Are you the toxic one? If so, do this!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello there, darlings! Hello, hello, hello! It's April Mason here, your favorite dating coach and feminine lifestyle strategist. And guess what? Guess what today is? Today is actually, of course, Tuesday, but I had to come live because today I see that I now have 225,000 followers on Facebook. Yay! So I appreciate you all, uh, for liking, subscribing, uh, for my YouTube folks. I know I ain't putting that on YouTube in a minute, but this will go on YouTube as well as on Instagram. So yes, today makes week— well, yeah, we got our 220,000, 225,000, thousandth follower right here on Facebook. I'm moving up, I'm moving up on Instagram. I think I'm at over 30,000 on Instagram. I'm moving up, moving up because I'm new, more newer to Instagram. But I said, since we got 225,000 followers, what do I want to talk about today? What can I give to people to thank them for clicking that little button to subscribe. And if you're watching this video and you are not a subscriber, I need you to get with it, okay? Because Miss April brings you that heat. Now, I may not come every day, I might not come every week, but when I do come for you and bring you something, I promise you it will always give you a different perspective and give you information that can change your life. All right, so before I get into the topic Are you the toxic one? And if so, this is what you need to do. Let me make sure that you understand we still have some glasses. Make sure you head over to AprilMason.com, click on shop and get your April Mason eyewear. These are our gold and purple feminine goddess glasses. I— y'all know I love my sunglasses, so make sure you head over to either AllThingsFeminine.com or just simply go to AprilMason.com, click on shop and it will take you to my shop. So we have these, we have the Classy Classics, we have the Lady Loves. So make sure you guys go head over there. Now I got to say, you guys sold out of the Red God— we sold out of the Red Goddess glasses like these. And these, like, the red ones are one of my favorites. We sold out of those really quickly. So make sure you head on over there and get your eyewear. All right, so let's get into the video. Ooh, Miss April. She's questioning if I am the toxic one. Am I the one that is the one in the relationship causing the issues? Could it be me? Excuse me. Oh wait, hold on, let me drink a little drink of my little cherry juice. And you see my glass, it says vintage, 1975. It's so cute. It was a birthday gift. Yes, because I'm vintage, 1975. So, so many people, and I hear dating coaches and I see folks out there, you know, teaching on relationships and stuff, but they always put the blame on the other individual. And you guys know here on my channel, I'm not one-sided. I get on the men just as much as I get on the women. I think I get on the women a little bit harder because I understand that the power that we have as women to shift atmospheres, right? And especially when you are in that feminine energy. So I get to see a lot of that. And then I also have clients— if you ever want to talk to me directly, download the Magnify app. I will be sure to put that link in the, um, in the comment section. Um, and download the Magnify app and call me. We can chit-chat, we can holla at each other. All right, but what I find the common thread is is actually the individuals that— for like this— the healthy individuals that they are running across is not the problem. They are the toxic ones. Okay, so when you realize that you are the toxic one, it changes things. And I'm going to give you some examples of what I mean by you are the toxic one. I would say about 60% of my clients that come to me with this problem, we find out that it has more to do with them than the other person. And so even though the other person is a healthy person, they still end up playing out, um, the triggers and the toxicity of the other individual. So whether it's a— whether it's a healthy person that you come in contact with and you're toxic, or whether you attract another toxic person that you choose to entertain, the result is going to be the same. And here's why. So if you— and this is what I see constantly, oh goodness, this is what I see constantly. I constantly see people who say they want good people in their life, right? And then you gotta remember this before— let me give this, give this Prerequisite: when you are a healthy person, you will attract all kinds of people, right? You're not responsible for that. You are responsible for who you choose to entertain. That's all on you. So what will happen from the standpoint of a non-healthy person and a healthy person that's healthy for relationships connecting, right? So let's say you are a healthy individual— well, no, the other person is a healthy individual and they're ready for love, they're ready to do their thing or whatnot. But yet you continue to, oh, to overlook them and choose people that are more in alignment with your triggers, with your wounds, with your past, that the person that's standing in front of you, you you won't be able to see them. Why? Because they don't give you the trauma, they don't give you the backlash, they don't give you the ghosting, they don't give you, um, you know, the inconsistencies, they don't give you the not making an effort, they don't give you any of that. But what happens is you become hesitant with that person because your traumas and your wounds of the past has you continuing to think that the more you have to fight, the more you have to work through in relationships, the bigger the, the happiness and the joy will be on the other side. Not realizing you don't have to have that foolishness in a relationship. You don't. So what happens is the person that just— their presence just does it for you. They genuinely like you, they genuinely