S3 E21 Linesman Daniel Spencer Fights Substance abuse and drops 100lbs

Season 3, Episode 21, Daniel Spencer. Daniel reached out to me on Instagram, uh, we're gonna do a podcast, give me a little bit of information. Uh, 3 kids, all teenagers, married for about 20 years. He's a linesman, much like an early podcast guest we had back in Season 1, I think, David Mendoca, I think his name is, but he goes by the— yeah, he's got a program called Show Up Dad now. Uh, the linesman's trade, or the linesman trade, is, is really cool. You guys are usually pretty well paid. A little bit of a, a rougher crowd. Um, yeah, in that line of work. Uh, but cool line of work. I mean, I guess since David and I did that podcast, I get a lot of those videos in my feed, you know, I look at stuff. You have the linesmen doing all these training exercises or hanging from helicopters and all that kind of jazz, and it looks like an interesting career. Those are obviously the more exciting things to do as a linesman, but Uh, yeah, there's a lot of opportunities. And then, uh, yeah, we had a family member that went to, went to go to linesman school because he heard it was a good career. I think he got to day 2 before he realized he was afraid of heights and it was not going to be a career. Oh yeah, things to know before you go. Uh, so you also said something to figure out. Yeah, you also said in your message to me, I think, uh, you, you struggled with, uh, addiction, I think maybe, and you know, you've been sober for a while now. And then I guess you dropped a ton of weight, and I think you said you were hitting about 300 pounds, and you lost a human and are down to like 150. Is that a decent wrap-up?

Yeah, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty accurate sum up of my adulthood. Yeah. Been working as a power lineman for the—

How old are you now?

Right now I'm 40, 40 years old.

Okay, so if you've been married 20 years, you got married, you know, relatively young, around 20, right?

Yeah, 21, I had to believe. I just turned 21.

Did you have kids, uh, before you got married or after?

No, after, uh, while my wife was pregnant, we actually— that's when we got married. Um, I was single living with my brother and yeah.

Okay, so a little bit of a shotgun wedding.

Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly how it went down. Um, we eloped. Yeah, I said, uh, you know, set a date, pick a day, and I'll take the day off from work. And we went to the, uh, to the county building, the county courthouse, and right here in Montclair, Southern California, got married. Um, and we had a real big party, uh, for our 15-year anniversary. We decided, you know what, we didn't have a wedding really. We— it was just you know, her best friend, my brother, and her mom, and just enough for the witnesses and whoever was the closest. And sure, but, uh, yeah, we decided to have a big party after for our 15-year anniversary.

Not a bad idea. A little more stable in life, a little more cash than when you're first starting out. I mean, that'd be the time to have a— I feel bad for some of these people getting married, and a lot of those marriages don't last very long, but they spend amazing amount of dollars on a wedding and a ring and just a, an essentially a one-day party. And, uh, yeah, man, yeah, there's a lot of stories about there about a tremendous amount of debt being taken on. Just, I mean, way north, six figures. I mean, $150,000, $180,000, $200,000 weddings. And it's, it blows my mind. I think we did ours for You know, we got married, what, 15, 16 years ago, and ours was like, we had a, you know, decent one, but it was 5, 6 grand.

And yeah, nowhere near relatively— I mean, yeah, we paid for it all ourselves, you know, came out of pocket, and it's something we wanted to do for everybody that, that we love and care about. That's pretty awesome.

Makes sense. All right, so, uh, tell me about this substance abuse. Uh, what was it? Uh, you know, when, when did it begin? How did it begin? And, uh, I guess When did rock bottom occur?

Yeah, um, it started as a teenager, um, you know, mostly just being bored, being bored at home, uh, divorced parents pretty early on. And right after that, it was like, you know, uh, split home, so mom was working full-time and it was just really nothing to do. Found some friends that were getting high and continued into that. Um, then in high school started drinking more, you know, like after football games and stuff like that, and still partying.

Okay, were you involved in any activities?

