S3E10 2X Best Selling Author Chris Hogan and the ways men can improve in fatherhood

Season 3, Episode 10. 3-year team captain, 2-time All-American, member of a national championship football team, 2-time national bestselling author focused on educating, encouraging, and empowering you. An entrepreneur, a trailblazer, and performance coach, Coach Chris Hogan. And your host of the 100% Dad Podcast, the most handsome man introducing himself, Townsend Russell. All right, this is the 100% Dad Podcast, interviews with dads. We've got Chris Hogan, author, speaker, coach, father of 3 boys— 17, 16, 15— stacked them back to back to back. That must have been the Jordan era, you know, go for the three-peat. Uh, if I remember right, you hail from Kentucky, is that right?

That is correct.

What part of Kentucky?

Uh, right outside of Lexington, a town called Versailles. Ah, so horse country, my friend. Horse and bourbon country.

Versailles.

Yeah. Hey, the only thing French in that town is French bread and French fries, okay?

So we were near Lexington. We were north of Lexington because Cincinnati is right above that, right?

That's right.

So somewhere in between Cincinnati and Lexington, there's, uh, someone built a replica, uh, Noah's Ark.

Ah, I haven't seen it, but I've heard about it.

Yeah, so we, we went up there. We were in Columbus, Ohio going to Indianapolis, Ohio. We heard about that. We're like, what the heck, we'll just swing by and check it out. And so we did. I did not get to check out Lexington though.

Yeah, well, if you get to Lexington, there's also a castle there, uh, that has been built. Uh, it's right in between Versailles and Lexington. And so you will You will see it. You can't miss it. It's, it's amazing.

What was the purpose of that castle?

Have no idea.

Okay, just a tourist destination?

Uh, it— yes, it was a private build and then it became a bed and breakfast. Uh, but, uh, it is a monstrosity without a doubt.

That's funny. All right, so you've spoken on some of the biggest stages, authored a bestseller, I believe, right?

Couple of them.

Oh, nice.

Yes.

Uh, so I guess we'll get straight into fatherhood because I'm a little bit curious. Um, listen, you've got that deep voice. Everyone, you can't help but bring it up, right? Everyone I'm sure talks about that. How old were you when that started to shift to you? Because I'm just like, I'm trying to imagine your mom in a house one day sitting there saying, you know, little kids out there saying, hey, can I have some milk? And then one day it says, hey, hey, Mom, Mom, we're out of milk. I mean, it must have been like, well, is it a shock to everyone? Or is that something that just runs in your family?

No, no, actually, you know, things started to squeak and tweak around age 13. And so, you know, it began to evolve. But no one else in my family, you know, has a very deep voice. And I'm curious of my sons, if one of them will end up with it.

I was just about to ask, are any of the boys developing that, uh, that baritone?

A couple of them, couple of them, you know, but they're at that age too, squeaking and tweaking. So we'll see how it shakes out.

I remember, so I, so I never went through that squeaking phase that I remember. I might just blocked it out out of pure embarrassment. But I remember answering— I didn't live with my mom, so I would go back to visit every once in a while. Once I answered the phone, I'm like, hey, and they, you know, the person that was calling for my mom and stepdad just thought they had called the wrong house. So I go, I'm sorry, I was calling for, you know, Scott and Jennifer Graves. And I was like, oh, this is their house. They're like, oh, sorry, we just expected to hear Scott pick up. Like, no, we thought it was a full-grown man. I was like 14.

Yeah, I bumped into that a lot. Yeah, uh, you know, it was a lot of fun. But, you know, the good thing is with the voice, it helps me, you know, get people's attention and, you know, be able to engage with them. To kind of talk about the stuff on my head and heart.

That's fair. Yeah, I'm sure when you want to get your boys' attention, you have it.

Well, they're kind of numb to it now. They've been hearing it a lot, you know. When they were younger, the kids on the playground would stop when I would yell for them, but my boys would keep on playing. So, you know, I can get their attention when I need to.

That's a fair assessment. So if you don't mind, can we talk about what your father was like? Like, what was your relationship with him? Do you have any standout stories on your background and your upbringing?

Well, you know, my mom and dad, they split when I was really young. So, you know, it was more of seeing, seeing him on birthdays, holidays, things of that nature. And so it was, it was a very, let's call it a disconnected relationship. Um, but, you know, in the family that I grew up in with, you know, my grandfather and my 5 uncles, I wasn't lacking for that male role model or that, that kind of love and attention that comes from a big family.

Okay, so you had the father figure filled in elsewhere?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Mama Hogan, Mama Hogan ran both, to be, to be honest. Uh, incredible woman. She's my, one of my best friends. I'm biggest cheerleader, but, uh, she was an incredible woman and a fantastic role model growing up.

