So you want to be a strong, independent black woman

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hello, hello, good evening everybody. I'm going to give you a few minutes to come in, give you a few minutes to come in. I see y'all coming in, I see y'all coming in. Come on in the room. Apparently there has been a media frenzy since my post, so I want to come in and discuss what I mean when I say the strong Black woman. Hey Lori and Jennifer! And this song right here is by Eric Roberson, it's called Pave a New Road, and I thought it was perfect, um, for what we're going to be discussing tonight. Because it's time that we pave a new road. It's time that we do some things, um, differently. So I know that my message is not for everyone, and, um, it doesn't have to be at all. What you say, uh, you waited all day, you waited all day for this. I know y'all wanted to know, um, so I see y'all coming on in the room. How y'all doing? Not feeling so strong today. You don't have to be, uh, Belinda, you don't have to be strong You don't have to. It's okay. It's okay to be vulnerable a little bit. Nice music. Well, that is Eric Roberson, one of my favorite artists. And the name of the song is called "Pave a New Road," meaning I get what happened. I get, you know, all of these things occurred, but it comes a point in time where it's time to find a way and pave a new road. Okay. So how y'all doing? How y'all doing? I see all y'all. I won't be giving all the shots out because I don't want to hold you long. I know, um, uh, you know, you tuned in tonight and it's late, and for some of y'all, you know, it's early— you know, it's late, late. Some of y'all over in different countries, and I really, really appreciate you. So let's get right into what I wanted to discuss. Y'all took some notes, I took some notes, um, and I really, really, really want you to hear my heart and get an understanding. And not— and hear and listen to— well, listen to— not to just to respond, but listen to get an understanding. And I think what happens is we get so caught up and we get so defensive that we don't really hear what's being said, and it messes up our relationships, it messes up business at work. You know, it's very important to listen for understanding, not just listen just because, you know, you want to would you want to respond? So like I said, the name of the song is called Pave a New Road, and I think it's really befitting because we've been on this thing, um, about being strong, being the boss chicks, um, being, uh, showing you that I am every woman, I can do it all, I'm strong, I can, I can do whatever a man can do. I am accomplished, I'm educated, my credit is good, I got a good house, a nice home, I have a nice car, my stuff, my ish is together. So if you step to me, I need you to step to me correctly. That's all great, that's all fine and all dandy, right? That's all good, it's all good, it's all good. Now before I go into my points, because I actually, you guys, I had to take some notes. My phone has been ringing for interviews from bloggers all all over the place. You guys have definitely been sharing, uh, my post. And I, I wrote it for me. And like I said, when I wrote it, at the end of the post I said, this is not for every woman, so if it doesn't apply to you, I'm not talking to you. But of course, you know, the feminists had to come in and say, why are you trying to make people believe what you believe? I didn't. I already knew people wouldn't. And I'm just one of those people that if something does not apply to me, I really don't take the time to address it because it's like I can read it or I can see it, I can say, oh well, that ain't me, so you know, that's for somebody else. But apparently, you know, our women have really, you know, they've come from, they've come for the jugular. But I, you know, y'all, I knew that when I, when I put myself out on the forefront with my belief system to help others, you're going to always have people that come for you. And that's okay, that's, that's a part of the nature of the business when you, when when you're out to do good, you're gonna always have folks that get a misunderstanding. And it's always interesting to me is if I ain't talking to you, why do you feel the need to respond? I'm just saying, it's just, it honestly what it does, once you respond to something that did not apply to you, it tells me that your psychological issues are deeper than what you may know because nobody wastes their time going back and forth when something clearly says, This is not for everyone, but some folk, like my grandfather would say, just want to talk out the side of their neck because they have a mouth. So for those of you that are who I'm talking about, once again, this is not for you, and you're more than welcome to, you know, keep it moving because social media is social, and you can choose not to be social for things that do not pertain to you if you choose to. Don't be surprised if my folks, my April Mason folks on here that love me, come for you because it didn't apply to you. Okay, so let's get into what I wanted to talk about this here evening. Y'all like my cup? It says Love Potion. Y'all know I'm all about love. Okay, let's go in. The post said— let me read the post so, um, so you guys can get a clear understanding. And I'm gonna start from the beginning, so grab a seat, grab a seat. Grab a seat. Hold on, let me see if I can pull it up on my, on my pewter. Let's see. I called AT&T and they said our internet was working a little bit better. We gonna see T— AT&T. Okay. Oh, it's not saying that. Hold on, maybe I can pull it up on my phone. Oh goodness. I know I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, but I want to read it. I wanted to read it to you so you— for those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, um, you can get a better understanding, a better understanding. Okay, here it is. Hey, what's the problem? Everything is moving slow. See, see how it works? See? See how it don't work. Okay. It says, this is what my post read. Hold on. Let me put my glasses on. Make sure I can see. It said, the caption says, please do not address me as a strong, independent Black woman. It is not a compliment. And I wrote that on this particular picture. And I wrote, being strong and independent by society's definition is not a badge of honor. We have been programmed to believe that we don't need anything or anybody, especially a man. