The Feminine Ear Podcast

Well, hello, love. This is April Mason and this is The Feminine Ear. How y'all doing tonight? How y'all doing tonight? So I'm doing simultaneous things. I am on live on Instagram and I'm live on YouTube right now at the same time. As you see, I am not in my studio tonight. I am remote. I am remote. I am on— I'm out in these streets. I'm out in these streets. I just flew in to Atlanta from Vegas, so I'm not at home. But I still wanted to make sure that I came to you guys live. So y'all gonna see my eyes going a couple different places because I don't have my normal setup where we typically stream live from one device. So I know that because I don't have my other device here, my other setup, I can't take live callers or live, um, viewers on YouTube. But I have it set up to where if you want to come on live with me on YouTube, you actually can— excuse me, on Instagram, you actually can. How y'all doing? Let me leave the comments. Hold on, how y'all doing? Okay, I see y'all over here on YouTube. How y'all doing? I wonder what's going on. I know, I know I am not in my, um, typical location today. I am out and about and I'm feeling a little bit better. You guys, maybe I may be able to hear this. I'm still a little sick. You could probably hear last night— I mean, last week, y'all, I could not, uh, really talk. I was hacking. And then Sunday I flew to Vegas to go to the Raiders game, and I probably should have stayed my butt in the hotel, y'all. I was hacking like I smoked cigarettes, uh, uh, the night before. So I had, um, got me a little hot— so warm water right here. Mm, got me a little warm water, and, um, hopefully I can get through this. But I'm not gonna be on here long, but I do want to get a cut through a couple of the fellas' questions tonight because I know A lot of you have been sending me stuff and we've been reading it and reading it. However, your girl is still under the weather, so I'm gonna do my best. All right, all right, all right, let's get into it. How y'all been? I missed y'all last week. I did. I missed y'all last week. So I got my stuff, my notes on my phone this time. I got my notes on my phone this time. So fellas, if you have a question and you would like to join me here live, you can do so by joining me on my Instagram, and my handle is Miss MS April Mason. Typically my screen is in front of me so I could just look straight, but this time my screen is to my right, your left. So if I want to look at YouTube, I gotta, I gotta look over, uh, over this way a little bit. Okay, but fellas, I would love to hear from you tonight. Uh, I'm like I said I won't be on here for long tonight because I am got some other things going on this here evening. How y'all getting ready for Thanksgiving? Y'all ready for Thanksgiving, ladies? Are y'all gonna make that man's plate for Thanksgiving? Now I said this, I posted this a couple years ago, and I always post it, uh, every Thanksgiving, and make some of the ladies mad. Um, but I say If a man invites you over, if this is your first time being invited over to be with his family and he's somebody you're interested in, offer to make his plate. Bring— first of all, before you do that, bring something. Do not go to that man's family house empty-handed, okay? Okay, bring something. You never go anywhere empty-handed, okay? Number 2, um, You bring something, you offer to clean up. Now, they may not ask you, they may not, you know, allow you to clean up, but at least offer to help out, okay? And then make his plate. I'm telling you, listen to what I'm trying to tell you. I know a lot of women in the comments, uh, I'm not doing all that, I shouldn't have to do that. I'm a guest, but I'm trying to tell you If he brings you over with his family, with his mama, with his sisters, with his aunties, with his grandmama, them, and he's bringing you over, do those 3 things: bring something, offer to help clean up, offer to make his plate. So this is not for the girlies that's not trying to lock him in. This is for the girlies that are trying to lock it in, right? All of this other stuff that y'all listen to and y'all, y'all hearing about, we're not doing that. We all for love. We all on this side of the internet, we are all for reciprocation. We are all for doing for one another. We are all for, um, doing what it takes, you know, to make sure that we're showing up as our best self. Because I want you to understand this, his mom and him was watching, and you got to understand who has his ear. You gotta understand who has his ear, okay? So while you talking about what you're not going to do— I shouldn't have to do all that, I'm not— hell, I didn't come over here to clean up— they may not even allow you to clean up. It's not about you cleaning up, it's about the gesture. They're watching you, especially if it's a man that you actually like. Y'all listen to so much stuff on this internet telling you what not to do for men that you don't know how to choose or how to vet the type of man you should do certain things for. Okay, I'm just saying, because I know I got a lot of ladies watching, so I just wanted to throw that, throw that in here. Ladies, do that because they watching. They're watching to see what type of woman that you are. So bring something. Don't come empty-handed. Offer to make his plate. Offer to help clean. You know, do you ladies need any help in the kitchen? If the ladies are in the kitchen, you take your behind in the kitchen. If the ladies are in the dining room, you take your behind in the dining room. Okay, be personable, be warm, you know, be friendly, because you trying to eat, you trying to get in. And you know, people don't realize a person's family can have a lot of input on if they decide to be with you or not, you know. Especially you want the uncles to be like, I, I see you, but I see you, boy, I see you. You want the uncles to say that about you. Okay, we got to stop acting like we don't care. I don't care. We gotta stop acting like we don't care when we actually, um, do. Uh, Danny said, I'm listening. First Thanksgiving with his family, new relationship. Danny, do what I'm telling you to do, girl. Do what I'm telling you to do, girl, and just be so nice and polite. Bring something, even if you don't make it. If you can't, if you're not the best cook, don't make nothing. Go get a store-bought cake. Or something like that.

You bring—

but, but don't, don't be trying to do nothing fancy because you don't know their taste buds yet. You know, they— you don't, you don't want to give them too much, you know, to talk about you about. So bring something. Go buy it. Go by the store and get some holiday cupcakes, you know, bring a bottle of wine, you know, something like that, you know, something that's not gonna get you in trouble, get you talked about. But do not go over that man's house empty-handed. Um, what if the women and his family insist that they don't need any help? That's fine, let them tell you that. You don't be the one that don't offer. Okay, all right. So yeah, so it should be a dish, not a gift. It doesn't matter. Y'all be trying to— I don't want to make sure I'm not giving him nothing. It shouldn't matter. If this is the man that you trying to lock in, lock that ass in. Why are y'all— what y'all talking about? It shouldn't be a gift. No, you're going— you're going to some— put it like this: when I go to business meetings, I bring a gift. I bring something. I don't go empty-handed. So if this is the man that I'm interested in, his family is bringing me something, I'm not trying to decipher if it's a gift or if it's a bottle of wine. I don't care what they think it is. All they know is, okay, oh girl showed up. Okay, she showed up with something in her hand. She just come to take. Y'all stop listening to all of this stuff that has you feeling like you have to feel like decipher, you know, if it's a dish or a gift, because I don't want him to think that I'm giving him a gift. Like, that's the weirdest thing. And I don't want to feel like I'm doing too much or that, that I'm a pick-me. You— that's the whole thing, you trying to be picked. You're literally trying to be picked. I know this is for the fellas, but I wanted to, to dive in to help you, help the fellas out a little bit with the ladies. So that if you bringing a lady over there, I hope— don't tell her, fellas, just see if she gonna bring something on her own, okay? But the problem is women are listening to too much content that's telling them don't do anything for a man, to where women don't know how to use their womanly wisdom to decipher that, okay, this is a man that I'm seeing, this is a man that I'm interested in, this is a man that's showing up for me, this is a man that's giving green flags, this is a man that's being consistent. His efforts, his patterns, his words and actions are lining up. So why would I not want to bring a gift to the family that I want to maybe possibly be a part of? That's because of that content that y'all listen to. I don't want to make sure that I'm not gifting him anything because I don't want to make him to think that I'm— girl, y'all want to be picked. And now I'll say this and I'll move on to my questions, to answer the questions from the fellas tonight. Women are the only ones that make other women feel bad for wanting to be picked. Women are the only ones who want to be picked, but they don't want other women to know they want to be picked. No man ever talks crazy about a woman who wants to be picked. It's other women that do that. So women will suppress the fact that they want to be chosen, that they want to be claimed, that they want to have a, a committed relationship, that they want to feel like they belong to somebody, to impress other women so other women won't think that they're desperate. Men don't feel that way. Women are the only ones. So the question becomes, if I feel like I can't bring something to this man because I don't want it to feel like a gift to his— he invited me, he invited me into his home, into his family, and I can't bring a dish. Girls, I'm gonna say it one more time before I move on. If a man that you are seeing invited you over for Thanksgiving dinner with his family or his friends Bring something, offer to make his plate, and offer to clean up. They probably won't allow you to do that, but listen to what I'm telling you. Y'all say the OGs don't tell you guys— the older ladies— well, I'm the older lady, I'm the older auntie that you're talking about. I'm 49 years old and I think I got a little bit of experience. Do what I'm telling you to do. It will totally set you apart from everybody else because everybody else is listening to content to tell you don't do nothing, don't do nothing for these men, don't do nothing for these men. But The only person that makes you feel bad about doing something like this is another woman. But are you trying to get with another woman, or do you— are you trying to get with the man? Make it make sense. Just don't bring— don't cook nothing. Just bring it from the store. Bottle of wine, uh, a cake, some cupcakes, something. From the store. Okay, fellas, make sure if you invited somebody, check to see if she do one of these three things. Check to see if she came empty-handed, okay? Or did she think, or was she considerate enough to bring something? All right, that's all I have for that part, ladies. Y'all got to stop this. Why should I do something for him? Well, he invited you over. I don't want it to look like a gift, like I want to— like I'm a pick-me. Well, you trying to get picked. Ain't you trying to get picked? You just don't want to look like a pick-me to other women, but you're not who— they're not who you're after. And if you've been dating this man and you've been vetting him, you should know if you're gonna go who you dealing with. Just saying. Moving on. So this question comes from Uh, Anthony. Anthony says— and Anthony, I hope you're watching— so he says, I'm hoping you can help me figure something out. I've been getting to know this woman who seems incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and completely put together. From the outside, she's everything I've been looking for in a partner, but I can't shake the feeling that her— that her life is already so full that there might not be any room for me. Miss April, she all— she's always busy working, meetings, and everything else, and it seems like her calendar is packed from morning to night. I do admire a woman that has her life together, and she focused and she driven. I think it's sexy that she has ambition, but I keep wondering if she has the time or space for a relationship. I don't want to assume she's not interested, but it's hard not to feel like I'd just be another thing on her already full plate. What's tough is knowing if I'm overthinking this. Maybe she's juggling a lot right now, I don't know, and I'm trying to be patient. Or maybe I'm picking up on a sign that she's not looking for something serious. I don't want to push too hard and seem insecure because I'm not an insecure man. But at the same time, I don't want to be sitting around wondering and guessing if she's available or have emotion— and she's emotionally available. April, how do I approach this without making it feel weird? Is there a way to figure out where I stand without feeling like I'm intruding on her life? I'm interested, but I don't want to waste my time if she's not— she doesn't feel the same. Anthony. My love, okay, here's the thing. Not one time did you say you actually asked her out, Anthony. Everything you told me was overthinking and assuming. So let me, let me tell it to you from this perspective, um Mm, because I'm a woman that have heard that before. Um, a man say, oh, you seem like you got a lot going on. Um, you seem busy, you got your restaurant, you do this, you do that, you'd like to travel. They— I've heard this quite a lot, Anthony. And let me say something to you, it's a complete turn off when I hear that. And she sounds like a woman that is about her business. And one of the things that you like about her is that she has motion. She's not sitting around waiting, um, for somebody to step into her life and save her and rescue her. She's actually on her purpose, right? So Anthony, here's the thing with that— women that's like her, like myself, uh, because when I read this, I'm like, oh, she sound like me. The thing about women like that is you have to unbusy us. See, while you're sitting around waiting to see— or you're, you know, I won't even say you're waiting, I would say you're analyzing. You're looking at her life and you're analyzing her life, seeing where you fit in instead of just fitting in. Okay, you're overanalyzing her life. You're taking upon yourself to come up with this whole thought process of that she may not be available instead of making yourself a part of her life. Like, it starts with what? Making plans. See, women like that, we already have a lot on our plate. We're not stopping for you unless you give us a reason to. Because on one end, we want a woman that got some motion and she got something going on. She's not just sitting around, um, because we ain't looking for no gold digger, somebody just waiting to get in our pockets. Then on the other end, she, you know, she got a whole lot going on, I don't know if I fit. Pick a side. You have to pick a side. Because either way, either, either way, you're going to talk yourself out of it. You're going to find something wrong. So my suggestion, Anthony, would be make plans. See, with women like that, you have to give us a reason to stop what we're doing. You have to give us a reason to make space. Because here's the thing, nobody's ever too busy. You just have to make yourself a reason. You have to make yourself a re— give her a reason. You be the reason why she makes room. I'm not going to make room for you if you haven't given me a reason to. So if you have not asked her out, if you have not said, hey Angela, um, what you doing Saturday at 7? Oh, I had this going. Well, you know, I thought I wanted to, you know, I really wanted to see you. I wanted to hang out with you. I wanted to see your beautiful face and, you know, experience you on Saturday night. Oh, you want to experience me? Yeah, I enjoy your company. I enjoy your time. You have a beautiful smile, and I want to know what's going on with your week. Like, what's been going on? I want to catch up with you. Oh, you want to know what's going on in my life? Hmm. We can do Saturday at 7, but if you don't— I'm busy— is we're not, we're not paying you any, any mind. And I think a lot of men get caught up with that, you know what, because one end, oh, she's so independent, she, she all in her career. Then on the other end, I don't want a gold digger, I don't want her in my pockets. Pick a side, and whatever side you pick, be okay with being assertive and confident and approaching the woman either way. Because like I said, reading this, oh, I said, oh, I've heard this one before. I've heard this one before. You just seem like you so busy. I mean, when I tell you, I'm immediately turned off when a man says that to me. Like, when I say it's like, it's to me, a man saying that to me is like somebody calling me big money. I hate that. I hate that. So unless you're going to ask her out, don't complain, because you're sitting there while you at work, while you in your car, you thinking about her, and you're playing all of these scenarios that have never happened out in your mind. You are— matter of fact, you are taking it upon yourself to make a decision for her. You are telling her, you are making up in your mind that she's too busy for you. You did that, she didn't do that. And one thing that we cannot stand, women that are on the move and women that have motion, one thing we cannot stand is for a man to not show up 100%. We, we, we got, as you said, we got things going on. We don't have time. Either you gonna show up and unbusy us, give us a reason to put you in the group chat, or keep it moving. What y'all say over there, um, YouTube? I'm looking at the chat. Yes, yes, you have to— you— I won't even say you got to get in where you fit in. I say You have to be a man that unbusy us. See, a woman that's interested in you, she's not going to tell you to get in where you fit in because she likes you. But what women like this lady that you speak about, like I said, she sounds like a me. We are women who handle things every single day. We have people that we're responsible for. We have— I have whole staffs that I'm responsible for, you know. I have whole communities that I'm responsible for. So If you're waiting on me to make room, I'm not. But if you come in and insert yourself and say, hey, listen, what you got going on Friday? You know. So if you're waiting on a progressive woman, like I said, y'all say you want a woman with motion. This woman has motion. I don't want the gold diggers. I don't want a woman just sitting in the house waiting on me. I wonder what her own life—

