ReDesign Your Love Life and Health with Titus Unlimited

To the room. Let's see, I got a mansen with me this time. Why you smiling? You say you got a mansen?

I guess that would be me, right?

Yeah, that would be— no, it's, it's the Ghost of Christmas Past that's right here. Where y'all at? It's, it's Friday. Okay, they coming in the room. You know what would be nice? Cuz you know the reason why we didn't do this before? I had that other program called BlueJeans. Remember what I wanted to do and I told we could do the dual screen, right? We'll Since then, Facebook has the feature where I can just click on somebody's name and invite them, and then they do dual screening. I didn't know that, so that's what took it— took so long. But I had to get rid of the, the BlueJeans app cuz we need— hey lady, hold on, y'all know I got to put my glasses on, can't see. Hey Sharon and Miss Love, and it was somebody else. Hey Edna girl, these some of my regulars. You know, y'all can go ahead and share this if you like. Well, no, just share it, not if you like, you will like.

I promise you.

I can't say your name, but I think you're one of my South African beauties. Hey, Conrad! Oh, thank you so much, Dean, for sharing. You share everything. And Terry. And hold on, y'all know they call me Auntie for whatever reason. Let's say hello to the gentleman. Let's see, April and the gentleman. Y'all so funny. Okay, I know some of y'all was waiting on this. Hey, Great Britain, tomorrow is going to be awesome. Yes, it is. I'm looking forward to seeing you at 1 o'clock tomorrow. Hey, from Baltimore. I know you in Maryland. Don't be telling nobody where I'm at, Shawty. We don't let people know where we at. April, we don't want to share him.

Okay.

Anywho, you guys, we're going to get started. I have the— you're not the one that they call the Break the Internet guy. You're not him. You're not him, because I had to tell a couple friends of mine. I had to tell a couple friends of mine, that's not the same guy. It's like, uh-uh, because we saw what was going on with him. I said, this is a different dude. This is not the same guy.

So anyway, I think people get me confused with the Mr. Steal Your Grandma guy.

Yes, they like them until they saw that you don't. Yeah, well, yeah, anywho, different person, different person, different person. This is a different person. So anywho, tonight you guys You know, this is my last stop for the Redesign Your Life Tour. And I have really been into this health thing. And I was like, you know, I told you guys I had the hysterectomy and I gained the weight. And I'm having a hard time getting this last 15 pounds gone, 'cause they didn't tell me that after a hysterectomy, it's customary for a woman to gain about up to 25 pounds. Well, I did about 15. So I'm trying to get back down to my size 6, and it's a little difficult. So this one right here, All of a sudden I started getting people sharing pictures on Instagram. I'm like, share it on— I mean, I'm on Facebook. Like, April, do you know this person? Because they—

everybody think—

everybody think I know everybody on the internet. And I said, no, I hadn't seen him before. And so I started looking at his workout regimen and what he was doing, and I started hating a little bit because I— because I could— I mean, like, when you on your fitness goal, you know, you see people doing their thing and you trying to like— you trying to get on the treadmill real fast to try to see how much weight you lost by the next day, you know, that was— that was me.

That's usually the problem.

So they were— some people were sending me your stuff and I said, well, let me go check and see how this Titus Unlimited guy is. And so I saw your stuff and I saw how dedicated you were, and it was actually an inspiration to me because I need to be dedicated. I need to be more— and you did send me the essential plank workout and an ab workout. You did.

30 days, you know.

And I gave you an excuse.

Right.

And what'd you tell me?

There's no excuse. All those things can be done in hotel rooms. It can take you 10, 15 minutes to do per day. It's a matter of whether or not you want to do it. Most people just want quick results. They don't want to put in the work.

Well, okay, you're absolutely correct. And so I'm guilty because he asked, he said, did you do— you've been doing the planks? He gave it a rest for a minute and then I get a message and say, so you've been doing— like somebody daddy. You've been doing what I told you to do? And I could not lie. I had to say no, and I tried to blame it on the tour, and he's like, you know you can do those in your hotel room, right? So that's how I ran across Mr. Gene Titus, and so I'm going to let him introduce himself, and I got a few questions for you. You guys have questions, let me know. Um, okay, if I don't get to your question, as long as it ain't stupid, Because I see some questions. I'll answer. So anyway, tell us about you. Where you from?

What got you into fitness? I'm originally, I'm actually half African and half Haitian. So my father was Haitian, my mother's African. I grew up in West Africa and I've lived in the United States now for Almost 30 years. I went to college here and majored in accounting. I was a stockbroker for 15 years and I decided I wanted to make a change and I went into business for myself and haven't looked back since.

Okay, so what was it that made you this health, healthy lifestyle, fitness guy? Like, what was that moment that when you got on the internet and it just I've always been healthy.

I've always tried to lead a healthy life. I was an athlete. As far as the whole internet social media thing, right, believe it or not, before last year July, I hated pictures. So you'll be hard— yeah, I don't like taking pictures. No, I do not.

Okay, we can't do it.

I do not like taking pictures. And so, uh, you'd be hard-pressed to find a whole bunch of pictures of me prior to that time. I avoided pictures like a plague.

Played.

Okay, you know, I always thought to myself, I ever die, where are they gonna get a picture from?

Oh, it was that bad?

It was that bad. Oh wow, it was literally that bad. But I had gone to the, uh, I had gone to the beach, uh, I had taken my daughters to the beach, and, um, somebody had, uh, taken a picture of me with a cell phone. And somehow I, I either I did or, or one of my daughters did, loaded it to Facebook, and then 2 or 3 weeks later I get somebody call me and say, dude, I just saw your picture on a fitness website and you have like 35,000 likes. Wow. And it was just one week after the same issue, the same thing happened with, um, what's the guy, Irvin Randall, Mr.

Steal Your Grandma, when he went viral. Oh yeah, that's his name, Mr. Steal Your Grandma. There you go.

And so, you know, and so somebody said, well, why don't you post your picture on Instagram? So Actually, in what, August 1st of, uh, last year, I had, I had an Instagram account and I had it for about a year, but I never really used it. So I had like 200, you know, followers. And so from August, I went from 200 to now a little, a little more than 65,000.

Wow.

And don't— I mean, really, the only thing I'm doing is just, is, is posting pictures of my wearing the clothes I normally wear, you know, going and doing the things I normally do, workouts And I used to have a habit where every morning I woke up and I read 10 quotes. Every morning I wake up, I read 10 quotes. The only difference now is that the quotes that resonate the most with me, I post them.

Okay, well, you can't just say you just be showing, you know, what you do on a daily basis, because I saw one of your hashtags. One of his hashtags said, "Eye candy, y'all." I saw that. So what was that about? What was—

You know what? After a while, you learn You get a little better, you get a little bit more comfortable, and so you know what, that's what that— I always get that hashtag underneath my pictures. I like, you know, I'll stick it up there. I can't—

I was like, oh, I said, so he know, he know, he know, y'all, you know. So let me ask you this, somebody— well, I'll ask, I'll ask this question, um, in a minute. Edna, the whole purpose of my tour is all about redesigning your life, and you know, there's, you know, In the United States, we are just like the most overweight people. So someone, let's say someone that has not been exercising, someone that has not been eating right, and they come to this aha moment, this come-to-Jesus meeting with themselves, how would you tell them to start to redesign their health and fitness?

