Inspirational Tuesday: Stop Trying To Change How You Love

Why, good morning and happy Tuesday, loves! You know what today is? It's Inspirational Tuesday. Come on in here. If you're watching the replay, I'm giving my audience a chance to get in, so you might want to fast forward to get to the Hey y'all, you know what this means? It's Tuesday, right? So you know it also means it's Flower Tuesday. You guys know I buy flowers every Tuesday. Today I bought a dozen roses. Good morning, good morning. Hey, it gets better with time, baby. It gets better with time. Y'all sharing this already, thank you guys so much. Good morning. It's Brenda and Pat. Pat, I see you. Hey Octavia, I see y'all. I don't have my glasses on, so hey, come on in here. Okay, we got, we got the folks that's in here today. God bless my strength, I'mma need it today, Shawndell, and I'mma tell you why. Hey True and Renee. And Jeff King, I see you, darling. Good morning. Britton said, I need this one. This one, this one. I'm gonna tell you why. I'm gonna need y'all to pray for sister as I get into this. Hey, good morning to you. Thank you, you're beautiful too, darling. Hello, LA. Greta and Deborah, I see you. Hey, uh, Kendra inboxed you. When you coming back my way? Girl, I don't know when I'm coming back to the Bay, so I'm not sure. Hey Tina, I'm Marquetta. Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning. Thank you guys so much for sharing. Share, share, share, share, share this one. I think this will probably be one of my most profound, maybe a little emotional videos because I hadn't been wanting to talk about this But what was so interesting is, first of all, before I get into that, I hope you guys had a wonderful, wonderful Labor Day weekend. I hope you had a great Labor Day weekend. Um, Friday, my Friday was the bomb. Saturday I had a good time. Sunday I had a good time. Yesterday I had a good time. I was surrounded by a lot of great company over the, um, this holiday weekend. But there was one common theme that continued to come up, and I wasn't going to talk about it because it makes me a little bit emotional to talk about it. But I posted a post today. This is what it said. Let's see, it's one of my favorite songs by Glenn Lewis called Better with Time. Where's the post? It said, never be ashamed of how much you love or how quickly you fall. Love fully, love completely, but most importantly, love naturally. And don't you ever apologize for it. Don't ever be sorry for loving the way your heart knows. When I saw that quote, it really resonated with me. And over this weekend, I had the pleasure of having conversations from people from all different walks of life, people that have been married long time, people have been married short time, people that were dating. And what I found is we've been tricked. We've been tricked into changing how we love because others that we may have chosen in the past could not handle the way that we love. Now When I tell you, I had to really, really, really, really dig deep for this one because like I said, I didn't want to talk about it because it, it touches on, um, it touches on quite a few things, um, for me. But I was like, Lord, why I gotta talk? Why you always got me at talking about, you know, my stuff? Why I gotta— why do I have to feel everything that I share with the people? Why you can't just, you know, I can't wake up one day with an idea, so I want to talk about that. But everything that I share with you I've had to go through, and it's— it could be very, uh, emotional. It could— it breaks you down. It allows you to see where you've made mistakes. Like I said, we've been tricked. We've been tricked to believe that the— so there's something wrong with the way that we love. And it's nothing wrong with the way that you love. It's the— oh, the problem is the way that you choose the people that you choose to love. That's the problem. When I was married— okay, well, don't you start all this boohooing— but when I was married, the most hurtful thing that he ever told me was I don't need your words of affirmation, right? Well, I'm just a natural. I do that. It's just natural for me, right? So what it did was it caused me not to be myself because I chose the wrong person to share my love with, because what I carried He couldn't receive it. So what I tried to do was change the way that I love. Let me see. Okay, there we go. Hold on, I couldn't see. I tried to change me. So as I was listening to all of these stories over the weekend, I'm like, wow, these are some like really amazing people, but You can hear a lot of the fear. You could hear a lot of the, I love this way, but I can't seem to connect with somebody that wants what I have. Right? So this is what, this is what I got. I said, you know, if we stop trying to tell people, um, 5 steps to winning his heart, 10 steps to, uh, showing her that you can't— all these, all of these conjured up things and start teaching people how to connect with their spirit. It's a totally different ball game when you start teaching people how to be okay with who they are, be okay with how they love, and stop trying to force-feed somebody that is not deserving of who they are, trying to force-feed them you. So it's not that the way you love is wrong, it's the people that you're choosing to give your love to that's wrong. So when he said that to me, I tell y'all that it, it totally broke me. And I was like, what? He was like, April, um, this is before I knew love languages. This is— I didn't know anything about that at the time. But all I know was I've always been a giver. I've always been— I'm not into astrology like that, but I will say I am a true Cancer woman, period. Um, yes, I have my little moodiness, but it doesn't really affect other people. I'll just go off by myself. Um, we are considered the