Are you really relationship material?

Hey y'all, I know it's late, but you know, as creative people, we kind of, um, we work at night, we work late. So, you know, I'm whispering and everything, got my music on, you know. Y'all got— I'm a music head, I love— yeah, I just love music. I bet y'all don't remember this song right here. That good old Western— How y'all do? Who's up? Who's out with me? Where y'all at? Y'all don't know about this. Y'all, y'all young folks don't know nothing about this. Is that— it's that, um, The Deal. I think so. Hey, girly! Oh, you think you ready for, um, you think you ready for a relationship, girl? Hey girl, love your show. Thank you so much, Rashawn. Jackson, Florida is in the building. Hey Angelo, thank you. Los Angeles. Hey, hey, hey, Auntie April. Hey Brittany, I'm Auntie now, I love it. Um, Stephanie, I'm up. Who up? Who up? Y'all up? Shoot him up. Love that. They don't know. Yeah, they don't know about that. Anywho, I'm up late. Um, it's where I am, it is after midnight. Where's my phone? I don't know where my phone is, but it's after, um, it's after midnight. But you say y'all love my lipstick. Um, this is— I gotta, I gotta figure out because y'all ask me about my makeup and lipstick all the time. So I'm gonna figure that out, figure out the color, because I just thought it was pretty. So I got it. So I'll find out that information for you guys. I don't know why I'm whispering. I don't know. But I'm sitting here jamming to some old school, my old school love jams. I wanted to bring y'all in here to jam with me tonight, but I am getting a little work done. I'm working on my, working on my Are You an Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite. So as I'm sitting here with my music going, you know, the question is, are you ready for a relationship, or are you relationship material? I want to ask y'all, um, that how many of y'all feel like y'all relationship is, um, material? If you say you— if you believe you're ready and are relationship material, type down below and say, that's me, that's me. Hey y'all, I want to see if y'all are ready. I'll call it for you so you can find it. I don't know what you talking about, uh, Chuck. I missed that one. I'm sorry, dear. You like my background? Thank you so much. Yes, your skin is flawless, please share. Thank y'all. You don't look— I keep the stress down. I don't have no drama and stress in my life. That keeps the— no, no acne and all that. Um, that's me. Yeah, so y'all ready? Y'all ready? Y'all ready for relationships? What's up Beverly Hills, California here? Hey Beverly Hills! Shoot 'Em Up Movies, love that song. Y'all don't know about that. You know you feeling it when you do your mouth. You know you feeling it. Okay, y'all saying y'all ready? Y'all ready? Okay, I want to ask you a question for all of those. I'll let some more— that's me, that's y'all, that's me, then I'm ready— come in. Let's see, it's the 14th here in Korea. Oh wow, so that y'all like that many days ahead of us, really? So it's Valentine's Day there. Happy Valentine's Day, um, to you, darling. Give a shout out to our soldiers. Hey, well, a big shout out to our soldiers, you know, because my son will be a military man as of April 15th, so I'm always down for that, for our soldiers. So, um, let's see, let's see what else y'all got to say. Y'all ready? Come on, I need to know that y'all ready before I get into this. Bay Area is watching the Warriors game. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. I'm ready, but don't claim to know or have it all. Me and my wife, 10, um, 10 going on 11 years. That's me. I'm Joanne Kelly, recently married August 9th. Congratulations. That's me. Hello April, love your videos. Hello, hello. Do it, do it. Do it, do it. Thank you. So, um, thank you so much. Okay, got you. Hey Australia, y'all ready? Y'all ready? Don't— you know, like I said, I got my music on. This is my old school stuff, so this is the kind of music April Mason listen to. So y'all don't know about this, uh, Gino right here. I bet y'all don't know about that. So anyway, what I wanted to talk to you guys about this late night, um, as I was working It's— everybody says that they're ready for a relationship or they're ready, they're relationship material. But actually, let me ask you, what makes you relationship material? Let me turn this down. Hold on, how do I turn it down? Okay, I'm trying to figure this out. Hold on, y'all. Here it is. Let's see. You are a fine-tuned version of Nene Leakes. Is that— that's too fine. I mean, that's too funny. Okay, you love old school music, uh, Jerome? Me too. This is, this is This is what I'm— this is what I listen to. This is, this is what mellows me out, you know. That, that new stuff don't work for me. Y'all don't know about that right there. I got some more coming. I could just kind of flow, and if it gets too loud, just let me know. Um, but anywho, everybody says that they're relationship ready and I'm ready, I'm a relationship material, right? But I gotta ask, um, I gotta ask, what makes you that? What have you done to prepare yourself? I'm not ready. I want to be. Lavina, what makes you not ready? Okay, so, so I've seen some of you guys say— somebody said, I'm too damaged after all of the, you know, your years of being married. And then I see some of you say you are, some of you say, you know, you aren't. But my question is, what are you doing to prepare yourself to be in a relationship? Some of us, we, you know, we just live life day to day and just automatically assume because we're male and email that we are ready for love. Uh, what advice would you give girls in her 20s relationship-wise? I'll get to that in a minute because my daughter's in her 20s. She'll be 21 in a few months— I mean, excuse me, 22. So I'll give out, if I can remember, uh, because I get a little scatterbrained sometimes because so many thoughts be running through a sister's mind. So if I can get back to that, I will. So once again, what have you done to prepare yourself for what you say you want? And most people, they're not doing anything. They just say, I'm ready for a relationship and I'm looking for love. And I don't understand, we prepare ourselves for everything else in life, but we don't prepare ourselves for one of the most important parts in our life, and that's love. Opening up ourselves to love. Yes, we've all gone through stuff. Anybody been in a breakup? Yes. Anybody been Divorce, I have. Anybody have dealt with abuse, lying and cheating? Yeah, I've done— I've dealt with that. But you have to— there comes a point in time where you have to say, I'm going to move past that. Somebody just asked, how do you— how do you get past those things? Everything is a choice. Everything is a choice. What do you need to do? You need to make a choice. Um, okay, wait, stop. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I saw something. Wait a minute. Wow, this is about— it was very interesting, you know, some more confirmation. I'm reading something and it caught my attention. But anywho, um, moving forward and, um, and saying I'm not, I'm not gonna have trust issues, or I'm gonna work on it, I'm going to stop replaying of my past in my mind— all of that stuff is a choice. So the person that said that they're damaged, you're damaged because you want to continue to be damaged. Whatever you say it is, is what it will be. So I look at the, uh, the, the lady Esther in the Bible. She went through 12 months of preparation. 