Well said. The Hogan name, last name— I like to think that, you know, our last name's Russell, that it represents something. I want the— my, my boy— I have 3 boys as well— I want them to kind of live up to that reputation. Um, so what are, what are some of the things that the Hogan name means that you're trying to translate to your boys that you want them to live up to? You know what, I guess what's important to you as a family?

That's an interesting thing. I think the biggest thing for me is less about the name and more about their individual potential. I want them to be the best version of them, and that, that, that's important. And I think that's one of the things that in growing up in a bigger family, I had some very successful and athletic uncles, and no one passed on the obligation to me. That I needed to become that. That was something that in my heart and in my head, I wanted to outdo them, right? So I've been goal-oriented and driven from since a very, very young age. And I've had some amazing mentors in my life from family members, teachers, coaches. And so I want the boys to be their own selves, but I want them to be the best version of that. And that's kind of the stuff I'm instilling in them as teenagers.

Okay, so the important things for you, I guess, are whatever your talents and skills are, developing those, pursuing your goals, pursuing your dreams, that kind of stuff.

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think it's important, and I'm trying to, you know, help the boys understand that it's easy to dream and it's easy to wish. It's the work part, you know, where you're, you're planning what it is you want to achieve and setting a course. Now, life will happen and you can get diverted and detoured, but the main thing is, is that you're striving towards something. And whether that's in their school or in their relationships or in their athletics, you know, having that self-driven mentality I think is absolutely crucial in the world at this time.

Uh, you know, I like that you say that because, you know, I feel like there's a lot of fathers out there that want their kids to be what they were but a little bit better. They want their kids to fulfill the dreams that maybe they didn't do. They want their kid to be that star quarterback or you know, that star athlete or that star artist, whatever it is, and kind of, um, and push them in that direction. Or, you know, I was just talking about there was an engineering dad we met that was forcing his kids to become engineers, uh, where they didn't want to go that down that path. But he was just sitting there saying, I'm an engineer, I want them to be engineers. If I'm going to pay for college, they're going to be engineers. And they want to be mad at me, that's fine, they can be mad at me, but they're going to make $100 grand a year and be mad at me. Yeah, man, that is just— that is not the way to go.

No, that to me, it seems like that's a cycle that actually will not work. You know, there are enough unfulfilled people living in this world right now that are trying to live somebody else's dream for them. And, you know, that's one of the things for me as a coach, I'm trying to help people understand you've got to figure out what it is you want, right? Trying to live somebody else's life is not right. And I know this as a former athlete, and you too. You know, you want your kids to do well, but I never talked a lot about my athletic background. I did not want the kids to feel that they needed to do what I did or try to outdo Dad. I wanted them to figure out who they are and be that best individual. So I think trying to live through your kids sets up a dangerous precedent. It doesn't allow the kid to figure out their own identity, their own desire, if they're trying to please their father or their mother.

So have you, uh, are your kids like you naturally, or are they going their own path? And then can you kind of speak into that, maybe what they're doing that's different than you?

Yeah, well, they are. I mean, they're actually— they are going down their own path, and they are doing athletic things. Uh, you know, right now they're in track, uh, they'll do football. Um, and so, you know, I love to watch them. I'm one of those dads that it is, uh, I watch and I cheer hard Uh, but I'm not coaching them through their game. I'm not yelling out instructions and things of that nature. That's the coach's job. Uh, my boys will ask me questions and I'll answer, but I'm there as their fan and in support of them. And so seeing them have fun, seeing them play hard and do their best with teammates, uh, gives me a lot of joy as a dad.

Have you ever been tempted to actually coach— to like actually coach them? Like on the team and the other kids as well?

You know what, it's so funny. So they were in middle school at the time. I think actually it was the smaller rec league of football. And my middle son, who's the one that's wired the most like me, he said, Dad, you ought to come coach us. And I was like, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't know if that's a good idea, son. I was like, listen, I played collegiate, I coached in college. I was like, You know, y'all are at that age where you, you need to have fun. Dad might be a little too serious to get out there with the whistle.

Yeah, that, uh, that deep desire to win, at least for me, is the biggest struggle. Like, the whole have fun and win at the youth level, just because I'm that naturally competitive, like, yeah, let's have fun, but it's kind of more fun when you win, so let's try and win.

Yeah, no, and it is, but, you know, wanting them to, especially at that young age, just learning the technique And, you know, I've been to some of those T-ball games and those baseball games and, you know, heard those parents screaming and shouting at their kids. And I remember growing up— they take it serious. It is. And I remember growing up and I had a guy that I played rec league football with and his dad was a coach for in high school. And I remember him grabbing him by the face mask and screaming at him. And, you know, all of us standing around looking at this. And I made that decision at age 9 or 10 that I would never ever be that dad. I would never do that. Uh, if the kid wants to play and they mess up, that's the coach's job, and you can coach people up. But I would never, you know, kind of act like that in public, uh, with my son.