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a strong and carry it all. Yes, I understand that we've had to in order to take care of our families. Well, I say no more. Men get it. Men get in your rightful positions and women let them. We are breaking our bodies down having to do it all. We haven't a clue about our purpose because our lives have been dedicated to taking care of others and not ourselves. Back hurt, knees bad, arms weak, and health issues, all because of the pride associated with being called a strong Black woman. Actually, our strength is in our femininity, but we have lost it or never tapped into it because we've been trained to be strong in a masculine sense. Who cares why it happened? It's just time to fix it. No more blame, no more excuses. It's time to hit the reset button. Time to get back to being a feminine woman. And then it says, if my message isn't for you, keep it moving. My name is April Mason and I approve this message. Okay, let me go from the beginning and how I came to this understanding. A little bit about my story for those that are new to you— new to me. I noticed that since I posted that Monday evening, I've gotten over 2,000 new followers. Mwah! Love you guys. Thank you so much. Here's a little bit about my story. I grew up and I dealt with a lot of things. I dealt with a lot of traumas at the hands of black men. I was molested by my father and stepfather from the age of, uh, I dealt with molestation from the age of 5 to 17. And in that time, uh, I dealt with it from my father and stepfather. I've been, I've had domestic violence. I've dealt with domestic violence to where I've had my face ran into a wall. Um, I've been choked out. I've been slapped to the point that my daughter, who is now in her 20s, she remembers seeing me get slapped. I have dealt with low self-esteem. I have dealt with no self-worth, no value, and it all stemmed from my past at the hands of a black man. Now I have a right to be angry. I have a right to be upset. I have a right to say all men are the same. And, and if I got it from those that were supposed to protect me, what makes me think that I am going to get the love and affection and the treatment that I deserve from the very race of men that actually committed the violations? From there, I went on and I got into a bad relationship and I saw the red flags, but I act like I didn't see them because at that time I was in my 20s. So I later on went on and got married. I got married when I think I was maybe 27, 28 years old. I was in my late 20s when I got married. Um, and so I call myself picking the right guy, you know, for my church folks to say, you see, that's the problem. You be— you, you shouldn't have been choosing. You shouldn't have been choosing. Actually, we do choose our mate. God picks your mate. No, God does not pick your mate. May— he may send someone in your path, but he's not in the business of choosing. Because if he was in the business of choosing, he would make you choose him. So God does not choose your mate. And even if he did choose your mate, it's up to you to make the choice to accept them. So everything is a choice. Now, got married, and, and I grew up with it in a real religious background. And, and long as he loved God, yeah, you know, he gonna treat you right. They didn't teach us about chemistry, compatibility, and purpose. A lot of things that I'm going to share with you tonight are things that I've learned on my journey. So I ended up getting in a relationship, getting married to a man that, because he loved God and he was in seminary and everything like that, that, uh, we would be— we would work out, not paying attention to the red flags. Or I felt like I see the red flags, but you know, as women, especially as African-American women, we want to believe in our men. So bad that we can see the signs of somebody that doesn't have it all together, but we fall in love with the potential of who you can be. So fellas, just give you a— well, let me insert this right here. This is not just for the ladies. I'm coming for you as soon as I'm finished with this. So don't, don't think this is all— don't just be amen and when I'm talking to the ladies, because I'm coming for you, oh, you too. Okay, so I got married, and, and, but like I said, everything wasn't what it needed to be. But I'm like, I can pray this through, I can pray him through, right? Well, we ended up getting divorced because I ended up marrying someone that was exactly what I said I did not want. I dwelled on, I don't want a man like my, my father, my stepfather, but I ended up marrying someone just like him because I dwelled so much on what I didn't want. At that point, that's where the strong Black woman, independent woman came in because I was so broken because I felt like, wait a minute, I tried to do this the right way. I tried to pick someone that was, you know, he loved God, so he gonna love me. And I was crying, I was weeping really, really bad because it's like, wait a minute, I couldn't get the love I wanted from my fathers. I couldn't get the love I wanted, you know, in my previous relationship with my children's father. Now I get married and I don't get it. Screw this. These, the N-words, can kiss my rabbit a-word. And that's the mentality that I took on right now. That right there was a shield of protection that I put on over me because I did not want to be hurt again. But on the inside, there was always this battle between the girl feminine woman that I wanted to be and this boss chick, negro, I wish you would try it chick. They were always battling within. So in the daytime, I'm walking around because I worked in San Francisco, and I got my briefcase and I'm doing my thing, you know, don't, don't say nothing to me, don't you see who I am, right? I have all of that going on, right? But yet on the inside, like, soon as around 6, 7 o'clock would come, I would find myself weeping at night because I was alone, even though I'm this strong, independent woman. I had fooled myself into believing that I didn't need a man, that I didn't need anybody, that I can take it on and do it all myself. If I needed it done, it has to be done by me because I cannot put any faith or trust in anybody based upon my past experiences, right? So fast forward, I'm still struggling with the battle within. Now, mind you, fast forward years after that, after my divorce, I'm gracing stages with thousands of people. I'm writing books, I'm on book tours. I am doing some amazing things, right? I'm empowering women. I, I've gotten the revelation of, of, of who a woman should be. I got it right. And I'm writing down— my biggest seller was my single No More. When I went on my Single No More Position Yourself to Be Found tour, now I was making money hand over fist, right? Because I knew what I needed. I, I knew what needed to be done in order to get in position, right? But yet I constantly had women saying, oh my God, Miss April, I bought your course, or I came to your conference. Look, 6 months later, a year later, I'm getting married, I'm getting married. So I was teaching that thing because I understood it. However, there were still some broken pieces with inside me that wouldn't allow me to connect with Mr. Right or Mr. Whoever, right? So, but that battle was still going on though, because it's kind of like, I want this man that's going to protect me and provide for me and take care of me and help me out with my children and be that role model. You know, I hate sleeping by myself. I want to be cuddled up with some muscles. Y'all, it's cuddle season right now. Fall done kicked in, and I wanted that so bad, but I did not know how to switch into feminine role because I had mastered strong Black woman role so much because I had to. Now, I took, uh, a, a break. I took a sabbatical from dating for 18 months, and that was in 2014 because I went through a really bad breakup. We thought we were getting married when we went to go look, um, at Rings, we was at Tiffany's, we had it all planned out. Everything was everything, right? But we just could not get it together because there was something on the inside of me that was trying to develop me. I was trying to develop to a certain place, so the, the internal battle got stronger. And it was like, well, not the old April, she would have just went along with these things that she sees