12 months. 12 months of preparation for her king. What, ladies, what are you doing to prepare for your king? Fellas, what are you doing to prepare for your queen? Forgiveness is key, but it's like, how, how people say, how do you forgive? And it goes back to what I said a little while ago. Everything is a choice. You can choose to live a life of unforgiveness. You can choose to live a life of fear. You can choose to live a life of lack. Everything is about how you choose to view things. What, what do you say? What'd you say? I don't think you choose not to want to trust the next man. I think you do, because the reason why you don't trust them is because you're choosing not to trust them. You're allowing somebody from your past to dictate how you are— how and if you're going to choose, uh, to trust the next man. So you're choosing to let the person in the past and what happened in the past have power over, um, over what you'll do in your next relationship. No, absolutely, you, you be wise, you pay attention to the signs, but you can't hold somebody else accountable to what someone else did in the past. So everything that you're holding, everything that you are refusing to do, or whatever that fear is that has you bound, that's a choice that you're making to allow it to have you bound. So that means you have to do some work within yourself to say, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to look at every person and say they're going to do the same thing to me. Like I said, you Wisdom. Be wise. You, you pay attention to the red flags. You don't go out there looking for stuff. It will reveal itself. When you go out there looking, you will find stuff and make up things in your mind that are not even there. So if things happen and it's like, okay, boop boop boop, that's a red flag, that's a red flag, pay attention to that. But if you're going out looking to see, let me see, let me test this fool and see if he lying about where he at, let me test her and see, you know, if she's this or that, No, you can't do that. When you do that, that means you're automatically setting yourself up for some foolishness to happen in the relationship. Let's see. I've been single for 3 years. I'm too afraid to not see the red flags and get out of an uncomfortable, healthy relationship if needed. It's hard letting those walls down. I've forgiven my ex, but it's still hard. It's only hard because you're making it hard. It's only hard because you're making it hard. I've gone through some things, my, you know, myself, you know, I've loved, I've loved. I'm one of those people, when I love you, I'm down for you. I love hard. I got you. And I've had people, um, misuse me, mishandle me, misuse my trust. But at the same time, because I am a loving person, I can't let what someone did in the past stop me. All I can do is make better choices and pay attention to the red flags. That's the only thing that you can do. But if you are going to guard your heart, you're guarding your heart from somebody coming in as well. It's a two-way street. You can't say, I have my wall up and I won't refuse to be vulnerable, and I can't— I'm not willing to let nobody in. Um, but I mean, I'm trying to barricade myself, and that's what you're doing, but you're barricading yourself from good coming in too. So you got to make up your mind. Love is, is a risk. You, you take a risk when you make— when you, um, choose to love. You just got to make sure you're making better choices. I'm just saying. What do you say? I'm proposing to my girl soon and I need some— I need some advice. Well, first of all, congratulations on even proposing. I love that. I'm sure, you know, if I come up with something, I'll let you know, but nothing dropping in my mind yet. All I can say is do it big because we like big. We like big. I know I like big. I, I want my proposal to be big. I'll be happy for the proposal, but I like— I want something just fantastic. So do something that will blow her mind. So as a, as a person that have gone through things, once again, you have to make better choices. And no, I will say this, even if you do think you're making better choices, you cannot control how a person will, um, change in a relationship. You can only change, uh, control yourself. There's a two-party— there's two parties in a relationship. You are only part of the equation. You can only control yourself. However, you got to make sure that you paid attention to the flags prior to getting into that relationship, um, because it doesn't get better. It actually gets worse, to be honest with you. Let's see. I want to take a risk of— out— risk of love, but I believe I'm stuck in the past of what could or would be. How do I get over this? It's been 2 years, but we still play this what-if game. Once again, sweetheart, it's you doing that. It's a choice that you have to make to say, I refuse to be stuck. The only person keeping you stuck is you. The only person that's keeping you stuck is you. So that just doesn't mean in relationship, that's in any area of your life. If you're stuck, and you— what if, what if, what if? Okay, I'm not trying to go scriptural on you tonight, but let me, let me explain something to you biblically. Bible says that God created the heaven and earth. In order to create it, he had to think it, then he spoke it, right? Bible also says greater works shall we do, right? That means we have the ability to create just like God had the ability to create. What we've been doing is recreating our past in our mind. So we're using the functionality that he gave us to create, but we continue to create those bad thoughts, those bad memories, those bad situations in our mind, and they continue to play out. And so you're wondering, why is this playing out? Look at how you're thinking. Look at what you're thinking. So you're using your God-given ability to create, to create the wrong things to manifest in your life. Now that'll preach right there. That, that'll preach. Do I have to play dumb so he can feel smart? No. I see, see, I think some people took my video out of context when I talked about I'm pissed about women not knowing their femininity and, you know, women having careers and all of those things. They took that out of context. I never said play dumb. Never said play dumb. The thing is, it's tapping into that woman inside of you that allows you to be the girl and use your strength and your femininity so you don't have to downplay. Now, there are some times that you do have to let a man be a man, and even if you know the answer when it comes to, uh, it could be a car or something, or it could be something that, you know, you just ask him for his help so he feel needed. Doesn't mean you're dumbing down. You can change the light bulb. Yeah, you can. But everybody needs— wants to feel needed, especially a man. So It's not dumbing down to say, baby, can you change the light bulb? Or ask a question that you might even know the answer to just to see, um, what his response may be. I'm just saying, I'm just saying. Let's see, let's see. Do you— how do you bring up the conversation of romantic relationship with someone who you have been friends with to see you in a different light? Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. Hmm, well, I, I'm, I'm kind of a bold kind of girl. And it— bold not in the sense of, look, I like you, what we gonna do? No, not like that. But you could just come across and say, you know, we've been friends for a real long time and, and we have this bond, this, this relationship, and what do you think about taking it a little bit further? Give them time to answer. They may not answer right away. I've had a few people do me that way before, so it was kind of like, whoa, you know, it was interesting. But oh, you'll never know unless you, um, unless you try. Let's see, let's see. For those that are afraid of getting hurt again, trust that even if it happens, God will heal you. Absolutely. I'm divorcing my husband after 5 years. How do I get over this? It's a process. It's, it's a process. It's, it's, it's something that you have to realize. It's like a death that's happening when you divorce. It's like you've been with a person so long and now you've gotten accustomed to having them around, so it's some— a part of you that's dying. And my best advice would be to be— would be to be okay with grieving behind it. Be okay with grieving behind it and allow yourself um, the time. We're always so quick to want to get over things, and then we don't— we end up not grieving behind them. And then years down the line, we end up having breakdowns because we never stopped to grieve behind it. It's okay to grieve behind it. Surround yourself with positive people that can, that can pour into your life, pray over you, all of those wonderful things, and keep it moving. But be okay with grieving behind it. So I don't care how bad he was or, or how— why it ended, it doesn't matter. Grieve behind your pain. You just— it's a death that happened because now you guys are no longer together. So be okay, um, you know, with that. Uh, I've been divorced for about 6 months now, but my ex and I talk more now than we did trying to understand— ever did trying to understand it. Well, accept it for what it is. Everything ain't meant to be understood. Just You guys are having good conversation, so don't always try to, you know, to figure it out. Bragging about how fast we get over things. Yeah, absolutely, Chuck. Let go and let God. Uh, April, please help me. I've been hurt so much by my ex whom I have a child with, and after that he married someone. I've been that someone and I've stayed single for 10 years. Then let's see, been single, then I remarried. After 3 years I divorced. Now I think my feelings is still with my first husband. Honey, sounds like you just need to heal. You need some time away. You need some me time. You need some time to, to really figure out what you want. That's why I always talk about your core needs. Who are you at your core? You can't bounce from relationship to relationship and you have not at least started the healing process. Do I believe that you have to be totally whole and healed before you meet someone? No, I don't. But I do think in order to present your best self, you need to figure out what's going on within you. And if you're— if he hurts you so much, why do you still have feelings for someone that hurt you so much? Why would you want that? So you got to ask yourself, what is it in my life and happened in, you know, in my past that, that allows me to gravitate towards trauma and hurt and pain? That's something that you have to identify, sweetheart. Let's see. I have an issue with my woman telling me I didn't give her what she wanted emotionally. Well, uh, Mr. Wright, you got to ask yourself, what is her love language? A lot of things people do, they don't— they do them because they're trained to do them, but they don't ask a person what that— what is it that they need. Now, we've all been in relationships, so there's some things that we've learned. And we try to give them to the next person that we end up with, but we have never asked them, what is it that you need from me? Have you ever taken the Love Language Test? Go to the website, um, look up Gary Chapman and/or Google Love Language Test. Find out what each other's love language is so you can better serve each other, because that's all this is, is serving. We are in the business— when you're in a marriage You're in the business of serving someone else, being selfless. That's what you're in the business of doing. So if you have not identified what your partner's love language is, you are missing the ball. Most of my— well, all my friends, maybe except one or two, are married. So I surround myself with people that are positive role models and influences and have married great marriages. So even though they may have disagreements, they don't do all of that arguing and fussing and fighting. That type of thing. So, you know, I've asked questions. Matter of fact, my kids' grandparents down there in Miami, they came to, to my son's, uh, one of my— they came to visit, visit us, I think, over the summer. And I asked them, I said, Granddad, you guys have been married 46 years, what's the key? And he said, you have to want to be married. When you want a thing, you'll do what it needs to be done to make that thing work. So Donnie, ask your wife what is it that she needs from you. And even though you might not— you might feel like, oh, that ain't nothing, I mean, you tripping off nothing. One of the— one thing, fellas, that us women hate— you see, I gave you the ugly mouth— hate is when you don't take our feelings into consideration, when you kind of throw off like, you know, that wasn't a real big deal. No, if I'm telling it to you, it's a big deal. So you need to figure out what her love language is so she don't be giving you the ugly face, okay? Pay attention to what her needs are and don't just give her what you think women want in a relationship. Give her what she needs. I hope I answered your question. I want a divorce and I want to be a better woman. Miss April, this is not war. I want a respectful divorce. Well, um, All I can say is, you know the man that you're married to, and the only way to make it respectful and not a war is if you, no matter what he does, you keep it that way. No matter what he does. What if you and your partner love each other more than anything, but y'all just can't get it together? Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you, you need to marry them. I'm just saying, it takes more to love— more than love to be in a marriage, to be in a relationship. It takes more than that. And see, for me, I said I'm looking for somebody that I can be in like with, because when I don't feel like I love you, I'm still going to like you. Amen, church. So for me, the love part is good, but the like part is a whole lot better, because if I'm— like I said, if I like you, even if I'm mad at you and you piss me off, I can't stay mad at you long because I like you as a person. So that's something that you have to look, uh, you have to look at. What if you and your partner— okay, I answered that one. Do you think it's possible for someone who is a quiet person by nature to find someone that will love them or her? Why not? Yeah, everybody's not an extrovert. Everybody is not, you know, out there and just, you know, sociable like that. Everybody's not— there's somebody for everybody. It's no matter what you are, who you are, you don't have to make any adjustments on your personality type. Who you are is who you are. So absolutely, um, you can find someone if you're not— if you are a shy and quiet person. Let's see, do I play wifey role with him