Are you settling and not even realize it? YIKES!

Hey there, family! How are you on this beautiful Friday? Well, it's beautiful, but it's hot. I am back from Miami and headed to go and handle some business. And I was riding and I was thinking about y'all. We did not do Relationship Thursday yesterday because Auntie had to take a break. I needed some time. I needed some time. So I took a break, but I stopped. I just left, um, get my hair did. I had to get my hair did. I'll be on set all day, all day tomorrow, so I had some things I had to do. But before I get started into my topic, because Gotta remind you, you must be in the building. I want to meet you in Atlanta, as long as you're not crazy. I got some crazies that inbox me. Crazies, stay away, okay? You might not want to come to that because my security gonna be tight, okay? Because some of y'all didn't send me some very interesting, um, you know, things saying, you know, I got plans for us and, and I just want to be with you. And I'm like, that's a little weird. That's weird. A sister out, that weird auntie out. Y'all can't do that. But if you got your— if you in your right mind, make sure you come and join me April, um, I mean, excuse me, not April, but June 25th, the day before my birthday. Um, I will be doing a meet and greet, a meet and greet, a mini seminar. So you guys will be able to get a little bit more in depth about what, uh, Are You an Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table is all about. And we, we are trying to do our part to bring women back to femininity, back to the place where God has placed us, and Stop being strong for the wrong reasons, okay? So that's June 25th. Make sure you go to areyouanasset.com. I will be in the Bay Area July 30th doing it all over again, so you can register there too. And we do have some sponsor opportunities available as well, so make sure that you guys go sign up for those sponsorship opportunities as well as join me in Atlanta June 25th and in the Bay Area, my home, my home state. Hey, California, join me in the yay area. So here's my thing. I hear people say, you know, I got a standard, I got a standard, I got a standard, right? But when you ask them what the standard is, they really don't have one. It just sounds good to say that I have a standard. It sounds good to say I'm not settling, I'm not selling, he gonna have to bring it or she gonna have to bring it. It sounds good. Well, my question to you is, are you— do you really have a standard, and are you settling and not know it? Most of us, I'm included, I have done this in the past prior to learning the difference between having a standard, compromising, and settling. Well, I realized that I have been settling for a long time, and maybe you can identify with this. If you have not identified who you are at your core, you are settling. Whoever you're with and whatever you're doing in your life, It's all settled. Because how can you be— especially those of you that are single or, you know, dating— how can you be in a relationship with someone or have a standard of these itemized things that you have to have, but you have not identified who you are yet? Which means you don't know what you really want, or what— no, what you actually really need. It becomes a need versus, um, versus a want. Okay, I'm trying to keep the air off so y'all can hear. Um, it becomes a need. It's all about your need versus what you, um, what you say you want. So most people are actually settling and don't even know it. So if you are one of those people that always screaming, I'm not supposed to settle, and I, and I got this standard, my question to you is, what actually is your standard? What measures what your standard is? And how can you have a standard if you don't know who you are? Because that means you don't know what you represent. You don't know what you bring to the table. And like I said, women, we always think because I bring, um, you know, I got a good job, I'm cute, you know, I got a nice little car, you know, I work at the bank, you know, I'm a CEO, I do all of these things. That is not what makes you, um, a good woman. That's not, that's not, that's not the test to determine if you are a good woman or not. Those are the byproducts of what you've accomplished, but that's not who you are. And if you strip all of those things away, who would you be? So if you're going to, to say, I have a standard and I'm not settling, the only way that that has some validity is if you know who you are. If you don't know who you are, if you haven't taken the time to figure out, I need this kind of person in my life, um, these kind of things you know, move me. You know, I'm all for this humanity thing. You know, I, I, I'm a compassionate person. I like to do arts and crafts. And when you start finding out and digging more into who you are, you know, I, I like to, um, garden. I like to knit. I like to, um, you know, I like to go take adventures. I like to travel. When you find out all of those things within you that you like and what is important to you. Is honesty important to you? You know, is loyalty important to you? Is someone being a good communicator? Not just in a romantic relationship, but across the board. This all goes about across your life. What do you stand for? What do you value? You know, what, what is— holds true close to your heart? If you don't know those things, darling, I'm sorry to tell you, but you are settling. Because you don't know who you are. And so that means you're