The Separated Man I Was Dating Is Getting Married!

Hey everybody and welcome to Wake Up with AM, and I'm waking you up in love, business, and life. My name is April Mason and today is Relationship Thursday. Y'all, this is a juicy one, this is a juicy one, this is a juicy one today. I pulled a topic out of our email bag, uh, a question, I'm sorry, out of our email bag today, and it's going to be really, really good. So you got to stay tuned and hold on to your seat because y'all gonna like this one. So you know how we get the show started. You gotta give me a shout out and let me know where you're from so I can turn around and give you a shout out. If you're new, type I'm new. And if you're a regular, say girl, I'm a regular. How y'all doing today? Don't laugh at my hat, y'all. I get my hair did tomorrow, tomorrow. So I had to throw on a hat. And y'all be talking about my little black hat that I'll be wearing, so I put on the white one. Okay, do you mind? You know, don't talk about it, sister, you know, because sometimes we just got to put the little hat on. And everything like that and still make it cute. We still got to be fashionable, ladies. Still got to be fashionable. Hey, Darian, welcome! You're new, thank you so much. Hey, um, Miss Hutchinson, uh, from New York. Alyssa says, I'm new from Dallas, living in Kentucky. Hey, girl! Hey, Yvonne— she— I mean, excuse me, Yvette, she a regular, she a regular. Hey, Miss Bland, Georgia in the house. Summer from Atlanta, how you doing? Hey Sheena, uh, I'm new, uh, Lanika, welcome, welcome. Regular from Dallas, hey Dominique, uh, Maria, afternoon, afternoon from Alabama. Hey, hang the sign up on the door. Hey, do my daughter's dance. Hey, she didn't talk my grandbaby that dance, y'all. She She just be— my grandbaby will bust out, she's like, sweetie, look. I'm like, who told you that? My mommy. How y'all doing? How y'all doing? Hey Toya, how you doing in the ATL? You're a regular, love the hat. Thank you, girl. Look, you know, we got to make it right sometimes because when the hair ain't all the way together, we got to make it right. Hey, uh, Ron, uh, Rhonda from Toronto, glad to have you. Kenya says she's new from Jackson. Uh, Akeisha said, girl, I'm a regular. Well, thank you so much, Miss Indiana. Thank you so much for being, um, a regular. Hey, uh, Morgan is the last name. I don't— I can't say your first name, but Mr. Morgan, it looked like it's a guy in the profile picture. Um, hey Sheena and Lashawn from Illinois. Hey Roderick, I'm 38, black man in Virginia. Are you soliciting? Are you soliciting? Are you soliciting, darling? Mr. Roderick. Mr. Roderick Hood. Hey, Amber's a regular, good to have you. Aloha from Hawaii. Hey, Tia. Lakeesta from Jackson, Mississippi is in the house. My family reunion will be there next year, so I'm excited about coming to Jackson. Um, hey Trina, you like my look? Well, thank you, girl. This is the get it together real quick look. Hey Curtis in Atlanta and Monica and Sonia in Chicago say I'm a regular. Hey DJ. From Cali and it's new. Erica is— I see you. Hey Lisa from New York. Hey Kishay showing love from Orlando. How you doing? What'd you say, uh, Miss Williams? You watch until you get a man. I heard that. Hey Angie, uh, from Cleveland. And Erica in the D, always loving, love listening to you. Thank you so much, Trina. Hey Roger. Roger said he's sure. So you looking for a wife? Maybe one day, um, we might have to play matchmaker. You know, I've done it on my page before. Uh, what you say y'all talk about my apple hat? Don't be, don't be laughing at my hat now. I, I'm coordinating. Hey Sharon from Jamaica and Michelle, you look amazing young lady. Thank you so much, Michelle. And Renee in the DMV says she's a regular. Cynthia in Cali, hey Miss Umber Linda, how you doing darling over there in California? And Teresa over there in Pittsburgh. How y'all doing? Melissa in Memphis, hey girl! Edwina from Barbados, thank you for joining me. Miss Posey in Alabama, Michelle in Minnesota, Mia in New Orleans, I watch all the time. Thank you so much for watching and giving me, uh, an hour, 30 minutes to an hour of your time. Y'all know I can get lengthy sometimes when I want to get good. Hey Wanda, you're a regular from Houston. Yvette from Jersey, thank you so much. And Melissa from Memphis. I gotta get to Memphis because Memphis— it's New York, Memphis, then Atlanta were my top 3 cities where I have the most following. So I gotta get to Memphis. Um, it's only like 4 hours away. Um, hey Danielle in Atlanta and Lavinia, how you doing? And Bruce in Huntsville and Ebony, I see you girl. Well, y'all know when the music stops, that means it is time to get the show started. But before we get into this juicy topic. Hey Michelle and London, how you doing girl? Before we get to this juicy topic, of course I have to make you aware of the announcements. We got to do the church announcements real quick. Make sure if you, um, oh goodness, I lost my train of thought. I'm ready to get to this question. Okay, your shirts, please, please, please, if you would do us a kind favor, we have started femininity, feminine clothing, Feminine Society Clothing, and we have some t-shirts. And those t-shirts, when you buy your t-shirt, it goes toward helping us make this holiday season a special holiday season for a couple of needy families for Thanksgiving and, um, for Christmas. So instead of asking you to donate, I'm asking you just to buy a shirt. So you can go to femininesocietclothing.com, and we'll— I'll make sure the link is, um, below. And you can go there and purchase a shirt for yourself, purchase a shirt for the women in your life, your co-workers. We got to bring this femininity and bring down this strong independent woman mentality mentality. We got to bring that down, but bring femininity up, because your strength is in your femininity, and you get more done using your girl, your feminine femininity, than you ever will being strong and independent and I don't need nobody and all of that kind of stuff. So that's first order of business. Second order of business is, if you do not have my audiobook, uh, Are You An Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite, go download it at aprilmason.com. You can listen to it, and one of the keys in here is, um, that a woman who's an asset is a woman of service. So what we're doing is we are going out into the community and we are feeding families and buying clothes and toys and, and bus passes for the holiday season. So, and so like I said, instead of asking you for money, I'm just asking you to buy a shirt at femininesocietclothing.com. I think the post is maybe below this one, but I'll make sure