100% Dad Podcast S2:E5 Robert from Apple TV movie DADS talks co-parenting and his sons heart defect

So I, I don't know anything about it. I've got like no prep notes or anything. Uh, so, uh, run me down the basics, uh, who you are, what you do, how many kids you got, you know, marriage, and, uh, I guess why you, uh, why you reached out.

Okay, um, well, actually, my assistant, um, came across your, your platform or whatever, so she done all this stuff or whatever. So honestly, I haven't even looked y'all up. She's like, oh, you know, you got to interview for this day. Like, okay, podcast, cool, no problem. Like, I'm ready to go. But, uh, Yeah, so, you know, I'm just, um, just a dad, you know, full-time dad of a congenital heart defect, um, warrior. You know, my son, he got a congenital heart defect. He has a feeding tube. And on our platform, you know, we just, um, do like a positive twist on his condition or whatever to, you know, bring more awareness and stuff like that. And to like, you know, let people know in his community, other communities, that, you know, you're not in a fight alone no matter what condition you go through and stuff. And, um, one of our um, pictures that we took a couple years ago went viral. And from that, you know, we just been on news channels, all type of other platforms. We've been in, I don't know how many, you know, um, magazines and stuff like that or whatever. Then, you know, commercials as well. Then our biggest thing that we went— we did was last year we was starring in, um, in our own Apple Original— Netflix— I'm not— Apple Original— Apple Original movie. Um, it's called Dads. They're streaming on Apple TV now, and it's starring, um, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O'Brien, Will Smith. It was directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, and you know, it's just, it's just awesome. It's an awesome movie. It was about a bunch of, you know, great dads and stuff that dads go through in life and stuff like that, the highs and lows and stuff like that. We were one of the, the key, um, key stories in there, and you know, everybody's reached out from there, and it just our platform just keep going up and up and up or whatever. So I'm mostly like an advocate for, you know, congenital heart defect, feeding tube, and like a little bit of special needs communities.

So what, what exactly is a congenital heart defect?

Um, so my son was— his congenital heart defect is called Tetralogy of Fallot. He's classified as— and you know, he was born with like multiple holes in his heart. And we didn't— yeah, we didn't find out till literally like we're about to leave the hospital and one of the nurses, it was like a shift change and one of the nurse, the new nurse came in and she just wanted to get a rundown of her, her, um, her checklist or whatever. She heard a strong murmur. She said it'd be like a 10% chance that anything be wrong with him. Okay, cool. You know, then when she came back after the test, she was like, well, I'm just letting you know, he falls into that 10% category. Like something is wrong with him. And they wanted him to be like 10 months or at least like 10 pounds because he was 5 pounds, 2 ounces when he was born. And they wanted him to be a little bit, you know, a little bit older, you know, have more weight up on his body before his first surgery. And he lasted every bit of like a week and a half, you know, um, um, in our home or whatever, to where I had to rush him to Children's Hospital in Washington, D.C. Then from there, he just had multiple heart surgery after heart surgery after heart surgery or whatever. Then it was like a roller coaster to get him to some type of normalcy. In my— he's 7 years old and he yet to even make weight. He still got a feeding tube in his stomach. Um, he honestly had 2 open heart surgeries his whole life. He's about to have 3. Um, he had another surgery, like a catheter surgery, something small, but he'd been through the wringer to where he had like a crooked neck, what's called torticollis. You know, some people have mild, some people have severe, the way your neck is like leaned to the side a lot because the muscle pulls harder on one side than the next. He had that for a couple years. He had home nurses, physical therapy. He was on 8, 9 medicines. Uh, it was a lot for like the first 3, 4 years. And like I said, one of our viral pictures that we take is, uh, me actually standing in the mirror with him, and I glue like a feeding tube on me, and I take the picture, and I just show his growth from his, like, roughly from when he was like a few months old all the way till now. And, you know, we just take that same picture over and over and over just to give it confidence you know, let other people know his community that, you know, normalize his condition and stuff like that. Because a lot of his, you know, people that's around that has this condition, they're always, you know, afraid to show their scars on their chest, you know, they're afraid to show like their feeding tube and stuff like that or whatever. So, you know, we just try to make a little fun out of it, normalize as much as possible, and just let everybody know that he's just a normal kid. I treat him normal. Yeah, I never did— yeah, I never treated any different. Like, my son He's in everything— boxing, taekwondo, jiu-jitsu, soccer, football, everything. So he, you know, he, he, he set limits and I just, we just kind of bust through the limits. I'm like, oh, you know, that's cool, whatever, you know.

You say limit, limits of like, um, how much exercise you should be getting or things like that?

They're like limited to like anything he could do, like sports activities, you know, because of the side effects of his condition is you know, um, your heart beats like 2 or 3 times faster than a normal heart. So you're always going to be tired, you know, you're always going to be, you know, um, sleepy and stuff like that, you know. Your body turns blue, your lips turns blue or whatever. So you really don't never have energy as a normal kid or whatever. And of course you don't want to always be running, running, running and make your heart even pump even faster, even more. Okay.

Yeah, interesting. So, uh, so what platforms are y'all on?

Um, our biggest platform is, uh, Instagram, and then you— then YouTube is next. I've been vlogging his life. No, his Instagram is called The Life of Chase Elijah. That's his name, Chase Elijah. And I just vlog his life from birth till now for any and everything that we do or whatever, just to have like a digital diary so he goes back in life, he can actually see the things that, you know, he's been around, been into, all type of stuff. So now he's like an actor, a model now. So cool.

How old are you?

I'm 36.

What do you do for a living?

Uh, I was a truck driver for 12, 13 years, trying to transition from there to, uh, security guard.

Cool. Have you been doing that during this whole thing?

Uh, yes, the whole pandemic, you know, for the past year, some change now. So it's like a new career for me.

Okay, tons of— who are you, uh, truck driving for?

Uh, what did I say? The worst, but the beginning companies, uh, Swift.

Oh yeah, I've heard, I've heard they're, uh, they like to, they like to drive fast and reckless.

All right, right, right.

Um, yeah, they're a big one though. I see you driving like the real big, big rigs.

Oh yeah, yeah, I did probably like 38 states.

Um, oh wow.

Yeah, I've been all, I've been all over, you know. I don't do it no more. I just did it just to give me some experience, just to— sure. I got experience, I wanted to be more local, you know. So after that, I started dealing with, um, wounded warrior soldiers, and I did that for like the past 10 years.

What do you do with them?

Um, just, just, uh, roughly shuttle them to and from their appointments, like doctor's appointments and stuff like that, therapy and all that.

So that was like that, some more local driving.

Yeah, more local driving. I honestly, I love that because you just meet people all over the world and all the stories they have or whatever, just crazy.

Yeah, yeah, this sounds— yeah, I always thought it'd be fun like just to do some Uber driving or something every once in a while, just to hear the stories, right? Yeah. Uh, so were you a dad when you were driving the big rigs?

Oh no, no. So I've got— I got off the road like a couple years before that because my son was— my son was born 2013. So I want to say I got off the road 2011, probably. Yeah, '11, '12. I got out. Okay. Yeah.

All right, I'm about to ask how you made that work. I know that's a, that's a tough life, uh, well, not a tough life, but it's tough to be a present dad when you're right on the road 5, 6 days a week, right? All right, so this Dad Movie, that's probably got my interest most. So that was only on Apple?

Yeah, it's only on Apple TV.

Uh, is there any way, is there anywhere else to watch that?

Uh, nah. Um, I would normally, what I tell people just to do the 7-day free trial, you know, they're not gonna— they're not gonna charge you at all. Just do the free trial or whatever and, you know, cancel right before it.

So I've got a thing against Apple. I mean, I know Apple's got like this hardcore, uh, fan base and almost like a cult following, right? But man, to be in that— to be an Apple user, you just have to be like in the entire ecosystem. You got to go all Apple or nothing. And, uh, So I finally just got my— because my wife likes Apple stuff and I've just always been more on Android and PC, right? And, uh, just our stuff was not interacting together and it was the most frustrating thing. And, uh, so I finally just bought her a— you know, we got her off her iPhone onto a S20.

Okay.

And, you know, finally, yeah, finally her stuff works with our stuff.

Okay.

It's been maddening.

And the same, the same thing here, man. That Apple ecosystem— and you're right by the coal following because all I have is a Mac and I got kind of, uh, uh, persuaded into getting a Mac because I'm a video editor. So, you know, I do a lot of video editing and stuff like that. So my friend like, man, you know, you might want to get a MacBook, help you out, you know, with editing a little bit better, you know, get this program. I'm like, uh, okay. And that's all I got. I just got a Mac and, you know, I work my magic with that. But the Apple, it just I don't know, it just don't do it for me. I've been Android since the beginning, and you know, saying something like that, so.

