Episode 2: The Feminine Ear Podcast

from a gentleman that I read it on our YouTube page, and then I ended up going to, um, read it. And you know, he said a message as well too. He said a message to us. So this is what it says. First of all, congratulations on this new men's podcast. It will be a massive success. We had a men's get-together listening to your show. Something happened that was an eye-opener for how drastically the same narrative that was told to us for decades was something mentioned by you when you said we as men need to find other ways to love outside of our wallet. As soon as we heard that, the room was entirely silent. There we have 4 ambitious, outspoken men, and as soon as you said, outside of our wallet, what can we do? I felt that hit us, hit us all like a ton of bricks, that you can hear a pin drop in the room. After the podcast was over, I could tell that statement was a mind screw to all of us as well. As we have been told as men in our adolescent years to work hard, make money, get a solid career, and be the breadwinner of our family. After what you said, my friends admitted they don't know how to amass a certain type of woman without showing pride in their achievements. The first question we get is about our career. So when something has been hammered to— into us for years, it It is like Stockholm syndrome. This is all we know to do to soothe a, to soothe a specific type of swag. It comes with confidence in our finances. So seeing how you challenged us men— well, he said us Black men— to think outside of our finances is like having us in therapy of a reset. I love you, April, but myself included and my friends, it is apparent We have been programmed with the same talk: you aren't a man if you're not paying the bills. It's a narrative hammered into us as in film, TV, church, school, work settings, and politics. So how do we get away from it? I feel like hearing this, I think I need therapy because it's been told to me for years. So what do you do So what do we do as a Black race if we are not being told repeatedly— if we're being told repeatedly that we must make six figures? Y'all hear that, fellas? That's in the comments section. What you hear? What you think about that? What do you think about that? Where's my mouse? Did y'all hear that? Oh, here it is. So when I read that, I was like, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, and wow. So here's the thing, this is, this is what I will say, and I'm going to give you guys a situation. I didn't tell the fellas here what happened. I said I was going to talk about it tonight. And I wanted to read that first to reiterate just how much men sabotage themselves. So you guys know that I'm finally on the dating market. I'm finally ready to settle down and, and do the whole, you know, relationship thing, right? So in order to do that, you know, I put myself out there. So I am on one particular dating site, right? And so, uh, it was Bumble. It was Bumble. So I'm on Bumble, right? And so, well, after this, I kind of— well, I won't say I got off of Bumble, I just kind of closed it out a little bit. So there was this guy on Bumble, and I swiped right. I read his profile, swipe right, right? And yeah, I didn't tell you this, and I didn't tell you this, Blake, so I wanted to save it. So we start, we converse, we have He sabotaged himself in the first 5 minutes. And what he did was this, exactly what was in this letter. So in the first 5 minutes, uh, he asked, um, had I ever, you know, how did I get from California, Atlanta to the Midwest? And I gave him the little spiel. And he said, have you ever been to Cleveland? I said, no, not really. I do a lot more in Pittsburgh than I do in Cleveland. I love the vibe of Pittsburgh. But then I said, wait, I did do Pitts— uh, Cleveland not too long ago. He said, what did you do? I said, I did a staycation. He said, a staycation? I said, yeah, I'm no longer in the city, so every now and again I need, you know, some little modern architecture. I need some inspiration because I'm more in the suburbs, in a small little town, you know, that only have X amount of, you know, uh, people. So every now and again, being a city girl, I need a dose of city, right? And he said, well, what did you— what, you stayed overnight? I said, yeah, staycation. I said, I stayed at the Ritz-Carlton. Um, and I said, and y'all's Ritz-Carlton is a little different because typically when you go to the Ritz-Carlton, they start— they, they greet you with a glass of champagne. I said, child, they had a bucket of, um, bottled water with ice. I said, so that was different. He said, really? I said, yeah. And I said, oh, and I did go to your mall. I said, my, um, my doctor told me that, um, my type of man probably would be— because my doctor asked me if I was single, I told him yes, he's married. And so he said, well, your type of guy would probably be in Beachwood, Solon, Aurora, and it was another one. I said, I don't remember what the other one was, but yeah, that's what my doctor said. He says "Those is, that's where your doctor told you to be, huh?" I said, "Yeah." I don't know the area, so yeah, that's what he told me. He said, "Hmm." He said, "So you went to the Ritz-Carlton as a staycation? That was your hotel of choice?" I said, "Yeah." I said, "According to Google, that was more of so the nicer hotel." that's in the area. He said, well, in the areas that you named, those are more higher mid-tier to higher— higher mid to higher mid to mid to higher tier income— income, um, areas. I said, okay. He said, so your doctor said that, so that means your doctor sees you as a particular caliber woman. I said, I guess he does. Thanks, Doc. He said, "Well, this probably gonna be our last conversation." I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "Yeah, because April, most people, regular normal people don't go to just the Ritz-Carlton for a staycation, you know, like it's the DoubleTree or something." And I said, "Okay." I said, "Well, I do." And I said, I don't understand. Um, no, he didn't know who I was. I don't think he knew who I was because he was trying to get my last name and I never give it because I don't want them doing, you know, no Googling. I want to decide if I like you enough to tell you that. But in the first 5 minutes, this is what the conversation was. And after he said that, I just laughed. I laughed. I laughed because this wasn't the first time that this has happened to me. And being in the Midwest, I get men from all different races that approach me. And I asked him, I said, can I say something to you without you getting offended? He said yes. And I, I was like, okay. I said, "You do know, as a woman who has heard this before, only Black men say these things to me." He went, "Hmm." I said, "Yeah, only Black men say these things to me." I said, "I've gone out with different races of men, especially since I've been out in the Midwest because—" 97% of the time it's other races that approach me. Uh, the brothers, they look, um, but where I am, um, that's what I get approached with. If you look at my Bumble, I have over 2,000 likes and a whole lot of messages, and I would say 98.2% of them are men that don't look like me. Right. So I asked him, can I, can I have this conversation with him, uh, without him getting offended? And he— and I, to his credit, he didn't get offended at all. And we ended up talking for about another 40 minutes, and we had a great conversation. And I told him, only Black men say these— this thing to me. And he says, really? I said, yeah. And I said, it's very interesting that you size me up about if you could afford me by the car, not by car, but where I live. I mean, excuse me, where I choose to vacation or have a staycation and where my doctor said that I should be. I said, so in a matter of 5 minutes or less, you just disqualified yourself. And he sat back like this, 'cause we were on a, on Bumble, you can do the FaceTime. So we were FaceTiming on the Bumble. And so he sat back like this. He said, "Hmm." He said, "I didn't think about it like that." And so I said, "Okay." I said, "This is what I mean when I say," and fellas, I'm talking directly to you now. I said, "You know what, love? The problem is you don't know your value outside of your wallet." He said, "What made you swipe right on me?" After I said Ritz-Carlton, and after I said the areas my doctor suggested that I visit to meet somebody, he said, why did you swipe right on me? In his mind, it's you doing these things at this level, according to what the level is to him. Why you swipe right on me? I said, well, you had interesting things to say on your profile. You're kind of cute. He said, hmm. And I said, let me ask you, why do you think that's— the wallet is all you have to offer? And I said, and secondly, I said, you know what the real funny part about this is? There's probably— I don't know, before I got to that, I said, on one end, men say we don't want a woman that just want us for our money. In the middle are women who are exactly— are happy exactly with who you are and, and what you bring to the table. You don't want them. But then you come across a me who lives a completely different lifestyle, but based upon what you wrote, I was interested. You can't believe that and disqualify yourself saying I can't afford that. So you don't want the woman that wants you to, you know, to be a gold digger, and you don't want the chicks that's where you at. Pick a side. Sir, respectfully. But we were able to have a grown folks dialogue, you know, about this, and it really caused him to have to think that I literally, as a man— and he was in his 50s— literally just sat here with this woman and disqualified myself all because she said she took a staycation at the Ritz-Carlton. I said, so why don't you choose the women that like you and where you are? He said, you're right. I said, yeah. I said, I said, so make it make sense. You don't want a gold digger, you don't want the women that want you and are happy with where you are, but then you disqualify yourself from a woman that may have been interested in you based upon what you wrote, because she was looking— she wasn't just looking at finances, but you don't know who you are and what you bring to the table outside of money. So make it make sense. And so, um, he kept asking questions like, so you would go out with me? I'm like, not, not no more. No, no more, because I already know what this is going to be. Everything is— you're going to watch everything that I do and weigh it up against you and what you can do. But what I find is men like that, regardless of his race never want the women that want them, but they won't do anything to elevate themselves to get the woman they actually want. So I wanted to share that with you as I started this, the show tonight. And so my thing is, and I left him with this because, well, his last comment to me, he's, oh, you trying to play hard to get. I said, baby, I'm hard to get and easy to be with, but I don't think we're a match. Okay? Best of luck to you on your search. And that's how I ended it. So no, I don't try to play hard to get. I am, but I'm easy to be with. Okay? So fellas, my point in telling you this is this. What can you give a woman that money can't buy? And I really want you to think about it. What can you give a woman that money cannot buy? I really want— I'm gonna say it one more time, fellas. What can you give a woman? What can you bring into a woman's life that's not monetary that money cannot buy. Because if you lead with cheese, you gonna get rats. So you can't be mad about that. Some men say real love, what does that look like? See, I'm not gonna let you guys just throw out random stuff. I give love, I give compassion, I give unconditional love. There's no such thing as unconditional love, Gil, and I'mma explain to you why. Even God has conditions. So this unconditional love crap needs to stop because everybody has conditions. No man is going to sit up under a roof or be with a woman that is abusive to him, that disrespects him, and God forbid she don't give him no sex. That's part of the conditions of being with him. There's no such thing as unconditional love. There's conditions to everything. Like I said, even God has conditions. Okay, so fellas, what do you bring? All right, but I wanted to read that one. I wanted to read that one, um, I wanted to read that one to you because it led right into what I just dealt with a couple days ago. So let's move on. Wait, hold on, we got somebody, we got somebody. And who is it? Who is this in? Let's see who this is. We have a caller, we have a caller. Let's see. Mm, who do we have here? Okay, uh, iPhone XR3, I'm gonna need you to, um, unmute yourself, dear. Oh, there we go, there we go, there we go, honey. I see you smiling and everything like that. Can you unmute yourself, baby? All right, hold on.