that the link, um, is here. Um, so that's that. And for those of you that have been inboxing me about business and finance, go download my book about finance. Business Credit Secrets Exposed. And right before I got on, y'all, I checked my email and I'm An Asset Women's Network is an official LLC. We did the work, we followed the instru— well, I know the instructions, but the instructions are here. So it only took a week for us to become an LLC. We are official entity here in Georgia. And so we are looking to expand. Now the next step is to build the business credit for I'm An Asset Women's Network. So I'm excited about that. I got that right before I tuned in. So I called my daughter, I said, look, we official, boo. We official. So it's an official corporation here in Georgia and we're taking it to the next level. And everything that I did to make that happen, it's all in this book. And the next step is to build its own $50,000 credit line, Visa. I wrote it all in here. So every business that I have, I built credit for them, incorporate them, follow the steps and boom. And then the last thing is Black Woman Decode is going down December 10th. How to attract, understand, and keep a quality black woman. It's a for men's only seminar. You ladies been inboxing me saying you coming. Um, you driving down from all these different places, but please understand, read the advertisement. The seminar is for men only. It's for men only. The goal is to get 100 men in the room. The women can come to the after-party. So ladies, buy some tickets for the men in your life, uh, your co-workers, your husbands, your fiancés, your brothers, your cu— you know, like I said, your cousins, your godsons, just, you know, your sons, uncles, all of that. Buy tickets for them. Ladies, you can come to the after-party, but the actual seminar is for men only, y'all. April, why are you just doing it for men only? Because we have so many for women only events. Let them— let the fellas have something, you know. Let them— let them have something without us always having to be in it. We don't always have to be listening and being around and being in it so we can always have our input. And besides, I don't want a whole bunch of women in the room with 100 men and everybody going back and forth. No, I'm a teacher and I'm going to teach, and then after that you guys can come and mingle, um, at the after-party. But fellas, remember, you cannot get into the after-party unless you come to the event. Ain't no parking lot pimping, okay? So that's all the announcements that I have. So today's letter comes from Devastated in New Jersey. That's Devastated in New Jersey. It says, dear Miss April, I need your help. I've been seeing a separated man for about 4 years. The divorce took long because of the properties and businesses that were involved. We— he said he loved me and said that once his divorce was final, we would be together. Well, that was a lot. We have two kids together, and as soon as his divorce was final, he hit me with, I need some space to figure out what I want. I gave him his space, but during that time, he told me he met someone else and they are getting married in December. He's only known her for 6 months. What did I do wrong? Why am I not enough? Why her and not me? I was there for him during the roughest times of his life and he left. Please help me understand. Signed, Devastated. All right, let me get into this. I addressed this, um, in a previous video, but, um, I'll go into it again because I think that video It was not, uh, geared strictly toward that. There was a couple of other topics. Well, all right, Ms. Devastated, here's the, here's the, here's the thing, and, and I'm going to keep it 100 with you. I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. I'm not going to, um, make you feel as though what happened, you know, is not your fault. And this is why I say that. You made a choice to engage with a separated man. Now I get women when I do events, I get women telling me this, this all the time. This is, this is not uncommon. And here's the deal, babes. Number one, you never date anybody that's separated, first and foremost. And because you gotta understand that there's different emotional stages that come with divorce. I've been divorced. There was a time where the point period where it was like, no, this fool got to go, and I'm finally my papers. Then it was, okay, I filed the papers, I'm getting myself together. And so now I see, you know, I look online and I see it's in the court system and we getting ready to have our court date. So that's a whole nother set of emotions. Then there's another set of emotions of when everything is actually finished, done with, kaput, zip, it's over. That's a whole nother set of emotions. What normally happens is when you're dealing with somebody that's separated, they are going through a whole nother different set of emotions at the beginning. And they're telling you all of this stuff, they dump— pretty much they're dumping on you. They're dumping all of their emotional issues. They're telling you about what she did or what he did, because it goes both ways. It could be a man doing it to a woman that's separated, and you dating a separated woman, but all she keep doing is telling you about what this— her soon-to-be ex is doing. And, and look at these issues that we have, and now this is how much I got to pay in child support. And you said you guys have businesses, uh, I mean him and his ex-wife have businesses. They got— you got to go through all that. So you there, you that ride or die chick. You like, I got you, and you trying to show him that you are better than her. And he's doing what he's supposed to do. He's accepting it. People, you know, when, when you find somebody that you can dump on, most people are selfish and they'll just keep dumping on you and becoming an emotional vampire. And they suck you for every ounce of energy that you have. But you're still trying to show— you're still trying to prove and show that you are different. You're going to be different than she was because— but you got to remember, babe, You're only hearing his side. You ain't heard her side. So you're getting caught up emotionally in everything that he's saying and what he's giving you. And so you want to be different. You want to show him that there is a woman out there that can, can do all of these wonderful things for you, but it'd be everything that you ever wanted a woman to be. That's what you're doing, right? And he's sitting there and he's saying, oh, thank you so much. You laying up with him. You said you had two babies with him. You're laying up with him. You're giving him your