Are You Using Timing As An Excuse?

Hello, hello, hello! It is April Mason and Relationship Thursday is back! I'm gonna wait for you guys to get in here because I know I teased you a little bit asking if you wanted me to bring it back and you— I didn't tell you that I was bringing it back. So if you are watching the replay, be sure to just go ahead and fast forward to get to the good stuff, to get to the good stuff. So I'm gonna wait for you guys to come on in here. Oh, I see you coming. Oh, I see you coming. Yes, yes, yes, I see in those hearts and know that the love, the love. Hey, Alicia and for Sean. Dean already shared it because Dean know it must only be good because she's back, she's back. Hey, uh, Miss Winston and Miss Sykes. I'm really good, Estella. Hey, Janet, good evening to you. Hey Monty and Tina, y'all gotta tell me where y'all from. You ain't telling me where you from. You know, if you have watched my show before, um, in the past when I was doing it last year, you know you got to give me your, your, what, your city where you from. Akeisha from Indiana and Justin from New Jersey. Hey darling, hey Lori, hey Patricia Love, darling. Lynn Toy, I see you. LaRonda, I see you too. How you doing? Hey Donald, how you doing, darling? I see Trish from Chicago repping Chicago, she said. April from Philly. Dion representing the A, the A, hey. Lori from San Diego. Hey Dee Dee, I'm a new subscriber, super excited for your wisdom tonight from Louisville, Kentucky. Hey, Louisville, Kentucky. Hey, Great Britain. Hey, Miss Jones. Alicia in the ATL, how you doing, darling? Miss Taylor, hey. Love the background. See me, you like my background? I, you know, my background, Janet, I changed up, I switched up on you. Love the background, that chair is everything. Thank y'all, y'all look my cheer. Hey, uh, Patricia in, uh, North Carolina. April's been a while from Dallas. Okay, who was that? Who was that? That was Tracy. I see you. Uh, hey Deborah, thanks April for listening to us. I'm listening, I'm listening, y'all. Y'all said you wanted me to come back, so I said let me see what I can do. Hey Deborah and Janet from the Bohomos, how you doing, darling? If you don't mind, if you could share this, because the more people we get on, the better, and the message and the wisdom and the empowerment can can spread, because it can spread like a little virus, but in a good way. I see you guys. Oh, let's see. Uh, hey Michelle, you missed me! Oh, missed you guys too. I see Arkansas, the Dirty South, in here. I see you, Andrea. Uh, hey Missy Blue and David from Memphis, Tennessee. Devora from Birmingham. Uh, Winifred from Orlando, I love your set up in the background, it's beautiful. Thank you so much, darling. Thank you so much. I see Denise in Colombia. I see y'all, I see y'all, I see y'all, I see y'all. Thank you so much for tuning in with me tonight. Love those colors, bright and vibrant. Yes, Chris, bright and vibrant. Um, so you guys know, if you are new to me had never caught one of my shows when I was doing it regularly twice a week. Um, once the music go off, then that means we get right into the show. But I gotta take the— always take the time to say hello to you guys because, you know, I'm one of those people that feel like you don't have to give me your time. You don't have to, uh, watch and hear anything that I have to say. Hey Joe, I see you, I see you, I see you. Thank you so much for sharing, darling. Thank you so much for sharing. So thank you guys so much for being a part tonight. So here it is, I kind of gave you guys a little teaser the other day and asked if you wanted me to bring Relationship Thursday back, if you wanted me to come back. And, um, I asked you 2 days a week, 3, 4, 5, which y'all wanted, right? So I had already made a decision that I was coming back this Thursday, but I haven't decided how many days. So we're gonna start with Thursday relationship on Thursday. I'm also thinking about doing like a, a, um Inspirational Sunday and a Q&A like Monday or Tuesday. Y'all, you guys let me know if that's something that you would want, Q&A, and I get to really answer your questions because I can't get to all of them in my inbox. I get about 300 messages per week on this page with people asking for advice, and a lot of the questions are the same because folks deal with the same stuff. So I'm thinking that I should maybe address it. But what you guys think? Let me know if you think I should do a Q&A during the week, and hopefully I'll be able to get to your questions. Okay, so tonight, before we get into it, let me give you— you know, you know the house rules. I gotta— I gotta go with my announcements before I jump into the good stuff. I gotta get with my announcements before I jump in to the juicy stuff that I will be discussing tonight. So first and foremost, Let me tell you this, I have something for you. You know, I give you guys wisdom all the time. I give you guys empowerment. I give you guys the best of what I have based upon the fact that, you know, I take my time reading and studying and listening and hearing from the Creator on the information that I am going to share. So I do that, I do that freely because that's just what I was created to do. So, you know, hey, it is what it is. Once you stop trying to do other things and just do what you were created to do, everything falls in line. So what I have for you is an MP3. Ladies, this is for you, this is for you. 3 mistakes that's keeping you from attracting quality dates. MP3, it's an hour long. You can download it while you're at the gym because you know we all about working out and get fit. You can download and listen to it at the gym, in your car, but go to teachmehowtodate.com. Go to teachmehowtodate.com. We will actually make sure that the link is, um, in the comment section and above when I'm done. But the MP3 is all about the 3 mistakes that you're making that's causing you not to attract quality dates. People ask me all the time, how did you transition from, you know, being married, then being divorced, then choosing to date again? And how did you go from not the best candidates to where you're in the position to be choose versus waiting around to be chosen and you have quality options. So I give you that information and a free MP3, absolutely free. You don't have to buy