Well, you have to, first of all, you have to take inventory of who you are. Take inventory of who you are, take inventory of where you are in your life. And you have to figure out what's important, you know. And so one of the first things I tell people is, you know, everybody— there's this big push, everybody, everybody's about money, money, money, money, money, money. And, um, one of the, you know, a very popular man who was rather wealthy, Steve Jobs, died at the age of 51. And one of the things that he said is no matter how much money you have You can't pay anybody to lay in this hospital bed here. You know, and your health is really your wealth. I've seen a lot of people who are, you know, were my— when I was about to turn, I was in my mid-30s, almost about to turn 40, and I saw Darryl Green, former Redskins DB. Darryl Green was turning 50. He ran a 4:05:40. And I looked at myself, I'm like, dude, you know, you're ten years younger than this guy, at least. And you're starting to make some of the same excuses that you hear a lot of other people. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in bad shape, but I wasn't in as good shape as I could have been because you start making, oh man, you know, I'm almost 40 years old, man, I'm not supposed to be doing that, I can't do this, I can't do this. All I can do is this. And so it starts every day by you trying to improve yourself one thing at a time. A lot of times people's health can slide all the way to the left in one day, so it's not going to slide all the way to the right in one day.

So those get rich— I mean, not get rich, but those get fit quick and those little pills and all that kind of stuff, what do you— you just say, just go ahead and go.

Well, first of all, let's say this. All, all diets— and I want everybody to look at my lips— all diets work. The problem is you're just not doing it.

Why are you trying to check me like that? Why are you trying to embarrass me all on private Facebook Live? Why are you trying to call me out like that?

Number one, they work. And the second thing is that I don't preach diets to people. I don't— it's about lifestyle. Because if you did the cabbage diet, it'll work. But once you're done with the cabbage diet, then what? Are you going to go back to the same lifestyle, which is what most people do? One of the greatest things they had was this salt water lemon with cayenne pepper flush.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh man, works like a charm.

Works like a charm.

You'll drop about 20 pounds. Problem is that usually when people, right as soon as they get done with that, because they're waiting to be done, right back.

So we're not supposed to wait to be done?

Oh no, they wait.

Because we're looking at the scale like, yes.

Anticipating being done so that they can go back and get cheeseburger and fries and what have you like that.

So you calling me out again, huh?

You know, so you gotta say if the shoe fits. So yeah, it's, it, you know, it takes consistency, it takes little steps, and it takes a true change in how you view yourself, how you view your health, how you value yourself. That's a good one. You know, and your priorities. You know, I look at a lot of guys, you know, when I was a broker, we had guys, you know, people in the office, you know, we were grossing anywhere from $300,000, some people up to $1 million, you know, but their health was so poor. I knew, there was a guy who was in there, he was an older guy at that time, he was almost 50-something years old. First of all, he's coming out with his knee every, every other day. His knee was swollen and he needs a ventilator. But this guy, he grossed what, $1.2 million a year? And I used to look at it like, so what, what's that $1.2 million for, right? You can't even enjoy it.

But they say health is wealth.

Your health is your wealth.

That's— I've heard, I've heard that one. Wow.

So, um, you got to take care of it. And I, and I I see what a lot of, especially a lot of women, you know, in the professional grind, uh, they get caught up. They get caught up in the chase, you know. They start to gain a little weight here and there. They doing a little thing here and there. They drinking a little bit too much wine, you know. Everybody thinks wine is great for you, right? It's great, one glass every now and then, you know. 3 or 4 glasses a night, probably not so much, you know. But those things add up, and then Then the next thing comes, oh well, I'm proud of who I am and all those things like that. Great, you know, you know, but if you're proud, why, why, why are you trying to get the, uh, the waist trainer?

Don't do that.

You know, just don't do that.

Don't do that.

And don't get me wrong, and don't get me wrong, you know, I am all for people being happy with who they are. So if you're, if you are, if you're overweight, you know, I know some people who are overweight that have never ever mentioned to me once ever about wanting to lose weight.

Okay.

And I applaud them because you know what, they've done the math. Everything that we do has, has pros and cons, right? I work out, so guess what, sometimes I get sore. You don't work out, you don't ever get sore. You might get winded when you go up the stairs, but you know what, hey, you're never sore from working out, you know? So everybody has their thing.

Not the winded, I just had a visual. You know, I had a visual of that, but you're absolutely correct. I always teach that everything in life is a choice.

Yeah, it's a choice. And so long as you've done the full math on the choice that you're making, I can't fault you. Wow. Wow.

Now I'm going to ask you this question.

Now, sisters, don't get—

don't get— I have to ask. I got to ask. We're told, and I hear it all the time from a lot of men living in Atlanta, And being out there, and I talk to a lot of guys trying to get you guys' perspective on us. I hear a lot of men say the sisters won't get in the gym right. The sisters won't get themselves together because they don't want to mess up their hair.

Right.

So do you see or find any of that to be true as men? I've heard it, like I said, from quite a few guys. Um, but you, what do you say? What would you say to that?

What would I say to a woman who says that she doesn't— that's her excuse, that's her excuse, because she doesn't want to mess up her hair?

Oh well, hey, that's the choice that she made. She counted up the clock.

Again, you know, if you, if, if, if you think that your hair is more important than your health, your overall well-being, you know, your life, you know, then by all means, you know, spend that hundred and whatever dollars, amount of dollars every week you got to go sit in the hairdresser if that's what's important to you, you know. But then at the same time, don't get upset when someone says, well, I prefer somebody a little bit more in shape, and then the retort to that is, well, you just can't handle a real woman. Oh, you know, somebody just got called out. That's that. I've heard that so many times, you know, where people will describe themselves as a real woman, as if to say the people who actually take care of themselves are somehow not, you know. And I think that's a disservice to the people work out, you know, everybody has a choice. And if that's your choice—

you're absolutely correct. And I think what I find on my end is that, for instance, yesterday I posted a picture yesterday and it was a very curvy picture, and I had people coming to attack me behind the picture. But I said, what's funny is when you're— if I were overweight to the point where you can look at me and just tell, you know, if you poke me, look like I'm full of salt, right? If you skip, you can do that. If I was that, what they would have said was, oh, that's so wonderful, because I could put on a fitted dress regardless of my size and just embrace yourself. And I think what we've done is we've made being, um, overweight— not because of health condition, no, I never If there's a health condition there, then that's different. But if it's just simply something as you don't have the— you need to push away diet, something you need to push away from the table, I think we should be able to do something about that. But we've become a society that people don't want to take accountability for themselves. So what they'll do is— perfect example, put it like this. When I was married, I remember gaining weight. I wasn't thinking that, April, you've gained all of this weight, because in my mind I was still a size 6 until—

don't do that—

but in my, in my pants I was a 16, and I'm only 5'3" without, without shoes. Oh, and so on my body frame, that's, that's a lot. Now for somebody else it might be good, but for me, I've been a size 6 from 9th grade all the way up until I turned, what, 41? 40? 41 years old. So, until, other than that little period when I got married. But I think what we've done is we're so, we're not conscious of what's going on because I didn't realize all that time when I was married, I was constantly ganging away, constantly ganging away. In my mind, I'm still a size 6 and still that little woman, but I'm not paying attention that I'm buying leggings now. I'm buying leggings now. I'm buying bigger shirts now. I'm just looking at, I'm just going to the store, not realizing there's something that's off. Until one day, one glorious day, I walked by the mirror in Walmart and I had to walk right by and I started crying because it hit me, April, you're in your mind, you think you're fabulous, but you're really unhealthy.