Oh wow, this is— there we go.

And hello, my love, and how are you, dear?

How you doing? Oh, I can't complain, I can't complain. All the way from Memphis, uh, coming to talk to you. You know, it's funny, initially I had sent you a comment. It was right after Kevin had passed, and you responded to it, and it messed me up. I'm like, Yes, you did. You had said some deep stuff I had to take in. Okay, beyond that, I, I glued into you after that because a woman in her feminine was so attractive to me. That was like, yes, because, you know, I'm an entrepreneur, so I don't need nobody raising up against me. I don't mind having a partner that challenges me. Right? But the one thing I did want to know is, in this generation— well, I don't know if they call it Gen X, um— why is it so hard for certain women to be vulnerable?

Can I ask, what's your name, baby?

Ricky. Well, it's, uh, when you look at it, you had to think about it, baby.

No, man, I can't believe Okay, Ricky, if I ask you this, do you create a safe space for a woman to be vulnerable?

Um, I feel I do because I'll be vulnerable.

Okay, no, that's not what I asked you. Do you— just because you get vulnerable doesn't mean you create a safe space for her.

I agree, I agree. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried.

Okay, what does that look like? What, what is your— you creating a safe space, what does that look like?

Okay, let's say it's our date night. It had to be on our date night, and I'm sitting there, and this one, I done had the woes of the world. I'd have been out here dealing with, you know, um, business and discussing stuff, and now this a point where I don't have to worry about the world. And I know it sounded like I'm talking about me, but because you're at the point now, I Yeah, so you, you have yet to say how—

what you do for her. And so you're listening at you talk, um, because you started off with you, not her.

Um, it'll be our date night. Now I'll go back to that as a point of reference. Uh, it'll be our date night. We can sit there, we ain't worried about the world, phones down. That's the safe place I feel that I create. I'm making sure she good, whatever she needed and all that, before proceeding. That's already going on. So it'll be right then. So it'll be right then while we right in this moment.

So because you took her out to dinner on a date, she's supposed to be vulnerable?

No, it's supposed to be conditions led up to it. But okay, so that's what I'm asking you.

Okay, this is what it is, Ricky. The reason why she— a woman won't be vulnerable, cannot be vulnerable with a lot of men, is because you don't create the safe space. See, a safe space isn't created in a moment. It's created by micro things, right? It's created not just because we're on a date now, I want you to just be free and open with me. It's not created, um, that way. So For us being vulnerable, then you know the number one thing that we have to do in order for us to be vulnerable? What do you think that is? Oh, my little thing came. Can you pull this up?

Well, well, well, well, for you to be vulnerable, um, yes. And initially said as things lit up, I guess I'd have been a certain way that makes you feel that you can Be vulnerable. I've never judged you. Well, well, here's the thing.

If that was the case, that wouldn't be your question. If you created that— this is my point, this is what I'm getting at for you, Ricky. In order for a woman to create— for a woman to be vulnerable with you, you would have had— we would have had to have several micro situations. And they don't even have to be like situations, just several internal tests or, um, energy exchanges that make us feel like you're safe. Women don't have a problem with being vulnerable when we feel safe with you.

So what would make you feel unsafe? Your energy.

See, if we don't feel like we can allow ourselves to be free with you, there's going to always be a wall. That's why when men say that, you know, either she feminine or she not— she's not— lies. There's levels to femininity. Every man doesn't get the same thing from me. Not at all.

That's— every man always thought that though.

Yeah, every man doesn't get the same level of femininity from me based upon my energy. So here's the thing, when you're dealing with a woman who's connected to her femininity, spirituality, sensuality, and wisdom, we feel you before anything else. And if what we're feeling coming from you is not in alignment Child, we, we too.

So that would be intuition. So that would be intuition because they said a woman's intuition. So it'll be intuition then. Yeah, it's—

yeah. And we know these are things that we know, you know. We know when a, a person makes us feel safe or not without ever having to have— without ever having to have a conversation with them. I remember I was at a place, I was in Atlanta, and for those of you that live in Atlanta Um, you know, there was this place called, um, the Pizza Bar in Camp Creek. And I remember I was getting out of my car and the guy, he was at the barbershop next door, but I didn't get out my car because his energy said something ain't— something's just not right with him. I wasn't looking for anything, but it was something that let me know that. Well, I waited for him to get in, go back to where he was, and I ended up going into the bar, and I was sitting at the bar, and I was having a conversation with another gentleman. About 10 minutes later, that gentleman walked in, and he gave me this look, and he walked by because the guy that I was sitting with, he turned his head to talk to the bartender. This guy walks by, he said, oh, so you can sit with him but you can't talk to me? That, that whole aggression right there, that let me know I made the right decision. I made the right decision. So you gotta understand, you gotta understand, we as women We feel you before we engage with you, especially a spiritual woman. Y'all say y'all want a God-fearing spiritual woman. Well, we feel, and if your energy doesn't feel right, or if you're always trying to correct us, or you don't validate what we're saying— like, if we say— if I say, Ricky, honey, this is how I feel, and you start off with something about you child, we ain't— we automatically not hearing about it. See, what we want to hear is some type of acknowledgment that you heard us first before you go into whatever it is that you're trying to say. But what happens is a lot of times if a woman won't be vulnerable with you, it's because you either— energy is not right with her, you haven't created a safe space, uh, for her, or she feels like you're not gonna listen anyway.

I agree. You know, they said, um, women are warned by what they hear, men warned by what they see. Initially, you was talking about the doctor. I was listening to this, and I was listening to it, and it really, it really stopped me. I was cooking some fried chicken right now, and it really caught me. Now, given what you said right now, you say that it goes out into the atmosphere, a man see you. We sometimes, when they— when a woman is on her stuff, it's a little intimidating. Okay, stop right there, Ricky.

Stop right there. Ricky, stop right there. Stop right there, baby. Stop right there. Nobody can intimidate you without your permission. The only reason why she might be intimidating, because she's on her stuff, because you ain't on your ish. And what's happening is you see her and you're weighing what you are up against what she already did, and now you feeling some sort of way because you can't really approach her like that. So Instead of being intimidated, let me— let me say, let me use her as a gauge because that's the type of woman that I want. So what type of man do I need to become to get that so I'm not intimidated, so I'm not walking around here allowing myself to believe that nobody wants me, or I only get this type of woman that I don't want, I really want that? It's because you got to rise up, baby.

Now I believe— not just me, and I know you got a lot to get to That's why men feel they have to be so financially secure. They don't look at nothing else. You did say something in that when you was talking about the doctor, he was like, the only thing, if you leave with your money. You right, but that's how a man feel, Pop. Oh, I gotta get my money up then. Well, here's the thing, I'm a good guy, but now I got to get my money up. And you right, when a man ain't totally financial— now when you said on your, on your shit, I feel like when a man ain't financially secure That's how you act. And that's why we are so— we are so privy to be drawn to make sure we get all our money up first.