And I've heard like their creative stuff is really cool, and so like a lot of people, if you're in anything creative, um, you know, then you just, you end up having to get all that stuff. And what else is it? Tech. So if you're making, if you're making, um, apps, yeah, then making apps on the Apple system is so much easier, uh, than making them for Android, because there's— Android's got so many different variations and Um, it's more, much more complicated, I guess, to push on that, that way.

Yeah, this would be killing me sometimes because certain apps, you know, it's only exclusive to Apple. I'm like, oh man, I kind of like this, but I don't like it enough to, you know, buy a whole, you know.

They always start off, they always start off as, uh, uh, as Apple only, and then they get some money and they, you know, right, they get all the other variations made. All right, so what was that, uh, that movie about? I mean, I know you said you guys were kind of like the star of it. It just— what it just kind of was like a documentary that, uh, featured like 5 or 6 dads and the stories.

And yeah, it was a documentary, um, and each story was different. You had my good friend, um, Glenn Heron, he was on there. He was a stay-at-home dad and just talks about, you know, his whole, um, how he started out from not liking his job to being, you know, went from that to a stay-at-home dad to now elevate his platform to where you know, he's partnered with any and everybody now. Like, my man is just— he's this whole celebrity now. And, you know, you had like the other foster dads, um, Rob and Reese. They was awesome. They're foster kids. And because, you know, they had an issue when one of them was growing up or whatever, he was in a foster home or whatever. And, you know, he just decided to dedicate his life to that, to help other kids out and stuff like that. And, you know, then the odd story and other people's stories. And then you just had, you know, like celebrity cameos in there to have like a little comedic relief a little bit because some of the stories can get, you know, can get emotional and it's like a little roller coaster of a movie and stuff like that. But, um, it was awesome being a part of it and it just opened up some more doors to, you know, a few other celebrities. And you know, my— I'm— to me, I'm humble. I'm just a regular dad. Some people see me more than what I am, but I don't try to be, you know. I'm just like, hey, I'm regular Robert, and I like to keep it— I just like to keep it like that. I like to go to the stores shop and come back. But when it's something like— certain people recognize you, you just— it could be a lot sometimes, man. You know, it's cool. Yeah, yeah, it's cool with one or two, you know, people want to take pictures. But when it started to be like a little crowd, I'm like, I just want to get some eggs. That's all I want, some eggs and milk.

That's fun. How long has it been since that came out?

Um, Apple came out, uh, Father's Day last year, 2020.

Okay, so still relatively new.

Yeah.

I guess that must have been a big boost to your, uh, your YouTube and Instagram channels then.

Yeah, a little bit. And then, um, it's more like open up opportunities for like other platforms, like Dove. Dove was— it was really a Dove movie, and then Apple bought the rights from Dove.

I don't even know what Dove is.

Dove men care, you know, like the hair product.

Oh yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah. And, um, they make movies?

Yeah, yeah, shows what I know. I just thought it was a soap and shampoo company.

And me too, until they came knocking on my door. I'm like, okay, you know, they're like, well, how do y'all find me? Because they're good. Uh, my— the producer, um, Walter, man, he's, uh, he's excellent. He's a great guy. And, um, he reached out to me through social media on Instagram, and he's like, hey, you know, we got this movie. Actually, I'm sorry, Elizabeth reached out to me first. And she's like, hey, we got this movie, it's a documentary about dads, you know, I want to see if you'd like to maybe want to be a part of it. And that's all she said. I'm like, okay, cool, well email me, we talk a little bit more about it. And so she did that, just like, well, I got my other producer on here, Walter, we want to sit down and have like an interview with you for Skype. I'm like, all right, cool, just like a 20-30 minute interview, like no problem or whatever. And we just got on this talking and it went from, you know, 20 minutes to 2 hours just talking, talking, talking about a lot of stuff because they only saw my story from like face value. They didn't know like the really, really behind the scenes of like everything about me, about my son, and all the stuff that we went through then even co-parenting. And he's like, wow, I really like your story or whatever. And he's like, well, we got like a lot of people that submitted and stuff. So I'm like, okay. I didn't know it was no— so, you know, a submission line, you know, for this movie. Yeah, you know, so that's how much I didn't even know about it or whatever. And I asked someone after he came and we did the 3 or 4 day, um, shoot, which was awesome. It was cool because you had cameraman follow you in and out of stores, they stop in traffic. So, you know, everybody stopped and looked like, who are these people? So, you know, made me feel like a little bit, you know, oh snap, you know, like next Dwayne Johnson. Yeah, right, right. You know, I'm like, oh, okay, okay, you know. So, um, yeah, he, um, I asked him after the movie, how did y'all find me? He's like, well, before we had like a casting out there, we were doing all the hard work ourselves. You know, we were just Googling like super dads and wonderful dads and fun dads and viral dads. He was like, you know, I came up probably like 2 out of the 3 searches. So he was like, oh, you know, he's like, he saw me like a few times, just checked out like some of my social media, kind of lurking a little bit. He just wrote my name down or whatever after doing that and doing my YouTube or whatever. He thought it was cool. And then, you know, we just talked, man. He called me back and got the gig.

That's cool.

Yeah, and I did— I didn't know who's gonna be— I didn't know who can be a part of— I didn't know Bryce Howard was the director of it or whatever and stuff, man, or, you know, any other celebrity is going to be in it. He just told me it's going to be a few dads. I'm not— okay, cool.

So they— so they filmed for like, what, 3 days, and then, uh, then you just don't hear anything until it's released?

Yes. Um, yeah, um, I heard a little bit after that, you know. Um, like, Walter, for some reason, he had like a liking to me to where, um, he always talk. Like, we talk every, you know, few weeks. And, you know, in between his interviews, like, oh, you know, I'm out of the country right now interviewing this, that. Um, my good friend Thiago, he was in, uh, Brazil, and he was like, you know, I'm over in Brazil, you know, interviewing this, I'll be back, hit you on up anytime. He stayed in New York, so anytime we go to New York for like casting and other, um, business stuff or whatever, I always hit Walter up, to the point that the camera crew, the mic guy. Like, we actually got keys to the apartment. So anytime you're in New York, that's funny. You don't need to pay for no hotel, man. It's like, you know, crash here, man, you know, do your business or whatever, interviews or whatever, you know, get on out of town. Like, okay, I appreciate it, man. So yeah, they're good friends.

That's fun. So, so Dove, uh, Dove Skincare has a film company.

Yeah, yeah.

Discover— discovers you and puts you on Apple. That's awesome.

Right, to me, yeah, regular.

So you mentioned the co-parenting, um, so does that mean your wife— you and your wife split, or was it never a wife situation?

Oh no, yeah, it was never that situation. You know, me and her was always like good friends and stuff like that. And, you know, and I don't have no problem telling the story that, uh, when she told me that she was pregnant, you know, I was like the typical dad or man or whatever, like, you know, it ain't mine, get rid of it, have an abortion, don't ever talk to me. I blocked her on everything, she blocked me. Because mind you, before then, we never— like, we never had no issue, we never argued, never fussed, we were just great friends or whatever. So for her to— for me to talk to her like that, it was like a shock to her. And she was like, I just can't— I can't believe he even said this or text this to me, like, after, you know, like 5 or 6 years. Like, This is crazy. But then, you know, after a while, you know, a few months later, you know, I came to my senses or whatever. And I honestly, I felt bad the day that I text all that. It just took me a while to like, you know, get the confidence up or whatever. And like, you know what, you messed up, you know, go ahead and just, you know, talk to her, you know. And I reached on out to her and then we sat down. I told her just like, I don't want you to say nothing at all, I just want you to listen to me. And, you know, I apologize. I said all, you know, the things I need to say. And I told her, I'm like, yo, if you ever, you know, give me a second chance, you know, you'll never regret it. And so she gave me a second chance. We just never looked back, man, you know. And again, I tell everybody, like, it would probably really hurt me more if I would found out that she went through all that, um, you know, with our son and I wasn't present or whatever. Well, I found out later on in life that would really hurt me the most or whatever and stuff. Come on, he's my only child. I only had one, you know. You know, one and a boy. He's my only child, and, and hers as well. And so for her to go through all that, you know, without that support, you know, it would probably tore me on up. But, you know, she gave me a second chance, and, you know, we just great, awesome, no drama, no issues, don't argue, don't fuss. Like, every Sunday we sit down, we talk, you know. And another thing, we do live together, so we co-parent.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, we co-parent, we live together, we're roommates. So, you know, we all got our separate rooms and we just raised our child, you know, together and stuff, man. You know, run our business together.

Okay. All right, so how do— well, now I'm curious. So how does that work? Like, do you guys— are you guys like quasi-dating then, or like, are you still dating other people and just happen to live in the same house? Like, what's the—

yeah, we date other people, but our rule is, you know, we don't really bring the outside inside, you know. Like, if you're gonna do whatever, you keep it outside the door because this is like our happy space, you know, and stuff like that.