But the question is, did your husband at the time mention anything to you? And how did you receive it?

He didn't, but what happened is I— he had gained weight too.

Too.

I didn't mention it to him cuz he got real sloppy, but I wasn't in the position to be talking about nobody, talking about—

and that's usually what happens in marriages. Everybody tends to gain weight and everybody's health is going to the left, and so no one's in a position to say anything to anyone, and so it just perpetuates itself. Usually where the problem comes in is when one spouse takes the initiative one to lose weight and the other doesn't. Yeah, that's— and I have seen that happen so many times, it almost always leads to a split, right?

And what ends up happening was I didn't say anything to him because one thing I know about men is that men who like women follow women. So what I did, I started working out, he started seeing me work out, and then after about a couple weeks it was like, you're not gonna be the only fine one in this relationship. And so we started working out together. But I believe that if he would not have done that, you're right, I probably would have said something like, "Hold on, wait a minute, I did get out of pocket, I know." Because I went through some depression because, you know, I married the wrong guy. And so when you make unwise decisions, there's a consequence to that. So my consequence to marrying the wrong guy was the depression that set in. Which made me even more of an emotional eater. And so I was crying all the time and I was eating all the time. And so, you know, you one of them people that, "I'mma order a Big Mac and a large fries but a Diet Coke." You know, like that's really good.

I like that.

Like I'm doing something. But the only thing I was doing was buying bigger and bigger leggings. And I think at that time, jeggings had just came out. I was just— you couldn't tell. I had all the colors and everything. And I realized, April, you went from wearing a size 6 jeans to now you're in a size 16. And but your jeggings, you know, they don't come in size.

No, no, they come in size fit all.

So they would fit me.

They never disappoint.

They would fit me. So I think we're not aware. And also, I believe that what's going on mentally, we're not aware of what's going on mentally. Mentally in our lives as well too, because if, if you are always eating out of emotion and that's your comfort thing, what's— that's the byproduct of something else that's going on. That, that's where that mental health comes in.

Well, one of the things I tell people, you know, one of the first things you have to do is you have to change your relationship with food. You have to change your relationship with food. Uh, stop looking for food for comfort, stop looking for food. People spend a lot of time experimenting with food. Everybody wants to try this. Oh, it's fabulous. It's this, it's that, you know. And I remember 30, 40 years ago when the internet wasn't around, when you didn't have so many different things prompting you every minute, especially on Instagram, hey, to try this food, try that food, try this, try that, when you didn't have a whole store dedicated to candy. Yeah, I've been in there, you feel what I'm saying? And so what people did is they ate their 3 square meals, or however amount of meals they had, they ate regular stuff. And those things such as cakes, desserts, and things like that, those things were, were enjoyed at celebrations and the appropriate times. Nobody was just eating a turtle cake on a random Tuesday at lunchtime. For me, you know, because they passed by and it looks so delicious.

And it's the smell, you know, they hit you with the aroma. But you're absolutely correct, because my grandmother, she passed away at 89, but she was always a slender woman. And, um, I want— around— I think about it, I watch how she cooked. She cooked, um, she ate more collard greens, she ate more— but without all the stuff in it— she ate more fish, and she didn't eat a lot of red meat at all. She was slender her entire, um, life. My grandparents had a garden in the back. I grew up in California, so we were in Berkeley, California. They had this garden where they would go out to the back. She would go get the collard greens, and it was like a row of green beans, a row of peppers, a row of collard greens, turnips, mustard. Then you would go in the back and it was a pear tree, plum tree, all of that. And so that's how we ate. Um, my grandmother, she always said, you never eat to get full, you eat to get just enough to be satisfied.

You tell you no longer hungry.

That's what she said. Well, hold on, um, Miss Treasure, see, this is not what this is about. This is not— she says some men like plus-size women. Size has nothing to do with love. We not say it— we didn't say it had anything to do with love. But at the end of the day, if your man like plus-size, that's fine. This is not necessarily about a size as much as Fitness is about being healthy. So for me, if my husband got out of pocket and I'm on my fitness journey, I'm gonna let him know because that ain't sexy to me no more. And so if we're in a relationship, if— and if my job is to keep your eye and your job is to keep mine, I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that I am the best woman I can be. The picture I posted yesterday that some of y'all lost your mind about, it said A wise woman always keeps a selection of remind him dresses in her closet, and it helps him not stray. So a lot of you, you want to do whatever you want to do and then say, accept me as I am. But when you always say Gwen will take your man, when Gwen comes along and she is in a better shape or she's more pleasing to his eye, can you really be mad if, if you You're saying, you know what, love me how I am. Love has nothing to do with size. But we cannot act as though aesthetics does not matter. When a man sees you, he's looking at you. He first— he don't know all your mind and how wonderful and nice and personality you have. So don't do that. I hate when people do that part.

That's just a defense mechanism. A lot of times people do that. The thing is that she is right. You have some men, and I know some of my friends who are in shape, work out just like me, that prefer women with extra patties. But one of the things— what did you just say? That prefer women with extra patties. Hey, it's true. But one of the things, like she says, what we're talking about here is not about the man. It's about you and your personal health and your personal decisions to take better care of yourself or not.

See, you getting defensive. First of all, I'm not plus size, but it was if I was, would I love me? And this has nothing to do with none of that. But what I'm gonna go ahead and do, and we're gonna move on to the next question, because see, sometimes we can be focused on the wrong thing. We major in the minor. The minor is what we're talking about as far as somebody getting with you for your size. The major is Be healthy for yourself. It has nothing really to do with the man, but because I told you he was coming on, we were going to talk about redesigning your fitness, your health, and the importance of fitness in relationships. I have counseled way too many men that were upset or looking elsewhere because they were like, April, you know, I'm just saying, I love my wife, I really do, but she's talking about this baby weight and the baby like 14, like how we gonna So I'm not talking from somebody that's talking out the side of my neck. I, I coach just as many men with issues with women as just as many women that have issues with men. It's not a one-sided thing. If you, if, if you are with someone, your goal— I don't know, maybe it's just me— I believe that in a relationship you're supposed to look at what your partner likes, and it's your your job to make sure you deliver it.

Well, let me, let me explain this way, and this is how I explained it to somebody before. Imagine you're telling me you love me, we get together, and you know that, uh, my favorite— one of my favorite things is cornbread. You know I love cornbread. I love cornbread like, like, like, like, like you wouldn't believe. Another thing that I And the other thing that I like— that I don't like, actually, is rice pudding. Okay, okay. So we get together, right, and every Saturday morning, Sunday morning, I got a nice hot pan of cornbread. You slide across to me, hey boo, hey April, I love you, you know I love this cornbread, this is, this is everything. And then over time, I come home and you slide me some rice pudding, and but then you're Your explanation to me at that point is, well, if you love me, you would eat this. But when you met me, you know I don't like rice pudding. So is it fair to me for you to keep sliding me that rice pudding and I'm supposed to eat it with a smile?

I'm just saying, I love that.