Okay, can I ask you this question? Can I ask you this question? Why don't you date women that are okay with where you are? See, y'all only want to get your money right because you're reaching for something that you haven't qualified for. But there is a pool of women that you qualify for. Why don't you pull out of there?

That is funny, but it's real. Um, because the women sometimes you qualify for seem like they ain't got none. We don't have none.

Okay, stop right there, Ricky. So if the women in the pool that want you have nothing to offer and you're trying to go to the pool of women over here, yeah, wouldn't she look at you like the same way you look at the women in the pool that wants you, like you don't have nothing to offer.

That's true. I cannot argue that. It's hard, yes. But as being that, that— what you ask the question, what do you got to offer if it don't come to money? And I say my honesty, because I believe a lot of men are lying. I'm gonna be honest with you where I'm at, and I believe the honest— honesty is one of my defining qualities.

Okay, so, so you bring honesty to the table and you want that woman over there that you, as you said, got your stuff all the way together, her stuff together, she a little intimidated, and you come to the table with honesty.

You ask outside of money, you did ask outside of money. Yes, that's what I'm gonna say right now. I'm gonna go on the stand and say honest, that I'm gonna be honest about everything that go on with me and you. And when I—

so when I don't feel a certain way, okay, Ricky, so what's your honesty, baby? Which is a great trait to have. We love honesty. Why should a woman that you deem above you give you a shot with your honesty, but you won't give women who are okay with where you at, what you have, where you live, and what you drive— you won't give them a shot?

Oh, that's a great— that's, that's— I'm just here to cause y'all to think.

I'm just here to cause— see, get y'all to think about what you saying, baby. That's, that's, that's— and it's never, it's never a dig. It's more so to get you to realize what you are saying, because there are women right now— okay, Ricky, do you know 3 women that like you? I'm laughing because it's real. Yes. Why do you—

why you don't want the Ricky? I gotta portray the bro code up in this thing. Um, there are some physical, uh, physicality things. What you mean larger?

Oh, so, so they BBWs? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, I just had one I did a job for, um, and yeah, yeah, it was the physicality. Physicality is big to me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my friends. All my friends that are in successful marriages tell me this, man, it's more than this. I'm sorry, I just can't.

So what you're saying is you have women that like you and that will probably be a good wife for you and that will probably do well by you, but because they're bigger women, you're not interested. But yet the women that you want over there that you're intimidated by, you won't get your ish together so you can go get that. I can't hear you. You, you, you done went blank on me, baby. I can't hear you, baby. What'd you say?

I got, I got a little work to do.

I got a little work.

That's all I'm saying. Work to do on editing.

That's all I'm saying. Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

Okay, okay.

Well, Ricky, I appreciate you coming on with me tonight. I have a couple of other guys here that are wanting to come on, so I appreciate you and thank you. And just Go do your homework and give me 30 to come back in 30 days and let me know what you have done so that you can get the woman over here because you don't want the pool of the women that you have here. So I want to know, what is Ricky going to do to level himself up so he can get the woman that he wants versus the women that just want him?

Okay, I'm, I'm gonna get on, I'm gonna get on the game.

Get on your ish, Ricky. I'm not playing with you. Get on your ish, because you're not— what you're not gonna do is sit up here and act like don't nobody want you and still have these— and to have you them red and blue pill conversations when there's women that want you. You just don't want them, but your behind ain't leveled up yet. So I want you to— it's— what's today? What's today, fellas? What's today, Blake? The 23rd? The 22nd. So on the 22nd of November, I need you to be right back in here with me, and I need to see what the hell you done did so so that you can stop having these lame-ass conversations about why women won't be vulnerable. Why this— I'm gonna ask you, well, why the hell you won't level up then? Because you want that, and you got women right here that will cook for you, that like you for who you are, that see exactly where you are, and they will accept you. And you saying no. So I want you to get your ish together in 30 days. I'm giving you 30 days. All right, all right, all right.

Okay.

Up next we have, uh, who was— here we go. I'm not playing with y'all, fellas. I am not playing. I am not playing with you, okay? You're not gonna tell me what you— you have access to women and then you still not doing— if you don't get out of here and stop playing with me. Hey. I can't hear you. Uh, you have to unmute yourself.

Can you hear me now? I can hear you now. I do apologize. No worries, dear. Yeah, listen, you know, you know I'm a faithful watcher. You, you already see my name, that I'm the only one that say Alan.

No, I— yes, I see you, Alan.

So, you know, I'm a big follower of yours, so I— yes, I do listen to your conversation. I listen to everything. And, uh, but on the topic— yes, uh, when it talks about leading with your money, April, I'm gonna be 100 with you. I never led with money all my life of working, all my life of being a man. I never— see, when you said that, I couldn't relate. Because in— I ran with guys, our conversation ruled the nation. We knew how to talk, we knew we had the gift for gab, so we never led with money, we never led with what we possessed. The women were so intrigued by our conversation that they was willing to take us if we didn't even have a car. Okay, but that wasn't my narrative. I always worked, I always made my own money. And I never really asked no woman for anything. The women that I have met over my time— and I'm 47— the women I have met over my time have always wanted to do something for me.

Okay, always.

Because I had the mentality that I came not needing nothing but your time, your attention, and, and, uh, and hopefully your, your faithfulness. That's all I needed from a woman. Okay, when I, when I, when I, when I showed up as a man, I never asked you what did you have or what would you didn't have. If you treated me right and you was nice to me— well, people don't know being nice to get you everything. That's my motto. Okay, cannot do rude, insensitive, arrogant Uh, all that kind of stuff, I can't do that out of a woman.

So, so what you looking for, Alan?

Well, I'm telling you, I recently had just got, you know, found me a little something, you know.

So, you know, tell me about— okay, let me ask you this, Alan. So what was it about her that made you stop in your tracks?

Well, I, I think we had a conversation and, um, and what— what I did, something that no man ever did for her. I wasn't attracted to her beauty. I never mentioned how beautiful she was. And she was like, you said, you, you, you know, I came off like, I said, I don't care about you being pretty. That ain't nothing.

Hold on, Allen, stop. Don't act like her pretty didn't cause you to stop. That's not the first thing. It didn't—

it didn't cause me— it— I saw it, but it didn't cause me to make the decision simply off the beauty alone.

But what I'm— what I'm saying is it was the initial beauty that made you approach her in the first place, correct? Of course, because she was— okay, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yes ma'am.

She was my type. Now she was 5'3", not 5'3". Shout out to us short girls.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

So she was my type, and, and I have always dated a type, and I, I tried to get off of it, but I have a type. I like short, you know, sexy women. I love— that's my type, you know, where, uh-huh, whether it's dark or light, they're just my type. Okay, but most men lay it with money with her. They lay it with money. They talked about her beauty. And I came to the conversation. Okay, hold on for a second, Allen.

Y'all said, what's that picture?

What picture do y'all see? It's my picture, probably.

I'm gonna picture behind him. I'm like, okay, y'all confused. Ladies, just pay attention to the man talking. Stop being distracted. Okay, go ahead, Allen. Y'all got me confused thinking something is wrong with my camera.

Go ahead, baby. They were looking like, what's the problem? Everybody, that's my background picture. So that's my silhouette.

Okay, come on, silhouette. So how long you been— how long have you been dating her?

Well, we, uh, about 5 months.

Okay, so what you— so what you feeling? It's 5 months. It don't take a man all day to figure out what do you want to do.

No, hey, we headed to the right place now. We headed to the right place.

Okay, what's the right— what's the right place, Alan? What's the right place, baby?

To that altar, baby girl. To that altar, to that altar.

I love it, I love it.

But it gets— but it gets some alteration in my life.

Okay, I love it, I love it. Okay, I appreciate your constant support because you're definitely constantly always supporting. I really— I, I feel like— and I'm glad that you found the love that you were looking for and, and the compassion and the appreciation, because she— in order for her to be with you, she has to have met those things. That you like, and I love that for you.