okay.

She got this. She got that. All you got to do is slide in, be confident, put in effort, make sure your patterns line up, make sure your words line up with your actions, line up with your words. That's it. It's, it's not really hard. But while you're sitting there assessing her You constantly talking yourself out of being in her presence. That's all I'm saying. So we don't like that. It's a turn-off immediately. Anytime I hear a man say to me, you seem like you're just so busy, I'm automatically— everything dries up. Mm, because what you're saying is, I'm waiting on you to reassure me that you're not too busy for me instead of you just making plans. Well, you seem like you always gone, and you, you know, hey, Big Time, are you always gone? And all of that. So what, what am I supposed to be doing? Sitting around waiting for you. I'm not gonna do that. Like, if you want to be in a woman's life, put yourself in her life. We like that. We literally love it, because when we are in the problem-solving, the doing mode for everyone else, and we have a lot of responsibility, we don't want to have to think about all of this other stuff. We want you to just come in and say, listen, brunch Sunday at 12, be ready, I'll pick you up, or we can meet there if you feel better, more comfortable doing that. Oh really? Oh, brunch at 12, huh? Yeah, I could tell you, you know, you got a lot going on and you need a little break, so I just wanted to be that, in that, that break for you. And besides, I want to hear about what you got going on this week. Okay, okay. All right, so that will be my response for you, Anthony. Okay, I see a lot of women asking to come on live. I only take men on, on this on the feminine ear. So if the fellas want to come in live, I will accept you, but none of the ladies. I see all ladies in here. Sorry, ladies. All right, the next one is from— who is this from? Reginald. Yo, my name is Reginald and I need you to keep it real with me, okay? So I've been, I've been vibing with this woman. She's fine, smart, and we've been kicking it heavy. I thought it'd be cool to take little shorty on an up— take little shorty on a vacation to take it up a notch and plan, you know, a little something for us, you know, a getaway, relax and really get to know each other without distractions. Okay, but here's the thing, I'm not trying to get played out here. Vacations ain't cheap, and since we're still in the getting-to-know phase, I asked her to pay half. Listen, April, I wasn't trying to be shady, I just felt like it was fair, but the way her energy switched up after I said it, man, now I'm over here wondering if I messed up. Reginald, Reginald, love, just leave her alone. Start all the way over. You might as well just leave her alone. You, Reginald, let me tell you this. When you ask a woman out on a date, on a vacation, on a getaway to go do anything, you're paying. You don't want to get played. Here's the funny part about this. You want to take her on a vacation, but you don't want to get played. But undercover You want to get laid. Tell me I'm lying. There's no way that men take you on vacations to get a little getaway without thinking they're going to get a little something something. There's no way. It doesn't work like that. So You're trying not— bottom line, you— can I say— is it after 10 o'clock? Can I say what I wanted to say? So bottom line, Reginald, you're trying to go in to get your needs met at, at the lowest barrier of entry. You're trying to figure out what the lowest barrier of entry is. So you, you might as well just start over and leave her alone. You said her energy switched. Her energy was supposed to switch. So you're the man that wanted to plan this trip and wanted to get to know her better, but you, you wanted her— you wanted her to pay half to get to know you better. Really, Reginald? Some of y'all, I don't, I don't understand. So this goes back to what I talk about when I say a woman's invisible value. So there's something about this woman that made you want to spend some more time with her, be around her energy, be around her beauty, and possibly, you know, get, maybe get a little lucky with her. You wanted to, because when you go on vacations, it's it's a little romance, you know, depending on where you guys were going, it's a little romance, maybe a walk on the beach. You want to get all of this, her invisible value, you want to extract that from her, but you want her to pay half to give you her energy like that because you don't want to get played. But yet all of the energy and the things that she's doing with you, even the non-sexual things, she can't get that back. Reginald, I need you to understand, you need to start over and leave her alone because she doesn't respect you anymore. Uh, here's the thing. The fact that you have the audacity to even write that, like, what kind of content are you listening to that would make you think it's okay to ask a woman out on a vacation and she has to pay? You didn't say she's trying to get to know you better. You said you wanted to take it up a notch to get to know her better, but she has to pay for that. Brian said, why, why should a man take a woman on vacation with him if he's not engaged or married? Why would he not? Like, I don't have a problem with going on a vacation. That's not the issue. You don't have to be somebody's wife or engaged to go on a vacation. I don't, I don't believe in that. However, I do have a problem with asking a woman on a vacation or getaway if she got to pay. Brian, I don't know where you get this from. If you, you got— you can only ask a person on a vacation if they're— if you're engaged or married to them. Yeah, I don't understand that. Yeah, but fellas, if you're listening, if you ask a woman out, pay for the date. Oh, uh, yeah, women just be out here trying to get free meals and y'all be trying to get free ass. Like, come on, let's be clear, because I don't know about any of you, I've been out and I'm back in my club days. A man buy you a $20 drink, he stuck to you all night and he think you owe him something for that $20. Okay, come on, men are always trying to get the booty for the least um, energy that they have to exert. All right, so if you just want to take a woman out, take her out. The only reason why you stopped her and asked her for her phone number in the first place was because you thought there was something about her that was attractive to you. The least you can do is pay for dinner. I mean, come on. Because that's really what it is. Let me see what the lowest barrier of entry I can give to get to lay down with this woman. That's really what it is, if we're honest, fellas. Because when you didn't know anything about her personality or anything else when you first met her, um, you wanted— it's always lust at first sight because you don't know her. All you know is what she looks like, okay? So let's, let's be honest. I, I think men are the only ones that are not honest with themselves about why they approached a woman in the first place. It was her beauty, it was the attraction, it was them hips, it was them thighs, it was them breasts, it was something that physically attracted you to her in the first place, that made you see her and say, that one, I want to get— I want to get her phone number and see what it is that I can extract from her. That's really what it is, okay? So the least you can do was pay for dinner. And like I always say, men that only want sex, they're not paying for dinner for you. Y'all are paying for dinner for yourselves. Because men, y'all know the categories that you put women in. And if it's a woman you just find physically attractive and you, as the kids say, you just want to smash, the dinner is for you so you don't feel like a butthole for just hitting and don't coming back. That's what that is. So the dinner is not for us. Yes. Hi, mother-in-law. Hey, son-in-law, how you doing? I just wanted to say hi. That's, that's Miss— that's Mr. Namda, you know. I'm doing a feminine air podcast.