Like, we don't—

when I say we don't have We don't have no drama. We don't have no drama. And you know, sometimes getting other people to understand that, because like, well, you know, how, how again, how does that work? Like, just look at it as we are good friends, just so happy we just had a kid way before all this happened or whatever. But that's it, you know, like good friends, co-parenting. And you know, she knows she's my business partner with any and everything as well, or whatever. So, you know, we just, we just gel together.

Yeah, that's smart too. I mean, creating those like strong boundary lines, just to— I mean, the way you put it was perfect. This is our happy place, don't screw it up.

And she know that if, if any dude knock on our door, he didn't met all of her qualifications to where I really don't even have to like interview him or whatever, because I know how strict she is and how protective she is of our space and stuff like that, and vice versa or whatever. So, you know.

Okay, so, so you find out, um, you're, you're having a kid with a friend. Didn't like it, didn't like the thought of it. Uh, so what was the catalyst to change to where like you kind of came around? Was it just time, or like did your dad talk to you, or like was it you saw a Will Smith movie or something and just a tearjerker? What was the thing that made you, I guess, shift mindsets?

Uh, honestly, it would It was really none of that. It was just, you know, my own insecurity and just probably just being more scared than anything because, you know, I want— I guess I wanted to, you know, to get married and enjoy that for a few, you know, I want to be in a relationship, then get married for a few years, then maybe set up a family, you know. Then of course you always think about, you know, your age or whatever, you know. My son, I— he was born when I was 30. I felt like I wanted to like start a family when I'm like 35, 36, you know, like because I stay active and stuff like that. So really ain't no kid gonna, you know, kind of slow me down a little bit. And it just, you know, this happened unexpectedly. But I can't even say that because, you know, when you had unprotected sex, you already know it's going to come with that. So, you know, you were too lazy as a kid, or maybe STD. So hopefully it's not STD. Yeah, but, but And, you know, so everybody— when people like, well, I didn't plan for that, well, you should have strapped up, you know. So anything after that— but again, it was just me being, you know, scared. And then on top of that, I was talking to another, another girl. So me and, me and my son's mom, we stopped having sex maybe like a good 2 months. And then I wanted to start dating. I, you know, I ran into another female or whatever. And when she told me that, I'm like, Man, you know, I've been chasing this girl for I don't know how long. I finally got her and you come out the side, you know, somebody— you're pregnant now. I'm like, no, that can't be, man. Like, you know, we stopped like a couple of months ago. It's like, well, yeah, you know what, I just realizing that now, you know, like, you know.

Yeah, instantaneous notice.

Yeah, right, you know. So I'm like, oh my goodness, man. So, you know, it was just one thing after another and stuff. And I guess I wanted you know, the, the fruit that was on the other side of the fence more than I wanted to, you know, man up and take care of my responsibilities and stuff. And like I said, just, I regretted it the day that I sent the text, but I just couldn't, you know, gather the, the, I guess, the, the, I guess, my, my confidence up enough just to tell her, you know, I apologize, I'm sorry, you know, and, you know, talk to her and stuff like that. So it took like, you know, like 2-3 months, but I'm just happy that she didn't listen to her friends because she had a lot of her friends in her ear. I take it out to the court. I know the lawyers. I will file the paperwork, put them on child support. He ain't this, he ain't that, he ain't this. Fast forward now, I'm the dad of the year. I wish, I wish my baby daddies would like you or like Bob, but he is so awesome and amazing. Look at all the things he do with your son and stuff. I'm like, yeah, this is me, man. You know, I love my son to death, man. So I go to all his appointments, everything.

So, uh, how many— I guess, how many months along was she when you kind of turned that corner and kind of came back and asked for forgiveness?

Um, I think she was probably like 4 months, 4 or 5 months. But then I didn't tell my family till— but I said she was about to like do or whatever.

Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah, so, but you know, once my family found out, you know, there was— it was all excited. They're more mad about like, why do you never Why you never tell us? I'm like, it just, just took me a while to like, even as, even just to make sure me and her are on good terms or whatever, to like let anybody else know or whatever. And then my, my family didn't find out the whole truth till the movie came out.

Oh really?

Yeah, yeah. That, you know, didn't want my son and nothing like that. That's all I didn't know was our presence since day one.

So, oh, that's funny.

Yeah.

So, uh, so that 4 or 5 months, so do you guys move in together at that point and start like prepping to have a baby and that kind of stuff, or did that happen later?

Uh, that happened, uh, I think right, right before— I think right before he was born, that happened. And that happened, that happened because my, um, I had my own place, but my sister, she, um, she was— she was getting a divorce, so she asked me could I move in with her just to help out with the bills. So I'm like, okay, you know what, this— they help me save money, help you save money, cool. And I was staying with her for a while, then that Next thing you know, she met like another guy up the move. Like, ho ho ho, you know, you told me give me time to save up, man. This, it came just like that. And so I'm like, hey, I'm, I'm about to be, you know, ass out. So at that time, man, I was really cool. So she gave me, you know, a proposition. She's like, well, hell, how about, you know, you just, you know, live with me, sleep on the couch for a while, and, you know, when you get your money up, you go ahead and move on out. And so we was in a one-bedroom for at least like a good year or two, and I was sleeping on the couch the whole time. Then the time that I'm about to move on out, she asked me against that, well, you know, you're a good roommate, how about we just get a bigger place and, you know, we just all have our room and this all works for each other or whatever. I'm like, uh, I do want my own space, but what are the rules and regulations? And she's like, oh, she just book it on down to me. Oh, that's too easy, cool. We just moved on in, got a bigger place, moved on in, and the rest is history.

Oh, nice. Yeah, so I know with the— anytime there's like a special needs situation, two things come up. Well, I guess it's really one thing, but finances I know can be just crippling. Uh, and then the other situation that may ease that is insurance. So were you guys on a, uh, did someone have decent insurance that you guys were able to, uh, I guess get most of this covered, or is this just something you've really had to figure out a way to make it work financially?

So I got insurance and got him covered right under me, like literally like right after he was born. And then to find out that he had the health issues, that was a whole nother thing as well because my insurance at the time didn't want to cover that, you know. So I had to, you know, get outside of my character. Normally I'm always happy-go-lucky, but when you start to push those buttons, you know, I get on the phone, start talking crazy. So, and I had to like cuss a few people out. I'm like I don't care about your rules and regulations, but I feel like you're so used to even saying these words, you're not even trying to listen to me. You know, you're so programmed to like, so you hear something, oh yeah, we don't got this, we don't got this, we got it next. I'm like, no, you're gonna listen to me or whatever. So we had to do like a lot of jump, a lot of hurdles just to even get him covered. But at 5 months old, he was at like $1.5 million in hospital bills. That's a lot. Yes, at 5 months. His first year, I think it was like over $2-some million. I haven't even looked, you know, since then or whatever. But after a while, you know, his, um, my insurance covered it. Then he got, um, filed as like long-term disability, so then he got insurance. So his insurance covers a lot of stuff or whatever. But even one of his medicines— Maya told you, told you he was on 8 medicines— one of his medicines cost $1,000, and you got it. He got to take that twice a year. So it's crazy. Yeah.

So, um, but does insurance cover all that kind of stuff too, or is there still some things you guys got to come out of pocket on?

Oh no, it's mostly— his insurance covers everything.

Um, that's good.

Yeah, I don't know when the last time we actually had to pay for anything or whatever and stuff, but, um, it's been probably some years. But, you know, we might get like a bill in the mail for like 50 cents or a dollar, you know.

So, okay, sorry, most of my kids went to the Beats. I have one Okay, he's playing with his friend in the back. Okay, um, where's I going with that? All right, did, um, so it's really just medicines and surgeries and doctor appointments, things like that. Um, he doesn't have like wheelchairs or any like, um, like physical equipment or anything he needs?

Oh no, like he does have, um, his, his pump, um, his, uh, his feeding tube machine that he takes every day, even though he's still, you know, underweight. But when you see him I categorize him as, uh, like a lemon, like a car lemon, you know. Like on the outside you got the shiny wheels, it's tinted, you know, the car is all waxed up or whatever, it's look clean on the outside. But when you pop the hood, you know, the transmission messed up, you know, the alternator messed all up or whatever, might need some oil. And that's how he is or whatever. Like on the outside you see him, oh, he's just so normal. But when you start talking to other parents about him, like, oh, I did not know, you know, he had this or had that or whatever and stuff. So even though I normalize him as much as possible. He still hasn't, like I said, met his, his goals in life or his weight and his heart.

So what causes that? Because I'm like, a heart— like, is it just suppresses appetite, or is his heart working so hard, just burning more calories than normal? Or is there— are there other side effects from having a heart issue that, um, I guess that are coming forth?