If I did the same to you, would you you like it? And would you be— and at that point, is it— it's not even about my loving you. The question at that point is, how much do you love me that you're willing to continue to serve me something that you know I do not like? And, and I'm only talking for those instances where people have had discussions about weight prior to— and you know what people are attracted to prior to— and most of the time people do know what people are attracted to. I know some people who got married to each other and they were— the woman was a heavier woman, and that's how he likes it. That's how he likes it. And guess what? When she started to lose weight, there was a problem. And you know what? To a certain extent, yes, she made a better decision for herself, in my opinion, for her health. But at the same time, she cannot necessarily get upset with him because when he got with her, he was attracted to her because she was Exactly. Now don't get me wrong, he stayed, right? But had he not stayed, right, could she be mad? Can't really be mad, right? But also understand because you changed the terms of the contract.

If you— okay, I thought I was the only one that used that phrase. You changed, baby, you didn't change the terms. Because I believe that, honestly, especially when it's talking about marriage, talking marriage, I believe marriage is a contract. And people get mad at me because they I don't believe in unconditional love at all from a romantic standpoint because when you stand up there and you say those vows, for better or worse, sick or in poor, forsaking all those others, those are conditions. And as soon as somebody violates the conditions, what happens? Somebody out the door. So I always say my love comes with conditions, and if one of those conditions— now I'm not saying there's no room for compromise, But to me, compromise is like my best friend Joe says, compromise is round peg, round hole. You might want a pink peg, but you get a blue one, but it still fits. But then it's when you're settling is the square peg, round hole, you're trying to jam that bad boy in there. It just doesn't fit. So for me, I think if we become realists, I think we like to act as though, and like that magical fairy tale type love stuff, relationship stuff. Like, like, people don't have any type of conditions because if there was no conditions, there wouldn't be so many divorces.

And here's the thing, let's get something straight. We all age. We're all going to change as we age. We might gain a little weight here and there, okay? And let's assume if you met somebody and like you said you were a size 6, you know, and over time you you might have gone from a 6 to an 8, you know, maybe a 10-ish or something like that. But, you know, this was over this course of 20 years and age and things of that nature. You know what? Somebody breaking a contract because you gain 15, 20 pounds, you know, you gain maybe 10% of weight. No, that's not what we're talking about. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a total physical change. I know of— I know I knew a guy who got married. His wife was 5'2", 132 pounds maybe, right? And at one point in time, obviously she had one child. At one point in time, you know, she was claiming the baby weight, but she was 205.

Okay, 205.

I mean, couldn't even really wear regular, you know, regular stuff that people— she wore like house dresses, leggings. No, she's not even leggings because they didn't have jeggings at that time. She's like, how stresses? And so, you know, the question is, how exactly is he supposed to be cool with that? When he met her, she was 5'3", 132 pounds. So, you know, so we're not talking about a, a 20, a 20% gain where she maybe got 150, right? We're talking like she almost doubled her weight. And, and mind you, this is minus problems. I understand people get thyroid problems, people get different health things. Those are separate issues, and those issues also should be addressed, you know, so that you can correct them for your own health. But those are separate issues that could lead someone to— but I'm not talking about someone just deciding, oh, you know, I'm just gonna eat a little bit more.

Yeah, but you're gonna like it, right? And that's what we're— that's what we're talking about. We're not talking about somebody not loving you because you, you plus size and all that. That would what we're saying. We're saying, like, I remember my last relationship, um, I was, I was like a size 4, and then I got up to like a— I went back to my 6, and he said, I like you like that. And what, what he told me was, he said, April, one of the main issues in my marriage was I was married for 20 years, and in that time, yeah, I— she, she went from like a maybe an 8 to, to maybe like a 10, 10, 12, cuz that was strange. But when she stopped caring is when I start looking, trying to keep my eye focused. And but I was looking at other things because she went up to like an 18 and wasn't trying to do anything about it. He said, I could, I could deal with the, with the 10, 12 because it gave her a little bit more curve. And that was cool with that.

Even if it be, that's life. Life happens. You're not going to, you're not going to have the same. Most people are not going to have the same the same size that they had when they were 25.

That's true.

Okay, but it's, it's a different thing not having the same size and the different— and from looking like a totally different person. Yeah, yeah, you see what I'm saying? When your whole physical has changed and now you move two brackets up into a different type size, right? You know, you went from petite to like plump, right? That, you know, the person who likes a petite person is not going to be— is not— it should not be expected to like the same thing. Should they change their taste? Shouldn't— she wouldn't want to change like that.

So, right. And so, and I'm so glad that as a man you can say confidently, say that, because I get so many women—

let's get you straight, the same thing goes for men.

Yes.

You know, if you met this woman and you were in fairly good shape and now, you know, you're relaxing the house eating a little bit too many burgers, hot dogs, and drinking beer, and now your belly is covering your buckle, right? Yeah. You know, you got to understand, during intimate times, women are doing certain things, right? And you know what they're doing, what certain things. And you know, somebody doesn't want to have an overhang over their head while they're trying to do certain things.

Like, what's certain? You know, I'm just saying. Okay, see, somebody said it's the same young lady, he said being overweight doesn't mean you're unhealthy. We didn't say that either.

Being overweight doesn't mean you're unhealthy. However, most people who are overweight have some health issues.

We're talking about more of the masses, not the few.

Right, so, and let's get something straight, this whole overweight thing, um, I don't know, Julia, thank you. We all know, we all know that, that, uh, you know, the medical journals and what they rate people as. I mean, for years when I was, you know, I'm 6'1" and 205 pounds, but I probably about 7% body fat. I was considered overweight, you know. So it's not about that. It's about your body mass, your composition. If you're carrying a whole bunch of extra and, you know, you You know what I'm talking about.

And women are doing other things. Other things.

And so you understand when you're just— there's a difference between having muscle mass and a lot of people like— this is one of the favorite things I love here.

It's called block delete. Being skinny doesn't mean you're healthy. Okay, girl, bye. And it's called block and goodbye.

So the whole thing about about having your weight in a certain frame. You know, it all depends on your body types and things like that, but one of the things I've heard people use as excuses—

I was gonna say that.

Everybody in my family big.

Okay, no, I thought you was gonna say the other one.

Which one?

I'm big-boned.

Oh yeah, well, but big-boned, let me address the big-boned part. It has been actually proven that the difference between people who are quote-unquote big-boned. So take for instance, if you took the same person and they were an extremely small-boned person, as in very small bone— you have different types of people. Like, take for instance, in Africa you have different tribes of people, okay? And certain tribes are very small-boned. They built for different things. They're built for endurance, they're built for running, like the Kenyans, okay?

Yeah.

A Kenyan's frame is going to be totally different from somebody who is from like West Africa who was part of the Mandingo tribe.

Oh, we heard about them.

Yes, the Mandingo tribe. They're bigger people.

Yeah, we heard.

Well, not that kind of bigger, but I know what you're talking about, y'all. I know all the ladies, their ears went up because we, you know, but the difference in actual weight between those people, if they were the exact same height, the max difference in weight for the big-boned would be 10 to 15 pounds. That's the difference. That's it. That is it. That is it. Now, what, what your larger bones and bigger joints allow you to do allows you to carry more weight comfortably. Okay. Okay. But that doesn't necessarily mean you have to.

Wow. So it's pretty much the whole big-boned thing, we can't really use that.

No, you can't really use that. And that whole thing about Everybody in my family big. It's because you and everybody in your family grew up with the same diet. Mm, oh. So you guys are used to cooking a certain way, you guys are used to eating a certain way, you, you, the men in the family, they drink a certain way, the women, they, you know, exercise is a part of the culture in the family. Those things are family things. And every now and then you look in those families and everybody always wants to ignore that one cousin who doesn't eat like that and is in shape.