Okay, I'mma leave y'all.

I just got back.

Okay, I'm going to bed.

Good night. So yeah, I'm at my daughter's son-in-law's house for the holiday, so that's why you guys see a different background. Different backgrounds. If the relationship is in the infancy stage, he should provide her with her own hotel room as well if she's okay with— I see all of the, all the intricate details. I don't care about that. I just care about the fact that you want her to pay. However y'all do, if y'all, if y'all decide to get one room with two beds, one room with one bed, two rooms, or each bed in each one, that part I don't care about. It's more so the fact that you want her to pay. For a vacation that you want to take her on. Mike says, facts, we always approach because of your beauty and sexual attraction. Even if we respect you, we will still want cat. Exactly. Thank you, Mike Check, for telling the truth. Thank you for telling the truth, sir. I'm very aware of that. I know that any man that approaches me, it has nothing to do with what's up here. Because he doesn't know that. He saw these hips, these thighs, these breasts, these— this face, all this chocolate and everything, all of that. And how he goes about trying to get to the booty will determine all that he's looking for. But it's always that. And the men in my life, from a younger age, they taught me early on, hey, never ever ever believe that if, if a man asks you for your phone number If he's looking at you too hard, if he approaches you— they went through all of these different things— he's trying to put his penis in you. So it's already instilled in my brain that every man that approaches me, he's trying to sleep with me. Like, that's, that's off the rip. Like, there's no, why do men only want to sleep with you? Like, I know I've been trained well by the men in my life growing up that that's what they want. How they go about doing that will determine if that's all they want, and how you play chess, not checkers, will determine where things go. So I'm very aware of that. It's women, fellas, that I don't believe are aware of that because he's a man of God, you know, he has integrity, and he has it— no, he has a penis. That's really what it was. He has a penis. So every time a man approaches, he's trying to see what your lowest barrier of interest will be to get to the sex. So it's only women that don't know that. You see, Rev Webster said, I'm a man of God with a penis still. Absolutely. It's how they go about doing it. Women are just clueless when it comes to that stuff.

I—

men just only want sex. Uh, yeah, it start off that way. Yeah, yeah. What else? What else he got? I want, I want— I'm just so much more than, than a sexual object, and, and I just don't want to be objectified. And get over it. It was— it is Every man does it. It's all about how he does it. He may not— I had a guy tell me, tell me before that, and this is a man that I would have never thought would have been having these type of thoughts, but when he, he finally came out after years and told me, I'm like, so wait a minute, you be what? But every time he was around me, he was cooler than the other side of the pillow. But underneath all of that, child, was something else going on. So yeah, so this man Reggie, you was trying to take this lady out to get to know her a little better. You was going to try to rub on her booty and everything else, but you wanted her to pay. Because you don't want to get played, but you were still trying to get laid. We're not stupid, Reggie. So you might as well start all over with another lady. You might, you might as well put— you might as well start over. But this time, if you decide to ask a lady on a trip, pay for it. Because there's too many men worried about getting played. Women just want to go out to you just so they can eat. Well, y'all want to go out just to see how quick you can get some sex. Like, I mean, like, come on, let's be fair in this. Let's work— and we don't have to be fair. Let's be clear of what it is. You don't want to pay for dinner because you think you're being used all along. You only taking her out because you're sexually attracted to her in the first place. Y'all be weird sometimes, fellas. Okay, let's— the next one is— oh goodness, I gotta go take my medicine. Yes, don't make the same mistake, Reggie. Okay. Okay, let me go, let me go on here. What y'all saying on YouTube? Yeah, that— yeah, you don't want to be used while you trying to use her. Stop playing games, stop playing games. Okay, this one says Was this from Thomas? Excuse me, this is why I can't be on longer, y'all, because I'm doing too much talking and I gotta go rest my voice for this cough that I have. Okay, this is from Thomas. First, Miss April, I'd like to say that I'm enjoying the podcast. Hopefully one day I have the time to call in, but for now, here's my question. I'm starting to feel like— I feel like I'm— I'll never figure women out. I've worked hard to build a good life for myself. I've got a nice car, successful career, and I can afford to enjoy the finer things in life. But lately it feels like all— that's all women care about. When I meet someone The conversation always seems to circle back to what I do, what I drive, or where I travel. It's like they're mostly interested in my wallet than in me. I'm not saying I don't like treating a woman or that I don't show that I have these things, but I also have value and character as well too. I try to— I try not to lead with those things, although I can't help it. I am a flashy guy. How could I— how can I get women to focus more on me and not what I have? Am I doing something wrong? I want someone who values me for who I am, but I'm starting to feel like it's just wishful thinking. Thomas, all right, here's the deal, Thomas, and I've said this before on this show, if you lead with cheese you will always get rats. Okay, let me say that again. If you lead with cheese, you're going to always get rats. And what I find is men don't know which side they want to be on. Well, like I said when I was talking about Anthony a little while ago, one minute you want a woman that's ambitious, she got her own thing going on, but not too much. But then you don't want the woman that's the gold digger, just, and, and don't want you for what you have, but that's what you leave with. Pick a freaking side, sir. Okay, so it sounds like to me you do what pretty much men do. They lead with their things and not their intrinsic values. So you can't expect to be a man who has not developed his personality, his character, his ability to be humorous, his ability to have good conversation. You know, let me say something, and I was having this conversation at the game yesterday about critical thinking. Critical thinking is at an all-time low, okay? At an all-time low. And when men have only been taught that all they have to do is bring things to the table, why would we not want you for the things? Think about, think about it. If you have not developed character, integrity, personality, humor, any charm, you know, anything that doesn't cost you anything to do or doesn't require you to do anything, you know, to obtain it other than— excuse me— the inner work. Why would a woman want you for you if we don't know you? Like, there was a balloon guy I saw and he told the girl about some private jet. They popped the balloon on him anyway. See, you can't be mad and talk about gold diggers when all you leave with was what you have. What makes a woman like you if she doesn't know anything outside of where you work, what you drive, the vacations you've been on, you know, the, the things that you like to do that cost money? Like, what, what? And then you guys complain about gold diggers. Women only want men for money. Well, y'all not developing your personalities. I mean, come on, what else you got? On one end, I'll say this as someone who have been coaching women for close to 20 years. Women are boring as hell. Women have no hobbies. They're very boring. Like, it's gag. It's, it's just like, oh my God, boring. But on the other side, men a lot don't have conversation and develop their personalities. So women rely on the beauty and their accomplishments, but they're boring as hell. If I meet another boring woman, it's like, girl, you boring as— I see why he left you. Women are boring. They don't have hobbies. They don't have things that they, that they enjoy doing. They go to church, school, home, and deal with them doggone children. Boring. They'll go get their nails done on a Saturday, you know. Little mani-pedi. You might go to a movie. Women are boring, but men don't have conversation, so there's work to be done. There's a lot of work that needs to be done on both sides. I mean, like, me and my daughter, we were talking about it today. Uh, we was like, man, women, it's just boring. Like, you talk to him— a matter of fact, I had a friend of mine telling me he went out with this girl and, and he stopped going out with her and And it was because, man, he said, man, April, she's, she's boring. It's the same routine all the time. There's nothing spicy about it. There's nothing that makes me want to be a part of her life. And men don't really have good conversation. Yes, who is it? What, what do you need? I do, baby. Here, you heard your granny coughing. Here, step here.

Like hot water?