Uh, well, so what I learned is it's not hereditary or nothing. It just Sometimes your heart just doesn't grow fully, you know. Some people be born with a half of a heart. Some people born with hearts outside their body and stuff like that. Some of them born, you know, a few holes in their heart. I got one of my good friends, she didn't find out she had a heart condition till she literally passed out at 3 years old on the playground. And she kept on saying like, you know, her heart's hurt, or she's always tired. And her doctor diagnosed her with just having asthma because she was overweight or whatever, but kind of found out, you know, she had to get cut open and get, you know, heart surgery and stuff at 3 years old. I know one of my old co-workers, he found out he had a heart condition at 50 years old, you know. So you're like, man, y'all always tired all my life or whatever, but did not know I had holes in my heart, you know. Yeah, at a physical stuff, so at 50.

But crazy.

But he— the reason why he has a feeding tube, because me as a parent, you know, I'm new to it. I did not know. I thought, you know, when your child is born you know, you stick a pacifier bottle in their mouth, you know, they suck all that stuff down or whatever. I did not know you actually had to teach and train your kid how to suckle and stuff. So when he was little, as a baby, he never learned that because, like I said, again, at a week and a half, 2 weeks old, he got rushed to the hospital. He was, um, in the hospital with IVs in his arm, so that was giving him all he needed or whatever to where he never had to work for anything orally. Like, you know, he's always full. Was good. So when it was time to take the IVs and stuff out and try to wean him on off, he just wasn't having it. Like, nah, man, I like this, which I was doing the first time. I like this a little bit better, man. Y'all got me working for this? Nah, I want to sit back, you know, and be lazy. So, and, um, and that was another thing too with the insurance, because after a while, the insurance, um, they cut our insurance because they were like, well, you know, he spent his whole recovery in there, he had his surgeries and he's only in there for feeding, and we're just not going to pay for that. But I'm like, well, he's not eating, and they're not trying to let— they're not trying to let him leave the hospital without eating properly or whatever. And some days he do good, and some days he do bad. But he was— he was never on a track where he always was doing good and graduating. So the, the doctors didn't like the fact that he had what is called an NG tube, like one of the tubes that go up your nose and down to your stomach and stuff like that. He had that, and the doctors were like, we're not going to send him home with that because they sent a kid home like a couple years, I guess, before then, and the kid wound up passing away. So like a lawsuit or something like that or whatever. So they were like, ever since then you got to have like a trained nurse on duty, whatever, at all times if you're gonna send somebody home with an NG tube. As far as I think, DC Children's Hospital, DC laws. So, okay, so our next thing was to get a feeding tube in his stomach a little bit better. And so that's the only reason— that's the only way that insurance will allow us to stay a little bit longer to cover that. So that's why he had a feeding tube. And then again, this wasn't picking up weight at all.

So how about now? So is now— is he all through a feeding tube or does he eat some?

Oh yeah, yeah, he eats orally probably 95% of the time. It's just when he doesn't eat a lot throughout the day, we just offset that with his pump at nighttime or whatever to, you know, get his calories and stuff up, you stuff like that.

It's because you're up in Virginia. You bring him down south here, you know, fried everything, and we'll put some meat on them real quick.

But I said he's on some crazy diets, man. It's like fattening food and stuff. I'm like, no, because I don't want all that, that greasy stuff and this, you know. But the doctor's like, oh, you know, you could put them on this, or you could bake this, and you don't have to fry that. And he just— the doctor, the doctor said that he's just a split image of me. Like, man, you're 36 years old, you look like you weigh like 100 pounds. I'm like, oh man, you know, thanks doctor for hurting my feelings because I want to get bigger. I want some weight on my body. So I think about getting a G2.

You just need to come down, come down and get some barbecue down south. That's all you need, right? Barbecue 3 times a day. That's my weakness. I just discovered down here, we're right on— we're like right next to Mexico. Like I could throw It's a rock in Mexico. Uh, what is it called? Uh, tamales. I just discovered— I don't know if you've ever had them before. No, they're, uh, they're quite amazing. Okay. And they'll stick to your ribs too.

Okay, like hot tamales and stuff?

No, tomorrow they're, um, there's all different ones. They're like meat, chicken, cheese, all sorts of stuff. But they wrap them, uh, they wrap them with some sort of like flour stuff and then they cook them in banana leaves or corn husks. And they steam them, and then you just get all these like different sauces you put on them. And, uh, I don't know, it's just good. I don't even know a way to explain. I just like— 2 days ago I had my first tamale. Like, our neighbors brought a bunch home, and, uh, like, people sell them at like little roadside stands here, and they're just— I don't know, man, they're good.

Yeah, that is your weakness.

Food is my— we, like, we've been traveling now for 8 months, and I'm just— I, I'm basically on a tour of the country trying out different foods.

Oh wow.

And it's just, it's been awesome. And I'm, I'm, I'm not a small guy to begin with, and I probably— 8 months, I probably put on a solid 40 pounds because I'm not working out. And like, it's just, it's just been a different life, you know, on the road, and a lot of eating out of restaurants. Because, you know, if I'm gonna be in, you know, Hattiesburg, Mississippi, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try, you know, some of the top restaurants there because I might never be back, so I'm putting it on hard. But man, I'm eating some good food. There's a barbecue place in Austin, Texas called, uh, oh shoot, I forget now, Frederick's or something like that. And it's just like world-class. Like, I've probably eaten probably 30 or 40 barbecue places around the country now, like the top ones in each city. Yeah, it was like by far the best. Like, blew away anything I tasted in Kansas City or down in Mississippi or Georgia or Florida. I mean, it's— it was just world-class. Um, I'm sidetracking now. You can do that with food anytime. All right, so what do you do for work now? Uh, you're security, did you say?

Yeah, I'm in security. And then, um, you know, right now we're kind of in the process of starting our own nonprofit. So that's— that's taking like a lot of toll on me, just getting everything, you know, it started and the red tape and stuff like that, reaching out to a lot of people.

So, you know, Then again, because you had an assistant, you said you had an assistant earlier. So is she assistant like for the security stuff or is she assistant for the, uh, like your platforms and my platforms? Okay.

So she'll find stuff because luckily I do everything. I'm a one-man machine. I probably get maybe like 4 hours of sleep if that or whatever. I love being busy. So I'm always, you know, emailing people, trying to reach out to the next, you know, collaborating or whatever, trying to get like sponsorships, all type of stuff just to kind of grow our brand a little bit more. And stuff like that. So, you know, we got a lot of, you know, good things coming on the horizon this year. You know, it took a little toll on us last year, but, you know, we just pushed stuff over to 2021. So, you know, right now we're just trying to work on a nonprofit and, you know, just get the ball rolling with that, you know, reach out to people.

So what is the nonprofit? What does the nonprofit do?

Um, this is, uh, um, so again, we went viral and I was doing an interview, I think with Fox. And I was telling him that, you know, as long as I'm breathing, they, you know, my son would never be in a fight alone. And from that, I just took that motto, Niafa, never in a fight alone, and I just started like running with it or whatever and stuff like that. So we're just gonna, you know, again, like let people know, no matter, you know, what you're going through in life, you know, to your highs, to your lows, you know, you could be, you know, marriage and counseling, um, domestic abuse, you know, therapy, you can be homeless, you know, recovering alcoholic, special needs, no matter what, you know, you always have a community to where you can always go to to help you on out in life and stuff like that, you know, your friends, family, and stuff like that. So just, just roughly kind of what it symbolizes, that you're never in a fight alone. So, you know, we're trying to work on that as well this year.

Okay, uh, what's the foundation called?

Um, Never in a Fight Alone, NEAFA. N-I-F-A. I'm sorry, N-I-A-F-A. And it stands for Never Fight Alone.

Never in a fight alone.

Yes.

Okay, not the fight alone. Got it. Oh, you know what, that's right. Because I remember this was in your email signature.

Yeah. Yes.

And if it pulled it up, it was like North American Association of Financial Advisors or something like that.

Wow.

I'm like, like, I wonder who's reaching out to me. So you guys, I don't know how big your platforms are, I haven't seen them yet. Um, so you guys making some money on those things?

Oh, not yet. So that's my, that's my hiccup now. So when I— my, my thing is I feel like when you got people, you got people to go viral, you got people to go super viral, and people that go super viral is the ones that, you know, get their endorsements or get the sponsorship where people are knocking on their doors. We just went like a little viral, and I just really never did nothing with it because I thought, like, me not knowing nothing about that, because again, I never really chose to go viral. I just did, you know, the picture, like I said again, just to show support towards my son. The right person saw it, just reposted on their page or whatever, and it just spread like wildfire and stuff like that. And they're like, okay, that's cool, that's gonna, you know, last and last and last. It only lasts a little bit to where, you know, you had to you know, kind of keep, you know, keep feeding the flame or whatever. And, you know, it took me till like last year to kind of, you know, stop, you know, stop my, you know, my 9 to 5 and really start putting more time into this or whatever. So I'm learning how to market a little bit better and, you know, emailing and reaching on out to the right people and stuff. Now I got a little bit of celebrity contacts, and it's crazy how I really don't, you know, deal with Apple like that, but I got a whole lot of Apple contacts, you know, like for Mark. For marketing and, you know, like, um, I'm checking out your—

I'm checking out your page now.

