Are you willing to go this far to find love in 2016?

Hey y'all, I'm driving. I got this little contraption where I can put it on my iPad on my, um, my screen so I can talk to you guys while I drive. Yo, my boys, the band Christmas going. How y'all doing? It's the day after Christmas. Did y'all make sure y'all didn't eat a whole lot, ladies? Because you know we can't talk about we want to lose weight, but at the same time, you know, we still stuffing our faces with all that good pound cake and that pie and everything like that. I won't be able to get no shots out, uh, right now because I am driving, as you can see. I just came from getting my hair did. You know, since I gotta make sure her hair and her nails and everything is together, you know. So I just came, uh, from getting my, um, my hair done. Yes, the day after Christmas, you know, you get your hair done. How y'all doing? How y'all feeling? How's everything in your life going? Well, hold on, it's hot. I gotta say, it's hot. It's hot in Atlanta. Okay, I'm about to light so I can see. Hey, uh, McKinley. Hey girl. Hi McKinley. McKenzie, McKenzie, how you doing? It's hot, y'all. It's like 75, 77 degrees in Atlanta right now. It's really hot. And then, you know, I'm going through that menopause, I'll be having these little hot flashes and everything like that. So, um, I'm out, like I said, about on the staff for Christmas, enjoy myself. And, you know, the kids, they're headed to Six Flags. I ain't invited to be the seventh wheel, so Mama gotta go find something, you know, to do on her own since everybody want to go to Six Flags without me. But y'all want to call and ask me for money. But you can't take Mama to Six Flags. Hey Valerie, how you doing? Let's see who else. Hey Kiki, how you doing? All right, here's the deal. I got a question to ask you about love. Now, um, I meet a lot of people, you know, that have this notion of, you know, love is something that just kind of happened magically, you know, don't search for, um, what you want, kind of just let it just happen when, you know, when you're not looking. But that's the only part of our life that we, we put to aside and we kind of just, you know, throw it out there like, well, if something happens, it happened. But if you were getting ready to run a race, if you were getting ready to, uh, start a business, whatever it is that you want to do, what college you wanted to go to, have children, you always plan for those things, but you leave love up to chance. Hey Tyra, how you doing, girl? Um, so this is my question. This is the story that I got. I was in, uh, California and I was teaching this class called Free Life Coaching class that I would do every Sunday night. Well, one of my students came in, she's a paralegal, and she says, April, I gotta tell you something. Okay, I'm back. So she was— she said, I'm taking the initiative to get the love that I want. So what she did is she set herself up on multiple dating sites, and, um, from there she set up dates to meet men. Um, in that time she went on dates. She was adamant, she was intentional about meeting the love of her life and finding love. So my student was like, okay, April, I told her it's okay, you know, you can just work a little bit later, but you can extend your lunch. So now she's on all of these dating sites, she's going through dating profiles, you know, guys are reaching out to her, she's kind of checking them out, seeing how, you know, things could work out with them and all of that, kind of reading their profiles and all that good stuff, right? Well, The girl went on 70 dates, and on her 71st date, she met her husband. Are you willing to go to that extent to find love in your life? Now here's the deal. The guy that she met, after 3 months, she was paying off her student loans. And you know, all my male friends say, "It don't take all day to recognize sunshine." A man will know in a very short amount of time. If a man knows himself and knows what he needs, he will, um, know. he will not let a woman that comes into his life— he won't pass her up because he knows what he needs, just because he's only known her 2 or 3 weeks. One of my good friends, he probably watching now, Robert JoJo Hill, told me, if I'm not mistaken, he knew he was gonna— he told his wife in 45 days he was going to marry her. He saw her a year prior, and then when they started dating in January, he told her in March, oh yeah, we getting married, because he knew who he was, he knew what he needed, and he— God had placed her in his life. So it didn't take him all day trying to figure out all of these things because he already knew who was. So there's— going back to the story, the girl goes on in, uh, all of these dates, she meets him. 3 months into the relationship, um, she's saying that, you know, she's trying to pay off her student loans and all of those things, right? He tells her, how about you move into my apartment, take the money that you're paying off your, your rent and all your utilities and your household stuff with and move in with me and you put that money towards your, um, your student loans, right? So that's what she did. Well, 6 months— 3 months, 3 months after that, which makes 6 months, she has still had not paid off her student loans. Well, he says, don't worry about it, he pays off all her student loans. They end up getting married, and I'm told that they just had their baby. So she was extremely, uh, intentional about the fact that I wanted to be married at a certain age and I did not want, uh, and I didn't want to— and I wanted to have a baby. So the baby, it should be about 2 now, uh, or 2 or almost 2. And so my question to you is, how intentional about— are you about finding love in your life? And I talk a lot about love because I was raised from a standpoint of he who finds wife. If you didn't read my last post, read my previous post before, uh, above this video— oh, well, below this video. And we're made to believe that it's always, you know, the He got to find you, like we sitting somewhere lost and, you know, they got to look up under the shelf and look up under the COVID look up under the bed because we are lost, right? Well, I believe— and this is April Mason's belief, this is not everybody's, but this is what I believe— I believe that for those of us with the percentage of being over 50% of women are single in church, especially in the African-American church, I believe that we were not taught that there's other ways that you can take "he who finds a wife." It could be you two were dating, he eventually, whenever he did, he saw a wife, found a wife in you. It could be something totally different than from the perspective of you are lost and looking to be found. I also believe that a lot of churches and pastors, well, pastors do not teach another alternative way of what that meaning could mean because it will affect the tithes and offering. Let me explain. Single women build churches, right? Single women give and give up their time, and we're told that if we give and we volunteer and then we spend our time at the church, God is going to bless us with a husband. All we got to do is keep the faith and believe and give up our time, um, and be all engulfed in the love of God and be filled up with the Lord and all of this stuff, right? Well, guess what? It always keeps us in hopes of hitting the one day, the cha-ching, the husband jackpot. Why is that? Because a lot of churches know that it's easier for women to follow and to continue to help build the church than when she has a man in her life that can kind of question some things that might be really