making— you're just going with the flow because it sounds good to say you're not settling, but what aren't you settling for? Well, I ain't settling for no liar, no cheat. That's basic stuff. None of us want to settle for a liar, a cheater, somebody that, uh, is just a freeloader, you know. All that's, that's basic stuff, but it goes deeper than that. That's surface stuff. That's surface stuff. So it's time to go beyond the surface and ask yourself, why do I run around screaming, um, I'm not lowering my standard when I've never identified who I really am? Boo! So settling and compromise are two different things, and I'll break that down for you real quick. Some of you, you're, you're equating settling with compromise. Like, for instance, You'll say, well, I got him, I'm not settling, I gotta have a man that can, that can make, uh, X amount of dollars. He got to be able to provide. Now, being a provider doesn't mean he makes six figures. So you got to ask yourself, do I want a man that makes six figures? Because you hear a lot of women screaming that. Do I want to make one man that makes six figures, or do I want a man that can provide and take care of the household? Now, if you— that's something that Once you identify what that thing is, if it's, it's the dollar amount or if it's the ability to provide, you'll do— you'll be able to determine if that's something you are settling for, if that's one of your core needs, six figures, or if it's something you can compromise on because you're not asking for six figures but you're asking more from your— the overall, you know, when you pull all of the stuff about, you know, from over it, it's, I want a man that can provide. Is it I want a woman that, you know, she got— she got to be a banger, she got to have a nice body and all those things. Those are things that you can compromise on. But would you rather have a woman that got a banging body and pretty face but she has no sense nowhere? So we kind of put some things in there that we say we cannot settle for, but they're, they're superficial things. Uh, I, and I know how the ladies, you know, we talk about, oh, we don't want no short brother and all of that kind of thing. Okay, if that's your thing, that's your thing. But at the same time, if you are like me and 5'3"— and I, I had the syndrome too, uh, I have mother syndrome too because I'm 5'3", but I just drew men that were over 6 foot. I don't— it was so— I just started liking that. Yeah. And so I would not date anybody that was like 5'7", 5'8". And so if I chose to date them, that's not me settling, that is me making a compromise, because I see overall he's a good guy, and him being 5'7" should not hinder me dating him. So I'm just saying, when you ask yourself those questions, um, are the things you're saying you settle— can't settle for— are they superficial things? Is it, uh, material things? Now of course, fellas, don't get it twisted. I talked to y'all about this before. We don't want no gold diggers. Most of y'all ain't got no gold nor silver or bronze, y'all. Some of y'all not even hundredaires, let alone thousand or millionaires. So let's get that off the table right now. But at the same time, most women, we are— we are— it's ingrained in us to look for someone and to be with someone that can provide. That's what we are. It's in us. So don't knock us for that, just like we don't knock y'all for being visual beings and looking for that, that pretty girl. We don't knock y'all for that. So ask yourself, am I holding things that are superficial and putting them in the settling category when they should be in the compromise category? And do I really know what I'm not settling for if I don't know who I am? You can't really say that. And a lot of women are running around here screaming that, and you don't know what you're saying. You don't know why you're saying what you're saying. So you gotta act— you have to ask yourself those hard questions. You might have somebody fantastic in front of you that want to be with you, but they might not make the money that you think that they should make because you have a dollar amount set. But yet you're looking— you're not looking at the bigger picture. You're not looking at they take care of themselves, their bills are paid on time, you know, they're self-sufficient. You overlook that because they might make $40,000, $50,000 a year, but you're not looking at what they have, they're doing great and being a good steward with what they have. So, you know, you got to ask yourself the hard questions. Are you settling and not knowing because you don't know what the standard is? Because you have not gotten to know you, so you really don't know really if you're settling or not. I mean, it's like, how can you say that when when everything you saying you're not settling for is all superficial things. What happened to, you know, who the person is at their core? But you won't know to look for core things because you don't know who you are at your core. You have not taken the time to find out who you are at your core. No, we all won't settle when you know who you are at your core. You, you don't put— you settle things and compromise things. Most people settle because they're putting settle. They're putting things in compromise that can be compromised on into the settling category, and the settling category should be reserved for what your core needs are. When you know what your core needs are, you will never settle on core needs because it's how you are wired, it's