Molestation and the Broken Heart....

Hey everybody, it's April Mason here, and I wanted to share with you something that's on my heart, heavy on my heart right now. I'm supposed to be out in the studio right now, but I said, you know what, hold on, I gotta take the time and show you guys my heart, give you my heart. Recently I had some discussions with some people that have been sexually abused. They're now prostitutes and they've gotten into pornography and became porn actors and actresses, and having a conversation with them made me think back over my life and realize how blessed I am. A lot of them have gone through so much. As we know, statistics tell us that 90% of those that are prostitutes, young and old, have been sexually violated. And as I listened to the stories that were just heart-wrenching, and I thought what I had gone through was a lot, the part that really got me, and when I began to get all teary-eyed, is the aftermath that the actions of others caused these ladies. It caused them to feel rejected, abandonment. They talked about how they couldn't have healthy relationships. Talked about how they felt like nobody wanted them, and the only thing that they felt like they had was their bodies to give because the people that claimed that they loved— that loved them were the ones that took from them. And as I started going over and over and over in my mind, I was like, wow. I'm blessed because I've experienced the exact same thing that they experienced. I experienced the rape and being raped by somebody that I was dating. I mean, y'all know I'm very transparent when I tell the story, but not only being raped by somebody that you're dating, but being raped by somebody that you're dating that didn't even care. That it was Mother Nature time. He wanted what he wanted. And that action made me feel so dirty and so unclean and so just bad about me. No matter what people would say, oh, you're gorgeous, or you're this or you're that, I couldn't see those things based upon the fact of what somebody else had done. To me. So as the ladies started talking, and you know, I'm trying to, you know, not get teary-eyed, I find myself replaying a lot of the memories and the things that I had gone through. And I started to share with them my story and how I got over. We have to understand as men and women as people. We talk about people having issues and about their problems, or they carry a lot of drama, or they have a lot of baggage, or they're afraid to allow anybody to let them in and allow anybody to get close to them. You have to understand, when someone has been violated in any way, shape, form, or fashion, not just molestation, we can talk about domestic violence because I've dealt with that as well too. We could talk about, um, just unforgiveness, period. Doesn't matter. When a person has been violated, especially in a sexually abused manner, the mentality is different. You don't think the same. Um, you think everybody is always trying to, to take from you. Or when you do allow yourself to let your guards down and your walls down You feel like if it doesn't work out, you feel abandoned and you feel, uh, left and rejected. So I kind of want to just give you what was on my heart on today, and I'm trying not to get all, uh, all teary-eyed, but it was a point in time in my life I wouldn't get teary-eyed, where I would not allow myself to feel. So with that said, Let's watch how we handle people. They might not come from the same background as us. We might not be able to understand, but open up your mind to say, well, it's a possibility that it can happen this way. This is why they act the way they do. Don't just throw it off to, oh, they crazy, they got baggage, she got drama, this and that. Don't throw it off as just that. Let's look deeper and beyond what they're doing. And I, and I don't know, God has dealt with me to a way where I don't always look at a person, what a person does. I look at the root cause of why they do what they do. And after talking to these ladies about the rejection and the abandonment and being feeling like they, they're left, my heart just, just felt like it was being ripped out of my chest because I understand those feelings. Okay, I'm trying not to get cryy. But I understand that. I understand how it feels to put your faith and trust in people and they let you down. And then you got this wall back up again. And then when you start letting it come down a little bit and you start letting people in just a little bit, you get disappointed again. And your mind is automatically programmed that somebody's gonna do you wrong. You're not by yourself. I've lived that life. I know how it feels to want somebody to care about you and treat you like you're this princess. And if your father wasn't there, or if your father was the one that did violate you, it kind of makes you feel as if, if this man did this to me, every other man will. Oh, don't allow yourself and the enemy to play mind games with you. For years, the enemy had played mind games with me, make— to make me feel like I, I wasn't good enough, I didn't deserve to be happy. The thoughts would always be Maybe it's just me. Maybe this was just meant for me to live this way. I