Ryan the Dad Model World Traveler Christian Co-Parent Dancing superstar S2:E4

Welcome to the 100% Dad podcast, interviews with dads, with your host, America's Dad, Townsend Russell. Today we've got Ryan @ryanforchrist on Instagram. Ryan's a, he's a great guy, really into his faith, wants to share it with the world. He's world-traveled, been all over, very Apparently he likes dancing, was not aware of that until recently. Very much into fitness and positivity. And if you're on the video side, I have to apologize, there's no other way to put this, Ryan's a model, I mean he's an Instagrammer, the guy is not ugly. And had I known that prior to recording, I would have done anything, I would have trimmed my beard, put on some clothes that made sense. Somehow made myself look presentable, but I digress. It was a travel day. I really didn't care, and I had no idea the competition I was up against. So Ryan's a single dad. He's gonna talk a little bit about co-parenting, and we're gonna go ahead and let Ryan take it from here.

Yeah, for sure. So Ryan, obviously I'm 34. Actually, and I am a single dad, and that's actually what caught my attention about your page. So, but yeah, I live in Texas, work, and I manage a team of engineers. I do a few things. Manage a team of engineers, that's one thing I do. I also manage a rental property that I was kind of just talking to you about that's in Florida. So I rent that out, and then I also do some things through Instagram as well. It takes up quite a bit of my time.

Okay.

That's my life.

When you say— when you say engineers, uh, what type of engineers are we talking about?

So the engineers that I manage, they deal with law enforcement. So, you know, police body cameras, dash cameras, things like that, evidence management software. They work with that all day. So, okay, yeah, that's fun.

And that's what, designing, designing, improving, those kind of things?

Yeah, yeah, just more like troubleshooting. So they have any issues with it, then they're there to kind of support them and help them out.

So, okay, how long you been doing that?

About 3 years. Yeah, 3 years now. And before that, I was working in the mortgage industry for about 7 years. So I've done a few different things now, and, um, it's good. I mean, I enjoy it for what it is. More of the leadership aspect of it is what I like, opposed to the actual product. I mean, it is interesting, you know, you see a lot of really interesting things when you're dealing with law enforcement. But, um, yeah.

Now, is that a— is that a remote position, or are you guys like physically in the same room as each other?

So it is remote now. We used to be in the office every single day, but it's been about probably about 10 months now we've been remote. So it's been nice, uh, kind of, you know, just getting, uh, a way to just kind of work from home and different lifestyle for sure.

Yeah, so I'm just curious from a business standpoint, like, is that a trend that's going to continue? Are you guys going to, like, even when things are fine to resume, are you guys just all going to stay remote? Because everybody's enjoying it more that way and the company can cut down on some overhead, or— yeah, or is the plan to go back to how it was?

You know, I, I think I was actually thinking this was only gonna last a few months, and you know, here we are at month 10 and everybody's— all my team still working from home. And, uh, you know, I don't know, I guess it depends on the business function, but for my team at least, yeah, I mean, really they can do their same job sitting at home too. I mean, there's a question that comes into play, you know, are they still being as productive, you know, if they're working from home? And I mean, I think generally they are for the most part. So I think it might continue that way. I don't know, we'll have to see. Um, it'll just depend. Is definitely not now. I mean, obviously now they're— COVID's still an issue. But I mean, if it does happen, it probably wouldn't be until, you know, probably after summer.

Okay. Yeah. Uh, how big is the company you work for?

Uh, large. Okay.

So they're gonna play it a lot safer than a smaller company would, I assume?

Yeah, exactly. And that's part of it too. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. So how long have you had that, uh, that condo? That rental?

I, you know, so I got it in, I guess it was like July of last year. And part of that was because of COVID you know, I was thinking, you know, I travel a lot. I try to go on at least, you know, 4 or 5 international trips a year. That was a goal, at least for 2020. And, you know, when COVID happened, you know, I made, I made a couple of them before COVID And then when that happened, I'm like, you know, man, I'm going crazy. I got to go somewhere. I want to, be near a beach. I want to do something. And so I was looking at places in Florida and I had no idea. I mean, I knew Miami had a pretty good beach, but I didn't really know what to expect. And then I found out about— Yeah, found out about Destin though, you know, and started looking into that. And, you know, looked at condos out there and I was thinking, you know, if I could buy one of these, not only would it be a good investment, but I could make money off renting it. And also I can go stay there anytime I want. You know, essentially for free. So I did it, and, uh, you know, I don't regret it at all. It's been a, it's been a good investment. It's increased in value some already, you know, making some rental income off of it. And, uh, you know, I spent a lot of time down there too, so that was fun.

Yeah, yeah, that's good. So, uh, real Floridians, um, we do not consider Miami a part of Florida. They are their own thing down there, and we just, we just let them be them. Yeah, yeah. Miami's a different breed.

Yeah, yeah, I saw—

I've only been down there once, but, you know, I know it's fun. I've had some friends that, um, went to school down there, and, you know, a few of them stayed, a few of them came back and said, you know, it's just not a place you want to raise a family. So really, obviously lots of people do.

Um, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, I have one— I have one friend who got shot down there over in Miami.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Yep. Yep.

Wow. Yeah, I think I've been to Miami just— it was one day I left on a cruise that went out of Miami, and so I was down there for a day. And then one time I was— the one night I was there with my friend, we went to, I don't know, some kind of like a Latin lounge. And I mean, it was, it was okay. It was definitely— it reminded me of Dallas, like the scene down there reminded me a lot of Dallas, like Uptown Dallas, but It did seem kind of crazy. It was definitely interesting, but I enjoyed it. So I mean, it was cool.

Cool. And what are you doing with, uh, Instagram?

So Instagram, yeah, mostly, uh, it's sharing my faith. So I've only actually been on Instagram for about a year and a half. So I started with Facebook, you know, and that was— that's kind of what kicked it off. Uh, you know, I would just, just make inspirational positivity, uh, faith-based posts. And then I started getting a lot of feedback from that, you know, people saying, hey, you know, that really helped me a lot. That's 'You know, thank you for posting that. I'm going through a lot in my life right now.' And so I'm thinking, you know, okay, what I'm doing here is actually helping people, you know, which was what I wanted to do. And, you know, so then I was like, you know, Facebook, the platform is, uh, it's limited. You don't have X amount of friends. I think it's like 5,000, right? And so I got to a point I'm like, okay, I want to, I want to take what I'm doing here and make a bigger platform. So I kind of went over to Instagram. And so now if you look at my pages, it's kind of a mixture of faith-based posts, it's a fitness I know actually it was supposed to be a lot of travel, which kind of got killed by COVID, but I really— that, that's pretty much what my page is about. Yeah, it's just faith, fitness, travel, positivity. Okay, we live in a— we live kind of in a, in a negative world nowadays, so I try to, you know, counter that a little bit.

The more positivity, the better.

Amen.

Uh, all right, you said you're a single dad, uh So what's the story there? Uh, how old? Uh, one child, more?

Yep, one daughter. So she is, uh, turning 4 next month. Uh, that's my only— that's my only kid. So, um, yeah, she's— she's my world too. So she takes a lot of my time, and that's a huge part.

Uh, how's the custody?

So I have her first, third, fifth weekends. And then every Tuesday right now. So that's kind of switched back and forth quite a bit. And I mean, this— and this is a whole conversation right here is why I was interested in your— what you're doing, because, you know, it's been a journey for sure over the last 4 years, like co-parenting and trying to work out schedules. And honestly, between you and I, I mean, that's not the schedule I would prefer. You know, I actually wanted her every other week, and we've done that before for a little over a year. But, you know, if— are you a single dad? I haven't really asked you a whole lot about yourself.

Nope.

Okay. Okay.

No, but you are the second, um, just a few weeks ago I had a podcast with a guy, and I think he was— I think he was in the Dallas area too, but he has that, uh, first was first, third, fifth.

Yep.

And he was saying the same thing. He wishes it was every other week. If he had known better, yeah, he would have restructured it for every other because it would have made more sense that way.

Yeah. Well, I didn't even have, uh, well, you know, I— and so it's like the standard room, they call it standard agreement, I think, is a terminology.

And I think—

and I'm no judge, but I think what it is is if you have a child with someone that you're not married to, I think by default the dad is granted a standard schedule, which is what I have, and the mother is granted, you know, you have primary custody or whatever they want to call it. And, um, yeah, so that's— it's been interesting last 4 years trying to co-parent, you know, and trying to come up with a schedule. And but I would like to have her more, you know. I would— I think it's— I think a father's role in a child's life is really important, assuming it's a good father figure, right? Not someone who's, you know, out partying up every night or something. But, um, so it's been, it's been interesting.

