Relationship Thursday: My husband spends our money at the strip club!

Hey y'all, it is April Mason live here and this is Relationship Thursday. How y'all doing on this beautiful Thursday afternoon or morning or evening, wherever, depending on where you are? What we keep fighting about, baby? This is that Toni Braxton and Babyface, Love, Marriage and Divorce, that I'm listening to. This is my jam because all we always see me to do is scream and shout about it. There you go, boy, you just keep breaking me down. Hey y'all, how y'all doing? Y'all know how we get started here. Give me a shout out for where you are. Roll call, where are you, where are you, where are you on this Thursday? Hey, Lori from Dallas! Hey, uh, Alana and Kirk and Stephanie. Cynthia from Tampa. Can y'all tell I like that? I like this song. Stephanie from Panama. Uh, Tony, hey, how you doing? Uh, Miss Russell from the Queens. Kirk from, uh, Memphis. Miss Dixon from the Bahamas. I see New York is in the building, Portland, Oregon. Hey, how y'all doing on the West Coast? The Rich, Nicole from The Rich, how you doing? Dominique from Little Rock and Alana from New York City. Hey Vicky, how you doing, darling? I see Detroit, I missed that. Beauty Grace from Detroit, Deborah Coleman, Deborah Pearl. Good afternoon from Baltimore. One of my questions today is from the B-more area, so gotta listen to that. Hey Joy from Houston. Tamika, you give me life. You give me life too, girl. Thank you for tuning in. I, uh, Tamika, I love you. I love to speak with you. Gotta go to my website and fill out a form over there. Michelle, hey Michelle from Wyoming. Uh, Alisa, Alisa from New Jersey. Daryl from Augusta. Uh, Lucia from New Zealand, thank you darling. Hey, um, oh, I forgot, I didn't get to see that. Hold on, that went a little fast. Tira from Memphis, I'm in the room. Uh, hey, uh, McAllister, last name, the Chi-Town is in the building. I see the Bronx, New York, Lakisha. Uh, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Natasha. Hey, Angel from Chicago, and Sarah from Sac Town is in the building, Cali, representing today. Uh, Miss Walter from Dallas, you hear everyone Tuesday and Thursday, I appreciate you and your time. Stephanie, I mean, excuse me, Stacy from Tennessee, Memphis is in the building. Happy Thursday to you, Erica. Hey Larry, thank you darling. Connie from Pittsburgh visiting in Vegas listening to you. That's so— you know you on vacation listening, that's what I'm talking about. Hey Miss Chin from Jamaica, uh, Amber from Cincinnati. Hey April, hey Miss Douglas, Nicole Wright from Jamaica. I think Detroit— our other question is from the D today, so we got the DM Baltimore in here. April pre-ordered your CD. Thank you guys so much for pre-ordering. Um, the CD, I'll talk about that in a minute for those of y'all that missed it. Um, hey, hey, hey, how y'all doing? I see Kevin, um, Kelvin from Fort— what did you say— Fort, um, Maryland. Let's see, I see something else. Sultry Sisters, we love you from Jersey. Thank you, Alyssa, thank you so much. Uh, who is that? Rosalind from London, I'm at work but couldn't pass on this, was amazing. Girl, Don't let me get you fired, honey. Okay, okay, who else do I see? William, Terrence, uh, let's see, Chris. Stream tonight, let's sweat it out. You like my necklace, Miss Sales? Thank you so much, I thought it was cute. I found it, um, in this— in some little store my daughter and I were in. Hey Laura, you pre-ordered as well. Thank you guys, you know, so much. Some of y'all like, they are wondering like, what is Pre-ordered? What, what y'all pre-order? Anywho, let's get right into our show for today. And you know how we do, like I said, I give you guys a shout out as well as I'm going to start doing something a little bit different, um, just a little bit on Relationship Thursdays. We decided that— well, I did it last year, I don't know if you guys saw it, but we're gonna try to do maybe like a matchmaker segment. Let me know if you guys uh, that's something that you guys would be interested in and putting yourself out there. Since everybody say they want to find love and they can't find it, hey, we got 60,000+ people on this page and we have viewers and all, you know, from all over the country. So somebody got to, you know, be hooking up. Thank you, Daughters of Christ, for ordering my, um, pre-ordering my audiobook. Come back to Sac. I'll be back. I'll be back. California will always be home for me. I'm a Cali girl, but Um, right now I'm rocking as a Georgia peach, so I call myself kind of like a little Cali peach. If you would like to speak or book— okay, that's my, that's my team down there. If you have a question, um, some of my team are— they're in the, uh, the room, um, handling some things and, you know, in the chat, in the chat for me right there. So, uh, if you guys are interested in maybe possibly let's play and hook up a little bit, I did it last year for a friend of mine on my Facebook page, and honey We had like— it was crazy. I mean, like crazy. And, you know, went out on a few dates and things. So, you know, who knows, we might want to try to do some little love connections on this, uh, on this Thursday. Let me know, let me know. Also, for those of you wondering, what are they talking about they pre-order? I don't— I think I put it— where did I put it? Where did I put it? Where did I put it? I think it might be in the other room, the actual, um, cover. But March 15th, I will be releasing the Are You an Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite. And for the first 100 people that order, not only do they get the CD, but they also get the digital