It's funny how those bad examples, even some, you know, mentors of our own that have, you know, some bad qualities or bad traits or bad experiences, how that helps shape our lives. And so those bad things end up becoming good things.

I'm so glad you pointed that out because I firmly believe that. I think you can have those great leaders and those great mentors and they show you things that you should do, right? And then you can have those bad examples and they show you things you should never do. So both of those opportunities give us a growth opportunity if we can remember it, recall it, right? And, and make sure to handle it the right way.

Yeah. So the reason I mentioned that a lot in a lot of my interviews is that's how I grew up. I always grew up like trying to find the perfect mentor. I always wanted that father figure. That was just everything to me. And it took me to probably my mid-20s before I realized that nobody's going to be that, that elevated perfect figure for me, that I've just got to realize that each one of these guys in my life has some quality, some aspects that I really admire and want to copy. And that they're flawed humans, and they're going to be things that I don't want to do and I want to do the opposite of. Uh, and I can— I pick and choose, uh, but no one person is going to be everything for me.

No, no, and you're absolutely right. And that's the beauty of it for me, you know, growing up with 5 uncles and a strong, incredible grandfather, um, you know, being able to, to, to, to take those traits, you know, that were good and go, okay, boy, I want to get that. But one of the things is I got into the business world and, you know, was trying to remember the things my coaches has taught me is that what you have to be careful of is that you don't try to imitate someone else. You know, whenever you try to imitate someone else, now you're not being authentically you. That can get exhausting because you're acting, you're pretending. So instead of trying to imitate, what I encourage people to do is to emulate, emulate those qualities, right? And that's where you internalize it. You make it your own. But you're kind of developing your own self-recipe on how you're going to interact with people or you interact with your kids.

All right, let's see what you're saying. So not be a direct copycat but kind of model—

there you go—

model after them.

That's right.

That's a good way to phrase it. So man, first of all, what you said where I wrote it down, 17, 16, 15, I'm assuming you guys just go to a Costco or a Sam's every single day. Or you have your own farm.

Listen, my goodness, listen, it, it is— there's a lot of food being consumed with these 3 boys. Um, my oldest, my 17-year-old, is about 6'3", about 240. Uh, my 16-year-old is 6'1", about 190. And, you know, and my, my 15-year-old, you know, he's about 5'8", you know, about 170. So You know, they're not little. And so when Dad breaks out the grill, okay, I've got one of those Kamado Joes, one of the big ceramic ones. And, you know, I typically on weekends will grill for the week. And so there's a lot of food flying off that grill.

Oh my goodness. I mean, my boys are— what are they, 11, 8, and 5? And still the amount that they can consume at those ages blows my mind. And I know I did it. I just— I guess I don't remember as well.

Right.

But yeah, I mean, I've already told my wife, I think we just need to go start a farm somewhere and have cattle and chicken and all that. Because I mean, realistically, those boys need to be put to work and then grow their own food supply.

You know, it's funny you mentioned that because I, I grew up working on farms. Uh, we did not have a farm, but I, you know, baling hay, weed eating, cutting grass, and you know, all that, that manual labor will teach you some real lessons. And so my boys are working part-time right now in the fast food industry. But this summer I want to find a farm for them to get on there and start baling some hay and, uh, doing some serious back work.

Well, so everyone bales hay the easy way now. They all tractor it and they all, uh, they all lift it up. They don't do those small square bales anymore where you used to have to like go behind the tractor and chuck them on a wagon.

I remember. And then, you know, not only that, but putting it up in the barn, um, elevator Yeah.

Did you have to hoist it with a pulley or did you get the elevator?

No, we had the conveyor belt, uh, you know, which was fine with the hay. When the alfalfa showed up for the horses, this was a problem because those were 225-pound bales. And so, you know, you were happy to get that conveyor belt, but you still had to lift them bad boys to get it on there. So psychologically, for me, what I told myself was, I'm getting paid to work out, right? Which was going to help me get ready for football season. So, you know, it's all those mental decisions.

What a mind shift. It's not work, it's a paid workout.

There you go.

Um, you know, so I had on here, I wanted to ask like, what is your vision for like what your, your, your 25, 30-year-old version of your kids looks like? And I'm assuming you're going to sit there and say, um, you know, I want them, you know, whatever they're good at, whatever they want to be pursuing, I want to see them actively pursuing that to the best of their capabilities. But Is there anything deeper than that? Is there anything like that version of them that you really want for them in their lives?

You know, I want that, that version of for them to have a taste of success, but at the same time still remain humble, staying connected, looking for ways to serve others. You know, modeling that kindness factor. We'll all stumble, we'll all fall down, but it's a matter of getting up and how you're how you're helping others. So I hope to see them interacting and caring for others and being proactive for causes that they believe in.

So how do you— I guess, how do you see making that happen to where you have a kid that's successful and going after the dreams and maybe even achieving them, like you said, getting that taste of success? How do you kind of reinforce, I guess, a life where you can achieve that kind of success but still be driven and still have goals and purpose maybe in life?

