What It Really Means to Be a Man in Today’s World | Adam Lewis X Zarak Fatah

Why do you think she cheated on you? Until I'm a provider, I guess I can't have that woman that I dream of. A woman wants to know.

The boy wants to serve himself. The man that's looking for purpose wants to fight a fight beyond him. They're trying to weaken us from that war. The diminishing levels of testosterone, air quality, the water quality, even the distraction from the problem itself.

Welcome to the Path to Purpose podcast where I share incredible conversations with amazing humans who went through a pivotal shift in their lives that have put them on their path of purpose, profit, and impact. My name is Zarek Fatah. I am a serial entrepreneur and life coach. I went through my own transformational journey where I'm now committed to living a life of inspiration, education, and empowerment. My intention is to share these conversations so they inspire you to also walk your path to purpose. Foreign. Welcome to the Path podcast. Today I'm sitting down with a remarkable young man who may just be the youngest guest I've had on this show, Mr. Adam Lewis. Even though he's only 31 years young, he has already experienced his dark night of soul. He's questioned his purpose, he's dug down to do the deep work, and he's now sharing his magic with other men. He is a co founder of Man Camp. He's got a powerful, growing community called Men's Alchemy here in Toronto, and he is a former founding ship head at Other Ship. Adam Lewis. Thank you for joining me today, brother.

Thanks for having me here, man.

This is a real full circle moment.

Sure is. Yeah. And I feel like the timing, too. November 1st on the a month of celebrating masculinity. That feels great to connect with you here.

Yeah. And if any of you know Adam and you're looking at him and you're like, something's different about him. He's shaved off his, like, when I say a mustache, like that was like a proper stache.

It's pretty iconic.

And you've had it for a long time.

Yeah, since it's been 26 months since I last shaved it. And yeah, truly. And even what it represents as a symbolic mark on my face, as a homage to the masculine bloodline where my grandfather actually sported a mustache his entire life. And in his passing, it was actually during a medicine ceremony that this download came through that it's time to Steward the Stash.

Love it. Steward the Stash. That's amazing. Get a shirt made like that from Steward the Stash. That's a good one. Yeah, exactly.

So feels. Yeah. November 1st. Shaved it this morning and immediately took 15 years off my.

Absolutely.

Appearance.

So now you're like 16.

Yeah, exactly.

So today, as you said, November 1st and the kickoff of Movember. And you know, this is a really timely conversation, why I want to sit down and speak with you. Because as many of you may know, Movember, which originally started in 2003 in Australia to bring awareness to prostate cancer, has now morphed and evolved into the largest men's mental health charity in the world. And they are doing some amazing things around the world for men's mental health initiatives and support. And you being someone who is deep in men's work and supporting men of all ages, all backgrounds with man camp and men's alchemy, you know what I think is so remarkable about you is the fact that you are very young and you've already gone through this awakening. I'll say. And you are now already stepping fully into your purpose. And when we met, you were a very different Adam. So we met back in 2020. You were on vacation in Nosara, just like many people come down. Vacation, surf, maybe some yoga. And then the jungle bug got you.

Yeah, truly, it's. I mean, such a full circle moment, because you got to see me sort of at that moment right before coming into that dark night of the soul, where I think Nosara has that initiatory element to it. But it was literally months after that. I came home, back to Canada mid lockdown, and I was running my own company at the time. It was a beverage company in the CPG space. Shortly after coming back, I fell in what I thought was love. I was in this lustful, intense relationship, struggling to keep my business going. I ended up actually moving to Quebec with my partner at the time, and in a one fell swoop, got my heart broken. My girlfriend cheated on me and broke up with me. I was bedridden, depressed, started numbing with alcohol, marijuana, and couldn't get out of bed to even run the company that I spent four years pulling my hard soul into and ended up shutting that down too. And after leaving Ontario, moving to Quebec, and then having to come back home, I got to face the amazing opportunity to decide which parent to move back into. And all this divorce trauma surfaced, especially when I decided to reside with my mother. So in one fell swoop, it was like romantic life, career, father, relationship, carpet pulled right out from under me and enter that dark night of the soul that you'd mentioned. And that's when the journey really began.

Yeah, that was a perfect storm to have you really, I don't want to say hit rock bottom, but sounds like you were. You were pretty close, and you had to take a hard look at your life, and you had two choices then. You know, you could keep. Keep sinking, or you can pull yourself out of it. And as you mentioned, it was during COVID so it was a tough time. And, you know, Covid for many people, was that the catalyst. It was that rock bottom moment for people where they were at home with their wife or husband, off work, you know, and stuck in an environment, and they just realized that they don't live their life anymore. And for you, I can't even imagine what that was like to have those three major hits happen at once. But let me ask you something now, reflecting back on it, would you change anything about what happened at that point in time in your life?