version of it. So you can listen to it on your phone, your iPod, your iPad, or in the car, uh, and you get free shipping. So we have about 40 of those left. We're 40 away from our 100. So you can go to I'm An Asset to find out more information about that. And what it's about is my journey of tapping into womanhood and femininity and what caused me to do that and the top 10 things I believe every woman, uh, value that every woman should have. So we're going to go into that and how to show you how to embrace your womanhood and femininity and just the things that I had to go through to get to the woman that I am today. For you guys that have business questions, y'all got to come back on Tuesday because Tuesday is our business day, entrepreneurship day. As well as, um, if your questions— do not inbox me your questions because it gets jumbled up because we get, I would say, on average about 100, 125 messages a day, and I don't have time to go through those. The website, Kenyetta, is I'mAnAsset.com. I'mAnAsset.com. If my daughter is in the room, uh, viewing, if she could type that down below for her mama. I'mAnAsset.com. And you can pre-order it. It's only $24.95 plus shipping and handling. So some of y'all say some of your stuff For $25. And if you value who you are, value, um, information, you have no problem going over there and investing $24.95 because I think this would probably be my work— best work yet. If you didn't see, uh, on Wednesday I got up early at like midnight and I talked about it. I wasn't supposed to say anything just yet, but I talked about it. But so you can go to the video right after this one and it'll give you a whole breakdown of What I'm An Asset is about, why I did it, how did I come into knowing that we have gotten so far away from our femininity and our womanhood that it's causing us to not get the things that we want in life, when femininity is the thing that God gave us women as our power and our strength, not our bank accounts, not our education, not the organizations that we're part of, our credit scores. That's not our power. That's what we've done. So I've had to get back in alignment to what our power actually is, and it is in our femininity. And no, your femininity is not going to look pink or fluffy or anything like that. You know, you might not be like me, but you do have it in you. So anywho, um, I seen it, Boston here ordering. Thank you so much, thank you so much. Okay, let's get into our question, darling. All right, this one is Keith. If you're watching, sweetheart, baby, this is for you. He says My girl cheated. We've been together 5 years and she admitted that she cheated with a co-worker. I asked her why she did it and she said because I left her emotionally abandoned. I work, I work a lot to provide for my family and I've tried, uh, and I'm tired a lot. She says that I stopped giving her compliments, doing the small things that I used to do, and even being concerned about who she is as a person. I love her and want to keep my marriage, and she said that she does too. How do I trust again? I find myself being suspicious about everything that she does. Well, let me say this: cheating is never right, whether it's a guy or a girl. See, we hear all the time, people cheat, people cheat. And you know, a lot of men get the bad rap for cheating. And you know, some people think that all men cheat. I just don't believe that because I believe this: cheating is a choice. Cheating is something that is not just embedded in your DNA to say, well, you know what, all men is just gonna cheat, or all women just gonna do it. No, everything in life is a choice. So Keith, your wife made a choice to cheat on you, period. So let's get that out the way. She was wrong, absolutely wrong. I don't care what the situation is, there's never, uh, there's never a good reason to cheat because cheating is a choice. We read all of these magazines about why men cheat, why women cheat. None of that matters because cheating boils down to it is only a choice. So she made that choice. Now she made the choice based upon how she felt. See, to me, people who cheat are very selfish because instead of letting a person go, they entangle them in all of their foolishness. So it's very selfish of a person to cheat because what you're saying is, I want this and I want that too. So I'm not man or woman enough— in this case, woman enough— to, to talk about what the issues are or even walk away from you, but I'm woman enough to go cheat and lay down with somebody else. Now somebody said, what's her reason? It doesn't matter what her reason is. There's never a reason to cheat. If you make a commitment to somebody, there's never a reason to cheat, because what you're saying is I'm a selfish, behinded person, and I'm not, I'm not ready, um, you know, I'm not ready to walk away and let them go. I hope that one day they'll get it and they'll, you know, they'll just, you know, do what I need them to do. But then on the other end, um, you're saying that you don't value who you are either, because all of that plays a part, honey. All of that plays a part. So here's my, my, um, suggestions, um, to you. Like I said, number one, cheating is wrong. I don't care what nobody say. I don't care what your excuse is. Cheating is wrong at the end of the day. Cheating is wrong. Number 2, she, um, she said she cheated because of emotional, uh, needs. Now I gotta say this, Key, and fellas, pay attention to this. Most women, when we— well, I won't say we because I've never been a cheater. I was never— I don't think I've ever cheated before because I just, I don't like bringing nobody into my stuff. I'll leave you before