Okay, so, um, so what's the story on that? Were you guys married, um, or just— this was just a, a one time I met you and now we have a kid? What's that, long-term girlfriend?

Yeah, something in the middle on that. Yeah, we weren't married, uh, it wasn't like I just met her and she got pregnant right away, but we, uh, we were dating for maybe a few months Okay. Um, yeah, and so then that happened and, you know, tried to work it out. Things just— different personalities, definitely wasn't gonna work. And so then it just turned in like a co-parenting thing. But yeah.

Okay. Is, um, is she in a relationship with someone?

Uh, not that I'm aware of.

Are you?

No, no, I'm not. I have— that's, that's a whole subject in itself. That's definitely been, uh, an interesting thing. I, I've dated one person seriously enough to introduce him to my daughter. And she met my daughter's mom, but she has not dated anybody that was, I guess, serious enough to introduce to me. So I'm— and I don't think she's dating anyone right now. I don't know that for sure. Okay.

Were there any attempts to try and, um, force a relationship there because you guys are having a kid together?

Yeah, definitely. You know, probably about a month— I think I said like maybe after a few months of dating is when she got pregnant. So You know, I mean, probably about that same time, there were some things that I had already seen. I mean, you're dating someone, right? You're trying to figure out what they're about and all that. And, you know, about month 4 is when I decided, you know, hey, there's, there's some things I'm seeing that I'm really not really happy with. But then at the same exact time, I found out she was pregnant, you know? So it's kind of like, okay, well, let me try a little bit harder here, you know? I was about to give up, but let me try a little bit harder. And so I did, and I waited. I think it was you know, I think it was until she was maybe a few months away from giving birth when I was just like, there's just— this is not going to work. There's no way. I've been trying. I was, you know, it became one of those things where I was just so unhappy trying to stay in that. Like, it was literally— it was just killing me, you know.

Were you guys living together?

Uh, no, we were not. No, we were, um, no, we weren't living in this. We Well, I'm questioning because we spent a lot of time in the same place, but we weren't like officially living together.

Okay, so you each had a place, but you spent a lot of time together?

Yeah, yeah, something like that. It was— the whole thing was just tough. So I mean, towards the very end of her pregnancy is whenever I just decided, you know, I just— this is not worth it. And the one thing I've heard from a million people is don't get married to someone just because you have a kid with them. And I've heard that my whole life, and That is so true because don't get me wrong, like there's nothing I hate more than knowing that my daughter has a split family. That's not what I wanted. You know, I never wanted, never expected that to happen, but it's also not the end of the world. Yeah, it's, it's not. And as time's gone on, you know, I've just decided, you know, I will be a better father and she will have a better life if we are not together because, you know, she'll, her mom will probably be better off. I'll be better off, which means that we'll get along better, hopefully. Um, opposed to trying to force something and her and I both being unhappy. And just, you know, I don't think that's the way to go.

So are you in a situation where there's, there's mom and a dad and you guys actually have a decent relationship? There's no like contentiousness? There's no fighting and argument? Because there was no messy divorce. I mean, I don't— I guess, yeah, where is there? Where is there?

Because yeah, there was no messy divorce. Hey, my dog's right here, sorry. Um, there was no messy divorce. Um, but there was definitely tension, especially in the beginning. Um, I'm gonna choose my words wisely because I don't wanna— I don't wanna come off as like putting her down or anything, but, uh, we had a lot of disagreements in the beginning, and it mostly as it related to time with her, you know. And again, I mean, maybe my expectation is just too high there, that I think that a good dad should get like half the time. It's like, hey, it's half my kid and I'm a good father, like let me have half my time. I don't know if that's too high of an expectation, but I think that was my expectation going in is that, you know, hey, like I want equal say in her life, I want equal amount of time, you know. These were, these were my thoughts going into it. And what I've learned, I've learned a lot since that first year, you know. And, and looking back, it's, I think it's really interesting to see all the other fathers out there because what I found is that most dads just they don't have every other week. Most dads have— I'm sorry, separated fathers, right? They have standard schedules. And, and honestly though, a lot of fathers that I know, it's— they even get less time than that. They might do like every other weekend and skip the Tuesday or skip the Thursday, you know? And I'm like, I would like to see my daughter more than that, you know? And I'd really like her every other week. But most of our tension though was caused by that, you know? I've just—

I've always wanted her more time and So she didn't like that you were fighting for more time, right, with your daughter?

Okay, right. Yep.

So when you guys first had, um, I guess, were you, were you like there for the birth and like the first few weeks at home and all that kind of stuff?

Yeah, so I was there when she was born, and, um, and we actually stayed together for the first week just because I'm like, you know, it's my daughter, I'm not gonna not be here when she's a baby. So I'm like, even if we're not together, not getting along, whatever, I'm gonna be present at least in the same house to to see her and be with her, do whatever I can do. So we did that, and then after about the first week, we kind of went back to our own places. We lived very close, but, um, kind of what prompted the legal part to come into play and to get that whole thing done was like, you know, once she got to be like a few months, it was like, okay, you know, she's, she's a little bit more independent now to where like she, you know, she's— maybe it was like 6 months, I don't know how old she was. It was whenever she started like doing bottles instead of breastfeeding and stuff like that, you know. Once we get to that point, I'm thinking like, okay, like, I don't— like, she doesn't really have to be around you all the time. I would like my own time with her, you know. It's like, not that, you know, no offense to you, but like, it's like, I'd like to have my own time with my daughter, like, without you like floating around, you know. And she didn't like that. And so what kind of happened was I think, um, I essentially said like, hey, well, I want my designated time with her. And, uh, I wasn't getting that. So we kind of did the whole court thing. And also too, you know, I just wanted— for like financial reasons, you know, there's like child support, right? And so I'm like, I don't want anything hung over my head, you know, where there's like, oh, I'm gonna file for, you know, 8 years of back child support or something. I didn't want anything like that. So for me, um, smart. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted it all legalized and like, hey, here's your time, here's your time, here's how much it's You're paying every month. It's all set deal. There's no, there's really no room for arguing at that point. So for me, I just felt like it was easier.

Yeah. I would think on her side, she was probably hoping, you know, if you guys spent that much time together and you just continue to raise the children together, maybe the relationship would develop out of it. I could be wrong.

Maybe, maybe so. I don't know. I mean, we did, I want to say it was maybe like within the first 6 months of her being born, like there was like a little bit of talk about that. But it wasn't long before it like quickly came back to reality about like why that wasn't gonna work. And then ever since then, it's been strictly co-parenting for really like the last, I don't know, 3 and a half years.

Okay, how far apart do you guys live?

She's about 30 minutes from me.

Okay, what part of Dallas are you?

So I'm actually in Allen.

North, south, east, west?

That's all, uh, north. Yeah, north of Dallas.

Okay, first, uh, I know, I know Frisco.

Yeah, that's, uh, that's pretty close. It's about like 25 minutes north of Dallas. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, we went up there and we met the, um, a couple of the Dude Perfect guys at their headquarters up there in Frisco. Oh yeah, and then we're just over there about a week ago. We went back from Houston, um, what was it, the Wolf Lodge? Great— is it Great Wolf Lodge? Yeah, yeah, over in Grapevine.

Yeah, did you like it?

That place was awesome. Oh, for kids. If, if it had been like my wife and I going, yeah, I would have been like, oh man, I have kids at home. Like, there's just kids running around in a water park. Like, they have this Magic Quest game that's like built into the hotel. Yeah, that's super cool. Um, but if it was just like my wife and I on a date, I would have wanted to go across the street to the Gaylord where everything's quiet and nice, um, versus the loud craziness, uh, and total fun that is, uh, the Great Wolf. But super, super family friendly. Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, for kids, awesome. Did you do the water park?

Yeah, we did the water park. And then like, like inside the hotel they have like, like half the paintings, like you get a magic wand and like you throw it at the, um, the paintings and like they come to life and give you clues. And like there's this whole like built-in game, huh? Um, that's— it was, it was a lot of fun. And had we known that existed, we probably would have stayed longer so we could because it, you know, it could be a week-long game. You just continue to kind of accelerate through the levels. Yeah, so the kids had a blast with that. We had a blast with that.