As painful as it was, it was the best thing that happened to me as well, because like you said, that dark night of the soul, that rock bottom, it's something I needed to hit, and I think everybody actually needs to hit for the transformation to emerge that perhaps spirit or creator of the universe does have planned for us.

Yeah. So what I would love to hear is if you look at each situation, the cheating, the job, and the father wound, can you tell me what lesson you learned from each situation?

The through line, and that's brought me here was I was in a medicine ceremony that this was revealed to me. But, yeah, what the medicine told me was, adam, your masculinity is broken. And at the time, I actually didn't really know what to make of that. I came out of the ceremony with a lot less pain than I went into it with after going in with such deep prayer to absolve me of the pain that I was in at the time. And oftentimes I know we can go in with these intentions, the medicine will show us where to go next, but not necessarily tell us how. So I came out and said, okay, my masculinity's broken. I didn't even know what that meant at the time. Sure. And I got to go home and integrate and just sit with that. Like, what does that mean? Like, what does my manhood even mean? Yeah, what does being a man mean? And that's what actually took me to following my purpose and my passions and what I thought was, okay, what do men do?

We.

We build, we serve, we protect, and for me, building. And also, I think as a man, so much of what we do, it's like being in our bodies, being in our physical nature. So I thought, what's something I'm really passionate about? And at that period of my life, it was diving in the cold water. So being one of those yahoos jumping in the lake in the middle of the winter and then warming up in a sauna. And I didn't have a sauna at the time, so I went ahead and bought a trailer and I built a barrel sauna on that trailer so I could tow it to the lake and jump in the water with my friends and come back in and shelter in that sauna.

That's awfully.

And just that process of building the sauna was on yourself. Yeah.

Good work.

Yeah. Well, not just myself, because the lesson that came out of that was I actually didn't know how to do it all, so I had to learn to ask for help and ask for help from other men.

Okay.

And this was this unconscious healing working through me of learning, collaboration, learning how to ask for help, that vulnerability that I really was not good at before. And I would say I'm still working on, but that was the initiation into, I think, into this path that I'm on. And what was. But also what ended up leading me to the other ship chapter where I really got to step further into that purpose of being in service with my passions. Yeah.

Before we get into that, I want to jump back to the broken masculinity part because I believe that many young men and older men, but a lot of young men are dealing with broken masculinity. And when you mentioned your girlfriend cheated on you, why do you think she cheated on you?

I think she felt like she was taking care of a boy. Yeah. I felt in that relationship there was so much of the service that I was not providing to her ended up falling on her to take care of a boy that wasn't there to fend for himself and his partner that was seeking the comfort of almost like a mother, like character. And I can't blame her for, you know, maybe leaving a bit more politely would have been nice. But I think the nature of the unconscious and the power of the feminine also probably knew that this guy needed to learn a lesson. And a gentle departure wasn't going to be quite enough. So the. Yeah, I don't fault her for it. I don't blame her for it. Again, I think I reflect back on that being the greatest lesson I could ever have been served up. But that was a boy in that relationship. That was a boy running that company, and that was a boy who had its ego and his spirit fractured, broken, brought down to rubble.

Yeah.

Well, I just want to first off.

Thank you and acknowledge you for going there and being that honest and seeing it for what it is. And I sensed that when the message you got was your masculinity is broken. And I feel a lot of men, young men, are experiencing that because they don't know what it means to be a man. And, you know, thing I'm really excited about having this conversation and sharing it with men of all ages is I believe young men right now are very confused. I believe they're very lost. I believe they lack guidance. And I also believe that by design, young men are being. The masculinity is being suppressed, okay? Whether it be testosterone levels dropping, whether it be free porn, legalized weed, easy access to video games. You know, when a man lacks purpose, he searches for pleasure. And I believe a lot of young men are numbing themselves, distract themselves, and they don't even know how to engage with the feminine. So I would say, yes, there is an epidemic of broken masculinity in the male population. Men don't know what it means to be a man anymore. You know, and I believe we're living through a time right now, and I'm very excited about this, that what it means to be a man, what it means to be a strong man, a provider, a protector, is being redefined. You know, before we got on, we were talking about, like, what does it mean to be a provider these days? You know, like, am I supposed to, like, take care of my girl, flyer to Europe, buy her purses, spoiler with all these luxury goods or whatnot, like we see on Instagram or as a provider to, you know, give that safety, the structure of the frame, taking care of, you know, the. The bills so she can be in her feminine, do what she needs to not say she can't contribute. But I don't think men know how to show up for the feminine right now. And there's been this controversy or this, you know, debate about what a woman is supposed to contribute, what a woman's role is in the relationship, in the workforce, you know, around equality and all that. And then with men, you know, often many of them wanting to be taken care of, almost being treated like princesses. And that doesn't work because, as you said, your partner at the time, maybe she didn't feel safe, she didn't feel taken care of, she didn't feel provided for. And I believe that people cheat, people stray when their needs aren't being met. So something within her wasn't being nourished. Wasn't being felt secure. And whoever it was that she got whatever from at that time, she believed that's what she needed. And I'm assuming she was fairly young, around your age as well, and probably didn't have the. The ability to communicate and express herself. And it might have just been the shilting, the guilt and shame that had her not be able to communicate and apologize and take ownership of what she did.

