Are you Worried about Raising a Snowflake?

Are you worried about raising snowflakes? I've seen, I've seen this comment more than I would like to in our comment section. Snowflakes. You know what else I see in my comment section? I get called a sissy liberal and a, uh, what, and basically a hardcore conservative. I get called both. I think it's hilarious. So in the comment section, we get snowflake— we get the snowflake comment a lot. You know, we also get the word, you know, this is what happens when you give everyone a trophy and all that kind of stuff. So for the record, I tend to almost always disagree with mass labels and categorizing by age group, by politics, whatever. I just think it's super oversimplified to say that everyone in this broad category thinks this way because it's simply not true. And for those living under a rock, snowflake is a term meant to throw shade at tender, over-emotional, easily offended— usually liberals I assume the name fits because they melt down easily and are fragile. Snowflakes tend to argue for tolerance and acceptance while yelling at someone with a conflicting view. The term was recently used for Republicans upset about the election results. I've seen attempts at embracing the snowflake term as a term that means you are kind, caring, and compassionate, and I genuinely do not think that's what most people consider the definition when they use the term, so I'm going to go with the more widely accepted you, uh, but fully understand the term is getting thrown out all over the place with different definitions. So it is a term, and that's, you know, we're just going to address it how most of society is defining it. And since I would think that most people would like to avoid seeing their kids fit that description, the question becomes, how do we avoid such a dastardly fate for our youngins? I think it's, I think it's funny we want to blame this younger generation for being this way when it was the older parents that raised them and then foster the environment that created this. It's odd to blame kids when they are heavily influenced by the upbringing parents provide. So let us dive into the makeup of a snowflake, as I've understood society to define it. They seem to have an overinflated value of their opinion while simultaneously undervaluing conflicting opinions. And it's not enough to undervalue it, it must be stopped. They must cancel those who disagree. They must bring attention to this and make a scene so that they have attention. They must try and get others fired and hurt them so that they know the wrong of their ways. They seem to have zero tolerance for opposing opinions and lack the ability to handle rejection in addition to having little understanding on how the real world works or thinking things through completely. Any resistance or rejection to their thoughts is deemed as a personal offense and all problems are easily fixed if someone else does the fixing. Frankly, it seems like a miserable way to live, to always have irritation and frustration in your life. That seems like a very unpeaceful life, and I certainly would not want that lifestyle for my kids. Now, to be fair, I have never met or associated with a snowflake. I know how to address what is in the definition, but my social circle, I've genuinely never met someone who fits all those things. Certainly have met a few kids and adults who, who fit a few of those things, but certainly not all of them. So here are 10 things dad and mom can do to prevent this snowflake mentality. 1. Encourage failure. Now, not in a weird way, but failure is needed in life. Life is trial and error. Pain is a requirement. Hovering and helicoptering, while good in its intent, is damaging to the long-term goal of raising a fully functional competent adult that is good for society. Kids need to experience failure. They must learn to fail and know it's not the end of the world. Life after failure does in fact exist. They need to know how to pick themselves up and try again. This builds an internal confidence and resiliency. And the resiliency is not talked about a lot, and maybe that needs to change. What a great character trait, the ability to handle adversity and push forward, to not be held back by challenges and obstacles. This will help keep relationships strong, it will help build successful career and overall win in almost every aspect of life. Resiliency is a needed trait that is learned two ways. By witnessing mom and dad struggle and fail and continue to push forward, and then by experiencing failure themselves and knowing that it is not the end but actually just a normal aspect to the process. Well-intentioned parents preventing their kids from failure and pain end up handicapping the adult version of their kids. They don't have the ability to function in the real world. They get easily flustered when things do not go their way. Because after all, mom and dad usually step in and fix everything. They won't persevere when their boss tells them the project they did was not good enough and they will crumble. They will, they will not get past that hurt of rejection. They will be insecure and jaded because they will feel crushed. Parents forget this lesson. It's just as important for kids to learn how not to do something as it is to learn how to do something. Failing teaches you how not to do something. Teach them. In our family, we do not cower and hide when things get tough or uncomfortable. We deal with the uncomfortable. We have to back up the claims we make with intelligent responses. Failure is how we realize we need to have an open mind and improve ourselves. Failure helps with a little humility. 