Um, nice.

Yeah, and then the water park was great.

That's pretty cool. Yeah, I didn't— I've never actually stayed there, so I can't say I've seen like all the games and whatnot, but I mean, I know it is like definitely a kid, kid-based, you know.

Yeah, I would say unless there's older siblings I'll say probably 6 or 7 is probably a good age to start going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just because anything younger, it's hard to understand that game. And, you know, uh, if you're too small, you don't get to go down half the slides anyway.

It's a good point. Yeah, that is a good point. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, but it was fun. So, yeah, I, I like— I've liked almost everything about Texas. Um, we've only been to But we went to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. We've done Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, and now we're, we're gonna— we're heading into that south, um, Gulf tip, whatever, South Padre Island.

Yeah, yeah.

So I haven't— I guess I haven't seen the desert part of Texas yet, which I heard is less, less exciting.

Like the Hill Country?

I have no idea. Uh, yeah, it's all the part that on the map it goes from green to like desert.

Yeah, there's, uh, so my family owns a ranch down in the Hill Country, which is near, uh, it's maybe like an hour outside of San Antonio where they live. It's actually near, closer to Fredericksburg is what it's called, is outside of that city. But it's exactly what you're explaining. I mean, the green goes away, you start seeing like, uh, cactus and everything's brown, and there's all this cattle everywhere. And you know, it's you know, people have accents, you know, it's like what you would expect from, you know, Texas Wild West.

Yeah, yeah. So we, we did Amarillo, which was kind of— they had some trees and stuff, um, and they had Palo Duro Canyon, which is really nice.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I think it gets, uh, more desolate after that. And like you said, the cattle— I see the cattle, I just don't know what the cattle are eating. I don't understand. Like, there's—

yeah.

There's nothing. I guess the sagebrush is everywhere, maybe they eat that.

Yeah, I'm no expert on that, but I think they— I'm trying to think about my family's cattle. They would do like these— there's like blocks of salt, I'm pretty sure, that have like a bunch of vitamins. They'll go up and like lick that. And then they also do— I think it was hay. I'm pretty sure they would have like big barrels of hay.

Well, you see, you do that on a normal farm that has like tons of fields and everything, like you supplement with hay and you do the salt licks and whatnot. Um, let's just think, man, you'd have to bring in so much. Usually you bring the hay in for like the winter and— yeah, yeah, to get them through the, the tough spot. But yeah, I don't know what they're doing out there. We saw a lot of cotton out there too. I didn't realize cotton grew in Texas.

Yeah, every time I go down there I see a lot of, uh, what's the other thing I see? I think it's, uh, is it peaches? It might be peaches and then grapes. There's like a big wine— it's like a whole bunch of wineries. Yeah, down there. I don't know if they grow grapes or I don't know what it is.

I think you can go grapes just about anywhere, um, yeah, probably. But yeah, I haven't seen that. Yeah, I saw a lot of cotton, a lot of, uh, cattle. Not sure what cattle were eating. And, uh, yeah, anyway, so I like Texas a lot. It was— it's, it's been fun. I actually kind of like everywhere. Yeah, it's been, it's been fun kind of traveling around. Yeah, because I've never, I've never seen all this stuff. All right, but back to you. So All right, so you said you travel a lot for work earlier.

I have in the past a lot, yeah. Not so much with my job now. Most of the travel I do now is just because I want to travel. I like it. But in the past, yeah, I have actually lived overseas in the Philippines for a couple years. That was for work. Yeah, I used to— that was when I was in the mortgage industry, so they had outsourced some of their work. And hey, stop! My dog is— stop! They outsource some of their work, and so I moved over there to kind of manage one of their call centers and That was a cool experience, did that. Um, and then I also lived in Arizona, in East Texas, um, made a lot of trips out to like Nebraska, some other places too for work. But most of the international trips I've been on other than the Philippines have been just because I like traveling.

Okay, and how are you guys handling that with custody?

Uh, like if I travel, you mean?

Yeah, well, because I'm assuming that that messes with the schedule.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if I was in the— when I was in the Philippines, I didn't have my daughter yet, so that was— that, that wouldn't have worked back then. But now, um, if I travel, it's usually I'll try to plan it for like no longer than a week. I'll go somewhere for a week. I've done longer than a week too, but whenever that case happens, I'll just— I'll try to plan it on a week I don't have her. So there's always 7— there's a 7-day period I don't have her anyway, like every couple weeks. When that comes around, plan it on that week. And then sometimes what I'll do is I'll have like that Tuesday filled by just saying like, hey, I'm going on a trip this week, and then I'll be able to do like a 10-day trip. So I can do that too.

Okay. And has mom been willing to work with you on things like, I would even think with the pandemic, with you offering, I guess, to see the kid more, give her some breaks, things like that? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and I was willing to, especially with COVID you know, I mean, I am working from home, but I mean, it is sometimes possible to have her around here for periods of time. Time as long as I'm not like in a bunch of video meetings that day, right? Um, so I did pick up some extra time with her. The only challenge though is that she lives, you know, 35 minutes away or so. So it's, it's just far enough that it's not super convenient to where it's like, hey, you know, I'll get her from 12 to 1, or I'm sorry, like 8 to 1 today. It's kind of like, okay, but for that to happen, you know, you're driving an hour and a half, and it's just not that easy because of the distance, you know. And I work out— my office is out here now, and so and her, I think she works from home, but she's, you know, 35 minutes away. So it makes it harder to do like short-term watching. Um, yeah, so that's tough. What I've seen, and I hate to see, is that there's just so many single dads. I feel like they just don't know what to do. Um, and granted, you know, part of it is just, you know, you know, the type of father someone is too, because they're— I'm not gonna lie, there's probably a lot of fathers that just are not there for their kids, you know, and I get that. There's a lot of those guys too. But what kills me to see is the kind of fathers that want to be there for their kids, and they're genuinely good guys trying to be good fathers, but, uh, they're not able to. And that's what kills me, you know.

So what are single dads, um, I guess, what issues are they running into? Where are they, where are they struggling? What questions are they having?

You know, I, I think honestly, if I had to guess, it's probably the same kind of stuff that I went through, you know, just dads that they're struggling with um, just not being able to see their kids enough. And another part of it too is, you know, and I know this going through like the legal part, you know, like child support can be pretty, pretty expensive sometimes. I mean, it's, it's a big, it's a big part of your salary, you know, that goes to child support. And there's a lot of guys that, you know, maybe they'll have more than one kid, and, you know, it's, it gets, it gets tough from that aspect too. So I think a lot of guys just don't know how to navigate that, you know. It's like, okay, you're trying to balance the co-parenting relationship. You're trying to balance, you know, the financial aspect of this massive child support payment. You're trying to balance, um, not getting your kid enough. And you're trying to wrap— I mean, because it's out of your control. And that's what kills me personally, is knowing that I have zero control over seeing my daughter more. And that's what kills me, you know, because you just think it's like, hey, it's my daughter, I just want to— just want to see her, just want to do what's best, you know. And it's not that— it's not that easy.

Did you talk to attorneys?

Yeah, I did, especially in the beginning I did. But the problem is, even if— I mean, what it all came down to was I just— it wasn't gonna happen. I mean, just because I think if you've been married— I'm no attorney, disclaimer— but I think if you have been married to somebody and then you split up, I think there's a chance that it could be a different kind of custody schedule. But I think it— for someone like in my situation where you have a kid with someone you weren't married to, you didn't officially ever live with them, you know, you're pretty much getting standard if you're a guy, and that's that. And the one— and there's really not a way around unless mother just agrees to just switch the, the schedule, which, you know, yeah, that's what I almost—

I was talking to another dad about that, of, um, almost setting aside some of the, uh, that frustration, the hatred towards, towards mom.

Yeah.

And almost being her like go-to babysitter and go-to like you know, person that'll watch the kids. And, oh, you can't make it to get the kids? Yeah, yeah, I'll drop everything, go get the kids. Yeah. So that, A, you get some bonus time with them, uh, and B, you can, you know, record that and you can use it if there's ever future custody disputes or future any disputes. And you can prove to a judge, look how, look how often I have to help mom out as it already is.

Yeah.

But more realistically, just the relationship kind of improves in that sense so that, uh, those opportunities, I guess, continue to present themselves. Yeah, that's what I would think. That's what I would think I would do, because you're right, the legal system is, uh, you know, I don't know every state by any means, but I know Florida, um, heavily favors mom. Texas heavily favors mom. Yeah, and it's almost like the dad's just there for the check-in. Oh, he wants to see him, let's throw some dates his way.