Yeah, I think that comes— that's an internal thing. I think it is a matter of, of people being aware for themselves and getting a chance to make those decisions. One of the things I love to do with my boys is, as a dad, I make sure that I'm listening more than I'm talking. And by asking those questions and going on their terms, for example, you know, they love to play the Xbox and the PlayStation and all that. And so They'll say, Dad, come on up here and play with us. Now, they like me to play so they can, you know, beat the crap out of me on certain things. I mean, that's, that's what that is, okay? That's bait, is what it is. But the cool thing is, is hanging out with them, being able to talk, uh, while we're interacting on their kind of their playing field, uh, getting a chance to hear what they really think, what they believe, uh, and getting an opportunity, uh, to kind of hear that and try to speak into that and Allow them to ask those questions, allow them to kind of push on some things so they can figure out for themselves what they think and not necessarily just what the world thinks.

Yeah, that's something I struggle with that I had to actively work towards personally, just because I'm usually the talker. Listening is— I can listen at that surface layer, but actually listening deeper and Yeah, that's something I definitely— in the whole, uh, it took me a while in just my marriage, probably about third or fourth year, before I could really, you know, be that open and vulnerable version of myself and not just kind of a facade. And I'm always the tough guy and, right, you know, nothing bothers me and those kind of things, kind of swallow everything. And, you know, pride, I guess, was a bigger deal. So I don't know if that was a maturity thing or my wife kind of helping me get, get to that level, but Uh, well, the good thing is, is you had somebody to be able to help you.

And I think, you know, that's one of the things I want to encourage the dads out there to do. Um, you know, we— there's this, you know, ridiculous image out there that you have to swallow everything and just chin up and be strong and tough and don't let anything bother you. And that's just not true. We're all human. Um, I think, you know, the thing we have to do is to make sure we've got people around us to be able to talk about that and to be vulnerable with. And I think it's important to have other men in your life Um, and I've got some really good guys in my little men's group, uh, that we do. And, you know, we stay connected, we stay real, uh, but it's also supporting each other.

Okay. Is that something you do for yourself, or is that part of your, um, like your, your business that you do, that you lead?

I do that for myself, um, and, and that's one of those— I do that for myself as well as for them. And so, you know, we get connected. And so regardless, even during COVID you know, we, we hopped on Zooms, you know, we hopped on calls and, you know, was making sure to stay connected because it's important. You know, the last thing you want to do or feel in life is to feel alone, right? And so it's important to have good people around you.

I agree. Uh, so just out of curiosity, um, so we're obviously both bigger versions of men and, you know, that athletic form and a little bit more aggressive in our our personalities. Uh, what do you— I guess, what kind of picture do you paint in your mind when you think of, like, masculinity? Because you just mentioned that earlier, that it's kind of the wrong, uh, you know, some society has the wrong image. So what does that, that picture look like to you? How would you describe that?

Well, I would say to me, you know, masculinity, it is strength, um, it is focus, um, it is humility. As well. It is servant, having that mindset to be able to serve others, whether it's family, inside family, or outside of family. Those are the 4 things that really jump into my mind as I, as I think about that. And I think it's important to, you know, for anybody out there to think of what your definition is and how are you living that out day to day.

Yeah. That's something I need to give some more thought to because you, I mean, certainly you think of like strength and being able to protect and defend and, you know, provide and lead. And then I guess when you really dig in deeper to those, you know, you know, when you, if you're going to lead a family, you really have to kind of know them and get into like what you were talking about earlier, that deeper levels of communication and being able to be open and a little bit more vulnerable with them and things like that, because that's how you can lead. You can't just drill instructor for 18 years and expect to have a good relationship with them.

No, you're right. And there are times to drill instruct. Let's not, you know, let's not get that, you know, for their safety and for all those other things. But I think that relationship, and it's based on the kid too, that maturity factor. But one of the things I think with masculinity is, is that we're— men are often asked to pour out, meaning we're asked to give, to serve others. And John Maxwell has this thing called the leadership lived. And that, you know, if you're not open to and getting new information in or getting something that energizes you and recharges you in, then later you don't have anything to be able to pour out. So that recharge factor is really important. Uh, and so I would encourage the dads out there to make sure you're finding time for you. Now, when I say find time for you, I'm not talking about a week or several days. I'm talking about some time, 15, 30 minutes where you're listening to music or you're watching comedy. I love to laugh. I'm so serious about life that laughing is important for me. It helps me to kind of chill out. But you've got to find those things that recharge you, uh, so you're able to, to be there for your kids or for your family.

I like that. All right, so I was looking at your website, uh, I said it's a good tie into the masculinity conversation we were just having because, you know, we're both, uh, you know, we've met before like 5 years ago and it was with you, me, and my wife And, uh, she is a personality that is not like you and I. I'm, I'm definitely like the high D, and I think you were too. And so she walked out of that meeting like, I thought you guys were going to start headbutting each other, getting all excited. That was never gonna happen. We were just, oh, we were just juiced up by the conversation because it was awesome.