Right, yeah. And just to unpack that a bit more was exactly that, because it was, in fact, her ex that she'd cheated on me with an older man, a successful restaurant owner in the region. So that brought up so much on, oh, my, like, what does he represent compared to what I represented at the time, Like a stable, mature provider versus this struggling boy that was just so out of touch with his manhood in so many ways. And just reflecting on that, it's. So that trauma is definitely also what reoriented me in terms of, like, where I need to look. And the feminine, I think, has that ability to just be so intelligent and showing men where the work needs to be done.

Yeah, yeah. To be with a conscious woman is the deepest work you'll ever do, you know, and to be with a woman who's unconscious while you are developing your consciousness is a lot of work as well, because you have to really be able to hold space and lead by example and really feel into your heart and be with her, you know, through the journey, both with a conscious or unconscious woman. And one thing I wanted to touch on for any young man or older man watching this, thinking, well, until I'm a provider, I guess I can't have that woman that I dream of. A woman wants to know you have a plan, you have a purpose, you have a mission, and that you're doing something about it. A woman will admire you, she'll respect you, she'll appreciate you, even if you don't have lots of money, even if you can't afford all the expensive stuff yet. If she believes in you because you believe in yourself, because you have a vision and you're taking action, that's attractive.

Yeah.

But the problem is a lot of men, they talk a big game, but then they don't take the initiative, they don't have a plan, you know, they flounder around. And if you can't, on your word, if you can't show up in integrity, she can't feel safe with you. And if she doesn't feel safe with you, she's going to find someone else. She feels safe with absolutely.

What's really coming to mind as you say, all that. It's. It's leadership. Yeah. It's not leadership of others, but you're taking leadership towards your own life.

Yeah.

And I love the David Data quote. He says it's. She wants to relax gently into your direction. So it's up to us, I do believe, to, like, find that own, like, that path, that purposeful path, reach all. Like, we all have one. It's within.

Yeah.

But we need to block out all those distractions of what we're being told. We need to be pursuing the material gain, the superficial nonsense that does, I think, really distract us from that.

Absolutely.

That inner path.

Yeah. And. And that was so much of my life. Like when people ask, why am I not married yet? Right. So much of my life was about making that hurt little boy inside me feel better about himself. You know, I needed the cars, I needed the clothes. I needed the watch. I needed the younger girl. That was convenient because I didn't love myself yet. I didn't accept myself. And I would spend so much time, energy, and money to project the image of who I wanted people to see and love and accept rather than do my own work, you know? And for me, that all came to a, you know, a climax on my 40th birthday when I took a step back and realized, wait a minute, all my friends are married with kids, thriving businesses they love, and I'm single, I'm lonely, I'm in debt, and I don't love my business anymore. And for me, that was a catalyst that kind of had me take a step back, and they're like, whoa, you know? And one thing you mentioned. So David Dida, for anybody listening or watching, Way of the Superior man, read it from the core. John Wineland, read it. These are amazing books that are gonna help you to understand how, as men, we need to show up in the world today. And another thing, David Data said that a woman wants you to have a mission and have a purpose, and she wants you to want that more than you even want her. Like, that has to be your driving force in life. And as a result, she will love you. She will support you if she believes in you, but you gotta believe in yourself first. And I do believe that we all have a purpose. We can all create a mission for ourself. And it doesn't have to be like, you know, I'm gonna go build schools in Africa. I'm gonna start a big nonprofit or whatever it is. It's have a purpose. Have something you're getting up for in the morning, something that drives you, that you're excited about, you know, and if you don't know what your purpose is yet because you're still caught up in the superficial, then ask yourself, why are you spending so much time and energy to buy all the fancy shit that you don't really need? What part of you doesn't accept yourself or what part of you don't you accept that you need to overcome so that you don't need to put so much time and energy into wasting money on superficial, you know, because if that's what you're putting your time and energy into, well, then you're going to attract women that are into that. Yeah.

You know, what we put out, we receive back. And, you know, so much of what you're reflecting on, too. It's this prompt I put into my men's group that came up in conversation with another brother was, what threats are present in your life? What enemies exist? Yeah. And one of the most common answers that came up out of the dozens was cheap dopamine and false, false pursuits.

Okay.

