This type of man is your ideal MATCH
April Mason breaks down what actually matters in a partner: selflessness, emotional availability, dependability, loyalty, and being someone of your word. She argues that looks, cars, and status are secondary to deeper character traits that build real relationships.
Chapters
Well, good morning, good morning. Hello there, Facebook, and hello there, Instagram. I'm doing dual things. I should have connected my phone to— for my YouTube followers as well too. I'll do that for the next go-round. I'm trying to hit everybody all at one time, but good morning and happy Monday. Hey IG, I see y'all coming on in here. I see you. Hey, um, Facebook, I know you guys get your notifications late. I think there's like a delay. Hey Humble Hustler, I see you. Okay, it just came through. How y'all doing? Y'all waving to me? Wave back. I wave back at you. Hey, how y'all doing? Good to see you. Happy Monday. Hey Emily, how are you, darling? Hey Tanya, girl, look, okay, let me tell you a little bit about Tanya Webb. Tanya Webb has been a faithful supporter of April Mason, the April Mason brand, and Uh, she was at my tour stop in DC, right? Tanya, I'm telling on you. And I'm accustomed to all of my supporters, they love to bring me items that they make, you know, whether it's something from their business, something that they cook, jewelry, I mean, whatever, you know, because they want to, you know, for promotion. And also a lot of them, they just want to be a blessing, and I'm okay with blessing. I like gifts. But that Tanya, honey, Y'all, let me tell you a secret before I go into this here video. Tanya gave me a cookie, right? Now, in DC, edibles are legal, so she brought me some cookies, y'all, and I bit the cookie not realizing April is, is cannabis infused, y'all. Now, now, okay, let me give you a little breakdown about me. I've never been the drinker, smoker kind. Every now and again I might have a glass of wine socially Chile, Tanya gave me that cookie, but I— and she— and I'm just eating the cookie like, okay, cool, cool. And so y'all, next thing I know, I'm tweaking like Smokey off of, uh, Friday. I was doing it, I was like, what's going on with me? What? And I'm thinking it's just a cookie. I'm not realizing I was at the DoubleTree as well, you know, DoubleTree give you cookies. So I'm just eating, I'm like, okay, because I'm thinking I'm eating my DoubleTree cookie, but I'm eating this other cookie. I ain't gonna lie to y'all, I said, you know what, I am not. So Tanya I'm telling you, you had me out there tweaking. So that was, uh, smoking weed, um, what is it, edibles, that kind of— that is not Miss Mason's thang, honey. Because she— I was sitting there like, oh my God. My daughter was like, Mama, what's wrong with you? And she was like, I think— I said, my throat, my throat is closing up. And I said, we got to call the ambulance. I said, no, because if we call the ambulance, I'm gonna get in trouble. I was tweaking, y'all. I was totally tweaking. I felt like I was gonna die. I said, if I go to sleep I feel like I'm levitating. I don't know what's going on, y'all. It was— no, there's no video, Bryant. My— but my son— my daughter called my son, um, who's in the Marines, on FaceTime. And because my other two, they were— look, they was cracking up. My son, he was— he was like, why? Who the hell gave Mama that? Why y'all give Mama something so edible? Why y'all got Mama in here eating weed butter and carrying on? So he was very upset at the other two. But I was like, my throat, my throat is closing. And I just kept laughing. And okay, here's the kicker. I was on the phone with a new potential date. I had to apologize to him the next day because I had ate the cookie. And you know, I was like, okay, cool, let's, let's, I mean, me some cookies. And then I ate like maybe 3 or 4 cookies, but she only gave me one. But I had other cookies on the plate from the DoubleTree, and I'm just eating the cookies not realizing, girl, you didn't— when I realized I ate her cookie, I forgot she told me when she gave it to Miss Mason, If you're gonna eat it, only eat half. Y'all, I ate the whole doggone thing. And I was totally like, "Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah." And I was talking to this guy on the phone and he was saying, "What are you saying?" I said, "Baby, I don't know what I'm saying now, but I know you fine now." I was just totally tweaking out of my element. And so the next day I said, "I don't know what I said to you." I know this was our very first conversation. But then what happened was I was finishing my last tour stop in DC and folk be bringing me stuff. And I done messed around, and y'all, so that's what happened. So that was Tanya Webb, uh, she has a cannabis business out there in DC. Um, all I can say is whatever she got is potent. I was totally tripping, totally tripping. And so she sent me some new, you know, she said, Miss Mason, I heard you like, you, you like to make natural deodorant. Child, she sent me some deodorant, right? And it was an old container of juice. And I'm like, okay, so do you put the, the organic deodorant in the juice? How does that work? So inboxer said, hey, I don't know what the juice stuff is. Or I said it on live and she was watching. She said, well, you said don't send no more cookies, but you didn't say nothing about sending some doggone tea. Y'all, she didn't send me some cannabis-infused lemonade sweet tea. I can't have that, girl. I am a lightweight, baby. I can't have that. That is so— especially living by myself. No. So thank you for the package, but baby, your girl can't, um, your girl can't do that. I'll be over here laid out, I'll be live on Facebook, don't know, don't nobody know what the hell going on. I'll be the same something I ain't got no business saying. So y'all, uh-uh. Thank you though, Ty. Thank you. But anywho, getting back to what I wanted to talk