Yeah, like social media and stuff and stuff.

So damn, you got some abs.

Oh, oh, what? That was 2017. That was 2017. Um, yeah, ask me now, I got more ribs than anything.

That's a good looking page. Good looking boy. Yeah, yeah, let's see all the dad stuff. I'm gonna have to find, find a way to watch that. It sounds cool. All right, let's see the YouTube channel now. Where's YouTube? Right here.

Yeah, I stopped posting on that, but, um, I got it. It's crazy because, um, I got maybe like 40, 40 new videos I just haven't released to the public yet, man. So I must be sitting on them and sitting on them.

What are you waiting for?

Um, because I wanted to— because I, I released 3 videos a week So I want to have at least a lot already, you know, ready to go. So just in case I might get sidetracked or, you know, whatever, I still have something, you know, in a cut or whatever. And I feel like I just haven't made that, that mark yet. I said, okay, I'll get to like 40, I'll be good. I'm like, I just never released them. So, um, in my— I already shot new video off a new video. And, um, just even for like Black History Month, me and my son did, uh, 33 videos in 3 days. So, you know, we just be non-stop working. So we just— I just posted one on my— on our story. It's supposed to be all for Black History And then this month is for his feeding tube awareness and congenital heart defect awareness month. So, you know, we got a few videos, a few people trying to partner with us for the feeding tube awareness month and congenital heart defect week. So, you know, this is the Buffy month, you know, I get excited for.

Nice idea. So I was not aware of that week.

Yeah, yeah. So it's, um I think feeding tube is the 5th through the 14th, and no, congenital heart defect, I think it's like the 5th through the 14th, and feeding tube is the 8th through the 15th, like that.

Okay. Is there a certain point, like, is this just gonna be a scenario if he has surgeries the rest of his life, or is there a point to where like there is a, um, a finish line and he gets to like just be done having, I guess, surgeries and medicines and whatnot?

Well, honestly, he was— like I said again, he was only supposed to have 2 his whole life, you know. One his first year of life, then the second one would have been like 20s, 30s, you know, maybe even 40s. They all, you know, every year get a checkup just to see if everything good with his heart. And for him to have 2 unexpected surgeries, you know, it would just— you just never know, never know. So Right now his, his third one is supposed to be his second one. So roughly his third one is going to be hopefully, you know, if not at all, they're going to push it to like, you know, 20s, 30s, and 40s just to check up on it. But he's gonna have to have what they call a, um, uh, a valve, a valve replacement, because, you know, as you grow, whatever, the valve gets, you know, stretched on, I get weaker and weaker. So they had to put like a valve replacement in there, you know. So, but hopefully the doctor told me that it won't be as severe severe as his first two heart surgeries or whatever, because yeah, he was— you know, I tell people, like, I literally saw my son's heart, like, he, he swelled up so much that it couldn't close his chest. So they had to put this clear patch over his, um, his chest or whatever till they drain all the fluid off his body. So he was—

I've heard of those.

Yep.

That's crazy.

Yeah, he was on— he was on 24 to 48-hour— he was Yeah, he was on 24 to 48 hours high-risk alert to where he could have caught pneumonia, any type of, you know, uh, infections and all that type of stuff, man. So it was just scary. Like, mind you, just holding in your hands, just being born, to just snatch them away, cut them all open. I'm looking down seeing his heart pumping. I'm like, it was just, it was just, it was just crazy. It was crazy.

Gosh, I, I imagine this, there's a ton of fear in those moments. I mean, just anxiety and, and whatnot, right? I couldn't even imagine.

Yeah. And my, you like, you know, my family always been, again, always been healthy, never had no issues and stuff like that. So when this came around, it was just new to me, you know, from being just a normal, um, a normal parent. And it just came out of nowhere and stuff, man. So it just, it was just something different, you know. It's— I had to work through it.

So you guys are living at home, uh, every— you know, it's kind of, kind of a happy family but separate lives kind of situation. Uh, man, you guys could have your own reality TV show. It sounds, it sounds interesting.

I'm trying to work— I'm trying to sell it to these, to these companies, man.

Yeah. Um, are you guys— are one of you two working from home, I guess?

No. So my, my schedule is I'm 4 to midnight. So roughly while I'm home, she's at work, and then when she comes home, we just high-five each other, I'm on out the door, you know.

Okay, that works out.

Yeah, it does. No, no, no, really, you know, after school or, you know, um, before and after school care, stuff like that.

So you come back— what, you come back at midnight, 1 o'clock? Uh, how much sleep do you get before, uh, before that? Um, oh, you don't need sleep. You told me you don't need it.

Yeah, like I said, roughly when I get home, I probably stay at least like good, probably 3, 4 o'clock, you know. And then like I said, I think my— I long go off to wake him up probably 8 o'clock. And you know, I'm just up since then. And you know, back in my office networking, emailing, replying to emails, trying to find the next little thing for us. Like I said again, trying to sell our story, you know, hopefully get on a reality show for co-parenting.

There you go. Do those exist?

Yeah, I know, right? If not, we're gonna be the first one.

I'm gonna say nowadays you could probably just buy some cameras and start filming and just make it yourself, right?

And that's, that's what we'll be doing. I got a whole, like, my apartment's like a whole studio setup, from the lights to the cameras to the mics to all type of stuff. I got my own, you know, let's say indoor studio and stuff like that. So, you know, just trying to, just trying to make it, man.

I get it, man. I wish I had to do it. We're in an RV, so it's like everything's multi-use. And if I have a $3,000 camera sitting out, there's a solid chance that camera is going to end up on the ground in pieces. Oh yeah, yeah, it's just— and, uh, I finally got— we— I finally— we sold two of our chairs and, uh, I swapped out with a desk. So that's what I'm actually sitting at now. So I just got a desk like two weeks ago.

Okay.

Like, other than that, it's been like sitting on a bed or outside on a picnic table and I just, I just didn't have a place, and it's been driving me crazy. I'm not used to working like that. I'm used to having an office and all my stuff spread out everywhere.

And so how long you been doing the RV?

8 months.

Okay.

Yeah, we've been— we left May 12th and, uh, haven't seen home in 8 months.

Oh, well. Oh, okay. So y'all, y'all literally have a home, but y'all just doing the travels around?

Yeah, so we plan on— we're, you know, we're calling it a tour. Um, you know, it's COVID, so we can't have events or anything, although that, that's starting to ease up. I think we might start pushing that way again. Uh, but we decided we would tour for 2 years, promote, uh, promote the brand and, uh, go see the country and have some fun. And, uh, you know, when it comes time to come back, we'll either, uh, keep going, you know, extend it, or, uh, end it early if it's just going horribly. And so far we've liked it. We've had a lot of it. It's, it's an interesting life, um, because there's a lot of families— I did not know this until I got out here— there's a lot of families that live full-time in RVs and just travel the country. And like, there's no— it's not like for a year or two, they just live that way.

Oh wow.

And it's, it's fascinating because, I mean, they, they see a ton of the country and they just live— it's such a different lifestyle. It's truly fascinating. And so now, now we're like kind of those people.

I did not know that. Okay. Yeah. Okay, interesting.

Yeah, so you haven't seen the, uh, gosh, yeah, we— RVs, uh, you have to get on the channel. So 100% Dad is a YouTube channel. Uh, 100% Dad is a YouTube channel. And then the website's 100dad.com, and the, uh, most of the handles, handles are @100dad. Okay, so, so somehow your assistant found us. I don't know what she was looking for, right?

Yeah, um, and sometimes I like when she'd be finding stuff or whatever, it more be just like either like on Insta stories or whatever. It's where they just have a bunch of stuff, or somebody might, uh, might be an ad that go across or whatever. It's like, oh, interesting, or whatever. So I'm like, you know, and normally she already know, like she wouldn't have to ask me to be a part of stuff. She just like, yo, I got you set up for this. Okay.

No, that's right. Because, because she didn't give me any background or anything either. So she just stuck two of us on camera just figuring out who the heck we are.

Yeah. Because I always check the emails or whatever. So I just saw that I had something coming on up.

I'm like, okay.

And I didn't really ask her too much about it. I thought everything was already straightened on out or whatever, but okay.

Yeah, there we go. I got it. That's funny. So, um, I guess, are there— so you want to do a reality TV show, sounds like. You think that'd be fun and more on the co-parenting side. So I guess, what, what are you guys doing, uh, from a co-parenting standpoint that you think is, uh, really working well and you'd advise for others? Um, and at the same time, what are some things that you guys have tried that have been epic fails and you would recommend people not do?