You know what, you're so right, because I remember I went to my family reunion a few— well, about maybe, maybe about 6, 7 years back. And so they hadn't seen me in a while, and I was fit, everything was in place. And first thing they told me was, girl, you look like you need to eat. I'm like, I'm not hungry though. I'm not hungry though. They like, girl, you look like you need to eat, you done got so small. I'm like, but this, this right here is my normal my normal size. I said, I know what size fits me, but they was trying to feed me potato pies and pecan pies the whole time.

And that's another thing, especially in the African American community, the Black and even the African community actually, is people want to force you into being a certain size, and not necessarily because it's better for you, you, but because it's better for them, because they feel better because y'all around the same size. And that's just the truth. That's just the truth.

Yeah.

When people see you losing too much weight, then why you doing all that? You know, you fine the way you are, you know. And even though you might have your own particular health goals and your health reasons, right, they'll be the ones saying, hey, you're fine. No, you're good. You know, you're supposed to have a few pounds on you. You know, you're a woman, right? Or you're a grown man, you're supposed You're supposed to eat cheese and all those things like that. Trust me, I've actually heard that. I've actually heard that.

Oh, wow.

You know, what grown man don't have a little gut? I mean, you living life.

Yeah, yeah, because when I came back from California back to Atlanta in 2015, I came back with some hips. I didn't have them before. And so I was feeling self-conscious, feeling some kind of way. And everybody around was like, girl, you fine, you fine. I said, they said, girl, you fine because you down in the South. This is how we do it in the South. I said, but I ain't from the South. You know, and it didn't feel right. So you're right, people, they want you to feel comfortable around them by being like what's around. And so being back in Georgia, you know, it's like, oh yeah, I've heard that, oh, you look like a grown woman now. Before, you was little. You— I'm like, but I was still grown. Nothing, nothing happened but the hips. That's it. So that determines if I look grown or if I don't.

The thing is that people will sit there and they will, um, they will idolize the, uh, Beyonces and the people of that nature, right? But they won't encourage their own friends to be that size. Because they may not be that size.

And that brings me to this question. All right, you're a man and your wife, she gained more weight than you would like her to have.

Right.

How would you tell her that?

Um, well, I would try to, uh, suggest number one, watching the diet.

I would would offer. Oh no, they need example. My audience, they need to example. So if I gain weight, tell—

how—

what would you come to me and say?

Well, if I were married to you and I saw the habits— because what people— that people don't just gain 20 pounds overnight. So if I, if I see you coming home every day and you have a box of Cinnabons with you every day, I'm gonna say, hey, you know what, You know, what's with the Cinnabons? Why are we doing so many Cinnabons right now?

You say it like that?

Yeah, like, do you realize how much sugar is in that Cinnabon? I said it, I would say just like that, you know, because I— you see the habits that lead to that, you know. Yeah, are we really gonna do 2 or 3 glasses of wine every day this week? But you say that by the 4th or 5th day because people, you know one day of a sunbath, that's not gonna kill you, you know. But when you see a pattern— people usually, when they gain weight, they start to develop a pattern.

Yeah.

And when you see a pattern forming before the actual end results happen, you know, if you're— if you really love that person and you're really, you know, in a relationship with that person, you should be able to discuss that with that person and say, hey, I, I see, you know. It's just like if you had a husband, right, and he was used to coming home at 5 o'clock and he come chasing in the door for 3 days in a row at 10:30.

Yeah, yeah.

The first day is like, okay. The second day is like, uh, okay. But the third day is like, uh, bruh, you know, you realize that you normally come at 5 and now you're coming at 10:30. What's up? It's no different.

Yeah, you know, I think sometimes as women we can be so sensitive.

That's the problem. Everybody's too sensitive.

But you're right, I said it on the plane. Everybody's the same, you're right.

And I'll be honest with you, you know, um, luckily for me, luckily for me, my father was the sensitive person. Wow, okay. He was a very, he was a very dominant man, he was a very powerful man, but he was way, way more sensitive than my mother. My mother, oh my God, my mother put men to shame.

Mama was like that?

Yes. My mother would look at me and tell me, you're stupid, that was stupid, okay? And you should not do stupid things like that, because when you do stupid things like that, people are going to call you stupid. So since you did it, I'm going to be the first one to let you know that you're stupid. Don't do stupid stuff like that. These days you don't have that because you can't say certain things, cuz you're going to hurt people's feelings, you're going to mess up their self-esteem. You know, my mother would back it up by saying, "And you're way too smart to be doing things that stupid." Same way when you're talking to somebody about their frame and their weight, you say, "Sweetie, you have a gorgeous frame. You have a gorgeous body. You know, if you take care of yourself, you can maintain that body. But these Cinnabons ain't gonna cut it, at least not 4 days out the week." It's okay to have it every now and then, but what's the reason? Can you tell me why you're doing this? Okay, what's going on? You see what I'm saying? Yeah, maybe you might find out, okay, there's some stress at work and stuff like that, and maybe y'all can discuss different ways and better ways to handle those things, because the eating, those are always byproducts of something. Yes, you know, but as a husband, a friend, when you see somebody, you know, drifting left, it is your duty to say something.

I agree.

I agree.

I agree. It's great. And so you made it sound nice that time. Sweetie, you have a nice frame. See, I believe in—

But if you marry somebody, I would hope you thought they had a nice frame. Well, no, no, no.

It's how you shaped it. Because, you know, it's like you gave it a little smooth, but then you did the gut punch at the same time. So it was kind of like the you know, I'mma give you the positive things about you first, but at the end of the day, babe, we gonna have to figure this thing out. And I totally agree with that. You should be able to tell your mate that they have gained weight because, like I said, I counsel with so many people, especially men, with the problem of she won't lose the weight, she's not trying to lose the weight. And so, you know, I would give all of these suggestions questions of how, you know, to try to talk to her about it because they would get a little nervous because as women, um, we can be a little self-conscious about that. But like you said, if you're with me, you should be able to tell me.

Why not?

You should be able to tell me.

And if I can't tell you, then I probably shouldn't be with you.

That's good. That's—

yeah, you know, I mean, what do you want me to do, just sit here for the next 30 years and eat rice pudding?

No, because you want some cornbread.

I want my cornbread, you know what I'm saying? I like my cornbread, you know, with some butter on it if you can, you know what I'm saying?

Out of the skillet.

Hey, oh yeah, you know, put some little jalapeños in it every now and then, spice it up just a little bit, you know. But you know, we knew that rice pudding wasn't part of the discussion, right?

And I, and I, you have no idea how I appreciate this because I'm a straight shooter like that.

That too.

And a lot of times people, like you said, they've gotten so sensitive. And but at the end of the day, we get one life, one, just one, and there are no do-overs.

One.

And so when people say, when people talk to me about dating and, and all of that stuff, and I was like, yeah, I could be married tomorrow, I got quite a few options. But you got to remember, you got one life. So you're waiting on what's best versus what's just better because you understand And it's only one life, so if I get one life, why am I going to connect with someone that I cannot have the discussion about health and weight with them if they get out of pocket?

