Vlog | Stop Calling Us Strong

Well, good evening, darlings. It's Maple Mason here. How are you on this Friday? I'm sitting here by the pool and I was just thinking— so I'll wait for you guys to come in. If you're new to me, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm the number one femininity and dating coach for the successful woman, and the fellas live over here too, so mwah to you. I love having you as well. But I was just just sitting here thinking, um, tonight. And well, before I get started, I'll wait for you guys to come on in. If you're new, make sure you hit the follow button above and also go over to my YouTube channel under April Mason TV and subscribe on my YouTube channel as well. Okay, okay. So listen, I'm, I'm getting these emails and, you know, I know everybody is talking about being strong, being strong, being strong, and, and the, you know, the plight of the strong woman, especially the strong black woman. You know, this message is for all women. However, you know, we— I have family members that are non-black that are considered strong. However, this message is more pertaining to our men calling us strong all the freaking time. To me, and this is just me, this is my page, is my opinion. I didn't— I'm not asking for you to agree or disagree. I'm just sharing my thoughts. It seems like the more pain we as women can take, it is a badge of honor so that we can prove— that's the way that we prove how strong we are. And we wonder why no one ever comes to our rescue. It's because we're putting strong on us. So are our men. When I think of the word strong, I do not think of a woman. I think of— sorry, airplane— I think of the brawny guy, you know, the paper towel guy, the Mr. Clean guy. When I think of strong, I don't think of a feminine woman. I don't think of a softer, gentler woman. I don't think of a woman that is in tune with who she is and her womanliness. So fellas, stop calling us freaking strong all the time, because the more you call us strong, subconsciously you're putting more crap on our backs to be strong about. We don't want to be labeled as strong. We don't want society thinking that we can handle everything, because if you look at it, we have a lot of issues in our womb area because we're carrying so much burden, because we're carrying with so much So many things that we should not be carrying. What I'm saying, fellas, is don't call us strong. Be strong for us. When you ask any other culture of men to describe their women, they do not describe them as strong. As African American women, our men say, "I want a strong, God-fearing woman." No, you don't. You don't want a strong woman. You want a resilient woman. You don't want an independent woman. You want an interdependent woman. You want a woman that is assertive. You want a woman that is sweet, but she's not— that doesn't make her weak. You want a woman that is nice, but it doesn't make her naive. The more you keep putting, I want a strong woman, I want a strong woman on us, and then you wonder why strong women is not— are not trying to submit to you. Because look at what you're asking for. We're tired of being strong. We're tired of being strong. I don't want to be strong no more. Don't ask me to be strong. Anytime a man addresses me as a strong, independent Black woman, I— you a strong, independent Black I love that. No, because if you want a strong independent woman, what you're saying is, I want a woman that's not going to listen to me. I want a woman that's independent, so that means, you know, she really doesn't need me. And what do we hear men talk about? These women act like they don't need us. Why do you keep calling her strong and independent? What you say matters. And ladies, I know some of you will say, well, my mama was strong. Yes, but look at how her life went. I'm not talking about being a woman about her business, because I'm a woman about her business. I'm not talking about being a woman that is assertive, meaning she's not combative, or she She's not trying to come to the table, to the business table, acting like a man. She comes acting like a woman. So I'm not saying that you are to be weak and you're to let anybody run over you, but what I am saying is stop identifying yourself as strong and then getting mad because nobody comes to your rescue. People don't come to strong folks' rescue. Think about it. People do not come to your rescue when you are a proclaimed strong, independent person, and then next thing you know, you're sitting outside bedside or at your bedside and you crying, wondering why, you know, every time I need somebody, nobody comes to my aid, because you have proclaimed that I am strong. It's not about whether it's men or women who call each other strong. That's not the point. The point is we have to change our vocabulary in order to change our results. This is my page. It's not about pointing a finger. My page is saying, men, stop calling us strong women, stop calling yourself strong. When you start worrying about who doing what, that means you're simple-minded and not looking for the solution. The solution is, ladies, let's get back to our feminine essence. Just because things were out of order and we've had to be in the leadership position in our homes does not mean that's how it was designed to be. If you haven't read my book, Are You an Asset? 