anything, absolutely free, and you will get it in your email. So go to teachmehowtodate.com. Next thing, next order of business is if you don't have my audiobook, Are You an Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite, you gotta go download that too because this will help you get on your journey To being a better woman, and I picked out the 10 keys that helped me on my journey. And some of them you might not think are important, um, you might not have thought of, but they're extremely important. So you can go to store.aprilmason.com and get that. The next thing we have is, of course, my event July 29th, live from anywhere in the world. You can, you can, uh, participate on, uh, the Teach Me How to Date live event. This is going to be some of my best information because y'all keep asking, what, you all over the place, how do you do this? How did you learn how to, how to date again? How did you stop interviewing people and, and feeling like everybody was intimidated by you because of your success and then you started attracting a quality man? How did you do that? How did you do that? So in there, um, you have, you get to understand my definition of what dating actually means versus society's definition of what it means. I have something totally different and you'll be able to learn with a bunch of other ladies and it's going to be a lot, a lot of fun. So if you're really serious about this, I ain't talking about, you know, I don't know, I don't know. But if you're ready to be intentional about what you want in your life, those are the only people I like to deal with, intentional folks. But if you feel like, well, I don't need no help, I don't need no help with this, I don't need no, you know, I get help over here, but when it comes to my love life, even though it's Jack, I don't get any help with that. I don't get any help with learning how to be more of a feminine woman. I don't want to get no help with that. I just want to just continue to believe my own hype that everybody is intimidated by my success, my education, and how smart I am. That's what I want to do. So if that's you, then this, uh, event is definitely not for you. You can participate from anywhere in the world, but it's only for people that are intentional, people that are ready to make a Shift. And so you can go to AprilMason.com for that. I'll have the information below as well. And then also you will be getting information if— because I've already had folk in the inbox asking, you know, will you be coming back live? And if you do, will you have any small business sponsorship or advertising packages? And actually we will. And if you inbox us, we will make sure— myself or my management, my team will make sure that you get that information. So Just alone, just on this week alone, we've— my page have reached over 5 million people. My posts get shared quite a bit. Last week I had a post that went— was 1.4 million views. Another broadcast that we did, I did recently, when I logged off after an hour, it was only— it was at 24,000 views. So depending on your product, you know, hey, this might be an opportunity for you to get your message out to the world. Two things— one thing that two things that we don't— I do not push, um, because, um, I'm— that's not what I'm into. Number one is weave. I do not promote weave because I don't wear it. So I kind of promote things that are in line with what I am about. And I don't, um, promote any music with profanity and, you know, anything that's negative. I do not do that. So So just to get that off, because on YouTube I get so many people wanting me to promote hair on YouTube, and I'm like, I just don't wear it, so I will be false advertisement. I wouldn't be the right advertiser for you. And they got a lot of people doing that, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone that does that. Now, if you're a stylist that can— that looking for people to, you know, come to your salon because you offer a variety of services, that's different. But you can't say send me packs of hair because it's gonna sit. I, I just not— I'm just not gonna wear it. So I just want to be honest and upfront with you because I get a lot of people wanting to send me hair all the time. And, uh, only time you'll see me with a few tracks is if I'm on stage, um, well, if I'm filming something, or I may have a photo shoot. That's the only time you'll really see some extra tracks. But it's not— it's still gonna be something that looked like, like, you know, my own. So just wanted to clear that up. So the last thing is Let's get right into what we're talking about tonight. Okay, I hear so many people talk about timing, and I have so much to do before I decide to get into a relationship. There's so much that I'm trying to do, and the timing is off, the timing is bad. Um, I'm in school right now, the timing is bad. I'm rebuilding my life right now, but the timing is bad. Um, well, here's the deal. Is it really timing, or is it you choosing to make that time bad? Because we— everything we do is a choice. And so I used to use that excuse as well and say, I can't get in a relationship right now because I have my kids, I have school, and I have a lot going on in my life and I just can't. So once I get my stuff together, then I will feel like I can be in a relationship. And then I posed the question to myself a few years back, and the question was, who said love was going to be waiting on you when you get your stuff the way you want it together? You know, I think we, we come up with our own timelines. We come up with my, I our own, um, reasoning. And a lot of it has to do with the self-image that we have for ourselves. If I don't get my stuff together, am I going to be any good for anybody else? Now, I'm not talking about, um, taking a break and doing some emotional things. That's not what I'm talking about. And doing some self-work. There, there will be a period of time where you got to take a break. I took 18 months, almost 2 years off from dating, um, and That was, that was a, a process for me. Now, even though I took that time off, I was still open. Meaning there's a difference between doing some self-work and doing, doing, um, do you know, doing yourself, taking care of yourself, having some me time, and being closed off, and having some me time doing yourself and still be