questionable. For instance, if you go buy a car, it's easier for a salesman to sell a car to a woman than it is for a salesman to sell a car to a woman and her husband. You got to sell the man on this, and a man's gonna have other questions that the woman may not know, even know to ask. So a lot of churches have been manipulating us into believing that the he who finds a wife means that you sit and you wait for some man to spot you in the grocery store, at AutoZone, honey, at the library, or at the bookstore. And that to me is why a large percentage of women in the church are single today, because it's all the he who finds a wife. And a lot of these women that are talking about, well, you know what, my husband found me this way, that way, he did all this, he did it the right way— they're not telling you everything. They're not telling you everything. So don't believe the hype, baby. Don't believe the hype. So Like I said, I know a lot of you won't agree with me and my beliefs on this and why there's so many single women in church, but you don't have to. This is my, my opinion, but I see it all the time. I remember I was getting ready to go minister at a church, and, uh, a friend of mine that I was talking to at the time, he said, well, how was it? I said, oh, it was awesome. It was so many women at the altar, you know, because I was, I was teaching, uh, ministering on the Broken But Not Bound, how to get over molestation and the domestic violence and how to, you know, get over those things, right? His response to me was this. He said, you had a bunch of crying women? I said, yeah. He said, oh, I love— I love when I go minister and you have a bunch of crying women because that means that's a big old offering because you know how crying women are. You know how the women are in the church. Now this man is a very well-known praise and worship leader. If I said his name, all y'all would know exactly who I'm talking about. So for him to tell me that, that spoke volumes to me on the process of a lot of these preachers thinking. I have had preachers— I've heard messages of preachers preaching about women, and the first instance of prenuptial agreement is when the daughters of— I don't remember the name, but it starts with a Z, um, and, and they were trying to get their portion, you know, from Moses because their father had died and they wanted to get their father's portion. So they went to Moses and asked, but they, they had to have a son. Well, this particular well-known preacher, I remember hearing this sermon back in 2006, and he said, well, see, ladies, you gotta— in order to get your stuff, you got to make sure you have a prenuptial agreement. So all of these crazy women get up, start shouting around the church, talking about, "That's right, I gotta have my stuff, he got to come with this and it's my stuff," and blah blah blah blah blah. What they didn't see what was happening is they were being manipulated twofold. Here it goes. Number one, he was giving them a false sense of empowerment of, "Girl, get your stuff, be that boss chick," the one that I always be talking about. And on the second hand, what he was doing was manipulating to number two, keep the women single in the church because these women just got a word, honey. It was empowering. Get my stuff. So I'm gonna continue to give, and because one day God is gonna bless me with that man, and, um, I'm gonna hit the man jackpot, the husband jackpot. Boom. Right after I heard that message, the Holy Spirit said, go to your Bible, pick up the Bible and go to the scripture. I looked up the scripture he was giving, using as reference, but I also went below that and read what it said. At them, during those times, the property did have to stay in name of the family. But in order for it to do that, the man— the woman had to marry someone in her family that had the same last name. It had nothing to do with prenuptial agreement. So these women are sitting back being manipulated to think that I'm being empowered, but actually it's all a ploy. I'm just saying. Like I said, I know some of you won't agree with it, and some of you may have never even looked at it from that standpoint, but the stats don't lie about single women. Especially in the African-American church. It's over 50%. So if it's over 50% and all we are always taught is he who finds a wife finds a good thing, like that's the end-all be-all. The man has to find you because your little behind is lost and he has to find you. That's not always the case. I do believe in positioning yourself to be found. I do believe in having a being intentional. If there are things that you want in your life, why do we always put priority on certain things but not put priority on other things? There's nothing wrong with saying, I want love in my life, I want to be married, so I'm going to go out and I'm going to position myself. Meaning I'm going to go to places where men are, I'm going to be friendly, I'm not going to walk like I got the stank face all the time, you know, I look like something's always going wrong in my life. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to always be going going out with my girlfriends all the time, girlfriends night out. I'm not gonna spend all of my time volunteering at the church because they think that they done gave you the, the same, uh, the same anointing that Apostle Paul had. If you desire to have sex, if you desire to be married, you do not have the spirit of Apostle Paul unless God specifically says you are going to be this way because this is what half of you if that's the case. So I wanted to share that with you today and then also ask you, how far are you willing to go to find love? This lady went that far. Another thing is, in the African-American community, we aren't taught that. This woman is a Caucasian woman, but see, we're taught differently than a lot of Caucasian women are taught. They're taught to look at things that are— what kind of job does he have? Is he going to be a good provider? His integrity, his character. Whereas Black women We— is he fine? Is he 6'2"? Is he 6'4"? You know, um, you know, what is his physical, uh, aesthetics looking like? That's— those are those things that we're looking at. While— whereas other cultures of women are taught to look at things differently. Now here's, here's the catch. The girl that went out on the 70 dates and met her husband on the 71st date, my friend told me, she said, April, she's a beautiful girl, but he's not the best looking guy. But because his— the quality that she were looking for came in a package like his, it didn't matter if he was drop-dead gorgeous. She's physically attracted to him, but he's nothing like what she normally dates. And based upon what she looks like, you would think they would be— she would be with a dude that's on the same caliber. But what she fell in love with was how he treated her, and her priorities was not how he looks. Now don't get it twisted, that's her. My man got to be fine to me. I'm sorry, I got, I gotta, I gotta be able to, uh, because I'm looking at my forever. So I do have to be able to look at you, but my definition of what's attractive to me may not be what you think my definition of attraction, of attraction, um, should be. Love will find you. I don't, I don't, I can't read, I can't read, um, that right now because I'm driving. Um, you know, and that to me, that's one of the silly— a silly statement that we were raised with. Don't look for love, let love find you. But yet we'll go look for a job, we'll go look for the house where we want, you know, we're gonna look for an apartment