Well, honestly, like I said, right now society has got it to where, you know, you really can't say anything to anyone. I mean, even make sense things. I mean, and this might be a little controversial, some people might get mad at me, but you know, One of the things that bothers me the most is, it's okay if you're an adult and you want to be overweight. You know, that's your choice. You've made that choice. What I don't like seeing is, because one of the hardest habits for anyone to break is the habit of bad eating. Because unlike smoking, drinking, drugs, you can eat anywhere. And with society as it is right now where you can't criticize anyone, and you can't say anything because you're being insensitive, right? Guess what? Somebody who is overweight, you know, is, is going to move through life, and sooner rather than later they're going to get those— that criticism, but they're going to get it much later on, or they're going to get it from the neighborhood kids. But when— so long as somebody's there to reinforce, oh, it's okay, it's okay, they'll keep growing up until they realize, oh hell, well, now I got to go get my type 2 diabetes pills and stuff like that. So my thing is, like, when you're an overweight parent, how I look at it, when you have a child sometimes that you see, that you're feeding and putting them in your footsteps, I wonder if you look at your health issues that you're having, and for the people who are having, not the people who are overweight and healthy, because you know, the big-boned people, yeah, the big-boned people, not y'all, but the people people who—

look, we got the angry faces. You don't step on somebody's nerves.

The people who have those health issues, when you have a child that is, that is looking like they might follow in that footstep, do you not want to make sure that that child doesn't have those same problems you have?

Right.

Or would you rather spare their feelings and come and allow them to go because guess what? Your feelings are one thing, but that diabetes, that heart problem, and all those things, they don't care about your feelings.

But the thing is, like what you said, if you're a parent and you're overweight, you see your child doing the same thing, if you're not going to do something about yourself, it starts with you. You're definitely not gonna even, you know, look at your child. It's gonna be like, because I know people, the mama big, the daddy big, the kids, everything, that's just what they do. Do, and it's not because of health conditions. Like we, we said before, it's because, you know, some of y'all get a little sensitive. We're not talking about people that have health problems and they can't help their size. We're not talking about that.

You have some people who are also large. I have a friend of mine, very good friend of mine, he's about 6'3", right? And he's a clean 300 lbs. Does he have extra padding?

Yes.

Does he have any health issues? No, you know, but that is going to be a rarity. 9 times out of 10, you predispose yourself to certain things just by carrying that weight.

Yeah, exactly, exactly, exactly. And that, that right, that is very true because when, when I got up to a size 16 and I started feeling some kind of way, and then all of a sudden I got extra stress, now I got what this tension and all of this other stuff that I did not have, um, before. But when I dropped the weight, the stress levels went down. I just had to get control of that emotional eating because I eat when I'm happy and I eat when I'm sad. But I just had to pick what I wanted to snack on.

When you balance your body out, right, there are a lot of things that can go left and right. But once you balance your body out, it's easy to balance out your mind and all those things like that. But when you one part of you that is out of whack. Yeah, right. It tends to throw everything out of whack. So once again, like you say, stress— stress will make you eat, stress will make you angry, stress will make you not sleep well, and all those things will start to throw you out of whack. When you start to take proactive, uh, action towards changing any one of those things, what you find is that all those things start to change.

You're absolutely right, because what I— what this is what I do and what I do with my clients when they're dealing with something, I have them write a list out of everything that's going on in their life before I— even when I teach entrepreneurship, before I can even teach you how to start a business, I need to know what's going on in your personal life, because no matter what I tell you over here, if all of this is jacked up and your mind is elsewhere, you're not going to be able to do anything, um, over here. So normally when we're eating, and I, I've gotten more conscious about, okay, April, you're not hungry, why do you want to go get a snack? What's going on? And then I realized, and you guys know I talked to you guys about being an empty nester and all of the changes that's coming on, so I knew that I had to take control of it. I had to be aware of, April, you're not hungry, why are you trying to go get ice cream from Baskin-Robbins? Butter pecan in a waffle cone, that's my thing. But I knew I didn't need it I wasn't hungry, but then when I stopped— ladies, it's exactly like what I teach you, um, about slowing down. When I'm in the grocery store and I was trying to, you know, get back into position of letting a man lead, I had to learn to stop and say, okay, it's time to ask for some help. And so you got to be more aware, you know, of that. So I totally understand, um, exactly what you're saying. Take an inventory of what's going on emotionally, what's going on mentally, because all of those things are connected.

They're all connected. And then you, you, you, you go after the things that you can change. You know, sometimes you got a stressful job, you can't, you can't, there's nothing you can do about it. You got deadlines, you got this, you got that. Okay, but when you recognize that that's what's going on, on and you recognize that it's making you stress out, and then when you eat, you're gonna exacerbate the problem. So pull yourself up, okay? One of the great things about doing any kind of physical activity is that it makes you literally feel good. This is just a simple— it releases endorphins. Endorphins is a happy drug. Your body produces it anytime people work out.

I get sleepy after I work out.

Hey, expending energy. And a lot of times what working out does, it relieves stress and tension. It gets your blood going, you know. So I, I just really cannot find anything negative about trying to feed yourself properly and be more physically active, you know. Um, it just never, never— it's just never a bad thing.

Well, someone asked, what's your weakness? What is your— and how do you stay consistent?

What's my weakness?

That's what someone asked.

Oh man, cherry pie, scotch. I'm not immune from all those things, but the only thing I do is I know when I'm going to have it and when I'm not. And that's self-control, you know. It's just like, it's just like, you know, like people were saying, they don't— you don't have self-control over a pie, you know.

It's smelling so good.

It smells so good, but the last time I checked, that pie cannot jump up off the counter into your mouth.

You see, see, yeah, you see, you're one of them. See, I— you he one of them. He like my old trainer. I would give all of these excuses. He's like, well, April, who told you to eat it? I'm like, just hear me, just hear my heart, just hear my heart right now. Cuz I made my first pound cake for Christmas, right?

And it was good.

And I just noticed that I kept going in there taking a slice and okay, then I'm just taking another one. And then next day, half the cake was gone. But then I had to realize, April, why are you eating the cake? But it's like what we talked about earlier.

I knew group.

I was going through that. It was good, but I didn't want it. After one or two, I was already full. I made myself—

I want my cherry pie. I just, I just don't eat it. That's all, you know. I can't say I want it, you know.

And I knew at that point, when I had two slices, that was it. But when I kept eating and it got to half, I knew that was an emotional thing. But I— sometimes you get to the place where you say, I don't want I don't care.

One of the things that people can do also is, especially for the women out there, and men too, that always complain about they're busy at work and they can't do this, they can't do that. And one of the drills I always have with people is I always ask people 3 or 4 different times, you know, what are you doing on Monday? Okay, what are you doing on Thursday? And they always can blurt out an exact time, exact thing to me. So my question to them always right after that is, so you know what you're doing pretty much for the next 14 days on command just by me saying a time, but you're a responsible adult and you can't tell me and you can't plan what you're gonna put in your mouth?

Ooh, yeah, you wanted that one.

Yeah, yeah. And basically—

People be rolling their eyes at you quite a bit.

And it's not that. And the thing is, you You can plan great delicious stuff. That's the beauty of it. No, I don't like— I don't do bean sprouts. I don't do rice cakes. You know, I eat regular food. You know, one of the main things I do is I dial back sugar. Yeah, that's most people's problem, the sugar. So if you can eliminate or cut your sugar intake in half You're well on your way.

So how do you do that when everything you eat has some type of sugar in it? How do you do that?

Everything you eat doesn't have to have sugar.

Well, I guess the stuff that we're not supposed to be eating.

