry, Steph. You know, maybe now it would have happened, but, you know, and she couldn't understand why I didn't want to sleep with her and actually felt rejected by it. And yeah, it didn't end well, but I was choosing not to because I knew, like, okay, I'm committed to something right now. And of course, as men and women, we love to have sex, we love to orgasm. I mean, it's one of the best things in the world. But when we can choose not to and keep that within us and, and knowing that we're using that life force energy to fulfill our purpose, to achieve a higher goal, to be the most empowered version of ourself, that is equally gratifying as well, to know, like, I have that power, like, I can control when I do or when I don't.

For sure, for sure.

That could lead into the conversation of semen retention. But we'll share that for another podcast because I'm still learning about that one.

But I will say one thing real quick, people listening is just to differentiate between ejaculation and orgasm. Yes. And you know, we can have multi orgasms and not ejaculate. And I think that's a huge piece for men especially is that men, like, what if I'm not. I can have orgasm without ejaculating? It's like, yeah. And I think for a man to understand that, yeah, you know, there's a lot of practices to learn how to do it. But just that concept of understanding I.

Think is really important because I remember you said during the retreat that you at some point went two months without ejaculating, although you have had many orgasms during your intimate sexual encounters with your partner. So that's, that's, that's level two of what I want to learn. Like right now I'm focusing on the, okay, let's keep it in. But then I want to learn how to. Yeah, take it to that level. And that's powerful, you know, but again, that's something that we're not taught because when men are depleted, men are weak. When men are weak, men can be controlled. When they can be controlled, nobody could fight back. I'm not going to go down the conspiracy theory route at this point in time. However, there's a reason why pornhub is free, you know, because it's free drugs. You know, it's free drugs for people who are addicted. And more and more I'm hearing of men dealing with porn addiction, you know, women deal with it as well, you know, And I would say there was a time in my life as well where like, go to bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, open my iPad, jerk off, crash, go to bed. That was part of my nightly routine and it just seemed normal. But the thing is, I'm depleting my life force energy. I'm like spilling out all these nutrients and all these, you know, powerful enzymes and minerals and all the goodness that's within there, you know, so, so it's. Yeah, there's a lot to learn about that. And porn addiction is a real thing, you know, And I know that's something that you and our brother Shahid are helping people with as well, so.

For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, the other thing that I'll speak into that I see happen a lot, especially for male bodies, is that when they start to meet others in dating, when their cup is full, then they're coming from a place that's not needy. You know, One of the things that I see happen, you know, and I noticed within myself is that when I didn't know how to self source my own self love when I didn't know myself as whole, then I would go out on a Friday night looking where's that one I can, I can fuck? Or where's that one that I can meet that's going to make me feel like I've done some. And so when this cup gets full when this self love is there and that you could say this inner union as you mentioned before, this masculine and feminine, when the feminine and the masculine inside anybody are dancing more together, they're in their own inner union. And when they meet somebody of the opposite sex and there's attraction if there's lovemaking and sexuality, beautiful. If there's not beautiful, there's not a need to for something to happen. And I'd say more than anything, the feminine, especially the feminine in female bodies has a 150% radar feeling. When a man is coming to her with neediness, it's like coming full away and you know, ask any woman or female body that it's like for sure. But when a man is in his wholeness and he's in his fullness and he's in his radiance and it's sexy, it's a turn on. And then it actually creates a space for feminine energy to come in and be like, ah, I can rest here, I feel safe, feel safe here and not feel like I'm going to be grabbed at and you know, and need to have some type of sexual thing. Because female bodies have just as much desire for sexuality, but they've been in situations so often with the unmet needs of male masculine bodies that they're afraid to soften into that because they're like, oh, when is that animal body going to come out that's just going to start being graspy and needy. And so for men especially listening when this cup can get full, when you can feel life force and you're not depleting, you're not ejaculating all the time and you're really starting to be at home more in your own body, that is more than anything the number one turn on for female bodies. It's like, it's, it's sexy, it's beautiful, it's amazing. And so for a man to understand that and to then be able to cultivate his own energy and start to like awaken and alive and there's a plethora of possibility again, whether you want to be monogamous or polyamorous, whatever your choice is, there's a whole infinite space and it's far better than any, you know, dating schmack games that people learning and all this whole like dating world, which kind of just grosses me out. Like, how do I manipulate others to get them what I think I need? It's, it's, it's pretty nasty in many ways. So the game really is can I come into inner union in myself and can I meet the world from that place?