not— that's not in place. But as I am trying to grow as a woman, I couldn't, I couldn't just go and get married into that relationship the way that it was, even though it was everything. It was like a majority of it was everything that I wanted. But when I started really dealing with me and started dealing with the core of who I am as a woman, I had to say, even though I love you and, and we work well as a team. I can't do this. And at that point, that was my breaking point. And when I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, it was actually the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Because at that point, I took an 18-month sabbatical. Some of you were like, what happened to you? You left social media. I left social media. Um, for a long— for, for a while. And I didn't date for 18 months. I just started back dating, uh, recently. And so I had to go through a process, y'all, to get that strong Black woman, uh, mantra up off of me because it was hindering me more than it was helping me. Now I will say this, yes, we've been put in a position to have to do it ourselves because our men have not stepped up. But I will say some of the choices that we've made in men were not the wisest choices. Then when they don't turn out the way that we want it to turn out, we blame the men for not stepping up. But if you're not in a place to where you know who you are at your core, you will continue to pick the same type of men and then turn around and blame all men for what you've had to deal with. Now, during that time, my time of going through my process, y'all, I don't know what happened. It was just an inner It was like, you know, good, you have good and evil. It was like good overtook me. That, that good, that, that wanting to be more, wanting to be a woman. I, I, I learned how to walk slower. I learned how to ask for help. I learned that being a damsel in distress is not a bad thing. So I wanted to give you a little bit of a breakdown of who I am and where I'm coming from and why I say Being a strong independent woman is not a badge of honor. What it is, it hinders you because it gives you these things. These are a couple of things that I wrote down when it comes to that. A strong Black woman, the myth is that we don't need support. We, I got it together. It's all good. As you know, I can handle it. I can handle it. I can handle it. We don't need anyone. And I'll tell you the story. There's two situations that happened to me as I was going through my 18-month sabbatical and really just dealing with me, enjoying my time with me, figuring out who April was. Because I knew who I was as the mom. I knew who I was as the, as the friend. I knew who I was as the sister. I knew who I was as the life coach. I knew who I was as, um, the author. I knew who I was as the speaker. But I didn't know who I was as the woman. So I took on this, you know, I don't need any support. I can do it by myself. I can do it. I got this. I don't need anybody because we think that when we don't need anyone, it makes us stronger. I'm okay with being in a damsel in distress and it doesn't make me weak. It doesn't make me weak. It makes me wise. Now, for those of you, Um, my church folks, y'all know over the Proverbs 31 woman, so who can find a virtuous woman, right? Now what I love about her is this: one of the passages, it says she arises early and she cooks enough for her maid servants, right? What I heard in that, y'all, now all of the years that I've heard this scripture, all of the years that I've been told you have to be this woman. I never point— I never saw that piece. And what that piece spoke to me was she was a wise woman because she asked for help. She arose early to cook for her family, and she cooked enough for her maidservants. I'm just saying, that meant she was able to be this fantastic, wonderful woman that you men always say, especially my church men. See, and you can't even find virtuous woman. Her husband made sure she had some help. Hello, somebody. And she was wise enough to accept the help. She was wise enough to accept the help. So we are told that we don't need help, that we don't need support, and we do. We are known to support everyone else. I see, I see y'all little angry faces coming across. It must be the feminine, the feminists coming in. Must be them coming in. We're told that we, we don't— we, we act like we don't need any help, we don't need support. We're always there for anybody else. Being a strong Black woman says, you know what, I can, I can make the best out of whatever situation because I am that woman and I am strong. That's true. That is true, it's true. But at the same time, just because we've had to do this does not mean we were designed to do it. Now, I raised 3 children on my own. I had 3 kids by the time I was 23 based upon the choices that I made. So can I be upset and blame a man when I made the choice to open up my legs and have sex And then the consequence was me having children. Yes, I would have liked them to be, like him to be there and actually was there, but at the same time, is it his fault or is it my fault for the choice that I made? So now because of my choices, my view was skewed. I had a friend, a friend of mine, he married this girl that he met online, right? And I told him— now, all my majority of my male friends, they let me meet the women that they're dating, um, first, because I can always detect the crazy. Even during the representative time, I can even— I can detect the crazy. So I say, let me meet the women that you date because I can tell you up front what it's gonna be. Well, he didn't do that, so he marries her off the internet. He's supposed to call me when he got to Vegas and say, hey, I met her and you know this is what I think. He calls to tell me that he married her. Well, long story short, they ended up getting divorced and then he says, I'm sick of these women because they don't appreciate a good man and all of this stuff da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. He says— I'm not dating him no more. I said, wait a minute, you made a choice to choose this woman without knowing all of the details about who she is, and you tell me you saw the red flags but you still chose her? Hmm, is it her fault or is it your fault that you did not love yourself enough to wait on what's best for you versus accepting what's better. So can you really classify all women as being this way when you made the choice? I said, I'm just saying, I told you I needed to see him because I can detect— I can look in their forehead and detect the crazy. Detect the crazy. So I say that to say, ladies, We have made bad choices, poor choices. And also, we— that strong Black woman thing, I don't need a man, is just a defense mechanism, is what it is. Because I'm gonna ask you this: if a good man came to you right now, he was everything that you wanted, he treated you like a queen, he adored you, he provided for you, he took care of you, would you turn him away? If your answer is no, you would not, then you're lying to yourself when you say, I don't need a man. What you don't want is foolishness. You don't want a man that has foolishness. But what you do want, and what you would love to have, is a man that takes care of you, that provides for you, that loves you, that supports you in your endeavors, that has your back, that protects you, and He is that man for you. He got you covered