Kevin Samuels Death and What We Must do Next!

Hello, my loves. This is April Mason here, your favorite feminine lifestyle strategist and recently retired dating coach. As you know, we closed our dating academy and, um, I have retired from that part of the business. However, I will still continue to teach on femininity and the importance of it. So as you see the title of the video, Kevin Samuels death and what this means and what must happen next. I gotta say, I was totally shocked when I got the news, and I was shooketh a little bit, you know. And reason being is, first of all, I didn't watch his content, uh, and I make it a point not to watch a lot of creators who are in similar spaces as me. I don't watch their content, and my reason for that is because what I don't want— what the Creator is giving to me— I don't want my, my downloads to be intercepted by other things. So a lot of the people that people tag me in and want me to do my own thoughts on, or what I thought about what they said, I normally— you don't catch me doing that because my job is not to bring anyone else into what the Creator has given me to share about what it means to to actually be a woman and being a woman of standard, as well as a woman who understands the importance of her femininity. So I don't watch other creators' content that are in the similar field as myself, uh, but what I do when, you know, when I do see it, it's because some of you have maybe tagged me in it and say, but what you think, what you think? And if you notice, I really don't have much to say because my job is not to go back and forth. My job is to show you a different perspective, be it man or woman. So when I heard of his death, honestly, I was shooketh, and I didn't sleep good Friday night. And I believe that has to do with, at the end of the day, he was a creator in the creative influencer space, just as I am. Whether you liked him or whether you didn't, and we all have our audiences, and I'm sure when I pass away, My audience is going to go into an uproar as well too. Those that love me are going to continue on with the message of femininity and making an identity switch and all of the wonderful things that I teach. And those that don't, they gonna say, well, you know, they might be rejoicing. So at the end of the day, you know, for me it was, he was a creator like myself in this space and he carved out a space for his audience. The other side of this that I really want to focus on, um, is two things. Number one, our health. We have to do better with taking care of ourselves and not running ourselves through the ground. And I've talked about this before, and I always talk about it from, uh, a more of a holistic perspective. When it comes to ladies, operating in your femininity will allow you to be able to rest. No hustle, no grind, right? I teach you that, fellas. I teach you the same thing as far as, yes, we expect you to go out there and get it, but we need you to take a break, and we need you to make sure that you're taking care of yourself as well. You know, studies show, whether we like it or not, studies show that married men live 10 years longer than single men, right? And that's because they have someone checking on them. Because y'all fellas, y'all know y'all be taking care of yourself all the time, and you need us. We need each other. Right? So that was big for me. And you guys know I had talked about my health scares, and you know, I had to take a break and make sure I was taking care of myself. So make sure you taking care of your body. Number 2 is, which is the main thing, what love legacy are you leaving? Y'all know I talk about this all the time and how important it is. What love legacy are you leaving. What we have today is everybody has a voice, everybody has an opinion, right? And a lot of it is not bringing us together as much as it's tearing us apart. So men want better women, women want better men, but what people are not understanding is until you make an identity switch and become a better individual for yourself, you don't qualify for anybody better. So what Love Legacy are you leaving for your children? All of the going back and forth and he this and she that, it has to stop. What many may have a problem with me is on is the fact that I'm not team man or team woman. I'm team love and let's get it together. I get on the men just as well as I get on the women, but in this climate everybody wants you to take sides. But women have a lot of things to work on. Y'all know I share that. Y'all know that I always say a better man is a woman— is a better man to a woman is a byproduct of her becoming a better woman. Vice versa to the fellas as well. So until we start to heal, and still we start to look at our traumas, look at our relationship with our, our mothers, the what love blueprint did our mothers and fathers leave us Ask yourself, who taught me how to love? Ask yourself, who taught me how to be a wife? Who taught me how to be a husband? Nobody. Especially if you are coming from an African-American household where majority of us were— we didn't see it. So now women are taught that their value comes from, I got a bag, I'm successful. Right? I can go get it like a man can get it. But yet the type of man that you want, you can't get because he don't want those traits. Those are added bonuses. Those are the things that men choose women on. Fellas, you guys want to complain about women don't want average men? No, we don't. We don't want average thinking men. Stop putting yourself in a, in a, uh, being comfortable with fighting to be average. Average is a mindset. Average is not your bank account. Average is not your occupation. Average is a mindset, okay? Stop being upset because women require a man to have his stuff together. Well, it's just how we're wired. The way that we are wired as women biologically, we, we are biologically wired to look for the best protector and provider. But ladies, men are wired to be drawn to more of the feminine woman. Those type of men are more drawn to be, uh, drawn to that type of woman. They don't care about all of the other stuff. So we have to stop fighting, fighting for to be right, fighting for our pain, fighting to be, uh, for our stories to be heard. Talk to your therapist about your story. What do you want? What do you want? Do you want to be loved? Nobody is higher than the next. Men out here thinking they prizes, women out here thinking they prizes, but what they're valuing themselves on, need the opposite sex don't value that. So how you a prize but I don't value what you bringing? How? So what Kevin Samuel's death showed me is the love legacy that we are not leaving. Do you want to die with a random? Ask yourself that. Do you want to die with a random? Nobody that you are building with, nobody that you're amplifying with, nobody that can, uh, be there companionship for you for the long haul. Somebody that can be there when you're down, fellas? A woman that got you, that can create a safe place for you to lay your head in her lap? Do you want to die with a random? If not, we must ask ourselves, what are we doing? Of course there'll be people in the comments section that want to argue I don't care about them. That's hurt people. At the end of the day, nobody gives a damn about your story. What are you showing your kids? Your story doesn't matter. Y'all will go get the bag for your kids. You will work hard for your kids. You will go out and get the degrees and get the big house and everything and stress yourself out for the kids. Will you go let somebody love on you and be loved for the kids? Will you do that? Your story— we don't give a damn about your story. When you die and all of the monetary inheritance that you are leaving your kids, they go off and marry somebody and lose everything in the divorce because you did not have the courage, man or woman, to allow somebody to love on you and allow yourself— allow you to love somebody. What are we doing? What are we doing? The fighting and pointing the finger has to stop. It has to stop. You don't want to die alone. None of us do. Okay. Yes. For those of you, I went on the news talking about my cousin. Yes. Cause it was true. Y'all will never get an apology cause I see that in the comments. Y'all won't ever get an apology from me from that. Why? Because it turned out to be true. Our attorney, Mr. Patterson, went to court. We found out it was all true. So no, I will not apologize for what I had to say. And for those that follow me know April Mason don't put herself into nothing unless she has other details. So no, yes, I am the same woman that went on and talked about what happened to my cousin because she got off because it turned out to be true. So let's leave that alone. That's in the past. We handled that. I paid for her attorney, okay? It was 5+ grand that I paid because I believed her. So let's leave that alone. This is what I'm talking about, about being in the past. It doesn't matter what your love life look like. What, what are you leaving for your kids? What random are you going to have by your side? Who's going to be at your funeral? What are people going to say about you when you die? That's what matters. So if anything, we need to stop pointing fingers and look at how we're freaking living our life. Fellas, are you only valuing yourself based upon I make six figures? Most of it is a low 6 figures. We don't give a damn. Why? Because we can make our money now. Now we want somebody that can treat us well. Emotional intelligence, spirituality, a good leader. Ladies, so what? You can go get a degree and get a bag. Who gives a damn? Men want somebody that— how does she make me feel in her presence? Is she operating in her femininity? Is her femininity a part of her lifestyle or do she turn it on and off just for the man part? It has to stop. It has to stop. When was the last time you picked up a book to study the opposite sex so you will know how they function? Or did you only take what your mama, what you saw your mama and daddy do and you applied that as a healthy relationship. So now we all screwed up because of the toxic— toxicity that we saw from our parents. Ask yourself that. Am I perpetuating the same cycle because I'm refusing to get therapy? I'm refusing to let go. I'm refusing to let go of the girl in high school that didn't want me because I was maybe not been the most desirable young man. 'Now I'm in the gym and I got my money. Now I'mma treat women any kind of way because now I look good and I got money.' No, that's still rooted in hurt. It's still rooted in pain. It's still rooted in rejection. A lot of people want what they don't qualify for. So if that's the case and you want that over there, just qualify yourself. Ladies, qualify yourself. And qualifying yourself has nothing to do with how you look on paper. It doesn't. Fellas, qualify yourself. If I have another man walk up to me talking about, oh, you don't look like you date average guys, you damn right, because the average man wouldn't say that. I mean, only an average man would say that. Only a person that views himself as average. Well, why would— why do you think I would date They, you know, average guy, because look at the kind of car you drive. Stop that, fellas. Stop it. Stop sizing women up thinking that you're not good enough. The only person that's telling you you're not good enough is yourself, because you deep down inside know you do not qualify. Ladies, stop the whole, oh, they only want young women and all, they only want women that, you know, that look this way. It ain't about your age, it's about how you carry yourself. Studies are showing that women over 40 are getting married at a, at a double rate right now. Get off the internet and go freaking live. And a lot of it has to do with everything that you're doing is right here on these damn phones. So your whole life, because you don't have a life, is consumed right here. So now this becomes your God, this becomes your 3D reality, this becomes how you gauge how your life is going to go. Get out of the phone. Here in Atlanta, people get married every day. Every day somebody's getting married, but you guys are on the internet bitching and moaning about what somebody has to say about what you can have. Qualify yourself, fellas. Qualify yourself, ladies. Because once again, every day somebody's getting married, so it bumps the notion of folks don't want to get married. No, people are getting married every day. Get out the damn phone and go get a life. Get a hobby. Stop— start hanging around people. Stop being that person that say, text me, don't call me. That's why we don't have human communication. That's why we don't know how to connect from an emotional standpoint, because everything is on these damn phones. Put your phone down. Put your phone down. Get off the internet. Stop feeding into your weaknesses. Stop watching content that validate what you think you are not. Qualify yourself. Will you die alone with a random? Will you? What love legacy will you leave your children in business? What legacy are you leaving your children that they can carry on after you die? What are you doing, people? You qualify yourself for everything else. When you went to the— that— get that degree, you were qualifying yourself for that, for that job. Well, if you know the type of man or woman that you want in your life, you can visualize it, but you ain't there with— yet there yet, qualify yourself. Qualify yourself. Okay, hold on, put my glasses on. Yeah, cuz I am. Y'all say I sound like I'm talking to y'all cuz I am, cuz she is. I'm talking to each and every person that's running and hiding from love. I'm talking to everybody. Hey, Fred Jerkins, I'm talking to everybody. I had to do a check on myself, so everything I teach you, I teach to myself first. Fellas, do you want to die alone with a random— some random chick you done picked up off the street that you don't know nothing about? Is that what you want? Do you want your kids to, to know about that in your obituary? Ladies, do you want your kids to never see you get loved on properly because you refuse to open up and choose better men? How is it— this is what always, this always was interesting to me— how is it that we go off and, and go through a bad relationship and then, but yet we go get another degree, we gonna make more money, we go get in shape, You know, we gonna improve our lives, but when it comes to the love side, uh-uh, cuz I ain't got time for that. That means that you are not gaining wisdom and growing if you still are the same person you were when the breakup happened, when the divorce happened. You're the same person. Men don't really care for love the same women we do. I've studied— I've been studying men for a long time. Men care about respect, but goddamn it, they want to be loved too. Yes, they do. At the end of the day, everybody needs somebody. We come from a man and a woman. Only hurt people, people that create organizations that are anti-man, anti-woman— only people that are hurt create organizations that are anti-man and anti-woman. God took two individuals. You two females cannot have a baby. Two males cannot have a baby. Man and woman conceive together and have a child. So you're gonna always crave what you came from. So all of this other stuff and all of this, I don't give a damn about that. What are you gonna do today? How are you gonna qualify yourself today? How? Thank y'all so much for the stars. What are you going to do today to qualify yourself? That's all I want to know. His death spoke volumes. It spoke volumes to me. I didn't even sleep that night. I kept waking up because I'm like, I can't believe, you know, life is— I've always known life is being taken just like— can be taken just like that. But what love legacy are we as a people, as a Black people, leaving? Well, we don't want people to get our hoes up because the majority of men today are shady. No, the majority of men that you keep choosing are shady. This is the shit that I'm talking about. Everybody wants to have a pity party, but they don't want to change the story of why they keep choosing shitty men. That's on you, sis. If you keep choosing shitty women, that's on you, bro. It's on you. We are nothing more than a walking— a person is nothing more than a walking reflection of who we think we are. How is it that you can elevate on your job but you can't elevate in your, in your wisdom and your knowledge and your God sense and your consciousness? Stop the BS. I'm not gonna let y'all have that. I'm not gonna let y'all have that because our kids are depending on you to kill out the bullshit. Our kids are depending on you to show them what real love look like. If your relationship ain't working, move your ass out the way and go get somebody else. That's it. If it ain't working and you did everything you needed to do, get the hell on. But guess what you're doing? We're creating a generation of people that do not know how to love because they— because everybody else, the grown-ups, is sitting there arguing. Not arguing, but arguing over who right and who wrong, and men ain't this, men ain't that. But they're not saying, I went through some things maybe as a child. I saw my— not my father not be there. I saw my mother not be nurturing. So for me, I keep getting women that are not nurturing, but yet instead of me moving on, I keep having these damn trauma bonds. And now I'm all, these women, they don't want— no, get yourself together so you can learn how to have a healthy relationship. Okay? Don't worry about mine. He doing what he need to do. Where is yours? And what are you doing? See, and this is one of the stuff that I be talking about. Y'all worry about the wrong stuff because you don't want to take accountability. A hit dog always holler. Look at what you're doing and what you're— how detrimental you're being to your children. How do I know this? Because I did it. Thought I was protecting them, but I wasn't. Got it. This gotta stop. No other race of people do the bullshit that this— and in the love department, like Black folks, what are we saying? What are we saying? We would rather fight for what's right than somebody wave the white flag and say, you know what, I did see the pattern. I did see the red flag, but I did choose to go, go, um, go past the red flag. I did see that, you know, she couldn't give me what I need, but she got a big booty though. She look good though. How does a person know what love looks like when they don't know it when they see it? Because you have to— it starts with self-love. When you love yourself and you start going through that process of loving yourself, you start to know what real love looks like because you have it within yourself first. The problem is people don't want to do that work. It's easier to point fingers at other people. It's easier to do the outside work. Go get the money, go get the muscles, go get the car, go get the house. You know, go get the, uh, you know, the BBLs. It's easy to do that. You will know what love is when you learn to love yourself, because at that point you would have created a standard for yourself, a realistic one at that. People have always asked, was it hard for you dating when, you know, um, because you studied human behavior and stuff and you've been in this work for so long? Is it hard for you to