Yeah. And as you mentioned, you know, dating right now is super complicated. And, you know, I'm single and I'm dating and I'm talking to other women who are single, single and what they're going through, and I feel a big missing. Is this exactly Understanding masculine feminine energy for both men and women, for men to be able to understand their own inner feminine. And what does that little girl inside want? To feel seen, to feel loved, to feel nourished. When you know how to take care of that inner feminine within you, you know how to take care of the feminine that you are interested in. And she'll see that in you and as you said, will feel safe. We'll feel that connection. And for men, step one is to understand there is a masculine and a feminine energy in all of us. For me, understanding what is that balance actually look like? Like, I would say I was probably 90, 10 before and having that awareness. Okay, so what can I do to amplify, to nourish, to expand that feminine energy in me? Okay, well, feminine energy is creative. It's flow, it's expressive, it's emotion, it's. It's connection, it's intimacy. What can I do? What choices and aligned actions can I take in my life to nourish that inner feminine? And when I heard the whole thing of masculine feminine energy, that response, bro, there's no feminine. My inner girl caught my inner girl I've been seeing, bro. So first, accepting there is this masculine feminine. And for the women as well, there is a masculine sex side too, you know, And I can now look back on some of the relationships of some of the women that I was interested in, and they're smoking hot, they're sexy. But then there was this.

Thing, I.

Don'T know, there's this thing that just.

No, I can't.

And now I look back, realizing they were really in their masculine. So even though they looked feminine and they were sexy, there was this masculinity to them that masculine and masculine don't.

Vibe, just bros fixing cars.

And I can now see, oh, okay, that's why it didn't work. And then also when women are Overly in their feminine. Because I could see there were some women I was attracted to that were super soft, super gentle, super feminine. I also saw like, oh, no, it's too floaty, flaky, whatever, you know. So for women to realize that you also have a masculine and a feminine, and it's essential to be able to tap into your masculine when you want to get shit done, when you want to be organized, there is the need to be able to utilize the masculine energy at times, just like for the man to tap into the feminine energy. So for both men and women to understand that yin and yang and that balance within them and ask, okay, what can I do to. To embody more of my masculine energy? You know, because I meet some women who are especially, you know, in the coaching space. They're smart, they're empathetic, they're knowledgeable, but they just don't know how to get their business off the ground because they're so in their feminine. They're so in their emotions. They don't know how to make shit happen, you know, so having that awareness and then knowing how to cultivate the development of that masculine or feminine energy in you is super important. So for, you know, men out there who are. Are looking to date, looking to connect, taking a break from dating to say, okay, let me date myself. Let me get to know this inner feminine within me. Because when you are more balanced, you are more complete, and like you said, you then bring that to the dating, you'd now bring that to the connection. Rather be about, oh, yeah, you know, a couple about the sex and all about the, like, just wanting to dominate rather than being like, okay, let's get to know each other, let's get to dance together, let's flow together. Let's like, see, you know, what we can develop and nurture here. You know, taking that approach, as I did when I made a commitment to just not have sex, it was like, oh, wow, I'm actually getting to know this person. And where this was super helpful is like, you know, if your primary motive is to date a girl until you could sleep with her and then enjoy that for a little while and then move on, which a lot of men, that's how they, you know, calling out the guys, you know, that is how a lot of the guys are. That's how I was. So I'm speaking from my own personal example. Meet a girl, super hot, date her until sleep with her, sleep with her a few times, and then move on. Now that. That has all kinds of repercussions it's just what's. Why I could say that I've never really had a lot of intimacy in my sexual experiences because I didn't know how to cultivate that connection. Cause I was just so focused on the sexual part. That also leaves women feeling hurt, used, unsafe, depleted. And then women put their walls up. So when you make the choice to actually, I wanna get to know you, I wanna get to have a connection with you, it makes the sex that much juicier. And also, after four or five dates, you might be like, you know what, you're really attractive and you're cool. But no, I actually don't wanna be with you. So I'm actually not even gonna try to sleep with you. Because if I do sleep with you because you're hot, it's gonna happen a couple times and then I'm gonna go missing or I'm gonna drift away and you're gonna wonder what the fuck. And you know, and it goes both ways. I'm not just blaming men. Women do this as well. Take the time, get to know each other, let the feminines get to get familiar so that if and when it does happen, it's gonna be really, really good. Because there's a real connection there now. And I'm sharing this advice because this is what I wish someone told me 20 years ago, you know, but again, 20 years ago, I was like, I gotta bang as many hot girls as I can because that little boy inside me who got picked on in the schoolyard, who got dumped when he was 15, who got laughed at, I'm gonna show all of you. And it just doesn't work. Yeah, you know, it doesn't work. No amount of cars, money, possessions, girls, is ever going to make that little boy feel better about himself until he forgives, until he is at peace with himself and learns to love himself for who he is. And, and that's, that's where it all starts.