nurturers. We are considered the, the ones that protect the home. We are considered the mothers, if you're into that. I'm not really into it like that, but I do believe in personality traits. And when I took a break from social media for almost 2 years, I said, let me dig in to find out why am I wired the way that I'm wired. And looking at some of those things is one of the, one of the resources that I use. I said, oh my God, this is very interesting. A friend of mine gave me a book and was like, I know you, you know, you and the Lord, y'all straight, but there's something to this. So read this and let me know what you think. And the more I got in tune with me, I can say that I am that woman, you know, and I had to, I had to be okay with being her. I had to become okay with all being an all or nothing kind of woman. I had to be okay with if you fall in love with somebody soon, it's okay to do that because here's the thing, The person that's meant for you— and this, like I said, this might be the most profound thing I ever share with you because it took me a while to get this and now I finally got it. And so I just started back dating in April of this year and I found myself going on my old— some of my old patterns, trying to creep in. But I had to— okay, no, no, no, April, you can't, you can't go into that old mindset now that you're, you know, back out here. Because for those of you that are new to me, I took a break from social media for about almost 2 years. I came back Um, I came back last year and my first video I did when I came back went viral. World Star Hip Hop picked it up and it was like, oh my gosh, you know, I must— I, I'm on to something. I'm on to something. God, you really have been processing me for this. So what I've learned in that and what really helped me in deciding, um, who I'll give my time to or knowing if he's the one. The way that you love, how you love— like the post said, never be ashamed of how much, how much you love or how quickly you fall. Here's the thing: the person that is spiritually, divinely connected and assigned to you, they will want to receive your love the way that you give it. They're waiting on that. When When God showed me that, I was like, so all of this time I was reading these magazines and trying to change it this way and change it that way. Don't give too much too soon. Don't do this, don't do that. And it was driving me crazy because I'm not wired that way. When you learn how you're wired, I talk from, I talk about wisdom all the time, ladies. I always talk about there's a difference between being a woman and being a wise woman. Two totally different things. After I started— after I came out of— I wasn't even all the way done. I'm still processing, y'all. But I had to go through the bulk of it, um, after my breakup in 2014. And I was like, nope, I don't want to go through this ever again. Lord, I need you to show me me. Where am I making my mistakes? What's going on with me? And I was shown that I had abandonment issues. I have rejection issues. And some of you guys that know my story, you know, you understand where I'm coming from because I've shared it before. I was dealing with not feeling good enough, not feeling pretty enough, you know. Even though people would tell me, "Oh my God, you're so beautiful." It's like, "Yeah, okay, whatever." Because of my self-image of myself, I didn't think I was worthy. So I had to go through just about 2 years of processing out of that mindset. And then at the same time I'm going through that process, God is showing me, April, I need you to be more of a feminine woman. You, you, the woman that you're presenting is this independent, I'm strong and all of this type woman, but that's not who you are on the inside. And I'll never forget, I don't know if you guys know, um, Bishop Tudor Bismarck, amazing man from Africa. I was at an event and I was sitting having dinner and he walked over to me. He was introduced to me by a friend of mine and he looked at me and he said, Have you ever been to Africa? I said, no, I haven't. He said, you're a rhinoceros. And I was like, what? What you talking about? He said, you're a rhinoceros. He said, have you ever felt a rhinoceros? I said, no, I haven't. He said, well, a rhinoceros, if you go and feel a rhinoceros, it's extremely hard on the inside. But if you poke a rhinoceros, it's extremely soft and mushy in the middle. He said, that's you, but you won't let anybody see that. And my reason for not letting anyone see that is because the people that I chose to love and wanted to love me back could not receive the love the way I know how to give it. I don't know how not to be supportive. You know, when my ex-husband said, April, I don't need you to support me, I don't need you to encourage me, I don't know how not to do that. So at that moment, like I said, that was probably the most hurtful thing that he could have said, because what he said— what in actuality what he's saying is, I don't need you for you. You being you ain't what I really want. Because it's easy for me. I come to you guys and I share all the time. So just imagine what I'm doing when I'm in a relationship. It's on a whole nother level because if I believe in you, I believe in you. And people have asked me, they was like, April, you know what, when you were married, you invested all of this money into helping your husband start his lawn care service. Yeah, I invested about 20 grand. Um, into helping him start his company. Would you do it again? It's always the question that I'm asked, and I can honestly say today, yeah, I would do it again. Here's the thing, I know how to choose a better man to do that for now. Me saying that I won't do it again would be me not being me. And I think what's happening is we're so trying so hard not to be who we really are because we've