And when we think about, you know, that pursuit of purpose which you prompted that question, I was like, you know, what would I do? And, like, I feel so grateful to have, you know, found all these aligned missions that I lead myself in. But to ask someone, you know, just find their purpose is like. It feels intimidating. And I think a great starting point is that process of, well, what enemies are showing up that are even keeping me from finding that purpose. And holy crap, man. Like, our phones, technology, and what we're talking about, too, and how that departure from our humanness. Because I think when we. We can calm the noise, quiet the noise, find stillness, that purposeness. And like, that mission, it's going to arise. But I think it is unique for everyone. And maybe we're told the virtuous one is build the school or start the nonprofit, but it doesn't have to be the most grandiose thing, but like you said, like, women are going to appreciate a man. That's like taking charge of his life on a mission. Maybe it's. It's humble, but there's beauty in that too.

Absolutely.

And then moving that need to compare and compete where his mission is greater than mine. It's not about that. It's. I think that's, again, the beauty of this new rise of masculinity where we're so much more collaborative. And no matter a man's mission, as long as we're supporting it, like, we can just call it. At that. Yeah.

And to that point, I think it's so important that in relationship, you admire and you admire one another. You inspire one another. And there's that deep respect of, I see you, I love who you are, respect what you're doing, and. And there's that. That mutual admiration. You know, I think that's what's really missing in a lot of relationships, because when the guy starts messing around or the woman starts, like, you know, just losing respect or the admiration for one another, that's the beginning of the end. You know, to your point about finding purpose, you're right. It doesn't have to be some grandiose thing, but it could just be like, what do you like to do for other people that lights you up? Some people just love. Have conversations. Some people love playing with dogs or. Or, you know, it can be the most simple thing. It just. Just start. It doesn't. You have to have it all figured out. Just start with something and allow yourself to experiment and explore it and see what that feels like. Because once you get a taste of purpose, once you have that feeling of fulfillment, you're like, whoa, this is like a whole other level of enjoyment. Satisfaction. Right?

Yeah. And as you say that, too, it's. I reflect back on, I think, those shared journeys of both of us, like, having those moments of, like, oh, and that's like, it hurts. And, you know, I think it's a Jungian quo where it's our greatest gifts and our greatest wounds, they come from the same places. And that's where that.

I like that one. Yeah. Right.

Because it's like. Like you realize, like, oh, like the way you're in service now to men in the world with your work, it's. It's beautiful.

But it's because it all comes from my wounds.

Right?

Being bullied, dealing with racism, not feeling like I fit in. That version of me that I became served me in many ways. But I could also see how even though I had made lots of money and had the cars and clothes and girls and all that, I had to go back to that little boy who was bullied, picked on in the schoolyard, who didn't feel good enough and make peace with him and realize that there are many, many other boys who got picked on, didn't feel good enough. And regardless of what I've achieved in my life now, my little boy can speak to your little boy and see each other and be like, hey, regardless of what you look like now, I know how you feel. I know what you went through. You're not alone. And you know, we don't have to be afraid anymore, you know, and for me, the work that I do with my men is, you know, I work with everything from I've worked with young 18 year olds in college to, you know, billionaires actually. And we all have the same wounds, you know, we all just want to be loved. We want to feel good enough, you know, we want our dad to say, hey, I'm proud of you. We want our moms to hug and kiss us, you know, and we want a woman who really respects and appreciates us. I think all men, regardless of your background, your career, your wealth, we all want that. And you know, my wounds and identifying what I went through and why I did all the dumb shit I did back in the day to prove myself, I can look at it and laugh and speak about it with just full transparency because I love who I've become and I could look back on who I was and I could have compassion for all this things I did. I'm not gonna call them mistakes. I could say they were necessary experiences I need to have for me to realize what's truly important. So when I work with men.

I.

Have no problem be fully vulnerable and honest and say things that a lot of men wouldn't because they are worried about looking bad or being judged. But it's like, fuck it, I really love who I've become as a result of making peace with my hurt little child and accepting all the crazy stuff that happened in my life. And, and just like you to be the example of like, hey, this is what it looks like when you're willing to go to those dark places to look in the shadow, to shine the light and see, okay, there's some stuff there that I've pushed down for a very long time and I'm ready to, I'm ready to face it. Because the minute you choose to look in the shadows and take on what you've been too scared to look at, that's the minute you take control of your life. That's the minute. That's the moment you start creating your new future.

That's power, man. That's power. And there are two beautiful images that just came through as you're speaking. I pictured a little Z, a little Adam, just like in their little child playing together. And you mentioned that loneliness, which we know there's like a massive loneliness epidemic now with, I think across both women and men, but particularly with men where I was mentioning, you know, there's like one in seven men that can't name a friend. That's like, that's a crazy, sad statistic. And we think about how loneliness, like in torture, in prison, you know, like what they call like solitary conf. Solitary confinement. Yeah. Like that's the greatest torture you can provide to someone.

Yeah.