The importance of this masculine and feminine polarity is so important because one of the biggest fears for me when I started to meet, like my own femininity was like, oh, it's like my masculinity gonna go out the door. Am I gonna all of a sudden become this, you know, floating kind of vagabond that's just not really knowing how to get things done. But what I found was the more I leaned into the edges of meeting my own inner feminine, the stronger, the more clear, the more on purpose my masculine became. And it was like a little bit counterintuitive because I thought that If I went more to that degree, like I would lose some aspect of myself. But it actually became more integrated inside, you know, because the other thing I see in a fair amount of spiritual communities is sometimes male bodies have been so, you know, pushed down and so chastised and so you can't bring your, you know, your sexual energy here and that's not welcome, that they just literally lose their testicles, they lose their balls and, you know, it's a walking on eggshells type feel. You know, there's this part I see from female bodies that will say, I want to feel you more, I want to feel you more. So then men become these really deeply feeling, touched, heart centered beings, which is beautiful. But the same time as the female bodies are saying, I want to feel you more, they still want to get fucked to God, they still want to get ravaged, they still want to get completely, you know, And I've never met a female body who doesn't want that, you know, in many ways. So where the challenge that faces for men is how can I have this dance between both and for myself, as I said, the more I leaned into meeting these uncomfortable edges, the more I was able to actually know how to penetrate with more presence, how to love more deeply, how to expand the wavelength of energy I was able to hold. And you know, this is a big piece, as you experience in this work for men is actually meeting those edges so that you go to a bit more of that edge, then you come back home into your heart and you're like, ah. When my partner is being a wild crazy bitch on the outside, it's not like, oh my God, what's wrong with her? There's this place of empathy, being like, oh, okay, I know that crazy bitch on the inside. So I can hold space more for that. I can experience more of that from a place of compassion and understanding rather than something that I don't know. And so this is a really important piece, especially for, you know, men listening. One of the vital aspects of this work is that whatever is suppressed on the inside gets expressed on the outside. So I found myself in a lot of very similar relationships over and over and over again with these very powerful, intense female bodies. And it was a big part of me projecting my own feminine onto them and not knowing my own feminine on inside. And then eventually through time I would just, oh, it's another irrational woman I met. Like, what does crazy, crazy bitch out there like? It's nothing to do with me, of course. And so then it was like, as I called that Back home into my own body. And I remember, you know, my last long partnership when we first met. I was, you know, we were kind of after the new romance period and after the new love energy. And we got into our first argument, and in that first argument, I was expecting to, like, feel the daggers thrown. And, like, I was putting up my armor, and I was like, all right, I've done this before. I can put up my shields. I'm ready to fight, you know? And what I witnessed was someone who pulled herself away from the situation. She expressed her emotional body. She took responsibility for the upset she was feeling, and then came back into conscious communication with me with expressing her needs, not blaming and shaming me. And I was like, I've heard a lot of women talk about doing this, but I had never experienced it to that degree. And so what happened in that relationship was that, you know, I look at relationships and kind of a foursome. And so one aspect of that foursome is my own feminine interacting with her feminine. And in that situation, she's a big sister to this feminine inside of me. So she was demonstrating healthy big sister energy, saying, hey, this is what we do when we get upset. We don't throw at people. We don't yell and scream and kick and moan and tell them that they're a bastard that should die, you know, which is unfortunately what a lot of happens when the feminine in female bodies, especially, turns unconscious. They don't take responsibility. And what are they doing as a result? They're training the feminine and the male body to shut down. This is to shut down. And also training. This is what you're supposed to do when you're upset. Okay.