date? Actually, it gave me more grace for people is what it did, because it showed me that the stuff that people were valuing had no value and it was all superficial. The things that actually add to a person's life, the things that when a person is sick and on their deathbed, what really matters, all of this other stuff that folks got on their list, it don't matter. Yes, Kenneth, he says don't let the beauty attract you and let the beast— and let the beast get you. That's what's happening. Oh, I want a woman that's this and this. Nothing wrong with wanting somebody attractive, we all do. But what else do they have? Just because you can get, you know, take a pretty woman out to dinner, so? And put it like— fellas, put it like this, it's a raw day for me today. If she can't amplify your life, she shouldn't even get the dick. Hello, somebody. If she cannot amplify your life, if she cannot— you cannot see her having your children, being in your life, she should not even qualify for the dick. Dick discipline is important, y'all. A lot of y'all getting a lot of yourself in trouble because of the lack of dick discipline. Just because you can don't mean you should. That's power, knowing that you can but you don't. That's power. Y'all laying down with, with, with women that don't even— they don't know— you don't even know their last name. What's their middle name? Get some dick discipline, ladies. Get some realistic expectations. Everybody ain't going to be 6, uh, 6 figures, 6-pack, and 6 feet. They— God ain't make a lot of them like that. Doesn't mean he can't treat you well. What are we doing? What are we doing? And how, how are we showing up for the next generation? We are desensitizing them to human connection. We already messed up with all of this uh, internet and, and, uh, technology that's keeping us apart. You go in your restaurants now— I was in, um, I was in a Walmart and they had a whole robot mopping the floor. I ain't had nobody talk to. One store I went in, they didn't even have cashiers. I also went into the, um, Amazon store, walked in, walked out, it just dinged my phone. You guys are not paying attention to the bigger The bigger issue, they're making us scared of one another. That's a whole nother— that's a whole nother topic. But look at the kind of movies that are coming out that keep you fearful. Look at what they got on the news that keep you fearful. Look at what the, um, programming is. It's all to keep you fearful and scared of each other. Black people, got to stop. Black people, it got to stop. It got to stop, Black people. It got to stop because our children aren't seeing love. We are the only demographic of people that are having this tough of a time connecting. And I want you to— I want you to connect. I want you to actually know what it feels like to be loved. So look at what you're holding on to. Look at what your childhood was and, and how it's been playing out in your life. All of a sudden, once you start to love on you, you will start to change. And now you'll start to see a different section of men. I told y'all, where's my— where my cup at? I don't have my cup over here, but you— here's— if I had a cup, see if I got one right here in this dishwasher. No, I ain't got no cup, but I got a bowl. We got a bowl. In this bowl, you have good men, bad men, men that want to keep it casual, men that ain't ready for nothing, men that are horrible. Whatever you resonate with and where you are, that's what you're going to pick up out of the bowl, fellas. Bowl full of good women, bad women, uh, indifferent women, horrible women. Wherever you are spiritually and mentally and emotionally, you're going to pick up out of this where you are. You can't want something good but you can't even recognize it because you ain't become it. Okay, I need you to be coming. So regardless of what anybody tells you, what's in this bowl, if anything you choose to pick, anything, but you're only going to pick based upon where you resonate at, baby. It don't happen another way around. So if your conversation is always Negative about the opposite sex? It's you. You don't know how to change and pick the right thing up out the— here's this here bowl, okay? What's in your bowl? How— if you're not used to having somebody wonderful, how the hell you gonna pick them up, one up out of there? If you're not having used to having a woman that operates in her feminine energy and you have learned to receive a woman that treats you well, all you gonna do is pick one that ain't right out of there, or you gonna try to pick a one good out of there, but you gonna self-sabotage it because she's not giving you the backlash. She's not giving you the push and pull. She's actually there to, to love on you, but because you're not used to being loved, you gonna subconsciously self-sabotage it. Because in this bowl is an unhealed you too. What's in your bowl? Whatever in here that you keep picking, whatever your result has been, is because you won't pick the other kind of fish out the bowl. So if you ever, ever, ever want to know what the problem is in the relationship arena with yourself, look at what your results have always been. If you keep meeting emotionally unavailable people, it's because you're emotionally unavailable. If you keep meeting people that abandon you, It's because somewhere down the line you don't feel good enough. If you keep meeting married men and married women, once again, that's an emotionally unavailable person. Every man and woman is a mirror to you. We would not be having all of this controversy if we looked in the mirror, which is the hardest thing to do. And everything that I teach you, I have practiced. That's why I'm so passionate about it, because 'Cause I had to realize back in probably about 2000— ooh, had to be about 10 years ago— I realized I wasn't as fabulous as I thought until I walked by that mirror and I had an aha moment. 'Cause we're not in the moment. We're always on the go, on the go, on the go. We're not really aware. We don't sit in awareness. We're not in tune with ourselves. Women don't even know how to feel no more, which is one of the biggest traits of being a feminine woman, being able to actually feel, being in your sensuality. And sensuality has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with sense. That's why it's called sensuality. That's a whole nother message I could teach, but we are so twisted. Femininity is not the color pink or weak or, um, talking like this all the time. Not raising your voice and not ever be using your masculine energy. This a lie. It's a lie because we have commercialized what these things are, not knowing exactly what it is. What's in your bowl, honey? What's in your bowl? I don't care about your story. But you don't understand these men. Yes, I do. I've been studying men forever. Matter of fact, my cousin called me the other day and he was like, you've been knowing this stuff since you were young. We would be like, April, how you know this? I was like, I know, Johnny. I don't know how I know, I just know. And then I took it upon myself to enhance my understanding of men by studying, picking up books, interviewing thousands of men, understanding the core psychological, biological, and primal makeup of men. Same thing with women. What's in your bowl? You can complain all day, but what's in your bowl that you keep picking is a reflection of you. So I'll end it with this: what love legacy are you leaving? Somebody says, what books do you recommend? I'm not recommending any books. You know why? Because if you want it bad enough, you will go start doing your own research like I did. It— when we want to do something, we go pick it up. What if you want to dye your hair a particular color? You start Googling it. If you want to fix something on your car, you start Googling it. Start figuring these things out for yourself. That will let you know what's important to you. I don't recommend any books on these subjects because I want you to do the work, to figure it out yourself. I want you to make it important to you to learn how are men wired, how are women wired. Let me Google how are men wired, how are women wired, how to understand men, how to understand women. That's what I want you to do. I'm not, I'm not making it easy for you. Everything is so easy. Everything— everybody wants something. No, what you Google and search for and do research on shows what's important to you. It was important for me to understand how men and women function on a primal level. I don't care about all of this other stuff. On a primal level is what I wanted to learn, so that's what I went to learn. The same way you'll go learn how to get that degree because you want to be a nurse, your love life is that important. The biggest decision that you make in your life will be who you choose to marry and mate with. That will be the biggest, at least the top 2 decisions that you make. But we're not taught to qualify ourselves and qualify other people. Who you marry will determine your generational wealth as well too. What are we doing, Black people? What are we doing? Did you hear what I said? It is shown that by the third— second to third generation, the wealth will be totally messed up. Why? Because of who folks chose to marry if they were not taught properly. Of how to choose a mate. Your generational wealth is connected to who you married to, but we not doing— we're not having these conversations. Well, you know, you just married for love and no, that's BS. Who you are connected to will impact your life for either the better or the worse. Choose wisely. That's why It says that men on average live 10 years longer— married men. Go Google the study. Average— on average, married men live 10 years longer. Choose wisely, fellas. You can complain all you want, but guess what? You keep choosing them, so it's still on you. Who you marry and mate with will determine your generational wealth, and if it stays in the family. Everybody want to talk about generational wealth? Well, if you want to keep it, give the people a love— give your folks a love blueprint so they'll know how to choose properly. But once again, by the time the grandkids get the money or the inheritance, it's all messed up because marrying somebody that does not have the same values that doesn't understand generational wealth, that's not bringing anything with the standard. You're, you cutting your generational wealth in half because now they're gonna take half. Why aren't we having these conversations? Why? Why we having struggle and anger conversations? He said this, these sound like grown children. Why? What will your legacy look like? Do you want to die with a random? We have this generation— I always see it all the time, these generational legacy conversations, but yet nobody wants to be— create a legacy and learn how to choose a better partner. I had to learn it. They didn't teach us that. I am the first generation of wealth that I'm leaving for my kids. I am that. Nobody left me nothing, so I had to learn all of this that I'm sharing with you. Oh, I'm so glad I hadn't— didn't remarry when I won— when I was getting ready to. I didn't know this information. I'm all about legacy, not just monetary. What am I leaving my kids? What kind of blueprint? I'm just asking for a friend. I'm just asking. Die with a random is better than most of these women out here, Ricardo, cuz your goofy ass don't know how to choose a woman. At the end of the day, it goes back to what the hell I just said. You keep choosing women that are not good, so the question becomes, what the hell is wrong with me while I keep choosing these, and I would rather die with a random than become a better man to qualify for a better woman. Let's have that conversation, Ricardo, because you keep choosing them. How do you know it's better? The only way you can say that is because of what you've been choosing. So become a better man, deal with whatever issue you got to deal with so that you'll get a woman that want to love you, create a safe place for you, rub on your feet, rub your head, treat you kindly, cook you give you some food, give you some wise counsel, be a woman of wisdom, respect you, love you, and be your sex kitten and all of that. The reason why you're not getting that is because you just told us that you would rather be the brother random to become a better man. That's what you just told us. I would say the same thing to a woman. We gotta stop. I'm not sugarcoating nothing with y'all today. Women that complain about men, become a better woman and you won't have that conversation. I'm not gonna talk about raw chicken when all I eat is cooked chicken. That's not even— ain't got nothing to do with me, nothing. I'm focused on what it is. But if I keep talking about raw chicken, it's because I keep choosing to go over there and eat the chicken that ain't cooked. Take responsibility for your choices. Take responsibility and accountability for not doing your inner work so that you learn. Like I just said earlier, we— most of us were not taught how to be in a relationship. All we have is what came before us. Was it always right? No. Who sat you down and said, all right baby, this is what it means to be a husband. All right darling, this is what it means to be a wife. Sit down, let's have this conversation. Most people will tell you nobody, but then they'll blame the opposite sex because of their choices instead of being self-aware enough to say, wait a minute, All right, something's up. I keep noticing that I keep getting the same type of women, and me and my homeboys keep having these same conversations, these lame conversations, but we're not doing anything to change. Huh, you and the ladies having the same conversation? Girl, these men out here don't want nothing, they shady. Okay, if all you and all your friends only know shady dudes, y'all belong together. If all your conversation is always negative, my friends, I— we never have negative conversations about men. Doesn't mean we like everything that y'all do, but we don't sit around talking about how shady men are. And guess what? We don't get shady men in our lives. Take ownership of your choices. Take ownership of your trauma. Take ownership. Put it like this: your parents did, as they say, the best that they could, right? Well, that's all you got to take. Was it good enough? Maybe not. So what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? Maurice says, as men, we must know who we are and take accountability for our actions. Embrace your worth and focus on being the best version of yourself. Absolutely, Maurice. And the same thing applies to the ladies. What are you doing? What are you doing? Look at your list, the list of things that you have. Are they superficial? A lot of this stuff don't even matter. Our parents did the best that they could based upon what they knew, and a lot of us are carrying around things that don't belong to us. 'Cause Mama taught us this way because she was hurt. So in her, in her way of protecting us, she gives us stuff that don't belong to us, which is her stuff. Um, so true. We want real women, not gold diggers. At the end of the day, let me, let me help you. A woman is going to always be a gold digger. Let me explain that to you. I think I've explained it before because Um, the patriarchal system created the gold digger. And I'm gonna say this so I can go ahead and go. The gold digger was created because women did not have rights, okay? Let me— and you can look this up to say nothing new. Women didn't have rights. A woman could not get a bank account or, um, a credit card unless she was married until the 1960s. So because women were not given equal rights as far as just being human beings on this planet, Women had to marry early because they wanted— they had to get the best man with the biggest bag that's going to be the biggest protector and provider because they couldn't do anything. That's where the saying comes, oh, she couldn't keep a man, right? She— that was big, and women took pride in having a man because they could not go out and get things on their own. So women are always going to be looking for the best man that can be the best protector and provider. Now there are going to be women that are extremely— that's it, I just want the bag. But understand, fellas, women want men that have, uh, financial— that provide financial security, as well as men that provide protection. You can't want a 50/50 woman and then want a woman to go back to back in the day, because back in the day, them women didn't work, they was housewives. Do you have a big enough bag for that? So if we're going to talk about these subjects, let's talk about a lot of the origin of it. Marriage was never meant about love. Marriage was business. Give me some land and I'll give you my daughter. Think about that. So we have to ask ourselves, do we understand the origin of where a lot of this stuff is coming from? The modern woman and all of that. No. At the end of the day, women at this point have overdone it. With the independence. That's where the problem comes. There is no balance. So they've overdone it because back in the day we couldn't even get a credit card or a bank account without a husband. Now that we can, it— I've become extremely masculine. It's all about the balance, people, because we need each other. And if you can't be mad because a woman wants a man that can protect and provide, because even a woman that never wanted to have kids We're wired by nature to go after the person that looks like they will be the best protector, provider, and father. That's how we're biologically wired. How— just like how y'all are biologically wired to see a woman's hips and even, um, on a, on a primal level it tells you she's good for childbearing. It's the same thing for us. We got to pick up books, people. We got to pick up books to learn how, how it actually really works instead of going on all of our hurt and pains. Okay, we have to do better, fellas. When was the last time your daughter saw you getting loved on properly? I'll wait, fellas. When was the last time your son saw a woman honor you? When was the last time, ladies, when was the last time your, your, your daughter saw a man take care of you? Ladies, when was the last time your son saw a man protect and provide for you? Yep, Beverly, the books are dusty. They are not being read. It's not hard when you start reading. When was the last time, fellas, when was the last time your daughter saw you walk up behind her mama and put your hand on her hips while she was cooking dinner for the family and you kiss her on her cheek and tell her you love her? When was the last time she saw that. Oh wait, what do you want them to see? What, what legacy are you leaving them? Kids pay attention to what we do more than what we say. Somebody said the first of never. Well, we got to change that then. We have to change that. We have to change that. Oh yeah, I'm down y'all streets. Yeah. Oh, I see the fellas saying it too. I'm— I want us to get it together, and I want— if it was up to me, if I had a little magic wand, I would erase everybody's past because Love didn't hurt you. Someone who didn't know how to love hurt you. Okay, if I could erase all of your pain, fellas, all of your pain, ladies, when it comes to love, I would do that. Reset you.