been hurt by being us. So now we put up this protective shell, we don't let anybody in, and then you wonder why when you go on a date you really can't connect. You know, the conversation is a little, little, um, uh, forced, or, or you, you can't really get it started, or you feeling like, I don't know, should I do this? Should I, should I kiss him on the first date? Should I kiss her on the first date? Should I, should I put my arm around her? Versus going with the flow of who you naturally are. The person that is meant for you, you you can fall in love with them after a week or two of hanging out with them. And it's okay for that particular person because that's what they're looking for. I was having a conversation with a friend last night about being exclusive. You know, um, how many— I think I posted the post about how many women, uh, how many men can a woman date, you know, while she dating you or not. You know, I was asking the question. And so he was saying that one of the things he did was he would become exclusive with a woman before, or committed to her before she's become committed. And he found out that he— sometimes a woman, um, may not be ready to commit where he was ready to commit. And I said, well, sweetheart, that's the wrong woman, because you don't have to change how you love and how quickly you love for the right person. You just have to be in tune spiritually to connect with them. And when you do, it's, it's something totally different. I think People are so afraid to show who they really are and the love that they have to give because they're afraid that it might be overwhelming. They are— they, they're afraid that they might say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, and so they kind of hide in their shell. But they might be feeling you on the inside. It's like, dang, I'm really feeling him, I'm really feeling her, but nobody says anything because if you're a person like me who loves intently you might feel like, okay, I've been— yeah, I better, I better wait. So everybody waiting, everybody doing the waiting game. He doing what you doing, you doing what he doing, not realizing if it's like that and you guys feel that electric connection like that, it's a strong possibility that it's a spiritual connection and that's what it's supposed to be. You don't have to be afraid of being vulnerable and being you. He doesn't have to be afraid and be about being vulnerable and just be him. So don't stop loving how you love because of past experiences. Just choose people that are— person, not people, a person that is, is you connect with on not just a physical level, somebody that you connect with mentally, somebody that is open and free with you, somebody that you can be free to be yourself with. You can be free to be silly with it, not feel embarrassed. You can, you can feel, um, it feels like it's right. It just feels like when you guys first met, it's like, wow, this is, this is interesting, you know. This is— it feels like home. It feels peaceful. Anything that you have to force, anything that's full of drama and you got to try to piece it together, that is not your spiritual connection. And what we also have to stop doing is trying to make the wrong people the right people. Well, you know, everybody got something going on or not. No, your ideal person is ready for what you're ready for at this exact moment. And that could be good or bad now, because whatever, whatever you're feeling on, on the inside, that's what you're going to attract. So if you were waiting for your Miss Right, it's like, dang, I want a woman that can receive all of this, you know. I want a woman that she's not afraid to love me back because I am a man full of love. I want a man that's not afraid to accept my love because he's been waiting on my kind of love. It's okay to be you and desire that. Stop changing the way you love because you've been hurt and chose the wrong people. And also, just because a person comes close to what you want but they still got a boatload of back— I call it all back-end drama— that's not your person either. So don't try to fit that in there, because what you're doing is saying, I want drama. Am I making sense? Am I making any sense? Told y'all, this, this one gets me real emotional. This, this one gets me real emotional. Mm, my lemon water, y'all. I got on the scale yesterday and I lost another 3 pounds. 15 more to go or I'll be straight. Oh my goodness. Am I making sense? Am I making sense? So for me, I had to learn that April, God created you with this big heart for a reason. He's created you to be able to be in tune with those around you for another reason. He's equipped you with the ability to understand men for a reason. Don't change how you love because of what others have done. Be okay with walking away with what doesn't fit, but on the flip side, don't be scared to engage with someone that actually meets what you're looking for because you're scared. I've done that too. So like I said, this one gets, gets, gets me a little teary-eyed because I— y'all don't understand what I had to go through to get here. It wasn't a, it wasn't an overnight process, but by me sharing with you I'm trying to save you the long process that I had to go through. It took me really finding out who I am at my core, knowing what I need, and being okay with that. Being okay with it. It can be difficult, yes, but how long are you want to keep dating people? How long do you want to keep entertaining people different for weekend after weekend? And another thing, when you connect with somebody like that, you don't have to ask nobody their opinion on them. You know, it's like, you know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna see this through myself. I'm not gonna ask everybody their opinions and what they think, and I'm not gonna do