I cheat on you. So most women, when they do cheat, it has nothing to do with the physical thing for the most part. It has everything to do with emotional thing. And like with most men, a lot of times it's a physical thing. That's why they can lay down with a chick and, uh, sleep, you know, sleep with her and go on about their business and still love this woman over here where their heart is, because it's a physical thing. I think a lot of times as women, we don't realize how, um, men are wired. We want them to be wired like us, and they're not wired like us. We're wired from an emotional standpoint, but they're wired from a physical standpoint. That's why, um, you men, you know, you'll see your man looking at other women. Doesn't mean that she— he wants her. It just means that's what it is, you know. He's a physical being. But for my single ladies, you ever meet a guy— I know this happens to me, and this has happened to me in the past— and as soon as y'all exchange numbers, you know, y'all might talk, or he texts you, and first thing he says is, can you send me a picture of you? It's not necessarily that he doing nothing bad with the picture. It's just that it's a— he's a physical, um, I mean, excuse me, a visual being is what it is. Men are extremely visual. So in that Um, I don't, you know, you don't, don't take that all serious sometimes. But women, on the other hand, if a woman steps out on her man, it's 9 times out of 10 something that's not— there's not an emotional connection there. There's something going on. Doesn't mean that you got to go out and cheat, but that's normally what it is. So sounds like she said that you emotionally abandoned her, and you said you do work a lot of hours. And I get it. I know some women say, well, you know, I want him to be here and do this and do that, but then you want, you know, to make sure he's providing. So there has to be a balance on both ends. So Keith, you said you want to keep your marriage. The only reason why I'm giving you the advice that I'm giving you now is because you said you want to stay. Because you want to stay, number one thing you have— you're gonna have to wrap your mind around and wrap your heart around is, if you want to stay, trusting is a choice. I know y'all be like, April, there you go with this trust stuff all the time. I mean, it's this choice stuff. Trusting is a choice. No, there are some things that she's gonna have to do to help you regain your trust, but you're gonna have to take control of your mind, honey, because y'all know our mind will run away with us all willy-nilly and we'd be feeling some sort of way about all kind of things and creating things that may not even be and pissing ourselves off And you know, because of what we're thinking. So because you want to stay married, you have to make the choice to number one, forgive her. Number one, forgive her. Number two, I suggest that you guys go to marital counseling because they're going to be able to give you a lot more than what I can give you today on how to regain and rebuild the trust. Number three, I would also suggest that you find out what your love language is and what her love language is. I think you can go as a The guy that wrote the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. If you Google love language test, you can take the love language test. I've taken it twice, you know, myself, and I found out what my love languages are. And I believe when you are in a relationship, and if it's something that you are, you know, looking for long-term, you've got to know what each other's love language is. And I believe we go into relationships thinking that we know how a person is because we've had previous relationships. Well, Everything ain't for everybody, period. So you have to learn that person. It sounds like, um, she says you don't compliment her. Now, sounds like her, her, um— thank you, Rasheen. Gary Chapman, absolutely. Sounds like her love language might be words of affirmation, because I know that's one of mine. And with that, people whose love language is that, you have to tell them and they have to hear it. From you. They have to hear from you. I had a fella tell me not too long ago, because I noticed, I'm like, he doesn't, you know, he always calls and want to hang out, but you don't give compliments, you don't say nice things. And I remember asking him, you know, why? He said, I'm not going to tell you you fine because you already know that. I'm not going to tell you stuff you already know. Well, that made me cut the cord and say, you know, I don't, that don't sit right with me. So as women, we like to hear how you feel about us. We like to hear that we're beautiful. We like to hear that we look nice. We like to hear that you notice that we got a haircut or we changed our outfit or we, you know, we like to, we like to you to tell us those things. But if you in your own feelings, I'm not, I ain't telling you this because I don't want to blow your head up. What y'all don't understand is we already know it, but we just like to hear it from you. So that may, that doesn't make us want to do anything for you and be in the space of taking care of you because it's like we're doing it and just because, and we're not receiving anything back, you know. No, not saying everything you do you got to receive something back, but at the same time What woman doesn't want her man to tell her, baby, you look beautiful today? What woman doesn't want to hear that, you know what, babe, what do you want to do with your life? You know, I know you've been here taking care of the kids, and I know I've been working, um, all the time, but you know, I'm