receptive. Those are two different things. When you live in a place of expectation, you know that at any given moment what you've been asking for can manifest. So you can't say, God, I have been asking you for a husband, I've been asking you for a wife, or that, that make— that mate for me, but when you sent them, you were funny because it wasn't the right time. Because you see, I got all of this going on, I have these kids, and you know, I'm trying to do all of this stuff, and not realizing the very help that you might need may have been sent to you in the time that you believe is not the right time. Now let me, let me be clear again. I'm not talking about when you are in a sabbatical mode and you just, you kind of shut down. I'm not talking about that, um, I'm, I'm— because I believe everybody should have that me time. But who says me time? Who says grieving time? Who says after a divorce that it's going to take you all day to get it right, to be open for love again. I, I had a, um, a young man— well, not young man, an older gentleman— tell me maybe about 4 years ago his wife had passed away, and he was a pastor of a church, and he got married not long after she passed away. And everybody had a, you know, was— had an issue with that. And it was like, well, who says that it takes me forever to grieve? Why are we putting our own timelines on what should be. And it was amazing to me, you know, when he said that, because I think he got married within 8 months after his wife passed. He's married 25 years. And some people say you don't get married because you're lonely, but I, I beg to differ a little bit. Because when elderly— and I can even use my grandmother as an example— when the elderly that have been married 20, 30, 40, 50 years, when their spouses pass, they miss the companionship. So what do they do? They make it a point and be intentional to go get them some more companionship. We don't have anything to say negative about that. That's kind of cute. Oh, Big Mama wouldn't got her little boyfriend. Oh, Uncle Junebug, he wouldn't got him a little boo thing. It's cute. So why is it that if you desire a companion, or if you are feeling lonely and, you know, you like to have someone around, and someone that not necessarily to complete you, but somebody to enhance who you are, it becomes a problem? Because timing isn't right, because I haven't grieved long enough, I have not sat by myself long enough, I haven't done any of what they say, the standard of what I should be doing. I haven't done that. So you're living by somebody else's standard. So let's say for instance that you desire to be in a relationship, or you're open to it, but this is just in your mind, this ain't the right time. I gotta do me, I gotta rebuild my life, I gotta do this, and I got all of this stuff, right? But then somehow a person that has the resources the know-how and the want-to and is ready for you. And they see something in you and say, I like this person just the way that they are. Yes, I see what they have and what they don't have. Yes, I see that they may need a little work, but guess what? You might be the person that they need to help work on them as well too. So are you keeping yourself held hostage because you have this long list, or it could even be a short list, of things that you want to accomplish before you get into a relationship. Fellas, I'm, I'm really talking to you guys a lot tonight because there's so many men that I've come across that says, that say, I don't know if I'm ready yet because my this ain't right, my dad ain't right, my this ain't right, my dad ain't right. Here's the thing, a wise man can spot a woman that likes him for him regardless of what he has. But that wise woman can also see he's not just a slouch, he's on his ground, he's not, he's not talking about potential, he's actually living his potential. He might not be where he needed to be, but I can come in and what I have and my giftings and my abilities and my know-how, I can help him get to where he needs to be because he's now You know, he has the potential to be my purpose mate, not just a playmate. Think about that, fellas, because a lot of men, you know, fellas, there's a lot of amazing women out here that will accept you as you are. You know, now I'm not talking about the raggedies. I'm not talking about the guys that are looking for a hand up. I mean a handout versus a hand up, a come up. That's not what I'm talking about. Anytime I speak, I'm speaking from a wisdom point, from people that are mature, grown. I don't speak from the, yeah, but he this, but he that. That's not the guy that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the man or woman that is mature, the man or woman that understands that they can now make wise decisions because they've taught themselves that, you know what, no, this person might not have it all together, but my wisdom tells me if I connect with them, they're not trying out to use me and abuse me. They've accepted me for who I am. So why would I prolong my own, the potential of my own success because I'm trying to do it by myself because I might not be wise enough to recognize what's in front of me. So that's my question to you. Are you wise enough to recognize what is in front of you? Because we pray for answers, but when it comes in the form of a relationship or someone coming into your life, we reject that, not realizing that actually could have been the answer that I was praying for. But because it did not fit into the timing of what I said, I reject it now. When I decided to start dating again, before that I had that mindset. And like I said, I had to ask myself, April, who says love is guaranteed to find you after you get yourself together? Who said that? And also I had to become a wise woman to understand that, April, how is it that you can say you want to date again and you want to remarry and and you, but you still, even if you date and remarry, you still have this list of stuff that you still have to do. How is it that when you get married you can find the time to still do all of that and be it and be a boo or be a wife, but yet you can't find the time? The timing is wrong when it's, it's, it's the, the onset of a relationship. Either way it go, you're still going to have to the same stuff that you need to complete You're going to