Yes, please. Thank you, babe. Uh, um, I'm young, so I'm an exception. No, you're not boring if you're boring. If you're a woman and you boring, that's That's, that's not good. You don't get a pass to be boring. Men should have conversation as well. So men, this is how you develop conversation. First of all, you need to start talking to people, okay? Stop living in your head. Join other groups. Join networking groups, right? Be— get more confident in your ability to communicate. Okay, be okay with speaking. And here's the thing, you could just be talking about something random. It can be sports, it could be car, it could be— the thing is, I don't think men understand what communication is. If you can make a smile, you pretty much got it in the bag. Okay, uh, tell us the truth. Ouch. Let's stay fun and spontaneous with the man that is in alignment with you. No, you don't stay fun and spontaneous with the man that's in alignment with you. You become a fun and spontaneous woman, period. See, that's what I'm saying. This is why I don't be talking to women so much, because y'all have all of these, these guidelines and these parameters. Got to be within this, and you got to be fun and spontaneous with the man that fun and spontaneous that you align me with. No, you just got to be a fun and spontaneous woman, period. If you don't practice being a fun and spontaneous woman, or practice being a man who knows how to communicate, it doesn't matter who you're with, you're still going to be lack communication and you're going to still be born as hell woman, period. Everything has to be like— it's always these things. Oh, it's too much. It's too— it's really too much. Women come up with all of this foolishness. It's too much. Be with the man that you in alignment with, child. You don't know because you ain't— you ain't outside because you boring. You know, no, like, come on. So learn how to communicate, fellas. You got to learn how to have— not have boring conversations, because a lot of men don't even talk to— have male friends, or they don't have community where they can talk. They in their head all the time. So start talking, start talking. And it could be just something funny, it could be something random, it just be respectful with it, okay? But one thing I do know, if I don't know nothing else, women are boring as hell. Yes, thank you, babe. I appreciate you. Oh, it is hot, Mama. Bye, thank you, boo. So fellas, we love conversation, okay? And like I said, it doesn't have to be anything, uh, deep, but just being able to communicate is so important. Somebody said, this is news to me, I thought men were boring. No, women are more boring than men. And the reason why women are more boring than men is because men put themselves first and will go get an activity. They'll go do things that make them happy. They will go do things that they're interested in. So men to me are not as boring as women are. Women, because women are supposed to be the ooh la la, women are supposed to be the fantasy, women are supposed to be the thing that brings a man out of his, uh, masculine world into her soft, you know, feminine world. They don't do that. So because women don't understand their role in as the fantasy, they're boring. There's nothing fantasy about you. It's the woman that appeals to a man's imagination is the woman that gets him. Not the one trying to appeal to his penis, not the one trying to appeal to his, his vainness, not the one trying to appeal to him spiritually, not the one trying to appeal to him intellectually, intellectually, but it's the woman that gets in here. That snags him. But y'all boring. So both parties have a part to play, but in today's times Women have lost their ooh la la, their fantasy, because they're, they're overthinking on the left side of the brain like men. I was watching my daughter— I've watched the first episode of the Tia Mowry Show, her reality show, and I, I gagged a little bit because one of the things that she said was, you gotta— he gotta come, come to me, the man gotta step to me correct. I'm a mom, I got a career, I got business, everything, everything that she listed were things Like, a dude, fellas, stay away from those kind of women because she doesn't know what she is, okay? Fellas, there's women that I, I totally advise you to stay away from, and that's especially the woman that leads with her career and her accomplishments, and I have businesses and I have this and I have that. No, She's not telling you anything about her. She's telling you what she can do. She's not telling you what she could be. Stay away from those, okay? Stay away from those because it's like men, men say they want the go-getter type woman like that, right? But at the same time, that type of woman— the women that lead with their things, they won't know how to be the girl in the relationship. They'll end up mothering you every single time. Women who lead with their things, and, and they get— they can do stuff, they can provide for themselves and all. When I say provide for themselves, I'm not talking about just being self-sufficient. I'm talking about women who actually lead with, you man gotta come into my life and do X, Y, and Z because I this, this, this, this, and this. They're going to end up mothering a man. Okay, so I will say the one, the one that knows how to get a man to do for her, even though she's successful and she's mastered it, whether her relationships last or not, but she operates in it, is Portia Williams. The rest of them, they'll not do it. I like Portia. So I always look at and listen to women and what they immediately— they lead with when I'm talking with them or if I'm listening to them. Um, I don't think it's that they look down on men that haven't accomplished— accomplished as much. It's not about the man's accomplishments, it's more so about not understanding your intrinsic value. I do believe your lifestyles need to be in alignment, and I do believe a lot of men that may not be the same lifestyle as them may not know how to function in that lifestyle. I've— I have too— had too many coaching clients who married men that were not in the same lifestyle as them, so now they can't rest in their femininity because they're overdoing, because they're trying to make sure they maintain a lifestyle, but they married someone that did not match their lifestyle. Okay, so that's different. I have— I've coached quite a few high-profile women who married men that did not match their lifestyle. So now these women are constantly going and they're constantly doing, so they can't rest in their femininity because these men cannot handle this lifestyle. These women had all of this stuff. The man had more of, uh, the emotional things that they needed. But the problem that they made was they did not choose men that were just as ambitious as they were. So now you come into this, this superstar's life and she's doing all of these things, she has all this stuff. You appeal to the little girl in her, but she forgets about the ambitious side of her. So she wants to rest in her femininity, but she can't because she's still the provider. So she didn't pick a man whose lifestyle matched. That's why when people ask me and they say it's cap when I say it, You should be looking for somebody whose lifestyle, whose, uh, standards, values, and, and y'all attracted to each other match. That's it. But that's all I have for you guys tonight. I'm not going to read all of these. I got about 8 more, but as you can see, my loves, the way that my, my throat is hurting right now, I just still wanted to come on because I know we missed last week and I wanted to come on and chit-chat with you. If any fellas want to come on live with me on Instagram, you can. We can't do it on Face— on YouTube because I don't have— I don't have my setup. I'm not in my home studio tonight. But if you are a fella and you have a question before I end tonight, because I know typically you guys ask the questions on YouTube— a characteristic supersedes material, materialistic, materialism. Joseph, yes and no. You gotta under— you fellas, let me say this to you, you have to understand where you stand. If you come into a woman's life who's already here and she's living a lifestyle that's here and she's always going and she's always making things happen, you need to at least match that. Because what you're asking for is for her to rest in her femininity. Well, one of the things that allows a woman to rest in her femininity is being provided for. So if you cannot match at least her lifestyle, leave her alone. Because I'm— I promise you, there aren't many women that can relinquish and really relax in their femininity when they're provider for their whole entire household as well too. It really is. And I'm just telling you the truth. You can't want a woman to be 1,000% in her femininity and give you all of these things that you want that comes with her femininity, but she's still out here going to get the bag every day because you can't cover it. Women— I'm— fellas, I'm telling you, if you want that feminine woman, that feminine energy that we have— now there's levels to it. Never under— never, never feel like, uh, whether she's either— she's feminine or she's not feminine. No, we all are feminine. There's just levels that we are with particular men. If we don't feel provided for in your presence, you're not going to get 100% of us because we're constantly watching our back. So you got to understand that if we are providing for ourselves and you come into our lives and you don't take off the weight, we're, we're not going to be able to rest in our femininity with you because we still have— we're still in survival mode. Okay, that's how that work. Preference is not a problem. The question is, can she match holy God's lifestyle? Joseph, get out of here with that, because typically men who always come in with that holy God lifestyle, y'all don't come with the holy God lifestyle. And because, you know, God gave Adam everything he needed and Eve didn't have to come on the scene and pay for nothing. You know, y'all, we want a woman to live this so-called holy God lifestyle, but y'all don't protect like the, the God— the man that God created first. Adam had a purpose, and then Eve came on the scene after he had everything ready for her. So you can't skip past that and want to go into, does she have a holy lifestyle? She had a place to stay. Food to eat and a kingdom before she had a holy lifestyle. Hello, somebody. Everybody want to get to— is she a woman of God? Are you a man of means? Adam had means because Adam was in alignment with what, what God had given him to do. And he had a kingdom. The woman didn't even come. Here's the thing, let me help y'all. Y'all keep talking about you want a woman to help you build. Eve didn't come on the scene to help build, she came to help manage. Eve was not a bad example. I can use Eve. Wanna know why I can use Eve? Because it just shows the weakness of man. See, if you are— if you're really that man of God like you say, and if Adam was really that man of God as y'all trying to present, he— there's no way he would have let a woman tell him what to do. If men were really— if you guys were the leaders like you say you are, there's no way that Adam would have went and turned against God. There's no way Samson would have allowed a woman to go against God. Adam— God made Adam— told Adam to make a promise that he would never tell his strength, but a woman comes along and you don't have it. So that was the question would be, is that— is, is really Adam and Eve a bad example, or is men not really leaders? Okay, now somebody said Adam is a bad example. Is what? Why? If, if you guys do feel like Adam was the first man and woman, Adam and Eve, why are they a bad example? Why is it that a woman can cause a man to go against God because of the feminine power that we have and because of lack of dick discipline? Because we don't have to use Adam and Eve. We see this every single day. We see it with the Harvey Weinsteins, the President Clintons, Bill Cosbys, the Diddys. All of those men went down because of lack of dick discipline. So we don't have to use Adam and Eve for that. I'm just saying. So if it was going on since the beginning of time and that wasn't a bad example, it's still going on today. Okay, so it doesn't matter who I use. You still guys don't have dick— you don't have dick discipline, and a woman will cause you to fall every single time. So whether it's Adam and Eve or whether it's Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky It's the same thing. Y'all just don't like to hear it that way. So then it becomes, are men real leaders if they can't control their dicks? If that's the thing that causes them to lose their kingdoms, that's a better question. Said, please don't group us with all the creeps. It's not about grouping you with all the creeps. It's a known fact that men have no dick discipline. So this isn't— like I said, whether it was Adam and Eve or whether it was Bill Clinton or whether it was what's going on in the world right now, it doesn't matter. That the thing is, men don't like to hear what is. Most men don't have dick discipline, which is why the OnlyFans girls are making millions of dollars every single month. So let's just be clear, it might not be you per se, But the proof is in the pudding. Prostitutes would not have a job if they didn't have clientele. So this isn't anything new. Men have no dick discipline. Men will always bow down to the woman, and it's always been that way, or these women would not be in business. Kingdoms have failed because of the vagina. Men that are— that get in trouble now in 2024, it's not because they committed fraud. It's not because they have, um, pierced the corporate veil. It's not because of embezzlement and all of these things. It's because of the lack of penis discipline. So it's not like I'm saying something that isn't true. Look at why all of these men are getting in trouble. It's just what it is. The part— the part is— the part of what I'm saying is it