gonna try to do better and squeeze in some time. And it's, it's always— she said you don't notice the small things. Go to the Dollar Tree, honey, you can get 2 cards for a dollar. Leave her a card somewhere. Those kind of things will get you a total different response. But We get so caught up in self, not realizing a relationship is selfless. See, a lot of folk don't get that. They're getting into relationships by what they can get all the time, not what they can give. And what you don't understand is that what you give will get you everything that you want without you ever having to ask for it. I'm just saying, folks, it will get you that. Just give it. Somebody said, Kim, I'm hiding in the utility closet at my job catching this. Somebody— girl, I told you, don't you get fired, honey, because I ain't got no job to give you. But thank you so much for tuning in. That is too funny. So back to Keith, like I said, ultimately you trusting her again is going to be a choice. And go to counseling, find a good counselor. Find a good counselor because you said you want to make it work. Now, if you didn't say you wanted to make it work, my advice might have been a little bit different. But because you said you wanted to make it work, get on it, honey. Get on it. No, yo, for the— before any of the men come back in here that's just catching this, what about this? No, cheating is not right for men or for women. Bottom line is just wrong, and it's very selfish. I can get this over here. I can get— this man is working hard, taking care of his family over here, but I can get my emotional needs and whatever else, sex or whatever else, from over here, from this other person. That's selfish, period. So Keith, I hope that answers your question. Getting my hair done, trying to get all the information. Hey Katrina, thank you so much, girl. Get your hair did. You know how we do, we got to get our hair did, honey. Thank you so much. Here's our next question. Hold on, let me take a little drink of water. I got my Valentine's Day cup, see. It says, will you be, will you be mine? Yes, no, or maybe. Y'all know Valentine's Day is next week, and someone asked me what will I be doing for you guys on Valentine's Day. I'll, I'll come online. I got— I may have something special for my singles on Valentine's Day because my team has sent me so many emails that you guys have been sending about it, spending it alone. I got something for that. I got something for that. So I probably come on maybe next Saturday, kind of late, kind of late night, next Saturday. Now this is from Monica in Detroit. Girl, this one was good to me, honey. This one right here, y'all listen to this, listen to this. Monica, Detroit, here we go. April, my husband can't seem to keep a job. I try not to talk down to him about it, but it seemed like he's lost his motivation. The issue is when he does get money He spends it at the strip club. Woo woo woo. This makes me feel like I'm not enough for him. He tells me that I am and has often asked me to strip for him. Uh, because I've gained weight, I've gained some weight, I feel real self-conscious about my body and how I look. Another major issue is, y'all clutch your pearls, clutch your pearls on this one. Clutch your pearls. He likes oral sex, and I was taught that a woman should not have her mouth on a man's private parts. We've been married 7 years and I've never done it. What should I do? I'mma let y'all digest that. I see some of y'all little, y'all little, uh, blank faces in here. Well, Miss Monica in Detroit, honey, um Whoo, this kind of took me, you know, took me a little bit. What Jada said, absolutely unacceptable. And what Chanda said, get on your knees. Rashida, y'all so silly. Okay, here's my advice to you, Monica. First and foremost, I need you to love yourself more. First and foremost, because You sound like you're married to a man that loves you. He's still there. He's asked you to strip for him, but because of how you feel about yourself, he— you won't do it. But then when he does get a little change, you know, he go down to the Labor Ready and make some change for the day. First thing he does is go to the strip club and let them drop shake shake. Like you supposed to be doing. I'm just saying, girl, if you want to give him some motivation, give him some sex. I'm just saying, give him some sex, give him some motivation, and keep him out the strip club, honey. So what I've— I understand where you are because growing up in church I've heard a woman ain't got no business sucking on nothing but a popsicle. All of these different— I've heard all of that. Now, you've been married, what'd you say, 7 years? 7 years. And you guys did not have this discussion prior to marriage. This is stuff that you're supposed to talk about prior to saying I do. So if you didn't do it then, and you 7 years and you ain't doing it now, I don't understand how your relationship is working if you say that's something that he loves. I don't, I don't, I don't understand that. For me, for me and my thought process, I believe that whatever you won't do, another person will, first. And number two, it's your husband not some random dude. I know they say, you know, the bedroom is un— you know, undefiled, and you can do whatever you want to do. And it's true, I believe it was true within limits. Bringing 2 and 3 people in there, I don't think you should be doing that. But when it comes to something as simple— was as simple as my man won't— can't get a job, he's not motivated, but he wants me to strip for him and he wants me to give him oral sex. That sounds like a bunch of job motivation to me, girl. I bet he'll get that