spiritually, mentally, mentally, financially, physically. He got you covered all the way around. You really do want that man, but because of your defense mechanism, you keep yourself from getting that because you only think, see, that's a Miss April, that sound good, but these men be this, that, and the third. Well, let me explain something to you. Whatever you say it is is what it will be. Once you make that mental shift, you'll start seeing things differently. It's like I said before, it's like a car. Once you go get a new car, right, you made the decision, I'm gonna go get a new car. All of a sudden you start attracting the same car that you have around you. Start— your eyes are open and you start seeing it everywhere. If you continue to run into men or women that ain't about nothing that don't want to support, that don't— that does not have a— they're not, um, aware, that would suggest your mental state has not changed. And I know it can be hard. It can be hard to want to believe that there are good men out there. It can be hard to believe that there is somebody specifically designed for you. It can be hard to believe that there is someone that will not take you for granted, that someone that will not abuse you, someone that will not misuse you, and just there's somebody that will treat you right. It's hard. It was hard for me to believe that. I could sell it to people all day. I was doing conferences because I knew it existed, but I had a hard time believing it for myself. Ain't that something, y'all? I'm all over the country, all over, you know, doing things on stages with some of the greats, but I had a hard time believing it for myself. But it wasn't until I took a step back and said, April, let me drop everything. Let me, let me just stop. Just stop, ladies. Just stop. We've been so accustomed to doing, doing, doing, doing, doing that we don't know how to stop. Most women say, I would— I want a masculine man, but you come and you're bringing masculine energy. See, let me explain something to you. I live in Atlanta, and Atlanta was deemed the number one place for, uh, that had the most singles here, right? But yet we're the most educated, we're the most successful here, right? And I attribute that to we're judging people by what they have, not who they are is why we're not connecting, right? So as a man, when a man presents himself to a woman, what does he do? He shows you that he can protect, he— that he can provide, he can, uh, be your, your priest, that he can, uh, profess that his love for you. He comes to you showing you on paper what he is. Girl, I got you, right? But now what's happened is women that have gotten their education, that have gotten their stuff together, which is nothing wrong with that, don't get it twisted, because I'm educated, I'm smart, I got my things in place. But what's happened is we have fought so much to be equal to men that when we present ourselves even on a date, what we're presenting is what we have, our accomplishments the social organizations that we're part of. We're presenting that, right? Men do that. That's a masculine thing. So now you have a masculine man and a masculine woman presenting the same thing. Well, let me ask you, ladies, do you like a feminine man? Do you? Do you like a feminine man? If you don't like a feminine man, what makes you think a masculine man wants a masculine woman? See, My issue was, and I'm giving you guys this, not pointing fingers at you, I'm giving you me. I'm giving you what I had to go through when I was dating back then before my new new, because I like this, I like this new girl. I love being a woman, being a girl, being soft and gentle. And that doesn't mean you won't get told. I just do it in a classy way. I'm not gonna get loud with you. I'm not gonna get belligerent and go off on you in public and, and, and, and belittle you. I'm not gonna do that. But you will not run over me. Just because I become feminine and operate from a feminine energy, it does not make me weak. It actually makes me strong because my strength comes in my femininity. And my femininity is what makes a man stronger and makes him better. His masculinity is what makes me a, a, a, a, a more gentle and soft woman, is what that makes me. Because now I feel protected and I do not feel like I have to have that defense mechanism up so I have to protect myself. His masculinity matched with my femininity. It goes together. It was designed that way. We are the ones that try to get out of order and wondering why things ain't working. It's just what it is. Men will always need women. Women will always need men. I don't care if you lesbian, gay, straight, whatever. You can't even have a baby without the sperm of a man and the egg of a woman. So it doesn't even— it won't even go. It won't even work. So you might say, well, I don't need a man, but how do you not need the very thing that helped create who you are? Think about that. We're warped in our thinking, and it's our hurt, it's our pains, it's our traumas. I'm here to say, let's pave a new road and hit the reset button. I understand it happened, it happened to me too, but I started attracting a different type of man when I became a different type woman. Hello, somebody. And it had nothing to do with my accomplishments. I used to sell people on how great I was business-wise because I've identified— I teach a class called The School of Womanhood and Femininity, and it's a 4-module course. And I, in that course, I talk about the different types of women. Well, I identified that I am the type of woman that's a builder kind of woman. Some women are just designed and made to be a wife from the standpoint of, I don't mind being your helpmate, I don't mind helping you build your empire, as long as you take care of me. As long as the mortgage is paid, I can drive what I want to drive, mama can go get her some purses, and I'll make sure everything else around here is straight. I'm simple like that. Most of us women are simple like that. We, once we get to our core of what we need— now everybody's not like me, but I am that very simple domesticated one that just happens to have a platform to reach millions, and, and I happen to be able to use what I have in order to accomplish my purpose in life. But I can take the spotlight, but I can— I like to ride in the passenger seat too. I understand that about myself, but I did not learn that until I became— I took my sabbatical for 18 months. It's like, wait a minute, April, you're really simple. But my male friends knew that about me. One of my good friends, Joe, he said, April, you're one of the simplest women that I've ever met. You don't require require a lot based upon your occupation and what you do, and that you're in the spotlight a lot of times. People would think you require all of this elaborate stuff. Now don't get it twisted, fellas, I like presents. You got to buy mama some presents. But overall, I understand that I am the builder type of woman. You have different roles. I, I would identify myself as that. When I was married, even though he wasn't doing everything he needed to to do. I did not down him. And even though he couldn't provide for us, I took $20,000 of my company's credit. Now y'all know I teach business credit. If you don't know what that is, go watch Entrepreneurship Tuesday, and, uh, I explained a little bit about what that was. Well, I invested $20,000 