You're being passionate, man. We're being passionate.

Yeah. So, um, she was over there like cowering in the corner, curled up in a ball. Uh, That's fine. But so, so I was looking at the website and the word choices are, you know, the stuff that I would use, you know, like you had plan of attack on there, power and purpose. Um, you know, not for the faint of heart, you know, you're gonna push people harder than they've ever been pushed before. So, you know, a little bit more aggressive, uh, you know, vernacular, I guess. So, you know, we kind of tied that into masculinity. What does that look like at home in terms of discipline? Because, you know, we were talking about both kind of balancing that vulnerable and openness and, and clear communication, but at the same time leading in the right way and being that drill sergeant sometimes when you have to be the drill sergeant. So what does discipline look like in the Hogan household?

Well, I mean, just like any other dad out there, you, you're going to get it wrong, right? And, and you're, you're, you know, you look back on things and you go, boy, I wish I could have that as a dual. But, you know, now, and looking at things and trying to— number one, first and foremost with discipline is to get clear on what it is I'm trying to address and correct right now. With discipline, it's the addressing and correcting, right? Which means that in the addressing and correcting, you also have to have some discussion. You have to have the explanation of the why. And I think too oftentimes as parents, we can get frustrated and irritated on several little things, and those little things can stack up like Legos, and then they do another thing, and now you're irritated about 9 things instead of the 1. So I, I would say first and foremost, it's clear on what it is I'm addressing and correcting. Then there's discussion, right, to make sure we're gaining understanding. And so that's where I've learned you've got to set the emotions aside and you got to focus on the facts. Focus on the lesson. And so oftentimes that'll require me taking a minute, decompressing, right? Really understanding what it is I'm trying to address and then formulating the plan about, okay, based on my son's personality— of the three, they're all wired different— how am I— what's the best way for me to parent him, right? And with some, it's the talking. Others, it's the grabbing and hugging. Uh, the other ones, it's, it's sitting down and going, come on, man,, you know, and really encouraging. And so that's what I've learned to do. You know, this gray hair didn't get here by accident, baby. This is called wisdom. I've lived some stupid, so I've learned some stuff. But trying to parent my boys based on their personality allows me to be more effective as a dad, uh, and not just trying to be a drill sergeant.

Yeah, I like that. Tailor it to each kid. Yeah, to what their personalities are. And, uh, This is the part I'll cut out because, uh, I just forgot where I was going to go with that. I had a great line lined up.

My bad.

No, it was my fault. I got distracted by something in the corner of my eye. We definitely had that. So I— when I was growing up, it was— my father was incredibly emotional, immediate, big reactions, things like that. Would jump to conclusions. Like, if he thought I did something wrong, there was no figuring facts out and things like that. It was immediate accusation. And so there was a lot of trust lost because of that, because there were just times where he was so completely wrong, yet he was— thought he was so completely right in his life. So those kind of things really stick with me on how I react to my kids of, you know, if there's, you know, if there's any doubt there, letting that play in a little bit of like, hey, if this happened, you know, this was completely wrong. This is not how we, this is not how we react. It's not how we do this. It's not what our family is going to represent. Uh, but I always wanted to make sure I didn't commit to something that I wasn't sure of, if that made sense. If I, if, if he got accused of something or, you know, a brother said he, I don't know, let's just say hit him in the face with a toy or something. Like, I wasn't going to commit to say that I know you did that. Right. You're saying you didn't, you know, because who knows what's kids sometimes you don't actually know what happened, but You know, that's something I always try and, um, you know, I like the, the approach you said of taking the emotion out of it.

It's easier said than done, right, in the heat of the moment. Um, and, and that's where, you know, you can't allow the frustration from other family members or work, you know, to kind of pull in on this isolated situation with your kid. And I think that, that can happen easier because we're all humans, we're all, you know, emotional. And we got feelings. The main thing is, is again, I think that time to decompress and really kind of breathe and make sure that I'm focused on this one issue, not the other 5 that I didn't bring up that got on my nerves, but I didn't bring them up. So if you didn't bring it up, you know, it's kind of too late to address it. But now, how am I handling this? And I think, you know, the, the slowing down to do that allows you to be a more effective parent.

Yeah, no, and I completely agree. And that's something I've had to force myself to do because, um, it does work out better. Because I could be— I could easily be the guy that reacts emotionally real fast every time. And yeah, it turns out I make better decisions and parent better. Yeah, step out of that.

