Why black women won't get married and it's liberating. Really?

Hey, happy— I was supposed to say good morning, but happy after— happy Friday! Good afternoon to all of my, uh, favorite people, some of my favorite people in the world, you know, my Facebook family. Listen, I don't want to be before you long because I said I was going to be good on, uh, today, but I just saw something that totally took me on a whole nother level of festivity. I won't be giving no shout outs and none of that today because your girl is upset, and you know, I don't I'm not a sexist, you know, whatever I say for the women, I say for the men. It's not one-sided, but this stuff right here that I just saw, the, um, video that I just saw about why African American women, women struggle to get married is a bunch of crap. Not because of, um, what— well, no, I'll say it's because of what society has made black women believe. And once— I'm gonna let you watch this video. It was like 2 minutes long. And I was just so upset when I saw this. I was just so upset. If you cannot hear, you might have to go, um, go and refresh. If you can hear, just type down below that I can hear, because if you're watching this as a replay, it, uh, as a replay, this is a live, uh, video. So I just saw something that just totally pissed me off. And ladies, if you've been following me, even fellas on my Facebook page for a while, you know what I am all about. So check this out. I'm getting ready to play this video for you. I'm gonna see if I can turn my camera around and play this video for you. Okay, let's see. Let's replay.

It's a regular topic of conversation in the African American community. Educated, successful Black women in search of a partner are instead staying single. So Black women aren't getting married. That's clear.

But what does this mean?

What are the implications? What are the long-term consequences? Sociology professor Chris Marsh studies those consequences and what's behind the growing phenomenon of Black women staying single. There simply are more Black women than there are Black men.

There's more professional available professional Black women than there are more professional available Black men.

There's Black men that are actually in prison and therefore not in the marriage market. 30-year-old Lameka Evelyn knows all too well the challenges of of the marriage market.

I assumed I would meet a guy.

Evelyn has done everything right. She has a successful corporate career and is working on a PhD. She's active in her community and church. What's missing in her life is someone to share it with.

I thought I would meet the love of my life, you know, make some money and have some babies, and I ended up being, you know, still single.

She's not alone in feeling frustrated. And like the deck is stacked against her.

I mean, I think it's an interesting conversation. I certainly have received feedback like, you're a little bit too educated, you're a little bit too strong-willed, you're too involved in activity.

Another factor: interracial marriage. Census numbers reveal that Black women are 2.5 times less likely than Black men to marry outside their race.

I grew up in a very strong Black household, Black culture, and Not at the detriment or degradation of any other group, but it was like, you know, proud of your roots and your background.

And the most controversial factor, the high rate of arrests and incarceration of Black men, who the Justice Department says are 6 times more likely than white men to be behind bars.

I'm not dating a guy that has a record, and I know that sounds— And it's fine to support them in the capacity— in a capacity they've been incarcerated, you know, because I do believe in reentry, but that doesn't mean that I should be expected to see this person necessarily as potential mate material if I don't feel that way. And I shouldn't have to feel guilty about that.

Sociologists say all of this adds up to a fundamental imbalance in the number of middle-class Black men and women who are ready to marry and start a family. African-American husband and father Frank Richelle didn't get married until his late late 30s and says many of his friends are waiting too.

The notion that those men don't want to get married, I think, is probably false. They just end up getting married somewhat later. I take great pride in taking care of my family, taking care of my wife, taking care of my daughter.

Though Richelle does admit he's already worried about the choices facing his 6-year-old.

Hi. I do have concerns. About my daughter and what her prospects are. I guess I would say I would prefer that she find a good black man.

But according to census numbers, African-American women are less likely to get married than any other racial group. Across every age, black women are staying single at far higher rates than whites, Asians, and Hispanics. Dr. Marsh says that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Really? It's not a bad thing?

Marsh says marriage is no longer the key to climbing the economic ladder, and Black women are doing it on their own. Although they may not have the traditional model that they initially wanted, they're still making ground for the Black middle class. And Marsh says as more Black women stay single, it's changing the very makeup of America's middle class. It's also changing the vision some African-American women have about their own future.

I'm living my life because that's all I can do, and if the right person comes along, I know I'll be ready because I've invested so much time in self-growth and self-development.

Whitney Casey, Al Jazeera, Washington.