Yeah.

And so what happens then in, like, let's say the 5 or 10% when a, you know, the male body gets upset and he goes into his tenderness, he hasn't had a healthy example of what to do with his emotions. And so this was a huge training ground for me, and I started to actually know how to. Okay. When I'm upset, I take myself and I move my emotional energy and I. And I vibrate and I express. And then I come back with, okay, what are the requests? What are the needs that are there? And so it's the beginnings of really a healthy relationship dynamic in a whole new framework.

Yeah. And the challenge, I mean, it sounds. It makes total sense when we speak about it, but when you're in the moment and you're triggered, it's like we emotionally react. We spit back from that wound, from that trauma that happened 20 years ago, we speak from that pain. And to be able to have the emotional maturity to take a step back and say, okay, breathe. What can I take ownership of in this situation? You know, why am I feeling triggered and what am I willing to let go of? Or what am I willing to request? How can I understand this person and where they're coming from rather than wanting to snap back emotionally, wanting to prove yourself right or wanting to say something painful because you've been triggered. And this is why conscious communication and you know, the authentic relating tools and all that are so key, because unless you are two people that are both doing the work, it can be, it can be difficult to use these tools and have them received in a way where, okay, we can, we can have a empathetic, loving, caring conversation right now. And what you said earlier was super important, is that if a man opens up and is vulnerable and speaking from his feminine, if that's not received by a woman who is also able to recognize and acknowledge, okay, he's actually speaking from his heart right now and I'm going to hold space for that and I'm going to support him as he opens up and shares. Most men, they don't want to cry. They don't admit they're wrong. They don't want to show their weakness to their woman. Because again, we were raised, don't be a pussy. Nobody wants to hear your shit or that we're going to get laughed at, we're going to be humiliated. So it's really important that, that women also allow the man to feel safe to open up and share. And when, you know, a couple could be man and man, woman, woman, man, woman, whatever the masculine feminine dynamic is, it's important that, you know, most men, if the, if their partner is crying, upset, sad, we want to come up with a solution right away. We want to problem solve it because that's what the men do.

What's wrong? Let me fix it.

Yeah, exactly. That's not what the woman wants. So something for the men that are listening out there to do is rather than trying to fix it, be with her. Ask her how she's feeling, ask her what she needs, like console her, be there, you know, let your inner feminine connect with her is like, why do women want to gather with the other women when they're going through a tough time? They just want to be held. They just want to be able to emote and express themselves and us as men as a partner can be that for her, you know, and so that's important to understand is how to support your woman, your feminine partner, when she is going through something challenging rather than just trying to fix it. Because often, like in my past, when my partner has been upset going through something hard, either try to fix it or I just disconnect from it. She'll figure out, because I can't be with the pain, because I can't be with my own pain. I can't be with the sadness because I won't let myself feel the sadness. So that's why, you know, as we discussed before, it's about being with yourself and seeing those parts within you and being able to connect with that pain, that sadness, that anger, and work through it. So then you can be that for your partner or your friends or your family or whoever. And. Yeah, not. Not shy away from it, you know? Yeah.

And. And that requires, like, emotional maturity from a male body. And it requires a place that he knows, like, how to be with emotions and how. And that's confronting and challenging and difficult. And I think, you know, probably 70 to 80% of the work I do, whether in sessions or in retreats, is just supporting male bodies to, like, start to be with emotions in a deep way. And, you know, the thing that happens with the emotional body is a lot of people are trying to cognitively express what the emotions is feeling. And it's like, that's the. The mind still trying to control the body, you know, and the body has an intelligence. The body has an innate intelligence that just wants to emote, you know, I remember the first time one of the organizations I teach with ista, the first time that I took one of their trainings, it was years ago, and I was in a grassy field in New Zealand, and it was pouring rain, and I was just, like, having one of these, like, come to Jesus moments. And I was. All the tears are flowing through, and I watched my mind coming in, trying to figure out, like, oh, are you crying because of this? Why was this. Was that mom? Was that dad? Was that. And I just said to my mind in that moment, like, I'm gonna come back to you. Like, just. Just give me. Just give me. Just give me, like, 10, 15, 20 minutes. And I just let myself emote. And eventually it didn't even need a reason. It was just my emotional body having emotions without needing to. To know why. Yeah. And it was so liberating, and it was so freeing. Like, there's this part in our society that always needs to know, like, why are you crying? What's wrong with you? Oh, my God. And, you know, the feminine is like just off, Just off. I just want to feel. Yeah, because there's this especially, it comes from a very masculine dominated world that if somebody's trying to, something is wrong, therefore something needs to be fixed. And when that can dissolve away and we can just cry. It's like when someone's happy, we're not.

