Take 100% RESPONSIBILITY for Your Choices [Friday Bullpen Sessions Episode 44]

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Hey. Hey. It is Friday. It is time for Friday bullpen sessions. My name is Andy Neary. Each week I deconstruct my journey, my struggles through professional baseball to help unpack yours so you can live a life on purpose. I take the lessons I learned in baseball and help you apply them in business and in life. So if you're ready to join me, grab your glove, grab a ball, get ready to take the mound and get ready to be down to strike out the limiting beliefs in your life. Alright, here we go.

Hey, hey. Welcome back. Happy Friday. I hope you are having a great start to the day and a great finish to an unbelievable week. So what are we going to talk about this week? Oh, yes, I want to talk about having you take 100% responsibility for the choices in your life. Listen, I know it's not an easy topic right now, but I've been having a lot of conversations over the last two or three months with friends, colleagues, coaching clients, and I'm hearing a lot of excuses. Heck, I myself have made excuses. And it's easy to. Right now, we are living in an environment where things are definitely out of our control, right? We're being told what we need to do when we go in public. Nothing we asked for. Our children are home and we're being forced to homeschool and we didn't ask for that. We're seeing a lot of losses. We're seeing a lot of contraction, not expansion. We're seeing a lot of limitations, not abundance. And so it is just so easy right now to make excuses, and especially when it comes to why you're not winning in business, why you're not making the progress you're making with your career, or just happiness in life in general. So today I want to deconstruct that, I want to debunk that, and I want to help you, I don't know, craft a little plan to help you create a little more happiness and success in your life right now. And everything seems to be going the other way because as I always say, when you feel like you're losing everything, it's really the time. You have nothing to lose. So I hope you're ready to go for it. I hope you're ready to take this podcast episode as a launching pad to help you take off and have the business and have the life, have the career that you know you're capable of. So let's, let's dive into this topic today, shift your mindset. And I thought the best place to start this topic is to give you Some examples of where I have failed in my life when it comes to taking 100% responsibility for my choices or being a sore loser, whatever it might be, blaming outside circumstances for my results. I mean, most of you don't remember me as a kid or didn't know me as a kid. But for the ones that might be listening in that knew me When I was 9, 10, 11, 12 years old, I have to admit, I was a brat. I was a sore loser. I mean, I can remember two.

Very distinct examples in my sports career where I didn't take 100% responsibility for the result I got. And I was a sore loser. I was blaming others. The first one was, I think it was in sixth grade. Every year.

Our area, we lived about 30 miles outside of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, we had. There was a big annual free throw contest. It was, I think actually it was a statewide free throw contest and every age level. So I think 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th grades, all competed against each other. It was just this big tournament where you would go to one location, you know, one school and take on other competitors purely shooting free throws. And the winner out of that competition would go on to the next one, go on to the next one, until you finally got to call it like the state finals of free throw shooting, right? And I was a really good free throw shooter as a kid because I, you know, spent hours and hours practicing in my driveway. But this particular free throw contest, it was the, I don't know, the second or third round of the contest. So I had advanced and the tournament or that, that little sectional regional, whatever you want to call it, was being held in the hometown, in my hometown of Kahnamwok, Wisconsin. And so I remember getting there, it was held at 6, St. Jerome's St. Jerome's Catholic School. And it was a weekend long tournament, right? You shoot, you go up against somebody. If you win, you go on to the next round, that person's done, and you just keep eliminating each other until there's two people left and the winner advances to the next stage. And I believe after this stage was the state tournament held in Milwaukee. And what happened was I got down. I can't remember honestly if it was the semifinals or actually the finals. And I was going up against a good friend of mine, Pat Dawson. And Pat and I were the same age. Pat 2 was a very, very good free throw shooter and ends up Pat beats me. And it's funny about when you're competing in a free throw contest is very binary, right? There's no judgment calls. You either make more free throws than the other person or you don't. It's very obvious to know who won and who lost. And in this case, Pat. Pat beat me. Beat me right out. He made more free throws than I did. He was more accurate. And here's what was so crazy. You know, the scoreboard made it very obvious that Pat had won. We were shooting at the same free throw at the same hoop, same environment, and I lost. And instead of taking that as a lesson to be learned or accepting the fact that somebody else was better than me that day, I was a sore loser. I didn't even shake Pat's hand. I refused to. In fact, I believe I walked out of the gym and made a bunch of excuses of why I didn't win. You know, the ball was too big. It wasn't the same ball we had used before. We didn't shoot at the same hoop that we had shot at earlier in the day. Whatever these bullshit excuses were, I threw out there because I was willing to blame anything but my actual performance for the result. And so I didn't learn anything from that. Right? I just walked away a sore loser. Days later. I was embarrassed that I had done that, especially after my parents made it very obvious that I was. That was an embarrassing move on my part. And it took me a few years to learn what it meant to take responsibility for my choices, for the things I'm doing. Because even when I got into high school baseball, you know, whether I was eighth grade, freshman year, pitching, you know, I can recall moments pitching on the mound where I didn't have a great outing, where the other team, you know, was. Was distinctively the better team that day. And they hit me hard, hit me around the field. And I emotionally would show it on the. On. On the mound. I would show my anger on the mound, my frustration. And again, looking back at it, man, 30 years later, it's embarrassing to think about, but I just didn't take responsibility for my actions. I blamed everything else. And I don't know how many of you listening in can.