And you helped me with something, so that's why I said, and when, if people, whether they single or married, you help me with two, with one thing I know for sure. Okay. You help me to identify, and our love language is the same. And I kind of, I realized that, uh, quality time, uh, acts of service, and gifts. Yes. You helped me to really articulate my love language because I— first, people try to say, well, you just a spoil and this and all like that. No, Mom, I was the only boy in my family. I was my grandmother's favorite child. I was my mother's favorite child. I'm one of the favorite nephews of the family. Okay, so I have been I won't say catered to, but I have been well taken care of as a man. So I recognize that the acts of service and was one of the things, and gifts was my love language because of how I was raised. Okay. And then, and then I understood that, you know, I love quality time from the person that I'm with. Yeah. So you helped me articulate why I wasn't getting what I was getting, or why would I was feeling the way I was feeling, and why do my need is for a woman to do something, you know, like in the sense of show me that you care, show me that you see. I didn't— I— it wasn't that I needed anything from them, but I want to know that you care because I'm giving all of this. I naturally am a giver. So you don't have to ask anything, I'm coming. You know, like, look, she— me and her started dating, we, you know, whatever. I didn't leave with nothing. She didn't even know I was doing it because I asked the service. Yes. I went on there, found 4 outfits. She liked tights, she loved tights. So I found 4 outfits and, and the color that she's like. I went on the box. Oh, you—

we like gifts. We like presents, and we like the fact that you was just thinking about us. And when— and you at the store and you just say, oh babe, I was at— I was at the store and I thought about you and I got you this. Child, it'd be the simple little things like— and it doesn't even have to be anything extremely expensive.

Nope, because she like tights. The tights not expensive. Yeah, so but I found this some tights and about 4 different colors, got her 4 shirts. She, she just wanted that. That's what she liked to wear, her comfort. So She told me about it, so I like, okay, acts of service, I like. That's one of my love language. So like I say, you have a, a great opportunity to teach men how to be nice. You got to teach the men how to be nice, teach the ladies how to be nice. I promise you, you would— men and women are I'ma— I will just melt if a woman is nice to me.

I melt. Well, you want them to be kind. I teach what people— don't look for nice, look for kind. Because not like I talked about last week, women don't like nice guys because nice guys are typically only nice until they don't get what they want. We like kind-hearted people. And you got— when you find kind-hearted people, you, you cherish them. Absolutely. And you might— so it sounds like what you're telling me, my grandson is going to be like you. My grandson has a bunch of sisters and he's the only grandson. I have one grandson and that's my baby. And so his— my daughter and son-in-law, like, man, he— whoever he get with, she gonna have to know how to cook. She gonna have to be affectionate because he gets all of this love. He's around so many girls. And so yeah, my grandson maybe end up being like you. Well, thank you, Alan, so much for joining me tonight. I see, I got somebody else coming on. Uh, another— I appreciate you, fellas. Let me say that. I appreciate you trusting me enough with your vulnerability, with your stories, and, you know, just allowing me to give you what I can. And, you know, if I don't know, I'll say I don't know. But I really appreciate you for trusting me with your questions, and I appreciate you actually listening. I do understand that sometimes, as well, most of the time, as men, you guys may not respond right away. You might have to sit on it for a minute and then you'll come back. And I appreciate, um, that from you. I don't get a lot of pushback from the fellas, and you may not agree, but at the same time you will come back and say, I didn't agree with that part, but this part I got to see something different. So I really appreciate that. And I really appreciate you, um, Alan, for being an avid supporter on my Instagram. So I will talk to you soon, and let me know when you propose. Already. All right, darling, bye-bye. Let's see. I see a Solomon. A Solomon, I see you, darling. Hey, Lord.

Oh my God, April Mason! Hey, my babes, how are you?

Hey, I'm doing amazing.

Oh my God, man, April, your skin is looking amazing.

Look, Solomon, ain't no filters either, darling. This ain't no filters. Oh my God, April, April, April, you are—

oh my God, so you are, you are looking like you dropped in and, and I haven't heard her say this though. Oh my God, so I mean, I'm so— I don't know, I just said I'm just so, so shocked that I'm talking to you and think I'm like this show, like, wow, my God. I, I have your book too on the thing. The book is amazing. It gave so many gems to guys, especially when it come down to the self-care for the women. And I also love the example that you gave about that, uh, that one lady that her place was flooding, and then a, a God sent two people to come out and see and help her. She's like, no, God got me, you know. So, man, so your book gives gems, just like I like also the other gem for the women about, uh, if they want to head on the bed and get, and get some good rest, for them to go and sleep in, in, sleep in lingerie. Yes, that's excellent. I tell my clients about it.

Well, you know what, Solomon, I got something to say though. I got something to, I got something to, I said it before, and I thought I was going to be able to do it by November 2nd, but I, I won't be able to, but it will be before the year is out. So the fellas always say I don't do anything for them, Solomon. So I do have a new book called— coming out on November 2nd, it will be released in Atlanta at the Time for Change Tour with Dr. Bobby Price and Stephan Speaks. I'll be releasing it there, um, and it's called Her Invisible Value: What Feminine Women Bring to the Table. But before the year is out, and I thought it was going to be finished, I have been working on a companion book, Solomon, and it's called His Invisible Value, what masculine men bring to the table. So I've been working on— I was trying to release them both at the same time, but the way, you know, my schedule has been and running this restaurant, I haven't been able to do it. But it will be released before the end of the year, and I will probably do an audiobook for the fellas for this one. Okay, so it's coming. So I figure if I'm showing women what their invisible value is and stop leading with what they can do, I wanted to show men what their invisible value is as well, so they can stop feeling like if I don't have $100,000 a year that I'd— valuable. So I put together— with the wallet. Yeah, I put together some values that I believe are intrinsic values so we can stop leading with our extrinsic values. The extrinsic values are the things that we accomplish and what we can do. So I've been silently behind the scenes working on this book, but it will be out before the year's out. So I wanted to do something for you guys too.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah, here it is. Mason, Mason, Mason, this is what I want to say. The thing I say, you have the prettiest chocolate skin. You look like you've been dipped in elegance. Oh, I like it. You know I like them words, baby.

Kick it. I like them words. You can keep them going. You can keep them coming. I like— you know, we women, we like what we hear, baby.

I got something even better. Even better, April. You— let me calm down. You look like you've been dipped in chocolate and glazed with elegance. Oh, did y'all hear that, fellas?

Did y'all? Y'all need to address me as Madam Glaze with Elegance. Yes, yes, a thousand percent.

I think because that's what I have too, because, uh, I'm a master trainer and, uh, I tell my clients it's Solomon Fitness where the premium for elegance.

Okay, I love it, I love it.

Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh my God, yes, I'm just so happy to be talking to you. But yeah, so April, because I like really fine women hot like you Like usually I don't find— number one, I think the average Black American woman is 187 pounds. So that's usually the first thing I say. Wait, wait, rewind.

Say that. You said it a little fast. Say that one more time. Let me try that.

Okay. I was saying that the average Black American woman is 5'4" and she's 187 pounds. Okay. So usually the first thing is the weight problem is what, you know, I have a problem with, you know. So that's number one, I think, you know. But yeah, I mean, there are fine women who are overweight. But me being a trainer, if I had a woman that I was overweight, women wouldn't respect me and pay me. So, you know, this, this— when a woman is fit, it shows that she— oh, so you said—

hey, wait a minute, I see my son-in-law in here. I'm sorry, I see my son-in-law in here talking mess. I see my son-in-law in here talking, talking mess. I, I see you, I see you, sir. Okay, now let me say this, let me say this. So what you're saying is your career— uh, an overweight woman is not in alignment with your career, is that what you're saying? Yes, yes. With your purpose, and that's your purpose. Okay. Yes. Okay, understood. I, I like— I can understand that. I can— I totally can understand that because it's almost like, um, you know, you, you put your purpose above anything else. And the reason why I can understand that is because I date like that. I date based upon my purpose, okay? So, and I created a course, um, maybe in 2018. It might be on my, my, my, um, my, uh, website. It's called Discover Your Purpose Before You Attract Your Man. And the reason why I created that course for the ladies was because until you know yourself, you shouldn't be looking for nobody else anyway.

Yeah, I can see that. I totally agree.

You know, and so when I got married in my 20s, I didn't know who I was, but the more I started developing, I realized he was not in alignment with the purpose, right? And I was in alignment with— I was not a complement to his purpose either. So I can understand that. So it's not that you don't meet women— you have— you can't meet women that are, you know, more in alignment. You just got to put yourself in spaces where those women are because they exist.

Oh yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean, uh, it's, it's definitely out there, but just— but usually the weight factor is, is, is, is the first thing. And like, all my clients except one— I got only one guy client— but, uh, I mainly train women from the age of 45 to 55 because they're pretty much at the age where they actually would spend money on their health and take it seriously. And I have my app, and then they're basically traveling women. So yeah, just the women are the ones that paid me, so that's my focus. Okay, but so—

but here's the thing, you shouldn't be looking around them and Anyway, them— you don't, you know, you don't— look, baby, you don't pee where you eat.

Oh yeah, I don't think— but also too, like, for the most part, women have a problem with me being a trainer.