mind. You're giving him your body. You're giving him your spirit. You're giving him everything, your emotions. You're giving it to a man that, number one, is not a free man to be— to even to be receiving it. And number two, you're not respecting yourself enough to say, you know what, holla at me when you get your papers. You're not respecting yourself enough to do that. And the reason why is because you would rather take a piece of a man than having a man of your own. There's— regardless of what you hear, there are a plethora of available men who want to get married. Regardless of what you hear, when you have a lack mentality, then all you'll see is where they at, where they at, where the good man hang out at, where that— but you'll never see them or meet them because if you can ask where are they, that means you don't believe that they actually exist. So there's a boatload of free men that are ready, want a wife, want to have a family. Now in your situation, the hardest part, when you move all this up from the surface, what I heard in this, the hurtful part is why am I not enough? That's the most hurtful part. What was it about her that made him choose her? Over me? Why was I good enough to lay up with and have kids with? And you know, me sexing you and I ain't even using no protection because I'm trusting you. You trust me with other areas of your life, but all I get is I need my space. But during my space time, I met somebody else. So I'm here to really deal with you and your self-esteem at this point, because I've been in a situation like this. I wasn't— I was the woman that he came and got afterwards. So I understand the hurt and pain of the other woman, to the point she was emailing me, you know, um, she was really still trying to get with him. And to this day, even though he and I are broke up, she still is in his face and still trying to get with him. Why me? Why me? Why me? And her whole thing was, why did you choose April instead of me? I was there with you going through it. What was it about her made her better than me? Then, then, you know, what, what is it? And that was a few years back. She's still trying to get with him now, from what I'm told. So she can't understand that. And it's hard to wrap your mind around this because, you know, it's a blow. You know, as a woman, it's a blow. I promise you, it's a blow. It's the thought process of, I am good enough to sleep with, but I'm not good enough to marry. I'm not good enough to be your girl. Like, for real, you got free and you went and got somebody else. That's the hurtful part in this. But what you got to understand is, yes, you made a mistake. Your babies are— your babies were meant to be here because, um, if they weren't meant to be here, God wouldn't have allowed you to ever get pregnant during this time. But they were meant to be here. But you got to pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes at this point. So the question becomes, what is it about myself that I do not love or respect that I would allow myself to get involved with a man who is separated and actually build a relationship that I'm banking on being his wife and he ain't even out of something? That's what you have to ask yourself. Because once you start getting into, I'm dating separated people, you can't even date nobody that's separated because they're not free to be yours. There's still a part of them that's still attached to that former relationship and they have not grieved throughout that process. So when you— when he came back to you and said, I need to find out what I want. Let me break the news to you, sweetheart. He already knew that he wasn't going to marry you. And I know it stings, I know it hurts to hear that, but he already knew that he was not going to marry you. He was using you. Well, I won't even say using because He— you knew what it was up front. You chose to still try to be the savior. Let me show him something different. You know, as women, we have that, that nurturing, that rescue. You know, we have that I'll take care of it, I got you. That's what all women, majority of us, you know, we have that, that instinct to fix it. And you chose to do that. But even though he's a separated man and should not have been out there dating You allowed him in. Women, ladies, we control who we allow in regardless of how hard they come at us, regardless of what they're trying to give us. We control how and who we let in. That's what we do. We're in control of that. So when you decided to say, you know what, I'm not— I'm gonna step over his— step over the boundaries You made that choice. But it sounds like to me you knew— he let you know up front what it was. Yes, he might have given you the promises, and honestly, he might have felt like you were somebody that he could be with at a point in time. But as soon as you start crossing over into now I'm actually free, you see things clearer, you see things differently. So I want you to pick up your self-esteem, pick yourself up, dust yourself off. What I don't want you to do is call that woman and try to expose him and all of this kind of stuff, because it doesn't matter. She's still going to be with him, and you're going to make yourself look like a fool. Leave her alone. Understand the mistake and learn the lesson and the mistake that you made. Make sure he takes care of his kids. Do not be the woman to say, since you didn't get with me, I cannot let you around the kids. Don't do that because that's immature and petty. Because just like a child needs a mother, the child needs the father too. So this ain't got nothing to do with the kids. The kids are innocent in this. And then you take some time to dust yourself off, ask yourself the hard-hitting questions, and get yourself prepared for Mr. Right. That's my advice. To you. Because normally a woman, she gonna go on, I'ma expose this fool, let her know. She don't care. That's not her problem. And for me, um, in my situation, when she was emailing me and telling me he this, this, this, this, this, and I had to tell her, I said, sweetheart, I don't care if y'all slept together the day before he met me. That has nothing to do with me. We met after his divorce, he came and wanted to date me, and we dated for a few years. Why he didn't choose you, I didn't— I don't know. But I understand your pain, because as a woman, for somebody— for you to give yourself to someone and you to be there, you helping them decorate their houses, you're helping them, you know, figure out their finances, you're helping them start business, you're doing all of these things that you know, a good woman, you know, is supposed to do, but you're outside of the context of what you should