Resonate with what I'm saying. Maybe you've done that before. If it's not in sports, maybe it's in business. I think about, like, my early business career when I was working for Federated Insurance. I sucked. But I blamed everything else except my own actions. I blamed my boss. I blamed the district or the.

District or the section I was given of the county to go sell, the market, the environment. I mean, I was blaming anything, everything but my own actions. And so that's what I want to talk about today. If you're sitting there, especially with COVID impacting your business or your success or even, hell, you're just your progress, I want to talk to you directly today to help you shift your mindset, help you overcome some, maybe some limiting beliefs, some blaming that you might be doing right now so you can take the action you need. You can use the losses as learning lessons and not as validation for why you're not winning. And so let's dive into that. Let's start unpacking.

What was the result? If I go back to my childhood of not being a sore loser, not accepting my losses as a lesson to be learned, just making excuses for that environment of why I lost, whether it was at the free throw line or on the mound, the result was this. If I just blamed other things for my result, my outcome, I make absolutely zero progress. Because if you're blaming outside circumstances, if it's a person, if it's an environment, if it's a market, hell, your competition for the reason you're not winning right now, one, you're not learning anything. But number two, if you're not learning anything, you're not going to take appropriate actions to change, to get better. So the number one result of blame is right now, there's no progress, no action. So if you find yourself blaming outside circumstances for your losses, your lack of progress right now, stop it. Because you're not going to take the appropriate actions you need to take to move forward and get better at your skill, at your craft, whatever that might be, at your relationships with your family.

Blaming also.

Doesn'T help you craft a plan to take positive actions in the right steps. You see, if you just blame others for your outcomes, people are doing that right now with the government. If you're just blaming others for your outcomes, your results, right now, all you're doing is validating why you're not winning, why you're not making progress, and why you're not happy. It's just a validation. And if you're constantly seeking validation for why you're not winning, all you're gonna end up doing is continuing to not win. It's a very simple formula.

So we need to stop the blame game. Remember the old phrase we were taught as kids? When you point your finger at someone or something else, there are always three fingers pointing back at you. So how can you fix this? How can we change? How can we shift our mindset? If you're not happy right now, if you're not making progress right now, if you are not.

Winning the way you think you should be, number one, you need to evaluate why.