Trying to figure out someone's laughing, smiling.

Why, why are you happy? Like, what's going on? Like, I need to know why. It's like happiness and sadness are one. They create each other. You know, kindness and cruelty are one. They create each other. And so these are polarities that we work with. But the association to rage, to sadness, to anger is something, something bad is here. And if something bad is there, we need to try to amend it before it happens. So something bad doesn't happen. And so what happens as even more result. Especially male bodies have so much pent up rage inside, which is why on a Friday night when they go out and have too many drinks, rage comes out because they've never had a chance and, and finally their nervous system is not as much in control so they can let some of that anger out. This was my story through my young years. I had so much anger towards my mom and my family and the lifestyle I grew up with. I would get blackout drunk and my friends, I would just get so rageful and angry. And they're like, what's wrong with you? But this was just all of this pent up emotion that was inside of me that had never had a chance to express. And you know, that when, when a male body can understand this and can start to move and vibrate at an embodied level, his emotions, everything starts to change. And I'll also say that that's also the gateway to being multi orgasmic because our emotions move through the, these energetic channels in our body called nadis. And nadis are, you know, we have a central channel, we have two side channels, left and right, and then we have thousands of other channels to all of our, all the fingertips to our limbs. And when we can express our emotions in a healthy way, that energy is moving through those channels. Therefore, when we're, you know, more sexually awakened, more erotically stimulated, and we're at a stage scale of, let's say, seven or eight out of ten, we can then change that energy from our genital area to those same channels that have been awakened because we have a healthy emotional body. So a healthy emotional body is a direct representation to a healthy sexual body. You cannot have one without the other. You know, I get Inquiries a lot from guys being like, oh, I ejaculate too quickly and you know, I must be too sensitive. They're so desensitized because they don't know how to feel anymore. The number one solution for men learning how to be multi orgasmic and to actually not ejaculate too quickly and to last longer in the bedroom is to have a healthy emotional body. 100%. I can say that without fail after doing this work for a long time. But men aren't willing to do that. They want to find the quick, quick fix. So they take the drug, they take the thing, they take the thing. I want to find the quick fix to make this happen. The emotional body is not a quick fix. It's a deep meeting of the self in a way that's never happened before. And in that meeting of the self it requires to sometimes, you know, meet aspects as you've done beautifully, like parts inside that were denied, that were pushed aside and as a result that energy can then flow and move more freely once again.