Yeah, that's crazy to me too.

Good.

And then it's—

it's—

I get it, you know. And I mean, there's, there's bad fathers, there's bad mothers out there, but, you know, it's like, I get it for the, for the moms that have it tough because I try to see it from that perspective too, right? I mean, there's, there's a lot of moms that have to deal with, with fathers that just not only do they not want to be there for their kid, but they also don't even want to provide financially for their kid, you know. So it's like, I get it and I feel for those moms because there's a lot of guys that even though they've been slapped with a child support payment, like they, you know, maybe they're making money under the table or they're finding a way to not have to pay up. And, you know, and so these moms are like, you know, I have this, this dad of— or the father of my child, and they're not supporting them, they're not wanting to watch them, they're non-existent. Or, you know, they deal with this stuff. But at the same time, like I said, there's, there's the dads that do, and that's just tough for them that— I don't know. So you get both sides, and it's just unfortunate for Yeah, you just think that—

you just think the side that's actively trying would get treated differently than the side that's not giving, uh, that's not actively trying, that's hiding.

Exactly. Yeah. And unfortunately, there's not really a— there's not, um, it seems like just like a generalization for like the court purpose, you know. It's like, okay, a dad is a dad, and there's no evaluation of, you know, like, hey, like, what kind of father is this? And it would just be nice if you could have each individual dad kind of sit down with some kind of a social worker and be like, hey, you know, here's what I'm about, you know, here's, here's the kind of father I want to be. Let's look at my financial stability. Let's look at my whatever social history you want to look at that I have. You do whatever you need to do to determine what kind of a father I'll be and if, you know, if that's appropriate, you know. But that's just not how it goes. I mean, the court just looks like, okay, how much do you make? What was your situation? Okay, standard. See you, see you later. Have a nice day.

Yeah, you mentioned earlier good dad versus bad dad. Um, you know, there's almost an argument made that not, you know, obviously an abusive dad and, you know, a complete deadbeat's a different story, but even a not great dad, uh, statistically is almost infinitely better than no dad because you really start to dig into the, um, the statistics of everything. And when you take dad out of the house, which has happened over the last 30 years, poverty skyrockets, crime skyrockets. Those kids are more likely to go to prison. They're more likely to have STDs, more likely to have unexpected or teenage pregnancies. Their socioeconomic status in life is going to be a lot lower than those who came from a household where dad was present.

Yeah.

And so really, I mean, you start looking at that, it had nothing to do with, you know, if dad went to church or how great of a dad he was. It was simply the fact that there was a dad there in the house. And so there's a strong argument to make that even if you're not the best dad in the world, even if you're just an okay dad, that is so much better than taking dad out of the household altogether. And, you know, you said this earlier as well, a lot of dads just, they feel like they have no role. Moms can raise kids. Dad's really just there to, I guess, get squeezed for a check. So they hide. Because they want to keep the money and, and they feel like they don't have an important role in raising kids. And I think it's, it's a complete, uh, or it goes 100% the opposite way. Like, his role in raising the kids is incredibly important. He needs to be involved. He needs to be, you know, seeing, talking, influencing, molding that child.

Yeah. Well, you know what else kills me on that topic too is whenever people don't realize the importance. Like, I mean, I, I can even I don't want to be biased, right? I'm a father, so naturally I'm gonna think like, oh, let me— let's talk about the father's importance in a child's life. But, you know, if I want to be unbiased, I could sit here and say, okay, let's talk about a mother's role in a child's life. And I could sit here and, you know, I could sit here and say, oh, you know, like, you know, that's not really that important, or all these, you know. But it is important, you know. It's, it's really important for a child to have their mother in their life, just as important as to have the father in their life. And Yeah, I think that's another part too, is I think sometimes, uh, mothers or fathers will sit there and maybe it's out of selfishness, or maybe it's out of— maybe they just don't like the other parent, you know. So they'll try to rationalize like, oh, they don't— they'll be fine. Like, they don't— like, they'll be better off with me. And it becomes about them and not about the kid, you know. And that's, that's a tough thing too, because, you know, it's just like you said, a mother has a role and a father has a role, and Uh, you know, and I— no doubt if you're missing a mother in your life or father, not to say that it's a guarantee that you have to suffer these things that you mentioned, but you are probably more likely to suffer those, just like you said. And that's no doubt your life will be more challenging because of that situation. And obviously, like, I'm hopeful for anybody that they can overcome that, you know, because you always have a choice, but it will be tougher for you because that situation. And I, and I know a little bit about that because I had a really great mom growing up, um, but my dad, I just— him and I never really had a relationship, you know. He was, he was around, but we never talked about anything personal. And, you know, I would have appreciated that. I really would have liked as a kid to have my dad sit on me and say, hey, you know, you're, you're 16 now, you know, you're gonna start dating, you know, here's how, here's what it looks like, and here's why you date. You don't go out and date someone because they're you think it's the hottest girl in school. You date someone because they're a good person, they have these morals and values. And I never had that, you know. And even whenever I got older, I just never had that father figure in my life to sit me down and say like, hey, here's, here's how you— here's how we handle these kind of situations, you know, this is what you do. Never had that, you know. And I look back and, and I could play the victim card, you know. I could sit here and say, oh, you know, I wouldn't have gone through this or that if I would have had a father that was really involved in my life. But I, I've— and I thought I've had plenty of time to think about that. But, you know, at the end of the day, you know, it's— I'm responsible for my actions, you know, and I'm not going to play the victim card on that. And, you know, I just— I realize at the end of the day, we all make our choices. And, and what— even if maybe I didn't have a good father growing up, but guess what? There's some people that grow up in, um, worse situations. Maybe their parents do drugs, or maybe they have an alcoholic parent, or maybe Um, you know, they have no parents at all, or maybe their sibling dies in a car accident, so they have to live— you know, all these different situations happen growing up. And I think, you know, even if it's— whether it's a lack of parent or any of these other scenarios, you know, you just gotta— you just gotta go with what you've been dealt, you know. And so for me, it was my father not really being around. And, you know, I just decided as— when I was growing up, you know, I'm gonna look at everything that he does that I disagree with and I'm just not going to do that as a father. Whenever I have my— when I have a kid, I'm just going to do the opposite. And that's exactly what I do, you know. I'm like, I call my— even if I don't see my daughter every day, I call her every single day and just say, hey, you know what, I love you, how's your day? My dad would never in a million years call. Like, he— growing up, there'd be like 3 months at a time that I wouldn't talk to my dad, you know. So I just tried to do the opposite, and I just learned from those mistakes.

Well, certainly, yeah, you know, your, um, your circumstances will not dictate your future. But then as a father, on the other side of the card, we want to give our kids the best odds, so the best or the highest chance of success, if that makes sense. So we'll put you in the best position, um, you know, which is us being there. But yeah, no, I 100% agree. Uh, I'm from— so were your parents divorced?

No, they're still together.

Okay, so you just had a dad who wasn't super affectionate?

Yeah, well, so basically anytime we would go over to my parents' house, like, he was just like never there. And not only that, but he would never call, never reach out. So just, you know, I mean, obviously when we were younger and we lived all in the same house, I guess when I was like 17, you know, before I moved out, you know, then you're like, you're kind of forced to see each other, you know, like whether you want to or not, you're going to see each other. So back then, I guess we saw each other a little bit more. We still didn't have a relationship. It's more like, uh, we're just talking because we're in the same house. But after I went off to college and, and all that That's kind of what's like, okay, now we're not forced to see each other. Now let's see what will happen with the relationship. And pretty much what I expected happened. We just never talked. I mean, like, he'd never call, never asked anything, you know.

How's his— how's his relationship with his dad?

Yeah, and that's, that's, that's where it gets deeper. And honestly, uh, and that's what you're right on track. Yep. And so he, he had a very cold relationship with his parents too. I mean, he just— and I've asked him actually just recently, him and I sat down, we're kind of talking about that, and I guess he just— like, his parents, I don't think they ever really told him a lot that they loved him. They certainly weren't going up and hugging him or kissing him. And, you know, they're— I've obviously— my grandparents, right? And I've met them, and they're just— they're very cold, you know? They're not very— they're not affectionate. They're very just—

it's a completely different generation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. So it's like— and I told him, like, I almost don't even fault him, you know? I told my dad, I'm like, you know, I just I, I don't agree with it, you know, but it's hard to fault— I mean, I get— and I don't know, I don't— I almost can't fault him though because that's what he knows, you know, that's what he grew up with, you know, and he's just doing what he grew up with.