Oh, so the one thing, you know, it took us a while to do is, you know, and I think I just put one of the videos out, um, probably a few weeks ago or whatever, just for us, just like listening. Well, this is more like listening to my son, but it kind of correlates to communication because I come across a lot of, you know, some of my friends or some people I see or whatever that, you know, if you can't— they feel like if you can't be boyfriend or girlfriend or husband and wife, then, you know, you can't be a good parent or whatever. And I said, this is far from the truth. I know when my— I know when I told my grandmother about, you know, my son, you know, um, about my son getting pregnant or whatever, you know, having a baby, the first thing she said was she was happy. Then the second thing she said, like, oh well, you know, I know you're gonna go and marry her, right? And I'm like, no. She said, no, no, no, you're gonna marry her. I'm like, 'Why? Come on, you need to do right by her.' And I'm like, me marrying her doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna be a bad dad or, you know, a bad parent or whatever. That's totally two different things. I don't never want to be forced to feel like I gotta marry somebody because she has my kid or whatever and stuff like that. Like, we could be great together, aside from, you know, going together or being boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever. And I feel like sometimes society got all these rules and regulations of what a man should do, what a woman should do, what their place is in, you know, in society and stuff like that. And it's far from the truth because, you know, now women are independent, you know, they're running their own business, you know, they run in their own household. I got one good friend that she's the mom and a dad and she got a husband, you know, he just, he just moved to do like all the financial stuff. But she's like, yeah, you know, I do this, I cook, I clean, I play with the boys, I take them outside, I go to all the, you know, events or whatever. He just take care of all the financial stuff, man. Make sure their bills are good, they're straight, everybody credit is straight and stuff like that or whatever. And you know, they work out good or whatever. So I just learned that society rule doesn't, you know, work with us. So we just try to like to put our own little spin on them, you know, break their own barriers and stuff like that. And that's one thing we have done for us, communication. Like we always communicate. Like I say, every Sunday we sit down and we just talk about any and everything, like life, you know, what we expect from each other, you know, what's going on with each other's life. Because sometimes we'd be so busy in our weeks, like I said, like when she come to the door, it's a high five, a hug, I'm going to work or whatever. So we really don't talk as much because, you know, once I get at work, I'm non-stop deep diving into even editing, doing my job, you know, you know, networking or whatever. So I'm all over the place. So when we have our time together, we just really kind of like digest the whole week or whatever. And let's talk about, like, you know, moving forward, you know, other, you know, great ideas, what could work, what probably can't work, if any issues with us. Because she knows and I know that Monday starts a new day. I don't want to hear about 2, 3 weeks ago you was mad at me about something or whatever. Like, you could have told me back then. And one thing, like I said, we learned is, you know, you got to have that ear to listen, but also that, that, that brain to just, like, understand and see where that person coming from. Because, you know, we're not always gonna be right. We're not always gonna be wrong. And you're so quick to try to get your point across the way y'all both talking on top of each other and nobody's getting nowhere. Then everybody getting, you know, fed up or frustrated, then they get mad for a couple hours or whatever. But, you know, we always call it the table. And anytime we talk about something, something to get me like a little bit frustrated, I said, okay, you know, I'm a little bit mad about that, but you know what, just, just give me like a day or so to think about it. And that'd be that for that topic. But, you know, we still be laughing and joking or whatever. I don't be mad about her, you know, like whatever she told me. I don't be like stick— um, I don't be harping over that the whole day or whatever. I like, you know what, let me think about it, what's next? And you know, we just watch, watching movies, laughing, joking, talk about whatever and stuff like that. So, you know, I just try to always tell people that communication is one thing, and you know, society rules, man, you know, you not always gotta, gotta really go by them, you know. You got your own house, you live how you want to live, you know. If the Man want to be a stay-at-home dad and do everything that he feel like society said a woman should do, cool, you know. If that works for them, it works for them, you know. If the woman wants to do all these things, I'm not gonna— I'm not a judge, you know. Like, I just know it works in our household, and this doesn't work for everybody because some people like, no, I can't do that. I can't— I can't have a kid with somebody, then live with them, and they got girls running in and out. I'm like, well, I don't have girls running in and out, but You know, but yeah, I know, I think you're 100% right.

There's more than one way to be a good, um, a good dad and even a good family. And I think trying to force one way or your way because it works for you well onto other people is, you know, uh, a little asinine, right? Uh, I think you guys have, um, tremendous— I'm trying to think of the word— tremendous, uh, I don't know, maybe perspective. I mean, the fact that you guys can be so aware of how important communication is in the relationship, to make sure you have a day every week to kind of sit there and cover it, because life does move fast and you get busy. And, and to make sure you're making time to communicate, to make sure that you're addressing everything and it's not just sweeping things under the rug or ignore the white elephant in the room and address it now, or, you know, forever hold your peace, right? It's just such tremendous awareness. I mean, that's Those are incredible hot tips for a well-functioning marriage, right? I mean, I mean, really, because even in married life, like, life gets busy and you're working and you're doing stuff, you're running kids around, and especially when there's multiple kids. And man, you know, divorce, divorce rates, uh, spike at around the 25-year anniversary, and it usually corresponds with, um, uh, empty nesters. All the kids leave. Life has been so busy for, you know, 20, 25 years. Life's been all about, you know, running the kids around. The husband and wife really don't even know each other anymore. And then all of a sudden they're stuck in a house and they're like, who are you? 3 decades ago you weren't like this, and, and I, I don't know what you've evolved to become. And it's interesting, um, uh, and you guys have, you guys have that figured out.

That's Yeah, that's super smart. Yeah, even do it with my, um, even I even do with my son. Like, I sit down with him, you know, from time to time, and I always like talk to him and ask him like, you know, am I being a great dad to you? Am I being a great friend? How can I be better? You know, what are the things that, you know, you probably don't like that I do? Because, you know, as a parent, you always think, you know, you're the adult, the kids should listen and do as you say. But, you know, your kid is your own person too or whatever, so they might see stuff differently than you, to where you like, yo, stop running. To them, you like, oh, my dad don't never want me to play, or my parents never want me to run around. Like, no, stop running because, you know, cars are going both ways, or, you know, it's a lot of stuff going on. Now, if you run, you might fall and hurt yourself. So you got to, you know, explain a little bit more to a kid, stuff like, stop, don't, stop, don't listen to me, and stuff like that.

Explain the why.

Yeah, yeah, why. Yep. And I always, I always talk to them at least, you know, a few times, you know, just asking like, everything good with us, man? He's like, no, yeah, no, you hurt my feelings. I'm like, why? You know, what do you feel like I hurt your feelings on? And he'll tell me or whatever. And I listen to him like, okay, I can understand where you're coming from. Like, all right, I got you, I got you. I said, you know what, I could try to be a little bit better, you know, not just trying to like be aggressive with my tone or whatever and stuff like that. And, um, one thing I post on my page is our Yes and Yes Sir So he knows that anytime I say yes to him, he automatically knows that he, he only got 50% of my attention. But if I say yes sir to him, he knows that Daddy got 100— I got 100% Daddy attention or whatever. That means like, again, I put down my device, I stopped typing, editing, and whatever, you know. He got my undivided attention. Because sometimes, you know, he'd be like, Daddy, Dad, Daddy, you know, I still be on my phone like, yo, yo, what's up, what's up? I'm listening to him, but I'm not really paying attention to him. You know, him, that, that contact, you know, that body language, that means all the better to him or whatever, because that means like, you know, whatever I say is important. But if you don't really pay attention to me, just feel like, oh, whatever. Like, I could tell him there's anything going on, you know, in his mind, it could be something where he's super excited about and I'm hearing him or whatever, but to him it's like, oh, it ain't that important because Daddy not stop doing what he doing or whatever. So I always make sure that he knows if I say like, like, Dad, I'm like, yes sir, you know. And vice versa, because if I call him, he'd be like, yes, yes, yes. I keep calling his name until he get it, till I get a yes sir out of him. Like, yes sir. I'm like, okay, that's what I want. You know, you focus. So yeah, I'll focus.

So yeah, not on that autopilot mode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, smart. That's smart. So we put out a bunch of content of, uh, because I guess when you're talking to dads, you're always talking to different dads. And when you're putting out a meme, it's only going to apply to certain dads. And you know, uh, you know if that meme doesn't apply to you, you know, of course we get it to where, um, you know, people are offended by that, like, how dare you. But so I try and hit both sides of, like, I, I am so okay with a dad being a hard-ass. Like, I'm okay with that. Um, I, you know, I think, I think there's a very important place for discipline and structure, and, um, you know, I think they're very good things. At the same time, I think those hard-ass dads need to be able to have those heart-to-heart moments, those tender moments, those loving moments with their kids, and have that that strong bond and that strong relationship to where the kid can come with them, uh, or it can come to them with anything, you know, uh, something embarrassing, something awkward, something scary, um, you know, uh, you know, I— well, when I was raised, it was always, you know, you know, I'm your dad, not your best friend, or not your friend, you know, is my way or the highway kind of thing, which— and I do, I strongly think there's a place for that. I'm actually very much an advocate of that, just you know, but there are times you should be the best friend, you know. Um, and then, you know, I've talked to a few dads where I kind of warn them how from a kid's— like, don't listen to everything a kid says, um, because kids have a much different perspective. Like, you know, you're 36.