speak your love language, they genuinely like being around you, and, and they just show you that, right? You will be so afraid of that person that you will back up from them, right? You'll back up. But when you back up, you will continue to entertain people who resonate with your pain, because what you're trying to do is say If I can show them all the love that I have to give, maybe that will— well, not maybe, it will validate your abandonment issues, your rejection issues, your, um, you're not feeling good enough issues. It will, by converting someone that's constantly running from you and the love that you have to give, if you work so hard to try to convert them and you finally do it, it'll, it'll be a validation, validating point for you. But what you don't understand is that person is still gonna do the same stuff over and over again, and you're constantly chasing the carrot. Versus you have someone on this side who just genuinely likes you, who just genuinely, you know, does it for you. And they do it for you, and you know they do. But they're not giving you that fight for the relationship. They're not giving you that because we've been made to believe the more you fight for love, the more you go through stuff with people, the more, you know, joy is going to be. But let me tell you something about a toxic person coming in contact with a healthy person and why you will still feel abandoned even by the healthy person, even by the person that knows how to love and that's open to love, you will feel abandoned by that person in the same way you will be abandoned by the toxic person that you choose to entertain, that you're trying to convert. Here's why. A healthy person can see you and say, you know what, I know he or she has been going through something, so I'm going— I'm gonna show them something different. But what happens is the more you push that person that's actually a wonderful fit for you away because they're they're not giving you that fight that you're used to, the healthy person is going to leave you. Not because they don't have any fight for you, it's because you cannot receive their love. So what a healthy person, a person with boundaries, will do is chuck up the deuces, okay? They always chuck up the deuces. So now you feel like, man, I was chasing this one over here and this one was giving me all of this fight, and then at the end of the day it didn't work out. They end up leaving. It didn't work. But this one over here, I liked him, I liked her, and they didn't give me none of that, and they end up leaving. What's the common denominator? The common denominator is you. Because once again, a healthy person that's ready for love is not going to sit there and keep trying to make you love them. They're never going to try to sell you on them because y'all, I always taught you, if you have to sell someone on you, you're going to always have to sell them on why they should keep you. So a healthy person will see you and see that, okay, yeah, I can tell they've been wounded just like all the rest of us. They might not be along in their journey as far as I am just yet, but I— if they're open to exploring, let's explore. Okay, but you have to be open. You have to be open. So you will be abandoned by the healthy person and by the toxic person, because one will do it because they toxic just like you, and the other will do it because they have boundaries and they love themselves enough to say, you know what, I like this person, I like how I feel with him and all of this stuff, but with her, I gotta do too much plowing around with her, I gotta do too much trying to break through with her. That ain't what you want. That's not what you want. So how do you get over that? Let me help you. Number one, I'll tell you this, which a lot of, you know, people in the relationship dating space won't, won't say, or they say the opposite. They say that you have to be whole and healed before you can get someone in your life. That's not necessarily true. If you just happen to be someone that's afraid of love, afraid of being hurt, afraid of being abandoned and rejected, What you can do is the person that's standing in front of you that actually does it for you, and you really can't come up with no reasons why you shouldn't be dating this person, date them anyway, even being uncomfortable. Because what a healthy person is not going to do, they're not going to let you turn them into toxicity. They'll leave you first, okay? They're gonna, they're gonna leave you first. So So you don't have to worry about, well, what if, you know, what if my bad habits or how I feel rub off on them? It ain't, because they're gonna love themselves enough and they have a boundary and they have a limit that they'll go to. And it's like, you know what, this ain't gonna work. So with that kind of person, you actually keep seeing them. You, you make yourself uncomfortable to understand that Man, I don't have to have that push-pull love. I don't have to have somebody that I'm constantly chasing behind. I don't have to have somebody that the harder I work with them, the harder, you know, they run from me. And it makes me feel as though, you know, you know, a lot of people don't know how to identify the difference between giving someone the opportunity to show themselves, you know, that they working with you, and someone that's constantly doing things against what it is that you told them you don't like. There's two— that— those are two different things. I believe that, yes, you do give a person a chance, but after you give them a chance and they continue to still do the same thing, you got to be out of there. Some people can feel like, well, did I not fight hard enough? No. A person would healthy boundaries can articulate, can communicate to you the issues that they are having, okay? They can do that. But what they won't do is give you the space and room to