So that's the other challenge I can understand that. I've had trainers before. Have I ever had a trainer hit on me? I've had a couple. I actually dated one of my trainers, so yeah, I can understand that. And he—

ladies, you gotta hear this. Yeah, he was sexy too, y'all.

He had a body like a God, you know, he was just like— I would just be like, walk for me, just walk, just walk for me. But, um, yes, I have dated a trainer. Um, actually, no, he wasn't my trainer, he was a trainer at the facility where I trained. So I believe that you can be faithful, you know, and I think you would just need to make sure that your woman understands that and she's, um, reassured of that. Uh, and you need— and as long as you do what you you say you doing and you ain't dipping when you ain't supposed to be dipping, everything should be fine.

Oh yeah, exactly. I mean, because what it is, I know that if you have sex with her, she's not gonna pay you. So, so, so that keeps me disciplined already.

Just— but that is top pay.

Oh well, oh yeah, yeah, myself, I actually would rather have the money. So yes, okay. And I, and I believe that.

So do you have any questions for me tonight, or you just wanted to come on and hop on and say hey?

Oh yeah, I just want to hop on and say, man, April looking good and thinking, oh wow, I can talk to her. And yeah, it just— I'm just so happy to see you. Like, wow. Like I said, but definitely your book is amazing. So definitely it has gems for men too. So men need to cop that book.