still have the same goals, the still same ambitions. You might still want to go to school, you may still want to better your life, you might still want to lose the weight, you might still, you know, want to do some things for you even if you're in a relationship. So how is it that you can navigate making all of that happen as a wife or as a, as someone in a relationship, but you can't manage that prior? Whatever it is that you want, you need to start practicing it. So are you your own worst enemy? Are you your own hindrance? Because you're saying, I want to do me. I desire somebody. God knows I've been praying for, for a boo thang, a companion, a husband, a wife. God knows I've been praying for that. But you know, I got to get this done for me first. I got to finish this book. I got to get this trucking business up and going. I got to get, you know, my life together. Okay, but what if that person comes into your life is the help that you need, but because you're so caught up in yourself, you're so caught up in what you don't have and your self-image of who you are to yourself is holding you back because what you're doing is you're looking at, am I good enough for her? Right now. I see what she has going on and I don't know if I can maintain that. I don't know if I can do that. But not realizing she just may have the key components to help you become the man that you were called to be. And she wants to do it. Now I'm not talking about, like I said before, you getting with folk cause you, you know, you trying to use folk or you trying to, you get a handout. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying she genuinely likes you as a person. She's seen your flaws. She seen who you are. She see what you don't have, but she also sees that you are operating already in your potential. And she says, I like him, and I like him enough to use my giftings and my abilities to help him. And if she likes you, a lot of it has to do with not only who you are, but she's identified some things in you that she's missing. Even in your state of not feeling like you're good enough or that you have enough, or I gotta get myself together, if she wants to date you and get to know you, it's because she already has identified that there's some key components that you have that helps her as well. And it might not even be anything financial. It might just be who you are. You might be the missing piece to her puzzle, even in your 'I don't have my stuff together' state. So are you your own hindrance? Are you the person that's stopping you But the same person that's stopping you is the same person that's complaining about ain't no good man out here, where are all these women at? But yet you're not open to receive. You would rather complain than make the adjustment. Uh, Robert, you said you wish you could find her. The fact that you said you wish you could find her means that you don't believe she exists. Anytime you put yourself in a position of wishing for something, What you're saying is, I don't believe I already have it. And I've always taught you guys, especially if you're new to me, I, you know, I teach how to manifest things in your life, and the relationship and, and drawing quality people into your life is one of them. So anytime you say, where are the good women? Anytime you say, where are the good men? Anytime you say, I wish I could find them, I wish I could find her, you're operating from a place of lack. When you say, I wish I had enough money, versus saying, I am so, you know, I'm so grateful for the abundance of finance that come my way every single day. I am a funnel for money, funds, dividends, checks, PayPal transactions, Stripe transactions, Square transactions, transactions, Visas, MasterCard, American Express, diner's card. I am a magnet for abundance. Even though your money might not be right, you're not operating from a place of that— of it's not, not being right. And if you— the way you speak determines what you will see. When you buy a new car, you all of a sudden start seeing things differently because now you have this car and you see everybody else with that car. Now you didn't see it before, but once you got in it, you start to see your car everywhere. It's the same thing when I changed my mind about not they're not being quality men in Atlanta and yada yada yada. When I got off the bandwagon of that thought process that was not even my experience— my experience wasn't that, but based upon what they say about the ATL, we buy into it. Well, once I change my mind, it's like the Lexus or the, the, or the Beamer or whatever car that you have that you just go get, or the Toyota or whatever it is, the, the Hyundai. Hyundai got some cute little cars, a little Hyundai Genesis Coupe, that's kind of hot. So whatever the kind of car you go get, you start noticing, you start drawing it to you. So when I stopped saying, where are the good guys, well, where are the guys who can do this, this, this, and this, they started showing up because I stopped living in a place of lack. So change your speech. When you say, where are the good women, I wish I could find her, What you're saying is, I live in a place of lack versus living in a place of abundance. What you say, what you speak, will determine what you have. Your life right now is a result of what you say and what you think. Everything. Your current result Your current reality is all based upon what you say. You've created your own reality. Some of you say, well, April, how do you get past the fear of loving again? It's a choice, cuz what'll happen is you have that fight on the inside of I want to be loved but I'm scared. So you always be battling. And I always tell you guys that random thinking equals random results. And I'll take it a step further, Random emotions, fluctuating emotions bring around— bring about fluctuating results as well too, because in one minute you're high, next minute you're low, and all of this stuff. Uh-uh, that's not how it works. You have to believe that I am lovable, I am likable, I am caring, I am open to receive love, I am a really great person. You gotta know these things about yourself and you'll start drawing people that show that, that mirror that back to you. Sometimes people come into your life— if you start meeting the same kind of people all the time, they are a mirror