to you guys, y'all over here on Instagram cracking up, but I'm just telling you My thing was never weed, drinking. Like, I don't— one guy I went on a date last week, he said, so you don't have no tattoos? I said, no, I know tattoos. He said, only your ears pierced? I said, yeah. I said, am I boring to you because I don't have no tattoos? No, Tanya. Tanya say sip on it. No, I ain't sipping on nothing, especially over here by myself. No. So anywho, that's my little funny story about Tanya, and I really appreciate her because she supports all of April Mason endeavors. Uh, even though she's far in DC, I really appreciate all my supporters because y'all send me all kind of stuff, jewelry to wear. I need— if you— okay, any artists, I need some pictures. I'm changing the decor in my home, so I need some pictures. And I'm trying to, you know, decorating isn't my thing, so I'm on Pinterest, you know, doing some DIY stuff. So I need some new— I need some new pictures on the wall. So if you are an artist, inbox me. Anywho, let's get into what today's topic is about, and it's all about ladies, who your ideal partner is. Thank you guys so much for sharing. This one will be a blessing, fellas. I'll have something for you in this as well too. Hold on, wait a second, hold on, wait a second. Good morning, just thinking about you and I hope you have a great day. Why, thank you, darling. Hold on. Okay, anywho, um, I have something for you too, fellas, but this is a question that I get all the time from the ladies and even from out— you guys, I think people have, um, on— I have on my forehead, tell me your problems or I have answers. I don't know what it is, but you know, I realized I'm not really into all of this stuff, but some— but someone, we were talking and they said, April, um Do you know your life path number? And I said, no, I don't. What does that mean? And I read up into it and I asked, and then I have a life path number of a number 9. I said, okay, well, what does that mean? I started reading a little bit more, y'all. It had me right on point. It said people like me are humanitarians and we are people who have a deep compassion of seeing people do well. I'm just saying. I said, well, that would be me. So anywho, I, I'm— when I'm walking out, when I'm out in the public, people always ask me questions. I don't know what it is. I draw men and women like clockwork. Like, babies love me. I don't know what it is because I never really was the one that liked a lot of babies. So I was out, and then not only being out, I get— you guys ask me this question as well. April, what's your ideal partner? And some of y'all might not like what I'm getting ready to say, but I gotta say it anyway. Your ideal partner has nothing to do with what he looks like. April, what you mean? It has nothing to do with what he looks like. I've always told you, your ideal partner— hold on, let me turn my jazz down, my Norman Brown and my Doc Powell. Yeah, my house is full of, um, scented candles and jazz. Anywho, um, your ideal partner is not who you think— who you think they are. Fellas, anything that I say, it can be applied to you as well. Just flip it and, uh, use it from a male perspective. Ladies, your ideal partner is not who you think it is. Thank you guys so much for sharing, I really appreciate you. Normally a lot of women— and I'm guilty, I've been guilty of it too— We look for the attractive guy, the guy that, you know, we normally go for what they call the bad boy, you know, the one you gotta chase, the one that you wonder what he doing, what do you have going on, where you staying with him, you, if he lying, or you want to be an investigator and all that. That's not your ideal partner, fellas. Same thing for you. Your ideal woman is not the woman that's not giving you no time of day. She's always in your pocket asking you for stuff all the time. You know, she might look the part, but in the long run, she's not good for you. She's just ideal from a visual standpoint in your mind. Same thing, ladies. Just because he has a nice car, he has, you know, good job, or, you know, he might be good in the bedroom, you know, got a little, you know, might be alright with that, that doesn't make him your ideal partner. I wrote a list. I was, I was up and I'll be meditating in the morning, so I was in meditation this morning. I wrote a little list with my glasses of what your ideal partner— my suggestion of what you need to be paying more attention to when it comes to your ideal partner. Your ideal partner is selfless, number one. They're not a person that always, that puts themselves first. I had— I went out on a date with a guy, we were dating a little while, and when he said something Um, it made me realize the type of man he was. He said, I let my, my friend borrow my motorcycle and I didn't hear from him for 24 hours. I'm like, what's going on? So when I finally heard from him, he had gotten into a motorized motorcycle accident. Like, this is what I mean by paying attention to what a person says. This is how a wise woman funnels information. So he said, I went up to the hospital. He said, I know I shouldn't have said it, but the first thing that came to my mind was I asked him, I said, dude, where's my bike? Now that spoke volumes to me as a woman. This is your friend that you let use your motorcycle, and you heard he called and said he got into a car accident in your bike. It totaled your bike. But the first thing you say when you see him, when you walk through the door, is Where's my bike? And then you went to him first, then you went to him second. That lets me know you're not a selfless person. Everything was about you. From that point on, I looked at him side-eye, and I, you know, we're not dating any longer, but those were things that I picked up. You're not a selfless individual. Everything has to be about you first. You want a man that's selfless. Not— see, when you're