I, I was. I played freshman football into my sophomore year, and after that it was like, oh, you know what, I kind of fell out of love with it. I figured I'll start working and, uh, and just get some pocket change, and that didn't happen. I just ended up hanging out Probably getting more high, right? Um, doing opposite of what I said I was gonna do. Um, the grades started to slip, you know. I was like figuring out just how much credits I needed just to graduate, you know, skipping classes.

Okay, um, but you did graduate, you know?

I did graduate, yeah. Graduated on time, you know, with my class. That was cool. Um, and then right after that, just started working. And, um, me and my brother had an apartment and it was kind of just like a party house, you know, drinking, smoking weed. Yeah, friends would come over, you know, Friday, Saturday nights.

Is this an older brother or younger brother?

He's, he's older, 2 years older. Yeah.

Okay, what does he do for a living now?

So, um, he's a welder by trade, journeyman welder.

Okay.

Um, but he, he just got hired on with the, with the department that I work for, so, uh, he's, he's in the power trade now.

Yeah.

Yeah, pretty cool, cool. But you might want to go back to welding.

So did he— yeah, there's never a bad fallback. Um, did he, uh, was he having the same struggles you have, or did he have more of a control over, uh, his use?

Uh, it was probably the same, you know. We enabled each other. We, we kept each other just at the same level. Um, I mean, because at that time where we had our apartment, I had friends that were doing other things, harder drugs, you know, and I knew that that was never something I would— I didn't trust myself enough to, I guess, be strong enough to recover for something like that, which I was already in addiction. But, uh, that's kind of where the drinking started. Once he had turned 21, uh, we would just drink more. And, uh, when I got hired, um, as a groundman for, for the city, that's kind of where the drinking picked up. Because now I had a commercial license and I was getting random drug tests. So that's where, uh, and then that's right around the time when I got married and had my daughter. So the stresses of that, you know, um, really ramped up the drinking, I think, and gaining weight, uh, eating a lot. It was just kind of, uh, all in my head. I'm thinking, you know, things I didn't know how to deal with and It made me seem like a happier person when I would drink, and I wouldn't be so down on myself maybe.

But what were the stresses coming from? Just challenges of work, or was it, um, the relationship at home? What were the stresses?

Yeah, I think it was a bunch of that. Um, the relationship at home, you know, my wife was— she's a year and a half younger than me. Um, so when, you know, when we got married, she just turned 19. 20 years old. She had just turned 20 years old. We were young, you know, we didn't know what to do. We were in love with each other. We had a new infant child. Work was far away, you know, I had to commute pretty far from work. I was working a lot trying to save a bunch of money. So being away from home, working too much, you know, being in a new relationship with a brand new family and still probably dealing with pain from, you know, when I, when I was a child, um, or, you know, other emotional problems. I was— after, after my parents' divorce, um, yeah, I kind of just really didn't care much about my environment.

How old were you when that happened?

I was, um About 12 years old. It's in the 7th grade.

Okay, decently old. And so, uh, I guess, were there signs leading up to it? Was it like an unhappy home, or was it kind of a shock to you?

No, it was a shock to us. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was kind of— it's kind of out of nowhere.

Um, and then, so Mom and Dad divorced. Did, uh, did both Mom and Dad stay in town? Were you sharing custody? How'd that work out?

Um, we stayed in— my mom ended up staying in the house that we were all living in, and my dad moved out. He moved into— we lived in the East Bay up in the Bay Area, and he moved into the city of San Francisco, but then he ended up moving to Sacramento for a job. And so we stayed there at the house that I grew up in. But Mom, she never asked, I don't think, much for alimony stuff, so she always— she had a second job and she was always working.

What was the— what was the relationship with Dad like at that point? Did you guys just not see him anymore or just some visitation?

It was weekends mostly. Okay. They would do every other weekend. Um, they didn't really settle anything out of— in court. There was no custody battle, no nothing. It was kind of just like mutual agreements, you know. Um, so he'd come over every now and then. I mean, I was not saying like you know, he was never present. He always was a very strong present in, uh, in our life.

Um, just every other—

about a year. Yeah, after every other weekend. Um, and he was in a relationship. I think that's probably, um, he had just got into another relationship right after the one with my mom. And, uh, you know, we'd go over there.