that. Thank you guys so much for sharing this. I hope it blesses somebody. I'm not gonna do that. What I'm gonna do is say, wow, this is the kind of woman that I prayed for. I don't know where in the hell she came from, but what I'm gonna do is ride this wave. This is the kind of man that I prayed for. He shows up out of the clear blue. See, law of attraction is like that. So you gotta understand, all you have to do is pray about what it is that you want Fix your heart, your energy source of where you're thinking from. Meaning, you can't say, I want a good woman, but then be afraid when a good woman comes your way that actually aligns with, I would say, at least 95% of your core needs. Where she aligns with your core needs, all of your— majority of your core, all your core needs, but she aligns with 95% of the things that you like about her. Even though, of course, you're not gonna like everything about who you with. It's just what it is. But at the same time, when it's a divine connection, their flaws are things that you can actually deal with. Like, I love a masculine man. Like, it's something about a masculine man that just does it for me. It puts me in a position to be, uh, to, to want to be submitted, to want to be the little vixen, to want to be, um, whatever it is that he needs me to be. Not from a doormat standpoint, because I'm far from a doormat. I got a little sass in me, and you can't just talk to me in any kind of way. I'm just wise in how I respond now. I used to be like, oh, fool, you— oh, you, you about to make me be about that life. Now I'll say, is that— are you finished? Well, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go pray about it. Or I'll say, um, I heard you out and I understand where you're coming from. Let me digest that. Okay, I've learned how to do that. I don't have to win an argument. I don't have to argue. I don't have to yell. I'm not yelling and screaming and none of that. But we also have to make sure that if you're accustomed to a dysfunctional relationship, that you do not bring the dysfunction yourself, even though your mouth says, I want a relationship. Now there's, um, I'll give you an experience that I went through. I hope he ain't watching because he'd be watching, but we discussed it already. Um, he— there was a, there was a guy that I was seeing And he kept— his words kept not lining up, right? And so when I finally just said, you know what, don't call me no more, don't— I mean, I could have— I said, I actually could have liked you, but everything that you— everything that's going on, you creating this drama, right? And, uh, because I did tell him, he said, you need to do a video about that. I said, I am, I'm, I'm gonna do it. And I guess I just chose to do it today. Mm. So what ended up happening was he kept not honoring his word. And for me, my top 2 love languages is quality time and quality— my top 3: quality time, um, words of affirmation, and physical touch. Them 3. But I do the physical touch thing anyway. I'm a touchy-feely kind. So he kept not honoring his word, right? Now, it had nothing to do with anything that I was asking of him. It was everything that he would say he would do. So one morning I just got up and I said, you know what, text him, never mind, don't worry about it, we don't need to meet, it's all good. And it's good. Next thing I know, I get a knock at the door. Well, I got a text, and when I woke up, I woke up 30 minutes after I got the text. I'm on my way to your house. I don't know what you doing. I don't know where you at. If you got somebody over there, I don't know what you— I'm coming over there, right? So we had the conversation and I said, see, this is what I'm talking about. I said, sometimes, you know, you can know exactly what it is that you want, but subconsciously you are creating drama. He said, what do you mean? I said, look at this, this day, this day, this day, this is everything that you said you were going to do and you didn't do it. I didn't ask that of you. You put it out there. So it's almost like you subconsciously created drama because you're accustomed to the dysfunction. Well, I've worked so hard to get myself out of that because I used to be that woman. But I used to do it from the standpoint of I would have mental conversations in my brain of how I'm gonna let you know, how I'm gonna let, let you have it if you cheat on me, if you try me. I would do those kind of crazy things. So that was dysfunctional. So when you go through getting rid of the thought process. Because your mental conversation, whatever conversation you have here, is what will, will manifest in your life. I had to change my conversation because I looked at it as, see, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I knew that joker was not realizing— April, he had not done anything. You created that in your mind. And the center of where that thought is coming from has so much power and so much energy. You created it and you manifested that. So was it really a self-fulfilling prophecy, or was it that you and your self-talk was off? So he and I, we talked about it. He was like, wow, he said, thank you for making me aware of that. He said, because you really didn't— you didn't ask me for anything. I said, no, I didn't. I didn't ask you for your time. I wasn't calling you, I wasn't texting you, I wasn't saying I need this, I need some bills paid. I wasn't doing none of that. Every— the reason why we no longer date and hang out is because of how you did not honor your word, and you showed me that you create dysfunctional situations. But I could have lied to you. But at this point in my life, I'm not— I'm not trying to, to help somebody, you know. I'm not trying to be my man's therapist. That ain't what I'm trying to do. I'm in a position where I'm ready to connect with the person I'm supposed to connect with, and he sees me for me, I see it for him. Whatever the situation may be, whether it's fast or slow, don't matter. We know what it is. That's why I love— like, I love Fantasia's story, you know. She said she shut down for 7 months and got spiritually in tune and said, God, send me a man that can love this broken woman because I need somebody that can cover me. I get that. And then she said they met and 3 weeks later they got married and they've been married 3 years. Um, my kids' grandparents met and she was telling me she, she knew what she needed and she prayed about it and then she met the kids' grandfather. 