how you are functioning, and it's kind of like you're, you're made to need certain things, and you can't settle on those things because Uh, I mean, uh, you can't, you can't, you can't settle on those things because they are the very thing that make you who you are. So what we compromise, absolutely, but we will never— if you guys, if you understand what that means, you will never settle on your, your core needs. And to be honest with you, your core needs is normally about less than 5 things. All that other 72 doggone things that you got on your list, those may be things that can compromise on, or those could be things that you just want. But when you know who you are at your core, you will never ever ever settle on those things. But most people don't know. That's why they're saying, well, you know, everybody will settle. When you know your core needs, you will not. You will not settle when you know what your core needs are. You will compromise. When you know, um, you know, when you, when you are in a position to say, is it a lot? Is it light, dark, short, tall? Okay, he might not be as business-oriented that I need him to be, but he is smart in this area. Those are things you can compromise on. But it's the core stuff. And most people that scream, I'm not settling, they don't know the core stuff. They don't know who they are. That's why I always tell you, before you make decisions, before you get in relationships— and this is some things that I wish I would have known prior to when I, you know, getting married, or I might not have been divorced today. I didn't know what my core needs were. I went by what they say, whoever the crap they are, what they say I should have, not finding out who April is at her core and then not even wasting my time dating men that are nowhere near close to that because we're taught if you got an education, if you got a good job, you know, he got good character, you know, he's a good guy. But that is a good guy, but not maybe not my good guy. What about the 80/20? This is my belief about the 80/20 rule. Even if your core need is inside the 20%, you're still not gonna get with that person because you could give me 80% of what I want But if one or if a couple of my core needs you cannot provide me with and that falls over into the 20% category, I still can't get with you because that's not something that I can settle on. If I can settle on my, uh, if it's, if it's something I can compromise on, that's different. But if my core need that you do not bring me is inside that 20%, I still can't get with you. So that's where people make the mistake too when it comes to the 80/20 rule. Well, you, you know, you're not gonna get 100% of what you want. You can't get your core needs met. It's the other stuff that you can compromise on. Compromisable things should be over in the 20%, but core needs should never be over in the 20%, um, because you will still won't be happy because your core needs cannot be met. So we, we got to start asking, um, you know, the harder questions and find out what our, you know, top 5 core needs are. And then the other stuff you ask myself? Can I compromise? Can I compromise on those things? So most of us, we got like good people in our lives that want to be with us and want to marry us and all those wonderful things, but we're holding them to, um, compromisable things versus core needs because we have not identified core needs. We go by what society says that we as women should want. Men too. What is that? $50,000 a year equals equates to $18,000 spendable income for most. If you are looking for money, you have to be educated. Well, it all depends because I can take $50,000 and work it on out because I'm an entrepreneur and I don't think like someone that makes $50,000 on a job. I think differently. So I can take that same $50,000 and flip it and turn it into $250,000. So it all depends on the individual as well too. So, do you have to be educated? You should have a level of education, but education does not necessarily mean you have to go to a 4-year college to be educated. So we have to get out of that as well too. Find— that goes back to when you find out who you are at your core, you will find out what you need versus what they say you should need. Like my children, they're all different. My daughter, she's in college, but she will be an entrepreneur. She finishes up next year. My middle son, he's probably my brainiac, but he's like, "My college is not for me." He learns differently. He went to the Marines. My youngest son, he's at— we've helped him identify who he is and what he's good at. So he wants to go to school for construction management and to become an architect. So the only reason why I invest— investing in sending them to college is because I already know what— who they are at their core. It made no sense for me to send them off to college and they don't know who they are because it could— they could have done better with Maybe you need, um, some, uh, what do you call it, on-the-job training, an apprenticeship, some vocational school, something like that. Everybody's way of getting educated is not the same. So that goes back to who you are at your core. I know I couldn't sit in no college for no 4 and 5 and 6 years. That wasn't my way. But am I educated? Absolutely. Have I made more money than most people that I know that, that's in $100,000, $200,000 worth of debt, um, from people going to college and they're not working in the field that they're— that they went to school