Did you ever find out what the cause was, I guess, for the divorce? You know, did they ever say anything?

Yeah, you know, it's kind of my point of view, their point of view. Seems like the stories don't really match up sometimes. So I kind of think about not the reason why, but, you know, just the outcome, you know, focus more on the outcome instead of why it happened, you know.

Sure. I mean, if, you know, I always like to learn from other people's mistakes. So if they can, you know, sit and point at something like, hey, we just, we stopped communicating, or, you know, I had an affair, you know, this or that, then, you know, you can learn something sometimes that way. But yeah, you're right. I mean, you kind of hit the nail on the head. A very common response, especially for, you know, someone in those ages of like 8 to 15, is just a withdrawal, you know, a pretty a pretty dramatic shift, uh, more antisocial, a little bit more of a loner, and getting into substance abuse. Um, that's, that's incredible, incredibly common because, you know, I guess parents don't usually feel like the divorce is as traumatic, but, you know, a kid in that age group kind of, you kind of wreck their world. You know, they have this sense of what normal is and then it just gets completely ripped out from under their feet.

Right. Yeah, I mean, I think it probably had— I mean, it had to— it has to have an emotional effect on young children, you know, when things like that happen. I know it did for me. And, um, you know, there was a lot of times where my brother— where my brother would go and mostly gravitate to his friends and, and find solace and comfort and hanging out with his buddies, his friends, you know. I found myself alone a lot. So even like, uh, growing up I would be in another relationship and I would kind of be okay if I was alone, you know, like I was comfortable.

Mm-hmm.

You know, sure.

So you're drinking a lot. I guess you got away from smoking because they were starting to test you. At what point do you get to— what's life like when you realize that maybe you need to stop drinking?

Yeah, that was Man, that was probably— well, I know the day that was, was, uh, February 7th, I believe it was, um, 2003. The, the Packers won the Super Bowl against the Steelers. Um, that was a— my brother had a Super Bowl party. But I mean, up to that point, from 2003 up to then, um, you know, like I said, that's when I got hired for the city, drinking eating, gaining a bunch of weight. I probably gained about 100 pounds in the span of 6 years. Um, yeah, and, um, you know, I, I drink. I'd leave the yard from work, hit the liquor store, um, half pint of vodka, 20 ounces of Coke or rum, half pint of rum, 20 ounces of Coke, and 2 Tall Boys, and then I'd work on that driving home. So by the time I got home, I already had a good buzz on. Um, happy dad, you know, dad put a happy face on. And, um, but still I wasn't there emotionally for my wife, you know. She needed somebody to really unload, you know, the stresses of her day being a single parent— not a single parent, but a stay-at-home mother.

Sure.

Um, at that point I had my son we had— my son was probably 3 years old, um, and, uh, Super Bowl, my brother had a party at his house and, uh, my wife ended up staying home. I took the kids because, um, my niece and nephew are the same age, so, you know, they hang out and play and stuff. Me and my brother would hang out and drink and stuff, and, uh, I was drinking all day. And drove home with the kids. I could have called my wife. I thought about it, right? You can call Lisa, call your wife, tell her to come pick you up, pick you and the kids up, go home, we'll get the car because I had Monday off. So it was a— it would have worked out great, my plan to just not drive drunk home. But I didn't. I didn't listen to myself. And I strapped the kids in and I made it home. You know, it was about a 25-minute drive. Um, I made it home and then probably had an argument about it, you know. But I remember having another drink. I made myself another drink and I'm sitting outside having this drink and that's when it hit me like, man, you just put everything on the line. Your, your, your kids' lives, you know, at the very, very worst. And at the very least, a DUI, you know, I'll lose my, my commercial license and probably be on the verge of losing my job. Um, so that was the moment I realized. And, uh, I called, um, I called my dad, called my dad, and I was just gonna open up my heart, express to him, you know, that I really wanted to change and he didn't answer. He didn't answer the phone. Called my brother, he didn't answer the phone. And then I called my uncle and he answered the phone and kind of talked me through it. He said, "Call your insurance, you know, call your insurance tomorrow and check into a program." And that's what I did. The very next day I had off, like I said, I called Kaiser and I started going to treatment. Twice a night or twice a week for— I did about 6 weeks and then just gradually stopped going, building that self-willpower, telling myself no, you know, trying to use the tools that they were giving me in there, which were simple. When I had my one-on-one with the counselor, he— I go, so what do I do? Like, what's the secret? He goes, all you have to do is just say no. And I'm kind of chuckled and he goes, it sounds stupid, right? But You have to just keep saying no. Say it in your head, say it to everybody that asks you. And that's just what I did every single day, every single time I had a thought, like, you can't do it, you can't.