Yeah, I think, um, it's a good way to phrase that. It takes a unique personality to change the family tree like that, to kind of see a pattern and sit there and say, I just don't want that for my kid. I don't want that for my family. And so, um, I think it takes a very perceptive person to be able to decipher situations like that and say, this is what I like about my dad and that's what I want to continue, and this is what I don't like, and, you know, I'm gonna do my best to, you know, stop that pattern, if that makes sense.

Yeah, I think that's when you get into like just— and not even just parenting, but just in life in general, someone who wants to have the drive to like self-improvement, you know what I mean? Like And I guess it doesn't surprise me that I did kind of take that path of wanting to be a better father than what I had because, you know, and it's not just parenting, it's anything in life. I'm very driven. I'm constantly reflecting on my life, my decisions, you know, thinking, you know, hey, how can I do this better? How can I be a better person in this area or in that area? And parenting is one of them, you know, for me. So for me, it's almost like I expected of myself to be an excellent, not just a good father, like an excellent father, you know. I won't settle for anything less, and I know what that's going to take to do that. And it's, it's making changes from what I had as a father to what I want to be as a father.

So, uh, did you play sports?

Yeah, I did. I played badminton. I played sports growing up.

Okay. Um, I was curious if like that was kind of that competitive drive of like wanting to be top tier in the things that you do.

Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know if it's because of sports, but that's, that definitely is my personality. Like almost anything I do in life Uh, I'm very competitive. Like if I do anything, like I'm gonna be the best at it. And, um, that's just my mentality. Like I don't want to do anything average. Everything I do has to be done really well. And, and that's, and it's, it's helped me a lot in a lot of areas in work, being a dad, all these things. So it really has helped, but it's like con— it's like constant pressure on yourself.

But, uh, so did that, is that, is that a drive that you were born with or did you notice like it kind of kicked in at a certain age?

That's, that's a good question. Um, you know, looking back, I think as a kid, I think the only things I can look back on and say, you know, maybe that was part of that as a kid, I just didn't notice it, was as a kid, like, I always wanted to be great, you know? Like, that's the best way I can explain it. Just as a kid, I remember myself always being like, like, I want to be, I want to be really good. Like, I want— and not in any specific area, but as a kid I just had like these dreams, I guess. Like I wanted to, I wanted to do something big. And, um, but other than that, like as a kid, I was never like the best basketball player. I was never the best baseball player, soccer player. I played all sports, but I was never the best at anything that I did. So I think that work ethic really probably started to kick in for me probably around like college time. Like, I feel like there's certain things that I see it in, in high school and before that. There's certain things I will see that side of me in, but it was almost like, uh, what do they call them, like, misused talents, you know? Like, for me in high school, I was really into like racing cars, so I put all of that talent into my car. So I would just like, after school, working on my car, doing everything I could to like make it better, make it faster. And so for me, it's like, okay, probably not the probably not the best use of my time. Well, maybe it is because you're a high schooler at that time, right? But yeah, you know, I look back and so I see that side of me in certain things like that. But as I got older, I think I just got more mature, and so those interests and that drive went into things that were more responsible, you know, like career, being a good father, um, fitness and health, you know, all these things that started going to the right areas. And that part has really benefited me a lot.

So Yeah, I've always, I've always said to my boys, like, I don't really care if you become the best. I just want you to, like, try and become the best.

Yeah.

And it's almost like you never will actually be there. But it's that, it's that mentality. It's that drive to constantly try and improve and be better. At the same time, you know, kind of being proud of where you're at and content and happy in life. So it's like this weird mixture of things of try and be better, be happy where you're at. And yeah, and just, and be content with the fact that you'll never, you know, more than likely you're not going to become the best. But it's that, it's that lifestyle that really, uh, drives happiness, I guess.

Yeah. And being content with— that's a good point too. Being content with failure is important, I think, because, you know, it's like, like I said, I wanted to be something great when I was growing up. Did I think I was going to be Michael Jordan or something? No. But, you know, it— but I mean, I didn't expect that really. But I mean, I was striving to be the best. But I mean, obviously along the way I've made plenty of mistakes, you know. And but I mean, I'm not scared to fail either. It's like I do everything I can to achieve my goals, but if I fail and I don't get where I want to be, then fine. At least I can look back and say I did everything I could have done to get there, you know.

Yeah. What college did you go to?

Dallas Baptist. Well, actually, let me go back. So I actually went to Hardin-Simmons in Abilene, Texas for a year.

Okay.

And then I started dating someone back in Dallas. I moved back to Dallas, went to DBU for the rest of my school.

Your whole Instagram feed is faith-based, right?

Yeah.

Uh, so did you grow up Baptist, or is that something like you just decided in college, or, um, what's the story, the backstory there?

Yeah, so I grew up actually going to a Baptist church. So, um, that was kind of what my parents were doing at the time. I mean, saw me as a kid, probably from, you know, 3 or 4 till I was you know, 16 or 17, we went to the same church that entire time. So it was like, uh, it was looking back, it was a really small church, but I'm just thankful I was raised in church, you know. I'm happy to have that, that background. And but yeah, raised Baptist. And then once I got off into college, it's kind of different feel, you know. So as a kid, you're going to church because your parents are telling you go to church, you know. If you don't go to church, here's what we're going to do. So growing up, I was like, I was, I was going to church. And it's interesting looking back because I was, I was involved and I knew the concepts, I knew what it was about. But like, it's like, what was my real motivation for going? Was it because I actually wanted to go to church, or was it because my friends were at church, or because my parents were making me, you know? And so reflecting back, uh, that was it. And then as I got into college, you know, I had this time where, you know, I was going through some stuff with like my, my parents were having some issues and I had more issues with my dad, I think, where we started— that's about the time that I had moved out and I realized like the real kind of relationship I had with my dad. And so I was going through some stuff then, and I remember that was a point in my life where I kind of had to find my own faith and just decided, you know, hey, nobody's watching me now, you know, I'm in, I'm in college, I can do it, I don't have to go to church if I don't want to. And so that was when I had to like find my faith for myself and say, okay, now it's just me and God. And like, now I'm, I'm gonna go to church because it's important, this is who I want to be as a person. And You know, you have those times in your life where you have to find yourself. And for me, that was right when I got into college. That was whenever I kind of had to step back and say, okay, like, who am I? You know, I did all this stuff in high school. Now I'm out on my own. Like, what kind of person am I going to be now? And that was, it was really funny looking back, but that was like a defining moment in my life where I said, okay, like, even though I've gone to church all that time and really probably didn't go for the right reasons, like, I know what that's about. I know it's important to me. So like, number one, this is the kind of man I want to be, you know. And then I got into weightlifting, you know, around the same time in college. And I was like, okay, you know, like, I want to take care of myself, you know. I want to work hard in the gym, you know. I want to be healthy, and I want to push myself and challenge myself. And I started like defining who I was as a person. And in that same time, to go back to your question, um, I started going to just a normal Christian church at that point. And, uh, it kind of went from Baptist church to Christian, and I never really had any tie to Baptist. Um, I, that's what I went to, but again, it wasn't really my choice either. So when I got on my own, I just decided, hey, you know, I'm not really that big into religion. Um, I'm just more like, like, I love God and I believe in the Bible, and I'm not going to sit here and like say, oh, I'm Baptist or I'm Methodist or I'm Catholic or You know, I'm just— I just want to love God, love people, you know, believe what's in the Bible. And, uh, and that's what I do. So now I go to a non-denominational Christian church, and I've done that ever since. Okay, cool.

And with, uh, the college, did you say you went to a Baptist college or a Methodist college?

Yeah, it was— it was, uh, Dallas Baptist. Yeah, so it was a Baptist college, but, um, it wasn't really— I don't know, I don't know the meaning. I don't know how they're So is it a normal—

it was a normal college then? It wasn't like a seminary or something like that?

No, no, it was, it was a university. Yeah, but it's like a normal, normal school. They didn't preach anything specific to Baptist. I mean, it would have been just like any Christian school you went to.

Okay, interesting.

Yeah.

So I guess going forward in your— did you say you want to keep traveling? I think you did.

Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely do. Yeah. Okay.

So going forward in your travels, um, is that something you want to do with your kid, or you're just going to try and do it like in between your weeks?