Okay, all right, y'all saw that foolishness right there. Let me, let me push, let me, let me I want to come on. All right, here's my problem, um, with that. Number one, what is considered a professional black man? First and foremost. Well, no, you know what? Let's not even go there. Let's make that second. Throughout this whole entire video, the first thing that stood out to me, and y'all look, hold on, I'm not even gonna try to be long, but I took pages of notes of what I saw in this video. The number one thing that was wrong with this video is that when they talked about these women, They talked about nothing dealing with what it actually means to be a woman. The lady says she, uh, the girl, and that was in the car, she set herself up for success. She's educated, she has a good job, she's climbing the corporate ladder. That has nothing to do with what it means to be a woman. They said, oh, she's strong, she's strong. See, society has made women, especially Black women, believe that being strong is, uh, has fed us being strong in the wrong way. A woman's strength comes through her femininity. See, when women— there's nothing wrong, let me— don't get it twisted, there's nothing wrong with being educated, there's nothing wrong with having success, there's nothing wrong with that. But guess what? You go out and you go to school to learn how to get— come up that corporate ladder, how to be that successful CEO, how to be the woman that's out there doing her thing, right? But what you don't learn is what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a wife. You're not educated in that. So now there's no balance. So now your strength is coming in the same way as the man— a man's strength comes. So a man is supposed to be the protector, provider, and all of those things. So now society has made you believe that that's where your strength comes from, being that successful woman. Well, most, most men, they don't want a strong woman in that capacity. Your strength which they fail to tell you, is in your femininity, not in all of this other stuff that y'all got going on. I think I wrote a post. Let me see if I can find it. Earlier this week I posted a picture and I captioned it by saying something like, uh, let me see, let me see if I can find it. Uh, let me see if I can find it. It says, uh, here it is, here it is, here it is. Hold on. I wrote Oh, come on, come on, come on. I wrote, oh, a woman's strength is not in her bank account, credit score, the car she drives, the house she lives in, organization she's a part of, the degree she has, her ability to read somebody and her ability to go toe to toe with a man, her size, her look, her color, or what she does or doesn't have. A woman's strength is in her femininity. God set it up that way for a reason. Learn how to be strong in the right way. So now you have these successful women that are being strong in the way that a man is, and they're wondering why they're not attracting, um, men that want to be with them. Because you're going toe-to-toe with them. Now don't get it twisted, because you know we gonna get some of them feminists coming in the room talking about, we want to be educated and equal rights. To be honest with you, I don't want equal rights to that degree. The feminist movement helped us, but it hindered us a lot because it took us out of the role of being a woman. No, I'm not saying be a doormat. No, I'm not saying that you are to let somebody run over you or be domineering, but it's okay to depend on a man. It's okay to be that helpmate. It's okay to sit back and let him run the show. Our bodies are not even made to take on all of the things that we take on. Now let me give those who are not, uh, familiar with me on my Facebook page a little background on me. I am that successful woman. I have traveled all over this country, been on stages with some of everybody I've written books, I, uh, I have successful businesses, my children are grown and gone. I am— I thought I was that girl, right? But at the same time, as I'm coming off them stages, there's no man standing there waiting for me. There's nobody sitting back, you know, uh, there to rub my feet and all of those things. But guess what? I have the success, I have all of the things that they— society says I'm supposed to have. But at the same time, the one main thing that God made us to want in coming from a man. We're always going to want, uh, we should want a man. So you're not talking to somebody that's not educated. You're not talking to somebody that ain't got it together. You're not talking to that girl. You talking to somebody that knows exactly where you are and feels like, you know what, I didn't want nobody that's this, that, and the third, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's because I— my worth came from what I did and what I had. I'm just saying, I'm not trying to preach to y'all today. I'm just, I'm just, you know, trying to be, um, give you another perspective on some things. So I took a year off. I took a year and a half off, uh, last year, uh, and right from January last year until recently. And I stopped dating. I stopped dating because it was like, April, you have all of the other components, but it's something missing. You're not connecting with the right type of dude. Something ain't right, honey. Something right. Yes, I done dealt with the joker. I done dealt with the dude that was, uh, that was acting up. I done dealt with the dude that you find out he down low. Yes, that's a whole nother thing I got to tell y'all about. I done, I done dealt with that. So what I had to do was take a step back. So even let me go a little further. For those that know my story and those of you that have read my book, you know I was molested by my father and stepfather. So that means that would suggest that my whole— that the whole dynamic of my relationship with men was skewed. But it comes a time to, even if you've gone through some things, honey, that you got to say, wait a minute, something is not right. I'm not— based upon what I'm doing here, it's not equaling that I get this over here. So something is off. Now when you watch that video, I wanted you guys to watch that for yourself. Why? Because everything they, um, they equated these women to had nothing to do with who they were as a woman. It had everything