10 Keys to Being a Woman Who Brings More to the Table Than Her Appetite, go get it. In the chapter about independence, I talk about how even though men are— men have some— there's men that are single dads, right? But you never hear a single father say, "I'm mom and dad." You never hear him say that. A single father never takes on the role of trying to be the mother. What he does is he does what he can do, even though it wasn't designed for him to do it by himself. He does what he can do, and then he'll have his mom, his female friends, his aunties, his sisters, or whatever give that womanliness to his children. But as women, for some reason, we, we take pride in saying, well, I had to do it all. I had to be mom and dad. No, you chose to be mom and try to be dad. As women, we can raise our sons, but we cannot teach them certain things as far as how to be men because we're not equipped with certain parts. I've raised my sons. Yes, I raised my sons as a single mom. But I can tell there are certain pieces that are missing in their confidence area when it comes to only a certain level of confidence that a man that was born a man can give a son. Did I raise them? Yes. Are they productive citizens? Have they— are they married? Or all of that stuff? That's wonderful, but we cannot act as though we can give it— give men, young men, everything a man can give them. We cannot. So because of that, ladies, we have to take a play, you know, play our role and just just be the woman. Fellas, stop calling us strong. Say, I want a woman that's about her business, she's a service, she's, she's a, she's assertive, she's interdependent, she's not a pushover, but she's sweet and she's a loving woman. Stop saying you want a strong woman, because what happens when you get a woman that's strong, not only, uh, mentally, but a woman that exudes that strength that you think you want, that's kind of like yours? You don't want her no more, and you end up going to get a more softer, gentler woman, and you're doing it from a subconscious place because your mouth is saying one thing, but how you're made is desiring something else. I'm just saying, we don't have to be mom and dad. One of the things that I learned when my now-married son was in the 11th grade, that's when I started switching over and getting out of the strong woman role. And I just sat back and I watched how I stopped yelling, how I stopped screaming, how I stopped trying to do it all, trying to have everything all in control and running it. When I became a softer, gentler woman and mom to my sons, I watched them shift. And I thought, wow, what if I would have done that from the time they were born, or the time I became a single parent? What would have happened? They didn't shift. I got back into my woman family role. I stopped being so strong. I stopped being— trying to be in control. And ladies, like I said, don't get it twisted. I'm not saying that you don't run your stuff. I'm not saying that you don't— are not a woman about your business and you don't go get educated. You do all of those things. But what you don't do is take those things to, uh, take, uh, let those things make you. You stay in your womanly roll. When you say you're strong, look at what comes with that. Some of you say, well, when I say strong, I mean it this way. Nobody knows you mean it that way based upon the definition of the word. When people see you say strong and then at the same time you say no one comes to your rescue, what it means is you've exuded a level of strength that people think you don't need any help. You show that. So are your results for being strong— are you getting the results that you want when you want somebody to come to your aid when you're having a problem? And you're like, man, I'm always there for everybody else, but no one ever is ever there for me. That's because you keep exuding how strong you are. You're never allowing yourself to be vulnerable and saying, hell, I don't have it all together. I don't know every doggone thing. I had to get in that position and I started this in 2000 and— what's this, 2018? So about 2014 is when I started on my journey, and to watch how my sons respond to me now that I'm not yelling, that I'm not screaming, that I'm not bossing them around, and that I'm not putting all of that burden on being their father, and I just took the time and said, you know what, I'm just going to be their mom. I'm just gonna be their mom, period. And when I did that, my sons were like, "Ma, everything good with you?" To the point to where they would come home, be like, "Mom, we're getting ready to go. Are you okay? Is everything good?" They treated me gentler. My sons treated me more like, like a dainty lady. They were, they were more responsive to me. They were more caring. They were more alert. You know, when it came to their mom, where before it was like, oh hell, all she gonna do is yell at our asses anyway, so I'm not even— I'm gonna tune her out. But when I switched, that's when everything else around me switched. Being a softer, gentler woman does not make you weak. I was talking to a young lady the other day, and she was talking about some male clients she had. I said, Don't go to the boardroom acting like a man. You're not going to get that. I was talking to a married couple 2 days ago, and, um, the husband was telling me some things, and I had to explain to the wife, a man— when you come at a man and your tone is, is, is like you talking to her, he's talking to another dude, he's going to instinctively treat you like a man. When you're being aggressive like a man, it's just his natural instinct to buck up when somebody is bucking up at him because wired that way. So you can't be mad at him. Well, he doesn't talk to me gentle. You don't talk to him gentle. You don't— he thinks he's talking to another dude because you're strong. So you can't be mad when someone, a man, treats you that way when you bucking up to him, and then as soon as they raise their voice at you, you like, why you talking to me like that? You want to jump back into your girl role? Nah, be in your girl role all the time so nobody has to buck up at you, you know. And these are things that I had to learn, you know. I can't say that I've come here knowing this. These are things that I had to learn. I had to learn how to talk to men. I don't talk to men in the