Uh, I would like to for sure when she's old enough to appreciate experiences like that, then yeah. But I mean, being— she's still 3 right now— being that young, I'm trying— I mean, for me, I mean, also because of COVID right now, there's no way I'm taking her anywhere like that. But, um, even if I did, it's at this point, even aside from her not really being able to appreciate it, I don't think at this age it would just be— it would be really tough. Um, just like, I still struggle getting her to brush her teeth. I can't even get her to wash her hands. Exactly. So it's like, if I can't even get her to brush her teeth, or why— it's like an argument to brush your teeth— like, there's no way we're flying to Chile, you know what I mean? There's not gonna happen. So when she's old enough, then 110%, I want her to go with me on these trips, but she's got it. She needs a little bit older and she needs to be able to get the basics down, and then we can do something like that.

So we're doing that right now with a 4-year-old.

Uh, are you really?

Not, not flying abroad, but we're traveling. So we, we have not— how are the kids? 10, 7, and 4. Uh, and so the 4-year-old's kind of borderline. Um, you know, certainly wouldn't remember everything if we weren't documenting it. Like, yeah, you know, we have a video camera going quite often.

Yeah.

Um, and we make, we make kind of like home videos. And, and so we even go back and watch like every campsite, and they, um, which I think is a— it's been a— it's been probably one of the best things we've done because it kind of re-triggers all his memories.

Sure.

So he sits there and watches, and he, you know, he remembers it all. So it's, it's sinking deeper into his brain.

Yeah.

Um, but he also has older brothers that are, um, you know, keeping them, I guess, engaged in the different tasks and things that we're doing. Yeah, but yeah, I think it would be a little young, uh, if he was any younger than that.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, if it's— I could probably do like a short trip. I mean, I've taken her, you know, 5 hours away, something like that. But, you know, if we're talking going through international airports and, you know, yeah, that's kind of—

and nowadays, the second she takes her mask off, um, they boot you off plane.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that— yeah, especially because of COVID now too, it's just I couldn't do it right now. But maybe, maybe like 5, 6, I mean, we'll have to see.

But yeah, that's something, you know, I'd like to do. And there's, there's a guy from where we're from, I know he's done it with his kids, but his kids are a little bit older, um, so I'll have to, I'll have to talk to him. But, um, I'd be interested in doing some like more international travel, um, certainly like Europe and Asia, but even Africa, South America. Um, I just don't know, you know. I also don't want to put the family in a position to where, you know, there's, there's any danger or things like that. And I know, like, when you go to Africa, you have to do, like, a series— or I had a friend that went to India, like, it's a whole series of shots you have to do, like immunizations.

Yeah.

Um, I think before you're even allowed to go, I believe it's the same thing with Africa.

Yeah.

But, you know, you get into certain parts of Africa and, you know, it's a, it's a different world over there.

Yeah.

So, you know, Do you really want your, you know, you as a dad who's a protector, you know, going over and being responsible for 3 kids and a wife and all of a sudden, you know, crap hits the fan and, you know, what do you do?

Yeah.

You're not home.

Yeah.

So it's, I don't know, that'd be the, that'd be the things that worry me.

But, and that's part of it too. I mean, I, in a lot of my travels too, I, I'm not gonna lie. Like I, I've been in, I've been in some really sketchy situations where, you know, I've I've ended up places that I'm like, okay, you know, I probably shouldn't be here right now. But which, I mean, but again, it's like, it's, it's just me. So it's like, okay, at the worst, I'm the only one affected, you know. But now when you start adding my daughter into that, I'm like, all right, there's like, I would be extremely cautious if she was with me. And so it would just have to be the right trip to the right place. Um, there's a lot of really great countries that are safe too, you know, that I wouldn't really be that worried in, but there's some countries that I would be worried about taking my daughter to, you know. So you just really gotta—

yeah, so I wouldn't, I wouldn't be worried in Europe too much. Um, probably most of Asia, I really wouldn't be worried unless we're getting like super dense remote jungle Asia. Um, but yeah, certainly Africa, South America, I just don't know enough. And then you have a language barrier. Like, I was talking to a dad, he adopted some kids from Africa, so they went backwoods Africa with the whole family. He's like, you hired these tour guides, but you know the language barrier, you're just kind of like hoping they knew what you said and knew what you meant, and you're just hoping you're going in the right direction. And yeah, they're taking you like on these dirt roads over all these roots and everything, and you know, it's not like there's power, water, you know. If he decides just to kick you out right then and there, there's nothing you can do about it. So yeah, well, that, that doesn't sound super fun, but he lived to tell about it.

Yeah, that's, you know, there's, there's one time, uh, so when I live in the Philippines, there's— I don't know if you, if you're familiar, but there's— the Philippines is like a bunch of little tiny islands made up into one country, you know. So there's like, I forget how many hundreds, there's a lot.

But, and there's a big American presence there, I think.

Yeah, there, yeah, there is for sure. But mostly, mostly within like the business area of it, like Manila. And I wouldn't say that, that might be a stretch. I wouldn't say there's a lot. I mean, I was I was— okay, I would probably see like one American a day, like just in my normal daily.

Yeah, maybe they're more adapted to American culture than there are Americans there.

Yeah, that's— yep, you're right on. That's okay. Yeah, so they are very in tune with American culture, and that's— they're big on that. There's reasons behind— I can't— I'll spare that story though. But, uh, what I was getting at though is that there's a lot of remote places though over there. And at one point I went to some island, it was like I had to take a flight from Manila to a small island. And then from that small island, we took a boat to this other even smaller island. And the entire island was probably like this— it was probably like 4 times the size of my house. So I mean, you're talking like a really, really small island. And, you know, I stayed out there for a few days, but, you know, I couldn't help but think when I was out there, right? Because it was like an hour, hour boat ride out to this place, and the only way to get there is by boat. So I'm sitting there thinking, I'm like, you know, if something happened right now, like, you're pretty much SOL if, you know, you're like, what are you gonna do? You know, if you got bit by a snake and it was like a, you know, venomous snake, or I mean, like, what are you gonna do? I mean, it's like, hey, let me go find someone to take me an hour by boat back to this place and I have to take another plane. It's just so— that was running through my head. So you talk about traveling with a kid too, you know, that you just don't know what to do.

Exactly. Where's the nearest hospital? Who can you trust? Yeah, to help out. I don't think—

I don't think there's anything you could do. I mean, like, I'm serious about it. Something happened to me out there, it's like— I mean, there's not— I mean, maybe the basic first aid kit kind of things, but beyond that, I mean, they're not gonna have— I don't know, you're, you're out of luck.

No, I get it. That'd be, that'd be stressful. So what were you camping out there?

Uh, so there was like— it was like a hut is what it was. It was like, so I wasn't in a tent, it was like a hut, and then that was it. You like walk in this little hut and there's like a hard bed and you just sleep in there and that's that.

So my only comfort in that situation would have been, this is a tiny island, there's probably no animal life on it because, yeah, I mean, even if they could reproduce, there's nothing to eat. Like, what's a snake gonna eat on that island?

Yeah, that— no, that's true. So you, you hope for that at least. Yeah, I mean, I didn't— yeah. I don't think I saw anything out there. And honestly, I guess I wasn't really that worried. I wasn't really worried about like wildlife of anything. I guess I would have been more worried about like, I don't know, like a bad storm coming or something. There's a lot of typhoons out there.

Yeah.

You know, and if that was— if you were sitting on an island like that, you're done basically if that happens. So I don't know. Basically washed away at that point.

Yeah. Well, that would not be fun. I'm sure the hut would have held up.

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

That's fun. Where else have you been?

Uh, I've been to China, Japan, um, uh, Dubai. I made a stop in Korea, um, Colombia. You're really gonna test my knowledge here. Brazil, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Chile— oh no, I'm sorry, not Chile— uh, Argentina, Mexico. Okay, Panama.

Yeah, that was all business travel?

No, those are all— that was all fun. So the Philippines was the only business travel one.

Okay, so when you want to travel internationally, who are you going through? Are you just like booking a flight and heading out there and finding a hotel, or are you like going through like an agency that, that has like itineraries?