Oh, absolutely. But unlike people like you and I that can be in that moment, you know, it's also the same for someone that has a longer fuse, right? Let's say that they don't overreact, but they kind of— they don't mention it. So it's just kind of under the level, but it's still irritating them. They're still seething on it. Well, eventually there's going to be a blowup, right? There's going to be something that comes that's handled incorrectly because you didn't address something promptly, right? And so I would just encourage the, you know, the dads out there, you know, address it in the right spirit, in the right way, promptly. But then that way you can get to a point where you can let it go or you can talk to some other men or other people around you to be able to process it. And I think that, that silent anger, that silent frustration and irritation is, is the most dangerous thing, um, in relationships.

Yeah, that can be a big boom later.

Yeah, it really can.

So, okay, let's, so let's step out of the discipline. Um, we, we kind of talk communication, we talk masculinity, we talk discipline. How about involvement with your kids? You know, you're, you're, you're, you're the, the epitome of masculinity. Let's say it. You're very busy. You've had a successful career. So how do you tie that into making sure you're not all about the career and actually involving yourself in the family and being part of the process and not just building a great career and then your kids are 30 and you missed it all and then there's issues in between that relationship?

You know, that's a great thing. And I think for men, we can get so caught up in providing for, uh, that we forget to be present for. And I think that's something that all of us have to begin to look at. Um, and then you have the whole discussion of quality time versus quantity of time. And when you're busy or you're in a busy season, you know, your time may be a little bit more limited. So that's why I think it's imperative to focus on the quality of the time that you have. Being connected with my boys, being so close in age, you know, obviously, you know, there are things that we do all together, but also carving out time to do things with them individually. When they're that close, you can have almost like this collective kind of group dynamic of how they all interact together. But, you know, it's important for that one-on-one. And if I could go back, in time, I would have made sure with the boys being so close together that I did more of that, right? Hindsight's always 20/20. And so acknowledging that now and then making sure to set aside time, you know, where we're doing things one-on-one, whether that's playing games, playing cards, uh, going for a walk, playing basketball, tennis, you know, whatever that is, but making sure you're getting that quality one-to-one time.

Yeah, no, I agree. I think one-on-one is, is big, and it's hard to carve that, especially the more kids you have.

And yes, it is your schedule And that's where I would tell the dads, don't get caught up in the quantity of the time, focus on the quality of it, right? Um, and you know, and again, that's me now with them being, you know, 17, 16, 15, you know, going up and playing some of the games they want to play. Those aren't necessarily the games that I would select, but it's not about me, it's about them. So I'm joining them on their turf, right?

Um, and that's, that's a great point in itself of You know, if your kid doesn't have the same interest as you, is just going a different direction. If, if you were the athletic dad and your kid for whatever reason is into, you know, the Harry Potter and Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Fly or Lord of whatever, Lord of the Rings, that's what it's called. Uh, make— immerse yourself in that. Like, just get into their world even though it's not that interesting to you. Like, you don't want your— you don't want to create such a big separation as they get older. So kind of, even though it's not your thing, That's right, your thing a little bit.

And you're absolutely right. Listen, you know, as husbands, you know, we've been invited to functions we didn't want to go to, right? But you went, right? You went. And so the same can be said, like you said, if your kid's into Legos or your kid's into something, join them where they are. Um, and again, it doesn't necessarily have to become your passion, but you want to understand why it's their passion What are they enjoying about it? And just be with them. Don't worry about necessarily the activity. Be with your kid.

Yeah, I think that time might actually— I kind of wish my kids had something like that. They're seeming to grow up a lot like me, but they can tease me about like the cartoons, the Sonic. They're really into Sonic and things like that.

Right.

I almost feel like it'd be a deep bonding experience if they were in an immersive hobby like Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. Not Game of Thrones because they're kids, but You know, those kind of things that, that I just don't, that I just don't follow. Like, teach me about this. Like, when a kid's teaching his dad about the thing he's really interested in, I, I feel like that would be such a, a deep bonding experience because you're absolutely—

I agree. The most powerful thing— watch your kids' eyes light up when they get to show you something that they've learned that you may or may not know, and asking them those questions. You know, I became a master at open-ended questions, you know, not the ones that they can just answer with yes or no. But, you know, tell me about why you like this so much. You know, tell me, how does it make you feel after you've— you know, my boys ran to Minecraft back in the day. I didn't understand it, had no idea what was going on. But to ask them questions and to watch them build things or to develop the bridge, they were pumped. You could hear the excitement in their voice that they were able to share with me something that they were passionate about. And I think we can do that no matter the age or stage of our kids. You asked me about, you know, when my boys are 25, 26, and 27, you know, I want us to be connected as we are now, even more so, uh, for them to know that their dad has their back, that I love them. You know, one of the things that I've done with my boys all their lives is we've been very physical, meaning we hug, we tell each other I love you. You know, as I, you know, we say it outwardly, unabashed. And that's something that I think a lot of people, you know, didn't have maybe with their parent, if your parent wasn't as verbal. And so you've got a great opportunity to hug them, tell them you love them. And I don't care how old they are. They can be 35, 50, doesn't matter. Grab them, hug them and say, you know what, I love you. Let them hear it from you. And don't ever be a— but don't ever be ashamed to show it.