where we want to live, we'll go look for the car that we want to drive, we'll go look for the dress that we want, we'll go look for all of the other things. But the main thing, the very important thing that can make you or break you in life is a relationship. We leave that up to chance and we let it find us. Just because it finds you don't mean that it's meant for you. I'm just saying. I'm saying. So don't get caught up in the hype of what they say it should be. I'm getting a little weak signal because I'm back here in these backwoods, um, so hopefully it'll— it won't cut out. It'll cut off, I'll just continue on when it picks back up. So don't stop subscribing to stuff that you've never really thought about why you're saying and why you're doing the things that you're doing. How do you leave love up to chance? How do you— how do you sit back and say, you know what, I'm making this fantasy mystical thing, you know, one day, you know, Prince Charming is going to come along and he's gonna find me and it's gonna be all good. Like, no. Even back in the day, marriages were arranged based upon— it's my daughter calling, hold on. Uh, I'll answer later. How can you make— um, no, marriages were arranged based upon business arrangement. What that person's family had, what that person's, uh, what they brought to the table. It's more of the business arrangement. It wasn't all about these butterfly feelings and all that. Sure enough, I do believe in romantic relationship There should be some chemistry, there should be some physical attraction, but that should not— the physical attraction should not supersede character, integrity. Can he be a provider? Can he be a protector? You know, can she be a helpmate? Can she be a support system? Can she be a wise woman? Can she be a woman of integrity? Can she be a woman of character? Does she know how to do womanly things? Is she feminine? All of that other stuff should not take precedent over that thing right there. So, yes, loving is an action word and I always say loving is an action word. Are you acting out? I always say that. So, in that, I need you guys that want to be married in 2016 to go ahead and start thinking about things differently. It don't take all day to get married. All of my male friends, they have gotten married in a very— they proposed in a short amount of time. Those that took a little bit longer is only because they didn't know who they were and what they needed. Like my brother tells me, April Bro, it don't take a man all day to recognize sunshine. If a man knows who he is, he— that means he has identified with what he needs. So if God brings that woman into her life, that woman crosses his path, he's not going to let her go because he's not programmed and wired to let something that's supposed to be good for him and is exactly what he needs go. So all of this taking years and years and years to figure it out, that's just a bunch of excuses, period. Yes, you can take some time to know, get a person. That's a separate part of it. But knowing what you— who you are tells you what you need. When I was dating, I stopped dating for about a year, um, last year. I just started dating back again, and it's been very interesting. I'm having a little fun. But I stopped dating for about a year because I had to identify, re-identify. Now, April, that you're 40, getting ready to be 40 at the time, what is it that you need? Because back then my children were younger and I was looking for that father figure and all of these things. Well, now that I'm 40 my youngest is getting ready to graduate and go off to college, my middle son is headed off to the Marines, my daughter's living her life doing her thing. My why and what I needed changed. So I had to take the time to say, April, what kind of man do you need now at this point in your life? Well, I don't need the same type of man that I needed, uh, then because I was basing a lot of it, um, around my children. Well, mama grown. Mama, you see, I'm riding by myself. You might see me with my grandbaby, but I can give her back to her mama and daddy. I can travel, I can go on vacations in the middle of the week. I don't have wait for the weekend to do things. My time is free. I can work from anywhere in the world on my laptop because I set my business up that way. I don't have any hindrances. But I now understand the type of man that I need. Insecure, uh, intimidated, all them type of dudes, we don't get along. A man has to know who he is to deal with me because of who God made me to be and the fact that he gave me a platform. So I have to have a man that can support that but also check me when I need to be checked. And I totally respect him because that's sexy to me. I'm just saying. So I understand that I had to sit down and identify the type of man that I need versus what people think I might want or people think I might need and what I thought I needed when my children were younger. I don't need that anymore. So I took a time away from dating, um, for about a year, maybe about a year and a half, I think. Yeah, I just started dating, I think, again, and recently, recently, I think I went out on 3 dates in 2 weeks. But so, you know, your girl is, you know, I know what I need and I know how to sift through, you know, what it is that I don't need. And so I can go out with, you know, 3 different guys in 3 weeks, in 2 weeks on a date, and I'm kind of collecting data so I'll know, okay, April, you can't go out with him again. He's a great guy, but that he's not your guy. So you can sift through and it don't take all day and trying to make somebody into something that they're not. Because now that I know what I need versus what I thought I wanted, things have changed. Y'all, y'all, y'all feeling me on that? That. Let me know. I'll read the comments when I'm finished driving, but let me know that you understand what a sister is saying. I ain't trying— and also, sometimes it might seem like I'm yelling. I'm not yelling. I have calluses on my vocal cords, so I have to talk over them. So I kind of get a little louder sometimes than I should, um, but it's not me yelling. It's just I'm trying to talk over the calluses because I get paid for a living. I'm a full-time speaker, so I get paid, you know, to go speak. So I've developed calluses over the years, so I have to speak over that sometimes. So I'm not yelling, so don't take it— don't get it twisted. A sister not I seldomly yell. Um, so once again, the topic was, are you willing to go that far to find love? Are you going to sit back and let love find you? If you're going to say, I'm gonna sit back and let love find you, that means you sit back and let the business find you. You let good health find you. You let lose weight find you. You let, uh, uh, finances find you. You let, uh, everything in your life find you. If you decide that I'm going to sit back and let love find me, you have to take initiative. So you can't, you can't say the Bible— girl, the Bible says ask, knock, and seek, but when it comes to love, I'm not going to apply that same principle to that. Really? You're not going to apply that principle to that? So we've been taught pieces and parts, but a lot of it has been— if we've been raised in church all our our lives like I have, a lot of that has been manipulation to keep you single. Because the more single women are in the church, the more that they're going to give. They don't have nobody to answer to because that pastor now has become that man in their life that they listen to, and that's that authority figure, that, that's their leader. So the more single women are in the