of who you actually are. I remember when, um, I thought I was open to love, but then I had realized that, oh, April, you're a little scared, because I would constantly meet guys that were really great quality guys, but they would get scared. And I'm like, why do they get scared? Why do, why do they back up? Why do they And that's because I was doing that and didn't realize that I had manifested men that were just like me. April, why are you attracting these emotional— emotionally unavailable men? Well, as much as I said I wanted a relationship, I was actually emotionally unavailable myself. So I became— the men that I attracted became a mirror to who I was. And now, you know, that I understand this, anybody that I date or go out with, I look at— I, I check them out to see Okay, is there something I'm supposed to be learning here? Um, let me see, and let me see if they're mirroring me. And it's a great indicator, especially if he's a really great guy and, you know, he's open, he's ready, the whole nine. It's a really great, um, a really great, um, tool to use to evaluate where you are. So when I stopped attracting emotionally unavailable guys, it's because I made the shift and stopped just saying I wanted a relationship and started doing the work to actually be a good mate in a relationship. So look at the people that are in your life. Are you saying, why won't he commit? Why won't— why won't she commit? You know, why, why, why won't they get in, uh, get in touch with their emotions? Why won't— you got to ask yourself, is that you? Are you the same way? And when you start looking at everybody in your life, or that you continue to attract. And if it's the same, you, my dear, are the common denominator. So if you keep meeting women that, uh, that are hot and cold, or men that are hot and cold in your life— one minute they all hot and heavy, the next minute they're not— maybe there's something within you if that's what you meet on a continual basis. Now, I'm not saying that some jokers won't come in and try to play the game. You will have some of those, because even a butterfly is drawn to the flame. Not just the moth. So you will have some that, um, that will play the game. And you know, a wise person can see past that. It's like, okay, you running hot and cold, I don't have time for that. Grown people, mature people, we don't play the hot and cold game. Either you consistent or you're not. If you're not, we just back up and say, you know, we chuck up the deuces and, and we go and start manifesting someone else that can actually meet the need. That's what we do. So if you continue to attract those type— not maybe one or two, but this has been your continual thing— maybe the problem is you're not as ready as you think you are to be in a relationship. And that's when you start having to do some self-work to find out, is it me? You know, why? You know, where are all the amazing women at? I keep meeting these that are like this. I keep meeting these that are are like that. Well, are you that way? Who you attract is a direct mirror, direct representation of you. You will always be able to see some of you in them if you are in tune. If you are one of those people that always want to point the finger at others but never want to look at yourself, that's why I tell the ladies all the time, it's not always the men's fault. It's not. You can't be, you cannot be upset about the men that you chose. Cause 9 times out of 10, ladies, we normally see the red flag, but you know, as women, we want, we want to see the good. And what I've learned is when the red flags go up, Mason goes out. Um, no matter how great he is, how great he looks, what he can do for me, you know, all that Mason is like, oh, doo doo doo doo. My antennas are, you know, they up. So I have no problem with walking away at this stage in my life because when you learn to love yourself and you don't operate from a place of lack, you know that what your true desire is will step up. So if you continue to block that space by trying to make somebody something that they're not, can you be mad if you continue to get with them and they finally get with you and they treat you bad? That's not their fault. They were already showing you for who you— who they were already. That's why I always say let go of people who can't give you what you need. And I think I wrote a post on Facebook the other day. Let's see, I put up a post and it said, uh, let's see, let's see. Thank you guys so much for sharing, I appreciate you. The post said— let's see, maybe— oh, here it is. It says, don't waste your time trying to make someone the one. Go find the person who naturally wants what you want and ready to give it to you. Someone who naturally wants what you want and was ready— keyword, ready— to give it to you. So you have to learn how to be able to see a thing, and if it's not fitting, be able to drop it and say, I can— I cannot— at this point in my life, I cannot afford to have somebody that's not in the right space, honey, in this space, because, uh-uh, that ain't what I need. I don't need that. Because what you're doing is you're prolonging your timing because you're giving space to someone who does not deserve the space or don't fit the space at all. That's what you're doing. And so then you get upset when they don't follow through. Is it their fault or is it your fault? I'm just saying. So that plays a part with timing too, because you could be prolonging your Mr. or Ms. Right because you continue to entertain people that have already shown you that they don't have the capacity to meet your core need. Now you guys know I'm big on compromise. Compromise is good. Like my good friend Joel says, there's a difference between, um, I always say there's a difference between compromise and settling. He says that, uh, settling is when you settle on your core needs. Compromise is round peg, round hole. You wanted a pink one, but you got a blue one, but it still fits. Settling is square peg, round hole, and you're trying to mash that bad boy in there. It doesn't fit. So if you are continuing to deal with people that don't meet your core needs and you don't cut— nip it in the bud and cut it quickly, you, my dear, are also prolonging your own time because that space is no longer available because you're trying to make someone who