Yeah, and, and what I feel has been super helpful for myself and for other women and men is deep breathwork journeys. Because like you said, that pent up anger, sadness, frustration that's there, yes, often people numb with drugs and alcohol. But then when the conscious mind, mind is offline, that wild behavior comes out and breath work will do the same, but in a healthy way. It'll allow you to move that stuck energy. It'll allow you to allow what's been pushed down. I like to use the analogy of like a pressure cooker. You know, we, we push down that anger, that sadness, that frustration. But that pressure cooker can only hold so much steam and at some point that pressure cooker is going to blow. And when a pressure cooker explodes, it's not pretty. So things like breath work, meditation, conscious communication, expressing crying, you know, crying is actually super healthy because you're releasing some of that steam, some of that pressure, you're letting that go. Especially with something like breath work where you're in a deep transformational like experience, 45 minutes to an hour, all kinds of stuff, stuff is going to come up. And that's why often some of the sessions that I guide, people have full breakdowns. Screaming, kicking their feet, hands, let's just rage or the sadness comes out. I even seen people have full body orgasms in a breath work session because what's been suppressed finally gets to move through them, you know. So yeah, what you're speaking to is so important and it requires someone to say yeah, you know what? I'm ready to let out some of that steam and I'm willing to try something new and be uncomfortable because I don't want to feel like this anymore. And now that, you know, I've been doing this work for a few years, I can see, especially when I would come back to Toronto a couple years ago, the energy of the city and the pace and just the loud noise and the vibration just started to bring that feeling back. I was like, oh, I know this feeling. Oh, I haven't felt this feeling in a while, but I don't like it. How do I get rid of it? You know, and people here have that feeling, that pressure, that stress, that anxiety and they've had it for so long, they live with it. They don't even know they've got a 500 pound black rock on their chest and they're lugging that around with them every day. And in doing this work, whether it be the breath work, meditation, the, the various modalities that allow you to chip away at that rock, you can let go of whatever it is you're holding on to so that you're feeling lighter and you're bringing that energy and that vibration to everything you do. But again, step one is acknowledging that it's there, feeling into it. And then step two is to actually do something, something about it. So, you know, on our retreat, you taught us many different ways to connect with the body. And you know, I think it'd be helpful if maybe you could share a couple of tools that men and women could use to start their day just to, you know, as you said before, we're trying to use our mind to express and feel into the body. But the body has its own intelligence. So what are some things that some people, people could do to just even begin this process of understanding their blocks, the, the sensations connecting with their body again?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I love that you, you know, mentioned that in the morning. Just, you know, one of the things that I think can be good is just like a morning dance and movement in a way that isn't controlled. You know, there's a meditation that I offer in my book, I call it everythingness and Nothingness. And what I'll do often in the mornings is for five minutes, just put on a timer on my phone and I'll go into the everythingness inside. The sadness, the expression, the rage, the aliveness, whatever is there. And I let that move through me without trying to control it. And, and I let that move through me in a way that isn't calculated. It's not some step by step asana practice. I love yoga. I was teaching yoga for a long time. I love asana, but sometimes it's still quite controlled. There's a part of our body that just wants to be in this erratic, uncontrolled energy. If there's anger inside a specific practice, put a pillow in front of you, beat the fuck out of the pillow, the pillow is able to receive it. You know it's not going to get upset at you. If you beat the fuck out of someone else, they're probably going to get upset at you. It's like all that rage that's inside and that might sound, you know, silly or strange for people, but it's like that energy is within. When it can be cultivated and moved through the body, there's a freedom that can come through. Because the thing is, when we get into a practice like that, let's say you're doing that practice in the morning and then later on that evening, your partner starts to go into upset and rageness. You're like, oh. Rather than judge it and ridicule it, you have the capacity to pause at it because you know that inside yourself as well. And it becomes less of a attacking mentality between two people and more of, okay, I'm upset because whatever happened and you're taking responsibility and you move that emotional body and then you come back into conscious communication. And so that is a very specific tool in your bedroom. Close the door, put on some music and just let that energy and the rage grab the pillow, scream into the pillow, hit the pillow, let all of that energy move through you. If you're going to do it in that same kind of five and five setup, I would recommend at the end of that, let's say five minutes or two, 10 minutes, you set the timer for an equal amount of time, five or 10 minutes, and you go into stillness. You know, we're in a society where meditation has become really high on people's values, which is great. I love seeing people meditate, but I've met enough people through the years who have sat in 10, 15 Vipassana retreats but still don't know the fucking angry bitch inside of them. And that comes out in relationship. So we can sit in stillness, we're blue in the face. But if we don't know how to move and vibrate energy inside, then we're still going to judge it on the outside. So what this practice is doing is it's training the body with how to be with energy and emotion. Intensity as well as. Then how to cultivate that place that witnesses without judgment and can just observe and see. And so whether you're in a male body or female body, healthy, masculine, masculine energy can witness without judgment and just be there and just witness. And not that it's disconnected, but it feels deeply, but it's able to just be there. And when the feminine feels a place where all of that can be welcome and they're not judged and ridiculed for it, then there's a spaciousness that opens. So what that practice is doing is cultivating that integration, that equanimity within the self of knowing the everythingness, the chaos, the feminine, the wildness, the rage, all of that, and knowing the nothingness, the stillness, the calmness, the point, the void, like energy within us. And this is the polarity of our human experience, you know, and our body is made up of polarity as well. We have bones. If bones had no water and blood flowing through, we'd just be a pile of bones sitting somewhere. If the water and blood had no bones, then it would just be flowing without structure. So the very essence of our human body is structure and fluidity. And we need both of that to know and to master the human experience. And so in mastering both of these sides, when we come to that equanimous point, it opens up the place of, okay, why am I actually here? What am I here to share, to do, to be, to create in this world? Because I've mastered how to be more with this human body that my soul is inside of. So in this flesh suit is polarity. I need to master polarities, which is why we have tantra, which is why we have all these traditions, so that I can know everything necessarily and nothingness. And I come back into, ah, here I am. And why have I incarnated in the first place? And that is even more into, you know, a lot of the work that turns me on a lot is like supporting people to cultivate that leadership inside, just as you're doing. It's like there's a unique essence that drives you to share the work that you're doing, and every other person is that way. But that unique essence is hard to. To cultivate if there's an imbalance of polarity inside. So when that imbalance starts to dissolve more and you come back at home into the heart, then the clarity of the purpose gets to be revealed more and more.