2 weeks later they got married. They've been married 47 years. And I have other friends that are like that. So when I look at all of the different advice you know, don't, don't look at this one like this and don't do this and don't— no, be who you are and be confident in the way that you love, knowing that the only thing that you have to do is prepare your mind, dismantle all of the thoughts that are keeping you from, um, connecting with that other person. See, it's, it's— people talk about vibrations and stuff, and it's actually correct. Wherever you are is what you will get. If you have a vibration of negative and I'm sick of these women being gold diggers, well, that's that. You resonating that, that's all you're gonna get. It's the same thing with the ladies. These women don't want no good man that know, that know what he want to take care of them and provide and be there for them and, and cater to them. Well, there are women that want that. Yeah, I want that. You just got to be able to say that and believe it from a stronger place and not let the dominant thoughts and feelings be the women don't want it. You have to act every day as though what you desire is already here. If you have not gotten my Manifest course, go get it. Store, store.aprilmason.com. The reviews have been bananas. Thank you guys so much, um, who already have it. But I talk about that in order— when I decided to start dating again, y'all, it was scary for me because I was married. I haven't had that many relationships in my life. I can, I can count on one hand how many real relationships. Um, well, I won't even say real relationships. I'll say, uh, relationships that I've been in that I, it was a shell shock for me because I'm one of those people, when I love you, I'm going in. I love hard when I do. Um, and so it takes me a little bit longer to bounce back. But the thing was, I shouldn't have had to be bouncing back if I would have been wise enough to know April, stop trying to force people to accept the love the way you give it and realize there is a hand waiting for your glove of love. And you put that glove on and they've been desiring it. They've been wanting it. They've been waiting for it. It's like, man, she's the missing piece to my puzzle. And I know that, that, that is for me too. I had to get to a place to be accepting of that. And that's what I want you to do— be accepting of how you love and walk in confidence with how you love, knowing that someone is going to come into your life and y'all have this spiritual connection. But then again, let me, let me say this: you can't have a spiritual connected connection if you're not spiritually connected. You'll continue to run through people— is this the one? Is this the one? Is this the one? Is this one? You'll continue to do that. But when you get spiritually aligned and say, you know what, this is just how I love. I give everything. If I meet somebody— and you don't have to worry about exclusivity because that person, they're gonna want to be exclusive with you. You don't have to have the talk. I talked about that before. You don't have to have the talk about being exclusive with someone who wants to lock you down. You don't have to have that talk because your heart, your soul, your spirit is looking for the same exact thing. And it's like a breath of fresh air. It's like, whoo, it feel like home, you know. I'm so happy to see you, you know. It's— it feels— it feels wonderful. It feels beautiful. It feels, um, it just feels smooth. It feels pleasant. It feels gentle. It feels like cotton. It feels mushy. It feels like flowing water. It feels like it goes with ease. You feel like you've known that person for a very long time, and you could just from the jump be yourself. You can be playful. You can, you could talk about what you want to do and your purpose in life, and you can see what he does. He can see what you do, and you can see you know, what, what you guys will do together. You can visually see the benefit that both of you have, um, in each other's lives outside of just the love connection. You can see, oh wow, you know, he brings me this, he makes me more confident in this area. Oh, she makes me more confident in that area, and she helps me get to another place. Fellas, I got to tell you, the right woman will take you to the highest level faster than you could ever take yourself. But you gotta learn how to choose the right woman. You gotta learn the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia. Hello, ladies, you gotta do the same thing. So I've learned that, and it took me a while to get it. And I used to be real standoffish, you know. People would say, you real— you cool, but you got this standoffish kind of thing. You know, about your little antisocial is because I didn't want to get too close to people because everybody couldn't understand the way I love. Because gotta remember, they were just as scared as I was. Am I making sense? I'm just saying. Thank you guys for sharing. I had to get over the hurt of marrying someone that could not receive me. So by me doing this, it put me in a position to think that I wasn't good enough. And you know, when I would see him