doesn't sound good, and men don't like the way it sounds, but it doesn't take away its truth because you don't like how it sounds. Men complain about OnlyFans girls all the time. These hoes ain't— blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, then why do they have a lot of clientele? If they're so bad and what they're doing is so wrong, why are they making so much money? Okay, why is it that you don't want your homeboys around your girl? Why is it that our uncles, fathers, and cousins always try to keep us away from other men. It just sounds bad, fellas. And which is something that you all can do your part to educate in the communities to change that. Okay, I mean, he said they, they gonna backstab their homeboy and get the girl. That's my point. No dick discipline. So this is why we see a lot of the things that we see. And a lot of men don't like to hear what it is. Like I said, whether it was Adam and Eve, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Diddy, Harvey Weinstein, and all the rest of them, it's their dicks that gets them in trouble. It doesn't even matter if they're on their purpose. All of these men that I listed were on their purpose. That's what I'm saying. It— that's why women don't understand the power that they have. And I sit back and I cackle, because if women really understood the power that they have, all of these little side conversations of what— why he didn't call, why he didn't text— but y'all wouldn't even be having those. So all of these men were on their purpose, so we can't even say it was the lack of purpose. Adam was on his purpose. Okay, maybe we should learn how not to base our manhood on how many women we sleep with and women base their woman on how many men want to sleep with them. Maybe, maybe. But how will they do that? Because you got to remember now, fellas, what I'm about to say, you're not gonna like this either. How you have derived your value is from how the patriarchy set it up. So now people want things to shift, but the patriarchy is what told men where their power and their value comes from. I'm just saying, you know, because the same advice you would give your son if you walked in on him sleeping with a woman, a young girl, his girlfriend, you wouldn't give to your daughter. So it's that double standard that's there. So I'm not saying that you fellas are responsible, but understand the way women are, and when it comes to, um, how the male system set it up, because remember You guys complain about gold diggers and women just wanting you for your money. Well, that was the only thing we could want men for back in the day because we had no rights. So imagine that in 2024, men are saying we want a woman that want us for more than what we have. But back from the beginning of time, women— up and even until the 1960s and '70s— women— a woman couldn't even get a buy a house without a man. So why else did we want you? Think about it. So imagine that's embedded. A man providing and a man being, uh, marrying from a hypergamous standpoint, and, you know, marrying up has always been embedded because somewhere some man said that women were not equal and could not have anything without them. So That's been embedded in us for a very, very long time. So why do you think women want to marry up? It's because the men that came before you said that you had to have a man in order to be XYZ. So it hasn't gone anywhere. It's the same reason why, um, men who get upset when a woman doesn't take his last name when they marry him— that's a part of the patriarchy. Because when a woman taking a man's last name gave him what? Ownership. I'm the wife of Robert Williams. I'm the wife of Bob Jackson, right? So we still live and participate in those things today. So you can't be mad for a woman wanting a man that can provide. Just go get your money up, because the men that came before you set it up that way. And you're trying to break a, a centuries-old system, but you still want to live in the system at the same time. You still want to benefit from the system, um, some ways, and not benefit from it in other ways. And so here's the thing: we don't mind ownership, just have some money to back it up. That's the whole— that, that's the thing. We don't, we don't mind because you got to remember, you guys benefit from the patriarchy every single day, okay? And so you just don't like the parts that the woman still try to uphold to benefit her in that as well too. You really got to understand that the moment somebody, some religion, some governmental, some, some society said that women could not do X, Y, and Z, you put us in a position to look at you for what you can do. That's why when Chris Rock said in his, um, his special, Tamarine, you know, a man is only looked at for what he can do, because other men put that in place by not allowing women to have their own autonomy. Those are conversations that we're not having, and that's still embedded into the fabric of who we are. That's why I believe it's a very pivotal time for men, that if you want to break out of that, it's the most— it's the most powerful time for men to show up for more than just what you can do, what you can buy, and protection. Because let's be clear, fellas, y'all not protecting us 24 hours a day. Well, a man is there to protect— well, no, because if she going out to work like you going out to work, you're not protecting her all the time. So we can't even rely on that like that. Okay, so right now women are asking men to rise up and be more than that. Because guess what? Now we can, we can, we can take care of ourselves. So now it's like, okay, I can take care of myself, you know, I'm an adult, you know, I have my own place to stay, my own car, my own job, I'm supposed to have these things. What else can you give a woman, fellas, that money can't buy? I want you to really think about that. What can you give a woman, fellas, that money cannot buy? Okay, so this is the perfect time for men to really develop themselves, to show that I am so much more than what's in this wallet. I am so much more than my ability to protect you when I'm with you. I am so much more than that. That's why I say it's perfect. It's perfect. But because we've never seen this ever in our history, things are being discombobulated. Things are, you know, it's going haywire because it's like you can't even say we these gold diggers. Well, we got our own gold now. What can you give that money cannot buy? Okay, an upstanding, cooperative, traditional woman has the right to choose a decent, traditional man who protects and provides, and nothing less. Child, please. This whole upstanding, cooperative, traditional wife This is that patriarchy that I'm talking about. So a woman like that that deals with a man like that, she needs to get a man that can give her whatever it is that she want if she's going to be dealing with that, because that's, that's the upstanding, cooperative, traditional wife. Here's the thing, a lot of you want traditional wives, but what you're not understanding is a lot of the tradition that you want women to be, to go back to, was actually oppression. And then also, a lot of you don't make enough money to take care of a whole household by yourselves anyway. So when we start looking at the cooperative— let me help you all out as well with this too, fellas. A lot of women were overlooking, over-cooperative, over-submissive, and allowing you to get away with so much stuff in this traditional wife that you're talking about because she didn't have any rights. She took abuse. She couldn't do anything. Because she had no rights. She couldn't go get a job, she couldn't go get a bank account, she couldn't even go buy a house. So a lot of what you're asking for, what you saw Grandma doing, you got to remember Grandma was stuck in a lot of that. Grandma married Granddaddy in the military because Grandma was of age to where she needed to marry in order to take care of herself. Miguel, you can disagree all day, but go look up the history. A lot of traditional wives And put it like this, if you're talking about a Black woman, there wasn't a huge time in this country where Black women didn't work. Even Florida Evans on Good Times worked. She had a job. How is it oppression? It's oppression when the only reason why a lot of these women married was because they didn't have rights to go do anything or an autonomy to do anything of their own. So what that means, Miguel, let me break it down. Let me break it down to you what oppression looks like back then. Woman is born, man is born. Woman has said that she's not equal to man. Woman has no right. A Black woman couldn't even be able to vote until the 1965. A white woman couldn't even vote until the 1920, 1920, right? A woman could not even get to buy a house in her own name or get a loan or anything without her brother, husband, or father. So that's oppression. You're oppressing a people, a human being that has their own autonomy, was born individually. So when she looks at you, she's not looking at you as, oh, I love him. She's not looking at you to see if you have emotional intelligence or intellectual maturity. She's looking at you as a bag, as survival. So when you look back, back in the day, Miguel, granddaddies had, had other families all over town. Right? But those women could not leave because what? Where they going? They can't get a job because they have no rights. So my grandmama and great-grandmama took a whole bunch of BS that they should not have had to take for survival. That's oppression, my love. That's what oppression looks like. So women were keeping the peace a lot of the times for their own survival. Let's be clear. So when you see the whole, I want women to go back to tradition, but you guys are never counting the fact that women were doing things and accepting poor treatment and abuse because they— where are they going? Mental abuse, physical abuse. Where are they going? Granddaddy die, his other kids come to the funeral that mama pretended like she didn't even know he had. You think they were marrying for love like that back in the day? You, you totally confused. Yeah, that's right. A woman couldn't even get her own tubes tied without her man's, her husband's permission until the '80s. That's oppression, my love. You, you, uh, another human being telling another human being what they can and can't do. It's no different than being a Black woman in this country, being a Black man in this country, doing, during a time where you couldn't even go sit on the bus. Where you wanted to sit because somebody has to tell you where you can't sit. That's oppression. These are the conversations that men and women are not having, or that when men say, I want a traditional cooperative wife, you're not understanding the levels of cooperativeness that these women were putting themselves through just to survive. Let's be clear. Now, is it everybody? No. But imagine the masses of women that all up until the time they had rights and their own autonomy, that married out of survival. When you watch the show Bridgerton, these women were being prepared to be wives at 12 years old because Mama knew that they had to marry wealthy in order to survive. It's always been that way. Give me your daughter and I'll give you some land. Property ownership. Those are the type of conversations that men don't want to have when they start talking about, I want— why won't women go back to what they used to do back in the day? But they're not counting it, taking into consideration all of the things that women endured for not having rights to have. Just, I mean, imagine that. Imagine Somebody telling you that you were only put on this planet to serve them. Imagine that. You like to see me on a panel discussing this? I don't do panels, baby. Them panels is for the birds. I stopped doing panels a long time ago. I get asked to do panels all the time. I don't do them. Because there's never really solution in panels that I see. It's talking about the problem. Here we're all about solutions, okay? We've had too many come-to-Jesus meetings. At the end, at the end of the day, it boils down to men want women, women want men, and we need to just decide that we want to be together, do our inner work, vet the other one properly, pick somebody that's good for your peace legacy, your portfolio, um, someone that is good, that have the same lifestyle standards that you want and that you attractive to. It's not really hard. It's not that hard. Too many conversations going on that are not leading people to really connect. I'm tired of— that's why I don't do panels. I decline every single time. And I gotta— I've been asked to be on the top panels when it comes to this, and I say no. I don't want to do it. I hate panels unless, unless the panel is a benefit to me. It's a no, it's a no. We're not doing that. But we just got to understand, at the end of the day, we want each other. So fellas, I'm gonna ask you this question, and whether you are right here on Instagram or right over here on YouTube, if you're single, why? If you're a man watching me and you're single and you actually can be honest and say, I want— I would love to have somebody in my life, why are you single, fellas? I want to know, I want to know, I want to know. Uh, uh, I don't answer questions from women on here. I'm looking for all the fellas to ask. Waiting on God, what does that look like, Jeremy? What does that look like, waiting on God? Since I'm picky and conservative— oh no, that's— no, that's a woman. I'm not answering nothing from a woman. I'm single because I'm seeking a deep emotional connection many are unable to provide. Still praying for the one. Is that a man? Oh, let's see. See, people that say I'm waiting on God like that— can I be honest? That's an excuse, because God doesn't choose your mate, you do. If God doesn't require you to choose him. Why do you think God don't choose your— God don't choose your mate. You have free will. The problem is most people don't even know who they are, so they don't know what to look for. Yeah, people that say I'm