That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, powerful. And, you know, a morning practice like that takes less than 15, 20 minutes exactly. You know, and I share all the time, you know, whether it be through my channels or with my clients. The first 20 minutes of the day are so important to bring presence, to bring awareness, to rebalance yourself. And it may just seem like it's only 20 minutes. What's it really going to do? But you start your day with that level of intention and awareness, feeling, allow yourself to be more connected. Within months, you notice such a shift within yourself. You just show up in a different way. Your beingness really shifts. And everybody has the ability to do this 20 minutes. You don't have to go to a yoga studio, you don't have to meditate in a group. You can just do it on your own. But it requires the want, the intention and the commitment. And. And that's how you begin. So for any of you listening out there, you know, if. If change is what you want, then as they say, you know, the change starts from within. And it starts with 20 minutes of an intentional practice in the morning.

That's all.

It's that easy. I mean, it's not easy because shit's gonna come up for sure. And dealing with this shit's not easy. But on the other side of that is. Is really true liberation.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for all that you do for myself, for other men, for the men and women that you share your work with. Looking forward to many more experiences and adventures together. Yeah, I definitely. I believe I'm a better person, I'm a better human by way of our friendship.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean that. So thank you for your time and, you know, thank you for everybody watching, listening, you know. Hit, subscribe. Hit. Like, share this with a man or a woman who you feel could benefit from this conversation and to learn more about Aaron Kleinerman. Aaron Kleinerman.com.

Yep.

You have. The retreat that I went on in Costa Rica in April of this year is happening in Nicaragua in November. It's. It's deep, it's powerful. It's not for everyone, it's for men. But if you're really ready to step up, if you're really ready to let go of some deep, this will do it. And. And it's something you really got to be committed to step into, but it's powerful, you know, So I think a couple of our friends are going. So I'm excited for that. I've suggested it to all of my male coaching clients. And you are hosting retreats, more ISTA trainings. You've got a bunch of stuff going on. So if people want to learn more about you and what you do. Aaron Kleinerman.com the Embodied Man Amazing book. I'm on like chapter seven. It's amazing because it's not only an amazing book that has lots of powerful stories and lessons, but then you have exercises in the books that someone. It's almost like they're coaching with you, but they're doing it themselves by way of the book. So it's amazing. So thank you for putting that out there in the world and anything else you'd like to share, mention while we're here?

No, you can find out all the information there. I'd say for the retreat you go to the initiation. Journey.com has all the information and the next two that are on the calendar if you are Nitradwa, Malta in December and then Bali in February. So it's growing and expanding. And yeah, that work is really touches my heart deeply. Out of all the retreats I teach through the year, it's the one that I see the deepest level of growth that happens. And I, I really honor that. Yeah.

Well, thank you for that. Yeah. Yeah. So thank you for watching, listening, subscribe, like, share, do all that good stuff and. Yeah, and give Aaron Kleinerman a follow as well because lots of amazing stuff that you share on your channel.

So thank you and thanking you, brother, for the work you're doing and having me here and really appreciate and honor your journey.

I'm happy to be on this journey together.

Yeah, absolutely.

Awesome.