Evaluate your environment. Are you hanging around the right people? Look at your, the people you're closest to, whether it's family or friends. I've talked about this in previous episodes. Are these people raising you up? Are they dragging you down? It's a very simple equation. Now, this is the tough conversation people don't like to have. What if that person in your life who's dragging you down is someone who's very close, a sibling, a parent? You can't just eliminate them from your life. Andy, I get it. But here's a rule I learned following one of my mentors that I've had for a few years, Darren Hardy. I want you to think about this when it comes to evaluating your environment, mainly your tribe, the people you're hanging around with. There are going to be people in your life that you'll want to can call three minute friends, people that you could, you know, have a very short passing by conversation with, ask them how they're doing. They ask you how you're doing and you go on your merry way. You're going to have a group of folks who are your three hour friends, people that you could spend an afternoon with hanging out, go grabbing a dinner, going out on, you know, going out on the boat, grabbing a round of golf, whatever that might be. But three hours is pretty much, you know, it's enough. And then you move on. And then you're going to have your three day friends. And those are the friends that you could go on vacation with. Those are your friends that you could spend.

Three days with hanging out, having deep conversations, positive conversations. And those three day friends are the people that are going to lift you up and they're going to help you get better. They're going to help you stay in a positive mindset. So number one, I want you to evaluate your environment. Who are you hanging around? Start with your tribe and figure out which people in your life are your three minute friends, which ones are your three hour friends and which ones are your three day friends. And again, maybe those three hour friends might be a sibling, a sister, a brother, it could be a mother or father. I'm not saying eliminate them, but I am telling you to maybe limit the time you're spending with them.

Number two, I want you to evaluate if you're actually taking losses as lessons to be learned or are you just using them as a reason to blame and validate.

Because if you actually use losses or a Lack of progress as a learning lesson, that you need to get better as a gut check. What's going to happen is you are going to go back to the basics. You're going to get back to working on your craft, your skills, your knowledge, your mindset. Because if you don't use them as learning lessons and you're just looking at losses, your lack of progress, your lack of happiness, as see, I told you this is what happens in my life and you're blaming everything, all you're going to end up doing is repeating your chapter one over and over and over again. What do I mean by chapter one? You remember when you started in your job, your career, trying to learn a new skill. Maybe it was playing guitar, playing, getting out on the bike and cycling, skiing, water skiing. Whatever it is, at the beginning you sucked, right? But you knew the only way you could get better is through repetition, through working on the small things within that craft, learning some new skills to get better. If you're not trying to get better right now and you're just repeating the same things over and over and over, repeating your chapter one, you aren't going to get better. So I want you to take this loss, these losses, anything that might be happening with your business right now, the lack of progress you're making, maybe then compared to what you were just six months ago, as a lesson to get better, go back to the basics, work on your craft, figure out what it is you need the most help with. Is it more knowledge? Is it more skill? Is it coaching? I don't know. Figure out what and who you can find so that you can start getting better. So use your losses as a lessons to be learned, not as reasons to just validate why you are where you are. And the last piece of advice with evaluating why you're not winning is, are your goals too big? This is one thing I was terrible at. In the past, I would set these unbelievable goals every single year. And then by February, January, I realized the goal was so damn big, I'm staring up at the top of this, what seemed to be mountaintop, way behind. It was impacting my progress, it was impacting my happiness. And by the time the first quarter of the year was done, I was already defeated.

And so.

Fixing why you're not winning, why you are where you are right now, starts with evaluating your current environment. Whether it's friends, whether it's how you're taking losses, or looking at your goals and saying, man, are these goals that are realistic? Are these goals I'm all about stretch Goals. But if you make goals that are unrealistic, it's just going to lead to a lot of frustration, anxiety, and unhappiness. And it's going to become easy to blame other things for why you're not winning. Other people, your environment, and you're not taking responsibility for your own actions. Remember what this topic is about. You need to own your shit. Everything that is happening in your life right now is a result of a choice you made. Listen, I know you didn't ask for Covid. I know you didn't ask for the lockdown. But I still want you to do everything you can to actually gut check and say, what responsibility, what choices have I been making even since COVID that has led to the outcome, the result I have right now? The second thing I want you to evaluate is where are you spending your time if you're not making progress in your career, if you're not winning as much as maybe you just were at the end of last year before everything hit, where are you spending your time? Because the one equalizer is we all have the same amount of hours every single day. There are 24 of them. And so I want you to figure out where you're spending your time right now. And you have to get so, so good at this right now, especially if you have children at home every single day like you didn't have just four or five months ago.