And when you think about how loneliness is pervading across men, it's no wonder why there's this toxicity that emerges because I'm alone and I don't have anybody around me to confide in. And then that's where I think a lot of these, the Machiavellian, the dark triad of behaviors start to come out. Because the world's now hurt me, so I'm out there to hurt the world back. And it's due to that. I believe it is that loneliness that not only men have for each other, but I think also men have from themselves.

Absolutely. A lot of that loneliness is self inflicted isolation because they feel guilty, they feel shame, they feel like they don't belong, they feel like they're not worthy. So slowly they start becoming more and more reclusive, Cutting people off, they just start detaching from the world. And then they just accept that that's their new reality. And unfortunately, you know, loneliness is one of the greatest causes of suicide. And as we know, three out of four suicides are men. The numbers are only rising. You know, suicide and mental health issues were a major problem before the pandemic and Covid and all that craziness just amplified everything. And, you know, that's why it's so important, the work that you're doing with man camp and with. With your men's group as well. Because men need to know that they're not alone, they're not fucked up, you know, that they have support and that they're not going to be judged. You know, that is really what's so important. I remember Donald said this when we were at Dimension. He shared something so profound that I always remember. He said healing happens when you feel safe to open up and share. You feel safe that you won't be judged and that you heard and seen and then you share a profound experience together. And that's why something as simple as a men's circle or the dinners that I host are so transformative and healing because you're in a space where you're not going to be judged or laughed at. You feel you can share and open up and say what's been pushed down and you're having this dynamic experience together where you're connecting and relating to other brothers and you Realize, wow, okay, there's other guys out there like me that are going through the same thing. And that's why, whether it be a men's circle session, whether it be a two hour dinner, it can be, that can be the turning point for them to realize, okay, I don't have to be alone, I don't have to take the drugs, I don't have to kill myself.

Yeah. And sometimes I think isn't even like this intellectualized realization. I think it's actually this, like on a soul level, like on a nervous system level where there's a relaxation.

Yeah.

That can happen. And another quote came through as you were saying. That was that Jungian quote of loneliness doesn't come from not having people around you, but from not being able to share the things that are important to you. And some of us just not realizing like those things that are important to us are like deep in the recesses of vulnerability of our emotions or our sexuality of our, you know, where we feel weak. And as men again, we've been conditioned to like, you know, God forbid you share how, you know you're not succeeding in the areas that you want to because then we might be not chosen or perceived as we're not good enough.

Yeah, you're not a man.

Not a man. Not good enough. Like those sting. But that's like almost this humming in the background of so many men's, you know, minds these days. And where I think there's so much medicine in the men's work too, is you think about a lot of our, you know, your generation, our generation of our first impressions of masculine energy, you know, it usually came from probably our fathers, maybe brothers, but ultimately many environments where that wasn't actually a wholesome representation of masculinity to no faults of their own, because, you know, whether our fathers.

Or learn from their fathers.

Exactly. And that's why it's like the buck is stopping here.

Yeah.

But if those first impressions on all these boys is not one of, you know, healthy masculinity, then that imprint in how we relate and perceive other men is actually, it's more activating and sympathetic and perceived almost as a threat in a way. And then that. So it can feed this like hierarchical, you know, competitive nature of men. And where I think there's so much medicine in the men's groups, where again, you said that it's that healing together and that safety where we can share parts of ourself, we can be not just accepted, but actually celebrated for it and reprogramming what it feels like to be in the presence of masculine energy. And it's almost like exposure therapy that way, where you're getting acquainted with the threat, kind of like a hormetic effect almost, where you get closer and closer to other men to the point where it's no longer perceived as a threat, but it's now contained within what I think the true essence of masculinity is, which is safety, which is trust, that ability to surrender. And I think men's groups are, you know, as someone that's done, you know, ayahuasca 20 times, I've done the Hoffman process. The dimensions, things, all these different healing experiences, men's work and being in the presence of other men in these containers keep showing up as the most powerful medicine. Yeah. And that's why I'm so passionate about sharing it, because it's that archetype of the wounded healer. It helps me a lot. It's clearly doing wonders for you, too. And we'll keep going.