Yes.

You have a much different perspective in the world. You've seen a lot more. You understand a lot more, um, where they can bring in some good stuff, but Kids are really selfish and they're super short-sighted, and they know how to play parents, um, for their benefit. And they know— they've seen enough Disney movies and tear-jerkers to know how to really pull at your emotions and your heartstrings. And, um, you know, so I, so I kind of warn them about that. You can't get too cuddly and too friendly and not have the discipline, the structure, and that, you know, that, you know, hard-assness, uh, uh, because they'll take full advantage of it. They really— well, they're, they're clever, they're smart.

That's, that's what my son got in trouble like yesterday about. I'm like, dude, you know, if I say no, it's across the board. And he'll try to sneak in there and talk to his mom, like whisper a little bit or whatever. And so now, at first she used to be like, oh yeah, sure, sure, sure. Then once I kind of got on her a little bit, which is not her fault, but I just told her like, well, he already asked me that. So now we come in and ask her, the first thing she said, what do your dad say? Did you ask your dad? Sometimes, oh no, I never asked him. Just like, well, I asked him, so what did he say? So why you think my answer would change? Like, whatever that answer is, that answer. Whatever mom answer is, that's mom answer and stuff like that.

It's a united front. Yeah, yeah. And that's, that, that's, I mean, it's great advice for a mom and dad. And the fact that you guys can pull it off co-parenting, um, I know that, that probably becomes one of the most difficult things for divorced parents is, uh, especially if it gets, starts to get nasty and a little contentious, is because, uh, you know, then they're trying to buy kids off essentially by, uh, you know, doing exactly what the other parent said no to, right? You know, and doing it only for the reason to spite the other parent, right? And that's, that's, that stuff gets so stupid.

And that's, that's one thing I, I made sure, you know, I didn't want. The one thing I always want to, you know, be a, a present dad or whatever. Like I said, I think it's nothing, you know, it's nothing, it's no knock to my son's mom, it's just her scheduling with her, her job to where I normally take him to all his appointments. I think I probably took him at least probably 90% of all his appointments. And my— he used to have appointments, like 3 to 4 appointments a week for at least like a good 2, 3 years. And that was just crazy because at that time I didn't even have a car. So I used to have to hop buses and cabs and trains and all that stuff. It was just crazy, man. So once I got a car, you know, much better. But I was told, I, you know, I want to be that present to where I take him in and everywhere with me, like grocery store, to friends' houses. Like, you know, he go outside and work on the cars with me, you know, because I'm more of a handyman as well. So, and that's one thing I always told her, I tried to make sure that he don't really need a want for stuff, not that much. Like, you know, because you got YouTube for everything, they teach you everything. So, you know, when people like, how do you learn all this stuff? I'm like, well, I just Googled it or YouTubed it. I saw how you fixed this, I fixed it the way— I'm not gonna— I'm sorry, but I don't want to pay somebody $200, $300, $400 when I got the tools to do it myself and put a little bit of time into it. Then it helped me to learn. Then my son, he don't mind doing it with me and stuff like that.

And that's— those are bonding experiences as well as educational experiences, right?

And then I, I issued a little bit is one, probably probably one of the main ones is she don't have a relationship that I had with them. But I told her, I'm like, well, that's something I strive for, that's something I wanted to have, whatever. You could have the same thing, but you know, sometimes you don't choose to because she more of, well, I can't take him to the store because he's wild. I'm like, well, hell, he's wild with me at the store, whatever. But the difference is I just fight through it, or sometimes to make like a little bit of fun out of it. He running up and down the aisles, I gotta tell him 80 times to stop running, and be careful and you're bumping into people and you're not listening, you're in and out of the car. But like, these are the things that you just gotta, you know, fight through or whatever and stuff like that. And I said, when he gets older, I don't want him to be like, he's the fun dad and mom is not, you know. I want to be like, you got fun parents, you know. Like, my parents are fun, they are crazy. But I don't want him to look at me like I'm up here and, you know, you down here, because we both dope in our own ways or whatever and stuff. So, you know, she had come around a lot more to where she interact with with him a lot more, but she just feel like boys would be boys. I like— no, if I had a daughter, I'd be doing her hair, I'd be getting my nails painted, you know, get my eyelashes done, a little lipstick. I would do anything, you know, with my daughter that I'll probably do with my son or whatever. I don't think it's a, you know, you know, boy, you know, man, man thing and a woman, woman thing or whatever, you know. So I help my son, he'd be in the kitchen cooking with me, all that stuff or whatever. I just want to have those experiences to where he could passed on to his, his family one day and stuff like that. And, you know, again, my mom and dad, they was separated when I was born, but my mom just made sure that I always saw my dad on weekends, the holidays, spent summer with them. And my dad has a 4th, 5th grade education. He barely could read or write. You know, when I, when I sent him birthday cards, I really had to read the cards to him. He'll look at a picture and laugh or whatever. He's like, I don't know what that kind of say or whatever. And I read it to him. But the time that we spent was more than anything. I don't care if he doesn't, you know, got a, you know, high school diploma, a GED, or a master's and stuff like that. But just those summers, the weekends, man, I'm like, ah, you know, can't get them back. So that's why I try to be more present so he didn't know when he grows old, like, yeah, my dad, you know, he only got a high school diploma, but to me, you know, he, you know, he got mad degrees, you know. That's just spending them time and energy and know, the things that kids care about.

That's awesome. Yeah, I'm glad he was there. Yeah, I think dads being involved, or it's just, it's, it's so incredibly important to, uh, just about everything. I mean, there, there's a real argument when, uh, when you take dad out of the household altogether, uh, that there's a lot of statistics on it that, you know, poverty increases, uh, STDs increase, crime increases, uh, gang activity increases. Drug use increases, the socioeconomic conditions decrease, you know, more reliant on welfare, you know, all because dad was taken out of the home. So you can really just make a huge case that, you know, sticking dad— even not a great dad, not, you know, not a perfect dad— the weekends, you know, or holidays or whatnot, that having dad involved at some level can really make a huge impact economically, socially, you know, in the community, certainly in the family. And it's just an incredibly important role. And then multiply that by, all right, let's actually make dads actually try and excel and be the best versions of themselves as possible. And I think you can have huge monumental effects on, on, you know, the entire world. Mm-hmm.

Because that's why, because that's why you always hear sometimes like, you know, my, my dad was never in my life, so I don't care about this, so I don't care, you know. And I didn't— I don't know, I'm sorry that they got to use their excuse, but I try not to because I know some people that they have, you know, dads in life, you know, they kind of, you know, they're sold or whatever because since they didn't have a dad, it won't be more present. But it's far and in between. It's more people that, like what you just said, that you don't have a parent in their life that goes this negative route than the ones that do be in life and go to a positive route or whatever and stuff like that. So, you know, it's interesting and stuff, and it's not a guarantee.

Um, you know, there's a great story about, uh, you know, some twin brothers, and, uh, you know, their dad's just a horrible abusive alcoholic. And, uh, you know, one kid grows up, um, has a family, picture-perfect life, never touches alcohol. And, you know, researchers ask him why. He says, my dad was an abusive alcoholic, I'm never going to touch that stuff, I don't want to live that life. They interview the other twin brother, and the guy's a homeless drunk.

Oh wow.

Why are you a homeless drunk? Like, well, my dad was an abusive alcoholic. So I mean, in the end, it kind of goes, you know, to your personality and into a person's choices, because humanity is complicated, right? But, you know, as a dad, I guess we just want to create the best, um, the best path for possible success. For that next generation. Doesn't mean it's a guarantee by any means. But you know, we do our best versions, there's gonna be a much higher probability. For sure. Can you hear those kids in the background?

Yeah, a little bit. Okay. But you know, my dad, they could be screaming anything. And I don't even know, it'd be stuff blowing up in the back. And they're like, you hear that, Mike? Or what? So numb to it.

So when I try and zone in on work, I'll throw on the the, uh, the Bose noise-canceling headphones. Okay. And that'll, that'll usually zone me out pretty good.

Um, yeah, you do it now.

Yeah, yeah. But, but that's not these. So, uh, I'm trying to think what else we want to cover. Um, co-parent— I want to stick with co-parenting. Um, so do you guys like have a path of you want to continue this way for X amount of time? Are you just kind of playing it by ear as it goes? I mean, if someone, you know, one of you guys gets really serious in a relationship and, and I guess wants to move out and, and get married, that, that might be a possibility. Um, you know, has that been talked about at all?