Bloop!

Hit the little button. Right, and allow you to go out into the world as a human being who's open to love. At the end of the day, love is a risk. It could go either way. But when you're equipped with more wisdom and knowledge and healing, you make better choices. Doesn't mean the person's going to be perfect, doesn't mean you're going to be together forever. It just means I was able to make a better choice for myself, and if it doesn't work out, I know I'm still capable and able to love again. Okay, so people being married for 20 years, that doesn't mean it's a successful marriage. It just means they know how to stay together. You got to ask the deeper questions. Marriage is not, uh, the sign of success. It's what goes on in that marriage and how they function in that marriage that defines it as successful. Okay, so that's all I have today. What love legacy are you leaving, darlings? Okay, let me bring it on down. You know I get passionate. Because I want to see y'all get it, okay? I get passionate about these topics, okay? My daughter has started seeing that recently. I joined your Teach Me How to Date Academy. Hey y'all, yeah, my lady's getting it. They had to learn it. We had— they had to go through a harder breaking process than what I'm giving you ladies and gentlemen here. For those that were in my dating academy, it's closed. I have retired from that, but you can always go to aprilondemand.com and rent or buy my courses. Uh, but a lot of them are some of the courses that, that the late— a lot of them are the courses that the ladies took that were in my academy. Spiller said, you have my undivided attention, Miss Mason. Go get you, Alonzo. I want you with a wife. Kiva said, and the sweet voice returns. Yes. Mother returns, darling, because, because Mother can actually get passionate when Mother wants to see you make it happen. But Mother, just like Mother Nature, is kind and nurturing and giving. Mother Nature is also destructive, forceful, and will take what's hers, okay? So I love y'all. I want to see you win. I want to see you loving on each other. Stop the pointing the finger, and unless it's going this way, because whatever you're continuing to get, um, is on you. And I'll use this example. Um, my daughter, she spoke at my conference last week, my 3-day boot camp. And we were laughing as we were speaking because right after, shortly after her divorce, after I told her that one, yeah, but right after her divorce, she started dating this other guy and she brought him over for me to meet. And I'm sitting here like, he ain't nothing but— he's nothing more than your ex-husband, right? That's what that was. Looked like him and everything. I didn't say nothing as mama. I needed to be quiet to see if she was going to see her own pattern. Okay, and so I got quiet. She brought him over. Okay, hey, whatever. I went back upstairs, right? She identified her pattern, which is why she's engaged to someone that's completely different, um, and more in alignment with who she is at her core versus the superficial, right? But as mama, I couldn't say that. I needed you to see that you are the problem and your picker is off. So I didn't say nothing. I wanted y'all know I wanted to so bad. I wanted to so bad, but I didn't. I held my tongue as mama and didn't say anything, and I let her figure it out because she was on her identity switch. Journey. So as a mom, all I could do was know what I gave her and put out there, but I couldn't say, see, I told you, I told you, I told you, because kids don't listen to that. But baby, she caught the pattern. She caught the pattern. Okay, so you have to ask yourself Am I going through the same patterns or do I want to continue to just fuss about the past that don't matter? When people come to me, I tell them, listen, you can't talk to me about your story like that. I'm here to help you get what you want. What do you want? What do you want? You tell me what you want. I can help you get on the road to making an identity switch so you can give it. Yes, Stefan, we have to connect again. Our kids are running loose. They are so desensitized to love because they've never seen it. I'm just saying, until I meet the one— there is no such thing as the one. It's you becoming the one. There's not— there's no such thing as the one. Then the one don't just show up. Who are you becoming? Whatever you're getting, if you're still waiting and constantly waiting, it has everything to do with how you're showing up. So the one is not going to show, or the one is not going to show up when you are not doing anything or have not done anything to be the one. Why would the one want you? Why would the one want you if you just sitting around waiting? No, you become the thing. You make an identity switch. Your current identity is, I don't have nobody and I don't know how to go out there and make it happen because I'm so stuck on what Keith did and Robert did and what Sheila did and what Jackie did. I'm so caught up in that that I will not allow myself to say, hmm, maybe, just maybe, my picker is off because I keep getting the same old results. Can you become the one after marrying? Absolutely. See, well, I teach that femininity is not for the man first, it's for you first. So when you become a feminine woman, everybody benefits. Stacy says the ancestors tapped you today. Well, you know what, I think they did, cuz they— this whole weekend I was kind of off after his death, cuz I'm like, I just I was so upset because what are we doing as a people? What are we doing? We're not showing our kids anything other than the superficial. That's all we're doing. Yeah. Oh, y'all like that? Why would the world want you? I'm dead serious. Why would the one want you? You have to become the one. You gonna sit around and wait and wait and wait and wait, but you're not becoming, becoming, and becoming. What we doing, y'all? Fellas, I really want y'all to ask yourself—