And that was it? No relapses, nothing?

That was one relapse, uh, yeah. Um, after about 5 years, my wife and I went to, uh, we did an overnight trip without the kids. It was like our first one ever. Um, I forgot what, what year anniversary it was, but we took the dad— the kids over to my dad's house, and we're gonna stay one night out in this, this, uh, beachfront condo. And we went out for lunch, and we were celebrating. We're, you know, talking about how far we've come in our relationship and how much we've grown. And she orders a drink, and I was like, yeah, maybe I'll have a beer. And usually most of the time she'll stop me, you know, when I have it, say it out loud. But, uh, maybe I convinced her too well, and I had one beer. Yeah, I had one beer with that lunch. And, um, um, it's a new— it was a small little beach town. So we're walking around, and she goes, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? And I was like, oh, I know where. I said, let's go to the— let's go to the store. And she knew exactly what I was thinking, right? She goes, there's no fucking way, there's no way we're going to the store. And I was like, oh, thank God she said that, because I probably would have just went crazy, you know.

So you'd have a relapse, you just had a drink?

I had a— I mean, yeah, I consider it, I consider it a relapse for myself, you know.

Okay.

Um, it was one beer, but, um, it got me buzzed, you know.

Oh, really?

I felt the buzz, yeah.

Yeah, um, but now I'm nothing since then.

No, not nothing since then.

Yeah, I guess that's, that's a good, good thing you had a support system there.

Yeah, I mean, and she always was, you know, and I think about it a lot now. Um, she would always tell me, Daniel, I'm really concerned about your drinking, you're drinking too much. And she, I mean, she's, she lived with it every day of our life. She saw it more than anybody else, you know, the worst more than anybody else. And she would constantly tell me, you know, she would— she was worried about it. And then I felt bad that that night that I finally decided to— that I needed to change, you know, I called 3 other people instead of walking in and, you know, talking to my wife, my best friend. You know, you were right the whole time, you know.

Sure. I mean, you did just have a fight, I assume?

Yeah, I'm assuming we did, you know.

Okay. All right, so then that's lasted how many years now?

That's been, um, 13 years almost.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so I mean, 5 years is a long time. And yeah, I mean, I, I wouldn't have thought one beer, but I guess, you know, um You know, if you're genuinely alcoholic, then yeah, then I guess one, you know, it's a stepping stone to a lot more than one.

Yeah, I've tried, I've tried it before. The longest I had gone before that, um, it was about 3 years before that, then I had quit drinking for about a month. Um, it was about a month that I had quit drinking, and when I got hired as an apprentice, it was kind of like tradition for, you know, if you leave a yard or you promote, you know, you buy, you have a celebratory dinner and drinks that, you know, after work. And I broke my, like, it was about a 30, 35-day sobriety for that, you know, that buy. And ate like crap, drove home drunk, you know, because after I quit drinking, I changed my diet. I changed my diet.

Okay, so you did everything at the same time.

Yeah, I did, I did. I ended up losing 60 pounds right off the bat. I mean, not even joining the gym or nothing, um, but I was— I wasn't eating right. I was doing like Special K and cereal, you know, Special K and milk, bad diet. And then I'd go home and gorge for dinner because I'd starve myself all day. But, you know, but to me, I was—

so that— I know that's the worst way to eat, but that's, that's what I do. It's just, that's how I've always eaten. I'm not much for breakfast or lunch and if anything. And then, but man, after 5 o'clock, it's like a 7-hour feast.