Right, and the things that you're not supposed to be eating are processed stuff, you know, the different drinks, the cakes, the snacks. You know, why are you snacking? What, you in preschool? You know, you don't have to, you know. And don't get me wrong, you can have a snack every now and then, but you have to be responsible with yourself and you plan it.

You plan it. Wow.

The same way you plan your day, you plan your food. If you need— if you know you need to have a certain amount of, you know, uh, of food in your body, you plan nice-sized meals. You plan your snack, you eat your fruit, you take it with you, you know what I'm saying? And when you have your pineapples or your watermelon and stuff like that, and your grapes or what have you, 9 times out of 10, when you eat those things, they satisfy your hankering for the cake.

You're right, you're right. I think this goes back to what we talked about at the very beginning.

You just got—

sometimes you just don't want to. Nobody wants to be accountable.

That's all it is. You just don't want want to.

Well, sir, in our last few minutes, give the folks like a couple of things that they can do if they want to start their fitness journey. Because you know, everybody start on Monday, you know, for whatever reason they're gonna start on Monday.

So what would you give them, even though Saturday and Sunday are the better days?

Now why is that?

Because you don't have anything else to do. 9 times out of 10, you're not going to work. 9 times out of 10, you're not, uh, You don't have some of the constraints that you have with children. You know, you can actually plan out your day better. You have more free time for the people who don't work on the weekends. So yeah, you can actually start on Saturday and Sunday.

Alright, well tomorrow is Sunday, y'all.

And then you got two days after that to plan Monday.

So how do they do that? How do they— so say somebody says, you know what, you just inspired them, you motivated them and they want to get started tomorrow, what would you tell them to do?

Well, first of all, let's be realistic. Are you going to lose 50 pounds in 2 months? Probably not. Okay, so you have probably developed a, you know, a host of bad habits, bad food habits, bad eating habits, um, just bad habits altogether. Take, as you say, true inventory of what you do, right, and start by cutting in half or eliminating one bad habit every week. One bad habit. So for instance, you have some people who every, every, every morning they, they have to stop at, you know, at Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts to have that donut or whatever. Okay, cut the donut. Try it for one week.

Okay, what if they start shaking from— because, you know, they're having withdrawals?

You're not going to do that because that's all mental, you know. You're not going to do that.

I'll try to help you out.

And then, and then, you know what, then next thing you focus on the following week is, okay, what am I doing for lunch? Okay, what am I doing for dinner? A lot of times the, the dinner is what gets people. It's the heavy carbs. And not only that, but it's also the alcohol, you know. So if you can— um, it's George's birthday, everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you could cut the alcohol in half or eliminate the alcohol, that's one, one thing. You, you want to see remarkable changes with your body, cut alcohol for 30 days.

All right, I'll have to figure something else out, cuz that alcohol— my thing is this, is the cake. I love, I love the cakes and donuts and pecan pie and banana pudding and stuff like that.

I know, I'm sure. Yeah, so you have to make a decision.

You're right, you're right, you know, you're absolutely correct. You sound like me to them. You sound like everybody else.

Do you like the pecan pie or do you like the size 6 dress?

I like the size 6 dress.

Then you got to give up some of the pecan pie.

You're right.

And we're not saying you don't have to— look, you got to live life. You don't have to give up everything all at once, okay? But you know what your issue is, you know you're eating too much of it. Start by dialing it in half. So if you take a look at what you did last week—

I was good last week. Last week, okay.

What week were you bad?

I was emotional. I was emotional two days ago. Because something happened and I went because I lost in the last about maybe 3 weeks, I lost like 10 pounds. But then what happened was I got a little emotional because my son getting ready to graduate and it was just so much going on. So what I did—

So when your son was about to graduate, they moved the floor out your room so you couldn't do your planks.

He called me out. I like when people do me like I do y'all. I can't even— you right, you absolutely correct. They did not— nobody removed the floor from the house, and I just did not do my planks. But I did go to 31 Flavors, and I had 2 ice cream cones, one on Tuesday, one on Wednesday.

And if you go to Cold Stone, they'll put your ice cream on the plank. Choices, you know, you know, like, and, and, and that's the beautiful thing about human beings is we're very, just, we're very defensive about everything, okay? And if you give somebody a few minutes, they can give you a great excuse as to why. And as my mother, my mother used to say, you can find one million excuses, reasons, and seasons why you can't. All you need is one. And sometimes that one can be you, sometimes that one can be your children, sometimes that one can just be just because, you know. But you just need one good reason. And make a schedule, plan it, make yourself better.

You're absolutely correct. So he's— so he said to plan. So before you start trying to diet, plan it out. See what your habits are. See what you're dealing with mentally that's causing you to always want to snack and then deal with that from there. Now, for those that are in relationships, because I get a lot— I get so many messages. I get about 300 messages a week. Majority of them are from guys and a lot of them are talking about weight and things, you know, that's going on with their relationships. How would you tell a man or a woman to have the talk, um, because they're— they ask me and I give them what I believe. But coming from a man, you said it earlier, but just to reiterate, it's okay to tell your spouse that they're getting a little bit out of pocket.

It's mandatory.

It's mandatory.

It's mandatory. I mean, it's absolutely mandatory. This person is We're not talking about— and mind you, we're not talking about love here. We're talking about sexual attraction, and we're talking about life. Life, yeah, you know. And so just because somebody's not sexually attracted to you doesn't necessarily mean they don't love you, okay? But just because somebody love you don't mean they're sexually attracted to you still, especially when you you have changed what they are attracted to.

Oh, somebody— y'all need his PO box to send him an offering. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying. I mean, so, uh, you know, um, and we shouldn't be— that's not an excuse for people to be vain or, or, or, or, or, or, or be looking at, you know, people on Instagram say, oh, you should be more like this, when you, when you met that man or you met that woman, they ain't look nothing like that, you know. Now, now you're being unfair, and now you're being, you're being crazy.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

But that person should be able to keep themselves in somewhat of the same line as what you met them, because that's what you were attracted to. That's when you say, you know what, you see that one right there? Give me that one. That's the one I want.

You're right. You're right. I, I can't even dispute anything that he's saying. 'Cause I agree 1,000%, especially when you're talking about your forever, when you're talking about your one life that you get. And then, you know, when I got on my fitness journey, minus the planks, I tried it, it was hurting, but I'm gonna keep going, I'm gonna keep going. But I had to realize, you know, April, you don't want to be a liability to anybody either. 'Cause I teach women how to be assets and assets in all all facets of life. But when you come in and you let your health get poor, you now become somewhat of a liability because now health insurance goes up, you know, you have to buy baby clothes, you got— you have, um, what do you call it, medications.

You can't be gone for too long without your medication.

Yeah, that kind of thing.

So I think your blood pressure medicine, you know, when you out somewhere at a— at some inappropriate times, you can't take take your blood pressure medicine and drink this wine even though you're at your son's, daughter's wedding because, you know, your pressure's a little high. You know, all those things. And then you let your pressure get high. If you're a man, you're taking high blood pressure medicine and, you know, there's other things start— other things start to happen. And so, you know, all these things can be simply avoided by open, honest conversations with each other. And just saying, hey man, you know, let's do better.

Yeah, and I think that's pretty much to end all of this. That's what it boils down to. Let's get better. It's not about men love big women too, some women love big guys. It's not even about that. It should be, I want my spouse, I want the one that I'm in a relationship to be as healthy as they possibly can, and whatever that looks like to them, and then— and I'm still sexually attracted to— because you gotta remember, we can't act like sexual attraction is not a big deal. Like, our bodies are even wired to procreate. Like, you can't act like—

that's all you want to do.