be in. Even all of that should not be done unless that's your fiancé and y'all building something. You don't give out wifely, um, benefits to boyfriends or to, um, separated men you're dating. You don't give out boyfriend— you don't get a husband benefits. Why he need to know if I know how to cook? Well, you can cook for him, but you ain't got to you know, do this whole line, this spread. All he need to know is, okay, she can cook. Give him— you give him a little samplers. You don't give the whole platter. That's not what you do, because what happened is exactly what just happened to you. So pick yourself up. Like I said, in my situation, I was the other woman, and I had to deal with a lot of emails and, and, and, and, you know, she's showing up at his door, why, why am I crying, talking about she gonna kill herself. Now she on antidepressants. And, you know, I told him, I said, honey, you know, honestly, you were wrong for that because you already knew that she was somebody you weren't going to be with. But because you yearned that companionship and because you desired to have somebody around because you were married for, you know, a couple of decades, you allowed her in for your own needs, not realizing this woman wants to get married. You getting out of a, you know, marriage She wants to get married. So everything she's doing, she's doing because she wants to be with you. But you're not realizing that because you're so caught up in your own selfish needs, which majority of us will get caught up in our own selfish needs and wants. So now, you know, like I said, I got this girl calling me and all with all of this stuff and stalking me on social media and, and all of it stems from What— why was I not enough? And why was I not good enough? And let me tell you something, sweetheart, you are good enough already. However, you have to be enough in your mind for you. And you got— you gotta not just get what's better, you gotta wait for what— for God's best for you. You don't want the crumbs. We don't want no crumbs. I don't do crumbs. I don't do crumbs because crumbs, crumbs don't fill you up. Hello, somebody. You don't want crumbs. You want the full table. You want to see that the table— ain't that what Salam say? A seat at the table. You want to see that the table is what you want. You want— you don't want somebody that emotionally, uh, drains you and then they leave you and then they, they come and, you know, they tell you all of their stresses, stressors that's going on in their life. They sleep with you. You become a release portal to them. I know it sounds ugly, but I I need you to get the visual. You become a release portal to them. Oh, thank you so much. And then what will happen is this, you'll get this, you'll get, I got so much love for you, you are an amazing person, and you just, you're a gem, you know, I got so much love for you. That's different than I'm in love with you and I want to be with you. You don't make it something that is not. Hear what a person is saying and accept it. Hear what a person is saying and accept it. Okay, so I, like I said, I know that it, it's, it's hard. I, I, trust me, I understand, because it's not even the fact that, um, you know, you got involved with him as much as it's your self-esteem is at stake right now. How is it that he chose her? Over me. But like I said, I'm here to tell you, you are enough. You just gotta act like it. You can't scream, I'm a queen, but yet you acting like a joker. You can't do that. You can't say, I'm all of this woman, I'm all of that woman, and but your, your actions does not display that. You can't talk about how much of a boss chick you are, and any male should be happy to be with me, and you know, all that. If you're not acting like it, you can't say I'm fabulous and I'm a virtuous woman if you're not doing virtuous things. Virtuous women are not born, baby, they are made. So what you need to do, in my opinion, is to go sit down and let God make you. Hello, somebody. I had to sit down. I sat down for almost 2 years. And I still go get quiet. You know, friends of mine told me the other day, we ain't heard from you, you— why you ain't calling nobody? I'm like, child, you know, when April get in her world, you know, I, I understand the importance of taking some time for me and making sure I am, um, on my game. And any habits and things that are— that have been hindering me, that I, um, am woman enough to admit them and to do my best to do something about them. So if you have a circle full of amazing people, let them be there to help you. If you need to go see a therapist, I got some for you. I got, I got my good friend Jack Daniels. He's a psychotherapist. He's amazing. Um, so you need to get yourself back to loving you. Once you start to love you, there's certain things you just won't even entertain anymore. Even if you feel vulnerable, I get, I get separated men hitting on me all the time. And I tell them, call me after your divorce papers are final, but then, but I still need you to wait a year because I need you to get all of that out your system. So it ain't like I don't want to— yeah, people need companionship. They come all the time. They stay in my inbox. I'm going through something right now, but I really wanted to— no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come back later on about a year after you done finished going through your transition and whatever it is that you got to go through. So even though he's marrying somebody else, that does not mean that you aren't lovable. Doesn't mean that you are not likable. It doesn't mean that you're not adorable. Doesn't mean that you are not an amazing woman. It just means that that was not the right situation for you. Okay, and how about look at it this way? Maybe, just maybe, you were saved from some things that you might not even seen were coming. Not saying it had to be something, because everything could have worked out fine as well. But for whatever reason, if it was meant to be, it would be. But it wasn't. And so I want you to not harden your heart to love, to not put all men in the same category, because remember You chose him. Gotta remember that, because a lot of times what we'll do is we will make other people pay for the choices that we made. So then you have people running around, all men are dogs, all women are gold diggers, all, all women, they ain't about nothing, they don't want to success, they don't want to, they don't want a brother that's about his bit, all of this stuff, right? And so they take on this attitude, but you got to remember, you chose him. Those people. You made the choice to be with a separated man. Yes, it hurt and it burns you, but