Oh yeah, yeah. Now I just split everything up, you know, since I started coaching. Or I mean, that's where the really the weight started to drop off was after, after I got sober. But then I gained like 20 pounds because I just started eating regularly. But it was for our 15-year wedding anniversary party that my wife finally, she was like, hey, you know what? I said, "If we're gonna have this party, I want to look bomb in a dress," you know. So I mean, she was overweight, I was overweight, and I had a friend that had just had went over a transformation. He had lost over 100 pounds. And so I said, "Well, you know, Jesus, he just lost a bunch of weight, did this weight loss challenge, and he's killing it. Let's go check it out." So we went over there, signed up, and Um, yeah, I did a couple weight loss challenges there, lost about another 70 pounds, got to under 200 pounds, which I don't remember when the last time that was, you know, probably a junior high schooler. Um, and I was always pudgy, the fat kid growing up through teenage years and stuff. Um, okay, yeah, we played sports in high school, but, you know, never really focused on what we were eating. Yeah, we were just kids.

Oh, glad to hear everything's working out. Uh, and so I assume, you know, relationship with kids— or how many kids do you have, 3?

Yeah, I have 2. Um, me and my wife had 2, and, um, my niece just recently moved in with us. Um, she's, she's, uh, 15, right? So we have 3 teenagers in the house.

So you have 2 kids and a somewhat adopted niece.

Yes. Yeah.

Okay. So is that a discussion you're having with them? Like, are you, I guess, engaged in a conversation where you talk about alcohol a lot with them or drugs because it's, it's an experience you had? Or is that something you're, you're hoping they'll just kind of figure out on their own?

No, absolutely. I'm totally open about it with them because, I mean, that's, that was one of my biggest fears when, when my daughter started getting into the teenage years in junior high school was, um You know, I thought it was going to be crystal meth because that's what I saw in high school, you know, friends getting lost on crystal meth mostly. And now they're, you know, kids are ODing from fentanyl and stuff, um, and it's in everything. So, I mean, that's definitely a fear, and that's one thing that we, we are open about it with them, my problems with, you know, addiction, alcoholism, what stem— what it stemmed from, um, where before, yeah, I didn't really talk about it, but you know, um, me and my wife discussed that maybe it's not something that we should hide from them, you know. Um, definitely something that I want them to be aware of.

Yeah, I mean, why— I, you know, there's two schools of thoughts. There's, you know, I did it, uh, and I survived, you know, and it made me who I am today, so let's let them go through that experience. Or there's, hey, let's let them learn from our, uh, from our failure so they don't have to do everything we did. So they can have, you know, a higher starting point than we did, you know, more knowledgeable and more experienced just vicariously through us.

Yeah, I mean, I think I kind of got that when I was a teenager, right? Like, okay, here's what you shouldn't do, but you— if you do it, you're going to have to learn the consequences from it, you know? And it doesn't really— to me, it doesn't seem like that really breaks the cycle of, hey, This is what I did wrong, um, you know, it's up to you to decide whether you want to do it or not. No, like, my son's never seen me with, with a drink, you know. He— I asked him, did you ever see— you ever remember me drinking? No, I, I don't. You know, for me, that's a win. Um, sure, my daughter, you know, she might remember, you know, the smells, the sensory, you know, uh, the smells, like a great sensory memory. She might remember the smells, but, you know, I just hopefully remember that she remembers me as happy dad, you know, when she was younger.