So how are you spending your time? What are you spending your time on? Are you working on your priorities? Do you know what your priorities are right now?

I think part one bleeds into the second step. Look at your goals. What are you trying to accomplish? What is it going to take to accomplish those goals? And then develop a plan of action, a blueprint so that you can achieve that goal by December 31st. Because again, we all have the same number of hours every single day. The people who are succeeding are just using those hours a hell of a lot more effectively than you are. And they're getting more done in less time because they're lasered and locked in on their priorities and they're letting other balls fall and they're okay with it. So where are your priorities? What are your priorities? And are you focusing on those every single day and develop the habits and rituals? Everything in life right now is about control. You can't control the fact you have to wear a mask in public. You can't control the fact your favorite restaurant's shut down. You can't control the fact you may not be able to see friends and family like you used to. But here's what you can control. How you start your day, your thoughts, whether you watch the news, full of negativity or not. So develop the right habits and routines in your daily life so you can take control of your mindset, you can take control of your days. Because when you control those, you start controlling your future and you start having a greater control on the outcome you are going to generate. And with that being said, I want you to stop letting the when I syndrome infectious your life. What's holding you back? I've been telling people this since the day Covid hit. This is the time to rewrite your future.

So quit making excuses, quit blaming everything else for your lack of success and use this time to build the foundation to take control, to make sure the rest of your life is as awesome as it could be. So stop saying when I do this, when my kids are out of the house, win, win, win, win, win. And just take action. Action now.

And the last tip I have for you to start taking 100% responsibility for every decision you make in your life is eliminate the validators from your life. This kind of goes back to the tribe. Are there people in your life right now when you're losing, when you've had a bad day that you go to because all you want them to do is validate where you are right now? Yeah, man, I know, it sucks right now, doesn't it, man? No, that loss wasn't your fault. You know, if they had given you a better opportunity to win, you would have won. It's not your fault. Dude, do you have those people in your life? Because I'm telling you right now, get them the hell out of your life. Surround yourself with people who aren't gonna let you sit in your bullshit. Surround yourself with people who are gonna empathize but then are going to force you to get better. They're going to hold you accountable to use your losses as means of getting better. They're going to force you to up level your skills, your mindset. Those are the people you want to be hanging around with right now. Ditch the losers and find the people who are going who are winning right now and who are going to raise you up and help you win.

Because what you focus on, what you think about comes about and who you spend your time with is going to have the greatest impact on the results you're getting right now. So I know that may have seemed all over the map, but my point is this. None of us asked for what we have right now. Again, there are A lot of things that are out of our control. I don't like wearing a mask. I don't like the fact that everything I do in public is just a little bit harder these days because it takes two, two or three extra steps and a little more time than it used to. But I can control how I react to it. I can control every single decision I make in my life. And I promise you, when you get there, when you start taking control of the way you're thinking, who you're hanging around and the choices you're making, shit gets really good. So do me a favor. Use this as a springboard to reverse the negativity in your life, to reverse the lack of progress you're making, the lack of happiness you might have right now because you know you're damn good. All it takes is for you to first understand it, evaluate your environment, look around and figure out who you're hanging around, figure out where and how you're spending your time, and then get your butt around people who are going to level you up and force you to get better. That is the secret to happiness, business, success, and a hell of a lot of progress, my friend. So do me a favor. Go out today, take that action because you know you're good. And go out and start building the future of your dreams because you know when clarity and confidence collide, action happens. Go make it happen today.

Well, subscribe, give it a five star rating. And if you know of the anybody in your life, whether it's in your family, personal life, your friends, business colleagues that you think would find benefit in listening to these episodes as well, do me a favor, please share the bullpen sessions with them. I'd be extremely grateful if you did. And again, go out and make it happen today. Thank.

You.