gawking over other women, I could hear him say how beautiful other women would be, but I never heard that at home. It made me feel like I wasn't deserving. When his friends would come by and be like, man, your wife is off the chain. Do she look like this in the morning? Yes. Y'all be laughing. Y'all be like, hey, Miss April, you be looking cute in the morning. Well, I gotta give you my secret on that. My mother and grandmother always taught me a lady is supposed to get up— even I work from home, even if she worked from home, even if she's a homemaker, and she take care of the kids. She get her behind up and she get dressed every day. When I was married, I got up before he went to work. I was the finest thing he saw when he came— when he left for work, and the finest thing he saw when he came home. So I didn't necessarily just do it for him, I did it for me because that's how I was trained. You get up and don't be walking around with your hair looking all crazy all over your head because you don't ever know when you gotta run out. And also, it makes you feel good to get up and get dressed. So I hit everything on the head today, Stephanie. Yeah, you get dressed every day, honey. I get up and get dressed, comb my hair every day, every day. In my world, you never know. My schedule could be a little sporadic sometimes, so you never know. Um, Orlando said, Orlando says, stick a fork in it, I'm done. So that's just how I, you know, that's just how I am. So my guy will be able to appreciate that about me. Shay said that's too technical. It's technical to you, but how I, I believe a woman is supposed to be on point. No, I didn't say she got to be full makeup, whatnot. Didn't say that. That, but a woman that takes care of herself knows that she's a priority. She comes before anybody. First thing in the morning. So why would she not want to just get up? Why would she want to wear raggedy pajamas all the time, regardless of if you got a man or not? I don't sleep in no raggedy pajamas. I got cute pajamas, y'all. I got some cute, cute PJs, whether it's a— whether it's the pants and the shirt or some little shorts and a tank. What— I got cute pajamas. So for me, for the women saying I can't do all that, you don't have to. But at the end of the day, look at how you view yourself and feel about yourself. I do it because I'm a priority to me. Before I take care of anybody, I take care of me. Wise women are to teach the younger ladies old school. You don't— that's right. And so the women that I have in my life, like I said, I saw my mom do it. My mother was a homemaker. She owned, also owned a daycare at the house. She got up every day, kept herself up. My grandmother, her, um, her name was Glamour. They called her Glamour. She did it. I take care of myself first. If you don't, if you don't feel like you that important than going around with your raggedy pajamas and your stinky little bonnet that you wear. I don't even wear no bonnet. Now my friend, she was like, hey, but I wear my bonnet. I ain't knocking the bonnets, I just don't wear the bonnets. I just prefer to sleep cute and get my satin pillowcases, what I sleep on. So that's just me. Did I take care of him? I absolutely did take care of him to this day. Um, You got to understand, my type of woman, it's in us to take care of her man, period. And I remember when we were in, um, we were marriage counseling, he told the counselor, he said, my issue with her is everything her hands touch turn to gold, and I don't understand that. He said, I don't understand. And he said, we start laughing about it. He said, I don't understand how we can have an argument and I can go down to the basement because we had a full basement. He would go down in the basement for a couple of days and I would say, oh no, um, honey, your wife need to eat, we're going to eat. Or I would say, oh, you got to come upstairs and have sex with your wife. He's like, I don't— he told the counselor, I don't understand how she has the ability to do that. I can go in the basement for 3 days and she could— we could have a disagreement and Later on that day, it's like, okay, so we're going to dinner. Also, you know, are we having sex this evening? Because, you know, you watching the game and all that, and that's cute, but I know you mad at me, but you still have a husbandly duty and responsibility to your wife. So what you gonna do, or shall I go elsewhere? So he didn't understand that. So at the end of the day, I just chose someone that could not receive, or he didn't need my type of love. That was all that was. Doesn't make him a bad guy. He just could not receive my type of love. And I didn't know at the time, because I was in my late 20s, I didn't know at the time, April, you don't change how you love, you change the type of people that you choose, and you choose them from a spirit base, not just he fine, you cute, you know, y'all got a couple things in common. No, no, no, no, that ain't it. It's purpose-driven. It's called a purpose-made. That's what I'm after. So for me, like I always tell men, just because I can articulate, um, What it is that I need doesn't mean that I'm saying I need it from you. I'm just able to articulate that. And I think sometimes fellas get a little nervous. Oh my gosh, she's looking for a relationship. No, I just— I was looking for a relationship from you because in my situation, I'm the chooser. It's not about me just sitting back waiting to be chosen. It's about me understanding, April, this is the kind of love that you were wired with. Don't try to make a square peg fit into a round hole. So you have to be selective in the kind of man that you choose because you have to be the missing pieces for him. You have to be what he's looking for. So it makes it easier for you to not get caught up wasting time with people you got to