Yeah, absolutely. As you say, I just. I feel activated throughout, you know, because I feel like the work we are doing is so deep, it's so ancestral. It's so. It's so within us. And what I mean by that is, as men, as warriors in the tribe, if we were not accepted, if we were not supporting each other, watching each other's back, we got eaten by the lion or we get attacked by the enemies. And masculinity is so fractured because as men, we don't trust one another, we don't support one another, and it comes back to the father. Right. If we can't trust and rely on our father's support, how are we going to rely on that from other men? And that's why, you know, you said this earlier, we are the generation to redefine masculinity. We are the generation to create a new type of leader, a new type of father provider. And that's why this work in these conversations right now are so important. Because, you know, I love the fact that you're 31 and you're thinking on this level because you're reaching a whole different demographic than I can, you know, And I feel that it takes people like you, myself, and many of our other friends who are in this work to be the example. Because when men can feel safe being with other men, you know, one of this exercise I did last week, my retreat, was just simple eye gazing, you know, and for most men, they can't look at another man in the eyes for more than a few seconds, you know, because. Okay, is It, I'm intimidated. Am I gay? Is it like, why is it awkward? You know, so when you joke, you look away, you know, and we can't look at one another and be with one another because there's this. Either it's a threat, it's an insecurity. There is a lack of depth and connection that we have to one another. And if we can't be connected, if we can't really believe in one another, then how are we going to support each other and get through this war on masculinity? And you know, in my annual opinion, the war on humanity, you know, there is a massive war happening right now on the spiritual planes, multi dimensional planes here, the physical plane, you know, our water, our air, our food, our sacred relationships, it's all being attacked. And if you don't believe me and you think I'm crazy, it's okay. But time will tell. I mean it's all coming to the surface and it's. No, it's so obvious. And if us as men can't come together to support one another, to fight the good fight, to defend ourselves, our wives, our children, our homes, then how are we going to make it through this?

We're not. And just. Yeah, man, spine just like tingles everywhere now. Because it's, I think guys like us that have been on this like spiritual path and I think that looks different for everyone. But what is coming up for me, it's like this gladiator energy that we're being called to war. Because that is what it feels like. And that's where like that ability, I think for guys like you and I to eye gaze, it's because we've done a lot of inner work. There's self love. So there's no shame in being seen and being able to be saying things like, you know, yeah, it's a multidimensional spiritual war that, you know, that techno tyranny is blasting on us. And there's no part of me that feels resistant to that for being ostracized. Because that's just like a deep truth that.

And you don't have to buy my truth or your truth. They don't have to listen. No, we can own our own truth and stand in that power.

But talk about looking for purpose for people. Anyone that's can't find it, it's. There's a lot of purpose in being called to war. Yeah, you know, we see that at any vibration where that to unite against a common enemy and not to be in divisive consciousness, but to be in finding, like, what is something worth fighting for. And that's why I thought that identifying enemies and threats exercise is so powerful because I think that's something that we want to do as men. We want to serve to a higher cause. The boy wants to serve himself. The man that's looking for purpose wants to fight a fight beyond him. And I really feel like all those things you just said are like, so true and that it is to what your point earlier, they're trying to weaken us from that war with the diminishing levels of testosterone through many different avenues, whether, like you said, air quality, the water quality, the atrazine in the water, the, even the distraction from the problem itself, where, you know, you're talking about the future of the sacred family unit. Well, we look at all the, I want to call it propaganda, but all of the narrative around, okay, concern around the climate and the threats there, like, those are real. But, you know, some studies suggest that carbon crisis is like a 60 year, 50 year concern, 20 to 25 years. The fertility issue is more prevalent. So there will be empty cities for the next generation if current rates continue for the decrease in fertility in men. And that's. No, I don't believe that to be an accident.

To prepare for these battles, to prepare for the war. It's in the daily choices you make. It is in the routines you have. It is in the discipline you instill in yourself. And it is choosing to be in integrity and do what's hard over what's easy each and every day. Because as you mentioned, there is a lot of, I'll call it fuckery going on out there. And we can choose to just kind of like, nah, there's nothing I could do about it and turn and look in the other direction. Or you could say, I'm not okay with that. And I'm going to do what's within my power to make sure that we stay sovereign in our household. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure my family's taken care of. And in order to do that, you got to take care of yourself, which means you got to eat well, you got to train, you got to have this connection to God, faith, spiritual, universe, whatever. You have to be solid and integral within yourself if you want to radiate that energy and create that in the world around you. And that's why this war and this battle starts within yourself. And, you know, we touched on it earlier, just a broken masculinity. You know, there's a lot of men, young men, who may watch this and be like, okay, well, where do I start? You know, their fathers may not be a great example for them. They may be watching porn every night or playing video games, smoking weed. So, you know, you've created your community, men's alchemy. You've created man camp. You know, I would love for you to share a little bit about, first off, your inspiration behind creating that. And also, How would someone who has a different friend group, different, you know, set of hobbies or activities or whatnot. How does someone make that transition from their current life where they are into becoming more cautious, more awakened, more integral.

Get into a bad relationship? So good starting point.

Hit a rock bottom. Yeah.

Go to Nasara and see what. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I mean, those. I guess there's two questions there. There's how to step into that men's work or find one into whether it's, I think, in men's work or participating in it. So leading or participating, and then to find one on that spiritual journey, that awakening of consciousness. That's a great question I haven't thought too much about. But I would say what lended to mine has been my ongoing, like, lifelong devotion to maintenance of my physical body. I do believe that the physical is a gateway to the mental, to the emotional and the spiritual. And that by regularly, not just exercising, but detoxing and purifying, that is what allows this vessel to be a conduit for that God energy, that great greater spiritual guidance that I know is what led me into that dark night, because that was the path I needed to go on. Whereas if I was calcified and rigid and really in, like, the confines of the matrix, that would have protected me and probably kept me on a path that was rigid, linear. If I was depressed, I was taking antidepressants, you know, Belbutrin and the remedies. But it was actually when I gave those up that I really also went onto that spiritual path. So I think a lot of awakening does come through the physical body. And why I'm so, like, devoted to the maintenance and ongoing.