same way that I talk to my friends. I had to learn, and I started that with my sons. I had to learn how to stop saying I'm strong and choosing to be strong. Got to remember, men single dads, single fathers who are raising their children full-time never try to be mom and dad. I had a friend, I have a friend, his wife passed away when his youngest— she is, my son is 22, so she's about 22, 21, 20, she about 21. Her mother passed away when she was 6, and he didn't know how to be, you know, give her that motherly family stuff. So one day I went by the house. She was about maybe 13, 14 then, and he was raising her and his son. And one day she— I was sitting in the living room and she says, Miss April, do you know how to clip ends? I said, yeah girl, I know how to clip ends. And I said, come on in the bathroom. Not only did I clip her ends, I said, we about to make you all fly, girl. And I start flat ironing her hair. We started having girl talk. Well, while we were in the bathroom having girl talk His son came in the bathroom and sat on the bathroom floor. It was a big bathroom. Sat on the bathroom floor. What happened was he missed that femininity. His father came home. He said, "What y'all doing?" I said, "Oh, I'm in here talking to the kids." And next thing, his dad disappeared. I saw him later on after I finished with the kids, after about an hour or so. He was actually in the room crying. I said, "What you crying for?" He was like, "To see you in there with my children, you know, especially my daughter." that was big for me. Even though you and I are like really close friends, that's big for me because I don't know how to be, you know, their mom. So his daughter missed having mommy around, having that feminine woman around, and his son missed it as well too. So his son sat on the bathroom floor and was like, um, Miss April, what you think about this? And he's actually, you know, I call him my adopted adopted son. You know, he— that's, that's my ride. That's my— I won't say ride or die, but that's my other son, my adopted son. To this day, if I need anything, I can pick up the phone. Mikey, where you at? Come, Mama. Come on over to Mama, she need you to do something. So I understood that it's not just about portraying this strong, strong role when you're actually desiring to have someone to be there for you, you know. Someone says, how long did it take for your children to adjust? It didn't take them long because I was consistent with it. They noticed it and was like, oh hell, what's going on? But I think I did a video with my daughter and she talked about how when I stopped yelling— because the first thing I had to do was get rid of the yelling because I had a yelling spirit. I had a strong yelling spirit and I had to learn that, April, you can get your point across without yelling. So now if I raise my voice, my son be like, "Ma, I hate when you yell." Now mind you, I just started doing this about 2014, but they've taken a hold of it so long that if I do raise my voice, they be like, "Ma, you don't even sound like yourself." So think about all those years prior I was yelling, but now in these last 4 years I haven't been doing any of that. If I do something outside of that, it's like, "Ma, you don't sound like Fuck yourself. So I had to learn how to stop yelling. I had to learn how to stop pretending like I'm strong. And then you can't be sitting around crying talking about, "Nobody ever comes to my rescue," but you never show them that vulnerability. I taught a class earlier this week in the Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy called How to Use Your Vulnerability to Draw Him Closer. And one of the things I talked about is the different levels of vulnerability. Vulnerability. Some of you think being vulnerable means you got to tell everything all on the first date, and that's not what— just what vulnerability is. You don't have to expose it all. But if you are acting as though you can't get vulnerable and everything in your world is always right, you never open yourself up for a man to come to your rescue. Hence, you're strong all the time. So stop calling yourself that, fellas. Stop saying, I'm looking for a strong woman. No, say I'm looking for a resilient woman. I'm looking for an asset woman. I'm looking for a woman who knows who she is at her core. She's a feminine woman, she's sweet, but she is not weak. Meaning just because you're, you're feminine and sweet, don't think you're gonna run over us. That, that'll never do. That'll never happen because we will stand up for ourselves. But what we're not going to do is run around here and act as though we're strong all the time. I'm so tired of seeing it all over my social media. A strong woman knows how to take care of a strong man. Why would a strong man want a strong woman anyway? A man wants a safe place where he could come lay his head when things are not going right. A man wants a woman that can make a house a home. We don't need to be strong. We need to be resilient is what we need to be. I don't want— anytime a man call me strong, I— ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Hold on. Don't call your girl strong, okay? That's not who I want to be. That's not who I am because I know how to ask for help. I know how to say I don't have it all together. I know how to say, "Honey, I don't know what to do today." I know how to ask for advice. Was I doing that before? No. But if women are going to stop saying they're strong, fellas, stop looking for that strong woman because you don't even realize what you're saying. I get what you mean, but you have to change your vocabulary. Because when you start talking about what you desire, and I want something strong— when you think of the word strong, I don't think of no woman. Well, this water is real nice, y'all, tonight. I don't think about a woman, and I