if—

be honest, fellas. I want you to be honest. You ain't gotta tell me, but I want you to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself the hard question. Do I really want to be out here in these streets by myself? Wouldn't I love to come home to somebody that appreciates and loves me? And respects me? Isn't that what I really, really want? Fellas, like I said, you don't have to answer right now. I want you to sit on that. If I died today, would I have experienced what love is coming from a woman that I chose from a more aware and healed place? Fellas, what type of mentors do you have in your life that are happily married that can give you both sides? Okay, what single friends do you have that are pro-marriage and not sitting around having these negative conversations? Ladies, same things for you. What mentors do you have in your life that are happily married? What single women do you have in your life that have wonderful conversations and wonderful experiences with men? If you don't, that's a problem. If you constantly consume content that is in alignment where you are versus where you want to go, come on, people. Come on, people, ask yourself the hard questions. Don't be a robot. Think. Be thinkers. Be aware. Look at your life, ladies. You don't want to go through life by yourself. My neck, my back, my knees, my shins, my shoulders, and everything else hurting. Oh, what if you are the one having the positive conversations with no examples? Then go make new friends. Willie say, it's not hard for me to say I'm average. What does average mean to you? Now I will ask this before I go. Willie, what does that mean to you? I would love to, um, to know what that— what average is to you. So I'll wait for you to answer because I'm curious to what that means. Choppin' fellas, y'all gonna get you a good woman. Your income will skyrocket, not because what she's doing, but what she is being to you. But you have to understand what you need to be looking for. This is why you need some really amazing mentors in your life that are on the happily married side or have had a, a great of relationships with women. April, you are teaching us. Thank you. You're so welcome, Pedro. Hey, Sharita, no happily married friends? Go get some. Go get some. I want to stop collecting red flags. Okay, then become a better person. Heal yourself. Oh, I don't realize this was live. Oh snap. Yes, Willie baby, I'm calling you out. Come on, come on, come on. Talk to me before I go. I want to know because I hear so many men say they're average. I want you to tell me what that is. Yes, Anthony, broken conversations leads to broken relationships. I have nobody in my circle that have negative conversations about the opposite sex. None. That's why I love love so much. Because I have such amazing examples. You're so welcome, Anisha. Come on, Willie. Willie says me. No, no, no, baby, I'm not gonna let you give me no generic answer. It's me and you right now, honey. Tell me, what is it that makes you average? You know, if you— maybe if you send me a request, I might bring you on with me because I want to know. I want to know what you think makes you as a man average. Come on, Willie, you, you got Miss Mason. Everybody don't get Miss Mason's attention, but you got my attention with that question, with that statement. We have to secure our back. Often financially secure men are stingy. No, you have to secure your femininity because financially secure men give you— give feminine women everything. How about that? Let me say that again. You have to secure your femininity because financially secure men will give a feminine woman everything. That's the backwardness that we have. Okay, well, hold on. What will he say? Where will he go? Come on, Willie, that— this— you got your own session with Miss Mason right now. I know that's right, Ryan. He said, ain't nothing average about me. That's what I'm talking about. Come on, come on, Willie. Y'all probably the bomb and don't dummy yourself down. Yes, a lot of men do that. Willie said earlier that he's not living in his full potential. All right, if you're not living in your full potential, Willie, why not? Because here's the thing, the wonderful thing is you've identified that you're not. So the question becomes, why aren't you disciplined enough to live up to your attention. I'm waiting, Willie. I give you a few more seconds. Your Academy daughters have started— have stayed together and are supporting each other to create a lovely— absolutely. Please do a live audience synopsis, brothers and sisters in the same building. Uh, would you say a symposium? I don't know, because I'm not really into the— to the I'm in all about solutions. Okay, Willie says, I'm working on myself right now. Okay, so what are you working on? So if you're working on yourself, why call yourself average? Because average people don't work on themselves. Average people stay the same. Okay, average people do not work on themselves, darling. Average people stay the same. So darling, are you really average? Let's see. Y'all stop telling that man what to do. Tell him he got to type faster. Stop telling him what to do. I got a little time. I got a little time today. Today. Come on, you got me, because I hear men say this all the time. That they're average. I want to know what that means. Um, there are some bomb things about me, but I'm still growing. Okay, so that doesn't make you average, that make you evolving. Y'all gotta watch your words, honey. And then here's the other question: you're average, really, in comparison to what? What are you comparing yourself that's keeping you thinking you're average? Because only way you say you're average is based upon comparison. So tell me about it, darling. Tell me about it. I'm just asking for the people on the live, or the over 1,300 people on this live. Okay, tell me some— what's the wonderful things about you, Willie? Willie said he want to do a split screen. Well, send me a request. Willie said that's a great question. See, that's a— yeah, I mean, you're more than welcome to come on live with me, honey. I don't do this often. He asked, how do you split screen? Um, wait a minute, let me see, let me see. Can do— I don't know how to do— I've never done it on here. Wait a minute, wait a minute, let me find his name again and see if I can hit the— hit that button. Um, where'd he go? Okay, hold on, let's see. Um, okay, hold on, Bully. I think it says I'm adding you. See, let me see. Look, I took my glasses off and said, let me see. Hit I like. Okay, let's see. It says adding. We're not so tech savvy, I don't think. See, stop, stop, stop, stop all the extras. For him, he should be green request button. Okay, hold on, let me see. No, I got other people in here, but I did send it. It says adding, but I don't know. It says you have to hit the green person figure with the picture, cuz I— it says adding, but Okay, let me see. Did he send me a request again? Let's see. Did you— it still says, um, it still says, um, yeah, it won't let me do it. It says adding. Nothing happened. Okay, hold on, let me try it again. He said nothing happened. Okay, now I click Willie's name. It says bring Willie Mays on camera. You set the audience to public, anyone can see. Okay, hit the button. I hit the button and it says adding. See if you see something that, um, green or something. The people say it's green. Let's see. Oh, somebody said, oh my, Willie is handsome. Girl, let me see, let me, let me see you handsome. If you handsome, Willie— Willie has to accept the request. Okay, so you accept the request. He said nothing happened. Hold on, ask Willie Mace to join. Okay, add. Now I just ask you again, Let me see if it comes up. Can we set a time, Miss Mason, for another— nope, because y'all know I done retired. This is— I'm, I'm in, I'm in my own love legacy phase, okay? So I don't have time to be going live all the time, but I will drop in on y'all when I have something to say, okay? Sister Addie, I don't know why— every— you will need to accept his request. I don't have a request. I, I requested him. Uh, she said when April add people live, it's all— it's a legendary. I remember the last— yes, the last live with the other young man was, was amazing. Okay, so what I'm gonna do, Willie, what you do— this is what I want you to do. I'm going to stop the— I'm not going to request you again, but I want you to send me a request. I don't think he's scared. I think he's— see, this is what I'm saying. And y'all wonder why people don't want to fool with y'all. Look at all of the stuff that y'all saying. Why would somebody want to come live and, oh, he's scared, he poking, he this, he that? See, all that BS that I'll be talking about. Just be quiet and let's see if Willie can come on, because I got other requests in here and it shows that he's on. Okay. I see Calvin in here. Okay, I just got 6 requests. Okay, there he is. It says guest request, add. Okay, I'm adding. So it's— I'm adding you now, Willie, because I saw your request, right? Emerald, tell them, Emerald, give the man a chance. Hell, we don't know. It might be Facebook, cuz it— he just sent me the request. I seen it and I click add, but it just says adding. Come on, come on, cuz I'd love to chitchat with you, but it's not doing it. Okay, let me see, let me see if somebody— if, if some— if somebody else can come on, then that means it's— wait, hold on. Okay, Chad, it's your shot. Let's see if this works. Yes, it can be. Yes, Meta is problematic. Oh, this would have been great to have you on, Willie. It keep— all I see is it says adding. Okay, see, it says Facebook connection failed. That's what it says. So it's not our issue, it's their issue, cuz I just tried to add someone else and it said connection fail. Mm, yeah, it says connection fail, but it says that we have— I'm sorry, y'all, I thought we was going to get a chance to chitchat. Oh yeah, up— okay, somebody said your Facebook may need to be updated. Let's try Chris. Is that my Chris friend, Chris David? Couldn't add. Guess this person was unable to join because of technical issues. Okay, so that means this is, this is not a, um, Facebook issue. I mean, this is not an us issue, this is a Facebook issue. And I've been— I don't know what I did, but, um, okay, hold on, uh Let's try Ricardo. Come on in here. But I came on Instagram. I don't know, I was— for whatever reason, they're having some technical problems over there, so I can't go live over there either. So I'm sorry, but— oh, wait a minute! Ricardo, how are you, darling? Are you gonna talk to me?

How you doing?

Good. What now? What you over here talking about, baby? And you the one that said it being with a random is better than being with these women out here. What kind of women are you choosing, Ricardo?

Oh, the delay.

Yeah, baby, I'm talking to you, honey. I'm all up in your face right now.

Hold on.

Yes, sit on up to the camera. Are you working or are you in the garage?

No, no, no, I'm in a, um, no, I'm, I'm off at the moment.

You know who I'm off today? Okay, so what kind of women are you choosing? What, what have— what is your bit? What's been your experience? Because you said you'd rather die with a random than these women out here, so that means you've been dealing with some, some type of woman.

Yeah.

What's the, what's the problem?

Um It's been— I used my last relationship, which was, um, we broke up a little while ago. Um, my honest, you know, I've been 85 to 90% of why it didn't happen, why it didn't work out, my fault. It was your fault? Me, 100%.

Okay.

Um, I'm gonna be honest with you, um, fight off 10 to 15% that was her fault.

Okay.