dating someone, being, um, you know, going out on a date and them opening up the door, that's not really being selfless. A selfless person is someone where if your baby's sick, your car break down, but they have something else that they got to do, and they'll put that on the back burner and come see about you. That's a selfless person. So don't mix between, uh, the fact that somebody take you out on a date, um, and open a door for you as them being selfless. No, that's them being courteous. Difference. It's the guy that has something pressing to do, or the guy that, um, he has a schedule that he needs to keep, but you are now more important than what's going on. That's how that works. So your ideal partner is selfless. You feel protected, ladies, when you are with him. And now when I say protected, I'm not just talking about from a physical— why physical? Standpoint. Like, ain't nobody gonna run up on y'all, you know, because a lot of ladies don't like to date short men because you say, well, he's short, I don't feel— I don't feel protected. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you feel protected not only physically but emotionally. Now, when you feel protected, and I'll combine those, protected and safe emotionally That's somebody you might want to stick around with to, uh, explore a little bit more. Somebody that makes you feel protected all the way around and safe. You— it's a safe environment for you to, um, be in. This next part, this next one is on my list: be vulnerable. Your ideal partner allows you to be safe, protected, and vulnerable. When I say vulnerable, I mean you're able to be who you naturally are without trying to feel like I have to put on, put on fronts, or that if they find out these parts about me that they're not gonna like me. Not— that's not what I'm talking about. Your ideal person is someone who allows you— that you feel vulnerable with. And you also— going on to my next one— you feel at home with. You feel like you've known them for a while. It's like there's no extra other stuff. You're not, you're not in the impress somebody mode, you know, where you always on and you got to make sure my hair right, my this is right. That person makes you feel like you at home, and, and because they like who you are genuinely, you don't have to have all of that extra stuff going on, you know, all the time, because they like who you genuinely are. Next one is your ideal person is— has compassion. Meaning compassion, not only for you but for others. I went out with a guy and I didn't like how he treated the waiter, so I never went out with him again. And ladies, you got to be— you got to operate from a wise woman's standpoint, man. A lot of the things you can find out about a man is on a first date by how he operates. That's why you need to join me. Shameless plug, July 21st, at the Will the Asset Women Please Rise, an intimate evening with April Mason, going down here in Atlanta at the Georgia International Convention Center. One night, or, well, two nights. For those of you that's really about that life, I have a private luxury location for 10 women, and what's going down the night before. But make sure you go to aprilmacon.com to get your tickets, early bird tickets, in next week. So I don't want to hear your mouth, don't say it, make a commitment to yourself to come. So anywho, back to what I was saying, a wise woman hears certain things when she is out dating. Now, no one will be perfect, but once you know what your core needs are, you can pick up on certain things. You know, like the guy that was selfless, although I dated him a little while after that, he turned out to be exactly what I thought. Extremely, you know, self— extremely selfish. It was all about him, what he felt, what he wanted to do. But I saw that. On maybe our second or third date when he was telling me the story about the, uh, motorcycle. So that's who just— that's just who he was. So, so we want someone that's compas— compassion, because a person that has compassion, they're not going to just be straight black and white. They're going to be able to feel or even empathize with others. And you want him to be able to do that because people that are just straight logic and A lot of men, most men are logical, but there are men that has that duality that can say, you know what, I can see it from a logical standpoint, but I have compassion or I can empathize with others. Next thing you want is someone that is mature. Your ideal partner is mature, meaning they're mature in everything that they do. Even their communication with you is mature, mature, mature. They aren't selfish. To where, once again, they make it all about them and they shut down and they don't know how to communicate. No, mature people don't do that. It's the things that they do, their life goals, their plans, they're, they're from a mature place, not just some random off the top of the, off the top of their head. That's not, that's not your ideal partner. Next one is, this one big, and next week I'll be teaching in my Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy all about this, how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men. So your ideal partner is what? Emotionally available. They're not coming out of the, um, they're not come straight, straight out of a relationship. They're not separated. They're not, they don't have so much baggage that they can't open up. They don't have that. You want someone that is emotionally available, meaning they're, they're emotionally available. Emotionally available is not just necessarily their feelings, but Some, some men, when they get caught up in their work— I'm strictly about business right now— so their, their work takes the place of that emotion, um, uh, that emotional availability that they could have. They're then being goal-driven and career-driven. And I know, fellas, you said, well, y'all women want us to have this. There's