And what does that look like for you is you said ice bath before sauna. What other practices do you think are important to, you know, keep the body in a cleansed state?

Well, saunas, for sure. So detoxing is a huge part. So detoxing of the microplastics of the heavy metals. Again, the microplastics and heavy metals and the. All the xenoestrogens. So these are, again, what are disrupting our body's natural functions for producing like healthy testosterone production. Being truly vital and being able to channel in that life force energy. So detoxing through sauna is an amazing way. Ice baths again. This is where I was I've been so passionate about is that ability to do hard things, to challenge ourselves in ways that seem crazy. But it's that doing something hard that shows you have the confidence, the power and the resilience to do that life. And then for me it's always been like eating super clean, so organic, where I can a lot of red meat, minimizing any chemicals, any sugars. And yeah, the water quality. Like I was saying earlier, I'm just obsessed with water. Water is life. And when we realize that there are these chemicals that are put in our water, there's the fluoride, the chlorine, the atrazine, the pharmaceuticals that are interfering with the divine purity that we came into this world with. So starting with those and I think things naturally start to fall into place for that inherent vital life force that wishes to get aliveness within us. And I think the spiritual path will naturally happen as a result. That's only my journey. So I can only speak from my experience, but it's been mind, body, spirit have always moved in tandem.

Yeah.

And then to that second part of your question is, you know, how did that even lead me to the men's work where it was like I said, like entering that dark night of the soul where I really realized that there's this brokenness in my masculinity. I went online, there's the Mankind Project which is another amazing organization I recommend people look at. I went to some of the circles and programs there and it didn't really. It was a more mature crowd and felt like an older program. So there's always just been that entrepreneurial nature me that wants to do things my way or just ways that would fit my model. And a lot of it too was inspired by the book King Warrior, Magician Lover. That where I think creator also weaves things into me was during that healing journey I was at an indigo and sticking out one of the sections was that book King Warrior, Magician Lover. And I I pulled it out, I read that book and that's to this day the book I've gifted the most to men because it is what really showed me the importance of graduating from boy consciousness to that mature masculine. And that's also what we based man camp on as the four masculine archetypes. So we can unpack that a little bit more as well. And to Any of the men that might be listening, that or the boys, if you want to still call yourself that, that are seeking to find a men's circle. That's actually one of the problems I'm trying to solve because even in Toronto, where it seems like there's a lot of work happening, there doesn't seem to be enough of them. And that's why I started my men's alchemy group and born out of man camp. There have been many other circles, but if you want to start one yourself, that's where I would encourage the listeners to reach out to me. I have a number of friends that have reached out that are not in Toronto and they said, adam, I want to lead a men's circle. And I just created these notion documents of my run of shows of what I do to them. And it's just kind of fully open source. Like, if you want to start a men's circle, hit me up. I'll give you that playbook. And to me, it's just that way to distribute the healing and more men doing the work is. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just getting men in a room together is. Miles. Miles. Yeah.

And I'd like you to expand on that because for some people listening, they've never heard of a men's circle before. And you know, you first heard hear of it, you know, they make. Is it a circle jerk? Like what the are they doing with this circle? You know? And again, because we're in the work, we take for granted that everybody knows what like a men's circle is, you know, and so can you share a little bit about what that actually looks like? Because for some people listening or watching this, they're gonna be like, yeah, I need to be a part of one of those. So can you please just explain that a little bit?

Yeah. So my thesis for when I started the men's alchemy group in Toronto shortly after leaving my last job was really founded on that same theory I shared about de energizing any hostility that's felt between men's nervous systems. So just that process of being in a room with only men with the intention of opening up. Like some of the hardest part for these men that were showing up for the first time was just getting there because of that nervousness of being in a room with just men, which might have previously been in locker rooms. It was an all boys school. Maybe that wasn't like a particularly welcoming environment. So that intentionality, it's like. And again, this is something I think is very Masculine is men create containers and those should be containers of safety. So it starts with just creating that. And then for me, the programming was these three hour events where I learned a lot of beautiful practices on emotional regulation during my time with othership and facilitating breath work, which was starting with bringing the men in and actually starting with some opening up, just sharing because we wanted to see, like, who are we doing this work with to create further safety and then moving to breath work, which I know is something you're also a huge proponent of, but doing that, you know, getting out of the mind into the bodies and it can just continuing to harmonize and actually do vocal toning too, to sync up our nervous systems. Cause I really believe that it's so much of the strength and the safety that we can provide is when we are on one unified frequency. And then each one would go into a theme where we break out into pod groups on the theme of perhaps it was the first one we did was trust and safety in the masculine. So just openly sharing. Like get into a group of six, there'd usually be like 30, 30 to 40 guys. Share your name and just share. What does trust mean to you? What does safety mean to you? And it's like within minutes sometimes guys are already crying because it might just be this permission to surrender.