waiting on God, child, please. They didn't wait on God when they went and bought that card. They didn't wait on God when they went and got that house. They didn't wait. It's like, it's easy to take the responsibility off of you. It's interesting how arranged marriages work. The parents get together and decide who you gonna marry, and those marriages last. They didn't wait on God. They just had some sense to know this would— this person will be a good match for this person, whatever, for whatever the purpose is. I seek someone who's whole. Many are unhealed. Nobody's whole, baby. And, uh, that's what— that's one of those same lame-ass excuses again. Let me help you guys with this whole and healed BS. None of us are whole and healed. Wanna know why? Because if you're a man and you have not been accustomed to a good woman It takes a good woman coming into your life to help heal that part of you. All right, so stop the lame excuses, okay? Stop, stop the lame excuses. A woman that says, I'm waiting on God to send me a good man— well, here's the thing. Many of you are going to conferences, you're reading books, you're educating yourself, but guess what? You're not actually in the thick of it to where you are actually, um, applying the knowledge. So none of us are here. I'm not even healed 100% because it takes another person coming in to show you that other part. So none of us are healed and whole. We've just been going through the motions. We've been reading books, we've been going through conferences, we've been, we've been, uh, information junkies, and we have all of the information, but we haven't been applying it and doing anything with it. So that's why I say it's, it's, it's, it's all People just come up with excuses. Excuse me. People just come up with excuses every time you talk about what you're waiting on or what, um, what you— I'm waiting for somebody. You got to be whole and healed. Who taught y'all that? Where'd you get that from? Somebody told you you had to be whole and healed before somebody come into your life. That's not true, because all of us— nothing triggers us more than somebody loving on us properly. Nothing triggers us more than someone coming to our lives and loving us properly. That's where the challenge is. The challenge isn't in I'm waiting and I'm reading a book, okay? That's not what the challenge is. The challenge is allowing yourself to be loved on in the state that you're in and staying there and not being triggered and allowing someone to restore your faith, your heart, and your soul in the area where it has been broken. We are doing this, doing the self-work. Want to know what doing part of doing the self-work is? Putting yourself out there. One thing I love about men is this. I love about men that Regardless of what men say, they never ever ever remove the need of a woman in their life, no matter if they're healed or whether they're— if they're not, they never do that. It's women who go isolate themselves for years. I'm healing, I'm healing. I'm gonna isolate myself. I'm gonna go to all of the single conferences. I'm gonna go to all the women's conferences. I'm gonna do all of these things, right? But years go by and don't nobody ever come checking for you, but you're doing all of the things. Men, what I love about them— and we were talking about this with my son-in-law earlier, my daughter— my son-in-law had no business, and he tell— he'll tell you He had no business talking to my daughter. He was recently divorced. My daughter was recently divorced. And he put on a good show at the beginning, but he said, I'm gonna get my act right because I know I ain't gonna get better than this. And the thing is, regardless of all the things he went through in his 15-year marriage and all of the things they've had to go through counseling about and talk about and work out He still did not allow a good woman to walk past him even though he has not— wasn't so-called healed. Okay, nothing wrong with isolation and healing, but that's what I'm saying. When men don't do that Men actually live out— they work their things out as they're going. They don't go isolate and, and, and just go put themselves and become, um, um, hermits. They don't do that. They literally still engage with women. They literally still, um, go out. They literally still try to figure it out however they try to figure it out. Women don't do that. Women isolate. And for so many women that are isolating And so many women that are so-called healing, why ain't nobody ever checking for your healed self? Solomon says it's difficult to find a woman 25 to 30 who is fit with no kids who can get with my program and help me work my business while I make her better. Actually, it's not. It's where you're going. It's not hard to meet those women. Heck, I got those women in my academies. It's not hard to meet those women. The problem is that you think it's hard to meet those women, which is why you're not meeting those women. Soleman. Okay, what else? What you got? Uh, but that's also because women— yeah, yeah, women, women, they, they, they, they don't understand that It's in my opinion, this is just my opinion, it's not a flex if you want to have sex to talk about you've been celibate for all of these years, but you're such a spiritual woman, but you mean you can't meet somebody that's a good man that want to marry you? There's something ain't clean in the milk. Some— something— no, something is not clean. Something is not clean in the milk. You mean to tell me you've been doing all of this inner work and not a Quality man hasn't come into your life at all? Not one? Even if he wasn't a good— of good, uh, he wasn't compatible with you, but he was still a good dude? Not one? Because I'm not here for this BS. I'm not here to do this BS. Not one. So you mean to tell me you being in this space, this, this so-called healed space and isolation space, nobody is coming to you? Is it really that? I'm just saying, is it really that? Because if you— somebody said they come in but we feel we aren't ready or unrealistic standards. How you not ready if you're doing all of this work? And isn't that what the work is for? Isn't that what the work is for? But you get on the internet, go to the barber shop, go to the beauty salon, and have these conversations about men and women, but yet you don't even get out. Yeah, they'll say God is protecting them. No, he not. See, it's easy to hide behind things that you, you act like you can't control, than to accept that maybe I'm just a boring woman. I don't go outside, I don't have any hobbies, I'm nobody's fantasy, I don't know how to communicate, I don't know how to be the ooh la la. Maybe I'm just a man that don't know have good conversation. I've never developed my personality. I don't know how to have a sense of humor. Maybe it's that. Maybe I'm a nice guy instead of a kind man, because nice guys are only nice until they don't get what they want. Maybe I really have no integrity. Maybe I have no dick discipline. Could it be that? Hey Candace, could it be that maybe I don't know how to communicate? Because y'all always ask me, Miss April, where the men at? I probably— I can put y'all in a room full of some top quality men and y'all will still mess it up. Everybody wants what they want until they have to show up. Fellas, what y'all gonna do? Go ask the girl out. I think— who was it I was talking to, Anthony or Thomas earlier? Go ask her out. What's the problem? Man up and stop making excuses. These women don't, these women don't, these women don't. He says, I'm single because I have yet to find some woman who can expand my work. Why are you looking for her to do something for you? That's so— and I've seen somebody else say something similar on on YouTube. So you're not looking for a person, you're looking for somebody that can do something for you. You're not looking for to see who she is at her core, you're looking for what she can do for you. That's what we be talking about. You did— you didn't mention anything about anything intrinsic. It's what she can do for me. Rich said, you're right, I don't have a problem approaching women myself, so you're making good points. So Rich, go out and get that woman. Go get her. Stop. Go ask her out. Stop overthinking. Like the guy earlier, he was saying that the woman's life looked like it's busy. Well, her life is busy. Unbusy her. He says, I'm, I'm single because I don't want to put myself out there. Hibernate, I do. But that's the— okay, well, that— then don't complain. Did not complain. Do not complain, period. And I believe that there are people in our lives right now that are a good match for us. Think about it. I think many of you— excuse me— have someone in your life that is perfect for you, but you or the other person may have never said anything. Oh good, Rich. Rich say he do ask him out. Good. You better get you one of these. Y'all better go get you one of them. But here's the thing, I believe we're all wasting time. I really do. I've been thinking about this while I was— I've been laid in this up in the sick and shut in on in the bed for the last week. Um, I think my little cough got worse when I went to that, um, that Raiders game the other night. What you say, April? If you cough on me one more time, I guess what— guess what? We go together. You got the cooties now, baby. Um, but I think we all have played a part. We all have played a part in our own demise. And I believe that we just get scared, and I believe that most people don't really know what they want. Because they don't know who they are. Um, I was having dinner, um, the other night. Was it Sunday night? Yeah, it was Sunday night. And I was asked, so what is it that you're, you know, you're looking for? Like, what, what's your, what's your thing? I said, well, my thing is only 4 things. And they're like, well, what's that? I said, um, lifestyle, standards, values, and attraction. And so one of the people said, um, but what about, you know, like sex? Y'all gotta have sex. No, I said, that falls under attraction. I said, the moment you start making this list and itemizing all these things you start making it complicated. For me, sexual attraction falls up under attraction, so I don't have to list that. But it's only 4 things. So when you start making all of these long lists, it's like, she's like, well, wait a minute, you know, you didn't say nothing about sex. I'm like, it's under attraction. It's, it's under attraction. I just believe so many people are afraid, but I believe there's also people in your pro— that you have proximity to that's perfect for you. I just don't think people realize that. Hey Chris, go, go to, um, Facebook— Instagram, no, Instagram. Go to Instagram. But I just believe we walk around scared all the time, just scared and not knowing what we want. And I— and this is what I also believe, and I'm probably going to talk about this in a separate video, make it its own video. I believe for those of us who are older, uh, who've been married before like myself, I believe that we have to redefine what marriage looks like for us, period. I really do, because I had to do it. Okay, April, you've been married, bought the house, had the kids. Got the car, you got the business, you got the other things that they say you're supposed to get when you're married. So that's not— wouldn't be my reason for marrying. I believe a lot of people who have done this, they don't see the value in it because they haven't redefined what marriage actually means to them or what it would look like for them. Okay, that's what I believe. And when you don't know what a thing is to you, you will always look it through— look at it through the lens of what they say it's supposed to be. And I don't believe that. Chris, if you coming over here, you better come on because I'm getting ready to go, baby, over here on the Instagram. So yeah, I really believe that it's, um, redefining what companionship or relationship or marriage actually looks like to you. But most people won't ever know because they don't take the time to get to know themselves, to know what exactly what it is that they need. Okay. Hey Miguel, he said I'm on both YouTube and Instagram. Well, thank y'all, y'all. Thank y'all so much. I wanted to stream live like we normally do on all three of the platforms, but as you see, I'm at my daughter's house for Thanksgiving. Thank God I don't have to cook. I don't cook like that no more. She doesn't really cook a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, so, um, we gonna see what she gets down. Excuse me. Hurry up, Chris, because I gotta go and I gotta go to go lubricate my throat. Okay, he said I'm coming. I've got to try from my phone. Okay. Yeah, yeah, she's cooking. So I came to check in with my grandkids because they, they— Grammy, we haven't seen you, so I had to come swoop in. And see them and, uh, be able to hang out with them. One of them, she didn't came and knocked on the door a few times. She's like, Grammy, we have to do our makeup together. She's 5. We gotta do our makeup. I said, we can do our makeup tomorrow, okay? We could do our makeup tomorrow. I'm very much at the stage myself. I'm glad you brought this up. Marriage has a new position in my mind nowadays. I totally agree with you, Rich. I totally, um, agree with you because that's where I'm at as well too. It doesn't mean— it doesn't have the same meaning that it would have had if I would have, you know, that I had when I got married in the beginning, the first time. So it's redefining what that looks like, and I actually did that They didn't turn the heater on in here. Chris, they didn't turn the heater on and I got this turtleneck on, Chris, and it's hot. Because I think— Chris, aren't you getting married? Thank you so much, Rich. I'm trying to get this cough together. I've had it for about a week. It don't feel good, and it's just— I was hacking. So it got cold in Vegas Sunday night, and I'm out there, you know, we out there looking at the game, and my— I was just coughing. Hey, hey friend, what's going on with you?