to prove that I'm wife worthy of that role? No. See, when you are dating someone, you don't give them all of the, the goodies and be wifey if you're not. Now, a man that's looking for a wife, he knows what traits to to look for in you. So yeah, I don't have a problem if you're dating, cooking a man a meal. I'm not saying you got to go all out the way, but okay, he can check that off the list. Okay, she can cook, she made me a hamburger and fries. But no, you don't, you don't do all of those things. And a man that requires you to do wifely duties before you're a wife, I would be a little leery of him, because men can identify what type of woman that you are without all of the extra stuff that you have to do. All of my male friends who are married, they knew their wives, um, were going— the women that they married were going to be their wives either when they saw them or within a 30 to 60 day period. They knew it. They might not have got married for another year, but they automatically knew it. And so had she done all of those things, um, as a wife would do? Absolutely not. But guess what? They knew who they were. They knew, uh, that— which means they knew what they needed, so they knew what to look for. Those are some different set of stuff, folks. Until you know who you are, you will never know what you need because you're picking from, um, some— a random— random brings random stuff. So you're wondering why you're getting it because you have not found out who you are yet. And until you do that, you will never know what you need. So hope I answered your question, Miss Tori. Oh, let's see. Sarah, how will you know when you are, when you are, um, healed? When things don't bother you anymore. When you can, with those same people, you can look at in the face and you not even move, and you can wish them the best. If you still come around those people and you feel some sort of way, that means you still need, you need to, uh, you need to heal because When you are healed, you accept what is. Whether they change or whether they don't change, you just let it be what it is. How do you put yourself out there to meet and, um, converse? I'm terrified. Now, Eve, I gotta ask you, do you go out to work every day, or do you go, um, to church or wherever? You're out during those times conversing. So what's the difference between conversing with a man and putting yourself out there. See, you can't be afraid of the things that you say you want because you say you're terrified. If you're terrified of a thing but you want a thing, you'll never get that thing. Let's see, you should be equally yoked with your mate, right? Absolutely, Terrence. But equally yoked doesn't just mean spiritually, it means across the board as far as values and your core belief system. All of the other stuff, you know, money height, weight, skin color, all of that, that can— those are things that can be compromised on. But you're supposed to— you should be equally yoked when it comes to your core values and core needs, which normally should be about 5, 5 things or less of what your core values and core needs are. All that whole long list of other stuff, those are things that you can settle on, but your core needs, you'll never find out what those things are um, until you've actually taken the time to find out who you are. I'm trying to figure out my core needs. That's my issue. I'm young. I, I really never been hurt. I just don't know where, um, to begin. Uh, well, finding out your core needs is really digging with inside of you. Here's an example, and I give this example all the time. As far as for me, one of my main core needs is that I feel secure with the man that I am with. That's something that I cannot compromise on. I have to feel secure all the way around. So, um, he could be— have all these other things on my compromise list, but of those things— but those things don't overtake what's on my core list. We have to believe the same thing spiritually. That's a part of my core beliefs. You have to believe in family and gender roles. Those are part of my core values and beliefs. So you have to figure out what your core values and beliefs are. So I hope I helped you, um, in that regard. Let's see. You're so welcome. Yes, love languages. Yes, love language are keys. You're, you're doing so great advising the ladies. Thank you so much, Darlene. If I find someone attractive, is it okay to approach them rather in person or on Facebook? And messages. Girl, what you mean approach them on Facebook messages? I mean, it's okay to start a conversation, but I don't— I don't believe a woman should approach a man in an aggressive way. I do believe that you can put the ball in his court and let him decide if he gonna pick it up and go ahead and dunk it, but I don't believe that as a woman, you know, you're supposed to lead. I don't know. I mean, when I say lead, I'm not talking about playing the back role and all, you know, that old school stuff. I'm not talking about that. I believe there's certain, certain instances that a man should take the lead, is what I believe. And when it comes to that, I believe you can put it out there that you're interested, but it's how you do what you do. Go look, watch a previous video of mine from, I think it was last week or the week before. I kind of gave, um, a situation that happened with me of how I let a guy know that, um, I was interested just to get to see, you know, know him a little bit. And he— how he followed me all around Walmart just because I told him he smelled good and he looked nice. And then I kept it moving. So there's ways to do that without, you know, what's your name, what's your sign, you know, I've been watching you on Facebook and everything like that, and I like your pictures. And you go through liking everything, and I just wanted to know, you know, can we go out to dinner? No, we don't do that. Ladies don't do that. Classy women don't do that. But what we will do is you could either tell by the way we look at you with our eyes, that eye, that eye thing going, or, um, we will, you, we will subtly drop the ball in your court without you really realizing it. But you know, that's the girl— that's something I have to teach the ladies without the fellas being here because I don't need y'all to know our stuff. Um, let's see. To get over him, do you suggest I cut him off completely? No phone calls, texting, or even hanging out as friends? What happens if you share children? Well, you got to put yourself in a position to heal. If you still share children, only thing you need to be doing is dealing with anything to deal with the kids. Other than that, no phone calls, no texts, nothing personal at all. If it's the kids, the kids need something, you got to pick them up, leave it at that. Don't sit back and try to build a relationship or have a friendship with somebody that you haven't healed from. You, you putting your own— you putting yourself in a trick bag, baby, when you do that. I've had only one committed relationship in my adult life. Sometimes I feel like I have been single too long. Well, maybe it's time to get out there and, and, and not be single anymore. All of everything is a choice. Everything, um, is a choice. Let's see, let's see what else, what else did I have for you. Understand the definition of lust and love. Lust takes, love gives. If somebody just keeps trying to get stuff from you, it's all, it's all lust. That's