Well, and, you know, as far as those learning experiences go, they don't have to be, you know, deeply personal like yours. I'm sure there's plenty of dads out there that, you know, they never went through drugs or alcohol or whatever experiences, but you can compare that to, you know, a friend you knew in school or a story we've read in the community of like, hey, you know, Johnny, super smart, super athletic, had everything going for him, dead of an OD, or, you know, lives homeless. You know, he's got, you know, 15 kids with, you know, 15 different moms, and, you know, no one can find him. He's probably in jail somewhere. Uh, you know, so, you know, they don't necessarily have to be personal experiences. Um, that whole fentanyl thing that's going around right now, which is just, you know, a lot of the OD stories I'm hearing about are or, you know, anytime anybody dies, you know, you don't hear the bad stories. You'll never hear that they were horrible people, you know, this is what we expected, that kind of stuff. It's always they were an angel, they were perfect, they were smart, they were destined for great things. But that— so that's what the stories are with fentanyl. Like, though, a lot of us through Snapchat or other social platforms, that's how they're just That's how they buy stuff. But they're buying things like, what's, it was Ritalin when I was a kid. What do they use now? Adderall. So they'll buy, they'll just get some Adderall from, you know, a friend of a friend. And that Adderall is laced with fentanyl. So they think they're buying something just to help them study. And then, you know, whoever laced it with fentanyl to make it more addictive so that person will come back, did a crap job doing that and they OD because they think they're just gonna take Adderall or, you know, they buy some marijuana from someone and they smoke it and it was laced with fentanyl 'cause, you know, they just did a half-assed job. So it's, they seem to be innocent enough transactions to where these weren't like, you know, high-risk kids or anything like that. And so, and you know, it was happening with Halloween candy this past year where, you know, people were, that must have been more prankish. I can't, I can't see a scenario where a dealer's lacing, lacing, Halloween candy and expecting to get more sales in the future from addiction of Halloween candy. But, uh, yeah, yeah, I mean, that's— I've had those conversations with my kids, I mean, already, of like, you know, just share an article because I have these conversations with people or we read them in the news, like this kid now, you know, you know, dad was a poli— or his mom was a politician, mom was very involved in youth families and everything, and dead of an overdose. You know, you would think that family would have had conversations and been talking about these things. But, um, this isn't just something that happens out in the, the poor side of town with, you know, it happens everywhere. It's across the board. So they want all that to wrap up and say it doesn't have to be personal experiences, you know, to the dads that are listening. You know, Daniel Spencer has the, the personal stories of alcohol and some drug use. But even if you don't have that, you know, these kids can they can be more knowledgeable because you bring these things up. You talk about what's happening in the news or stories of people you know, um, and let them learn that lesson without having to experience that. My opinion.

Yeah, absolutely. And being open about it, you know, it's kind of— it might be kind of rough or traumatic or shocking for some families, but you know, that's the truth of the matter, is that that's the world we live in. You know, that stuff's out there.

Oh, if you have a teenager, someone's going to talk to them about— someone's going to try and get them to drink, someone's going to try to get them to have sex, someone's going to try and get them to do drugs, someone's and try and get them to, you know, go break into something somewhere or, you know, do some trespassing or steal something. I don't think I've ever met someone who's— doesn't matter what crowd you went with or what school you went to, what district you were in, what state you were in, what income level you were, they're go— it's going to happen. So, um, so yeah, having those discussions, uh, you know, about, I guess, what family values are and what's right and what's wrong, and, you know, what me, Dad, and Mom think you should, uh, you know, the way you should live your life because that would be best for you. You know, we have those discussions because— and, and to bury your head in the sand, just hope they figure it out, um, and hope they make the right choices without ever talking to them, I feel like is a, uh, is a, is a big failure.

Yeah, I think so. Absolutely.

All right, um, what else did— was there anything else you wanted to cover?

Um, if you know, guys taking care of their health, you know, taking care of their mental health, because after I had this accident, um, burned myself up pretty bad, um, really learned how to open up, um, went to therapy for it, and that really gave me tools to try and open up more emotionally, having better conversations with my wife, listening to my kids more. I think that's something that we don't really do as, as men, as fathers, is, um, really just stop and listen, you know.

Um, it's deemed as a weakness, at least the going to counseling is deemed as a weakness for sure.

Yeah, absolutely, you know. And that's, that's kind of, uh, I mean, but what is on the other side of that? You know, you don't really deal with whatever's bothering you and you run to something that's going to make you feel better, whether that be drugs or alcohol or, you know, being away from the house more at work or, you know, whatever, other women, you know, whatever it is that, that your vice is. And how's that, how's that the better option? You know, I don't see it as— I think it's more courageous to admit that you have, you know, these emotions or these fears, and then you can learn from them and Yeah, it's not only that, it's just there's real practical steps that some people know on how to handle those things and some people don't know.