church, the, you know, the more the church buildings get built, the more, uh, opportunities to, you know, for to have to be people working and volunteering in the area of different areas of the ministry happens. Because peaches know that he who finds a wife don't necessarily mean he who approaches her first at the grocery store. They know that, but they're not going to teach you that because, um, it messed with the money, baby. It messed with the money. Oh, I'm just— I like my hair. My, my stylist, she's so bomb. I love her. Um, but oh, also, here's another thing. My stylist, who is also my spiritual— one of my spiritual moms, I have two of them, um, she recently divorced. And people— she met somebody, she met him online. When I tell you he good to her, I'm like, Ma, that's what I'm talking about. But here's the deal, people thought it was too soon for her to jump out and start dating and all of these different things, right? Well, she told them Baby, y'all wasn't saying that it's too soon when I was going through my time of hardship and my heart was breaking and my husband wasn't doing right. Y'all didn't tell me it's, you know, it's too soon to stop preaching. Girl, just keep preaching, keep pushing, keep doing all of these different things because she's a pastor. Keep doing all of those things, you know, because God got you. She said, but when it comes to my happiness, you tell me it's too soon. Think about it, people. Think about what you're allowing people to tell you and how to dictate timelines and all of this stuff. Think about what's going on. And the man that she's with, honey, let me tell you, they had the church anniversary not too long ago, so I went. He served like I ain't never seen a man serve. He checks her when she needs to be checked, because I told my— I told her today when I was getting my hair done, he walked in, I said, do you be checking her? Because you know she got a lot of mouth, right? So I'm gonna need you to go ahead and check her. Every now and again. And she told me about a situation where he checked her, and the way he did it was in such a manly way, all she could do was respect that. But she says, April, I thank God for him because he came at my right time. Even though my divorce was not— was recently final, I had already was outside, uh, mentally, physically, all that. I was already, um, not in the marriage. I had already, you know, that was over with. I was just waiting for the paperwork to be signed. And I said, nobody— everybody kept pushing me, do God's work, do God's work, do God's work. But my heart is breaking. Mentally, I'm not where I need to be, but y'all keep telling me God gonna do it, won't he do it, he gonna work it out, keep going. But when it comes to me finding happiness, you tell me to take my time? Those are the kind of people I got in my circle, y'all. I got a strong support system, uh, in my circle of people that think differently and give things to me from a different perspective. And I said, Ma, you know what, you absolutely right. You are absolutely right. Who is to dictate how soon you can find happiness? Now, women handle things differently than men. One of the guys that I did go out with recently, he was recent, you know, recently divorced. After 2 months I met him and he was recently divorced. Men handle things differently than women. So I've already dated a man that was recently divorced, um, and I will know what I went through in my last relationship and it wasn't a good feeling. So if I think, unless a man is totally just through and his mindset is, I, I don't, I've been married 20 years but I don't, I don't need to go through a whole bunch of different women and all of this stuff. It's different because women won't— what does the song say? When a woman fed up, ain't nothing you can do about it, bottom line. So for her, it was different. I personally, I don't think I could, based upon my previous experience and, you know, talking to, you know, I've met a couple recently divorced men and they all kind of sound the same a little bit, you know. If I can get this, I can get that. If I can get that, I can get this. Because they've been out of the game for so long. So even if God daughter to him, they wouldn't recognize her because, um, he's, he's, um, so caught up in the fact that I'm free, I'm, I'm outside of the ball and chain. Okay, where my music at? So I wanted to share that with you guys on today, uh, and just ask yourself, am I willing to reposition my thinking and how I think about things in order to find love? In my life? Do I want to spend another Christmas single, another Valentine's Day by myself, you know, another day without the love that I know that God has just put, placed inside of me to give to somebody else and also to receive? So ask yourself that on this here day after Christmas, before you go into the New Year. The New Year, the New Year. Who's that? Oh, that's the Earth, Wind and Fire. You know it's true, but you try to hide. This is one of my favorite, favorite songs. You turn down love like it's really bad. Are you doing that? But you can't be what you never had. Yeah, well, that's your song. You can fool a few, but you can't fool yourself, baby. So think about it once again. Are you willing to put all of this foolishness and you trying to do things that all I's cross all T's? Oh, and another thing, do you— don't subscribe to you got to be whole before God will send somebody into your life. If that's the case, before Jesus came into our lives, we would need to be whole. If you're not used to a good man, it takes a good man coming into your life for you to experience that. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Let's see. Can't hide love. No, you can't hide love. You cannot. Am I in the right lane while I'm talking, getting all excited? Um, so ask yourself those questions. Darlings, and really evaluate what you're doing. This can be applied to any area of your life, um, as well, because if you're not getting the results that you want, you don't have the money that you want, you don't have the lifestyle that you want to live, you're living below instead of above, you have to ask yourself, what am I willing to do to change that and make it a top priority. So if finding love is a top priority for you, make it that. Don't stop acting like you don't want a husband when you want one. Boop. Stop acting like you don't want, um, you know, a wife when you, when you, when you really want to. I mean, when you really want one, stop acting like that. That's crazy to me. You're only deceiving yourself because, you know, a lot of guys, I've watched their Facebook pages. Let me stop stop for a second. I'm looking for something. Hold on. One of my favorite songs by Eric Benet. A lot of guys, I watch their Facebook page on, um, uh, when yesterday I was reading posts, and a lot of them are saying, you know, I want a wife, I want a wife, you know, this year, this year, I don't want to be without nobody. But then that means there's something that you got to do, fellas. There's something that you have to do, boo-boo. Go out there and get her. Also, another thing for the fellas, don't believe that all the pretty girls, just because she pretty, she taken. Just because she's successful, she's taken. So you don't approach her because you assume that she's already taken because of how you view her. A lot of the pretty girls don't get asked out like you would think. I'm just A lot of, a lot of them don't, not, you know, because people, you guys can view us in a certain light. And so I get it all the time. Well, I thought that you were already taken. I