Um, you know, I need one— I needed to improve my health, some health things that, and I've gotten that I fixed, that I proved. Um, I had no intelligence. I couldn't communicate. Um, what else? I had to learn some maturity. If she would say something I didn't like, I had attacked. Okay, I mean, obviously not— obviously not physically, but you know, like, you know, verbally.

Now hold on, let me, let me, let me— I gotta say something because I'm reading some of these comments now. You know, y'all know how I get out. See, this is the shit that I'm talking about, ladies. He's expressing himself. Come on, spit it out, spit it out. See, this is why y'all get left, because you don't understand how to sit your ass back and just listen. Just listen. Men are not communicators. They ain't born like we are. If y'all want me to give y'all a book to read, read this book: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. That's the only book recommendation that I'm gonna give you. And it talks about how the spaghetti is like, it's all connected. We can do everything all connected. And waffles have these little squares. Each compartment is where a man is. We touching all the time, he ain't. So when he say— you say, wait, what you think about? And he say nothing, he really ain't probably thinking about nothing. So I'll give y'all that book. So sit back and let the man say what he got to say. Once again, do you understand how men are wired? This is what I'm talking about. And y'all wonder why don't nobody want y'all goofy asses. Sit back. Go ahead, Ricardo, and finish telling me your story.

Thank you.

You're welcome. So you're saying that 85% of it was your fault and the other 15% was her fault. So what do you think that you needed to change, or did you change those things?

I'm working on changing them right now, like right now in real time.

Now what does that look like?

Um, forget a mess. I'm a cigar lover.

You're a who lover?

A cigar lover.

Okay, okay, okay.

I like to smoke my cigar, drink some chamomile tea.

Okay.

And I literally will reflect on conversation, past things, me and her. What could I have said or done differently?

Okay. Do you still love her?

No.

Okay, so you're preparing yourself for the next one?

Yes.

Okay, so what kind of woman does Ricardo believe that he needs on a core level?

Now, problem, um, I like with the live comments, but I saw something briefly. Somebody—

okay, you was breaking up just a little bit.

Just a little. Hold on, just a little better.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a little better. Let me keep talking. Okay.

Um, I saw somebody— I heard somebody say, oh, he's hurt. It looks like he's hurt.

Well, it don't matter. And if he— and if he is, so what? Y'all hurt too. So what? That's the thing we don't understand. Men have feelings. The fact that he was able to say— so, but see, this is what you did. You said, I'd rather be with a random than be with a woman out here. But as I'm conversing with you, you're letting us know that it was 85% your fault. So technically, you would really, really want to be with somebody that wants to be with you and accept you and understands you and hears and sees you.

Yes.

Okay. Okay.

But, you know, uh, let me, um, to my two biggest love languages, physical touch, most men, and words of affirmation.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Unfortunately, because of my past, I don't have words of affirmation no longer.

Okay, say that one more time. You breaking up a little bit more. I'm sorry, are you in the country, Ricardo?

No, I'm outside of DC.

Oh, okay, so you ain't in the country. Okay.

No, I'm right off—

are you on a Metro PCS phone? Now let me stop, let me stop. I'm just messing with you. But what was the last thing that you said?

Oh no, with one of my, um, love languages. Okay, I don't affirm myself. I don't— I mean, I'm sorry, excuse me, that's not one of my love languages anymore. I affirm myself. And that's a good thing. But, um, I remember wanting that. Okay, I felt alone. I remember, I remember a situation where I told her, I feel really alone, I feel really messed up, I've really gotten beat up before. And her only response was to crack jokes. You're doing good, honey, you're doing good. No, she's saying it like sarcastically. Great job, honey. Great job. No, she was saying, how did that make you feel? I feel bad about it now. Remember I told you about the cigars and reflecting? Looking back now, I'm like, what kind of person does that? At the time, I laughed, you know. I don't want to say the Will Smith Jada thing, you know, what everybody laughed and then thought about It was—

how can you say—

she cracked the joke, I laughed, and I thought, you know, she would crack that joke all the time. You're doing good, honey. But she was— she was being sarcastic, cracking jokes.

Yeah.

And now, like, if your significant other tells you that he's, you know, he's feeling beat up and feeling alone, he's being serious. And I was being desperate.

Yeah. Why would you crack a joke?

Like, kind of crack a joke like that?

Maybe she didn't even know how to respond. I mean, yes, that's nothing that you should crack a joke about. Because people don't understand. See, people sometimes what they do, they look at what bothers you and weigh it against if that thing bothers them. Just because it don't bother you don't mean it don't bother me, period. You can't tell me how I should feel about what you said or what you did. Well, if it were me, I— but it ain't. So it's me. But what I love that you said was that you have identified the part that you played. So she's no longer— you know, at this point, she's only the lesson. She can be used as the lesson on where you may have went wrong, what made you choose her in the first place, was there red flags before you fully— you know, you chose her and before you fully, you know, gave her all of you. And if there were some, why you didn't just keep pushing. So at this point, she's seen the lesson. And she's prepared— she's prepared you for a different woman. But the only reason why this is happening is because of what you're doing. You said you sit there and you reflect and seeing how you can be better. If you were not be doing that, we would not be having this conversation. Because people just like to point fingers of who doing what, but they're not taking accountability and responsibility for what they're doing. I commend you on that for doing that. So next time, so, so when do you think you're gonna be ready for, for somebody?

What is this, uh, May?

Yeah, probably.

I'm kind of on my, um, I'm kind of on my Batman, sitting in the Batcave, working on me.

Okay, well, you do know you don't have to be whole and healed before somebody come into your life. You just only got to be on the road because here's the deal We won't know if what we're doing is working until we actually get involved with somebody. So we can be doing all of the self-help, reading all of the books, going to all of the conferences, all we want to. And I'm sitting here in my bat cave, darling, and I am getting myself together until somebody comes in and puts you in a position to utilize what you learned. OK. Okay, Willie said I see the green button. So I appreciate you for coming on. We're gonna bring Willie on because I want to know what average means. You know, what is an average man? I don't know what that is, honey. But thank you so much, Ricardo, for coming on. Yeah, you're welcome, darling. You got this. Okay, you say you see the green thing? Let's see, let's see where Willie at. Okay, Willie, where are you, darling? Okay, did you send me a request? Because I don't see it. Because I want to know what this average man is, honey, because I don't know what that is. I don't see you, Willie. Oh wait, I see you now. It says add. Okay, it says adding. Let's see. Oh, wait a minute, do we got— hello darling, how are you darling?

How you doing?

I'm good. Now tell me what this average man is. What is that?

Um, damn. Um, hold on, I'm a little nervous right now. It's okay, it's just me and you.

Take— turn— you can turn your comments off, slide your screen, and it's just me and you.

It's all good. Um, no, because, you know, yeah, I'm from Philly, so like Um, I live close to my job or whatever, so I don't really like drive or nothing, but I do like work out every day and I eat right and all that stuff. I'm an athlete. Uh, I'm, I'm all right. Let me get to the point real quick. Like, okay, I, I, um, like my girlfriend right now— don't get mad, okay?

I'm listening, I ain't here to judge, I'm listening.

My girlfriend right now, she like, you know, Caucasian or whatever. And but she making me— she make me happy though, you know what I'm saying? So but like, but you know, Caucasian, that's, that's my something different though. So like, I was like, man, let me try, because you know, me dating a Black woman, it was always like tough. It was always like too hard. It was always like, uh, um, the man— like, I always felt overpowered.

Okay, did you have an overpowering mother? I'm listening, I'm sorry. Did you have an overpowering mother?

Yes, yes, to the point, to the point where I was like scared to cuss in front of her. But, um, then the older I got, um, I've seen people doing things in front of her that she would never let me do. And that was just— and I just used to look at that like, I'm like, damn, you going to let them do that, but you— like, who you love? Like, who do you love? Do you love me? But—

Do you think she was hard on you because she saw something in you?

She saw my dad in me. She didn't see me in me.

Mm.

You know, she was abused by my dad when I was young or whatever. But like, so she kind of like treated me like I was him.

Okay.

So, so then I grew up not wanting a woman that looked like her. Okay. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, man, I can't date you, you like my mom. Like, you remind me of all this, you remind me of trauma.

Yes.

You know what I'm saying? So, but like, it's— but I can't talk to my mom about that stuff because she would yell at me or something, or like hang up the phone, or like probably try to smack me or something. I don't know, like, so it was like hard to open up to my mom as I got older. So like now, you know, we, we had a distance. Like, we, we had a distance, and it's hard for me to say— it's hard for me to tell her like I love her like first and stuff. And then when I do, it's not like genuine because I still got stuff that I went through a period where I resented, where I went through resentment, um, and I just was like, man, I ain't had no mentors all like that. I had no pop, you know what I mean? I, it was my dad wasn't even in my life for so long that, um, I didn't even know what he looked like at one point. Like, I forgot what he looked like, you know what I'm saying? So But now I'm like, you know, repairing myself at this point. But like, um, I mean, that's— I mean, that's just where I'm at. I'm dating a white girl because it feels— that's where my peace is. Like, that's where the peace is. Like, that's what—

that's all.

I mean, I don't even know how else to explain that.

No, I get it. I, I understand because I remember having a client. She might be even on here because she's always on my live. I had a client, and when I was in one of my— I was on a tour, and her issue was she hated Black men because of the same reason why you didn't like Black women, because of her father and her brothers and her trauma. We worked through that. Now she loved Black men, but I understand where it came from. And I, I'm glad that you were able to identify, uh, that. And on top of that, sometimes, Willie, We have to just accept people for who they are and understand you may never get the result that you want. You may never understand the why. And you know what, if you— if she do ask her, well, why did you do this? It may not be an answer that you actually would like, right? So you have to be okay with, you know what, at the end of the day, that's my mama. I got it. I've learned how to, uh, accept her for who she is and what starts to happen. Do you have any other, um, mother figures in your life?

Uh, I had one, but then we fell out because she, you know, it was kind of like fake the whole time because, you know, I mean, but which is understandable. I'm not her son, you know, but like, um, I always found myself looking looking for like a mentor my whole life. Okay. But then, I mean, I'm 36 now, so like, I'm now— I'm like, you know, I've just started to take account— I mean, take responsibility for what I want. I never, you know, demanded what I wanted in my life because I felt like I didn't deserve what I wanted. Like, I've always been shot down for what I wanted. I've always been like Well, what do you want? I don't even know. Like, I never even— like, I never even thought— I never thought about that because I never felt worthy enough to even—

to even have the thought of what you've been—

thought of what I want.

Yeah.

So, so I guess I grew— I grew up a pleaser because I'm like, what you want? What you want? Don't worry about what you want, I'll do it. That's, that's me. That's me. I'll do it. You feel me? Um, and I never went after the woman I wanted. Either. I've always, I've always let a woman come after me, and depending on if I like her or not, I'm like, all right, yes, all right, I'm like, okay. But I never— but I've always seen like, like a woman like you, I would want to go after you. A woman like you, I would want to go after, but I would just never do it.