I'm not getting married.

I broke up with that girl.

You just—

so Y'all be able to hear on YouTube, but, um, he's on over here on, on Instagram. What happened? Okay, so what you want to talk to me about tonight, darling?

Well, you know, first of all, I promised you that I would join, uh, your show because, you know, you're you.

Oh, I appreciate it.

You are you. You've always been you. You've always been Uh, so, um, I, um, I don't necessarily have to talk to you about it, but you know, you ask men to come on the show and men are like— I don't know.

I think men are finding that this is a safe space, so it's taking them a little bit longer. So they send me so many letters, but I think they're, they're making sure that this is a safe space for them.

Right, so my thing is I think people who have some sense should probably come on and talk to you. Um, people who have been, um, through some things should probably come on and like be like the, the gofer, you know. I'll be the first one to, you know, jump in there and be like, hey, you know, I'll take the type of punches because I mean, you know, well, no, they do that.

I'm just— they typically do it when I'm on YouTube. I'm just not at home right now to where I can have them come on. So we get men that come on.

Yeah, okay, no worries. So, so yeah, we, we were together for about 45 days, um, and to give you— I said I would never tell the story like publicly, but I'll go ahead and tell it because it is what it is. Um, she said, uh, I'll tell you the end of the story. A friend of mine said to me, how can— how could a woman fool the dating guru? And then she was talking about me, and I'm like, well, one, I'm not the guru, but I am the guy who talks about dating. That was like my thing for Instagram because I've learned a lot about dating after marriage and blah blah blah. And I talked about it from my perspective. That young lady was saying all the right things, all the right things. Oh, you're a boy mom— I'm a, uh, you're a girl dad now, because you know I don't have any girls. You're a girl dad now, and this is our family. She was using all the right phrases, and, um She fooled me. I mean, fooled me. But one of the things that I pride myself on is I pay attention to the, the characteristic and the qualities and the actions of the person, not just the words. So I was, I was drugged, if you will, by the words. But when her actions didn't match up, I was just like, yeah, I gotta go. So to sum it up, our relationship came to an end when she brought— it was literally this time last year, it was Black Friday. I had just, um, bought, uh, the TV for the house. Um, I bought a 75-inch TV and I bought an air fryer. So I wanted to put the TV up, and, um, so I called my guy because I believe, you know, just a quick hint to guys, all guys should be resourceful. Yeah, I called my guy, hey, can you come put my TV up? And that was my plan, but my kids wanted to go somewhere to the old neighborhood. We stayed in an apartment complex, we live in a house now, so they wanted to go where all of their friends were. And I, um, I told my, told my kids, okay, I'll drop y'all off. And I asked her, I said, hey, are you okay with my, you know, your daughter going with my boys? Because it's two of them, you know, they would go, you know, keep an eye out for her, play with the other kids. Fine, that happened. Um, and when we were leaving, she said to me, oh, this just makes me feel so uncomfortable. So as a guy, you know what my first response is? What, do you want me to turn around and go back and get her? Because hey, listen, I'm here to protect and provide and make sure that you and your family Yeah, okay. She blew up at me. What? I can't believe you trying to solve the problem. Huh? Who you talking to? So I said, you know what? I said, hey, listen, I completely understand. And if you know me— for those who don't know me, hey, I'm Chris. Um, if you know me, when, when a woman gets up here I say, right here. And I go— and my response is, hey, you know, I wasn't really trying to get you to a point of agitation. I just wanted to, you know, I wanted to want you to know that I care about you and what's important to you. So if you're uncomfortable, let's come to a conclusion, you know, let me, you know, try to fix it. She fussed at me for about 5 minutes on the way back home. Goes— you get back to my house and she goes in the room and closes the door. And I'm like, well, cool, I'm gonna sit up here and figure out how to get this TV up, wait for my guy. Then she comes out. Oh yeah, I'm definitely leaving out part of the story.

Yeah, because I'm like, hold on, this math ain't mathing, baby. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm telling you how it—

how I got it. So we were together We got to this point in Thanksgiving last year, and this is where I got— I had to pay attention, but I had to pay attention. So she goes and she closes the door. She stays in there for about 20 minutes. She comes out yelling again, and I'm like, I'm trying to get the TV up because you wanted to spend time with just you and I. So I'm like, well, what's that about? Well, we need to talk. You don't want to sit down with me, blah blah blah. And she just going on. I'm like, yo, this is nuts. I said, hey, no, this is how, you know, a leader should actually lead. You know, you present a problem, we come up with a solution, and this is how I handle it. You ain't no leader, you this, you terrible, you blah blah. I mean, just going at me, at me, at me. I'm like, oh, this is crazy.

I want to go home.

Hey, listen, I'm not going to keep you against your will. Let's go get your daughter. Let's get you back home. Fasten, fasten, fasten. I'm like, man, something ain't right. Chris, what did you do wrong? And I replayed it and I said, well, she said her daughter was uncomfortable. She said she was fine with dropping her daughter off. We dropped her daughter off. I asked her, did she want to turn around and go get her? She didn't want to do that. I said, I can't see what I did wrong. So I fast forward. We go get her daughter, she gets back to the house, she takes her car, she goes home. Um, the next night, uh, my battery dies in my truck, so I gotta take the battery out and I gotta go to AutoZone to get it fixed or to get it swapped out. I leave my phone in the house on the charger. She calls me 15 times. I got screenshots for 15 times back to back to back to back. I'm like, yo, you all right? You good? Yeah, I ain't gonna answer the phone. You don't answer the phone, I'm on my way. I'm like, what? I said I'm fixing my battery. No, you're not. You lying. You got some over there anyway, so I took a picture. So you, you know, SUVs, most SUVs, the newer SUVs, the battery is not under the hood, it's behind the passenger seat. So I took a picture of the empty battery part, right? Yeah, she was on the way. That's it. Empty battery. Go get the battery, swap it out. I decided to go to Applebee's and get something. Now, normally I don't eat red meat, right? But I'm eating ribs, and so my fingers is wet. She FaceTiming 3, 4 times. I can't answer the phone because I got food on my fingers. Finally pick up the phone, walk away from the bar because there's people at the bar, and she goes, you with some— you cheating on me, you got a history of cheating. You know what, it's cool, have a good night, I'll call you back. So gets off the phone and she calls me back again. You know what, it's It's over. I said, okay, fine with me. I go to church the next day because I had to do a business thing where I was promoting my book and my board game, um, because I wrote two books, um, and, uh, and, uh, and shout out to your daughter for making— forcing me to get that second book out. So hey, hey, John, if you're watching this, thank you for making me get that second book um, uh, getting it done and getting it published. And, um, um, I, um, I go and I promote my books and I promote my game, and she was like, when are you bringing my stuff to the house? Because it's over.

Chris, I— you, Chris, I'm, I'm lost, Chris, baby. I ain't even— I'm not even gonna lie to you, I'm lost because the math ain't mathing. The— it, it seems like there's some holes in the story. Because I'm trying to fast forward. Okay. Yeah, because I'm just sitting here, I'm just like, I'm listening. I really am. I'm listening. And the math ain't mathing. And it's something— it don't sound right.

My point exactly. So, hey, to the person who said I'm lying, I have no reason to lie to you. So, you know, I don't even— I operate in absolute integrity.

Okay, because— okay, so keep going because I got like less than 20% on my phone. Because I— you came in late. I've been in there 2 hours. At 9 o'clock. 9 o'clock. And I'm tired. I haven't been on the plane. I came straight from the plane over here to get— oh, to get this done. Okay, so what, what was the breaking point? What was the thing that made you call off the wedding. But you said you only knew her 45 days.

We were never getting married.

You did send me a picture of a girl that you proposed to.

Oh, that's a whole other story. That's, that's a whole other story.

See, now you— now, now I need to be— I need to be coaching you. I need to be coaching you because you go through them. So there, there's something— there's some disconnect somewhere because you sent me a pic. I'm— this whole time you talking I'm thinking you— it's the— I'm thinking you— it's the woman that you sent me. So it's somebody after her, correct?

So you remember last year you asked me when you came on to the show, asked me if I was in a relationship? You came on to my show?

Yeah, but no, I'm talking about the picture that you sent me not too long ago.

No, um, no, that— you ain't got to show no pictures.

I ain't gonna— no, I, I'm not looking to show no pictures. I'm looking at dates? It was this summer. So, okay, so, so, so let's go— let's get into you, Chris. So what's the problem? Why is— why do you have a hard time locking in? Because you meet women all the time. So I've known— have known of you to be going through them, right? And you've, you've, you've proposed more than one time. Let's, let's get— okay, well, you've been close. Let's get into it. So what is it about you that can't seem to lock it in with these women?

Um, what is it about me that I can't lock it? So it's not that I can't, um, because I have, uh, I think in the very beginning stages what I was dealing with, um, uh, is that I was not who I needed to be. Okay, so I was just running through, going through the numbers, um, and it got to a point where I learned that—

ladies, be nice, you know the house rules. I know Johnny got two apples. Ladies, be nice, be nice. Yeah, I just saw something that tickled me.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't even look at that.

No, but no, because I'm, I'm saying this because I know you really want to be married again. I do know that, but I'm just having a problem with the fact that you keep going through them. What is it that's causing you to not pick women that you can actually connect with? Now, I'm not going to say because you're a relationship guy to talk relationship that you can't get duped. I got duped, uh, back in 2018. Because I dealt with somebody that, that I didn't know he was married. He said he was married and he, um, he lived the life like a single guy. We were all out in the Atlanta streets, so I never knew he was actually married. Been to the house the whole night. So I get it, when a person wants to deceive, they'll deceive. That only happened one time and one time only. With you, I know of you of going through women. What is it? Why do you feel that as much as you want and you talk this talk and you do what you do— uh, you done called in, so I'm gonna put you on the spot, baby. So why is it that Chris cannot lock in with a woman? Because this is two women. One you were engaged to this past summer, and then it's another one after 45 days. So would it be safe to say that if you keep getting the same result that something may not be clean in your milk, and this is why you keep engaging with type of women. Because it's not what you attract, it's what you choose to entertain out of what you attract. And I can say that simply, not calling, calling you out, but when I realized that back in 2018 when I was dating that I was the one that had the commitment issues, and I was the one that was emotionally unavailable because I was dating 5 guys at one time. They were all great guys. They were what I call quality casual guys. They were men that showed up exactly the way I showed up— quality woman that just wanted to keep it casual. But then I started realizing that all 5 of the guys, as quality as they were, they all had something going on in their life that caused them that even if we wanted to be in a committed relationship, we couldn't. Mr. NFL, after we met, we date and everything is going good, he just start— he disappeared. What happened? He come to my house at 8 o'clock in the morning unannounced. I just got to tell you this because I really care about you. I didn't realize I got somebody pregnant before I met you. Oh, well, you know, I ain't doing that. Boom, he's out the door. Um, uh, Trainer, something he didn't— it wasn't a relationship that he was in, but he had got out of a relationship and he was having an issue. Okay, commit, quality guy. Then it was, um, chef, same thing, quality guy but had some going on. So I had to realize, April, you're the problem, because these are 5 guys from 5 different backgrounds who are a mirror to me. They were quality, they treated me well, they were very respectful, all of the things, but it would some way, shape, or form, there was an issue that we, that we could not connect. So I had to sit down and realize, April, do you really want to be in a relationship like you say, or are you just not in that space? And I had to realize I really wasn't in that space up until now. That was in 2018. I wasn't trying to be nobody's wife. I wasn't trying to be anything to anybody like that, because during that time I had recently become an empty nester. So I had kids from the time I was 18. So although I had been married and all of those things, once I became an empty nester, I had to realize I really didn't want a husband. I wanted to get to know who April is. So it made sense that these men were showing up as quality casual men because I was a quality casual woman. So could it be that you, Mr. Davis, have something that is not clean in the milk. Is it you, sir? Because these are the women that you are choosing to entertain. I was choosing to entertain men that were just like me, emotionally unavailable and couldn't commit even if they wanted to, which was in alignment with where I actually was. I'm just asking.

So part of me, um, that after much reflection, um, I think that I've done the marriage, I've done the buy the house and have the kids, and I think I need to solve whether or not I want to actually be married.