2. The household needs structure and consequences and reality checks. Stable homes statistically produce better families and kids that become high-functioning adults. Kids thrive in structured environments, and to be clear, I do not mean oppressive, non-flexible structure. Dad does not need to be a hardcore drill sergeant 24/7. That is a solid way to screw up your kids. Structure would include family rules, a regular schedule, a consistent presence, family routines, This is all at the macro level, big picture. In our house, we for the most part wake and go to bed at the same time. It does not mean we never stayed up late, slept in, or woke up early. We were flexible when needed. Actions have consequences. Dad should encourage that because it represents the real world. Do bad things, get bad results. Do good things, get good results. Dads give praise and discipline. Eliminating one or the other is a mistake. While on this subject, a lot of parents tend to defend their kids before knowing the facts. At times you are simply playing the role of judge. Get the facts, figure out who's lying, figure out what makes sense, look at past history, and sentence accordingly. Ignoring reality is foolish. Sometimes your kid is a jerk, a turd, a whiny bully, spoiled, entitled, or sometimes just plain rude. This has happened to my kids. It's normal. Call it out. Give examples and explain why their behavior is whatever. We do this all the time. Parenting is constant adjustments. If we could say things one time, close our eyes, and hope for the best, I'd be out of a job. Repetition and consistency, but also repetition and consistency, and then there's also repetition and consistency. Repetition. Consistency. We don't want to create a false assumption that they know all the answers. Challenge kids to explain their behavior, their actions, their logic, their claims, their opinions. Dig beneath that surface layer. I have no doubt snowflakes were encouraged at home that, that the other kids were foolish and that they were perfect little angels. Having met a lot of kids, none of them are angels or even close to perfect. 3. Values, morals, and ethics need to be discussed in the family. I think it's incredibly important to write these things down. Most people won't do it because it requires extra effort and thought. It really helps create clarity, not only in your life but in your parenting. When you know where out of bounds is, you can play the game a lot easier. When you know what the finish line looks like, calling the play is much easier. When the rules are written The job of the ref is much easier. These are discussions to be held as a family. Mom and Dad need to be on the same page. It might involve going back to your own parents and asking questions. It might involve sitting down with your church leader to create some clarity. Once Mom and Dad are on the same page, it can be written down. Now everyone— Mom, Dad, kids— know the game, the rules, and the boundaries. It's a smart idea. And I'll say this again, tremendous clarity in your life when it's written. I encourage it. It's a guide, it's a compass, it's a map, it's helpful. I can even attach a link of— I can even put out ours if anybody wants, but you'd have to ask for it. See if anybody's actually listening to these things or reading them. This way expectations are set, accountability is vast, and life can be lived blacker and whiter. And less winging it in the gray area. They need encouragement and love. And now dads are pretty solid on the discipline aspect, on correcting and pointing out what needs to improve. What often gets ignored is the encouragement and the unconditional love. Let's give this example. When your kid has 7 A's and 1 D on the report card, state the obvious. 7 A's is amazing. Let's celebrate. You know what you gotta do on the D, but let's celebrate these A's. What really happens in real life? You focus on the thing that needs to improve. Let's focus on the positives, not the negatives. This is super common, and it doesn't matter how successful our kids are at something, we as dads must point out the thing that needs improvement as if no one else knows about that thing. Kids want the validation that dad is proud of them, and that needs to be said or written so that they do not spend their lives wondering. One tactic that is helpful is to mirror the positive emotions your kids bring to you. When they are excited about something, be excited with them. When they are full of pride, reflect that pride back. It's validation they look for, and that's a great way to give it to them. And if they come to you with a negative emotion, remain stoic and calm. Assess the situation with a straight face and respond accordingly. Reacting to negative emotions or responding emotionally can backfired big time. Mirror the positive, controlled response to the negative. Life needs purpose, and having goals is a big purpose and motivation in this world. As dads, we should encourage our kids to pursue their talents, their interests, and goals as they fit into our family values, morals, and ethics. The love a dad has for his kids is non-conditional. It does not matter what happens. My love for you does not change. When you disappoint me, embarrass me, impress me, or succeed beyond my wildest dreams, my love for you is the same. This needs to be made clear frequently. Eliminate any doubt in their minds that love is earned, bought, or conditional. The love a dad has for his kids is unconditional, and it doesn't matter what happens, my love for you does not change. When you disappoint me, embarrass me, impress me, or succeed beyond my wildest dreams, my love for you is the same. This needs to be made clear frequently. Eliminate any doubt in their minds that love is earned, bought, or somehow conditional. Invent a code word or phrase between you and each of your kids. It can be straightforward or a fun code word. It means, Dad, I need to talk to you. They can say it whenever and they know Dad will stop, go somewhere private, and listen without reacting immediately. They can ask any questions, tell any story, confess to anything. And you will listen to them. No promises of immunity, just free from an immediate emotional reaction. A safe time to vent or otherwise just be heard. So many issues occur because kids are afraid to come to dad, and this is an excellent way to put it out there. When they use it, make sure to handle it in a way that they won't be afraid or embarrassed to use it again. 