to do with their success, with whether their education— it had nothing to do with the fact that they're feminine, that they are, uh, they're soft, they're gentle. It had nothing to do with any of that. So if you're saying, I'm not able to find a professional man, but yet you are, uh, going toe-to-toe with him, and now it's like you're more in competition with him than being there to be, uh, be one with him. It becomes a problem. Most men, straight men at least, they want a soft woman. Secondly, it said the video also stated that they could not find professional men. What is considered a professional man? Why? Because he has to have a white-collar job? Is that considered professional? Or just because somebody is educated don't make them smart. Just because somebody has a degree doesn't make them have common sense. My grandfather had a 3rd grade education. My grandmother was a graduate of Jackson State down there in Mississippi. Now you might say, April, that was way back when, but guess what? Character, integrity never change. I don't care what time it is, what, you know, what century we're in, those things never change. So my grandmother gave my grandfather a shot because he had a vision, he had dreams, he was actually out there doing something. He had to quit, um, school because, you know, back then he was in my family's from McComb, Mississippi. He had to go help take care of the family. But the, the thing is, my grandmother was woman enough to not let her educated self look over Moses Mason, and they were married until he died. What's the difference between then and now? If morals are the same, supposed to be the same, ethics are supposed to be the same, character, the way we view people as far as, um, who they are on the inside, if that's not supposed to change, then why did everything in this video equate to the fact that we want— these women set themselves up for success They've got degrees. They have, um, you know, they're climbing up the corporate ladder. They're changing the look of middle class. So what you're saying is when your car break down and the man that you go see to fix it, he's not good enough because he's not a professional man. That man that's in the back at your favorite restaurant that's cooking and he's a sous chef, he's not good enough because he's not considered that professional man. That truck driver that drives all across the United states bringing all the food in and all of the other things that he bringing in, he's not qualified enough. See, a 6-figure income does not equal provision. Hello, somebody. I'm just saying, y'all might want to share this on your pages because we got to get things back to where it used to be. We're equating everything on money and finances. My definition of being a provider may not necessarily necessarily mean six figures. I, I am, uh, for those that don't know and you haven't been on my page before to hear me say it, I am a gender roleist. I believe that the man is the head of the house and the woman's job is to be that support system and be that helpmate. I don't believe that she's to be walked over, dominated, or anything like that. I don't believe in that. But I do believe that the power that God gave women as, uh, feminine beings can get a lot of stuff done. If any of y'all believe in the story— I know I have a lot of atheists and other folk on my page I love y'all too, but y'all know I'm a Christian. So here's the deal. In the Bible, it says that Samson— they sent loads of men to get Samson, and Samson would just kill him every time, right? But it wasn't until a woman came on the scene that they got what they needed to get out of him. Now here's the deal. You can use your power for good or evil. I believe every woman shouldn't, uh, pay attention to Delilah's methods, not necessarily her motive, because The motive was wrong. All of that can be utilized, but because we're so strong, but you know, we're taught to be strong, go get your own stuff, girl, do you. And we are living in a generation of, uh, I'm a boss bitch, I'm a rich bitch, I'm this bitch, boo, I got it like that. That is not attractive. That is not attractive. So if you are one of those successful, powerful women that is wondering why you can't find somebody, you might have to do what I did and take a step back and say, wait a minute, I have all of the things that they say I should have, but the one thing that I'm missing and that I can't connect with the right type of guy— I might need to take a step back and pay attention to something. I might need to do some self-help, but not in the area of getting my mind right— I mean, get my money right and get these degrees so I can do this. You're lacking in an area. So whatever you put in the, um, that is what'll come out. And in that video, all it said was that these women were successful black women, but their success had nothing to do with being feminine, being a woman. It had everything to do with their degree, with their houses, with things that don't even— to be honest with you, it doesn't make you who you are. If your degree, if you being a part of a sorority, if your house, your car make you who you are, you really are nobody. You really need to go back and get some self-esteem because at my lowest, I was somebody. See, here's the deal. You could take everything from me and I will still walk with my head high. Why? Because I'm April freaking Mason. God made me and I know my value and my worth even if I don't have a dime. That's where your value and your worth comes from, on the inside. It has nothing to do with what all of these magazines are telling you to do. Well, you know, uh, my favorite talk show host said you're supposed to do it like this, and girl, get yours. My mama told me don't, don't never depend on a man. Well, mama taught you wrong. It's okay to depend on a man. It's all about your choice and choosing the right man. Hold on, let me get to my notes, baby. Hold on. Um, it's okay. It said that— it said that the girl, she had her PhD, she was active in church and all of this stuff, but not one time did it say that she had took it upon herself to do some self-development, to learn how to be a wife and a woman. We are not— there's no class on wife and woman. And you know, back in 2008, I opened up my Bible and God showed me a passage, showed me a scripture, and it