Thank you so much, Solomon. Well, my love, it was a pleasure. I'm going to start reading some more of these questions until some more fellas— it was a pleasure talking to you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Okay, I see you next time. All right, bye-bye, love. All right, y'all, we didn't have some fellas coming in the room, darling. We have some more coming in, but I'm going to read some more of these questions because y'all, y'all, the fellas be sending books, girls. Y'all talk about the fellas don't write, honey. Yes, they do. So let's read this question. It says— hold on, I'll get to that one in a minute because I'm not trying to have y'all all night like y'all had me last time, but this, this definitely is good. All right, this one said— this is from James. Another— we had a James last week. James says, I'm a 34-year-old guy and I've been using dating apps for the last couple of years. At first it was exciting. I was meeting all kinds of women, going on dates. You know, Miss April, what we do. But now I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck. I meet great women, but I find myself always wondering What if there is someone better out there? Every time things get serious with one, I go back to the apps thinking there's another woman I haven't met yet who could be the perfect match. It's like I feel paralyzed by the number of options, and it's made it hard for me to comment— I mean, excuse me, to commit. I know I don't keep swinging— I shouldn't keep swinging for back and forth forever, but there's always that fear in the back of my mind What am I doing? All right, all right, all right, all right, let me help you, James. James, this is the problem, my love. This is the problem. You think you have more options than you actually really do. Let me break this down. Back in the day, before there was social media, before there was dating apps, people typically married people in their vicinity. Right? And you know, it was somebody either went to college with, you went to high school with, or someone that lived in your town. Now we have these dating apps that gives us the illusion of having options. We have more quantity of people because you can change your zip code and meet people that you would never meet in a million years in your life, in your lifetime, right? So what you have, James, is the illusion of options. And most people deal with that. They deal with the illusions of options, so they end up dealing with the fear of better options syndrome, which it sounds like James is what you actually have. So think of it this way: if you did not have any access to any other women outside of the ones you meet when you go to work the ones you meet when you go to the grocery store, the ones you meet, you know, maybe if you travel sometimes, right? But just typically in your area, how would you function and how would you— would be in a position to be forced to choose someone in the vicinity where you are? Ladies and gentlemen, especially gentlemen who think you have a bunch of options, you do not. Right? That's why when I lived in Atlanta, people would say, oh, there— for every one man, there's 10 women. Lies. You have a quantity, but that doesn't mean quality, all right? It's not a— you don't have a barrage of options the way you think you do on these dating sites. That's why you can go on and see people that would have been on a year ago, and you done went through two relationships and got on three years later, and you see the same jokers right there, because you don't have the options that you think you do. So for everyone, as they say at church, for everyone under the sound of my voice, act as though you don't have access to people all around the world. How would you function? What kind of events would you go to? How would you participate, um, in, uh, like meetups and, and community events and networking events? Right? How would you meet people if you— there was no dating apps? What would you do? You would get your tail out and you would meet those that were around you. So yes, you might have a quantity of people, but you don't have quality. So while you're sitting here hee-min and hemmin and hawin, uh, as soon as— as he said, soon as I— oh, Exactly what it is. Exactly what it say. It said as soon as I start to, uh, what is— where'd it go? It was to the, to the point of as soon as he get close, he backs away because he thinks he's going to miss something out. You are missing out. You know what you're missing out on, James? Time. You could have, you could have went and met your woman Got her off. Blake, you met your girl online. My son-in-law is here. My daughter met him on Match. My publicist met her husband on Match. One of my girlfriends is probably watching. She met her husband— I think Larelle met him on Facebook Dating. Get somebody and get off the sites. Stop pretending like you have options that you don't. Okay, moving on until we get another fella in here that will call in. If you want to call in, fellas, you want to talk to me, you have a question, make sure you hit the link, thefeminineear.com. Click on the red button and it will connect you to me. All right, so let's keep it moving, ladies and gentlemen. Um, let's see. All right, this is Robert. Miss April, I love the show and I have a question. I've been dating in a— I've been in a long-distance relationship for over a year and things were going great until recently. My girlfriend has started pulling away and I can't shake the feeling that something's changed. She says everything's fine, but the calls and visits have become less frequent. And I'm starting to feel like I'm losing her. I've thought about surprising her with a visit, but I'm scared of what I might find. Should I confront her about it, or am I overthinking? All right, all right, sir. Let me say this to you, and for anyone in a long-distance relationship, there should be an end date. You said you have been dating this woman for over a year. So what's the plan? What's the overall goal? Are you guys going long distance forever? What's the deal? And honestly, now my sister, she's been married— I think my sister's been married almost 20 years, going on 20 years, and they long distance dated, but they— for 2 years, but they had an end date. Right? So my advice would be to have the conversation to see where she is and where she stands. And if she still wants to be in relationship with you, you guys got to figure out, are you moving to her or is she moving to you? Because it sounds like you want to spend time and she's pulling away, and she may want to spend time and I'm not even going to alarm you. There may not be anything going on. She might be in contemplate mode. Everybody, just because they pull away, don't mean that they have a side dude. We got to get out of that. Everybody doesn't have side dudes. She might have pulled away, pulled away because she has to contemplate what's next. Maybe she doesn't know how to communicate the exact same thing that you're communicating with me. So I would say you guys need to have a conversation. Now, I wouldn't advise you to just pop up now if you're already feeling some sort of way. I would not advise you pop up. I would advise you to FaceTime first, okay? Don't waste your money just yet until you know exactly where you guys stand. So that would be my, um, my advice. All right, let's keep it moving, let's keep it moving, okay? This is from Craig. He says, hey April, I really hope you can answer my question. I'm currently living in Germany, so I might miss the live show since you start at 3 AM my time. I'm a black guy from the US. I moved to Germany. I've been following your content since last year and glad to see that there's a space where men can submit their questions. My question is a general one. How can men set the right healthy boundary for not wanting their significant other to overshare information with others, i.e., bringing outside people into the relationship— girlfriends, colleagues, family— which could paint men in an unfair and negative light? Thanks again for the platform to ask my question, Craig. Craig, I'm a pretty blunt woman, um, when it comes to things like this. It's our business stays between us. Like, true enough, we do have people that we can sometimes talk to, but it depends on who it is. Like, for instance, I have people in my life that when I'm— I don't know exactly the answer or what to do, I have people that can give wise, unbiased counsel. Okay, like one of my mentors— I have a mentor, first of all, for every area of my life. One of my mentors is 69, and And then another one of my mentors, um, um, is— he's very wise. You guys know Jack Daniels. I ain't talking about the bottle of liquor, I'm talking about my friend Jack A. Daniels. He's the therapist. He's actually a psychotherapist, and he's a therapist on a lot of the, the reality shows. So I'll talk to him. Um, my best friend, Dr. Bobby Price, he gives very sound advice. And my best female friend, Tanya, she gives very sound advice. And then I have another mentor uh, Miss Stephanie. But you got to understand, I don't go to all of them for everything, right? But my point is, the people when I don't have an answer that I do go to, they are wise people with an unbiased opinion. So they're not going to give me anything like, girl, what happened? Let me, let me see, girl, this is this and that is that, and he ain't this and this ain't— they're not giving me information to, uh, be in my business per se. They're giving me the information because I'm going to them. And the first thing that they're— if I had a problem with a man, the first thing any of the people that I named would say is, have you talked to him? That's the first thing they're gonna say. Have you talked to him? And typically I'll ask them, okay, I'm trying to figure out, am I overreacting? So because I know I have wise people to go to because of my level of maturity. Like, I wouldn't tell my business to just anyone. And even the people that are in my life that give wise counsel, they're very limited on what they get. It's only when I cannot come up with the answer or I'm not sure about a thing. So if she has wise people in her life that those situations may happen, I don't have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with telling the family and telling other people your business. Because what people— people don't understand, when you do that and say, we have an issue, and I go tell all, you know, my girlfriends, and I go tell family members or whatnot, I may forgive you, but they don't. They don't know that we made up and had the best sex, makeup sex, and I'm good with you now. And you done fed me real good, and we went and got some pasta and lobster. They don't know that. All they know is the visual that I put in their head, and now they're looking at you crazy. I'm not talking about that. I'm strictly talking about when you don't have an answer and you really need guidance, to go to someone that can give wise counsel but that's not biased. So that would be Uh, that would be my answer. Moving on. Roland says— I hope you're watching, Roland— how do you get a woman to prioritize you while you pursue her? Roland, you might not like what I'm getting ready to say, baby. Question was, how do you get a woman to prioritize you while you pursue her? Roland, my love, The only way that happens is if she likes you back. If she has not made you a priority, you haven't made it to that level yet, or maybe she doesn't like you. And this is why I say this: I'm an extremely busy woman. Like, my schedule, as they say, my schedule be scheduling. Between now, this project that I've taken on every Tuesday at 9 o'clock the restaurant, the other family businesses that we have, and in the biz, I'm in the business of managing people. My schedule is busy. But guess what, Roland? Let somebody catch my attention that I like back. You know what I'mma do? All right, aunt, I need you to make sure that restaurant is doing what it needs to do. Make sure the girls got everything they need. Sid, Thomasina, y'all the managers over here, you know what to do. Blake, you know what to do. I got my laptop, I can be gone from Wednesday to Monday because I got to be back, uh, in the studio on Tuesday because I like you. I'm going to rearrange my schedule because I like you, even though I, I have a whole lot of responsibility. So if she's not making time for you while you pursue her, she just might not be feeling you like that. And you should either move on. I would say move on. I wouldn't even say have a conversation because you're trying to pursue someone that's not reciprocating or opening the door, letting you know that, okay, I'm busy, but I'm still gonna make him a priority. One of the ways that I make a man a priority, even in my busy life, is, um, I'll answer the phone. They typically know I'm busy, but I'll answer the phone, and if I can't talk, say, hey sweetheart, Oh, everything good? Yeah. Well, can I call you back in about an hour? Or can we, can we talk? Can we FaceTime later on tonight? If I'm busy, but I'm still going to answer the phone. I'm still not too busy to return their text messages because I like them. Okay, so that's what I would say. Joey says Please host an Atlanta singles mixer for men over 40 looking for women over 40. I don't know, Joey. I don't know. I don't, I don't know, Joey, about that, because y'all complain a lot in Atlanta. Y'all complain to see that all the men is DL, or it's there for every 10 women, one man is 10 women. They don't want— y'all complain a lot. So I don't know, I might have to do it somewhere else, Joey, because I don't, I don't know if I want to do that. Um, okay, this one is from Mr. Wendell. He says, I tend to meet— I, I tend to meet women in need, whether it's needing affection, needing healing from traumatic experiences, financial stress, or loneliness. I try to save them because I'm subconsciously trying to save my female family members. I don't think I know how to date, but I know how to love and make a woman feel loved. I may stay single forever— no, I threw that in there, excuse me— I may stay single even though I know I could be a