don't make other men pay for that because that was a choice you made. He presented the opportunity, you took it. And normally, even from, from a spiritual standpoint, people always say the devil made me do it. The devil makes you do nothing. The devil makes suggestions. The devil gives temptations. And because of our need and our want to, um, leap over into temptation territory, we make the choice. So this is for everybody, not just Miss Devastated. What part did you play in the demise, what part did you play? Meaning you chose that person, period. Would you say what's for you is for you? That's not necessarily true, because what you could be for you, but if you don't know how to choose what for you, it's gonna go on to somebody else. You got to be able to identify what is for you. And then not only do you identify it, if you do not have enough courage to get up and go get it— even when the Bible want to talk about King David and God gave David, um, the land, the land was, uh, to have folk on it. He still had to go subdue it. So you got to remember, what's for you is for— is for you if you go get it. But the thing is it will be available to you. It'll be available to you. So you have to really start to understand who you are, believe in you, trust the instinct, trust the woman instinct, and don't be so anxious and desperate to have somebody in your life that you will take the crumbs. We don't do crumbs. Okay, I said women don't do crumbs. That's not what we do. We go to dinner and we have a full meal and we eat all our food and we don't order salads, we order a meal, baby. That's what we do. We don't go out and just give me a little salad and all of that. No, we don't do that. We, we don't, we don't do that. What's meant for you is for you if you are number one, open to receiving it, and number two, know that A lot of people use what's meant for me is for me as a way to be lazy and not do the work on themselves and not go out there and get it. Not just in relationships, but in business, jobs, careers, doesn't matter. People who use what's for me is for me and I'm waiting on God is full of excuses, and they will never be successful in any area of their life. Because how can you ask— say the Bible said ask, knock, and seek, but you just gonna sit back and say, well, it's meant for me, it's for me? That's not— that doesn't work. Doesn't work. You have to do your work on you and then know who you are at your core, and then the person that's meant for you will be placed in front of you. God don't choose your mates. You choose your mate. Now, you may place them in front of you. You have to have an ear and an eye— an ear to hear and an eye to see— and the ability to make good choices. So I hope that I answered your question to the best of my ability, um, and I hope I wasn't too, too harsh on you, but I wanted you to get it. I wanted you to get it because you can't afford to make this mistake again. You can't. You can't. You're too much. You're too valuable. You too valuable. And for those of you that always doubt how valuable you are, but yet you call yourself faith and faith believers and, and, um, and, uh, God believers, right? Anytime you're getting ready to make a decision to get into something that is contrary to what you really believe, but yet, you know, you having this little anxious, or I'm feeling a little desperate and lonely, Ask yourself this. If my daughter or best friend was in this situation, what would I tell them to do? If my daughter, best friend, sister was in the same exact situation, what advice would I give her? What would I tell her to do? Whatever you would tell them to do, because normally it's really great advice we give to other people. Take it. Take that dose of medicine on your own. Take it. But at the end of the day, in order to not repeat this, you have to fall in love with you. Know who you are. Know that you are enough. Know that there's somebody out there that will gladly make an honest woman out of you. Without you having to play second. I always tell folks, and this is what I teach my daughter, if you're not a first-round draft pick, keep it moving. I said, because we first-round draft picks around here. We don't, we don't go through the, I got to do this, this, this, this, this. You, one man may not know, but another man might, might see you and say, when I saw her, I knew she was the one. We only do first-round draft picks around here. And I taught my daughter that at a young age. We don't play second to anybody. We don't take anybody's leftovers. That's not what we do. Only way we have some leftovers is if we— I went to one of my favorite restaurants and I could not finish my food, and I'mma take me a little doggy bag. Okay, them the only leftovers that I want. It's the only leftovers that I want. No seconds. We don't play second. First round draft picks over in the Mason household. If you got to be going between, I need— I'm in love with her, but I like you too, I'm, I'm not even going to require anything of you. I'm just going to politely remove myself out of the situation and you can go on over there with her. There is no— you need to choose who you want to be with. No, there is no choosing. I'm going to choose that I deserve better than this. When you understand that you deserve better, you do first round draft pick, baby. We don't do that. No, no, no, no, no. Um, and I teach that to my sons as well. Don't let no girl be going between— what, Corey and William, I love you, but I like— nope, babe, drop her like a hot potato. Drop it like it's hot. We don't do that. That's not what we do. First round draft picks over in here in this method household. I ain't playing, and I need y'all to understand that as well too. So if somebody is having a hard time choosing you, you choose you and remove them. Stop giving folk ult— I don't believe in ultimatums. I don't believe in ultimatums at all. I automatically have a cutoff time for a proposal an automatic cutoff time of how long I'm gonna deal with you before I get, you know, to the place where I'm like, okay, well, this is what I want out of my life. I make that choice. I don't have to tell it to you. That's all. I ain't gotta tell it to you. I know what I want, and I put me first. So I'd like— for me, I don't believe it take all day to get engaged. I don't take— I don't believe it take all day, uh, to, to figure out if somebody the one. Marriage-minded people date differently. So you, you may— he may know soon as he see her. He might know within a 3-month period. So it doesn't, it doesn't take long. So, but marriage-minded people do things differently. I'm not talking about those of you that just dating. I'm talking