does not naturally have the capacity to give or to meet your core needs. So I wanted to share that with you tonight, uh, and because I just believe that there's so many of us that desire to be in relationships and desire to be— to love and to be married, but we haven't even learned the basics of how to even vet someone in the dating process, which is why I came up with the Teach Me How to Date. I had to actually learn how to date because we're taught get married, get married, especially those that were brought up in the church community. It's all about getting married, but but nobody actually teaches you how to date. Oh, we don't, we don't date, we just court. No, whatever. I don't, I don't, I don't believe in you just go from I meet you on the street and we courting. I don't, I don't believe in it in that, in that manner. I do believe in exclusivity and courting, but I also believe that even in the vetting process before you can even get to the courting stage, we have to know what we are presenting and we have to also know what questions to ask. Because a lot of times as women, we present the— our business self, our masculine self, the woman that we are on a daily basis at work, that power position, the mom. We, we present that masculine energy. And I'm here to say no, we have to learn how to date again from a woman's— from a woman's place. It doesn't mean weak, it doesn't mean doormat, doesn't mean any of that. It doesn't mean you dumb down your success or anything like that. You just don't lead with it. Once I switched and stopped leading with how many books I had written, how many television shows I've been on, how many radio shows I've been on, how many awards I've gotten, I saw drastic changes in the type of men that I attracted. So we're so quick to want to get to the ring that we've never taken the time to say, do I actually know how to date? Yeah, I know how to go and go have some dinner. We know how to do that. We might know how to have some conversation, but do I have wisdom? Am I a wise woman? Do I— can I hear key things, or am I just a regular woman? I need to develop what it means to be a wise woman versus just a woman. I need to learn how to be a rare woman and, and stand out amongst the crowd. That's what I mean to learn how to be. But we are not taught that. We're not taught that timing has nothing to do with anything. We're not taught that. We're just taught that get your stuff together before you get in a relationship. And I— this is just me— I don't agree with that. I don't agree with it from the standpoint of your I's gotta— all your I's have to be dotted and all your T's has to be crossed before you can get in a relationship. I don't believe that because I believe that Who says love will find you after all of that stuff is said and done? Who said that? So we are operating on a standard that other people have set for us. Others have imposed their standard of what it should be on us, and we've never questioned it. We don't question why we believe what we believe. We don't question why we get the results that we get. We don't question that because we were taught do it this way. One of my biggest pet peeves Two of my biggest pet peeves, sayings that just bothers the crap out of me is don't let, don't look for love, let love find you. That's the dumbest statement I've ever heard because we go look for the house we want to live in. We go look for the car, type of car we want to drive. We go look for when it was time to go to school, the colleges we wanted to go to. We get intentional about when we want to have children, the jobs and careers that we want to have, the businesses that we want to have. But when it comes to love, we kind of like, well, let it find you. Really? One of the most important decisions that you'll ever make is who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and you leave that up to chance? Really? That's always been, um, interesting to me. Don't look for love, let love find you, because God is going to choose. God got your mate for you. No, God does not choose your mate. God's never been in the business of choosing mates. God's in the business of presenting you with opportunities, and you have to be wise enough to see what's in front of you. If you see what's in front of you and you keep throwing it back, you know, throwing all of these opportunities back, please understand that that saying, what's meant for me is for me, is not really for real. If you don't pick it up, if you choose to not pick up what's in front of you when the opportunity presents itself, please understand it will go off to somebody else and The lazy, complacent mentality will say, well, I guess it just wasn't for me anyway. No, that's not what it is. If you keep passing over opportunity, you, you refuse, um, to pass over it. And I call that poor— passing over opportunities repeatedly because you're afraid. You might not feel like you're where you need to be. Your self-image of you is keeping you where you are. The only reason why you apply for the jobs that you apply for, and you date the type of people that you date, it's all based upon your level of confidence and your level of self-esteem. Let me say that again. The job that you have, the people that you choose to entertain in your life, it's all based upon— they're all chosen based upon your level of self-esteem and self-confidence. Now, you could be qualified for a better job, but because of your own self-image of who— of yourself— I could apply for that, but I ain't gonna do that. I really would like to live over there, 'But I'm not sure if I can do—' No, no, no. Mm-mm. You are doing that to yourself. So how you view you will determine every move you make in your life. Once again, how you view yourself will determine Every step you take, whether the car you go by, uh, whether the house, the neighborhood you live in, the people that you— type of people that you choose to date. Because if you feel like, oh, he got a little bit too much for me, or she, she doing a little bit more than I am, so I'm— instead of going to get the woman that I want, I'm gonna go and get a woman that's not— doesn't have as much as I do, so I feel like the hero in her life, even though she's not meeting all of my needs the way I need her but because of my view of myself, I'm not gonna go get that good