constantly run over them, because healthy people understand that you don't have to have all of those things in a relationship. Okay. Oh, I don't know why the video was stopping. It's not stopping on my end, but I'm sure once it finishes, um, I finish talking, it'll, it'll get where it needs to be. And so it will definitely be put on, um, Facebook— I mean, excuse me, YouTube as well too. Um, I thought the video was issues with— the issue was just me. Okay, cool, cool. So with that, you have to ask yourself, am I the toxic person? Because I'm the toxic person if I have somebody in front of me that wants to love on me, wants to get to know me, but because they're not giving me that push-pull, I cannot use the same set of information that's in my motherboard, you know, in my subconscious mind, to navigate with this person. Because I'm so used to fighting, I'm so used to having to prove myself, I'm so used to having to have people, you know, um, to have to chase behind folks. Well, this one I don't have to chase behind. They're genuinely showing me energy. They should genuinely showing me good energy. They're genuinely showing me that they're interested. Their, their words match their actions. Okay, so if that's the case, you are the toxic one. But if that person is willing to see things through with you, stick with them, even though it's going to make you feel uncomfortable. Okay, even though it's going to make you feel uncomfortable, stick with them, because what you're going to continue to do is keep going from person to person to person to person, right? Experiencing the same push-pull, chasing behind people, people, you know, abandoning you, rejecting you, and all of these other things. And you're going to keep thinking that it's you, where it is you, but not from the way that you think it's you. It's you from the perspective of you have to create new grooves and new openings in your heart to be able to receive new love. So So that means connecting with somebody that know what love is, that knows how to love you, that wants to love you, and be uncomfortable in that until being loved, supported, genuinely taken care of, someone that wants to be around you, somebody that wants to be a part of your life becomes normal to you. Okay. That's all I have for you today. That's all I have. Y'all said, y'all said it's, um, it's buffering. Let me see on my other phone what's going on. What's going on? Somebody said she making walls crash around so many people's feet. I'm just, I'm just trying to help folk out. Y'all know I love love, um, and, um, okay, it's working on my end. So, um, y'all know I love, I love love. Um, so I want to make sure that you get the information that you need to get so you don't hold yourself up. Because there's so many people that are coming across your path that are actually good for you, but you keep pushing them away because you've been taught you have to fight in relationships. We got to fight for this. Now, if there's a situation that happens and you still want to be together, yes, you get in there and you plow that ground and you say, no, we're gonna make this work. But when someone is genuinely coming to you open-hearted, like you just for who you are, you just being you, your presence does it for them, you, you're trying to find stuff about them and it's like, I can't even— ain't nothing I can even say. But yet you give your time to people that you have complaints about. That just simply means You're trying to get people to love you from a wound standpoint. It's a wound standpoint. So when you're wounded, you're going, you're going to go to what's familiar to you. I'm challenging you to go towards what's not familiar to you and make it familiar to you. Make good love familiar to you. Make being treated right familiar to you. Make someone making you a priority in their life familiar to you, okay? All of this fussing, fighting, arguing, and, and ghosting, and, and then, you know, um, not, you know, not, not calling people back, or go missing for 2, 3 days, 2, 3 weeks, you— all of that stuff, that doesn't make a relationship That makes a healthy person get the hell on. And then the toxic person comes back and be like, well, what happened? I heard from you. Your energy— my energy can't accept that. So a healthy person will abandon you in your eyes. It will look like abandonment in your eyes, but it's not really abandonment. They're just protecting their own sanity and space because they were open to you, but as soon as real connection starts to happen, real intimacy starts to happen, requiring you to open up. It's easy to deal with toxic people. You can be in a relationship with a toxic person just like you for years because you aren't— you, you are doing it out of the hurt place. So you wonder, you know, how can I be in a relationship all, you know, all this time? It's I'm dealing with, um, the same stuff. It's because that toxic is familiar to you, so you never had to go deep inside to really open yourself up. You will open yourself up when you connect with someone that is open to love. They're not toxic like you, and so now that person becomes scary to you because you have to go deeper. Than what you've been doing. You've got to go deeper than giving the little stuff that you've been giving with the other people, because you've only been giving them that because once again you're repeating the same cycles over and over and over and over and over and over again. So at that point you have to say, look, I'm tired of going through people, I'm tired of being on dating sites going through the newness of relationships, and Dennis, then you know the toxicness is right back, but I don't know how to go pick somebody that doesn't have that. Okay, so it's up to you to decide what you gonna do, if you really— if you're really ready to be uncomfortable. If you did not watch my video from a couple Sundays ago