5. Demonstrate humility Compassion and kindness for others. This is a key ingredient that is missing in the lives of a snowflake. It is the inability to take an L without making excuses or blaming others. No sense of humility, that is understanding they are not the end-all be-all in the world. Having genuine compassion for others instead of sitting on a high horse and yelling at everyone else. Knowing kindness is the tool that leads to a life without regret. When you are kind and humble and compassionate, the truth is you're going to get used and walked over sometimes because you put someone else's needs before your own. But so what? I mean, does it really matter in the big picture? I've been giving this area more and more thought lately. It's something our family needs. I'm a firm believer our kids need to stay grounded and keep their perspective in check. They get to live a privileged life of travel, of nice food, food, fun experiences, and real comfort and security. And I want to make sure that they know that they are no better than any other person. This is not like we are the royal class and we don't associate with any of the peasants. It's my job as dad to make sure these things are being learned. And for us, I think that is going to be, you know, some mission trips where the— when the kids are older, uh, some volunteering at local shelters, visiting some nursing homes so we can see where we all end up. Which is frail, needing others, humbled, maybe lonely, and where simple kindness is very much appreciated. Perspective is important. Humility is important. Compassion and kindness are necessary for a fully functional human being. Snowflakes are missing balance in this area. That's why they get so angry. They think everyone should be like them, and they lack the humility to realize everyone gets to live their own lives. They talk about compassion and kindness, but their actions display hate and anger. They're broken. They are royal and everyone else is peasants that should do what the royals say. 6. Kids need goals, challenges, and obstacles. Humans need to be working towards something meaningful for them, and those things should fit what our family values are. They need to develop work ethic and and see what happens when they fail to put in the necessary effort. And this means they need to face adversity. They need to do things on their own. Do not bail them out. They do need guidance from dad on how to work their way out. Teach them how to process a situation and how to make decisions. Giving them the answer is easy today but handicaps them in the future. Guidance is key. They do the work and they do the thinking. Snowflakes don't know how to handle challenges. They never had to work through adversity. When they fail or get corrected, they can't handle it and they lash out. Mom and Dad are not there to bail them out. Moreover, we need purpose in life that makes us feel good. Work, pursuing goals, indulging in passions are all great things. I am big on problems caused by idleness. Sitting around with nothing to do, uh, or not being challenged in your career is going to lead to depression and opportunities for stupidity. So stay motivated, keep pushing forward. Accomplishment is good for the soul. The best thing we can do as parents is make sure older kids have goals and are involved in activities or jobs. Teenagers get into trouble when they have nothing to do. Snowflakes have a lot of downtime. They're bored. I don't know many professional, respectable adults that sit around with nothing to do. Snowflakes had a low bar set for them. They weren't pushed, they never learned how to do things on their own. 7. Know what happiness and contentment are. If two things are lacking in this country, it's genuine happiness and contentment. There is an epidemic of people, adults and kids, that are never satisfied, always ignoring or sacrificing their present for hopes of the future. We just mentioned goals and aspirations, and 100% those are important, but being driven and being content can live in harmony. It's okay to say, even if I never make any more money, never move to a bigger house, never get a nicer car, never grow past X, then I still like my life. I'm still be happy. Happiness should be lived. It should never be the goal. And that's why so many people are miserable. Their happiness is contingent on status, money, stuff, approval of others. If I lose everything and end up in a shack with my family, I will be happy with my life. I will know I did my best. I will know I lived with integrity, and I have the people I love with me, and they actually like me. Would I like nicer things? Sure. Would I, would I like more outside approval? Of course. Will that determine how happy I am today? Nope. Of course, I'm driven, I'm smart, motivated, I love business, I've made good decisions in life, so I don't think that will happen. And if it did happen, I would keep working, not to find happiness, but because I like work. I like achieving, and I feel satisfied after putting in work. I feel satisfied going home to people who love me and like me. There are certain things in life we can't control. We have to have peace with that. It's beyond our control, so why let it eat at us? I can work out and eat right, but really, I can't control my health. Vision, hearing, injuries, cancer, disease— these things happen. Some people get luckier than me, meeting the right person at the right time, promoted by a big-time influencer. Some people don't like me. Sweet, innocent, gentle, wholesome Townsend Russell. Can you believe it? Does it affect my happiness? Nope. I still get to go home to a great family. Now, if something happens to my family, that, that would be tough. I'd probably be less happy, like, like a lot less happy in life. That is the toughest thing I could imagine. But I'm not going to complain about these things I can't control and let them keep me down. I'm just going to move forward. And it comes down to a bit of perspective, looking at the big picture. It comes down to knowing we cannot control everything and everyone. It comes down to knowing that— it comes down to knowing that when we are content and happy today, the future is even brighter because you are enhancing the life you already love. So enjoy today, every day. Kids need to see mom and dad being happy in the present, driven, motivated, and happy. We don't want to be miserable, and we certainly don't want to teach our kids how to live never being content in our lives. 