pump and pry. When he gonna ask me to marry him? When he gonna be exclusive? When is he— you don't have to do none of that when it's a divine connection. So I wanted to share that with you. I think I told you guys I get emotional about talking about this because I've been— I've been mishandled because of the way that I love, because I was dealing with damaged people in the love department. So they didn't know how to. They, they, you know, and one of my exes told me that I didn't know how to love you because I wasn't used to a woman that is like for real drama-free. Like you don't have all this kind of craziness going on. And I've had them say that, you know, I, I didn't know, I didn't know how to receive you. But they were not supposed to receive me because guess what? The man that's supposed to receive me can, uh, he can identify me and say, that's her. I'm looking at the things she carries. One of the things that, um, I love about my friends' relationships, like Jack Daniels and, and, and, and, um, my best friend Joe, and even my friend Lorelle, you know, she— my assistant Lorelle, she met her husband online and, um, they talked for like 5 months online, and then when they finally met, uh, he told her, okay, we're gonna get married in 2 years. He knew. Now check this out. A lot of times women like Meagan Good, she said when she met Devon Franklin, she knew. She didn't say anything to him. It might have took him a little longer to know, but she knew and she stuck with that because her spirit connected, because she had taken some time and got spiritually in tune. Ain't that something? I'm telling you about Fantasia, I'm telling you about Meagan Good who stood back and took, um, took a step back to get spiritually in tune, and they attracted great men that were exactly what they needed. So the bigger question is, are you spiritually in tune? Can you tell the difference? Can you tell the difference whether it's sexual chemistry or is it a divine connection? Can you tell the difference of if it is— it— we just have chemistry and can have a good conversation, or or if it's a divine connection. It's something different, a little different when it's a divine connection. Something different. Can you tell? Or are you caught up in, no, uh, I'm— she's everything that I'm looking for, but I'm gonna put her in the friend category because I'm so caught up in drama-filled relationships. I had to take the time out. Oh, y'all sharing this, thank you guys so much. I had to take the time out to be okay with being me. Y'all say I'm sappy. You know, my mom always laughed. She said, you so soft, you the shortest one in the family, you be talking all that, but you so soft. But I had to be okay, y'all, with being me. Anybody that I was dating that it didn't work out, I used to feel like, what is it? Why, why can't he just see me? Because he wasn't supposed to. He wasn't supposed to. So I've gotten okay with that because now my anticipation is high because it's like, oh my goodness, you know, I'm getting closer and closer to him. The more in tune that I get with me, I'm getting closer and closer to him. I might meet somebody that's pretty close to him, but what happened is he might be— I'll be totally it, but I know I'm on the right track because the ones that I meet, they're in alignment and what I'm looking for. And it's just that one that's gonna come along and say That's her, because there's nothing sexier than a decisive man. Hmm. So with that, if you're not spiritually in tune, you're going to constantly make the same mistake. If you are spiritually in tune but you got fear running you, you're going to constantly revert back. Because I told you, when I started dating again I'm putting myself— okay, I say it's time. My spiritual mama, you're so funny. My spiritual mom, both of them was like, April, you, you need to take some full body pictures because you don't take no full body pictures. I'm like, Ma, what are you talking about? She's like 60-some-odd years old. Uh-uh, you need to take some full body pictures. My other one, uh, matter of fact, my other spiritual mom, she met her, she met her now husband on Plenty of Fish. They've been married going on a year. Yeah, it'd be a year in September when they had the wedding, but they actually got married like 10 months after they met online. They knew. She said, April, when I met Tommy, we met in August of 2015. We met in person in September, September 8th, 2015. From the day we met, we've been joined at the hip. They didn't need to go date multiple people. They didn't need to go, you know, let me see if she it, let me see if he it. They, they had what each other needed, so they wanted to lock it down. So you're having a spiritual connection is vital in this purpose-made process. It's vital. I didn't have it. I didn't have it. I was going on what the magazines say, what the gurus say, you know, 5 steps to know why he cheat. Hell, nobody— people cheat. There is no reason for a person to cheat other than a choice. Regardless of what you do to somebody or what they do to you, the only— just like they can choose not to cheat, they can choose to cheat. So when they be coming through with all of this stuff, come— it's like we're so bombarded with useless information. But for me, God didn't give it to me to teach that way. He gave it to me to teach— April, I need you to teach from a core place. I need you to teach from an organic spiritual place. Teach the people, teach the ladies wisdom. Teach the ladies how to be feminine and they'll get exactly what it is that they desire. Don't teach them the 5 ways to capture his heart. Now I will say, I will teach you guys like, uh, maybe 5 things that, um, to appreciate your man. Now that's just appreciating them. That ain't telling you how to catch him. How you catch him is being in tune