woman on the top of the tree, that good apple. I'm going to go and get the lot— the dangling apple that's halfway on the ground. I got a little dirt on, a couple worms in it. It ain't the best. It's all right, you know, you can kind of cut around, you know, the little wormholes and everything, but it's really not what I want because my self-image of myself will not allow me to say that woman over there has everything that I need, even though I might not be on her level to my degree. I don't know what she looking for. I might just be exactly what it is that she needs, but because of my own self-image, I'm not going to date that guy because he's a doctor, he's a lawyer, and you know, I just work at the government office, or I work at the department store, I work at the Mac counter What would he want with me? And that when you do that, you're now evaluating your value based upon what you have and what you've accomplished, not based upon your heart, your spirit, and who you are. So that plays a part in your timing as well. You continue— you can continue to prolong your timing because of your self-image. So now the person that you've been praying for, the type of woman that you wanted, is now in your face. She like in your face and she feeling you too. And you're still in amazement because it's like, what she want with me? And I'm here to tell you, what wouldn't she want with you? What would he want with you, ladies? Well, why wouldn't he want you? Because you're once again equating your value based upon your accomplishments and based upon what you have. You're looking at them, um, and you're saying, okay, I don't have all of this stuff, so, you know, I don't know about all of that. And here's a little commercial break. Make sure you go to, uh, teachmehowtodate.com and get your free MP3. A matter of fact, I will post it for you right now. I want to make sure you get that, ladies. Please be sure to get that. Be sure to get the free MP3 off Teach Me How to Date, 3 mistakes that's keeping you from attracting quality dates. Okay, I just had to throw that commercial break in there because it's free, you know, while you're on it, you know. Nina says, enjoying this talk, I feel like you're talking directly to me because I am Nina Copeland, girl. Okay, let me see if I can write it. Um, Teach Me How to Date, I think. Here it is, right here. And I'll post that for you. My team is not with me tonight. They will be with me on a regular basis. I finally found my perfect intern, and so this is going to be awesome, awesome, awesome. As well. So you can go to— where is it at? And I'm glad to see you guys talking with each other. I'm really glad to see that. You never know who might meet on my thread. Mm-hmm. Okay, I just posted it. Teach Me How to Date, download the free MP3 right now. So once again, before I get out of here, Are you holding up your own progress? Are you trying so hard to do everything on your own that you couldn't even recognize a good thing if it was sitting in front of you? Because you're so caught up in what you don't have— I got to get my life together, I got to get this together, I got to get this together— and everything you may need might just be sitting right in front of you. Hmm. Are you guys enjoying Relationship Thursday? Let me know if you're enjoying Relationship Thursday because I'm so excited to be back doing what I love to do, doing what I love to do. And so for those of you that I keep— I already said it, but some of you still keep saying, where are the— where are the women that want to get married? They're everywhere. The fact that you keep asking where are the women that want to get married, you're saying at the same time you— there's a lack of women that want to be married. We don't operate from a place of lack. We operate from a place of abundance. When I get up in the morning, anything that I don't have, I act like I do. When I get up in the morning, I don't make just myself a cup of coffee, but I make my man a cup of coffee too, even though he's not here. I act as though I have what it is that I want. I act as though all the money that I need to buy my school, the school that I'm an asset, School of Womanhood and Femininity, I act as though I already have the money to do that. I've learned, I've learned. Here's something else I wanted you to get, and I didn't understand it, but I get it now. I had to learn to invest in myself on a higher level before I I could attract larger things in my life. And this is what I mean. When I went from going to an event and like, oh, it's this free event, and then I upgraded and went to, um, I spent $20 going to an event. I was like, okay, okay, you know, but it's a conference. The most I've spent— I— well, and it took me a minute to get up there. The most I spent was 2 grand going to a conference. And it wasn't, it wasn't a big deal for me. I, I had to get to a place where if I wanted bigger in my life, I had to do bigger things. I had to take bigger steps. So when I got to a place where spending $100, $200, $300 on a dress was no big deal— I didn't start out that way because I knew the thrift stores. I know, wait a minute, came out a little Walmart, you know, a little JCPenney. So I went from, from Target and Walmart to, to, uh, JCPenney. And then I know to Ross, then I went to Ross. Then from Ross I upgraded a little bit to Marshalls. And then I was like, okay, I, you know, I was able to buy me a little dress for $39. It was like, okay, I bought me a little $39.99 dress, it's cute. But then from there I went from Marshalls to JCPenney's. From JCPenney's I went to Macy's. From Macy's I went, um, to Dillard's. From Dillard's I went to Neiman Marcus, and every step I took, it was no longer, uh, uh, I was no longer in bondage when it came to investing in myself because it's like, oh, them shoes, oh, them cute, them what, what, $150? Oh yeah, I'm getting them. Where before it was like Payless Shoe Stores all day, the $10 shoe store. Y'all know we got a $10 shoe store, um, here in Atlanta, and you, they got some cute stuff in there, it ain't gonna last. You know, but they got some cute stuff in there. But when I started wanting more for my life, I wanted quality in my life. I had to invest in myself. I had to. And so now, um, when I go to the store, there are no limits. There is no budget if I