When a Man Says He Wants Peace, Here's What He Actually Means

We hear as women men say, especially on the internet, no, she's just got to be peaceful. I need her to bring me peace. I need to bring me peace. What is peace to a man, Jack?

I get to answer that one, huh? I think it's been some really good points here, and I just want to, I want to kind of chime in and say a couple of different things.

But introduce yourself, please.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Jack. Therapist, which I've been so quiet because people pay me a whole lot of money to listen. Uh, founder of the Good Men Club, and, um, that's about it. Okay, so I'm gonna say a couple different things. First thing is most men are afraid to admit how much we need women in our lives due to the lack of love that we actually have for ourselves. We need women because women give us a sense and an urgency to be able to understand who we are underneath the atmosphere, the armor of what we actually— the exterior that we have. Yeah, we got a purpose. Yeah, we got profitability. We got provision and all of those different things, but the things that we have inside of us, women are able to pull those out. So when you talk about peace, you talk about the ability to just be able to have an atmosphere of ease. I often ask men, "Well, why don't you cheat, man?" And it's not exactly why most women think people— men cheat. Because they just want it easy. If I could, if I could just one word, it's just easy. And if you have a woman that is, I'm not saying is easy, but she provides that atmosphere of things just being easy. It's not about the whole, I want a, you know, I want a peaceful house. I want a peaceful, you know, no attitude. No, uh, no lip support. Me support my vision, all those different things. That's peace, yes. But the real peace that you're looking for, that you're asking, that you're hoping that comes from a woman, doesn't come from a woman. Comes from us. We gotta have peace so that we can bring peace into a relationship, because if we don't have it on our inside, your whole household is going to be chaotic. Because a whole lot of men say they want peace, but they causing war and chaos in everybody else's life. Every woman that you, you bring, you bring, you say, hey, I want, I want compatibility, I want— but if you causing chaos by not being accountable, by not owning up to some of the things that you're actually doing, you'll never have peace. But you gotta have peace with, with yourself. That's what when we say we want peace from a woman, it's really us saying we want peace from ourselves. Because if you ain't a peaceful dude, you're gonna have chaos everywhere. And I don't care, I don't care how you try to spin it. I know my man gonna get on here and say, but the spectrum— no, man, no, man, you gotta, you gotta add some more words, man. No. But peace comes from us because the man sets the atmosphere of a relationship. Our tone, our tone can change the whole atmosphere of a household. Same way April, you was talking about how your grandfather sat you on his lap. It changes the atmosphere, the tone. I can be chaotic. I could, he could have raised his voice. He could have screamed at you. And when a man does that, the whole house freezes because we create that dominance. I got little girls. My wife could say, she could scream, she could yell, she can do any, all I gotta do is say, "Hey." It's the atmosphere, it's the tone. But it's the same way with a woman. If you set the tone, with that, you're chaotic, that, that you're, you're unstable, it's gonna— she's gonna follow suit and she's gonna have that attitude, she's gonna have that demeanor. So we got to set the tone. They don't know that, man.

Safety that we're looking for, I don't think a lot of men understand that.

That's what it is, emotional safety. Emotional safety and emotional security is why most women