That's a great tip. That's a great tip.

I think a lot of us growing up, you can look back on the father you had or the father you didn't have, and I think a lot of times there can be a void for us dads nowadays. Uh, but I'm going to say this, regardless of what your childhood looks like— looked like growing up— you've got an opportunity to define your fatherhood legacy now.. And maybe you've not been what you wanted to be, but you get a chance to start over today. None of us are perfect, but we're all perfectly capable of improvement. So I would just encourage the dads out there, let go of those mistakes, let go of the things you got wrong. And if you need to, go apologize to your kid if you handled something wrong. But clean the slate, make the plate available for you to be able to build something new. Uh, every day you've got an opportunity to build something stronger and, and bigger than you had before. And I think that relationship in speaking love, in showing love, in showing affirmation, and giving encouragement as a dad, you can make an incredible mark on your kid. And I don't care how old they are, none of us are too old, uh, to not appreciate some words of affirmation and some guidance.

Uh, in the business world, we, we write a lot of stuff down. We write down our goals, we write down our task list, we write down our our kind of aspirations and hopes and dreams and, and how we're going to get there. Do you think that would be a valuable thing for fathers to do as well? It's kind of like, what are our hopes and dreams, you know, for our kids? What are some tactics we want to use? What are some practical things we want to make sure we get done? You know, and you talk seasonally before, which is a phrase I love, um, you know, of this quarter or this year. I mean, and setting goals and fatherhood and kind of creating a a framework, a guiding force in a sense, uh, in fatherhood specifically.

I couldn't agree more, my friend. I, I think, you know, when we start to think about our goals and think about our dreams, it's not just enough to think about it and wish for it, right? We got a plan for it. And so just like with anything else, I think fatherhood is something you have to plan for. Um, you know, I've already written down the things that I'm going to do with the boys individually this weekend. What we're going to do collectively. And it's not me as a dictator. It's like, okay, I'm writing down 3 to 4 options of stuff I know they love. So I'm gonna ask, all right, man, what do you want to do? You know, what do you— you and I've got like an hour, 2 hours. What do you want to go do? And again, you know, they're teenagers, so sometimes it's, let's go to the mall. I'm like, oh my gosh, we're going to the mall? Come on, man. You know, and I'm like, all right, that's fine. Now we get to the mall, they try to ditch Dad. Right. They try to— they try, you know, but I'm fast. I'm not as fast as I used to be, but I'm still fast. I can stay close. But, you know, being intentional and spending time, I think, is important. And yes, writing it down, having that plan of how are you going to grow as a dad, you know, and maybe it's just you getting a couple other dads around you that you guys are going to go to breakfast once a week, you know, maybe it's grabbing up some books and understanding, you know what, how do I get better at this stuff? If you didn't have somebody to guide you, it doesn't mean that you still can't be an incredible dad. So how are you going to go about that? And I would say get intentional. I'd read, I would reach out to people, uh, you know, have those conversations. But just know you are capable of improving. We just have to do it decisively.

Sure. I mean, what you focus on and what you think about and put actual effort towards is what you're going to improve in, in every aspect.

Absolutely.

So, um, we'll wrap this up with, uh, see if there's some bonus content we can get here. Uh, let's see if— so you're in the financial world for a long time. Um, the hot topic right now, and I get a lot of it and I don't dabble enough in the space, I've got a little bit here and there, is the NFT and crypto stuff. That is what everyone talks about. I get a lot of messages about that. What do I think about it? Stuff like that. And I kind of always defer. I don't know what the heck's going on with it. It seems to be popular. Seems to be— I wish I had bought a bunch of stuff 10 years ago. Wish I had done Bitcoin when I thought it was this stupid thing, but I didn't. So, but you know, it looks like it might stick around and I dabble in it. I have a little bit, but I know almost nothing about it. You are in that space. Do you want to speak into that to some dads at all and give Chris Hogan's perspective of the NFT and crypto world?

Well, you know, the interesting thing is with the NFT, you know, back in the day, and I may date myself here, but we used to have the trading cards, right? And so the trading card was that collectible, whether it was Topps or, you know, all the Madden or all the different types out there. Well, NFTs have become this new digital art form. And there are many ways people are using it, many options and opportunities for it. You know, I would just say, you know, you want to go into it with your eyes wide open. You want to understand what it is and how it works. Works and what your long-term plan is for it. You know, I've talked to some people that have some NFTs and they've got some pieces of art that they're very excited about. I've got others that are buying it and they're going to look to sell it eventually. So they're looking at it as an investment. I would just say keep your eyes open, understand what you're dealing with. And as always, you know, only use the money you can afford to, to spend on that, on that item. Crypto is another world. You know, that, that to me is a lot more risk with the, you know, the digital currency. So NFTs are digital art, things that you can collect. A crypto is a digital currency. And so, you know, that is much more volatile and can be a lot more involved and a lot more risky for people. So I just tell them, go into it with your eyes wide open, understand it. If you don't understand it, don't do it.