for? Absolutely. But that's because I started to learn who April was at her core so I can make better decisions for my life versus what they say we are supposed to do. So you got to ask yourself, you know, ask yourself that. That was a good point for those of you that are serial college students and, you know, you 40 years old, you still in and out of college. Stop. Ask yourself, what— who am I at my core? Am I trying to just take a job, uh, because they say this pays well, or should I be doing something else? You will never know until you know who you are at your core. So not only are you settling in relationships, but you're settling in your life. Every area of your life you're settling on, but you're going for goals and things that they say, whoever they are, you should have. And so you have to take the time and get off the wheel. You like a hamster going around the wheel, like a hamster doing the same thing because they say. But if you do not take some time to find out what is it that I really want, what is it that I really need in my life— if you're not doing that, you wasting your time anyway. I have to— I had to jump off the hamster wheel and do what was right for April and April's family. And so, and I told you, I talked to you guys about this before. I found out after my 2 years of leaving everything, because I got quiet from 2004 to 2016, I found out a lot about myself because I took the time to find out who I am at my core. And what I found is I'm a very beta domesticated woman at home. Yes, in business I like to, you know, do what I got to do to feed my family. But if it wasn't for me having to feed my family like that, I probably will be somewhere being, being a housewife, building an empire with my husband. That's who I am. But I did not know that about me until I took the time to sit down and find out, wait a minute, April, yes, you are influential woman. Yes, you have traveled and done some things, wrote some books, but did you do that because you set up out of your life to do that, or did you do that because it fell into your lap? And you ran with the opportunity, but at any given moment you can give it up. And I had to ask myself the hard questions, and that was my answer. All of this is great, coming to you guys before social— in social media and doing all that, that's wonderful, but that's not who I am at my core. So this goes back to what I was saying earlier, it's not just about in love relationships, it's about your entire life. You got to ask yourself, what kind of person am I? What kind of man am I? What kind of woman, you know, what kind of woman am I? What do I really stand for? What do I really believe? You know, what, what is it? And when you start asking yourself those hard questions, you will start, um, operating differently, functioning differently. So you will get off of the hamster wheel of what they say you should be doing. And so for me, you know, people— I get a lot of people that say, girl, you get so many opportunities, what is the problem? Why don't you do— you can do this, you could be on that, you can have your own talk show, you can do— I understand I can. But that's not what— that was never what I really wanted. I just decided, you know, well, now let me see, let me check out these opportunities and see if they work. But at any given moment, I can walk away from them because I know what I— who I am at my core, and that does not make me, okay? So ask yourself, do I know who I am in my core, and am I settling, or Am I— well, am I settling without knowing it, or do I really have a standard? If I don't know who I am, how could I know if I'm settling or not? No, you know yourself at your core. Find out what you like, what you don't like, what you need, what you need, what you need, what you need. And you might find that your life is something totally different. You might find that the very things that you've been going after you really don't want to go after that. That's not what you ever wanted. That you realize, like, I don't want that. Like, like, that's why I don't subscribe to the boss chick and the boss bitch, the movement, because I never wanted to be a boss chick like that. That was never my thing. I just happened to fall into the category of a woman that was influential and on the forefront, but that was never my desire. So when you understand that, that opportunities will come and you can decide if you want to take the opportunities. But when you know the opportunities and the things don't make you, it's not a big deal. You kind of just, you know, roll with them. Like I said, I'll be on set all day tomorrow filming for a new television show. This was an opportunity. Was it anything that I set out to do? Nope. Opportunity came. If it work, it work. If it don't, it don't. Because at the end of the day, That was not April's thing. You know, people have asked, did you want to be an author? Did you want to be a speaker? Did you want to do— nope, that was never my thing. I wanted to have a family, build an empire with my husband, and build his stuff behind the scenes and push him out there. I'm okay behind the scenes. I just happen to be able to do, you know, both things. And so as long as Lil Mama mortgage is paid, she got in the car to drive, Daddy makes sure I eat and I can go shopping here and there, I'm okay, you know. So you gotta ask yourself what defines you. And so even though others may see, girl, you could just be making so much money and doing all of these things, do I really