want— I think strong. I don't, I don't think about a woman when I think strong. So don't call me— I did a video, I think it got like 3 million views. I said don't call me a strong independent Black woman It is not a compliment because every time you call me that, you're subconsciously giving me ish to be strong about, put stuff on my back. And for some reason, African-American women think the more ish that we can take, the more, the more pain, the more heartbreak, the more disappointments that we can take, it's the thing that makes us the strongest, that we can stand. Hell to the no! Stop giving us stuff to have to be strong and say, I can do it. I ain't doing that. That's not what we doing. Those days are over. Those days are over. I need a man that I can— that can be strong for me. Fellas, be strong for us. Defend us. Stand up for us. Guard us. Protect us so we don't have to be strong. You guys are complaining about why is it that women don't take care of the home like they used to, because we out here being damn strong all the time. We don't want to do that. We don't want to do that. That's what I see my Caucasian sisters out— that's for y'all too. That's what this is for y'all too. Stop it. But the only way to stop it is we must take the label off of ourselves. We must do that. We must stop men from calling us strong. No, baby, I ain't strong. I'm a gent— I'm a gentle— I'm a gentle flower. No, I'm not strong. Now, can I be 'bout that life? Yes, I can, in a very ladylike way. I tell people I'm from Richmond, California. I am refined hood. So it's still in there. I can get be 'bout that life. However, I'm a soft, gentle woman at the same time. I only get 'bout that life when you mess with things and people that I love. I got that, and I'mma come for you in a way that you wasn't even expecting if you mess with something I love. But do I want to walk around like that all day? No, I do not. So fellas, please, please, I ask you, I ask you to please stop calling us strong. And ladies, stop perpetuating and sharing these posts talking about that a strong woman knows how to bounce back. No, to hell with that. No, a resilient woman knows how to bounce back. A resilient woman knows how to bounce back and keep her femininity on point at the same time too. How many strong, extremely strong feminine women that you— do you know? It's not many because their definition of being strong is taking pain. I don't want no more pain. I don't want no more heartbreak. I don't want no more things that I have to be strong about. To hell with that. Sorry, I want my man to be strong for me. So that I can be that soft, safe place for him, so that I can make a house a home for him. I'm not out there battling the world all day. He's out there doing that, and he comes home, and when he comes home, it's a safe haven. You know, I don't, I don't want to be— he out there being strong, battling the world, and he got to come home and battle my ass at the same time too, because I'm strong as hell too. No. No. Oh, here we go with the men apologize for what? We didn't start the feminine movement. The feminine— you didn't even say it right. If you're gonna try to check somebody, say it right. It's the feminist movement. But the feminist movement was not for African-American women in the first place. So yes, you do need to apologize because that wasn't for us in the first place. We were on the same level as the black man when, uh, the feminist movement started. So I mean, come on. If anything you can apologize for is walking away from your children, not standing in the gap. Not all of you. Everybody didn't leave. But those of you that are not with the mother of your children, she was good enough to have sex with, but she wasn't good enough to marry. She was good enough to bore your children, but she wasn't good enough to marry. You know, think about that. She was good enough to lay down with and you— good enough for you not to put no protection on, but she wasn't good enough to make a family out of because you was thinking with your other head at the moment. And what I teach my children is whoever you lay down with, you got to remember, if you have a kid, you connected to them and their family and all the rest of their stuff that you don't know that they don't come with. I'm just saying, be careful, be careful. So yes, I'm not— and this is not a blame the man thing, this is both, this is both sides. Women got to say to stop saying how strong they are and then getting mad when a man don't open your car door. You strong and independent, why he got to open your door? These men, they saw my car break down on the side of the road and ain't nobody stop. Well, we've been perpetuating this strong, um, independent role. Fellas, if she good enough to lay down with, she should be good enough to marry. Watch where you put your thingy thingy. It shouldn't just be about I gotta get mine, because you should— you fellas, you should be just as picky about who you give the thingy thingy to as we are. It should be the same thing. So this is not a message to bash men or, or bash women. It's saying both of our sides need to get our stuff together. I'm so tired of— on my time, y'all have no idea how bad I want to leave social media. I'm so tired I'm tired of seeing these posts about a strong woman would do this, a strong woman supports her man. No, a wise, resilient woman supports her man. Because you can be a strong woman and have no, no, not even an ounce of wisdom in your, in your brain. You could have not, no, no wisdom. So strive to be a wise woman, not a strong woman. We got too many of those. It's strong women all across the internet, but how many wise women do you see? How many wise women are out there, huh? How many wise women making wise moves are out there? You know, how many women are out there that know that their value