And no, I actually— I just, just book it. Like, I'm, uh, I'm a very spontaneous person, so I actually I hate booking trips out like 6 months out. So what I'll do is, you know, I'll have like a week in mind. So for example, I might say, hey, you know, March 21st through the 28th, I want to go somewhere. And then I'll hop on like Expedia and start just like looking at hotels, look at flights, see like what's cheap, how the flights line up with my schedule, you know, and, um, I'll just book it and, uh, head out there. But I do it myself and I'll just, uh, sometimes it's different airlines. I don't have like any kind of a system. Find the best deal and best place to go at the time.

That sounds fun. And just because you just go solo, I guess, no friends?

Yeah, so I've done a mixture of both. I've gone with friends and I've gone— a lot of my trips have been solo. So, um, you know, I like both.

Huh, I would— I wouldn't even know what to do. I've been married for 14 years and had kids for 10 of those. Like, I wouldn't know what to do if I just flew to China by myself I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Really? See, for me, that's like part of the excitement though, is because when I go somewhere, I don't like to just sit in like a hotel or do tourist things. Like, I like to actually, uh, experience the culture. So like part of that is meeting people. So I love talking to people, and I'll almost every trip I've been on, I'll end up meeting like local people there, um, because I go out and do my normal stuff. Like if I'm in Brazil, for example, I'm gonna go to a gym in Brazil, I'm gonna go to the park in Brazil, I'm gonna go to the mall in Brazil, and I'm like, undoubtedly I'm gonna end up meeting somebody and make new friends and stuff. And, you know, that's, that's what I love about it though too.

So, so are you like an advanced linguist or do you just find the one person that speaks English over there?

Well, fortunately most of the countries I've been to speak Spanish and my Spanish is actually pretty decent, so that helps a lot. Brazil was tough because they speak Portuguese and, um, I had to use a translator in Brazil a lot. So, okay. Yeah.

What about like, like China does not speak Spanish?

Oh yeah, that was done for there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They— I didn't see— in Japan, I couldn't communicate with anybody. Like, even to go buy a meal, it was that— no, it wasn't happening. I was like pointing because it was—

did you, did you know what you were pointing at?

No, half the time, no, I didn't. I was like, well, that looks like it might be good, let me just— and I couldn't even question what it was at the time. I couldn't even say, hey, what's in that? Because they wouldn't know what I was saying. So I was like, well, I'll just take a guess, I'll with that.

Well, you live to tell it. What were the grocery stores like in China?

I, I, I—

so I remember seeing like a documentary about— that's why I asked— and it had all this weird, weird stuff. I'm just wondering if it's true or that was just like one documentary I saw.

Yeah, so I don't— I couldn't answer that because I didn't go to a grocery store in China.

What?

Yeah, never went to a grocery store there ever.

Yeah, just went to all restaurants.

But what I could say is I have gone to a lot of grocery stores in other countries, and what I've seen is it is very different than what we have here. I mean, even little things like eggs. Like, here we refrigerate all of our eggs, and then all these other countries I've been to, they're not refrigerated. They're just eggs sitting there hot, you know.

So, so we don't, um, well, we had chickens, and so we always just had them on the counter as well because that's— and they last super long when you leave them on the counter. Oh yeah, it's when you pasteurize and refrigerate them that they have shorter lives.

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, so that's, that's actually how we ate our eggs for years because we had our own chicken coop.

So yeah, yeah, I would actually prefer that honestly. If I had my own, the luxury of having my own fresh eggs, I'll probably do the same. But unfortunately I'm buying them from the grocery store.

So, uh, all right, we've gotten way off topic. All right, single dads, um, So what are the things with single dads, uh, I guess, have you heard from others that they're, they're running into?

You know, I actually have heard more— this is kind of funny to say— I've actually heard more stories from the moms than I have from the actual single— single— okay, there is, there is actually one single father that I know who has been through a lot, and it's, it's actually very similar to my situation where it's like him and the mom don't get along. But most of the time I actually hear about the mom complaining about the dads, and usually it's a situation where kind of what I was talking about, where the dad is never around, you know, he just never— they're not interested in seeing their kid, or they're not providing financially, or they're just making bad decisions.

That's disappointing to hear.

Yeah.

And I'm not even sure that, that— I'm not even sure that dad can really be, be brought around. I'm sure some of them can, but I feel like that's more of an upbringing thing. Uh, yeah, I mean If you can see that you have a kid and then just, you know, willing, willfully ignore and leave them behind, um, when a mom's pushing for you to be involved, it's— I mean, what can anybody say to that?

I don't know. And I think it's— it almost makes you wonder, is it— yeah, is it upbringing or is it just your own? I don't know. I don't know how— I can't relate because I've never been able to understand that, but It's almost the same concept. What it reminds me of is I hear a lot about like dating stories too, like guys who are going on dates and they just— guys that don't know how to act on a date. Like for me, I was raised like if you're going on a date, the guy's paying on the date, you know, like that's just, that's just the way it is. And if you can't afford it, then you're not going on a date and that's that. And like the guy's a protector, you know, the guy opens doors, the guy, you know, makes sure that the girl is safe, you know, these are all like principles that were instilled in me growing up. But as I got older, it was very, you know, interesting to hear that like not all guys see it that way. And I was hearing a lot of stories about girls like, oh yeah, I went on this date with this guy and he asked if I wanted to split the check. And I'm like, I would— I'd probably be embarrassed to do that, to be honest. I would never even think to do something like that. But my point is, it might be something similar to that where like guys are just you know, they're raised like that's, that's acceptable. Like, you're a dad, so you just— all you need to do is just swing on by once every few weeks and see your kid, and that's your job. Yeah, and that's, that's sad, but I don't know.

Yeah, that's one I don't know. I don't even know. I'm not even sure how to address that. I guess I'm not gonna have to, because if you're a dad that doesn't want to be involved in your kid's life, you're not going to be on a looking at a dad page for advice.

That's true. That's true. Yeah, you're not gonna be that interested.

Probably not gonna be my target audience.

Exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

All right, so I guess, so from your side, um, I guess what would you say, dad, that was in your position? Um, uh, I guess what, what advice would you give them?

I would say don't try to control what you can't control. And that's— that was my biggest lesson I had to learn, was like the first 2 years of my co-parenting was like hell pretty much, because there's a lot of stuff I didn't— I didn't share yet. But I mean, it was, you know, it kind of went back from, okay, it's standard schedule, and then it was like, okay, you know, we can do every other week, but it was like at her mercy, you know. So it was like, you know, if anything went wrong, if I disagreed with anything, it was like Oh, what's that? You want to go back to the old schedule?

So you're held hostage a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah. So that went on for like 2 years basically. And so it was, it was like hell going through that. And it all goes back to, I was trying to control the situation. Like I was trying to get something that I didn't have control to get. So I was at that mercy. But as soon as I said, after, after those couple of years, you know what, like, I can't control this. All I can do is just, be the best dad that I can be. And I can control things I can control. Like, I can call my daughter every day. If I can't see her, I can call her 2 times a day every day and tell her I love her. Eventually she'll be old enough to have her own phone, and I can call her every single day. I can text her all day. So like, these are things I can control. And as soon as I just kind of decided like, hey, like, I'm just gonna do what I can, then I was like completely at peace. Because before, it was almost like I had this mindset that if I don't get my daughter more like I'm not being a good dad, and if I don't do this, then it was like I just— I felt so bad about it, and I just had to like let go of that and accept it for what it was.

And so, okay, so it wasn't necessarily a power trip, it was more guilt.

Yeah, yeah, I had no interest in like a power— yeah, I know, I've never been that type. I mean, for me, like I said, even if her mom said, hey, do you want her 80% of the time I would say no because she needs her mom 50% of the time. Like, that's just my mindset. I mean, so it was never about me getting more time or having more legal power. It was always about just like I wanted to be there for her, you know. So it was guilt in the beginning because I felt like she needed me and there was nothing I could do to, to be there for her as much as I wanted to. And, um, I mean, I am— so she does have a good mom despite there's a lot of things I disagree with, but she does have a good mom. So I mean, she's in good hands when she's with her mom, but For me, it was just, you know, like I said, just accepting that I'm doing the best that I can as a dad. I'm doing everything I can do as a dad. I can't look back and say, hey, I should have done this, or I could, I could have done that, because I couldn't. I mean, I've done everything I can. I've gotten all the time I can get, and that's that.

Are you and mom on the same page as like what kind of values and like how to hand out discipline and things like that? Are you guys like working together on those type of things, or is it kind of like this is how it goes when you're at mom's house and this is how it goes when you're at dad's house. Like, is there any joint effort to try and, try and, I guess, create synergies there?