want to do that? But the only way to figure that out is knowing who you are at your core. And once I realized who I was at my core, it was like, April, this ain't— this is good, but you know, I just be moseying along, you know. And it'd just be so funny to the people, the powers that be, that it's like, girl, we can— this is that. And I'd be like, yeah, well, we could figure it out, but if it don't work, that's fine too. Because at my core, I'm not— I'm not that, because I know that. You know, that's right there. Well, that's all most of us want, you know. Make sure the mortgage paid, I got something to drive, Daddy make sure gas is in the car, you know, he fill the car up on Sundays, you know. And I can, I can function. I'm happy living that life. But I did not get to that until I had to take a time and sit down and find out who April was. And so from there, like I said, that it works. That is me. But is that good? Why would it not be good if it's you, Miss Drayton? Why would it not? If that's who you want, if that's who you are at your core, it's okay to be that. It's okay to be a woman that wants to build with her family. We have made it wrong, you know. We have made it where the woman, she got to go, she got to live her life. No, I live my life. I'm not restricted. I can still do whatever it is that I want to do, but where my heart is, it might be somewhere different. So it doesn't make it wrong if that's what you want to do, but you— it only makes it wrong when you're trying to talk yourself out of, uh, out of that. It's okay. It's okay if that's what you know you want to be. We have been put in a position, put in positions, um, and the women that we have leading us in this day, it's all girl power, girl power. There's nothing wrong with girl power, but find out who you are at your core. Don't let the girl power take you right up on out of your femininity and being what a woman actually is. I, I'm just the type that likes to be a housewife and take care of the house and, and build with my— build with, um, my husband. That's just me. Every woman isn't like that. Every woman may, um, not be that way. You might be that ambitious woman that want to get out there and I want, I want to leave my mark on the world. I had somebody— I was on set not too long ago Someone said, somebody said, I just want to be known. I said, known for what? What do you want to be known for? Why? So when you ask yourself those hard questions, you know, you might be living a life that you're forcing yourself into, and you wonder why your spirit ain't never at ease because you're trying to be something that you're really not. To be honest with you, when I wrote my first book in 2000— well, I wrote my first ebook in 2004. But when I came out with my life storybook in 2010, I realized, you know, being on a speaker, being on the circuit, doing all those things, I don't like being in the airport all the time. I don't— oh, I didn't like going from city to city to city and, and having to do that. Now I can make a choice. That's why I'm doing my free women's empowerment seminar for free over the, um, over the summer. But I chose to do it over only on this during the summer. I don't have to do that in the fall, in the winter, if I don't want to, because I found out who I am at my core. So I don't, I don't need to do all of that ripping and running. April, you don't like airports. I was just talking to a friend of mine the other day, and we were talking about Dubai, and I said, well, you know, I would— Dubai be nice, but honey, I don't know if I wanna— I wanna take that 20-hour, however long it is, you know. So that's just my thing. So let your thing be your thing. You know, and but it can only come shine through when you sit down and write out who you, you know, who, what you are, what makes you move, what, what makes you tick, what things do you get upset about, what things, you know, um, quench, uh, clench your spirit. Those normally are the things, um, that are core things. So I don't, I'm okay, you know, being me. I'm okay with being me, and you got to be okay with being you. But the only way to get there and to change from, you know, you relate— if you're single, your relationship stuff, from your career that you're in, you know, everything around you will change when you figure out who you are, you know, at your core. I'm thinking about opening up my gift basket store again. My friends are like, you? But then the ones that— well, acquaintances say that, but my friends who know me from the core April, oh, they like, oh, that's you, that's been you all the time. You always own the gift basket store and the candy bouquet store. That's just you. So my friends were, they know me from that standpoint because I like arts and crafts types things. I might start doing some DIY projects, but that's what I like. So you got to ask yourself, who am I at my core? And am I settling already in every area of my life because I have not found out who I am at my core. Who— what is my standard? Do I really have a standard if I don't know me? So love you guys, talk to you soon. And make sure you go to areyouanasset.com and become a sponsor, as well as join me in Atlanta June 25th and in the Bay Area July 30th, because ladies, we gonna talk about this thing. We gotta get back to our rightful positions. Not saying doormats, not saying pushovers, not saying somebody that can be dominated, but being submissive is not a bad word if you truly understand what it really is. See you later. Bye.