doesn't come from how much money they have, where they work, the kind of car they drive, what their credit looking like, what are, you know, what happened, they were able to buy a house? How many women actually know that, work on that? Work on that. That's what a wise woman knows. If you are saying, I can't find a man who's equal to what I have on my plate, and that's all you're— that's all you're equating that to, you're not a wise woman. Because a wise woman says, I want a good man that meets my core needs. Yes, I want a man that can provide, but my core needs needs as far as who I am as a woman is so important to me that if he makes less money than me but he takes care of this, I'm down. That's what a wise woman says. A wise woman never says, I can't find no man that don't— that, you know, he don't go to church. A wise woman don't think like that because a wise woman knows that going to church does not make you a God-fearing man. It's what's in here that makes you that. So if he never sets foot in a church but his relationship with God is on point, he's still a good man. He's still a God-fearing man. A wise woman knows that sometimes a man may not be on his all the way where he needs to be. He might be in what he's doing, but a wise woman knows how to amplify the right man because a wise woman would have checked him out thoroughly before she even invests her time into doing so. Strive to be wise, not strong, okay? Strive to be wise. But at the same time, a wise man knows that although his ish ain't all together, he's still gonna go after a woman that's what he would get with if his stuff was together. A wise man does not downplay himself and say, well, because I don't have it all together, together. I'ma get somebody that's good for now, but once I get my ish together, I'ma break up with her and go get the shiny quarter that I really want. A wise man also allows a woman to get in, to allow her in, to actually help upgrade him and be the asset that, that, um, she is to him. A wise man knows that a woman should inspire him to be greater. If the woman you with don't inspire you to be greater, baby, you might want to rethink that. I'm just saying, we should, we should ask for wisdom and not strength. But when you, when you have wisdom, you don't need strength, honey, because wisdom and, and knowing how to apply knowledge will give you ideas and things to where you can hire somebody to go be strong for you, honey. Um, one of my exes reached out to me not too long ago and he was like, man, I wish my, my wife, uh, you know, had some April Mason in her. I knew what he meant. And I said, sweetheart, here's the problem. You married somebody that you can replace. You married someone that you can hire someone to replace what she does. I said, huh? He said, huh? I said, you married someone that you can hire someone to cook for you. You can hire someone to clean for you. Hell, you can hire someone to have sex with you. But what you can't hire is a woman that knows who you are at your core. You can't hire someone who knows the essence of who you are and see your greatness. You can't hire someone that knows how to amplify you. And so that's why you wish she had some April Mason in her, but that's who you chose. So you chose someone that was safe. I would have required for you to be better. Not in a nagging way, but an inspiring way. So fellas, stop marrying safe women just because they're not challenging you. They're happy with the fact that you can give them a car, a house, and, you know, a couple of purses. Get a woman that says, I see you on a soul I see you. The stuff that you're not showing me, I see you. I see through you. I see who you are, but I see who you're not exposing to me because I have wisdom and I have an eye to see. I have a discerning spirit. Because I have that, you have no choice but to be great because I'm going to treat you you like the man that I see you, not the man that you presented to me, if— keyword is if— you allow me to do so. So fellas, you got to be wise. Somebody says, "Babe, it's easier said than done." Not in my world. Everything that I say can be done. Why? Because it's a choice. Everything in life is a choice. Choice. You watching me is a choice right now. You getting up to go to the bathroom is a choice right now. Well, April, you know you got to go to the bathroom. No, you can sit there and pee on yourself. That will be a choice too. Everything in life is about choice. So if you're saying AW Vehicle Servicing, if you're saying it's easier said than done, that's your choice. In my world, I choose to say something different. I choose to believe that what I say can come to pass, and I choose to take the actions to get the results that it is that I want. If you're not getting the results that you want, it's only because you're not, you're not choosing to take the actions. That's all that is. You're not intentional, and you're living your life through a lens that someone else told you that you had to do it this way. I'm here to say what results do you want? Someone said it can be done, but it's all about the trial and error. It's up to you determine what the trial and error is going to be. See, when you have wisdom, the more wisdom you have, the less errors that you make. The more wisdom that you have— what it like— well, let me change that. The more wisdom that you have and you follow the wisdom, the less mistakes that you make. Jermey said, especially if you're not a Christian like me. I'm not a Christian either, but I believe in wisdom. I'm not a Christian either. However, I do understand spirituality. So, to add back to the topic at hand, stop saying you're strong. And do, do your best to become wise and resilient, not strong. Nobody, no woman should be walking around talking about how strong she is because it's kind of like I'm walking around saying