of my company's credit into helping him start his business. I wouldn't say I wouldn't do it again. I just did it for the wrong guy. He didn't do anything with it. Bought him the— bought the, bought the truck and got the pressure washers. The, uh, we started a lawn care service called Amazing Curb Appeal. So even though I did that, I can't say that I wouldn't do it again. I am just wiser in the men that I entertain. And a man at this point in my life that I did that for, if we are together, he deserves that because he's proven that he deserves that. And I'm able to see the red flags now and act like I see them. We got to act like we see a thing when we see a thing, okay? That's an imperative. Act like you see a thing. I don't care if it's a subtle red flag, I don't care if it's a blatant in-your-face red flag. Act like you see them. Because what happens is when you don't act like you see a thing, you get upset when it don't turn out right and you start blaming everybody else when Actually, it was in your face. You just chose not to do that, not to see it. So once I made the decision to take the time to step back and said, you know what, I'm gonna let it go. I don't want to be strong anymore. My body started tearing down. I ended up with fibroids and I had to have a hysterectomy last year. And I was talking to this um, this doctor, this natural healer doctor, right? And she said, April, a woman's core, her center, is her womb, is what she, what she told me. And she said, because so many women are being strong and women have to provide and take care of everything, that stress is going directly to the womb. And you wonder why so many women are having issues in their womb area. That stuck with me. And it made me realize, April, yes, you've had to take it all on yourself. You've had to take care of these kids by yourself. My kids are grown and pretty much gone now, but I've had to do it by myself. And I asked myself, what could I have done differently to where I didn't have to do it alone? Maybe if I would have taken down that strong Black woman, I can do it, and all men were the same type attitude, I would have met someone that would have come in to take the stress up off of sister. But I didn't do that because I wasn't aware. Now that I'm aware, I do things differently now. So when I say please don't call me a strong Black woman because it's not a compliment, I mean that. Because I don't want to be strong by society's standard. I don't want to be known for being able to take it on and handle it on— or handle it at all. I don't want to be known for not needing anything or anybody. I don't want to be known for, um, girl, you know what, when my funeral come, yeah, but she was strong and she did it all her own. That's not what I want to be proud of. I want to be proud of that I had a family and that I had a husband that loved me and we built an empire together, and that I was able to raise my children. Now, even though that they are adults, I was able to still— our family was able to instill some, um, some, uh, positive, uh, traits inside them. I wanted— I want them to see a man in their mother's life treating her like she's supposed to be treated. I want my sons to know that you can be that man that you need to be. Don't let society put staple— or excuse me, a stamp on you. I want my daughter to see somebody saying, I love the crap out of your mama, and this is how a man should love you too. I want to be known for that. I don't want to be known for being that strong Black yes she did, rah rah rah woman. I don't want to be her. And if you're honest, you don't want to be her either. Your defense mechanism kicks in, and now you having a hard time forgiving. You're having a hard time letting it go. And I say to you, unforgiveness keeps you out of your feminine energy. Why? Because when you do not forgive, you sit here and you think about what that person did to you, and immediately you get that aggression, you get that anger, you, you get that I just want to hurt somebody. You get that masculine energy. Let it go. Let it go. Hit the reset button. What happened has happened. You cannot go back and change it. Let it go. Because if you're honest, you want a good man in your life. And fellas, let's bring this around the corner to y'all. When a woman is doing her work— and I believe all of you that are watching, all of you that's going to watch this after it's done— you women are going to get on your road. The seed has been planted. Whether I— hey, I don't, I don't know what you're gonna do with it. My seed— well, the seed has been planted. Can you be a leader and feminine? Yes, because I'm a leader and I'm feminine. I just operate from a different place. I, I run several companies, and my marketing firm, my marketing and, uh, business development firm, I used to operate from a masculine place. But once I got into my girl, I can walk in a room and close any deal. Because I'm using my feminine energy. I'm using what God gave me as a woman to get the job done. I'm— I don't try to get the job done like a man no more, y'all. I get the job done as a woman. So my strength is not the fact that I'm able to, um, to do things like a man can do. My strength comes from the fact that I'm using my God-given, what I call my girl, to get the job done. So there is a difference. There is a difference. So I'm saying, instead of saying, you know what, I ain't— but, but men ain't doing this, these men ain't doing that— I understand that. But guess what? When you change the way you view anything, everything around you starts to change. Now fellas, bring it on back. Bring it on back to y'all. Hold on. Let me put my glasses on, be a little school teacher, and look down on you like this real quick. Now listen, when the women are getting their stuff together, we need you guys to rise up and be the man that you need to be, okay? Because what's going to happen is there is a shifting going on and the feminine woman is starting to rise. Now, fellas, when the women are getting it together. If you are not together, she will leave you behind. Now, somebody sent me a, a text message today and it said that, you know, do you believe that men go for these type of women because they're nicer and all of this stuff, right? And my response was, some of you men don't want to be better, you want to be mediocre. Well, a woman that's an asset woman, that's a feminine woman, that's a woman who knows who she is she's going to require more than what you are giving. So the same tricks and techniques that you've been using to get the lower-hanging fruit at, you know, at the bottom of the tree— you don't have to do much, you don't have to pursue her, you don't have to, you know, she calling you all the time, she chasing after you— a woman, grown woman, mature woman who knows who she is at her core, who identified what she needs She's not going to accept that treatment. So, fellas, we need you to stand up because we need you, okay? We need you. We don't want— we want to ride in the passenger seat. We want to help you, but you're gonna have to give us something to help, baby. You gotta give us something to help. You're going to have to raise your consciousness, your awareness. We need you. But you'll get upset if we go to over to another race of men because their consciousness is being— is aware, is more open and they treat us better. Now see, we don't want to have to do that. We