Absolutely. Yeah. And that's what. Thank you for sharing that. And because it's not that complicated. It's not that complicated. But what it is is men showing up with a shared intention of I want to be real, I want to. I want to connect, I want to express and I want to feel safe. And when you have 30 or 40 men in a room who are just showing up in that way, who have been given permission, who are asked questions that they've been dying to answer and talk about, but they just don't feel brave enough or even allowed to. It's so simple, yet so profound. And I. I do something similar at my dinner is where I break groups up into tables of six. And under every dinner plate, there's a question that you have to read out loud. And everybody at the table reads a question and then you answer it yourself. So everybody at the table answers a question, and then you answer it yourself. And then one by one, each person reads their question. And the questions start off light like, hey, if you were a superhero, who would you be? Or what would be your superpower? But then it gets into, what would you change about your childhood? Then it gets into, what has your father never said to you that you wish he would and it gets deeper and deeper and deeper. And by design that they're given permission to talk about something, you know, about themselves, and then they are invited to go deeper to share more. And what you notice is the sharing gets deeper as it goes around. Each person's willing to, okay, let me, let me, let me go in a little more, let me go in a little more. And. And often people leave those dinners, and I call them the human experience play on the royalty. And often they will leave and they'll say, that was one of the most profound experiences of my life. And it's a two hour dinner in.

A beautiful restaurant, eating no medicine.

No medicine. We are the medicine.

Yeah.

When we come together and we hold space for one another and we allow ourselves to be seen, heard and supported, we are creating the medicine together.

We are that medicine, I think really is that permission for others to feel safe around us.

Yeah.

If that's something people are looking for purpose in their life, it's learn to connect with yourself, with your own nervous system without a capacity to create safety for yourself so you can bestow that gift upon others.

Yeah.

Because again, a dinner with yummy food or, you know, my circles were sitting on a floor and, you know, sharing. But that medicine can be so profound. And it is that permission that as we give it to each other, we then take that back out to the world. And those ripples make waves.

Absolutely. Yeah, man. Well, I got to say, Adam, you've come a long way from that lost young man that I met in the jungles of Costa Rica who didn't know which way he was going. Come and going, staying. You know, you were, you were really in a. In a moment. And you know what's funny is I actually invited you to stay to join my retreat when you were there, but you were like, I'm not sure. I think I gotta go. And you came back and everything happened the way it did, perfectly. But it's interesting. Often you look back and think, huh, if I had made the choice the other way, what would life be like? And for any men watching, you have a choice. You can keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting. But if anything resonated at all in this conversation about digging deeper, facing the trauma, facing what might have happened in childhood healing, the fragmented, broken, masculine part of you. Then reach out to Adam, to myself, to someone who will hear you, see you and support you, because we don't have to do it alone. We can't do it alone. This is Too deep. This is too deep to do alone. And if we don't choose to do this work, if we don't choose to heal, we're going to pass it on to our children. And I don't want to sound doomsday ish, but we're running out of time. We really are. You know, we've got about 40, 50 years maybe to like turn the ship around.

That's being generous, I'd say.

Yeah.

I think we got five to 10 years to really get our asses in gear.

Yeah.

But like you said, it's when we unite, it's something we gotta do together. And that's these brotherhoods that we forge, we get to redefine what brotherhood looks like moving forward. And I think that's what's gonna save the world.

Absolutely. And, you know, touching back on purpose again. You want to feel like a man, you want to feel like your life has meaning? Then join the good fight. Do your part, you know, get to the gym in the morning, do your sauna, cold plunge, Eat good food, you know, show up for your family, for your loved ones. Make the hard choices for the sake of doing what's right, you know, because I believe intuitive, we all know difference between right and wrong. Put down that bottle, put away the joystick, put away the porn. You know, just show up, show up. It's not that hard. It, it is. It's not that hard to figure out, but it's hard to do consistently.

It's hard to do alone.

Yeah. It's hard to do alone. Yeah. Yeah. When you're with like minded people who are on the same vibration and they're, it's accountability. Yeah. And it's the same wavelength. It's like, okay, we're doing this together, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, my man, I'm happy to be doing this together with you. You know, we are on parallel missions and I, I, I can see our, our work intertwining in the near future. You know, I would love to collab and do something where we bring some young men from your community, some of my guys, and we just, we just learn, grow and share together.

That's the way forward, bro.

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