a balance in having, um, a woman in your life that you can communicate with and be emotionally available to, and you can do the same thing with with your, your job. You don't have to choose one or the other. It's like the book, uh, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. Men compartmentalize things. Well, although they do compartmentalize things, as a woman, you have to depend on, depend on where you are in your life. I know now as an empty nester and as someone who is more settled, my guy would have to be someone who is not straight career-driven to the point where he's he'll put everything into his job because he's trying to get to that next level. My guy's probably more, more retired, seasoned in what he does. You know, he do it every day or he runs the company, but he's not— he's gotten to the place where he can be stable without having to constantly climb, climb, climb, climb, climb, climb, climb, doing things that really, you know, you do when you make those sacrifices when you are in the beginning of your career or your middle of your career. Trying to get to that next level. So I know my guy is not— is ambitious, but he's not overly ambitious because he's already at a place where he's comfortable, if that makes sense. So depending on where you are, if you are somebody that wants somebody that's ambitious, ambitious, that's fine. Just remember, those guys never really have time for you. And when you get to a place where I am, like I said, the empty nester, you can travel, go where you want to go, do what you want to do. You kind of want someone who has some, as the old folks say, some business going on about themselves, but they have the businesses, but the business don't have them. They can say, you know what, I got this going on, babe, Monday through Thursday, but we leaving Friday and we going somewhere till next week, or whatever the case may be. You know, Kashmir, uh, says he already has money and time too. Yes, he's not, he's not trying to, to, to get to another place. He's content where he is. And if he does um, you don't want to go to the next place. It's not pressing because if I don't do this, I can't buy the house. If I don't do this— it's not like that. Lisette says, yes, loving retirees, they, uh, the energy— their energy is grounded. Yes, their energy is grounded, which brings me to my next one, which is, Lisette, he's grounded. He is grounded. There's nothing sexier than a grounded man to me. A man that is grounded and he knows, okay, like I met someone recently, he's retired, um, I met two. One, he's, one is retired, the other one, he's, he's 45 and he's getting ready to retire this month. And he says, April, I just, you know, I'm in a place where I just want to live, you know. I put in 20 years, 20, 30 years in already. I'm just ready to live at this point. So I like those kind of guys. Now when I was on my grind, when when I was ambitious, when I was doing all these things, trying to make moves, make it happen, and when I was not grounded, I wanted a guy that was similar to me. Let's make these moves, let's be a power couple, let's do all this stuff. I'm no longer there. I've become more grounded, more centered, and more mature and wise. So now it puts me in a position to say, April, do you want that guy that was running like crazy and busy, be super busy, or do you want the guy that he might be busy but he can say, you know, honey, I'm busy today, but you know, come on down here with me. We can have lunch today. He's still in control of that. I tend to attract affluent men. I like those kind because they can make power moves. And I like that. And as a woman that can do that, that tends to be kind of attractive to you. It makes it a little difficult for you to always be with the worker bee that can't make any decisions because they got to wait for somebody else to tell them. So you got to know what you need. You got to know what you need. The next one is he is a provider. Yes, yes, yes. This new generation with all of this, we got to go 50/50 with this and 50— I wasn't raised like that. I was raised by my grandparents that my grandfather always said a man should be able to take care of his family. His wife working is an option. Now if you're one of those new school women that say, you know, I got to pay my way, that's fine too if that's for you. However, the man that you— your ideal guy is a provider. Period. You know, I was just raised that way. My grandfather had a 3rd grade education. My grandmother was college graduate from Jackson State, Mississippi. She had all of the paperwork. She didn't have to work. And I know some people say, April, times are different. Times may be different, but values and morals don't have to be. Just because it was 2018, it doesn't mean that morals and values have to be different. So that's let me know, okay, well, you know, you, you like the more old school, you know, traditional style relationship. You got to ask yourself, what type of relationship do you like? I like the more traditional gender role relationship. That works for me. I'm a gender role— doesn't mean that you're not a woman that's about her business or don't have businesses or whatnot or can't contribute. It means your man puts you in a position and he's one of those that say, no, it's my responsibility to protect and provide for this household. Now, baby, if you want to do some other stuff, you can, but I don't need you to do it. So I'm just more of a traditionalist. Everybody's not like me, you know. I had a guy, I went on a date the other day, and he told me that we— he said, no. I said, are you more traditional or new school? He said, I'm new school. If I can have a woman, if I need a whole nother, uh, another woman to take care of. I could take care of my niece if I wanted a whole nother person. So, BB says the men are different today. The men are different today that are younger. I'm 42 getting