want you to get it right. What'd you say? Wow. So we can wait for y'all to get it together, but y'all wait for us once you get it right. No, Mike, you totally missed the point. I'm saying get it together at the same time is what I'm saying. And then on top of that, You can't get with somebody based upon their potential. You need to be— you need to see that they're actively pursuing being better, period. I once again disagree with you when you said a man needs to know God. I, I now get what you were talking about. A woman needs to submit to his mission. See, that's what I'm saying, Alan. You said you want to disagree with that, but I had to— I had to come back and explain it to you guys what I was talking about because I knew you were looking at it from the, the blanket level of, uh, being strong equals being weak. It doesn't equal that. You're being strong in your feminine energy is your strength, not in your masculine. I'm a strong Black woman. That's not the same. That's not the same. At the end of the day, when you change the way you view things, men, when you change how you view Black women, yes, Yes, there's some crazies out there. Yeah, yeah, it is. Yes, there's some folks and women that will never get it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Yes, there's some that will, that will defend their masculine energy to the ends of the earth. You got those that will say, I don't need a man. Oh, okay. Yeah, I want to be independent. And let me explain something about this independent thing. Men don't want independent women. When men want self-sufficient women, Ladies, stop saying you're independent because check this out. When you look up the word independent, it really means you don't need anything or anyone. So you wonder why you're not attracting a good man. It's because you're constantly saying, I'm independent, which means you're saying you don't need anything or anyone. Say you're self-sufficient. Fellas, quit saying you need an independent— you like— and I love an independent woman. No, you don't, because when she's independent, what she's saying is she don't need you, then you get upset for that because she don't need you. What about men who shame you for, for not being, uh, independent? Then that's just not your man. See, that's the thing. You guys are worried about folk that should not matter. If you want to tell— if you want to talk crazy about me because I say I don't want to be a strong Black woman, or because I'm okay with being a damsel in distress, then you ain't for me. I know, and that's the song. The call is called— the song is called Miss Independent, and it's flawed because Neo really didn't want an independent woman. No man wants an independent woman because men like to be wanted and needed. So why would you want somebody that's screaming, I'm independent, which means I don't want you nor do I need you? Watch what you say. You cannot teach your children to watch what they say and you don't watch what you say. That independent things, uh-uh, that don't work. Grown men like self-sufficient women. But guess what? All of my male friends that I talked to, they've told me they never picked their, their wives based upon her good credit, her education, uh, or her degrees, or the house she had, or the car she drove. That's not why they picked her. They, they— most all my male friends said, I don't care if she's making $10,000 a year. Didn't matter. I picked her because she was a woman. She was a— she was a good person. She loved me. She supported me. She make a good mother. She's wise. They use those terms to describe the women that they chose. What about a man that is scared of a strong woman? Then that ain't your man. That's what I'm saying. That's not your man. And you have to ask yourself, is he really scared of a strong woman, or am I operating in a masculine energy and he really don't want a woman that's operating in her masculine energy? Even though she's a businesswoman, right? You know what, Alan, I was getting ready to say that. Yeah, Neo ain't with no independent woman. The song was sold to Black women because that is what the trend was. Absolutely, I agree. Give me a fist bump. Um, 100%. What we want is to be interdependent. We want to be able to depend on one another. But you have to choose the right person to be interdependent with. Most of our issues, most of our frustration with our men and with our women is based upon the choices that we've made. So I hope you guys got a better understanding of what I meant about don't address me as that. I don't— uh-uh, don't address me as that. I want to be somebody's boo. I don't want to be somebody's strong woman, okay? That ain't what I want. I don't want that. I don't want that. Tips for operating in your feminine. I give tips. Matter of fact, Saturday I will be uploading a how to change your life with your femininity, um, uh, video on Saturday. But you got to go join the group, the I'm an Asset Women's Network. Uh, let me see if I can post it. It here. Oh, my phone is blowing up. Oh wow, okay, let me see if I can post it here because I, I like to talk about these things a month for ladies, okay? Fellas, y'all don't need to know all of our girl stuff, all of our girl stuff. So I created the I'm an Asset Women's Network. It's all about faith, finances, family, fitness, and femininity, the things that we need to be successful women, women. So I I personally feel that any woman that wants to be married should not be screaming, I am an independent woman. Let me see if I can— I'm looking for the link, but I'm talking, but I'm looking for the link at the same time. Don't say that because what you're doing is it ain't gonna work. What do I have going for the men? Well, um, I am— we're still trying to secure this location. I don't— if you go back and look at my video from Friday, I asked the fellas I— would you come to a seminar, just me and 100 black men? And I want to dispel a lot of things, and you can ask me whatever question that you want to ask. And I want to show you how to attract a woman who is a quality woman, who is an asset woman. She will be an asset to your life. So I have that coming. We just been trying to find a location. I want to do it in December, but December is a holiday month, so a lot of holiday parties coming If anybody would like— in Atlanta would like to donate their space or sponsor their space, you know, I got a lot to offer for sponsors. You know, since I have a platform, I got hundreds and thousands and, well, actually millions of views, I could offer quite a bit of exposure, um, for you. But, um, there is no panel that we're not doing. No panel. We— it's just me and 100 men, and I believe that it'll get some things, some questions answered, because The view that we have that's populated through television of our women does not represent us well at all. So my goal is to try to change the face of what the Black woman is viewed as in our society. So that's what I'm using my platform for, y'all. Don't be getting mad when I be, when I be going against the grain. I'm supposed to because that very grain has gotten us where we are. Today. Will you also stream the Men's Day live? No, I will not, because as women we like our stuff all private. So let's give the men the very same thing. I plan on recording it, but I doubt if we go live because I want it to be an intimate setting. And fellas, I want to answer your