had no idea. I just thought because you carry yourself like you already married and you carry yourself this way and that way. So that, to me, when a guy says that, I'm not interested at that point because, um, for me, I need you to have a level of confidence. And even if I don't have a ring on my finger, you should be able to step to me like a G, period. I'm just saying, regardless of how you view me, or she might have more than I have, she might be smarter than me, or she might be this— it doesn't matter. Let, let who you are, you know, shine through and say, you know what, I'mma step to her anyway and see what happened. Humor and confidence, brothers, go a long way. I'm just saying, it goes an extremely long way. So don't think all the pretty girls or the successful girls are taking it all. All of my successful ladies, um, who got it going on like that, humble yourself and stop living through your, um, your, uh, your, your successes. Stop living through what you have. Stop letting that be your selling point, you know. Don't let let that be, you know, the thing that sells you. Oh, this is my song right here. Don't let that be the thing that makes you feel like, I am valuable because of, you know, what I have. Don't do that. Be a lady. This song right here is my jam. You got to bring out that femininity. I can't dance, y'all, but I be trying it. What y'all know about that? Go back, you know, get into your, your girl. Stop using— stop. I told y'all before, my one of my last videos, that you're trying to be strong in the wrong manner. Tap into that femininity is all I'm saying. How do you— okay, I'm parked now. Let me see, how do you How do you know when you have Mr. Right? Trust me, it's just something that you'll know because he'll line up in areas that you prayed about. And don't have this long list that's like 72 things. Have a few things on your list, the top priorities. If he adds up, you'll know it. But everybody won't be perfect. Nobody's— well, nobody's going to be perfect. First and foremost, you have to— you know, because the thing may things that are on your top of your list, he'll have those things. Let's see, let's see. Um, we're trying to be there around 3 and leave it at 10. Okay, okay. We need you in Oregon. Well, book me. I'm, I'm launching back out in the deep. I'm back taking on more speaking engagements. This, this past year has been a transformation year for me, so I have not taken on as many clients, or I have not taken on on, um, you know, speaking engagements. I've turned down quite a few, but I'm ready now. 2016, you know, I'm ready for it. I've rejuvenated. I've had my hysterectomy. You know, your girl is feeling better about herself. I get up in the morning, I go walk, you know, all of that stuff. So I'm feeling good. So if you want me in your city, book a sister. I have no problem coming. Just don't act no fools, that's all. Let's see. You act just like me, but you're telling the truth. Uh, let's see. Uh, can you pick the two? Can you, can you pick the wrong man at the wrong time? Yes, you can. And it's— timing is everything as well. But also, when you know what you need— stop calling me, hold on a second. Yes, well, I'll find the screwdriver in a minute when I come in the house because I'm out in the parking lot. I mean, I'm out in the driveway. Because I'm on video, I'm talking right now, I'm teaching. I'll talk, I'll be in the house in a minute. Bye. Sorry about that, y'all. My son is putting together my, uh, no, go, go, go, go, go, get, go, get back. Uh-uh. Bye. Goodbye. So, so at the end of the day, like I said, I do go speak and all of that good stuff. See, my son, he talking about he want to be on the video because he ain't got on no shirt and because he got an 8-pack, he want to be all in my business. No, goodbye. So anywho, these are just things that I really wanted you to think about, you know. Don't quit calling my phone now. Stop calling me. I don't want to talk to y'all right now. See, this is what I have to do. I should have even answered the phone. I should have act like I wasn't in the drive— in the driveway. Um, and they, like I said, they leaving, going to Six Flags and leaving me at home and everything like that. I'm getting ready to go out when they leave. I'm going out and I'm going to go out by myself. Um, and ladies, you meet people when you go out by yourself. So I may get— go get some stuff done, and I might show up at Six Flags with them. Don't try to leave me in the house on this almost 80-degree day. We don't play that. So anywho, long distance never— long distance— who said long distance never work? I won't say that because my, my, um, my sister— my sister dated someone um, for long distance, and they've been married 10 years now. So they met, they met in high school, and then she went to California, he stayed in Ohio, and from there they could— they connected. What's wrong with my music? I was feeling that song. They connected and they did the long distance thing, and then, you know, he would come visit her, she would come visit him, and then they've been married 10 years. So I can't say long distance, um, doesn't work. It just don't work for me because if I— when I get good news or something happened, my man is the first one I want to call. Babe, guess what? Let's go celebrate! Let's go celebrate! So I need you to be in the vicinity so we can go celebrate. So that doesn't work for me, but it doesn't mean that it does not, um, doesn't work. So let me see if I can get some more of your questions before I go in this house real quick and see what these chilling got up they sleep. Long distance is tough trying to keep it fresh. No, well, it can be, but also you got Skype, honey, you got FaceTime, you got all kind of little things that you can do to keep it fresh. You just have to make a decision. Also, like my friend Joe said, a man knows— once he knows who he is, that means he knows what he needs, which means it ain't taking him all day to go get that girl and make him his wife. So if you're in a long-distance relationship for a long long period of time, somebody gonna have to give, you know, who moving where, or we gonna just pick a place where we can just move together, that's some— a place that's fresh and new. So you got to ask yourself those questions as well. So it shouldn't take all day, don't take all day to recognize sunshine. It says, okay, would you date a guy who makes less than you? Well, see, here's the deal, I, I would date a guy that treats me right because I'm a woman that knows how to make money, honey. Give me a guy that treats right. Give, um, one— I'm not going to tell y'all what that is, but one of my things, um, that one of the top things on my list, if he can match what that thing is, and that thing isn't money, he got to be able to provide. Um, and provision don't mean he's making millions or he's a thousandaire, you know, that doesn't mean that. But I would date a guy that treats me well, that has a vision, that has determination, and he has a dream, but that joker willing to wake up from the dream to live it, I would date him. And he has that authority thing. I just love that. I love a man with authority. I love a man that's a true leader that can, you know, uh, just, just lead. Like, it's, it's sexy to me for a man to be able to lead. And I say, oh, oh, okay, oh, April, we're not gonna do that. Well, why can't we do that, baby? Because I said we're not doing that. So you you just sit back in the seat and you ride in the passenger seat and you just sit back and let me take you where we going. I'm the man and I'm gonna run this. I'll