showed me how powerful as women we had. I forgot this, the, the book it was in, but it talked about the king, uh, and the girl who danced for him. She danced for him and he offered her up to half the kingdom. So that is a powerful doggone dance. And she, you know, her little behind just wanted John the Baptist's head on the platter because her mama asked for that. But it was that thing that God showed me. April, our women don't know the value that I gave them, the power that I gave them, because they keep taking— they keep giving it away. So you have people like Steve Harvey, who I love me some Steve Harvey, but he's telling you women about your value and you keep trying to, to, to nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. But at the same time, men know our value, ladies. They know our value. We just didn't. So I took it upon myself, like I said, to take a step back. I just started dating again and I'm 40 now and I'm having fun because I understand better. And I think some of you might need to do the same thing too. Okay. Um, one, another girl said what it says right here. Okay. Talks about the men in jail. I'm not dating no man in jail. Well, check this out. Now let me give a disclaimer. I'm not talking about rapists and murderers and molesters. I'm not talking about that, but guess what? Some successful men in Hollywood, like, uh, what's his name, Charles Sutton, uh, and I know Judge Mathis had gotten some trouble before he became successful. You're going to tell me that because somebody made a mistake— I'm not talking about nothing that's going, you know, be detrimental to you. I'm talking about something that it could have been a white-collar crime or something, you know, something low-key. I'm not talking about, you know, like I said, murderers and all of that. But you want to tell me that once he got out and said, for instance, you were dating him for about 3 or 4 months, and then when things got serious and he told you, you know what, I think I need to be honest with you because, you know, things are getting serious. I was incarcerated for 8 years because I did some white collar blah blah blah blah blah. Now you want to tell me that you're not going to date him after he's— after what he's shown you over the last several months, that he's not that guy anymore? Like people can't change? And for my Christian people, that, um, what you're saying is God can only deliver people from what you want them to be delivered from. Boop. I'm just saying, because we will judge people and say, you know what, that's good for them over there, but that ain't good for me. And like I said, I'm not talking about no, no rapist and all of that, you know, come on now. But at the same time, the girl said in the, in the video, he went to jail, so I'm not dating nobody with no record. Well, do you know what he had a record for? Before. We all have stuff. And then on the second, to the, uh, to add one to that, would he date you if he actually knew how many men you done slept with? I'm just saying, everybody has a past. So you have to stop being so rigid and saying, well, you know, I want somebody, but I want it to come, you know, like this. Everybody— you— okay, let me, let me say this for my church people. Everybody won't have a Boaz. Okay, there's Moses in the Bible, there is a Joshua, there's a Paul— well, we don't want really Paul, uh, but, but, uh, there was Elijah, there was— there were other men, there was a Peter, there were other men. Everybody's screaming about Boaz and Boaz, Boaz, you know, the type of man that he was. It takes a special kind of woman to be with a man in power like that. A lot of y'all can't do that. Everybody can't be a Michelle Obama, okay? Some of y'all got to be the wife to the man at the McDonald's. Not saying he worked there, but he could be the— well, uh, he could be the franchise owner, he could be the manager, he could be— what you— some of y'all need the mechanic, some of y'all need, you know, are in the line to where y'all can, y'all can date the guy that's the manager at the Walmart. So what is a— I mean, so I guess in, in that instance when I saw that, I was like, so what is considered a professional man? He has to have a cubicle local. He has to have an office. So when does that determine how a person will treat you? When will that— when did that determine the quality of the person? We got to get out of stuff. We got to get out of materials. They see, because a wise woman, she helps build her house. So if it's money problem, if you— now let me give a disclaimer. Some of y'all, uh, men are full of it. Now some of y'all got dreams that you won't wake up to live. And we just don't have time for that. But, and also some of you have been broken and, and bruised and need to be healed in order for a woman to come in to, uh, to be that for you. So I'm not just putting it all on the women. Our Black men got to make a come up too because a lot of y'all done got real weak. And, uh, it's not just us. We got work to do. But when women start doing the work, men that like women, they gonna start doing the work too because now the standard has been raised. Too many of y'all women have lowered the freaking standard. So now, you know, now that I'm out here dating and it's like, this is basic, this is like basic stuff, one-on-one, that a lot— some of these dudes are not accustomed to doing because the desperation level has gone— that has gone up so high that basic things like opening a door— I'm accustomed to a man opening the door for me, getting in and out of the car. Everybody doesn't do that. But a lot of women have not required certain things that required men to make a come up. So fellas, y'all got some stuff to do too. It's not just us. Y'all gotta learn to let us love you at this— at the same time as well. Y'all gotta stop saying all these women are gold diggers. No, cause most of y'all fools ain't got no gold. First and foremost, what she's saying is she wants a man that is a provider, and that is your job to be a provider. Now some of y'all say, uh, she want a man with six figures. That's not what she's saying, unless she's just one of them women. But y'all got work to do too. Y'all cannot get intimidated or get, get, um, feel some sort of way because she might be doing better than you. So what if she's not treating you