5 ways to prevent your death from destroying your family

5 ways to make sure your death does not destroy your family. Some families collapse after the death of the patriarch or matriarch, the one that was the heart and soul of the family. And while it's nice to be that person, it's hard to think about what will happen to your family after you're gone. Your family collapses. You didn't do your job. You didn't prepare your family for life without you. Do you want to win as a dad? Raise your kids in a way that makes you irrelevant in their day-to-day lives. But at the same time very much loved and respected. So one, raise your kids to be independent and strong. The goal of any parent is to raise those helpless cute little blobs into fully functioning members of society. It's not easy and it's not always fun, but it is very important. Teaching them independence is key for them to function in the real world. Mom and Dad cannot and should not be doing their laundry, setting up their insurance, finding them places to rent, or otherwise doing the grown-up things, uh, for them when they become adults. And it absolutely blows my mind when I hear stories of parents treating the 20-something or 30-something-year-old kid as if they were still a teenager. Now, I will give a few exceptions here and there for college, you know, maybe a few months post-college, but even then, they need to learn how to take care of themselves, and it's your job to teach them how. Now, in reality, a good mom and dad will teach and show these skills slowly over time. We're not getting to 2 months before they move out of the house and then slamming them with a whole bunch of information. As they age, we teach them more and more responsibility. First, how to clean up their room, then the house, then dishes, then the car. We're going to teach them how to budget. They can sit down and do it with us. How to grocery shop and cook, how to do laundry, you know, the basic skills needing to live. In those teenage years, you know, then we can introduce them to the less fun realities of registering their car, paying taxes, getting insurance, having a job, setting up a bank account, maybe some investing. Even the more fun things like mechanic skills, home repair and maintenance, and trips to the gun range. We need to make sure that they can wake up on time and get dressed and cleaned for work. Basically, just how to plan ahead. We all know how to live, I hope. Teach those skills so the world doesn't hit them like a ton of bricks. Teach them those skills so the world doesn't hit them like a ton of bricks if you're no longer doing it for them. Have a will, a living will, a power of attorney in place. So have a will, a living will, and a power of attorney in place, and sometimes some other things on top of that. Listen, get a will. Once you're independent adult, go get a will. It will be super easy when you're young, but as you get some wealth and stuff and it accumulates, it gets a little more difficult. But even then, you still have to have it. So, but in the beginning, it's going to be super easy, and it makes everyone's life easier if you die. And no one expects to die. No one's really planning it. So have this done while you're alive. If you're a mom or a dad, this isn't even an option. You must have a will. You need one now. And we have a link on our website for an inexpensive way to get one. It's like, I think, $50 or $60, and you just go on, you You select your state and you fill out the blanks and then you get it notarized. It's really easy. Let me tell you what happens if you die without a will. The government, by law, must decide what happens to your assets and kids. And even if your family knows what you want, a probate judge is the only authority that gets to decide, all because you did not take an hour out of your day to print a state-specific will, fill in some blanks, and get it notarized. And just so you know, I have heard horror stories, just absolute horror stories from wives whose husbands died unexpectedly, but they didn't have a will. And it was an absolute nightmare. They had to go through probate. It took months and months and months, and they had to fight and argue because the husband's name was on some things and they couldn't— it gets ugly. Once that will is notarized, then the probate judge does exactly what the will says. It should say your assets go to your wife, and so does the care of your children. Boom, done, easy. Now, you would think that would happen if you do not have a will, and, and most of the times it will. It's just going to be months down the road. Meanwhile, you've wreaked havoc on your spouse as she tries to figure out financial information, asset ownership, and all sorts of legal hangups caused by the delay in probate. Months after you're rotting in the ground. A will prevents all those problems. I know you were embalmed, shut up. A will prevents all these problems. A will is gonna make your family life much easier so they can grieve your death. They will be cursing your name if you don't have a will, I promise. I hope I am being clear. And in more complex situations, it will keep everyone from fighting over assets that they think you wanted them to have, Write it down, have it notarized, then there's no dispute. While we are avoiding creating a situation where family will be fighting each other, go ahead and do your living will. Write down when or if you