8. Kids need independence and freedom. Now, this is given with age and maturity. You know, there will be adjustments of latitude. We give more and more leeway and responsibility, and sometimes we need to pull back. Sometimes we need to push them to be more independent. Dads, we need to teach them how to live. Laundry, cooking, dating, household chores, maintenance, how to take care of vehicles, how to budget, you know, buying things responsibly, figuring out local laws to abide by, insurance, career skills, life skills, social skills, interviewing skills. You've got to teach them how to be an adult. It's wrong to protect them from the real world and then be shocked when they move out and can't do anything. Teach them how to live on their own without you. You're always there for guidance, but if you raised them right, you prepared them for the real world. They need to be able to get themselves to places on time. You need to teach them how to make a good first impression, how to interview for a job, how to stay out of trouble, how to handle peer pressure even as an adult, how to stand up and fight for what they believe in, how to think for themselves and process information so that they are not blindly following bad advice. They need to learn how to negotiate and how to compromise. You know how many real skills there are in life. Pass the lessons you have learned on to the next generation. There is no need for them to have to stumble through and learn everything from scratch. They can gain knowledge from your mistakes and lessons. This freedom and independence stage can be difficult. We must slowly let them act more and more like an adult. Which means being able to have real conversations with— which means being able to have real conversations with us. We cannot tell them to shut up and do as we say forever and then expect them to be able to flip a switch and handle the real world. They need to practice with us. We have to give some leeway in this phase, and if they betray our trust, they lose our trust and the freedoms that came with it, but they can earn it back. The truth is, we were all kids. We all did stupid things, maybe immoral, maybe even illegal things. Kids are not going to be perfect, but we can raise them well. We can teach them our values and ingrain them. We can set a good example. With age and maturity, we give them more and more responsibilities and independence. 9. An involved mom and dad. Mom and dad. Dad, not one or the other. Complete families have a much higher percentage of creating normal functioning adults than broken families. That's just a reality. Mom and dad is a major bonus in the development of children to adults. Make sure kids can never play mom and dad against each other. Mom and dad are a united front. If kids can manipulate mom and dad, the parents have failed. Temper tantrums are not given into. Manners and common etiquette are taught in the home. Everything in this blog is taught and lived. Involved parents are just that— you're involved. You raised your kids, you taught them the things they need to know, you prepared them, you were their primary influence. And it takes a lot of effort and it requires your time. Because it's so easy to focus more on work, and it's so easy to let daycares and school be the primary influence in our kids' lives, it's so easy to let screens expose and teach our kids to— well, everything. If you want your kids to grow up to be good men and women, you need to be involved. You must never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in and explain to your kids Why did I say it like I'm Matthew McConaughey? You must never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in and explain to your kids why. The whys are everything. Communicate with them. We stop and look both ways so we don't get hit by a driver that's not paying attention. We have parental controls because there are bad things in this world kids' eyes should not see. Parents have to be willing to make a stand and defend their values and morals. We have too many parents caving, thinking if they roll over and ignore it, then it all goes away. Stay involved, or maybe get involved. It's better late than never. Time is the biggest thing I tell dads they need to give kids, and sometimes that means sacrificing dad's hobbies and social activities and even career path. Your involvement matters. Your involvement matters. Burying yourself in work or anything else quite often leads to massive regret down the line. Learn from the dads that made that mistake. Time is everything. It creates the opportunity for everything we have talked about to happen. 10. Consistency and repetition. For any functional adults, much less Avoiding Raising a Snowflake, consistency and repetition are important. Everything in this blog has to be your life. It's just the way you live, which means it is true to you and your family. Otherwise, you're faking it and it won't be consistent. So saying things once does not work. We have to live the example. Talk about everything, repeat it over and over and over and over and over and over, and adjust it to the age and maturity of each of your kids. This is the same in the adult business world. Very few people in this world hear what you say once. Say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over, and it will finally be heard the first time, probably somewhere around the 22nd time. Consistency in what you say leads to the world making sense for kids. They have the framework their family lives by, and that is their world. They do not have to try and process why Dad says one thing but does another. Consistency means repetition is the same, which means it will eventually take hold in their brains. This is why I push so hard for you to write it down, because then everyone's on the same page. It's easier to repeat. It's easier to be consistent. You have a guide to look back on. This is 100% Dad. Find our current tour schedule on 100dad.com, 100dad.com, on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and more @100dad, 100dad. Email Townsend at 100dad.com.