like that? And ladies, just because you might have a little bit more than him does not mean you take away his masculinity. You don't do that. You help him build. When I was married, my ex-husband, he could not keep a job. What did I do? I'm an entrepreneur. I know how— if I don't know how to do nothing else, honey, I know how to make some money. I set him up, started his own lawn care service, you know, invested in his dream, you know, but I realized he's just not that kind of guy. I chose the wrong man to do that with. That was on me. Why? Because I had not taken the time to find out who April was and what April needed versus what April wanted. So I— it's not that I wouldn't do it again. I invested like $20 grand of my company us find credit into his company to get him started with his own lawn care service. Bought the van, the, the, all of the, the machinery, everything to go for his lawn care service. I just chose to marry the wrong man that did not have the right, um, he had a vision or a dream but he never wanted to wake up and live it. So that was on me. So I'm suggesting that you guys take some time to get to know you, what you really need versus what you want. Somebody asked me the other day, um, what if you got to lower your standards? See, this is another thing that we got twisted with, the lowering of the standards. Lowering of the standards does not mean— well, let me take that back. You never lower your standard on your core needs. Let me say that again. You never lower your standard or settle on your core needs. Like for instance, and I talked about this the other day, my number one thing I need— have to have in a man is security. And I'm not talking about just financial, I'm talking about he has to be able to cover me. I have to feel safe. I have to feel like he has my back. It's like I have to feel that if he say, baby, I got it, that he has it. Why? Because when I was married, I was the breadwinner and I was everything else. So for me, that's a core need and value of mine. So I'm not able— I'm not going to be able to make an adjustment on that. Will I be able to make an adjustment on height or, um, whether he light skin or dark skin and all that? Yeah, you can. That, that's, that's minute things. But my core values, our core belief systems— I told you guys, I went on a date recently. Guy was really great, but when we, uh, after we talked or whatnot, and we— I really found out he doesn't believe in to have the same spiritual beliefs that I have, even though across the board he got some 9s and 10s and some 8s in there. We just didn't— we couldn't connect because of that. Well, that's a core thing that I need, so I can't do that if he's not a good communicator. I get paid to freaking communicate. That's how I eat for a living. So I can't deal with somebody that can't communicate. Now, if he— if he's willing to learn how to communicate, then that's different. So fellas, you got to be able to learn her love language. She learn yours. So there's core things. When— so when you talk about settling Don't take it from the place of material things. Take it from core value things. That is two different things. Now, some of you know, some folks got a preference. I like a man that got little muscles. I'm a thing for some muscles. But at the same time, if he's a good dude, he don't have no muscles, baby, we can go work out together because mama need a little muscles. Mama need to see you with your shirt off. So those are some things that you might be able to compromise on. Uh, I ain't gonna tell y'all all my stuff because y'all gonna start inboxing me telling me y'all that dude like y'all do already now. But I wanted to share that with you. Let me see if I got anything else on my list. Oh, here's the deal. Uh, hold on, hold on, my throat is hurting now. Okay, I have a— I have my male friends, um, you know, they teach me— quite taught me quite a bit, um, after I got my divorce. One of my good friends, JoJo Hill, he probably watching. Him, his wife told me, April, just go when he tell you to go. And he took me out and he showed me how a man is supposed to treat me. He, uh, oh, he said, hey, you walk this many paces behind him on the side of him so y'all can get to the door together so he can open up your door. I have friends, you know, like that. One of the people, uh, that I talked to is my good friend Rodney Perry. Y'all know Rodney Perry. Rodney and I, when we talk, we have these deep conversations, and he schooled me on, um, some things. My friend JoJo Hill schools me on some things. Uh, who else is there? Uh, it's a couple, it's a couple of them that, um, that keep me, uh, grounded and let me know, April, it's not this, it's that. So I took the initiative and took off from dating from January of last year. And I think my— I went on a brief date, but I knew I wasn't ready because I was like, no, this ain't gonna work. This, this ain't, you know, gonna work. It won't work for me. So I had to say, go back. I had to go back and go back into the box and get April together. So single Black women, don't let society fool you into thinking you got to be a strong Black woman because their definition of strong is what's keeping you single. God's definition of strong— and just let's even take God out of it— a woman's strength is in her femininity. Look at Cleopatra, look at Marilyn Monroe, look, look at these, some of these women that use their God-given femininity to get things that they needed to get done. They wouldn't argue, they wouldn't all of this. Oh, and now, now that I'm speaking about arguing, fellas, I got something to say that, that, uh, this makes no sense to me. I'm gonna need you guys to get deprogrammed from the arguing chick. A lot of you, and I've experienced this, like a woman that is going at back and forth. The other day, for you guys that got to watch the video, um, of me and my girl hanging out, Some of you, when I went off, I said, some of y'all like that chick to be like, get your baby mama, I'm gonna need you to that, I'm gonna bust the windows out your car. And y'all said it was sexy, right? We'll see. Women like me don't do that. And guess what? Because you guys are so much programmed for drama, women like me become boring. We become boring because we're not giving you drama. So I need you to get deprogrammed. I remember dating