Okay, so, okay, all right, that's perfect. Let's— okay, so what would make you think that you could not approach me? Because I'm pretty approachable. Pretty friendly. So what is it within you that would make you look at me and say, I like that, but nah, I ain't ready for that?

Yeah, I feel like I would get shot down.

Like, why?

I would get— I feel like I would get shot down. I feel like the thoughts will come up in my head, oh, she don't like a light-skinned dude, like she don't like— she don't like a funny motherfucker, like she want money, she want— she want— she want like I don't know. Well, this is my first time meeting you, so I don't really know you like that.

So, but I know, I get it, I get it.

I'm not saying, yeah, I'm not saying like, you know, you like money and all that shit, like, you know, but, um, but here's the thing, I've heard that before.

And so, and I, um, I want— what I want you to do is I want you to stop self-sabotaging yourself. Because what happens is, especially a lot— there's a lot of men who are in the same position as you. I get men that look at me all day, every day, whether it's if I'm walking down the street, when I'm driving, whatever. It's like, nah, sister, like, you ain't go for a brother like me. I said, how do you know that? I said, I said, the funny thing is what makes me not go for somebody like you is only because you don't think you're good enough.

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. I don't think I'm good enough for like a top-notch Black woman.

Okay, so, so, okay, I love this conversation. So what's your definition of a top-notch Black woman?

Damn, I knew that shit was coming.

All right, you got to understand, if you come on, hey, we're basically gonna ask you the questions, honey. We're gonna I have to ask these questions.

Yeah, I knew that was coming. All right, top-notch Black woman, um, educated, you know, just mad beautiful, um, focus on herself. She always in the gym, she always eating right. You always could catch her at like a fancy restaurant or something like that. She got them— she got money, like she ain't even gotta— she ain't worried about you bringing the money and all that stuff. Um, I just don't think like I would match you know, her swag, because I'm not, you know, I don't got that top-notch money. And now, you know, I'm not like— I don't know, like, um, the girl I'm with now is head over heels for me, you know.

But, but she, but she accepts you at the bare minimum, and you don't. And see, well, you know what gonna happen? Will you become a shiny quarter like you want to become that shiny quarter? You're gonna leave her to go get what you really want.

No, no, because no, that's the thing, because, uh, no, I'm not gonna do that because you don't think so. No, I appreciate it. No, no, listen, no, I get what you're saying, I get what you're saying.

Okay, I'm listening.

Because I appreciate, because I appreciate, you know, her wanting me at this, at this point. Because if I become that shiny quarter, then I'm like, well, you deserved it because you've been there since I was, since I was down.

Okay, let me ask you this question. Would you have chose her if you were already that shiny quarter?

Probably so.

Uh, they said probably.

Yeah, because— okay, all right, all right, let's be real. Maybe, I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe because, maybe because, um, I will have more options, you know, there will be more options, and then I would, you know, be like, all right, well, who Who should I go after? And then the first person I would go after is the ideal look that I, that I want. The ideal look. And then that, then I would get to know her inside. But I don't like a woman, I don't like a woman that's like, I don't like a woman that's just too like too into herself too. You're gonna have to do this, like, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but like I work, I, I work with men all the time.

I, I, I hear what you're saying on a regular basis. So I— you don't have to break it down. Trust me, I understand what you're saying. What I want you to work on is your self-confidence. OK. That's what I want you to work on. I want you to program your phone. Because if we got these $1,000 phones and they ain't helping us get better, then we need to do something else. I want you to program your phone to go off 4 to 7 times a day with an affirmation that's affirming what you want to be. So sounds like you need confidence. So I need something on your phone that says, I am the most confident man and living my best life now. Everything that you feel like you're not, I want you to program your phone for it to go off. And then if you want to take it a step further, honey, there's an app called— hold on, my ladies in the comment section that has been in my, my, um, groups, y'all know what it is. I think it's It's, uh, hold on because I have it on my phone. It's called Think Up. Download the app. And when you download this app, what I want you to do is write out everything that you want to become. That's what I want you to write out. I don't want you to have any limitations. I want you to get so far in your imaginations and see yourself as the man that you want. Then I want you to go to this app. I need to get a sponsor for this app. I want you to go to this app, and I want you to record yourself saying these affirmations. So for instance— hold on, let me see if I have— I haven't used it in a while. But when I found out— let's go to the health one. I have one. Hold on, let me see if I can play it, a little bit of it. I think I have some health ones in here that I recorded. And it was just to remind me of what I need to be saying to make sure that my health is on point. So I just recorded in my voice so I could hear me. This one is called Think Up app. And you record it in your voice. And they got some pretty music that you can play on the side. And there you have it, all the affirmations I said. Oh wait, this is how you do it. Health. Let's see what I have for health. I'm willing to release the patterns within me that has created this condition. Think. Listen. I have something special to offer the world. Can you hear that? Okay, this is what I want you to do.

It's an app called Think Up, right?

I release all negativity because it is not who I am. I make way for love because that's who I really am. Okay, so I recorded it in my own voice so that I could hear it. So it's, it's me, it's not somebody else, it's me. So every area that you feel like you're having a problem with that makes you feel average, I want you to download that app and I want you to write out what it is that you want to become. And I want you to listen to it regularly, in addition to programming your phone to remind you throughout the day to check in with your thoughts. And I think that's what we don't do. We just float. We don't check in with our thoughts. Whatever thoughts come, we just accept them, right? And based upon how we view ourselves is what's going to cause us to project that out into the world. So You programming your phone is nothing more than a check-in during the day while you're at work. Oh, wait a minute. What am I thinking? And it causes you to have to tune in with yourself. And then just say the affirmations on the app. Boom. And listen to them while you go to sleep with your headphones on. And you'll start becoming that man. OK. And then you'll start to see the shift. Because as parents, we do do— I have sons, so I understand how we can be. As women and how we— when we don't know how to communicate with you all. You know, my youngest son, he's like, mama, why you always— and I started to get it. OK, he learns differently. I have to give it to him this way. And it might be a little bit more frustrating for me. And I have to give him more patience. It's like, because I'm a solutions-based. I say it a couple of times. I need you to get it. He doesn't function that way. So I had to learn. Better way to give it to them. My 26-year-old is finally getting it. We got our— we've repaired our relationship. But as a mother, it's up to us to make sure that we are doing our part to not be the toxic example that our sons are getting. Because they're going to go out into the world and either go get exactly like you or go get the complete opposite of you, not realizing the opposite really, really is not what they wanted. Somebody said better than ThinkUp app is the Bible. You know what, Peter, get on out of here with that. Just because there's the— there's more, there's more to it than the Bible. Y'all be killing me with y'all religious stuff. Like, there's more to it, you know, than the Bible, you know. There's wisdom everywhere.

I don't want to get into that Bible stuff.

Oh, me either, so we're not going to.

Yeah, um.

So, but I appreciate you for being vulnerable and coming on with me today because I just needed to know what average meant. Because average, when people— a person calls themselves average is because they're weighing themselves up against something that they deem is bigger, above average.

When you hear, you know, when you hear all these Black women, they'd be wanting— they'd be wanting a man to have everything, right? They'd be wanting a man have all like all this unrealistic stuff, man. But not a lot of us got all that, you know what I'm saying?

Like, but you know what that really is though, Willie? So here's the deal. When it sounds, it sounds crazy, but women, a lot of times when they saying what they want, they haven't dug deep enough to talk about what that means. Like, for instance, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. I said, you know, I love a man with power, but I had to identify what power actually meant to me. So a lot of women will say, I want a man making six figures. Is it the six figures that you want, or is it security that you want? Even if he's making $80,000 a year, what women more are looking for is stability. How are you taking care of yourself? You know, would you be— he be able to take care of a family? Does he have the potential to earn more, you know, as we build our unit? That's really what they're saying. But a lot of times women don't say it properly because— so it makes it look like it's cut and dry. But normally when a woman— because you got to look at the average, the average, um, income that people are making. When a woman is saying, I want a man with six figures, all I hear is, I need— I'm looking for somebody that can protect me because— and provide for, for the family. Because if he was making $75,000 a year, $60,000 a year, it was an amazing man, and he showed that how he can be self-sufficient with what he's making, how he's responsible for what he's making, guess who ain't gonna leave him? Not that woman, especially if he's everything that she's asked for. In a man. So we have to watch how we are conveying what it is that we say we want.

I ain't gonna lie, I was intimidated coming on this show.

Really?

Because I didn't think you'd be this nice. I thought you would be a little more like harsh.

Oh no, I can— I'm from Oakland, I can be about that life if I need to, but that's not the default. That's not the default. Like, and I get that. And that's— it's so funny. You know, when I was out there dating, the biggest challenge that I had was because I am considered a— because I am considered a great— I mean, she's my friend, said that's a great line. Because I'm considered a successful Black woman and because I am not the stereotypical of how what they deem success is or how she would act, it stumps men a lot. It's like, wait a minute. They waiting like, wait a minute. You know, how is she like me? I don't— I may not make as much as she does. Or I don't— I get— I would get that all the time. So I've learned how to still walk in my power, walk in my light, because I can't dim my light for someone else. But I also have an understanding of why men can feel that way. Because normally, women in a— especially, you know, a lot of us in successful positions and have acquired some things, there can be a little bitchiness about it. So I'm, I'm, I'm not going to dim my light, but I'm not going to act like I don't know what men are talking about either.

Um, if I, um, like, I look at you and feel like if I approached you, you would— the first thing you would do is look at me like I'm small, like you look me up and down. Yeah, I'm like, well, okay, so all right, so what would your approach be?

What would your approach be?

It depends on the situation.

Okay, so if I was at the— okay, so this would make it— I'll make it easy for you. So if I was at the gym because I'm trying to, I'm trying to lose some more weight, and I was at the gym and I was struggling with the barbell, and you saw me struggling and you looked at me like, okay, but she fine though, let me— maybe I should help her. What would you say?

Oh, I'm diving over there to help you with that, John. Like, I'm about to I'm running over there to help you with that. We need a spot real quick.

What's the spot? All I know is this is heavy. What am I supposed to do next?

So what's a spot?

Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have knew— I wouldn't have known what that is.

Oh, you— oh, you don't know what a spot is? Oh, let me help you with that.

Do I need a spot? And I would have been like, child, what does that mean? Just help sister out and get this— and get this barbell up, right?

So I would just, I would just help. I would just like, well, I just need to help you with this because I see you struggling over here. Are you injured? I would like, I would ask questions like, about, are you, are you okay? Like, are you feeling good?

I'll be like, no, I'm not okay. Can you help me? Can you show me how I'm supposed to be doing this? Because apparently I'm not doing something right and you look like—

well, I'm very good at, I'm very good at mechanics with working out, so like I could help you with um, with some mechanics on how to lift and, and what you need to be doing. Like, if it's too heavy for you and you— if you try and tone up, I would tell you go lighter.

But okay, okay, stop right there. Now see, I can see— okay, hold on, stop right there. See, that was your point. That was your time to flirt with me. I see. I'm not really interested in the mechanics. I'm, I'm excited for the fact that you came over. Okay, so now that I came over and you— I allowed you to help me, you can shoot your side at any given moment. Because why? You showed me that you are a protector. You should show me you know how to solve problems.