on how I learned to love again, make sure you go watch that, um, and it'll give you a little bit more— well, a lot more in-depth of what I'm saying today. But I wanted to come and talk to y'all because we, you know, we just hit 225,000 followers on the Facebook page. Yay! Someone to come and give you something. Uh, but think about it. Are you the toxic person, but yet you keep running into people that continue to confirm your trust issues, that continue to confirm your abandonment issues, that continue to confirm, um, your rejection issues and not feeling good enough issues, your insecurity, but you keep choosing to entertain them? Yet the people that come into your life that don't have any of that, and they just see you for who you are, and they just want you for who you are, they become boring to you, or they become scary to you, because now their mere presence requires you to go deeper. So for I don't know how many years you've been dealing with people, but you've been dealing with people from a surface level, a pseudo place. Okay, so everything that you fear the most is what show up in your life, and you keep thinking, I gotta work to help that change. Not instead of saying, I don't want that, and understanding you can have someone in your life that don't have those issues and just genuinely like you, and y'all can ride off into the sunset. Doesn't mean they're a perfect person. Like I always tell people, I wasn't looking for a perfect, perfect person. I I was looking for the perfect partner for me. That meant he, he was not without flaws. He was not without things that he needed to change. But y'all don't call on the Magnify app while I'm live. I forgot to turn that off. Um, but y'all call on the Magnify while I'm live, so I can't talk to you right now. But a perfect partner for you is not without flaws. They're still a person that working through some things and your presence or their presence in your life helps you work through that. But it can't happen if you continue to keep choosing people based upon your wounds. That doesn't work. And then next thing you know, after— um, matter of fact, it was so funny. Hold on, let me, let me turn this back on. What was funny was my ex and I, we had a conversation not too long ago, and I keep trying to get him married, right? And I'm like, every time you get to the 6-month mark, you always, you let them go. What's the problem? And we got to talk and I said, oh, I know your problem. I said, because we had, when we had our first blowout at our 6-month mark, things in our relationship shifted. I said, so you like the feeling of the newness, but when you got to go into the day-to-day to really deal with that person on an intimate level, you You get kind of, ooh, ooh, and then all of a sudden she's not as exciting anymore because, you know, that newness and that, that settle-in period is coming. So now you finding everything about her, okay? You can always tell if you're attracting the same wounds if you're— everybody that you keep choosing to entertain gives you the same outcome. Always look at your results. Results don't lie. It's always— if you ever want to know, am I constantly attracting the same? Am I constantly choosing to entertain the same type of people? All you got to look at is what is the— what is the result? Am I constantly meeting non-committal men or non-committal women? There's something in there. Am I constantly meeting people that abandon me, reject me, ghost me? Lie to me. That's where you start looking at your pattern. That's why people can say, I'm tired of these men, they don't want to commit. No, it's not that they don't want to commit. It's there's something within you that keeps choosing men that won't commit. That's what that is. Because just as many men that won't commit, there's just as many and more that will. So you have to ask yourself, am I the problem? But if you do realize you are the problem and you run across someone that can see that in you and still want to deal with you, hold on to them. Hold on to them, because that's a rare jewel right there. Because that person says— saying, I see you, but even me seeing you, I still want to be with you. I can help love you through this, but you gotta let me do it. Okay, so that's all I have for you today. I gotta go, got things to do. But I wanted to share that with you today. Are you the toxic person? Because a lot of times folks be blaming stuff on other people when it's not them, it's you. So, uh, so let me give you a recap. A person that is healthy, that wants to love you, will leave you just like a toxic person that's running from you will leave you, that you're trying to get to love you. Because the healthy person has a boundary. They will only give you but so much room and space to mishandle them because you cannot see them. Okay, you— if they feel like you don't see them, they're not gonna stay. They're not gonna play that. They're not gonna play that toxic game that you're accustomed to, the back and forth, you know, the in and out, the, the, the lying, the mistrust. They're not going to play that because normally a person like that would have done their work to get past those issues, and the last thing they gonna do is allow someone else to drag them back into that. Okay, so look at your results of the type of people that you keep attracting and that you choosing it. Now, let me stop saying attracting because we attract all kind of people, but look at the people that you're choosing to give to entertain. If you can entertain someone that you feel like you gotta wonder about them, but yet you won't give the person that you don't have to wonder about that same energy, that's a problem. That would suggest that you don't— you were taught and you have a belief that the harder you work at getting somebody or proving that you care about somebody or proving that you are lovable then that will