a real easy one. What y'all know about the Doobie Brothers? A 6, um, 60% of communication is body language. You can read a woman's body language if she's in— absolutely, you absolutely. I promise you, we'll let you know. Uh, following is creepy. Close, close the deal. I would have rather offered you to come smell me again over dinner. No, it was cute how we did it. It It was, it was cute. I set it up that way. I knew he was going to follow me through the store because I turned around and said, by the way, I— you smell really good and I love your Movado watch. And I turned around like Loretta Devine and, uh, waiting to exhale and said, is he looking? Is he looking? Kind of glance back, yeah, he looking. So I didn't have a problem, um, with that. When you set the stage, honey, you know, y'all men, y'all know, y'all follow us. So You know, you just set, you just set the stage, honey. Should you, should, so should have a, should I have a relationship with that person after you think you have, have been healed? I guess the question is, why would you want to have a relationship with somebody that you just healed from? It's like, it's okay to cut people off because there's billions of people in this country, so you don't have to have a relationship or be friends with that particular person. Let's see, I should— I officially want to cut my hair. You just gave me my move, move back, Diva. I enjoy being single and don't have a problem with that. Well, good. Like I said, I just wanted to ask you guys tonight while I'm getting my little work done, are you really relationship material? And what Are you, uh, gauging that? I'm gauging that vibe. Let's see, what does this one say? I ran out of the good. I ran out of the good, April. Everything you are saying, I've been— I've been to women. What? Everything you are saying, I've been to women, but they still pick garbage. Well, Eric, it's, it's not them, it's you, because you keep picking those type of women. You can't blame those women for picking what they pick, um, because you keep picking them. You just said they keep picking garbage. Well, why you keep picking garbage? You— there's something within you that's attracting that kind of woman. So if you're getting the same thing, the common denominator in that— the common denominator in that, sweetheart, is you. So you gotta— some— it gets to a point where we gotta stop and say, wait a minute, is it me, baby? You know, is it me? Is it really me? Because I'm getting the same stuff and I'm tired of getting the same stuff. So it's not them. Maybe you need to upgrade the type of women that you attract, make that— which means you might need to upgrade yourself in your thinking. How are you? So, um, let's see, how can you cut them off without being rude? Who cares about being rude? I mean, hell, If so, if something is in my life that's like a cancer in my life, I'm gonna cut it off like an umbilical cord. I'm not worried about being rude. I mean, telling somebody, you know what, you're a good person, I mean, but not good for me, it's okay to keep it moving. We always want to spare folks' feelings, but yet we, we will sacrifice our own feelings by keeping them around. I don't— it's not about being rude. It's, you know, you can always have some tact But nobody ever wants to hear that, you know, nobody wants to be with him anymore. Like this, people, you know, sometimes you just break out. That's that Stephanie Mills. Y'all don't know nothing about that. So just cut them off, you know. And I think we keep people lingering around. Everybody in my phone has a purpose for being there. Once I find out, um, that what their— that their purpose is not beneficial in my life Cut them off. We get one life to live, people. Why are you wasting it on people that are not meant to be in your life? Now, there are people that will come in for a reason, season, and a lifetime. Don't stop making seasonal people lifetimers. I'm just saying, cut them off. Okay, you know, I figured, okay, this is all you wanted, you know. I'm in a different— oh, you know what, we're in two different places, we're looking for two different things. I wish you the best, and I hope that you find what you're looking looking for, but I gotta go and find what I'm looking for because we're on two different pages. How hard is that? I'm just saying. Because I never— when she says that she loves you, do you think that she's really mean it? Okay, what do you say to your mate when she says that she loves you? Do you think that she really mean it? I really need to know how to deal with it. If you, you— if you don't believe your woman love you, if you got to even question if she love you, You might need to check the relationship or check something within you. I mean, it's really honestly that simple. Why would you not believe her if she says she loves you? Maybe some things she did in the past. If that's the case, should you be with somebody that makes you question their love? Or have you never, um, been loved before and you don't know what love really is, so you don't know how to receive it? So those are only questions that you can answer. Um, the Darling, let's see. Michael McDonald rocks. Yeah, I had them Doobie Brothers on a minute ago. But we share children, and that's fine if that you share children. Like I said, deal with them only for the children's sake. That's it. Y'all don't have to kick it. Y'all don't have to— he don't need to know where you going out of town. He don't need to know your personal business, and vice versa. Deal with him from the children's standpoint, and that's it. When we— when it's when we can't let go of what was, that's what makes a problem. I had to get to a point where I could cut people off, um, for the betterment of myself, because I was doing nothing but racking my brain behind people that really didn't either mean me any good or it just didn't work. So why am I going to replay why the why the ifs? I don't have time for that because, um, After my health scare earlier, uh, last year, I ain't got time to worry about that. You get one life to live. This is for— speak on rejection. What do you want me to talk about on rejection? Nobody likes to be rejected. Rejected. However, if you are, I always view it as that wasn't for me, it's not for you. If you, if you are— somebody rejects you, you cannot control what they want, what they're looking for, even though you might think you're the best thing for them. Maybe they know that there's some stuff within them that you don't know about. It might, might be why they are rejecting you. So how do you get your mate man to communicate more? Ask. I asked, be like, you know what, sweetie, This is the deal. I, you know, I love you so much and I love everything about you, and, and I like your little nose and that your little smile just, just brightens up my day. However, even in all of that, sweetheart, can there's something that I, I need from you. And you know, you can't, you, you can't say those things in the, in, in the heat, in a heated, uh, argument and going— not— you can't, you can't get what you want from that point, that standpoint. You gotta do it when everything is cool. Be like, babe, you know, I would just really, you know, like it sometimes if we could just sit down and have a little chitter-chat. You know, I love hearing about your day. I love hearing about what you have going on in your life. And you ask probing