And when you go to someone who's, who knows that world, they can figure out your personality, what you're struggling with, and give you some real practical steps of, you know, how do you communicate better, you know, for you, um, you know, how do you deal with internalizing these things, uh, you know, there's this I don't know, they get real practical sometimes. And as far as marriage goes, uh, you know, I've always kind of explained it as, you know, it, it, A, helps with communication, but really it's somewhere you can go and you can say the things that either you're avoiding saying to your spouse, or every time you say them, you guys get in this big fight. When you have that same conversation in front of a counselor, that counselor knows how to guide that conversation and how to keep things from flaring up. It keeps your wife from blowing up. You keeps you from blowing up your wife because she can sit there and say, hey, so-and-so said XYZ. How did you hear that? It's like those kind of things. Or that can be interpreted as, you know, ABC or whatever it is. They just, they're skilled in listening to conversations and seeing the voids and the, um, you know, how, how it can be interpreted by somebody else. And this keep it from blowing up so you can have a civil conversation and just get to the, the root of resolution somewhere down the line. Which, none of that stuff to me is, is girly or not manly. It's just practical in, in keeping this relationship alive and figuring out how to live with each other, um, and practical and, you know, taking care of yourself and learning how to communicate with people better and learning how to, you know, handle the things inside your head better. They're just, they're just real tips.

Yeah, definitely controlling your own emotions and, you know, every minute that you don't want to lose control, you know, definitely helps.

Sure. All right, what else you got?

Um, you know, I'm a coach, you know, I said I'm a life coach, and the things that I've gone through is what I try and tell my guys, you know, my, my, the, my clients, um You know, you don't have to keep victim— victimizing yourself for whatever you went through and, and stay in that same rut of, you know, depression, or, you know, trying to blanket your things, your problems with alcohol or pills, or, you know, that was for me. I think maybe staying away from the house a little bit and, you know, blaming it on, you know, I'm just trying to make more money and maybe I wasn't happy at home, you know. I didn't know how to work it out. Um, so now I clear my head with the gym, you know, I read, journal every day, and, um, it's definitely helped a lot. And that's what I tell my clients, you know, that are kind of on the path of, you know, they don't know what to do. Well, we need to instill discipline, right? So we're going to control our food portions and we're not going to overeat, and in turn that's going to make us more confident that's gonna create a new mindset that we can overcome these things. Trying to build better men, man, is really what I— what I'm trying to focus on right now. Um, I had my accident and I was laying in the bed trying to, you know, living in regret, sorrow. I was really upset about, you know, I thought I was a better worker, a better employee.

What was your accident?

So I had a, um, About just over a year ago, um, we were in an underground vault doing some, uh, some high voltage switching, and I cross-phased, um, I got the two, two wrong phases together and it switched, blew up right in my face. I spent 2 days in the hospital, 10 days in the hospital, had a couple skin grafts, you know, um, and I was off work for, for like 5 months. That was kind of like another rock bottom for me. I thought I was a safe employee. I'd been in the trade for 17 years.

I thought I was— I'm assuming that was your error then.

Yeah, it was human error. No communication, miscommunication, that self-talk. When we were there switching, doing the work, I had I was not in the right position, and I had the solution in my head, and I thought it out. Okay, you could, you know, stand on your toolbox, and your partner— my partner was up on the ladder at a higher position than I was, but my own self-talk, not listening to my subconscious mind, man, it, you know, it ended up biting me in the ass. Um, he got burned, I got burned.

I feel like in those situations You don't always walk away from those with the high voltage lines.