somebody back at, uh, a few years, no, several years back. And one day I was, we was cooking in the kitchen and I slid across his, uh, kitchen floor in my socks. And he said, you like a regular girl. And I'm like, yeah, I said, I ain't on all the time. He said, well, when I see you, I said, so no, you see me on the stage, you see me at the events that I do, you see me in my professional element, but that ain't, I ain't like that all the time. He got disappointed because I am not a drama chick. Now don't get it twisted. You will get told in a very April-like way, but I'm not going off. I get paid to use my voice, so I'm not yelling at you. I'm not going off on you. I'm not doing any of that. When I was married and I remember going to counseling, my ex-husband said he didn't understand. We would have an argument. And then he would go downstairs in the basement and I'm like, all right babe, um, I need you to take little mama to go get some ice cream. We need to go eat. He didn't understand how I could act like we didn't have an argument or put that to the side and still go and go to dinner and go eat. And you have husbandly duty, so you need to come have sex with your wife. You can go back down to the basement and be mad, but you still need to feed me. See, but what he didn't know was me coming down there, because I don't stay mad, uh, long. I mean, I'm a, I'm a, you know, some of y'all don't believe in this, but I'm a Cancer woman. And anybody know anything about Cancer, we are the loving, loving, romantic, you know, we love family and all that. So I'm not really a person that is always angry and stay mad long, right? So, but what he didn't understand was, while I am still upset with you and we did not come to an agreement, You're still my husband, so bring it on upstairs. You can go back. But guess what? By the time he wasn't going back down in the basement, he wouldn't go. He said, I don't understand how you wanna, how you wanna sleep with me and we just had an argument. Oh, but just bring it on, bring it on upstairs. Just, you can go back down to the, to the man cave, but take mama to eat and then you come on up here. We do what we do and take your behind on back down. Well, I don't want to go back down. I know. So we gotta stop letting society, um, uh, these magazines, all of this stuff telling you go girl, go, go girl, go, because they're telling you to go and from the man, from a man's perspective. And most men, I'm gonna give you a list of some things that— and fellas, let me know if I'm on point— of why men get married. Men don't marry women. Well, most men don't marry women for how much money she has, how successful she is, what she bringing to the table financially, all of that. That ain't it. And most of my male friends, they've told me this as well. Here's a few things that, uh, I have on the list. Men want to know, can she be a good mother? Can she make him a better man? Uh, is she, is she resourceful? Is she responsible? Is she kind? Is she caring? Is she soft? Is she Is she trustworthy? Ladies, keep your freaking mouth shut. Stop running your freaking mouth all the time. Is she, um, is she smart? Is she understanding? Is she— my handwriting was bad because I was, I was, I was upset when I was writing this after seeing this video, so my handwriting was kind of bad. Um, is she funny? Does she have a sense of humor? Is she good with family? Is she family-oriented? Do they have the same beliefs? Yeah, those are just some. How she looks. Yes. Is she attractive? The fellas, let me know if I'm on point on this. But you notice I didn't say nothing about how much money does she have. I have some very successful friends who married— when someone married her, one girl, she only made $20,000 a year. He didn't care about that. So while society is telling you to go, go, go, go, go get your degree, like, like this video said, get your degree and you know, you be successful. Men don't choose women by those things. Those are bonuses. Bonuses. So the church isn't teaching women how to be— or how to be, uh, wives and, um, what it really means to be a woman. Society isn't teaching it. And now, you know, we sit back and we get so depressed and like, oh my goodness, will I ever find somebody? But we're not looking at ourselves because what we've done is we've adopted society's way of what success is, what a successful woman is, and we mirror it to what, uh, society view a successful man as. Well, two masculine individuals don't go together, baby. They don't. So once again, I'm not saying don't do you and get yourself together. I'm saying as much energy as you put into being that chick, that woman. And I got on my boss chick and I'm— well, first of all, don't be no boss chick. We don't want no more boss chicks. We don't want no more boss bitches. We don't want no more rich bitches. We don't want no more bitches, period. Because that's not what you are, ladies. Stop even calling your girlfriends and all that bitch. That is not cute. Okay, stop it. Just cause they do it on reality TV, them ratchet chicks on reality TV, don't mean you supposed to do it. That is not the way. Okay, no more twerking. Okay. And say no to twerking. No to twerking. We don't, we don't want to do that. If you're gonna be twerking, you twerk at home with your man. You don't twerk, and that's not attractive. Okay, I'm just saying. Okay, so we have to get back to what it means to be a woman, what it means to be feminine, what it means to use that strength of femininity. And I know a lot of us— and I'm in the same boat, I had children early, my kids are 21, getting ready to be 20, and getting ready to be— my youngest will be 18 next month, month after next, right? So I know, uh, when you are a single parent— because I raised my children by myself— when you are a single parent, you have to immediately go into resource, make it happen mode, right? Well, see, at that point we are immediately taken out of feminine role because we're thrust into the man's role. Because, and this is me, the man's role is to be the provider and protector. But now here we go, as you know, look, you know, little mother, mother, um, mother birds, we got to be that. So it takes us out of our natural role. My good friend Joe, he was talking to me about maybe a month ago, and he was out to dinner with his wife and