never had positive thoughts. I would always think people were talking about me or people looked down upon me. It took some years to get over that type of thinking for me to understand that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm deserving of somebody not just, uh, to love me, but deserving to have people around me that care about me, opening up myself to be cared for. Because you have to understand, when you're violated in that manner, it's hard for you to open up and see people as not trying to get something from you. It's kind of like, okay, okay, what do you want? Well, I mean, what is it? And then when you find yourself letting the guard down just a little bit, that's when boom, everything hits the fan. Because it might not have worked out, or it might not have been what you expected. But even if that's the case, don't allow the enemy to play mind games with you, to make you believe, make you believe that you're not worthy enough. You're not good enough. Don't let the abandonment and rejection issues have you to the point where it had me, where I would cry myself to sleep. And as I was listening to these ladies, it was just a reflection of where I had come from. You put the happy face on during the day, and soon as the evening time comes, you're crying and you're feeling like, why me? Why does it feel, seem like nobody wants me? They want all of this. Why does it seem like they don't want me? So as I'm sitting here listening to these ladies saying the same things that I used to say, I had to say, you know what, God, I thank you for deliverance. I thank you for healing. And my tears were not tears of sorrow, they were tears of joy, because I knew that if he could bring me through it and I could be the woman that I am today, that he could bring them through it as well too. Don't allow the enemy to play mind games with you. He can only make suggestions, and it's up to you if you are going to receive the rejection that he's giving you— or the suggestion— suggestions, excuse me, that he's giving you. It's all about the mind. The enemy wants your mind. If you can think that you're not good enough you won't be. If you just think that all the people, all the men in your life that are going to come to you, nobody wants a real relationship with you. They only want what you can offer. That's all you're going to attract. If you feel like you're stupid and you're not beautiful, that's who you're going to be. So my words to you today is lift your head up and say, I got this. God says, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. And he also says that he mends the brokenhearted and he binds up their wounds. So today, even though my heart was heavy after this ordeal, like I said, working on my play, Broken But Not Bound: The Making of Me, it hits in January, and maybe I'm a little sensitive right now because it requires me to go through my past and really dig up emotion because I want to make sure you understand that there is deliverance if you've been sexually abused. Don't let the enemy think that you're not— make you feel like you're not good enough. If I can just get that to you, that you're not worthy of somebody loving you. I used to think that to the point every man that came my way, I would automatically sabotage it beforehand because I didn't want him to get too close. Because it was like I already knew I had abandonment issues, I had rejection issues. So I would never let anybody get too close. But when God delivered me from that and he showed me, he said, I will never leave you or forsake you. Don't worry about anybody else. Your test is your testimony. Allow God to mend your heart, put the broken pieces back together, and it's time for you to forgive and live. Oh, open yourself up. You never know what's out there. Yeah, we want to be cautious with our heart, but sometimes God will send somebody into your life that is sent to be the healing for those broken places, to restore your faith in humanity. So don't allow the enemy to make you feel less than. You are more than a conqueror. You are the head and not the tail. You are above and not beneath. And if I can get you to understand anything today, I want you to understand, don't let the enemy make— play mind games with you. I denounce the spirit of rejection, the spirit of abandonment, the spirit of the inferiority complex, the spirit of not being good enough. I send that back to the pit of hell right now from which it came, in the name of Jesus. God loves you, and he can mend your heart. He can put it all back together. You just gotta allow yourself to, to let him do it. It's all about a choice at the end of the day. It's all about the choice. I hope I said something today that will help you in your walk and in your life, because you got it. If you want it, you got it. It's yours. So I guess I better get back to work. I got people waiting on me, but I wanted to really share my heart with you today. Know that God loves you, I love you, and I'm constantly praying for you. I'm constantly praying for you, and I ask you to do the same for me, for the task that's ahead. And remember, you may be broken, But you ain't never bound. It's time to live life to the fullest. Bless you.