resume right, he'll go get him a job and everything that you need him to do. But see, what happens is we don't want to wave the white flag. See, everybody's trying to battle and get what they want, but they're trying to do it in the wrong way. I'm saying wave the white flag give in and say, you know what, this is my husband, I want to keep my marriage, and if this what it takes to keep my marriage and keep him coming home— because he's already expressed it to you, he's already told you what the issues are. Because you don't feel good about you, you're holding out on him because you don't feel good about you. That's not his fault that you don't feel good about yourself, especially when he wants you to drop shake shake like you're supposed to do for him. It'll keep him out of the strip club and it'll keep him employed. Men are simple. When you have somebody that wants to be there— now I'm not talking about those, you know, I know some of y'all ladies like, nah, they just— no, you got some crazy ones. I get it, I know that. But if he's there and saying he wants to be there with you and all he's requiring is, is a little dance, and, and let him take that money that he making you know, and you know how they do it, make it rain at the house, and you pick them up and you put them in your little chest, and then you go ahead, deposit in the bank, and you go ahead and you go pay the bills. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, Monica, keep your marriage. Do not let something as simple as not feeling good about yourself stop you. Period. Also, if there's an underlying issue like maybe some type of sexual abuse or some type of trauma that you dealt with that makes you feel like this is like— I'm giving oral sex is totally wrong— I would suggest that, you know, go see a counselor about that as well too. But if that is what your husband wants, and if you could find it in you to go ahead and give him that, baby, I bet you you get whatever it is that you want. I bet you, you do, because it's not that difficult. I remember, um, a friend of mine told me, all my wife got to do is sleep with me and she can have whatever she want. If she— you can take my food, you can take, uh, my job, just don't take the sex away from me. And she, she can have whatever she want as long as she, as he said, bang me on a regular basis. That's what he said. So With you saying the blanketing weight part, honey, you can still be sexy at any size. You better take— you go, go get a little corset. Now fellas, this ain't for you, this is for my ladies right here. Let me give you a little secret, girl. Go grab you a corset and have one of your girlfriends snatch you up in there, squeeze that waist in. And if you know, even if you don't have a chest, it'll push everything out. Go put on you some thigh highs with some— with a little garter belt, honey. And I get you a little— what you call it— little feathers. Get you one of them little feather little things. What y'all call a little feather thing, honey? And then you put your makeup on, and then you put on your 6-inch heels, honey, and then you work that. That's what you do. Matter of fact, even though he doesn't have a job, right, I need you to start treating him like he does, okay? Start treating him like he already has a job. So when he comes in When he comes in, have yourself all together and be done cooked him a real good meal, right? In your little sexy little outfit. So he looking like, what the hell going on, baby? You know what, I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate everything you're doing so much. I see you out here, out here working hard. I see you out here doing your thing and trying to provide for my family, our family. I appreciate you for that. Yeah, that's the boa feathers. That's what I'm talking about. So do that even though he's not in the position just yet, honey. I need you to speak that over him, that he's already in the position that you need him to be. Flawnt yo girl. When I say girl, I mean the girl inside of you. So treat him like that. So go ahead, this is, this is your homework assignment, Monica. Go get you a little outfit, something cute. The French maid— I've always loved a French maid. Get you a little French maid or a corset, something real cute, something real cute. And then I need you to talk to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I am beautiful, I am wonderful, I am fabulous, I am sexy, I am kind, I am loving, I am sensual, I am sexual. I'm I need you to say that. Look yourself in the face and tell yourself that, right? Why you putting on your little outfit for him? Because I need you— in order for you to pull off what I'm telling you to do, you've got to be confident in it, and you've got to strut in there like you own the place, because that's your man, and you do. So go on and get your outfit. Go in the mirror as you're getting yourself all dolled up. And motivate yourself first and give yourself those affirmations, honey. And I promise you, you're gonna start feeling real good about yourself. And matter of fact, put on that Destiny's Child, Let Me Cater to You. Put that on and start letting that get in your spirit because you're talking about your husband. And while he out, right, look, we plotting, we plotting on the husband because we got to keep— you know, we back to love, we got to keep things together. So while he out, right, you done got all dolled up. A matter of fact, if he didn't leave, send him to the store to get something while you get it all together. And then when he come back, you could be cooking in the kitchen, got it smelling all good, some little smothered pork chops or