questions, you know, tell him he can come lay his head in your lap and just talk. And then you set the stage for him to do so in a manner that he can trust you. Matter of fact, in my, in my, um, in my audiobook, Are You an Asset? One of the, um, 10 keys to being a woman who brings more to the table than her appetite, one of the keys that's in there is being trustworthy. Are you a trustworthy woman? Men already have a hard time exposing their feelings and emotions, but the question becomes, have you created a safe place for him to be able to communicate with you? And then you have to ask him if he has a problem with communicating. Ask him, who hurts you? Who was the person that caused you to shut down? So you gotta ask those hard questions. I'm just saying. What you say, I'm a Mac? No, I ain't no Mac Terrence. I just know a few things, darling. I just know a few things. I done learned some things from being married and dating, and then I have a lot of male friends who are married that have showed me some things, and a lot of my male— my, my, um, married female friends. So I'm not a Mac. I just know how to use my— you know how to use my girl, my femininity. I know how to use that instead of coming at it, um, from the combative, argumentative perspective. Now there are some guys that like arguing and like fussing and like fighting. I remember dating someone that, uh, with his ex-wife, all they did was argue, fuss, and fight. Argue, fuss, and fight. Well, with me, I could still have a disagreement with you but still say let's go out to eat. I can still have a disagreement with you or break up with you and keep it cordial. Well, I can keep it without the argument, the war. He didn't know how to do that because that's what he'd become accustomed to. So he would pick stuff that wasn't really anything big. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, for example, I would— I remember one day I said, um, he was supposed to come up, come by, and I said, okay, he said, I'm on my way. I said, okay. Drive safe. Well, drive safe means, you know, you on your way, right? He made a big argument out of that. What you mean drive safe? Why couldn't you just say yes, I want you to come over? I'm like, I said drive safe. See, this is the problem with you. You, you, you, you, you combative. You this. I'm like, all I said was drive safe. You said you were on your way. I said drive safe. So people like that, they have psychological issues. I'm just saying. So they're not accustomed to being able to function without drama. So you got to ask yourself, you know, is that something that I want, uh, to deal with? Is it logical to do business with your ex if he or she wasn't— well, it depends. I can't— I don't re— the question came off. I didn't get the ending of the question. But is it logical? It depends on— it depends on your relationship. If y'all healed and moved on, But y'all can make money together, go right ahead. Why not? Why deprive yourself if y'all can keep it cordial? Um, there's a couple people in my past that we're— to this day they're married, uh, or they're in a relationship or whatever, and we cool enough to where, you know what, April Mace, I'm calling you because I know you know what to do, we need to make this money. Or I'll call them, be like, dude, I got opportunity, let's rock this out. But because of where we are, I can do that. What test? It's the Five Love Language test. Google it, take the test and find out what your love language, uh, what your love language is. How do you— how long should a woman wait for a proposal? Um, that's a good question. I believe that when you're dating someone that is marriage-minded and they date differently, so I believe at the 6-month mark, if you're dating for marriage, the question needs to be asked as far as where is this going. You put the ball in his court. So for you, you only— you can determine how long you will wait for a proposal. I believe it don't take all day to recognize sunshine. I believe when you have two adults who are dating with the purpose of marriage, it don't take a long time. For somebody to propose. However, I would say at least before you even bring it up, go, go with the 6-month mark and see, you know, where is it, where is this going, you know, what, what is it, are we still on the same page. But those are also questions you can ask up front, um, um, as well. Drive safe, cuz Ruffled is— oh, I guess I didn't read that. Is it possible to be out of someone's league? Like, can we be too good for some people? I— somebody's asked that me that before, and my answer is yes. Um, I believe that you can date out of your league. I believe that, um, from a mental standpoint, that they may not be able to connect with you mentally, which may— you may feel like you have to downplay who you are to be with them. Well, why not just go get somebody who thinks like, you know, you do, who's intellectually sound enough, you know, for you to date? So I do believe you can do that. And sometimes people will do that because, oh, he fine or she fine, or, you know, based upon what they look like, but they ain't nothing in their brain. It's like, I can't connect with you, so you're, you're out of my league. I'm— you're a little bit beneath me because of your thinking. I'm in heaven. Okay, let's see. I'm getting ready to get off of here. Is being single so bad or wrong? No, it's not. It's, it's not being bad or wrong, um, or being wrong. You, you— that's a choice that you make. But for those that want to be married or want to be in a relationship, there's nothing wrong with that either. So I know, um, some people have said, well, why 'Why you make it seem like being single is so bad?' I don't. My message is for those that want to be married. For those that don't want to be married or be in a relationship, my message isn't for them. But they always feel the need to have something to say. But you don't have to defend your— you know, I'm not saying you, um, Tanya, but just something that I've gotten. You know, you don't have to defend your stance of wanting to be single. That is fine. But there's a lot of folks that don't want to be single, so I believe in preparing. Uh, for that. Let's see, people like that are— yes, be bipolar. Yes, I found out he was bipolar, girl Hazel. So that's a long story. I feel like I've been single forever, but I'm actively dating, but I just haven't been able to find the one. When you say I need to figure out what is within me, what's attracting the wrong type of men, I feel like I'm a good catch. I try hard, I'm nice, but I feel like Nice girls finish last. Nice girls don't feel it. Nice girls don't finish last. It's once again finding out what your core needs are, and then when people that you meet don't meet them, you keep it moving. Sometimes we try to make people into something that they're not and be okay, uh, with, you know, going out there and saying, okay, that didn't work, let me try something else. Yes, it gets frustrating. It can get frustrating when it's like, dang, I'm so tired. Why can't this one be just be the one? Honestly, you can make anybody that you want to be the one, the one. I don't believe that there will— that we have one soulmate. I don't believe that because I believe that whoever you connect with, y'all souls connect anyway. So any, you know, anybody can actually be your soulmate. The question becomes, does that person meet your core