how strong I am, but at the same time you get sad because nobody comes to your rescue. Nobody comes to your rescue. So what you gonna do about that? Do you want to change that Then if you want to change that result, it's— you got to do something different. It's almost like women want a man to bust through, you know, that strong exterior. No, why don't you just put it down? Nobody's gonna bust through that. You can, you know, some of the most beautiful women— I have some of the most beautiful, gorgeous coaching clients, very successful in their businesses, but they can't get a date to save their life. And a lot of it has to do with They don't know who they are at their core, and they're equating their value to what they've accomplished. And they don't know how to be feminine, and they have this strong exterior. Same way, if he want me, he need to come over here and get me. Well, would— I don't care how beautiful you are, if you're, you're exuding this strong, independent type deal and you're saying I want a masculine man, he ain't coming. You get a beta male, and then you get mad at him. Jeremy said, 'Cause sisters only want God-fearing men. But like I said earlier, Jeremy, God-fearing men doesn't equal church. I want a God-fearing man too, a man, but that— because to me that says that he's able to get wisdom. And so I don't believe you have to be of a type of religion to get wisdom and hear from God. Chris said, sidebar, when, when you have my— the anniversary, this asset man wants to be close by. Oh, all right, Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy, we are having our 1-year anniversary. We've got a party bus full of women, asset women that have been with me for— some of them have been with me a year, 6 months, 4 or 5 months, and we are having a party here in Atlanta. So I may let the fellas know where we might be. I may let the fellas know where we might be. The ladies might like that. Let me check with them and see if they're okay with that, and I may let y'all know where we're gonna be because we're hitting the town in Atlanta. A party bus full of women, and then those women that are not on the party bus, they're driving in and they following us. So it's gonna be quite a few of us because in Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy, we have almost 200 women over there. So Chris, I will ask the ladies if they would want me to make an announcement of where we're going to be. So the fellas can come and join us. But anywho, um, like I was saying to the person that said, but women want God-fearing men— but God-fearing does not mean church. It doesn't. How many of us have been hurt by men at church that were supposed to be God-fearing? Just because you go there doesn't mean you, you're a part of. So God-fearing is about who you are. Chris said he grabs his cologne Cologne, you know. Okay, sidebar, y'all want me to tell you one of my favorite men— male colognes? It's— even though it's old, I love the way it smells. My neck will almost break if I smell it, or with the man that has the right body chemistry. It's Curve for Men in the gold bottle. Oh, kill him! That stuff smells so good. Um, anywho, uh, A.W. Allen, can you read my last comment? I didn't see it because they're going so fast, so write it again, Cecilia. I can— to see if I can see it. If I don't get to you, if I don't say get to your comment or something, sometimes— a lot of times I don't see it because they go too fast. Um, let's see. So let me see what you were saying. But anywho, no strong, no more strong. Fellas, don't call us strong because you're not handling us like we're gentle flowers. And that's what we really want. We really want you guys to handle us like we're soft, like we're gentle, you know, like we want to be your baby. We want you to handle us like that, but you can't if we are continuing to perpetuate this strong independent mantra, you know. Miss Holiday said, I would love to come out to one of your events in Atlanta. Yeah, we're having— we are having an event for those that are in our academy Academy on October 6th. If you are part of the VIP Academy, Teach Me How to Date VIP Academy, you're more than welcome to join us. Um, but this is what we're doing for our anniversary for those that are in the group. So yeah, you— we, we want to be flowers, we want to be gentle. I want you to sit back and, and I want to, I want to, I want to be your safe place. I don't want to be your stronghold, honey. I don't want to be your stronghold. I want I want to be your safe place, and the only way that I can do that is if you become what I need you to be as far as being strong for me versus me having to be strong for both of us. We both out in the world. No, it's not too late to join. Go to, um, I'll post the link in the comment section, but it's, um, teachmehowtodate.com. Teach me how to date, the same way that it sounds, because that's how it's spelled. Teachmehowtodate.com. Okay, what about a woman that has been married for 17 years? What about, what about it, Miss Johnson? I'm not sure what your question, what your question is. Give me your question, darling. Why have a man if we want to play their role? Exactly. How do I join the Academy? I live in, okay, is there a chapter? No, there's not a chapter right now. It's online. But it's— we have women from everywhere, from Europe to Africa to Australia to the US. We have women everywhere. Every month I do a free— I mean, not free, but a masterclass every month inside the group. Yes, Tuesday was how to use— how to tap into your vulnerability. We have all kind of classes in there. So just go to teachmehowtodate.com. Okay, how do I keep him? Okay, Miss Johnson of 17 years, how How do you keep him? I guess my question would be to you is, have you been the feminine woman that he needs? That's my question to you. What type of woman have you