want your spouse to pull the plug. The last thing I want my wife dealing with is another family member taking her to court while she is dealing with the toughest decision of her life, so I made it for her so she can have peace and avoid a legal fight with some family members that thinks they knew better than my wife. Go ahead and give your wife power of attorney. Those legal hangups can be avoided. Go ahead and give your wife power of attorney so those legal hangups can be avoided. Now, to be clear, power of attorney means she can sign as you and it is legally binding. See, it's a powerful authority. It's also a pain to use, but if you're dead, she can do things in your name like move deeds and titles without waiting for the probate courts. You should have power of attorney for her as well for the same reasons. Power of attorney is powerful, so I would not recommend you to give it to anyone other than your wife. You don't want your cousin to sign all your assets over to him and disappear. And in case you're wondering, in case you're wondering, in my will, if I die, my wife basically gets everything. If we both die at the same time, then our assets go into a trust and we have rules created for the trust on how those assets are to be managed and distributed. There's a trustee to manage the trust, and there's a guardian to take care of the kids. The guardian receives some money from our trust to raise the kids until they're 18. Their college tuition will get paid for by the trust, and if the kids are living according to the rules of the trust, then they will get payouts at certain age markers. These rules are meant to keep my kids and future generations from becoming lazy jerks living off a trust fund. It's also meant to make sure they don't OD on their inheritance, among any other things. Again, fully productive, healthy adults is the goal. Step 3: Discuss your will and intentions with your family so there's no surprises. This is so important and so few people will do it. Tell everyone your intentions before you die. Since you don't know when you're going to die, tell them the day you sign your will. The executor of the will needs to know ahead of time that their executor Who gets custody should be told ahead of time so it's not a surprise. While it makes for a great movie, it's not good for real life. Who gets what assets and who doesn't get anything should be discussed ahead of time. Otherwise, you are risking huge family fights. Don't make your legacy tainted with stupid squabbles. Grow a pair and tell everyone the truth. The reading of the will should not be dramatic like Hollywood portrays. It should be boring because everyone already knows what's happening. I don't personally tell everyone like the exact dollars involved, but they know the big picture. If you are named in my will, I sit down with you and I tell you. Dad's death should be the only surprise. Everything else should be scripted by you. Boar. Make sure you're not the glue that bonds the family, which is— this, this is a weird one. It is good to be that person in a sense, but, uh, when you're gone, everything falls apart. That's, that's less good. So that's, that's the real intent on this one. Sure, it feels good to be that important and that loved, but for the sake of our loved ones, we want there to be continuity in the family long after we're gone. For me, I want my family, my kids specifically, to have relationships with each other outside of me. I want to raise kids that encourage each other and build each other up in their lives. I see a lot of criticism and tearing each other down. And before you ask how to teach that, know that it's a culture you create in your family, and it means you model that behavior, you reward and encourage that behavior, you call out contrasting behavior. These things aren't done once. It's a lifestyle. It's a consistent culture. I want my family to be strong long after I'm gone. I want my family to be strong long after I'm gone. I don't want to leave them broken and dysfunctional. 5. Make sure you are not a crutch financially or emotionally. This goes back to independence, which was number 1. At the end of our 18 years of heavy influence, our babies need to be able to fly on their own. To hunt and gather on their own, to provide for themselves. It is crippling to be the person that can't survive adulthood without mom or dad. It doesn't feel good to be that person, to have to be dependent on mom and dad's support to get them through life. And if I'm being honest, they feel like a failure because you failed to teach them how to be independent. And then your death, especially when it's sudden, is going to yank that crutch out from under them and leave them in a place. Or even worse, they inherit a bunch of money and, bubba, they didn't know how to manage money before. You think they're gonna do good with a big fat inheritance? They're gonna quit their job, they're gonna— there's a lot of bad scenarios and a lot of them end with drinking and drugs. Measure your success as a parent by these two things: how much love is in your relationship and 2, the ability for your child to grow into a fully functioning, productive adult. Love is super important and so is independence. This is 100% Dad. Find our current tour schedule on 100dad.com, 100dad.com, on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and more @100dad, 100dad. Email Townsend Russell at 100dad.com.