some smothered steak and some, some, uh, green beans or some something, you know, gotta make it quick because he just went to the store, right? And then when he come in, honey, and he see you all together He's like, what's this? And you, you act like you don't know. What do you— whatever do you mean? Well, why are you all dressed up? You're like, you know, there's something I just decided to throw on. Look, I'm letting y'all into my vault just a little bit, just a little bit. But listen, act like you don't know nothing, you know, just something you threw on. And then while you cooking and while he's standing there looking at you, because he gonna be drooling because you're gonna be snatched. Tell them, you know what, I just wanted to show you that I appreciate you and everything that you do. That's what I want. Deborah said watch War Room. Yeah, you can watch War Room and pray on it, but, but faith without works is dead. She can pray on that thing, but honey, she gonna have to do some things too, because as, as a wife, you have wifely duties, honey. Somebody said, why does he need his wife to do that to get a job? Kelvin, I didn't say he needed his— I didn't say he needed his wife to do that to get a job. Everybody needs some motivation. We don't know if he could have been out there putting out thousands of resumes and nobody has called him back. So it ain't— we can't take the mindset that he's just sitting at home not doing anything. So he might not be motivated because ain't nobody calling back. However, A little motivation will get, get that engine— it's like a, you know, when your car stops and you got to put the, uh, the clamps on it and get a jump. He just might need a little bit, little jump. So let's not go with the why he need this and why he need that, because we're human beings and there's certain things that we need. We need to feel motivated. We need to know that somebody cares about us. So all y'all independent people, y'all don't need that because independent We need that sometimes. And that's why I believe— I ain't gonna get no Bible message, but I believe Jesus sent the disciples out two by two because he knew eventually one would be down while the other one was up, and vice versa sometimes. So it's not that he needs her to, uh, motivate him to get a job. He needs her to be that helpmate as a wife is supposed to be. So it's about us, all about when she's down, he support her, and vice versa. So nah, he can go get a job. But it's something about, you know how y'all put on a new suit and you put on a new outfit, you feel a whole nother different way. And this, because this is not just her man, this is her husband. We will wave the white flag. We'll wave the white flag because she wants her relationship to work. So all y'all to be talking all of that other stuff, why this and why— it doesn't matter why. The thing is What is the end result that you want? I always teach my children, I spoke on this before, when a person has what you want, you respond to them differently than if you did if they— if you don't need them for anything. So because she wants this man, she wants him to step up to the plate, you don't approach him with, no, I need you to get your broke butt out. Get it? That ain't what you do. You put on your girl, you put on your cute little outfit, and you speak to him as though he's already the man that you need him to be. That's how you motivate somebody, period. What is the end of the result for what you want? It depends on what you want. If she wants him to get a job and all those things, I've seen it happen too many times. Women, we have so much power. While everybody is sitting here going back and forth, placing blame You could have already gotten what you wanted if you change your approach. So a lot of times as women, we kind of do the, well, I need him to do this first, I need him to do that first. Once again, it's all about what you, you're trying to get from him from a, from a combative, argumentative type place. That's what you're doing. And I know a lot of women, we don't— we want to see, but he this, he that. It doesn't matter, because if you're trying to stay with this man You got to find out what your strategy is and, and how to maneuver based upon how he needs you to respond to him. I'm just saying, stop placing blame, pointing fingers, and all of this stuff because it's not getting you the result that you need. And I know as women we all have often done that. Well, what about these men that are this? I'm not talking about those. And I bet you a lot of relationships could have lasted I'm not talking about no abuse or anything like that, but as women, we can be the temperature and we can set the tone. You can talk differently, you can do things that are different to get the results that you want. Would you say that's from a controlling— that's not from a controlling standpoint. That's a woman using her femininity. A woman's femininity is not controlling. A woman— a man is in the masculine energy, a woman is in the feminine energy. When you tap into your feminine energy automatically makes a man, uh, taps into his masculine. And because you're giving him something that he doesn't have, which is that feminine, so it automatically normally calms him down. So it's not controlling, it's using your girl. It has nothing to do with control. Now you have some women that use it for bad, and then you have some women that use it for good. But a woman's femininity is, is the essence of who she is, and it's, it's what a man is missing. That's that piece that a man is missing. So we got to stop trying to change the natural flow of things because of what our