equal a successful relationship for you. So you need to go inside and figure out where that came from. Figure out where that came from, because relationships can feel easy, relationships can feel wonderful, relationships can feel, um, flowing, relationships can feel gentle. Relationships can feel real basic, ain't all that other stuff. Relationships can feel, um, just regular, like regular day-to-day life. Relationships don't always have— don't have to have all these ups and downs. And we've been taught that, which is why we continue to perpetuate those, um, issues in our relationships, because people aren't just used to good, just a good person that likes you, like what you come with. You know, you do it for them, they do it for you. There you have it. But we've been taught, you know, you see so many posts, pay attention to the red flags. Hell, there's a bunch of green flags too. But because of the wiring and because of past experiences, people tend to gravitate to what's comfortable, to their wounds. People that, people that trigger their wounds, and when their familiarity it, it does something. But what happens is when you come across someone that genuinely doesn't give you any of that and you actually really like them, what happens is you have to now put in new, new tools in your arsenal to deal with that person. Because you have— and I always tell women, men have an arsenal of comebacks for basic woman responses. When you start giving a man responses that he's not accustomed to, he don't know what to do because he can't pull from that toolkit anything that would go with what was just said or done. So you got to ask yourself, am I willing to put in new tools, new information for good love? Am I willing to stand there and let somebody love on me even though it might feel uncomfortable because we're not arguing and fussing. She ain't going through my phone. He ain't trying to control you. She's not trying to, uh, change you. Okay, yes, subconscious on automation. So you have to stand there even when it's uncomfortable to break the cycle, or you will find yourself constantly repeating the same stuff, getting, you know, meet new people going through the same stuff and all of that every single time. So what are you going to do to not be the toxic person? What are you going to do to not be the toxic person? Because that's toxicity. And what happens is, what bothers me is seeing so many relationship experts on the internet, you know, pandering to women making women think that it's always the man's fault. No, it's not always the man's fault. How many wonderful men have you came across, but because of your trauma wounds, you ran him away and he was just like, no. And what did you label him as? Oh no, he don't want no commitment. He just want to play the pimp. No, he wants a woman that can receive the love that he has to give. So he not gonna sit there with that. It's not all— it's not always the man's fault. So when I see dating coaches out there always pandering to the women, it just bothers the crap out of me because it doesn't require women to look within and make any changes. Yet they will listen to all that BS, but they're not paying attention that their results is the same. Yeah, it sounds good and it validates what, you know, how you want the ego in you. The shadow side of you. It validates that, but your results ain't that. So you would rather an ego validation than the realness of what's true, which is the results. And results do not lie. So it bothers me a lot when I hear dating coaches always pandering towards women and making— always making the man wrong. Um, but yet the woman is never held at a higher standard, um, that she could be held to. Not a higher standard above the man, but a higher standard of self. Okay, it's just, nope, he a fboy, he a this, he a that. Now we do have some of those out there, but when a woman understands that she keeps attracting wounded people because she's wounded, you're not in a position to call nobody no f-boy or call them out because you're choosing to entertain them. So until the whatever it is inside of you is changed, you can't say these women don't want no committed man, these men don't want— these women don't want no man that's good for them. You can't say that because you are choosing to continue to entertain and choose women that do not when there may be women in front of you that will embrace everything about you? I'm just saying. Tanya talking about, ooh child, ooh child. I'm just saying. So you wonder why people always mismatched. It's because folks don't know how to let go or heal the trauma wounds nor will they allow anyone in to help them heal the trauma wounds, because they'll try to start treating that healed person like their traumas that they're used to. And the healed person gonna give you a chance or two, and then they gonna back all the way up, be like, uh, nope, this is not what we're going to do, we're not doing that. So if you ever want to know If you're dealing with ego and you haven't started healing, look at the kind of— look at the common denominator when it comes to the type of people you choose to entertain. I'm just saying. So that's all I have for you, ladies and gentlemen, today. I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, but I love you. Thank you to all of my 225,000 followers here on Facebook and all the other ones that I have on Instagram. YouTube. So this was my video to thank you. I hope you got some information. Make sure you share it, make sure you subscribe, make sure you like and follow and all those wonderful things. Make sure you go get your April Mason eyewear, you know, your April Mason eyewear over at aprilmason.com. Click on shop or just go to allthingsfeminine.com. You can also download the Magnify app if you want to talk to me. I will drop the information there as well too. Love you all and have a wonderful day. Bye!