ready to be 43, so I tend to date older school men where this conversation is one that doesn't even have to be had because that's how they were raised. Now, if you're the millennial and you weren't raised that way and you're dating these younger guys, yes, you do have a more difficult, um, time with that. But normally the men that I attract, they don't— they're raised that way. So I never have had to have that conversation. But my date last week had me rolling when he, uh, when the bill came. I said, so I gotta go 50/50 on the bill? He said, no, you ain't got to go 50/50 on the bill. So at the end of the day, you just got to know what you want, what you need in a relationship. So I tend to date men who are more traditional in their values. And I like that because Mason ain't going 50/50, especially if that's the requirement. Don't mean I won't put in, but guess what she not gonna do? I'm not entering anything talking about, you know what, we're going to build this empire, we have to put in this. Mm-mm. Because I wasn't raised that way. And for the fellas that may say, well, that's messed up, just understand there's a different section of men. There's men just like you and then there's a different population demographic of men that are just like the ones I date. I tend to go over there versus going to the ones over here. So I'm just saying. The next one is he's dependable. There's nothing like a dependable man. He's dependable. He is dependable, dependable, dependable. And you can call on him. And you know, you know, fellas, let me say this to you. What are the things a woman loves, especially a woman that is used to doing everything on her own? If she can tell you this is the problem and you say, "I got it," and you really have it. That right there, it makes us sit back. It makes us want to give you more. It makes us want to, you know, to give you the best loving that you done ever had. It makes us Do that because that's less stress on us. So if you say, baby, I got it, and you really have it, I promise you it just does something to us. The next one is he's a man of his word. Oh my God, one of my biggest pet peeves is a man that is not a man of his word. It's like if you say you're going to do something, do it. And if you can't do it, come back and say why, you know, that you can't do it. Hold on, my thing is sweet. Hold on. Oh, there we go. Say why you can't get up, why you can't do it. One of my— and my family and friends will tell you this— one of April's biggest pet peeves is people that just talk out the side of their freaking neck. Meaning you're just saying things because it sounds good, but you're not realizing I'm taking what you say for as your word. Now, I was gonna do a video yesterday. I got a little tired, my back was hurting, but I, I'll do another video on it But I'll tell you this, I've heard people say, why did she believe the lie that he told? What? You know, she's stupid for believing that. No, you're never stupid for believing what someone says. They are the ones who cause the infraction because they lied. We are— we have gotten so discombobulated and so off track that we blame a person for believing what you say. You're supposed to believe what your man or your woman tells you. Even the guy that you're potentially dating, you're supposed to believe that. They're the ones that's not supposed to lie. So never feel like you got played, or why did I believe the lie? Because I had a lady tell me that the other day, but I believe what he said. I said, baby girl, you were supposed to believe what he said. You're not the one with the issue, he's the liar. You were supposed to believe that, because until you give me reason not to, and what you're saying is no longer valid, I'm supposed to believe what you say. So never let anyone make you feel bad for believing what someone told you, because it's not your job to try to decipher if what they said was a lie or not. It's their job to tell the truth. So I never understood that saying, but at the end of the day I'm not wrong and you're not wrong for believing what somebody said. Because you see that all the time on blogs and in comment sections. Man, she shouldn't have believed him. He said he was it, but she shouldn't have believed that. So now are you saying you go into a relationship and everything that your potential partner is saying, you believe it's a lie? How do you move past that? How do you go into a relationship automatically believing everything a person says is a lie? Or pieces of what they say is a lie? You jacked up on that end too. So you're never wrong for believing what someone said. They're wrong for telling you the lie. So I'm just saying that, and that's how I— that's just how I believe. Well, now that I explained it, I might just cut this little part out and make that part of video. But I believe that wholeheartedly because I hear dudes— I'll be at the bar— I'm at the barbershop when I'm getting my hair cut in the back, and they be talking all of this stuff, and I'm sitting there like We're discussing, like, you know, this is foolishness. What you mean? I said, see, the thing is you had to lie to her. You ran game on her to get what you wanted. So she's not stupid for believing what you said. You're the idiot for lying. You're the liar. You're the one that's not trustworthy. You won't have moral issues. You're the one that don't have character. That's on you. So y'all up in here dapping each other up because you was able to get away with something and maybe get you some or get her to do some certain things, but you lied. To do that. So that makes you more of a coward to me. It doesn't make you a person that is trustworthy or she should even want to deal with, because you're a liar. And when you put it to people like that, if anybody ever tell you, you know, something like that, you like, no, I'm not wrong for believing you. You, you're the one that's morally wrong