about people that says— I'm a man that says I'm looking for a wife. He's going to ask specific things. He's going to do things in a different manner than the random dude that you're dating who is not consistent. Marriage-minded people, they get to it. They figured out dating equals, uh, collecting data. They figure out the data. They ask certain questions in the first 2, 3 conversations to determine Is this somebody that I could, uh, get exclusive with and start courting? That's what we do. We don't, we don't waste no time. I'm trying to figure out, I'm trying to see where he at. No, you don't see where he at. Where are you at? And it's where— it's what he's bringing and presenting to you, what you want. If it's not, chuck up the deuces like Chris Brown say. We, we give to people too much authority and power over our lives and our choices, and it's because of our our need to be with somebody. You had that companionship. I did that years ago. I had to get myself straight and say, well, April, why are you trying to conform to what he wants and trying to sell yourself on him? Because if you got to sell somebody on you, you got to sell them on why they should keep you. I don't do that no more. I have my own invisible timeline in my head that I believe that work— that, well, that works for me. I don't have to say, well, you know what, if you don't— if we ain't, um, exclusive, or if we ain't courting, or if we ain't engaged in 6 months, I'm out. I don't have to say that because I believe that there is an abundance of men versus a lack. So if this one ain't right and he ain't— we ain't on the same page, okay, I'm not wasting my time trying to show you how much of a woman and wonderful and all of this stuff that I am. I'm just gonna move on to somebody else. I mean, and you have to have that type of attitude when you're putting you first. The only reason why most people don't think that way is because they're afraid that they won't meet someone else that actually fits what they're looking for. So they'll hold on, they'll hold on to like, hold on to God's unchanging hand. I'ma hold on. And then they constantly keep trying to make people into something that they're not. And everybody does not have the capacity to give you what you need. I was in a relationship that we work well together on all these other areas, but this one particular area, which just happened to be my core need area, we couldn't connect. We the best friends, but we can't be together because he doesn't have the capacity to meet that need. And I may not have the capacity to meet that need with him. So we all— we cool, we grown, we have a good time, we talk and laugh and joke, but we can never be together. And I told him, I said, well, whoever you meet next, I need to meet her because I need to let her know a couple of things because I know you. And we're— and we just joke around, you know, with that. But once you realize that once you tell a person what your love language is and tell them what your love language is and then you ask them, or they ask you, what do you need from me? Stop trying to give people what you think that they want. Give them what they need. And the only way you'll know what they need is by asking, what is it? I hate when I hear men— because I counsel quite a few, uh, married men— and they'll say, April, but I don't understand. I give her everything she need. I provide. I give her this. I give her that. I do this. But my question always to them is have you ever asked her what she needed from you? And 98% of the time the answer is no, I have not. So you keep giving her what you think she needs. She's appreciative, but that's not her love language at all. So you have to start asking people, what do you need? And then in dating, you figure out if a person, you know, has that, and then you, you keep it moving. So Miss Devastated, back to you, baby. There is somebody out there for you because you are desiring love. Scripture says that God gives you the desires of your heart. Forget what people say about, well, our men is in jail, or, uh, everybody won't be married, or more people are taken, and all— throw that out the window because every day people are getting divorced. Every day there's a bunch of people that ain't never been married. So stop it. Don't, don't buy into the hype. Yes, I see the stats, but you know what? Facts can be changed. Baby. That's all I'm saying. So I live from a place of abundance in every area of my life, and I get abundance in every area of my life. So when I made the decision to say, okay, April, now you've been in isolation, you, you know, for the last couple years, it's time for you to date again, I attract marriage-minded men because I am now marriage-minded. So I can't use the same complaint because I changed me, which changed the outcome and the things that I drew to me. It's real simple, y'all. So I hope that I was able to help you, uh, and I know it hurts, and I know you gonna have some moments and breakdown moments. And I'll say this, go through each and every emotion that you have. It's okay. Be angry, be pissed off, be wanting to bust the windows out his car, just don't do it. Cry, yell, scream, do whatever you got to do. But guess what? Once you go through all of that, you gonna rise. You are going to rise, I promise you. And you're going to have a story to tell. You're going to be someone that's able to help somebody else that was in your situation. So feel every emotion. And I'll say this too, when people say, girl, dust it off and get over it, I need you to feel. Because I was one that was good at dusting it off and keeping it moving, but I wasn't really getting over it. I was acting like I was over it. But when I had to— when I went through my breakup at, uh, in 2014 and I went through my breakdown, everything that I had been just moving on from and not grieving behind It all hit me at one time, years of stuff. So feel it. It's okay to feel. It's just not okay to stay there for a pity party. Learn what you gotta learn. Lord, forgive me. