Andy Neary talks with a producer managing an $8-9 million book who still feels like a fraud. They explore why top performers battle imposter syndrome and what shifts the mindset: naming your doubts out loud, crediting your wins instead of luck, and building routines that reinforce confidence.
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I think if you sat down with a lot of elite producers today, if they were willing to admit it, most of them struggle with a, call it violent fear of failure. They have a big fear of failure. And I think they all also deal with imposter syndrome. And believe it or not, those two things are what actually drive them. And I work with a guy right now that's got an $8, $9 million book. He still has imposter syndrome at $8 to $9 million. He still feels like he hasn't arrived.
You know, I was just speaking this morning to somebody I really care for. The most repeated verse in the Bible is do not be afraid. And at what point in my career was I ready to let go of, well, last year was just lucky, you know? At what point can I trust the process? That's what the pro golfers do. They don't sweat the shot. They go through their routine. And that is next level of, I think, of engagement is like, Let go of that fear. That's the devil talking, man. You know, you are made uniquely and you are gifted and you need to start believing that. The same is true with dating. If you think you're undateable, your date's gonna see that. And you know, you need to have confidence that you're a good person, that you have good objectives and you wanna have a happy life. And you know, that fear, I think the most important thing, Andy, is that what you're doing for that person is you're talking about it. Because Seth Godin says, "The problem you can't talk about is now two problems." And so you kind of gotta get released from that. That doubt, it just doesn't have a place here.
Yeah, but you just— again, another, another good point. I hope everybody heard. I know I'm terrible at this, but I'm sure there's a lot of good salespeople out there downplaying your success. You know, when people give you the kudos and the adulation, well, last year was a lucky year, or, you know, I, I got that $100,000 win because of this— downplaying those wins instead of saying thank you, you're right, I earned that.
Yeah.
And I think more of us could stand to do that. Not that that's arrogant or cocky in any way, but let go of that downplaying your success and actually be grateful and proud of yourself that you've earned it.
Amen. I could not agree more. That is a wonderful habit to develop. And like how we speak of ourselves matters. It really does. Your brain doesn't know the difference. Yeah. Doesn't know the difference between criticism and praise.
Yeah. Well, let me— let's just go right to it. I'm curious to hear from you. What do you think separates elite benefit consultants from, let's call it, the average broker in our industry?
Yeah, so I would, I, you know, obviously this is my bias, uh, because how I'm made, but I, I feel that, uh, sharing truth is, is challenging sometimes. And what I found is the, the only thing that business owners like more than their relationships is their business. And so if you can be a consultant that most of us can identify issues, we can see them, sometimes we hesitate to say them because of fear of losing the deal or, or having the relationship suffer. And I believe the best of the best share it. And if you haven't been one that can let it rip, you're never going to be able to share it in a manner that's acceptable if you don't start trying. The analogy I give sometimes is like when you learn to dance, you step on toes. Neo didn't make the jump in The Matrix, and he was still the one. But you have to try. And we usually don't develop that, especially in the South. To criticize is like a cardinal sin. So there's a lot of— politeness and honestly sometimes passive aggressiveness. And I think that if you can find that happy medium of being caring and direct, that's next level. It's helping people find their part. If they're not a part of the problem, they'll never be a part of the solution. And I think good consultants can help bring that to the attention. And direct. Not have it polarize people. Necessary, kind, and true. That's kind of the three rules. But the true part sometimes doesn't get embraced. In fear of repercussions.