Yeah, we were fortunate. Um, the circuit breaker that the circuit was riding on failed. Um, it got hot enough where it was, it was melting the copper bus and melted porcelain. You know, it's a switch, was made out of steel and porcelain on the inside. It vaporized the copper and melted the porcelain. My face shield I had on just melted it. Um, I was in a ball of fire after it finally went out. Um, and you know, sitting there in, in the regret of my actions, um, I was like, man, this is rock bottom again, you know. Um, at that point I was already kind of 2 years into my fitness journey. And, uh, I knew how— I knew the tools for building workouts. Once I, I used the gym as my therapy, um, to get through all this pain and emotions of blowing myself up, you know, getting my buddy hurt, because the guy I was working with, he got burns on his arm, you know, right here. And, uh, I use the gym as therapy, but still the emotional pain the regret on the inside. I have nightmares. So I started going to therapy. That's when I, I started going to therapy, was after that work accident. So, um, but that helped kind of work through everything, um, how to vocalize, like I was saying, how to communicate better. Um, and I knew that I had gone through so much things— alcoholism, this work accident, losing a ton of weight I wanted to help other people. I wanted to show the people the process of how to do it. So I found a coach online through Instagram, and he was— he had— he was doing the same thing, you know. And I called him, or I sent him a message, and I said, hey man, I want to help people out the way you are, so the way you do, the way you've helped me. You know, his YouTube videos helped me a lot when I was off of work. Kind of like lighting that fire under your own ass, you know, and saying, hey, you know, there's still work to do. You know, you might have reached the low, but you're not going to do yourself or anybody any good if you just stay there and soak in it. So once the bandages came off, I got back to work in the gym, got back to work on my diet, and then joined his training program and followed everything he told me to a T and got even more ripped, you know. He's teaching me how to coach and help people to do the same thing, you know.

Nice. Were there any repercussions at work?

No, no. I figured there was going to be, you know, because of the procedure where, um, it's like a 4-way switch. Um, cables here, cables here. Upper and lower, and we're supposed to work at the same level, and we were working opposite. Um, I thought there was going to be, you know, but there wasn't. Maybe they figured all the shit that we were going through already was—

Lesson learned.

Lesson learned. Yeah. Um, and that was, uh, they asked me once they finalized the investigation, they said, hey, would you want to go and present it at the yard? That you were working at. And I said, you know what, I'll, uh, I'll go to all the meetings. I'll go to all the safety meetings. Um, because when I was in the hospital, I called one of the guys that was there that night, asked him how everybody was doing. And then I shared some, uh, I shared some of the photos of the accident on my Instagram. And, uh, I was getting a bunch of messages from people in the trade asking, you know, they were interested in what kind of, uh clothing I was wearing. Um, you know, we have— we have to wear arc-rated, fire-rated clothing when we do the switching. Protective rubber gloves, face shield with a hard hat, you know, safety glasses. And everybody's asking questions: what voltage were you working? What were the circuit breakers rated at? Um, what were your FR clothes rated at? So once I, I put those pictures on the internet and I was getting these messages, I It kind of— some of that guilt went away. And I told myself, man, you have a story. You survived this for a reason. You have to tell the story, you know, of what got you through it after. Because a lot of times in the trade, you know, we might have some close calls on the crew. And usually it is like, you know, hey, what stays on the crew, what happens on the crew stays on the crew, right? But this one, there was no getting away from, you know. I had to look at myself every day in the mirror and remind myself of what I did wrong. And keeping it in and not sharing it, you know, not sharing it on my Instagram page, my social media, I don't think I would have been doing anybody a justice, you know. I think the more people I could tell, hopefully they would remind each other, you know, wear the right safety glasses or make sure you have enough layers of protection, communicate better with your partner, you know.

Oh, interesting stuff. All right, well, we got like a few seconds here. Uh, why don't we go ahead and wrap this up, sign off? Uh, you know, if there's any last lines of wisdom you want to, you want to convey, drop them now, and then, uh, we'll call it a show.

Yeah, I want to say, you know, everybody out there listening, you're dealing with, you know, substance abuse, addiction problems. It's not too late to take care of yourself first, right? Give yourself better healthy habits. Make them consistent. Make them non-negotiable. And slowly you'll turn your life around and you'll inspire others to do the same thing. You know, you guys can reach out if you have any questions or need some help with anything. Daniel Spencer, or, you know, Reps on Double Time— Reps on Double Time on Instagram and Facebook.

Yeah, beautiful. All right, Daniel, I appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks for coming on. Have a good day.

All right, you too.

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