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. Hello, somebody. I forgive myself. Don't be doing the, why am I so stupid? I was so stupid to do that. I'm so dumb. See, this is what I'm talking about. It always gotta be me. Kill the negative self-talk and say that you're human, you made a mistake, you never make that mistake again because you love yourself enough to wait for God's best versus just trying to get what's better or just a little bit of, uh, a little bit of the crumbs. That's it. That's all I have. That's all I have. So Miss Devastated, we love you, y'all. If she watching, tell her you love her, give her a big old hug. We love you. The, the Wake Up with AM family loves you. Know that you are supported. Know that you are not the only one that has gone through this. I have counseled quite a few women in this area, and my advice is the same. At the end of the day, you made a choice to let him in. Not just let him in, but you let him in because you got two kids with him. You let him in. You let him into your heart. You let him into your emotions. You let him into your space. You let him into your soul. So you can change that. Forgive, let it go, but go through the process because for every action there is a reaction and there is repercussions. I know it hurt. When, as soon as I read your, um, your message, I thought about that Vesta Williams song, um, oh God, uh, always be the one for me. Uh, congratulations, congratulations. I thought about that song and, you know, she says, I thought it would, I thought it would have been me. You— and I understand you thought it would have been you, but maybe, just maybe, it wasn't supposed to be you because there's something better for you and someone that's going to come in and help and mend the broken pieces of your life. You don't have to be whole for somebody to come into your life. You don't have to be whole and complete and all of that, because if you was— if you were a whole and complete person, you— there would be no need for the Lord. Period. But you can be on your road of self-discovery, rebuilding who you are, finding out who you are at your core. And how do people heal? If you're not used to having a good man or a good woman in your life, you have an idea of what that is, but you gotta see what that is. And how do you see what that is? Somebody will come in and be the very thing that you need. They'll be the missing puzzle to the broken pieces in your life, and you'll come together just like this, and you'll be what he needs, and she'll be what— and you'll be what, uh, he needs, and he'll be what you need. So don't think that because of what happened and what you did and what you got involved in that nobody can come in and help you. Scripture says that he mends the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds. How do you think that God does that? How do you think he does that? Of course he does it with your relationship with him, but he also does it with your relationship with other people. If you're not used to having a good mother, God will put please somebody in your life that is like a mother to you, and it will restore your faith and it will give you that motherly love that you never got. Now, used to having a good father, may send a mentor in there and, um that person will become the father that you never had. Not used to having good love from the opposite sex? He'll send somebody in. You just got to be open enough to receive them, and don't take them through hell trying to get them to prove that they are what they say they are, because you can run them away. What, what meant for you is for you, but you could— you also have the capacity, um, to run them away. Because what will happen is when that person that's meant for you comes into your life and is there to help you heal If you keep doing self-sabotaging things to run them away, they are going to leave. Why? Because they're going to value and love themselves. So don't keep trying to make somebody prove their love. But what they say, um, on Five Heartbeats at the beginning, every night I got to prove my love. You don't want to have them to have to do that. Just be open enough to receive them and don't keep trying to do stuff to make them run away so it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of, see, I do it. I knew you were just like everybody else. Well, you're doing certain things to get that response that everybody else gave you. So it's not really that person, it's actually you. Be open. Forgive yourself. Forgive the situation. Let it go but heal. Release it but go through the healing process. Be open to love. And when someone comes in Make sure you don't do no stupid stuff running them away, and then now you— it's confirming, I'm not enough, I'm not lovable, you know, everybody abandons me. If you keep doing stuff for folks who will leave you, they're going to value themselves enough to say, I'm not going to take your abuse and I'm out. It ain't always everybody else. It ain't always everybody else. So love you guys. That's all I have for you. Make sure— I'm gonna post the— hold on, I'm gonna post the link right now. Uh, please, please, please, we have new designs coming on Monday, um, for our shirts. But we are trying— we're not trying, we're going to do this. We are going to feed families and take care of families for the holiday season. Uh, and like I said, I'm not asking for a donation. I ain't asking for no money. But what I am asking you to do is purchase a Proud to Be a Feminine Woman shirt. Uh, what, what does it say? Proud to Be a Feminine Woman shirt. There's another new one that came out yesterday that says femininity, and it gives the definition up under it. And Unapologetically Feminine. We got a couple more that will be available to you on Monday. And what that's doing is helping us Feed family. Virtuous women, asset women, we are of service. It's not just about us. We give, we give, we give, and it's just a part of who we are. Last night I sat outside the ice cream shop for 30 minutes because when I went to get some yogurt— don't tell nobody, I wasn't supposed to have it— but when I went to go get some yogurt, the young lady working there said, I am scared because I'm working late. Because I was like, baby, ain't no music on. I'm used to coming up in here and there's some music on. Where everybody at? And she said she was scared, but her mother was coming up there in about the next 30 minutes to an hour. So I— my spirit wasn't right. So I sat in front of the ice cream shop. I went live last night talking to y'all from there, and, and I wanted to make sure she was safe. So I said that to say it's not just about us. It's not just about me, me, me, I, I, I. It takes a village. And her mama was not there. And I have children, and my daughter has worked to where she's closed before, um, at one of the stores she worked at, and she was robbed. So I'm just saying, I'm getting ready to post the link right now. Uh, I want to do this before, um, before I get off so y'all won't say, well, hold on, you didn't post the link. It's Feminine Clothing— Feminine Society, um, clothing. We have to be better. And ladies, um, I know everybody doesn't want to hear this and they don't like this message when I say this, but at the end of the day, in order— when our— when we get right, our men will get