choose to not have a budget at all, because I lived that life for so long. Living in poverty, living in lack. And that same lack mentality played out in every area of my life. Where the good men at? Living from lack. Where are the men that, um, you know, want to date Black women still? Living in lack. And Eric says, so where are the single ladies that want to— want a good man? You still asking the wrong question. And I didn't address this a couple of times, but you don't want to hear and understand what I'm saying. Either you still asking the wrong question— where are they at? They're nowhere around you, Eric, because you're asking where they're at, which means you're living in lack. So when you're living in lack, what you're asking for is not there. But when you're living from a place of abundance, a place of— man, it's so many, it's so many women that are out here that's ready to get married. I just can't— I'm so excited to connect and attract the one that's made for me. 'Cause she already here. I can see my boo thang right now. You know, we are— we matter of fact, we on our way to the amusement park because my girl, she gonna like to get on roller coasters. And this is what we gonna do. The more you talk as though you have a thing, the more you attract a thing. Okay? The more you do. What was that question? Justin says, April, you're preparing yourself for a great man. To me, you're a rarity, but some will say your breed is about is in abundance. I just don't see it. It'll be more positive moving forward though. Well, good. Thank you so much for the compliment, Joe. Um, Justin, I've been working on me because I know the kind of man that I need in my life. I have to be a woman that even qualifies to even ask for that. So many women ask for things and men that they are not even qualified for. He got to make six figures, but do you make six figures? He gotta have this, he have to have that. Well, do you have that? Stop asking for stuff that you can't get yourself. Hmm, boo! Stop asking for stuff that you can't get yourself, especially if it's material things. You can't give it to you while you waiting on somebody else. When I wanted flowers on a regular basis, I bought flowers for myself every week. I started, you know, when I wanted it, I didn't wait for a man to give me flowers. I went and got them myself. So I'm asking for men to come in and rescue you— you don't need rescuing. You might need a companion. That's a wonderful thing to have, a companion, not to complete you but to enhance you, to help you take you to another level of that you never knew that you had. That's what that's for. Because when you're living in a space of, when is he coming, when is he coming to rescue me, I just need somebody to rescue he's not coming. And if he does, he's gonna be Captain Sable, because you want to be safe. I want to be safe. So you got to look at it, look at what you're saying. No, you do— I don't believe you have to be 100% all together for somebody to come into your life. Absolutely not. But I do believe that you have to live from a place of abundance and not say there are no good men or good women or where they at. You gotta change your vocabulary. So as long as you keep asking them same questions— where they at, where they be— they're never gonna be there for you. When you went and got the new car, you didn't ask where it's at, where it be, or they don't make them no more. You didn't do that. You went to the car lot, you got a new car. And when you got a new car, all of a sudden you start noticing the same car that you had, a lot of other people have, because your view changed. I'm gonna need you to take your— the glasses that you have on and put your stunners on so you can see things with a different lens. That's what I need you to do. Matter of fact, I don't wonder I'm sweating because I forgot to put my glasses on. I'm gonna put my glasses on, so In that, you have to ask yourself, am I holding myself hostage to time, uh, because I don't feel good enough, or because I don't feel like I'm where I need to be? But like I said, in a relationship, you're still going to have the same wants and desires to— when it comes to self-improvement. And when you're in a relationship, you still have to maintain a relationship and do those things. So why not practice now? Why not get up in the morning and say, today is an amazing day and I feel wonderful because I'm gonna— I'm in a place of abundance and expectation that any given moment, my husband that has been already been looking for me, I'm finally gonna show up because I've— I've been the one playing. My wife that's been waiting for me, I'm finally gonna show up because I've been playing. So let me get get, uh, my mind right so I can show up. Because I might walk out the door today and I might not have a dime in my pocket, I might not drive the best car, I might not have the education, but what I do have is, is a heart of gold. What I do have is a spirit that's divinely connected. What I do have is kindness, and I'm generous with my time. I am a good person, I'm a loving person, I'm a caring person, I'm an empathetic person. What I do have, somebody is looking for it to come directly from me. So love you guys. Join me next week, next Thursday, for Relationship Thursday at 10 PM Eastern Standard Time, uh, and it was just 7 Pacific Standard Time, right here on my page, Miss April Mason. Thank you guys so much for sharing this broadcast. I will be coming more often, and like I said, I'm thinking about Inspirational Sunday and like a Q&A Tuesday or something like that. You guys gotta let me know, um, if that's something that you want to do. Yes, I should be doing a TED Talk. Thank you guys, and thank you guys so much that have been recommending me for all of these women's conferences. I, I love it. I appreciate you, and I'm going to continue to do my best to bring you quality, wisdom-driven, um, content. Make sure you go get your free MP3 and make sure you invest in yourself and join me on the 29th of July for the Teach Me How to Date event. It will be live. If you already registered, you will be getting an email next week with all of the pertinent information that you, uh, need. So love you guys, have a wonderful, wonderful evening, and go to bed in a place and in a mindset and a spirit of abundance. Good night.