past experiences have been, because we only respond based upon our past experiences. A woman that uses her femininity— see, here's the deal, y'all talk about these women, look at her and she always a damsel in distress and blah blah blah, but guess what? Those women are getting exactly what it is that you want, but you too, you too, uh, high-minded and think talking about them, always gossiping, talking about these same women, but yet they are getting exactly what it is that you want they want because you are not tapping into your femininity and they are. So can you really complain about what this woman is getting and you're not getting because you're trying to, you're trying to take the natural order of things and how we use our God-given gifts that he gave us as femininity and put it over here and trying to get a result. Well, I don't want to do it that way. I don't want to do— well, it doesn't matter what you don't want to do because you ain't gonna get the result. So you wonder why that guy that's with that, uh, that fine guy, he's with this plain Jane looking chick, and you wondering why he— how he— how she pull him? Because she probably was using her girl and she tapped into her femininity, that part of him that's really missing. And he got a little bit of it, but that part that, that really, um, only a woman can give a man, she tapped into Now she snatched the man that you probably was looking at, period. So stop trying to do the whole, you know, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do that, I don't want to do this, and I want to see what he gonna do first. Use your femininity, Monica, and all the rest of y'all, um, that's watching, to get what you want. That's how it's always been. Men will always— straight men will always follow women. But they're not following you because you masculine. They follow you because of that femininity thing, that feminine thing that you got. So I know a lot of ladies, they will sit back and say, I don't want to do that, why should I have to? You don't. But don't complain about the results you don't get because what you're not— because of what you're not willing to do. So stop putting your mouth on all of these other chicks, all these other women, that are doing it, and you— oh, look at, she's so catering. Why she also— she's so catering, and then, and you know, she always got some nice words for him. Why she always validating him? Guess what? She has what you don't have because you're not willing to do what she's doing. Not saying everybody is, you know, it got to be— it got to look the same. Some people are just catering types. Some women, you know, they do it— everybody has their own way of doing it. But you can't be mad and talk crap about the next woman because she has what you want and you sitting around single. And you're not willing to, to do that. I'm just saying that was something that I had to learn, something that I had to learn. It was like, well, why she— what? It doesn't matter. She got the fat ring on her finger, she got the pretty house, her husband comes home and take care of her, make sure she's straight, he tends to her like he's supposed to. So there's something to be learned from those women versus trying to— I don't want to do that, he just need to step up. Maybe you need to say things differently and take a different approach so he will step up. Honestly, I know some of y'all saying, why don't— why can't a man just do— because men follow women, huh? I'm just saying, a man will follow a woman all day and all night. Now, of course you want him to come with everything together and everything on point and all of these things, but they're not. So if he, if he tends to the core, he takes care of the core of who you are— I always talk about that— and he missing some pieces Honey, tap into that girl and you can develop those pieces that are missing as long as you— he meets your core needs. I've always taught you guys that. So Monica and all the rest of you watching, honey, stop complaining about what you're not getting. I'm just not doing it. I don't feel like it takes all of that. I don't feel like it takes— and it don't for you. That's why you're in the situation you in now. So Monica, baby, sweetheart, um, I suggest— and I'm— this is not a promotion, I've never used her product, she just came to mind— you might want to go to Candy from Housewives of Atlanta. She got Candy Coated Nights. You might want to get, uh, uh, some of that, some of the stuff that she got and start using some of that stuff. Go over there, tell her, you know, April sent me over there. Maybe she'll come in and say hey to us. But go over there and try some things. Stop being so rigid. That's your husband. That's your husband. You're supposed to take care of him. Like, you expect him to go out and get a job, you're complaining because he doesn't have a job. Well, he complaining that you don't, um, won't strip for him and you won't get more upset. So y'all on the same page. You're on the same page. I'm just saying. Anywho, that's all I have for you, um, today, Monica. What'd you say, Victoria? I love my femininity. It works. It does. I'm like, I'm— I see so much we try to change things, the order of things, so much, and you wonder why you're not getting the result, because it's not meant to be changed. How is it that we can cater to everyone else but, uh, but our— but ours, giving and giving our attention to our boss, but ourselves and giving our attention to our boss, friends, and children? That's— that's— I don't know. That's because when we, we don't cater to ourselves we show we don't really care about ourselves, um, as much, and we put