needs and your core values? That's what that means. Let's see, y'all got some questions tonight. Still kissing frogs. Don't lower your standards. Now, when it comes to standards, some of y'all have standards so high Jesus can't even reach them. Just like real estate, you can, you can price yourself out of the market. That's why I always say, what are your core 5 things versus this long list of standards that you have that are things that can be compromised or on. So like I said, don't price yourself out the market because you're looking for, um, all of these things on the compromise list versus looking for things on, um, the core value list. So that's what— that's what's most important. Yes, that's that Don't Disturb This Groove. But when I was growing up as a kid, that was my favorite, favorite, favorite song. I don't know why, uh, but it was. Did you ever get response from Tyrese? I would love to view that video. No, I didn't get a response, but maybe he will, maybe he will, maybe we won't. Who knows? Thanks, April. Core values, got it, boo, and keep it moving. Absolutely. Core values. What are your core values? Core values are things that you believe, things that you know that you need. Uh, like I said earlier, I know I have to have a man that I feel secure, and he— I have to feel like he's my own personal superhero. So I know— not saying he has to be the superhero, but I have to feel safe and, um, secure. And that stems from, um— and I can share with you guys this, I've shared it before— the men in my life growing up took from me. I was molested from 12 to, uh, 18. Yeah, no, for 12 years, from 5 to 17, something like, something like that. So for me, having a man that I can depend on, that is, um, there for me, to protect me, that is very, very important. Very important. So I hope I answered, um, that question. Most women are secretly security conscious. Yes, we are. And so that's very important to me. It's like I need to be able to walk and hold hand in hand with you and knowing that you got me. That is, that's like, that's number one on my list. That's above money. So, uh, let's see what else you guys say. Very important for me too. Um, I was waiting for his response. I was waiting for his response because you put it out there for him. This is getting this stuff together for you. Maybe these is getting his stuff— maybe he's getting this stuff together. I don't know, I don't know. But I hope Mr. Gibson, I hope you respond. So, um, yeah, I know once again my core thing, my number one core thing is that. So if I feel like you don't have me covered No, I gotta feel like I'm your baby, like you got me, like if you say you got it, you got it. That's just how I function. So, um, I know that about myself. So like I said, you have to have your core needs list and you have to have your compromise list. Let's see. April, you're a gift to humanity. Oh, that— wow, thank you, Greg. Thank you so much for that. What you say, I'm jamming or not? Yeah, that's the LTD. What y'all know about that? What a difference, you know. And then you do the lips, that means you— that means you feeling it. I mean, you feeling it. Uh, let's see, any more questions before I get out of here? I have some work to get back to doing. And if you guys haven't ordered it, this is what I'm working on tonight. Make sure you go to ImanAsset.com and pre-order. You still can pre-order this and get free shipping, um, on it. So I'm so excited. And some of the things that I talked about tonight will be, um, will be in here. And like I said, one of the 10 things in my 10 keys for the women is trust. Are you a trustworthy woman? Can you keep your mouth shut. Can a man trust you with his deep, dark-rooted secrets? What are you the type, um, is it your Facebook or the internet tripping? It's the internet tripping, cuz my— I, I haven't had any problems, um, so, you know, can you be that woman? Can you be that, that comfort place for him? Can you keep your pie hole Sure. Can you— can buy in Australia? Yeah, you can, um, you can get the download. You'll be able to get the download version of it, um, for those of you that are out of the country. Do you have the paper version? No, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing a paper version, um, of this. I'm sorry. I absolutely love your live show. I'll be putting all my— all my girls on your page. Thank you so much. I'm becoming an asset. You are one of the reasons that I started my business. April, I love being a stay-at-home mom, but I knew I could contribute more to life. Absolutely, thank you so much. You know, it's nothing wrong with being, being a, um, mom. When I say I believe in gender roles, I'm not saying you got to be June Cleaver, but I'm saying you do need to make sure your household is taken care of first. That's, to me, that's a woman's first responsibility, is to her home. Now, if you're single and you're not looking for nothing, that ain't got— I don't have nothing to do with do to you, for you, do with you. But if you are a woman that desires to be married and have kids, or you have kids already, your first responsibility is the home. So we have children that are all out of control. Mama's not at home, daddy not at home, mama out working, daddy out working, or he's not there. So now our children are all out of control and there's nobody to guide them. And I believe that was a setup to get the mama out of the home, get the daddy out of the home, Now these kids are running wild and they need to be smacked around a little bit, but nobody is there because things have changed. Let's see, who does your makeup in the middle of the night? Roddy, this is makeup, this is makeup from earlier today. I haven't changed it. This is, this is the end of the day rubbing off, uh, makeup. I haven't changed it to put no makeup on since I put it on at 11 o'clock. Um, this morning I didn't eat. See my little lipstick coming off? Hey April, question: if you were with a guy for over a year and you always tell him you love him but he never says it back, what would you do? Stay or leave? I'll bring it to his attention. Why would I— why would I not? I mean, why would you not ask? Have you ever asked him why he doesn't say it? Then you have to ask Look at his background. Has he had a problem getting and receiving love from his childhood? Because it took me forever to tell someone I love them, uh, because I wasn't accustomed to hearing it said to me. So you got to ask him those questions. I won't say stay or leave, but I would find out the root issue, uh, because he might not be saying it because maybe it's something that he's not accustomed to because he's never heard it. He might not, you know, he may not know. So don't leave just yet. Ask and find out what the issue is first. If you have been an independent woman, well, as a single woman, how do you open yourself up to letting a man lead when you are so used to leading your own life? Honey, when you get— when you go through your process like I have, you have no problem letting a man be a man because you, you, I— you start thinking of it from a different perspective. It's like, all I've ever done was lead. All I've ever done was solve people's problems. I get paid to solve people's problems. So I have no problem letting a man lead because I don't want to lead when I'm with him. So a way that you can do that, and I gave these two examples I think last week, when you're in