questions and show you from my perspective, a woman that has done her work, a woman that been married, been divorced, living on both sides of it. What you need in order to be a man that attracts a quality type woman. Because a lot of you— I believe a lot of you men out there, I believe you're really great guys. I really do. I believe that a lot of you fellas want to be married because you don't never hear men say they don't want a woman. You always hear women say they don't need a man. But I believe— I, you know, I'm just optimistic enough to believe that men want love just as much as we do. You guys need love and support and affection just like we do. And I think there is just a little disconnect in the communication. And so my friends call me the Man Whisperer. They're like, you speak man, you speak to men, you give men what women want to— what women want to tell them, but you give it into a way, um, you give it— you give it away to them in a different— in a way that they can receive it. What What do you say? I have divorced. What do you know? That's why I do know, because I am divorced and I know what mistakes that I made and I know what mistakes not to make again. I always tell people, you know, folks, they always come at me with that. Well, you divorced, how can you listen to somebody that's divorced? I say this: if a stockbroker came to you that used to be a— well, he used to be a stockbroker, but he doesn't do stocks anymore, but he knows how to invest in good stock, would you listen to him because he's no longer a stockbroker? Or does he have to be a stockbroker to educate you on what it means to be a stockbroker? If a doctor is no longer practicing, but he was a doctor for 20 years, but you or your child was sitting at a restaurant and you started to choke, would you not want the doctor to save your life because he's no longer practicing? You know, he's no longer a doctor. And my last one is, if a drunk driver hits somebody and he knows the importance of not drinking and driving, does he still have to be a drunk in order to tell you not to drink and drive. And then on this one too, T.D. Jakes ain't never been a woman, but he sure has the wisdom that God gave him to show us how to get loose. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. So be careful at who you don't listen to because they're not in it anymore, especially if they are doing their work and they, they're speaking from experience and speaking from what they've learned. Be careful, because I hear that all the time. Well, April, you ain't married no more. Yeah, and I shouldn't be because I was not ready to be married. So you're right, my marriage didn't work out because I didn't know who I was. And I don't want you to make the same mistake that I made of getting married just because you, you, you were told you're supposed to be, and everybody else around you is married. Just saying. All my friends. I'm the only single friend in my group. I'm the only single friend. So, but so everybody is team April husband, right? But they understand that I'm not pressed or pressured because I know what I need versus what I want. So you might get a couple of your wants in there, but my core needs takes precedent from what I wanted. When you, when you wake up I promise you, things will start to change in your life. So getting back to what I was saying, fellas, I'm trying to find a location. It's been hard because of the, um, we haven't had— we got these Christmas parties going on. So I'm just saying, I'm trying, I'm trying. I didn't really want to do it in a church because I wanted to reach a broader audience, but if I have to, if a church has a a, uh, you know, a conference room or something that we can use, uh, so that we don't have to put church on it because it's not a church event, and that we would like to sponsor, that would be great as well. If you know anybody with a venue in December that's not doing anything the first, second, or third Saturday in December that would love to sponsor this event, this is a history-making event because it's never been done from this perspective. One woman with 100 men in the room and we gonna break some things down. We've seen one man and thousands of women in the room, but we have not seen a woman say, I am ready to change your perspective of Black women. And I get men in my inbox all the time that says, thank you so much, you've changed my view of Black women. I want to date a Black woman again. I just need to find one that's right. And that's okay. 'Cause some of them ain't right, just like some of y'all men ain't right. But you can get right. Change is just a choice away. Change is just a choice away. And so if you make the change— I know some people have asked, April, is it too late for our men and women to wake up and get this? Is it too late because all of the years of slavery and the Willie Lynch and Jim Jones? I understand that, but guess what? Change is just a choice away. We can choose to make— we can choose right now to change. This whole country if everybody collectively made a choice. I'm just saying, you could make a change any given moment. You could choose to be a better man, you could choose to be a better woman at any given moment. I'm just saying. So love you guys. I hope you got a better understanding of what I mean and really look at yourself. Ladies, this is what I want you to do tonight. Um, matter of fact, I gave an assignment last night for the ladies in the I'm an Asset Women's Network. Oh, I'm sorry, I was supposed to be, um, posting the link. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Um, the homework assignment was what I want you to do. This is everybody, this is everybody. Tonight before you go to bed, I want you not to worry about what happened today, the shoulda coulda wouldas, what you don't have, replaying that, you know, I'm lonely, because you know we get lonely at night. You know, we're human. Come on, we all get lonely. What I want you to do when you lay down and go to sleep tonight is think about the life that you want. For those of you that have a hard time seeing yourself with a good man or a good woman, I want you to press through anyway, because everything starts in the mind. It's only hard if you say it's hard. It could be challenging. I'll say it could be challenging, but whatever you say a thing is, is what it'll be. So if you believe it's hard, Chauncey, darling, it's going to be hard. But I want you to really, really listen to what I'm saying. I want you to lay down, let go of what happened today, and say, I'm going to go to bed and think something different. I'm going to go to bed and think that there's a possibility for me that I can actually have a wife, woman in my life that respects me, that adores everything about me. She loves being my helpmate. She loves being there by my side. She loves to support me. She treats me like a man. She makes me feel sexy. She makes me feel like a man. She wants to take care of me. She prays for me. She looks out for me. She has my back. When you go to bed, I want you to think about this woman, and I want you to smile as you, as you dozing off to sleep. Whenever you go to sleep, whether, whether you go to sleep now or go to sleep later, whenever you go to sleep, this is what I want you to think, ladies. I want you to think, I don't have to be strong. It's okay to be a damsel in distress. I need help. Imagine yourself getting