everybody else before ourselves. Men follow women. I never saw that verse in the Bible. You don't— you never saw that verse in the Bible, Kelvin? Come on now. Samson followed Delilah. The strongest man to ever live was taken down by a woman. Just, you know, y'all Bible thumpers, get the crap out of here. There's certain things that the Bible does teach but there's certain things you got to be able to look at. And see, matter of fact, Adam followed Eve. You don't need the Bible to say man follows woman. Look at their actions. Scripture says that Eve handed the fruit to Adam. That would suggest that Adam was standing right there and he was just as curious as, um, as she was. So he allowed it and he could have stopped it. So Calvin, go ahead before you get blocked. I'm just saying, we all know that men follow women, and we don't need a Bible to tell us that, even though there's been several accounts from Adam and Eve over there to Samson that men— a man followed woman. A woman can be a man's, um, greatest downfall, or— I mean, excuse me, a woman can be a man's greatest downfall, or she could be a man's, um, a man's, uh— okay, let me go ahead and block you. Kelvin, because you talking a bunch of nonsense. Goodbye. Oh, and, or she can be the one that takes him, you know, to the moon. What you say? She know, um, she know her Bible, so please don't— yeah, don't, don't try me with the Bible stuff. I may be funny and act a little silly sometimes, but you don't want to come at a sister with the Bible stuff, honey. You don't want to come because I can come back at you with it, um, with it. So, um, Tyrese needs to invite you on the show. Well, you know what, maybe they will, maybe they won't. If they— even if they don't, I got you guys right here. And I'm happy with, um, the fact that you guys take time out of your day to tune in on Thursdays— Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I love you guys. That's all I have, um, for you. And Monica in Detroit and Keith in Baltimore, all of this goes back to a choice. Monica, you can make a choice to learn how to be more girly, tap into your femininity. You can learn, you know, by taking some— I give you a couple things, a couple things that I talk about in the I'm an Asset, uh, audio is you can take some, um, some belly dancing classes to learn your grace, some salsa, some, some, uh, tango. That's kind of sexy. You might want to take your husband out and start doing those kind of things, um, for your husband, as well as take a pole dancing class. He, he go to the strip club. I don't see anything— if that's your husband, I don't see anything wrong with that. I'm just saying, uh, I was going to say don't block him because he's speaking his thought. But it don't matter. He's speaking his thought on my video and it's distracting other people in the room, so he got to go. So, and that's someone— that's another lesson right there. Every— you got to cut folk out your life sometimes. I'm just saying. Um, the man is the head, but the— what somebody say? The man is the head. Yeah, the man is the head, but the head don't turn without the neck. So all of this, y'all Bible thumpers, we already know that thing. However, just because the man is the head does not mean he always operate as the head. So it— sometimes it takes a woman to pull that leader out of that man. But the only way you can do that is through your femininity, not your nagging, not your mouth, not that combativeness. That's how you want to pull it out. That is how you're going to pull it out. So that's all I have for you guys today. I hope you guys have a wonderful Thursday. I will see you guys back here on Tuesday. Yeah, Entrepreneurship Tuesday. So for you guys that were asking entrepreneurship questions, go to, uh, aprilmason.com, click on April Mason TV and submit your question there. We might choose your question. So with that, we get quite a few questions, and if I don't get to your question, I'm sorry, but we get a lot of questions. And I got some, some something I need you to do for me. When you send me over a question, baby, make sure that I can understand what you saying, because sometimes I don't understand a word that you say because I— maybe y'all typing faster on your phone and it really make sense. So just take a little bit of time and write it out, because I probably could have gotten to a couple other ones if I understood what you were saying. So love you guys, have a great day, and I'll see you on Tuesday. It's okay that you missed it, Christy. Once this is— yes, this is live, David and Christy— but once you are, um, once this is over, it's going to process and it'll be posted on my page so you get to listen to it again. Talk to you later. And please, also, if you are not a friend on this page, I ask that you subscribe to my— to this page, because some of you said, April, you really need to be on TV, you need to be doing all these things. But I gotta build the numbers. So the only way I can build the numbers is by the shares that you guys give, the comments, as well as liking the page. So I would appreciate it and be so— be so kind if you guys could share the page. And like the page and like, share the videos if you, um, don't mind. Uh, you said, what's the link for the book? Go to I'mAnAsset.AprilMason— no, I'm sorry, I'm getting me wrong. Go to I'mAnAsset.com and you can order, pre-order the audiobook, as well as look at the— watch the video, um, right after this one, and it'll give you a breakdown of what this is all about and how, um, it came about. So it's I'mAnAsset.com. 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite. Love you guys, see you on Tuesday. Bye!