I'm more of— you're right, I can't, I can't do it that way. I'm more of in the moment. So if we was actually doing it, I would be better. I would be better at it because I am good at breaking the ice. I am. Okay, um, okay. But as far as like— I'm all right, I'm good at dating. I got a one-night stand all night, everything. But as far as relationships and as far as like the security part, that's where I get nervous at. Like, I'm just good at like— I'm a good time, you know what I'm saying? OK. Like, I'm a good time. I'll make you laugh all day. We could go out and do stuff. But when we start talking about like longevity, I'm like, damn. I don't know if I can hold that.

Yeah, you know what's funny? Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Yeah, like I'm saying, I don't know if I'm man enough to like hold up a family and shit like that, like stuff like that, like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't even have a family, I ain't got no kids, like, so— and that's another thing, like, I don't got no kids because I never felt ready. Okay, I have kids, like, I never felt ready to have kids, I never felt ready for marriage because I just never found I never— I don't know, I just never— well, you know, anybody genuine enough.

A lot of my male clients, um, they all— they— I would say about 95% of them have shared with me that, Miss April, listen, I know how to wine and dine. They know how to— they say they perfected their sex game, right? They know how to, you know, woo you and all of that stuff, but they don't know how to actually be in a—

hold that.

Yeah. Yes, they all share that.

Yes, like, oh yeah, like I will look good as shit, like I will take you out, all that, like, but when it comes to the family side, I'm like lost.

Yeah, because that's, that's the thing, that's what men have been taught. Men have been taught to be suave. You've been taught to be the exterior. Yeah, you weren't taught to be able— like a friend of mine, Mike, he said men knows how to And Mike, if you're on here, I'm about to use your example. Mike said—

somebody I know just joined and I'm nervous now.

All right, go ahead. Okay, Mike, this is what Mike said.

He said, my phone either— so no, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Mike said, uh, he told me this about 10 or 12 years ago. He said, April, here's the thing with men. Men know— men are like a puzzle. They know how to put the puzzle together, but they don't know how to shellac it and put it on the wall.

Okay.

And that's the part that I'm talking about when my male clients— I don't care how successful these men are, I don't care how many millions they have, and whatever they doing don't matter. They don't know how to actually be in the relationship. So they know the woo stage, they know how to, you know, hey girl, what's your name, what's your sign, you know, how you doing, can I buy you a drink, shorty, you know, hey beautiful. They know how to do that, right? They know how to take her out, smell good, you know, you know, go on a date, all of this stuff. The stuff that hook us, but they don't know how to seal the deal. And the reason for that is because men have been taught to do the surface stuff, and that's all they needed to have. And that's not correct. That's not correct. We want the other part. We're like, OK, well, oh, shoot. If you coming like this, what else he got over there? And all of a sudden, when it get too close, it get a little too steamy, y'all pull back. Yeah, because you don't know what to do.

Yeah, it was like, we was like, damn, I don't even know. I don't know what to do about this part. Like, I don't know. Like, she want kids. I'm like, oh, I don't know, man. I like, I just don't be knowing that part. Like, I'm 36 and still ain't got no kids. I don't know if I'ma ever know.

Oh, well, you know what, your other homework assignment, because people, since you're new to me, my folks know I give homework. So, um, your other homework assignment is I want you— what— no, what kind of work do you do?

I work in the hospital. I'm a medical, medical assistant.

Okay, so what I want you to do is in your community, your jobs, your barbershop, whatever it is that you do, I want you to set out to get a happily married man as a mentor. Okay, because someone like that will be able to pour into you like I have them, like I have like these 8 ladies at the country club that I'm a part of, and they're between 69 and 84. That gets me all the way together. And so I have my other spiritual mom who's in her 50s. She— you know, they keep me in alignment. And all of the ladies older than me— another one, she's a YouTuber. Her name is Sabrina Samuels. She's amazing. She's in her 60s now. She thinks she's in her late 60s. And she's, hello, darling. This is Sabrina Samuels, very popular YouTuber. She's my personal mentor. I go to her house, I'm like, Miss Sabrina, this is what I need, right? Because I didn't have— my person passed away, which was my grandmother, but I still yearn for that maternal connection. Okay, so you need to have— find a married couple that you can respect and that can show you what it means to be married, what it means to be, uh, that the type of man that you want. That's what I did. I found people people, once I got into the mindset of this is what I want to become, I start being drawn to people that were in alignment with exactly what it is that I need. And I started building relationships with them. I would say, uh, maybe, maybe 2% of my friends are single. I don't have a lot of single friends, uh, male or female. So I said— I made it a point, if this is what I want I need people around me that can guide me into this next phase of my life. So I would say get a mentor. Find somebody on the job that you may have never paid attention to, or just ask, how long have you been married? And then offer to take somebody that you meet to lunch. I would love— I really, eventually, I want to be married, but I don't think I could do this because I don't have any— I never had any guidance. You know, maybe we can go out, you know, to lunch one day and just get you somebody that's in that process. I mean, I have gone through that process because most men are terrified. From my experience of coaching them, they are terrified when it comes to, oh my God, am I going to be a good father? Am I going to be a good husband? And you know, I'm taking on a whole responsibility of a couple of human beings. This ain't just me no more. I'm responsible for a woman and a baby. And if we have a couple babies, How can I be responsible, you know, for that? You need to see that. So the Think Up app is your homework. Create your affirmations and find mentors, even if it might be at your barbershop. You never know.

How often do you do these?

I don't. This— but funny thing is, I retired, Willie, and from the whole dating thing, but y'all won't let me retire in peace. I retired about 2 weeks ago. I've been I've been a dating coach since 2009, and I retired. I started a matchmaking company in 2012, and I've sold that. I'm a wedding officiant, so I can marry people. I've been a wedding officiant since 2009. So the love space for me, it's who I am and what I've been called to do. It was not just a, oh, I'm good at this. No, I love everything to do with people connecting, with people actually understanding that our needs really aren't too different. Men's needs aren't really too different from women's needs. Because we all want to be seen, heard, respected, and loved, and appreciated. And all the other stuff are added bonuses. And treated kindly. So for me, I haven't been going live a lot on Facebook because I had to work on my— I was so helping everybody else get married. I was like, oh, child, let me go ahead and do— I gots to get married. I got to settle. It's time for me to settle down. Because for the last 12-plus years, I've been helping everybody else. So I took a step back. And that's why I talked about earlier, what will your love legacy be? You know, and as we talked about Kevin Samuels, you know, it made us— it made me really think, are we really leaving love legacies? And so that's very important to me. And I believe that having a mentor is so important. Like, I don't even— wouldn't even deal with men that don't have a mentor because that means everything is coming from him. There's nobody to challenge what he's what he's thinking, what he's feeling, or to even give him even some more wisdom. So I look— I know that's one of the things I look for. So who, who you hang out with? I look for a man's circle. What does his circle look like? It's very important to me because that tells me where he's getting his information from. And if he's hanging out with a bunch of men that are anti-women and got all of these issues with women, he's not somebody that I would deal with because that tells me you're comfortable in this, right? So go get to the male mentors.

You're right, I do need some male mentors. I don't even be hanging with, um, a whole lot of people like that, like a whole lot of guys, because they, um, the guys that I, I guess grew up with and know, they, they be still on that, you know, they be still on that going out trying to get hoes type shit. And I'm just like, I ain't doing that, man. I ain't trying to do that. I'm trying to like I'm trying to be grown out here, like, um, so I'm like still learning because, you know, I'm getting older. Like, I just need a better circle. Like, I've been working on my circle. Like, I've, I've, I've, I have developed a better circle. Um, I have it, but very few married couples in that circle. Um, but I got all the toxic people out of my circle. Okay, that's, that's where I wanted to start, like, so because I'm trying to grow as a person. So yes, and I've been doing that for at least 5 years now, been growing. I've grown to a better person. I've been worse than this, um, my confidence has gotten better. I've been taking it, like she said, I've been taking accountability for a lot of stuff that I used to be. And I say, you know, I, I'm gonna just be better, you know. I want to be better, like, for, for people, for myself, um. And I don't want to turn back, and I don't want to do the stuff that I used to do and be who I used to be.

But you know what, stop. Hold on right there. Somebody said, I would say he needs to work on not cutting people off in the middle of conversation. See, that's basic ass women conversation. This is what I'm talking about. Y'all not paying attention. I'm giving you a whole play-by-play of how to talk to men, and y'all worried about the wrong stuff. That's why you're by your damn self. That's why. That's why I want to fool with you, because every— because you always got to find something. You always got to find something. And that's why I stopped coaching women, because all because of the bullshit right here. You, you, you so— you're so interested in looking at all of the little shit. That's why you sitting there by yourself and ain't nobody asking you out.

How about that?

How about looking at your life? How about you— you say what he need to learn. How about you need to learn how to be quiet and listen and watch and observe? How about that?

Do you feel like I did that to you?

No, I don't feel like that at all. I feel like we're having a dialogue.

Okay, that's what I was— that's— I thought this was a very mature conversation.

Yeah, but this is what I'm talking about. These be them, these old raggedy basic chicks. And they wonder why nobody want them. No, ain't nobody— these men out here, look at how you think. We're having a grown-up conversation. You want— you on the wrong page if you're looking for the drama. You need to go find somebody else. Everybody, the folks that are regulars around here, the 500,000+ people, followers on this page that are regulars, they know over here is solutions-based. We don't point fingers. We respect people whether we agree with them or whether we don't. You go to them other people channel for the BS because this is not what we do. We real zen over here. It's real zen and grown, you know, on this side.

I thank everybody for all the positive comments. It's very interesting seeing these comments. Um, this is very— make me want to do a channel.

Yeah, it's, it's real. It's positive over here. Yeah, we, we keep it real. We keep it real grown over here. For me, I think what it is, is I don't get caught up in the drama of the internet, right?

Right.

I have a job to do, and my job is to help people understand why they do what they do and how to make an identity switch and become the person that they will want to be that will get them the results that they want. Anything else, it don't matter to me. You know, anything— the YouTubers, none of that matters to me because at the end of the day, Longevity always wins. I've been here longer than any of them. And consistency always wins. And peace always wins. Knowing how to converse always wins. Using— you know, being able— what you say, you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. So at the end of the day, you know, it's all solutions-based over here. You won't find no arguing, you know, on this side. You know, my page is just like my house and my headquarters here in Atlanta. Everybody that go there, they're like, if we just want to go to sleep when we come over here, it's just so peaceful. Because I'm a peaceful individual, you know. So you will always know, you know, uh, when you enter into a room, or the vibe that you get from somebody, what they're carrying and how they're— and you could— once again, you will always know your follow— a person's followers. You will also know, always know the temperament of a leader by his or her followers. That must— that couldn't have been a follower of mine. That must have been a random, because my ladies know better than that. And the majority of the comments that I've seen that you're getting from, um, that are kind comments, those are women that have been following because I recognize quite a few of their names, because they know we don't do that other stuff over here. Go back to them other people page. We don't need y'all with the foolery.