for lying. That's on you. So anywho, let's move on to my next one. My next one is he's honest and loyal. He's honest and loyal, period. You see, a lot of times, you know, with women— and I, I coach quite a few of them— they go after the guy who gives them that excitement. Oh, I got butterflies in my stomach. I don't need my stomach bubbling every time I see you. I don't need to have that level of anxiety, you know. I don't need to have that. And a lot of times we dismiss men And fellas, you do it too because you don't have that immediate, like, oh my God. Nuh-uh. You don't need that all the time. Majority of the time. Because that will— you will use that as a determining factor if he is the one. And that ain't the determining factor. If these things that I'm giving you are just some suggestions on if he can be your ideal. But when you have all the butterflies and when I see him, girl, I don't know how to act and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That might be an indicator that you need to run as fast as you can because number one, if you have that type of anxiety and you feeling all warm and fuzzy like that all the time, you're never going to be your true authentic self so they can see you. And what normally happens is when you have all of that, you don't show up like the amazing woman you are because he got you all nervous. Then next thing you know, he don't call you no more because you weren't being you. So he was never able to see how amazing and awesome you are. So if I get, as my cousins used to call it, and they're just some nasty boys. They be like, "Oh, I got the bubble guts." If you get that every time you see him, you might need to go somewhere else. Go drink some water or something. And a lot of times as women, we pass up on the guy that does not give us that because we don't have to chase him. He's not exciting. He doesn't give us a challenge. You don't want that. You want someone that's gonna be selfless, somebody that makes you feel protected emotionally and physically stable. Compassion— I have compassion. They're mature, they're emotionally available, they're grounded. He's a provider, he's dependable, man of his word, he's honest and loyal. You feel comfortable when you're with him, you feel happy when you're in with him, you feel calm and secure, and you want to feel vulnerable. You can just be yourself because 'Cause most people aren't being themselves because they're afraid that somebody might not accept them. Get you somebody that make— that have those little things on the list. And I will say this, here's the other side. He might not look the way you want him to look. When I'm working with my clients, I always— when they talk about getting back out there and dating, 'cause I work with a lot of people that have been divorced, men and women, and they don't know how to date. And I tell people, I don't teach people how to get married, I teach folks how to get back into the dating game. And so what happens is, um, they get caught up in the look. And I ask them all the time, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel in this relationship? How do you want to feel? Is it about what they look like, or is it about how they make you feel? Think about all your other relationships when you had Mr. Fine and he was all of that. Now, I'm not saying that you can't have someone that's um, totally attractive, and they, they have all those things on the list. I'm gonna flew in my eye, y'all. So those things on the list— what I'm saying is, hey Jody girl, when you, when you coming back so we can go, we can go down there to the place and eat? You got to come by my place so we can play tennis. I need a tennis partner. We got new tennis courts where I live, so you got to come by, girl. But, um, as I was saying, Mr. Right— your Mr. Right may not look like what you want if he has those things on the list. Your ideal partner, number one, is ready for what you're ready for. You don't have to chase the ideal person that you need to be with. You never have to chase them. You never have to wonder where you stand. You never have to do that. So a lot of times— okay, my quote— let me go back. My question to y'all now is, could it be possible that you passed up on your ideal person, your ideal mate, because you're looking for them to come in a certain package. Now I'm— now, now I will say he does have to be attractive to you. You have to find something attractive about it. Might not be— you know, there's guys that I've dated that I would have never dated that were like, I'm 5'3", 5'4", and he was like 5'6". And I was like, with my heels on, I'm sometimes I'm like 5'8", 5'9", depending on what shoes I wear, how I'm feeling myself. And I thought I would never date someone short like that, but guess what happened? He smiled at me on that stage while he was singing What You Won't Do for Love, and we dated for quite a while after that because it was his energy, it was his aura, you know, about it. So your ideal man may not look like what you want him to look like. So stop, stop looking for— let me see what kind of car he drive, let me see, um, you know. Okay, hold on, let me, let me say this part too. Stop looking at how he's dressed. You can dress him. You can say, baby, Give me your debit card, give me your credit card. This is what we're about to do. And I did this when I was married. I didn't like how my husband dressed. He didn't— that he was Falcons out everything, Timbs and Falcons out everything. I said, okay, I'm about to go give me your measurements, babe. I put him on what I like him to see, but he liked to see— but he actually liked it. So some of y'all are passing up on men because they don't know how to dress. My friend Tanya and I were out, um, we were out what, Saturday night? And when we were out, these guys, you know, he was trying to holla at your girl. And she said, did you see how big his shirt was? I