the grocery store and the bagger says, do you need help with your groceries? I don't care if you got two bags, you say yes. You let him take the lead and you let him put the groceries in the car. If somebody asks you, even if it's a bum on the street trying to get a couple dollars to, um to pay to, um, pump your gas, give it to him, because now you're in a pop— you're in a position of receiving and sitting back. So letting a man lead is a choice. Certain things, just because you can do them, don't mean you always have to do them, or that it was designed for you to do them. Let's see, what does this say? Wait a minute, how long do you think a man should date before saying I love you? I don't know, you know, it depends on the man. Once again, everybody is dating from a different perspective. If he's a man that's looking for marriage, it ain't gonna take all day because he's, he's already knows who he is and knows what he needs. If he's just a random dude that's just dating to be dating with no intentions, that's something different. So a man that knows what he wants, it's not going to take him all day. I said that a little earlier. It's not gonna take him all day because he knows who he is, which means he knows what he needs. It won't take all day. Let's see, let's see. April, can you answer Rodney? I asked the same thing, but I think you didn't see it. I'm curious about that too. What, what did Rodney say? Rodney, what would you say? I didn't see it. What was the question? Let me go back up. Uh, Ronnie April, I love your shows. I'm learning so, uh, I'm learning so much about women and the way they think. My question is, why do so many women want you to date only— wait, my question is, why do so many women want you to date only one woman at a time? Um, dating to me is nothing more than collecting data, and of course we all want to feel like we are the only ones. But I believe that you can go out with other people and collect data, but eventually there's going to be a process of elimination. Now, if a man isn't trying to be exclusive with you after going out on a— you know, y'all been kind of seeing each other for 2, 3 months or whatnot, maybe you need to move on. Because that means that if you're spending time with me, you have not seen enough in me to know if I am the kind of girl, woman that you need. So I wouldn't waste my time because like I said, it doesn't take all day for a man to know. Normally, if a man is not ready for a relationship, yeah, he can date random people. He can date as many people as he wanna date. But when that right one comes along, it will stop him in his track. So ladies, don't get mad because they date multiple people. You can do the same thing. Because dating is nothing more than collecting data. Not saying you got to keep dating multiple people, multiple people, meaning if you meet somebody today and you meet 2 more people next week, okay, those are 3 people that you just met within a week's time. You're going to converse with them, you might go out with them, you know, check them out a little bit. And then from there, somebody is going to always stick out more than the other, which is going to eliminate the other 2. So I don't get mad if I know a guy is dating other people because I go out on dates with other people. But the problem comes in— I know in my world, the problem comes in when, wait a minute, you ain't called me, you don't, you know, you ain't pretty much— I ain't chasing behind nobody. That becomes a problem. It's like, wait a minute, so wait, are you not all the way ready for a relationship? So why should I, you know, chase behind you? And that's the funny thing about men to me. They'll say a thing when you give them what they want They don't know how to handle it. Oh, I thought I would hear from you today. Well, we're not in a relationship, you know, we, we cool. So that's the interesting part. So it doesn't take all day to recognize sunshine unless he just want to be out there playing, then he's going to date multiple women. Or you have the guy that has— is still a man boy and he does not know who he is. So every woman he meets, he finds a problem with them because he has not identified who he is. That's a problem as well too. You don't want that. A man that is ready for a relationship and ready to be married and ready to settle down, he dates differently. He will even go out with a woman one or two times and say, okay, now she ain't it, she ain't it. That's what a mature man does. A man boy, or a boy that's not a man, that's not ready to settle down, he's not doing that. He's just gonna get whatever he can and get as much companionship. Because some of them, you know, they feel like, I can't find one woman. So they'll get their intellectual stuff from this girl, their fun stuff from that girl, their sex from that girl, the sports girl from that girl, you know, that, that girl, the girl that know how to cook over there. So, you know, they have no problem, um, juggling. So that means he's not what you want anyway. But a man's man, a man that knows, don't take all day to recognize sunshine. And that is exactly what my male friends have told me. April, he will know. You will know. He will know. And normally they know before we do if he once again knows who he is, that he knows what he want. So don't trip off if he's dating other people, cuz like I said, it's the process, process of elimination. And just like he's checking you out You need to be checking him out too. He's not just— he's not just the prize. You are a prize too. So don't, don't take it from a, you know, why am I not good enough, or like, you— he's rejecting you or anything like that. No, I'm sizing you up, baby, just like you're sizing me up. I'm seeing if you're good enough to be in my world, just like you're seeing if I'm good enough to be in your world. And also, if it— if it— if he's taking too long, to be okay with walking away. Be okay with saying, no, I need somebody that I can spend a little bit more time with. I need somebody who, um, actually cares about my well-being and care, you know, he actually asked how my day is going. You, you know, you need to know what you want, period. So anywho, lovely ladies and gentlemen, I am getting ready to go wash this makeup off my face because it's been on since 11 o'clock today, and I'm going to take myself to bed because I have a long day, uh, tomorrow getting my, getting my boys back. And mailing out your Me Time boxes though, you know, they go out on the 10th of every month. So enjoy yourselves, get relationship ready, go pick up some books, go learn how to be a better you. I'm not saying change your personality, but there's some traits and habits that you might have picked up on, on the way that may not be a good look. So Thank you for joining me for this random— this randomness on this here— well, now it's Wednesday, actually. It's Wednesday, huh? So good night, good morning, and I will see you guys soon. Make sure you go and pre-order. Go to imanasset.com and pre-order your audiobook. Y'all's gonna change— ladies, it's gonna change your life. I got— I'm gonna be able to give you some stuff in here that I can't give you here because I don't need the fellas knowing all of our stuff, all of our weapons, all the stuff we have in our arsenal. Oh, for them, don't— they don't need to know that. Love you, talk to you soon. Well, see you Thursday, Relationship Thursday. Bye.