help. Imagine all of your needs are met. Imagine that he brings you roses. Imagine that he surprises you and say, babe, here's a card just because. Imagine that he's there to support you in your business endeavors. He's not intimidated by you. He doesn't feel insecure, but he's a masculine man that says, this is the woman that I love. I choose her, and I choose her exactly the way she is. She's enough for She don't have to lose no weight. She don't have to change her hair color. She don't have to go get no degree. I love her exactly the way she is. Think that thought before you go to bed tonight and let it penetrate. I know some of y'all fighting through. Someone said, what if you, you're empty inside? I know that feeling too. It's a fight. You're going to have to fight for your freedom. That, that all of those things that are holding you inside, you're going to have to fight. I'm not saying it's easy. It wasn't easy for me, y'all. Those 18 months were not easy. I was by myself. I was alone. I had to walk this walk. That's why I'm telling you it can be done in a very short amount of time. Change is not what takes long. It's our resistance to change that makes it take long. So I'm just saying, push through. You can start with baby steps, but if you are a woman that just don't want a man, period, and whether he's good to you or not, this exercise is not for you. But if you're that woman Let's see what you say. Hold on. My point is, she's giving advice compared to what? I'd rather be— see counsel from married woman. Well, I know, but it's so funny you say that. I counsel a lot of married women. Majority of my clients are married women who did not get it right, but they're married now and they want their marriages to work. So based upon the healing that I'm going through, I've gone through, I'm taking them through their healing so they can be better for their marriage. Ages. So just because she's a married woman doesn't make it— doesn't make it make her better or wiser. Because I would say 85% of my clients that pay me for counsel are married women that says, I am tired of, of, of being a masculine woman. So if you want to go get some counsel for somebody married, then just get off my page. It's not for you. But majority of my folks are married women that did not get it right, that's ready to divorce. And I'm saying, do not divorce that man until you have done your work to become the best you. And then when you present something different, maybe you'll get a different result from him. So I never tell my married women, unless they going through, you know, some domestic violence and all that stuff, to walk away. But if you are not the woman that you need to be for that man and most of my married women are not because they're going into it with that, I'm a strong Black woman, and they don't know how to wave the white flag and take down. They're getting ready to destroy their marriages. So majority of my ladies are, are married women. So that's why I love what I do. And I would get offended if, you know, if I had not gone through my process and, and understand that, April, this is what God has called you to do. I can't reach everybody and I don't try to. I don't worry about what people say, their perceptions. I could give two rats' behinds about that. So for those that said that, you know, and got that, that argument, those are people that will never go anywhere because they're looking at the messenger versus the message, the message. I'm just saying. Like I said, majority of my married women that I counsel that pay good money to come sit with me or Skype with me are married women that are getting ready to break up their marriages. And the biggest issue that they have is this: I have a hard time letting him lead. Get it all the time. They could have been married 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. I have a problem with letting them— letting him lead. So my message is not for everybody. I keep telling y'all that, but y'all just insist on coming up over here, you know. I, I don't understand this. I think it's a psychological issue people have when they respond to things that have nothing to do, you know, with them. I don't know. I think it's a psychological, you know, issue. I don't know. But here, I'm posting the link right now. I got my phone. I'm posting it right now. Um, what'd you say, Jakia? That's your problem? But it's okay, it can be fixed. It's a learned behavior. All of this is a learned behavior, guys and dolls. So do what I told you to do. Okay, hold on, let me post this link. What'd you say, Jakia? That's— oh, hold on, you can hear it. But it's okay, it can be fixed. There we go. Learn the behavior. All of this is a learn— all right, I just posted the link. So do what I told you to do. I need— I just posted the link. So that's all I have for you guys tonight. Um, ladies, I hope you got a better understanding of what I meant by do not call me a strong black woman. Do not address me as that. Fellas, stop addressing women that way. I know what you mean, but instead of telling her she's a strong black woman, tell her, you know, I admire your ability to be a feminine woman, a successful woman. Use something else. Just don't use strong black woman because you, you are helping to perpetuate the cycle. And we want the cycle to break. Fellas, I have something come for— coming for you, hopefully in December. I just need a location. If anybody knows of any venues that would like to sponsor the location, please send them this. Let them know this is what we're trying to do. It's going to be a historical moment, and I am excited to be before you fellas so we can dispel the myth and show you how to attract a woman of quality, how to find out if she crazy before her representative is even over with. You don't have to get past the representative to be like, see, now she ain't even— she not a representative no more. All the crazy then came out. I'm gonna show you how to identify that and show you how to identify a woman that really wants to be there for you. Ladies, do what I told you to do. Lay down tonight, think of the wonderful man that you believe you deserve. You got to believe you deserve the thing in order to get a thing. If you don't believe that you deserve a thing, baby, trust me, you will never get it. So believe that you deserve it. Make the decision to say, you know what? I have not been my best self. I have treated myself poorly. I have not honored myself. I have not honored my body. I have allowed people to use me. I have allowed myself to accept treatment that I never should have allowed. Own that. Until you own it and accept it, things won't change. So once you do that, now you've been made aware. You've been officially made aware. Ain't nothing you can say. Now you can say, when you know better, you do better. So love you guys, love you guys. I gotta go. My grandbaby's supposed to be asleep, but she's not asleep. I hear her, so I'm gonna go steal some kisses. See y'all, bye. Oh, make sure— oh wait, wait, make sure you join me tomorrow for Relationship Thursday. I'm gonna have a special guest on to kind of continue this, uh, conversation. So be sure to join me tomorrow at 1 PM Eastern Standard Time. Set your phones, set your phones. 1 PM Eastern Standard Time, 10 PM, uh, 10:08— no, what did I say? Yeah, 1 PM Eastern Standard Time. 10 AM Pacific Standard Time. Okay, love y'all. Mwah! Bye.