their boys. And because Joe hates the strong Black woman thing, and we, we often have these conversations. So he says— he has a son— do you view your mom as a strong Black woman? And his son said, no, um, why would she be strong? And he said, what do you see your mom as? He said, Mom is soft and she's not strong. And he said, why is Mom not strong? He said, because you're there to be strong for her. Now that's the dynamic that we're supposed to have. But all of us do not, you know, have that. But that does not mean that's not how it's supposed to be. So regardless of if you have somebody in your life or not, you're going to have to start switching over to get back in alignment to what a woman is supposed to be. And it was hard for me because I had 3 kids. So that was a decision that I made. So I had to deal with the consequences of that, but it still did not mean that I'm not supposed to be that soft and gentle woman. It still didn't mean that. And people don't understand, women got things done a lot of time in this country not by being domineering, being loud, being combative, or any of those things. They use their feminine wiles to get it done. That's what they used. So let's get back to that. Let's be smart, successful women, because the Proverbs 31 woman Is it that she was a successful woman? She had a business. But the Bible also says that her husband called her blessed. There's no way that he would have been able to call her blessed if she was all of those other things that society— how they— what they put on us to be this— be strong, be powerful. Screw the feminist movement. It, like I said, it helped us, but it hindered us and threw us way back. Some of— some have said, well, April, you want to, um, go back to the '50s. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? I'm not saying go totally back where women can't vote and all that, but I think those of you that are meant to get it, get it. Those of you that want to blow it up and make it something a little different, that's what you gonna do because you'll major in the minor and not see the whole point of what I'm trying to say. So I wanted to share that with you guys, and I wasn't gonna come on, I promise you, I wasn't gonna come on today. It's a cold day in Atlanta, it's all dark outside, and and it looks like it's supposed to rain all weekend. So I, uh, was not trying to come and talk to you guys, but even being here in Atlanta, as it said, I read a study that said it's either, either 800,000 or 80,000 single women in Atlanta, right? Atlanta has some beautiful women, but guess what? A lot of the women in Atlanta are just like the women on that video. That's how they are. So when you start to think about you being a woman and I'm this, I'm that. And every time somebody asks you who you are, you equate who you are to your degrees, your social status, your house, your Benz you drive, your good credit, and you can buy the nice clothes and all that. You are nobody. You, because you have no idea of who you are, because all of those things are what you use to identify you. And with those things are stripped away, who would you be? Ask yourself that. Who would you be without those things? Y'all like my mug? It says, will you be mine? I'm a Valentine's Day girl. It said, will you be mine? And you got a little— it has a little chalk. You can check, you can check it with the little chalk. Just want to share that with you. Anywho, I'm gonna get off here. I've been on here 40 minutes, but I think I covered everything in my notes. Oh no, one more thing. And Dr. Marsh, the lady who did this study, she says it's quite liberating for women because that, you know, marriage, you know, isn't needed to climb the economical ladder. That's what I'm talking about. It's not about the money. Everything was associated to material things and money. I saw some women say, well, women are traveling, they're this, they're that, women are being free. But most of y'all don't want to be free. Most of you guys would love to have somebody to be booed up with on Valentine's Day, or when you have some great things that happen in your life, you want, babe, guess what happened? Or just to have somebody there for you. That's what you really would want. But you've made yourself believe that I'm good, me and my girls, you know, we going on a cruise, we doing this, we doing that. And all of you guys that are busy all the time, I need you to stop being busy all the freaking time. I got things to do, I got this, I got that, I'm busy. You, you along on a site called I'm Busy dot com because you always busy. As a matter of fact, I was watching Growing Up Hip Hop with Angela Simmons. She was always so busy and Romeo told Jam Master Jay's son, we can't have her being a 40-year-old virgin. She always busy. They even noticed it and she's only what, 20-some-odd years old. So no, you, it's okay to take a break and take a step back. Fridays are my days off. I am, yes, I'm an entrepreneur, have been full-time since 2003, but I created my schedule to where on Fridays April don't work unless there's something really pressing and I'll work. But Friday, Saturdays, and Sundays I'm off because I had to learn to schedule some me time. Yes, that was a shout out to our me time box, mymetimebox.com. I did, but that's how that whole company started because I needed to take some me time for me and you need to take that some me time as well too. So she did say that marriage, um, it's, it's quickly— it's becoming liberating. She also said that single Black women are changing the makeup of, um, America's middle class. Really? Everything that she wrote about in this study had nothing to do with being a woman. Nothing. It had everything to do with what a man would say. So you wondering why you can't meet that dude? It's because you acting like— see, acting ain't even what— y'all got me using all the bonnets. You acting like a dude. Not saying that you're not supposed to be educated, but look at what you're doing. You're mirroring a man and you're wondering why you can't meet a man. If you notice, most professional guys, they have that little feminine wife. Um, she could— she's powerful in her own right, but she's feminine, she's soft, she's all— and you like, how he get that little— why he with that plain Jane? It's something to be said about that.