be like, boy, you better stop for you before I go in there and cook you a whole meal from scratch. You doing stuff like that. So that's, that's what I know I need. So I would definitely answer the question, I would definitely date a man that made less money than me as long as he had those other things. And he had, he had vision and he's willing, you know, to— he's pursuing it, or he's at least in it. He ain't somebody that all of a sudden he, you know, I'm 50 years old and I want to be a truck driver. No, he has to at least be in and operating in his vision, and that means he knows exactly what he wants to do. And here come my little cute little self to go ahead and help him make that vision a reality. That's what we're supposed to be doing, ladies, helping them birth the vision. So yes, I would date a man that made less money than me as as he had those other things that I need. A dude that can say, uh, honey, uh, I just don't want to talk about it right now. Well, why you don't want to talk about it, April? Because I don't want to talk about it. We will talk about it later on. So I need you right now to go in there and make Daddy a sandwich. Can you do that? And I'd be like, Daddy want a sandwich? Well, what kind of sandwich you want? You want some mayonnaise on that sandwich? What you need? You need me to bring bring you the remote, uh, what you need. He said, we— this is, this is what I need, just give me a minute, we're gonna talk about it, you know, a little something. I'm gonna bring you a sandwich, I'mma, uh, bring you some, some lemonade, you're gonna get some cake, baby. What else you need? Because I know the type of woman that I am, so I'm not overbearing, or I'm not, uh, one of them that try to lead and all that. But if there's certain times that I want to do something and telling me no, but you're not giving me a reason why. I'm gonna ask, well baby, what's the problem? Why can't I? Why? Well, we'll talk about it later. I want to talk about it now. I'll explain it to you later. I'm like, really? Well, you can't talk to Lil Mama right now? No. So we just gonna just sit back, but just make sure your seatbelt on, girl. You know, you straight? All right, but let's go. So that's me. But you say you attract short men. Um, I'm not really into short men myself. I know I'm 5'4". 5'3", but 5'4", but it's something about a man that's taller than me that just is sexy to me. Let's see, uh, what's the problem with a movie date? I don't like movie dates because, well, if I'm getting to know you, I don't like movie dates. Like, for me, I don't like going to the movies, uh, I don't like going to the movies or dinner until like maybe the 4th or 5th day, maybe the 3rd, between the 3rd and 5th day. Why? Because I'm not getting to know you. I'm— we'll be sitting there watching a movie, we ain't talking. I, I gotta collect data. I gotta see if you worthy a second date. I got to see if you are, you know, ask you questions. The way I ask questions, you don't really realize that I'm asking the questions because it's not like, it's not no like no rapid-fire thing like that. I don't do that. I don't believe in that. We just having general, uh, conversation. And because I'm listening for certain things, I can hear that. So it don't take all day. So I don't do movie dates, I don't do dinner dates right away unless I've talked to you on the phone and we've had some extensive conversation. I I might, but, uh, on a first date, or like these little blind dates my friends be trying to set me up on, I don't really like that. I like to do something like go to an amusement park, or go to the fair, or go do something in the park, something— it doesn't always have to cost money, but I need to have you in an environment so I can— we can talk, we can, we can see if we have things in common. Why do we have to— why do we have to have a distraction? I agree, the movie day, on the Movie date. Yeah, I don't believe in all of that movie date. Okay, what's this? Why do some guys lead women on when they know, well, they don't want a future with them? That's because they don't— they're not really men, they're boys, they're males. Males do that. A man that knows what he wants, he's going to go out and get it. And then you will— if you're paying attention, you won't let a man lead you on anyway, because you're— when you know who you are and what you need as a woman, you're going to be keen and you're going to be listening and you're going to have a discerning spirit and you'll be able to tell, okay, this dude is this and this dude is that. That ain't what I'm looking for. Also, men will always leave a way out. Men will always have an exit strategy. If he's not somebody that's looking for, for a relationship, but he like your time, your companionship, and all of these different things, he will always leave an exit strategy. So you could do all of these things for him trying to prove that you're this great woman, but then when everything hit the fan It's like, well, I never asked you to do none of that for me. No way. You see how they flip it? So they always leave an exit strategy. So as a woman, if you are paying attention and you know what you want, you can't handle game ran on you like that, because eventually the truth will come out and he will reveal who he really is. So that's how you know. That's how you don't get got, honey. You don't let them lead you on like that. Let's see, what does this one say? This one says, um, where's a good place to find quality single women? I am out of options. Everywhere. Quality single women are everywhere. Barnes Noble, Starbucks, um, we go to sporting events because I go to sporting— I will go to sporting events by myself, by myself, excuse me. And I'm like, well, you know, might be sitting to somebody that's handsome and he ain't got no ring on his finger. You know nothing about the game, and you looking crazy. He looking at you like, uh, so how you enjoying the game? Well, I really doesn't— don't know. What is it when they kick the ball and it goes through the little thing that looks like the H? And he cracking up laughing, talking about the H? You know, when they kick the ball, what is that called? Oh, you talking about when he kick a— what is it, a field goal or something? Oh, okay. This is how that works. This is how that works. That's how that goes. I went out on a date recently with someone in law enforcement. Man, right? And so we were talking, and so, you know, I'm playing like I don't know nothing. So I'm like, well, how do you shoot the gun? How do you this and how do you that, right? I'm just giving y'all a little bit of how April Mason operate. So honey, for about an hour we out there, and he was like, I'm gonna show you this. I said, well, I don't have— my knees are not the best, and so I don't know how to this and that and third. So he gave me a whole self-defense course in 45 minutes to an hour. He says, well, you got to put your body like this. I said, like this? He said, no, put your hands like— okay, well, how do you do this? And I— girl, stop playing. That man been thinking about me for the last couple weeks. But I'm telling you, ladies, it's that simple. It doesn't— it doesn't require all of this stuff that you think, uh, it requires. It's just be a girl. Just be a girl. Just be okay with being a woman. So to answer your question, there you can meet women everywhere. There's women everywhere, but you have to not come off with this chip on your shoulder. Because y'all fellas, y'all come out, come with some chips on your shoulder sometimes, like, like you're the prize. Like, and true enough, you