said, girl, did you hear what he said? She said, what you mean? I said, he said he was retired. I can change his clothes. And she started laughing. She said, you something else. I said, he said he was retired. I can change daddy clothes because he probably didn't have nobody in his life, no way, to where that was dressing him. Daddy was just getting up, getting dressed. I can change his clothes, okay? So some of you guys are picking men, not picking or looking over great guys that will be loyal to you, that will be— that are selfless, that are protectors, that want to take care of you, providers. They're stable, they're grounded, they have compassion, they're mature, they're emotionally available, they are dependable, they're men of their word, they're honest, they're loyal. You can be vulnerable with them. They make you feel special all because he don't know how to dress right, or all because the joker don't have a passport. Hell, pay the $130— the $80 and get the— y'all get a passport. Sometimes you come into someone's life to show them something different, but if they have the basic core things, why are you tripping? So your ideal guy is somebody that may not look like what you want him to look like. He might not be the Idris, you know, he might be a Chris Brown. Did I say that on camera? I'm just saying, but Chris Rock gained a fan in me when he did Tamra. No, this is what I mean. Chris Rock became more attractive to me that if he wasn't dating somebody and he walked up to me, I would date him. You know why? It had nothing to do with money. When I looked at what he learned and how he messed up in his marriage, that made him more attractive to me. I was never a Chris Rock fan. But listening to a man be able to articulate clearly how he learned and where he's messed up at, now he's taking accountability, that speaks volumes to me. So it has nothing to do with what he looks like, because mature women, we're not, we're not just looking at, dude, let me see if he got some of these color eyes, let me see if he driving this kind of car. That's not what we look at. We're looking at the long term of how we want to feel, how we want to be treated. Like I said, I was never a Chris Rock fan, and I've watched Tambourine twice. And if you haven't seen it— no, I don't get paid for this— go to, go to Netflix and watch Tambourine. Uh, well, uh, Rodney, you say he didn't really say anything, but as a woman, a mature woman that could hear what's not being said, he said quite a bit to me. Especially when he said he had to learn how to play his position when it was his wife's turn he should have been there to let her do what she needed to do. Now, as a woman like myself, I've been in situations, RP, where I've dated men that didn't know how to celebrate me when it was my turn. So that spoke volumes to me when he said that. Know when it's your turn. Know that it's not always going to be your turn. Know that it's okay to play your position. When I saw that, that said a lot to me because as a woman in my position, RP, I don't meet guys always that wanna, that want to be supportive when it's your turn. They just want the light on him, on them. So that's what I meant, RP, because of my line of work. Now, if other things he might have said, it might not have resonated with anybody, but for me, a lot of what he said resonated with me, and I was never a Chris Rock fan. I couldn't really sit in any of his stuff. Ronnie said, well, he's single. You know what, RP, he's dating somebody. He's dating somebody, I think, you know. But RP, you a comedian. I'm just saying, we friends. But, but I, I gave that example as what I mean to— is not about always what a person looks like. What he said from a mature standpoint resonated so much more with me than, oh, the guy that looks nice and, you know, he had, uh, drives a nice car, he has all those other things. That I think based upon where you are in your life, you— it will determine what's important to you. One more thing, keep slipping, y'all. Hold on. That's— oh, that's why. So that's all, that's all I want to share with you today. So your ideal person may not look like what you want them to look like. Tina Griffin said yes, supporting your spouse. Yes, I've been— I've dated— one of my biggest— people ask me, April, why are you still single? I'll give you, I'll give you one reason. One of my biggest, biggest issues that I've dealt with with men, whether they work at UPS, or where they're, they're head of companies, or, or whether they're celebrities or whatever, is this. It goes back to what I was just explaining. You get people that want you for to be on their arm, and they like what you do, but the very thing that they love about you is the very thing that they hate about you, because they want the spotlight to be all on them all the time. They don't know how to support what you do, who you are. Now, you're good for their image But that's cute, but they're not really into supporting. That's why I said when I— first thing on my list was a selfless individual, which is very, very, um, very, very important to me. A selfless individual. And so that's answering one of the questions that I get: why are you single? Well, everybody can't handle, you know, certain things, you know, when you come into the table. It's easier for a woman to, to that deal with a more powerful man than a man to come in and deal with a powerful woman. And especially when she's treating you like you still the man, like she's not demeaning you or trying to make you Mr. Halle Berry. So I've dealt with it across the board. So it takes a very rare individual to say, I ain't tripping on that, I like you. Uh, somebody said, how can you tell if a man is on the same level and have the same future goals? By asking. You just ask. A lot of things ladies want to know about men, you just— in my Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy, some of the ladies say, "What