great mix in someone's life. I'm doing me while I'm in limbo. Any input welcomed. The real question— a lot of the focus on relationships is put on the man having goals. Is it okay for a man to want a mediocre life? Can he go to work, live in a regular neighborhood, have a life insurance policy, have small investments, pay bills, take vacations, and struggle a little bit? This is a situation for most people anyway, but there's still emphasis placed on the man having goals. She may have more desires, wants, than him. Should he be— should he reinvent himself in his latter years? Whose goals are prominent? What goals are unworthy of a woman's patience or attention? I do believe that he will not He will want to do more for the woman that gives him the 20% that he needs, but what if he doesn't keep pace with her desires? This is good. All right, Wendell, I'm going to tell you exactly what I told Ricky. I don't think Ricky needs therapy. What I think Ricky needs is— excuse me, Wendell needs is a self-check. See, it goes back to what I told Ricky. There are women that like you right now, Wendell, that are okay with— and I read, uh, you said just go to work, live in a regular neighborhood, have life insurance policy, small investments, pay bills, all of that. There are women who are already okay with you doing that. And you, like I asked Ricky, do you have at least 3 women that like you? He laughed and said yes. You, Wendell, have women that are happy with exactly what you listed. My question to you, Wendell, is why don't you like the women that accept what you are, even the little bit of struggle that you put here? Every man will not be an entrepreneur. Every man will not be in the top percentile of financial status men. They just won't be. However, those type of men that aren't that and are okay with being mediocre, you don't want the mediocre women that are available to you. And when I say mediocre, ladies, I'm not talking about, um, you know, as a dig. I mean the women that are okay with exactly what this man has. That's more so the problem. When it comes to this part of your letter. Fellas, there are women who want you as is. My question will always be, why don't you want them? Why do you want the woman over here that lives a completely different lifestyle than you do, and you're sulking because I can't have her, but you won't level the hell up so that you can have her because you're okay with mediocre. But the women that are okay with your mediocre, you don't want them. Make it make sense. Andre said 100%. Thank you, Andre. I'm trying to help him figure it out, Andre. Make it make sense, because a lot of men are complaining about what women aren't and what women don't do, but you won't— you don't want the ones that are right there in your face. You— so, so what you do is instead of looking at what's in front of you, you look down on them, but you will get mad if the woman that you want looks down on you, but you won't level up. That's what I'm talking about, fellas. That's what I'm talking about. You have to pick a size. And also getting to your, your, your comment about being Captain Save 'Em. This is why— if this is why I'm connected— why what you said about being mediocre and your Captain Save 'Em syndrome, they go together. Their girlfriend and boyfriend, they're married. See, here's the thing, you are okay with being mediocre because you only save women that are beneath you. Let me say that again. You are okay with being mediocre because you only entertain women that are beneath you. So it's like those women are good enough for you because you won't level up to get a woman that doesn't need to be rescued from her traumas, need to be rescued from her financial stresses. So my question to you, Wendell, is what is it that makes you not think you're good enough? So you— what you're asking me is all in alignment. It's all in alignment. How you move. You don't see your value unless you are over a woman, or that they need you. But yet you want something over here, but you don't value you enough to level up to get that. So you want someone of quality to accept your mediocre, but the women that you get are full of trauma. And that's how you know to function. So until you heal yourself, you're not going to be able to get the type of woman that you want, because the women that you want that are okay with your mediocre, you already have access to them. Nicholas said, hello somebody, I'm gonna need an offering. Nicholas, go ahead and give me— get the people to get me an offering. Okay, I don't take checks though, but I'm— but on a serious note, think about that. You already have access to the women on your level. These women are constantly dealing with you. Everything that you listed to be a basic man in the world, you have access to the exact same women already. Why can't you make it work with them? I'm curious, fellas. If you have a question, make sure you chime in and give me a call. Go to thefeminineair.com and call in. Somebody said, this is helping me write my p— what'd you say? This is helping me write my PhD paper. You— thank you, Miss April. You're so welcome, love. Okay, Andre said men should pursue what they want to pursue and value. However, that woman doesn't have to accept your pursuit. Yes, but see, here's the thing, you can't want and value something that you don't measure up to. So my question to all of the fellas that complain about women not wanting you because, oh, I don't make six figures, oh, I'm a regular guy, Oh, I'm an average guy, you know, I'm cool with where I'm at, where I'm at. Why don't you date the women that are okay with you where you are? Or do you have that entitlement energy that you feel like you should be entitled to the woman over here and she should come down to accept where you are versus you coming up? We don't do that. You have to pick a side, fellas. You have to pick a side. Okay, so Wendell, I would ask you to really dive deep to see why you only deal with women that need you. There's a difference between, um, well, needy and needing. Okay, why do you always feel— pick trauma-filled women? Because it sounds like those women have been okay with who you are and what you have to offer. That's what I want you to figure out, because I see men have this conversation all the time. These women don't want, these women don't want. But there are women in your pool that want what you have. Why aren't they good enough? Ricky said she was a BBW. Okay, so she was— I get it, you don't want— this is not what you want. But you have done nothing. That's why I gave him 30 days. You have done nothing to get the woman over here. We're not coming off— we are not coming off of the lifestyle, fellas, that we have created for ourselves. Let me, let me just be clear. If you see a woman that has her stuff together and she's embraced her femininity, spirituality, sensuality, and wisdom, we're not coming off of that throne to give you a shot. You're gonna have to come up. 'Cause we're not coming down, right? You have to figure out, fellas, what can I bring to a woman's life that money cannot buy? Like I said, if you lead with cheese, you gonna always get rats. And a lot of you lead with your wallets, or, um, you feel like if I don't have any money, I, I don't have anything else to offer. It doesn't work like that. You have value, you just have to figure out what it is. So you, in one instance, you say, I don't, I don't want a gold digger, but at the same time, oh no, she out of my league. Make up your mind. Either get on the team or deal with the women that are okay with what you have. All right, moving right along. Did you guys give me the one that was— oh, you did give me the one that was on the printer. I want to read that one because I got a few more before we— I'm not going to get through all of them tonight, but there's a couple that I did want to get, get to. Uh, there's one I wanted to get to. Okay, I read that one. Okay. Hey, Miss April, my name is Charles. I'm 42. I'm a single father of two, and I've been dating a woman who doesn't want kids. Charles. Charles. Charles. Okay, let me keep going. She's made it clear, Charles, that she's never wants to be a mother. And honestly, I'm okay with that because I'm not looking to have more kids. But lately she's been distant with my children, Charles. She's been distant with my children and it's starting to cause tension. I love her, but I'm starting to wonder if it's fair to my children, Charles, to stay in a relationship with someone who's not interested in being a part of their lives. Charles, can I make this work, or is this a deal breaker? Charles, Charles, Charles, baby. Charles, Charles, why the hell were you with the girl in the first place? She probably pretty and with a big booty and you couldn't get past the visual. Charles, why the hell you with her in the first place, Charles? Charles, you know, if a woman says she doesn't want children and she's not interested in being mother, that should have been, well, it was a pleasure meeting you, and you should have been out of there. Certain things should be like deal breakers. Remember when I talked about last week, I believe in the 80/20 rule in a different way. I believe that 80— well, the saying is, if you get 80% of what you want, why leave for the 20%? Because the 20% is what you actually need. You need to have someone in your life that receives and welcomes your children. A pretty face and a big booty, you don't need. That's a want. And Charles, I need you as a man. To put your Superman drawers on, my love, and I need you to make the big boy decisions. It's time to cut the ties. You can't make something work with a woman that is not okay with you having children. Pleasure to meet you, and we out. That's it. The fact that it's gotten this far That tells me you want a relationship, but it's not with the right person. Charles, you would do better getting with a woman that has a child of her own. Mm-hmm. You need to get with a woman that has a child of her own. And let pretty girl, pretty face, big booty with the thighs— you got to let her go because there's no way that she should have even gotten past go. Okay, Charles, I want you to write me back letting me know that you got rid of her, okay? Because there's someone out there who would love you and your children. That's my son-in-law, he's on here. He had two kids and my daughter had three when they met, okay? So there's somebody for you, but you have to make room for them, all right, Charles? Because this is not gonna work. Okay, a couple more before we get out of here. Like I said, y'all not gonna have me all night today, but I enjoy this. Let me know in the chat if you guys, you ladies and gentlemen, are enjoying the Feminine Ear where men are seen, heard, and understood, because I am. I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying your questions. I'm enjoying being able to engage with you. Make sure if you have a question, if you ever want to call in go to thefeminineear.com. Make sure you like, share, and comment, please. Okay, they say great show, great show, enjoying, enjoying, we love it. Thank you all so much. I like this, I, I like, I like this, I, I like this. This, this is, this feels good to me. It, you know, I only do things in the season that actually feels, um, feels good, um, to me. Okay, let's keep going, let's keep going. Oh, that's what it was. It printed out multiples. Okay, I wanted to read this one because this one, fellas, I really want to dive into this with you. This one says, Robert— I'm Robert, I'm 50, I'm, I'm in my early 50s, and after being divorced for a few years, I decided to give online dating a try. I've got a stable career, I'm in good shape, and I like to think I'm a decent guy with a lot to offer. But the problem is, Miss April, no one seems to be interested online. I've been on the dating apps for months now and it feels like I am invisible. Hardly any matches, and when I do match with someone, the conversation usually dies out before it goes anywhere. Nowhere. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. My profile pictures are recent and I'm being honest about who I am and what I'm looking for— someone fun, kind, down to earth— but for some reason I'm not getting any attention. Can you help an old man out? All right, fellas, I'm glad he said this because I want to talk to you fellas about something, and this is coming from experience, and this is coming from a woman who's actually on a dating site. All right, fellas, let me help you out. And I'm saying this with love. You know, I gotta, gotta get a disclaimer. I'm saying this with love, fellas. As a woman that's on dating sites, y'all's profiles be raggedy as hell. Okay. And I say that because The stuff that I get, if I could show y'all some of the stuff people that swipe right on me and, and I'm— or that likes my stuff and I go look at their profile. Fellas, I think I'm gonna do a whole segment on how to set up your profile so that you can attract a particular type of woman. Y'all be taking pictures with the phone, the phone be down here so we see all the way up your nose. Your outfits are wrinkled. Fellas, let me tell you this part. Let me, let me explain something to you with this. When you're on a dating site, you're there to meet people, right? Write something. See, what I found is after swiping so many times, men create their dating profiles the way they look at women' pictures. So I swipe left on every man, even if he's attractive, that only has pictures and nothing else. Because quality women, we're looking to see beyond your physical appearance, right? We're looking to see what you have to say. And so I'll swipe left constantly. I'm like, no, he, he, he on here just like, like it's a picture book. Like it's Dr. Seuss or something, right? So fellas, I will give you that tip. Make sure when you are on a dating site, you don't post your— put your, your profile together the way you look at women's profiles. You look at women's profiles based on the pictures, and you probably don't read anything she has to say. We don't do the same thing. Quality women, the women that's not looking for a sugar daddy and the hookup, all that, because y'all, you know, say that's not what you want. That's number one. Number two, if you do write something, stop all the bitter man talk. You know how many profiles I've seen, if you looking for a sugar daddy, swipe left. If you don't, uh, if you, if you vote this way, swipe left. I'm not here to play no games. If you don't want to talk on the phone, swipe left. No more dogs kissing you in the mouth. No more pictures with you and your children. Comb your hair. Clean your mirror in the bathroom that you're taking a selfie on that has all of the toothpaste on it. Okay, iron your clothes. Don't give us 50 million pictures up from the waist up. We need to— we need a full body. We need to know what we're working with. Okay, and write something interesting about yourself. Okay, I can log— hold on, I'm gonna log on right now. Let's see what I come up with. I'mma log on Bumble right now. Okay, let's see. This guy, he says, legit bachelor long enough, stable, no BS, divorced 4 years, Cleveland, Ohio, and SRQ, Florida, active and enjoy all things outdoors. What does that sound like, Blake? Does that sound interesting? Okay, swipe left. All right, this guy, nothing. 