That's fair. And it seems to me the NFTs can only be purchased with crypto. At least that's what I've seen so far.

No, no, uh, the NFTs, you have the ability to be able to buy them with dollars, uh, or, or with a thing called Ethereum, uh, which is, uh, that's a crypto, isn't it? Uh, no, it is actually a form— it's a form of fuel, let's say, like you put gas in the gas tank to drive your car. The Ethereum is what you use to purchase these items, for some of them. So again, you know, it's a matter of doing the research, uh, understanding what it is you're doing it for, and making sure you're, you know, using money you can afford to use.

That's fair. Yeah, see, that's— I mean, so I thought Ethereum was like a Bitcoin. I didn't even know.

No, yeah, no, it's the fuel used to purchase things.

Okay, see That hardly makes sense to me. I have got a lot more research before I can even—

there's a lot out there. But I'd encourage the dads, you know, if it's something you're interested in, do some reading, do some research, you know. Um, you know, back in the day— oh, I'm really about to date myself— in my childhood, we had the encyclopedia, right? You have that set, or you have to go to the library and use the Dewey Decimal System, you know, to locate stuff. Now with phones and computers, We've got access to millions and billions of pieces of information at our fingertips. And so I would just say, you know, take the time to research and grow your knowledge.

So, so you're right on that. There's so much information out there. And so the flip side of that is there's information that's wrong out there. And so how do you— I guess, do you have any structure on how you determine what's a valid source versus non-valid source, especially in like a burgeoning field like crypto. Like, you can't necessarily just take CNN and Fox News. Those are the credible sources.

Yeah, it's gonna— I think it's, it's one of those, you have to find sources that you, you, you trust. Uh, and again, it's doing digging. And you're right, there's a lot of good information out there and there's a lot of misinformation. Uh, but the beauty of it is, is, you know, with a few clicks, we can kind of begin to see and, and gather information. And then, as always, don't re— don't hesitate to reach out to somebody to ask questions.

Yeah, that's fair.

Yeah. All right, but real quick before we wrap, I also want to let people know, you know, go to my website, uh, check out coachhogan.com. Uh, you'll see there are programs on there to help people who are wanting more results in their life, uh, for people that are maybe feel stuck or frustrated. Maybe you've gone through change or some stuff that needs to change and you're wanting to get empowered on how to go about it. Uh, you can go— again, it's coachhogan.com. Would love for you to check it out. And, uh, there are even prompts on there that you can reach out to me if you have questions.

That was going to be my next question. We're going to wrap up. Is there, you know, how, how do we go through Coach Hogan? And yeah, what tools do you have? And, uh, any books or anything like that coming out?

Got— I'm working on some stuff, but nothing coming out right now. I'm focused on that content on the website and, and those courses that are there. And, you know, looking at ways just to keep encouraging people. That is something that I'm always going to do, you know, and did it for over, you know, almost 20 years in the financial sector. And now focusing on that life side gives me a bigger opportunity to make more of an impact in people on a topic that's bigger than money, and that's called life. And so I'm excited, you know, to be able to engage with people and to help guide them on the path to help them reach the results they're striving for.

So twofold question: what kind of people are coming through the, the Coach Hogan site and I guess going through your programs? And what does the program entail? Is this a, like, a newsletter series? Is this one-on-one coaching? Is this group coaching? Is this like a virtual course kind of thing? What is—

what is going to be a digital course? Uh, there's going to be a few of those on there, so I'd encourage people again to check it out. But the ages of people, I mean, there are people anywhere from 18 to 61, you know, that are coming on and, you know, and connecting with me on social. So you can find me again, Coach Chris Hogan, on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, all the places. But, you know, people have gone through a lot in the last few years. You know, the COVID situation, which changed the way we live, the way we work, the way we interact with family. And so people are feeling the weight weight of this frustration, this irritation, or this desire for change. And they're wanting to know, what do I do? How do I begin to do this? How do I take back control of my life? And so I'm loving the conversations, I'm loving the engagement, and more importantly, I'm honored for the opportunity to be able to help them.

Absolutely. Coach, do we call you just Coach now since it's Coach Hogan?

You can call me Coach. Absolutely, man. It's been a pleasure to be with you. Thank you so much. Uh, for the opportunity, and I hope we've shared some information that will encourage your listeners out there.

Absolutely, and I appreciate you coming on.

Thank you, my friend.

This is a 100 Dad production. You must visit our website at 100dad.com, 100dad.com. Find us on TikTok and Instagram at 100 Dad, @100dad. And as always, email Townsend at 100dad.com. Now hit that subscribe button.