Yeah, you can't. And I think people, people try to act like— especially my church people, y'all be trying to act like, oh no, no, no, no, we're not supposed to Yes, you are. Y'all not making love to Fred Hammond and Kirk Franklin's stone. It's something sexual going on, and that's sexual healing. So all of that, the way you look, the way you present yourself. I had a woman that I had to coach through keeping her husband because he used to go to the strip clubs. I think I told you guys this story before. He started going to the strip clubs, and he was giving all his money to the strippers. You like the strip clubs, sis?

Huh?

You like the strip club?

Strip clubs are cool. I mean, yeah, I, I, I've been a time or two. I actually have more fun going to the strip club with a woman though. Ah, so I mean, just me by myself at the strip club, I don't really have that much fun. Um, but I like going with a female.

Okay, I've heard guys say that.

Yeah, but this lady, their interaction with the women are better. Is it?

Yeah, that's— see, we— I'm about to bring you back. That's a whole another conversation.

Yeah, I feel weird just sitting there staring by I feel kind of creepy, you know.

Well, the lady, she had gained the weight, but he was starting— well, she started going to the strip club. Like, he was just giving the money away, and she was like, but he ain't hardly making nothing. But when he was, he was giving it to the strippers. And so I said, well, what's the problem? She said, well, he wants me to strip for him. But she got, she got self-conscious because of her body size. And so I said, so you didn't tell me your man can make it rain at the house and you can pick them couple them dollars up and put them in your bra and dance for him and you won't do it. But he's still, what we talked about, sexually attracted to you just where you are.

Well, I hear two things in that, and the only one thing I would caution is, you know, um, maybe that might not have been her fault. Maybe he might have switched to game mode. Maybe he wasn't as sexually attracted to her, but it was a marriage of, of timing and convenience.

Well, this, for this guy, so you do have people who do that.

They'll marry the person who's available, but yet they're attracted to other things. And that person, that person, my friend, is not a good— that's not a good situation.

Yes, I've experienced having some—

yeah, I've experienced somebody, some people, some people will marry people because, oh, they got a great resume. You got a lot of resume marriages out here. Yeah, you got a lot of great resumes.

We have to have that conversation off camera. Yeah.

Oh, they make a lot of money. Oh, she got a good job.

Oh, she's connected.

She's arm candy. She's arm candy. All those things like that. But they're not, they're not firing on all cylinders with each other.

Yeah, they look good.

They look good on paper. They look good on paper. You got a lot of good paper marriages, like good resume marriage. Yeah, yes, yes. He went to this school and he went to here, and he's a lawyer, he's a this, he's a that. But when y'all get home, right, you guys don't have anything to talk about. You're not even really attracted to each other, you know. And if you do happen to occasionally have sex, it's very boring, you know. And because you guys did not really come together as people, you came together as entities.

And I, I know I know someone in a situation like that and we were sitting talking and he's this real power guy, right? And we were talking one day and I said, "What's wrong?" Everything about him, he slumped down in the seat and he turned into like this 15-year-old boy and I said, "What's going on?" He said, "I've been married to the wrong woman for 17 years." And I said, "Well, what's the problem?" He says, because of who his family was, he He wanted to marry the girl, but she had two kids, but the family would not have approved of that because of who they are. So he married the one that they approved of, that they approved of and was connected. But that boy be cheating like clockwork. I'm like, what? I said, what you doing now? You know, but it, but it, him being with this one got him, is what got him up the ladder, but he's not happy.

But you know, that's That's one of the things that gets you. On my show the other day, I start off my show by saying—

Tell the people about your show right now.

Oh yeah, well, I have a show on RadioVPS.com. It's called The Man's View. It's every Tuesday at 9 PM. But on my show, I talked about my having the pleasure of watching my father die. Yeah. And a lot of people don't I can understand that, but my father taught me so much about life through his death because I actually saw someone who had lived life to its fullest with mistakes and everything, but when it boiled down, you saw in how he lived and died what was important and what was not. Okay, I can— mind you, I grew up I grew up overseas, so I come from a family of influence, if you will. You know, my father was a medical doctor. My father was physician to the president of the country that we're in, so we had means. But at the end of it all, my father was most proud of how he made people feel. Nobody cared how much money he made. Nobody cared, you know, the cars he drove, how many houses he had, how much land he had, how connected he was. People loved him as a man. And those are the things that made me change my path and left the financial— you know, I was a broker for 15 years. I left that because I realized that I could make all that money and I was good at what I I did, right? But when it really boiled down to it, right, it's really about what life is all about. It's your happiness, your health, okay? And you can have all those things— that money, that car, that connection, the job, the title— if you're not happy and you're not healthy, you're broke.

You're absolutely correct. Like, yeah, that Yeah, you guys got to make sure you check out, um, his show.

What? The Man's View on RadioVPS.com, Tuesdays at 9 PM.

Tuesdays at 9 PM. Also, how can they reach you? Um, well, everybody kind of know how to reach you.

Yeah, yeah, you can find me on Instagram, Titus Unlimited. And, um, now, um, I have my website. It just started. It's titusunlimited.com. Um, part of my website, we're gonna have, um, a workout portion where people can actually sign up for a subscription to workout plans, diet suggestions, and some one-on-one counseling as well.

Awesome, awesome. So you guys, make sure you go over there, make sure you join him on Instagram, Facebook. Are you on Twitter?

Yes, I am on Twitter. Everything is Titus Unlimited. Titus Unlimited.

Make sure you go over there and also share this. I know some of y'all got offended But hopefully it was in a good way because like he said, we've become a sensitive society and we don't want to say anything. But at the end of the day, we get one life. And if you are overweight and you know, we know normally when we out of pocket and you know it, don't do like I did and act like I didn't. Well, not act like, I just wasn't aware that I was wearing jeggings. You know, I wasn't aware. Don't have that, that walk by the mirror experience. Just pay attention. Somebody told me something the other day, said you don't always need pain to change, right? You don't have to wait for something to happen or the doctor to say, you know, you got diabetes or you have this and you have the things that you brought on yourself. You don't have to wait for that. So I appreciate you for coming, giving me your time. When I, when I knew, found out he was here, I said, you know, we've been talking to you guys about redesigning your whole life. This is the end of the tour, and part of redesigning your life, the biggest part, is your health. Like, if you have no health, you have no life. So I think it's very important, and I appreciate your time. And you guys, share this and go follow them. Do you have any parting words for the folks?

Um, parting words is, you know, you have to be happy with who you are, and if you're happy with whatever whatever your situation is, I applaud you. My goal is to inspire people. My goal is to make sure that people are truly happy with themselves and not just making excuses or settling for a life because they don't think that they can make a change. And so if you can make that change, start small, do something, but make the change.

And there you have it, you guys. Mr. Gene, tired is tired is unlimited. The man always on Instagram without no shirt on, throwing everybody that smile.

And y'all, I put an occasional shirt and even a bow tie on.

Oh, you put a bow tie and you be like, you know your good side. He know, I think he know his good side, y'all. He just be, and y'all just be drooling and everything. I know y'all wish I could be here with me right now.

I just, I just be sitting there, if you don't hurry up and take this picture, So love you guys, thank you so much.

For those of you that have your tickets, I'll see you tomorrow at 1 o'clock. Beat me here, don't meet me here. Love y'all, bye.