5'11" and his picture, 45, nothing. Swipe left. This guy, 5'7", only pictures, nothing. And swipe left. This guy, 6 foot Very handsome. Travel, wherever you go, travel. All travel pictures. So wipe left. He don't— he didn't write nothing. This one, new here, be gentle. Happy being out and about or being super lazy. Happiest when those are on a good— when those are on a good rotation. Dad with a busy kid schedule. Love laughing and, uh, connecting. I love this because he lets you know he's a single dad. So wipe left because y'all know my youngest child is 26. This one— oh, I accidentally swiped right. Okay, this one, 5'9", nothing else. This one, his first picture is with a lady, look like a lady, could be his daughter, could be his girlfriend, we don't know. Swipe left. Father of two, entrepreneur, national storybook booker, and soon to be empty nester looking for my life partner. Hmm, what holds my attention? Confidence, intelligence, and kindness. Hmm, not my type. This one: I'm successful engineer. Unfortunately, I travel a lot for work, so it's hard to make connections. Then why the hell you here? Swipe left. So fellas, as you see— oh, this one, he says Blake, he says I'm— he said 6'2", he said handsome man with athletic thighs. What is he looking for? Let's see. Handsome man with athletic thighs. Swipe left. Okay, this is interesting. 10 facts about me. You're reading my bio. You can't say the letter M without touching your lips. M, M. Very true. You just tried. Uh, you're smiling. You didn't notice I missed 5. You're checking, you're smiling again, you're thinking this guy can't count, back to smiling, and he gets a swipe right. Oh, he already liked me, he was already a match. This is what you guys match. So see, fellas, you see how many I had to go through to do an actual right swipe? You see that? So fellas, I'm going to do— I don't know when, but I'm going to do a Online dating profile breakdown, okay, is what I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna show you how to present yourself to be more attractive to women online, okay? You see, yes, this guy was clever, and you see it caught my attention, and so I swiped right. And he was a younger— he's younger too. So that's what we're looking for. Everybody doesn't have to be as clever as him. But we do like something. If you could make a smile, and you see him making me smile, gave me— gave him a swipe right, right? So we're gonna see, we're gonna have a little conversation regardless of whether it goes anywhere or not. That was clever enough for me to say, okay, I like that. All right, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go over dating profiles. So for, for any fellas that are on dating sites. I want to do a dating profile audit, okay? And I want to help you position yourself to meet women online if that's what you choose to do. But there's a way that you have to present yourself. Uh, my dating profile is set up in a way that it weeds out a whole lot of people, okay? So I want to help you because there's a bunch of women online and you might not be getting any type of attention just because of some simple tweaks. That's all, okay? And I believe that will be our last one for the night. We started a little bit late, so I went over a little bit. My goal is to keep this show at an hour, no more than 90 minutes, but we went over because we got started late. So If you guys enjoyed this episode of The Feminine Ear, fellas and ladies, just give me some stars in the comment section, please, to let me know that you enjoyed it. It keeps me encouraged to keep going. I look forward to this. I literally— you listen, y'all— I literally go through these, these, um, these stories myself. And we have a lot more, I just didn't go through them tonight. So, fellas, you got to tune in next week. Comment. So to see if I read yours, and I'm sure we'll have a barrage of them coming in this week. And I just want to make sure that I am giving you quality and that I am helping you and bringing value, bringing value, bringing value. Ladies, thank you guys so much for being here. And for those of you that were nice— some of y'all weren't being nice. Got to be nice over here because the fellas— see, here's, here's the thing, ladies. And this is why I'm saying be nice. You got to remember, we're already dealing with men who are not used to having a safe space to engage and to have dialogue. So when I'm saying be nice, I'm saying stop scaring the men away. Don't scare them away because of what you're writing in the comment section, because of your lack of patience, because of you not paying attention and listening to what's being said, and, and for you Um, saying the first thing that come to your mind instead of, let me, let me sit back a little bit. Because men, the way they function is when they feel here, feel criticism like that, they won't come over here. That's why I say be nice and watch your words, because technically this isn't for you anyway. This is for them. But be nice with your comments, or don't say anything at all. Yes, empathy and kindness. All right, fellas, it's a safe space for them— you to call in, because you got to remember, this is for men. I want them to call in, but if they're reading your comments and you're not being respectful, they're not going to come on. Think about that. So while some of you are trying to be slick-lippeded right, and being— and having something slick to say, what you're doing is counterproductive over here. Because the goal is I have to create the safe space, let them know that it's safe. So I need you ladies, if you're going to be here, if you're going to be a guest at my house, I need you to follow the house rules. Brendan, I saw that you had a question. What's your question? I think you came on and you logged off. What was— what's your question, love? Okay, let me know what your question is. Every Tuesday, every Tuesday at 9 PM Eastern Standard Time, we go live right here on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Okay, I just want to make sure because I do know I get a lot of ladies that are here to be nice, okay, and be respectful to the fellas. Because you're in my house right now, and when you're a guest at someone's house, you follow the house rules. That's all I'm asking. Because the more you ladies say things that are not positive or that are constantly, constantly tearing down and constantly having something negative to say is going to stop the men from coming over here. So I want you to remember that the show can't go on without the men. And what I won't do is allow the women and their nastiness or their negative comments or their impatience or not thinking before you speak run them away. I will block you and ban you before I allow that to happen. So you're more than welcome to come sit, sit on the couch and watch TV at my house. Just be respectful. All right, Brendan, I'm waiting on your question, baby. So, because we're getting ready to log off for the night, because I saw you earlier and I wanted to get to your question, but Um, I don't know if you got disconnected or not, so I'll give you a few seconds to come with your question. How we do tonight, Blake? Real good. We did good. Consistent 700 viewers throughout the platform. Nice. I think we peaked at 1,000 tonight. Okay, nice. You ladies are so welcome. You and gentlemen are so welcome. Brendan, your girl Miss April has to go get her beauty rest. Yes, we have to have emotional regulation, right? If you— even if you don't understand, even if someone is not making sense to you, you still have to be respectful, all right? No nitpicky or anything. Okay, Brandon said, what's the best way to approach a woman via Instagram or DM? All right, let me give you this, darling. Before you just approach her, go through her profile and like some pictures first. Make yourself noticeable first, right? It's like, well, who is this? Who is this? Who is liking all my— I'm telling you, that's how, that's how men do me. I'll notice, I'm like, I'll log on and I'll see all these likes, especially on old pictures, right? On old pictures. I'm like, what is he, what is he searching for? And then I'll get somebody that slides in my DM, and typically I don't really check my DM a lot, but it'll go to some messages what is it, hidden messages if I don't follow them back. And then they'll send me a, a message and I'm like, oh, but he got my attention first, or he's commented on some things. But if he's one that kind of watches me from— I've watched me from afar, he's just bold with it and just slide in the DM like, I've been watching you and blah blah, whatever he says. Okay, but I would say go through her pictures And then when you send her a message, make it something, um, in alignment with what you have seen on her profile. Like, say for instance, she went, like, went skydiving, or she likes to go to the farmer's market, or she went to a concert lately. Make it something that's tied to her profile that lets her know, okay, you actually have been paying attention. To what it is that I do. Don't just give her— hey, let me tell you what not to do, and I know this is going to sound bad, uh, but even this is even for a dating site. Don't start off with, hi, how you doing, beautiful? Good morning. Don't, don't do that. And this is the only reason why I'm saying it. When I open up my dating app and I have 80 messages and 72 of them are, "Good morning, good morning beautiful, how was your weekend?" It's like opening the same email 72 times. I had one guy try to argue me down. He said, well, my mom taught me that you're supposed to be respectful and ask good morning. Yeah, but if 72 other men are saying that, there's nothing that makes you stand out. So always find something that's on her profile or on her, on her, um, dating profile or on her social media profile. And don't do the grand rising. Don't do the grand rising because we think about them grand rising Pillsbury biscuits, you know. Fellas, I'm just telling you, make sure you stand out. That was a joke, but just make sure you stand out because you got to remember most men are basic in their communication, okay? Most men are basic in their communication. So imagine if most men are basic in their communication and they're all saying good morning, Grand Rising, how was your weekend? Good morning, Queen. And you get a lot of those, you— and then you get mad because she doesn't respond. Why? There was nothing intriguing about your introduction that said, hmm, you see the guy that I just swiped right on? I was intrigued by his profile, and I didn't even know that he had already liked my page, which caused us to— it says, what a match, you guys matched. Okay, so Think of something else. And if you can't think of something else, let it be something from her actual profile. Y'all will good morning us forever, especially if you're on a dating site. Understand, other men are basic in their communication just like you. And if you think she's attractive, if you think she's a catch, imagine how many good morning, good morning beautiful, hi, how was your weekend, grand rising she's kidding. So you wonder why she doesn't respond. And don't be the guy that, oh, you looked at— she— you can see that she looked at your profile but didn't say anything. Don't be the guy that says like, I'll get— oh, so you can't speak? You didn't say anything. You, you say everything the rest of the guys say, so you didn't make yourself stand out. So you need to figure out, how could I make myself stand out on the dating site. Okay, Brandon said thank you for the gems. You're so welcome, Brandon. Let me know next week if that worked for you. Find something on her profile other than good morning, hey queen, hey beautiful, did you have a great weekend, what's your weekend, what'd you do. We don't— we don't have time for that, Brandon. Like, not when you get a lot of messages from men. We looking for somebody that stands out. And no, you don't have to be overly clever. You don't have to be, you know, a guy to give a whole bunch of lines. But yeah, you have to be that guy because a woman that gets a lot of attention, she's looking for a man that stands out. Because just because she gets a lot of attention doesn't mean she's interested. Make her interested in you, Brandon. All right, well, that's all I have for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. That's all we have. That's all we have. Thank you so much for tuning in to The Feminine Ear, where men are seen, heard, and understood. Understood. Join me every Tuesday night at 9 PM, except on November 5th, because that is election night. And I know, you know, you guys will not be here. You will be watching this very important election. So we will not be here on November 5th. But we will be returning that following week. All right, so love you, love you, fellas. I hope you got something out of this. Ladies, I hope you had a good time being the fly on the wall. All right, y'all have a great night. Bye.