Oh yeah, that's been talked about. And she was like, well, it's just gonna be us and my husband, you know, all in the same house. But, uh, but yeah, you know Eventually, you know, I've been talking about, you know, moving on out. And I think kind of what we hark back to is, you know, I guess we are so close that even 5 minutes down the street or in a separate house, you know, just— and it's gonna feel different to where, like, Maya, I'm only like 5, 6 steps away from my son. To be 5 minutes, then, you know, I've got to drive him over, he get dropped off, you know, it's gonna be like a learning experience for me or whatever. And I don't know how much I would take that to where, you know, we are talking about even moving into a more bigger place to where I'm like, okay, you know, you had a bottom basement, you know, decked on out, full apartment or whatever, you know. I had a top level and stuff like that or whatever. And it just— maybe that might even work out. But as far as, um, being serious with somebody, you know, we never— we talk about it, but we just never met anybody to be serious with, right? You know, I'm still— I'm still dating or whatever. And, you know, I gotta, you know, uh, you know, a female friend, you know, I'm real close with and stuff like that, but it ain't to the point that where, you know, I'm moving out, you know, or moving in with her at all or whatever. And she knows my situation and she's comfortable with it, you know. Her, my son mom, they cool and stuff like that. But yeah, um, it just— I don't know, like I say, if— I guess whenever it happens, I guess we'll talk about it like a little bit more. But roughly just what-ifs. Like, you know, what if this happened? What is that? Are you cool with it? You know, we both cool because we both wanted to see each other happy and successful. And if it's not with each other, then, you know, somebody could, you know, offer her that or offer me that, by all means, and stuff like that. But, you know, it ain't really no rush into it. Like, I'm happy how everything is right now. And again, like I said, I'm only like a few steps away from my son. See him?

Yes, that's great.

Yeah, every— see him, see him every day.

Yeah, maybe a duplex or something like that, right? Right.

You know, everybody had their own side. Might get like a little mini mansion or something like that, you know.

Well, it's a metal work too.

Yeah, yeah. So, but yeah, copay— like I said, copay is good. Like I said, a lot of people have been asking her how does it work. Some of her closest friends, you know, we try to get as much advice as we possibly can, but like we always tell them, this works for us. You know, because we're— we have an understanding and we both don't like the drama, we both don't like the headaches, we both can talk to each other and stuff like that. But if you cannot even talk to each other, then it's gonna, you know, it's gonna fail. You know, both y'all arguing and yelling around the kids. Honestly, I think if my son would ever see me and his mom argue, I, I know he'll probably break down crying, but it'd probably be like a shock to him, like, yeah, you know, a culture shock. It probably like really, really probably mess, you know, mess with him, whatever. Because he never saw her, you know. He never saw her, you know. He might see a dad, you know, dad like a little bit upset, but it's never probably deal with, you know, his mom or nothing like that or whatever. So, but yeah, just to see us like arguing, screaming at each other, I know it probably would really wreck him because all he knows is like, oh, my family is dope, you know, they're fun, you know, they're cool, I got cool parents.

So yeah, that's— I mean, shoot, that's the ideal scenario, isn't it?

Right, right.

Happy house.

Mom, dad, kid, right? And I always tell her, man, I'm like, you know, and I, and I do this probably like maybe once a week, maybe even once every two weeks or whatever, you know. I always send her like a, like a nice little long text message. And what one of us saying is, I love and I appreciate you. And I always start off with that every morning, like, good morning, just want to let you know I love and I appreciate you. Because I do, like, I appreciate you just being my good friend, you know, being the rock to our foundation. Understanding me. You know, I know us boys— because I always say me and my son, us boys can get on your nerves sometimes because we might be loud in the house. But I just appreciate that you just being in our lives and, you know, being an awesome and dope mom and stuff like that. And then I just kind of, you know, add a little bit more to it or whatever and stuff like that. And I just always send it. It's to help her on out and stuff like that because, you know, people get so— how can I say, uh, so into the routine. Like you and your wife Oh, you know, wake up, hey, how you doing? You take care of your stuff, you take care of yourself. Y'all get to a routine where sometimes you just need that reassurance, you just need that pat on the back, like, I see you do that, good, great job, Mom, like, I love you, I just want to appreciate you or whatever and stuff like that. Because, you know, sometimes you just feel like you just, again, working, just be working, like, man, I'm busting my day going, but ain't nobody gonna say like a good job to me, you know, you're doing awesome. They just feel like you just wake on up and just want to work, you know, 8, 9, 10, 12 hours overtime and stuff like that. But every now and then you just need that little pat on the back and stuff like that.

So I always try to give her like a picker-upper, you know, because you realize you sound like an amazing husband, like a world-class husband with all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, it's almost like you guys have like the perfect marriage, uh, it just may be open, right?

And people always ask me like, man, you know when I be like dating or whatever, like, yo, you got all these good things, like, what's wrong with you? What's wrong? Why you know been single for so long? I'm like, you know, sometimes I just— I'm just so busy that where, you know, a relationship takes like a lot of work, and you know, I'm so focused on being a dad that it's like my regular routine or whatever. So when I try to detour from that, you know, I'm like, if I can't put 110% into it, then I just don't really try sometimes, you know. So, but, um, but yeah, I told her, I said, man, I'd be a great catch, man. A woman would love me, man, you know. But even when people think about me me and my son's mom, you know, why we're not together. And again, she's like, well, you know, he— we are great how we are. We don't want to force nothing or whatever. And I don't want to lose my best friend because, you know, we are best friends. But when you get in a relationship, that's a whole different ball game, a whole different chapter, whole different rules and regulations. And then if it doesn't work out, you know, it might mess up X, Y, and Z. But if you do, it's cool or whatever. But, um, but then she's like— she's told me before She like her certain— she like her types, and I like my types, and you know, this is how we go.

That's fair. Yeah, it sounds like you guys are actually, um, quite alike. Yeah, which might be the reason, you know, relationship wouldn't work. You know, I've heard that saying of, you know, if two people are alike, one of them is unnecessary.

Yeah, because I would tell her, I said, man, you know, let you know, like like as a friend, the friend and co-parenting, this, this stuff could fly. But best believe I'm with you, a lot of stuff you be doing, no, no, no, no, no, you know, I'm not gonna be having that or whatever. So, but, but she's, she's great, she's awesome, man. That's, that's my road dog. Sometimes, sometimes we even go out, we go out to like bars together, you know, we might see somebody, hey, you know, he like a good catch, man, I'm about to get, you know, bring him on over here for you. And of course you'd be shy, she's like, no, no, no, no. I'm like, yo, what's up, man? She said you look cute. I'm trying to think.

I'm not sure I have anywhere else to take this podcast. Uh, is there anything you wanted to make sure you got said and or talk about?

We do, uh, oh, we do have our merchandise because my son, um, oh, that's another thing. So one time on our, I think on one of our vlogs we're about to do, my son out of nowhere he said that, you know, he loved me with all his fixed heart. And I just instantly just broke down. Like, I was crying and everything or whatever. I'm like, it just came out of nowhere or whatever. So that, that too went viral or whatever because everybody, oh, you know, he got a fixed heart. He said he loved you with all his fixed heart or whatever and stuff like that. So we turned that into, uh, saying in the merchandise or whatever to where we partner up with, um, a great woman named Jessica Connor, and her platform is called Outshine Labels. And because her daughter has Williams syndrome So she tried to just outshine the labels because, you know, you get labeled as special needs and Williams syndrome and Down syndrome and the 22q and stuff like that or whatever, to where when people see this already look at— so she trying to change that narrative, whatever, to like, oh, my daughter just regular like you. She might, you know, take a while for her to comprehend a little bit, or my child take a while to walk or laugh or whatever, have emotions, but it's just normal kids or whatever. So she tried to just outshine the the label that society put on your children or whatever. And, you know, then that's been awesome as well because I had been introduced to other communities for special needs that, you know, we just been partnering up, helping each other out with a lot, a lot of things or whatever. And just me getting a more understanding of other communities out there, you know, try to be more of an advocate not only for our platform but other people's platforms as well and stuff like that. Just try to help many people as I can and shine light on all these conditions that I sometimes don't even know about or even can pronounce it sometimes, man.

I get that.

Yeah.

All right, was there anything else you want covered?

Uh, no, that's, that's basically about it, man. It's, um, it's been awesome though, man. Like, I kind of like this one too. That went past that fast.

Tell everyone, uh, where they can find you.

Okay, well, you can find me on Instagram and on YouTube, The Life of Chase Elijah. Chase is spelled C-H-A-C-E Elijah, E-L-I-J-H. And, uh, nonprofit we haven't started yet, but we're going to start, it's called Never in a Fight Alone, NIAFA. And you can find our merchandise at Outshine Labels, and it's called Love You with All My Fixed Heart, and it's for heart defects and other community as well.

Well, that's great. Well, I appreciate you coming on. Another huge thank you to Robert for sharing that story with us. It was— that was truly fascinating. That was definitely a unique story. And, uh, you know, all the best to Robert and his son Chase, and the best of luck to him. Uh, listeners, thank you for listening, and we hope to see you with the next one.