And, and you have been very good with me personally. Personally, that's, that's how I feel personally. You have been very good with me in this conversation.

Yes, I'm— because I'm paying attention because I was curious. I'm like, wait a minute, he said he average. What does that look like? Because I hear men say that all the time. But I want y'all to stop fighting to be average. Average is a mindset. But I understand not feeling that you are good enough. I get it. Because back in the day, I would always attract the more high-profile men. I never thought I was good enough because growing up I didn't have the clothes. We were on welfare. I used to get teased a lot. But for whatever reason, the star of the basketball team, the football team, and all that, they would always like me. And I'm like, why do you like— do you not see me? Right? So that mindset played a part into my adult life, not realizing that, well, hell, why would they not like me? I'm a pretty cool chick. Bump day night, right? It took me a while to get there because I dealt with 12 years of molestation. I dealt with domestic violence. I dealt with 2 rapes. So all that plays on who you present to the world and how you see yourself. But yet I'm seeing myself in not a good enough way, but I'm watching the men that most women were like, oh my God, would die to be with, coming this way. And I'm like, don't come over here because I ain't You don't see that I'm not enough? You don't see that I'm on welfare? I didn't know. I don't have all of these degrees. And I don't have all of this stuff. And I don't— don't y'all see that I'm raggedy? They didn't care about that. So it wasn't until I had to heal myself of not feeling enough— hey, Avant— not feeling good enough that I started allowing myself to be pursued by what's considered, you know, higher caliber men. But for a long time, I would run because it was like, why does the most popular boy like me? Like, I'm raggedy. But that raggediness thought mindset of what I thought I was came from my past and how I grew up. And I would run from them all the time. Just like you say, I wouldn't approach a woman like you. They was approaching, and I was like— I was running, running, running because I'm like, uh, I ain't good enough for him, and he should— he probably gonna want I want the light-skinned long-haired girl and all of this I used to do. And they just kept coming and I kept running until I ended up running and marrying someone who mirrored what I was.

Okay. Yeah, I was the opposite. I was completely opposite in elementary. I was dirty and I was nobody. Ain't nobody want me. And that's, that's, that played a part in my confidence too, because these people, these people hold that against you. For the rest of your life. Like, oh, he was the dirty boy. He was—

it was—

he wasn't. I mean, so, you know, and that played a part in that. That's, that's what made me like leave my environment once I graduated high school too. So like, um, and then, and that helps too. That helps leaving your environment. You see other stuff, you see new people. People don't know your past and all that stuff. Um, and then you, you meet these new friends So I got more friends than enemies, like, from just always leaving the environment that you don't like. So I just wanted a better circle, you know what I mean?

Well, I think you're going to be fine. Listen at you talk. I think— I believe you're going to be fine. I just believe you need to work on your self-confidence and then accept your mother for what and who she is. And because— and understand that she gave you what she thought— what she was capable of giving you at that particular time, but that does not determine who you're going to be.

Okay, right.

Because you create— you create the life you want. And understand, you're gonna have every— any woman that you want as long as you qualify for her. What— meaning you first of all got to believe that you can have an amazing woman, period. That's first order of business. I had to get to the place where I knew I deserve an amazing woman. How did— I mean, amazing man. How did I do that? I wrote down all of the great qualities about myself. And as I was looking at this list, I said, well, I'm pretty dope. I'm pretty dope. And then I also wrote down the negative things about myself. But the wonderful things outweigh my bratty behavior that I can have sometimes, my stubbornness. Because my grandbaby is just— I will pout, and I will— why not? I will do that. I will act up sometimes. Not in a negative way, but in a pouty baby way, I will. So I wrote those lists, and I had to look at, wait a minute, you are a pretty dope woman. You have wife qualities. Why don't you think that you are capable of having an amazing husband? Why would you not think that? So I had to weigh that. So write out— we use some adjectives to describe who Willy is at his— at the core level. Who is Willy? Is Willy kind? Is Willy considerate? Is, uh, Willy attentive? You know, start writing all of this stuff down and you start to see just how dope you are. Okay, true that. You will— oh, here comes Chad. You sound like a masculine woman. Boy, go play in the dirt. Go play in the traffic. Go on ahead. See, that's the— that's them. They, they just They just thought they like roaches, you know. They're just like roaches. It's like, it, it's just— oh my goodness, just like roaches, honey. Just go. Hey, want some attention? Probably the attention he didn't get from his mama, so he's trying to get it over here. Bye, Chad. Goodness. See, they just can't help themselves.

I like the way you talk, Miss April. It's very good. I like the— I like the way you talk to me.

Oh, well, thank you. My thing is, I'm here to— I was here to listen. When you said— when you gave that comment, I wanted to hear exactly what that meant, because I hear men say, you know, women don't want an average guy, I'm an average guy. And I'm like, what does that look like? And based upon what you told me, I didn't hear anything about an average guy. All I heard was, I'm a man who went through some things with my mom that's caused me to be the man that I am today. However, as of today, I understand that I could choose to be something different. So the fact that you've already identified that— average people don't do that. I mean, average people stay where they at, right? You're not average because you're not trying to stay where you are. I just want you to understand that you are enough. And don't look at a woman and say, you know what, I can't have her. Look at yourself and say, what is it about me that feel like I can't have her? And if it's anything about a quality of life, you can ask yourself, wait a minute, so if I wanted something, a better car, I would go and upgrade my credit. So if I want a better type of woman, that woman has a standard. And the standard doesn't mean it's so high that Jesus can't reach it. It just means she has a standard set for her life about what she desires and how she wants to be treated. And at that point, you can say, you know what, that's the goal right there. So what kind of man do I need to become? And the reason why I coach with so many men is because I get to give them what a more higher quality woman looks for. It ain't just money. We're looking for spirituality, you know, what's your spirituality? And I'm not talking about church. We're looking for leadership. Can you lead? Because here's the secret: a feminine woman naturally submits to a man. Our bodies can't help it. Why? Because when you make us feel safe and comfortable, we just can be free. A lot of times when you don't have a woman being in her feminine, it's only because it's somewhere in her life She learned not to trust the masculine energy, the male. Something happened, so now she guards herself. But when you make a woman feel so comfortable and, uh, with your presence— because your presence speaks volumes. Your presence says protector. Your presence says provider. Your protector says, I got you. Your presence says, I got you. Your presence says, I'm a leader, right? When we feel all of these things, we just like, who's that? You know, the bags come up off of our shoulder, and that's what we want from our men. But we can't just give up and be these extremely feminine women when your presence is not making us feel comfortable or safe. Femininity thrives in safety. Okay, always will. So no matter what woman you're with, if you can make sure that she feels safe and protected by you she basically feels seen and heard by you, baby. There's nothing that that woman won't give you. You don't ever have to worry about a woman submitting. Men who worry about women submitting always have to remember they don't make a woman feel safe. If they keep entertaining women that won't just acquiesce, nah, you don't make a woman feel safe. Because once a man makes us feel safe, child, we'd be laid out. We'd be laid out somewhere because we don't have to protect ourselves anymore because we died, right? OK?

Got you.

So it was nice chatting with you. You got anything else you want to say before we get going?

No, I don't want to take up too much of your time. You know, I thought you spent enough time with me. I took up too much of your time.

I'm sorry. Stop, stop. You're worth spending time on.

Appreciate it.

Remember that. Don't apologize for somebody seeing you worthy as spending time on.

I appreciate that.

No, no apologies, you know. No, no, no pleasing, because you said you, you learned how to be a pleaser. Yeah. Okay. And so be okay. It's the same thing that I tell women when they apologize for everything, or they don't know how to just take a compliment. If somebody said, oh girl, I like that dress. Oh girl, I got it on sale. I didn't ask you that. Just say thank you. So don't apologize. For somebody actually giving you their time.

All right, thank you so much.

I look forward for an update from you.

Okay.

All right, I guess y'all gonna make me have to go live and do this more often. This was— I've actually enjoyed, um, enjoyed it. I just can't go live on Instagram right now. They put me on Instagram jail. I don't know why, because y'all know all I talk about is femininity and love over there, so I don't know what they got going on, but Have a wonderful evening. Go grab you something to eat and get on that app.

I just want to say thank you for all the positive comments from everybody. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. I appreciate y'all. I love y'all. And I love you too, Ms. April. Appreciate it.

All right, darling. Mwah. Have a good night.

All right. All right, y'all. Take care.

All right. All right. So y'all trying to make me come back. Y'all trying to make me come back, honey. Y'all trying to make me come back. I'm trying to do something over here. I'm trying to do something over here. Maybe I might do it, maybe I might be able to do it maybe once a week and just bring people on. I don't know, because I like doing this. I do it on Instagram sometimes, but, um, you know, I don't know. You see how peaceful that was? See how peaceful that was? So I love y'all. We've been on here— how long we been on here? Over— I know it's been over an hour. Come back with the men. Y'all want me to bring them in? I hoped that y'all learned something about how to communicate with a man. Okay, I hope throughout all of that that you learned How to communicate with a man. Now, you know, y'all know I get about that life about these males because I don't care about males. I'll say whatever to the males. But when you're having a conversation with a man, I hope y'all picked up on some key things because I like to show better than tell. Okay, okay, y'all said y'all, y'all said we learned. Yes, we did. Okay, good, good, good, good. Hold on, I'm trying to— I mean, these glasses. Come on back, you are needed. Lord have mercy. Come on back with the men, and I learned so much. Yeah, yeah, I like talking to the fellas. They, they end up being so easy to, to converse with, and they— when, when they're coming on, they're coming because they're ready to make changes, not to argue with you. You learned today, Karen. Hey, Commonly Tea. Willie, you have an amazing and pleasant energy. You have the type of vibe that is comforting and enjoyable. Yes, absolutely he does. He absolutely does. Okay, awesome, awesome. So gotta run, I got things to do. But once again, the whole— this video was all about what type of love legacy will you leave, you know. Yeah, y'all know every now and again I gotta get about that life with you because sometimes y'all don't understand. Some— a lot of people don't understand just being nice when I talk nice. So every now and again, you know, the Oakland that come out in me and Richmond will come out, California will come out. And sit that ass back, period. And it doesn't make me less feminine. It doesn't make me all hard to mask. No, it makes me a woman that knows how to be in the queen energy and in the princess energy. The queen energy will get you all the way together, while the princess energy is more, um, will ask for help. The queen energy is more, uh, I mean, excuse me, the princess energy is more will ask for help. She is more, uh, docile a little bit. She is more gentler in her delivery. But when it's time to pull out the queen, the queen will be about that life. The queen rules with an iron fist, okay? The queen makes things happen by any means necessary. But then she knows when it's okay. Well, I had to go for— I had to— I had to be in the queen for this moment, but now let's get back into what the default is. The default is the princess, but don't have me pull the queen out because the queen always, always checkmates. All right, love y'all. Bye.