been? Let me see if I can put— let me see if I can post the link because y'all in here, I'm trying to pin it. www.teachmehowtomaintainhim. Dating.com. Okay, I think that might be it. There we go, right there. I'm gonna pin it. There we go, it's pinned. So, Miss Johnson, to answer your question, I wanted— I would like to know what, what is it that you haven't been doing? See, one of the things I learned after my divorce— see, a lot of y'all, I So when I said when I do this again, I'm gonna get it right, I went into— I hired a coach. I have my friend— all my friends except one have been married 15+ years. I think Jackie and Marshawn been married 3 years, and Kenny been married maybe 3 years, but everybody else in my circle, honey, I have some wisdom in my circle. So one of the things that one of my married couple friends said to me is this. If your partner has told you they will do anything for you, it's something that you're not doing that's causing them not to want to do it. So you got to look within. Have you been being a strong independent woman? I'm just saying. Have you been being her? So I'm just saying. But anywho, back to what, you know, the topic about being strong. Just don't— we don't want to be strong. Oh, did somebody said, what if I'm turned on by strong women? Like, one of them did that. That's on you. I mean, but what I'm saying is most women that want an alpha male, they don't want to be— they— most alpha men that, that don't want a strong, independent, I don't need you type woman, but a beta man, more a passive guy they normally like that. If that's what you like, I'm not saying that you can't like that. I'm saying get what works for you. But as a whole, and when you look at it by— really look at by deductive reasoning, so many strong women are— some of them are saying that they're strong, but they're honestly getting upset with the fact that they're not meeting masculine men. Well, because you are taking on on the masculine role of being strong. If you want a masculine man, you don't need to be strong like that. You need to be resilient, you need to be assertive, you need to be a woman about your business and know you don't take crumbs and the foolishness. But what you don't need is anyone— you can't complain about the type of men that are not approaching you when you, you're not being the type of woman that type of man would approach. It's not that difficult. You can't be mad when a man does not come to your rescue and all you've been doing is being strong. You can't be mad at that. So it would suggest maybe I don't need to be as much of an 'I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.' Maybe I don't need to be as much as that. Maybe I need to start asking for help. Because if you desire a man to open in your doors. If you desire a man to step up to the plate but yet you never give him a chance to because you're used to doing this all by yourself, then you can't be mad at the result that you get. If you keep— fellas keep saying, I want a strong independent woman, but then you complain, she, you know, she act like she don't need me, she'll never let me do it, she'll never— then you, you've said that's what you wanted. That's what you wanted. So if you don't like your results, there's something in the milk that needs to— an ingredient in the milk that need to change. Um, AW, I can't see your comment. You have to post it again. I, I can't see it. All I see is read my last comment. At the end of the day, a woman— most women, as a woman— and I can talk from a lot of us women because we see it in the blogs, we see it on the internet, we see it everywhere, all of these strong women. But when you look at Olivia Colton, she wanted to be what? A girl. She would fantasize about making jam with Fitz. Uh, being Mary Jane, what does she want? She was a strong independent woman, but at night she still wanted that, those strong arms, somebody to come and take away the pain, somebody to come there and be strong for her. So let's just look at what it really is. Instead of, instead of trying to change the male-female dynamic, let's just look at what it is. I would like to think that majority of men do not want a woman woman that is always thinking she's in, you know, always trying to run it, always in control, always trying to be strong, always jumping ahead. I would think most men— I don't know most men, but I would just like to think that most of them would. I'm just saying. So Eric said, my ex-wife was a strong, independent woman who thought, felt that all I was good for was sex and Lift Heavy. I can't see the whole thing. Hold on, let me see. It won't let me see it, but Eric, you get what I'm saying. You know, she only thought she was there good for sex, but that's what I'm saying. That's that strong independent woman, um, demeanor. So that's all I have. I gotta go get back to my night swim. Y'all know I'm one of them because I wear my, my hair short. I don't have a problem with getting my hair wet. Somebody said, what What about strong men want someone to take, to take? What about, what about strong men? I want someone to take away my pain. But she does that with her femininity. That's what I'm trying to get to you. A woman's femininity takes away the pain that a man is going through if you allow her to be, be there. That's what I'm saying. I answered your question. A strong woman is not creating a safe place for you. A feminine woman has a masculine man that's been out there with the whole— with the world. He's been going through some things. He's been sitting back and dealing with all kind of stuff. He's been through heartbreak. He's been through trials. He's been beat up. He's been through all those things. A strong woman is not creating a safe place. A strong woman is going to say, well, you know, this is what we got to do. She's going to be— she in that