spiritually and being that, um, that feminine woman. Chase, you said they cheat because of new poo nanny, period. Even if that's what it is, it's still a choice. Doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't matter if it's better sex. Doesn't matter if it's a better blowjob. Doesn't matter if she stroke his ego a little bit more. It doesn't matter what it is. It's still a choice. And what, what I teach my children, um, since they were small, I said, forget all of the other BS that you ever heard in you, that you're gonna hear in your life. Everything in life is based upon the choices that you make. The why of your choices do not matter. If you go in a store and you steal something out of the store even though you have hungry babies at the house, it doesn't matter your why. It matters— what matters is your choice. So any reasons that anybody can give and all that, it doesn't matter because you're not judged based upon Your why, you're judged based upon your action. Anyone that stands in front of a judge is judged based upon their action, not because of their why. And I've instilled that in my kids since they were smaller. And I ain't had to deal with no jail, I had to do no gangbanging, I had to deal with none of that. I did have to deal with my daughter, you know, she had sex for the first time and then get pregnant, so I dealt with that. But she She was just my one that thought she thinks she invincible. Y'all, I pray for her. She'd be thinking it don't— certain stuff don't apply. I'm like, if you make a choice— I wasn't trying to get pregnant. If you had sex, especially with no protection, yes, you made the choice to get pregnant because that's how pregnancy happens. But that wasn't my intention. Your intentions do not matter. It's the choice that you make. Period. So anybody talk about the old cheating women, those cheat because they got new booty and this doesn't matter. It's still his choice to go for the new booty. So I'm just saying, anywho, that's all I have to share with you. I gotta go, uh, put my flowers in their water and go get to work. I got some things to do today. I had a long long but enjoyable weekend. So I hope that you got something out of this. You know, excuse me for getting all emotional and teary-eyed, but this was the, the hardest lesson I had to learn, is being okay with how you love, being okay with if you fall in love quickly that the person that you fall in love with was looking for that too. It's okay. The only time it gets scary is when you're not sure that you connected with somebody that is looking for your kind of love. So be confident. Be confident in you. Be confident in the way you love. Be confident in knowing that Somebody's gonna come along that's going to accept, and they're— it's like they're craving your— the way you love. They're craving your presence. They're craving your femininity. They're craving your masculinity. They're craving how you make them feel when they're with you. They're craving that. And when you two connect, sparks will fly, and it'll be easy. It'll be simple. You'll know. Now, sometimes, you know, some fellas it might take a little longer, some ladies it might take a little longer, but when I say a little longer, I'm not talking about like months. I'm talking about you might have to hang out a couple times to be like, wait a minute, I think I love her. Wait a minute, I think I love him. You know, it's like, wait a minute, this is a little different. You have to be able to be okay, you know, with that. And knowing that the person that's for you, like I said, it'll feel easy, it'll still feel smooth. You guys will be able to communicate on different levels about different things. You guys will be able to create together. You guys want to be in each other's presence. You guys will be able to make each other— you complete— you— I won't say complete, I'll say you enhance each other. You're the— it's a kind of sort of a completion because I look at it like this: if a woman is not used to having a good man in her life, she can only visualize what that is. But it's not until he comes and he shows up and he be that and he becomes that masculine, protector, provider, sensual man, sexual man, attractive, attentive. Like I told y'all, one of the, one of the sexiest, two of the sexiest things for me is a decisive man and a consistent man. My eyes get big on stuff like that because they— I'm what's called a sapiosexual. I get stimulated mentally. You could be, you could have muscles and all that, I could look at that, but it's like, it ain't gonna do nothing for me. But you start talking that talk and you smart and intelligent and you're decisive and you can say, well, this is what we gonna do, or, you know, we're gonna— instead of going this way, we're gonna go this way, you know. And you take charge. That right there be like, you hungry? You need something to eat? So be okay. As I close, in my closing, be okay. But you say no crying, this is encouraging. But I'm glad y'all got encouragement through my tears because this is, like I said, this is very— it was my biggest aha moment in my process, being okay with the way that I love, the way that I give love, the way that I fall in love, whether it's Fast or slow, doesn't matter, because my ideal guy is ready for the exact same thing that I'm ready for right now. No pumping, no prying. He's been searching for me just like my spirit has been searching for him, and I don't have to worry about if he's going to come in my life. I already know he is. Jace, you said, how am I single? Hey, did you hear what anything I said, Jace? Because it's a spiritual thing that I'm waiting for. Do I have to be single? Do I have options? Oh, a sister got plethora options, but options mean nothing if they're not divinely connected. So, love y'all, have a good Tuesday.