are valuable and you are, you are, um, worthy and all that. But don't come acting like she got to prove that she deserved me. Just like women, you can't— you, you know that he needs to show you that he deserves you, but don't be sitting there with no little checklist like, okay, um, negative. Don't do that. That's not becoming. That's not ladylike. And nobody's going to want to deal with you and all of that anyhow. So ask yourself, you know, what is it that I can do to position myself to meet somebody? I'm just saying. Y'all laughing at me? What I'm doing? You have to pay close— yes, you have to pay close attention. Bobby said, I'm good. Am I good, or is it just that I know the power of being a woman. See, technology changes things, you know, this era that we're in, things have changed. But one thing I do know, the psyche of a man never changes. The psyche of a woman and our makeup never changes. So the same thing that Cleopatra, Queen of Sheba, and all of them used, it all works still. Why? Because a woman will always be a woman, and God gave her certain things and characteristics and stuff that's just embedded in our DNA. Just like a man will always be a man. So we all know women— see, if I— I wish I didn't have the fellas on, ladies, because if I didn't have the fellas on, I can give you some real good stuff. But the fellas, I ain't trying— I ain't trying to, you know, get— let you know all of the good stuff, you know, how we be— you— why be we working on y'all, you know? And then one of the things, ladies, I will give you this: the very thing that a man says he doesn't want, when you are— oh, okay, well, this is better. This is a better way for me to explain it. I've met guys that said they weren't looking for nothing, or they were, you know, ready— they weren't ready, and all of this stuff, right? And I— and I cool, that's fine. But when I give them what they asked for, I don't— I'm not calling you I'm not wasting my, you know, time, you know, giving you my great conversation and all of that. I'm not doing that. That's when they come running. Why? Because I'm actually giving you what you asked for. Because their defense mechanism is to go again— I mean, to say, I already have the program. She gonna say this, she gonna say that, she gonna be doing this, she gonna do that. So that's all they know to do. But when you give them what they're asking for, you ain't chasing them. You ain't doing none of that. I get phone calls like, well, where you been? I ain't talk to you today. Well, remember, we, we not gonna talk every day because like you said, I'm not ready for a relationship, and we might not talk every day or see each other all the time. So I'm abiding by that. But that's the very thing that makes them chase. So now I get the phone calls of, did you get my message? I left you a message a day or two ago. Did you get it? Well, why haven't you you called me back. It's like, well, wait a minute, you said we wasn't gonna talk and see each other all the time, so I'm just— I'm giving you what you said you wanted. But it's the fact that I'm giving them what they said they wanted that makes them put it in a sister's hand. I ain't gonna give y'all the game. I ain't gonna give y'all the game. This, this, this would be a complete ladies course, so the fellas couldn't even be in here. For this. So I hope you guys enjoyed that. I wasn't supposed to be talking to y'all for no hour. I didn't got home— actually, I'm supposed to be getting something to eat at Chick-fil-A, but, um, I didn't got home. Okay, let's see what it said. What does it says? What is— what does it say? Uh, Bobby says, you got it. Let's see. Learn me and I will learn you. You are so right. Um, yeah, it's giving them what they asked for. I've had one guy I'll be dating years years ago. And he— when we met, boy, was baby boy was fine. I mean, ladies, the 6'4", look good in the suit and all of those things, right? Just, uh, well, we went out to— he cooked me dinner on our first date, and he said, so April, why are you single? And I said, well, I'm not really looking for nothing right now. And at that time of my life, I wasn't. And he said, okay, I ain't looking for nothing either. So I guess he thought this was gonna be good, this was gonna be like, yeah, right? Well, I ain't gonna lie to you, yes, we were sleeping together at the time. So we get together, hang out, have a good time. He took me away from my work. April, we ain't gonna business. That's why I liked him. And yes, we did, you know, do what we was doing until one night after the deed was done. We laying there talking, right? And now I'm getting— I'm keeping it 100 for y'all. I'm not gonna act like I'm— I've been all sanctified and I ain't done nothing. No, that ain't true. One night he says— we're talking, watching TV. And he says, April, you are— how did he say it? It's a word he used. You are a woman that a man cannot— what did he say? How did he say it? No, he said you're the total package. And I said, what you mean? He said, you— he said, I like everything about you. And I said, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I stopped him. I said, wait a minute, you're not catching feelings, are you? I said, because remember, we both said we weren't I wasn't looking for nothing. He says, I said that, but I didn't know. That was up until I found it. That was up until I found it. So him saying he wasn't looking for nothing was his defense mechanism because, you know, he didn't feel— he didn't feel, uh, he's used to feeling pressure. He didn't feel no pressure from me. We hung out, we had a good time. That's what we did. And so because I kept it there, I didn't get attached, even if You know, you go— if I'm the type that if I'm dating you and you— I see you out with another woman, I'm gonna say hey. I'm not gonna trip out. Even if I had slept— just slept with you the night before, I'm not gonna trip out. You know why? We're not in a committed relationship. So, I have no right to say anything to you. So, at that point in my life, he didn't like the fact that I wasn't drooling all over him like all of the other women who see him on TV and everything else was doing. It was like, no, you fine and you all all that. But I'm April Mason, but not, not from the standpoint of I do this and I do that, from the standpoint of I value who I am. So people, these women like you because of who you are on TV. I was trying to get to know who you were as the man, so I didn't fall into that category of, oh my God, I'm dating such and such. I didn't fall into that. I'm trying to find out if you crazy. I'm trying to find out what you got going on and, you know, what, what's your thing, what makes you move, what makes you tick, what turns you off. That's what I'm to find out. So your whole everything is built on the fact of who you are on television, but Miss Mason didn't care about that. So I treated you and gave you exactly what you wanted, and then he, he flipped the script on me. But I knew I still wasn't ready for a relationship, so I told him, I know, that's sweet, you know, you caught feelings, I like you. But I knew he wasn't husband material at that point in my life. He was boy toy material. So what they say, you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. You can't always turn a boy toy into a husband either. So I knew that because I had paid attention. I had already categorized him after our first date. Okay, he's not somebody I could see myself marrying. However, I could see myself hanging out with him, and he was fine as he was and full of muscles and everything like that. Okay, I'll put him