The speaker outlines a practical, four‑step process for forgiving after a breakup, emphasizing emotional honesty and personal responsibility. First, she stresses the importance of fully acknowledging the hurt rather than ignoring it, noting that modern busy lifestyles—especially for women—often discourage taking time to grieve. Second, she distinguishes acceptance from approval, urging listeners to understand what happened without having to like it. Third, she frames forgiveness as an active choice: after acknowledging and accepting, one decides to let go. She warns against replaying the past, explaining that repeatedly adding feeling to the memory keeps the pain alive. Finally, she highlights self‑responsibility, encouraging people to own their role in the emotional cycle and to forgive themselves, which she presents as essential for moving forward.
Chapters
Here are the steps to forgiveness. If you're having a problem forgiving, there's a few steps. Number 1 is acknowledging what happened first and foremost. Whatever it was, you acknowledge it. A lot of times what we do, we try to act as though a thing isn't a thing. We live in a culture now where we want to get past everything so quick. As women, we're always on the go and we're always do, do, do, go, go, go, and we don't really take the time to grieve behind what happened. We feel, it's okay to feel, but the reason why we don't acknowledge is the fact that we have to get back to work. We have things to do, we have the children to take care of. We don't have time to do what, what I talked about earlier, prioritize and take care of ourselves. We don't have time to do that. So the first key to forgiving is acknowledging. Second key to forgiveness is accepting what happened. Doesn't mean you have to like it. Acceptance doesn't mean I like it. Like I tell people all the time, just because I say I understand it doesn't mean I agree. I'm just capable of understanding what you're saying. So be able to accept it, and then from that point, you're making a choice. Y'all know I'm always about choices. You're making a choice to say, I forgive, I acknowledge it, I accepted it, now I'm willing to let it go. Now, letting it go depends on you, because sometimes we want to replay the past as though we can change it, as though we can— I only would have done it this way. Well, you did. And because But because we didn't, we can't go back and dwell on that because the more you dwell on that, the more you stay back there. And so we all have the power to create. We create our own situations. Or no, the reason why you always see the same type of people showing up is because you're using your brain, your ability to create, to create the same experiences because you focus and add feeling whenever you believe a thing. And you feel it, you add feeling to it, you will always see it manifest. That's why when you think about it, that feeling comes up and it's like, "Ugh," like it happened yesterday. It's okay to feel, but you gotta get to a point where you say, "You know what, I can't change any of this. I did this, I did that." Accept it, acknowledge it, accept and forgive yourself. You know, it's to a point where if you're not getting the results you want in that area that you're having a hard time forgiving, it's you, you're the owner of that point. And you're choosing Thank you, Alastair.