Okay, so maybe you need to change your definite— maybe Like I said earlier, I had to change my definition of what marriage meant to me because marriage doesn't mean the same thing it meant to me back then. Marriage for me is something completely different.

Yeah, because I think you've always talked about that, um, you've always talked about, um, you know, compounds and stuff like that. Do you have water?

I do, but I'm getting ready to go over here. But I'm listening to you. I found Adriana having this charger right here. I'm listening to you because I know you really, really, really want to be married. I know that about you.

In the last year, I've really just been asking myself, is that what I want? Like, do I—

No, because you, you got to be married because you say you're a man of God. So you gotta have some— you gotta have some— you can't be just out here sleeping with people.

So you have to What I don't know, in the last 12 months I've probably been in church like 3 times.

But you still profess to be a Christian.

Yeah.

Okay, so regardless of if you went to church or not, your penis is supposed to be in your wife.

Say the last part again.

Regardless if you've been to church, uh, in a year or so or whatnot, your penis is supposed to go in your wife because you still profess to be a Christian.

Oh yeah, okay, I don't doubt that. Um, I would never, you know, not say that I'm a Christian. Um, I'm definitely, you know, a Christian. It just— I don't— I think my definition of how I serve God is definitely different.

Oh, so you forgot you fornicate?

I've always been a fornicator, if that's the word you want to use. I've always been active, um, so, you know, okay, I don't, I don't, you know, I don't shy away from that. I never, you know, some people say, oh, you're a Christian, you're supposed to abstain, you're not supposed to fornicate. I said, well, show me the scripture in the Bible that said thou shall not have sex before marriage. You show me the scripture and I'll believe.

Okay, okay, I'm just, I'm just playing. But anywho, I just want— I just wanted to, um, you know, ask you that. If, um, is it a possibility that you're the problem?

Yeah, so I wouldn't necessarily say problem. I just think the space that I'm in is I'm asking myself, is marriage something that I really want to to do a second time.

So you got to leave these women alone because you be proposing and stuff. You be getting close. So that one that you did—

I've done that one time.

Okay.

Um, and I've had some great, um, great relationships, and just some of them just didn't, didn't pan out, right? And I know that I'm unattached to the result. I just, I want to keep learning about me. And so I'll say over the years, since I've, you know, since I've been learning in this space, the goal is to learn me, right? To learn what is it about me or who am I and how do I make myself be the best part of me and show up as the best part of me. Best part. Once I learn—

how many, how many times we gonna go through this? We gonna have to stop hiding behind— we getting old, Chris. We get, we get, we get, we get older, huh? No, no, no. Well, excuse me, I had to ask. I had to ask because No, it's fine. You know, I had to ask because I'm like, wait a minute, I— because I'm thinking you talk about the same— I didn't even know the engagement got called off. So I'm— so because I— what I know of you, the question becomes what I had to ask myself: was I the problem? And I had to accept that April, during that stage of my life, becoming an empty nester I didn't want to be in a relationship the way I thought I did.

And see, I'm, I'm close to that. I'm 4— I'm 3 and a half years away, um, which is why I don't date women with kids like under a certain age, um, because I can't do babies.

Okay, well, it sound like you can't do nobody.

I mean, I'm learning in my space, so what's best for me.

Okay, because I mean, and it just— it's take being, you know, being really honest with yourself. Like, I had to be, I had to be totally honest because it wasn't that I wasn't meeting great guys that wanted to marry me, I just didn't want to get married. And I didn't realize that until I had to have that sit down and come to Jesus with myself of April Why is it that you attract all of these men that want to wife you up and always have? But now, you know, you like, um, what is it? You— and I realized I like the companionship, but I didn't want to be married during that time. And then I had to redefine what marriage would look like for me. So I had to get real honest with myself. And, and really looking at what is it that I actually want. So that's all I'm saying, you know, is really figuring that part out.

I need to figure out, okay, because see, at one point it was I can attract the best of the best, you know, you know, 5 great quality women, 10, however many, you know, through through the apps, this, that, you know, and I travel, I can, you know, find them.

And sometimes we think we have more— we think we have more than we have access to, right?

And so I had to learn that just because you have a lot doesn't mean that you had a lot, right? So there was— I, I like the way I look at dating apps. And I got a friend that just jumped on dating apps, he was like, oh, what are you, um, what are your thoughts on dating apps? I said dating apps trick you into believing that the philosophy behind the dating app is that it's actually to help you get in a relationship. It's not— that's not their business model. Their business model is to keep you on the app.

Yeah, because it— it— there— that might be their model, but if you are going in looking to meet somebody, it doesn't matter what their model is. The problem is people think they have more options than they do.

Correct. And that was the next part. I said out of 100 people that you meet, you'll probably find possibly 10 that are good matches, and of those 10, you only get 3 of the 10 that'll be quality matches that you can actually continue with. And then out of those 3, after— before 60, 90 days is up, you'll be right back over with a whole new 100. So I think that's, you know, that's where I came to in the beginning, just get it, get through the numbers. And then I had to, you know, you know, it was a learning curve for me. And so I guess I'm still learning.

Um, bro, you can't— I'm not— I'm not gonna let you sit here and do that. I'm not gonna sit here and let you— I'm not gonna have— I'm not gonna let you sit there and talk, talking about that BS. I'm still learning. Stop. Did you— Chris, no, no. Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, how old are you? Stop the shit. Stop bullshitting me right now on the— on— yes, it is. Yes, it is, because people always hide behind getting to know them instead of making a decision to say, actually, this is where I am, this is where I'm at, this is what I— what I'm— what, what I am, who I am at this moment. But what we do is we bring other people into the foolishness. Like I said, for me, I had to stop dating 5 men at one time and realize, April, you're the problem. You really don't want to be in a relationship. So you only are going to date people who are okay with you not wanting to be in a relationship. I didn't try to make it be something that it wasn't. I didn't make no promises. I wasn't sitting out here trying to lock nobody in. I figured me out really quickly. It don't take all day to figure yourself out. Really quickly, I figured— I figured myself out. It's like, oh, this is what it is. I really don't want to be, um, locked down right now. I I had kids early at 18. I never really have been out here and had a little fun and just dated and did what I wanted to do. So I own— I, I didn't bring people into my world making them feel like it was going to be something that it wasn't. I accepted that I love male companionship and male company, so I would only deal with people who were in alignment with not trying to lock me down. Didn't mean that they wouldn't start liking me like it me, but I was honest with myself so that I could date freely without worrying about, am I leading somebody on? Do I want this? Do I want that? I had to get me grounded in April. I don't, I don't, I don't, uh-uh. I like men, but I just didn't want one for myself 100% of the time. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. You gonna— you gonna have to hurry up because if the more you don't make a decision about what you're doing, you constantly going to be bringing people in. And that part of you that says, I really do want to be a part or in a relationship, then the other part said, I'm not sure, I haven't redefined it yet. You playing with people and don't realize that you're playing with people. See, I was able to be honest after I figured that part out. Look, bro, I like you, I like hanging out with you, we're fun. But I'm gonna be honest with you, you may not hear from me every day. I do like my space. I'm not in the settling down mode, but I enjoy your company. I enjoy your time. We have great conversation, but you may not hear from me for 3 or 4 days, maybe a week. Like, I was very honest once I realized where I was, and so I didn't waste nobody's time at all. It was, this is who I am, this is what I can give at the moment. I don't want to be responsible for your emotions. I don't want to be responsible for showing up in a particular way. However, if I want to go to the movies, or we want to hang out, or what we want to, you know, go dancing, what— I enjoy you. Just understand in this moment, that's not locking it in permanently, is just not where I'm at. So I gave people an opportunity to, to choose with what I was willing to give.

Fair enough.

So that's all I'm saying. Don't be going through these women because you're trying to figure it out. Figure it out and then be honest and let them have the ability to choose. Because no, I don't go through them anymore. Okay, not even my, not even my style.

Like, I'm not even on any dating apps. So, okay, I'm just enjoying where I am.

Okay, I still think you want a wife and you just need to figure that out. You need to figure out how to find the type that you want. But ladies and gentlemen, I gotta go. I gotta go take my NyQuil and everything else. And, um, but it was a pleasure. Thank you, Chris, for coming on with me tonight. I appreciate you, dear. Um, for the holidays Huh? Yeah, yeah, I'm here for the holidays, coming to hang out with my grandkids because I won't be here with them for, uh, for Christmas. I got other plans, um, so I won't be with them, but I wanted to come hang out because the grandkids was like, Grammy, we haven't seen you. So I wanted to swoop in before I went home, um, and see them. And my daughter's cooking, so I don't have to cook, and the restaurant is closed until Friday, so I don't have to do anything over there, but I'm gonna go work on my cough. Um, and, and, um, yeah, it was definitely a pleasure for having you guys join me tonight. I enjoyed you all. Um, I believe that we all can get whatever, whatever it is that you want. I believe that we can have it. YouTube and Facebook— I mean, Instagram— I believe we can have it. I just believe that we got, we got to make things more more simple, and we overcomplicated the basics. The basics are overcomplicated, um, and I don't believe it has to be that difficult when we just take the time to figure out who we are, what we actually, um, what we actually want, and be okay with that, you know, be okay with saying this is who I am and this is actually what I want. Instead of trying to make things more difficult than they actually need to be. I believe there's somebody for everybody. I believe that this whole, oh, but it's a shortage of men— no, every day somebody's wife die, every day somebody get a divorce, and hopefully he learned his lesson and he'll go back out there. There's not— you're not— for those that want a man, there's not going to be a shortage for those who want one, right? Because when you live in the land of abundance, you can have whatever it is that you want. All right, and I would— and I just, um, I just believe that. I believe wholeheartedly that we just make things more complicated and we walk around more scared than we need to be. But I believe that if we get back to where we used to be— do you like me, check the box, yes or no— and men making plans and women reciprocating, saying yes, being grateful. I mean, when I say being grateful, I mean not having this entitlement, um, spirit on you, and not overthinking everything. And women getting back into being the fantasy, being the ooh la la, being the vixen, being the sensuality, the femininity, the wisdom, the sensuality. It'll be easy. It's not that difficult. Okay, so gotta run. But I enjoyed you all tonight. Thank you so much, um, YouTube, Instagram, and I will see you back in the studio on next week. Good night. Oh, and make sure you send your messages. Go to feminineear.com, fellas. Send your messages and you'll be able to join me live from our YouTube page or our Facebook page, our Instagram page, all at one time. All right. Good night.