fight with him. I want to be in the fight with you, but I'm going to be in it in a way that I recharge who you are. My softness, my gentleness, my kind words, my words of affirmation, my being the thermostat in the room, not the temperature— I'm the thermostat that sets the temperature of the room— is going to be that thing that takes away your pain. But you have to allow a woman to do that. You have to allow were to do that. Because some of y'all fellas, y'all will wall up so high that y'all don't let us in either. And, and a wise woman, we gonna show you what we are, but if you keep pushing us away, we gonna chuck up the deuces and get the hell on. Because a wise woman doesn't waste her energy and her time on a man that's not able to see the diamond that she is, that's not able to see that she's different from what he's had. We're not gonna waste our time keep trying to show you, because if we got to sell ourselves on you, we're gonna have to sell ourselves on why you need to keep us. That's not what asset women do. Asset women come before you and we show you what we have to offer as a woman. We create that safe place as a woman is what we do. And at the end of the day, you have to allow us to do it, period. No matter where you are in the world, a woman is a woman. A woman A woman is a woman, and we take your pain away. Our femininity, our softness is what takes your pain away. Our gentleness is what takes your pain away. Our ability to inspire you to be great is what takes your pain away. But you have to allow us to do it. You have to be strong for us so that we can inspire and be soft and gentle for you. That's how it works. Wise women should not be with broken men. Well, we're all broken. Even a wise woman is broken to a certain degree. See, here's the thing about brokenness to my strong people. If you're not used to a good man in your life, you don't know what that's like. So guess what happens? No matter how much work I do on April Mason, until that man walks into my life and shows me something different and heal the parts of me me that are still tender. I'm still broken. I'm just— I've just learned how to function at a higher level and not let my brokenness stop me. But there's places within me that only my purpose mate can feel. If you're not used to having a good woman around, only when you let her in is when you're going to see what a good woman is. So when People say two broken people, or you got to be 100% whole. No, you don't have to be 100% whole before someone comes into your life, because guess what? No matter how many books you read, no matter how many of my courses you take, no matter how many courses other people you take, until that individual comes in— God heals us through people. God heals us through people. So no, I don't believe you should have your wall up so high that the Lord himself cannot get over the wall, but I do believe that yes, you can, you can guard your heart, but you don't hold that thing hostage. There's a difference. We all are broken, all of us. We've all gone through some things. I can be skeptical about some things as well too. I can be skeptical, but at the same time, the difference between a knowing a thing and applying wisdom is I know that there's some areas in my life that, you know, I'm a little nervous about, I'm a little fearful about, but guess what? Wisdom says, "April, what is the result that you want?" So the result that I want is something different than what my fear is because of my past experiences, but what I'm not going to do is allow my past experiences hinder me from my present. You cannot allow the pain of your past to keep you from your purpose. You have to want to be in a loving, caring relationship. The joy of that has to outweigh the pain of where you've been. What you desire has to outweigh the pain of where you've been. So I don't have it all together when it comes to to, uh, you know, opening up. I'm making a choice to do so because I know the result. So you walk, you can be fearful, you can be, you can be a little hesitant because of what you've gone through, because all you have are your experiences. You are a big combustion of your experiences. But what you don't do is let your experiences hold you hostage. So with that said, I'm out. Time to get back in this water. And enjoy myself because it is nice. It is a nice Atlanta night tonight. What y'all doing? What y'all cook? Which y'all cook? Miss, uh, Richardson said, this is awesome, I have some work to do. Join us over in the VIP Academy. This is— these are the things that I talk about more in depth. Hey, Patricia Love, there go one of our VIP ladies. Um, Miss Dominique said, this is the most constructive advice I've ever heard. You know what, Thank you for that. I'm not one-sided. I'm not team man or team woman. I'm fair. I'm fair. I'm fair. I'm fair. Brian said, so in other words, I got to take a chance. Yes, Brian, you have to take a chance and stop putting everybody in the same category and say, let me make wiser decisions. Who do I need to become to make wiser decisions? That's it. If I want this result over here, who do I need to become to get get that result. And it's going to stretch you and it's going to cause you to make changes. So if you don't believe that you need to change a thing but you're not getting your result, then you the fool. Because only the fool keep doing the same thing expecting the same result. So if you're not getting the result that you want, if you constantly keep meeting the same type of men, that would suggest it's not the men, that it's you. If you're not meeting a different kind of women, the same kind of woman, then that means it's not them, it's you. Miss Grant said, VIP all day, ladies. You will learn and you will be happy, trust me, the truth. Thank you so much. So enjoy. Time to go get in the water. Love y'all, bye.