Okay, what else?

Let me see if I got any more points before I go on back to watch my little Hallmark Channel. Um, okay, we covered the men in jail. Uh, we covered the— uh, one of the girls said this, If the right person comes along, she said, if the right person comes along, I'll be ready because I've spent time self-development. No, she didn't. Her self-development had everything to do with her economic status. Love should not be based on your economic status. Now don't get it twisted. I gotta have a man that's a provider. I have to have a man that's going to make sure our household is taken care of. But that does not mean it has to be— he has to be a multi-millionaire, he has to be— have six figures, he has to do this, that, the third. No, I'm not saying that. Like I said, I know how to make money. And give me the right man with the right dream and the right vision, and he ready to do it, oh, we gonna do that, period. I enjoy being— for me, even though I'm a frontline girl and what I do, because I'm not married, I really enjoy being the background making sure my man's stuff was together. I like that. A lot of women are like me that like being that behind the scenes, like, babe, I got you. Especially when we smart and we know, you know, babe, you just make sure little mama's mortgage is paid, the lights is on, and she can go shopping every now and again, buy a couple dresses or whatnot. Daddy, you go out there, I got you. I'm about to make you look real good. And I looked at my past, and every man that I've dated, even my ex-husband— but I've only dated two 2 guys after that, my divorce was in '07, I played the behind-the-scenes role and I made them relevant again in what they were doing. One was nominated Atlanta's Man of the Year and another one was a pretty well-known pastor and I put him on and made him relevant again. I enjoy that. Some have said, well, April, what about your dreams? I done done most, I have done more than most women will do in a lifetime. I'm cool. This goes back to what I said to you ladies earlier. Know your makeup, know what you need, know what kind of woman that you are. Are you a builder kind of woman? You know, are you, uh, one of those women that, that, uh, you, you're more of the June Cleaver type of woman? You got to know the type of woman that you are so that will help you identify the type of man that you need. I gotta have somebody that's about his business that I can say, babe, you done did a good job at what you did. You, you, you set yourself up, but here come little mama about to come in here and sprinkle my little magic on it and watch what happened. I enjoy that. That makes me happy. What kind of woman are you? What makes you tick will determine what kind of man that you need. Okay. So I want you to look at, like, as the church say, I wasn't trying to be before you long, but I did want to share that because it totally took me on a whole nother level. Of pissivity. I know I haven't answered any of you guys' questions like I normally do, but I'm sorry, it's, it's, this is the most we've had on one of my live streams, um, and so I just, I can't even keep up with it. But just know the whole point in this video is to know that professional man does not necessarily mean he got to have an office, because all of the men that fix your stuff day to day They're not, they're not white collar, but you go to them to fix it. Ain't nothing sexier than a man that can go up under the car and fix something with a little wife beater on, some Timbs and some jeans, and you can say, excuse me, sir, would you like a little bit of lemonade? I'm just saying, there's something, it's something about that. So stop looking for that dude. And a lot of times you gotta remember those dudes in those positions, they want somebody that's bringing it just like them. And then they have a little chip on their shoulder too. I'm just saying. So then they— now you're in competition for that particular man because all the women want him and he ain't gonna act right. And the woman that he ends up with is gonna be that plain Jane that just was girly and was not trying to, um, was not trying, you know, to be extra and be that strong woman in the sense of what magazines, these old talk show hoes, and all of these other people telling you how to be strong. It's okay. Go on girlfriends trips and go out and explore and live. Women are buying houses. I don't want to do none of that stuff by myself. And oh, secondly, now the fellas, before I go, stop screaming you want an independent woman because independent women and submission don't mix. Independent means you don't need anything or anybody. But most men feel like men when a woman can depend on them, when you can be the provider and the protector. Well, independent women don't need that. And ladies, stop saying you independent because once again, independent means you don't need anything or anybody. So that means you can say you're self-sufficient because fellas, you get upset. Well, she won't let nobody do nothing for her. Well, you said you wanted an independent woman. What you say is what you get. Okay, so anywho, um, I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed sharing it, because this is totally— you could tell my passion, and it totally pissed me off because I don't want you guys to believe that you'll never get married. I need you just to shift the way that you think. Stop listening to all this foolishness on this TV. Be successful, but just as much energy as you put in being successful successful, put that same energy into being a wife, being a woman. Be soft, be gentle, be kind and caring and trustworthy, be empathetic, be that listening ear, shut the hell up sometimes. All of those things, because that's what's missing, especially in the Black culture. That's what's missing. We go out and get all of the other stuff, but we leave the interpersonal things, um, and lack. So I just want to share that with you guys. I love you. Have a great day. Somebody said April need her own talk show. I do, you know. I think I would do pretty good. Would y'all watch if I have my own show? Who knows, I might start my own show right here on my Facebook page, maybe a couple times a week. Let me know what you think because, you know, we always talk about love, business, business and life here. So I believe you can't have one without the other. All inter— interchangeable, exchangeable, or however the word is said. Love you guys, have a great day. Bye. Go off. Did it go off? I don't know.