Yeah, so we did. Um, we, as far as like, like, so we are on the same page about faith, and I'm really, really fortunate to have that. Yeah, definitely. So that's important. Um, as far as like discipline and what's acceptable, not— I think generally her and I agree. I mean, we don't— we want a good— we want to raise a good kid. You know, we both want to be good parents. And so because of that, most of our beliefs and values, we still tend to be the same. Like respect, for example. Like, I don't tolerate her— I would never tolerate her hitting me or, you know, saying something rude or something. We would never— I would never tolerate, and neither does her mom. So those things tend to fall in line because we both are— I think we're, you know, we're both good parents. So, but there are some little things that, you know, we've kind of disagreed. I'm trying to think about what some of them were.

That's natural. But it's like, I mean, it sounds like the big things are, are going to go in the right direction, you know. You guys are of the same faith, um, you know, respect is obviously a big thing, you know, that it's going to be enforced. Um, yeah, yeah, that's, that's definitely good.

Yeah, I'm thankful.

So it sounds like you guys got a pretty decent working relationship.

It's, uh, it's been— it's still— I wouldn't say it's great.

Not perfect, but, but better than most, from at least what I've heard.

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's pretty, it's pretty decent, I guess. Good enough.

I mean, there's some horror stories out there, especially when there starts to get really contentiousness between the parents.

Yeah.

And then the kid, the kid almost becomes a pawn in, in that fighting, and it just, it gets ugly and it goes downhill real fast. And, uh, yeah, yeah, it's just there's some nasty stuff going on out there, which is Like, and it's, it's real sad to see, you know. You shouldn't have to be buying your kid's love or, or, you know, trying to convince your kid that, you know, the other side is evil and that you're, you know, you're this hero. Um, and that's, that's happening a lot out there.

Yeah, that's sad to see too. I mean, that I can never see myself doing. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's, there's a lot of things I dislike about her, about her mom, but You know, I, I'm like, I would never say that to my daughter, you know, because I mean, she's gonna be old enough to know this stuff for herself one day, you know. I'm not gonna be the dad— I mean, she's eventually gonna be old enough to be like, you know, you know, my dad never said anything bad about my mom. Like, that's what I want her to say, you know. I want her to look at me and know that— I mean, you can buy—

I think that's gonna matter big time as, as she gets older.

Oh yeah, because you can buy— you can try to buy your kid off, you can try to bad talk the other parent. But I mean, eventually, I mean, your kid's gonna see who you are. I mean, nobody's gonna know you like your kid, you know.

And when they do, that stuff works for about 5 minutes, and then long, long term, it backfires. Yeah, it backfires so bad, and it's, it's so not good for how this kid turns out as an adult.

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, yeah, that's why I just try to— I just try to be the person that I know that I am, you know. I try to instill good morals and values in her. And, you know, like I said, I mean, there— I could sit here and say a million things about her mom, but I'm just— I don't want to. I mean, that's her mom. At the end of the day, it's her mom, you know. What is that? I don't want to— I don't want to do that to her. I mean, she'll form her own opinions of her mom, and she'll form her own opinions of me, and that'll be that.

Have you both had the conversation of, um, you know, obviously we're gonna date other people, and, um, you know, just don't bring every single date around the daughter, uh, because it's just not appropriate, or is that something that, you know, she's okay with or you're okay with?

So we have talked about a couple times, uh, you know, in the initial time we talked about it was that, hey, if we're gonna have someone around her, we're gonna give each other the courtesy of meeting that person. And I'm the only one who has introduced her to anybody, um, and she did meet, uh, my daughter's mom. And beyond that, I think the still agreement's still kind of in place. And I mean, I don't— I'm very cautious about who I take my daughter around. I mean, I'd have to be dating someone for, you know, quite a while for that to happen. Um, and if it does, I would give her the respect of, of meeting that person just because, I mean, that's her daughter, you know, and I would want— I would want to meet the guy that she's dating as well.

Yeah, that's fair. So I think that's a solid agreement. Yeah, yeah. I don't think there needs to be a, um— this is my opinion, I haven't had to face it— but, uh, a parade of girlfriends or a parade of boyfriends around where the kid gets kind of attached because they're around for long. They're around a lot for a short period of time and then they're kind of ripped away. So they start to form a relationship, then it gets pulled away. I think long term that's really bad for how kids value, uh, relationships.

Yeah. And, uh, I will say the, the one person I was with that I kind of let meet her, um, you know, my daughter at that time was 2. Yeah. So she was, she was pretty little, maybe even younger. Maybe she's even like 1 and a half or something. She was pretty little. So she actually— I 100% Probably doesn't remember. She doesn't remember. Yeah, but, but the girl that I was with did have a son, and he was older, and him and I actually were pretty close. I mean, I saw him almost every single day, and I mean, he like, he loved me like his dad, you know. And so I, and I think he, you know, I think that was a challenge whenever that ended for him, which I was sad about too. I mean, I was sad for the kid, you know, but I don't know. So that is tough, you know, and I don't want— for— I haven't dated anybody that my daughter's been old enough to be— to actually remember. But the next part, if I do date someone that seriously to where they're meeting my daughter, then—

yeah, she's 3, so what, you got 15 years ahead of you.

Yeah, I know, I know. I'm sure— yeah, so I'm sure I will, but it's gonna have to be serious. I'm gonna have to know that person's gonna stick around for a while.

So yeah, that's a good call. Yeah, I don't have a lot of single dad content out there. I've always been an advocate of, um, you know, the complete family, that, that traditional family is like the best course of action. Okay, now, now we don't have that, so let's deal with these other ones.

Yeah, yeah, I don't—

I just don't have a ton out there because, um, I don't know a lot about it. So that's why I'm starting to have more of these podcasts and with those situations, just so I can get more familiar with it. I did come from a divorced home, so I know the kids' side of it. Um, and obviously I turned out good, so it was kind of like what we were talking about earlier, like, you know, the circumstances don't necessarily determine how it's going to go, but we still want to lay out the best possible path.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Uh, so I'm trying to do some more of that, uh, single dad content. And, um, you know, there's a lot of dads going through divorce and custody battles, and that seems to be like the biggest, uh That seems to be like the darkest things, uh, the darkest messages I hear where like when dads are getting like real low, like scary low, um, they're in the middle of a divorce or a nasty custody battle and that's when they're like, they're getting some real dark thoughts in their heads.

Uh, oh yeah.

And so that's, that's what I'd really like to combat. But again, you know, they all feel the same way. It's systems against you. Yeah, I want to be involved, and you know, the courts are just crapping all over me.

Yeah, yeah, it seems like it's like you said. I mean, I look around me and like how many people now are like raising kids like co-parenting. It's sad to say, but it almost seems like that's like more normal now than people actually being together, and that's sad. I mean, just it's so common.

Yeah, yeah, there's There's definitely a lot of that.

Yeah, yeah. And I feel like there's— and that's another thing too that I liked about your— what you're doing is that I feel like there's so much support for women and single moms. It's all about, oh, single mom support, but it's like I've never seen anything about single dad support ever, you know?

So yeah, and well, yeah, tons of mom stuff out there and, and all the dad stuff is, uh, joke related. And honestly, man, if we could throw out, you know, funny videos and dad jokes and, you know, kind of crap on dads a little bit like sitcoms do, and we'd have 10 million followers within like a month because it's entertaining. It's just not the path I want to go. I want to kind of keep it good, you know, encouragement, good wisdom, you know, solid, solid bite-sized pieces of content that that actually add value.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, there's— I, I'm not sure I've ever seen another page, or at least another person out there doing that. So yeah, that's kind of why I'm doing it.

So yeah, that's good. No, I like that. That's good.

Yeah. And, and so, well, you know, it's tough on a platform too, because if I put out something about, um, you know, a dad dealing with divorce or a single dad all the married dads come at me like, why are you advocating for this type? Yeah, you should be talking about keeping the marriage together. I'm like, well, I do. Just look a little further down the feed. Yeah, there's lots of stuff about keep the marriage together, you know.

Yeah.

Um, you know, then I put, I put too much married stuff out there, the single dads are coming out saying, what about us? So I have to try and find that balance of, uh, yeah, of who we're talking to.

Yep, mix it up a little bit. I get it.

And with that, we conclude episode 4 of season 2 with Ryan. Uh, Ryan, we really appreciate you coming on and, uh, sharing your story with us. And, uh, to everyone listening, thank you for tuning in. See you next time.