here. So I was able to put him in a category. He put— thought he put me in a category, but I treated him and gave him what he wanted. Fellas, this is what— this is what y'all brothers, y'all men make us laugh about. Here it is. You tell a woman you don't want nothing from her, right? Y'all collecting data. I hope y'all collected some data. You tell a woman, I'm not looking for anything, right? But when she treats you like you're not— like what you said, you trip out on her. Why? Because it's like you guys are so used to telling women, I ain't looking for nothing, I'm— it's about me right now, it's all about, you know, where I'm at in my life, I'm trying to get myself together. So that's your defense mechanism, right? But when she gives you that and don't be sweating you, calling you, all that, you get upset because she's not doing that because it puts you in a position where you can't reject her. It's so weird. You want her to sweat you just so you can reject her and say, girl, see, I told you I wasn't looking for nothing. I told you where I was at. But when she gives you what you want and she ain't sweating you, you trip the heck out. You don't know how to respond to that because all you know is to guard yourself, to say, I'm not looking for nothing to nobody. Ladies, I'm teaching right here. I'm teaching right here. I'm teaching right here. So fellas, stop doing that. Go ahead and say, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not necessarily— might not be looking actively, but I am open. How about that? Because you put yourself in a position— I mean, I've gotten calls like, where you been? I ain't heard from you. All of this stuff. So in that, because I have not, um, uh, I have not heard from you. What? I'm talking. What you want? What you getting? Oh, your charger. Hey babe, are you gonna make your mom some food? I guess not, they just left. Anywho, yes, it's all head game, absolutely. And men have been using head game on us for a long time, and I don't suggest using head game on nobody that, uh, you're trying to manipulate them and doing all of that stuff. I don't, I don't believe in that. Let's see. Got to that point and ended it. Yes, collecting that, collecting data. Yeah, that's all, that's all it is. And yes, it's an ego thing. So if I, if I give you what you're looking for and you get mad that I give it to you, you only mad because you're not in a place where you can reject me to make yourself feel like, man, these chicks, they all coming at me. I keep telling them I ain't looking for nothing or anything like that. I keep telling them, but they not paying attention. But when a woman gives you what you're looking for, you don't know how to act. You don't know how to act. So I wanted to share that with you guys on, on this afternoon. Let me head in the house so I can find something to eat so these kids can get gone and head on to the park, and I'll find something, um, you know, in Atlanta to do today. Or I mean, who knows, I might go and go bowling or do something with myself, uh, today since I'm supposed to be on vacation. But anywho, I hope you guys were blessed. If you need to rewatch this, share this with your friends, because I'm telling you, whatever you're willing to do for love, that's when you will get it. Whatever you're willing to do, you know, for that, for that business, that's when you will start, you know, you will start, uh, that business. You have to be intentional, and the things that you want in your life has to take, um, a top priority in your life. So I gave you a little bit. Go— don't give them what they want. Collecting Debt, Collecting Data should be the name of my book. I should write another book. I may write a book. Uh, my male friends say I need to write a book. About it. But now that I'm, I'm back in a place where I want to date and those things, I know what to do, you know. No, you don't, you don't get access to me like that. You don't get, um, you know. And I tend to date men and— well, tend to attract men in power positions. So they think that because they got all of this stuff, that that's all of women want. And, you know, you can buy me some purses, yes, you can take me on some trips and all of those things. See, I ain't fazed by that. So when you get in, when you start, um, showing them that I'm not fazed by that, I got my own stuff, they trip out and they don't know how to function. So stop being— ladies, don't be easy. Stop being easy. Stop being able to be bought with things and material things. Write out your top 5 things that you need, and your top 3 need to be things that you got to have, must-haves in a relationship. Forget all the other stuff, all of them, that long drawn out list, put that to the side. Your top 5 and your first 3 needs to be things that you cannot live without. Once you do that, you will be able to function in the dating scene a lot better. And a lot of women I hear say, I hate dating, April, I hate dating. Well, I don't really like dating either, but guess what? Some will say and dispute and say, um, let's see what that— you know, dating ain't Bible. Well, you know what, uh, the word, uh, what is it, um, the rapture ain't in the Bible either. I mean, there— I think we make, we make two things too difficult. Not single, not looking, and not single, not looking, but on a dating site. I, I've experienced— I, I've heard people that have experienced that as well, as well too. So yeah, You should take— you should take knowledge from each man you date. Absolutely. It's called collecting data. So the way that I date now, you know, I can talk to you and ask the pertinent questions on— in a first conversation to know if you're somebody that, uh, is what I— what— that have what I'm looking for. Not everything, but the more important things that I'm looking for. So stop holding yourself hostage. Get out there, have a good time. No, I'm not telling you to go sleep with folk. That dating— dating has nothing to do with sex. Dating is nothing more than collecting data. There's come some of you on here that have purchased my Single No More, um, um, audio thing, and for several of them have gotten married off of it. I wasn't using my own stuff because I wasn't ready, um, to, to be in anything at the time. But now I'm pulling out my own advice that, that has been I use for other folks have been getting married. Matter of fact, one of the ladies that used my Single No More program, she's getting married, and she just, uh, texted me the other day and said, I need your address so I can invite you to the wedding. So we got to get out of our own heads. We have to stop looking at, um, everybody like they're the same. Uh, book us at— book us— book us, lady. Let's see. Book us ladies an appointment for the insider tips, please. Oh, I got some stuff coming for you now. Now that Mason is back and she's back ready to have some fun and exciting, you know, have this exciting life. I'm very pleased at where I am in my life. I had to take off for about a year, almost a year and a half, and but it was, it was beneficial because this next step, um, is very well, uh, planned. And we got to have a plan for the things that we want in our lives, and we got to stop leaving things up to chance. So I love you guys. It's been over an hour. I'm, I'm home and I'm hungry at the same time, so I think I'm going to go find me something to eat. So love you guys. Ask yourself, and what am I willing to do for love? Are you willing to go on 70 dates or whatever you— it takes to find that one and not feel like you're doing something bad or feeling convicted about it? Okay, love you, bye.