right. Now, men will get right on their own to a certain level, but it's something about a woman that takes a man to a whole nother level. I'm just saying. Okay, I just posted the link to that, um, there. And for those of you wanting to download my audiobook, I'll post the, um, I'll post the link there as well. And you can download the audiobook as well as, um, download the book for, um, business credit. Like, once I finish with y'all, I got to get back to building business credit for the I'm an Asset Women's Network because we are doing some amazing things. We're getting ready to launch soon, so I'm so excited about that. But I had to make sure all my paperwork, um, you know, was in order, uh, first. Okay, I'm posting one last thing. Black Woman Decoded. And there we have it. So thank you guys so much that said you will support and buy a shirt. We every year— and I didn't do it this year, but every year I go back to the shelter that I lived in. If you don't know my story, I read my bio. I go back to the shelter that I lived in to give back for Children's Day. And my mother celebrated Children's Day with us. Children's Day is, uh, the first or second Sunday in December— I'm not— excuse me, in June. So instead of doing Mother's Day, Father's Day, I did something to celebrate the children. So I go back, um, to the shelter and give back. And we, we teach— I— we create, um, these wallet-sized little cards for the mom, you know, because I know how it feels to live in a shelter. And you, you know, you're trying to take care of your kids and you— but you feeling bad about yourself because you feel like, I shouldn't be here, no way. Well, I go back and, uh, me and a team of ladies, we go back and we give back. And, um, you know, we, we have had a couple men come with us as well. Fellas, you're more than welcome to join. We always need your strong arms, as long as you ain't coming with no foolishness. We always need your strong arms to come and help us. Might need you to carry some chickens or some, some sandwiches or something for us, because we, we have no problem letting you lead and, um, and carry some stuff for us and show us all your muscles and everything like that. We could— we can all come together and do that. So you don't have to just be a woman to be able to help us give back to the community. So those of you that are purchasing shirts, thank you, thank you, thank you so, so, so much. Because like I said, the goal is to give back. We're buying bus passes, socks, underwear, toiletries. We put gas in cars because people— some people are homeless, they're living in their car. Homeless people today look like you and I. I look like this when I was homeless, and people at the shelter say, girl, you don't look like no shelter girl. I said, baby, I'm just passing through. But I'll never forget that experience and how I felt not being able to give my kids a Christmas or Thanksgiving or having to go to the Salvation Army. And sometimes you don't always want to hand out, you want to hand up. But when I go, not only do I give back, I always give a speech. But my speech is from an entrepreneurial standpoint, saying, you know what, each and every one of you here has a gift that God has given you and you can utilize that to get out of here. I took $50 from a welfare check, homeless, living in the shelter, and started my gift basket business, and here I am today. So it's available to you, but you have to want it regardless of your, um, regardless of your situation. You gotta have it. You got to have that I'm better than this. This is not where I'm staying, this is just where I am at the moment. So thank you so much for buying a shirt. We only got the shirts, we got the hoodies. We got the long sleeve shirts, we got the mugs. Proud to be a feminine woman mug, unapologetically feminine mug. We got some other shirts coming, I'm just saying, I'm just saying. So, uh, I ordered 2 shirts already, but now you are going to make me order the new one with the definition on it. Yes, I got one with the definition on it, got another one on there that we added yesterday that says hashtag femininity. And by Monday, we— I think we'll have got with our designers, we have 2 or 3 more on Monday. Feminine Society Clothing. The goal is to create a society of feminine women who know their position. We know how to let a man lead. Doesn't mean we're pushovers, doesn't mean we all wear pink like I do. I don't know where that comes from, but it doesn't mean any of that. Feminine women understand that her strength is not in her ability to go toe-to-toe with a man or to do what a man does, but her strength lies in her feminine femininity and everything that she wants in life. Life. If she taps into that and operate from a feminine standpoint, the world opens up. Thank you so much, David. He said, I know a few I'll buy a shirt for. The man that you were dating is getting married. You got to watch the video. You gotta watch the video. One of my things about my pet peeves that I hate but I laugh is people who comment on things. Now I ain't talking about you, John. I understand you just came in, but you got to watch it to understand it because I'm, you know, as the church say, we come a close. But I'll see people comment on posts based upon the title. I mean, let me tell you something, some things are used for marketing purposes, and when you respond without watching, you make yourself look like a little, little silly. I'm just saying. So thank you guys so much, um, for watching. Get your shirt, Feminine Society Clothing. If you're into— you ready to take a step and say, I'm ready to launch out into the deep and start my business, go get my Business Credit Secret Exposed. It teaches you how to start your corporation, you know how to, um, build credit for it and get it up and going, all of that good stuff. Is this video for men only? I don't— I'm not understanding. This video is for whoever needed it. For people that say, well, men do— women do it too, apply it to your situation versus placing blame and deflecting. We all know that men can do this, women can do the same thing men can do when it comes to cheating and dating separated people and dating married folk, all that. We know that. But what's understood does not need to be explained. Love y'all. I gotta go because, uh, I'm cooking. It's hot in here and I turned the air conditioner on and I got my pork— I mean, my beef loins in the oven and I'm cooking my collard greens today. So I'm doing some work and I'm cooking at the same time and I need to go clean my room, but then I gotta drop off some flyers too. So love y'all, have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for your support.