does it mean when he does this?" And I always ask, "Did you ask him?" You can't be afraid to ask. You get one life, and who you bring into your life can make or break you. So you just ask. How do you know if you're on the same page? Do you know what you need? Do you know where page you on? And then you ask them in a ladylike kind of way. You don't interrogate them, but you ask as well. You know, if you want to know something, stop being afraid to ask. And then you go ask your girlfriends who didn't do it. He did. My phone is on. Goodness. Okay, um, but anywho, That's all I have for you today. That's my list of what your— who your ideal partner probably will be. And it's not the guy that you got your heart all hung up on, and the guy that's, oh my God, why is he pursuing? Um, not, um, why is he not chasing? Why is he not— that's not your ideal guy. I always tell you, your ideal person, man or woman, fellas, this is for you too, is ready for what you're ready for right now. You never have to try to make something, force something to work. You never have to do that at all. Your ideal person is open to what you're open to at the same time. If you're trying to figure out where you stand, normally in my experience and relationships that I've been in, I never had to ask, what we doing? I never have to ask that. It's when you have to ask those questions that you might not be dealing with somebody who's ready for what you're ready for right now. The last thing you want to do is give an ultimatum of, well, I'm ready for this. What you— you don't ever want to do that. A wise woman doesn't do that. What we do is we have our own internal invisible clock to where it's like, okay, I'm in the discovery, getting to know stage, but if it's not moving forward by this, I'm not— I don't, I don't waste my time. I, I have my own timeline, you know. Yes, Rodney Perry. RP says also know where you are. Yes, know where you are. It's very important to know where you are because a lot of women— and that RP, you know, women have done this— you want somebody that's way ahead of where you are and you ain't nowhere near what you're asking for. So at least as a woman, come to the table with something. And I'm not talking about necessarily material things. I'm talking about being a wise woman, being a loyal woman, being a woman who is a supportive woman, a woman that has respect, a woman that can honor her man, a woman that can do the big S word and submit. Submit doesn't equal weak. I'll say that. I did a video on that before. Someone that can do that, you know. Look for— fellas, your woman may not be the glam doll. I'm actually working with a reality star right now, and all the women— he wants something different, but all of the all of the women he look get, they look like they look the same way. It's like, so how am I going to help you get a different woman if you, in your mind, your ideal woman has to look like, you know, she was built by the Barbie manufacturer, by Mattel, huh? How do we do that? How do we do that? I can't help you get a better woman for what you want if you still focused on what your ideal should look like. Mature men, it's very important to become mature and say, I want a woman that, you Yeah, she needs to be attractive to me. I got to be able to want to sleep with her on a regular basis. But I'm not just so mesmerized by the big butt and the smile. I like— I need a woman that really has my back. She'll make a good mother, you know. She is somebody that's loyal. She's one that won't embarrass me in the streets, you know, that kind of thing. Start looking for that. She don't need to— I don't give her a reason to look for going through my phone. But even if I did, she's not the type that's gonna do that. She's not putting one of those at my car. She's not doing all of those things. That's the kind of woman you want to be with and build a future with, not these other ones where you got to feel that psychological, um, issue that you have needing, needing, um, drama, needing some type of challenge or some type of issue going on all the time. Go find you someone, and she might not be considered society's 10, and that's okay as long as she's your 10, as long as you care about her, and as long as The physical is not your only or the main thing that you're using to gauge her by. Okay, that's all. Hold on, somebody wanted to come on camera. Let me see what this is. I don't know who that is. Let's see. I don't know. Okay, I don't know, they get scared. They want to come live and then they get scared. Y'all, anywho, love you. Have a great day. Go to VIP group. Yes, um, thank you, Tanya. Make sure you join the VIP Academy. Go to teachmehowtodatevip.com. Uh, every month we— I do a master class, and next— this month's master class is how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable men. And, um, you might not like what I have to say about this, but I'm going to definitely, as always, give you something to think about and a different perspective. Perspective, um, as well. So make sure you join me there. Make sure you join me in Atlanta on July 21st at the Georgia International Convention Center. Tickets are on sale now. I'm just saying, I can't wait to see you. I have some, some awesome things in store for you on that day. And then also, for those of you that want to work with me one-on-one and have our girls' night the night before, it goes down Friday night at a private luxury location. So you can go to AprilMason.com and get on all of— I get all of that information. Hey, I'm late, but I'll watch the replay later. Saving this video now. Thank you so much, uh, Miss Smith. So love you guys, have a great day. I got to get out of here, got to find— I got to get to work, y'all. Am I the only one that don't really like working on Mondays? But it's a blessing to be able to work from home. So love y'all, bye.
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